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Scott Shriner Bass guitarist for rock band Weezer S4Ep102 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts This Friday you can enjoy listening to 2 special podcasts to celebrate Father's Day in Australia this coming weekend. The first is from Scott Shriner, bass player in the band Weezer, dad of 2 boys, and husband to author Jillian Lauren who is a previous guest of the podcast! Scott grew up in a musical home and studied jazz from an early age. He played trombone, and then bass guitar. In 2001 he joined American alt rock band Weezer and has ben touring the world since. He is the dad of 2 adopted boys, Jovi and Tariku, and i am so grateful for him giving me this interview between legs of the band's current tour. If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Scott and Weezer thanks to my APRA AMCOS mini online licence agreement. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Scott's interview with Scott and Ian that we reference a few times Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes .....

Dani Venn Australian host, presenter and Masterchef star S2 Ep45 Listen and subscribe on Apple podcasts (itunes) Spotify and Google Podcasts I am very excited to welcome Dani Venn to the podcast this week. Dani is a Melbourne based cook, lover of all things food and mum to Harlow (7) and Oscar (4). As a self-taught cook, Dani loves nothing more than spending time in the kitchen with her kids, preparing nourishing meals using fresh, wholesome ingredients. Dani is most widely known for her time on MasterChef Australia ; as a finalist in 2011, All Stars in 2012 and contestant on MasterChef: Back to Win in 2020. Her cooking talents have taken her across the world, from live food events, to hosting foodie retreats in places like Bali and Sri Lanka, as well cooking for events of all sizes, from intimate dinner parties to 400 people in Mumbai! After being awarded her immunity pin for winning dish “Taste Of Sri Lanka” on the first episode of MasterChef Back To Win, Dani also released a collaborative range of Sri Lankan inspired simmer sauces with Coles Supermarkets and currently has two flavours on the shelf inspired by her travels and one of her favourite places on earth. Recently Dani has launched her first podcast, Falling For You , a podcast about getting comfortable in your own skin where Dani interviews inspiring guests that have changed their life. Falling For You reached #1 in education on Apple Podcasts and Season One has consistently ranked in the top 20 podcasts on education and self-improvement in Australia and New Zealand. Dani is a regular guest cooking live on air with her kids on Studio 10 and has been a cooking guest on Everyday Gourmet and Farm to Fork . Dani has also hosted her own TV show Weekend Feast (10) and hosted summer radio on Nova FM Melbourne. Currently you can catch Dani on the insta live show, Undercooked Overseasoned, where she and Conor Curran catch up and chat about the latest Masterchef Australia episodes. Dani is also proud to be an Ambassador for the Royal Flying Doctors. Today we chat about Dani's adventures on Masterchef, the joys of feeding our children and how becoming a mother changed her approach to not only food but to how she approached +business. ________________________ Dani website / instagram / facebook / podcast Podcast website / instagram Music on today's episode from Australian trio Alemjo is used with permission. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm really excited to welcome to the podcast Danny van Danny van is a Melbourne based Cook, lover of all things food and mum to Harlow and Oscar. As a self taught cook Danny loves nothing more than spending time in the kitchen with her kids preparing nourishing meals using fresh wholesome ingredients. Danny is most widely known for her time on MasterChef Australia as a finalist in 2011, the old stars in 2012 and on Master Chef back to win in 2020. Her cooking talents have taken her across the world from live food events to hosting foodie retreats in places like Bali and Sri Lanka, as well as cooking for events of all sizes from intimate dinner parties to 400 people in Mumbai, India, after being awarded her immunity pin winning dish taste of Sri Lanka on the first episode of Master Chef back to when Danny also released a collaborative range of Sri Lankan inspired cinema sources with Coles supermarkets, and currently has two flavors on the shelf inspired by her travels, and one of her favorite places on earth. Danny recently just launched her first podcast falling for you. A podcast about getting comfortable in your own skin where Danny interviews inspiring guests that have changed their lives. Danny is a regular guest cooking live on air with her kids on studio 10 and has been cooking guest on everyday Gourmet and farm to fork. Danny has also hosted her own TV show we can feast on channel 10 and hosted summer radio on Nova FM in Melbourne. Today, we chat about Danny's adventures on Master Chef, the joys of feeding our children and how becoming a mother changed her approach to not only food, but to how she approached her business music on today's episode is from Australian trio. Lm Joe. And he's used with permission. I hope you enjoy. Hello. Hello. How's it going? Thank you. How are you? Yeah, really good. Thanks. It's so lovely to meet you. And to have you here. Oh, thank you. Thank you for having me. So it's very nice to be interviewed on a podcast and and being the you're in the driver's seat be in the past. actually interviewed a lady yesterday, he ran her own podcast as well. And she said the same thing. It's like she can just enjoy and next thing, so oh my gosh, yeah. So most people would know you from Master Chef. But before we sort of talk about anything like that, can you share with us? Where did your love from cooking come from initially? Well, I always have loved eating and I feel like to be a good cook, you have to be a good eater. And I was never the kid that went to a restaurant and ordered nuggets and chips or the same thing. I'd always be interested in ordering something a little more exotic, something that I perhaps hadn't tried before, much to the dismay of my parents, I guess because they had to pay more for a meal. I'm always really supportive of that. And I think my mom loved cooking. still does. And when I was a kid, she went off to cooking classes with I don't know if you remember Elizabeth Chang, but she was one Yeah, one of the first sort of celebrity chefs. So she went to her house and learn how to cook Chinese food. She'd come back with all of these exotic recipes. And we would you know, we would cook them. Mom's pantry was full of exotic ingredients. I mean, exotic for the 90s You know, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. You know, black vinegar or something like that, which is kind of stead these days but and so I grew up with mum really being a little bit more adventurous than your average, suburban cook. And so I just loved. I loved eating, I think I think I just get so much joy from tasting new flavors and trying new techniques. And I think what I love about food is that there is net. I think what I love about food is that you there is you can never know everything. There's always room to learn, especially when it comes to different countries, cuisines, and always learning about food and cooking. So yeah, yeah. So where did your mum's sort of adventurousness come from was she sort of just that kind of woman that she was just really keen to learn? Or was there any sort of like cultural background that sort of drove here? Yeah, um, my mom's dad actually, is, I always get this wrong. I shouldn't know this. Half, half Chinese. Yeah. So his family actually came from China back when Chinese people came to Australia during the Gold Rush period. So it was sort of the mid 1800s. And I think that my mom's love of food came from that wanting that connection to her cultural heritage, even though it went back quite a few generations. And my great great grandfather would have assimilated quite quickly to Australian culture, he married into an Irish, an Irish woman. But food was always a constant in their family. As well, they had a stall at the Queen Victoria Market. They had a Chinese restaurant. And even though my mom's dad passed away when she was really, really young, and never really knew him, I think it was her way to connect to her father, and that Chinese background plus it's just a little bit more exciting than meeting through veg. Oh, you said your your story of going out for dinner with your family sounds the exact opposite to mine, because I was so afraid of eating different foods. I'm sure I sent my mom crazy, because all I wanted was at that time I ate meat. So I had sausages and chips. Literally. That's all I'd have. And I remember one time going to this restaurant, and they didn't have sausages on the menu. And I started crying because I didn't know what else I was gonna eat. And eventually, they dug around in the freezer, and they found me something. It's like, oh, so it was now completely different, thank goodness, but oh my gosh, it was often the way kids don't want to eat veggies or they don't want to eat anything exciting when they're little but then when they get up get older and they start cooking for themselves. Their palate changes completely. And I know a friend of mine who was on MasterChef was exactly the same. She didn't eat any any veg didn't eat anything. And I feel like as a parent, you're freaked out because you're like, Oh, I'm not a good job. But now she's she's a kitchen garden teacher. She's obviously been a master chef. She loves food and cooking. So you know, there is hope for us parents if your kids very much when they do Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of people that can relate to that. Listening to this. It is it's such a stressful being and you think oh my god, what am I doing to them? Before you went on MasterChef was cooking like a part of your job or your career or was it just something I don't say just because it's not just but something you did as a hobby, just a passion sort of thing? Yeah, it's really weird that I never even had any interest in say doing. I think it was called. What was it called at you at school, or like Homeric or something? Homeric. I never had an interest of doing homework or anything like that when I was at high school. And I didn't think of hospitality as a career, or cooking even when I was at uni, because I studied media communication. And even though I worked in restaurants, it wasn't until I actually had my first job out of uni. And I was working at Circus Oz actually, which is modern Australian performance circus. And I started just getting really obsessed with cooking Vietnamese food, because I had lived in Vietnam when I had first left school. And I just got really obsessed with trying new recipes and really following recipes to a tee which is not something I do anymore. But I was just interested in like, not mastering cuisine, because you can never do that. But just really just get nailing those flavor combinations, and understanding how Vietnamese people cook. So that was kind of the first thing that I was like, and I just just Hey, more alarming, I think because I spent so much time on, like taste.com. And I was reading recipes and I was supposed to be working. And I think it was when you know when you're younger and you have like a dream job, and my dream job was to work at the Malthouse Theatre, which I have sort of a driver background at school and things like that I love performance. And that was kind of like the ultimate place that I could work at. And I got a job at the Malthouse theatre. And I was in the publicity team, which I didn't know, at the time, I was really excited. But then when I actually got into the role, I was like, This is not what I expected. It wasn't very challenging for me. And I also was just like, I loved the theater, and I loved the team. But it just didn't feel right. And that's when I sort of saw the applications for Master Chef and I thought this could be something and at the time, I was considering even doing a chef apprenticeship. But I wasn't it was kind of like two forks in the road. Do I do a chef apprenticeship? Or do I stay here in this job that I thought was gonna be amazing with doesn't really feel right, or do I, you know, take the plunge and apply for mastership? Hmm. And I don't want to say the rest is history, because there's a lot of things that happened in there. But that was the start of it. Yeah, I was. And I did actually get offered some apprenticeships, some chef apprenticeships at really great restaurants that I still love today. And it was funny, because I remember thinking, I want to do this, I remember being offered $10 an hour, and I've been working a few years, so wasn't used to getting paid $10 an hour. And then I feel like I love talking too much. And in a kitchen, you have to really be kind of quiet. It's very regimented. And you have to put your head down and work. People liken it to sort of an army, some kitchens, because it is like everyone has a specific role. And I'm not sure if it suited my personality, as well. I love the creativity around cooking. And when you're a part of a team and a kitchen often you're assigned just one part of a dish rather than creating a whole dish for instance. Oh, Master Chef, what's seem to me more of an exciting adventure, which is kind of how I make most of my decisions in the game so fun, yeah. Say you said that you were following recipes like to the tee at that point. When you go on like a show like that? Do you have to like learn and remember so much stuff? Because you're thrown in the deep end? And then does that challenge you? When you when they open up that mystery box? And you're like, oh, what like it? Is that really a confronting thing? Like challenges the way that you like to work? Oh, yes. I mean, I, being a master chef is honestly the most scary thing ever. And I think the first time I went on, which was 2011, I was a really recipe based Cook, and I crammed as much information as I could remembering recipes and ratios. And then now I am very much more of a go by feel based Cook, which doesn't necessarily work with when you're a master chef. Because you have to know how to, especially with dessert, you have to remember how to make things properly. And and I'm not really a precise cook, I can never make a really great pastry chef. But when you open up that mystery box, do you know what it's, it's not so much the mystery box of ingredients because I do that every night when I open the fridge and cook my kids you know, it's more the fact that you're on masters. And especially when I was on back to win and you take a look around the room, and you're like you're against some of the best cooks in the country and people that have you know, written recipe books, they've hosted television shows, they have incredible restaurants, they're they're the best at what they do. And then you're standing there for me personally and I was like, I think the whole impact of that and the lights and the cameras and it's a it's a really stressful situation. So you think oh yeah, I'm gonna make dumplings and then you go sit in standing next to pole which you're probably much better at me than that. Oh, make a cake. it Oh, Reynolds standing there, you know? So it's very, I think that that was so extreme that situation. But I like to cook like that I love getting a box of veggies or for instance and going okay, cool. Well I can make something was a Kenyan can make something with that and following my intuition I think is more important for me than following a recipe. But I did start with following recipe. Yeah, it's like getting that grounding, that sort of basics, like you said, the ratios and understanding of the flavor combinations, and then you can go right, and then you let that creativity coming up. Yeah, that's right. I feel like once you've got the nuts and bolts of how cooking as a science works, you can then play around with, with obviously, flavor, accommodations and all sorts of things. But, you know, I'm a mom at the end of the day, and a lot of my cooking is so boring. Like, you know, I've, I've got my kids. So my husband and I separate my ex husband and I separated a few years ago, so I've got nights where I cook for the kids and I've got nights where I cook for myself or sometimes I cook for my boyfriend or friends. And it's so amazing the difference when you cook like and I like the kids complain about every single thing I cook I Yeah. Even like what's for dinner? I don't even know chickens do ever I yak like, absolutely instant reaction. And I'm like, thanks. Just try it first. And then you know, they're actually good eaters. But that instant reaction is a Yeah, so it's so nice when actually do get a little bit of time to be a bit more creative and cook for someone that actually appreciate rather than just cooking with beef. But you know what, I think what you just said that is so reassuring for I don't want to call anyone an ordinary mum, because we're all amazing, but you've been on Master Chef and your children still have that mentality. It's like you can't change children. That's just how they are. So no, that's 100 say unless it's like, what's something that they'll always say? Yes. Oh, like spaghetti carbonara always yes, but I try not to make that all the time. So the most nutritious meal pork crackling Absolutely. But you know, yeah, nine times out of 10 I'm still getting I'm still getting shut down. But with all my meals. Oh, that's cool, isn't it? So you've got you've got two children Harlow and Oscar. They seem like very fun children like you incorporate them on your social media and things like that. Yeah, tell us a little bit more about about your kids. Oh, they are very fun. And so funny, I think especially asked, isn't that very cute age, he's just turned four. So everything that comes out of his mouth is kind of funny and very cute. He still hasn't really mastered the whole language thing, which is fine. He's only Justin four. And then Harlow, she's seven and just shooting up before my very eyes. I honestly think she'll be taller than me in a few years. She's super. Just just so wonderful in that she. It's so nice to see her go back to school and really flourish this year. I mean, Melbourne. So we've had basically her first two years of school being taken away from her. So it's really nice that say her getting into that flow of school and making new friends and all of that. So both of them are very outgoing. I would say they're both extroverted personality and just interested in the world, which is lovely hollows, especially. She's got a very kind, caring environmental conscious conscience. I'm very bad at pronouncing words. And Oscar's just ridiculously energetic wants to give everything a go and very loud, very loud. But yeah, they're great. And life with them has been here so different. And we've had so many changes over the last few years. And it's sometimes you get worried because it's like, oh my gosh, so much has been thrown at our young kids, not only with the pandemic, but with like our personal situation as well and but they come at, you know, stronger and they also are so resilient. And they're such good kids. So I'm very lucky Yeah, that's awesome. I work in childcare. It's my day job. And I think I think parents, like adults are constantly being surprised by children how resilient, resilient that they are and how adaptable they are. And I think sometimes we don't give them enough credit that they're actually good better at coping at some things than what we were stocking our ways. And they're very much more flexible. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? I can go with the flow and not have this whole big head full of stuff. They're just concentrating on what's happening right in front of them. Well, that's right. That's right, Oscar, especially because he's that bit younger. He's just he lives in the moment right now. So he doesn't understand when I say all in you know, a few days time we're going to do this. He's like, No, I want to do it now. Right now? Because, like, why wouldn't you want to do it right now? Oh, that's a cool, little D. Since you left Master Chef, give us a bit of a rundown of all the exciting things that you've been able to do and create and Oh, yeah. It's such a big question. It's been, I think it's just your 10, almost 11 years or something. Something like that so long. I feel like when I finished master chef, and my whole attitude, when I was first on master chef was like, a constant surprise, like, surprise that I got through the next challenge surprise that I've, you know, made it to the last week on the show, surprise, once I finished that people wanted to work with me. And it was just like, oh, my gosh, I could actually make a career out of this, you know, and it's not, you know, I was in my mid 20s At the time, and I was like, oh, you know, I could get do something out of this situation. It's always a bit of a surprise. But it doesn't come without pushing yourself and hard work, I guess with, you know, creating relationships with people as well. So my life has changed so much since, you know, being on the show the first time when it comes to those really big exciting things. I've done. Talent, lots of television presenting. So that's been really fun. We've got a new project in the pipeline as well for later on this year. Again, just like pinch me that these things are still happening. I've done breakfast radio, which has been which was really fun. That was that was quite a while ago now. But that was definitely something that I loved. And I would still love to do radio. I I've done lots of traveling like overseas, working with people like in India, for instance, they wanted me to come over and do a massive event over there. So that was amazing. Lots of traveling myself, I do retreats. So I've done retreats in Bali and Sri Lanka. Now now with COVID I'm doing the more in Australia. I Gosh, events just throughout the country cooking, like live cooking events, all of these amazing fun things. And and since being on the show the second time around, which was in 2020 collaborated with Cole's producing the Danny van sama source range, which has been really great. And then I've done lots of, I guess, during the pandemic, it's changed from a lot of live events and lots of traveling to more online. So that's probably why like, I guess like Instagram has become so important for work. Our marketing teams are now doing a lot more online content. So that's really fun, because I do have a media communications, you know, branding background, so to be able to use those skills for my own personal brand has been really great. And then I've done the boring stuff as well like boring stuff that actually when I look back on was amazing. I loved which was like just cooking in kitchens, launching I've helped launch people's restaurants I've worked in like an organic whole food, food delivery service just in the kitchen cooking. That was one of the first jobs I did when I after I had Harlow because I just needed to get out of the house and it was only I've only worked there for like three or four months but I still put it down to was one of the best jobs I've had I liked it. You know, so many different things. And things keep coming and I think that's a result of me knocking on people's doors making connections and building relationships over a period of 10 years. Yeah, that's the thing. It's not like an instant HIGO have all this stuff in the world that you've ever trained with second, you actually have to do the work. Yeah. And I still every year, I'm like, I think I do enjoy, you know, plotting my urine, writing down goals and all of those things. And yes, sometimes I write the same thing every year, because it's okay. But yeah, it's, it's a work in progress. And you just never take anything for granted. And I also never, I think, after working for myself for so long, I never. If something comes along with opportunity, I never get too excited about it. Because again, a lot of things come to you, but not a lot of things get pulled off. So over the years, there's been so many exciting things that I'm like, oh, yeah, we could do this. We could do this. We could do this. But you know, everything has to align for certain projects to actually happens. For sure. Yeah. So when you're going through and looking at your goals, like over the period of time, how did you How was your thinking changing when you became a mum? Yeah, I think having Harlow changed my life so much. And the way I think about work and everything, I think, not only did it influence my food, but it also influenced my business. So I guess before having Harlow I cooked like any normal cook does with traditional ingredients. And then when I had Harlow, it sort of, I had an opportunity to feed a human from scratch. And I think lots of new parents are like alright, well what do we feed this child. So it really sparked my interest in more whole foods and Whole Foods being just less processed foods. So I went down for many, many years, I became really so intrigued with just creating more alternative recipes. It was kind of when you know, raw food was even like a thing. And then gluten free. And all of these allergies that people had developed over other lifetime or born with I was really interested in creating recipes that helped people and help people feel better. And I still very much am. And to me, I felt like it was a whole new set of ingredients where my creativity flourished, because it was just a different way of approaching things. So how can you make something tastes happy and make a cake tastes good when it's dairy and gluten free and still have a great texture. So I was really, I just became really fascinated with those ingredients. And then I would obviously use it was guinea pig as well. Which which actually didn't turn out great at one point because she ended up having a cashew nut Island. And a lot of my food that I was making was cashew bass, because that's what happens when you make a lot of robes and change the way that I cooked. And now I feel like I'm a lot more relaxed, especially after the pandemic. I still use like traditional ingredients, but I mix it up like I think some of the stuff that my body rotates, I would never given up. But I think everyone's just relaxed for the last few years. Yeah, and also, I guess, with business. I think, um, I think it was, I think I think I changed because I realized I had a human that I needed to be recycled had to be responsible for. And when Harlow was younger, there was a certain point where my ex husband and I like temporarily broke up and I remember thinking, shit, I've got like a five month old. I think it was around that time. And I need to be financially responsible enough for myself to be able to fend for myself and also hurt. So it really motivated me to start. I actually started consulting business when she was about one. And I had this drive inside of me that I feel like I just didn't want to be one of those parents, which I mean it's hard because everyone's situation is different, but I just didn't want to be in a situation where I had to be in a relationship because financially I couldn't afford not to be and I kind of Yeah, I feel like that was a really big thought whether it was real or imagined or whatever, but it was just there. So we got back together soon after and everything was fine for quite a few years. But I Still was like, had that thing I was like, I've got a I've got a mum, I need to be able to be responsible and financially independent as well. So that changed. Yeah, for sure. Because yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? Like you say, it's not just you anymore, you've got this other little person. And maybe if it was just you, you'd go, Oh, I'll make it work. I'll you know, do this and that, but it's like, oh, no, I've got this other person, I've really got to, yeah, I started taking business a lot more seriously. And I started being like, you know, kind of get my shit together. I can as a freelancer for so many years, just going from one job to the next. And, you know, I think like, it changed. I was like, No, I want to make a proper company. I want to have proper clients, I want to set myself up like a proper business. And so I learned a lot more and in that, and I also did a lot more self development stuff as well, which I think happens when you get a little bit older. I'm actually finding that a lot of people I talk to, I'm glad it's not just me, it's like this point in your life and you see things differently. I don't know. It's an incredible thing. My bookshelves are lined with all sorts of self help books. I love them. I love. My one that I read last night was about. I did not do the thing today about productivity. And yeah, yeah, I just find all of these books. Interesting. Even if they potentially don't even relate to me. I just I love hearing other perspective, people's perspectives on life and business and psychology and human behavior and all of that. Yeah, me too. It's really fascinating, isn't it? It's cool. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman. You mentioned your Instagram, which I'm really glad you did. Because your Instagram if anyone listening has not looked at Danny's Instagram, please go look at it because it's so vibrant and so fun and just so uplifting. And that's interesting. You say you've sort of had that background in drama, because you're very good actress. Thank you. There's a lot of fun on your Instagram. I do enjoy making those little videos. It's quite funny. And yeah, drama is one of those things that as like, at high school, I flipped like loved that was like my life I wanted to do that as a living. And when I sort of got out of school I was like maybe I'm not I don't know, you doubt yourself but I but I loved that spin in me so you really have all of these different elements V passions that you're actually able to sort of combine in what you're doing now you've got your cooking you've got your your acting and your you've got like your your background in promotions and publicists that you can do with your your social media. So it's really like I bet you didn't have that on your on your goals. Let's just it sort of happened that way. Yeah, it's amazing. What Yeah, how I guess your life experiences then go on to form you and your life and what you're doing work and I'm very lucky that I have been able to Yeah, follow my passions and and I think make money from it as well, which is really important. And even now I'm like, alright, well, what's my next thing? And I did, I started a podcast last year, which was really, again, something I was scared. But something I love, I love talking on on the microphone, and I love audios and medium, but it kind of scared me a little bit as well to do that. So I am interviewing someone which I think you're doing a great job, by the way. But interviewing people is kind of scary as well. So, you know, I'm always trying to think alright, what is it that I want to do? And how can I? How can I use my skills to to to create a new project? So yeah, it's always vulnerable with I have an overactive brain. It's ridiculous. Like I do regret from one thing to the next to the next and, you know, ADHD videos on Tiktok are really making me consider going to a psychologist Oh, thank goodness you are doing what you're doing because it's it's awesome. I think a lot of people are really enjoying and relating to what you're putting out there. So yeah, keep it keep doing it. So day to day, have you sort of managed to juggle I guess, between trying to create what you want to do? Maybe if you have like a business you you're working with or whatever you're doing, how do you manage to do that with the children around as well? Yeah, good question. I don't know if you're allowed to say this. But ever since separating and co parenting, I feel like, I've been able to do a lot more. And that's because I have a amicable, amicable relationship with my ex partner, and we should split the time and the kids 5050. So being able to have my own time, which I don't think I had in my previous relationship, as much like I really didn't, I felt like I was the primary care of the kids. But ever since having my own time, I've feel like I've been able to manage, work and be able to do things like work on my own creative projects a lot more. And it's funny, because when I do have the kids, it's like, it's everything's a massive juggle, you know, obviously, with co curricular stuff as well as parenting and still having to do bits and pieces of work, I find I don't work a normal nine to five job, I'll find myself you know, what, people would think I'm just looking at Instagram something but I'm not I'm usually working at nighttime at, you know, eight o'clock, editing a video, for instance, on my phone, or I work in, in between hours when I perhaps don't have the kids or other things like that. So, yeah, it's it's, it's I don't know how a lot of people who have their kids full time as well as work full time, it's really, really tough to find your own time. But yeah, I guess that's one of the silver linings are separating, not saying that you should go and do it, saying that, like me and my work like it has been able, I have been able to just have more time for myself on my projects, which is, which is great. But at the same time, you're dealing with a whole lot of other emotions. But, um, I guess people don't really talk about the positive sides of separating, but that's kind of why I was saying, Oh, I'm not allowed to say this. But I guess when you do work for yourself, you take what you can in terms of when you've got time. Yeah, for sure. In whatever way that might present itself. Yes, thank you grateful for Yeah. So when you first had your children, when you first had Harlow How did the way that you view yourself changed like this identity? A lot of moms talk about having, you know, like they were themselves and now they only exist for their child and they feel like they lose themselves or that kind of stuff. Did you sort of have experiences like that? I feel like most people go through an identity crisis when you become a mom because you sort of mourn the loss of your former self, which was someone that for me, it was someone that was pretty independent could do we wanted all of that stuff that everyone knows what it's like and you don't have kids. And I think yeah, there's definitely, especially that first year. There's, you just don't know what you're doing. It's kind of like when you start a podcast. You just try and do what you think is right. That's it. And I had an amazing I lived out in the country when I had Harlow and I lived abandoned towards Yarra Valley in the Nillumbik hills and on a 20 acre Bush block with no neighbors in sight and in a hut that honestly was like an old miner's cottage with a dirt floor. I'm not even kidding, like, dead for wattle and daub. It was a beautiful home. I loved it, but it was very different to a normal suburban house, which is where I am now and it was and it was bushy and there's snakes and there was like, my whole environment was so different to a normal I guess like just a normal person. I found this amazing can be Yeah, they're through mother's group of other women that were kind of, we call ourselves like pining women because we were out out on the farm you know, I had to light the fires just to keep warm all of those things that now I just turned the heater on. But I like your life was so different. And I I was, I had already lived out there for a while. So I was used to not being around a lot of people. And not being able to say for instance, just go into the city and stuff like that. But yeah, life was really different. And I felt like I love those years, though, like I look back now. And I'm like, they were really beautiful and really special. I had an amazing group of women that I'm still friends with. I love going out that way because it's really relaxing and quiet. But yeah, my identity, I felt like completely changed. But I feel like I've had multiple identity shapes since then. I think I reclaimed myself. Again. I've never been the type of mom that only lives vicariously through children and children's activities. Although I feel like when Harlow was really young, I was more like that. Now, obviously, life so different, like I have my kids 50% of the time, which is still hard to say. And like I've, I go and do adult things like and like my former self, like, I've got nights of the week where I'm able to go out for dinner if I want to or you know, I've got a boyfriend, which is really like different. And so like, it's really, I'm still a mum, though, and I'm still in my children's life as much as I was before, I'm probably a better mum for it. Because when I do have the kids like, we always make the most of that time. And I've thankfully I still see the kids often when you know it's Christmas night or something like that as well. So we actually see each other quite a lot. But yeah, like identity is a funny one and you lose it for a while. But I also think that you get it back the other thing I like to really talk to mums about is the concept of mum guilt. And I sometimes put that in the air quotes. Is that something that you've sort of experienced or you have thoughts about in relation to your creativity in your work? Yeah, I think there's definitely mom guilt in all, in everyday life. Especially when the kids a little and you know, you want to be there with your kids all the time. Like I remember dropping off Harlow to daycare when I was doing that job I was talking about earlier going and chopping veggies and making these organic meals for people. I felt so bad about doing that. Like, I like when I got there. You know, I felt good, I was able to just go into a job that I didn't really have to think about too much. And it made me feel good. But God I felt bad about just dropping off at daycare and picking her up late, early, late. And I feel like Yeah, it's like, do we carry this guilt? Like, why do we carry this guilt? I don't know if fathers are carrying as much guilt. I don't know. I don't know. I don't like Yeah, it's hard. But I feel like I do I have less guilt now. I would say so. I think I've, I've think I've tried to accept that, you know, things are as they are. I'm still my own person. My kids are their person. We're all just trying to do our best. But yeah, there's still guilt around, I think during the pandemic as well. Like, we had to stop doing the things that we were doing. No, you had no control over that. Like for instance, like co curricular activities and things like that. So maybe I lost a little bit of the guilt around doing so much with the kids. Yeah, yeah, like during the pandemic. Now, I've you know, I I guess I want them to experience lots of different things and find their things that they like to do but yeah, probably not putting as much pressure on myself. Yeah, for sure. So with your creativity and being out there and doing doing what you do, is it important for you that your children say, and I don't want to say not just a mom, because we're never just remember that you've actually got your own life, you're doing things you're contributing to the world, you've got an important place. I always think that a lot, actually, because my kids say, Me, I bought my own house late last year, I do try to do everything around the house, although don't look at my loans at the moment. But they see me as someone that works for themselves that, you know, does everything for themselves, takes them to the things they want to do. And I think they might not realize that now. But I feel like especially Harlow being female, when she gets older, is like, well, I can I can do that as well. And I think I think people often as well, maybe stay in a relationship for the kids. And I think that's kind of I find that to be problematic for some people for some things and because are they saying really happy version of their parents in some situations? But my kids are seeing Yeah, definitely a times at times, it's stressful, and you've got to do you know, all the nighttime routines yourself. And that can be hard. But they're also saying someone that is really happy, and is trying to give them the best life and for themselves as well. And also they say me as an independent person from them. And I think that's important. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I love that answer. I'm gonna put a big tick next to that. I like that That's good. night you said before you've got some projects in the pipeline, is there anything? I don't want you to feel like you have to tell things that you you know, you're not ready to? Have you got some some stuff coming up in the future that you can share with a severe? Yeah. Well, as I was saying, before I get excited about things. And then I try not to. Sometimes I don't have it. There is a project hopefully, I'm sure. Yes. I'm gonna say yes, it will go ahead. But yeah, it hasn't been completely psyched up. Yeah, a television program that we're working on with my manager and the team that my manager works with. So that will hopefully be later on the year on channel 10, which is great. My podcast, which is falling for you. And it's an interview based series interviewing was just women. But now it's everyone about people's lives and becoming more comfortable in your own skin. And that's really exciting. I love that. And I started another podcast with my friend last year, may or may not do that. We're not sure yet. But I love podcasting. I think like once you've got a microphone and you set up like I do, like you can well droid stuff. So I probably would love to do more in audio and potentially like a Yeah, either podcasting or something like radio or something like that. That would be amazing. Now the retreat that is also brewing for later on in the year. I usually take only one retreat a year, and it's usually is always actually in an amazing location in a beautiful accommodation. And it's kind of like a great mix between adventure, wellness, amazing food, and just like a really fun time. It's not too hard core health or anything like that. We still do Santa cocktails, you know, it's got to be balanced. There's got to be a balance. And yeah, I feel like this year I've approached it a little bit differently rather than putting too much pressure on myself with goals because we've all been in survival mode for so long. I'm sort of saying what happens and unfolds around me rather than she's stuff too much. But already this is becoming Yeah, it's it's been a year, I think the last month or so a really big one. I think that's what happens when school goes back all of a sudden, easy again. Yeah. But yeah, there's always there's always exciting projects on the horizon. And yeah, we'll just see what happens, but ya never know. Yeah. Well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's like you don't seem to, you're very sort of open to any sort of possibility. It's like you don't shut yourself off from things. So. Yeah, that's a really great way to live your life. Yeah, I think it's funny reading that productivity book because it's like, rather than trying to over schedule yourself, it's like trying to be more open and flexible. And I think that's what how I approach my days. It's like, I don't know sometimes what's going to happen, which is what I like about my life. On a day to day basis, though, I don't have it planned out to a tee I've got, you know, I kind of like to see what happens and what comes up and what I end up doing. And I like that approach. But yeah, it's certainly not everyone's approach. It's probably a few people out there that are getting feeling really uncomfortable listening to that. Checklist and Midori? Yeah, no, but whatever works works. It's the truth isn't everyone's different. And we just do what works. Yeah, that's right yeah. It was important to you that you got back to doing things for yourself. Like you said, when how I was? I think she was she fought high. How old? Was she when you started doing the chopping up? So no, she was she was actually quite young, she would have been about 10 months or 10 months a year. So was that was that because you want to? You needed? Like you said before you needed something for yourself. It was like, that was really important for you to get back out and be Danny again, I suppose. Yeah, I think I definitely I think I do not want to do something that actually involved that much thinking, if that makes sense. Because you're so tired. And I think when you first have a new baby, it's like I was anyway, I was exhausted. And I didn't want to do too much like I just wanted to be told what to do. Which is quite, that's not usually what my jobs are. I have obviously a lot more creative than that. But I at this for this job, I just wanted to get out of the house. And I wanted to talk to adults again. And got beat just go somewhere and do something for the day that didn't really involve too much thinking. Like it wasn't overly stressful. It was it was very sort of a monotonous job where I went and we prepped a whole lot of food. But I was still having these really engaging conversations. Because the women that I worked with in the kitchen were all and still are some of my most favorite people. And we keep in contact and it was just like, it was not glamorous at all. We were in this weird, like factory and spring Vale or something I don't know, it was a bizarre place. It was nowhere near my house. I had to leave my kid at daycare for too long, but I wanted to the pay probably wasn't great. But it was more for me as well, to know that you know that you can still be your own person and you can still go and do something that makes you feel good about yourself that you're being productive. And I was learning I learned quite a lot about Whole Foods then as well. That was when I was really interested in that. And that so he kind of set me up for other things. I then started a blog about Whole Foods after that because that's when we used to do blogs. And I started writing recipes for Whole Foods and then all of a sudden I started working with Melrose health which I still work with today who you know, I've been working with Microsoft, Melrose health I then went on to launch you know, that brand in Japan and I cooked dinner in China and I like we did all these amazing things. And that just started because I went and worked at a factory in Springvale, because I was interested in Whole Foods, like any job or any anything that you want to do for yourself is going to be bad. And you just don't know what's going to happen from it. And you never, never think you're too good for something as well. Like, I'm always like, you know, these jobs that are, you know, not glamorous as such. Like, they're actually also and you meet amazing people. And I find, I think it was a really formative part of my life, just being able to go, yeah, it's okay. I can go to daycare, I can do this job. And if you know, your partner or someone turns around and goes, Well, why would you do that for it's going to cost more to do daycare, tell them to get by? Because I hate also that that's that, that thinking around daycare fees being only for women to pay? Like what? No, no, it's just all right. Yeah. All right, back yourself and do if you feel like you really need to do something for yourself, go and do it and do what you can to get the support around you. And if and tried to let go of that guilt. Hmm. Yeah. Well said. That's a fantastic note to end on. Danny, thank you so much. Okay. It's such all talking to you. You. It's so nice. It's actually nice to Yeah, as we were saying before this interview started to not be in the driver's seat and just overshare which is what I'm really good at. Yeah, do jump over to Instagram, if you do want to follow me because at Danny, Ben, I do love to connect with people. I'm always DME We're always having like these little DM chats. And you know, I've got a great, I think it's like great community of, of women, mainly that sort of that follow me and I love creating content that makes people laugh and helps people in some small ways. Yeah. And it's very relatable to like, it's, I don't know, it's like, people might put people on pedestals and think that people are not real. You know what I mean? Like, you're, you're a mum, and you've got two kids, and you've got to cook for every night. You know, it's like, it's the realities that we're all going through, like opening that fridge and going, Ah, what's the mystery rocks, gonna return that sort of thing. Thanks for sharing what you share in such an honest way. It's really valuable. Thank you. Yeah, I do have this little thing on my coffee machine. And I read it like every day, and it's, I'm doing the best I can. And I feel like that's all we can do. And we can just try. And some days, we might not feel very good, but we're all just trying to get along and doing doing what we can. We are all just humans at the end. So absolutely, now Thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Steve Davis Father's Day Ep - marketing consultant, comedian, educator + podcaster S2 Ep62 Listen and subscribe on Spotify , Apple podcasts (itunes) and Google Podcasts The second of my special episodes to mark Australian Father's Day 2022 features Steve Davis, a marketing consultant, educator, comedian, theatre reviewer + podcaster from Adelaide, South Australia, and a dad of 2 girls. Steve was passionate about being in radio. He recalls being 12 years old listening to his red transistor radio in his bedroom and deciding then + there he was going to be a radio announcer. This morphed into journalism + Steve spent countless years in radio newsrooms in Adelaide. After being in the newsroom on the day the Twin Towers fell on September 11th , + witnessing the way the journalism was used to fuel fear + increase ratings in the weeks following, Steve became quite jaded. He quit within a week and joined a marketing company and was there for the next 19 years. He then decided to go out on his own and started his own marketing consultancy, Talked About Marketing, which is based on a saying by one of his literary heroes, Oscar Wilde: There's only one thing worse than being talked about and that's not being talked about. In 2013 Steve was looking for a creative outlet and started The Adelaide Show Podcast, a show that passionately showcases the people of the great state of South Australia. The podcast proudly holds the title of Silver for Best Interview Podcast in Australia in the Australian Podcast Awards 2021. Apart from podcasting, after hours Steve does character-based stand up comedy as his two alter egos: Professor Sebastian Longsword from The MBA School of MBA Credentials, and Social Sales Whisperer, Darren Hill. Both have websites + linkedin profiles, + get booked to MC events + deliver talks. Steve has appeared on the reality tv series Is This Thing On? reflecting on his experience in the School of Hard Knock Knocks comedy school. Steve is driven by curiosity and says the formal setting of an interview is his natural habitat, whether that's in a studio or around a dinner table. Today we enjoy a really fun, lively, and at times quite serious chat covering journalistic integrity, raising girls and the significance and authenticness of including children in your art and creativity. **This episode contains discussion around a near death accident + still birth** Explore Steve's worlds : Talked About Marketing / The Adelaide Show Podcast / Professor Longsword / Darren Hill Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you I encourage you to seek help from those around you, or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mother's work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how moms give themselves time to create within the role of mothering and the value that mothers and others placed on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to gain touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which is podcast is recorded on my special episodes to mark Australian Father's Day 2023 Steve Davis is a marketing consultant, educator and trainer, comedian, theatre reviewer and podcaster from Adelaide, South Australia and is a dad of two girls. Steve was passionate about being in radio from a young age. He recalls being 12 years old and listening to his red transistor radio in his bedroom at home and deciding then in there, he was going to be a radio announcer this morphed into journalism and Steve spent countless years in newsrooms across Adelaide radio. After a negative experience in the newsroom in Adelaide on the day the Twin Towers fell on September 11. And the weeks following Steve witnessing the way journalism was used to fuel fear and increase ratings. Steve became quite jaded. He quit within a week and joined a marketing company and was there for the next 19 years. He then decided to go out on his own and started his own marketing consultancy, talked about marketing, which is based on a saying by one of his literary heroes, Oscar Wilde, there's only one thing worse than being talked about, and that's not being talked about. In 2013, Steve was looking for a creative outlet, and he started the Adelaide Show podcast, a show that passionately showcases the people of the great state of South Australia. His podcast holds the title of silver for best interview podcast in Australia in the Australian Podcast Awards of 2021. Apart from podcasting, after hours, Steve does character based stand up comedy, as he's to alter egos. Professor Sebastian long sword from the MBA school of MBA credentials, and social sales whisperer, Darren Hill, hashtag D H. Both have a website and LinkedIn profiles, and they get booked to emcee events and deliver talks. Steve has also appeared in a reality TV series, based on his experience in the school of hard knocks knocks comedy school called hits this thing on. Steve is driven by curiosity, and says the formal setting of an interview is his natural habitat. Whether that's in the studio or around the dinner table. Steve certainly inhabits a strange world and he wouldn't have it any other way. He is a self proclaimed microphone tart and enjoys being behind the microphone. Today we enjoy a really fun and lively but at times quite serious chat, covering journalism, integrity, raising girls, and the significance and authenticity of including your children in your art and creativity. This episode contains discussions around a near death accident and stillbirth. If today's episode is triggering for you in any way, I encourage you to seek help from those around you health professionals, or from resources online. You can find a list of international resources that I've compiled on the podcast landing page Alison newman.net/podcast music you'll hear on today's episode is from LM Joe, which is my ambient and new age music trio comprising of myself, my sister Emma Anderson and her husband, John. I hope you enjoy today's episode thank you so much for coming on stage. It's a real pleasure to have you here on a special Father's Day episode. I'm a little bit daunted, to be honest, but I'm glad to have the chance to chat with you. Lovely. So we have met before you know full disclosure for the audience. I've met you before and I've I'm a fan of your podcast and you've been generous enough to include some of my music on your podcast in the past. So I'll just say that first. So if we talk about things and people go, I don't know what that means. You know, just put that out there but so for those I don't know what you do. Steve, can you share? What, what you spend your days doing? All right. Let's do the day part of my day that's been running my business, which is called talked about marketing, which is a little marketing consultancy. There's about five of us who hover in that orbit, primarily working with small business. And it's named after a very famous quote from Oscar Wilde, who's my literary hero, which said, there's only one thing worse than being talked about. And that's not being talked about. And when I got tipped out of a nest as in before, and had to start my own business, it just hit me in one bit that Oscar Wilde has been my totem, if you like, throughout my life, and it was just perfect to call that. So that's what I do throughout the day. And, you know, that takes me all over the place. At nighttime, it's a little bit mixed up. So I do the Adelaide Show podcast. As my, one of my little, I consider it a little community gift. I love doing it. I love sharing stories that are often heard. But then I also have ventured into the realm of stand up comedy. We might get to how that happened later. But in that I have since evolved to have two different characters. Professor Sebastien long sword who's a doddering old MBA professor. And Darrin Hill, who is a sleek, they're not sleazy, he is a he just thinks he's cooler than he is. He's a social media sales whisperer. And the sales whisperer his his big thing is hashtag D H. Which he is completely unaware of the dual meanings of that they just thinks it's his initials, but it's emblematic of how he is. Anyway. That's what I do in the evenings. Primarily, they're the main things. And look, I'd also do theater reviews. So I suppose that falls under the artistic banner, as well, reviewing Theater, which I've done for both 30 years now. Yeah. And are you still doing your training where you, you teach social media and things like that? That's right. That's part of my day job. Okay, Emily read recently over in the wonderful, far western South Australian town of Sedona doing that last week, which is about as far away from the side of South Australia that you're on? Yeah, that you could possibly get to. So, no, I'm still doing a lot of that. Oh, great, because that's how you and I first met, and when I came to one of your trainings, which was awesome. I told my dad I had to do it for for his work, but really, I was doing it for my own selfish proceeds. Yes, I remember the rationale. Yeah. And I should mention to you are from South Australia, you're in Adelaide. Have you always been living in South Australia? For most of my life, except when I turned 25. My girlfriend at the time had gone traveling Europe to find herself. And so that was it. Ball of tears, things are over. And then about 18 months later, she says that I've just discovered Hungary. I think you'd love it. So I went over and stayed for a week. There's my goodness, the stories from that week. We fit in Budapest, Vienna, and Venice. I was flying back. Sorry. We were flying back on how to fly back on New Year's Eve on whatever that year was 1991 and had to catch a train from Venice into Vienna. I booked a hotel room at the Vienna Hilton. The only place left was 350 bucks. When we got their. They said sorry, we had to let your room to someone else. So this is before mobile phones and all that sort of stuff. So what were you doing? She said there is an option. Would you mind if we put you in the Presidential Suite on the 18th floor for no extra charge? Ah. Which was fascinating. But of course when you were in that room, your whole half of the top of the Vienna Hilton on New Year's Eve, you use room service, so it ended up costing 550 bucks, but it was worth it. Anyway. So I ended up came back gave notice. I had been working at the one radio station for seven and a half years gave notice and went back a month later with a one way ticket and lived in Budapest for two years. So apart from that I have lived in South Australia. I am sorry, I just wanted to footnote my references to living in Budapest happen often it just pops up in life it shouldn't it's sad. You think there'll be some other anchor in my life, but I've got a dear listener who's listened to the Adelaide show from day one. His name is Alexis Catalina and he has a drinking game. Any episode where I may In Budapest or living in Hungary that's a really well, hello, you listening? Yes. Thanks for Yeah, one for me, do you? So going back to your beginnings, how did you first get involved? Like you're pretty you said you were you were doing something previous to starting your own business. Was that sort of in the same area? Like we always involved in this sort of, sort of area? No, it was radio. And I remember being 12 years old, sitting on my bed at home listening to five ad, which was the hot station at the time on a little red transistor radio. And whoever was on I think it was Matt Ford, but I can't remember they did a crossfade. From Deep Purple's Smoke on the Water to races, I think was racy or smoke is Oh, Carol. Yeah. You couldn't think of the worst two songs to put one after the other one is heavy grands, bluesy grant, and the other one is pop. And at that moment, I just looked up in the air and said, This is what I'm going to do. I want to be a radio announcer. And so at that point, I just fixed my head and no one could talk me out of it. I remember in high school, towards the end with the career vocations, the teachers are saying, Look, you're doing well. You shouldn't be you know, no. Radio, there's no you got it. So I had to choose down three careers. And I thought back of this, so I put down president of USA is option number one. I put down I think it was NASA astronaut number two, and radio announcer number three is at their jet. Show and I did the 12 just to fill in the time because I thought no one's going to hire a 15 year old Pimply kid as a radio announcer. And after I did a radio school course with Vaughn Harvey, the late great phone Harvey whose voice still echoes around the universe today he had one of those voices that was like, hello, I'm Warren Harvey. This is the Harvey Cardwell report. He was a very wonderful man that about three foot high like a beard of GNOME, but he was amazing. Ah, there's a there's a possibly legally questionable story that's fun to tell that involves him in my time in Hungary, which are migratory. But long story short 18 months out of school doing part time jobs. He said, Steve five and you at Mary bridge have contacted me there's a job coming up. Can you go to an interview on Sunday morning. And this now of people who don't know I was in Adelaide, Mary bridges a country town about 50 minutes away. I had no idea how far away it was. For me it was the country. So that's like three hours minimum. So I got a good mate to meet me and off. We went at 6am to go to this 10 o'clock appointment. On a Sunday, we had packed an esky. We're talking 1985 Here, packed an esky we had we end at 6:50am It's Welcome to Murray Bridge. And so we had to kill time. Anyway, I went in, did the interview at 10 and came out and said I'm on air at three o'clock this afternoon. So anyway, that started my role there. And I worked there for seven and a half years in radio. And then that turned into journalism. I mean, the radio got work in Budapest as well. I started doing some talkback in Adelaide. And this all this journalism and radio came to a head when I was on air in Adelaide when 911 happened. I was in the newsroom at mix one Oh 2.3 And five DN. When that existed, there was fog of war or whatever 5g and morphed into. And I was the one who broke the news that that would happen. And then the news director caught everyone in. And our job for the next week was to find every link we could between 911 and South Australian Adelaide to keep people on edge and glued to their radios. And I just said nah, nah, I have a higher bar for journalism. The fourth estate I think It's one of the most crucial things on this planet. And Its job is to be the guard dog of, of truth, you know, keep the lies out. And within a week I quit. And a person that I knew, said, look, I've got a marketing company. And because I also did photography needed to start with that and some writing, and I switched over to marketing where I was for 19 odd years, and then started talking about marketing after that, do you? Please tell me to shorten my answers? Okay, that's a that's a that was actually very concise answer. That was really good. And honestly, talk as much as you like, this is your this is your show, stave. Take away, you know, where you want to. It's interesting, you talk there about that. It was almost like they were they were turning the experience of 911 into like fodder, though. It was, you know, to try and diminish it in some way just to keep it entertaining and keep people listening. Does that I'm kind of looking for a link here. You talking about things? Like journalism is like the gatekeeper. Do you find these days, the amount of misinformation and disinformation and that sort of beating things up? And clickbait? Was that sort of, I guess, the start of that kind of thing? What look, I think that I had the pleasure of interviewing Peter gresty. Late last year, he's an Australian journalist who was wrongly imprisoned on trumped up charges in Egypt and was in jail for 400 days. And may I, I can't believe he agreed to be on the show. And we had a good deep warts and all chat about journalism, that and look, here's my position. That was horrible. We were still I think, the Gulf War period, or the 80s, when news started moving towards the 24 hour news cycle, which at the time, I would tell anyone who would listen that this is wrong. When you increase the volume of news you need, you have to reach lower into the barrel to fill it. And that's not good. And there's so there's that. And of course, there's a thing which the BBC has tried to stamp out recently called false equivalency, where if you've got, say, a scientist being interviewed about something, and there's someone who just has this random idea, yeah, false equivalency means you give 50% of time to the scientist and 50% of time to someone who's got no evidence to back up what they say. And so they have luckily moved to follow, I think Bertrand Russell, great English philosopher from the early 20th century, who said, you defer to an expert when they're talking about their field of expertise, but not if they veer from that. And so that sort of mixed up into I believe, we have this inclination this day and age to think we know everything. And so if something an expert is saying doesn't jive with how we see the world, we just dismiss them and not honor, the 1000 or 10,000 hours they've spent, like going through in depth. And here's the thing, there's a wonderful thing that since I discovered it early in sort of mid 2000s, this thing called the Dunning Kruger effect. It's helped me have a compass and the Dunning Kruger effect, in short, says, This was based on research over many years. When you know little about a subject, you instantly think you're an instant expert. You have no qualms. Do you have confidence to go forth? When you are actually a deep expert? They're the people who say, Well, it depends. And they understand nuance, and they know there's more to know, which works against the authority sometimes of the experts, because if they're being honest, I'd say this is within a certain probability what we think which allows others to nibble at them. Yeah, that's on one side. But there's another thing with journalism today that that I hear people say, oh, there's a conspiracy in journalism, to do things on purpose to us. And I am not a conspiracy. I'm not wired for conspiracy part. Because trying to organize people doing something together in the daylight is hard enough and never works. To think people can do it clandestine ly. So I don't think there's any grand plan in using anything to do with me. But what I do think is the numbers because Google and Facebook have robbed journalism, institutions of all their income from classified ads. They don't have the same resources, they got less people. And the only way they can survive is to, as you said, earlier, Allison, get the clickbait. So they've got to sex up their stories. And sadly, the algorithms that Facebook and YouTube use, put engagement above everything else. And the engagement that gets the most attention is typically anger and hatred. And so we've trapped ourselves into a corner, where the stomach that a proper editor has to allow a journalist to go deep and follow something through is shortchanged. Because if they allow that, and they don't have the clickbait stuff going, they don't have income to be here tomorrow. So it's messy. And there are good people out there in journalism, but the system is off funding is broken. And I would love as I would love the model that France uses to come into play where the government actually funds a certain percentage of journalists, they don't have any editorial control. But they say to the organization here, you've got these people, let them do good journalism. And I think that would make me much warmer towards the Fourth Estate these days, because it would give it breathing space to deliver stuff that sometimes I don't like, I don't care, I have to change my opinion, when new facts come to the table to be challenged. And you think about things a different way. That one sort of unwound a bit. But it isn't black and white. To me. It is flawed. It's a human enterprise. And clickbait layout just doesn't help. Sorry, I'll just finish on this one. I did an interview with Natalia boo Jenko, a couple of weeks ago, she's a Ukrainian woman who has been living in Adelaide for many years. And we did a deep dive on what's happening in Ukraine, because she's got 10 cousins still living there. And she just the absolute horror, of actual genocide that's been meted out by Russia is not enough at all at once, to get the Rupert Murdoch type organizations to continue working hard to make us and keep us interested. And so you get a celebrity who throws her top off, and that will take all the focus, because that's fine. And that gets the clicks or Tommy Lee, you know, he'll expose himself. And so that gets all the oxygen. And there are people, little kids, that the one point something million Ukrainians have been pushed to the far east of Russia, separated, it's just horrible. It really is bleak. But we don't have the appetite because they need the clickbait. And anyway, so I hope one day, and there are avenues where it is restoring itself. But yeah, it's bleak. But it's not all out to get us. That's the thing. It's just, it's just human. It's a human enterprise. Yeah. I'm glad you mentioned Ukraine, because I know, like I listened to a lot of ABC and BBC Radio. And because the BBC World Service is, you know, the 24 Hour News Service. So I often leave that on while I'm asleep, you know, and then I'll wake up in the middle of the night, and I'll be like, Oh, what are they talking about? And so you do get the updates on Ukraine, but you have to almost look for, you know, it's not there. It's not the front page. It's not the first thing that comes up on the the news websites, which is it's disgraceful because the like you said, there is so much horror going on over there. And it's like, we've just blinded ourselves to have gone Oh, yeah, that happened. What was that February our year. Now, that's not happening now. You know. And there's a few people that I follow on Instagram who are constantly sharing updates and saying, This is still happening, you know, it's, we cannot forget about it, you know, we cannot just let it go and just makes me so uncomfortable that we are not, you know, banging the doors down and saying, This has to stop. This has to change because we've just, you know, Tommy Lee does his thing and we'll go oh, let's get distracted by that. You know, it's it's appalling. It's horrible. And the thing that wraps all this up is the world The Unbearable Lightness of Being, which is the title of a magnificent book by Vaclav Havel. And it's amazing movie. I'm going to watch it with friends. Again recent, soon in a couple of weeks, and that title, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, I would be happy to sit around a party a dinner table and just discuss that and teased apart for hours because our existence on this planet is light. And that lightness is unbearable, because we've got the heaviness of what's happening in Russia. And we have the light fun bits of someone doing something funny that we whom whom we know. And that's all part of it I, in the interview with Natalia, I made the comment that a little while back a few years ago, now I sort of fainted at night and fell down hit my head and discovered later that was a couple of centimeters either way, I wouldn't be here talking. And when I had to go to hospital for observation, when I came out, having been contemplating my mortal, brevity, nothing had changed in the planet, everything kept moving the buses were still gearing and you go, Ah, okay. And look, and that's how it has to be the world has to keep grinding on. And it is it is messy, are your guest recently, Lisa Sugarman, she made a point about hate, it's messy, and we just have to deal with that. So it is, and so we can't flagellate ourselves for not staying true to course, with following Ukraine. But the role of the prized role of an editor whose job has been to say, this is important, this is important, is a prized role. And I think it's an important role to play in our society. And when that is down, played, because our we need to get some sugar hits of, you know, clicks and likes, yeah, nobody is served by that. It is balanced. We can't be too hard on ourselves. But we have to try if we care about being part of this human tapestry. That's it, isn't it? It's got you've got to continue to try. And I mean, I understand you've got to have light and shade. You can't all be doom and gloom. But we can't let important things be out of our mind for too long. I don't think any but that's right, we have to survive. And we've got, you know, that thing they say on planes, where if the cabin pressure drops, put your mask on first and then help others. If we let out our oxygen be too sucked out. By being depressed by all these things over which we have little control, then we can't really help anyone. So it is a messy enterprise. That's a good analogy. That's a good way of looking at it. And that's actually a few of my mom's on the show have used that as an analogy for their own self care of looking after themselves. And then that enables them to look after their children. Because if you're if you're down, everyone is you know, you can't pour from an empty cup. Yes, I had the chance of meeting Jane Goodall through that late show many years ago. Yeah. And she's the lady who lived with apes, and we're very strident level headed conservationist. And the question I put to her was, we feel so helpless with these things, what do we do, and she said, You have to forget the big picture sometimes, and focus on what you can do on your square inch of the world and do something there, then you'll feel empowered again. And from there, as Paul Kelly sang from little things, big things grow. And that's why I was at the Ukrainian club the night before we recorded this, just to meet some of the people and support them have dinner there and pay them. And they had a room where people had donated clothes to look after some Ukrainian refugees who had come across my job quietly, the government's now stopped that there is no more invitation for Ukrainian refugees. And Natalia made the point to the trouble is, if the politicians aren't being needled by the populace, to keep it up, they can shut it down. And if the journalists aren't interested enough to keep the heat on, then the population isn't. And then the government's left off the hook. Yeah. And so it's a little sad circle there. However, there was a little thing we could do, and to be there and to support them. And that's what we could do because my family and I all went and we listened against an Italian episode in the car. We were all choking with tears at points because it is so real and heavy, but we then got to meet them and have fun and and, and engage and that's the Jane Goodall advice is very wise. So yeah, the message is we have to make our way through and look at it's not bad to look after ourselves on the way it's just getting the balance right, and we'll get it wrong. And then we correct ourselves. One last thing. Sorry. Go on. It's Allison. I love this. You are asking questions or opening up things. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Stephen, have your mental plane. My dad had that book. I quote him all the time and I'm having a mental blank. It'll come to me in a moment. But there's a beautiful analogy that he uses, which is these huge Jumbos that fly from LA to Sydney are off course. According to him about 90 95% of the time they are off course. All that's happening it Stephen Covey, all that happens is our instruments. just nudge it back, and then nudge it back and then nudge it back. And he was saying, we have to be kind to ourselves in life, we will be off course often, but it's not a case for giving up. It's a case for just nudging back. nudging back, nudging back. Oh, I love that. Jeez, I could apply that to myself. Maybe we all can. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that. I'm glad you kept on with that train of thought. Getting these little nuggets of gold All right, we're changing tack slightly. You are a father. Obviously. That's why I've got you here part of that reason. Can you share with us a little bit about your your children? Yes, I've got two daughters, AJ and Caitlin. And they're 14 and 12. AJC oldest, what can I say? They, they have, if there was a Venn diagram, between the two of them, they'd be a good bit of stuff they have in common. They both are very grounded and have a strong care ethos for others. And both can have a both are very clear. When they've decided what they want to do, they can be quite focused on that. And then you look at the bits of the Venn diagram where they're different. And AJ is this is like she should have been born in a tent. In the savanna, she is an outdoors person who loves horse riding, getting filthy, pushing herself to limit running, you know, all that sort of outdoor stuff. She talks more costly than the others, which is a little bit from her. Like grin. I think she got a lot of that from she's a little dynamo, she's short. So keep these in terms like little and doesn't give up. And just, we were at a friend's house recently at a place called bugle heart in South Australia, which is up near Renmark. Very for anyone who wants to check on a map, just inland a bit. And they have a horse, retired old racehorse big like huge horse and see that AJ hop on. And Yvette was saying, I've never seen that horse just it bought like it just it was able to trust AJ, AJ trusted it. And she said it was just magic. It was absolutely beautiful to see this pint sized little controlling this horse was just fantastic. And it was lovely. And and the other one Caitlin is more towards the reflective. She does gaming lots of talking with other people around games. And on that express, she does she's in the choir, she does drama. And she's sort of skewed that way. So they're just, you know, it's just, I love them to bits. I had the privilege recently we went to stay on a houseboat for a few days. Unfortunately, my wife couldn't make it because she was an acting head in the department she works for so and just go ahead that thrust upon us. I just needed to stay back. But it turned out to be you know, silver lining, because I got to spend just quiet downtime with them. And the thing I will remember one of the things I remember the most was the drive it was a three hour drive. And the iPhone is connected to the car sound system. And I handed it to Caitlin. I said you're the DJ. All three of us will go around and play a song but tell us why And so that whole journey I was amazed I've got great music tastes I mean, either bad for kids because I liked it or I'm just an odd but but that we all three of us said that was amazing. We learned so much. We got to hear songs we wouldn't have heard otherwise. And it was just the time just flew. Yeah, just lots of little things like that just happened throughout yeah I've got so many things, there's so many directions I could take you there after that, as I love these when I ask a question. And then you'd be the same to any journalist background like with people tell you things. And then like I'm scribbling down notes. Like, I want to know about that. I wonder about that. I love it. Be careful what you wish for. But you've already you've already got a taste. Right? We can make Part One and Part Two is gonna be like, you know, continuation challenge met. Oh, I love it. So. Okay, where will I go first? So the gills now I'm forgive me. I can't remember it might have been a J. In your recordings of your Adelaide Show podcast, here is AJ that she has a little speaking part. They both do. They both are doing okay. So Caitlin does the acknowledgement of country for beginning. But both AJ and Caitlin share the sign off at the end and AJ. So binary goes both ways. I'm gonna be random in just crazy. They call them my voiceover angels. So what made you want to include the girls in? Did they want to be a part of it? Or was it something you thought? That would be nice to have the mean? Well, they prove it's, it's, it's probably to know there'll be three strands to this. So yes, I desperately wanted them to be part of this thing. Because I was very mindful, especially when I started the Adelaide show back in 2013. That it is about 15 hours per episode. That goes into prepping it, recording it, editing it, and then promoting it. And that was a big chunk of dead time sort of taken out of the equation of the week. So none of this could have happened if Nadia, my wife hadn't understood it was you know, had to be to some degree, keep me sane. So I desperately wanted them to be part of it was one thing. Because there were a couple of times I remember when I was growing up when dad was a builder in the first part of his career, hopping in, in the school holidays, hopping into his sort of bizarre Bongo van kind of thing he had. And it felt great to be driving off to work. And I thought this is as close as it gets for providing that sort of thing. They were curious, they'd seen the mic, they played with the microphones a bit. It's probably a bit strong at that age to say they desperately want to be part of it. There was a playfulness about it. And there was another podcast I listened to. I should be careful to recommend it but it's called oh my goodness, mental blank. Here we go. It is very bad wizards. Language warning on that one. It's a philosopher and a psychologist. They're both tenured professors. They are cool dudes. But you know, that comes warts and all. And they one of his one of them is their daughter's does the opening. And she says this podcast is produced by my dad, and philosopher Baba. And they use language that I'm not allowed to say, and all that sort of stuff. And I just loved that. That intertwinement with the family connection, because they're not just these dudes. They're dudes who are situated within family systems. So this is an expression. I think it lends to some degree authenticity. On the other degree. Yeah, maybe I'm like those parents who are living vicariously through their kids as well. So it is it is how it is. I love it. I love it. Hearing it every time it makes me stop. I can't stop it until they finish talking. Yeah. Oh, that's lovely. That's so nice. I mean, I can relate to that. I've put Digby in my, just as it's halfway through the episode. I've got him going, you're listening to that being mum with my mom, Alison Newman. It's like, I couldn't have anyone else do it. I've got a friend of mine recorded it for me. She's like, got a beautiful voice really good. VoiceOver. And in the end, I thought, no offense, Danny. Sorry. It has to be Digby, because he's my child, you know, and I'm talking about monster. But I think you're right, it gives it gives this realism, it makes people accessible. And they're not just a voice that you hear, you know, through your headphones or in the car or whatever. They're an actual real person, you can feel the connections that they have. And yeah, that authenticity really comes through. And it gives you a taste into the sort of person they are, you know, that they're, I mean, obviously professional, but not professional enough to ignore the fact that they do have a life outside of what they're doing. I guess, if that's a way of Does that make sense? Yeah, look, I think you've touched on a really important thing there with the podcast, genre. Same with radio, but podcast is a bit different. Because we podcast, a listener has to seek it out. And actively say I want to listen to you. And you are right in their ears, Allison, every single episode. So there is an intimacy that builds from that. And the fact that you're also have your child I think slept it's like imagine if you've gone over to your place for dinner, they'll be there. And so you have got the adult time around the table. But there's also the meet and greet and the interruptions, you know, and that's all part of it. I've started doing that with my clients or talked about marketing, actually, instead of having end of year events, I am slowly it's going to take 50 years working through that, or groups of two or four to come to our makeshift cinema at home, I cook a meal. And then we all watch as a group, just a movie together. So we kept socialized with no talk of business allowed is wonderful. And it is that enmeshing of everything. It's, hey, this is life, you know, we're not these, because I think the big bad thing that happened with especially from what I can tell the sort of 50s 60s 70s and 80s, and probably even lingering with a bloke went off to this other professional world and was out there, and then had to come home and sort of like lower down to the mundane of family, which is a horrible dichotomy. I think we've moved beyond that. And I think it's taken a lot more gender balance or striving towards that. In a growing up, we're still not there. We're still miles away. But just the Yeah, you have to just accept that I can't go today. It's a kid sports day, or it's happened to me last week, girls had gastro and had to be home. So, you know, you just and that's going to dent into things. And I think clients who won't acknowledge that are assholes who are not showing any human respect. And one of the tenets of talked about marketing is that business is personal. It's humans, working for serving other humans. That's the that's what happens. And that means we are part of systems and the family is a system that we're part of. Hmm, I loved how you got so passionate, then I could see your point of view. I love it. Now Good on you. That it's so important. I think that's so true. Like I think back to my dad's generation, like he had an AI what happened? Exactly, I wasn't there. But you sort of see the flow on effects of it. And there wouldn't there would have been a massive separation between the the father's work life, his home life, his social life, even you know, when I when I was a kid, my dad grew up in Colorado, which is a little town probably 40 minutes away. We're really tiny town. And they had a real old traditional pub where you had the saloon bar, you know, the front bar. Women and children were never allowed in the front bar. It was like this rule, unspoken rule, but it was very well followed. So we'd go to the pub for tea, Dad would disappear. We'd fall asleep on the chairs in the, you know, the restaurant, you know, that's what happened. And one of the first times I ever went into the front bar, and I caught myself and went, hang on, I'm in the front but like it was just this weird feeling. I'm not allowed in the front. But, you know, as an adult, I think it wouldn't have even been my grandmother's funeral. You know, it was that I recently and I was like, Oh my gosh, and you think in that one generation how much things have changed? And I think a lot of that you talk about the gender balance I think that's true that you know, men have recognized that that's probably not ideal for the family unit and I think women have stepped up a bit and gone Hang on, we're not gonna sit out there in the heat in the lounge with the kids though. Right? You know, we're a family unit. This is how we're going to be but yeah, that just reminded me of and that was just in my dad's you know, when I when I was growing up how deep those roots are that you still had that oh, yeah, right back where it sits in my sister's wearing the front god oh good day Listen, I want to pick up you said something Woody, I think you nailed it. When you said it's the separation of the two parts of their life. And that's an important word, as opposed to an amalgamation. You know that people talk about work life balance, we can't have that unless it is that warts and all holistic you who brings stories and fatigue and being energized to both ends based on what's happening. I work from home, primarily. And so my girls get to see me worn out stressed, excited, you know, the whole bit, which may be good or bad. Maybe there was a benefit of being shielded from that? No, I don't think so. I think they, I want them to have an appreciation that life as an adult, is, can be pretty intense. And resilience, which is a theme that comes up a lot on this podcast is going to be one of the most invaluable things you can have in your toolkit. How you teach it, I don't know, but partly watching the ebbs and flows and knowing that it ebbs and flows. So it does go up and go down. There's a lot more down that rabbit hole. And I'm gonna continue with this topic. And I love I love talking about important stuff and meaningful stuff. So yeah, I don't mind that we were just gonna keep going. When I was growing up, I never saw that there was a bad side to being a parent, I just thought parents did their thing. And everything was fine. And they looked after us and and then obviously, when I realized for myself that it's an absolute cheat show. I've been I don't know whether I've done it on purpose, or I've just allowed it to happen, that my children say everything, pretty much. I know my mum, she came from a background where they were very protected from things. So she brought that into our own lives of, you know, hiding things from us not sharing bad things from us with us just to sort of shield us. But I just I, to a degree, I pretty much my kids know everything that's going on with me. And I unlike you said I don't know if that's good or bad. But I just think it's a reality of life. I don't I don't want my kids to grow up with this idea that everything's rosy and happy and things never go wrong. And then they get into adulthood and have the experience that I did where they went, Oh Christ. What's all this? You know? Absolutely. I look i i think the beautiful thing is the beautifully painful thing is, there's no right or wrong that I'm aware of no one's written this ultimate guide. That answers his question properly. And it I say ebbs and flows. Again, one generation has one experience and go here. I want to keep that bit and lose that bit too. We'll try and steer it this direction. Yeah, and I remember some sociological sociologist, or anthropologist, one or two, talking about how you have this pendulum swing of attitudes that go back and forth from generation to generation. The generation emerging now is tending not to drink alcohol or smoke because they've seen how bad that is from the previous ones, and then the next ones might be other way. I find that so interesting. I guess the thing that gnaws at me with our open approach is, when are you ready for the full throttle front row seat of being an adult? as well. So there are still things that rightly or wrongly, try to shield? Yeah, yeah. So it's like training wheels a little bit. Interestingly, this we, we, before our daughters, we had a stillborn child, little boy. And we hadn't told the girls. And it just, ah, it came up somewhere. I think it was walleyes. Why in the Riverland, with the girls, because of a conversation piece that someone led with. And I found out that my eldest had been told because by Naughty I didn't know this because she was filling out some government form. And AJ being acquisitive, Snoop saw it and said, What's this? And other ones? Okay, and it was just accepted. And, you know, who knows? I think we could make, or I had certainly made out to be something that could be more life shattering to them than might otherwise have been, I was just going to wait, I was going to hide it forever. But I was just waiting till there was levels of different maturity to discuss it, because at the time it was, it was destructive. Like it's just horrible to experience firsthand as the parent or one of the parents. But it's different, I suppose, with distance, and it's abstract. And where did that come from? Or that came from? How much trying to get this right, it is a messy process. And because I did read a lot of books, when Parenthood was on the horizon for the first time, and I don't know how helpful they were. Because it's like, if I had to write down the instructions on how to pour a glass of water, that's warm. I think if I hand wrote every consideration, that took into account judging the temperature, making sure the glass itself isn't too cold, you know, angle, all these sorts of things. Yeah, it would actually be overwhelming when it's really simple. So books about parenting can make it seem more of a mountain than it is. It's still a mountain part. I think we kind of have to take our own pathway up there somehow, and hopefully reach out to people who try who have trodden the path before, when we ask. Yes, that's a very good point. Yes. Yeah, cuz that's so true. Like everyone's experience, everyone's parenting, how they were parented. Every child is different, you know, there is no book that's going to tell you how to raise your actual particular job. It's possible that some of the books, some of the things and some of the books helped, I just can't place it. It could well have echoed around the subconscious. But it is a moment. What was for me a moment of blind, anxiety, panic and excitement, the moment we walked out of hospital with AJR firstborn and putting her in the car, realizing that I'm now responsible for someone who has no way of defending themselves. That was the most nerve wracking drive ever. Where it really became real because you couldn't just tag team and nurse that was it baby. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, Alison Newman. So you've mentioned your wife a couple of times, no idea what to say A good question. She works in a field, I understand very little of which is systems analysis. And so basically, when a organization wants to revisit how they all these different data systems all work together, she is an analyst who gets into the weeds with that. But she is one of these people who is the translator between the business and what the business needs, and the geeky nerdy texts of whom I count many within my friends circle into a language that they understand because it is chalk and cheese. And so people like Nadia, make things happen that actually match what the business needs, as opposed to going off down rabbit holes, which is my gift. That's like she translates between the two worlds. Yeah, that's basic. I think that's it in a nutshell. Yeah. There you go. Good on it. So you talked before about the thing you said was 15 hours to eat for an episode, which is actually interesting. It's made me think about how this how long this takes me. When you've sort of and you said she understands that this is something you need to do, this is like your outlet. This is important. Does she have things on her side that she has to do that? It's like her outlet? We talked about that? You know, putting on your mask first? That sort of stuff? Yep. Netball coaching. Yeah, she is the coach of both of my daughter's netball teams has been for five years or so. So and that means at all the games, running the practice sessions, thinking about strategy, you know, watching other games, to get inspiration. You know, just dealing with the bureaucracy within the education department sometimes when you are trying to do your best to volunteer. And you know, not necessarily always being having that lovely, gift respected having to jump through different hoops. Not I'm not talking at the Child Protection stuff. But that's really important. That's going to happen. But there is some ridiculous bureaucracy that happens from time to time. Anyway, that aside, that's her. Xe just thrives on that. And because she's been an Ebola herself, her mum was a netballer. She's from Tintin era, which is a little town in South Australia. So she grew up in the country. Netball really was part of life. Oh, yeah. And has instilled that and now. Definitely the oldest. I mean, I think that's helped keep the girls excited and fascinated. They're both moving up through for trials for club teams and state teams. And AJ has just progressed on our way to an Olympic squad thing. So wow, it's just I mean, very early days, like really tiny step forward. But yeah, that's pretty awesome. Yeah. It's certainly there any dreams you had of going to the Olympics? Exactly. Because I know people would look at me and think oh, wow, you're really wiry sort of athletic build Steve. Or the opposite? Yeah. So no. So I think that certainly gives her some grounding outside of the nine to five. Yeah, that's awesome. That's good. I want to talk about you've got two daughters. Do you ever feel daunted and nervous and concerned or I don't know if they the words but bringing up to girls in the world that we're in in the world that is changing and becoming? What do you thoughts about that? Many faceted. It makes you well. Okay. Wow, you know how to ask the question. On one hand, I think the growing up many layers of society are doing in embracing the actual positive business benefits of diversity in leadership teams and teams general. The more that works its way through the less one's gender or ethnicity should be used as an exclusion factor. It means that if there are bastions left, which I'm sure there are where it's blokes, they will continue dissolving so that my daughters aren't repelled by those arbitrary divisions. So part of me is hopeful on that front. And look, heaven forbid, I'm, I would expect, and I see there's a lot of, interestingly, did the sums of the day in my marketing more than 8000 business people have been in my various workshops, and therefore I've done mentoring with them over the time, I would say, close to 90% of those would be women, often solopreneurs, or running small businesses. So in some ways, I hope through hearing stories about my clients, that if the girls have an idea of something they want to do, they do it themselves, they don't have to go through a system beholden to other people's opinions. Because the market doesn't seem to be as discriminatory the market doesn't care if it's a product or service that they want they want. It's it's the bat covering within systemic HR systems and our blokes clubs and, and what have where we get stimulated in progress on that front. We've done our best to well, we have we've done our best to be encouraging, of blocking out blowing away any senses of limit. Yeah. I think and got to, the girls get to meet all different sorts of people they wouldn't otherwise, thankfully, through my podcast, got them to mean lots of different people was just, I think part of what can trap us apart from systemic things that are happening in the society, self limiting things which come from not seeing other role models. And so reading or meeting people who have forged different pathways just goes on, it means it's not even a thought that I can't do X. So from that side, that's one thing, then you've got the threat of violence. Out there, and that is disconcerting in many levels. Because I, I have become aware in recent years of how even I'm not really a masculine guy, I've never actually been in a fight. But I don't, and I know, there are times when my hackles are up, walking around late at night, going back to a car from a theater show, in some places, practice, not often it's very rare. But I've been awakened in some of the deeper conversations I've had in the last 10 years that as a female in this society, that's a privilege that I've got not to have to be on guard a lot more permanently, like really aware of it. And so I have to acknowledge I've got blinkers on and it's just the nature of the bloody chromosomes are as given and the society that has built up around me so I don't know what to make of that one thing that only give that gives me a little bit of hope that it might well this is the external stuff then you've got the internal with domestic violence too. But if we look at externally, when you actually do methodical reflection on data, we are living in the safest time ever in human history. Which goes Whoa, you met Oh, hang on, hang on a minute, but statistically it really is. It doesn't mean it's I've got full heartedly saying that. Yeah, let's go off we go abandoned. So lazy, but comparatively, it is it when you actually hear I think it was I think pinker is the researcher who's done this. But I've heard really deep analysis of this, it's and it makes sense. And it also is why our girls go off all over the shop with their bikes, walking, catching buses. Because I was told by my cognitive science mate who did by survey Fanta, who made it made me sit down and push my face into this data and say, Hey, Mr. Murdoch, and his people want to drum up all the fear. But let's be realistic, when you look at what the real risks are, it is minuscule. And so if you give into that, you're robbing them of experiences. So there's that side. And then there's the What about when they're in a relationship with someone and behind closed doors. And I, I don't know, what I do know is hopefully picking up on cues, if there is any sense of trouble. And by blooming large in the life circle of my daughters, so that any potential spouses and other family members and friends are very aware that this is a switched on engaged, family. And this you're not being dismissed, because that is the figures on domestic violence. And murder is it's like that Ukraine thing we talked about? Yeah. So I can't throw the first stone and say, Hey, everyone, we're all being bad. We're not reflecting on Ukraine, because I'm not reflecting on this every day as much as I should, either. And this is back, eternal, crazy, balancing act that will never be perfected. So yeah, that's a long wrap. I'm in balance, really optimistic and looking forward to them just chewing up this world. I think the world needs both of my daughters. They both have amazing gifts to bring in. And I'm hoping it's not just dad wonder that saying that I'm looking at these people as humans, compared to all the humans I've met, and there's some dead set incredible power these girls have for good that they can extend apply to the world and to their their lives. So I am glass half full, despite all of that, but I'm just letting you know that I'm aware of the balls in that glass. Talk to me about the Adelaide Show podcast for people who haven't heard it. It's not about the Adelaide show. Just let's put that out there. First. It's not about the actual Adelaide show. It's a show about Adelaide. The Adelaide show is where he puts South Australian passion on center stage. So it because I'm a South Ozzy and from Adelaide. There's a couple of things. First of all, in 2013, it began well, there's a really bizarre story about how it began, which actually it was close to your part of the world, Allison. And I think look, I think it I think it's worth to sharing it briefly because it does give an insight into the seemingly unquenchable energy and drive that I've got for it. It was 2013. And I was at Chardonnay launch down in southeast South Australia, away from home again, running workshops. And just the so much stress was crushing me. I was I would have been happy to step off the planet. And were it not for having a three year old, a five year old and a partner. And I thought something's got to give here. Something's got to change. I need an expression outside of work because I haven't heard heritage my dad's workaholism. And so I do work 15 hours a day minimum. Like there's rare that that's less than that. And that's bordering on seven days a week and I feel Life was just filling out cardboard. And a friend had said to me, which would you be interested in? We were both angry that all this Twitter stuff was happening. Say Adelaide is boring because Adelaide as an Australian batch of jokes is considered the boring town, along with Canberra there, the two of them get there. And I had this realization, I said, Ah, Colin, we should do this. This is what I want to read, tap into my radio past and do something. And so with Colin long and Brett mountain, we created a podcast called another boring Thursday night in Adelaide. Because we wanted to meet this head on and stare down anyone who said Adelaide is boring. And I grew up as a band called red gum. And they had song called one more boring Thursday night in Adelaide, a tongue in cheek. Funny song. And so I know John Schuhmann. He's been on my podcast, he's a great bloke. And I said, Look, could we use the opening 30 seconds of that song as our theme song? And he said, Look, I'd love you to but I don't own the rights anymore. talk to these people in Sydney. And they said soy came $1,500 per year. Well, there's no way Nadia is going to I mean, she's lovely. But Brett is a singer songwriter. So he ran our own tunes on our own theme song. And so we started three guys. And at that point, it wasn't an interview focused program. It was it was actually a lot of fun. We would talk about different bits of Adelaide and South Australia. And we also had a thing called the the Adelaide visa segment, in which I would bring three samples of tweets in which people had used the word boring and Adelaide in a tweet. And we would sit in session as a visa counsel and discuss the pros and cons. And either they get away with it. They're making a good point, in which case combined with big stamping, they get a visa. And if they are not, we cancel their visa. And then we tweak this to people. And we would say you you have had your Adelaide visa rejected. Anyway, we had really one guy, tweet back say I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And I love Adela. And he was actually the best right he was the head of the the Adelaide United Soccer fan club. And so what in our in our judgment. We had cited that saying you have a higher responsibility. Good luck getting in next time you travel interstate to see the team good luck getting back into South Australia. He was so apologetic. We then reversed that gave him his visa back. And so there's this bit. We created a bit of Hullabaloo, we got a little bit of media coverage about what we were doing. And and then back by episode 80. We did every week. In fact, the first five years of the podcast was weekly and did not miss a single week. By week 80. We just started to discuss we dealt with that. There wasn't much left of people saying Adelaide was boring. And we've moved towards more interview format. And we there is an opening coming up and the PR person said we'd love to invite you but the clients nervous about having another boring one another boring, the boring thing they didn't, you know, we've outgrown that. Let's call ourselves the Adelaide show, and rejiggered so now we're not trying to react against something negative, we're going full bore positive. Yeah. And so we've had that in our first guest was Paul Gordon, who's a social media lawyer. And the whole interview was about right. If I was part of the Royal Adelaide show, could I sue us for calling ourselves the Adelaide Show podcast? And so we had the whole legal discussion, in which he said there were no grounds so that we could go forward. And if any, if they made any moves against us, we could say well listen to episode 80. And it will save us all the legal fees. And we then ended up doing we got invited we got clutched to their bosom, we got invited into their world. And we had some amazing interviews with the Adelaide. So the Royal Adelaide show. And in fact, the river land trip was as a direct result of that the former president had invited us up to do a special bond and we went back we caught up with him while we were there. So it's just as long story short since then, would apisto episode at this time 357 And I just Look for South Australians who are passionately engaged in some sort of endeavor. They don't have to have any celebrity standing. Few do, they just need to be wanting to talk about the thing they care about? Whether it's doing magic, whether it's their Ukrainian hometown, whether it's the history of rabbits in Australia, you know, science, health, acting, you know, drama movies, you know, you name it, we have talked about nuclear physics. You know, we've covered everything. And it's just for me, it is perpetually propelled by my curiosity. I've just, I've just got that DNA makeup that I'm always just, you know. So and I can relate to that. Exactly. Wonderful. Love it. So it's a eclectic. And on the homepage at the Adelaide show.com. Today, you we've got the current episode is on front, but also on the right hand side is, there's about 12 or 13 different categories, so people can click through to choose a clutch of programs of a topic they care about, and probably a really heartening thing is as we speak. We are currently the holder of silver for best interview podcast in Australia. Ah, congratulation. That was Thank you. It was awesome. It was lovely. And, and I like that because it's judged by my it by peers, by professionals in the media, it's not just a popularity show. And because I think it's lovely, the I love the dynamic of an interview environment, whether it's at a dinner party or in a studio, wherever around the table. There's something about the asking questions, and then the listening to answers, and then picking up on something from that answer to ask another question. And then shifting topic, that I just love that and we don't get much of a chance to do that in the short bites we get in the rush of life, and certainly, in the mainstream media shows they've got 10 seconds is considered a long answer. And you never get to depth. Yes, yes. Whereas at least with my answers, you've got not only some depth, I hope, but also a cure for insomnia. If you're listening to this while your head is nestled on a pillow somewhere you do have a beautifully soothing voice. Diaper I look I so agree with that. And I feel like Australia used to have before the rise of this reality TV, we used to have really good quality what were they called? Ah, it's on the tip of my tongue but like not variety shows, but all those I mean, like shows were would be real people and they would have discussions and like Andrew Denton was is one of my favorite interviewers because he does that thing real asked his question. And like he said, wait for the answer. And then from that he'll find somebody else to talk about. And I love that and and Ray Martin gives me the absolute sheets because it's like literally reading off his little clipboard. This is my next question. No matter if the person just said something so groundbreaking It would change the world he just go. Right My next question is this like it never deviate from his plan? And I feel like yes, we've really lost and the time because everything has to be in short bites to keep people engaged. You know? I don't know we've we've lost that. I mean, the ABC still does a pretty good on shows like, like Australian story and things like that, where you delve into people. But that just that back and forth conversation and then maybe that's where podcasts are coming into their own. You know, maybe that's where things have changed a little bit, but I love conversation like i i saw I'm getting really warmed up now I'm shaking my fist. Go for it. I can see it. Oh, I I know there's a place for small talk because there's a lot of time in life necessarily, but I that it really irritates me. Like, I want to know about people I want to know what makes them tick and why they do what they do and the factors that influence them. And like, I don't know, I'm just indulging myself in this, this podcast world. And people listened to it and that's really nice, but I feel like it's like I love talking to people about proper stuff. Well, yes, that's how we craft craft meaning in life. Yeah. And I look there is a place for small talk because there is the that forms the little bonds between each other it sort of aligns ourselves but then to stay there is an impoverished experience whereas to use that to then propel deeper in Two topics will be great. I mean, my character Darren Hill next week is going to be the emcee some business awards. And they've have a networking period back 20 minutes. And he is going to give them some questions to start that networking. And they will be the most unexpected observed topics you could ever imagine. And my thinking there is we people clam up, because most of us, according to I think psychologists, who can tell us is actually worried about how we look at it dominates 95 plus percent of our attention. And so everyone's worried of what they look like, without realizing well, that means that no one's really worrying about what they look like, because everyone's worried about themselves. Yeah, they're to put the question forward in a networking event, people either bombastically say, hey, come and buy my thing. Or they sort of too nervous to do anything. But if they've been given permission by this stupidly crazy emcee to ask people, if you're a cat, you know, what kind of further would you prefer to have? And would you consider added I haven't even made I haven't been worked out yet. But it breaks the ice, because it's a little trick. I'm making them not look at each other, with everything being high stakes, but I'm saying, Hey, look over there. And while you're doing that, guess what? You're now in conversation? Yeah. And so yeah, that just breaks that ice. It's why little trick that I do with the Adelaide show. Mostly, not always, because sometimes I've got some pre recorded, it starts with the South Australian drink of the week. And what we have typically done when it's face to face, it's changed a bit the last couple of years. But typically, I asked the guest to bring a South Australian alcoholic beverage if they drink alcohol, yeah. To share, and so we drink that, how may I find out about why they chose this wine, and I do my bizarre wine tasting notes and all that sort of stuff. But what it's doing is it's that same trick, look over there. They're now not panicking about the interview. Plus the alcohols just lubricated things a little bit. Thank you very much. And I had a free drink. And there was a period there where there was this ongoing serial jealousy between guests, and they kept bringing more and more expensive bottles of wine until someone bought a Penfolds Grange. Fine, which is we're talking $650 A bottle, or even an Australian dollars. That's a lot for your American listeners. About $45 American but it was, you know, beautiful. It's and it was fun. And it's just that trick. I don't know how we got onto that. Now talking, yes, deep conversation. Sometimes it just takes that little bumper car to knock us out of being straight jacketed. And suddenly it's like, it's the pressures off. Yeah, that's it. We can play. Yeah. Yes. And that's when all the good things fly. All the good juicy stuff comes in. So you talked about D H there a little bit of share, how how did you get involved with comedy, and through the podcast. I was about throes to just before 2018. I entered the Australian Podcast Awards with Adelaide. So we went over for the awards. We didn't we were finalists for best news and current affairs podcast. But I got to meet Marie Morgan who ran the school of hard knocks, which was a comedy score. And a couple of months later, he said Steve, we're going to run a class in Adelaide, would you consider promoting it for us? And I said, What is this a stand up comedy course? Yeah, he said five nights. Glenn Nicholas will be the teacher now Glen Nicholas, many Australian listeners might remember on a fantastic so the ABC used to have called the big gig in the 90s which had the Doug Anthony all stars and all sorts of comedians. He had a character called pat a biscuit in which he dressed up as Patsy Bisco. Supposedly a a school kid at little children's Keep with a little Bongo. Bongo, yes, behind you behind you. Yes, he is hilarious. He was going to be the teacher. And so he said, the thing is you have four nights of working up and creating material. And on the fifth night, we have a performance that you invite friends and family, they pay tickets, I come along, and we put on a stand up so with a couple of other comedians as the main X. And I said, Look, what if you put me through it? And I will because it was about 600 bucks to do the course. And is, and I would cover it thinking, because I've always wanted to do it. It was the last bastion for me of pushing because I love talking. comedy was like, no safety net. And I thought our eldest asked, he'll say No, I said, Okay, you're on. So he called my bluff. Yeah. And I remember going to the first rehearsal. driving across town, you had to come with two minutes of Stand Up material, having never done it before. Glenn could get a bit of a feel for it. I could feel my pulse. In one of my eyebrows. As I was so nervous, the blood pressure was just shaking. So Mr. Hop in front of any crowd, all good was suddenly this ball of Wired, panic. Anyway, did it kind of got a laugh or two, and I'm not much and we're all just as bad as each other. And then Glenn just has the most masterful way of unpicking things and looking for their their strengths and suggesting this might not be an area forward, but this one. Anyway, long story short, did the opening night. It was hilarious, great fun, and got the bill, it was just nice to have it done, the thing I learned the most from it was structure. The key difference between someone who can make people laugh at the pub, and someone who's doing it professionally is the professional will make sure that the part of the punch line that delivers the punch is the final part of the sentence. So when we just tell a yarn around the pub will often deliver that, but there's a bit more of the sentence just to finish off. And we're in friendly company. So people sort of laugh, but it's so much more powerful when you go bang. And really apart from other stuff. That is the most fundamental thing that I've taught. So I did that. A few months later, they were going to do the course again in Melbourne, but filmed it for a TV show, which is now online. You can watch this on YouTube, it's called Is this thing on? And it's a six part reality TV show. Yes, the thing we hate daddy were different when you're in. Where they ran, Glenn was the teacher again. But they did a different structure was six days and nights. There were 10 of us. And they went through the course again. But each day there was a different comedian guest who was going to teach us something. So Eliot goblet is another person from the past. Jack Levis, his real name. He talked about short punch lines and being a bit absurd and also a number of different comedians. And that was fascinating to perform. At the end of that week, having been filmed every moment, there was a bit midway through ice working on material and I just had this moment of panic. All my confidence, shattered through the basement and disappeared. And I I went to see Glenn was doing a lunch break. I said Glenn Claver chat, and I said, Glenn, I can't do this. I have a fake. And I just remember it beautifully. And it was just he and I and he said I have directed huge names, actors around the country. Everyone experiences this. There's a little voice on your shoulder that's whispering in your ear and this one I want you to do turn your head to that voice and say to it back off. Back off. And he said because it's got no right to be there. So let's regroup. And sure enough it was just the most beautiful bond he and I had dear friends To this day, and when my shows I've done especially the professor, long sword shows, he was my director. And he just knows how to bring the gold to the surface. He sort of lay down a footpath. And he goes, Oh, there's a gold coin. There's a gold coin that any Wow. And so. So the comedy thing, that was how that happened. Yeah. And then that was just doing stand up. And then because in my marketing day work, I've done an MBA, I think MBAs have some value, but there's a lot of bank. They can be, they can be. And so the professor was developed as an outlet for this. Just poke fun at the whole MBA enterprise, because MBAs used to be a four year solid degree when they started that 100 years ago. And now you see them, hey, three month MBA, and it's just this shunting people through. So the professor took it all the way at the fringe a couple of years ago, and he had the lunchtime NBA, when you come for lunch, and leave with a degree. And, and it was quite hilarious. So So that's poking fun there. And Darren Hill is a new character who pokes fun at the ludicrous aspects of this whole social media, influencer phenomenon. He, he talks about, he's the one who stands behind to make the social media stars. In fact, he's given birth to more social influence social media influences, then Kris Jenner. And so, you know, he's, he's right there. And just takes that to that extreme. Yeah, yeah, he's really broad, and AKA, whereas the professor is much more, much more reflective, and sort of higher English. Yeah. I don't sure if I fully answered the question, but I can't remember what it was, it was about what prompted them. And that's how I got to these characters, how you got into quarantine, because I've got material from both of those strands of my marketing work. And I can poke them out in different directions, and have fun with them at the professor has just delivered. Its online now a 15 Min, I think it's a 13 minute MBA meditation that you can listen to, and He will guide you through a meditation. And it all started because I am actually doing a meditation course with Sam Harris at the moment, which is amazing. 10 minutes every day. And he starts off and then there's quiet. And then he comes on. And so with the professor, I just wanted I just had this idea to I want you to focus very closely and read something from Philip Kotler is marketing book. And then there's silence. And then there's little and he pretends that no one's heard this. And then he gives him something else. And then this little rattle of his tea cup because he doesn't quite get it. And then he just is. I just wanted to get that out of my system. Yeah. Because he's a Daughtery. He's like a Mr. Magoo. He, and there's quite this thing where Tuesday nights I have the faculty meeting in the school hot tub, and they're all nude. And it was bonding. And so he's just lives in. I guess I live in fantasy worlds. When I get into those characters. They're both on LinkedIn as you can follow these people on LinkedIn. I'm laughing like I love that Sebastian long sought on LinkedIn keeps getting these LinkedIn messages saying, hey, there's a professor job open at Flinders University, and very tempted to apply for one at some point. Geez, that is brilliant. That is that's a bit of Lera can mischief awesome. Yes, my goal was get exposed to all of this coming back to you yells, yes. Identity about how sorry, I'm gonna just have to go ask my three rowdy people out there who are playing table tennis just to keep it down. Sorry, Steve. is actually five of them out there. My oldest son's got two friends over. That's why it's so damn loud out there. All right, good. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm here all day. Listen, is it going hang on a moment? Really? All right. We've got so much time Fitzy isn't that the good thing about podcasts? You can press pause, and you can come back to it later. You know? Exactly. I love that. Because someone told me one time I had this really long episode. And someone told me I should make like to cut it into two. And I said, No, but that's up to people, like everyone's listening to this in a different environment, they might want to listen to it for that long. Well, they might want to come back to it later. So it's not up to me to decide for people. I just do a benevolent, benevolent dictator, a benevolent podcast, I haven't been able to. All right, Steve, that didn't have children? How did you your view of yourself? Or how you saw yourself, change or not change might not have I don't know, when you became a father, did anything change in my self identity, pre and post children? Look, it surely did. Subterranean leave, if I can just make up an adverb on the fly. Because I wasn't necessarily convinced of the parent enterprise as something, I kind of knew I had a societal and social responsibility to do this. Because I am prone to slipping into where evolutionary thinking from time to time, and understanding that, ultimately, I'm here, because the genes within me want and need to replicate to maintain their march of existence. And so I sort of have to go along the way. I mean, you can go way too far and be very reductionist in understanding life. But I'm aware of that that we need. Well, I need probably a bit strong, but yeah, that is the way of things. And it is actually noted. And I know, I knew that. It was, for me. A profound source of me, it gave meaning to my life, to be doing my tag team bit form the genes within me, which sounds very cold and like a James Bond villain. But there was that role, but I wasn't ready. I didn't feel ready. I didn't feel like a parent. Because parents are these different types of people who kind of have their shit together. And they eat they run things. And parents. They know what to do. And they just do stuff. So I wasn't there. And so it was late. I was late. I'm one of them. Let me just quickly do the I reckon I was close to 40. or there abouts. When I ventured into parenthood. I suppose we could say that given there's a 10 year age difference between Nadia and me. Nadia was still in what might be considered the Goldilocks zone, age wise for women. So this is dodging the question. No, I'm I'm trying to enter the question and finding the right entrance point. I just wasn't ready. And I didn't think I could. But at the same time, that there's a thing inside me that happens whenever I go to run a new workshop. So even the workshop you would have seen me do or any performance, you get to a point we say well, nothing can stop now we have to step out on that stage and just do it. And that was the way with which I approached parenthood. We just had to step on this way. So we had the unfortunate first step, which was heart rending. I remember driving back from the hospital to get a few things to take back after the baby had been removed and placed aside the body. Just screaming in tears on the phone to a couple of dear friends who were just you know, God sends we rebuild our world and not is very pragmatic person. And so right we're getting back onto this. See parent material. And so in the lead up to age as birth. The naming thing probably drew me in. Okay, so I am a huge fan of Leonard Cohen. I am his biggest fam, I am obsessed by the man. He was my absentee dad growing up. I had a dad but because I'd moved out of home very early, driving the highways late at night, his songs and concepts would be telling me stories. And he was my company. And I love his poetry. And so I convinced Nadia that the when we knew we were going to have a girl, I said, can I go and choose all the female names Leonard Cohen's used in all his written works, songs and poems, and put them in a poll and asked the world to vote on what our daughter's name would be. And so she crazily said yes, so I did this. And back, then we're talking 2008, there was a thing called pole daddy, which is ironic. Yeah. And so we put this up, we had 1000 votes. And the one on top was Alexandria. And thankfully, it was Alexandria, then Suzanne, and then Heather. And anyway, so I, that was me, I think, trying to connect my world of the poet reflector. Being in meshed with the stuff of life, the messy, bloody DNA of life. So that hooked me in. And I remember one thing very clearly. Alexandra was born, Nadia was taken to a room to sort of recover. And I was taken back into the room and there was AJ, in a little cot, wrapped up in that blanket the way they do so you get a good dose of claustrophobia right from the word go. And I was quietly getting my laptop out to do work. And just as it was about to open, I was struck by fear that the first thing AJ would hear was the Microsoft music when the computer opened, and I slammed the lid, I couldn't let that be the case. And so I reached into my bag and brought out the complete works of William Shakespeare as you do, as you do, and I went over by her, and I read a sonnet to her. So that making me that was the first thing that she heard. And then I opened up and I played Alexandra leaving, which is the Leonard Cohen song that she's named after. And they are the first two things apart from the doctors and nurses that she heard in her life. And I was just yeah, that was part of me getting in still very superficial, you know, haven't earned any dead points yet. I've earned my radio producer, journalist curator points. It was then being taken in and taught how to bathe AJ by the nurse, which was fear instilling this little thing just hardly bigger than your hand and you had to do this and it would squirm around and it had bones and flesh and stuff. And but then doing that more at home, changing nappies how quickly we forget what that was really like, but you just shut up and do it. And to be honest, although I tried to do my bits, I've been the workaholic and with Nadia having the chance to have some time off from work to to get she took the lead in that first year or two. And I my floor is that I think I am very aural based language based I needed a language connection to really deeply like so I was committed. Yeah, she i i love the fact that we let her was and was mainly me lobbying for this let her sleep in the bed between us even though all the books Oh, no, no, no, I'm not gonna smother my child I loved the only way I could feel less helpless is if I could be there as a human shield on one side while she slept, you know, so anything bad happen. And then once language happened, then it deepened and deepened and deepened. To the point that very early on from the dot for both of them. We would just, I started with rhyming. I wanted to have a lot of rhyming and I did a lot Have improvised theatre. So we're doing that, then we would make up songs all the time. And she got a little coffee, espresso machine toy one from someone, and we might put another coffee in the coffee machine, you know, and all that. And so as they became songs we sang. But even when Caitlin was later born, the same thing happened, we would go around the house, the three of us was making I would do the first songs get to the point where there's going to be a rhyming word. And they had to come up with that word. And they're the things I remember from that sort of level of connection. Still, I suppose. You could be saying there's still levels of superficiality there. I am the cook at home. So I to me, maybe it's selfish, but it's how I feel. I can be useful and needed. And I love it. It is there is some time I'm a slowest cook in the world. And there is every recipe is full of lies. When they say prep time. 20 minutes. Nothing is less than an hour and a half. I cannot rush. But, uh, maybe that's my little bit of downtime, but also the serving up. I remember when COVID first struck, that we do eat together as a family. I remember the girls, I was experimenting and pushing things out. And notice like, Oh, this is great dad. Really? This is a wow, it's like a little mini if anyone knows the castle, the movie The Castle, where the dad says, Jesus love. What's this? It's chicken. Oh, wow. You know? Yeah, it's a bit like that. Yeah, it's so satisfying. Yeah. So I felt part of it. So, you know, I'm there. I've done my I mean, it's, I can't claim to be fully over 50% of the job. But in meshed, I love them. You know, they're just love watching them grow as humans, and to be part of that it's a privilege to be in their little world. And then keep that balance. I can't be sucked in to be their friend, I wouldn't be friendly. But I am their dad. And then there's some beautiful communication that's happened since Sorry, I'll draw this to a close. But I remember back. If there was $1, there's a new drinking song for Alexis. Every time I say I'm sorry, this is going long. And it is this. She wrote on her because her birthday is the day before mine. So they sort of bonded that way. Show me a card. Think must have been a 13. So dead. I'm about to become a teenager. And there's going to be some changes happening in my body. And there are going to be some times when I am going to be hard to be around and hate you. But I want you to know that I love you deeply. Despite all of this. That is probably going to happen. As i Wow. That is a beaut human. Right. There may be some things happen right? Along the way. Yeah. To call a spade a spade like that, but in a gentle way. But just matter of fact, as well. Hey, you know, Saudis. Beautiful kids, you've got this lovely. Oh, good on. Yeah. And this thing like, I don't know. Sorry, I have a big stretch. You think about the stuff that you kids will remember. But I think about that a lot what my kids will remember from growing up. And you know, it's it's that stuff you talk about like this, the songs in the car in the three hour trip, everyone's sharing their songs, you know, these these things that you said a couple of times, you know, superficial but I think as humans like we have, we have to use something to get deeper. So there has to be something up here before we can get down there. So, you know, we don't we can't diminish that. What can be seen as superficial. Like you said before, about, you know, the small talk, it leads to something deeper, there's always that? I don't know, just seems to make sense. Yeah, you're right. And there were lots of fun times where AJ was reading her books and they had tippers and diggers and all the trap books, he loved them. So to get them to sleep. Sometimes when I was home with them, I'd pop them both in the car seats and we do driving around hunting for tippers and diggers and all this, why didn't lots of things I probably borrowed a bit too much oil from the planet in that pursuit, but it really suits them. And it was fun having those hands. I'm hoping that might pop up up in a memory somewhere. I'm the same, Alison, I wonder what will be remembered? Because it'll be the things that we probably don't expect. Yeah, yeah, it'll be, it'll be things that we saw as insignificant or Yes, flippant or whatever. There'll be the big things, because that's the stuff I remember, as a kid, like, Dad had these hid, I think he wanted to turn me into some sort of genius. And it kind of went the other way. He had these flash cards that had, like, big red sticker dots on them. And he would hold them up real quick, and get me to tell me, like estimate how many were on there. Right? Yes, actually, I do credit him for teaching how to estimate because I'm very good at estimating very quickly how many like there's a, I've won a lot of guests. How many things are in the jar? So maybe, oh, wow. But he, and I remember that. And I don't know, to him that he probably don't even remember that. But I really remember that they these big red dots coming at me, and they put it down. Good on him. Oh, my God, and I'm useless at math. I hate maths. Oh my god. Yeah, who knows, I just hope it's on the positive side of the ledger. That's the best you can hope for. There's something that makes them smile when I think of it. Although I did think to myself the other day that they'll have 357 plus episodes of the Adelaide sorry to listen to, if they want to, because they're a little bits of me that get, you know, exposed during those that they could piece together what he was like Oh, I love that. Do your daughters inspire you? In what you do? Do you find yourself sort of getting little sparks that you might not have got before? Because now you're a debt? Oh, wow. I would hope so. I would. I'm just trying. And that's really interesting, because I think like I want them to be proud of what I do. And there is a strong Geyser of intrinsic motivation that shooting out by desperate need to be on a microphone or at the front, which is a weakness and occur. I curse a blessing everything all wrapped into one. Because it's a back wood way of saying inspired. I want them to be like this I want. The people who have a greater chance of thriving in this world are the ones who can be comfortable stepping in front to lead a team. And it's good to be a good team person too. Don't get me wrong. But the world needs leaders and people who can help consolidate thinking and make it clear for others to be mapmakers as Seth Godin would say. And so in some ways by them seeing me do this. Here's an example early on. Andy and Terry, I think had the 13th floor Treehouse book and then the 26th floor treehouse. I think it's Andy and Terry and AJ as much as he loved these books love these books. Anyway, they were coming to Adelaide to launch a new book. And she, so I contacted their organizer and said, I've got a however old she was seven year old here, avid reader, who is part of me for the Adelaide Show podcast, and would like to interview them. And sure enough, I wangled it. And so we went to the Adelaide Oval where the big event was, and we got in first, we got to the secret room, and I held the microphone while she did her interview with them back and forth. And then we got taken in to where the launch was before anyone else right in the front row. And while were there, waiting, she was so excited and thrilled. I said, Darling, this is the fruit of me being comfortable enough to put my hand up and risk embarrassment by wanting to be that person that tells stories publicly or is asked questions and you've shown that to and This little thing we're having here, this little extra experience is the reward for that. You don't just get given this. And so who knows, maybe that might be something she remembers. But it's, if that makes sense. Yeah, it's, it's, I'd love to instill that in them that it should just be another thing you can do, as opposed to the research that says something like nine out of 10 people or even more at a funeral would rather be in the casket that actually speaking. There's no just talk entertainers tell a story think. Yeah, that reminds me, I said to my good that, like, it might surprise you. But I wasn't always this talkative? Oh, no, I used to be really, really nervous about talking to people and even lining up in shops, I used to be really nervous when I get to the front of the line, what I'd say and how I'd say it. And anyway, like, thank goodness got out of that. And I said to my son, we're going to see Constantino, the magician. Guy in May, Gambia in a few months, and he desperately wants to meet him. So I've done my thing and messaged and tried to contact him, whatever. So nothing's come over yet. But you know, that's what I do. I've never, I've got this thing that I'm never afraid to ask. Because if they say no, it's no skin off my nose. And you know, it's not I don't take anything personally. So beautiful. That took a lot of learning as well. But anyway, that's another story. So I said to him, when you're in the crowd, and they say, I need a volunteer, I said, always put your hand up, stand up and put your hand up. I said, because that's the only way you ever get chosen for things. As a kid, I'd think I really want to do that. But I'd sit there and hide and be scared, and no one's going to come up and go, Oh, you little Gilda that looks like you're scared. shitless. Let's get you on the stage. You know, so I've tried to teach my kids that if you want something, there is nothing wrong with saying that you want it and you can get it. You know? That's a very short way of I mean, obviously, there's a lot of hard work within certain things. But if you're in a situation where you want something, you stick your hand up and say I want this. Don't be like me when I was a kid. Yes, it's the it's the thing of ask. I wasn't knock on the door we opened asked and it will be given and somebody will seek and usually I find I don't often quote from scripture, because I've that's not part of my life anymore. But there are some profound things from the old writings that stick through. That's one of them. Unless you've asked, you'll never know. And see. And so that's that's a tough one ticket however, surprisingly tough. It shouldn't be. So I'm hoping Yeah. Yeah, but that thing you said earlier that quote about 95% of us so, uh, worried what everyone's thinking. Yes. You know, I remember when I first realized that, that that thing that you said afterwards, then that, that means none of us are worrying about each other, because we're all wearing about ourselves. Correct. And I had this moment of like, ah, oh, it was like this freeing thing, because I grew up as a performer on the stage being judged in a Stanford's. Right? So you put this kid who's got no confidence in anything and stick him on the stage and have people judge them and write things about them. That's a recipe for disaster, isn't it? So when I got out of that world, and realize that one person's opinion about me does not define my whole identity was life changing? It took a long time. But you know, it's given me all these ways of looking at things now that aren't defined by other people. Oh, I agree. It's when I do theater reviewing, I carry that responsibility, soberly, that people will read this. And there are some critics who make a name for themselves from being a servic and horrible. And that's not me, I will. I've got to honor the people who read my reviews or listen to them that if they buy a ticket based on what I've said that I can look them in the eye and things, but I tend to put it in the context that if you do like absurdist suspense fueled country music, then this is the show that you might like, whatever the context is, and then I share my thoughts within that lens, as opposed to judging it against Oklahoma. And there have been two occasions where I have contacted the organizers and say, and said, I would prefer not to write a review because anything I write I think will be harmful to your very younger, to your, your performers. And I think if we just left it as it was, it might be nicer, and they appreciated that fact. Because, you know, criticism Somebody have to learn to live with but it needs to be. I only feel I can do it because I trolled the boards for many years doing absurdist theater, I understand the the angst, the pain, the the price you pay for going out there. So I measure that. But the same time there are I mean, there's a, I've just turned down some tickets to a show that's coming up, because it's just going to make me vomit. I think it's just a cutesy approach to storytelling that I don't think we should be doing. And I just, I'd rather just not review it. That's very kind of you to think that way. You know, it's not. And I think a lot of the people that do judge people harshly and put out, you know, scathing things, it's, I think it says a lot about themselves personally, and a lot of egos involved in that, because it's more about what they're saying. And their words, rather than, like you said, putting things in context and giving an explanation. And, you know, you have to ensure if there is something that was a bit off, I will offer his little trick, oh, I have no one who hears this is going to be reviewed by me, but I'll say, intriguingly, it seems the directors gone for creating this kind of feeling. So I've, I have, I've turned what is the potential negative in and giving them the benefit of the doubt, so that I'm doing two things at once. They know, quietly, that I might have seen a little bit of a weakness here, but they haven't lost face. And the audience who read this potential audience will go are ik that's probably not the thing I want to see. So they'll get the message, but no one's lost face in it. So that's, and who knows, maybe that is post parenting. Steve, who has those sensibilities? That pre parenting Steve might not have? I don't know. But there is that key because we try not to just say that, Oh, this lovely, we try to be specific in things that we will praise, etc. Rather than just a blanket. thing, because I grew up being told by my mom or your top you should be this, you should be that and it we can it lowers the value, the potency of that phrase. Well, it's just never ending. Better than having someone on the other end of the spectrum though. Saying that I just got thinking, have you ever done any? I'm not telling you what to do. But I can imagine you doing some sort of skit where you're the you're the theater reviewer, and you're reviewing your children. Now to me, Oh, you've gotten out of bed a little bit early today. But that's okay. You know, like, you know what I feel like that's just flushed through my head. See, I love that. Because the other bit from the old scriptures that I quote often is that there is nothing new under the sun. Because there isn't really but there are new ways of slicing and dicing things. And often that comes from taking a duck out of water and putting it somewhere else. And that's great. To write a sort of review. Yeah, of the family day. So how does a theatre critic write in their diary each day? That's interesting. Yeah. I get the fish out of water. Yeah, not duck fish out of water because ducks do go out of water and they are quite comfortable. But yes, fish out of water. less so. That is, that is the thing about journalism that that I was taught from early aid, man bites dog. That's how you know a story is a story. Dog bites man. Who cares? The man but man bites dog. That's where there's a story. That's the unexpected. Yeah. And and I know that sexist language but it's from early 1900s that as I've used it in the original language I'm faced appreciate you putting that caveat of it can you share with us your your website? Where can everyone find you talked about marketing.com Is my marketing business. We are probably around the time this comes out. Launching a podcast called talking about marketing with my new business partner I'm David Olney, who's a, an amazing brain form Elektra, he's blind. He is just an all seeing, wise man. And we bounce off each other nicely. So we're going to share something which I hope is helpful. At the Adelaide show.com to the UNLV podcast app, look for the Adelaide show, you'll find us and talking about marketing soon, I also do some others and have fun. There's one called this medical life, which is a podcast I produced with Dr. Travis Brown, if you want have a chronic condition, and you'd love to dive deep into it, this is a podcast in which we go for one disease at a time. It's for doctors. But if you're the person with something like this, you get to go deep, and you hear how doctors talk to each other about this stuff, which is great. Yeah, that sounds fascinating. It's, it's, it's amazing. I'm just I'm just the the band who sews it together. Dr. Travis Brown is the brain. And our guests are amazing. I'm just there for the on the show, girl. So they're the main things, the characters, if you're on LinkedIn, I'd love you to follow them. Darren Hill. He's got a website, Darren hill.co. He's the social media whisperer. He's just ramping up. And then at at MBA school.com. Today you you'll find the MBA school of MBA credentials. That's where you have this wonderful free mindfulness meditation. 13 minutes of your life, you'll never get back. And he's he's quite fun there. I think they're the main things to share, at this point in time, really just done that your MBA school? Do you find that people think that that's real? If I had someone this week, ask what are the rates? What are the costs for attending your school? And I fessed up to that person or the person for whom I think, I think they're an overseas student. And I did want to lead them astray. If it was a local, I might have had more fun with them. But yes, I do. MBA news did a big story on us. When we had our MBA, lunchtime MBA that was a bit of fun. But Professor long sword chips into the occasional debate every now and then, his one mission in life is to make Philip Kotler who is one of the seminal lecturers and researchers in the realm of marketing that the textbook called Marketing is by Kotler at owl. And Professor long sword has kept nibbling at him, there's not been a bat yet even he's done a series of short videos, you know how you have food and wine pairings. He has book and textbook and wine pairings. So he paid marketing by Philip Kotler to the most atrocious South African wine you could imagine. And he said, The only reason that goes with this is because marketing is so dense and tiresome. It will put you asleep if you weren't drinking this horrible liquid from South Africa. That is a stringent and still nothing crickets. Oh, one days, one day, you gotta keep keep trying. That's his goal in the nicest possible way. Oh, good luck with that. Well, thank you so much for coming on stage. It's been an absolute pleasure. It's been my pleasure, chatting with you and picking your brain and hearing all the awesome things that you've got to share. It's been so great. Thank you. Look, thank you very much. And thank you for welcoming me into this podcast because it is very overwhelming when I look back at all the different amazing women you've had on to go, Oh, my goodness, I hope there's something useful, helpful, fun, at least diverting, hopefully something at least diversional is a new word doesn't even exist. Until now. Thank you first time you've heard it here. I'll take care and thank you. Thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you As someone you know, would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Paula Borsetti US mixed media visual artist S3 Ep87 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week is Paula Borsetti, a visual artist, mother of 1 and grandmother of 2 from Beverly, Massachusetts USA. Paula grew up in a creative family, her dad played the bagpipes and her mother encouraged her creativity. While in high school she took an arts course at a local school and went on to study visual arts. When her daughter was little she joined the local Art Guild to push herself to get involved in exhibitions. After holding various unrelated to art jobs, she fell into teaching art at High School and went on to teach for 26 years, up until 2 years ago when the pandemic hit. She’s been full time in her studio ever since, just a few steps from her back door and surrounded by a trio of English Springer Spaniels. Paula works in a variety of media including painting, drawing, printmaking & mixed media work. Shecreates abstract paintings that tell a story of her life. Her work reflects a love of family, friends and the natural environment of New England. Working in acrylic on linen and panel, she borrows colors, patterns, textures, forms and movement to create layered paintings meant to evoke personal moments and narrative. Her largest and most recent PALS series is an ongoing body of work inspired by the battle her friend's son is waging against ALS . Creating this series allowed Paula to process witnessing what this disease does to people – the patients, their families, friends and the community. She has spent the past 9 years raising funds and awareness for ALS. Her husband Joe and herself created Locust Street Studios, where they make whirligigs and do cooperative projects together. Paula is very passionate about being involved in her community, and is inspired by a family history of strong, independent women, and of mentors who showed her that she could continue her creativity even with children, work and mentoring others. Paula is very is involved in the care of her 2 grandsons and is incredibly grateful for that time. She has many shows coming up, you can check them all out here Paula - instagram / website Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online, I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast. The art of being a man would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Thank you so much for joining me this week. It's been a pretty full on weekend I've just returned from Adelaide for a gig with my singing part of my life, where I was lucky enough to perform at a venue in Adelaide with the DJ so that was a lot of fun. I'd also like to apologise for the quality of the recording this week, I had a frantic last minute change of equipment due to an unfortunate incident involving my cat and her bladder. Too much information sorry, my computer is still recovering. But I'm very pleased to say that my guest this week is Paula Bosetti. She's a visual artist, a mother of one and a grandmother of two from Beverly in Massachusetts in the United States. Paula grew up in a creative family her dad playing the bagpipes and her mother encouraged her creativity. While she was in high school, she took an arts course at a local school and went on to study visual arts. When her daughter was little she joined the local art guild to push herself to get involved in exhibitions. After holding various unrelated to art jobs. She fell into teaching and a high school teaching art and went on to do so for 26 years. Until two years ago when the pandemic hit. It was time to retire and she's been full time in her studio. Ever since. Just a few steps from her back door and surrounded by a trio of Springer Spaniels. Paula works in a variety of media, including painting, drawing, printmaking and mixed media work. She creates abstract paintings that tell a story of her life. Her work reflects a love of family friends in the natural environment of New England. Working in acrylic on linen and panel she borrows colours, patterns, textures, forms and movement to create layered paintings meant to invoke personal moments and narratives. Paula is very involved in the care of her two grandsons and is incredibly grateful for that time. Her largest and most recent pals series is an ongoing body of work inspired by the battle her friend's son is waging against ALS disease. Creating this series has allowed Paula to process witnessing what this disease does two people, the patients, their families and friends and the community as a whole. She has spent the last nine years raising funds and awareness for ALS. Her husband Joe in herself created Locust Street Studios, where they make whirly gigs and do cooperative projects together. Paula is very passionate about being involved in her community, and is inspired by a family history of strong independent women and of mentors who showed her that she can continue her creativity even with children, work and mentoring others. Being on the podcast has also given Paula the opportunity to reflect on time has gone by and members of her family who continue to inspire her. Her father was an only child and her grandmother always worked and went to school to learn to be a manicurist she worked out of her home, and eventually the family home when she moved in with all his parents. She had customers that were there with her for years and she continued to work into her 90s her mother in law passed two years ago at 101 Almost 102 and her mother is 94 and still lives in the house she built with her dad. She's very grateful for the strong and independent women role models in her life. And she's conscious not to take that for granted. Paula has quite a lot of shows coming up in the next few months. You can check out the link in the show notes. We You can go to pull up bosetti.com For more information. Thanks again for tuning in. And I really hope you enjoyed today's chat. And apologies for my very croaky voice. It was a big weekend of singing. Thank you so much for coming on polar. It is such a pleasure to have you on the podcast. Well, thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. Yeah, I'm excited to chat to you. So I know that you listened to an episode of someone who is nearby, I think in location was Katie Callaghan's episode. So whereabouts are you in the US? So I am in Massachusetts, in Beverly, which is north of Boston. And I tell people that we're next to Salem, because most people know of Salem, Massachusetts. Yeah. town over from Salem. Yeah, it's a good landmark isn't on the east coast in the East Coast. I actually you when you said a few words that you sounded really Boston like that real accent. So funny. I was telling my friends that I wish I had an Australian accent. Sounds so good on a recording and you know, in life where my my accent is not an accent but then it is to other people. So yeah. Now it's funny. I have a friend that I met. Kind of related. So I when I was teaching, I did a lot of teacher fellowships. And so I met a friend in Cleveland, which is Midwest. And she was just making so much fun of me of how I sit squirrel. You You say squirrel? Whoa squirrel, nonsmoker Whoa. So it's just so funny no matter where you are. Everybody sounds sounds different. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? And then yeah, when I say as a squirrel squirrel so I mentioned being a teacher, but you're at the moment that you're a visual artist, that you're a painter. And I can see some beautiful artwork behind you. And thank you for sending me some photos too. Can you describe for people the the style that you would call your art and the sort of mediums that you used a work I am an abstract painter. And I'm working in acrylic right now. And I add a lot of mark making like drawing tools or sometimes collage sometimes transfers, but primarily acrylic paint. And I build up a lot of layers. And I think of myself as an painter because I like to put everything in and then cover it over and kind of build a history with the work. And so some of its narrative a little bit. But mostly it's from experiences that I have every day and in my everyday life and my family. So I just work from a process where I don't sketch out and plan my work I just get started and then see what happens and let the painting progress that way. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I'm gonna share some photos of your work you know through your promotion because I just it's really interesting I don't think I've ever seen like a similar to abstract work, but I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like yours. It's really lovely. It's like, like, the one that's over your right shoulder the with the blue. Like what? What inspired you to make that one? So this one with the pink above it or the one? Yeah, yeah, the one with the pink one. Yeah. So I'm having I'm working on a series of paintings. That is really about healing. And my dear friends son He was diagnosed with ALS at the age of 25. And he and my daughter grew up together, we shared, you know, we traded off kids so we could go to work. And so for the past nine years, I've been using my art to help raise funds and awareness for ALS. But things like selling cards or doing, you know, proceeds from my artwork, and then I just realised it wasn't enough, I needed to really dig a little bit deeper into what it meant to process this whole kind of journey. And so I started a couple of years ago, just thinking about his whole journey and, and how everybody's kind of dealing with that. And so these, this series of paintings, jump jump off from words that he gave me a list of words, I asked for his caregiver to come up with a list of words. And it just started there with words. And so I do a lot of writing on the canvas before I start. And then this one, in particular is called the dose of Prunella and I was really thinking about sections of the body. So this is really a figurative painting in a way. The background it's hard to see in here, but the background has a lot of mark making that has equations that aren't solved. It's kind of references, an old chalkboard and that, but inside the figure, the colours are really warm, and it's hopeful, and it's blossoming. And Prunella is also called all heal. And so it's a flower that's used to heal everything from internal to external wounds. And so that piece is really telling that story about healing from the inside to the outside and everything that kind of goes on around it. I love that. So yeah, there's a lot of symbolism in that. Yeah, that's yeah. It went through many, many stages of being I like I was saying earlier, I feel like I can paint because I put everything in. So there was so many stages of trying to figure out, I knew from a dream that I had, I wanted to have these three segments. But figuring out how much of the story is told through symbolism that's recognisable, and how much is told through what's abstract. You did it? There's a lot of paint. Yeah. We're on that with you with what you put into work. Do you buy stuff around with painting? I'm not a painter. I just like painting. Right? So this is me coming? Coming at you with someone painter. Someone with a very likes paints is a painter. So yeah, do when you create something like that with the symbols in it? Do you want your audience to work it out? Or do you not care what your audience makes of it? Because you've expressed what you want to express? And then you sort of pass it over to them to take what they want from it. Yes, yes. So that's a really fine balance, like a tight rope almost, you know, I, I paint them because I need to. And I hope that somebody sees something in it that speaks to them, you know, makes it a personal journey for them. So, you know, I don't I don't mind that if and nobody kind of references that chalkboard feeling of the background or you know, the feeling that's internal in those in those sections. It's okay, if it's interpreted in another way. That's okay with me. I just want hopefully somebody to see it and feel a connection. Yeah, yeah. Cuz it was the reason I asked you that is my my son who's well, he's now seven. I think he might have been six when he asked me this, because I was doing some painting and he wanted to know what it was about. And I said, Well, you, you can work out whatever you want out of it. And he goes about how when you paint it, though, don't you want people to know? And I said, I don't mind if they don't know. And I know when I said it. I sort of thought do I really? You know, I started to question myself. Yeah, so I'd like that, especially the people that paint lot with that symbolism, I find that really interesting. I think that, you know, as an, as an artist, you know, you have a story that you want to tell. And you just put it out there and hope that somebody is going to hear it in their own way, you know, and that, that it will resonate with them. Yeah, I'm sure it's that way with the, with music as well, you know, when you're when you're crafting a song that, you know, you want people to get that, that feeling that you have from it, you know, but you know, it's gonna be their interpretation or their experience of it. Yeah, absolutely. That's, ya know, that's a good way to compare it actually. So want to take you back to when you got started in painting? Have you been painting your whole life? So, yes. It seems silly. But I was thinking about this. And one of the Yeah, always had been creating something and using my hands for something. And, and I remember, the question brought me back to this memory of, we had a typical, you know, our house had a back porch with the white railing. And one day, I decided that I didn't understand why it was the right way. So I got my friend to colour it with me with crayon. You know, we thought, amazing. My mom didn't think it was so amazing. So it had to be cleared off before my father got home. But I always remember, you know, I grew up in a creative family. And so, as a matter of fact, my father would rather do anything than, you know, work on the house, or, you know, he he wanted to be creating all the time. And so I get that from him. But when they were finishing the upstairs of our house, before it got wallpapered I have I'm the youngest of four, we were able to just draw and write on the walls, because it was going to be wallpapered. Yeah. And I think probably that lasted about seven years. So if that wallpaper ever comes down, the people are in for a whole history lesson on what it was like in the late 60s or early 70s. I don't know. I know there were there was a lot of music quotes on that wall. And, and as a matter of fact, one of my friends from high school told me years later, she couldn't understand what kind of a house that I lived in. That we were able to write on the walls Yeah, so anyways, I I've always been creating. I was fortunate to go to art school. When I was in high school, my my friend's mother worked at a Catholic school, and there was a sister a few towns away that was giving art lessons and so we were able to sign up and my friend was able to take the car. So we started going there during high school in the summers, and she's the one that told us to go to art school. So she had us put our portfolios together, wrote us letters of recommendation. So that was my first push to go from her my divine intervention servants and good so back then were you draw Are you were you painting in a similar kind of style to what you are now or have you gone sort of through some changes in your, your methods? I was doing a lot of landscape painting. So you know, in in art school, we did a lot of still life and figures in oil painting, and then I wasn't able to do oil painting in my home because of the fumes and so I switched to watercolour and started doing a lot of painting outside. I started working after art school, not in an art field. And then I did had several different jobs before I fell into teaching. So that wasn't until my daughter was in kindergarten that I that I went into teaching. So I did bookkeeping and and just different jobs to maintain my art practice. Yeah, so my work was mostly watercolour landscapes. And but always a little bit abstract. I always was not really interested in in representing exactly what was in front of me, but rather a feeling or a sense of the place. Or my memory of the place. Yeah, yeah, that yeah, I can. I can relate to that a lot that? Yeah, yeah. Well, my daughter was little I started going to our I joined the local art guild, so that I would make sure that I kind of pushed myself to be able to be in exhibits, and be in a group of artists, so that I wasn't just working and not not involved in art. So I did that for a long time. And then when she went to kindergarten is when I started teaching. kind of fell into that. Yeah, well, I didn't really have a studio, then to share. So I did have a bedroom. That was our kind of office slash my studio. So that's why I painted a lot outside, you know, and I could put my daughter in the stroller and fill up a backpack and go and do some painting. So it wasn't until I turned 40 that I got my studio, which is where I am right now in my studio, which is our garage that we completely remove my husband redid it for me to make it into a studio. Yeah, cool. I was looking for studio space outside we had a in the downtown area of our city, there was a old mill that was made into studios, you know, and I was thinking about going in the so I would be with other artists. But at that time, I was working full time two or three jobs, going back to school and I knew my I would come out and do my work at nine o'clock at night, I wasn't going to be getting in the car and going going someplace. So yeah, it's really been a blessing. So you talked about going into teaching? Did you teach art? Or did you teach your different subjects into an art high school art? So I might, my sisters were teachers. And I was not going to be a teacher. And then I, when when I said I, when I had my daughter and I joined the local art group, one of the women in that group was actually the, the head of the art department for the city. And when the city they were looking for somebody at the high school, and she passed my name on, and they called me out of the blue and wanted me to come in and, you know, I call my sister and she said, Yes, you're going to do this. And so I went and that was it. I was hired, and I taught for 26 years. So and sometimes I think like what would have happened if I started my studio practice 26 years prior, but I don't think I would be in the same place as I am now. You know, the the being a teacher really opened me up to, you know, not only meeting so many amazing students, but learning how to learn again, I guess, you know, and wanting, wanting the students to have that love of learning. And when you're teaching, you're teaching all kinds of things. So you're learning as you're going and I don't know it was it was a good one. I have to say I really loved the students and And as a matter of fact, my daughter became a teacher at the same high school. So we will colleagues for seven years to teach us culinary. So that was a really fabulous. Yeah. So. And I taught at the high school where I swore once I left, I would never step foot in that building. Was back that teaching, but Oh, that's lovely. That's a great, that is a great story, isn't it? Yeah. Sometimes we just sort of end up doing things. And you sort of, I don't know, like you said, You just fell into it. And that's the thing, if, when you said about if you had have said no to that, perhaps and then really got stuck into yarn. But then on the flip side, all those experiences that you had, and that have probably fed into your creativity over the years, so it's sort of like, Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah. Right. And, and, and, you know, it I love I love doing things in the community and giving back and I think about the mentors that I had. And teaching was my way of kind of giving back to all those people in my life that helped me along. And so I'm really appreciative of that, and grateful for that opportunity to do that. You know, and then, when COVID hit, teaching remote, I walked out of my classroom in March, and I never went back because that was the year I was, had made the decision that I was jumping and jumping to my studio full time. Yeah, so that was kind of crazy. And yeah, to that. But I had, I knew at that point. It was time, you know, it was time for me to take that leap and jump into my studio practice full time. So it's just been under two years that I've been full time in the studio. Or just just a little over two years, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. How does that feel? Now being able to do that? Is that a really satisfying time for you? Now you're living that dream, like it really is? Like, I get to do this every day. And, you know, sometimes my husband's like, you're just, you know, full out, like, don't want to do anything. I've been waiting. Like, yeah, this is my time. This is what I want to do. So, you know, it's really so much fun to be able to be working at this, you know, and I want to steps out my door. So it doesn't matter what the weather is. Out here and here I am and a whole nother world, you know? Yep. Yep. So this is a good time to mention the the three studio dogs that you have that you photos are gorgeous. Are they like us manual or some sort of retriever? What are they? They're English Springer Spaniels, their field spaniel. So they're not the show Spaniels with the the shows being able to have longer hair and ears but they're their field spaniel. So they're raised 200,000 to do field trials and are just hanging out in my studio. One of them is 10 and Jenny and she has a broken bat. She had a broken spine when she was about a week old so she's she doesn't think she's any any different though. She's fat. She's great. She's done really well. And then the other black and white one is my daughter's but she comes every day for Nana and Grampy camp. And the youngest one is are the brown and white is sunny. So she's our baby. Yeah, I love it. It's great. Must be yeah, nice to have that company. You know, just the just in the space with you know us most of the time. Sometimes they're knocking me over. Oh, and they're they're wrestling into my feet and yeah, I'm done with them having them sometimes So you're also a grandma, which is pretty cool. Congratulations. Because it's I sort of think, you know, we take things for granted sometimes. And I don't know, it's nice to be able to celebrate that we've, you know, moving through life and still doing what we love. Yeah, you have two grandsons. You have two grandsons. So I have one daughter. And she has two boys, her and her husband have two little boys. One is five and the other is two and a half. And so the five year old goes to preschool. So I pick him up every day at preschool and have him for the for the afternoon. So I'm am doing childcare along with, along with painting full time, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. You know, I'm so fortunate to be able to help them out. But also spend that time with him. Yeah, next year, he'll go to kindergarten, and I probably won't need to pick them up. So I'll probably have have the other one though. So yeah, that's, that'll that'll be that'll be good. But yeah, haven't being a grandparent is amazing. You know, because you're not 24/7. Yeah, they can come and go. But yeah, it's, it's really special. Yeah. And they, and I love that they see me as an artist, you know, like, I'm their Nana, but they also know that I'm an artist, and they talk about my paintings, they come out to my studio, you know, they'll paint with me, I will do projects together. You know, they know that this is a part of who I am. That's awesome. How did that go? Then when your daughter you talked about when she was in kindy? Then you went back? You were working as a teacher then. But she would have seen you she would have seen new paint before then. Was that something that you were sort of? i No one wanted her to see that. And I put this in air quotes. You weren't just her mom, because we never just mad, but that you also doing things for yourself? Yes, that was really important to me. Because I always wanted her to have a strong opinion of who she was as a person, and not other labels attached. And so I wanted her to know that, you know, I was more than, you know, I'm not just my job, I'm not just a mother, you know, I have things that I'm passionate about. And then I'm going to pursue those things. Because those are the things that light us up and, and fulfil our lives. And so it's always worth chasing that dream. And that passion. And, and that other things, you know, may not be as important as we think they are. So I wanted I always took her with me, she knew that I was doing other things. And on the other hand, on the flip side of that, though, when I was teaching, and they had to go back to school a lot and be taking courses, you know, there was a time where I was going for my masters that it was weekend courses. So I would be gone Friday night, all day, Saturday, and all day Sunday. And some of those weekends were birthdays, you know, her 10th birthday, I was in class and so I had that difficult time of trying to figure out, you know, how do I balance this and make it okay. I can remember being in a class and giving a presentation and just cry, you know, like bursting into tears because it was her birthday and I wasn't there you know, to celebrate it with her but yeah, that you know that mom guilt, right? Oh, yeah. You took the words right out of my mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So is that you give me that example. But is that is that something that you've sort of over the years, I guess you've got that perspective now with the grandchildren? Is it something that you've sort of learned to let go and not judge yourself as harshly? Or is it is it's, you know, still something that you think about. I definitely don't judge myself harshly for that, for doing what I what I want to do anymore. I wish I had known that I could do that and had that confidence, you know, a long time ago, that it was okay to let things go. We can, you know, if it's okay, if the dishes pile up in the sink. millinery isn't all folded and put away if you're, if you're doing something that you want to be doing, or you're on the floor, playing with the kids, you know, those things are okay, you know, that that's more important sometimes. I think that the area that I grew up in where, you know, I saw my mother You know, she had to stop working when she was pregnant when she started showing, you know, it was time for her to be home and be preparing, you know, being a housewife, but she was never, she, she kind of just did her thing too. You know, like, she always worked she. She, she did things that she loved to do. And so I think that that was a good role model for me as well. So I don't know, I think that times have changed, I think hope thankfully, you know, yeah. Yeah. And I think that limit and ask their partners for more help than we ever do. Well, my generation or, you know, it was different. Yeah, it sort of wasn't sort of acceptable to, to ask for help. Was kind of that was your job, I guess. Just thinking about, you know, my mother's Yes. Yeah. I'm pretty balanced and balanced, balanced at all. So you had to, you know, take care of juggling it all and, and not ask for help and tuck everything away. And, you know, yeah, but thank goodness, that's changed. Yes, yes. Yeah. So when you're talking about your mom having to leave work when she started to show my mum's auntie. So the age of my grandma, I guess, was soon as they got married, they had to leave work. Because it was like, You need to give the single girls you need to give them the jobs because now you're married. You've got a husband, so you don't need to work. And don't need to work. Yeah, I know. She was very fiercely angry about it. Yeah. I couldn't imagine being told that I just be like, sorry, angry. Well, even with my sisters, I said I was the youngest of four daughters. And my oldest sister. And the second oldest sister. The only options for them were to become nurses or teachers. You know, that was pretty much the track that they were, they were sent on, you know, and then just a few years later, I was able to go to art school. So I was I was lucky. Timing. One at the right time, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So take them. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. With regard to what influences you were sort of talked about, it's basically your life and your experiences. So did you notice then after you had your daughter that your your painting radically changed because of all you know, the emotions and the cutting the word is, but the emotions of going through becoming a monk. So I don't think it radically changed. I think that I became more in tune with maybe with how I my feelings and then understanding that that could be expressed through my art As opposed to just going out and painting, so excuse me something that I saw. Yeah, I don't think so, there really wasn't a huge change, I just had to find ways to do it, along with being a mum and working full time. And so it became grabbing moments when I could, making the time I would work smaller, you know, so that I could just make sure I, you know, if I had 20 minutes, I could do something that was not a huge project. So something that was smaller, did a lot of different things, you know, painting, painting on clothing, and I don't know, just finding any way I could to make sure I got the work done. And then when I started teaching, I had time to do work, because I was working on things in the studio at school, and learning different things. And I always kept my practice going, even, even through teaching. Going back to school, taking classes, you know, being a mom, it was important for me to really keep that. Keep that practice going. But I don't think that my work really. I don't think I was able to really see a huge shift in my work until I started doing it. Full time. Yeah, it makes making a difference. Being able to do it full time. Yeah, absolutely. And did the way that the way that you saw yourself, personally, did that go through some changes when you had your daughter? I don't think so. We try. It was difficult for me to get pregnant. So I think that I was so relieved when I was when I was pregnant, and when I had her you know, as something that I wanted for so long. And so it just felt like another piece of the puzzle, you know, that I that I wanted to have happen. And so I didn't really change what I how I felt about myself, you know, and just added to added to the Yeah, the me. I didn't lose myself. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I found another piece of myself. Hmm. Yeah. Do you think that being able to paint all the way through? Helped that? You know, you say you didn't lose a part of yourself, I guess, because you were able to keep doing that thing that was so ingrained in you. Yes, yeah. Yeah, definitely. I think that no matter what, creative outlet that I found, you know, I found a way to always have some, some creative outlet. So I think I would have lost my self if I didn't have that. You know, I? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I had a really good friend and mentor, who I took classes from her actually, when I went to high school with one of her sons. She had six kids, and found a way to continue doing her work. And she had a studio and she taught. So she really was a great role model for me that you can still do, do it all, you know. Yeah. Have your family have your career through your art, mentor other people. And she was painting. She just passed away last year, unfortunately. And, you know, we were talking art and painting and, you know, until the day she died, so, gosh, you know, it's just, she was just a fabulous role model for that. That's very inspiring, isn't it? People? Yeah. Now I've got to mention you. You said to me in an email that your dad played bagpipes. Yes, is so cool, because listeners will probably recall that my son Alex has been playing the bagpipes probably for about just over 12 months I record maybe. Can't think exactly when he started. It's an incredible instrument, isn't it? Yes. You know, I grew up going to parades probably every weekend when I was a kid, you know, and, and following my father's bagpipe band and my mother toning up his pipes. And he played the chanter constantly. Yeah, yep. And he used to play the bagpipes, he used to march around our back yard and playing his pipes. And at one point, we had a goose, the goose would follow him. The neighbours would be like there is added again, you know? I love it, though. You know, and it's funny where I live now. We have a cemetery that's just down the street. And there's somebody that that goes and practices in the cemetery. And every so often I hear the sound come through my studio, and I just think that it's bad, you know? Yeah. Fabulous. It is. It's like, Alex. So he just turned 15. And he Yeah, he never was into anything musical, like, I'm musical, my husband's musical. But I'd always say to him, do you want me to show you how to play something like on the piano? Or do you wanna sing now I don't want to do it. And then all of a sudden, he just decided he wanted to play the recorder, which is like a, you know, horrible sounding instrument. So he played that for me. And then I got him an Irish tin whistle because I thought that'd be a bit nicer sound. And it's similar was in, he's actually that's in the same key as what a bag clubs are in. So once you master that, he said, Well, now want to play the bagpipes. Oh, my God, really? The bag. But like, Yeah, but it's wonderful. It's so wonderful. And I just, I'm so proud of him, you know, a kid, the kid wanting to play such a iconic instrument and one that, you know, not many kids play, you know, he's in a band in the band of our town. And he's by far the youngest in there. And they all love him. Because it's like, they're so pleased that the next generations coming through and they're almost like his little, he's the little sort of mascot that they can put out the front and say, Look, anyone can play the back votes. You know, it's not this. You know, people think right for people who are older, but you know, yes, it's great. It is it? Is it a like a Scottish bagpipe. Because I know there's different types of pay. It is the Scottish cops. Yes. He wears his kilt and his little spar and a little hat. And it's just lovely. And he loves loves the lovers getting dressed in his in his outfit. So yes, it's bringing bringing a lot of joy to us at the moment. That's wonderful. My dad had a special set of pipes that somebody actually made him from Scotland. And no. We, when he passed about 16 years ago, now, but we gave his pipes to somebody who was in a band in a few towns over, but it was sad to see them go, you know, so special to him. You know, and they were really it was such a big part of our lives. And even now, I you know, when I hear bagpipes, I know if they're good. Yes, yeah. And I'm not musical at all. But my dad could pick up anything he could play any instrument he would just self taught and he could just pick it up and play it. You know, but I didn't get that. Because artistic ability, but not the musical ability. So there's no no none of your sisters play bagpipes either. So I wish one of us had picked it up. Yeah, my he, my sister used to do some Scottish dancing but none of us wanted to play the pipes. So if you had enough of you pop Part One lifetime. I always loved it, I really did. Yeah, and I think like, being involved in a band, too, it's just so good. You know, for people of any age, it's just wonderful, that connection with others, and you learn so many life skills in a band, you know, compromising and listening, and you learn how to put your, you know, your thoughts forward in respectful way. So it's almost like being in a workplace, you know, you get that same sort of interaction with people. So I'm really pleased that Alex is doing it. And it's great to, you know, to give back to the community as well, because mostly geeks, you know, they're unpaid, they're doing it because they love it. And I grew up doing a lot of that with my singing. So I think it's wonderful that, you know, you learn that there's other other things in life, you know, you don't, everything you do doesn't have to have an exchange of, of money. You know, you can do it because you love it, you can do it because other people love it. Something I'm really pleased that he's understood. That's the best thing about being creative, though. Don't you think that? Oh, yeah. You know, I think that that is something that's kind of instilled in, in the value of being creative person that you know, you want to share. You want to teach people you want to, you know, put things out there and have somebody else have it touch somebody else. Yeah. Yeah. Is that can is that? Yeah, those connections. I really miss that about teaching and doing the community projects. We always did community projects. So I try to do that as much as possible. Now, you know, you're still teaching you're listening to the art of being a mom, with my mom, Alison Newman. Can you share with the listeners, the shows you've got coming up whereabouts they are. So they have an online solo show, march 7 through the 20th. Virtual through women's Women United art movement. Yeah. And I'm in a show starting in March, an online gallery called gallery 118, which is called untold narratives. And another one beginning March 1, with the Manhattan arts international called her story. Yep. And then I have part of a cooperative gallery on Rocky neck here in Massachusetts and then Gloucester, rocky neck is the oldest continuous art colony in math in the United States. Oh, wow. So have a cooperative gallery there, which is open year round. And I'll have another show at another gallery on Rocky neck in May. And then I have I'm in a group show in Amesbury, Massachusetts. And then I have some other online exhibits. I'm part of the National Association of Women Artists in the United States. And so I'm part of an online winter show with them right now. And then we have a website called boy said he.com. Social, my social is my Instagram is Locust Street Studios live on Locust Street. And as Ben and I, he makes whirly gigs and I paint them so we do some kind of cooperative projects together. So that's why the Instagram is local Street Studios to kind of encompass that partnership that we have. But it's mostly Instagram is all my artwork. Yeah. Excellent. Well, I'll put all the links to all those shows in the in the show notes, so if anyone wants to click away, they will be able to find it. So with your with the shows you've got of a particular series of works that you're showing. So that my solo show is called tending. Excuse me, tending below the surface, the solo show with women aren't united. And so that body of work is all about the process pieces of with my friend's son who has ALS. And so all of those pieces stem from the story, his story in his words, and then my interpretation of that and how to process that. So my goal is to kind of deal with that, and the healing process of that, but and also to raise awareness. And just, you know, put it out there that there's, there's a whole population of people that are living with ALS, you know, and it's yeah, no, that's, that's fantastic. It. It's difficult, but all of the paintings are very hopeful, because he's hopeful, and he is never giving up. And so I want them all to show us a sense of strength and resilience and hope. That's how the pins present themselves. Yeah. So that's going to be 2020 or 25 paintings in that show. Yeah, right. That's a lot. Isn't is that a lot? Was that about the normal range for for a show? I think about 15 to 20. That's a Yeah. Yeah. It depends on how she curates it. So how many will will be in the air but era? It'll be great. She's fabulous. And I Oh, finished? Are you still working on some of those? They're all finished. They're all finished. Was like giving birth, like when putting out all of the work together and sending it off. I just was like, Yeah, did it? Yeah, I kind of was hoping that the dates for the show would be closer to the end of the year, because I thought, oh, I need this whole year to get this body of work done. But I'm actually glad that it's, it's here. You know, it's done. I'm still working on that series. I'll be working on it for a long time. But it's nice to have this one collection done. Yeah. Yeah. So that that's your focus at the moment. That's what you continue to paint. About that? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They go a little off. Every single painting is based on a you know, I have, I work in a series. And so I'll probably I have a lot of paintings going on at once. And so just kind of depends on where the paintings leading me. Right now, I'm, I just finished a lot of really large paintings. And so I'm working on a series of small ones. So I have a series of 36, four by four panels that I'm doing some 12 by 12, six by six different things like that. And part of part of art and found day, I don't know if you've ever heard of that. But on March 12, artists across the globe will hide artwork in their communities for people to find Oh, that's cool. Yeah, so you can go on art and found a and they have a map. You can click and there's anybody in your area that's hiding painting. Check that out. That sounds Oh, yeah, that's really fun. So I'm working on some pieces to put out in my community for that. Right. Oh, I'll definitely put the links up for that if anyone around the world is interested. That sounds so cool. If you like finding you know, just that amazing buzz. Yeah. Or a geocache? You know, it's really fun. I got on Yeah, that's lovely way to be be involved, isn't it? Like you're literally involved in your community? You're putting your paintings into the community. I love that. Yeah. Good on your polar. Before I let you go, is there anything else that you wanted to mention that I maybe haven't asked about or just anything that's on your thoughts you've got you want to share? I don't think so. I think I would just say that if anybody is, you know, any more moms out there, or grandmothers, you know that are questioning whether you keep telling me Do you do it? You know? Like, you gotta keep going and keep pursuing that passion. You know, everything else falls into place when you do that, I think Hmm, yes, that's a good way of looking at it is now instead of from the top from the top down at all it all sort of just Yeah. finds its way. Yeah, yeah. Oh that's great. Thank you so much for it's been lovely chatting to you. It's been a lovely start to my day. Thank you it's been a lovely end to mind. I hope the future is right, because you're there already. Yes, it's still here. The future is still here. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from LM Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson and her husband John. If you'd like to learn more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Adam Page South Australian saxophonist and composer S1 Ep10 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts To mark Father's Day here in the Southern Hemisphere I share 3 special episodes where I chat to 3 creative dads to get their take on things, how they continue to make music while being hands on dads. In this final of 3 special episodes, I chat with saxophonist, multi instrumentals and composer Adam Page who is a dad of 2 from Adelaide South Australia, Adam talks about the decision he made before even having a child about how his career would change, the struggle of being an artist during lockdown and how to manage being in a creative funk. Connect with Adam here Adam's youtube Adam's faceboook page Purchase Adam's music here Adam's music used with permission Connect with the podcast here When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creators and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. Thanks for coming on today. Adam. It's a pleasure to have you join on this very special episode. I am stoked. It's I think it's important to to open up these conversations. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. So can you tell us about your connection with music, how you got into playing and all the amazing things that you've done over the years? All right, well, how long have you got that look, I first got into music fully, I guess in Mount Gambier when I was a student at at Grant High School. And that kind of led on to coming up to Adelaide to to study jazz and as a saxophonist, and from that point, I kind of I don't know, I just, I just sat back and and let the you know, let the music guide where I was going. And I've done all kinds of things in my life since then, musically from spending three and a half years on cruise ships. playing in the orchestra is on ships to you know, touring with with bands around around the country and around the world and playing in make millions of recordings and as I guess a freelance saxophonist, but also a lot of writing as well heaps of writing for small ensembles and larger ensembles. Currently, I'm I'm writing for the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra and have done multiple times in the last few years. I've written major works for New Zealand Symphony Orchestra and orchestra Wellington as well. I've traveled the world with my multi instrumental looping, improvised show. Yeah, I don't know like heaps, heaps and heaps and heaps of stuff. And this. This stuff happened. I mean, you know, a lot of it happened before I was a father. But there's still yeah, there's still a lot of it that still exists. Just, it just it just looks a little different now. Yeah, for sure. So you said multi instrumentalist? How many instruments can you play? Well, I own a lot more than I can play. But I mean, I guess the woodwinds are my first go to so you know, all of the saxophones clarinet, flute. Other flutes like Native American flute and Bansuri. But then, you know, piano has always been a big part of my, my sort of creativity. And the tools for writing sort of come from the piano. I play guitar, bass, drums and percussion. Yeah, and other bits and pieces. We add instruments from around the world. But yeah, I guess you know, I call myself a multi instrumentalist, but you know, I'm, I'm a saxophone player first. So you just you have a passion for just, like trying out new things and just seeing what happens and finding new ways to do things. Yeah, I do. I do because I mean, you know musics music and, you know, the, the fundamentals of music remain no matter what instrument you play in. So like I, you know, I play drums. Like, I play the saxophone, I play, you know, the nose flute, in the same way that I was, I would play the bass. It's just, you know, it's the same music but just a different different technique and a different a different voice that you're using. But inside it's still the same, the same music. Let's go and you went to New Zealand recently I saw on your Instagram. I did. And that was pretty lucky. I'd been working on a on a saxophone concerto that was that was written for me that I'd collaborated with as well in the composition process and you So I've been working on it for a long time. And I got to a point where it was was ready. And I was ready to go over and work with this orchestra and you know, do the performance and a recording as well. And then, you know, some, some some COVID business was starting to drop around the place. And I luckily, I got over, you know, before anything happened. And while I was over there, the Victorian outbreak sort of happened. And I luckily changed my flights earlier to go through Auckland in Adelaide rather than Melbourne. If I'd gone through Melbourne, I would have yet I would have been stuck. But yeah, I got back a day before locked down in South Australia. So I'm very lucky, I got it down. Because I think, you know, I mean, I'm just so used to cancellations. Now the last 18 months has just been just one projects lost after another. And I've got used to that kind of dynamic that it creates creatively. But if this if this show was canceled, I would have been pretty gutted. It's like an emotional roller coaster isn't it really is really tough. And, you know, the deeper we get into this, you know, like I'm understanding more and more about my, my creative process and what, what I need and what keeps me buoyant. And a lot of a lot of these sorts of situations that are occurring around us. In a lot of ways, they're kind of they're sort of drowning my my normally buoyant kind of attitudes and and my direction that I normally kind of take so and that's just purely because we can't, you know, we can't dream money we can dream it we can't fully turn those dreams into, into a reality without all of this uncertainty is attached to it. So it's yeah, it's very difficult. Yeah, for sure. It's like, you want to have ideas and goals and dreams, but you're sort of like, well, what's the point? Because it's not going to happen anyway, like, you feel that it's crushed before? Yeah, I'm trying, I'm trying not to get to that point of like, what's the point? Because because the you know, in so many ways, the point is, it's not in the delivery, it's in the creation. And I hear, but it's hard, though, it's hard. Because, you know, you've taken you take away one fundamental part of the, of the project, which is the delivery. And it's very hard to stay focused. Without letting that that idea of, of uncertainty creep in, you know, it does definitely affect affect the creation effect ever every level of it. Really? Yeah, absolutely. Have you been able to do much like work online with your music, or you found other ways to be able to look back in the, like, you know, the first sort of wave, I guess you could call it I did a few online performances, which went really, really well. Like, I was surprised, actually, that the community that that kind of, you know, opted in was super supportive. And, you know, I could I could see the comment thread just going crazy while I was performing and it was just, it was just really nice. I'm, I'm planning on doing another couple of those in the in the coming weeks as well. Just like basically for my my friends over in New South Wales and Victoria and just to give them something to consume. But aside from that, I've been really lucky that I've had some I've had some composition projects that have really kept me and kept me going with with the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra and, and also some other, you know, work with with a small ensemble, the Ben Todd quartet, with Ben Todd, who's a drummer Paul white and James Marlowe and that those two projects have really kind of kept me kept me going. Yeah, but it's it's hard. So you mentioned a little bit before, before you had two kids. What did you music life look like at that stage where you're doing it full time? Oh, yeah. It's there. You know, there's, there's no doubt that once you have kids, the, you know, that changes, you know, and for me, I, I kind of made a made a decision before we had our first daughter that my life was going to change. Okay, and so what what I had in the past will not, I will never have that again. And that that led to me really thinking about priorities and this at this moment in my life, like what is important, and it really like, I mean, it was it was just so clear that the most important part of my life right now is is, is my family and creating those those irreversibly positive relationships with my, with my children and with my partner as well. And so, yeah, everything changed. I was doing so much stuff, creatively, and I was definitely absolutely in control of my day of my week of my hour, there was a point before we had kids, where, you know, there was quite a while where I would on a Sunday night. Look at my week, and I printed out these calendars with, you know, from from 5am to midnight, basically. And I would, I would schedule everything that was happening in the week, and I will just sit there for an hour or so on a Sunday night and, and just put it all in including, like hangtime, including breaks, including just like, Okay, so on Thursday, I'm doing nothing. And then and I'll just let it happen. And so you know, I'm I go to the art gallery, I might go for a swim or whatever, you know, Thursday's Friday, but then all of the other days, I would like totally just go like, right, this is best case scenario. And then, you know, I'd you know, on Monday night, I would, I would look at it and go see what's happening Tuesday and go like Anna looks cool, or I could change this change that. So it was a very, very productive. Incredibly, and then when you have children you like if you're if you're a committed parent, if you are completely into the next few years being, you know, in a state of creative upheaval, if you commit to that, then you know, it, it changes it changes everything, you know, you can't it's not possible to, to have those those sorts of positive relationships without making sacrifices. And, you know, and I hope I'm not sounding negative here, like, because I I'm very positive about and I'm very happy about the choices I make, because will have made and continue to make because I have had, you know, I've had discussions with with people who have gone the other way where they have followed the path of their career and their and their music or their art. And it's, it's caused the, you know, the downfall of their family. And that's, that's, that's long term. Okay. That's, that's an absolute long term thing that everybody regrets, I'm sure. And so, so yeah, it's, it's, I don't know, I've just gone I'm going around in so many circles here in different different directions. But you know, what I'm saying like, you've just got to make those sacrifices for the good of your, of your, of your village, you know, of that, that beautiful thing that we call family? Or? Let's see. Yeah, so you had you had a conscious think about it, I suppose, of what what your life was gonna look like and made a decision for yourself. But But can I if I can add to that, yeah. We also with with my partner, Georgia, like, we had really fantastic conversations about my career and about my art and about what I need, because my needs are very clear, like I need to be creating I need to be doing something musically. And, and the importance of that and so, you know, the conversation just even having a conversation about the importance of art of music and being creative in my life. actually gave me more room to to step away from that for a while and know that when the time was right, I can I can commit to it again, I can just go straight back into it. So and and it was funny because in the first you know, in her first year of life, I wrote basically 90 minutes of orchestral music for this concert and I had, I have no memory of writing it. Like, I don't know how I did it, but we made it work. And there was a bunch of projects that happened in that, you know, in those first kind of couple of years, because it's like, we had these conversations, we were totally open about what, you know what I wanted to do, but, but most importantly, what I was capable of first, firstly, as a, as a, as a musician, as an artist, but then secondly, as a father, you know, like, so it's a constant balance between the two, and, you know, short trips out of balance, sometimes, sometimes I'm way too busy. And, you know, I'm relying too much on on family and, and, you know, George's parents and, you know, to kind of, you know, give us a bit of help, but, but then other times, I find that man, I haven't picked up my horn in two weeks, you know, yeah, but it's just constantly constantly kind of in flux are out communication is key, all because, you know, like, one, kind of, you know, 30 minute conversation can make the next six months, like, so much easier, because you're honest about your needs. And you're honest about about the capabilities, that you have to be able to kind of get to the finish line with these with the projects, but, but at the same time, it's like you, you start that dialogue around, around how it's going to affect the family, because, because that's the big change. Now, it's not just about me, you know, like, I, you know, with my partner, we, you know, she used to love it, when I went away, when I did, because I said a lot of international touring a lot, a lot of touring around the place, and she'd be like, awesome, I've got some time to myself, it's fantastic. And I used to love being away as well, it's just so fun, so fantastic. And, but then all of a sudden, it's just like, it's no longer about, like me, it's like, it's like it's you, me and us all together, you know, and, and, and if that's the this, the, if that's central to your to every conversation, then you actually end up getting a better result, like everyone gets a better result from from being open and, and communicative and clear with with your needs. And also being realistic. I love doing this stuff. Because, you know, we, we need to talk, we need to talk about this stuff. Like I feel every time I talk about my my parenting style and how it aligns with my, with my art, I just, I feel good, I feel really positive. And I feel you know, and at times where, you know, at the moment, there's a lot of negativity surrounding our lives. And, you know, I think I think just just talking this stuff through reminds, reminds me that, that, you know, this too shall pass and, and I will get to a point where I'll get a tour, you know, somewhere and I'll say to my four year old or their, you know, your might be six at that point, hey, do you want to come on the road with me for a couple of weeks, you know, like, I know, that's going to happen, you know, I know that's going to happen. But yeah. And that's because it's because of the sort of the choices I'm making now. And, and waiting, letting letting life the be the thing that that that steers me, rather than my creativity, if you know what I mean. It's like you're, in a way, you're in a sort of a holding pattern, got all this amazing stuff, you know, you've got to look forward to because of how you've set, set your life up and set things up with your family. So it's really positive. When you look forward, it's salutely and it's a bit of a slow burn. You know, you can't expect it to happen straightaway. And I mean, sometimes I expect it, I expect things to happen far too soon. And, you know, I've just got to kind of try and try and sort of, you know, lose some of that disappointment. Knowing that it will, and knowing that, you know, it will be easier because I mean, we've got a four year old and a one year old at the moment and so we're wearing it at the moment. I'm wearing it deep. And you know, and it's no no word of a lie that the these last, you know, four years of our lives. It's the hardest hardest we've ever had to deal with. You know, you're just you're just totally forced to your absolute capacity and then some and but then you get out to the other side and just be like, Well, that was intense. That was intense. And, and then yeah, like, it just, it's, there's nothing like these first few years to, to really kind of remind you what it's like to be a human, or what it takes to be human. Yeah. And also, I think it gives you a sense of how much you're actually capable of that you probably didn't realize, because I've been forced to these extremes before. That's actually like, you can discover a lot of stuff about yourself that you didn't know. Yeah, yeah. But then on the other end of the spectrum, like I did not know, that I was capable of, of having so much love for someone else. Yeah. You know, like, the love I like I'm tearing up here. love I have for my children. Is it? I don't know anything else like it? Or actually no, nothing else like it. And, you know, when when I walk in the door, you know, a half an hour ago, and I hear my one year old going, daddy data, data and just like just crawling as fast as you can to get to me. Like, it's just like, far out like, what? What, what show have I ever done? That is as good as that. You know? It's the best and I think, yeah, I I hope that my kids realize that. I mean, I know they do. Yeah, I don't have to tell them that I love them so much. You know? Because I mean, I do every moment I can, but they I know they can feel it. Yeah, your actions, your behaviors are showing that. Yeah, and I'm sure, I'm sure that that that the the art that I'm creating at the moment is is is is in some way guided by by that love. That's something I'm interested to that I'd like to chat with people about, have you found that, that change in your life, that being a parent, and that all the changes and intensities that go with it? How does that How has that come out in your work, you find it reflected in what you're creating, I think I've written probably the most beautiful music that I could write through thinking about my, my daughters. One of them was when my, my eldest she look would have been about maybe six months old, and just screaming at three o'clock in the morning, holding her just just absolutely the at the end of my, you know, of what I could give her and just sitting at the piano and just started playing these arpeggios. And she just stopped. And the you know, I thought oh, this is cool. And so I just kept playing and kept sort of doing this, these these very simple arpeggios. And, and yeah, everything changed. And then I had like, I remembered it once he was asleep, and I just sat down at like, what at four o'clock in the morning, whatever is and wrote out this piece of music and and to this day, it's like it comes to her and calms me and and then last year I wrote her a saxophone concerto that was it was inspired by COVID and how the COVID pandemic was was developing and then halfway through and in the second movement I just it was when when you know our youngest was born and and yeah, it's I think it's the yeah it's up there with absolutely some of the most beautiful music I've made just because I I had her in my mind and I had her absolute kind of beauty and and it just it just came through in the notes and like music that never would have existed without without these experiences and I think I think the the beauty comes out of like the pain and suffering as well that you go through having having children and and then that loss of that loss of your old life because it is you know, I miss it. I'm not gonna lie, I miss it so much. It's like a mourning for Access, you have to go see lately? Because I mean, if you if someone says, I know, I don't miss my old life I, you know, this is this is this defines me now it's just like, that's that crap, I don't believe that for one second for one second and you know what it's I'm allowed to miss it because I missed it so much because it was so awesome. You know, but because it was so awesome that has turned me into a different person. And so it's like, well, you know, all of those experiences still exist, they exist in who I am right now. And all of those experiences still exist in in, in the stories that I'm going to tell my, my kids about, you know, the things that I used to do. And but then, you know, I don't I'm not saying that I'm going to be a hermit and just a father for the rest of my life, I know that things are going to change, things are going to get easier. And I'm going to get back on the road, I'm going to get back into doing more stuff and more full time. But at the moment, I've made that choice I've made that deal to be to be there to be present. What does your days look like? Now? I mean, obviously, you've quite busy with a one year old. But when do you find the time to be able to do what you need to do with your music? Well, so we've, we've found an amazing childcare center that both actually both my my kids go to now because Georgia, my partner, she went back to work three weeks ago, three days a week. So that's, that's been amazing. So the eldest goes three days a week, and the one year old, she goes twice a week. So I've effectively got two, three days of creative time now. It's excellent. And I have no idea how to use it. Like I'm telling you I'm at the moment like I'm, I've just been thrusted all of this time. And also because you know, it's a pretty, it's a pretty crazy world out there at the moment with COVID. And we were just committing to me doing some more travel, I'd meant to be playing three weeks at the Sydney Opera House in September, even though there hasn't been kind of publicly canceled. So and I was meant to be in Darwin this week for a festival. And of course, they've just coming out of lockdown. And so I've effectively got about six weeks of free time now as well, which has made our lives so much easier as parents because I wasn't going to be away for four or five weeks. Which I was really anxious about, just because of the implications of the home life, you know, and how Georgia could manage me we've got amazing supports from her, her parents. My folks still live in that Gambia so they can't, they can't help out in a physical sense. Yeah, so but but with this time that I've got, I'm in a real creative funk, hey, like, I've got all these projects that I want to, to embark on. I've been I've been constantly kind of dreaming stuff and writing stuff down. But to actually get to that next level, I'm finding it quite difficult. And I think there's a few things that are that, uh, like impacting my normal kind of my, my normal direction or my normal flow. And first and foremost, it's, it's that idea of what's the point? Yeah, are they actually going to happen? Like, you know, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's not, you know, the view is worth the climb. And so it's that whole kind of like, okay, the, the actual process is what's what I get the most amount of energy out of, you know, but then also, I mean, this is this is another can of worms, social media, like I'm, I'm absolutely 100% addicted to social media. And as as we all are, you know, if anyone's got Facebook or Instagram or Twitter on their phone, you're addicted immediately because those algorithms are so great. They suck you in so and also sort of not seeking out bad news, but just like looking at the news websites just to see what what bad things happened next, you know what I mean? And that's had a profound effect on my, on my outlook on life, like I'm at my core, I'm an incredibly positive and optimistic person. And I'm just feeling now that, you know, the, the, the weight of the world is getting a bit too much for me. And and so I'm actually I've made the decision this morning I'm going to have a bit of a break from social media, just because I've just found myself in some situations online that have been quite negative, and have sort of kept me up at night. And I need that you've got a one year old to keep you up at night. You don't need anything else keep me. I know. And so, yeah, it's a great, it's a great time to be having this discussion. Because, you know, the, the fact of the matter is that, you know, I've got all this time and I'm being super creative. But actually, the reality is, like, I've got all this time and I have no freaking idea how to use it. And that's the reality and that's, that's something that we need to all kind of embrace. I think. You can't be super creative all the time. Like this might be like a healing time that you just need for yourself, you know, to, I mean, a lot of people I think some people like hate lockdowns and hate whatever it is. But I know some people I've spoken to that are enjoying being locked away, because the world is so proud. And just being with the people they love and with the family that they need around them. I know that it's putting a spin on a negative but, you know, cocooning time for you, and then you know, the butterflies come out, you know, sometimes I absolutely, and I do track that I was forced into a, you know, physical and creative lockdown last year was pretty, like, the timing was pretty amazing. Because because we were about to have a kid, our second kid, and it was like, Okay, we're home. So what else are we going to do? We are going to, we're going to be here as a quartet. Like, who can go and deep? And it was it was, it was fantastic. And I think, for me, it's yeah, I'm still having trouble getting out of that zone. Because I loved it. Like I, I loved the fact that we were together so much. And that I'd made that choice four years ago, when we know when we had our first that it's like, this is this is a moment in time that I cannot get back. And any opportunity I can take to connect is going to bear fruit in the future. Yeah, and I mean, I've got some, there's some role models in my life that have that have been guiding me as well, like really strong, strong men and strong fathers that have really helped me through making these decisions as well. You know? And, yeah, and so the deeper you get into that mode of, of deep connection, and parenting, the harder it is to get out of it as well. And I think that's a part of it, as well, like i Yes, I've been incredibly creative in this time and these last four years. But I have no idea how I think, I think, yeah, necessity, I think deadlines are the only things that have actually kept me focused. I didn't have a deadline. I wouldn't be doing anything. I actually did write the other day. So I'm on Instagram, someone said that deadlines are really good for musicians, because they make you get off your acid do stuff. Absolutely, absolutely. And I feel like I feel like I need to get back into that kind of idea. Because I mean, for me, you know, so many of my bands that I would start were like, basically, we would just be hanging out, you know, mates hanging out talking about music, had this idea for a band, and then all of a sudden we'd book a gig and get a t shirt designed and before we've even written a note so it's like you know, like that's yeah, let's Let's book the gig. Let's get the vibe. This is this is what it's gonna be like and like, bam, here it is. And yeah, they go okay, so what is it going to be? who's playing what? I think I need a bit more of that in my life. That's like a really stress to get you going You mentioned that you've had some really good role models around you positive and negative, I suppose you'd say things that you you think, Oh, actually, I don't want to do that. Yeah, there's lessons everywhere. You know, I think that where, where we go so well, is through communication. And, you know, some some interactions I've had with other fathers in the past have been quite insightful just in their just in the way that they describe their relationships, you know, with their partners, you know, like, just using that, that idea of, you know, or you're lucky, your misses have, you know, let you out of the house, that sort of thing. And so it's like, man, if you're gonna use that kind of language with me, I doubt you've had, you've had a really kind of, you know, deep conversation about your needs, both both of their needs. And so, you know, I, I've kind of learnt from friends that have had children before me that, that communication is key to being a great parent, so communication with your other half, because sometimes it'll be, you know, it feels like weeks, we're living in the same house, but sometimes it feels like weeks that we've actually connected, like, within Georgia, it's like, full on and, you know, and that's, that's a scary, that's a scary cycle that can be, that can be created, you know, to the point where you, you feel like, you don't know each other anymore. And like, and so communication is just so important, you know, communicating when things are going well, as well. Or not just when things are going badly, you know, and when things are difficult, it's like, let's, let's celebrate these, these moments of, of clarity and, and enjoying our life or new life together, you know? Yeah, so I've definitely, I've definitely taken that from from my friends. You know, James Brown, who's a guitarist, one of my best friends here. Yeah. Him and his partner and their family, they've they've been a big influence, as has Ross McHenry, who's another fantastic musician, incredibly prolific creator, with three kids, I don't know how he does incredible, but he's been a massive kind of beacon for me. But also John Sophos, who's a composer in New South, in New South Wales, in New Zealand, who's my, one of my favorite people in the world, and, you know, he's, he's got adult children now. And, you know, he, he came and stayed with us, you know, when our, when our eldest was about kind of one and a half ish. And we would just sort of sit up the frontman hair, and just chat and just spend time together. And, and he said to me, that I, that he could see himself in me in the decisions that he made when he was a young parent, to put his his career and creativity on the back burner for a while and really hook in with the kid. He's now so close with his kids that are adults, you know, and he said that the stuff that you do now is it's fertilizer. You know, it's, it is lifelong. It's a lifelong connection. And, and you've only got one chance to create that connection. And, and he just said, Look, I'm so happy with what you're doing. Because he's, he's reaping the benefits of it now, with these amazing relationships with these incredible human beings. I know both of his, his his Well, kids so well, as well. And they're amazing humans, you know. And so I look at him and just think, right, I, it might be hard now, but I know that what's happening, what's to come is pretty, pretty magnificent. That's it, you're sowing the seeds to reap, in the field, you're out there. And I truly believe in that, that idea of we only get one chance at this, you know, I've got so many chances to write a new song. I've got so many chances to, to start a new band to, you know, book, a tour, whatever, you know, whatever creative thing. I've got so many chances and if one chance disappears, then there'll be another one. But right now this is my only chance to be to be Is that that kind of person? That I truly want to be as a father that, that, you know, absolutely. Connected? Absolutely. Kind of engaged kind of human around them. And, and you know, silly as well, you got to be silly. Get down on the floor got to get down on the floor with them and play. Yes, that's just so important. Yeah. And again, going back to the social media thing, I think I am using it as a bit of a kind of advice, I think. And it's starting to creep into my, my relationship with my kids as well, like, I'll be talking with them, but I'll be looking at FACP. At the same time, I'm like, Well, what's going on? I need to stop this war, because I don't I don't drink anymore. I stopped drinking five years ago. This is before we even started kind of talking about really having kids and while we've been talking about them, but actually, you know, trying, which I'm happy about. And so I don't have I don't have like alcohol to fall back on. which so many of us do, like, and I can see the power of alcohol as well to have a you just want to have a nice glass of wine at the end of the day. You know, alcohol works? Absolutely. So so I don't have that. And so is that why you cut it out? Because you could see your alignment team? Yeah, absolutely. And it's hard. It's been the hardest thing to maintain. But also, I'm feeling really good about it. Yeah. Good for you. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, right now, what is it? It's it's one one o'clock in the afternoon and I'm I'm actually drinking a beer right now. It's a It's so I'm still drinking but it's just non alcoholic beer and yeah. Thanks, great. Do rejoice, and celebrate when when Georgia, you know, has a swig on the tequila bottle. It's like it's pretty cool. It's just like, oh, yeah, you needed that you needed that? did want to ask me about your music around the children, particularly older daughter? Do you play your instruments around areas like she she's into your music? Here's how it goes. Okay, I sit down at the piano. I play one note, Daddy, stop. I sing a note. No, daddy stop. Yeah, it's been. It's going well, yeah. But she's decided that she likes being in the same room as me when I'm practicing the saxophone. Which I? Yeah, I've usually I've had to go to I've got it. I'm lucky enough to have a studio space as well. And so I go to the studio to practice and just because I know if I start playing, she'll run at me and yell at me. And, and I'm cool with that. Because I'm not forcing it on her. It's like, she is such a strong willed little girl. That that's just you know, it's a fight. I'm not, I'm not prepared to to embark on because it might just end up with her hating music. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't want to do that. I mean, she will never hate music. He loves music. She will listen to music all the time. She loves David Bowie. She loves like, she just loves music, which is fantastic. She wants to play the violin. And that's that came out of nowhere. I think just because we've been watching orchestral things and listening to orchestral things. Yeah, but so she'll sit with me when I practice. And so now, when I practice the saxophone with her, I'm purposely doing really simple stuff. I'm playing major scales. I'm playing scales and thirds. I'm doing things that aren't going to scare her away. So when she starts playing a musical instrument, she's already going to know the sounds and she's already going to know, like, how to practice. Yeah, and and funnily enough, yeah, like it was, it was amazing, like after, you know, a week or so she, you know, she came in with me a few times. She was just sort of sitting in the bar. Singing now she started singing this melody in thirds. She was makeup like, you know, corn and the fairy was things I think the singing in theaters and I'm like, Darling, are you singing what i've what I was practicing? She's like, Yeah. And I just thought to myself, well, there it is like it's Yeah, our youngest one. On the other hand, we can I can, I can pick up a spoon, and then drop it on the ground. And she will just go like, Oh, that sounds awesome. And she'll dance around. And she like, he is the absolute opposite she like you put on any kind of music and she just explodes. Right? They can pull up this and I, you know, and I play, you know, I play the anything that she loses. She goes crazy. When I put the blender on in the morning. She thinks it's the greatest sound in the world. And she's just sitting there dancing to the funny. Yep, she's just looking for any any opportunity just to bust out anyway. She's just, she's just hanging? Absolutely. Oh, look, I know that those qualities that that, you know, the oldest has are only going to be kind of her, or that they're going to be her superpowers when she's older. You know, it'd be so easy for us to to destroy that part of her. You know, but we want we're embracing it. Because, you know, the world needs more powerful women and she's, she's gonna take on the world. And I I wish anyone luck that stands in her way because they will not win. But that's, that's what I love about her as well. As challenging as it is. And as hard as it is to deal with sometimes it's actually like, pretty exciting. That she's gonna be that kind of person. Absolutely. Thank you can't wait to see can't wait to see what she doesn't care. She changes the world. Hope she's my manager actually. Even my manager, my bouncer. Yeah, personal security guy. Oh, that's so awesome. It is important for you to maintain who you are as a person outside of your role as a parent. Absolutely. Because, you know, as much as, as much as we say that, you know, we're the same person. It's, we're not, you know, and, and, and I really do believe that the identity is is incredibly important. And, you know, but but you need to know what, what that is, as well. And so, you know, what, what is my identity? And like, what, what do I identify with? And you know, what makes me me? And I've, yeah, there's a few things that make me me. One of them is, is reading, I read a lot. And I still read a lot. And I the one thing that I've kept from my, my life, pre kids is reading. And so every night I've read, it might be two pages. It might be two lines, it might be 100. I don't think I've, I mean, there might be some nights where I'm just absolutely smashed, and I just need to go to sleep. But generally, I'll read. So that's, you know, that's a big thing about my identity that I've kept. And that's and that's a silent part of my identity as well. But it's such an important part of me and a part of my life. And if I wasn't reading I yeah, I wouldn't be very happy person. And so So yeah, that that is the one thing that I've been, I've kept control of my identity as a musician. I don't think that changes because my identity isn't just about me, my identity is actually in other people. Now that might come out to kind of strange but, you know, in the eyes of of, of my public and the people that enjoy my music, they don't see me as a father. They see me as out of page the bearded musician So in many ways, my identity still exists. Okay? So that side of it, my public identity still exists. And if I, if I'm, if I'm trying to kind of, you know, simmer away at projects, and which I have been doing a bit, it's been more than simmering, it's been boiling sometimes, but, you know, if my output remains, then my identity in the public eye is the same, it just keeps growing, I guess. But yeah, but personally, it's quite simple. For me, and, and it's, and it's reading, it's listening to music as well. It's a big part of my journey of my, my kind of journey of being a better person is exploring other other music and letting the music in, rather than just leaving the music out. And, and that's something that I can do with my children as well. And, you know, I can share that. And that's, in many ways, kind of really helping our relationship as well, because they're growing through music. And, but then, but then, you know, you kind of have to ask yourself, you know, who am I and, I mean, who, who I was yesterday is different to who I am today. And who I'll be tomorrow, and that's just, that's totally, that's up to me, and it's up to my, my mindset at the time. Because if you think that your, your identity is fixed, then then you're missing out on so many other air like factors of your life that you don't know, existed. And so, I, that idea of identity is is kind of attached to the idea of self, you know, what is self what is, you know, it's just, I don't know, I feel like my my identity is who I am right now. And, and who I am right now, is someone that's, that's in a bit of a creative funk. And I'm okay with that. Because that's who I am right now. You can except, yeah, except that except that that's what it is. And if I, if I accept then if I was to be like, Oh, I should be this person, I should be this, you know, multi award winning bla bla bla bla bla, that's, that means nothing. Who I am right now is who I am right now. And so that, to me, is preserving my identity because I'm accepting my identity. All right, we're going deep. Oh, I love it. I kind of I need these conversations as well like because, you know, I do I do talk with friends about this stuff, you know, and it always makes me feel better at the end. So it's nice that we pressing record think the big takeaway from this for this, there's any, any fathers listening even mothers as well, is like communication is just key. And, and talking about the things that you really want to do. And then finding a way together, to be able to do them, you know, like, just being open, and communicating has just, it's just made it made made potentially sticky situations. really manageable. You know, and as I said, before, we've got so much help from from family that yeah, we're so lucky. We're very lucky. Very, very, very, very lucky. I'm eternally grateful for for the people that help us and help me actually it's mostly about me being able to realize not some of my artistic kind of, you know, dreams if you must. Yeah. So yeah, it takes it takes a village

Natalie Harrison Australian jewellery designer S3 Ep89 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts This week I welcome Natalie Harrison to the show, Natalie is a jewellery designer and maker from Nairne, South Australia, and she's a mum of 1, soon to be of 2. After finishing school, Natalie wasn't 100% sure what career to pursue, so she went into social work, and after a period of this found her passion in design, and went on to study Interior Architecture and Interior Design. From this she gained a job in the industry and for many years she was incredibly driven, in the toxic culture of the industry. 2.5 years ago Natalie left and she now works 4 days a week in her jewellery design business. Her life is so much happier and less stressful now, designing and making earrings and jewellery with her husband in the hills outside of Australia, South Australia. She is inspired by her love for art deco and creating something different for her clientele. She creates vintage inspired and art deco style jewellery and playful statement earrings, using a combination of wood and acrylic materials, Natalie designs on a vector programme and laser cuts on a machine and then assembles, and does hand painted items also. Natalie's business name "Little Geraldine" is a derivation from appreciating the "little" things in life, and a nod to her late Oma's favourite plant the Geraldton Wax. Natalie - website / instagram / facebook Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online, I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast. The art of being a man would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on has been the bone take people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Hello, and welcome to another edition of the podcast. It is a real pleasure to welcome you. Thank you so much for joining me. Whether this is your first lesson or your 100 and verse. Listen, it's so lovely to have you here. Just a quick plug before I get into today's episode, I'd like to remind you all that I now do a weekly email, which you can sign up to via the podcast landing page at Alison newman.net/podcast. In the weekly email, you'll not only get some more information about this week's guest, but you'll get a sneak peek at the upcoming week's guests. And I've also been putting together some more information, things that I don't share on the Instagram or the social media pages. And it's also kind of in the back of my mind that if anything happens to my accounts if I get hacked or shut down for whatever reason that there is still a way to communicate with you. So please go in and sign up. It's just once a week, I don't send any spam. I don't forward your details on to a third party or that sort of privacy stuff. It's pretty important to me, so rest assured, I will keep your information safe. So onto today's episode. This week, I'm very pleased to welcome Natalie Harrison to the podcast. Natalie is a jewellery designer and maker based in Nan in South Australia, in the Adelaide Hills, and she's a mom of one soon to be a mum of two. After finishing school, Natalie wasn't 100% Sure what career to pursue. She went into social work briefly, and after a period of time, found her passion in design. She went on to study interior architecture and interior design. And from this she gained a job in the architecture industry. For many years she was incredibly driven and experiencing the toxic culture of the architecture industry. And two and a half years ago, things came to a head and that lady left she now works four days a week in her jewellery design business, her life is so much happier, she's enjoying the little things in life and life is a lot less stressful. She designs and makes earrings and jewellery with her husband in the hills outside of Adelaide in South Australia. When designing your earrings Natalie is inspired by her love for art deco and also to create something different for her clientele. She creates vintage inspired and Art Deco style jewellery and playful statement earrings using a combination of wood and acrylic materials. She designs on a vector programme, laser cuts on a machine and then assembles and also does some hand painted items to Natalie's business name is Little Geraldine. And this is a derivation from appreciating the little things in life. And a nod to her late Omar's favourite plant the Geraldton wax. Welcome to the podcast. Natalie, thanks so much for coming on today. Thank you so much. Oh, great. It's a pleasure to have here. So you are in a place that I know where it is in its name. Yeah, yes, man. What was your Baghdad beer? I mean, it gave me yeah, I've got family in Mount vaca and strathy. Alvin so nice. Because a lot of people, a lot of people don't know when in is even if it's only about 45 minutes, sort of like an hour out of the city. But what are the times if you say Oh, I'm from Nana. You know, Matt Barker? Pretty much yeah, You're very close to me. Yeah. Have you always lived there? Are you from somewhere else? No, I'm I actually grew up in the city. I'm a I'm a city girl at heart. But kind of as you do you meet somebody, and then you kind of have to negotiate on your living location. Right. So my partner, he grew up in the Riverlands. And he's not a big city person. So I mean, I think he would have really loved to have moved a lot further out. But I worked down in the city, he worked out in for a while he was striving to just bury, if you know which areas? It's a good three hours drive. Yeah. So we tried it. But he had always intended to sort of move closer to the city. And anyway, so we kind of negotiated because I didn't want a big, isolated property, because I've always had a boy's been surrounded by people. And I still wanted to be close to my parents as well, who still live in my childhood home. So yeah, we just kind of negotiated and went around, we'll do kind of rural but still like, you know, there's a lot of build up around us. Yeah. So it doesn't feel quite so country. But yeah, and it's been good. I haven't. It took a little bit of getting used to in the beginning. But now it's just yeah, I can't imagine us ever moving back to the city. So yeah. Yeah, it's a good company. Yeah, I still work better myself as a city girl. Yeah. And like Mount Barker seems to be getting bigger and bigger and bigger, spreading exponentially. So I mean, you'll be a CDC and anyway, the way it's Yeah, I know. Yeah. And I'm just waiting for my partner to be like, alright, it's too there's too many people out, because it is we're really lucky in the location that we're in, in that we have this big hill on the opposite side of our house. And it's kind of too steep to ever be developed. So we're hoping at least for a while that it will stay that way. So we still kind of feel like we're in the country. But yeah, the matte black is spread is it's going to join the gap between you know, where there's still agricultural land. And you might you won't know you're in the country anymore, I still have trouble actually referring to it as the country because it's, it's really not. So you a very creative person, I've been following your creations on Instagram, so you make jewellery, which is really, I haven't had anyone on the show yet. That's a jewellery maker. So I'm honoured. So tell us what you use. And what's your style, I can't describe it. I know, I can describe the Art Deco, which is really cool the earrings. But yeah, I'll hand it over to you soon to take the lead on it. Well, I came from an architectural background. So before I started doing this, I was working in architecture, and all of my sort of early stuff was very Art Deco inspired. And I think, like, I still kind of try and stick with that as much as possible. But I don't know why I just had I had this art deco obsession. And I just wanted to, I guess express that in other forms. Because you don't really get much call for Art Deco. You know, when I was working in architecture, you didn't really get much call for that kind of style. And so that's sort of I guess, vintage inspired and Art Deco was kind of where it all started. And then I the more markets I did the more I kind of interacting with customers. When I wanted to start making it a bit more financially sustainable I guess. I sort of responded a lot more to what customers seem to respond really well to which is I tried out this kind of quirky, playful I guess it's personality dependent, kind of range and people just responded to it really well. So I've been expanding on that as well. So there's kind of the playful statement, quirky. I like to call it, you know, my emotional because people tend to buy them because they have an upset right now working on a range of cows, because they have an obsession with ours, or somebody who has an obsession with cows. So, yeah, I feel like those are kind of my two styles, I guess. And the Art Deco one, I think, is more of an my personal expression. The playful and quirky one is sort of, you know, I'm willing to make the customers happy as well. It's always really nice seeing people's responses when they say even if they don't buy them, when they see, you know, what I've got on display. So but, so we, we design them, and we do it all with a vector programme. And then it's all laser cut on a machine, and then we assemble them. And that's a pretty basic explanation of how it's all done. There's obviously a lot of design process that leads up to it. And it's just a composition of acrylic, and timber. And then we've got some hand painted stuff as well. So that is it. Pretty much. Yeah, those are pretty much the mediums at the moment. Yep. Yeah. And yeah, some of them are incredibly intricate to like I've seen on yours, like he's sort of behind the scenes, stuff on Instagram about the level of detail in some of the designs. Yeah, work that you need to do, then to assemble them is pretty full on. It can Yes, and it can get quite tedious. And I have to be very careful, too. Because that obviously started as a passion. And I wanted that to be something that I continue to enjoy, I have to be very careful that I have a balance between pieces that are more simple to make and pieces that are more intricate and challenging to make. And just a guess listening to myself when I'm not feeling or when I'm not feeling it, basically, if you know what I mean. So so it doesn't become a chore for you to Yeah, to resent doing. Yeah, yeah. And it's taken me a while to get that balance. But I think, yeah, it's slowly getting. Yeah. So you said we so who else have you got doing it with you? Yeah, so when I say we, I pretty much include my other half, because he not from the very beginning. But more recently, he's sort of gotten quite involved in it. We treat it a little bit more as a hobby for him because he works full time. And he's the kind of person who, if he could do everything he would, so it's just, it's just trying to, you know, maintain his manage his stress levels. But he does a lot of the kind of hand painted timber designs that we work on. And also, I say really, because he's quite, even though he's, you know, it's obviously not really his job. He's very supportive. And he helps a lot in terms of not just emotional support, but, you know, he's there at markets and you know, he's always giving me his feedback about designs and, and all of those things. So, yeah, to me, it feels very much like a we Yeah, even though it's my it's my business and I'm running it and I'm responsible for it. He's always there. So yeah, yeah, that's fair enough. So you said you started out with architecture, how did you get into that was was that a passion of yours? Sort of growing up and design or? Um, it was it's a long it was a long journey, I think. Because I didn't go straight into it out of high school. I was not a I want to say like, I feel like I wasn't particularly driven to be anything in particular once I finished high school, and so I, I just kind of went for a job that might have been decent paying. But I was always really into design when I was in high school. But I was always really worried when I say I wasn't very driven, I was always really worried about the amount of competition and pressure and all of that, that would go into getting into any kind of design field. So I just didn't want to do it basically, was I was young, and I was just Yeah, I would just want to relax a little bit. So I went into, like a social work kind of job. And then I did that for a couple of years. And then I think maybe we spent that time maturing and going, actually, it's probably worth me pushing to do something that actually inspires me. And so I went, and I think this is going back a long time now. But I think when I started, when I went to uni, the first time around the degrees were different there. So I think they only had architecture and Bachelor of design or something. But then, when I was in social work, they created a a degree that was interior architecture, and interior design had always interested me. So I kind of took that as a sign, I think and just went in and did it. And then I think it was four years or something. And then I'm gonna prove it to prove really difficult to get into. But I think I think timing was everything. And I just eventually ended up finding something and it just kind of went from there. So yeah. So it was it was a it was a process of I think just maturing and just following my my passion, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. It's sometimes No, you need to do something that you don't really like or not not super passionate about to make you realise that you really want to do the thing that you get that drive. Yeah, yeah. My, I feel like my son is going to be like that, like he's not, I don't think he's going to, he's not going to come out of school wanting to do anything in particular, like, he doesn't have this thing in his head, he just wants to do something that he likes. So it's gonna be fun, fun couple of years, I hear so many people saying that these days as well. And I still feel like, it's so young, to decide what you're going to do for the rest of your life. And in reality, so many people I know, have changed their careers multiple times anyway. It's all just winging it. Like, it's ridiculous to be asking your child, literally a child, what they want to do, because they haven't been in the world to see what it's like to do that, or not want to do that. And you know, like, I always say to my son, like, I was almost 40, before I found, or actually probably 35, when I found the industry that I am so passionate about took me that long to discover what I actually wanted to do. And the thing I'm doing now was never on my radar, as a teenager, like would never have thought of it. You know, I'd say just mate, don't worry about it. Just do something you like in the rest of your life that way through your life. As long as you can feed yourself. It really doesn't really matter. That's easy, isn't it? Yeah, it's easy. So you're talking about you to your markets, and you have the online store? So is this something that you do full time now? Are you still doing architecture? How does how does it sort of fit in with your days? No I so architecture ended up becoming not the most comfortable career for me to be in because it was quite stressful. And so I actually left with the intention of just taking a break because those suffering so much from burnout. And this was kind of like the hobby that I was going to do to keep myself entertained while I worked out what I wanted to do. And so I left and I just kind of never really went back because I just was just like so much happier now why do I need to and it's exactly what you say just do what makes you happy. So you know why? Why go back? And I was really worried that I would would fill the pool To go back and wouldn't be particularly happy just doing what I'm doing now, but it's really nothing compelling me to go back to pictures. I love that. Yeah. Yeah, it's got a, it's got a bit of a reputation, unfortunately for being. Yeah, just a time just a little bit toxic. And so I've just decided I don't really need that. And you bring it home, you know, I've got, I've got a kid, and you bring it home with you, you know, and it just just end up at the end of the day not being a very nice person. And it's just like, I don't have to, I don't have to put that on the her. If we can survive, you know, the way that we are now. So sorry, this is four days a week for me. Four days in air quotes, because, really, let's be real. It's a get it done whenever I can get it done kind of thing. But I'm lucky that my daughter's that candy two days a week. And then she's with my parents two days a week. So I do have that, you know, Monday to Thursday, but then there's always stuff that needs to be done on the weekend. And oh, yeah. And I guess being on time. Yeah. And like being on social media. Like I think there is no, there's no office hours is there. It's like people message all at different hours of the day and night, depending on where they are. Exactly. Yeah. It's just and I'm, I'm a sucker for that too. Because I don't want to miss opportunities. And I don't want to I don't want to be inaccessible. Even though being too accessible is an issue in itself. But yeah, we'll be sitting there and I'll be watching TV with my partner and I'll be relaxing, but I'll be scrolling through my social media, I might get a message and it's you know, 930 at night, like normal business hours, nobody else would expect you to respond. But yeah, he's gonna do it anyway. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a really, really bad. Yeah. Your Own Business. It's so you're so emotional about it. You don't want to do anything that's gonna put it in a bad light. Yeah, responding responding to people straight away is obviously, that's a good thing, right, that comes across as a good thing as a customer, I guess. Yeah. It's hard to it's hard to create those boundaries, isn't it? Especially, like, on Instagram, when we're on Facebook. I remember three years ago, I noticed this, like you were getting a rating, depending on how quickly you responded to customers. It was like, this is the average time this person takes and I was like, oh my god, now we're getting judged on how quickly we get back to people. Like I thought Bloody hell, that's a bit of pressure, isn't it? Like, so much work. I don't know how you feel about Instagram, but Instagram drives me completely nuts. With like, and sometimes I'll just kind of stick away from it for a week or two, because I just can't, I just can't be bothered. Yeah. And it used to be something that I enjoyed doing. But then they kept once you become a creator on there, or you have a business or any kind of investment in actually becoming visible. Then it starts becoming a whole nother thing. And you're constantly fighting out about, you know, the algorithm changes. Or don't do this, do this, or now this Yeah, and the real was and just yeah, that's just like, you know, I'm just gonna do whatever. I can be different. Yeah, that's how I feel like years ago, I remember there was this girl in our town who was doing these face to face trainings on all these because when Instagram started to get serious about business when he started, you'd be able to get business accounts. And it was like, dude, now don't don't put any more than so many number of hashtags. And don't edit your post so many minutes after you've posted and all this in Sacramento go do all this and then eventually I just went oh my god, why? Like I did it was same thing. I just couldn't be bothered, like, Yeah, I know. I know that like this used to be fun but now and that's what I take a step back. I'm like, I'm not enjoying this anymore. And yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna stop for a little bit and then I'll go back to it when I feel like it. But yeah, it's like he's 30 hashtags. To use five hashtags in your in your description, put them in your used friending sounds don't use defending sounds. Yeah, I can. I could go off on a tangent about it. But yeah, it's just unfortunately, we rely on it too much. But what are we gonna do? Oh, yeah, the whole thing. And it's like, it's it's created this whole world where if you want to be in it, you feel like you've got to do it the right way. But then I just think stuff. And I'm not going to do that I'm going to be a rebel and just do it how I wanted to, and who knows if it will work, or it won't work. But I don't care. Because I don't know. I just do you ever find yourself sort of trapped in that comparison hole where you kind of? I don't know, maybe it's just me, but you. Sometimes you look at other like, for me, I might look at other earring makers and go like I'd have grown so much faster than I have. And then I just have to stop myself and go, Well, we're different. You know, you can you can you just wonder Yeah. It's so easy on Instagram to compare yourself to other people and see that as them being more successful. Yeah, because the numbers are right there. Yeah. But in that, yeah, there's a there's a little bit of mental gymnastics that goes on when it comes to dealing with social media, I think. Yeah, for me, anyway. Oh, yeah. You do sort of have to have the blinkers on I think like, because it is easy to get distracted. But I always tell myself, like, I bet you get them to like, every day you get messages are, build your followers pay this matching, get whatever. And I'm like, maybe they just did that. You know, like I tell myself these little stories. It's like, just worry about what you're doing. Allison, like the classic example for me was this this lady particular guests that I've been trying to get on my podcast, and I've been in touch with her agent, who is also a husband. And he's like, Oh, she's been really busy, whatever. And the next minute, I saw she came up on someone else's podcast. I was like, that's not Yeah. So that was that was a mate and I had to go Elson, just relax. You don't know how long it caught it. You don't know what the circumstances were? Get out of your head and forget about you know, scroll. But you do you see these people getting these opportunities that you're not getting it? And what am I doing wrong? Yeah, but there's so many factors that come into it that you don't, that's yes, yes. So that you have no idea what's going on with someone else. And it's so easy just to see that tiny snapshot and make that massive, like judgement and assessment based on exactly right information, basically. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like that, too? Like you mentioned, you've got your daughter? Do you find that to with your parenting that if you're following particular people, and they're doing this or that you sort of question yourself? Do you do that? Yeah. There's this whole gentle parenting movement thing going on at the moment. Sorry, I didn't laugh. But I have to be very careful. Because I mean, I think we all try and be gentle with our kids, right. But we all have breaking. I think most of us experienced that witching hour at night when you've had a really long day, and you just are not getting through to them because they're overtired. And but that's, that is probably my biggest. Oh, this one I get stuck on a lot on social media is that gentle parenting? And I'm like, sometimes I raise my voice. Should I be looking into this gentle parenting thing? I haven't looked at it in that much depth. But there seems to pop up a lot. I don't know, social media is trying to tell me something. I've seen it a lot too, lately. Should we read into that? Yeah, and then, even on my because I have, I've got my business profile. And then obviously, I've got my personal profile, which I'm not very active on at all. But every time I switch over to there, I obviously have a lot of a lot of friends. And we do lead I guess. I mean, we all live different lives. So you do sit there and you compare, you know, they're doing this amazing thing with their kids. And, but also at the same time, I never really posted anything about social media, I'm very private in that respect, even on a private account. So you can scroll through, you know, one of my mum friends feeds and it'll be very colourful with their kids and, and all their family activities. And mine has, I think, maybe two or three photos of my daughter on it. So it's not, but I think, yeah, with my private account, I think I've only got, you know, 20 or 30 posts on this. It's not Yeah, it's yeah. But I do I'm very conscious of the whole. You know, it's so many snapshots of people's lives. Yeah. So you got to talk yourself down a lot. But yeah, I couldn't relate to that. Yeah, yes. There's no photos on there of people fighting with their children in the mind to quit their shoes. Somebody needs to just record the whole witching hour process. But I do follow a lot of a lot of moms now who are just taking the piece out of that really, like, I've found that there are some really good people I follow who like into, they analyse different ways of parenting, so they're not telling you what to do. They're sort of picking apart different things. There was a lady I had on my podcast a little while ago. Her name is Elise Adlam. And she does, she's a feminist, and she's a philosopher. So she spends time reading and researching and then sort of sharing her findings on it. So she's not telling you what to do. She's just giving you a different way of looking at things. And I found accounts like that. And people that are basically comedians, making fun of what it's like to ask someone to put their shoes on 20 times, you know, that's the sort of stuff I follow. Now, I've sort of had to switch off from the people that made me feel a little bit uncomfortable, because I was like, questioning myself too much. Like, I don't need to be feeling like that. You know, you do what you got to do. This is me in my home in my country, my town, it's totally different to you know, everyone else. We're all very different. Yeah, so yeah, I need to get on. Oh, absolutely. You know, everybody's got their different challenges. So yeah, yes, yeah. So I feel like that's, that's suiting me a lot better. Now. I can never laugh at something. And then I can learn something. Say, Hi, Elise, if you're listening, love your stuff. I have to look that one up. Yeah. She's actually created, she's sending out if you get on her email list, she does a, like a reading list of feminist and then sort of reading lists. So you can and you can choose medium hard or extra hard or whatever, depending on how hard how hard you want to go into, or how long you've got to read or how, you know, your mental capacities at that time to whatever to write. And I'll find that rule number two. Yeah, I love learning. So yeah, my backgrounds in early childhood education. So I find that sort of stuff really interesting gives you a new perspective on things that you might never have thought of so yeah. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, I listened to him. And this, this sort of might tie it be into social media. So I've segue onto this topic of mom guilt that I love to talk about. And not because I love to say, hey, tell me how guilty you feel. Or don't you know what I mean? I just find it really boring. covered that. Yeah. Do you feel like that in terms of your own creativity, though, like when it's time for you to make your stuff? Do you have that? That feeling of cute. I think one of the hardest things I'm finding with running my own business and having it be less regimented and structured than the nine to five that I was doing before. I call it nine to five but it wasn't really a nine to five it was a, like I said, quite a stressful industry is that I do have trouble sort of creating and sticking to my own boundaries. Like we just said before, where I'm texting people, and I'm, you know, supposed to be having downtime. And I do find if I don't reach a point where I'm satisfied with how much work I've done, or, or especially when I get into the creative process, I need to finish it. I can't sort of stop creating something halfway through because there's a momentum and there's a thought process and that does sometimes overlap with when I really should be paying attention to my daughter or helping out with you know, dinner time and time and all those things and I do get a lot of I don't get I don't get anything from my partner or my daughter. It's really just me. And you know, those times when my daughter says that she misses me. Obviously that's, you know, that can sting a little bit. But yeah, I do find I'm sort of having my own bound, or sticking to my own boundaries with regard to balancing between spending time with her. And working can be really tricky. So yeah, I think it's it's definitely there pretty much daily. Don't think that there's necessarily an answer to it. I think it's just trying, keeping trying to maintain a balance, I guess. Yeah, that's it, isn't it and what you said about that, it's just us it feels that way. It's not coming for anyone else, that that's such a common thing. Like, yeah, I would say, you know, everyone that talks to me about this topic, if they're, if they're feeling that it's, it's, it's all us, you know, no one else telling us this stuff. It's just we're doing it to ourselves. It's not nobody's coming up to you and saying, Are you being a bad mom, because you're working? You know? I've never really had it sort of verbalised to me, I've never, never had anybody say anything kind of, you know, like, that connotation of, no, or, you know, you're, you're not a full time, stay at home, Mum. It's my own expectations of myself. But yeah, and then when you're when you're running a business, it does bleed into every minute, and hour of the day, so yeah, but, ya know, nobody's sitting there and telling me that I'm doing a bad job at being a mum. You just you do it to yourself. Yeah. You come up with it all on your own. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's a horrible thing, isn't it? concept of identity. Did you hear you saw yourself? Did that change much when you became up? Yes. But not, it didn't really change for me until I tried to go back to work. I tried to get back to work, I did go back to work. Because before I was before I had kids, I was very, very career oriented, orientated. And I remember feeling, you know, I'd go home at the end of the week, and I just couldn't wait to go back to work. And it was just me and my partner and our dogs. So you know, it was it was nobody really kind of relying on me to be. So I was very self centred in that respect. It was just, I just want to go back to work and, and, you know, I had projects that I was really passionate about, and I was trying to progress my career. And you know, I was feeling very successful, I guess, in my own right, in that sense. And then I had my daughter and I stayed home with her for until she was about eight months old. And then it was at that point, I started kind of itching to go back to work. And I went back and it was just like, like, somebody flipped a switch. It was just I think when I, when I went back in the beginning, I thought it was just, you know, a transitional thing, because I was getting used to being away from my daughter all the time. And it was driving down into the city every day. And I kind of put it down to that. But then, after a while, I kind of realised my drive for my career had kind of stalled. And it wasn't everything to me anymore for obvious reasons. And, yeah, that that whole being you know, this single career driven woman just wasn't there anymore. I think a bit of it was it was related to sort of being unhappy with my return to work with that particular company as well. So then I I switched companies and things improved a little bit, but there were other problems after that. So you Yeah, I think I think there was a definite shift there and it was very, very noticeable for me. Yeah, So is that when you decided to take your break from it? Was that all? Year? Yeah, so I think I worked for them for I don't think it was quite a year. And then of course, we had COVID go through all of that. So that, you know, everything was changing. And I just couldn't. I just couldn't settle, I think. And then the projects that I was, I was working on really stressful, and I wasn't getting the satisfaction out of it that I used to so. And then that kind of overlapped with the earring business or the jewellery business. And after a while, all I could think about, I remember, at the very end of when I was feeling really unhappy, all I could think about was creating things. Not I mean, because obviously, I was creating things working in architecture, you know, designing these spaces, and, but I think I just wanted to, I had all these ideas that I feel like this trauma or whatever it was that it was going through, just kind of flip the switch in me and all I could think about was just anything I could do that was creative, that wasn't architecture. You know, it was thinking about writing books, like writing kids books, and, you know, painting and macaroni or you know, all of these things. But I'd already kind of started the jewellery hobby at the time. And all of these kinds of new ideas came, so it felt very kind of transitional in that sense. Yes, sorry, I forgot what the question was. I went off on a tangent then. But no, that's no, that's a good. So have you ever tried the other things that you're thinking about doing? The painting? And? Not? Not really. Thing is, I get, I am the kind of person who I can fall into the trap of having all of these ideas, but then overwhelming myself and never really focusing on one. And so the jewellery thing was, was me putting my foot down? Myself? going, No, this is what you're doing. It's working, you're enjoying it? Don't ya, I had to tell myself to stay focused. And so I do some of these other things as a hobby. But nothing that and you know, you don't want to you don't want all of your hobbies to turn into money making endeavours, because that generally can sometimes ruin them? Yeah, yes, I have to be really careful, really conscious of that, I think what I'm doing now, is trying not to kill the creativity, the enjoyment that I get out of the creativity of the side of the business, because when that goes from a hobby to actually being able to having to take it seriously, you shift from, you know, 80 or 90%, just creating stuff to 80 90% administration. And then a small amount of that is actually creating so yeah. And like you said before, you're thinking about what your customers want. So it changes that level of creativity. Like, yeah, he was saying, you get that free you that enrichment and that enjoyment with the Art Deco, but then you're conscious of what people want to buy more aware. So yeah, it could, it could sort of a bit murky couldn't like, it can Yeah, not that but I mean, in in that other respect, I still get enjoyment out of making these other most more playful pieces for customers because of the reaction that I get. And the whole reason I started that business was my little slogan, I guess, is creating moments of joy. And that's what I'm what you deliver when you see it when customers see things and they and they like it. So yeah, it still serves the same purpose. Good now that's cool. When you're talking about that, then I just got an image of the you make these little octopus one. Yeah. So cute. Like they're one of my best sellers. And it's unique to kids like you don't see that kind of stuff. Like that's really cool as well. Thank you. Yeah, we do. And it's such a competitive field to be in as well. So constantly trying to We'll do things that are different and identifiable as well. Because when you're really trying to build a brand, you know, if you get the feedback that people recognise them and know where they came from then you don't feel like you feel like you're doing. Yes, yeah. When people go to market and they want to find the, the lady that makes octopus earrings, you know, like, that's you. Yeah, that's exactly what they'd say. But you know what I mean, from what I'm trying to find. So how far sort of far away do you travel with you market to you? I mean, I've never I don't want to say come to me and came here. But one day we've, we've travelled pretty far the furthest I think we've gone is Kadena, which is about a two and a half hour drive. But at the moment, not, we're not going as far. Most I've actually got another I've got another girl Julie in on the fifth of May. I'm actually she thinks I'm actually six months pregnant. But the concept of doing markets at the moment is quite draining. Yeah. So it's, we're sticking quite locally, but I think when you know, things, blow over and we settle down again, we'll start doing we actually quite enjoy the you know, we're very outdoorsy people. So we've got caravan and, and all these things that we can sort of do big trips with and then do markets. You know. Obviously, we've gone I say that but we've actually gone further than container. But I'm blanking on the name of the town now. Just it might come back to you has actually we have actually done we did a road trip to absolutely terrible with names of towns. But we made it we made a good a good weekend of it. So I think we'd like to do more of that kind of stuff. Yeah, we were big trouble with Yeah, maybe check to make a note at the Christmas probably not. Coming back to their identity. Is it important to you that you're more than an I wanna say just a mom putting that in air quotes? Because we're never just a moment but is important to you that that you've got something for yourself? That's just yours when you're Sydney, share with your husband, but you know what I mean? It's your it's your passion. It's your outlet? It is because and I'm yeah, I'm always so careful about saying just a mum as well, because I think it's it's pretty hard work. Her mum. Yeah. And I think you know, if you find fulfilment in that, that's great. But I did kind of start going a little bit crazy at the end of my maternity leave. Being a stay at home mom. So for me having my own thing that I'm doing is important to me. And I think, you know, I've always kind of seen that with my parents, you know, I don't really remember a period where my mum was just a stay at home mum. I mean, it might have happened when we were born, but she, she's always been working. So maybe that's where that comes comes from. I don't know. But I guess I kind of want my daughter to see that it's okay for us to pursue other things as well. And it's really important to me to communicate to her that she needs to be happy in whatever she's doing. And that was my big thing between changing from architecture to this is that it's not just about making money. You know, you've only got one life You've got to be happy. Don't I? I really don't like the whole, you know, just working so that you can enjoy retirement. Tell me about it. I'm married to a financial planner know, I honestly, I struggle with it. Because you're like, you're alive. Now, you who knows what could have happened, you know, tomorrow 10 years down the track 20 years, you might not be there for retirement age. Like, I really struggle with that. So it's the funniest estimate, you need some time? Yeah. And a lot of the things we want to do they require us to be physically well, so yeah, we're better off doing it now. You know, we, we try to take trips and spend as much time out in nature and, and all those things as we can. So yeah, I just I think my big thing is just making sure that my daughter sees that, you know, she's got control over. I mean, she's only five, she's not probably not really registering that yet, but it's good to start me. You know, you know, that was, you know, five years time I might be, you know, might be different. I don't know, but, ya know, I think that's a great attitude to have. I feel like that with my boys. Like, I've got three sons, and it's like, for them to, to get used to the idea that a woman is not on this earth just to be a mother. Or a waitress, or cleaner. Or a slave for these boys. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah. And I grew up in a home where my mom did everything for us. And because, you know, her mom did everything for her. And that's how it was and, and I feel like, the last thing I want my kids to think, is that, that that's what I'm here for, like, I actually feel really, really crossed. If I think about that, if that's what they think I'm here for it makes me really mad. It's like, No, I wasn't not to wait on you. And so yes, if I can instil that in my boys, I will be. Yeah, that's the thing. And we're very welcome very equal share of the housework here, kind of thing. So my partner is very lucky, loves to cook, eat clean the, we don't really have that domestic struggle as much as most people do. And I think that's really good. Because then my daughter sees that she can't have standards. Doesn't have to just be like, well, this is my, this is my life. I'm the housekeeper. And I mean, if that's what she wants to do, that's fine. But she, yeah, she can have expectations of her life partner. So, yeah, I think if I had boys, I can be quite stubborn. So I don't think I would respond very well to, to that kind of expectation being projected on me. So no, I, I mean, I just I say that a little bit in jest. But like my husband's similar, he cooks like because I don't eat meat. So we've gotten this good habit where he cooks for the boys and I cook for myself. So they say that men do things apart from that, but I just just, I don't know, I've just got this thing ingrained in me that that's how society sees mothers. And I'm just really desperately trying to make my kids know that that's not right. And our hierarchy, the exception where the dad cooks, like there's lots of homes where dads cook and dads clean dads stay home with the kids and moms go to work like, I don't know, I'm just really determined that they don't. It's just diversity in general, right? You just, you just want them to understand that everybody's different. Every family unit is different. People look different people talk different. People have different types of relationships. And that wasn't really a thing during when I was growing up. I wasn't really something that was kind of openly talked about. Yes, yes. You kind of had to work it out. So yeah. And in our town like mint, Gambia, for those who don't know, we've only got maybe 30,000 people. I don't know if even if we've got that many, so we're not a very big place. So when I was growing up, there wasn't cultural diversity. We didn't have you know, people that that didn't look like me so, and now we've got a lot of like refugees have settled in the country. We've got in the town. We've got the Karani community that's really big and people from the DRC. And so my children are growing up with children in their class that aren't from Australia, and the English isn't their first language and I reckon that's fantastic. You know, yeah, I agree. We should be more of it. Like I feel like I missed out Growing up, because I, I still have heaps of pimples and I was really interested in people from overseas, but I never really got to I mean, now I'm working with them, which is awesome. And I'm always asking that question to them probably driving them nuts, but I'm really interested in, in other people's experiences and what it was like living in somewhere that I've never been teaching. Yeah. That's, that's why we travel, isn't it? But yeah, I'd love to so multicultural. Yeah, and I definitely want her to be exposed to lots of different backgrounds. And, yeah, I mean, I think that's pretty normal, isn't it? Yeah, it's easy. It's a good change what's your website where people can check out these beautiful designs that you make? It's www dot Lidl. geraldine.com.au I was gonna ask you where did that name come from? It was it's actually I get this so much. People either assume my daughter's name is Geraldine Oh, my name is Geraldine. I'm getting so used to being called Geraldine. Now I'm just I don't know, but I, I actually, a little part of it came from the concept of wanting to enjoy the little things in life. So when I started this business, it was through COVID, as I think most small businesses did, and I was getting really dragged down by the by everything that was going on. And so I was trying really hard to focus on small details and little things that were making me happy. And so that's where the little came from. And then the Geraldine is actually a it's a nod to my grandmother's favourite plant, which was the Geraldton wax. Yeah, we just had to sort of morph a little bit because little Geraldton didn't sound particularly a little Geraldine. So that's kind of where the little Geraldine came from. Gelatin wax. So do you do you say your grandmother is like an influence on your life and your creativity and what you're doing? Yeah, what was she, I mean, she passed away a long, long time ago, but I do remember having lots of conversations with her about just life and what you know, what we wanted to do, and, and all of those things, and she had a pretty tough upbringing. But we were very close. And, you know, we spent a lot of time together. And I kind of, I always try to remember her in a lot of things that I do. Like, we've got a lot of children WebParts in our front yard, and I've got a lot of her trinkets from her house, in my house. So I just like to, I like to just remember, you know, loved ones as much as I can just keep the memory going. So yeah, that's lovely. Lovely. I'm glad I'm not the only person that asks the question. I feel a bit like, oh, no, sorry. People either just assume that that's my name, or they ask the question. That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I really loved your chat this morning. It's been lovely way to start. This with baby number two. Thank you. And hopefully I'll see you on that again. Beer at some point. Yeah. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from LM Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson and her husband, John. If you'd like to hear more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

John Anderson Australian musician and composer S1 Ep08 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts To mark Father's Day here in the Southern Hemisphere I share 3 special episodes where I chat to 3 creative dads to get their take on things, how they continue to make music while being hands on dads. In this first episode I chat to singer, songwriter, producer and multi instrumentalist John Anderson. John is from Mt Gambier Sth Australia and is a father of one. We chat about balancing creating music with working full time and parenting, where he finds the time to record these days and how dads experience guilt. Listen to Johns various music incarnations - First Thrown , Trev and Alemjo Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ John's music used with permission When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from artists and creative mothers sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mum and continue to make art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Thank you for joining me. Today I released three special episodes to mark Father's Day here in the southern hemisphere. I chat to three dads to get their take on things and how they continue to create well being hands on debt. In this first episode, I chat to singer songwriter, producer and multi instrumentalist John Anderson. John is from Mount Gambier South Australia and is a father of one. We chat about balancing creating music with working full time. And being a dad, where he finds the time to record these days, and how dads experience guilt. I hope you enjoy. Welcome to the podcast. John, it's great to have you on this special episode. Thanks very much, Al. So I've got to tell you, everyone, first up Johnny's my brother in law. So some things we might say, might go over people's heads with that. So why don't you tell us about your music, how long you've been playing? How you got into it, all the different instruments that you play and that sort of stuff? Right? Well, I guess I started playing probably. I think back when I was maybe in year, seven or eight possibly. I had my oldest brother's acoustic guitar, I believe that he had left home when he moved out. And I was just basically playing sort of one string just intending thing. And just yeah, just moving my fingers along the fretboard and finding notes. I thought, oh, yeah, I could probably get into this. So yeah, I was mucking around with that. And he had a bass guitar, too, I believe, which I sort of tried to play as well, which was basically just a bigger version of a guitar. So I had a bit of a muck around with that. But yeah, that's, I suppose the very first music thing I ever really played was probably the guitar and up to this time still playing it, obviously. But yeah, and then I guess it was probably after that would have been a drum machine I think I got which was some kind of small little Yamaha thing that I'll look at did the job. But yeah, I was just just had like little electronic pads that I just had the drumsticks and I'll just be hitting on there and making little beats. So yeah, I guess that's my first introduction to drums. As the years went on, I think it was about year 10 I saved up and got my first electric guitar. And just basically self taught myself and which was very basic stuff at the time. Some of it still is to this day. Yeah, so I think get from there. It just grew and yeah, that's pretty much where it all began for me, I guess. Yeah. Yep. So you've never had any formal lessons and you never know. So and this would have been before the days of YouTube where you could actually watch someone teach us so you truly are self taught? Yes, yes. Yes. Now is probably as I got older and into the teens, I guess you'd have you know much over at a friend's house or something. And the thing at that period of time was obviously Nirvana tunes and but the thing I remember most would have been Smoke on the Water by deep purple which I think most I know a lot of rock or metal heads would know how to play that so so that was but that but back then that was what it was, it was just you either see music videos and sort of watch that evening you can't really see what they were if you got a really keen oil good or you could see what they're playing on the guitar but it was more more or less you know if you could read music you'd you'd be reading notes and whatnot, but for me it was just sitting around with friends and playing his horn you going on What have you done then I'll give that a go and they smoke on the water. High School in the 90s for you. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, what were the other things that you were listening to? influenced you back then. Back then I was a rap head and a metal head. So I more I think from recollection. Well, going back in time a bit, I suppose the first a lot of music was from my oldest brother who was into a lot of various stuff, it was off the top of my head, it was like violent femmes the cramps. I can't even remember some of the other bands, but there was just all lucky like midnight oil and just a real big range. And then my, my other brother, he was quite strong into rap music, so they'd be public enemy and NWA. Or there might have been a bit of Run DMC in there too, I believe. So there was a lot of rap music. So I had a lot of interesting sort of, I guess was like independent. I don't know what you'd call a lot of that stuff independent sort of rock, pop rock or you just really experimental stuff, but then there was the hip hop. So I was into that. And then probably early teens, I think one of my friends got me into sort of heavy metal so it was a pain Tierra I'm sure nothing other pains now pain tear. And I as it was funny because as a as a joke, there's there's a band Napalm Death, which are still alive to this day. But one of my friends actually had a tape of which one of his friends gave him it was. I mean, for people that don't know Napalm Death, there were like a grindcore band that back in the early days just played crazy, fast music that might even last five to 10 seconds. That's how long the songs were so. So we listen to that as more or less a joke within you'll listen to this crazy stuff. So But over time, I sort of started actually think this is pretty cool. Actually, he was going against the grain. It's not normal, a normal strong structure. And then I had some other friends that really got into it. And so that was interesting. But it was a more or less more pan tear and sort of those heavy bands back then. But also Yeah, the grunge scene. So say obviously Nirvana and Pearl Jam Soundgarden. All the good ones. Yeah, so it was there was a bit of a mixture there. But yeah, now the year, I was definitely part of the grunge listening crew so. So with your music, I know that you've done quite a lot of different genres, for you to get into these different sort of styles of music, because it just, you're influenced by what other people listening to what you heard, you never really had any sort of idea that you were going to play a particular kind of music, you would just open to any sort of influence, I suppose. Yeah, it was, I think, yeah, just whatever struck a chord. And I guess for the majority of my stuff, probably lies in the realm of sort of extreme or hardcore or something like that, which I've just always been drawn to that sort of abrasive style, I guess. And it's, yeah, I'm sort of, I guess there's an expansion lot. There's different elements to a lot of that music. But yeah, it's just, it's just what sort of grabbed me so you know, from playing sort of heavy, heavy rock. You know, it's, it's just got a, notice a certain feel to it, that I've that I've always been, I've always felt sort of connected to so I'll play that. And then yeah, obviously, there's more extreme stuff, like you might be death metal, or black metal or grindcore, and all that sort of that sort of stuff. And, and that's just, it's just this sort of slight sort of therapy in a way, I guess. But it's just something that I just found that I could see myself doing and then sort of went down that avenue and and then yeah, like obviously, as times gone along, there's been other sort of genres, as we call them. That might be a bit more sort of a bit more lighter, you know, not quite as heavy and like, for the last, maybe the last five to 10 years has been like I've got into a lot of instrumental rock metal bands and stuff that have a lot of layering which, probably to this day, I don't think I can create a song without lowering, lowering to hell. So but you In a lot of that's just like this sort of wall of sound that, that I'm drawn to with just sometimes it's probably a bit too busy but, but just hear like so many different instruments coming together as one and it just max this out and it just makes this terrific sound that just pricks the ears up and you get right into you're dead. Tell us about your little person, a little person. She's Ruby, she's turning five soon. And she at the moment is singing the house down. And from what my, my wife Emma, your sister said she's. And I think you've said this too, that she's got a very mature, powerful voice and I know it's powerful, that's for sure. Yeah, wow. Really, but, but even this morning, I think we were just chilling out lying on the bed and just had an hour, she just built it out this chain and just, you know, my ears almost exploded. But it was good. It was good. But yeah, she's just just so enthusiastic with singing and obviously being around Emma. And an M is teaching her you know, not I guess not forcing it, but just sort of giving a little hints along the way of how to project it and all that sort of stuff. And yeah, she's, she's, she loves so much that loss of musical for a really it's just everything could be just create everything could be broken down into a song really so. So she's now she loves singing and yes, she's just Just a happy little girl that goes around singing and loves loves being a kid, I suppose. So I know personally, Ruby's had access to instruments and like the keyboard and things like that, from a young age was that important for you that you wanted to share that love and that experience of music with her? Yeah, I think so. Because it's, it's a part of me and Emma's life, I guess it's so he's been pretty strong with this. So I thought, you know, without pushing it too much, but that, you know, rubes you know, would have you know, say like, I've got a like a little Yamaha keyboard that just gets around the house. And she's she's played that and you know, even like a little ukulele and but yeah, like without saying you know, you've just have a go at this play this just just sort of have it in front and see what happens. And yeah, like, over the years, he's played some tunes even one that I actually recorded think she's I could almost use that and like an intro for a song or something. But yeah, now she's, I think I think it's good. Even if parents aren't into music as much, I think if they can give kids that option to just try it. Because it's just such a awesome thing in my eyes anyway. To have music in your life, so yeah, and if kids get into it, they get into if they don't, they don't, but IRIB seems to be she seems to enjoy it. Definitely the singing part. So yeah, I think it's I think it's pretty important. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So you've done a lot of writing and recording yourself over the years, has it been something that you've gone into? It's like, you find that you said it's so important in your life, it's something that you go to, to, you know, work through, you know, challenging times in your life, it's sort of the therapy like you, you use that word. So it's been there for you all reckon yet, I think it's always regardless if it's been a therapy, or just, you know, jumping in the room and recording something that's just, you know, for a vibe or a feeling you've got I think it's it's definitely a form of therapy and yeah, so sometimes it might be just jumping in there, and, and just seeing what I can do and other times, like, you know, really, you know, feel in some of the day and you just think, you know, sort of out and I'd like if it's if you haven't, you know, a bit of a bit of an ordinary day or something like that it's sometimes it's good just to just go in the room and and see what syrup pours out. And yeah, and if it works out, just hit record and see how it goes. And so, yeah, I'd say that some, not maybe probably maybe half and half a lot of it's got more out there, what would you call it more? There was more emotion probably put into it. And whereas others are just more of a sort of a creative work, but yeah, for sure. I think it's definitely a therapy. Which, definitely, sometimes with a heavy music, I think not that it's has to be evil or anything like that. But I think as aggression goes and letting out frustration that I think sometimes that can be good, especially if you've got yourself a drum kit doesn't have to be great. But jumping on the drumkit and thrashing the living heck out of it can be quite, quite good. Yeah, soothing, you know, you can just lash out and then just say, Ah, that's better. So, you know, the better if you've recorded it, yes. How do you go these days when, as a father, you work full time? How do you find the time to actually get in there? And like you said, if you just want to get something down, or you have an idea, like, how do you manage that you sort of in your day to day, I guess was you know, it's very tough. I think before before rubes came along, it was you know, you could you just basically had the freedom to at night. You like for instance, or remember, I could be in my recording room. And it could be a as you might be aware of this, it could be hours have passed, and Emma might knock on the door and come in and say Do you realize what the time is, and I'd be looking at my phone or something going on. So time just goes and it's to me, it's good. Because when you're being creative, I think you need that. You need that space and time. Even if you're even if you're not doing anything, which in some people's eyes might be just you're just bludgeoned to sing, you know, you know, just playing a tune on a guitar, but you're, you're constantly thinking and, you know, thinking of stuff, whereas now, since Ruby has come along, it's sort of almost like scheduled time, which don't get me wrong, you can still be creative, but it's it's like you've got this vise on. It's sort of like this, you've got this timeframe like, right, you know, I've got maybe an hour tonight to, to work on something. And you know, you could spend 55 minutes of that trying to work it out. And then you've got it. Ah, well, look, time's up. But yeah, I guess it's definitely, time has been a lot more restricted. But, but you can still make it work. It's just, it's just a bit bit harder to sort of relax and have that vast freedom that you used to have, but it's like, you can't just get there when the moment takes you. You can't just go oh, I'm gonna go do that. Yeah, well, there has to wait till seven o'clock tonight. Yeah, yeah. Hold that thought after bedtime. Yeah, she just like, how do you go then in the house now with rubes to like the sound like the noise out? How do you manage that? Like, is that hot? Well, I guess the majority of my recording that I do now is pretty much at night time. So really, when she's asleep? That's probably when I do the majority of it occasionally. I might do some in the say in the daytime afternoon, or whatever. And I'd have I'd have the door shut behind me and if I'm playing guitar or something, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and I'll hear a knock or something and I'm thinking I've got five more seconds please just wait wait but then you know if I get interrupted you know, that's just life but it can be hard but do I think now know that I'm probably strictly a night recorder now so so yeah, things just have to wait. I mean, I can still play guitar or you can think of things during the day and you might you've got like a little recorder next to you can think of something not that I'm a singer but I'll try to sing something and have an idea and then I might put it to you to use later on, but yeah, it's just, it's definitely a nighttime thing for me now. So So we've seen obviously, with going back to the time restrictions, you're sort of, you know, if you're working what not, you can't be up all hours, like when you're in your younger days and things you can bounce back in the morning. So it's you still got to get your beauty sleep. So. So yeah, that takes takes a little bit of the hours out of the day, but you just got to work with what you got. So yeah, that's it, isn't it? It's all about negotiation. And when your time is not your own, it's like the end. Gotta get in there somewhere. So do you do collaborations with anyone at the moment? Yes, I've got an old friend though. I went to school with Steve, we've got a little music project called early LIDAR. It was a it was originally a three piece we had a our other friend Edie who he was missing in action for a lot of years. And he was a hard man to track down but but only the last three, I think last three years, we have been sort of messaging each other over messenger or text and saying we want to get back into it and, and interesting, like with COVID. And sort of traveling and whatnot. We worked out a a little system that he could record guitar parts and his vocals and he sends them to me through Dropbox. And then I put them onto my recording desk, and I programmed drums to order and mix it. And I haven't mastered it yet, but I'll get there one day, but mix it all up. And yeah, and we've made two albums since 2018. I think it was and you're in the process of doing a third one. So you were pretty pumped with that. So yeah, that's been a little bit of a project. But well, I suppose also there's a lamb Joe which you'd be familiar with. Other people about Allison and John LM Joe meditation, music and music relaxation and it's fantastic you did just everything and then Emma and I just rocked up and did some lady does over the nine it was a team effort team effort. So what instruments did you play on that just for the familiar that was only did guitar and keyboard for a couple of the songs I believe and I think that was was about it? I think there might have been some drum program now I can't really remember do not have layering in all layering is no reverb. Oh, I'm a junkie for reverb. I'm trying to cut back on my reverb these days actually. Yeah, you can't you'll be in trouble. But yeah, it was so that's that's what I did and then you ladies put your your lovely vocals to it and a bit of a flourish with the maybe the tambourine a little bit of percussion singing bowls to a blouse Yeah. That was a fantastic project which is about to turn six yes yes wow crazy Steve that you do your you collab with your album? Is a dad as well. Yes, yes. Yes. So he's facing those same challenges when when he's gonna get back to you and get it down. And he's so really apart from yourself and Emma when she's, you know, when she's got small times to do music. I don't know too many other people, personally that, you know, fathers others that doing music that Steve? Yeah, he's, he's a sort of a, I guess a fairly new dad too. But yeah, he's, he's definitely he's a, he's a boss. And he's so he works a lot of hours every week and just to find the time from working in family life, and then you went, he's got a moment, he'll jot something down and, you know, send it to me. And then you are not happy with that. I'll send you something maybe tomorrow night, depending on how the night goes. And that's what I normally say the interest will say to him, you know, the call, I'm gonna try to work on that tonight. But fingers crossed if we have a good night or a bad night. So we've rubes if she wants to go to bed or doesn't want to go to bed or something or, or something. crops up, but yeah, that's, that's, that's how he works too. And just finding the time and the heads just can be can be tricky. But you can do, you can just get the time in somewhere and make it happen. And sure might be you'd be more drawn out. But if you, you keep the fires going or you work, you'll get your end product somewhere down the lawn. So that's the thing, you've always got an intention that you want to you want to do what you're getting back to it, it's just that slotting anywhere so when you're doing that work for a living, how do you sort of come up with those songs? Pretty much improv. It's sort of, I guess, it's playing something quite mellow for a start. And it just, I guess, finding a train that's I guess, sort of resonates with relaxation, and all this, all those wonderful things that come with it, and then you're just finding the guitar on top of that, that fits in, I guess, with the most was what we call the root note, whatever you want to call it. And yeah, just I guess just saying what fits with what and then as you be aware of the songs, they almost seem like they're sort of two halves put together. So the first first is normally that you know, the same sort of change and then second half the songs completely might go completely somewhere different but but yeah, it's just all I guess, improv feel. And just see what comes out. And don't get me wrong. There's been a lot of scrap papers I'll be playing now. But now I'll get something that I think so not too bad and and record it picks it up and so you guys just keep keep building on it and seeing what what happens so you touched on the in John, that there's not too many other musicians in your circle that are parents. So have you sort of found it hard then to, I guess, have a role model or some sort of guide of how you're supposed to do this? How you fit this into your life and keep creating more you're such a hands on parent. Yeah, it's yeah, it's I suppose it's a tricky one because I can't I can't really Yeah, I haven't really rolled off anyone you know, apart from you might see some YouTube clips of say, Dave Grohl or something with his kids. And not that I'm comparing myself to grow here but but, you know, all these big musicians and you can watch a clip of them in the studio when their kids are coming in saying, Hey, I thought we're gonna go swimming or something. Daddy just got to do this guitar beat and then I'll be right there and like, now I can't really you haven't really got any anything to really base it on part from just my own experiences and just over time realizing what works for me and yeah, and then just just going with that and then obviously, as time goes on, and rose gets older, it'd be probably a bit easier because she's been more independent. And you know, it's, you might be on whatever more time to then expand on recording, but just the whole process, but for now, it's just chipping away at night time. On st. So I want to touch on the topic of identity. Obviously, I've been speaking to a lot of moms about this, but I wanted to delve into the debt side of things. You see, when I talk to moms, it's easy because they fail Oh, yeah, straightaway. Because it's like, a massive big deal today to be who you are doing whatever you like in the world. And then all of a sudden, you're a mom, it's like, you only exist for this child, like you physically exist for the child. But I guess, for a dad, who, I'm not being rude, you're being offensive and all that might take the second role now overloads for mothers of their mothers different, definitely different for the mothers and the fathers. Even the father does a lot. It's just, I suppose, you know, organically and physically and all that stuff. It's so much different for the mother. It's just just the way it is. But we my eyes anyway. But yeah, I think, yeah, I think for fathers, it does change, but nowhere near as much. As a mother, I don't think going through all that sort of identity, like of, you know, keeping your sort of individual identity. And sort of just trying to separate sort of that. motherhood, fatherhood to your individual, I think it's, it's, it can get lost in the waters can get a bit murky, but, but it's definitely very important to have those two separate, because, I mean, you just, you, you think you just run yourself silly and you end you lose that individual identity. And then I don't know, maybe a lot of the passion that you might have for music could sort of wither away a little bit. Because you just feel like that you've you've got to put family as a priority. And then this is so exhausting. And draining that you might, you might lose that identity a bit. And it's easy to just go there. One day, I'll get there. But I think if you can find the time to even if it's a little bit just to separate them and to keep that individuality is very cool. Another topic that I talked to the mums a lot on this show is about mum guilt, and I do it in the air quality is hashtag Mom, do you find as a dev that you've experienced anything like that? doing the things you want to do with to keep your because it is so important to you to keep doing it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'd have to say there is there is some some guilt sometimes like, say, for instance, if you know, I've talked to me about you know, like, spinning when allocating some time, in an afternoon or something, just to work on some music of something, and everything's perfectly fine. And that but, you know, being in the room, you know, I've got my headphones on playing guitar, I do I have that thing in the back of my head that's burning a bit saying or maybe I really should be out, there's, you know, it's the daytime, it should be with my family, what am I, you know, being a bit selfish being here. But then, you know, if you've got people around you that are, you know, being honest with you, and insane, you know, that's, that's, it's fine, what you're doing, you know, and I think you've got to realistically look at yourself outside of yourself and think, yeah, it's actually this isn't too bad. Like, um, you know, obviously, if you lock yourself away from everyone, you know, it might be a different story. But if you, you know, if you're only spending a bit of time here and there, and trying to you know, just keep that creative spark going, like, I think that's a good thing. You know, all parties have said it, go ahead and do it. And so, yeah, there is one live inside there isn't there is a little bit of guilt. But yeah, it's I think that's just a human human response, really. So. You'd have to be maybe crazy to think yeah, you're not. Yeah, you know, being guilt free, but yeah, just it's just a tribe and we'll we'll see We're talking before about when you're creating when you're in the room creating and you get the little knock on the door. Ruby's quite aware of what Dad's doing in there with his music. Big Daddy. Oh, so let's drop everything attenuate needs. But she's quiet. She knows what you're doing. Does she try and get involved with music? Do you I think I'll probably, I don't think we'll have actually been recording anything she has bought, there's been some lovely little moments where I think I've got a couple of videos of where I'll be playing guitar or even not even playing guitar and Ruby will say, habit daddy ever you play guitar and I'll dance or sing like, okay, so I'll put the guitar into the app and just strike out anything and she just be dancing around like a free spirit. And yeah, that's that's quite nice to know. Which is, which is a good thing to go back to kids with music. If, if kids love music come in. It's even if it's just a an improv thing, whatever, just to play some music together. Doesn't matter if there's mistakes or whatever you're playing. If you're playing in tune or not. I think it's it's a really great thing to just just have a little thing where you're just playing music and dancing and singing and carrying on and it's just such a warm vibe you get from it. That that's really important. But yeah, there's been a couple of instances where she might say, you know, Daddy, you should record me doing this or doing that today. We could do that. Walk around, but I don't think there's been any recording as of yet. Anyway. I think the day will come and the day will be coming. So I'm looking forward to that. Because yeah, it'd be it'd be really great to have a as a part of something I'll create down the track on it. Awesome. Awesome. So good. Yeah. And she's actually influenced your work as well. Is there's a song that you made when just after she was born? Yeah, actually, yeah. The the day she was born, actually. I think I recorded a little number on my electric acoustic. And I think I snuck in before midnight on the day. So yeah, I think we're just because Emma was in hospital, and I went home for the night and go back this occasion. So I think I just think of just whatever come to my covenant, my fingers and my ears and the ability to tune in it's, I think I've called it welcome my daughter, I believe so. Yeah. And I guess yeah, she's, I suppose, probably with the music. I don't know if it's, she's or father would change the way I've done music, but definitely thinking of topics or issues. If I do write lyrics for a song or something, I guess that's probably where it might have changed because of a father would no say just genuinely getting older and your views might change and definitely your thoughts changing the way you look at the world changes as you get older. So yes, she's probably changing in that aspect of thinking about the world. So is there anything in particular you're working on at the moment, John? I think just, I think the cogs are still in motion. It's just, I think the stuff I'm doing with Steve early later, I think we're still working on a few songs of that here and there when we got the time. But apart from that, it's just when I've got the times to jump into the studio as a call and see if I can be a bit creative, but it's just a it's just a matter of keeping the machine greased and kick the kick the ball rolling and say what the future has in store. Thank you so much, John. It's been a pleasure chatting with you on this special episode. All the best with the music and I'm sure I'll see you soon. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. Welcome along late. Thanks so much for being part of this special episode. No worries. Thanks for having me, Allison, of how to listen to a couple of the podcasts so far. And it's sounding really good. So yeah, it's great to be a part of this. Oh, great. Thank you. All right. So for those people who aren't familiar with your music, and what you've been up to Jordan, give us a rundown of how you got into music, what the, the style is, and what you what you're up to at the moment as well. Yeah, for sure. So I got into electronic music, been a DJ. And I also studied audio engineering at SAE in, in Melbourne. So I was, you know, recording bands and stuff like that in Melbourne. And then also DJing on the side. And, and when I sort of, at the end of my finishing up doing DJing, I just wanted to sort of make music and, and at that sort of stage, I sort of got into the electronic music field. And, and yeah, started sort of producing tracks and making music and just my own sort of own sort of style sort of thing. So yeah, that's how it all sort of started out. I was I started out as a punk DJ, like I was at nightclubs in Melbourne, playing, playing punk rock music, and, and, yeah, I used to record bands and stuff and do sound engineering for a fair few bands on the circuit as well. So when I do, you know, between their sets, I used to DJ at the clubs, and then they come on afterwards another mix them while up on stage playing. And that's, you know, that's my early roots has always been punk rock. So, you know, I grew up listening to that, you know, no effects and, and all those sort of punk punk bands, you leave sort of Green Day stuff and living and and all that. And that was the scene I grew up in. And, yeah, that's sort of sort of how my music career sort of started out really, it was, like come from, I've never been really musical as such, but I've always had a fairly good ear for music. So it was more to do with audio engineering and stuff like that. So yeah, but when I first started out as an audio engineer, it was a long time ago. And we were, you know, Pro Tools just sort of started the, the digital era was just coming out. Well, I was I was back when it was, we were recording off of like tape and stuff like that will cut and bits and pieces. So it was a long time ago. And then it was just sort of for me into that digital era. So yeah, it was a it was good time. And that's Yeah, so my early, early parts are all punk rock. That's, you know, that's where I sort of started the whole music sort of thing with me. So when you say, pre electronic sort of equipment, does that mean you were DJing? With proper records and that kind of stuff? Back in the day? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. That's, that's how, you know, we, as DJs when I started, like with the punk rock stuff, it was all on CD and stuff, it had nothing really to do with with mixing as such, you would just drop any music after the song had finished. So you just had to have a really good ear to what would come on after that track it was so it was really just whatever you wanted to play. But then when I that's what sort of got me into electronic music was that it all had to do with like BPM and actually mixing the song and actually making songs really mash together really well without sort of, you know, missing a beat. That's what you couldn't do that with punk rock music, you know, you're just playing songs after songs and just trying to keep the crowd entertained. As much as you want to do that with electronic music, you've got to be a good mixer. And starting off, too, with turntables, like I had a, like a reasonable time on turntables. But I wouldn't say that my main DJing was with turntables that was sort of like, turned over onto that the CD sort of format, and we were sort of mixing off of CDs and CD decks, the early early CD decks and stuff like that, but we were, you know, you had to be a but you had to be a good DJ, to, to be able to get by back then these days. You don't have to do anything, you can just push a button and it'll sync everything up for you. And, you know, the kids love it. So that's a lot. It's, it's a lot different. It's a lot different these days. So, yeah, yeah, for sure. I think a lot of people now just press play and especially the young kids doing it now they don't seem to be actually mixing live as they're going, Oh, it's 100% I you know, my club times in in Adelaide. You know, I sort of that's where I sort of finished my my DJing career is was I had a a like a residency at the casino where we go and play there. Uh, you know, every every Wednesday night, and it was it was really good vibe and everything like that, but we used to go out a lot. And afterwards and that and to other clubs and you go there and you just go up and have a look and see what they're doing. And you would see people push and play on, like a mix on on, you know, like a Spotify mix or something like that. And that was what they were doing. And I'm like, what, like, what are you doing? Are you actually doing anything up here or, you know, and a lot of did it lost its vibe, because the people, they actually, they don't really know how to mix at all, they just have got a sink on their on their mixer. And, and it pretty much well, you know, everything comes together and you get you can't get by if you go to a club, and you sit back and you listen to music. And you either know if it's a shit DJ, or a really good DJ. And that's, that's these days, you can go out and you put it to work and you'll you'll know straight away if it's good, it's good. It's a real skill then to as a DJ to raise your audience to get those people back on the dance floor. You've got to know your stuff. Yeah, that's 100% Like, yeah, definitely, if a DJ doesn't know what he's playing, or, you know, gets up there and, and hasn't got the right tools or, or, or know how to work the decks or anything like that they can fail just so easily. So yeah, it's just it takes it takes a big skill to, to do it. And yeah, a lot, a lot of guys out there are good at it are really good at it. And you don't actually seem or I don't know that many DJs that are right into producing though, even though like most of them are just you know, they just do their weekend DJs and stuff like that. So DJ gigs, so you know, you you don't like the music you're making now you're doing that all from your house, and you're working with people all around the world, which is really exciting. Yeah, 100% the music I make now is basically a collection of music that I made probably around about 2016. And I'm still making music now. I just a lot of the stuff that I made, I put a lot of time and effort into it. So I seem to like go back and revisit a lot of the older stuff that I made. And just keep working on on that. Yeah, so now i i Just jump online, I've got a master over in America that I use. And he's put me in touch with a fair few people to collaborate with singers, the Charlotte law crews from the UK and n a fair few other artists that I that I just work with. And just mainly for vocals. Yeah. And it's just really fun. It's just fun to sort of have a bit of a hobby and a passion for music and still be able to, you know, put something out there at the end of the day and have a bit of fun with it. So yeah, that's my sort of main thing is just as long as you're having fun with music, that's the main thing for me. Absolutely. You've got a young family. Tell us about your your children over there in Victoria. So I've got a young boy named Fletcher. He is coming up to three years old. And I've got a little girl Lexie and she's around one and a half our Lexus she is so yeah, we give her we just call it Lexi. So she loves that. So, yeah. keeping you busy at that age, the two of them run around. Yeah, they sure they sure. Are they sure are they they they cause plenty of headaches but they both really good kids and yeah, we love them to death. Yeah, so how do you go then finding time to to get stuck into your music and create when you've got little people? Do you sort of try and do it at night or weekends? How do you make it work? This is basically my time now it's like minute they're the kids go to bed at sort of, you know, seven o'clock, eight o'clock. As I come up here I've got my own sort of studio up in what I call the schoolhouse, it's like an old converted schoolhouse. So it's just got like, a bed for friends to stay in. And it's just got all my computer equipment and stuff like that up here. So I just sort of come up here and do my thing. You know, it's it definitely has been challenging, I must admit, like coming from you know, just having a partner and being able to do music and that whenever you wanted to to then only doing it at night time you've got to try and really, you know focus and yeah, try and make the time that you've got, you know, make it work. Yeah, yeah, make the most of those limited little slots liberal hours. So you also work you also run a farm I believe so. You're you're pretty much burning the candle at both ends. Really? Yeah, yeah. So we've got a three and a half 1000 acre farm over here in Kassadin. And me and my dad work here on the farm. And we've got like, roughly set like we're in about 350 head of cattle, and so maybe closer to 400 and, and two and a half 1000 sheep here on our farm, so, so it's extremely busy here during the weekdays plus, up in New South Wales, our my brother, my older brother, he has his farm up there, which is around about 13,000 acres. So we used to split our time a lot in between the properties and work both sides of it, but now we tend to sort of stay one end and the other end of my dad sort of floats in between the property. So yeah, we're pretty flat out over here all the time. So, yeah, absolutely. And it will be challenging then to try and, you know, with the kids, you wouldn't actually be able to sort of float between the two properties that easily when you've got your Yeah, that's right. Yeah. 100% it's made it made a lot different. Now having that having a family and stuff like that, it just changes things a lot. You know, so but you know, that's just the part of having a family I guess you've got to make you got to make changes yourself as well. clincher is actually in one of your music videos recently. So I do I do a lot of my own music videos. And I've been doing video for a long time, probably just as long as I've been doing music. So that's one thing I've sort of thought about doing is like, just just do it, just make the video yourself have a bit of fun with it and make it yourself. And they they just love it. They they love being a part of anything. And then when you go back like, you know, if you put if you put TV on and YouTube or tractors on, then you know he gets really grumpy. So that so when he gets on YouTube, and then he sees himself on there, he thinks that's the best thing in the world. Like he thinks it's the funniest thing ever. And he will watch it repetitively all day. And Lexi, well, she just loves it, so she can't get enough of watching him or mommy on there. So they love it. So the I'm going to try and incorporate that the kids into as many of the music videos as I can just have a bit of fun with it. Like I was thinking about sort of getting something, you know, professionally done up and I'm just like, what, what's the hell, you know, like, just just have a bit of fun with it and do it yourself. It's always like, always think that if you have a crack at it yourself and it comes out real raw, it sometimes makes it give it a more feel to it, then then something that's over produced or anything like that, like, you know, you'll give your fuel footage to somebody else. And they'll wrap their hands all over it and, and make it glossy and everything but it doesn't seem as raw as as sometimes. stuff. So, yeah, we just had had a lot of fun making the video for DJ bitch. And yeah, we filmed it on our property. And yeah, we always had this idea to do it. But it was just really an idea. And let's let's just do it. And we had this footage. And it was it had just been sitting there and I said to laser I said we've got to finish it with like half it was shot. And I just sort of started putting it together and it just sort of slotted in really well. And yeah, before too long, I think, you know, the film clip I think was up to about 6000 views at last I looked it was it was quite a shock actually, but it's a good fun. It's a good fun video clip. So, you know, it was just a bit of fun and the kids love it. And like I said they just can't get enough of watching themselves. So it's really good. It is a great video and yeah, I didn't realize that you made that yourself. Congratulations because that is awesome. Yeah, now I do all the all the video on myself and then I get back to the computer here and and produce it all myself. So yeah, it's just fun. Yeah. So you used a drone in that video is that you do that yourself? Yeah, I got my I got my own drone. And so the drone shoots in full 1080 H HD and I use the GoPro as well to get mostly all the shots on the film clip because pretty much a GoPro these days, I just got some of the best, you know, the best pixels as well. They just come out amazing clear and you can just sort of go through and edit up your videos afterwards. So yeah, drone stuff. I've had a drone for a number of years now and yeah, I love love flying them and just yeah, really fun. You kids obviously know that you do your music is that it's something that you you love sharing with the kids, it's important for you to involve them in, in what you're doing. Yeah, for sure my kids really love music. We got a thing at our house that we just love to put on music, like around tea time, or Saturday mornings and stuff like that, it's always music going on at our place. And we just yeah, we just try and involve them as much as we can, you know, whether it's listening to my music or, or listening to other people's music, and they love it, they love dancing, and they just love being kids and, and as adults, mainly, so we both love it as well. So, yeah, that just we just make sure that they've got heaps of arounds, and you know, they're not too scared to have a bit of fun and dance around the living room. Here in my studio, I've actually got a toy toy room here for when so like, on a Saturday, if I'm, if I want to do music or anything like that, I bring the kids up here with me, and they've got their own toy room, and they'll, they'll play toys up here and, you know, push around the boats and the cars and stuff while I'm up here, you know, playing on the computer. So yeah, it's a really sort of fun environment for him. And we don't I definitely don't just run away from the whole family to go and do music. It's just, it's just, you know, Dad's up here, the schoolhouse, and the kids will come up here and, and, you know, they'll ride their bikes around in here and have a bit of fun as well. So yeah, definitely, they're very much included you seen do you find now have with the kids in your life, that the way that you write your music has changed at all? Yeah, like the, like you see the world a bit differently? Maybe anything like that? Yeah, 100%, I'd say, because my music is, you know, electronic and different. I'm just sort of really trying to create a vibe, as much for like, the, the kids and stuff, it definitely hasn't really changed my sort of style as much. Yeah, the only thing that that really has changed is that just not being able to have that flexibility time to you know, just just go and you will just have more time without having the kids and stuff like that you would just end up having a lot more time up yet up your sleeve to sit down and really concentrate on something, and you just win now doing music, you sorta have got to be in the right mindset, or else you just don't get it down. And if you not, if it just doesn't flow, it, you're wasting your time. So yeah, I will, I'll come up and play around with tracks like that. And it's just not working. It's just definitely it's not working. So you just stop and you'll come back another time, but it's it having children and music, you just got to really make time for your passion, I think. And yes, to having having children and stuff like that. It's, it's yeah, it's a great thing. And it's been awesome, but there's definitely challenges involved. And I think if I had children a lot, like, like, I'm 40 Now, if I had them when I was younger, I don't think I would have coped as well. That's one thing I don't really want. I'm glad I had children when I was older. I'm pretty, like I think I'm very selfish myself sometimes, like not now. But I was would have been when I was younger, a lot more selfish or and wanted to sort of achieve more. Now I've got that mindset that I've just don't don't really care anymore. Like I just want to have fun. So but um, but now, you know, been a bit older and stuff like that. I'm just a lot more chilled and just don't really care. And just like I said, I think for myself, if I just have music as a as a passion and a hobby, it breaks down those walls. It's just like, you know, if you achieve something, it's great, but you're not really focused on you've got it, ah, I've got to make the charts or I've got to sell music or anything like that. If people want to listen to it. That's fantastic. And it's awesome. And if you wanted to get shows, that's great. But if you really focused on that and it doesn't happen, it just breaks your heart all the time. And you just end up bearing yourself I think Do you just want to I just want to put stuff out there that I'm really proud of. And, you know, when I released my last album, I had had a lot of messages of people saying, oh my god, that song was just amazing or that was so great. And that's what it comes down to. For me, it's like, just those moments where people say to that, so I think it's really big. Shout out to people that, you know, tell that artists that you really liked their music, it makes a difference to people like it makes people be more productive. And they want to actually, you know, they want to keep pursuing their dreams. And I think today's age too, like with artists, were were artists and musicians and everything that's gone through the whole COVID thing. You know, they need you more than ever right now. People really need to stand up and say, hey, you know what? I'm gonna buy that CD. I love that tune. Keep doing what you're doing. And you know, stay positive because it only takes one person to say, oh, you know your musics crap. And you know, you suck, all of a sudden, that person just shuts down and then they don't want to do it anymore. So you know, as long as you know, since I've been doing music, I haven't even had one person say you, you suck or your shit. It's just like, everything in the music scene, I think is so positive. But we're just going through such a shit time with COVID that no guy out there's work and the poor old industry, music is industry is suffering. The venue's are dying up, they need you more than ever, right now. People, people like myself, anyone out there who's putting music together still is they need you. So, you know, the people out there listening and buying records, you know, they're awesome. That's what we, we do it for. So, you know, yeah. That's so well said. Yeah, that's the thing. And I think big Yeah, because we can't say, the audience face to face because we can't make those, you know, personal connections, it is important for people, if, you know, if you like someone's music, send them a message. And, you know, it's just that little, that little bit of connection, it's just enough to brighten someone up and, and keep them going. And like you said, it's, it's that spark that gets them going. So, yeah, and it's nothing is a stew it's not, I like appreciate so many different styles of music, like I listened to, you know, so much different styles. And even if it's not the general genre that you listen to, you know, just just let them know that that piece of music that that was awesome, you did an awesome job on that, you know, your vocal was fantastic on that. Just just let them know, I think it's like, that's the most positive thing I think with the with the music scene, the artists get behind other artists, even if you got a small majority of fans out there and you know, I don't consider myself having many fans at all but the small group that have that I have around me that they definitely don't shy away with saying hey, that's that tunes. Awesome, great job that's that's a sweet tune, keep getting maybe keep you know, doing that sort of style. It's a love it. So that's and that's what gives me a bit of momentum and stuff and just just to have a bit of fun with it too. So yeah, but it's definitely a struggle out there. And if you know if someone was doing this job at the moment full time and and you know looking for those gigs every weekend I really feel for those people at the moment I you know, it breaks my heart to to see how the music industry is going to recover from this because I know a lot of artists I know that the artists Charlotte lock the, the girl that featured on my album, she she ended up going back to work at a big company and I murder message not long ago and I said you know, how's how's the music going? And she was like, there's no time you know, I've got to get back to work and there's no no gigs. So and she you know, I couldn't never think this girl not seeing again because her voice is so amazing. And it just broke my heart to hear that you know this girl can't get any more gigs and she's had to go back to the office and start working again and slaving away to the man you know you mentioned briefly before Lacey your wife She must be very supportive of of what you're doing and helping you a lot. She's very supportive. She that she loves that she loves being involved. She's you know, probably my biggest fan I every track that I do or take part in in any small way. She's probably the first person who gets it is on that track. So I give it to her and and she'll listen and I'll say what do you think of this? And you know, what do you think of this and she'll be like, oh, yeah, I love it. I love it. I love this bit and you So that Yeah, cuz we sort of feed off each other a lot. And yeah, it's great to have somebody supportive that by your side or that, you know, is prepared to sit up all night while you're at three o'clock in the morning, you know, bouncing ideas off somebody overseas about some track that's getting mastered at you know, some ungodly hour or you know me waking up in the middle of night con I've got such a great idea for a video clip. So, she Yeah, she's really great and very supportive and yeah, yeah, I love her a lot. Yeah, and she got got a little bit of a go in the video as well. The music video. Yeah, she was up there dancing with flat chi and it was quite funny. She said I'll go up and dance with which I said yeah, get up there and have a dad so yeah, it was good. Mid say I loved the little little jacket that he had on too. Yeah, he's gonna wear that northern all the film clips we've decided he loves his he loves that jacket. He calls it his DJ check jacket so he really thinks it's really cool so yeah what if he got on at the moment or anything coming up that you want to share? I've got one track that I'm working on at the moment. I've just I've got another girl that's just doing some vocals for me for this track. It's, it's called creatures. It's one you've heard lately. It's like I really wanted to make something that was sort of like really on that that preset vibe that really pumped up sort of idea and just it didn't really have to mean anything. It was just sort of a like really pumped up track. Yeah, that's what I'm working on at the moment. So I just sort of had that mastered but let's come back and and why can't I just need something else to sort of give it a bit of an edge so I thought I'll try it with a female vocals. I'm just waiting for those vocals to come back and I'll put in the track and yeah, see how that turns out let me lose a happy move. I don't know what to do. Everything about my situation is a winner loser. I know the feeling of people when they don't do any bad. I made a choice to ignore my movie Jason bash. What is exact feeling when I listen to a couple of podcasts before? And he the people what they were saying about you know, and you know that they have music? And then that was on the backburner? Because they've got so much time, it's what happens. I think when you have a family, it's like so much gets put on the backburner though, doesn't it? It's like, it's incredible, that, you know, you've got all this, all this passion and all this art that you want to get out there and want to push out into the world. And all of a sudden, you can't because you're locked down with the, with your family and doing your doing the stuff that's, that's, that's important to them. And then all of a sudden, you can't you can't get it out. And then it's sort of built up, it really is built up, especially if they're, if they're, if it's a person that's putting out stuff constantly, and has a family and all of a sudden that sort of just kind of it's it's hard it's just about expressing yourself, I think and as long as people can keep getting it out there. That's the main thing. And you know, I imagine for women, especially having kids, it's so important to nurture those kids and you seem to be putting everything into the children I know from seeing it firsthand, through my wife that she puts everything into our kids and, and your wonder like now I've you know, she's focused on going back to studying more at nursing and, and, and that's something that she's passionate about and she loves so we make time to fit her you know, things that she needs to do to into into her life things but it's such a thing is like you know, when you when if you don't have an outlet somewhere or a passion and you've got nowhere to you know to do it, it builds up and you know, probably can end up being the falling down of your marriage or anything like that because you just got no outlet and you feel like you're locked up with the children and just having this dull life that you you know, that just ends up crashing around around you. If it doesn't have you don't have an outlet Thanks so much for coming on today. Like it's been great to chat and all the best with whatever you've got coming up soon. I can't wait to hear some new tracks from me. No worries. Thanks, Alison. I really appreciate coming on the podcast and yeah, I wish you all the success for it. It's sounds fantastic so far. And yet, let's hope you keep going with it in the future and it keeps coming out and bringing positive messages with it. Thanks for coming on today. Adam. It's a pleasure to have you join on this very special episode. I am stoked. It's I think it's important to to open up these conversations. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. So can you tell us about your connection with music, how you got into playing and all the amazing things that you've done over the years? All right, well, how long have we got? Look, I first got into music fully, I guess in in Mount Gambier when I was a student at at Grant High School. And that kind of led on to coming up to Adelaide to to study jazz and as a saxophonist, and from that point, I I kind of I don't know, I just had a setback and and let the you know, let the music guide where I was going and I've done all kinds of things in my life since then, musically from spending three and a half years on cruise ships. playing in the orchestra is on ships to you know, touring with with bands around around the country and around the world and playing in make millions of recordings and as I guess a freelance saxophonist, but also a lot of writing as well heaps of writing for small ensembles and larger ensembles. Currently, I'm I'm writing for the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra and have done multiple times in the last few years. I've written major works for New Zealand Symphony Orchestra and orchestra Wellington as well. I've traveled the world with my multi instrumental looping, improvised show. Yeah, I didn't know like heaps, heaps and heaps and heaps of stuff. And this. This stuff happened. I mean, you know, a lot of it happened before I was a father. But there's still yeah, there's still a lot of it that still exists. Just it just it just looks a little different now. Yeah, for sure. So you said multi instrumentalist? How many instruments can you play? Well, I own a lot more than I can play. But I mean, I guess the woodwinds are my first go to so you know, all of the saxophones clarinet, flute. Other flutes like Native American flute and Bansuri. But then, you know, piano has always been a big part of my, my sort of creativity. And the tools for writing sort of come from the piano. I play guitar, bass, drums and percussion. Yeah, and other bits and pieces. We eat instruments from around the world. But yeah, I guess you know, I call myself a multi instrumentalist, but you know, I'm I'm a saxophone player first. So you just you have a passion for just like trying out new things and just seeing what happens and finding new ways to do things. Yeah, I do I do because I mean you know musics music and the, you know, the, the fundamentals of music remain no matter what instrument you play. And so like I, you know, I play drums. Like, I play the saxophone, I play, you know, the nose flute, in the same way that I was, I would play the bass, it's just, you know, it's the same music but just a different different technique and a different, a different voice that you're using, but inside it's still the same the same music Let's go. And you went to New Zealand recently I saw on your Instagram. I did. And that was pretty lucky. I had been working on a on a saxophone concerto that was that was written for me that I had collaborated with as well in the composition process. And yeah, so I've been working on it for a long time. And I got up to a point where it was was ready, and I was ready to go over and work with this orchestra and, you know, do the performance and recording as well. And then, you know, some, some, some COVID business was starting to drop around the place. And I luckily, I got over, you know, before anything happened. And while I was over there, the Victorian outbreak sort of happened. And I luckily changed my flights earlier to go through Auckland and Adelaide rather than Melbourne. If I'd gone through Melbourne, I would have yet I would have been stuck. But yeah, I got back a day before locked down in South Australia. So I'm very lucky, I got it done. Because I think, you know, I mean, I'm just so used to cancellations. Now the last 18 months has just been just one project lost after another. And I've got used to that kind of dynamic that it creates creatively. But if this if this show was canceled, I would have been pretty gutted. It's like an emotional roller coaster isn't it really is really tough. And, you know, the deeper we get into this, you know, like I'm understanding more and more about my, my creative process and what, what I need and what keeps me buoyant. And a lot of a lot of these sorts of situations that are occurring around us are, in a lot of ways, they're kind of they're they're sort of drowning my my normally buoyant kind of attitudes and and my direction that I normally kind of take so and that's just purely because we can't, you know, we can't dream money we can dream. That's it, we can't fully turn those dreams into, into a reality without all of this uncertainty is attached to it. So it's yeah, it's very difficult. Yeah, for sure. It's like, you want to have ideas and goals and dreams, but you're sort of like, well, what's the point? Because it's not going to happen anyway, like, you feel that it's crushed before? Yeah, I'm trying, I'm trying not to get to that point of like, what's the point? Because, because the you know, in so many ways, the point is, it's not in the delivery, it's in the creation. And I hear, but it's hard, though, it's hard. Because, you know, you've taken, you know, you take away one fundamental part of the, of the project, which is the delivery. And it's very hard to stay focused. Without letting that that idea of, of uncertainty creep in, you know, it does definitely affect affect the creation effect ever every level of it. Really. Yeah, absolutely. Have you been able to do much like work online with your music or you found other ways to be able to create? Yeah, look back in the, like, you know, the first sort of wave, I guess you could call it I did a few online performances, which went really, really well. Like, I was surprised actually, that the community that that kind of, you know, opted in was super supportive. And, you know, I could I could see the comment thread just going crazy while I was performing and it was just, it was just really nice. I'm, I'm planning on doing another couple of those in the in the coming weeks as well. Just like basically for my my friends over in, you know, New South Wales and Victoria and just to give them something to consume. But aside from that, I've been really lucky that I've had some I've had some composition projects that have really kept me kept me going with with the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra and, and also, some other, you know, work with, with a small ensemble, the Ben Todd quartet, with Ben Todd, who's a drummer, Paul white and James Marlowe and that those two projects have really kind of kept me kept me going. Yeah, but it's hard. So you mentioned a little bit before, before you had two kids, what did you music life look like at that stage? Where you're doing it full time? Oh, yeah, it's there. You know, there's, there's no doubt that once you have kids, the, you know, that changes, you know, and for me, I, I kind of made a, made a decision before we had our first daughter, that my life was going to change. Okay, and so, what what I had in the past will not, I will never have that again. And that, that led to me really thinking about priorities and this at this moment in my life, like what is important, and it really like, I mean, it was, it was just so clear that the most important part of my life right now is is, is my family and creating those, those irreversibly positive relationships with my, with my children and with my partner as well. And so, yeah, everything changed. I was doing so much stuff, creatively, and I was definitely absolutely in control of my day of my week of my hour, there was a point before we had kids, where, you know, there was quite a while where I would on a Sunday night, look at my week, and I printed out these calendars with you know, from from 5am to midnight, basically. And I would, I would schedule everything that was happening in the week, and I would just sit there for an hour or so on a Sunday night and, and just put it all in including, like hangtime including breaks, including just like okay, so on Thursday, I'm doing nothing. And then and I'll just let it happen and so you know, my go to the art gallery, I might go for a swim or whatever, you know, Thursday's Friday, but then all of the other days I would like totally just go like right this is best case scenario. And then you know, I'd you know, on Monday night I would I would look at it and go see what's happening Tuesday and go like no let's call or I could change this change that so it was a very, very productive incredibly and then when you have children you like if you're if you're a committed parent if you are completely into the next few years being you know, in a state of creative upheaval, if you commit to that then you know it it changes it changes everything you know, you can't it's not possible to to have those those sorts of positive relationships without making sacrifices and you know, and I hope I'm not sounding negative here like because I I'm very positive about and I'm very happy about the choices I make because will have made and continue to make because I have had you know I've had discussions with with people who have gone the other way where they have followed the path of their career and their and their music or their art and it's it's caused the you know, the downfall of their family and that's that's that's long term. Okay, that's that's an absolute long term thing that that everybody regrets I'm sure and so so yeah, it's it's I don't know I've just gone I'm going around in so many circles here in different different directions. But you know what I'm saying like you've just got to make those sacrifices for the good of your of your of your village you know of that that beautiful thing that we call family or let's see yeah, so you had you had a conscious think about it I suppose of what what your life was gonna look like and made a decision for yourself. But can I if I can add to that Yeah. We also with with my partner Giorgio like we had really fantastic conversations about my career and about my art and about what I need, because I my needs are very clear like I need to be creating I need to be doing something musically and and the importance of that and so you know, the conversation just even having a conversation about the the importance of art of music and being creative in my life. actually gave me more room to to step away from that for a while. And know that when the time was right, I can, I can commit to it again, I can just go straight back into it. So and, and it was funny because in the first, in her first year of life, I wrote basically 90 minutes of orchestral music for this concert, and I have no memory of writing it. Like, I don't know how I did it, but we made it work. And there was a bunch of projects that happened in that, you know, in those first kind of couple of years, because it's like, we had these conversations, we were totally open about, what, you know, what I wanted to do, but, but most importantly, what I was capable of first, firstly, as a, as a, as a musician, as an artist, but then secondly, as a father, you know, like, so it's a constant balance between the two. And, you know, sure, it tips out of balance, sometimes, sometimes I'm way too busy. And, you know, I'm relying too much on, on family, and, you know, George's parents, and, you know, to kind of, you know, give us a bit of help, but there, but then other times, I find that man, I haven't picked up my horn in two weeks, you know, yeah, but it's just constantly constantly kind of in flux. bar out communication is key, all because, you know, like, one, kind of, you know, 30 minute conversation can make the next six months, like, so much easier, because you're, you're honest about your needs, and you're honest about about the capabilities, that you have to be able to kind of get to the finish line with these with the projects, but, but at the same time, it's like, you start that dialogue around, around how it's going to affect the family, because, because that's the big change. Now, it's not just about me, you know, like, I, you know, with my partner, we, you know, she used to love it when I went away when I did, because they said a lot of international touring a lot, a lot of touring around the place, and she'd be like, awesome, I've got some time to myself, it's fantastic. And I used to love being away as well, it's just so fun, so fantastic. And, but then all of a sudden, it's just like, it's no longer about, like me, it's like, it's like it's you, me and us all together, you know, and, and if that's the, this, the, if that's central to your to every conversation, then you actually end up getting a better result, like everyone gets a better result from from being open and, and communicative and clear with with your needs. And also being realistic. I love doing this stuff. Because, you know, we, we need to talk, we need to talk about this stuff. Like I feel every time I talk about my my parenting style and how it aligns with my, with my art, I just, I feel good, I feel really positive. And I feel you know, and at times where, you know, at the moment, there's a lot of negativity surrounding our lives. And, you know, I think I think just just talking this stuff through reminds, reminds me that, that, you know, this too shall pass. And, and I will get to a point where I'll get a tour, you know, somewhere and I'll I will say to my four year old or their, you know, your might be six at that point, Hey, you want to come on the road with me for a couple of weeks, you know, like, I know, that's going to happen, you know, I know that's going to happen. But yeah. And that's because it's because of the sort of the choices I'm making now. And and waiting, letting letting life be be the thing that that that steers me, rather than my creativity, if you know what I mean. It's like you're, in a way you're in a sort of a holding pattern, got all this amazing stuff, you know, you've got to look forward to because of how you've set, set your life up and set things up with your family. So it's really positive when you look forward and it's salutely and it's a bit of a slow burn. You know, you can't expect it to happen straightaway. And I mean, sometimes I expect I expect things to happen far too soon. And you know, I've just got to kind of To try and try and sort of, you know, lose some of that disappointment, knowing that it will, and knowing that, you know, it will be easier because I mean, we've got a four year old and a one year old at the moment. And so we're, we're in it at the moment, we're in it deep. And, you know, and it's no, no word of a lie that the these last, you know, four years of our lives, it's the hardest hardest we've ever had to deal with. You know, you're just, you're just totally forced to your absolute capacity and then some and but then you get out to the other side, and just be like, Well, that was intense. That was intense. And, and then, yeah, like, it just, it's, there's nothing like, these first few years to, to really kind of remind you what it's like to be a human, or what it takes to be human. Yeah. And also, I think it gives you a sense of how much you're actually capable of that you probably didn't realize, because I've been forced to these extremes before. That's actually like, you can discover a lot of stuff about yourself that you didn't know. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But then on the other end of the spectrum, like I did not know, that I was capable of, of having so much love for someone else. Yeah. You know, I like the love I like I'm tearing up here. love I have for my children, is it? I don't know anything else like it? Or I actually know nothing else like it. And, you know, when when I walk in the door, you know, the half an hour ago, and I hear my one year old going? Daddy data, data, and it just like just crawling as fast as you can to get to me? Like, it's just like, far out like, what? What, what show have I ever done? That is as good as that. You know? It's the best and I think, yeah, I I hope that my kids realize that. I mean, I know they do. Yeah, I don't have to tell them that I love them so much. You know? Because I mean, I do every moment I can, but they I know they can feel it. Yeah, your actions, your behaviors are showing that that? Yeah, and I'm sure, I'm sure that that the the art that I'm creating at the moment is is, is is in some way guided by by that love? Hmm, that's something I'm interested to that I'd like to chat with people about, have you found that, that change in your life, that being a parent, and that all the changes in the intensities that go with it? How does that How has that come out in your work, you find it reflected in what you're creating? I think I've written probably the most beautiful music that I could write through thinking about my, my daughters. One of them was when my, my eldest she look, we would have been about maybe six months old, and just screaming at three o'clock in the morning, holding her just just absolutely the at the end of my, you know, of what I could give her and just sitting at the piano and just started playing these arpeggios. And she just stopped. And the you know, I thought, Oh, this is cool. And so I just kept playing and kept sort of doing this, these these, you know, very simple arpeggios and, and yeah, everything changed. And then I like I remembered it once he was asleep, and I just sat down at like, what at four o'clock in the morning, whatever it is and wrote out this piece of music and, and to this day, it's like it comes to her and it calms me and and then last year I wrote her a saxophone concerto that was it was inspired by COVID and how the COVID pandemic was was developing and then halfway through and in the second movement. I just it was when when, you know our youngest was born. And and yeah, it's I think it's the Yeah, it's up there with absolutely some of the most beautiful music I've made just because I I had her in my mind and I had her absolute kind of beauty and and it just it just came through in the notes and like music that never would have existed without without these experiences and I think I think the the beauty comes out of like The pain and suffering as well that you go through having having children and, and, and that loss of that loss of your old life because it is, you know, I miss it. I'm not gonna lie, I miss it so much. It's like a mourning process you have to go go through the lonely because and I mean if you if someone says no I don't miss my old life I you know, this is this is this defines me now it's just like, that's, that's crap, I don't believe that for one second for one second and you know what it's, I'm allowed to miss it. Because I miss it so much because it was so awesome. You know, but because it was so awesome that has turned me into a different person. And so it's like, well, you know, all of those experiences still exist, they exist in who I am right now. And all of those experiences still exist in in, in the stories that I'm going to tell my, my kids about, you know, the things that I used to do. And but then, you know, I don't I'm not saying that I'm going to be a hermit and just a father for the rest of my life, I know that things are going to change, things are going to get easier. And I'm going to get back on the road, I'm going to get back into doing more stuff and more full time. But at the moment, I've made that choice I've made that deal to be to be there to be present. What does your days look like? Now? I mean, obviously, you're quite busy with a one year old. But when do you find the time to be able to do what you need to do with your music? Well, so we've, we've found an amazing childcare center that both actually both my my kids go to now because Georgia, my partner, she went back to work three weeks ago, three days a week. So that's, that's been amazing. So the eldest goes three days a week, and the one year old, she goes twice a week. So I've effectively got two to three days of creative time now. It's excellent. And I have no idea how to use it. Like I'm telling you I'm at the moment like I'm, I've just been thrusted all of this time. And also because you know, it's a pretty, it's a pretty crazy world out there at the moment with COVID. And we were just committing to me doing some more travel, I'd meant to be playing three weeks at the Sydney Opera House in September, even though there hasn't been kind of publicly canceled. So and I was meant to be in Darwin this week for a festival. And of course, they've just coming out of lockdown. And so I've effectively got about six weeks of free time now as well, which has made our lives so much easier as parents because I wasn't going to be away for four or five weeks. Which I was really anxious about, just because of the implications of the home life, you know, and how Georgia could manage me we've got amazing supports from her, her parents. My folks still live in that Gambia so they can't, they can't help out in a physical sense. Yeah, so but but with this time that I've got, I'm in a real creative funk, hey, like, I've got all these projects that I want to, to embark on. I've been I've been constantly kind of dreaming stuff and writing stuff down. But to actually get to that next level, I'm finding it quite difficult. And I think there's a few things that are that are, like impacting my normal kind of man, one my normal direction or my normal flow. And first and foremost, it's, it's that idea of what's the point? Yeah, are they actually going to happen? Like, you know, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's not, you know, the view is worth the climb. And so it's that whole kind of like, okay, the, the actual process is what, what I get the most amount of energy out of, you know, but then also, I mean, this is this is another can of worms, social media, like I'm, I'm absolutely 100% addicted to social media. And as as we all are, you know if anyone's got Facebook or Instagram or Twitter on their phone, you're addicted immediately because those algorithms are so great. They suck you in. So and also sort of not seeking out bad news. But just like, looking at the news websites just to see what what bad things happened next, you know what I mean. And that's had a profound effect on my, on my outlook on life, like I'm, at my core, I'm an incredibly positive and optimistic person. And I'm just feeling now that, you know, the, the, the weight of the world is getting a bit too much for me. And, and so I'm actually I've made the decision this morning, I'm going to have a bit of a break from social media, just because I've just found myself in some situations online, that have been quite negative, and have sort of kept me up at night. And I don't need that. So I think if I can, you've got a one year old to keep you up at night. You don't need anything else came. Yeah. I know. And so, yeah, it's, it's a great, it's a great time to be having this discussion. Because, you know, the, the fact of the matter is that, you know, I've got all this time, and I'm being super creative. But actually, the reality is, like, I've got all this time, and I have no freaking idea how to use it. And that's the reality. And that's, that's something that we need to all kind of embrace. I think. You can't be super creative all the time. Like, this might be like a healing time that you just need for yourself, you know, to, I mean, a lot of people I think some people like hate lock downs and hate whatever it is, but I know some people I've spoken to that are enjoying being locked away, because the world is so proud. And just being with the people they love and with the family that they need around them. I know that it's putting a spin on a negative, but, you know, cocooning time for you, and then you know, the butterfly will come out, you know, sometimes, Oh, absolutely. And I do track that I was forced into a, you know, physical and creative locked down last year was pretty, like, the timing was pretty amazing. Because, because we were about to have a kid, our second kid, and it was like, Okay, we're home. So what else are we going to do? We are going to, we're going to be here as a quartet. Like, who can go and deep was it was, it was fantastic. And I think, for me, it's yeah, I'm still having trouble getting out of that zone. Because I loved it. Like, I, I loved the fact that we were together so much. And that I'd made that choice four years ago, when we know when we had our first that it's like, this is this is a moment in time that I cannot get back. And any opportunity I can take to connect is going to bear fruit in the future. Yeah, and I mean, I've got some, there's some role models in my life that have that have been guiding me as well, like really strong, strong men and strong fathers that have really helped me through making these decisions as well. You know, and, yeah, and so the deeper you get into that mode of deep connection, and parenting, the harder it is to get out of it as well. And I think that's a part of it, as well, like i Yes, I've been incredibly creative in this time, and these last four years. But I have no idea how I think, I think, yeah, necessity, I think deadlines are the only things that have actually kept me focused. I didn't have a deadline. I wouldn't be doing anything. I actually did write the other day. So I'm on Instagram, someone said that deadlines are really good for musicians, because they make you get off your acid. diester Absolutely, absolutely. And I feel like, I feel like I need to get back into that kind of idea. Because I mean, for me, you know, so many of my bands that I would start were like, basically, we would just be hanging out, you know, mates hanging out talking about music, had this idea for a band, and then all of a sudden we book a gig and get a t shirt designed. And before we've even written a note so it's like you know, like that's yeah, let's Let's book the gig. Let's get the vibe. This is what it's gonna be like and like, bam, here it is. And yeah, then go. Okay, so what is it going to be? Who's playing well? I think I need a bit more than added my life nothing like a reduced stress to get you going. mentioned that you've had some really good role models around you positive and negative, I suppose you'd say things that you you think, Oh, actually, I don't want to do that. Yeah, there's lessons everywhere. You know, I think that where where we go so well, is through communication. And, you know, some some interactions I've had with other fathers in the past have been quite insightful just in the just in the way that they describe their relationships, you know, with their partners, you know, like, just using that, that idea of, you know, are you lucky, your missus have, you know, let you out of the house, that sort of thing. And so it's like, man, if you're gonna use that kind of language with me, I doubt you've had, you've had a really kind of, you know, deep conversation about your needs both both of their needs. And so, you know, I, I've kind of learnt from friends that have had children before me that, that communication is key to being a great parent, so communication with your other half, because sometimes it'll be, you know, it feels like weeks, we're living in the same house, but sometimes it feels like weeks that we've actually connected, like, within Georgia, it's like, full on and, you know, and that's, that's a scary, that's a scary cycle that can be, that can be created, you know, to the point where you, you feel like, you don't know each other anymore. And like, and so communication is just so important, you know, communicating when things are going well, as well. Or not just when things are going badly, you know, and when things are difficult, it's like let's, let's celebrate these these moments of, of Claire clarity and, and enjoying our life or new life together, you know? Yeah, so I've definitely, I've definitely taken that from from my friends. You know, James Brown, who's a guitarist, one of my best friends here. Yeah. Him and his partner and their family. They've they've been a big influence, as has Ross McHenry, who's another fantastic musician, incredibly prolific creator, with three kids, I don't know how he does incredible, but he's been a massive kind of beacon for me. But also John Sophos, who's a composer in New South, in New South Wales, in New Zealand, who's my, one of my favorite people in the world, and, you know, he's, he's got adult children now. And, you know, he, he came and stayed with us, you know, when our, when our eldest was about kind of one and a half ish. And we would just sort of sit up the frontman her and just chat and just spend time together. And, and he said to me, that I, that he could see himself in me in the decisions that he made when he was a young parent, to put his his career and creativity on the back burner for a while and really hook in with the kid. He's now so close with his kids that are adults, you know, and, and he said that the stuff that you do now is it's fertilizer. You know, it's, it is lifelong. It's a lifelong connection. And, and you've only got one chance to create that connection. And, and he just said, Look, I'm so happy with what you're doing. Because he's, he's reaping the benefits of it now, with these amazing relationships with these incredible human beings. I know both of his, his his Well, kids so well, as well. And they're amazing humans, you know. And so I look at him and just think, right, it might be hard now, but I know that what's happening what's to come is pretty, pretty magnificent. That's it, you're sowing the seeds to reap in the field. And I truly believe in that, that idea of we only get one chance at this, you know, I've got so many chances to write a new song. I've got so many chances to, to start a new band to you know, A book a tour, whatever, you know, whatever creative thing, I've got so many chances, and if one chance disappears, then there'll be another one. But right now, this is my only chance to be to be that that kind of person that I truly want to be as a father that, that, you know, absolutely. Connected Absolutely. Kind of engaged. Kind of human around them. And, and you know, silly as well, you got to be silly. Get down on the floor got to get down on the floor with them and play. Yes, that's just so important. Yeah. And again, going back to the social media thing, I think I, I'm using it as a bit of a kind of advice, I think. And it's starting to creep into my, my relationship with my kids as well, like, I'll be talking with them, but I'll be looking at FACP. At the same time, I'm like, Whoa, what's going on? I need to stop this wall. So I don't I don't drink anymore. I stopped drinking five years ago. This is before we even started kind of talking about really having kids and while we've been talking about them, but actually, you know, trying, which I'm happy about. And so I don't have to have like alcohol to fall back on. which so many of us do, like and I can see the power of alcohol as well to have a when you just want to have a nice glass of wine at the end of the day. You know, alcohol works? Absolutely. So, so I don't have that. And so is that why you cut it out? Because you could see your alignment team? Yeah, absolutely. And it's hard. It's been the hardest thing to maintain. But also, I'm feeling really good about it. Yeah. Good. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, right now, what is it? It's it's one one o'clock in the afternoon and I'm I'm actually drinking a beer right now. It's a It's so I'm still drinking but it's just non alcoholic beer and yeah. Thanks, great. Do rejoice, and celebrate when when Georgia, you know, has a swig on the tequila bottle. It's like it's pretty cool. It's just like, oh, yeah, you needed that you needed that I did want to ask you about your music around the children, particularly your older daughter. Do you play your instruments around her? It's like she, she's into your music. Here's how it goes. Okay, I sit down at the piano. I play one note, Daddy, stop. I sing a note. No, Daddy, stop. Yeah, it's been. It's going well, yeah. But she's decided that she likes being in the same room as me when I'm practicing the saxophone. Which I get, I've usually I've had to go to I've got it. I'm lucky enough to have a studio space as well. And so I'll go to the studio to practice and just because I know if I start playing, she'll run at me and yell at me. And, and I'm cool with that, because I'm not forcing it on her. It's like, she is such a strong willed little girl. That that's just you know, it's a fight. I'm not, I'm not prepared to to embark on because it might just end up with her hating music. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't want to do that. I mean, she she'll never hate music. He loves music. She we listen to music all the time. She loves David Bowie. She loves like, she just loves music, which is fantastic. She wants to play the violin. And that's that came out of nowhere. I think just because we've been watching orchestral things and listening to orchestral things. Yeah, but so she'll sit with me when I practice. And so now, when I practice the saxophone with her. I'm purposely doing really simple stuff. I'm playing major scales. I'm playing scales in thirds. I'm doing things that aren't going to scare her away. So when she starts to play As a musical instrument, she's already going to know these sounds. And she's already going to know. Like, how to practice. Yeah, and and funnily enough, yeah, like it was, it was amazing like after, you know, a week or so she, you know, she came in with me a few times. She was just sort of sitting in the bath and singing, and she started singing this melody in thirds. She was making up like, unicorn and the fairy was things I think the singing in theaters and I'm like, Darling, are you singing what i've what I was practicing. She's like, Yeah. And I just thought to myself, well, there it is, like, it's, yeah, our youngest one. On the other hand, we can I can, I can pick up a spoon, and then drop it on the ground. And she will just go like, Oh, that sounds awesome. And she'll dance around. And she like, she is the absolute opposite. She like you put on any kind of music and she just explodes right there can pull up this and I, you know, and I play, you know, I play the anything and she loses it. She goes crazy. When I put the blender on in the morning. She thinks it's the greatest sound in the world. And she's just sitting there dancing to the funny. Yep, she's just looking for any any opportunity just to bust out and move. She's just pieces hanging work? Absolutely. Oh, look, I know that those qualities that that, you know, the oldest has are only going to be kind of her, or they are going to be her superpowers when she's older. You know, it'd be so easy for us to to destroy that part of her. You know, but we want we're embracing it. Because, you know, the world needs more powerful women and she's she's going to take on the world. And I I wish anyone luck that stands in her way because they will not win. But that's that's what I love about her as well as as challenging as it is. And as hard as it is to deal with sometimes it's actually like, pretty exciting. That she's gonna be that kind of person. Absolutely. Thank you can't wait to see can't wait to see what she doesn't care. She changes the world. Hope she's my manager actually, that'd be good. My manager, my bouncer. Yeah, personal security guy. Oh, that's awesome. is important for you to maintain who you are as a person outside of your role as a parent? Absolutely. Because, you know, as much as, as much as we say that, you know, we're the same person. It's, we're not, you know, and, and I really do believe that the identity is is incredibly important. And, you know, but but you need to know what, what that is, as well. And so, you know, what, what is my identity? And like, what, what do I identify with? And you know, what makes me me? And I've, yeah, there's a few things that make me me. One of them is, is reading, I read a lot. And I still read a lot. And I the one thing that I've kept from my, my life, pre kids is reading. And so every night I've read, it might be two pages. It might be two lines, it might be 100. I don't think I've, I mean, there might be some nights where I'm just absolutely smashed, and I just need to go to sleep. But generally, I'll read. So that's, you know, that's a big thing about my identity that I've kept. And that's and that's a silent part of my identity as well. But it's such an important part of me and a part of my life. And if I wasn't reading i i wouldn't be a very happy person. And so So yeah, that that is the one thing that I've been, I've kept control of my identity as a musician. I don't think that changes because my identity isn't just about me, my identity is actually in other people. Now that might be Come out, it's kind of strange, but you know, in the eyes of, of, of my public and the people that enjoy my music, they don't see me as a father, they see me as out of page the bearded musician. So in many ways my identity still exists. Okay, so that side of it, my public identity still exists. And if I, if I'm, if I'm trying to kind of, you know, simmer away at projects, and which I have been doing a bit, it's been more than simmering, it's been boiling sometimes, but, you know, if my output remains, then my identity in the public eye is the same. It just keeps growing, I guess. But yeah, but personally, it's quite simple. For me in it, and it's, and it's reading, it's listening to music as well. It's a big part of my journey, my kind of journey of being a better person is exploring other other music and letting the music in, rather than just leaving the music out. And, and that's something that I can do with my children as well. And I can share that. And that's, in many ways, kind of really helping our relationship as well, because they're growing through music. And, but then, but then, you know, you kind of have to ask yourself, you know, who am I and, I mean, who, who I was yesterday is different to who I am today. And who I'll be tomorrow, and that's just, that's totally, that's up to me, and it's up to my, my mindset at the time. Because if you think that your, your identity is fixed, then then you're missing out on so many other air like factors of your life that you don't know, existed. And so, I, that idea of identity is is kind of attached to the idea of self, you know, what is self what is, you know, it's just, I don't know, I feel like my my identity is who I am right now. And, and who I am right now, is someone that's, that's in a bit of a creative funk. And I'm okay with that. Because that's who I am right now. You can accept and, yeah, except that except that that's what it is. And if I, if I accept then if I was to be like, Uh huh, I should be this person, I should be this, you know, multi award winning bla bla bla bla bla, that's, that means nothing. Who I am right now. It's who I am right now. And so that, to me is preserving my identity because I'm accepting my identity. For it, we're going deep. Oh, I love it. I kind of hear I need these conversations as well like because, you know, I do I do talk with friends about this stuff, you know, and it always makes me feel better at the end. So it's nice that we're pressing record think the big takeaway from this for if there's any, any fathers listening even mothers as well, is like communication is just key. And, and talking about the things that you really want to do. And then finding a way together to be able to do them. You know, like, just being open. And communicating has just, yeah, it's just made it made made potentially sticky situations. really manageable. You know, and as I said, before, we've got so much help from from family that yeah, we're so lucky. We're very lucky. Very, very, very lucky. I'm eternally grateful for for the people that help us and help me actually it's mostly about me being able to realize not some of my artistic kind of, you know, dreams if you must. Yeah. So yeah, it takes it takes a village

Fiona Valentine Melbourne artist + artist business coach S2 Ep54 Listen and subscribe on Spotify , Apple podcasts (itunes ) and Google Podcasts My guest this week is Fiona Valentine, a visual artist + a business coach for artists based in Melbourne, Victoria, and a mother of 2. Fiona grew up a creative child, her mother enjoyed drawing, she was influenced by her, she received her first oil paint set at the age of 12, and she did some training in high school to hone her skills in oils and drawing. After high school finished, Fiona took a trip overseas. It was during this trip that she met her her husband and her life took on a whole new adventure. At 23 years of age Fiona found herself with a new baby, living in a mud hut in Niger in Africa. She put her art aside, feeling that in light of the poverty and suffering around her, that it felt frivolous, it didn't seem like it had a place. This was a decision she has since regretted. During her 30s Fiona was back in Australia, with 2 children. She then realised how crucial her art was to her life balance, she taught herself watercolour and acrylic. She delved into training, joining the Australian Guild of Realist Artists. The life changing training she received lead her to share her love of artwork and to become a business coach for artists. Fiona credits her deep relationship with God as a huge support in the time where she delved back into her creativity. We chat today about how finding your creativity can enhance other parts of your life, creating new neural pathways in your brain, finding new ways to create and looking at things differently. **This episode contains discussions around post natal depression, autism + Asperger's syndrome** Connect with Fiona website / instagram Podcast - instagram / website What is a lean specialist? Kate Northrup book "Do Less" Music used with permission from Alemjo , Australian new age ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mother's work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others placed on their artistic selves. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the bonding people as the traditional owners of the land which his podcast is recorded. Thank you so much for joining me. My guest this week is Fiona Valentine, vas a visual artist and a business coach for artists based in Melbourne, Victoria, and she's a mom of two. Fiona grew up as a creative child. Her mother enjoyed drawing. She was influenced by her and received her first oil paint set at the age of 12. She did some training in high school to hone her skills in oils and drawing. After High School finished, Fiona took a trip overseas. It was during this trip that she met her husband and her life took on a whole new adventure. At 23 years of age, Fiona found herself with a newborn baby living in a mud house in New Year in Africa. She put aside her art, feeling that in light of the poverty and suffering around her, then it felt frivolous. It didn't seem like he had a place. This was a decision that she has since regretted. During her 30s Fiona was back in Australia with two children. She then realized how crucial her art was to her life balance. She taught herself watercolors and acrylics. She delved into training, joining the Australian guild of real estate artists. The life changing training she received led her to share her love of artwork, and to become a business coach for artists. Fiona credits her deep relationship with God as a huge support in the time where she delves back into her creativity. This episode contains discussion around postnatal depression, autism and Asperger's syndrome. The music you'll hear today is from Australian New Age ambient music trio lmJ which features myself my sister Emma Anderson, and her husband John. I hope you enjoy today's episode. Lovely to meet you. Lovely to meet you too nice to meet somebody who's podcasting on this continent. Oh whereabouts are you? I'm in Melbourne. Our lovely my mum was born in Altona that down at the beachside suburb. So it's been a lot of time going to Melbourne over the years. So yeah, we my sister was born in Adelaide. So while our family were there, so we've been done the South Australia Victoria. Have you gone through Mount Gambier much on your way? Between there you go the the upwards upwards route? Well, we were actually in Moogerah for a few years. So we often also between Algeria and Adelaide. Yeah, I've done that. And yeah, I don't I don't think we went through Mount Gambier very often. Is that where you are? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm getting an amount. Yep. Not many people like that. I talked to on you know, Mount Gambier at all. So I know people have lived there, but I don't think I've ever actually been there. Yeah. Okay, I was born here. But I've lived all over. I grew up pretty nomadic childhood. And I lived in like four countries. The first five years I was married. We've been settled in the same street in Melbourne for nearly 20 years now, which is great. That would be really hectic, like moving like countries, little line moving, you know, towns moving countries. Yeah, you get good at it. You probably wouldn't like want to accumulate too much stuff, either. Because you sort of, you know, when you go next place, you'd be like, Oh, I don't want to take too much baggage, I suppose. Yeah, you learn. You don't want to have to carry too much with you. But you also learn to I think that objects are they have a sacredness about them and you can't just clear out everything because they hold our stories. And you want to take some of that familiarity and comfort with you even in an overseas move, which gets trickier because you have to weigh everything Tell us about yourself. You're watercolor artists and you are an art coach as well can you share sort of how you got into painting like growing up what you was, was that sort of your main art form of there any influences how you got into it, I really, I just always enjoyed the idea of being creative. And painting and drawing. Were very interesting to me. My mom was really supportive. And she liked to sketch and I still have my first oil paint box that she bought me when I was 12. And I got some really good training, when I was in high school, living in the country, just a really tiny school. But we did some courses on drawing and watercolor. So I got some good skills early on, which was really helpful. And then later I had, I worked with an artist who taught us how to draw from little still life settings and things like that gave me a bit of oil painting, tuition, but then I didn't really do a whole lot with it. I went overseas after high school. And I thought I was going on a six month trip to teach kids to read. And the trip got extended, I met my husband, we got married here in Australia and went back overseas. So my life took a little bit different path than I thought it was going to. And so I found myself with a new baby in a madhouse in Africa, thinking that my creativity felt really self indulgent and frivolous. And I made a really bad decision to just sort of put it aside because in light of poverty and suffering, and it just didn't seem like it had a place. But that was just, you know, her 23. What did I know? If I'd had another voice at the time helping me see how these things could work together, it would have been really helpful. But instead, yeah, I hit my 30s, my, I had two girls, by now I was back in Australia. And I really started to understand how core creativity was, to me, as a person to all human beings. We're just we're born creative, we just don't always recognize it, or develop it. And I really began to treasure that and see how crucial it was to my balance and well being as a human. For me, it was a connection with God as well, just that was how I was wired, for relationship with him. So I really made it a priority. I'm mobile, I read everything I could from the library, and taught myself first of all, watercolor. And then I moved on to acrylic, and then finally got my brave up to try oil. And I just loved it. And that's where I started to get some training. Then I joined the Australian guild of realist artists. And they were running winter schools for a few years, we could go for a week and spend time with some master artists. And it was absolutely life changing fan tastic got introduced to much more skill based training for realism, and composition and drawing and painting and color use. And it was wonderful. So that really helped me build my skills and understand how to create the kind of art that I was really interested in. There are so many things you've just said in there that I want to ask you about. But the one that sticks out is the mud hot living in Africa. Can you give us a bit of background, how you actually ended up there? What was the circumstances that brought you to living there? It wasn't something I ever thought would happen. When I chose this trip of going to Africa, I thought I'd be in a fairly rural setting. But for just a few months, it turned out I was in a large town that was you know, had stores and cars and all that sort of thing, electricity. And I lived with another couple. After I met my husband, we went back to that same town and we worked in an international school. And so we were helping kids with transition. We did some training in the US, which actually helped us as well as everybody else on how to make those big moves and handle them. When you're going across cultures. Maybe you've spent many years in one culture and now you're moving permanently to another one. Just how that affects us was fascinating stuff. And then we moved in Tunisia and we live just south of the Sahara desert in very small mud village. And it wasn't actually a heart although it was mud. It didn't have electricity or running water. It was sort of like a three bedroom house, and we put a kitchen in one of the so called bedrooms, and and nothing was really square. And it was very hot. So we slept outside. Oh, wow. And sort of had to run the hose at three in the morning because we were on a bit of a hill, when the rest of the town didn't have the water on, we could actually get the hose to work and fill up some barrels with water. Oh my gosh. So it was pretty crazy. We had some solar power. Yep. And we would go bushing outfall drive because we were working with nomads, so we would go out and stay with them slip on sand. The stars were amazing. But it was a pretty full on existence, you know, just making sure you had clean water, putting it through the filter, baking bread, ground grinding meat, just surviving was an language learning was pretty tough with a with a new baby. It was a pretty extreme, really extreme time. But we weren't there terribly long. After about 18 months, we came back to Australia. And we had planned to go back. But for lots of reasons it it was clear to us it was right to stay here in Australia. And we had another baby and daughter life here. Yeah, though, like, let alone, you know, take the fact that you've got a baby out of the mix, that would still be incredibly challenging. But then obviously, that's a whole like, yeah, that's like I can't get around that was really big. And for lots of reasons. Although I loved it. I loved being there. And I was really committed to being there to what we were doing. It also took a heavy toll on me. And I think part of that, I mean, often, postpartum depression can be a thing that we face, whether that's hormones, or whatever it is. And being separated from my support system. I think that was a big part of it, too. A friend who's a psychologist who works with moms, has identified grief, actually, if we're separated from our mother, by, you know, could be relationship reasons, or, or death or distance. But when we don't have that mother support that village, that other women in our life caring for us, we actually go through grief, but it's often not recognized. Often it's misdiagnosed as depression. That was another piece I learned recently that made me think, Aha, I think there was some of that going on. Plus the creative piece of making that choice to think no, no. In this context, that would just be so self indulgent, instead of saying no, no, it would have been something to really help me navigate that tough time. Yeah, I can certainly appreciate where you're coming from both sides of the coin there. Yeah, I can imagine if you're if you're Yeah, if you if you're worrying about having, you know, potable water that you're, you know, that's important. And then if you're using water to paint, you'd think or is that the right thing to do you know what I mean? You'd be questioning this the ethics behind it, I suppose, like, you know, if people are struggling to get clean water, and I'm using it to dip my paintbrush eat like, you know what I mean? Yes, yes, just the simple things can feel indulgent. And there's also a strange feeling of if someone else is suffering, then who am I to not be suffering? And, yeah, you can't go into a situation in a third world country as a Westerner and not feel that there's a difference in lifestyle here. There has to be if I if I didn't maintain drinking water, or you know, some measure of Western food, I probably wouldn't survive. I haven't grown up learning to just deal with a particular environment. Yeah, a harsh environment. So there's some of it, that's necessity, but trying to work out. How much of that helps and how much just be free of it. It's just the way it is. And just be be myself and understand that these women around me, they're enjoying their creativity. It may be different than the way I would Yeah, but they're embroidering. They're making designs. They like the way things look. And they love having a new dress like I do. They're just doing it slightly differently in their context. I didn't need to feel that way. I understand why I did. But if I'd had, I guess, probably just some more time to grow up. If I had more understanding, I could have been kinder to myself. But I think even now, you know, I think people when they see trouble in the world, they can feel like their creativity isn't as important and the need to do something really makes a difference. And they forget that actually, our creativity is hugely powerful both for our own coping stress, and for the things that we make, and how they help create home environments that help us cope with stress, or work environments that help us be productive, or healthcare environments that heal. So if if creativity is something that's really your thing, whether it's music, whether it's art, it's so powerful. When you're saying, talking, then I just had that thought, just recently with the conflict in Ukraine, that there was a footage I saw of a, a gentleman whose son had been in the hospital with being traded in Ukraine, and as the son had been finally discharged, and the dad played his saxophone for the, the doctors and nurses and the other patients there as his little thank you. And, you know, you think that if you play the saxophone or sing or something, you think that so simplistic, I do that all the time. But in that context, you know, the, the joy that it can bring others in, you know, the emotions, and the connection that it creates, you know, is huge, you know, and remembering to do that for ourselves, and our own household, and the people who buy our albums or buy our paintings. It's not just about racing off to a part of the world that suffering and doing something about it, although we feel that it's often just seeing how am I bringing the healing of creativity, the joy of it to my everyday life? My family's everyday life? And my customers everyday life? Yeah, that's, that's so important. That's it, that's a massive point. When you came back to Australia, when was the point that you sort of realized, I'm feel like I've lost myself, I've lost my creativity. And I need to get it back. You talked about you started to do some reading and stuff was there one moment where you just went, I need to change this was it sort of, there were a couple of moments, I knew I was underweight, struggling with my mental health, and not in a good place, which kind of surprised me, because I had been so excited about being in Africa, and so committed to the work that we were doing. But that doesn't stop environments, and even the spiritual environment we're in, and an environment where placing curses on people is a part of normal, everyday life. And if you've never encountered that, and don't really think it's a thing, that doesn't mean it's not a thing. So it was a lot in that environment that I was perhaps only even partially aware of. So I knew when I got back, I needed something needed to change. And I, I kind of felt like creativity was part of it. So gardening was a gentle beginning. As I became more confident in how important my creativity was, quilting became part of it. And then eventually, I was like, Okay, I really want to make space for painting. And a few years had gone by at this point. And there were some, some theological learnings, really just discovering that God is three persons Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and that their community of friendship and joy is creative. That was a real lightbulb moment for me as a Christian going, Wow, that my creativity is not just my thing, and a self indulgent thing, it's deeply core to the nature of God and the relationship has invited me into and for me, that was the biggest, okay, I get it, I get why this is core to who I am, and to my life and to my relationship with God. And it gave me the freedom to say I'm going to pour resources at this time I'm going to invest in growing my creative skills and drawing and painting in the way that I've been wanting to. For years I've been dabbling with music and gardening and quilting, but yeah, just it gave me the yes let's dive in. Yeah, yeah, almost like that. That not permission but that reassurance I suppose that you felt like yes, this is this is it and this is important and it is a value and I can see Yeah, that I'm supporting this I suppose as well. You felt really sure really comfortable with that. So you also work as an art Coach, can you share with us about what you do there? I've been teaching drawing and painting for a few years. And that was how I made the transition from being an admin manager. After homeschooling my kids, I needed a job, they went to school. And that's what I ended up doing. I learned a lot of business skills doing that. And then I just the desire to paint more got really strong. So I built up workshops and classes on the side until I could replace my salary. And during that process, that teacher, part of me, really came alive again. And so I've been juggling my own painting and teaching for quite some time. And I started to have this desire to teach beyond just the class session, because I could see the transformation that was happening in people's lives. So I started luxury art retreats, where women could come for three days, we went to the Yarra Valley, state and beautiful country hotel. And I taught them my six keys to painting, and just watching their dreams come alive, because I get them to start with, who are you? What do you love? What do you enjoy? What subject is most important to you? What style do you like the most start there. And then just learned those things, because there isn't time to learn everything. So learn how to make the kind of art that you most like making. I mean, if you're a musician, you don't feel like you have to sing classical jazz country. You don't have to do it all you kind of know what you like. And you go with that. Yeah. So I kind of took that pathway with helping my students find focus. And then watching these women come live and realizing as I was growing my own art business, and investing in courses and coaching, learning, aha, that this message, I'm hearing so often that it's really hard to sell art. Or you need to get into art shows and win awards. Or you need to get gallery representation. And this is how you do it. I started to think now I think there's another way and I started to realize the entrepreneurial opportunity of the internet for artists. So I started building, how to help artists move on from painting, to being able to do what I've done, and create a side hustle from the art and even a full time business. And so now that's really what I focus on. As a business coach for artists, I've created the profitable artist method. And I teach artists how to get clarity on what they really want to make, and who it's for. Get clarity on how much time they want to spend and how much money they want or need to make. And to build a simple business and marketing plan from there. Yeah, right. That's awesome. Because I think that there is there is this not what the word is, this can be a misconception, I suppose at least this way we see the starving artists, you know that, you know, art's not a real job, you can't make money out of art, you know, and you're basically kicking that to the curb and going no, actually, if you do it in the, you know, particular way, in a particular method, then there's so many opportunities for making a living from your art, for sure. I believe real artists don't starve they thrive. But it does mean recognizing that as an artist, you're not only an art ambassador, you're also an artist, entrepreneur, you're in business, if you want to make a living from your art, and that doesn't. That's not selling out. That's not compromising your creativity. It's an extension of it. Yeah, so it's looking at it in a different way of, you know, taking ownership of it and seeing it as a business rather than I don't know, just a hobby in real cities. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's it. And that can be a challenging mindset, I think for for some people to sort of see that in the barriers, like you said that that selling out mentality, which I'm putting in air quotes. That, yeah, it's, it's if it's what you want, then why should you be held back by you know, maybe some beliefs that you've had in the past or people around you have these certain beliefs? Do you encounter encounter sort of that sort of pushback from people when they're going through that transition? Yes, it can be there, even if they don't fully believe it for themselves. Maybe they doubt themselves? Have I got what it takes? Or they worry? It's about talent? How do I know if I'm talented enough? Whereas actually, I think the more we understand brain science, the more we realize, the people we have thought were the most talented, have actually benefited from training and practice. Those are skills that have been developed. It's not really even in the case of someone like Mozart. It's not just about talent. It's about the environment, the training, the practice, the discipline, that It's really liberating. Because if you can learn art skills to grow your art ability, you can also learn business skills to grow, that even if you're not techie, or you've never had business experience, there are some really simple things you can do. To make sure that as you create work, you share that work with people who love what you love, and can afford to buy it. And you make a buying experience, which these days we can do online, so that they can buy from you. And you create this whole ecosystem using social media and an email list and website. So you, I mean, you're asking that pushback. Yes, there's pushback, but really, there are a lot of people who hold on to this sort of toxic suffering starving artist thing. I just think why you don't need to. So ask yourself, Do I want to thrive? Do I want to make art I love and make a living and build a life I love or do I want to starve for me? I know which one I want? Yeah, that's awesome. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, Alison Newman. I want to talk a bit about your own children. Can you share? You've got two children. I've got two girls and they're grown and in their 20s. Now, yeah. One's a nurse. And one has worked as a library assistant. She's currently doing some writing and working, helping me actually quite a bit at home. And yeah, they aren't at all. They yes or no, no, in the sense that neither of them have a desire to be making drawings and paintings. They're both quite creative. My oldest daughter who's a nurse is very creative. And she really brings just this amazing problem solving people caring, empathic sense to her nursing and palliative care. And the other ones come up with a really creative ways of challenging kids who don't love reading, to do a six chapter challenge. That's what she calls it. Read the first six chapters of this book I recommend, and if you still don't like it, I'll give you another one. By the time they get six chapters in their heart, yeah, lots of converts. So yeah, their creativity comes out in different ways than art. That sort of goes back to what you were saying earlier about how we are innately who humans are creative beings. But I think there's a lot of people that discount that in themselves. And even some women that I've approached to be on this podcast, perhaps looking at themselves a different way to where I am as a as an outsider, I see someone who is creating something who's, you know, has created something from scratch and is, is making it work and making changes to it as they go. And I see that as a creative person. And they'd say, Oh, but I don't make anything that cycle. It's not about necessarily making something and having something in your hand that right. Yeah, can you can you sort of expand on that a little bit? Yeah, my husband, Mike is a lien specialist these days. I don't know if you've come across the lien. But it's a whole system of tools and behaviors that helps businesses to work efficiently and helps them to value people and use tools and systems so that they can reduce waste, reduce overwork, not pass on poor quality, things like that. So it makes millions of dollars worth of difference to big companies. But the principles are really amazingly simple and helpful. So as he and I've talked over the years, you know, having a glass of wine sitting down, he's talking about Lean, I'm talking about art talking about our day. We've just seen how many of these things come together. So I actually created a program for businesses called The Art of innovation, using classical drawing to help businesses see 50% of people don't think they're creative. The reality is 100% of us are and if you're going to have a business committed to continuous improvement, you've got to help your people tap into their creativity. They're not going to be creative if they don't think they've got the goods. So add a drawing can be a great way to realize Oh, with a bit of training, oh my goodness, look at that amazingly realistic. Foot I just drew, with these three steps you just taught me Wow. Okay, I'm more creative than I thought. And it's not that being creative is about making art, as you said, or making anything is about recognizing I have this potential, to think of something, to think about it, to think about the problems, to think about the solutions, and to make changes. And my thinking, and my ideas want to understand how my brain works, and how I make tiny new connections that feel so awkward and uncomfortable, and how they can grow. And with repetition, they can practice and develop until we've got like these superhighways of information in our heads where things travel quick, fast, then we can have the courage to grow and change at work, and doing things new ways, problem solving, collaborating, where we've got different opinions coming together, we can realize this feels really uncomfortable right now. But as we persevere, we're gonna get through it, we're gonna come through to the solution. And drawing models that process, that life process. So these workshops are powerful in helping businesses unlock their creativity, for all of the applications within business. Because yeah, you're right, it's like, I think, in COVID, sort of presented so many opportunities for looking at doing things in different ways. And unless somebody feels as though they've got the confidence to think differently, or think like that, but they won't, I think, and then if you, like you said, you open up one tiny little bit of creativity, where they can physically see that they are capable. And then you must just see them thrive, they must just go, oh, my gosh, what else am I capable of, you know, and it gives them that confidence, to share their ideas and to look at things in different ways and challenge things. Yeah. And once you've got those neural pathways in your head, if you struggle through the awkward learning phase, the learning phase of anything feels like trying to write with your with the wrong hand. If you've ever broken an arm and had to write with your other hand, it feels terrible. Yeah, yeah. If you've never done it, try it. It's awful. That feeling is like, that's what learning anything feels like, but you get through it. And then those neural pathways are available for different skills. And that's where it gets really exciting. Yeah, yeah. It's like, just because it worked for one thing, then your brain can connect it to, to sort of reach other outcomes that possibly weren't able to be accessed before. Yeah, yeah, that's really fascinating. That's, like very clever to be able to recognize that you could put those two things together and, and make something that's of such value. Because I feel like, at different times, you know, the government comes out with these different ideas that they're going to train the next generation of whatever. And these these jobs haven't been thought of yet, and, and stuff like that. But then you think, how do they actually do that? You know, doesn't make sense to me. But then you say something like this, that makes perfect sense. Like, you know, it's like, you're just you're discovering things that haven't, you haven't had the chance to discover before? Because your brain hasn't been like that. Yeah. And that process that you're talking about? Michael Gallup, who wrote a book called, how to think like Leonardo da Vinci, he says that creative endurance is the most distinctive trait of highly creative people. And it's that ability to push through it when it feels yuck. When it feels uncomfortable, unfamiliar, I'm stuck at this, I can't do it. And you realize this is just a phase. And you get some help you get some training, you do some practice, you persevere, and pretty soon, you've got a new skill. That's what people need that. I am creative. I can learn new things. If we give that to people, then yeah, we can problem solve, change careers. Do whatever. Yeah, that's awesome. I love that that is really cool. One of the things I like to talk to my moms about on this show is the concept of mum guilt. Do you sort of find or talk about yourself, but also want to talk about people that you work with? Is that something that sort of holds people back creatively mums, in particular, that they feel like when they've got to do something, when they've got to paint or they've got to create, it's at the expense of their children so they feel guilty about doing it? I think it can be there. I think we're experts at coming up with guilt over all sorts of things, and mothering right? Am I living? Right? Have I done enough? Am I enough? And just recognizing that's part of the journey, particularly when you pick up creativity, for some reason. Creativity is just opposed. People have written books about it. It's not even just internal, it's something outside of ourselves. And recognizing that gives you a bit of something in your backbone that says, this does matter. This is good for my kids, when I'm being a whole person when I'm being creative when I'm modeling joy for them. I mean, the challenge is that our time is narrow, as moms, yeah, even when our kids are grown, you know, we're an important part of the family. And so often, the time we thought we'd set aside gets interrupted or changed or, but just knowing that when we think well, about creativity, when we think well about boundaries, when we think well, about being primarily responsible for ourselves, putting on our oxygen mask, before we help someone else, that's just a healthy way to live, then I think, I encourage the women that I work with, to make space for their creativity in three ways, some time, a place, and a process. And if you need to go to the dentist or the doctor, you make time you make an appointment, and understanding your creativity is healthy, it's healthy for you tell the kids to follow and watch the way that you're choosing to live. So making some time and last is going to look different, if you've got littles if you've got school aged kids, and you're working as well. But whatever it is, even if it's just five or 10 minutes, having a few sessions a week, in your diary, then your creative time, I worked with a businesswoman who was very time poor as a mum. And we built her a sketchbook that she could take on the train. Yeah, we built a plan, build a bunch of reference material and some training. So she could whip out a sketchbook and have a few minutes to draw on the train, whatever it looks like, if you can make some time learn a process, it's just gonna really help and to have a place to do it, her place was in a sketchbook on the train, which meant she had to have a little pencil bag that worked. And two, she could use without, you know, jabbing the person next to her. But if you you might have some space in your house, it might not be a whole room. But it might be a container with your art supplies. So you can just pull it out on the table and get started, whatever is gonna work for the life stage that you're in. It might be really, really simple. Yeah. And I think that's a really important point. Because I think it can be daunting for anyone, when they decide they're going to take up a new a new art or new craft or return to it, where it's like, oh, but I need all this space, or I need all this time, I need to have a room for it. And, you know, that can be really overwhelming and a real barrier. But like you're saying, it's about thinking maybe thinking outside of that, that box that you've you've put that into thinking outside of that and saying, you know, I love that example, you know, doing it on the train on the commute? Like, I've never thought of that. I mean, I don't have that in my life. So that's not something I ever thought of. But yeah, that's just it's so refreshing to think like that, that it's not limiting. And it's not. It doesn't have to be the way that you might have thought it had to be. That's right. And when you take stock of how much time do I really have? Am I a morning person or a night person? Where are those little pockets and being realistic about how big they are? I call that loving your limits? Yeah, right, and recognizing what they are because actually, I think it can really help you focus if your limit if you have a time and space limit that might influence the medium that you choose, you might stick to drawing, or you might choose watercolor over oils. And if you're really limited space wise that might affect the size that you choose to work. So as you're loving your limits and working it out, you're finding focus and finding your style finding your way I know an artist who paints gorgeous portraits, but she will just do the eye sometimes, and she'll paint it on a silver spoon. Oh wow. Or in a little teeny weeny box beautiful little box flip open the lid and put a tiny little scene inside. Oh, really mind blowingly creative stuff. So sometimes loving your limits can help you find a way that's really unique. Yeah I've had to say that's incredibly unique, isn't it? And then that I guess that you use that as part of your business that you have got this uniqueness. And you and you build on that. Exactly. Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it? I think it's a lot of it's about, you know, changing, long held beliefs about what it means to be an artist or be a creative. Right, right, from the very basic of, like you said, finding out what you actually enjoy. Like, I'm a singer, and there's no way that I would go through, like you said, sing all these different styles when I know, the style that I love, and what I like to sing or write about, you know, if someone said to me, you know, write, write about whatever I'd go, well, that's, that doesn't resonate with me. And I guess it's the same with your painting. It's in the medium that you want to work with. And also this, like you said, the thing you're interested in painting? Yes, that's gonna change so much for everybody's No, it really is. And I think when we start there, what do I like? What am I like, as well? Where do I live? What's my personality? What drives me crazy? What colors do I love? What colors do I hate? That when you just look at yourself, you know yourself pretty well. Even if you haven't been paying attention, if you stop paying attention, you know yourself, you're standing there instead of what's the right way to do this. Because our fear and insecurity can make us want to learn right so that other people won't see that we don't know what we're doing. If we can get out of that mode and get into who am i What do I like? That's a much more helpful pathway, I think. Yeah, and I think too, social media is really good at showing us the best of everybody, you know, like, it's a very curated environment where people aren't going to show you the painting that that they painted over because they didn't like it. You know, you you're comparing your starting point to someone else's finishing point. And that can be really daunting as well. It really can. Yeah, and I think that whatever that opposition is to creativity, the criticizing voices that come up, it can be quite surprising. And just recognizing that's part of it. And I tell people collect as many affirmations as you can, you're going to need them. Telling yourself those kind things that yeah, don't don't compare the end of their story with the beginning of your story. And everybody's got out. They're not showing you. Yeah, that's an important thing to remember, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Do you just don't affirmations is one of my favorite ones. There's a friend of mine, who's a watercolor artist. And I did a course with her and her thing was art has no rules. And she put that on her. Like the packaging that the the box with all the art supplies in Julia reader, if you're listening, thank you. So I've got that has no rules on my little backboard where I paint, because that was my biggest thing. Like I've never been a painter, because I didn't know how to do it. And I thought that you had to know how to do something. Right before you could do it. Like I didn't do it in high school. I've never really done much with it. But the more I spoke to moms, on this podcast, I realized that art can be absolutely anything and done in any way. And that was my, just my lack of understanding and my own insecurities holding me back. So now I just love fluffing around painting. It's just so enjoyable. And it's another thing that I've added into my sort of creative, like care taking care of myself. It's been amazing. Yeah, it's exciting, isn't it to just have those things that are holding us back knocked out of the way and it can be such a self healing thing. My second daughter is on the autism spectrum and has a truckload of health challenges. And it was very stressful, particularly when she was younger. And just being able to go somewhere and go into another space and paint for a while was such a healing thing. And that the whole thing about art not having rules, there isn't one right way to do it. I would add to that to that. If if you find the style, the look the kind of art that you like, and you borrow into learning how to make that kind of art, you might find that there are actually some rules or principles that help you. Yeah, which is the flip side of the freedom and there isn't one way to do it. There aren't rules you can it can be whatever you want it to be. Yeah, if you're drawn towards detail and realism and beauty. That's okay, too. That's a wonderful thing. And there are a whole lot of wisdom learning training rules if you like That kind of sift that journey that cannot limit your creativity but actually give Yes. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like that if you want to do it a particular way, there's going to be some skills that are going to be really useful for you to be able to produce what you want to produce, I suppose. Yeah, so yeah, that's thing, isn't it. And I feel like that with music too. Like, there's so many. This, you know, a billion ways you could write a song and, and it's so freeing to see people do do things. But then within that, there's still you know, the notes on the scale, they never changed. You know, those basic things about rhythm and things like that. So you've got that sort of guideline within it. But then within that you can do whatever you want. I suppose I said, diving into it, knowing the style of music you like, learning from masters within that particular style or genre of music. When they give you a tip, try it like this, or there's this kind of pattern, or, you know, if you jump off from here, or use this kind of key for this kind of, it's so exciting, isn't it to get those tools from someone, you just think oh, my goodness, you can do that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Exciting. You're listening to the art of being a man podcast with Alison Newman. So just coming back to mum guilt, your own personal sort of thoughts on that? Well, for me, it probably one area like it really came up was around, not knowing what I was dealing with, with my daughter Mikayla and her health challenges I knew before I brought her home from hospital, something was going on. I called the doctors in mentioned a couple of things, and they couldn't tell me what it was. So we did a round of specialists for a long time, and they couldn't tell me anything that just take a home lover, she'll be fine. And I knew there was more to it than that. And it wasn't until she was eight, that my mom who knew this journey I was on of trying to figure out what's going on with this kid because it's we're not. This is not just normal childhood milestones. Something's happening here. Yeah. And I can't figure it out. And she she went back to teaching and she asked a fellow teacher, I know this kid, these are those symptoms are what, what, what does it sound like to you. And that was the first time we heard about autism or Asperger's Syndrome. So I started reading, did my thing, borrow books from the library, like I'd done laying to paint. And I just sat there reading the Oasis guide to autism and Asperger's in my room, and the tears just started running down my face, because I realized this is my kid, somebody has just described to me what's going on in the inside. And I had no idea. And I could just see all the things I could have done differently, or the things I've been doing wrong. And just realize what this kid had been dealing with. I was clueless about. I knew something but it didn't know what it was. And it was both, you know, you feel the guilt that why didn't I figure it out before? Or, but I could have helped. And what can you do? You can't do anything but go on and be grateful that now you know, and do the best you can to love and measure can not as you can't Yeah, that's so true, isn't it? I think as moms we're really good at beating ourselves up over things that we could do absolutely nothing about things that are out of our control. Yeah, we've got to sort of make make it feel good for everybody. And then when it doesn't, it's it's our fault, even if it's not our fault. Yeah, and then when we do blow it plenty of times you know, we get snapping get your into ball, we get bossy we get whatever unfair. And I think just being honest with our kids, especially as they get older and just being able to say I'm sorry, I was really cranky. Or I'm sorry that really wasn't fair. I think that just goes a long way to because the fact is we're never gonna be perfect anything's we're here. We're humans. Yes, we're honest. We can we're fatally flawed. So then going to another topic I'd love to talk about is the concept of identity about how the concept of your own identity changed. When you did become a mum, did you go through sort of a shift? I mean, I know you were in a really different place in the world, like do you graphically in a different sort of area, but yeah, how did you sort of? How did you feel about that whole process of that change? I really wanted to be a mum, I was really keen to be a mum, I, I'd been married nearly four years when my first daughter arrived. And my whole life was so extremely different. We moved into this mud village when I was eight months pregnant. So oh, you know, I was not just adjusting to motherhood, I was adjusting to a completely different existence, different language, different everything. So it and because that happened for me young, because I went overseas when I did I met Mike when I did. When he thought I was 24. I thought he was 24. Turns out, there's a 10 year age gap. I ended up being a teenage bride and uh, you know, people, mother, yes. But when we came back to Australia, and I had the two girls and then homeschooling them for a while, I felt like it was really, in my late later 20s and 30s that I started to figure out. So who am I? I can my wife and I'm a mom, and I've, you know, been overseas and done these things. But what am I really like? Yeah, because I'm married to a young and went overseas into an extreme situation. So Young, I didn't even really have those late teens 20s of figuring out who you are, as an adult being a single person, I was already making a life with another person, which was hugely transformative as it is when two opposites try and make a life together. But yeah, I think that discovering who I am, came later. And that's one of the things I love about getting older, I'll be 50 this year. And I love that I don't love the fact that my body is changing, my skin's getting all my hairs. But I do, I do love the internal change of just being so much more confident in who I am having had more life experiences and knowing I just know myself better. I know, my strengths and my weaknesses, and some of those weird limiting messages. I've learned other things that are true that have helped. So I like that side of identity as you get older of just knowing yourself better. And I think it's just always changing. You know, I knew I wanted to learn to paint. I thought teaching was the way to build more of a painting life. And it's reminded me that actually, I'm a teacher at heart. And I love that as much or more than the creative process itself. So for me helping artists step into their full art life, their career as an artist entrepreneur, that is so fulfilling for me that I'm willing to put limits on my own painting to pursue that journey, because I can't do everything I'd love to be and do everything. But there's not enough hours in the day are there? Yeah, that's it, isn't it? But I think what you said there about enjoying getting older and coming to these realizations, I think that's something that a lot of us can relate to. It's something I certainly can relate to, like I'm about to be probably 44 later this year. And you know, the best times mentally, you know, you go through this, all these things as a youngster about all this doubt. And what do people think of me and all this judgment, and you get to a point in your life where you just go, ah, none of that matters, who gives a toss, you know, and I joked with a guest recently, like, everyone should think like a 40 year old woman because you, you just you don't care anymore. You know, you've got the things in your life that are important, the things that matter, you've worked out yourself. And you're like, No, everything else can just go by the wayside. So it's incredibly liberating time of life. And I think you get over the shock of, oh my gosh, like, I thought, I thought youth would last longer. This aging thing that used to happen to other people, it's happening to me, there's kind of grief about that, or at least there was for me, and getting over that and realizing ah, actually, the opportunity in the next stage of my life is actually even richer because my baby making user behind me even much I mean for me I started young so yay, I've got adults now not nobody's in school anymore. And I'm, I'm free to move on to enjoying all those things I've learned about myself now in a different way in this part of my life, and I really like that. Yeah, yeah, I can relate to you talking about like grieving changes. When I had to get glasses. It was like, when I finally said I have to get glasses it was just like this. No getting like this. The worst thing in the world that could possibly happen to anybody. You know. It's so self referred. Isn't it? passes on in the store. I was is my first year of classes to literally the tears welled up in my eyes because I look like an old lady to myself. Yeah, yeah, because that's the thing, we have these concepts of what it means to be old and get old. And for me glasses was one of those things. So then when I, when I got my glasses, and I put them on, and I actually they look nice, like, they don't look like my grandmother's glasses, you know, they were never going to, you know, but that's what I had in my head. And then I first time I wore them to work, I was really nervous that because I hadn't worked with children for nine years in childcare, and I was thinking all the kids are going to be trying to pull them off, and there'll be like, making a big deal. And I wore them for probably 20 minutes before any of the children said anything I could tell they were looking, but one of them come up, they said, our you've got glasses on. And I was like, Yeah, I do. And that was it. You know, so my own, you know, worries about how they'd be received. You was nothing to worry about, you know, we build all this stuff, we build these stories in our minds of what's gonna happen in life. Well, I do certainly mean that it doesn't come true. And instead of going, Oh, well, that was nice. I don't have to worry so much anymore. We're finding things that we oh gosh, yeah. I put that down a lot of it to being a Cancerian I think YTD for about everything. You talked about that your your art take second place to your other sort of work that you're doing. But that is still your creative work, isn't it like it's not as though your own, the physical act of creating might not be there as much, but what you've created and what you're sharing is a massive part of it. That's really important to you, isn't it to be really important to me? Yes, yeah. And I actually love the whole creative process of crafting a message, and learning how to communicate that through social media, through my website, through an email list. Communicating and cultivating that audience, I run a Facebook group for artists called the confident artist. And so helping that community in their creativity, and then stepping into sharing their art with the world, designing the training materials, you know, and the graphics and all of that, that whole process of that teaching process of taking knowledge and experience and questions, and just shared experience. And communicating that with others. That's a really important creative process for me. And part of drawing and painting is that decision, fatigue is a big part, we're making so many decisions about the work all the way along, whether it's designing the idea in the first place, how we're going to compose the composition, how we're going to mix the colors, how we're going to actually create those clouds, or render those leaves, what painting needs next, which particular method I'm going to use to solve that particular problem, it can leave you mentally drained. So in a season, I've just learned I have to have seasons. And if, if I'm in a season of making a body of work, it may not be the same season where I can be really promoting a coaching program like the profitable artist. And that's a hard and costly choice. But sometimes that just has to happen, you have to mind using my creativity in this area. So it might not like I tell my students that really you need about a 5050 balance between making your creative work and marketing your creative work. And that can feel shocking in the beginning. But it also doesn't mean that you divide up every day, with a 5050, half to each, you have to find your own rhythm, it might work for you to make in the morning, market in the afternoon. But it might also mean that you have a week where you paint, and then you have a week where you do the business side of things. It just depends on what works better for you. And you might find it works different in different seasons. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Because you can sometimes get on a real roll. We all the ideas are coming. And you don't want to sort of have to put a timer on that and say, Oh, no, no, can't do that. Now, you can let that come and let that happen. Because then there's always times when you're not feeling like that. So that's the time is when you can do the practical work and, you know, that other side of things. That's, that's really important too. So yeah, I mean, that's the thing. We things always ebb and flow, don't they? No one can be everything all the time at the same level. You know, that's just it's just the nature of things, and especially being the nature of women to Kate Northrup. I wrote a book called, do less more, I think it's called. And in there, she talks about the fact that as women, we're on a 28 day cycle, whereas men are on a 24 hour cycle. And in some ways, we know all about that. But in other words, we don't know much about that. How often do we expect ourselves to be on a 24 hour work cycle. And we forget the fact that our energy ebbs and flows in really different ways that she's done a great job of mapping, the kinds of energy we have at different stages, in even if we're not actually cycling, like we were, when we were younger, even if you're at that life stage, you still have these rhythms of energy, rest, being more extroverted and more introverted. And that is a really helpful perspective, I think, to end to get to know yourself, when you're in that, wow, the ideas are just coming. Capture them go with it. And then when you're in that quiet, I'm just doing the work mode, I'm smashing it out. Or you're in the extroverted making connection space, or just that, who I need to refill the well. Yeah, that's so true, isn't it? Yeah. And that's the thing, too, I think because, you know, as we're, there's different times in our life when we're so conscious of where we are in our cycle. And then there's other times in life where we just, it's not even on our radar. So and that's the thing to get back in touch with what, where we're at and what we feel at that time, and how that affects our creativity. And, yeah, I think that's a really important thing to think about. Because sometimes just sneaking away for power nap, is actually going to be more productive in the long run, than just trying to push through. Yeah, that's so important. I think there's this, there's been this massive, sort of focus on, I don't know what they call it like the, you've got to be productive all the time. You're smashing out things. And you've got the, I can't remember what they used to be this hashtag about? I don't know, you get where I'm coming from that hustle culture? Sort of Yeah. And you've just, it's almost like wrist was something that you'd give yourself as a reward, not as something that is part of just your, your regular life, I suppose. And, yeah, I feel like it's changing is definitely I mean, certainly the people that I follow, there's this idea that we, the old self care Sundays, that the hashtag still gets around, but it's a night, you can be mindful of that any time of the day. And like you said, if you feel like you need a nap, because that's going to make you more productive later, then do it, you know? And that comes down to judgment to be that, you know, how are you sleeping in the middle of the day? You know, aren't you supposed to be doing something, you know, all those little voices from a naive, maybe capitalist or a patriarchal sort of society come into our head and say, Yeah, what do you do in that for? Yeah, and not recognizing that creativity doesn't like to be on 24/7. And you've actually probably only got about four hours max, of that really intense work, new work, creative work in you. And if you do any more, in a day of that kind of work, you're probably going to be in creative debt the next day, so mixing it up with admin, housework, whatever, without breaking concentration, but just knowing your limits, learning to feel where you're at, is this the time to go with the flow, this is the time to say, Okay, that's enough. And also, brain science is fabulous in this recognizing there are different ways our brain works different aspects of our brain for different tasks. And when we stop, and go away and do something different, like take a walk, take a shower, take a nap, chop vegetables, back in your floor, your brain flips into this different zone. And when it's in that zone, it's almost like neutral. Yeah, what it does is it starts making connections between all of these completely different areas in your brain, ideas, thoughts, memories, experiences, and it starts making solutions that are completely unique. Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it? Like I find, it's almost like I think did Einstein call it the theta state or the theta state? It's something to do with when your brains at rest. And it doesn't have to be actual meditation doesn't have to be laying down meditating. But it's like you're doing a repetitive or, I don't wanna say mindless because, but you're basically chopping vegetables when you said that. It's like you're doing a repetitive thing and your body goes into like muscle memory, and it just does it. Yeah. And then that gives your mind the time to, like you said, makes the connection and you're not conscious of it. It's not a thing that you're thinking, necessarily, but like the shower, going in the shower and walking are the two biggest times I get ideas. It's like you're just open and stuff just comes in and it's just amazing. I quickly get out of the shower and just record things on my phone or exactly I need a whiteboard in the shower. But it's true, isn't it like you need you need the ebbs and flows and your body has to have time and your mind has to have time to process things and then get you ready for the next load of whatever you're doing. And as a mom, if you can embrace that, then that it just works, doesn't it because we spend a heck of a lot of time, and vegetables and cleaning things and driving and. And we need to exercise you know, just to keep ourselves together. And walking is such a great way to do that. Those things can be part of our life. And when we realize I'm not beating myself up while I'm doing those things about all the things I haven't done yet. I'm relaxing and recognizing this is a really powerful part of the rhythm. And if I'm open, I'm excited to see what floats into my head. Potentially while I'm chopping broccoli. Yeah, yeah, I love that. That is so awesome. So I, I do a lot of yoga. And it's that the best stuff is like you do all your asanas and do all the movement, do some breathing. And then you have a nice meditation and you have a heavy Shavasana. And it's like, okay, what can you give me now like, you know, you're so open, and you're so relaxed, and your body's in that, that state, and then you can just you just get the best ideas, but I do anyway, I just love it. I'm not a yoga practitioner at all. But I do like silent meditation before the just what I should say, I don't necessarily love the doing of it. But I love the effect of it and learning that just even 10 minutes of silence just ignoring the chatter that my mind comes up with. Actively just letting it go that Yeah, yeah, it does put you in an amazing place to think clearly and be more energized, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. I'd always get up from my shavasana and my yoga teacher, she'd be like, Okay, what if he got first this time, like, because it was become this joke that I just be like, Oh, guess what, I just thought of what some I just came up with like, it was just, yeah, I'll just. If there are people in your audience who are wanting to learn to draw paint, dive into that part of their creativity, then come Come find me, the confident artists Facebook group, there's a lot of people in there who are enjoying their creativity together at all different levels. And I have a blog on my website that's got some really helpful tools and tips for enjoying your creativity, learning to draw and paint. And if you already painting and drawing and you're thinking, Can I do this? Could I really make money doing something I love? How do I even start selling art, then head to my website, Fiona valentine.com, I've got a free guide on how to start selling your art that talks about how to get clarity, and how this works, how to think about your pricing. And there's a lot of other resources there on my website, you can find out about the coaching program, the profitable artist method. And if you've got questions, just let me know, there's a button where you can hop on a free call, and we can talk about your creative journey and how you can get some support are fantastic. Yep. So I was gonna ask you, what's the best way to go ahead and get in touch but you've just answered that for me beautifully. Thank you. And also on your website, you've got some information on Oh, yes, innovation workshop. You'll see that in the tabs on my website, there's a tab for business school that talks about the profitable artists method. And it's another tab that says the art of innovation workshop. And that's where companies or you know, collection of people who want to get together and do a two hour online zoom workshop to learn how to draw so that you can boost your creative potential. And you can use it like an exercise taking your brain to the gym. So yeah, you'll find all that information there too. Thank you so much for coming on today. I've really enjoyed talking with you is raised some points that I've sort of lost along the way somewhere, you know, especially that that you know, keeping in touch with your emotions and your cycle and that kind of stuff. So yeah, really valuable to have you here and thank you so much for giving me your time today. Thank you so fun to talk with you and your music is beautiful, Allison. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Oh, do you have to keep an ear out for the next year when which will hopefully be the end of the it's been a slow process, but I don't mind that. It just happens when it happens and amongst everybody else. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Jedda Glynn South Australian florist, designer and small business owner S1 Ep19 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Jedda Glynn is a designer and small business owner from Burrungule, South Australia and a mother of 3. Jedda Grew up in a small country town, surrounded by a creative family. She’s been a dancer her whole life, running the Kongorong Calisthenics Club for many years, and recently starting her own small business, The Springs Creative, where Jedda arranges rustic dried flowers, with the help of her young children. We chat about how being creative kept her sane during a difficult time in her life, the joy of sharing the creative side of the business with her children and the importance of having a supportive family around her, and the perks of living in the country and raising children on a farm. **This episode contains discussions around domestic violence and an abusive relationship** Connect with Jedda on Instagram Find out about Squib Group Find out more about the Kongorong Calisthenics Club Connect with the podcast here Music used with permission in this episode is from Alison Newman and Alemjo When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... elcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discussed in the show notes, along with the music played, and the link to find the podcast on Instagram. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship that traditional owners have with the land and water, as well as acknowledging elder's past, present and emerging. Thank you for joining me. My guest today on the podcast is Jeddah clean. Jeddah is a designer and small business owner from barren gold, South Australia, and a mother of three jeder grew up in a small country town surrounded by a creative family. She's been a dancer for her whole life, running the conga and calisthenics club for many years. And recently, she started her own business, the springs created where She arranges rustic dried flowers with the help of her young children. Today, we chat about how being creative kept her sane during a difficult time in her life. The joy of sharing the creative side of the business with her children, the importance of having a supportive family around her and the perks of living in the country and raising children on a farm. Please be aware this episode contains discussions around domestic violence and abusive relationship. MUSIC Today is used with permission from Alison Newman, and LM Joe. Welcome, Jenna, thank you so much for coming on today. Thanks for having me. Your project is called the springs creative. Can you tell us about that and how you got started and what you make? Um, well, it's very, a very new business. Earlier in the, my partner took myself and our kids on a little holiday up to Victor Harbor. And I just snuck away from them for a while and went through a little market that they had along the foreshore and I noticed a lady up there was selling like bunches of dried wheat and little ponytails and things which we see on the side of the roads down here everywhere. Like it's a very rainy, a lovely little nature. I concept I guess. Yeah. And that's, I don't know identities, were something that I can do here on the farm. I can go out exploring with kids. And we can cut down the branches of trees that we like or that have flowers in the garden. And we just tried to dry some and it worked out really easy. So I decided, oh, let's sell them for Mother's Day. So I put together I think it was 30 odd little recycled jars with some bunches in them and started a little Instagram platform. And it sort of escalated from there. And I had it was messaging me for weddings coming up this season. And then I decided to create a website. And yeah, the little businesses grown and grown from there. So we called it the springs creative because that's where we are in Baringo it's called a little area code the springs and where we live runs alongside the Springs Road so it's sort of just clicked that little Yeah, idea. Yeah, that's great. And yes, have a look on on the Instagram. Anyone that's listening to this because they're just gorgeous. They're They're very, it's it's different, isn't it? They? I guess because they're dry. They're gonna last and last and last. They're not like the fresh flowers that are gonna do they're gonna wilt in and die. They just look amazing. You've got a real talent to for these. Putting them together. Have you always been sort of a creative person making things? I guess so. Even as a little girl I didn't have that many dolls I was writing to pencils and paper and drawing and in my room and making things my my mum and my And both bananas are right into quoting and making. So I've always had that, you know, a home I guess my dad's even quite creative being he's a farmer as well. Making things out of junk like building things and building machinery very clearly like that. And then when I was younger, my mum got me into calisthenics. So I've been in dance my whole life. I'm also a part of the conquering calisthenics club and running that club by myself as a coach. Yeah, so I've been into making costumes and sequencing and creating teens and yeah, smart my life I guess I love I love being a being hands in mind and in our guests during high school. I was in love with all the art subjects and design and things before before I go to maths and science like me, so yeah, it wasn't a great fan of school. But yeah. I can totally relate to that. Say you mentioned that your children help you gather and collect things for your work? Tell us about your children. I have three kids. I've got a son and two daughters. Yeah, what are they nearly nearly six nearly four and just turned one. Busy but a lot of my making and business planning I guess is done when they go to bed. So you spend all night doing your hypnosis because your daily times for your kids your day times for school drop offs in washing and housework. Yeah, it is. It is a big a big commitment to decide to open a business because you do have to give me your free time to to that. Yeah. That's it, isn't it? And especially having a little one too. I guess you're not. You're not guaranteed a full night's sleep either. So no, I am honestly very lucky. All the kids are great sleepers. They go to bed at seven and they they wake up at about seven the next day. So yeah, I am pretty strict on their routine. So I can by eight o'clock jump on in my office and get some stuff done. Yeah. Well, that's great. You mentioned about the farm. So do you do actually have a farm as well that you run? Yeah, my partner's a part of a family trust. So we're surrounded by family. There's Yeah. Every day there's something happening was sharing to be done. There's harvest and silage, there's Yeah, sheep work or whatever needs to have happen. They've also got a theory that they run as well. Yeah, so I am surrounded by a lot of business minded people. So it's been really great to bounce ideas. And they've actually shown quite a great interest in what I'm doing, which is exciting and encouraging. Yeah. Yeah. It's great to have that support, isn't it? And especially with having three children, you'd sort of you'd need to have a pretty good support network around you. Yeah. And my parents lived down in Congress, they're not far away, as well. So yeah, my mom has my kids a lot for me to do my calisthenics. So yeah, go away to competitions and things like that. She Yeah, she takes all that on talking about the concept of mum guilt, you know, this idea that yeah, just supposed to be doing mum stuff all the time, and we're not supposed to do anything for ourselves and Yeah, my eldest three kids from a previous marriage. So I went through a lot of dv relationship. And I left that relationship when my daughter was only, not even one years old. So I've had them longer for a long time. I don't remember much of my daughter's life, because I was going through a lot of things behind the scenes. But I feel that the calisthenics especially, was my escape from what was going on in my home, I could go to castings, and be creative and find my happiness, then come home, and it wasn't okay. So then I moved in with my parents and I could, I could let go, I could be who I wanted to be, and find my happiness again. And I still, I still have a lot of mom guilt. Because I chose to be creative over being there for my kids. But now things are a lot different in a lot happier relationship, happier home, I can juggle both I can be creative, and I can be I can be mum, and can be present. Like it's been very different. Having my youngest and going through bringing her up and, and a little the joys of breastfeeding and things we support around me. It's been a lot. lot different. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess creating the springs creative. He's also something I can do with the kids like exploring the farm, going going out into nature, and oh, look at these wondering what that's going to look like in a couple of weeks after we've hung it up and dried it, or what color could we try and make this grass because we've been experimenting with dyes and food coloring and things to try and suck up into the stems and create new colors and things like that. So that's been fun to do with kids? Oh, yeah. It's almost like a little like, like a science project or so. Yeah, definitely. I mean, it was, it was great to do through COVID as well, not their way here in South Australia had much COVID dramas, but it kept us saying that we could do a little bit of schoolwork in the morning and then get out in the garden. And we'll go for a walk around the paddock and see what we can find. Yeah, for sure. And it's like, I guess, I mean, the kids probably aren't on social media, the ages. But can they sort of delay See, they see the finished product? And they they sort of have an understanding that what they've Yeah, has made this beautiful product, I guess. Yeah, let my my daughter especially, I'll make up a bunch of flowers, and they've got to be delivered up to the hospital. Let's say this to a new baby. And she gets so excited that we're going to Yeah, make someone say brighter with something that we've made. Yeah, that's beauty. And that whole, that whole giving concept that it gives the learning that you can spoil someone without it being a toy or something materialistic it can be a bunch of flowers is enough for somebody as well. Yeah. Yeah, that's really lovely. Do you mind if we delve into this previous relationship a bit more? Is that appropriate? Obviously, if there's anything you don't want to talk about, I'm just interested this the connection that you you raised about the way that being creative was like your outlet. It was your escape. Yeah. Yeah. Can you talk a bit more about that? Is that? Yeah, well, at the time, I was teaching classes at the Congress home. And, like it was a commitment, good scribble gene for classes, two or three times a week. I had to go. I couldn't be having a worse day. But at four o'clock, I had to be there to open a hole up for these kids to come in for their classes. Like when I opened that whole door and walked in. It was I'm free, like, I can do what I want to do for the next year and a half. But when I shut that door and walk out, I have to go back to reality. So I guess it was it kept my, my my I know my gears going it kept kept me alive. You could be honest that. Yeah. And then when I guess when things got to that point where I decided that enough was enough, it still was my, my my little I was my therapy, I guess I could I was going through counseling, going through mediation and things. And yeah, I can be really stressed out. And it was my Yeah. A little a little escape from what was really going on in my life. Yeah. forever grateful for those those kids. I have no idea of what they helped me through. But yeah, they got me through some of the darkest days. Yeah, yeah. And that sense of community. I suppose having having people around you that valued you. And looked up to you. Yeah, yeah. With Yeah, definitely. I love being a part of small communities, because for that reason, your next door neighbor knows what's going on in your world. And they're there for you. Yeah. Well, yeah. My parents were my brother, my sister in law. And then, after 12 months of living with my parents, I moved into a home with my kids, just me and the two kids. And we're only a few doors down for my parents and my brother like it was a little safety net. And yeah, we got we got through it. Yeah. I met my current partner and moved down to Cancun for the first time in my life. When he moved 10 minutes up the road into Boingo. Yeah. Well done. Good for you. Yeah, that's a great, it's a great outcome. You know, you hear a lot of a lot of things not going going the other way when it comes to domestic violence. And I always consider myself one of those lucky ones. Yeah, I felt I felt like I had people behind me to push me through through that mountain because a lot of girls get to that point and they turn around if you go back to like it. I totally understand why girls go back. And it's not only girls it's guys too. But when I took those steps it was crazy how many doors were open for me with counseling. Support hearing about Gambia there's a lot a lot of things I didn't even realize to exist for people ya know, I met some amazing humans who encouraged me to keep going to keep climbing Yeah, I got there in the past I guess yeah, let's go yeah you born and bred in Congo wrong. Usually I've lived here my whole life and even the ceramics which is a beautiful area. It's only what would it be from the man it's like 15 minutes would it be yeah if that Yeah. So we're right on the highway so pretty much where the Grand Council turns to what arrange Council? Yeah. And there's the old springs hole that's still there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Often drive past that and think Oh, wonder how many lovely you know, dances and parties and stuff. They have their history around this. Phenomenal No luck there. The beautiful old homes at the old Baringo homestead there on the hill. Yeah. Love beautiful properties, like the hills and green grass and the scrub lands and stuff like that. And then like then all you can see is the bluff as well. Yeah, some fucking mornings. It's really quite eerie. When you look at over. Yeah. It's a beautiful park. That's the thing. I guess. Most people would just drive straight through there. They're on their way to somewhere else. And they just, you know. Yeah. I always did like living here in Congo. He drafted like, oh, every now and then to go to football or netball. You never paid any notice to him? Yeah, yeah, that's it, isn't it? We used to spend a lot of Sunday drives driving around with mom and dad that was just sitting on a Sunday. Go for a cook For, ya know that that tracks between here and anywhere, my dad knew them. So we spent a lot of time driving around, which I probably took for granted as a as a teenage girl or even a bit younger like I was, this is so boring. And it's my going home. And now I love it. Driving around, we decided to go in a different way home every now and then. Yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. And like, yeah, you kids, you kids who grow up with that different sort of view on the world, too. I suppose that there's all these hidden hidden places that people don't know about and all this cool stuff. It's a great lifestyle raising kids in, in the country and on a farm that they they see and learns things so differently. My son knows about the birds and bees now like he's just worked out for himself. Like when I was pregnant with my youngest, Haney how it all happened. So the Rams in the shape have it. That's one less conversation you've got to have as anyone have to even think about it. I guess to then the concept of death to life and death. It's not a dog. Because they see it, you know, often, I guess, yeah, like that we eat our own meat off the farm like lamb and pork. You know, kids know where it comes from. They know. They know what goes into what they have to they may the hard work that goes into raising the lambs to be that to that point, and when they go on the back to the abbatoirs. Or if the when the pigs go to the piggery from the piggery to abiqua. And they know what's happening where they're going. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, that's a great thing to teach children. I think too, because there's no denial then. You're not hiding things and no wedding milk comes in this year. Oh, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's a that's a good one. I think. Not recently, even a couple of weeks ago, I think my pop said to me Oh, I saw this article the city kids they don't even know where milk comes from. And it's kind of like a joke but I think it's true. You know, like there's so many kids that are detached from from that they don't understand they probably think it just goes it's in a factory in squirts out of some big machine you know, it's not Yeah, connection. Yeah, yeah. But then we don't know what goes on in city life like what it's like to ram or bus or gosh, like, yeah, yeah, what it's like to drive around you around in a car park at the shopping center trying to get apart. We don't have to deal with that. Yeah, that's a great way of looking at it. I've never thought of it that way that's really good. perspective or even when it's like to walk to school we drive to school or drive the bus stop or not that we're hugely remote but we are in a way Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it isn't it? All these little differences and we just I guess we take for granted what we know and don't think about what we don't know the concept of identity is something that I love to chat to moms about on the podcast. Yeah. How do you feel about that? Like is it important to you to sort of put in air quotes to be more than just a mum to have your own your own identity and your sense of self? I guess I guess I know Facebook keeps reminded me of my what my life used to be before kids Saturday nights it shadows or I don't know even just little adventures I used to do back in the day is a total lifetime ago for me. Yeah, and I guess when you do become a mum you have to let go of that life yeah. You your your life comes second to your kids slow development and their their health and well being is above above yours. Yeah. But you do have to keep it leveled enough that you are your best self where you're at can't be can't be distant you can't be unwell. You've got to be that for that therefore them which I guess I've learned from the past that are needed to put my kids first to get out of that for them. Yeah. Yah, yah, yah. Yah, I love being on I probably love I love being a stay at home mom, I'm very lucky that I can have that role. But yeah, you don't can't get a break. I don't get to go to work and have seven hours without my kids. I've got to be with them. 24/7 so that so that time when they're in bed and you're doing, you're doing your thing that is that is really precious. Isn't it that time that you get? Yeah. And that that they use my time? Yeah, that's my, my. My therapy. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess you you've got to look at look at it like that, that you can use the time that you aren't with your kids to be productive, but also using it to have your time out of work. You've got to go to trade like that, like your time and Once Upon a Time was going out for dinner with friends are going out getting your hair done, but you're going to look at it differently that that's a trait it's not your everyday. Yeah, yeah, that's it. And even even having an opportunity to go to Woolies and get some groceries without the kids such Some. Some new time. Yeah. Yeah. You're still doing your mum work. It's it's your chance to Yeah, timeout or that moment before school pick up and you see the car on your phone. But your your time? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it, isn't it think things take on this new perspective? And? But yeah, you're right. Like it's in finding those little moments, and then being aware of how they're fitting in for you. And not just sort of not just sort of going through the day, like mindlessly I guess. Yeah, yeah. Really pinpointing those moments saying, right, this is my time and you know, owning it and making the most, I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it could be a morning the kids sleeping that little extra 20 minutes, and you get to watch sunrise on TV and have your coffee hot? Like it's yeah, those things. Yeah. Yeah. That's your time. A little things before before the answer. It's working, really getting down to the road. It's a little five minutes of freedom. I think that that sort of shifting perspective, it's, it's challenging, but I think that looking at it that way will help a lot of people too. I think just just shifting, shifting the way because yeah, life life is not going to all of a sudden say, Hey, I'm gonna look after your kids for two weeks while you go on a holiday. You know, it's an if you've got to, you've got to sort of find those little moments in the in the mundane every day, day to day activities. Yeah, and you also got to find that. I guess in your relationship to that mum and dad can have their time out when they want to, it's okay. If dad wants to go fishing or whatever mums allowed to go, go for a walk or go do what she likes to do. Yeah. Yeah. It's not just all about mum. Both and the kids, the kids also need to see that. We both we both can go do what we're gonna do. We don't have to be at the same time, I guess. Like, yeah. Yeah, like, we both can go do our own things. As parents, we don't have to rely on each other. I guess. Like, yeah, you can have something for yourself. Do something by yourself. It doesn't have to always be with someone. Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, like our relationship is like dunking, going go fishing, or go catch up with his mates or his brothers in so so it's okay. Like, it's not. We have to do everything all together all the time. Yeah. And if I go down to the sick, catch up with my friends, or go to dancing or whatever, that's, that's okay. It's yeah. Yeah, it's great for the kids to be able to say that it's not to stand like the strength in relationships. You know, you don't have you have to be with each other all the time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess I guess the lock the lifestyle around. Things don't stuff on the farm. You can't have Saturday and Sunday off. Things still need to be done. The weather's right after the sun been near like this weekend. We weren't planning on doing anything as such, but we ended up sharing 15 games, but yeah, the kids and I had planned to go to narracott yesterday, so we still went and yeah, we still got to do what we plan to do. Yeah. But yeah, things on the farm still have to be done. Yeah. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. And I guess that teachers, sort of models, I guess, like that adaptability and that resilience. I suppose that if whatever is thrown at you, you've you've just got to deal with it at that time. And yeah, yeah. And it teaches the kids too, that plans change, as well, that it's okay. It's not something you fit. Yeah, it can be disappointing, but you keep up and walk on. And it goes on. Yeah. Because change is a big a big thing for anyone, for adults, but for children, especially when plans change. So I think that's, that's a really valuable thing for for kids to grow up with that idea that it is okay for things to change. And, and it's not a thing to be scared of, because I think a lot of people are asking. Yes, yes. Yeah. I've never thought of this stuff before. It's really cool. It's like your children are getting this their own special brand of, of life education, I suppose. Will these these little thick tools? Yeah. Yeah. Yep. And I guess I was, I was brought up the same like I was brought up that you talked about what you want to talk about, get it sorted out, there's no worrying, there's no need to go round and round in circles so that you can you can find a solution to a problem. Yeah, work it out and move on. Or? Yeah, yeah. And talk it out rather than, you know, dwell on it, hide it and internalize it and go around around around forever. Sometimes I still overthink everything. It's what we do as humans. A blurry that things are the same things. And then ends and you move on you just Yeah. Yeah, I'm blown away with our area, like, how supportive other small businesses are of small business startups. Yeah, it's fantastic. That you can reach out to other little businesses and they'll give you a heads up on things or CVS, things like I had, had a couple of girls. Say, Go for it, go to the library, market, get yourself and your branding out there and see what happens. But just Instagram alone has been amazing for me. The followers and the shares. Yeah, the inquiries for weddings has been amazing and exciting. It's exciting to share that happiness with those people. Because a lot of them have had their weddings canceled because of COVID. And to be a part of that excitement for them, and then they're still worrying that things will get canceled. But yeah, yeah, that's, I'm really looking forward to got my way our first wedding coming up on the 20th of November. So yeah, I'm super excited to. Yeah, bring all those ideas out and show what we what we can do. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. And then to see where things go, like if we can get more into the wholesale of dry flowers. The boys this year have a lot of wheat crops in two of my partner's brothers own a business in Millicent called squeak group, which is a stock feed plant so they make a lot of canola meal and canola oil and other products as well, which has been super exciting watching them growing their business. Like it's a multi million dollar thesis, but my little flowers is flooding along but it's so good having family that around, like who are very business minded and say you should be doing this you should be doing that. Have you thought about this or? Yeah. How much did you make on it this week? What was your profit like? You should be looking at this. You shouldn't be doing that. Like I'm just a little, little, little check making some flowers. It's no big deal. No. It is great having having people like that to bounce off decisions, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's thing even though you you're the scale might be a little different, but they might, you know, have a suggestion of something and you go, Oh, I didn't realize that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, one night, every now and then they have a fire and catch up at our place. And I was saying how much dried wheat is on the wholesale market. And they all is what you can make a driveway in their crops and firewood with scissors, cutting down wheat. So I'll make a profit off their crop, so it shouldn't be fun. And even like, fracking, we've got all our scrub weeds that we spray for weeds. Yes. Huge, popular over in America like looking at the summer. And bouquets they've got those in there bouquets. Like that's something I've got my back door. Yeah, easily. Yeah. So it's cool watching trends from overseas that come into Australia and yeah, trying to get my head around things and what all the whatever on locks and yeah, that's, that's awesome. Again, that perspective shifts like something that that we spray we get rid of, because it takes you know, takes up room in the grazing and it's just a pest. People People love and they want in their bouquets. It's like the Pampas grass and things like that. Like it's, it's classed as a weed. Yeah. And I've been looking at, had a lot of people inquire for me to post them bouquets or post them arrangements, so looking by security in different states, and each state has a different role. It's amazing how Australia can be one country but have all these different laws in different states. Yeah, okay. Hey, Sydney. I've really liked to get into his posting them, but it's going to be very complicated to do it. Yeah. Oh, it sounds like you've got some fun coming up in the future. Yeah, hopefully, building and growing. Yeah, hopefully. I feel like I've finally found my little niche and my little, little thing and laughter run when I left high school in 2008 with no clue at all what I wanted to do following year 12. So it is nice. It's nice to finally find my my life but yeah. life a life that I can still be mom and still be there. For school pickups and drop offs or volunteering at the canteen or whatever. I can still do both. Yeah, I need to see where things go. That's for sure. Yeah, well, absolutely. I'll be I'll be watching. I'm sure a lot of people will be after this. Because yeah, it's a great story. And I'm really, yeah, and your products are beautiful. You know. I just thank you for having me. Yeah. I love listening to your thought your podcasts and very interesting guests you've had on so yeah, and it seems foreign to someone like me. I'm just a little little piece of the pie out here so young. It's nice to Yeah, listen to other people's journeys and find inspiration from what they've done. Yeah, it's good. If you or someone you know, would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email. Alison Newman dotnet. Age to Ellis Cafe is a fortnightly ish, long form interview based podcast featuring conversations about politics, environment and mental health in a world on edge with Ben heavy. Ben is an international relations researcher, environmental educator, mental health advocate and longtime friend of mine who enjoys having a yarn over a hot coffee. The podcast tries to make sense of the different kinds of edges that define us, divide us and shape how we interact with each other. In a world that's gone a little bonkers, and what it means to be a little different. Check it out at pod bean.com or wherever you get your podcasts

Dr Sophie Brock Motherhood studies sociologist S2 Ep59 Listen and subscribe on Spotify , Apple podcasts (itunes) and Google Podcasts My guest this week is Dr Sophie Brock, a Motherhood Studies Sociologist (a Social Scientist) and Mother of 1 living in Sydney, Australia. She provides analysis of Motherhood in our culture, exploring the ways individual experiences of Mothers are shaped by broader social constructs. I first found out about Sophie's amazing work while recording a podcast with Louise Agnew in S2Ep41 and I am so glad I did, what she is doing really resonates with me and it is so valuable. Sophie supports professionals, business owners and creatives in revolutionising what Motherhood means in our society, and how individual Mothers are supported and understood. This has been her of research and passion for over a decade now. Her work is grounded in her PhD in Sociology from The University of Sydney, her own experiences as a Mother, and her own ongoing learning from her clients and community. Sophie's vision is for a Motherhood liberated from patriarchal structural constraints, where Mothers have agency, support, and possibilities open to them. Creating this world requires the deconstruction of dominant models of Motherhood, including ‘the perfect mother myth’, intensive mothering ideology, and martyrdom-motherhood. She believes that through this work, we can create space to imagine, (re)claim, explore, and connect to a version of Motherhood that sees women who mother as valued, powerful and whole. Sophie’s offerings include self-study courses for Mothers and practitioners, her podcast The Good Enough Mother , and her Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification program. In todays chat with Sophie we discuss the movie The Lost Daughter , which may be triggering. If so, I encourage you to seek help from those around you, or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of international resources here . Connect with Sophie website / facebook / instagram email - info@drsophiebrock.com Podcast - instagram / website Maternal Scholars Australia Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mothers work is influenced by their children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for joining me. I'm delighted to welcome Dr. Sophie Brock to the podcast this week. Sophie is a motherhood studies sociologist, also known as a social scientist, and a mother herself living in Sydney Australia. Sophie provides analysis of motherhood in our culture, exploring the ways individual experiences and mothers are shaped by broader social constructs. Sophie supports professionals, business owners and creatives in revolutionising what motherhood means in our society, and how individual mothers are supported and understood. I first found out about Sophie and her incredible work through a previous guest of this podcast. Louise Agnew, a photographer from Matt Gambia, South Australia, and I'm so glad I did. Motherhood studies has been Sophie's field of research and passion for over a decade now. Her work is grounded in her PhD in sociology from the University of Sydney, her own experiences as a mother and her own ongoing learnings from her clients and community. Sophie's vision is for motherhood liberated from patriarchal structural constraints, where mothers have agency support and possibilities open to them. Creating this world requires the deconstruction of dominant models of motherhood, including the perfect mother myth, intensive mothering ideology, and martyrdom motherhood. She believes that through this work, we can create space to imagine, claim or reclaim, explore and connect to a version of motherhood that sees women who mother as valued powerful and how, and personally I could not agree more. Sophie's offerings include self study courses for mothers and practitioners, her podcast, the good enough mother, and her motherhood studies practitioner certification program. In today's chat with Sophie, we discussed the movie The lost daughter, which may be triggering to some. If so, I encourage you to seek help from those around you or from resources online. I have compiled a list of international resources on my website landing page. That is Alison newman.net/podcast. The music you'll hear in today's episode is used with permission and it's from my new age at ambient music trio called LM Joe. It's made up of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson, and her husband, John. I'm so delighted to have Sophia on an episode of my podcast. It really is an honor. And I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I enjoyed chatting with Sophie. Thanks so much for coming on today. Sophie, it's a real pleasure to meet you and to welcome you to the podcast. Oh, thank you for having me, Alison. I'm looking forward to our conversation today. Yeah, so I've been following you on Instagram for a little while I came across you. I can't remember how but I'm really glad I did. Because what you're doing is really of interest to me, and I think will be of interest to a lot of people that listen to the podcast as well. Can you explain to us what you do? And the sort of thing that you're really interested in with your area of work? Yeah, sure. So I have a pretty unusual job title, which is a motherhood studies sociologist. And what that actually means is I'm a social scientist, and I focus on the experiences of mothers and motherhood in our society and culture and how that shaped and what that means. And so sometimes I describe it, if you imagine, like a scientist with their white lab coat walking into a lab and looking at a specimen under their microscope to examine and ask questions and post hypotheses and think about well, what can I learn and what can I find out from studying and observing this phenomenon? I do the same thing but in our social world. So we step out and we look at how mothers experience their daily lives and what the cultural messages are around what it means to be a mother in Our society and culture. And so that's what I'm really interested in. How did you get into this area? What was sort of the trigger that that drew you into it? Yeah, I did my Bachelor of Arts degree and I majored in sociology. And through the course of one of my essay topics, I stumbled across motherhood studies as a term. And I was really surprised that we hadn't learned about motherhood studies formally in the course of my degree. And so I kind of went down the rabbit hole of lots of reading. And I discovered a whole network of incredible maternal scholars at the time, mostly based in North America. But there was an organization here in Australia, two that was focused on maternal researchers scholarship, and that led me down the path of them pursuing a PhD focused on that area of study. And it's kind of just sort of blossomed since then I've just been really passionate about the topic. And this was long before I became a mum myself. So yeah, it's been an interest for mine ever since. Yeah, it's interesting you say about not many people, I guess, in Australia, I don't know about now. But I've noticed that there it is a really strong sort of topic in North America. And there's people in England doing the same sort of thing. But I haven't come across many other people sort of diving in, in Australia. So it's a nice to have that perspective over here. Because I think, you know, culturally, you know, we are so different to other countries, and different sort of setups that our government has, like with health care, and childcare and things like that. So it is a unique sort of, I guess, every country is unique. So yeah, it's nice to have that that perspective. There's actually a fair a fair few people now in Australia, which is wonderful. And there's an organization maternal scholars, Australia, and but the, I suppose the challenges too, it's like, how, where are you placed in order to be able to do this work? And so are you working at a university? Do you have funding, like, all of those sorts of questions come into play with how much focus were sort of able to facilitate on this topic? But yeah, absolutely. There's a really strong pool throughout, throughout, you know, the UK and North America and Australia for this interest. So can you explain to us, and I'll probably stuff this up. So take this way, you need to the sort of the way you describe the difference between motherhood, mothering, like the actual act of mothering within you describe it, like the fishbowl? Can you? Can you talk about that? Explain? Yeah, no, you didn't start that up at all? Naughty that I use. And it's really about making some distinctions in language to make it easier for us to describe accurately what we're experiencing and what we're talking about in motherhood. So there are three distinctions to help us do that. And one is, the word mother can be referring to our individual selves, so the individual mother, or a social role, so the role of the mother, and then there's mothering, which is an act, it's a practice, it's like the doing work of mothering and their caregiving, the actual acting out of what it means to engage in mothering work. And then there's the motherhood. And so the Motherhood is the social and cultural context, that way, the mother's mother with him. So I used the fish tank analogy to describe that to think about around glass bowl, which is like the fish tank, and that represents our society and culture. And this can be applied to lots of different areas, not just motherhood, but we're talking about the hood here. And so that represents all of the stuff that we actually find really hard to see. Because it's easy for someone to point at something and say, Oh, here's a rulebook and look at all of those rules contained within it. That's the law, but the social customs and the social rules and the social norms that we all live within, we know them because we've been socialized into them, but they're invisible. It happens through a process of socialization. So this analogy is really there to help us make a little bit more tangible, what we're kind of talking about here. But we're living within a society and culture that has certain ideas around what it means to be a mother. And that impacts not only how we see ourselves, but that impacts how we carry out our mother in how we actually care for our children. And it also impacts how the world sees us. So that's the kind of analogy that I use to help open up that conversation. Yeah, that's, that's really good. I think that that's a really relatable description, like and I think it's Yeah, because people see things in so many different ways and learning different ways. So, you know, being able to visualize that, you know, vessel that we're within, as this as the social constructs. When I checked Imams on this podcast, a lot of them bring up the topic. Well, I bring up the topic and it's a big one for people about the identity shift that happens when you become a mother. And what actually happens to yourself the sense that you might lose your own identity, you'd become somebody's mum. And you'd lose that. Everything you've ever had, in the eyes of society is diminished, because you you exist to keep this little person alive. That I noticed on your your stories and your your Instagram, that it seems that something that's important that you talk about is maintaining that identity as the person that you are within the role of mothering. Can you talk a little bit more about that? Sure, yeah, identity is such a complex topic, and we all relate to it, probably understandably, so in different ways. So it is a really common theme to come out when we're talking about who we are as mothers, for mothers to say they feel they've lost themselves as mothers or they've lost themselves in motherhood, or that they may have a really strong sense of their self and identity. But to everyone else, now they've shifted and changed. And as you say, you're, you know, you're Jessica's mum, you're you don't have your even your name anymore. And I think that often coincides with a shift in Korea, because so often, there's such a cemented sense of identity with what we do. So what work we carry out, if there are shifts that go on there in terms of shifting the the amount that we are engaged in paid work, or shifting career, that can also really accentuate a sense of loss of self, because we don't have that to identify with as strongly anymore. Although it can also be the other way, for a lot of women who become mothers, as well, some describe, finding themselves in motherhood or, I know focuses around creativity and saying, actually, this experience that I've had, through becoming a mother can also be a portal and a catalyst for incredible self transformation and coming to know myself in a new way. And, and and what I try and talk about is highlighting the nuance and saying, We don't actually have to have a simple story here. And it can be a bit of both. And it'll change according to who you're speaking with. But I suppose what can be helpful for us is making the distinction between who the world sees us as who the world expects us to be, and who it is that we are. And so I find that useful to come back to to say that we're more than our labels, and our roles, and that it's really important for us, as women, as individuals, as mothers to be able to find a sense of grounding and anchoring into who we are, that feels true for us and feels connected for us rather than who were perceived as being by everyone else. Yeah, that's a big one isn't it is this. And I think the social media makes it even more challenging, because there's so many ways you can experience other people's views. Now, it's not like, you could just hear the neighbors saying something or, you know, a friend made a comment. It's like, it's all around us all the time. So it can become really challenging to sort of find yourself amongst everybody else's opinions of who you should be. Is that something that you you sort of noticed as well? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you can't find yourself when you're swimming through everyone else's opinions of who you should be, um, anything that you try on won't be your own, it'll be someone else's, and social media is makes that particularly challenging, because it's really easy to curate an identity on there. And so talking about topics like this, you know, and we're having this dialogue about identity, and we have the capacity to add in the complexity and the nuance. But that's really hard to do on an Instagram post or in a 32nd Instagram reel. And you know, you have the filters and you have your your light ring, and you set yourself up and you know, you can really portray a certain version of who you are. And that's not to say that that's all constructed and false. And, you know, everyone on there, it's just performing, not at all, I mean, we're all performing to some degree wherever we are, whether it's on social media or not. It's just a shade. It's a shade, and it's a part of who we are. But I think where we can become lost is when, as individuals, we identify with that shade or that version or that facade, and we take that on as meaning. That is everything of who I am. And why that can be risky and challenging for us is that when we anchor him to a version of ourselves that exists outside of us, so when we curate an identity as I'm the mother or whatever, right I'm, I'm the the worried over protective mom. That's just how I'll always be all out, you know, and we really identify with that label. We can get kind of at first we can find meaning from it, but then we can get stuck and trapped within it and it can place these bigger expectations on ourselves and that goes for any identity that we try on. And we need we need some flexibility to to change our minds. And I don't think that were kind of allowed that enough in motherhood were kind of put into these boxes quite early on when we first become mothers and then it can feel really hard to find any movement within there. Hmm. Yeah, it's it's such a big thing is in it. It's like the the way that society wants us to be. Have you noticed throughout your period of time, I didn't ask you how long you've been doing this for But have you noticed shifts generally in the, in the cultural norms of what society is expecting of mothers? Yeah, I have. And I suppose my observations wouldn't be as clear as others who have worked in the field for decades and decades, I've been doing this for about 10 years. But it also impacts your perspective as to whether you're in the cultural soup or not. So whether you are a mother or not. So my perceptions of the cultural construction of motherhood also change according to my experience of motherhood as well. But in a broader sense, in terms of the literature and research around motherhood, there's definitely been a shift more recently in the context of the pandemic, and the kind of off shifts, that has been picked up by by mothers and mothers as another version of frontline workers who are kind of holding down the fort and taking on and engaging in more emotional labor as well as more physical labor in order to care for families and other members of their community. And so absolutely, I think there have been shifts that have been precipitated most strongly through the pandemic. But on top of that, as well, though, there certainly has been an intensification of the expectations on Mother's Day. And I think that's a mix of kind of social media pressures and the online world and a mix of social and cultural factors as well when it comes to even economics and costs of living and different kinds of economic shifts that can happen that then impact how we live our everyday lives. And what that can look like culture to culture as well. Yeah, it makes a difference where we're located and where you're listening to this podcast from will probably change how motherhood looks for you in your society. Yeah, absolutely yeah. You're listening to the art of being a mum was my mum, Alison Newman. Something that really fascinates me is this idea that not only mothers work, the unpaid work that is so essential to make society work. But also the, with the people I chat to that are artists and creators, that the work that we do, maybe we aren't renumerated for in a monetary sense, it makes society has this thing that will our society in us in Australia capitalist Western society that unless you're paid for what you do, there is this diminished worth placed on it? And I can see you nodding, so can you share me share with me your your opinions on that? Yeah, sure. I mean, it's something that I think anybody who is engaged in any form of unpaid labor that they find valuable, meaningful, purposeful, and important, we'll be able to intuitively have a sense of what we're talking about here, right? And you're asked, well, what is it that you do and oh, that or, Oh, you're just a mother? Or oh, that's in some sort of patronizing way? Oh, that's a nice little hobby you have or what are your plans for afterwards? Or what are you how are you going to support your family? Or what contribution Are you making? Like there are veiled ways that we're asked questions that remind us how little value our culture places on what we do? And so I think the first and foremost, for us individually, regardless of whether you're an artist or creator, a mother who is engaged primarily in work, raising her child, rather than paid work outside of the home, is valuing what we do for ourselves. Because even though I would like to say that we need a cultural revolution, so that everyone else sees the value in what we do, so that we can feel better about ourselves, that's probably not going to happen, at least until we individually value what we do so almost forever on this I mean, like, remove the word just from your vocabulary. So when you describe yourself, it's not just anything, it's this is what I do and feeling into the discomfort sometimes that comes with first stating that but knowing truth, every time you do, opens up a pathway for others to be able to do the same. But as you mentioned, we live within a capitalist society where value literally equals dollar. And, and so it can make it really difficult for mothers, when so much of mothering is not only devalued socially, but you're not paid for it. So it's not seen as being economically contributing, although we know that it is, you know, your if you want to look at it, in economic terms, you're raising human capital, you're raising taxpayers. So I mean, you know, we can talk about it from all sorts of different angles. But in order to start to create shifts, I think that we need to start valuing what we do and, and sit with the discomfort that others won't, you know, we can ultimately make them either. So where, yeah, where it's countercultural, some of this of what we're doing in holding on to the meaning of what we do. Finally, I want to talk to you about the movie, the lost daughter, which I absolutely loved. I loved it so much. And I related to it so much. And I don't want that to say I'm bad that I really loved it because it's a heavy, it's a heavy movie with a lot of heavy, heavy topics. And you had a wonderful podcast that you released recently with Julianne, where you talked about in sort of unpacked it. can briefly, can you sort of outline a little bit of that, for people that haven't watched it? This will make no sense whatsoever? So I apologize. But if you have watched it, hopefully this, you'll enjoy this next little bit of the chat. Yeah, yeah. So I had a conversation with Julian bridge lamp from Parenthood in mind about the lost daughter film, it's out on Netflix. And the film is one that explores lots of different aspects of motherhood in a really, as you say, kind of confronting and deep and for some quite dark way. And some people love the film, others hated it. Others found that resonant but difficult to watch, and so had to watch it in different sections. But the film, as Julian and I discussed, it explores maternal transgressions. So a sense of when you kind of break those rules of what it means to be a good mother. But in a way that is really kind of complex and fraught, we look at the kind of bad mother archetype. So ultimately, in the film, not as a spoiler alert for those who may not have watched it, but the main character leader, she leaves her children, when they are young. And she we sort of get flashbacks throughout the film of her now in her later life with adult children, and then flashing back to when she had her children when she was younger. And there's all sorts of different storylines in there around her career, her aspirations with her work, I think she has a sort of an affair, and you look at the complex relationship with her partner and the father of her children. And we've kind of have an example of the trope of the selfish woman, you know, the selfish mother, the mother, who is self interested, and who focuses on on her needs and wants and desires and who fails in many ways to live up to this idealized image of who the perfect mother is. And why I think it can be confronting for a lot of mothers to watch is because you can recognize parts of yourself within her character. And it may not be that you are her completely and that you have left your children or decided to, or thought about it, although I would argue probably most mothers have had that thought at one stage or another. But it's that actually, she she crosses those boundaries. But she you can see she also holds love and tenderness for her children. And there are times that which, you know, we've all been there when we have young children where we're, there's a scene where she's trying to I think she's trying to study or focus on something and her daughter is just at her and athearn at her and asking her questions, then I think her daughter kind of hits her. And she's sort of shocked. And it's like, don't hit me and she's trying to contain her anger. And then it kind of unravels. And we identify with that sense of being pushed to our limits as mothers and the power that we have, and that we hold the responsibility that we hold for our children's care and love and nurturance and their safety, but the ways in which we're so often left to do that on our own and we have we then have such harsh critique and self judgment when we can't live up to the idealized image of who the perfect mother is because none of us can and importantly in the film, she's mothering alone. Ultimately, she's not surrounded by community she's she doesn't have people who come in and share the load with her mentally and physically In adequate way, and so it's it's complex, but I think we can recognize parts of ourselves within a character or notice within us. What are the things that we're most repulsed by? and exploring that? And being curious about what that means about what we've internalized about motherhood? Hmm. Yeah, just a massive movie. I'm so glad that, that it's out there. And for people to be challenged by that to actually, to see somebody, like you say, crossed the line. Like, we've all probably thought about it, but we don't actually do it. And to see someone do it is massive. And it's, it's a fantastic. Like, it's like a breakthrough sort of movie. You know, like, it's probably the first time that we've seen this stuff on film. Yeah, it's fascinating. And that was thing I was really, really interested, I was thinking about how later would have survived how our experience would have been different, like you say, with the support of others, living in a different time, or different culture where she had support or, you know, mother's home to say, we're allowed to, but, you know, could do other things apart from being somebody's mother, you know, I just, I felt really felt sorry for her, I felt really like, yeah, film presented in a complex way, it's not a simple narrative. And what I really hope to try and do in my work, and for us to do as a culture is to break open this dichotomy of, you're either a mother, and you love your children, and you have this connected relationship and you've lost yourself, or you need to actually break away and step away from the mother. In order to be the self, there's these two polar opposites set up and it's like, actually know that there's a third way here, there's a way for us to flexibly move between our roles and to integrate our sense of self with our mothering and how much of a gift that is for our children. Right that we we don't need to break away pieces of, of who we are and of our own authenticity, in order to somehow hold up a mirage of them of who we are like that doesn't actually serve them so. So kind of breaking is open it and which is what the film has helped us doing in conversation is to see the complexity of the mothering role, I think that actually can offer a gifts to our children and can pave the way for deeper connection with our children true, particularly in adulthood. And it's interesting that we didn't really see later and her adult children, but we had some interactions with them on the phone that we missed. But yeah, it certainly opens a lot of different threads for discussion, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. It's wonderful, so good. Thank you so much for being a part of this. And I urge anybody who's interested in this topic at all to follow Sophie, on your socials, I'll put all the links to that in the show notes. And keep up the good work. Because honestly, you're what you're doing is amazing. And it's it's so important. And thank you, thank you, thank you for having me and for the work that you're doing as well and, and opening them holding these types of conversations to really give us space to talk about a name our experiences and for mothers to reflect on what they do and who they are and to have openings for that rather than closed little containers that you know, ultimately gives us more freedom to be able to do so. So thank you for having me on. I've really enjoyed this. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom doo doo doo ah doo doo doo doo

Mercedes Rodgers US claymaker + potter S2 Ep50 Listen and subscribe on Apple podcasts (itunes) Spotify + Google podcasts Welcome to Episode 50. My guest this week is Mercedes Rodgers, a clay maker and potter from Fort Walton Beach in Florida, USA. Mercedes is a mum of 3 sons. Mercedes studied a Degree in Art History and thought she would go into photography, but she was always drawn to clay, She was fascinated and influenced by a neighbour who was making tiles for her kitchen out of clay from the river bed. When she finished her degree she moved up to New York with her husband, Mercedes worked in art centre that had an amazing pottery studio where she was able to really delve in deep. She learned the craft in the traditional way of learning from others in an apprenticeship kind of way. In additional to her pottery, Mercedes also enjoys painting, photography, knitting, dying fibres and has taught pottery for many years, as well as owning a gallery, She feels deeply connected to the earth, turning to traditional methods to make charcoal from grape vines and ink from acorns and her kiln is powered by solar energy. She loves to try new things and be playful within her work. She loves how pottery has forced her to slow down and be patient, you can't rush the kiln or disaster ensues. **Please be aware this episode contains discussions around stillbirth + infant loss, PTSD, anxiety attacks + grief** Today we chat about how art and journaling helped Mercedes through the loss of her 1st son Conrad, appreciating the connection between the artist and the art they create through practical, functional objects and good old mum guilt gets a big mention. Take a look at Mercedes' marionettes Read about Ruth Duckworth 1000 Paper Cranes Mercedes - instagram / shop Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission from Alemjo , Australian new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mother's work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Welcome to Episode 50. It's really exciting to be still hanging around after all this time, and thank you for sticking with me. My guest this week is Mercedes Rogers. Mercedes is a playmaker and a potter from Fort Walton Beach in Florida, United States and Mercedes is a mom to three boys. Mercedes studied a degree in art history and thought she would go into photography, but she was always drawn to clay. She was fascinated and influenced by a neighbor who was making tiles for her kitchen out of clay from the earth. When she finished her degree, she moved up to New York with her husband, she worked in an art center that had an amazing pottery studio, where she was really able to delve deep. She learned the craft in the traditional way, learning from others in an apprenticeship kind of way. In addition to her pottery, Mercedes also enjoys painting, photography, knitting, dyeing fibers and has taught pottery for many years. In addition to owning a gallery, she feels deeply connected to the earth, turning to traditional methods to make charcoal from grape vines and ink from acorns amongst other things, and Akun is powered by solar energy. She loves to try new things and be playful within her work. She loves her pottery has forced her to slow down and be patient. You can't rush the kiln or disaster in shoes. Please be aware this episode contains discussions around stillbirth and loss, PTSD, anxiety attacks and grief. Today we chat about how art and journaling helped Mercedes through the loss of her first son Conrad, appreciating the connection between the artist and the art they create through practical functional objects. And we give good old fashioned mum guilt. A bit of a mention music you'll hear today is from LM J, an Australian New Age ambient music trio featuring myself, my sister Emma, and her husband, John. I hope you enjoy welcome to the podcast Mercedes. It's such a pleasure to have you today. Thank you. I'm so glad to be here. I'm looking forward to our conversation. Absolutely. So tell me a little bit about where you are in America. I live in Northwest Florida so the very northern western corner of Florida some people we jokingly call it La lower Alabama. So it's it's the south it's about as much southern as Florida can get not like like culturally is what I'm trying to say but it's really beautiful we I live like five minutes from the beach. It's just like crystal white sands you know the granite that's come down from the Appalachians and crystal clear water and beautiful river so it's really it's kind of like there's a place about an hour and a half down the coast from here that's called the Forgotten Coast. So I think when people think of Florida they have a very like Miami Tampa way over built up kind of vibe and yet here I think maybe because we're so close to Alabama, I don't know. It's just it's pretty like you know, Southern Sorry, sorry. What are you doing in here? Okay, well can you please go take it up with him? Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. I scheduled like this is great. We just lock it it's fine. It's not a problem it's all right. This is like so much this is so much mom life right where you're like yes, our normal routine is blah blah this should fit in perfectly and today he mapped until like five o'clock in the afternoon so of course now he's just like up rampaging my husband you know, I mean, this my husband he works remotely so he just gave it him like lock the door so hopefully we should be so good yeah, Northwest Florida. It's an OK place. I love the I love the environment here. Sometimes the politics in the southern culture is a little much and I miss the arts. I mean, there's not the biggest The Art scenes here, you know, yeah, right. Yeah. I noticed on your Instagram stories that you, you'd like to do a bit of camping and you're not very far from like woodlands and sort of really? It almost looks like you're in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, it's pretty primitive we there's a very large air force base here that has they call it the Eglin reservation. So it's like, I don't know, 1000s and 1000s of square miles of land that they don't do anything with. And it's been great on the beaches to they have huge swaths of completely undeveloped beaches because of the Air Force. So we can just go out there. Yeah, it's like 15 minute drive from our house and from you know, the relatively small city that we live in to just be in a primitive camping area. And it is, it's wonderful. I love it and being a potter. And my work is so grounded in dirt. Like I just I'm a very much I like being outside being that connection to nature really helps to fuel the work that I do. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. What's the weather like there at the moment? Oh, it's so nice. It's been like in the high 60s, low 70s. That's about 20 degrees Celsius. So just beautiful weather. Yeah, I always like to gardening and yeah, I always like to ask my guests about whether I have this thing about, you know, other places in the world and what it's like and what the weather's like, I don't know, it's the environment really affects the way that we work too. That's what I thought I lived in upstate New York for a while and I didn't believe it as much then. But the transition from moving back down here, I really noticed the change in my work from the environment and just those influences. Yeah, like like in upstate New York, it gets very cold freezes intense amounts of snow. I mean, in the darkness, it's so much darker for longer and all the leaves fall off the trees and here we never even have a real winter. Right so here you know, it's never really that cold and and so the what I see every day is just it's very different because of the weather and the environment. Yeah, so I just noticed I went from carving like doing this graffito work of you know, barren trees on vessels to much more like fanciful mermaids and sea creatures and things like that. Like it was a big ship. It was no but it was it was big. Yeah, absolutely. Now that's awesome so you mentioned there that you you're a potter, can you tell us about what you do? How you got into it? All that kind of stuff? Yeah. I feel like it just goes all the way back to the beginning. Yeah, so I'm predominantly a functional Potter. I mean, that's the way that I have made a living at this. But I love I love like the line in ceramics that line between functional and fine art. So I feel like that's something I'm always kind of playing with like putting little sculptures on my mugs are drawing or screen printing or making little sculptures that have some functional aspect to them that like maybe it's a sculpture of a mermaid but then she's like a jewel secretly a jewelry box or something like that, you know? Yeah. And so. So, the pottery, it's interesting. I got my degree was in art history. So I wasn't sure you know what I was going to do. I wasn't 100% Sure, like what medium I really thought it was good to go in to study I studied quite a bit of photography. But I was I've always been drawn to clay. Since I was young. I was always one of those kids like in the backyard digging up clay when I was an adolescent I lived near this woman who had was digging clay out of a string bed, made herself a wood fire kiln and then was making these tiles and tiling her kitchen. It was amazing. And I just remember being like as a child just in awe that you could take this dirt and make something so permanent. So I think that really stuck with me. And so then, while I was in college, I worked in an art center that had a pottery studio. And then when I got out of when I finished my degree, my husband moved up to New York to do his PhD studies and there was a amazing art center there and he you know, he was like, oh, you should go, you know, check it out and see. And I started, they had an amazing pottery studio there. And then that's when I really like, just delve in deep. So it wasn't something that I studied in university. But it was one of the things that I, I learned it more like in the old way of Craps, like through apprenticeships, and just like self driven study. Yeah. So again, going back to the old ways of, you know, the traditional ways of doing things, and which sort of ties into, I guess what you're saying before, like, you're drawn to the earth and making things it's like, the traditional pathways, I suppose, sort of ties in. Yeah. And, and I think, I mean, this is also that line between fine art and craft, right? Like, because fine art has this elevation in the history of art of like, you know, it's what's in the galleries, and it's what's possible. But the craftsmanship that's like, underneath that is the key, but you have to have the craft before you can have the fine art. You know. I'm just interested to ask you going down your art history route, I spoke to an art historian, an art historian from Adelaide on this program in season one, talk to Melanie Cooper, and she said, just what you've you've just piqued my interest, and I could be off the track here. But she said a similar thing about how fine art, you know, is the thing in the museums and whatever. And then craft got, like a really bad rap, like the women can do the craft, the arts and crafts sort of thing is that that's sort of where you're coming from. I think that yes, when I was studying art history in school, I definitely, that was one of the big things that I picked up on. And kind of just like the, like, if you if you look through our history, it is predominantly men in all of the art forms that that are the majority of the people that are in the museums that are in the galleries, right. And then the crafts, not in all cultures, but in a lot of them. It is like the women in the those once it's a utilitarian, somehow it loses its worth. And then I just personally thought that, in worst for society, it's almost the other way around, right? Like, we need well designed objects that we use every day, like, like, I always think, like my work is like, just like simple beauty for every day. Right? Like I'm a big coffee and tea drinker. Right? So that like handmade mug full of coffee or tea in the morning, it's just like, there's, there's something like so whole about that functional experience. For me, that's also beautiful. And the work of art. Absolutely, yes, I love that. It's like you can celebrate this experience and take this moment, to appreciate everything that's gone into, you know, the thing you're holding in your hand and the vessel that you're experiencing your drink from, it's like there's this massive connection with, you know, where it's coming from and how it got made. And what's the story behind the person that made it and you know, it's just this huge cultural connection. Yeah. And I think maybe our culture has got so far away from that, I think that that's also one of like, my earlier memories of like, seeing between commercially produced products and handcrafted things. My, my grandmother, I love this story, my my grandfather raised horses, and one of my grandmother's friends, her husband was a potter. And so her friend like horse riding horses, and my grandmother loved pottery, so they got the women got the husbands to trade. And so my grandmother has all these beautiful pots by this potter has been very gifted, actually, when you were talking about the influences, that people who influence me, I think his work had such a profound influence on me as a child because I could remember, you know, being with my grandmother in her kitchen, cleaning the plates and the bowls and putting them in, in you know, in the dishwasher and being very careful with them because we knew the person you know, you can feel the finger marks and like somebody that we know created these objects versus like at home, you know, with like the plastic plates or the you know, slip cast mass produce things like there was just a very different feeling in the weight in the whole act of how we use them. And I think that that just really kind of just a huge impact on my life in general. You know, I love in my home as much as I can having things that are either like, old or hands, you know, handcrafted like my, a lot of our furniture was is from my husband's ancestors were from Germany and they were all Woodworkers. So we have like this civil war and all this old like handmade, you know, like a headboard that his grandfather cut down the tree. Yeah, right. It was a wedding gift, right? In the time we like in order to like, ask the person to marry you like this is how you did it. And we're just well, with Amazon, right? We're in like such a different world now. So I think that part of what I do as an artist is like, remembering that and also trying to share that with people, you know, continue sharing the craft and teaching people and yeah, absolutely going forward. Yeah, I love that. It's so important, isn't it? Because we do we just get caught up in this fast, fast culture. Like we need things right now and everything if it doesn't, you know, if you break something, you just throw it out and get a new one because it costs more to repair something that does to buy new and like this whole consumerism is just out of control, isn't it? Yeah. And you think like, we're a potter. I mean, it takes it's such a slow process. I mean, it takes like weeks and weeks for one mug to go from like that ball of clay to something that you can drink out of, you know, it's very, and if you try to rush it, that's the best part. If you try to rush it, it just explodes in the kiln. I mean, it's one of those things like you just you can't, you can't force it to be fast, because you cannot do it yet. It's like it's forcing you to be slow and take your time and be patient. Have you ever struggled with that patients? Like are you naturally a patient person? Or is that really challenging for you? Oh, no. I mean, that's, I think, part of like, maybe the universe, like made me a product that because I'm not patient. And I come like from a long line of very impatient people. Like it's ridiculous. So that's what I'm, that's what I'm always like, Okay, if I rush this, I mean, yes, it really has helped to be, you know, like, I have to be slow or it's just not gonna work. Yeah. So cool. I love that. It's like, yeah, the universe sent you this. So you could just appreciate you know, I love that. You said before about, you could feel the finger marks in the, the plates and the cups. There's a piece of pottery that my mum brought been back from a holiday once and it's it's a fruit bowl. It's beautiful. And it's hand painted. And, and I picked it up one day and realized I'd put my thumb in the same spot as there was a thumb mark. And I just had this like shiver like, oh, like it was just this amazing moment of like, I'm touching where someone has physically made this and my hand is right where their hand was. It was just incredible. I'm getting shivers now thinking about it was just yeah, that connection. That connection is energizing. Yeah. When Yes, I 100% agree. I love Yeah. I love that. Yeah. And I think that also that's part of in a way like what has always drawn me to the arcs when I think about it, like thinking about the people who influenced me. I don't know if you know the sculptor Ruth Duckworth. Have you heard of her? She did a lot of she was a ceramicist. And mostly in porcelain, and made these like very abstract sculptures. And but they so I only saw them in history books. And they were so perfect. Like I just why shiny, beautiful porcelain. And the first time I was in the Museum of Modern craft, I think in Manhattan. And they had a exhibit of her work. And I saw, I got to see some of the larger installation pieces. And as I walked up in the close, there were all these little cracks and imperfections in the pieces. And I might I was just like, it was that same moment of connection of like, here's this person that I've idolized, but also is just a human being who has the same problems in her kilns probably that I have in mind kills, right just like that. That connection of human the human struggle. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny, isn't it? Like? Yeah, it's interesting that that we put, and I'm not saying this in a bad way, but we we put people up on a pedestal, it's like, we can't do that. That's unachievable. But then we realized that at the end of the day, they're still human beings. And it's like, we're all going through the same struggles. I think that that's what's great about your podcast, too, right? It's for us artists to realize, like, you know, we create these things from our heart and our soul when we put out in the world to see. But what people see is that finished product, right? They don't see the hours and hours of labor and struggle that goes into it. And I think that especially as moms that's all reminding each other of like, how many days we don't get into the studio to do the work or how many interruptions that we get, but we still somehow you know, collectively figure how to get through it, you know? Yeah, that is so tricky. Talking about your connection to the earth, I had a look on your Instagram, you've played around with making ink from acorns and making charcoal from grape vines. Tell us about that. It's really cool. Yeah, so I think when you know when people ask me, you know, what is your main medium or like, you know, what kind of artists are you? It's always hard for me because I do love to try to try new things. And so, oh, I've done a lot of work in, like fiber work, I worked on a sheep farm for a while. And so I learned some about natural dyeing there. And then that so then recently I was getting interested in sewing and trying to not spend a bunch of money on materials. So I was like buying white sheets from the secondhand stores. And then I was trying to dye them with these organic materials. And then that just like spiral, right, like into the rabbit hole of all these, so then I started looking around where I live, to figure out like, what pigments are naturally available. And the tannins in acorns, I mean, that are everywhere where I live, are very easy to you know, you just have to boil them down and boil them down. And then you're left with a really nice ink that, you know, if you leave it sitting in the sun over time it fades. But like in a sketchbook or a journal. I mean, it really is color fast, and it drives really nicely. So that's wonderful. And then yes, the great fine charcoal, that was just another it was like a recipe, I found a book and it was so easy. I just took a little altoids tin, cut the pieces of vine, put them in the tin and then put the pin in my fireplace. And then after like three hours pulled it out, and I had nice, nice piece of the charcoal. Just love that. It's again, it's just that patience waiting for things to happen. And you know, not rushing. Yeah, like just the playful nature of like, what I think that that's like what I get out of being an artist, right? It's just like that continuous curiosity. And my husband, my husband's background is a chemical engineer. So chemistry, like he's really deep into the chemistry. So it's very interesting. For us like together like, you know, when I go on these these missions to make a coordinate, you know, he's breaking it down on the molecular level and trying to figure out like, you know, the best way to get it to be the richest color. It's It's really wonderful. And exciting way to look. You know, art science and art together. Hmm, that's it, because it Yeah, it's there's so much science. That's thing my kids forget when I talk about let's do some science when we're homeschooling. So let's do some cooking. It's like, that's not science, like Yeah, it is. Because if you get your recipe wrong, it doesn't work. So yeah, that is a really cool connection to have. Yeah, do you and can also talk about your Marionette Bender that that describes my artistic and my bender. So I think that came out of COVID. And being in Northwest Florida were I don't know. I mean, I don't know what you see from the news about what life is like here. But I mean, people really just pretended like COVID wasn't a thing. It was really it was really emotionally, kind of difficult, because I just felt so gaslit a lot of the time. And so like for the first you know, like the first shutdown, things were pretty serious. And, you know, my community and friends like took it pretty seriously. But slowly as the COVID fatigue went on, like people just got less and less, I don't know what the word is, like had less and less self control, or were just more and more tired of, of the, the different waves, you know. And so, again, my husband being a scientist, like he's very much like, we're just going to follow the CDC guidelines, you know, this is how we're going to do it. So that last Omicron wave when pretty much everybody around me was just doing whatever and my little family is back in on nucular thing I was like well, I guess if I can't hang with my friends, I will just make myself some friends and so that's how I started making marionettes and entertaining the kids you know, but they're, they're less entertained by it than I am. I'm really having a lot of fun with it. It has really like it's really like I get I think this is why I love the play in art because that it's really like planted the seed for this very this next step in the sculptural pieces that I'm making that I think you probably saw those on Instagram too that it's like they're almost like I'm imagining them as like altar pieces that you hang on the wall so it's like the human form and that torso area you could put like a candle or a stone or you know leaf or something you know, whatever thing you want to be in there your rings. And then yeah, it will have like the marionette legs and I don't know I'm imagining like some wire pieces I haven't I need to fire a tail load full of stuff. But we it's spring break here right now. So I'm really just in KidZone. So but yeah, that's the marriage and I'm interested to see where it goes. I'm really hoping that that is going to be my next I haven't done any solo shows since the kids have been born. And so I'm hoping when my two year old is going to start in like a preschool next year and so I'm really good Well this year in August, so what I'm really hoping is that I will have a solid body of work I'm imagining those sculptural pieces I'm sure some kind of functional piece will come along and and then some paintings kind of around that that subject, but we'll see right now just a dream. You know, I have to I have lots of big dreams, and then we see what really manifests itself in the end. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I've got to say I'm a bit. I mean, it's one of those things that really freaked me out. I have like a, I don't say it's not a phobia. I just look at them. And I go, Oh, the same with them. You know, those dolls that people have on there when they do ventriloquist dummies. Yeah, freaked me out a lot, too. So when I saw them, I was like, I feel a bit funny, but I'm gonna watch this, because, you know, this is Mercedes work. I'm gonna get into this. But at the same time, I could just feel my skin falling just a little bit. A little bit weird, right? Because you're like making these sculptures and trying to like breathe life into these like inanimate objects. Right? So I think there isn't something like inherently kind of creepy to them. And they have a particular look about them too. Like it's that that traditional? I don't know what the word is. I don't know what I don't know what to describe them as, but they look they have these look about them. It's just me. Don't mind me. All right. I think you're probably not the only one. I'm sure that other people are very. Oh, goodness. But you know how you said about the, like, their, their bellies being like, open. I sort of when I first saw it, it reminded me like of a fireplace of like a, I don't know, that's just where my head went. When I first saw them. I was like, well, that's cool. Anyway, there you go. I can see that. Well, I definitely imagine having candles in some of them. Hmm. So I mean, that's what I love to about like that, you know, like, making functional work or making less representative work is I love like the eye of the beholder, right. I love hearing. Like, when I first when I first started my first real like selling artwork was at a farmers market I then did for like, I think four years straight, where I make my pottery, and then I would take it to the farmers market to sell it. And I always love that interaction with people like hearing what they thought something that I made was where I wouldn't like, you know, like a little tray that I'd imagine it's like a ring holder or a salt dish, you know, and they're like, Oh, my rings would look really beautiful on that, or that would be great. So you know, like they see it as something completely different than that then sparks another idea for me of like, oh, it could be a you know. Yeah, absolutely. And also want to mention that your kiln is solar powered, which is really cool. Yeah. Yeah. That was a big dream that I really never thought would, would happen. But there's been a pretty big push here in Florida. It's so weird. Again, like the politics. We only have Gulf power, which is our power comes from coal, which of course is not good for the environment. And there has been a big push from the solar companies because Florida, there's so much sun, it's a great place to harvest solar. But yeah, we went bankrupt. So we got it at a good time where it was like we could get a decent return for the solar that we produced that we don't use. And it is really exciting to know that I'm not burning coal when I fire my kilns but I am you know, harvesting the energy from the sun and, and using that because it killed I mean, it's amazing. I fire this count the 2300 degrees Fahrenheit, which I don't know what that is. And whoa, Celsius, but it's like it's like volcanic temperatures in there. That's about 1260 degrees Celsius. It's a lot of energy that it takes. Yeah, that's insane. Isn't that the sort of thing? What would something have to be to actually just disintegrate something like, because that's really hard, and your stuffs not disintegrating? Like that's amazing. Well, it depends on where you put in there. I mean, definitely can disintegrate things, but that's like where the chemistry comes in. Right? Because you have to have the right play body to fire you know, that fires at that temperature that ensures at that temperature because essentially what we're doing is we're creating a stone it's called stone layer, because you're putting it through a process that on the molecular level, it becomes a stone stone. That's really fascinating. Yeah, I think that that's what's the hook for me. You know, this idea that you pick a material that's so malleable and soft and just very easily returned. To the earth when you start out with it, and at the end, it's something that's so solid and permanent. I mean, if you think about the things that laugh through the Millennium that we dig up from other cultures often it is shards of pottery. Yes, that's so true, isn't it? You know that we're digging up plastic from from an era anyway, I'm digressing. You briefly mentioned your children there. Tell us a little bit more about your family? Well, my husband, James, we have been together. Oh my gosh, it's 20 years now a lot like our whole adult life. And so we were together for 10 years. And then we started having kids. And so we have three sons and Conrad, he would be 10 years old this year, if he was still with us, and then at Red are middle one is six. And then Arthur, the one who came charging in here earlier is two is quite a little. He is the sweetest little firecracker. They're wonderful. They really just have brought so much joy to my life. Yeah, there was a, again, on Instagram, I'm videoing, again, the Instagram store crews when I'm going to chat to people. So yeah, that was if I keep saying that, but when you're you're painting some mugs, and I'm guessing it's your two year old who's sitting next to you. And he's having a go as well. And it's in fast motion. And you can see, you know, he's painting on his little play, and then suddenly falls down and something happens. And then he paints underneath the plane. It's just such a sweet little thing to watch. It's just so busy doing his painting, it must be so nice to be able to involve them in what you're doing. Yeah, I mean, for me, it's really the only way that I've been figured able to figure out how to continue working, because I do have some help. My mom just lives around the corner, and my husband's dad lives down the street. So that's really nice. But I am I am with them, you know, all the time. So and I struggle, like, you know, I go through these phases where like, Oh, I'm gonna get up before them and work. But then somehow they like, figure out that I'm awake and come in there. You know, it's like, I don't know. So yeah, so that's what I'm always trying to devise a way for them to, like, be part of be part of the process. And you know, also learning along, you know, yeah, absolutely. When they see your work, I guess they're, they're well aware that you're making. You're making things that are going to be used in homes and other people buy them. And it's sort of what I'm getting at is like, it's, it's great that they can see that you're contributing to the world, I suppose, outside of their own home. Does that make sense? Oh, yeah, they're very aware. And one of the main places that I sell my artwork is a place called artist Fano here in Fort Walton, that she sells all local art and our six year old, he's actually started making beads and making necklaces, and he has a little line of stuff that he's selling in our store, too. So yeah, I mean, we really do, you know, I really do try to, you know, show them yes, the process and where the things are going. And, you know, like, let's give them their kits. I don't know if you have this experience, but they just don't want to part with anything, my children, they just want to keep everything. So trying to talk to them about like, you know, I'm making this to sell and it's going to go out into the world, and we're not going to keep everything that we make, you know, and then seeing that process, I think is really, really good for them. Hmm, that's true, isn't it? I hadn't thought of that. That's, that's cool. It's just amazing to me to how much I see them learning in the studio, for example, Everett, who's six now I think it was for his fourth birthday, which seems extremely young to me. As someone who has taught pottery throughout the years, I decided to make little sippy cups for all the kids who are coming to the birthday party to like give them as gifts and he was you know, in the studio with me one making them and then I made a bunch of extra ones, you know, just because in pottery, things break or get broken. And then I just decided I was like, you know, I think I'm going to just let him glaze these because these are his gifts to his friends. I took some videos of it I was shocked at how he there's a tool like this clamp tool that I use that you hold the pot with to dip it down into the glaze bucket. And how this four year old who had been in the studio with me for the last four years watching me could just reel that tool. He glazed all the cups. He did not break a single cup. I mean, I had to like still wipe the bottoms down and stuff, but it just it really hit me how much he had been learning and taking in that I didn't even realize he was born. If that makes sense, that's it like the first time he ever did it. He just knew how to do it because he'd watched you do it for so many years. That is awesome, awesome story you're listening to the art of being a mom was my mum, Alison Newman. Want to talk about Conrad a little bit. So you said he would have been 10 at the moment? Can you share with us a little bit about him and how he's affected your work and maybe continues to affect your work? Yes. So well, Conrad, he was our first son and he died when I was 33 weeks pregnant. So that would be turned to stillbirth. So he, I mean, he was our everything. It was one of those things. You know, I don't know, I think a lot of people of our generation go through this where James and I had like, spent a decade like, trying to build our careers and you know how to get our life together and doing air quotes there. And then we're like, okay, like, it's time to have kids. And it was just like that really easy thing where it was like, two months later, we were pregnant. I was, you know, like this just picture of health birth, there was like no signs of any problems. We were just so excited to be bringing him in the world Captain Awesome, is actually what our like nickname for him was before we had a name. And, and then and I at that time, I owned an art gallery and teaching studio. So everybody at the gallery in the studio. I mean, everybody was just so excited about this new life, you know, new life, like everybody's so excited about it. And so I think then, I'm here he was already like a big part of my creative process I was doing these watercolor is when I really started painting and watercolor. And I did this whole kind of, like creative series about a little boy and a bunny rabbit costs known as a little boy and a bunny rabbit, and they just like went on these adventures and these watercolor paintings, and I don't know, I just I kind of maybe this sounds really weird, but I felt like he was like, you know, this little life in me like, you know, I don't know, I don't know how to put it into words. But like, kind of we were co creating these things. And then yes, after he passed away, I mean, it just shattered my whole existence. There was just, it was so incredibly unexpected. I just I don't even know. Like, I it was one of those things where I didn't even really understand stillbirth was a thing. You know what I'm saying? Like living in this western culture. I just assumed like, we were gonna get pregnant, we're gonna have this baby we had. Like I said, everybody was so excited about the baby, I had three baby showers thrown for beer, like celebrations of life type of things. You know, we had like, like, I wasn't wanting to, like, need to set up a nursery or do any of that stuff. But we definitely were in that like nesting, preparing, so excited to be with this little person. And yeah, and then just one morning, I woke up and actually, at night before I went to bed, I had like, massive fetal movement. I remember because my mother lived in California at the time, and I was like, trying to video my belly. So I could like send it to her and be like, Oh, the baby's going wild, you know. And then the next morning, when I woke up, there wasn't much movement. And James who is very, like, conscious of what's going on, he's in like, in the mornings, you know, we would often like lay there and he would have his hands on my stomach and like, feel the baby moving or whatever, and even comment, he was like, oh, maybe it's really still this morning. And I was like, Yeah, Miss I just sleeping or stuff that he was really, I think even said he was like real wild last night. And then as the day progressed, I still like wasn't feeling any movement. And so didn't know I didn't want to like freak, it just didn't seem like it just didn't seem like how could this what is happening, you know, and then then by the afternoon, I just, I was actually watching one of my friends, kids, like they were at a soccer game, and I guess it was like babysitting them or whatever. And I was sitting there. And I had like, you know, they demonstrate to do the kick counts, and you know that I was like, Okay, I'll get up and I'll go watch the kids and I'll like drink a big glass of orange juice, and he'll definitely be moving around by them. And so I'm sitting like, at the soccer field, and I still didn't have the field with it. And it was so strange. It was like, right about the time that I had decided that I was going to have to call the midwife and say like, I feel like something's wrong. I need to have this checked out. James called me and he said, I feel like something's wrong. Are you okay? And I just like broke down. I was like, I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Like feels really weird. I think I'm gonna go up to the office and have them check things out. And I was you know, because of that like, just Like blissful naivety I think I was like you don't have it's Friday afternoon like, you don't have to worry about coming with me. I'll just go by myself. I'm sure everything's fine. You know, he's like, No way. I'm definitely coming with you come home and pick me up. And we'll go out there. And we drove over there. And yes, she did the sonogram. And like, I don't know, if legally, she couldn't tell me or if she just didn't want to, or whatever was, but she was like, Oh, this machine isn't very good. Let's just go to the hospital. And it's just like, I knew I just knew. But like, what? I don't know. I mean, it's just like, even now like saying it's like, such as just a surreal a shocking experience. It was the day before my birthday, which even sounds like maybe selfish but weird, right? And I just remember being like, This is so weird. I have to go to my birthday party tomorrow, like how was this like that, like, out of body out of mind experience. So we got to the hospital. And they did a sonogram and you know, is just so weirdly an impersonal where they're like, Okay, that's, you know, shutting down a machine is like, there's what the baby's heartbeat supposed to be, there's no heartbeat. And I'm just like, I'm gonna do I don't know, I just like, I was like, I just was like, I gotta go to the bathroom. Like, got up in the bathroom, and just like laid on the floor and was just didn't know you know what to do. And then it was just a weird deal of like days, where they, I mean, this is why I'm so thankful for medical intervention, right? Because in the past, like, you would just have to wait. And he was a four and a half pound baby, like he was a fully full, I mean, he could have been born and lived, if we would have known whatever had like, we still don't really know for sure what happened to him. So we had to go through all of that. And induction and it took a couple days of like, I they tried to induce me and then didn't work. So I had to go home. And then I had to go back to the hospitals and find like this form. And there's just so much like, I think that like we're learning about this type of grief, because our society has gone so far away from the I mean, it's like, it feels like so unnatural, right for the children to die before the parents and things like that. But so they were they had, um, they have volunteers that will come and take photographs. So they had some A, and at the time, I'm like, I don't want any of this. I remember one nurse coming into the room and being like, she said something I can't remember verbatim, but something about, you know, what a beautifully handsome baby we had. And I just wanted to like screaming her face and be like, Yeah, except for He's not breathing. Yes. You know, he looks like baby doll. But he isn't alive, you know. And so I really thought it they are pretty adamant at least at this hospital that the parents should like see the baby and hold the baby, I guess they have figured out has something to do with you know, the way our brains process the trauma later. And I was really, I was really reluctant like I just I think I was in such deep shock right? I was still very much in the life this is a real you know, if I don't maybe if I don't see it, it will be real. But they did they got me to hold them and it was sweet. My my baby shower that the people from the Art Gallery through for me, they had made me this beautiful quilt that everybody had like drawn pieces like they had drawn on each square, and then somebody who made quilts like sewed it all together. So we had like, wrapped him up in that. And that was what he was cremated in which I think kind of helped me feel a little bit better. Like he was like, you know, like, wrapped in love. And yeah, and then. And then after we came home. I mean, I was just incapacitated, I was absolutely essential. I still don't really know how my gallery just didn't close down. And to be real honest with you. I didn't literally I mean, in retrospect, I realized, like spent the next two years like trying to burn into the ground. Like, I don't know how anybody dealt with me. I mean, I was such a like, post traumatic stress, fight or flight. Like, I just I don't even I don't even I wonder still. I mean, I have really good friends I guess. And that's why they're so my friends. But I was just like, a ball of just like fear and anger and confusion. And I just at one point, I finally realized it was like my life has become, I just want to get through the day so I could get back into my bed. And like not deal with life like that. That was like there's about a two year period. And it deeply affected my art. But at the same time, it was art that brought me through it, it was journaling. I did so much journaling, I would go to this park, which at the time I had dubbed my sadness park and I would just sit and cry and drink coffee and journal and throw watercolor paint on things and I mean, it's nothing that's profound or that I would ever want to really like show other people but for me, that journaling process really like helped me kind of move through the process. And then I think the other thing that was so incredibly difficult for me is I have been teaching art as almost as long as I've been making art in In some facet or another, like I really deeply care about that, like the transfer and passing down of the knowledge and I had such a strong aversion to being around children, I've always like I have a very childlike behavior yummy. You see with my Marionette dolls, like I just, I love hanging out with children, I love their overall just pleasantness and wildness and, and creativity and lack of self doubt. But then all of a sudden, I just, I just didn't I mean, being around children was so incredibly painful for me, I just, I couldn't do it, it was a very, very strange, difficult feeling. And I think it's something like it will never like, he will always be present. And he will always be a part of our family. And it's something that will has changed who I am, and I will always be this different version of myself now because of it. But then we had, you know, eventually we had a happy, you know, turn of events, and Everett was born. And then not really, I mean that. I think him being born as much as like no child can ever replace another child is him being born really was a lot of healing for me. And then I didn't even realize it. But then when Arthur was born, so many years later, I think even more I was able to be present and really like, come to a greater level of peace, where it's not like I don't you know, I don't know if you've ever suffered with PTSD. But it is just, I didn't even understand I had before on my diet. I never really experienced panic attacks or anxiety or anything like that. And so it was just earth shattering for me all of a sudden, to kind of have my mind just working against me all the time. Wow. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it's a heavy story. That's, but it's like in our life and death. Yeah. And I think like, like we spoke about before we started recording, I think it's, it is so valuable, if people can share their stories for other people to be able to hear it and relate to it. And, you know, maybe, I think I just think the more we talk about things more, we normalize things like the PTSD, like the grief, you know, any sort of mental illness, like, you know, I talked to a lot of moms with postnatal depression, I experienced that myself, anxiety, I think the more we just are able to talk about it, the more it becomes a part of life that is normal, like because it is a normal part of life. But then there's this part of society that makes us go, oh, no, no, no, no, you can't talk about that. We don't want to hear about that. Yeah, you just had a new baby, you should be so happy you should be. You should be having all of these experiences. Why are you not happy? What is wrong with you that you're not celebrating this? You know? And it just really, yeah, it's a horse really takes away from, like, what's really happening with us? And I think I always think of it as like, if I had my leg chopped off, people would treat me in a certain way, right? Like not like, like, like, I would no longer be able bodied. And there are things going on. And I think when people are going through extreme emotional duress and trauma, because it's not a visible thing. I mean, sometimes I wish that I had a shirt that would be like, I've been traumatized. You probably want to give me some space. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And yeah, this this thing about it being in your head, you know, is it real? Is it not real? Because people can't see it, you know, all that kind of questioning from from outsiders, instead of just trusting that we like that, that, that we're having a hard time and that it's hard. And that's okay. I think that's the other thing, too, like, I find so much now in my conversations with people like around the holidays and different times, you know, when we're supposed to feel a certain way. And I'm so much of a place is like, I hope you're happy today. And if you're not, that's okay, too. You know, these are even with the kids, you know, my two year old right now is very much into like, you hurt my feelings. I'm angry at you, you know, and then it's like, my, I feel like my mom always wants to kids like not to ever be angry and not in and I'm like, we just need to bail in my opinion. let their emotions be seen and validated. Okay, I hear that you're angry with me? Do you want to talk to me about why you're angry? Or do you want some time to think you know, like, we're all going to be angry, we're going to be sad. We're going to have these negative feelings sometimes. But also, we don't have to say that's what I feel like, for myself. Like, I was in such a horrible, dark, sad, sad place. But I didn't stay thank God. I didn't stay there forever. Right? Like I came. And I think even if I hadn't had children, eventually I would have come out of that place. But grief takes time. And people need to allow others to have the time and not be like when are you going to be better? When are you No? Yeah. Well, when are you going to be how you used to be? Well, I'm never going to be how I used to be a new version new season. No experiences, just let me you know, if you think that I need to be that same person, we probably aren't going to be that person. So now Yeah, that's so true. And there is no time limit because people experience everything so differently. You know, it's just there is no and see that 100 I feel like the, if you're not an I don't want to this is a big generalization now. But if you if you're not an artist, if you're, you know, an academic who's an accountant, or, you know, someone that thinks very rationally and straightforward about things, your PhD in chemical engineering. Yeah, yeah, this expectation that when you do this, this and this, you will get this outcome, and everything has a method that's been done before, and you know, what's going to happen? And it's like, no, all this stuff has its own way of happening in its own time. And there's no right or wrong. And I think that can be really hard for some people to, to get their heads around. Because it's so different to the way that they used to experiencing life. Yeah, they want it to be a formula. Grief isn't, you know, now? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I definitely don't wish that experience on anyone. And I still, I mean, every day, I wish that he was here. And I wonder always, you know, what, what would the other boys like? Like, what would Everett's life be like, as a middle child with an older sibling, I have a nephew who is three months older than Conrad would be. And so when and we live close to them, and so whenever I see them all together, I just, it's you know, I'm always in my peripheral kind of imagining him in those moments, you know, and how much it would change the dynamic of our of our lives. With your six year old and your two year old, being a mother has changed the way you approach your work and all your outcomes how you expect these things? Yeah. Is that is that all moms and all career things I can remember I have a really good friend too. She's a painter. And we got we we actually became friends she had to, she had two baby girls that died in utero. And so that kind of like, is like how, like, we became friends with the arts. But then when we realized we had this shared experience it like, you know, was someone to go through that hard time with that was having similar social reactions, if that makes sense. Like, like, when once we did both get pregnant again, neither of us wanted any baby things. Like I did not want any baby things in my home until there was a baby in the home, right? And I remember my mother in law was like, so distraught about this and, and but then I had Anna and she was like, no, she was having the same feelings. I'm like, this isn't irrational, right? But I can remember we got pregnant with our boys who were born three days apart. And we would go to we lived like down the road from each other. So we would go on these morning blocks a lot. And we would spend all this time talking about how when we had our children are living babies, it was not going to change the way that our careers were going. And we were definitely going to make sure that we set aside time and we had all these, you know, I always joke that, like, pregnant moms are the best moms because we're so delusional about what the reality of being a parent is really going to be like, right? We're just so dreamy about what it is. And then going through the experience. She has three boys now living and yeah, I mean, both of us. We talk she lives in Japan right now. And we we tried to Skype, you know, for awhile, it was like every week, but we you know, we tried to talk pretty regularly and we kind of already each other's like, supports system of like, you'll get back in the studio again, soon, you know, where we have a journal that we like, send back and forth to each other to just kind of like, keep it going. Because yes, having kids, it takes so much time and energy, you know, so with the other two boys and especially like over COVID When I was like the old, you know, the main person, I never imagined as a parent, that I would be with my children 24/7 I always imagined that I would have more external babysitters, and family members and people that could be there with the kids too, because I just think it's important for their development. You'll see how other people navigate the world, not just me and my husband. So yeah, it really I mean having the children well, to be honest with you. I closed the Galerie down after Edward was born, he was like, four months old. I can just remember James, I would have, you know, I would go into work and relieve him. James has always worked from home. So like at home with the baby, and then he'd be calling me at work. And I can hear ever like crying in the background, he's like, I can't get him to take this bottle. I don't know what to tell you, I don't bottle feed them, I nursed him, I don't know how to give him a Bob, you know. And I can just remember one point sitting in the gallery and just being like the two people that I love the most in the world or at home suffering. Because I want to do this thing. And maybe I'm a creative person, maybe I can just think of another way to do this, that works better for my family. And so that's when I made the decision that I would get a different house and that I would move the studio into the house and be more focused on the parenting thing for right now. I mean, my first, you know, 12 or 13 years of being an artist were very driven, eating, sleeping, dreaming about our all the time. But I think after Conrad dining, and not getting to experience his life, more than those nine months that I was pregnant with him, I just wanted to I do want to be with my kids as much as I possibly can. And especially in these little years. I mean, it gets exhausting, I'm not trying to glorify it, you know, when you're trying to go to the bathroom, and their fingers are under the door, and you're just like, you're so worn down and exhausted, I definitely have a lot of those moments too. But I just, they're not going to need me this, I already see it right, like the six year old, like he does not need me nearly as much. And there's going to be a time when they don't want to come climb in the bed with me and they don't want to snuggle me and there's gonna change. And so I think that like, I have been willing to put a lot of my studio time on hold, so that I can be with them. And that it's been a pretty conscious decision. I mean, my husband, I kind of go back and forth about it. Like if I'm going to take on a big commission like I do. Some production work for like historic Pensacola like art gallery, gift shops. And a lot of times those will be like a lot, a lot of pieces that all consistently have to be the same, like relatively same size and shape. And that is not something I'm really good at, like that type of precision. And also working on any deadline with kids is really hard. So that's when we kind of like go like now at before ever I take any larger Commission, we kind of look at both of our schedules and say like, is this something that I can realistically do? And we we definitely try to value a time over money. Like we're in a comfortable position where like, you know, our our we have a decent house, we couldn't get enough food. And so we would prefer to spend less, you know, more time family time and have less money. That'd be like rushing around and fighting the clock and, you know, making it more difficult for the kids because at the end like it just stresses us all out if we don't if we try to cram too many things in not enough time. Absolutely. And yeah, it impacts everyone then doesn't it just stay home and how everyone's feeling about life? I think that's like as a as a parent. And as an artist like that is one of the hardest things, right? Because especially I feel like a big part of my happiness is tied into my creative time. Right? So that's the mental conversation they have internally, it's not always 100% About the money either. It's about like I gain, like this is where being an artist and like the financial aspect, like all that stuff gets so intermingled and weird, right? Because there is some like, personal fulfillment that comes out of creating those things, too. And like, how do you put a value on that? Oh, yeah, that's a big one. I've found the last few people that I've spoken to, for the podcast, this, this value has come up a lot this this concept of how society values places value on something, and it's just so money driven. It's all about the money. It's like, if you can't sell that and have $1 figure attached to it, then it's less value than you know, I really frustrates me. Yeah, conversation and I think that maybe because I own the gallery, and oh my gosh, when I first opened the gallery, it was quite ridiculous. I might not have had the best business plan ever. And we had like a 200 square foot revolving gallery that changed about every other month and then like a retail space that sold all like kind of local handmade goods and then a very large art studio and like teaching studio. And I hadn't really done the math on how much money I needed the revolving gallery to make I don't know why I originally just thought about it kind of as this fun experimental art space like coming out of New York and coming back down here like I really wanted that right. But very quickly, I realized that like we have to have something that we can sell like, it's really cool for someone to like come in here and hang a bike from the ceiling and paint a mural on the wall and do like whatever the thing is that they're feeling at the time. But if we don't have something to sell, then then how am I going to keep the space open and like riding that line right between like commodification, and just expressing ourselves and being. So that's where James and I have come to a place now, where when I'm coming up with some because I've done some wild projects, like after the BP oil spill, I've made this thing called the SOS security blanket, which was like a community art project around pollution. And there's no way that's making any money, like it totally was just like a heart project that I needed to do to process what had happened to our, our land to our you know, our environment. And so that's what so that's something else that him and I look at together is like, how much time like do you think this is going to take? And like, is this something that you're doing because of your love? Or your need of expression? Or is it something that's going to make money, and it's nice to kind of have that partition, right, and it's a freedom to be able to say like, well, I'm going to do this project, even if nobody pays any attention to it. And I'm just doing it for me, I'm doing it, but I'm going to do these other things, you know, to sell in this gallery, or to sell in this gift shop or to you know, for this coffee shop, or whatever I'm doing afford, and that's where the money is going to come from. Hmm. So it's a it's a good balance. Yeah, yeah. Did you find in your previous conversations like that people are saying, like, they want to do things. And but they feel like they can't because? Because if you can't make money off of it, then it's not worth the time. Yeah, not so much they can it the judgment that other people place on them for choosing to do that. Or, you know, an example that I give, I can't remember now, and it's really bad. But one of the mums I spoke to back in season one, she had her mother in law, right was babysitting her sister in law's child, and would do that quite happily, because the mum was going to work and act like a day job, right? In an office doing whatever. But she wouldn't babysit her children, because mom was just fluffing about doing her art. Right? So that judgment that comes, you know, that's not a serious job. That's, you know, that's not a real job, you're just fluffing about it's like, is that how society really sees creatives? Like, how bad is the first you know? And I think it kind of even goes back to the early part of this conversation with like, form or function, right? Like how people view the worth of what we do. But in the end of the day, like, if it worked for us creatives, what would we have? Who would design the cars who designed the computers? Who would make the television programs and like every night clean? Everything is the world that we live in? I don't know, how has it come to this valued the thing? I have said this many times in these podcasts. So apologies if you've heard this story before, but in Australia during COVID with the lock downs, right? We had, the movement between the states was quite limited. You weren't allowed across the borders, it was really quite full on it was, you know, probably a bit much to be honest. But football teams were Australian rules football, right? They were allowed to cross borders, they were allowed to go and play football wherever they wanted. But it was ridiculous, you know, and it was all the arts was shutting down. People couldn't go on tours with their, you know, bands, music, whatever, that was all shut down. But these these footballers, could just go do whatever they liked. And it just really showed the stark division in our culture. And I've talked to other people around the world and similar things, you know, sport is way up here. And that's again here, but it's like, who's making all the shows that you're watching while you're in lockdown? Who's creating content? Who's, like you said, physically designing cars and building houses and, like everything you can touch and see and feel has been made by somebody creative. You know, I think society just just makes me like get on this bandwagon. It makes me so good. It's legitimate, right? And I mean, football is like fun or whatever, you know, like people enjoy it. It's good to be healthy. But what what is that really contributing towards society? I don't know if that sounds like a shallow unappreciative thing, but I personally am not really into sports. Like that's not something that I enjoy. But I also don't see like what service are they, you know, what, you know, what they were doing? They were making money. It was money, you know, all the, the advert the advertising, people that pay to have their, you know, on the shows, you know, all that sort of that commodity driven, that's what it was, and they had to keep that going at the expense of everything else. And, I mean, that's very much like the same COVID politics here. It's really for me, makes me think that we need to have some kind of universal income or that guaranteed income, right like if We had something that was like, you just had like a basic living wage, right where like everybody has enough to like, be close, because that's what I've noticed. Like, there was a time when James and I, like we had no money, we were living so far below the poverty line. And it was such a struggle. And we're both very creative people who are driven and want to contribute to society. And beyond all of these, all of these great ideas. I'm trying to think of, do you know the program? FreshBooks? Oh, no. Oh, it's like, it's like a, it's like a program to help you with your bookkeeping and stuff like that. So my husband before that was a program when I was like, starting my gallery, you know, he had the idea to make a program like that, but he had to, like, you know, be so driven to make money to spend so much of his like, mental bandwidth on how to make money to like, get gas in our cars, and he thinks that there was no space to do these things that could be really beneficial to society. And so that's what I keep thinking, like people like, oh, people are gonna be lazy and just hang out and do drugs and blah, blah, they have guaranteed income. And like, look, there's already people that are lazy, and do drugs and are just hanging out. So why don't you give the rest of us and the majority of people I think, want to do something to entertain themselves. I mean, I don't think people would just sit around and be so lazy, right. And the people that are creatively driven, would then be able to really manifest so much more of what they're capable of, instead of just like running in that wheel of making money. Yeah. In Ireland, I think I saw something not long ago that they, they going to have a living wage for artists. So they're going to get a certain amount of money. I don't know if it's per month, or per week. And I was like, That is amazing. Because just the creativity is just going to explode. Like, you know, people with no limitations. What are they gonna make? It's gonna be amazing, you know? Yeah, yeah. Well, hopefully, we'll move there. That was one of the things I was hoping out of COVID that people would see is like, it's interesting how we can all not go to work. And that means the economy isn't what does the economy even me? Like, it's really just like a made up? Like, it's a system that human beings have made up? Who maybe we should try to make a better system that works for everybody instead of like a minority of people. Hmm, absolutely. That's getting off topic now. But my husband, my husband's a financial planner, so we are incredibly different mindsets, right, like, so different. Tonight. Yeah. And so during COVID, they all of them had to work remotely. They're all at home, whatever, if they had a conference, they do it all online, on Zoom, whatever. And then this week, they've announced that they, they want them to go like interstate to go to this big conference. And I said, why? Like, just because you can now why go back to normal like, you not only like, what does the environment, you know, the cost of plane, the plane travel? You know, like, why? We've shown that we can do it without it. What? Why are we learning from this? Yeah, I think it's some people are, you know, it's just maybe a slow transition. I don't know. I think I'm forever an optimist to like, I want to believe that we're getting we've gotten something out of out of this difficult time. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I agree with that. You touched on earlier about your feeling when you're in the gallery and you had your husband on the phone trying to give the bottle and things weren't working. And you had that moment where you went, you know, the two most important people in my life are there and I'm here that sort of I don't want to put words in your mouth but like that, that guilt sort of creeping in trouble. Yeah, it was. Mum Mum gives us a topic that I asked all my guests about. Can you share sort of your thoughts about put it in air quotes? Monkey? Oh, cuz it's like a construct to think about? Yeah, exactly. I mean, I think it doesn't matter what your career is. Right? Like as a woman, it's a strange thing like the post feminist woman like we're no we're we're still expected to be these amazing moms. Keep a good house. Not look like a big mess. Right and like show up for everybody all the time. And I think it does create a huge amount of guilt. We're like, we are never enough. There are never enough hours in the day for us to do all of the things for all the people and then I think the more than anything we don't like do There's no value on recharging for ourselves, right? Like, it's almost like a like this weird luxury like, Oh, you're gonna go have quiet time for yourself for an hour. And that's a priority for your life. What about your dishes? You know, and it doesn't create this, like, very uncomfortable level of guilt. And it's like, Well, why don't you ask my husband about the dishes? Because he's a partnership. You know, like, I mean, he is great. Like, I'm not dissing on him at all. Like, he is an amazing 100%. Like, we are partners, we both do all the things, but like, from people looking in, right, whatever that social guilt is that social structure guilt, societal guilt of like, it doesn't matter how much we do, it is never ever enough. Yeah, I think that it caused me something, there's definitely days that I like, I'm in my pottery studio, and I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna set a timer. And the kids have like, their 45 minutes of screen time that they can have. And I'm going to do X amount of projects, and then that timer goes off, and I ignore it, the kids are happily in there with their screen time. And I'm just like, in the zone, and so happy. But then I come out of the zone. And I'm so guilt ridden. I'm like, Oh, they watched an extra hour of TV, you know, and just really write myself, but then I'm like, Oh, my gosh, what's an extra hour TV to me being refreshed, and able to be more present with them? And I think that that's like how I'm trying to navigate the mom guilt. But it is. It is real, and it is hard. And it it just it makes doing everything difficult, right? Like I want to say being a creative difficult, but it's not just being a creative, right? It's just that like, constant need to make sure that your kids are in the right schools, your kids are playing the right sports or doing the right extracurricular activity, or I don't even know and I don't know what, like you were saying before about like, some people just want a formula, you know, or like a way like to know what to do. And sometimes I feel like that is a mom and like, I wish you could just I guess they do right? They say like the pediatric recommended recommendation for hours of free time, right? I don't. I don't know what the answer is. But yes, definitely. struggle with it so much. And sometimes I have a studio assistant that comes and helps me sometimes. And she also has a small child. And she came in the other day. And Arthur was like, in a diaper in my studio, sitting in a chair with the iPad, like prop of the stool in front of it. And she was like, Oh my gosh, it's so refreshing to see that this is how you get things done. And I'm like, Yeah, I guess maybe I should put more of that, like on social media. I think that that's always the hard thing, too. That creates a lot of guilt within us, right as we have these very meticulously cure. I mean, I don't, I would not, say a meticulously curate my, via social media, but like, it's not like I want it to be a snapshot of the reality of my life. But I definitely am not taking pictures of my kid in my underwear with like, boogers all over it. Watching his iPad, like eating pirate booty, you know? I mean, maybe we should do that. Maybe we should do that more. I don't know. I mean, it's not beautiful. It doesn't fit into that. It's the gram. But that's the thing, too. I think so many times. I know personally, I've taken a photo of a similar sort of situation, like I'm trying to record something. So I've got the kids doing something, whatever it is. And I'll hesitate posting because I think the amount of people that are going to judge me for that, that don't know, my, that aren't in my home. And I think for a second I think Oh, bugger. Um, and then I think, no, because how I don't know, I just can't wear it. You know what I mean? I I'm not ready for I suppose. judging me judgment is real. And it doesn't feel like I think that's it like the mom guilt is feeling like we're not adequate. Like, we're suddenly to the people that we love the most in the world. We're somehow damaging them or like not doing good enough for them. Right. And so the idea that some stranger is going to kill him, and he's going to say that to you. It's like, yeah. Oh my gosh, that just heightens that inner voice that somehow I'm not doing this, right. Absolutely. Or I'm not doing it well enough. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe we need to have some kind of like, social media space. It's like, like, what was that? Oh, I think it was like a Pinterest fails or something like one of those. Like, some grandparenting disaster thing where like, we all just like put the reality. You know, here's my kid, like covered and whatever, do something crazy. We could just be honest, without fear. Yeah, without the fear of judgment. Judge freezone Yeah, yeah. Yeah. First, yeah, another thing that frustrates me and then I frustrate myself because I think why am I letting other people that I don't know. You know, I do know a lot of people that I follow but a little follow me a lot of people I don't know, why am I letting that worry me? Why don't I just like, the way I approach my music is like, I'll make my music for me, right? I don't make it for anyone in Most people are going to love it, there's people that aren't going to love it. But that doesn't affect the way that I make my music. I just do it because I want to. So why don't I have the rest of my life like that? You know, it's like, maybe because it's so? I don't know, because it affects you, like you said, it's you're talking about the people that you love the most, and you try to do the best for them. So if someone then brings to your attention that perhaps, maybe you shouldn't be doing this, you're like, oh, no, I'm ruining my children, you know, because it affects somebody else. It's harder to do. Yeah. And I feel like the way you're describing creating is also my same process, right? Like, it's this weird, like, I'll get like, the spark of an idea. And then it's like, I'm like, I want to, like, I want to see it manifested or maybe for you, like you want to hear it like in this three dimensional world. And so it's like, spending this time to, like, bring it forward from a very, from like, a complete non existence into the world, right. And I don't know what the kids is like, they're already here. And they're already like, throwing tantrums sometimes and why, like, they definitely do things that I mean, my children regularly do things that make me question like, am I somehow doing this wrong? So then I think when someone you know, when someone has the audacity to tell me that I'm doing it wrong, because they saw some picture that I thought I was funny that I put on Instagram, it really? Yeah, it makes me question more. And I think, I don't know, I'm definitely no parenting expert. But I think no matter what happens, everybody experiences some kind of trauma in their life. So it doesn't matter. Like how good of a parent we tried to be or how, you know, wonderful. We tried to make everything for our kids like they're, they're going to run into bullies or difficult times, you know, so I don't know. Yeah, somehow we have got to let go of I'm gonna think about that. More like that idea of like being the perfect parent and why? Or maybe the perfect isn't even my work. But what is it that causes that guilt? Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That's something for us to think about. Yeah, to get to the root of it, because maybe if we can understand it, we can stop feeling it so much. Yeah, you know, absolutely. That's good. We've had a bit of syrup. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh, there was a joke. At one point in my pottery studio, they were like, oh, pottery, Mercedes, it's cheaper than therapy. And I was like, you guys, I'm gonna have to raise my prices. Because I don't know if I could be handled via your therapist, and your pottery teacher. That's a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure. Moving back to your, your art and your work. Have you got anything coming up in the future that you want to share about or anything that you've got work you're working on now that you want to give a bit of a plug? Tell us what you're up to. Well, I don't I mean, I have a lot of ideas in the works but I don't have anything like for sure dates. Like I was saying earlier, I'm hoping that the fall of this year to have a show together a full body of work around the marionettes but I'm not 100% Sure but that like that is what's in what I'd like crafting in my mind for my next like big group work. And then I'm currently working on a series that will just go into retail shops that is something that I tend to touch on almost every spring which is kind of like botanical themed pieces. So I've been creating these I'm calling them plates but it's not like it's like a printer's plate not like a plate that you would eat off of. So I'm pushing the flowers into the clay and then I'm gonna use those to like make the plates off of I've got a few of them I think I might have posted them on my interest Instagram, but I'm going to do a whole spring collection around like that there's so it'll all be like you know, things that are in bloom right now on bowls and plates and probably some planters so usually I tried to do a spring collection in the fall collection so that and that main relief will be like online, through artists on a boutique, but I don't have a date or anything like that, that yet. And then during COVID I started folding the 1000 paper cranes. Again, it's a second time that I've done it and I'm about I think about a little over 400 in so I'm hoping I'm still not sure how what that is going to manifest into other than like I did it you know, I don't know if you know the story of the 1000s papercraft as I can ask you. Yeah, so it's a it's a Japanese tradition that I think I don't know where it really originated, but a lot of the stories that you hear revolve around the Hiroshima Like the bombing of Hiroshima, and the the people trying to heal after that. So the idea is the person that folds 1000 origami cranes, like it's like a meditation and a wish for something. And so people didn't really people that are ill, or people that are getting married, things like that the 1000 frames for them. So during COVID, I decided, I think it was like during the second wave or something like that, that I was going to fold it for, like, you know, the end of like, for a healing for our world for COVID. And also like for my COVID anxiety because I think that cry crafting a just moving my hands really helps me just deal with that like anxious energy. So anytime I would feel really overwhelmed about something to do with COVID, I would just like pull the crane pull the crane. So I'm not sure. I may do some kind of installation with that after the fact that haven't 100% decided where those credits are going to end up. But so far. So that's another project that I'm currently in the works on. But nothing was solidified. Because that's one of my things as like with the being a parent and an artist. I tried not to give myself very many deadlines. Because that that if you're stressed out, and not a very good parent, or artists. Yeah, that's it. It's hard to do anything with that sort of pressure over your head, and then you everything suffers because you like you can't stop being a parent. And you can't stop being an artist. But sometimes they can't work at the same time. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Yep, I love that. This has been a nice talk. Oh, it's been awesome. I really enjoyed. I've really, really enjoyed talking to everybody, because I enjoy talking to everybody. But I've really, really enjoyed talking to you. It's been really lovely. Yeah, well, what a great job to get to talk to artists about art, you know, and that's what we love. It's so good. Oh, yeah. Well, thank you for doing this. I mean, I think it's so good for the global mom, community for all of us. You know, it really, it's, it's lovely to like be in the studio and just listening to other artists like talk about how they do it and get ideas, you know, yeah, that's it. A lot of people have said that, actually, it's really good to hear how the people are doing it. And it's just reassuring to hear that we're all in the same boat. Like it's just, we're all gone through that evacuation. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Rosie Rutherford British clarinettist and freelance musician S2 Ep32 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts My guest today is Rosie Rutherford, a clarinettist, composer, freelance musician and educator from Darby in the British Midlands, and a mum of 3 children. Rosie grew up in a musical household with her father and sisters being quite musical, she started on the keyboard at 5, piano at 6 and clarinet at 8 - after there being no flutes available at her school. Rosie studied at the Royal Birmingham Conservatoire , playing in the Folk ensemble, and later met her husband Jamie. She formed a trio with Jamie on guitar and violinist Ning-ning Li called Threaded. They are at their core a folk band, but take their influences from all types of music. They’ve released 3 albums- of what we spoke (2016) Fair Winds & Following Seas (2017), When The Raven Comes Calling (2019) Threaded was commissioned to create the musical score for Red Earth Deaf Accessible Theatre performances in 2018 for Soon Child. going on a live theatre tour around the UK before covid hit. In the past months they have been involved with another show with Red Earth Theatre, The Red Tree. which came out virtually in January 2022. They have also created 5 music videos incorporating Sign Song for the deaf community which you can watch here - https://www.threadedmusic.com/sign-song Rosie also runs Teenie Tempos, a parent and baby/toddler music group based in Derby. Red Earth Theatre https://redearththeatre.com/ Podcast - instagram / website Threaded's music is used throughout this episode with permission. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks for tuning in. My guest today is Rosie Rutherford. Rosie plays the clarinet. She is a composer, a freelance musician and an educator from Darby in the British Midlands in the UK, and a mum of three children. Rosie grew up in a very musical household with her father and sisters all playing instruments, and she started on the keyboard at age five, piano age six and clarinet at age eight. After there were no flutes available at his school. Rosie studied at the Royal Birmingham Conservatoire, playing in the folk ensemble, and she later met her husband Jamie, who also attended the same Conservatoire. She formed a trio with Jamie on guitar meaningly on the violin, and herself, called threaded. They are at their core a folk band but take the influences from all types of music. They have released three albums of what we spoke in 2016, fair winds and following seas in 2017. And when the Raven comes calling in 2019. testable theaters performance of soon child in 2018 and went on a live theater tour throughout the UK with the show before COVID hit. In the past months they have been involved with another show with radio theater called the red tree, which came out virtually in January 2022. They've also created five music videos incorporating sign songs for the deaf community, which you can find through the links in the show notes if you're interested in watching. Rosie also runs teeny tempos a parent and baby toddler Music Group based in Darby. I hope you enjoy our chat. It's a pleasure to have you. Thanks so much for coming on. You're welcome. Thank you for having me. So it's nice to have have a good natter isn't it about all things moms? Absolutely. It's so enjoyable. Whereabouts are you? What's What town are you? Darby? Yeah, so in East Midlands Oh, very good. Yeah. So as you mentioned, it's very misty and, you know, a bit sort of Sunday morning ish there. What, what sort of what's the weather like, there is cold and you know, horrible winter, what's what's going on there is absolutely freezing. It was funny during over the year, it was actually fairly warm. I think it's one of the most warmest years on record. And I thought oh, this will be alright. I can cope with them. And then last week, it was just like really freezing and icy. Yeah, yeah, I'm not I don't mind the cold. I like cold if it's crisp. You know, if you've got the nice bright sunshine. Yeah, but it's just a misty and you drive in and you're like, or can't actually see anything two cars in front of me. And I think the problem with weather here is it's just it changes so fast. So you can't ever you know, cold is absolutely fine. And snow is fine and hot sun is fine. I think it just always takes your body a while to acclimatized to it. So if it just happens really fast. You just feel like a sore all the time. You just like going on. It's like it's catching up with what's going on. And then it changes again and then you've got today here it's been what 30 Probably got up to 32 Today your associates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so not Yeah. summer's day here. It's been beautiful like, oh, sorry, I shouldn't say. I could just pretend although I said the other day, I spoke to a lady who was in Canada and she had snow. And I was like, so jealous because I've never skied. I've looked at I've seen snow and I've touched it, but I've never actually been to the snow. So I'm like, Oh my gosh, that'd be awesome. As my sleep comes the same playing field across my chest, and the softness All right, so tell me about your music. I've discovered you as a, of course. That white thing that you're playing, it looks like a storm true for wind Institute. It's like, can you tell us about what you play with the proper names of things? Not like the Stormtrooper instrument? Yeah, no. So I'm a I'm a clarinetist is my is my main thing. And so I play clarinet, bass clarinet. But I also play all the woodwinds as, as a protective music teacher and stuff like that. So the Stormtrooper instrument, which is a discord and electronic wind instrument, which for a project that I'm working on at the moment, has to try and get my fingers around it so we can use it to because it's, it uses MIDI, so it can import into the computer. So it's the same thing. Dreams is a saxophone. It's just like electronic saxophone, but, but it has like the same functions as a keyboard. So you can you can have all these different all these different sounds. So it's proper novelty. So just for like having when I get a minute to have a little go and find another different different core sounding things. I can I can play yeah, so it is cool, but it's really it's really crazy instruments really strange. I've been enjoying watching a little Instagram, little posts you put up when you're finding all the different settings and this one sounds like like you've been sucked through vortex or something. So cool. It is. And I thought because I got it literally at the start of December just landed on my mat. And I was like, right, so I'll try and be festive. We're trying to a different Christmas carol every single day on it, then um, it gives me a chance to like play every day, but it's very, I don't have to commit much time to because that's always the problem, isn't it? Like is you want to do something every day but actually finding the time to commit that and I was like a Christmas carol. I can probably do. I still didn't manage every day, but I managed most days. Think I've got through a lot of the core settings. Yeah. It's good fun. It's like yeah, into discovering what what all the buttons do. Yeah, that's it. So how did you get into music? Have you always been musical? Did you grew up in a musical household? Yeah, I think so. So my dad plays. He's a he's a blues man. So he's a guitarist and harmonica player. But actually, when I was a child, he didn't he plays a bit of guitar but he didn't kind of gig or anything like that. So I think we just we just always got into music. me I've got two sisters. And we're always quite musical. And yeah, so I think I started playing the I think I started on the keyboard when I was about five and then did piano at six and then I picked up the clarinet when I was eight. Yeah, right. Do you remember why you went to the clarinet? Was there a sort of something that drew you to this is one of those questions that is like so so I want to play the flute but they didn't have any in school. So I want clarinet sure did around No. Oh, my second choice. Now I'm so glad I'm actually so glad because the character is like I just thought Do you love it? And it's so me. So it was meant to be there was meant to be no flutes left that was always meant to happen. Yeah. Have you ever gone back and tried to play the flute? Has that ever been something you've tried? Yeah, so what do I do now? Yeah, not not like not that well, but um, is it you know, but I can play it well enough to double on it and then I can teach it I can teach it so. Yeah, so I do play it and it is really nice as well but it isn't the current app. So it's alright. It's funny how things work out isn't it? How many other instruments do you play? Mainly so clarinet and bass clarinet kind of my main things and then I play a bit flute player play sax, and I've tried to get into the whistle so absolutely love Yeah, I love the Irish we're so big fake lover. So during the lockdown I was trying to get a little bit better at that. And but it's like everything once you start delving in a little bit, it's just becomes it's just a minefield and there's and then you want to be able to do everything and amazingly you don't you and you're like well if I'm gonna say that I'm doing this then I have to be able to do this. But it's just a complete like it's just a whole life time of musical knowledge to fit into learning a new thing so it's Work in Progress see your glances involving a Tree Yard quote. Fred is telling you say threaded is it's, I guess it's like my little baby in terms of musical stuff. So it's me my husband Jamie on guitar and then our friend lighning who plays violin. And we got together. We all studied at Birmingham, Conservatoire, Royal Birmingham Conservatoire as it is now. So and they're all and we all did classical music degrees, performance degrees on our instruments. And we played in a big, massive folk group, they're called Joe Biden's conservative folk ensemble, which is amazing. It's, I mean, it differs in numbers, but it's around 60 people. And you know, and we do the festival circuit and everything. And it's just all like, it's amazing. You should absolutely check out check out Conservatorio contemplate screen, it's still going. And every because it's a it's used. The people that are in Conservatoire, and then the personnel changes kind of, sometimes yearly, sometimes every four years, but it's, it's grown over the past 20 odd years. It's brilliant. And we and we played there and that kind of spot, I've always referred music, because like, like I said, my dad's been a blues man. And he and my mom have always been into music. So always growing up growing up around it. But funnily, in a clarinetist, I kind of thought I can't play folk music as a kid, you know, because it's such a classical. Well, I think it's either a classical or jazz journey that you take with an instrument like the clarinet because you think, Oh, the clarinet, so and because of the teachers and the era, they live and the I guess the pathways that are open to you to start studying, it was straight. Classical, is the path that I took. And so you kind of think, oh, you know, I can't really play folk music on the clarinet. It's not a folk instrument. So although I loved it, I didn't really do much on it until I got to college. And then because we had the folk ensemble, and I was like, Oh, this is great. Learn to do some tunes, and, and things. And then, and obviously, when you start then exposing yourself to this new world of all this free music, you kind of think, well, folk music actually. Like it's the music of the people. It's our music. This is what I love play. I love it. And so me and Jamie and Nunes because we love playing together anyway. We just thought we're going to create our own group and, and we're just going to play our own music. So the great thing about Fred it is that it's all devised. We generally one of us will bring a tune or a song and then we just get together. We turn it into a piece and and it's all original stuff. So it it's so it's really beautiful. Like it's beautiful for us because you know it takes that creative box because you just don't and you've got this outlet. And it's a safe place as well, because we're all, you know, we're all on the same page. So it's nice and easy. So, yeah, I feel really, really lucky to kind of have that place to just be creative with people that you can bounce off so easily. Yeah, so that's kind of where it came from. So we were like, we're not really focused. We don't really know what we are to be honest. Like, we're developing, I guess it's developing all the time, but kind of started with like, folk influence, but it's definitely like, we take influences and inspiration from everywhere and everything. So yeah, that's good. Yeah. And it must feel good to like, I've got two things I want to ask you, just from what you said, but the first thing is like to have, like you said, how it's a safe space. Like you can go there with your ideas and not feel like judged. You can play the thing you want to play and not feel like everyone's going, Oh, that's no good. You know, if you have that trust with each other, that you can play something and not feel scared or, you know, yeah, I don't know what the word is. I'm trying to intimidate. Yeah, that's what I'm going. Yeah, you feel really good to be able to share stuff and be honest with each other. And, yeah, that's it. And also, you know, that you know, that whatever you bring will, like we I don't know, it's like, because I think we do, I mean, obviously, I'm play. But recently, I've been doing a lot more composing and songwriting for various other things as well, not just threaded, but the great thing is that, whatever you see, whatever we seem to bring, we managed to make something work out. Even if it's completely different by the end of the session, then it is the start. But it's like that having everyone's kind of collective voices in there. Just always, we think, yeah, it just feels so easy. Because that it's such a positive experience. Always, you know, whatever you bring, and then you get to the end of it, you're like, oh, this, this has made this really great thing. Now that's, and you feel quite satisfied at the end. So yeah, I feel very lucky to have that place to be able to be creative. Absolutely, um, I've thought of something else to ask you. I'll come back to that. So do you guys do? Maybe COVID? You know, been annoying. But do you guys do a lot of live shows with the music? Or is it mainly recorded stuff that you chose? Um, well, pre pandemic? Yeah, so when we first started, and I guess for the first chunk of our time together, it's just kind of, we were just doing lots of like, mainly live stuff. So kind of small art centers festival type stuff, because I think that's where our musics best suited. And then in 2018, we got commissioned to work with this company called Red a theater. We do differ decibel performances. And so we wrote the score for a show with them and their show soon child, which was amazing. So that was kind of our first commission. So and then we did a live theater tour around the UK with them as onstage musicians and actors. Yeah. And then, and then it was pandemic hit. So when, but in between that we did three albums as well. So I think the first album was out in 2016, I want to say and then 27 teen and then 2019 was when we did the last album, which was the music from seeing child that we recorded. Yeah. Yeah. And then since then, since pandemic, obviously we've done a couple of live shows. But we because I mean me and Jamie are married so that's quite easy we can we can work and well I say it's easy next not easy with having we also have three children but that's another story that we can you know when we've got stuff we can create and write in evenings, but nothing slips in Birmingham. So it's not too far distance it's about four to five minutes but obviously we were all in lockdown as you guys were as well. I think we couldn't get together for quite a long time. So yeah, so we've done a lot we've tried to put a few things together last year just online just kind of over the Instagram to do some stuff but we haven't. So this year we're hoping that we're going to be able to do a lot more we did a reason we did we did something last year which we got some funding for which was turning so off the back of soon child like I said read out there to the Deaf accessible. They did deaf accessible theater so we and what we did with them with our songs is worked with science on directors and used a lot of science song in it so all of their shows is integrated in BSL to British Sign Language. So the actors are sign as well as talk so then when we did it when we put the songs in they are they were all signed in and off the back of that we kind of thought, you know, like, it gives an extra layer to our music, which we've never had before, like this visual element. And it's beautiful sign song is absolutely beautiful, because not only is it a language, and it's obviously a communication tool, but it's also just like this form of, it's just almost like dance with the performance when it's so beautiful. And so that that enhances the music so much, actually. And we kind of thought, Oh, well, we want to, once you've also kind of connected with the deaf community, we were like, We want to be doing this all the time, like the inclusion is just, it's just so important. So we've started trying to work and make find ways to make our music more accessible. So we've developed like, threaded, which is still going started the three of us, but we've kind of got a tangent as well called the threaded collective. And with that we're doing lots of different projects, working with other artists. So one of them is going to be the Deaf accessibility and music and how we can work and develop that and work with some deaf performance. It's not doing the sign song with us and things like that. So we're hopefully got a couple of festivals in the summer already. And we're going to work on developing that. So yeah, it's amazing. It's kind of all doing this. And you're just like, oh, I never expected that this would finish here. But that's where it's going. And we're just gonna go with it. Yeah, amazing. I've never heard of sign song before. Is that like, how did you said, signing? Two songs that don't have lyrics? Or like, how does it? Can you explain? Yeah, so I mean, I'm no expert. But it's mainly it's it's just Deaf, Deaf people, interpretation of the songs, so and how they sign it. So. And therefore, the beauty of it is that everyone's interpretation might be slightly different. So you can obviously some will do a literal translation. And but then sometimes, obviously, songs songs are really interesting, aren't they? Because obviously, a lot of songs are metaphors. And though you use metaphors within the songs, or the song is a metaphor for something else, or it's emotive, so when you're when we're working with them, with the science on performers, often it's talking about the context of it, what you mean by that line, and then they will interpret it, I guess, like any will, it's like any translation is if you translate in a book, but they'll work on it. So the signing that they do isn't necessarily like literal signing, it's all trying to create the metaphor. So it's so it's just this whole thing is just as beautiful performance, because it's just that everything working together. It's just amazing. That seems to be able to create music that can become a part of that. Do you know what I mean? Really, really? Absolutely. I'm gonna do some Googling when we get get off here, because that sounds amazing. Yeah, a whole new thing I've I've never known. Yeah. Yeah. Well, within theater, the accessible theater is becoming quite rightly, much bigger here. So there is a lot more access. And I think the UK really working on it. And but in music, sometimes, you know, there's been some performances, there's been some stuff that's on festivals and Glastonbury, they had a big, big thing, there was a signer with a wrap up, but still, it's not it that we've got so far. We need to go the long way to go. So yeah, it's we feel like quite strongly, it's important. And it's a way that that so many people could quite easily add this access level in a beautiful way. And then, you know, and it's just and it's just like, it's amazing to watch and it means you're including so many more people within your performance. So it's really good. Yeah, well done. That's wonderful. I love that wage, roll up your brain pole to get not far to go on what I was gonna ask before, what's it like working so closely with your husband? Basically. It's actually amazing. I think our relationship it came from being musical together I think. So. I think we're at we're often at our best as a couple when we are being creative together. I think we probably find that things are more strained when we're not getting the opportunity and it's just home after you know what I mean. So when because Because yeah, so much of it is so much of I guess why we love being together is being creative, and I definitely feel like much better music session with him. And I think because instrumentally dynamically because he's a guitarist. So any tune i i write or any kind of like songs he will be like. And then it kind of makes it like quite quickly being on that same wavelength. Whereas I didn't necessarily have the scale to be like, I know exactly how I'm going to accompany this. Jamie will be like, this sounds good. And I'm just like, yes, that is what I was aiming for. So yeah, it's actually really nice. But obviously, with having the family it has become a much bigger juggle for us to be able to work together. In terms of like childcare and other logistics, so at the moment, he's working. So the, the theatre company, Red Earth, which we did scene child with, me and Jamie, right, have worked on the music for their next show, which she is currently rehearsing called the red tree, which is a book by shot and it's beautiful picture book. And so we've written the music together, or like the main terms of music, some of it, he'll divide in the process. But originally, we were both kind of going to be on it in stage, but then I had my third little baby in August. So I haven't been able to do the tour. And that's going to be live streamed at the end of the month. So I feel like, I feel like a solo parent. Because normally you work with you're going around each other and it's like I'll do this day he does this day or this evening, and, you know, work around it. Whereas because it's every day, it's Monday to Saturday for the whole month. I'm just like, Yes, I actually have all the admiration for single parents, because I did about three days. And I was like, oh, people do that. The school run. I mean, like, I feel like the school run is harder than having a third child. Like having to be in the same place twice a day and get everyone ready to get out of the house on time. Yeah, that is just that is the kettle of fish do. I was like something. Show me what you've got something. What I can do. So you have three children. How old are your older children? So my daughter Ruby is four. My son is three. And then the little baby Louie is four months old. I love that name. Louisans says Did you meet your husband at like in a music capacity? Do you only ever known each other through music? Yeah, yeah. So we we studied at the same same Conservatoire. But we didn't know each other while we were studying. Because he was here above me. And Qataris Tantek. They kept themselves to themselves classical guitarists that come in for their things. Whereas obviously, the clarinetists you'd be in the orchestra in the band. So I was in a lot more. So I never, I didn't really know him. It wasn't until after we'd finished that through friends and stuff. We met each other. So yeah, so it's weird because we went to the same place, but we have completely different, you know, but before being together, we just have completely different experiences of being there. Which is a bit strange, but you know, it's funny, isn't it? Do you remember seeing him there? Like, did you ever seen you see each other there to remember? I don't really remember. I think I think I did go to one of his projects is major project, but um, but I didn't really know him. Just because we're friends with the painful. Yeah. And then. So it was mainly after we'd finish that we got to know each other. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So every since you got together, we've always played music together, or did it take a bit of time to sort of warm up to the fact that you were going to share this? It was like, instant sort of? Yeah, yeah. It was pretty instant. Pretty instant. So. So yeah, that's always been really nice. It's always been something that we've done, and we've been able to able to do together. And then it's, you know, and and then being able to kind of get together and stuff. It's really nice, because it's almost like date night. Date Night is just going and doing a gig. So it's like working day, but but it is nice. It's like a nice experience. So I feel like we get to share with each other. She's really good. Absolutely. That's lovely. So you talked briefly about how it's a bit tricky with now that you've got the kids with childcare, how to how do you manage if you've got some good support around you? For the kids? Yeah, I'm really lucky so my mum and dad live fairly Place and my sister and Jamie's parents are retired. So they've that when we did the when we did the tour they kind of came down and stayed for a chunk. So we were able to do it. So yeah, I mean we can only we've only been able to facilitate the word being able to tour and stuff because we've got like family and friends support so we are really really lucky. Yeah, it makes all the difference doesn't it really does. Like when you said before about people that do it on their own soul parents I've Yeah, I just don't understand how they do it. I go out of my brain if I was the only one doing this never made that absolutely amazing Absolutely. You're listening to the art of being a mom, with my mom, I will see you. When you I'm interested to ask you this because I'm a singer. That's my background. When you were pregnant with the with each child, did you find it really hard to breathe while you were playing your instrument? Yeah, I think, well, I had I had different pregnancy experiences. So and which affected which affected my play in and I think some of them are more mentally than others. But with with Ruby, my first one I had a really big bleed at 13 weeks. And they never knew why. Yeah. So they were kind of like, you know, take it easy. And I got like tours booked. And in the end, I just had to I couldn't I didn't pay because I was because you know like you have this degree. And it's all tummy muscles isn't it and I was scared to use them because it was like, because they don't know why I've had this. And then so I didn't really play for the first kind of six months. And then I've got some stuff in and I think probably felt a little bit more confident to kind of hit but I still never supported properly, often just playing from here because I was going to use my dummy. And then. And then with Arlo, I think I think I did have some bleeding again. But I think it was really early on. And then I was kind of fine for playing and stuff. So I did quite a lot of work with him. And he that was that felt like generally a much easier pregnancy. But he was got pregnant after nine months after having reap. So I think I was just such in such a sleep deprived state from her because she just didn't sleep until she was about four that I just probably didn't didn't think about I was just in autopilot. So I think I just kind of work through a bit more. And then with live, it's really similar. I had a had a really big bleed at 11 weeks, or just performance, we scan. Really, really it was on the birthday, actually, I'd had a burger were locked down. But we'd ordered this burger I was really excited. And then it started bleeding. And then I had to go to AD. But I knew that was a similar thing to read, like had that gut feeling like that he that it was fine. So I was like I knew it was but it's obviously still terrifying. And then after that, I was a bit like oh, I've been scared. I was scared to play again because I just don't want to put any pressure on you don't want to rupture anything. So yeah, and I felt really tired for a lot of that pregnancy. So that's when I did a bit more whistle playing because it's just not the same type that you just don't have to put the same type of like support on and everything. But then then you don't know whether some of it's just because you know it's their time on your body's tired it's just like you're doing this again. You've got the other two that you're actually got to look after I did lockdown because this you know, you're trying to be so positive and you know, for the kids especially. And but there isn't that much to do either. So you you know you think you're tired because you just like the whole situation is just exhausting, isn't it? The pandemic itself is just so it's exhausting. Just so yeah, yeah. Oh, that's interesting. I always like to ask musicians that are that are in that area that can relate to I had a shocking first pregnancy it was fine. I don't know why but the second one, I don't know. He sat up right on my diaphragm. It was ridiculous. I couldn't breathe to save myself. And that was starting to use up here too much putting too much strain on my on my actual, you know, in my voice and I had to give up a few gigs was like I can't actually project anymore. This is you know, there's nothing I can and the problem is you you feel really bad because you did you know Like, you don't want to cancel stuff anyway, because you know, you pregnant you're absolutely candid, but you don't know until the time d that actually this this isn't and it can change so quickly. Yeah, I was kind of Alright, doing this. And then I got to about seven months, and I was like, I literally have no space that I can do. So yeah, yeah. It's a funny thing, isn't it? Good on him? Day to day with the kids now, do you basically set time of an evening just to work on your music with your husband? Yeah, generally, generally. I mean, when when we've had commissions, like when we were working on the theater stuff, we did block out days to do it. And, and the same when we were working on the collective stuff last year, we would we blocked out days to do it. But when we've been in lockdown, obviously, we haven't been able to use the chat we had, we couldn't use the childcare at some point of it. So then it would have to be evenings. So in the summer, it's alright, because you still feel like you have like evening time, but in the winter, it doesn't, it doesn't mean that you don't end up getting very much done. The kids are in bed, and it's like half past eight, nine o'clock. And then you're like, right, we've got to have dinner. And then we've got to try. And we've got to try and create. So I think I think it depends on what we're creating for as well. Like if it's commission stuff. Because there's a brief and it's kind of got to get done, you can be a bit more pragmatic about it, it's like, well, you know, if we are doing the evenings, we'll commit three or four evenings to it. And we will get it done in that time, because that's the time. Whereas if it's our own stuff, like if it was just kind of like more. So if we take the threaded or stuff about rain, then you can be a little bit more like, well, we'll just get together in an evening and have a bit of a jam and see what happens. And that's a lot. I feel like that the winter months are never that good for that type of thing. For me, I think fat. And I don't know whether it is just because I'm so brain dead by the time it gets to the I can't I can't think and also a lot of a lot of creating on my instrument. It's just playing. So it's a lot of improvising and seeing what comes out of improvising. And the current house isn't that big. So you can't really do that. When the kids are in bed loudly. And in the winter. In the summer. We've got we've got a conservator on the back so you can kind of go in there. And it's warm. But in the winter, it's actually freezing because the Conservatives the court really typically delivery very much just ended up not doing a lot which was probably the attic. But I think if you're trying to be creative, if it's your job and you've got to write stuff on top, then it's like any job isn't it? You've got to get it done. So you will find find the time and the space. But I think if it's for me, I have to be in the right frame of mind to do it. And yeah, and in the right space for it to for it to be enjoyable. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And and that's the thing, like if you're forcing it, it's you're not you're creative. tivity is not going to come you could because you're just like, Oh, I've got to do it and nothing's going to come when you put pressure on yourself like that. Like, like you said, you need the time to just fiddle about and see what comes out on. Yeah, absolutely. Oh. What's your thoughts about mum guilt? I think that I feel like we shouldn't have it. But I think so many of us do. And I think even if, from people I spoke to and friends and everything, and I think and I think it's like anything, I think it's, I think it just stems because you care, and you want to make the right choices. And I think for your children, and I think as mums. I don't know you kind of there's this thing, isn't there anything that you do for yourself? It's at the expense of doing it for your children. And that isn't, but it isn't. But I think we'd have to go through that process, don't we? And it seems, seems that lots of people have to, you know, go kind of through this process and find, find out how you're going to work and what you need to do. And what you would class is something that makes you feel bad, and something that makes you not feel bad. So I think it's different for everybody. I know, I've definitely had it, I get it a lot. I think it's, but I know I shouldn't have it. Because a lot of it is like work. It's because I've because, you know, if you're gonna go and do something for work, then you feel bad, because you're like other kids are being having to go so this person isn't going to this person, but then you need to earn a living. So yeah, then you can't have the quality of life that they're gonna have if if you don't earn any money. So yeah, I think it's really it's really interesting. And I feel like now my attitude towards it has developed after like being on my third child, because I know, when I just had Ruby, you know, kind of anything feel really, really bad. And I wouldn't, I'd be like, Oh, no, I can't do anything for myself, I can't go for a run because the house is a mess. And I've got to do this, I've got to do the washing and everything before I do this little thing myself. And now, I'm a bit like, well, if I want to play my bass clarinet for 10 minutes, the house has missed and I'm just going to do it because I only have one life and it's not fair and everyone else that I'm resentful because I don't get to do it. Because actually, it's my choice. But it's taken, you know, it's taken a long time for me to kind of get to that point of that I will do that. I still haven't been out the house for a run yet. anyone to do anything because it because you know, it's like, well, if I've got if I have got half an hour for me, then what am I going to do with it? If I was to have if I was to probably have longer than that and start feeling a bit like, oh, I probably should be doing this and probably shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, and you know, I'm taking on gigs and things and I When Ruby was little we did a lot more gigging because it was the, you know, the other side of the pandemic. So things were actually booked in. And I didn't feel bad about that, because I didn't everything was booked beforehand. And I didn't know and I think I just struggled leaving. But I think when there are as I don't know, I think you know, like, once you've gone through it, you know, they're going to be fine as well. You know, when that it's always worth thinking of what, what's it gonna be like? Whereas, you know, it is always okay. So yeah, yeah, with that benefit of experience, then you know, that your your next two children, it's actually going to be fine. We'll be fine. Yeah. But it is hard. Because, you know, I think everyone feels guilty to some degree. I think people just have different. Some people and people feel different, like guilty about different things, don't they? And for some people, their guilt might stem from work related. So for some people, it might stem from like socializing, they feel like they shouldn't go out and have a drink because or see their friends. Because you know that because the children have their bedtime routine. And, and yeah, I think everyone will have something that they struggle with in terms of mum Gill. But, yeah, yes, finding the balance. I think that's so true. Because I think it's yeah, the balance of like, I think you still need to do something for yourself. Like, you can't just be a mum all the time, you actually still have to be yourself and especially, you know, with your husband, you still have to have that relationship. And it's a funny thing, like when you have kids, it's like, I don't know, this is expectation that your whole world has to completely stop and revolve around the kids which is fair enough for for a period of time like it has to because they're so little and they can't do anything but I think it's a no from what I'm finding talking to different mums through this. It's like well, there's a point when you actually go hang on a sec. I'm still me and I actually want to go do stuff that I did before. Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's really important for for your children to See you? And I think them's. I mean, we notice it loads with Ruby because she, with, with coming from a very musical household, she's now like, she's so into it. And we haven't, you know, for a while, like, would you want to do this? And she'd be like, No, I don't want you to show me how to do that. I do it my way, when we can have gotten your clarinet, and I'd be like, because kids want me to, I don't want you to show me I just want to do it, which is like, you know, fair enough. But now she's gonna, which is making a pro songs, and she's doing all this stuff. And she's only four. But, but I think, for me, I want her to see me go, you know, especially for as a as a woman that I can, I can still be an artist, and I can be a performing musician, and I can do this, and I can still have a family, and be a present mom, but be still be creative. And be me because, you know, that's, you want, I don't know, like, that's, I feel, I feel proud, I guess that I'm managing to juggle these plates, because I always wanted to be be a musician. And, you know, and it's tough. There's lots of tough elements about it. And, you know, a lot of people feel that they can't balance a family and be a musician, because, because it, you know, you end up having to turn down so much work because of various things. And I think, you know, if they can still see if your kids can still see you being you that's, that's really good for them to know that or they could, you know, they can still have the life that they want to do. And, yeah, I think it's, I think it's really nice and also have an understanding that time is that their time is or that your time is split, but over things that are important, you know, and especially our, whatever your artistic discipline, that's something that you've worked at, usually your whole life, or, you know, from an age of being able to do it, you know, with dance or art or whatever, and you've committed so many hours that just because, you know, you decide to take on the responsibility in whatever capacity of being a parent, you don't stop. That doesn't stop, because that's part of who you are. And so I think it's important is for your children to see that that time still happens in time still exists, like I still have to practice because otherwise, if I get a call to go and do a gig, I can't if my lips not in I'm not going to be able to do it. So, but it's not at the expense of time with them. Yeah, it's, it's just part of our daily life and routine. And so yeah, I do think that that's important. But I'm only kind of starting to, like, put that time and now you know, it's taken me a while of not feeling bad for doing practice, even though I believe that I shouldn't feel bad for doing it. And I have to do it. It's still, you know, it's still actually doing it. But yeah, it is good. Yeah, I love that. I love the way you describe that. Because that's like, that's how I feel. It's like, I think it's wonderful. Especially, I mean, I don't have any girls, but for my boys to see, you know, the woman who if they end up with a woman that they, you know, that becomes a mother should their children, but she still does all the things that she did before she had kids, you know, it's just in your slotted into your life, like you said, you you're practicing your you know, it's part of what you do, and your children see you do that, which is just, I love that it is so wonderful. Yeah, I love it. And I think you know, like, for, for our kids as well, we're definitely noticing that they, they all seem to love. Like either whether it's performing or I think kids kids respond to what they're exposed to, don't they so but as they're always making up songs now, even though their three year old, he's really started to get into the dispersing in and they'll be they'll be doing that payment, these payments, dinosaurs and he's making up songs. And you think that's just because it's exposure, and I'm sure it's like, you know, all children or children are sponges, aren't they. So whatever you do in your house, your children will pick it up. And whatever. So I think that's the thing, whatever it is that you love, and you want for any mom, even if they're not, if it's not art, if it's you know, yoga or, or climbing, or whatever it is that you want to do is kind of your hobby, if the kids can see it, that they absorb it. It's something that that often it can be something you end up doing together because they think oh, my mom is this, I'm interested in it. mom or dad's doing this. And that's what we've kind of found with ours, whatever it is, we're kind of doing that they want to do. And then you end up still being able to do the thing that you love and you do it with them. I my husband really loves drawing. And he's always drawn and he's you know, he's really good at drawing but it's just something that he does for himself and he really enjoys it and so the kids are annual sit and draw with the kids. And so their art is amazing. Well, me I know I'm so it's my kids, but I think that there is really, it's really brilliant. But I'm just like since they've been able to hold a pen you sat there and drawn with them. And so that's something that they are really like to do. I mean so then when I I see it and if we, you know, draw it or whatever, and I'll draw, they're just like, Oh, what's that meant to be mommy? Daddy's is better, just like, I'm trying. No, but they do they just pick it up so much that I think it is important, therefore, for them to see you doing things that you enjoy. Yeah, it just becomes a part of life. It's like, it's not a sure thing. That it's like, Okay, now, we're now done going to do this, but it's just incorporated in your life. It's just what you do. Yeah, I love that. That's this beautiful, that's so good. How did you feel then this, I like this concept of identity about how we view ourselves as a woman, then we have children, you know, how do we see ourselves? Did you sort of have a concept of your own identity change when you became a mom, I don't know, you know, I don't know whether it really has. If I think about it, like, I still feel like I'm really easy. And I'm very lucky, because I've got the same friends, I haven't. And a lot of my friends from school, we all move back to the same place. So we all kind of went out to study, whatever we did at university, and then we've all kind of come back to the same place. So I've got a lot of the same friends, a few of them have also had children at the same time. And all my friends from studying at college, still fairly close with them. And I think I've still I've been very lucky that I've been able to be facilitated to still work. And so I kind of feel like I don't think I've changed. Does that make sense? It does. I don't feel any different. I think I just, I just Yeah, I think I don't feel any different. I have literally got more responsibilities, but I think I try and yeah, it's yeah, I'm not putting words in your mouth. But it's almost like, because you've got this musical practice, which is endemic to you, and you've got the relationship with your husband, who's also got the music, it's like, you're able just to bring the children into your world. And continue with that, what you had, and the children and sort of they have joined into your world, and you'll still be able to maintain who you are without any sort of like, oh, I have to give this up, or I have to do this. Now whatever. I think so. I think and I'm very lucky that I guess I'm surrounded by people that have supported that. And being with with me and my husband both being artists, you know, that has challenges, you know, it because it's not like often, often, for other friends who are artists, they're married to someone who has got a stable job. And not that not all artists are stable, but we're freelancers so it is up and down. So one of them, you know, so they can be they can kind of project work that they want, but they know if they're gonna if they're going to have a family or whatever, there's going to be a stable income coming in nine to five sort of thing. Yeah, yeah. Whereas obviously, we both of us, we haven't got that. And we've always relied on because, you know, very lucky, we're very, very equal. We've always kind of both worked in both, both on whatever. So having a family for us and me being a moment. We've we've, we've kind of thought, well, we're going to do it and we'll make it work around this and Jamie chipped in just as much as me. So I don't know, I yeah, I've been able to just kind of carry on and also have things in place. For the work that I do that I will take the children if I need to. So I've been very lucky that I've been able to do it. My work that's kind of more artsadmin like I've gotten I've done, I've done like training and I've just had the baby in the sling. Because so because I'm breastfeeding and I'm gonna go to work and have to take the baby and that's just it. So and but I've been very lucky that people have been very accepting of that. Because if I was maybe in a business where that wasn't acceptable, you know, not all businesses, it isn't acceptable, you know, if you're a nurse or whatever, can't take your baby to work. So I do feel very lucky that I've been able, you know, the support network around me at work as well as home as men that I have been able to have children and still work as an artist, you know, and that so and I know not everybody does have that support. So I do feel very lucky. I think sometimes it's what it's wanting to do it though, isn't it like I think I am. I'm quite proud RTX I'm like, Well, I still want to do this, and I want to have children. So therefore I have to, I have to make it work. And so I have to put myself in positions, that I can do it. So yeah, a lot of it is setting things up that I've had to do myself. You know, a lot of my work and everything I've gone out to find and projects I do the funding applications for and everything which I have to do my own time, there's been a lot of midnight 1am is writing funding bids for you. But that means that when we've been lucky, and we've been successful, it's meant I've been able to do the work I want. And because I've been project manager, and they've been able to make things work. So yeah, it's it is. It is hard work to make it work. But it's worth it. If you want to make it if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. You also teach music. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. So I do peripatetic teaching. So I go around some schools, it's mainly been primary schools, and I do private teaching at home as well, which is, some kids are mainly adults that I teach privately. Yeah. Yeah. Is that changed a lot through COVID? Did you have to do lots of stuff online? Yeah, so a lot of it was online, which is tough. I think teaching online is really, there's some really good things about it, in the sense that it's actually you can fit more people in, you know, condense it. So and, and you you don't have in, yeah, you're not having to do too much traveling. So that's good. And it's convenient, especially for adults. Because often if you finish work, and then you have to go out to the clarinet lesson, you can be bothered to go and do that, you know, on a dark evening. And actually, that timelines worked quite a lot for them because they can slot in the parents with the children because they're, you know, if you've got to having to take little Germany to x and x. You know, it's tiring, isn't it after your work? So some parents are actually quite good. But but it isn't. It isn't the same. Yeah. Nothing can nothing is the same as having face to face lessons. So that was tough during the pandemic, but everyone that I teach cope so well. And it was amazing to be able to keep it going. Yeah, yeah. So your place is called Darby. That's it. Right. Yeah. And you're near Birmingham? Yeah. Are you from the North? This is one of those questions. Because, you know, I think it's because if you're from the south, everything north of Birmingham is the North. Whereas if you're from the north, then like, then it depends on where you, you know, if you were from Yorkshire, you would not pass me as a Northerner. It'd be like, Midlands, that's not enough. Whereas if you were London, you'd probably class be a Northerner. So that depends on who you talk to. Looking at the map, like there's still quite a lot of north north of you. Yeah, quite a lot going up. Yeah. To be to be safe. I'm in Midland, you're indecisive. I don't know where I am just hovering around. That's funny. It's like your relative to other people telling you where you are. That's it. That's it. Sorry, I'm scrolling now. What sort of projects? Can you share any projects that you've got on the go stuff you've got coming up that you want to share? With the list? Yes. Yes. So what am I doing? So we've got a work one of the jobs that I do I work for a hospital trusters arts coordinator on Amis music coordinator, and during the pandemic, we did some Commission's and writing some stuff. So this year, we've got We've got quite a big project coming up in the summer, which is going to be a reflection on the pandemic and stuff with the staff. And so we've written a song for that, which we'll do with the staff choir. And it's hopefully going to be a sharing a lot of the staff wrote poems and things like that as part of like reflection for them. So I'm organizing that which will be hopefully really beautiful and really reflective and really nice. And then threaded wise, we've got at the moment, putting together some for some summer festivals. And we're working with the University in Nottingham as well to develop some tech which will support the access. So that's a bit of a kind of experiment as to what they are developing and we will try will pilot is from festivals and see, see how it works. And if it works. So we're going to be doing that in the summer, as well. And that's ongoing and yes on collective performances. And we're going to try we're going to we're getting back on with some threaded stuff this year as well. So we've got some dates of the day with names and we're gonna write some new music. Yeah, which I'm really looking forward to. And then, yeah, we've got the red tree, which is the the music I've written for the theatre company that's been live streamed. On Sunday, the twin, it's Sunday, the 29th of January at Wolverhampton theatre. So I mean, if it's live stream, I imagine that anybody could get one even if you're in Australia, you could watch it I imagine if it's live streamed, yeah, for sure. So that story, the red tree, I think it's aimed at children six upwards, and it's about, it's about the little girl who she wakes up in a room and she's got nothing to look forward to. And each book, each picture of the book is a different kind of scenario. And it's about anxiety, depression, really, I think the book, but then at the end, it's all hopeful. So they've been doing a lot of work. And so it's going to be live streamed into schools during the week. But anyone with children that especially after the pandemic that has that type of, you know, children, because children have experienced a lot of isolation and anxiety more than I think. I know, I know, that happens anyway. But I think just so it's just such a big thing. At the moment, I think they thought it was going to be a really great book, because it might help children reflect on their feelings a little bit. So for sure. A good one to check out if anyone wants to watch some live stream theater. So yeah, and then. Yeah, and then I think, and then apart from that, I just got to try and get some more gigs in but I am being honest, because I'm on maternity leave. So yeah, real thing, but. But I have just after LUMION and really started school in September. So that juggle, I've got on with some stuff, but I need to get back on that. And then I'm also starting my baby music classes back at the start of next month as well, because I do a little group called Ed tempos. And it's really lovely. And so because I've got Aluna, I can take him and I do that, because that's really nice. And it's really good now, because I've got the children and I've seen them go through that. So did did it with the others. It's like it actually is amazing. I know. I know, music is amazing for children's development. But I've seen firsthand that now. Like seeing it go from nought to five. Because they did all this stuff like rubes is like her ear and all those musical issues that the pianos just work like to work out tunes. And that that's just because of exposure, you know, and you don't have to come from a musical household for your children to be able to do that. I think all children can do it. It's just exposure. Yeah, that's Yeah. How long have you been doing you? Is it teeny? Temporary? Tiny? Yeah, TV tempos? So we started it when Yeah, we started it when I was little. And so when was that? 20. I think it started in 2019. And we did a bit of it before the pandemic. And then then we did it. We moved it online for a term. But it was one of those things that was just tough to do online. And then I could have gone back and started it face to face, but because of a lot of the restrictions, and the and just the risk assessments and all the cleaning and everything, I was just a bit overwhelmed. I was like, oh, you know, I'd be really stressed about under disinfect everything because I have to do that in teach with teaching in schools, but it's kind of with older kids, you can disinfect the stones you can disinfect everything I've touched, but with babies and children and putting things in their mouths and using the right cleaners and I was like Ah, there's just too much. So I thought I'll just wait until things have calmed down a little bit and find a way to make that work. So we're starting the face to face stuff, but that's really really nice and it's nice to help other parents use music as a way to communicate with their babies and be confident to do it as well because it's like you know so many people and but you find that being a vocalist as well, that we can all sing and We have different levels of as my dad always says Rosie likes to sing. Definitely doesn't mean that Gabby, I think, but I think what's really what everybody can and babies don't care about how, whether or not you're any good, they just love that sound and the connection. So, and sometimes it's just finding, it's just knowing what to do and how to do it. Give mums and dads the confidence, or grandparents or whoever it is the confidence to communicate with your baby through music and song because it just enhanced their development so much. And you know, into even intonations between words, there's some specific things that they can they latch on to, and tones of voice for positive and negative and things like that, which, once you know it, it's really nice for you to be able to use that and communicate with your baby. But a lot of it is confidence and parents not having the confidence to sing or not, not even knowing the nursery rhymes because it's been such a long time. You know, if you did it as a child, and if you don't have any other children in your family, you know, if you've not got siblings or children or cousins of children, your child could be the first one for a long time. And you just have no idea what any of these babies absorb. Yeah. Yeah, so that's really nice. Yeah, I work in childcare. That's my day job. I mainly work with what are they probably 18 months to two and a half, maybe nearly three year olds. thing I find, like, I don't care. I've been doing that job for nine years now. And I'll old and I don't sing properly. When I'm at work. I just you know, hey, you've got that proper singing voice and then you've got you this this when you sing Happy Birthday to someone in a group you just sing. You don't do your prophecy voice? You know what I mean? Yeah, I just I just crack on and sing the silly songs. And I think a lot of stuff for parents, I just get so embarrassed because they think you've got to be able to sing properly, to sing and so like, your kids just want to hear you sing like they don't they're not going to judge you. And they're not. They just and you're right. It's like the rhythms and like almost like, you know, when you read a really good book with the, like, the poetry the way, the like the rhythm of the words coming out like it just expanding on that and singing something or, you know, just I don't know, like, it's just this, this expansion of language and the kids love it so much, especially if you can throw into actions. That's always good. Yeah, I think I think parents just get embarrassed because they think, Oh, I can't do this. And who's watching me and, you know, it's yeah, it's like, Just do it. Yeah, enjoy the process. The end result doesn't matter. Yeah. And your kids just love it. They just they want to hear it. Thank you so much for being on the show. It's been a pleasure chatting to you, Rosie. It's been lovely. Thank you so much for having me, Alison. It's been lovely. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom