Elora Viano
UK based photographer
S3 Ep91
Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts
My guest this week is Elora Viona, a photographer based in Lincolnshire UK and a mum of 2. Originally from Canada, Elora spent a few years in Italy where she met her husband before moving to the UK.
Growing up Elora loved being creative, but didnt have a natural affinity for drawing or art. She was looking for ways to be creative and express herself, and in high school she discovered photography and she finally found it!
Elora has been photographing since back in the days of film, and has had this as a passionate hobby ever since. Elora enjoys experimenting in her work using different lenses. collages or light leak overlays.
Six years ago she decided to turn it into a business, and got so sucked into making it a success that in the process she had forgotten about her love for personal projects. Having made active changes, she's proud to say she has managed to accomplish a number of personal projects and continue to do so, growing and challenging herself with this medium.
She is a family photographer and enjoys a documentary style, her biggest passion is capturing emotion and movement in her subjects.
Elora has won a number of awards and been published in magazines both in print and online.
Elora's current project Kintsugi Mama aligns the Japanese art of repairing with gold, with stretchmarks, Through this project Elora is exploring the beauty of the so called “scarred” female body. This body where the skin stretches, breaks, and re-heals itself all while bringing a new life to this world – is an incredible feat of mother nature, and yet, somehow, we do not tend to look upon those stretch marks with love, but with distaste, hate even, because they are seen as imperfections. What if, instead of hiding those so called “imperfections” we celebrated them, repaired them with gold, the most precious element of them all? What if we took the time to see how glorious they truly are? Would we see ourselves differently? Would we revel in the power of womanhood?
Elora - Personal Instagram / Website / The Daily Collective Website / Kintsugi project website
If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here
Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio.
When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies.
Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page
Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast
I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world!
Thank you!
Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region.
Being a Mum podcast where I, Alison Newman, a singer, songwriter and Aussie mum of two,
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enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and
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issues they've encountered while trying to be a mum and continue to create.
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You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work's been
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influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms and we also stray into territory such
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as the patriarchy, feminism and capitalism.
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You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes along with a
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link to the music played, how to get in touch and a link to join our supportive and lively
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community on Instagram.
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I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast but if at
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any time you're concerned about your mental health I urge you to talk to those around
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you, reach out to health professionals or seek out resources online.
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I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing
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page alisonnewman.net slash podcast.
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The art of being a mum would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water
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which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bowendig people in the Beren region.
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I'm working on land that was never ceded.
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Hello and welcome to another episode of the podcast.
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This week we're up to 91, creeping ever closer to that magical 100.
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This week however my guest is Elora Villano, a photographer based in Lincolnshire in the
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UK and a mum of two.
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Elora's originally from Canada and she spent a few years in Italy where she met her husband
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before moving to the UK.
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Growing up Elora loved being creative but didn't have a natural affinity for drawing
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or painting.
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She was looking for ways to be creative and express herself and in high school she discovered
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photography.
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She finally found what she'd been looking for.
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Elora's been photographing since back in the days of film, the first time around and has
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enjoyed it as a passionate hobby ever since.
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She enjoys experimenting in her work using different lenses, collages or light leak overlays.
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Six years ago Elora decided to turn photography into a business and she got so sucked into
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making it a success in that process that she'd forgotten about her love for her personal
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projects.
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Having made active changes she's proud to say she's managed to accomplish a number of
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personal projects and continues to do so, growing and challenging herself with this
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medium.
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Elora is a family photographer and enjoys a documentary style.
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Her biggest passions are capturing emotion and movement in her subjects.
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She's won a number of awards and been published in magazines both in print and online.
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Elora's current project Kintsuki Mama aligns the Japanese art of repairing with gold,
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with stretch marks.
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Through this project Elora is exploring the beauty of the so called scarred female body,
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the body where the skin stretches, breaks and re-heals itself all while bringing a new
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life into this world.
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It's an incredible feat of mother nature and yet somehow we do not tend to look upon those
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stretch marks with love but with distaste, hate even.
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What if instead of hiding those imperfections we celebrated them, repaired them with gold,
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the most precious element of them all?
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What if we took the time to see how glorious they truly are?
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Would we see ourselves differently?
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Would we revel in the power of womanhood?
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Elora it's lovely to meet you.
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Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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It's good to meet you too.
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Yeah it's such a pleasure.
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So we're just chatting before I hit record.
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You're over in the UK and it is the morning there.
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Whereabouts in the UK are you?
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Lincolnshire which is East, Central East Coast type area of the country.
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Yeah right.
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So in relation to London which is about north, mostly where most people know.
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So it's north of London.
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Have you always lived there with your accent?
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No, no my accent is not British.
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It's Canadian.
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Yeah, yes.
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I was born and raised in Canada and then I spent a few years in Italy when I met my husband
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and then we ended up moving here for his work and so far this is where we're staying.
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Yeah right.
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So couldn't be more special than this.
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I'm a photographer, primarily.
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I like to dabble in other things, but just as a hobby, really.
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So I mostly do photography and I also run it as a business with family and personal
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branding here in Lincoln.
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And I also do it as personal work and therapy and just as the storyteller of the family
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as well as doing projects that are close to my heart.
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And I've also recently launched a podcast.
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Oh, exciting!
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Yeah, so it's all on.
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I'm all over the place as usual, doing 400 different things.
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All in good fun.
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Just to keep me busy.
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Yeah, that's awesome.
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Tell us about your style of photography that you like to take.
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I love doing more documentary type photography, so taking pictures as they are.
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My biggest passion is capturing emotion in my images and movement and love and connection
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and joy and just silliness in general.
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I just live for that.
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When I see one of those pictures, it's just like, that's the one for me.
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I also enjoy experimenting a bit with photography on the side, a personal side, using like creative
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lenses or sticking stuff in front of my lenses.
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Occasionally doing photomontage type stuff.
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Not very good, but it's fun to experiment.
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I like to try new things because then I see I can incorporate that into my work if it
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feels like it's in line with me.
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Otherwise I don't.
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Otherwise I just let it go because it's not my thing.
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I learned that the hard way by trying to be what I wasn't.
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I just, with age and maturity, as you do, I just said, you know what, that's not me.
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I've tried, it wasn't for me, I move on.
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Good on you.
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I actually had a bit of a squeeze on your webpage.
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I love that style.
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It's like you're not setting people in positions and poses and all that sort of stage sort
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of style of photography, which I, when I got married, I got married 20 years ago and I
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wanted the style of photography like that, like what you do, like this documentary style
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where you're just capturing things as they happen.
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The tent I live in, we've only got like 30,000 people.
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At that time there was maybe two professional photographers and this was back on the film
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days.
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No one did the style like that.
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It was all stand here and stand here and blah, blah, blah.
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And it's like, I had my time again.
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I probably would have pushed a bit harder.
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But you know, it's become more popular as a style over the last 20 years or so.
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I think it's evolved because there was a very distinct thing between reportage.
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Also like reporters and news things and Magnum photo kind of stuff and what family photography
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was supposed to be.
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So studio imposed and curated and made to look because it was a special occasion.
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But as things have changed, they've kind of all smushed together a lot and it's become
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very nice to see that there's a whole array of different styles for people to choose from
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and they can go with what they're drawn to.
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Yeah, that's so true, isn't it?
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And I love that.
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I think because like when digital came along, it just became so much more accessible to
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so many people.
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And I know, yeah, in where I live, like just about everybody can take photos, like, you
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know, whether they're good or not, it's another story.
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But there are a lot of photographers around now compared to what they used to be.
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Yeah, you're not sure of pretty much everyone's got a good camera these days.
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How did you first get into photography?
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Okay.
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So it's a story of how one person can really influence your life and change it.
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In this case, a teacher.
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I always liked being creative, but I suck at drawing like stick men, barely understandable.
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I mean, my kids draw better than I do.
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Their father, thankfully for them, but you know, I can't say that I'm not a good artist.
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I can't draw.
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I love being creative.
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I love doing crafty things.
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I really wanted to be able to express myself, but I could never find a medium that I liked.
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I kept taking art classes.
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I kept really doing badly at art classes and getting critiqued and getting pushed down,
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but I just kept going until about high school in grade 11, no, grade 12.
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So last year of high school, my art teacher introduced me to photography and she, we had
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a school camera and she gave it to me.
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She showed me how to put the film in, in the black bag, the way you used to do it in the
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olden days.
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And you know, she taught the whole module basically on how to use photography and I
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found it and I was like, it just opened my eyes as to how I could be creative and I could
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do that with people and things and how I see the world and how light is.
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And so I basically never stopped after that.
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I kept going as a hobby.
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You know, I'd take a little camera with me everywhere and photograph my trips, my travels,
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my friends, my family, the cats, everything.
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You know, I had stacks of pictures that I would go to the little one hour photo guy
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and print them out and have it done.
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And then there was a bit of a pause for a while while I was studying at university.
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I just didn't have the time to follow on a lot of hobbies.
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And in that meantime, everything kind of went digital.
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So it was like I had to learn it all again in a way.
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So I picked up a digital camera and I slowly started learning and got into that.
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And I just kept doing it, you know, just practicing and playing around as a hobby, never really
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thinking it could become a business or anything like that until I had my kids.
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And then with my first child, I realized that I wanted to have the flexibility of deciding
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my own times.
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And I was like, I wanted to still do something creative.
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I still wanted to do something I could work around my family.
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And it was like, well, this is pretty clear.
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So I decided to start up my business and that's it really.
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It's been going since then.
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Yeah, right.
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So how long is that?
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How old is that child?
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The oldest one is nine and the youngest is six, going on seven as she likes to point
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out every day.
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Six and a half mommy and only like three months until my birthday.
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You know, that kind of counting it down.
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Yeah, they're so detailed oriented.
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So, so yeah, sorry, I was saying.
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So yeah, it's been first year or so was kind of start and stop because I was learning all
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the things about business.
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And that's where I kind of fell into doing what other people were doing.
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So I thought has to be studio stuff.
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So I had to learn about lighting and backdrops and find a space and posing and and it was
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so hard for me to learn it and just do it.
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And anytime I had a session, the photos I found that I tended to be drawn to the most
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for the outtakes.
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Yeah.
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And and I was like, and I always included them.
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And then, you know, sometimes people wanted that posed look and sometimes they preferred
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the outtakes and and stuff like that.
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And then as I got into it and then I was just I kept on taking like courses and joining
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groups and communities and all that kind of stuff.
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And then I found lifestyle photography and I was like, oh, this is like an in between
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kind of thing.
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And it was being very popular in the States and Canada.
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It was not yet all the rage here.
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It was just starting kind of here in the UK.
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So it took a long time for me to kind of promote and get people to do it.
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But I did a few model calls, got a few model families in, started to change over the website
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and who I was focusing on.
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And in the meantime, we moved.
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So I had a completely new clean slate basically to work on with new clients.
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And I just promoted myself as that and then from lifestyle, I've gone more and more towards
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the documentary approach.
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And that's that seems to be where I have settled right now as it stands from a business standpoint.
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Personally, I've always been documentary.
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So I've always been doing, you know, just taking pictures of things as they are, nature
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landscapes or people in the street or that kind of thing.
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The kids as they were growing and that started me off on a series of personal projects as
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well.
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And yeah, that's pretty much it summed up.
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Yeah, no, that's awesome.
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I love that.
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Like you mentioned it earlier and then, you know, I'm going into some detail with it now.
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But I think a lot of people can relate to that, that when you start something new, there's
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this, you have this idea of what it's supposed to be like and you can find yourself sort
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of falling into that trap of not listening, maybe not listening to your heart because
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you think I've got to do it like that because that seems to be right.
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So then it's like, and you knew like, you didn't want to do it like that, but it was
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like, yeah, I could feel that it just wasn't my thing.
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Yeah.
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And I think a lot of people can relate to that.
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And it takes a lot of courage and a lot of sort of soul searching to sort of look at
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why do I want to do this?
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Why the reasons I want to do it that way or this way?
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Yeah.
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So I love that.
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That's really good.
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Oh, do you?
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I'm just thinking about myself when I say that.
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Oh, there you go.
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It's just, I know it's just, you know, you just, I don't know.
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You second guess yourself so much, I think.
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And so you don't trust yourself enough at different times.
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Yeah.
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So no, anyway.
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That's all right.
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I think it comes a bit more with age that you kind of just say, screw it, you know,
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at a certain point, I'm just going to do what I want to do.
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And if people like it, that's great.
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If they don't tell, you know, kind of thing.
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I think it's come to me as I've gotten older and felt more secure in my skills and my abilities,
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I think, and I have learned to say no to things.
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And at first I wouldn't, I refused to because I think I need the money.
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I need to do this.
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I need to practice.
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And then I found myself doing a lot of stuff I didn't want to do.
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And I was like, nah, life's too short.
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And so I've said, no, I have a wonderful network of other local photographers who do all sorts
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of different styles and events and types of photography and focusing on things.
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And I'm very happy to refer people over to them.
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And you know, sometimes we even share clients because they like both kinds of styles and
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stuff like that.
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So sometimes they go to one for one thing and me for another.
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And it's lovely.
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You know, it's nice to be able to do that.
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I love that.
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Something else I think we can get caught up is like that competitiveness.
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But when you genuinely sort of settled in yourself, which you obviously are, you can
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be open to that and you don't feel threatened by other people.
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You know, you're doing what you love.
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You're allowing your clients to come to you if they're drawn to that style.
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I just think that's awesome.
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Good on you.
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I love it.
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I love that.
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And I think, yeah, I agree with that.
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It's something that it takes time and experience.
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And I feel like I've said this to other people in the podcast, when you get into your forties,
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it's literally you do not care anymore.
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It's like everyone else can go jump and you're going to do what you want.
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Absolutely.
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The older I get, the more I'm like, yeah, do what you want.
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You do you.
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Yeah.
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I'm happy with it.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Tell me about the Daily Collective.
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Yeah, Daily Collective.
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Basically, during lockdown, obviously, I was considered a non-essential service and I couldn't
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work.
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So I had to find something, you know, do something.
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And with my time and between the homeschooling and all the stuff that we all went through
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everywhere, I found a lot of wonderful photography communities that really came together.
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Some didn't and some did.
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And I let go of the ones that didn't and I stick with the ones that did.
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And I have found and made some amazing and inspirational friends through these communities.
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And so I wanted to create a similar type of community as well, but with a focus on just
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personal projects, because there are so many communities for businesses, business and marketing
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and a mix of all of it.
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But I really wanted to focus on that artistic and creative side to photography.
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So I made one rule.
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I said, I will share only personal work, so nothing you've done for a client, just for
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you.
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If it's for you or for a gallery exhibition or, you know, a theme that you're working
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towards or something, but it's a personal project that you're doing for you, then that's
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what I want to focus on and help with.
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So it started out just like as a feature hub.
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So I would share a picture every day from a different person who used the tag.
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And because that was the 365, so one picture a day for a year.
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But then as it kept going, I kept seeing such beautiful stuff.
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And so I kind of expanded it into like a membership.
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And I was like, you know what?
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Screw it.
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Let's just do a podcast and talk about it.
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So I did it for like 24 hours.
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I decided, let's just do that.
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And that's it.
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I did all my research.
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I found all this stuff.
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I'm like, that seems easy enough to start a podcast.
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And there you go.
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And I started just writing out my own story.
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And I was like, I'm going to do this.
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I'm going to do this.
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I'm going to do this.
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And I started writing out my little scripts or whatever.
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And I was like, so people, this is what I'm doing.
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And that was it.
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That is so great.
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So the Baby Collective has kind of expanded a little bit over the last year or so.
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I think I launched it around maybe April last year, April, May.
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So it's coming on a year of life, so to speak.
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So I've loved seeing the journey as it's expanding.
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It's a small community.
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It's a tiny community, but I don't mind.
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It's great if it expands, the more the merrier.
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But I like that it's small also because you get to really know the people that are in
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it and get to know their work and see how they express themselves and share that, which
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is really lovely.
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On the one hand, I'm tempted to just keep it small.
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On the other hand, I want it to grow, obviously.
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Kind of thing like that.
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But I'm hoping to manage to find a balance into letting it grow, but let it feel like
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it's close and a safe space for everyone to share their frustrations and their creative
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process or ask for advice or feedback or whatever, or just need somewhere to just have a cry
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because all creatives, we tend to just have our moments, don't we?
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And you just need to get it off your chest sometimes, just write it out and then it just
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feels so much better.
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And to have someone say, I understand you and I hear that.
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It's so powerful for you.
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And it's like a balm for the soul.
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You're like, now I can go on.
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I don't have to obsess about that because someone understands.
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And that's what I'd like to keep becoming and growing into.
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Yeah.
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Oh, great.
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Good for you.
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I really love that.
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And I love that you decided to do your podcast really quickly because that's literally what
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I did.
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And it's awesome.
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I had this conversation with someone on a podcast earlier in the year, or it might have
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been last year.
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I can't remember now.
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But we're talking about how obviously everyone's different and their creative process can be
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quite different.
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And how some people like you and I, we just get an idea and just go bang and just do it.
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And then some people will have to like research and research and prepare and plan.
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And it takes a certain amount of months before they're happy to let it go out.
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And it's like, I just find it really fascinating just how everyone's way of processing is so
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different.
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Like, I don't know.
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I just, I don't know.
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I just find that really, really cool.
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And it's probably no reflection on how successful something is or whatever.
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It's probably not measurable whether you do it this way or that way, what the end outcome
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is.
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So it's, I don't know.
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00:25:02,820 --> 00:25:03,820
Sorry, I'm rambling now.
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00:25:03,820 --> 00:25:04,820
I'm just kidding.
377
00:25:04,820 --> 00:25:05,820
Don't worry.
378
00:25:05,820 --> 00:25:06,820
I like a good ramble.
379
00:25:06,820 --> 00:25:07,820
Don't worry.
380
00:25:07,820 --> 00:25:08,820
I do it myself a lot.
381
00:25:08,820 --> 00:25:09,820
Oh, do you?
382
00:25:09,820 --> 00:25:10,820
Yeah.
383
00:25:10,820 --> 00:25:11,820
No, there you go.
384
00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:12,820
Well, that's cool.
385
00:25:12,820 --> 00:25:19,020
So I'm going to put the link for your, your predominantly on Instagram with that.
386
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Yeah.
387
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With that one.
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Yeah, cool.
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So I'll put a, I'll put a hyperlink in the show notes for people if they're interested
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in checking that out, because that is really cool.
391
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Inspire and learn a community for personal photography projects.
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I love it.
393
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Good on you.
394
00:25:33,660 --> 00:25:37,220
And I also noticed that you're a moderator for a couple of other photography.
395
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Yeah.
396
00:25:38,220 --> 00:25:39,220
Yeah.
397
00:25:39,220 --> 00:25:46,780
Yeah, I find it hard to know what to say on Instagram because it's like, it's not like
398
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a pay.
399
00:25:47,780 --> 00:25:48,780
You know what I mean?
400
00:25:48,780 --> 00:25:49,780
Yeah.
401
00:25:49,780 --> 00:25:50,780
Yeah.
402
00:25:50,780 --> 00:25:53,620
So that were they ones that you discovered through the pandemic as well?
403
00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:54,620
Yes.
404
00:25:54,620 --> 00:25:56,740
Yes, they were.
405
00:25:56,740 --> 00:26:05,620
So the two that I moderate for is flock and flock live and for the love of the photograph.
406
00:26:05,620 --> 00:26:10,540
So flock live is the one that came out just during the pandemic.
407
00:26:10,540 --> 00:26:17,540
It was, it started out as a, it was supposed to be like a show, a photography show, you
408
00:26:17,540 --> 00:26:26,220
know, kind of expo thing, but pandemic put that down and, but it was focused on the kind
409
00:26:26,220 --> 00:26:27,860
of photography that I love.
410
00:26:27,860 --> 00:26:28,860
Yeah.
411
00:26:28,860 --> 00:26:34,780
A lot of the shows that they have are very much like post newborns and their props and
412
00:26:34,780 --> 00:26:37,140
backdrops and business.
413
00:26:37,140 --> 00:26:41,780
And there isn't a lot of space for personal stuff.
414
00:26:41,780 --> 00:26:45,620
And this one seemed like it was going to be different already from the outset.
415
00:26:45,620 --> 00:26:47,420
So I was 100%.
416
00:26:47,420 --> 00:26:49,740
I was like their number one fan everywhere.
417
00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:53,380
I was totally fan girling over the whole thing.
418
00:26:53,380 --> 00:26:59,420
And then as the community grew and stuff overlocked down and I just wanted to become a part of
419
00:26:59,420 --> 00:27:00,420
it.
420
00:27:00,420 --> 00:27:05,620
And they asked for moderators for their Instagram and stuff like that.
421
00:27:05,620 --> 00:27:12,620
I jumped on board and I've been doing so since it has quieted down a lot now from the way
422
00:27:12,620 --> 00:27:14,620
it was, most of the groups have.
423
00:27:14,620 --> 00:27:16,620
Yeah, just the nature.
424
00:27:16,620 --> 00:27:19,980
Back to normal life, haven't we?
425
00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:25,420
But it's still for me, it was a very important part of my sanity during lockdown and a creative
426
00:27:25,420 --> 00:27:27,820
outlet and the community for me.
427
00:27:27,820 --> 00:27:31,380
And so I really wanted to give back in that way.
428
00:27:31,380 --> 00:27:38,660
And For the Love of the Photograph is actually based on a book that another photographer
429
00:27:38,660 --> 00:27:44,980
who's based in New Zealand, she wrote Chloe Lodge and she just wrote this book and it
430
00:27:44,980 --> 00:27:50,420
was all about personal photography and capturing your everyday and seeing the light and just
431
00:27:50,420 --> 00:27:53,340
letting it speak to you and having a slow process.
432
00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:56,060
And she started a group and of course the Instagram page.
433
00:27:56,060 --> 00:27:59,580
Of course I was also fangirling over that.
434
00:27:59,580 --> 00:28:04,620
And when she was looking for moderators and stuff, she asked, I was like, yes, absolutely.
435
00:28:04,620 --> 00:28:07,860
So I joined in on that as well.
436
00:28:07,860 --> 00:28:11,700
I am part of other groups as well, but I can't do everything.
437
00:28:11,700 --> 00:28:14,700
So I had to stop myself.
438
00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:19,740
Oh yeah, I know.
439
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:24,740
It's hard to, is there, oh, this is what we're talking about this morning when I was chatting
440
00:28:24,740 --> 00:28:29,300
to someone else was this, we've got lists of things we want to do and there's only so
441
00:28:29,300 --> 00:28:34,500
much time that we've got, you know, and it's hard to pick the things to focus on.
442
00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:36,740
It's hard to weed it out.
443
00:28:36,740 --> 00:28:38,580
My list is extensively long.
444
00:28:38,580 --> 00:28:40,540
I actually, I'm going to record a podcast.
445
00:28:40,540 --> 00:28:45,980
I have written, I need to record a podcast about like the craziness of the creative mind
446
00:28:45,980 --> 00:28:54,100
and all the way that your thoughts from one thing can just become this huge thing.
447
00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:57,540
So yeah, that's funny that you mentioned that as well.
448
00:28:57,540 --> 00:29:00,980
It's just like, oh my gosh, it's like the list is so long.
449
00:29:00,980 --> 00:29:07,940
It's a book of its own of things that you want to do and learn and try and experiment
450
00:29:07,940 --> 00:29:10,100
and try and do it.
451
00:29:10,100 --> 00:29:12,500
It's just like, yeah, it really is.
452
00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:13,500
Isn't it?
453
00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:19,420
I find that sometimes I get a lot of my ideas in the shower or when I'm swimming, like there's
454
00:29:19,420 --> 00:29:25,660
something about being in water or movement that gets, I don't know, my ideas come really
455
00:29:25,660 --> 00:29:30,260
easily and often I'll like be in the shower and think, oh, that's a good idea for a song
456
00:29:30,260 --> 00:29:33,820
or I'll get a tune in my head and I'll have to jump out and quickly like record on my
457
00:29:33,820 --> 00:29:39,020
phone or quickly make notes and like, oh, I'm so, you know, inspired and invigorated.
458
00:29:39,020 --> 00:29:43,060
And then I go, oh, now I've got to go make the lunches for school, you know, just back
459
00:29:43,060 --> 00:29:44,060
to reality.
460
00:29:44,060 --> 00:29:48,740
That's the thing I find hardest when you get in a tangent or you're on a roll and then
461
00:29:48,740 --> 00:29:51,660
it's like you've brought back to earth so quickly.
462
00:29:51,660 --> 00:29:52,660
Yeah.
463
00:29:52,660 --> 00:29:55,660
By the scream of, Mum, I'm hungry.
464
00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:56,660
Yeah.
465
00:29:56,660 --> 00:29:57,660
That's mine usually.
466
00:29:57,660 --> 00:30:25,580
Oh, dear.
467
00:30:25,580 --> 00:30:28,020
So speaking of, Mum, I'm hungry.
468
00:30:28,020 --> 00:30:29,020
So you've got two children.
469
00:30:29,020 --> 00:30:32,020
That's a great segue, wasn't it?
470
00:30:32,020 --> 00:30:33,020
Sorry.
471
00:30:33,020 --> 00:30:35,460
So have you got two girls or a boy to girl?
472
00:30:35,460 --> 00:30:36,460
Two girls.
473
00:30:36,460 --> 00:30:37,460
Two girls.
474
00:30:37,460 --> 00:30:38,460
Well, that's fun.
475
00:30:38,460 --> 00:30:39,460
I haven't got any girls.
476
00:30:39,460 --> 00:30:40,460
I got two boys.
477
00:30:40,460 --> 00:30:41,460
There you go.
478
00:30:41,460 --> 00:30:44,460
It's either all or nothing.
479
00:30:44,460 --> 00:30:45,860
Oh, dear.
480
00:30:45,860 --> 00:30:56,260
So do you girls see that you do things for yourself that don't involve the mothering
481
00:30:56,260 --> 00:30:57,260
role?
482
00:30:57,260 --> 00:31:02,020
I guess your nine-year-old would probably be aware that you're, you know, you're a
483
00:31:02,020 --> 00:31:04,500
photographer and you do all these other really cool things.
484
00:31:04,500 --> 00:31:10,140
Is it important to you that they see that, that you still have an identity that's not
485
00:31:10,140 --> 00:31:11,140
related to them?
486
00:31:11,140 --> 00:31:12,140
Absolutely.
487
00:31:12,140 --> 00:31:13,140
In a nice way.
488
00:31:13,140 --> 00:31:14,140
Yeah.
489
00:31:14,140 --> 00:31:15,140
No, no, absolutely.
490
00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:18,260
I know exactly what you mean.
491
00:31:18,260 --> 00:31:23,140
And it is important for me to do that and have my space.
492
00:31:23,140 --> 00:31:25,540
I've always been a person that has needed her space.
493
00:31:25,540 --> 00:31:27,300
I love being with people.
494
00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:34,660
I call myself an extroverted introvert because I do enjoy being with people.
495
00:31:34,660 --> 00:31:36,820
I love being part of communities.
496
00:31:36,820 --> 00:31:42,340
I love going out and being creative and learning things and exploring things and travelling
497
00:31:42,340 --> 00:31:45,620
and seeing things and, you know, living life.
498
00:31:45,620 --> 00:31:47,180
But I also need time to recharge.
499
00:31:47,180 --> 00:31:51,660
And I always have needed times for me where it's just me alone.
500
00:31:51,660 --> 00:31:56,300
And even as a kid, I needed my space as a teenager, same thing.
501
00:31:56,300 --> 00:32:00,460
I always needed to like have a space where I could lock myself in and just do something
502
00:32:00,460 --> 00:32:05,860
for me, which usually ended up being something creative.
503
00:32:05,860 --> 00:32:13,020
But I kind of lost that for a while, especially when the girls were really little.
504
00:32:13,020 --> 00:32:18,540
It was just either I was mom and between naps, I was trying to get this business off the
505
00:32:18,540 --> 00:32:22,380
ground and then it was kids and then it was the business and then it was the kids and
506
00:32:22,380 --> 00:32:23,380
then it was the business.
507
00:32:23,380 --> 00:32:24,380
And that's all it was.
508
00:32:24,380 --> 00:32:27,180
It was either work or family.
509
00:32:27,180 --> 00:32:32,140
And for a while there and I was like at a certain point, I was like, I need something.
510
00:32:32,140 --> 00:32:34,300
I need to do creative outlet.
511
00:32:34,300 --> 00:32:36,340
I need to do something for me.
512
00:32:36,340 --> 00:32:41,500
And although I was doing like little photo project kind of mini things for me, like taking,
513
00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:45,820
you know, I have a 365 project, which is a photo a day basically.
514
00:32:45,820 --> 00:32:48,820
And then I put it in a little album at the end of the year.
515
00:32:48,820 --> 00:32:51,340
And it's just like the year in review kind of thing.
516
00:32:51,340 --> 00:32:58,940
So I was still I was kind of doing that, but I wasn't really doing anything else for me.
517
00:32:58,940 --> 00:33:06,140
So as soon as my oldest one started school, because here they start at four years old
518
00:33:06,140 --> 00:33:07,140
reception.
519
00:33:07,140 --> 00:33:12,020
It's like kindergarten kind of thing at four years old.
520
00:33:12,020 --> 00:33:15,140
And then the other one was starting preschool.
521
00:33:15,140 --> 00:33:19,140
So she was at nursery three days a week doing like preschool things.
522
00:33:19,140 --> 00:33:22,220
I found myself with more time.
523
00:33:22,220 --> 00:33:28,660
And first I threw it all into getting the business really going and self-sustaining.
524
00:33:28,660 --> 00:33:31,900
And I didn't time any of that for me.
525
00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:35,660
And I just work, work, work, work, work when they were there kids.
526
00:33:35,660 --> 00:33:36,940
But then I said, you know what?
527
00:33:36,940 --> 00:33:37,940
Damn it.
528
00:33:37,940 --> 00:33:39,660
I need 10 minutes for myself.
529
00:33:39,660 --> 00:33:42,420
So I started to go on a walk outside.
530
00:33:42,420 --> 00:33:44,940
I took my camera and I go we're in the countryside.
531
00:33:44,940 --> 00:33:50,380
We're in a small village, got tons of fields out there right now.
532
00:33:50,380 --> 00:33:53,700
And so I was like, I'm just going for a walk.
533
00:33:53,700 --> 00:33:55,700
And I felt so good.
534
00:33:55,700 --> 00:34:00,580
I started with 10 minutes, 10 minutes.
535
00:34:00,580 --> 00:34:06,460
And you know, I would do it when the kids were away, when they weren't around.
536
00:34:06,460 --> 00:34:14,580
But as things started to progress, I started to pick up and learn new creative things,
537
00:34:14,580 --> 00:34:15,580
new hobbies.
538
00:34:15,580 --> 00:34:16,580
Like I learned macrame.
539
00:34:16,580 --> 00:34:17,580
Yeah, yeah.
540
00:34:17,580 --> 00:34:21,060
Yeah, I learned how to macrame.
541
00:34:21,060 --> 00:34:25,540
And so I would sit down on the weekends and say to the kids, mommy's doing some crafty
542
00:34:25,540 --> 00:34:26,540
stuff.
543
00:34:26,540 --> 00:34:30,980
And I would macrame some wall hanging or something like that on the weekends.
544
00:34:30,980 --> 00:34:33,180
And they would watch me sometimes.
545
00:34:33,180 --> 00:34:35,300
And I was like, this is mommy time.
546
00:34:35,300 --> 00:34:42,220
And so I started to put that thing down there that this was mommy time.
547
00:34:42,220 --> 00:34:49,020
And it's slowly evolved into having an actual day in my schedule where it's my personal
548
00:34:49,020 --> 00:34:50,020
day.
549
00:34:50,020 --> 00:34:51,020
I love it.
550
00:34:51,020 --> 00:34:52,020
Yeah.
551
00:34:52,020 --> 00:34:54,900
So every Thursday is where I do stuff for me.
552
00:34:54,900 --> 00:34:57,260
So I go to my yoga lesson.
553
00:34:57,260 --> 00:35:05,840
I work on either a personal photography project or I work on learning a new skill on my long
554
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,580
list of creative things I want to learn how to do.
555
00:35:09,580 --> 00:35:13,100
So I'll spend that's my time while they're at school.
556
00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:14,380
That's my time.
557
00:35:14,380 --> 00:35:19,760
And then on the weekends, I will, you know, I'll say I need an hour to work on my cross
558
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,620
stitch or whatever I've been working on as a project.
559
00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:23,620
And they see me.
560
00:35:23,620 --> 00:35:24,620
I go off.
561
00:35:24,620 --> 00:35:25,620
I'm doing my own thing.
562
00:35:25,620 --> 00:35:29,380
And sometimes I involve them because especially with the older one, we have a lot of things
563
00:35:29,380 --> 00:35:36,220
in common that we like to do, like being out in nature and learning about natural things,
564
00:35:36,220 --> 00:35:37,220
foraging.
565
00:35:37,220 --> 00:35:40,380
So she'll come with me and we'll like forage some food and then we'll make it together
566
00:35:40,380 --> 00:35:43,820
and stuff like that, which I started for me.
567
00:35:43,820 --> 00:35:45,340
But then she seems involved in it.
568
00:35:45,340 --> 00:35:48,500
And I said to her, this is good because this is for you as well.
569
00:35:48,500 --> 00:35:51,260
And she's doing it without her sister, but without her friends.
570
00:35:51,260 --> 00:35:53,420
This is her thing that she likes to do.
571
00:35:53,420 --> 00:35:58,800
And I'm trying to also encourage my youngest slowly because she's still very young to kind
572
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,580
of find her own thing as well.
573
00:36:00,580 --> 00:36:04,220
And it's just something that she likes and it's for her, but she doesn't have to do with
574
00:36:04,220 --> 00:36:08,940
her sister or her friends or me or her father or anyone.
575
00:36:08,940 --> 00:36:13,220
And yeah, so that's kind of how it's evolved.
576
00:36:13,220 --> 00:36:17,660
And so as it stands now, I have a day which I dedicate to things for me.
577
00:36:17,660 --> 00:36:18,660
And that's it.
578
00:36:18,660 --> 00:36:19,660
Good on you.
579
00:36:19,660 --> 00:36:25,540
And I love that you're instilling that in your girls from a young age that it's important
580
00:36:25,540 --> 00:36:46,700
to have that, you know, that thing that is yours.
581
00:36:46,700 --> 00:37:00,620
Did you find that when you weren't getting that time to do your own personal creativity,
582
00:37:00,620 --> 00:37:06,380
did you feel like your own identity was literally being taken away from you or threatened?
583
00:37:06,380 --> 00:37:10,620
I felt like I was just mom, mom or Elora the photographer.
584
00:37:10,620 --> 00:37:12,820
But I wasn't Elora.
585
00:37:12,820 --> 00:37:15,100
I was just mom.
586
00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:22,580
And yeah, and so I really, I felt like I was going down in this spiral of just stress and
587
00:37:22,580 --> 00:37:23,580
anxiety.
588
00:37:23,580 --> 00:37:27,340
I mean, I've always been a kind of anxious person, but you know, it was just getting
589
00:37:27,340 --> 00:37:28,340
worse.
590
00:37:28,340 --> 00:37:32,900
And I realized that there was one thing that had changed in my life besides becoming a
591
00:37:32,900 --> 00:37:34,660
mom.
592
00:37:34,660 --> 00:37:38,580
And it was that I had no space for me.
593
00:37:38,580 --> 00:37:43,380
So I started with those tiny little walks and I expanded it from there.
594
00:37:43,380 --> 00:37:47,340
And now I have a good check of time that's for me and I'm happy with that.
595
00:37:47,340 --> 00:37:54,460
And I feel like I am more balanced and I am a better mom to them as a consequence, because
596
00:37:54,460 --> 00:37:57,860
when it's time to be with them, I am with them.
597
00:37:57,860 --> 00:38:02,340
All of me is with them.
598
00:38:02,340 --> 00:38:07,580
And if you're anything like me, you feel quite sort of regulated and settled because you've
599
00:38:07,580 --> 00:38:10,180
had your needs met in the way that you need them.
600
00:38:10,180 --> 00:38:15,780
Like that sort of analogy of like your cup's full, like you can't pour from an empty cup.
601
00:38:15,780 --> 00:38:16,780
I just, I don't know.
602
00:38:16,780 --> 00:38:17,780
Do you feel that way?
603
00:38:17,780 --> 00:38:18,780
Yeah, no, I agree.
604
00:38:18,780 --> 00:38:27,380
Because, you know, for some people, it's like a spa day is what helps them to recharge and
605
00:38:27,380 --> 00:38:28,380
do their thing.
606
00:38:28,380 --> 00:38:29,380
That's not me.
607
00:38:29,380 --> 00:38:30,380
I am not.
608
00:38:30,380 --> 00:38:31,380
I get bored.
609
00:38:31,380 --> 00:38:32,380
I like it once in a while.
610
00:38:32,380 --> 00:38:33,380
Don't get me wrong.
611
00:38:33,380 --> 00:38:37,820
But the idea of going and having my nails done and stuff like that, it's just like,
612
00:38:37,820 --> 00:38:39,820
I've got better stuff to do with my time.
613
00:38:39,820 --> 00:38:40,820
Yeah.
614
00:38:40,820 --> 00:38:42,820
You've got a big long list of things you want to do.
615
00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:49,420
Yeah, I'd rather spend that on craft supplies, like, duh.
616
00:38:49,420 --> 00:38:52,420
Painting something else rather than someone painting your nails.
617
00:38:52,420 --> 00:38:54,420
No, I love that.
618
00:38:54,420 --> 00:38:56,420
No, good on you.
619
00:38:56,420 --> 00:38:58,420
We all have our things.
620
00:38:58,420 --> 00:38:59,420
Yeah.
621
00:38:59,420 --> 00:39:03,900
And that whole idea of actually communicating your needs, I feel like that's something that
622
00:39:03,900 --> 00:39:10,140
perhaps I might be generalizing, but women seem to not be that good at doing because
623
00:39:10,140 --> 00:39:12,860
we have all these expectations of what we're supposed to be.
624
00:39:12,860 --> 00:39:16,860
Society and the patriarchy encourages us to be a particular way.
625
00:39:16,860 --> 00:39:21,140
And so we think, oh, if I say that I need help with something or I want something, it's
626
00:39:21,140 --> 00:39:27,020
almost like we're not living up to that idealized, I'm putting these in air quotes, like this
627
00:39:27,020 --> 00:39:29,100
way we're supposed to be.
628
00:39:29,100 --> 00:39:30,100
Yeah.
629
00:39:30,100 --> 00:39:33,460
Do you feel like that's a fair assumption?
630
00:39:33,460 --> 00:39:34,780
Oh, I've had that.
631
00:39:34,780 --> 00:39:35,780
I've had that.
632
00:39:35,780 --> 00:39:41,940
And I still have moments where I have that, like the house is a bomb.
633
00:39:41,940 --> 00:39:44,420
I love looking at interior decorating magazines.
634
00:39:44,420 --> 00:39:51,500
Like, ah, the houses are so pretty and the color palette and it's so tidy and all these
635
00:39:51,500 --> 00:39:52,860
ideas for organization.
636
00:39:52,860 --> 00:39:55,220
I'm like, yeah, I'm totally doing that.
637
00:39:55,220 --> 00:39:57,220
And I'll buy all the stuff.
638
00:39:57,220 --> 00:40:02,420
I'll spend a whole day reorganizing the bookshelf only for three days later to look like it
639
00:40:02,420 --> 00:40:05,220
did before because nobody uses the system.
640
00:40:05,220 --> 00:40:09,380
And it's like, why am I incapable of doing that?
641
00:40:09,380 --> 00:40:13,500
Or just like the laundry kids ran out of uniforms.
642
00:40:13,500 --> 00:40:16,700
I'm like crap, just Febreze one from before.
643
00:40:16,700 --> 00:40:17,940
I can't do it.
644
00:40:17,940 --> 00:40:22,100
And then you see all the kids with their uniforms pressed and perfect and you're like, damn
645
00:40:22,100 --> 00:40:24,700
it, I suck at being a mom.
646
00:40:24,700 --> 00:40:26,380
And stuff like that.
647
00:40:26,380 --> 00:40:27,820
Or various things.
648
00:40:27,820 --> 00:40:33,540
I've forgotten to bring things into school or donate money for this or forgotten to take
649
00:40:33,540 --> 00:40:36,700
a child to this after school.
650
00:40:36,700 --> 00:40:37,700
All these things.
651
00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:39,420
And I'm like, I suck.
652
00:40:39,420 --> 00:40:40,420
I'm so bad.
653
00:40:40,420 --> 00:40:41,420
I am the worst mom ever.
654
00:40:41,420 --> 00:40:42,420
Oh my God.
655
00:40:42,420 --> 00:40:43,420
How many people do it?
656
00:40:43,420 --> 00:40:46,420
What's wrong with me that I can't do it?
657
00:40:46,420 --> 00:40:48,620
All these things.
658
00:40:48,620 --> 00:40:49,620
I get those moments.
659
00:40:49,620 --> 00:40:52,140
And then there's other days when I say, you know what?
660
00:40:52,140 --> 00:40:53,820
I only have 24 hours in a day.
661
00:40:53,820 --> 00:40:57,540
I need to sleep six, seven, preferably eight of them.
662
00:40:57,540 --> 00:41:04,900
And if I take away my actual work hours and I take away this and that, there's only this
663
00:41:04,900 --> 00:41:07,860
much left and I can only handle so much in my brain.
664
00:41:07,860 --> 00:41:08,860
And that's it.
665
00:41:08,860 --> 00:41:11,420
If it doesn't get done, I apologize to the kids.
666
00:41:11,420 --> 00:41:14,100
I'm like, kids, I'm sorry.
667
00:41:14,100 --> 00:41:15,100
Mommy didn't get to it.
668
00:41:15,100 --> 00:41:17,100
You'll have to just adjust.
669
00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:19,780
Next time maybe mommy will be better.
670
00:41:19,780 --> 00:41:20,780
You know?
671
00:41:20,780 --> 00:41:24,100
But even it's like, it's life, isn't it?
672
00:41:24,100 --> 00:41:26,340
Like there's just so much being thrown at us.
673
00:41:26,340 --> 00:41:30,740
And I feel like this, the mental load, which people are using this term a lot now, it's
674
00:41:30,740 --> 00:41:32,300
the perfect way to describe it.
675
00:41:32,300 --> 00:41:38,660
It's literally, you know, I used to wonder, you know, until I knew what that word meant
676
00:41:38,660 --> 00:41:43,540
or what, you know, the description behind it, I didn't know that's what I was feeling.
677
00:41:43,540 --> 00:41:47,340
When I got that description of what it is, I went, oh my God, no wonder I can't concentrate.
678
00:41:47,340 --> 00:41:48,540
No wonder I get distracted.
679
00:41:48,540 --> 00:41:54,140
No wonder, you know, things fall off the earth because there's just so much going on in my
680
00:41:54,140 --> 00:41:55,140
head.
681
00:41:55,140 --> 00:41:58,940
Whether I'm doing stuff or not, this head thing doesn't ever stop.
682
00:41:58,940 --> 00:42:01,100
You're always thinking, it stops.
683
00:42:01,100 --> 00:42:02,100
It's just insane.
684
00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:06,620
Swearing me out, just talking about it.
685
00:42:06,620 --> 00:42:09,020
Oh man.
686
00:42:09,020 --> 00:42:10,020
Yeah.
687
00:42:10,020 --> 00:42:13,020
No, no, no.
688
00:42:13,020 --> 00:42:16,580
Modern life, I guess, but anyway.
689
00:42:16,580 --> 00:42:17,580
So yeah, that's good.
690
00:42:17,580 --> 00:42:19,940
Cause I like to talk about identity.
691
00:42:19,940 --> 00:42:23,740
So I'm glad we've talked about that and I can definitely relate to what you're saying.
692
00:42:23,740 --> 00:42:27,060
I'm the sort of person that I need a lot of time on my own.
693
00:42:27,060 --> 00:42:28,060
Like same thing.
694
00:42:28,060 --> 00:42:29,060
I love being with people.
695
00:42:29,060 --> 00:42:30,060
I love socializing.
696
00:42:30,060 --> 00:42:36,980
I love doing stuff and going places, but damn, I need a bit of time to, to recompress, recompress
697
00:42:36,980 --> 00:42:39,900
afterwards.
698
00:42:39,900 --> 00:42:40,900
Just doing nothing.
699
00:42:40,900 --> 00:42:45,580
Actually, there was a post I shared on my Instagram a couple of days ago about like
700
00:42:45,580 --> 00:42:48,800
creative people need time to do nothing.
701
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,380
It's literally a requirement of the creative brain.
702
00:42:51,380 --> 00:42:52,380
Yeah.
703
00:42:52,380 --> 00:42:56,020
So that's what I remind myself if I'm feeling like, Oh, I probably should fold that washing.
704
00:42:56,020 --> 00:42:58,260
It's like, no, you need time to just do nothing.
705
00:42:58,260 --> 00:42:59,260
It's okay.
706
00:42:59,260 --> 00:43:00,260
Yep.
707
00:43:00,260 --> 00:43:01,260
Just lay on the bed.
708
00:43:01,260 --> 00:43:27,860
Yeah.
709
00:43:27,860 --> 00:43:32,060
That actually brings me to another topic that I really like to talk to moms about, which
710
00:43:32,060 --> 00:43:34,020
is this whole mom guilt thing.
711
00:43:34,020 --> 00:43:36,700
And I'm putting that in air quotes again.
712
00:43:36,700 --> 00:43:44,180
Do you have any thoughts or feelings about the mom guilt conundrum?
713
00:43:44,180 --> 00:43:45,620
Conundrum, yeah.
714
00:43:45,620 --> 00:43:48,900
Mom guilt is real.
715
00:43:48,900 --> 00:43:49,900
There is no doubt.
716
00:43:49,900 --> 00:43:53,380
It's not just stuff that's made up.
717
00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:58,780
You know, it's a societal pressure to do it all and do it perfectly.
718
00:43:58,780 --> 00:44:04,460
And there are other moms who appear to do it all.
719
00:44:04,460 --> 00:44:08,900
But what we don't see is the stuff that they're struggling with on the other end, you know,
720
00:44:08,900 --> 00:44:14,820
so they're doing great on one side, but are they really doing great on the other?
721
00:44:14,820 --> 00:44:21,980
And I think it's something that I think it comes naturally as us because once you become
722
00:44:21,980 --> 00:44:24,900
a mother, it's like you change, right?
723
00:44:24,900 --> 00:44:32,220
You are, you become more nurturing and caring and you worry more.
724
00:44:32,220 --> 00:44:38,700
You worry more about your offspring because that's, I think, mother nature's way.
725
00:44:38,700 --> 00:44:40,620
That's how we survive as a species.
726
00:44:40,620 --> 00:44:44,980
We need to take care of our little ones so they can grow up and continue to procreate
727
00:44:44,980 --> 00:44:46,460
and keep the species going.
728
00:44:46,460 --> 00:44:52,660
And I think that something happens inside of us to most people.
729
00:44:52,660 --> 00:44:55,700
Not everyone's cut out to be a mom and that's your choice, right?
730
00:44:55,700 --> 00:45:03,780
But for most people, you tend to want to take care of and make everything perfect for your
731
00:45:03,780 --> 00:45:04,780
little people.
732
00:45:04,780 --> 00:45:07,300
You want to do the right thing.
733
00:45:07,300 --> 00:45:09,380
But what is the right thing?
734
00:45:09,380 --> 00:45:15,060
Because 10 different people will tell you 10 different things is the right thing.
735
00:45:15,060 --> 00:45:19,260
Like I think about when I was pregnant and I was researching and I was like, should I
736
00:45:19,260 --> 00:45:20,260
breastfeed?
737
00:45:20,260 --> 00:45:21,260
Should I not breastfeed?
738
00:45:21,260 --> 00:45:22,260
Is formula better?
739
00:45:22,260 --> 00:45:23,500
Is breast milk better?
740
00:45:23,500 --> 00:45:24,500
What happens if?
741
00:45:24,500 --> 00:45:25,500
What happens if?
742
00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:26,500
Blah, blah, blah.
743
00:45:26,500 --> 00:45:27,500
What's this probe?
744
00:45:27,500 --> 00:45:28,500
What's this con?
745
00:45:28,500 --> 00:45:32,260
And my head exploded and that was even before she was born.
746
00:45:32,260 --> 00:45:38,020
And then I made my choices and I managed with difficulty to go through that with the
747
00:45:38,020 --> 00:45:39,780
first one, especially.
748
00:45:39,780 --> 00:45:44,900
I wanted to breastfeed and I had trouble with my milk because we had a bit of a fun birth.
749
00:45:44,900 --> 00:45:49,020
So it was all things, but I persisted and we managed and then, you know, and then that
750
00:45:49,020 --> 00:45:52,980
screwed me over when she was older because I couldn't send her to nursery for a full
751
00:45:52,980 --> 00:45:55,860
day because she refused to take anything from milk in a bottle.
752
00:45:55,860 --> 00:45:56,860
Yeah.
753
00:45:56,860 --> 00:46:00,660
Even if it was my milk and I expressed it and I gave it to her in a bottle.
754
00:46:00,660 --> 00:46:01,660
Nope.
755
00:46:01,660 --> 00:46:02,660
Neither of them took bottles ever.
756
00:46:02,660 --> 00:46:06,100
So I screwed myself over in a way.
757
00:46:06,100 --> 00:46:09,380
But I felt at the time that that's what I should do.
758
00:46:09,380 --> 00:46:13,580
But then there was people like even my own mother, she's like, oh, just put some formula
759
00:46:13,580 --> 00:46:15,500
in a bottle, stick some pavlova in it.
760
00:46:15,500 --> 00:46:16,500
That's what I did with you.
761
00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:21,340
And I'm like, I'm like, you know, mom, things have changed.
762
00:46:21,340 --> 00:46:24,980
It's different parenting, isn't it?
763
00:46:24,980 --> 00:46:26,180
I prefer it this way.
764
00:46:26,180 --> 00:46:28,060
She's like, ah, rod for your own back.
765
00:46:28,060 --> 00:46:31,300
You know, the old saying, right?
766
00:46:31,300 --> 00:46:35,460
But you know, even within my own family, I had, you know, my mother-in-law saying one
767
00:46:35,460 --> 00:46:39,660
thing, my own mom saying another, my friend saying this, you know, my sister-in-law, that
768
00:46:39,660 --> 00:46:46,900
that friends this, you know, internet saying 400,000 things, the leading expert, the nurse,
769
00:46:46,900 --> 00:46:50,580
the midwife, everyone said something different.
770
00:46:50,580 --> 00:46:54,660
And it's like, you're going to feel guilty no matter what you choose.
771
00:46:54,660 --> 00:46:55,940
There's no other way.
772
00:46:55,940 --> 00:47:02,500
Yeah, because it's set up that way that no matter what you choose between A to Z, one
773
00:47:02,500 --> 00:47:06,020
of those things is going to be wrong for someone and you're going to feel guilty about it.
774
00:47:06,020 --> 00:47:08,020
And they're going to make you feel guilty about it.
775
00:47:08,020 --> 00:47:12,460
And for years and years, I let the guilt take over.
776
00:47:12,460 --> 00:47:17,460
I, you know, I said, you know, I have, I still have moments now where I'm like, oh, I'm such
777
00:47:17,460 --> 00:47:20,940
a terrible mom because I forgot this or forgot that.
778
00:47:20,940 --> 00:47:24,780
And then I'm trying to physically stop myself.
779
00:47:24,780 --> 00:47:32,340
You know, I'm really consciously trying to eradicate that guilt out of it because I realized
780
00:47:32,340 --> 00:47:34,660
that I say it out loud.
781
00:47:34,660 --> 00:47:37,500
You know, I'm like, oh, I'm such a bad mom.
782
00:47:37,500 --> 00:47:38,860
I totally forgot.
783
00:47:38,860 --> 00:47:40,780
I'm so sorry, kids.
784
00:47:40,780 --> 00:47:45,020
You know, mommy will try better next time.
785
00:47:45,020 --> 00:47:47,180
And then I'm like, I'm a bad mom?
786
00:47:47,180 --> 00:47:48,980
Why am I feeling guilty?
787
00:47:48,980 --> 00:47:53,060
Because I had to work and I couldn't take them to this birthday party or whatever.
788
00:47:53,060 --> 00:47:55,300
You know, I'm not bad.
789
00:47:55,300 --> 00:48:00,920
I happen to have to work, which is what lots of people do, to put food on the table to
790
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:05,620
allow them to go to said parties to buy gifts for these friends.
791
00:48:05,620 --> 00:48:12,380
So I'm trying to consciously, if I hear myself say, oh, I'm such a bad mom, I say, actually,
792
00:48:12,380 --> 00:48:14,820
no, I'm just a little overwhelmed mom.
793
00:48:14,820 --> 00:48:15,820
Yeah.
794
00:48:15,820 --> 00:48:17,580
I try and rephrase it.
795
00:48:17,580 --> 00:48:22,980
And I tell them that I still apologize because I think it's right to, you know, recognize
796
00:48:22,980 --> 00:48:27,140
their feelings and that they're frustrated because they can't go to that party or whatever.
797
00:48:27,140 --> 00:48:33,580
But I still, I try and say to them, you know, I'm not a bad person and I shouldn't feel
798
00:48:33,580 --> 00:48:34,980
guilty about it.
799
00:48:34,980 --> 00:48:40,700
I feel sorry that I can't fulfill your desire today, but maybe we could do it tomorrow.
800
00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:42,700
Yeah, yeah.
801
00:48:42,700 --> 00:48:45,460
But you know, and I'm trying to consciously do that.
802
00:48:45,460 --> 00:48:49,460
It's like, you know, when you see yourself in the mirror, you're like, oh, the flab,
803
00:48:49,460 --> 00:48:53,380
you know, and it's like, no, this is my story.
804
00:48:53,380 --> 00:48:58,240
I had two kids, my belly has been stretched beyond compare and I'm impressed it's already
805
00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:00,740
gone back as much as it has.
806
00:49:00,740 --> 00:49:06,980
I should be impressed that I'm still not a watermelon, you know?
807
00:49:06,980 --> 00:49:09,260
Yeah, that's it, isn't it?
808
00:49:09,260 --> 00:49:10,260
Yeah.
809
00:49:10,260 --> 00:49:17,940
It's like, I'm trying to consciously change and reframe myself and my words because I
810
00:49:17,940 --> 00:49:20,260
know that they are going to affect them.
811
00:49:20,260 --> 00:49:26,160
And for when they decide to be moms, if they so choose to be moms, I don't want them to
812
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:32,180
have to feel the weight of it from themselves because society is already going to put so
813
00:49:32,180 --> 00:49:33,180
much on them.
814
00:49:33,180 --> 00:49:35,180
Yeah, that's it, isn't it?
815
00:49:35,180 --> 00:49:36,180
Yeah.
816
00:49:36,180 --> 00:49:40,460
And I want them to feel safe in their own and safe in their own skin and in their own
817
00:49:40,460 --> 00:49:45,520
thoughts and being able to make their own choices and not feel bad that their choice
818
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:50,180
is going to go against the grain for person X or person Y.
819
00:49:50,180 --> 00:49:53,900
Doesn't matter because it'll be fine for person A, you know?
820
00:49:53,900 --> 00:49:56,100
Yeah, no, I could on you.
821
00:49:56,100 --> 00:49:57,100
That's very inspiring.
822
00:49:57,100 --> 00:49:59,140
That was very long and rambly.
823
00:49:59,140 --> 00:50:02,980
No, no, that was great because yeah, that's the thing.
824
00:50:02,980 --> 00:50:07,300
If we're in tune enough to be able to catch these thoughts, whatever they may be, but
825
00:50:07,300 --> 00:50:11,520
particularly around guilt, I think is really important because we are literally fighting
826
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:12,520
an uphill battle.
827
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:17,300
Like you said, the scales are tipped against us.
828
00:50:17,300 --> 00:50:18,740
They're not in our favor.
829
00:50:18,740 --> 00:50:22,460
And anything we do is going to be judged by somebody else, whether it's in real life or
830
00:50:22,460 --> 00:50:28,860
on the internet or, you know, we judge ourselves by what we see someone's doing on Instagram.
831
00:50:28,860 --> 00:50:31,980
If we can catch that and go, actually hang on a minute.
832
00:50:31,980 --> 00:50:34,340
I'm actually a really good mom.
833
00:50:34,340 --> 00:50:38,740
And like I said, overwhelmed at the minute or I'm just having a bit of an off day or
834
00:50:38,740 --> 00:50:40,420
whoops, never mind.
835
00:50:40,420 --> 00:50:45,900
Like, you know, like just giving ourselves a break, cutting ourselves some slack and
836
00:50:45,900 --> 00:50:48,660
not being so hard on ourselves, I think.
837
00:50:48,660 --> 00:50:49,660
That's true.
838
00:50:49,660 --> 00:50:50,660
Yeah.
839
00:50:50,660 --> 00:50:52,780
It's frustrating because you want to do it all.
840
00:50:52,780 --> 00:50:57,500
Maybe your brain wants to do it all, but your body can't handle it and time constraints
841
00:50:57,500 --> 00:50:58,740
just can't do it.
842
00:50:58,740 --> 00:51:05,540
And it's also being kind to yourself and realizing that you can't juggle everything.
843
00:51:05,540 --> 00:51:11,380
And I think that's the first step is to recognize that we are not machines.
844
00:51:11,380 --> 00:51:17,740
We are human and we can only do so much with what we have.
845
00:51:17,740 --> 00:51:18,740
That's it, isn't it?
846
00:51:18,740 --> 00:51:23,900
And being mindful that, you know, when we're being told these things, you know, particularly
847
00:51:23,900 --> 00:51:31,580
from women or whoever's from other generations, when they raised children, it was a completely
848
00:51:31,580 --> 00:51:33,300
different social setup.
849
00:51:33,300 --> 00:51:37,340
You know, there wasn't two parents usually working.
850
00:51:37,340 --> 00:51:40,500
It was one parent at the home all the time.
851
00:51:40,500 --> 00:51:46,780
And so, you know, maybe things were different and achievable on different levels.
852
00:51:46,780 --> 00:51:51,660
So yeah, putting things in context, I think can be useful and not just taking somebody's
853
00:51:51,660 --> 00:51:54,340
advice and going, oh no, I can't do that.
854
00:51:54,340 --> 00:51:55,340
I must be really bad.
855
00:51:55,340 --> 00:51:59,820
It's like, actually, the world has changed a lot since then or whatever it might be,
856
00:51:59,820 --> 00:52:00,820
you know.
857
00:52:00,820 --> 00:52:01,820
Yeah.
858
00:52:01,820 --> 00:52:02,820
I don't know.
859
00:52:02,820 --> 00:52:05,980
You feel like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, don't you?
860
00:52:05,980 --> 00:52:07,460
But it is, that's what it is.
861
00:52:07,460 --> 00:52:09,020
We have to do what's right for you.
862
00:52:09,020 --> 00:52:10,020
Yeah, you do.
863
00:52:10,020 --> 00:52:15,620
And as long as you're a good person overall, it shouldn't really matter how you do it.
864
00:52:15,620 --> 00:52:20,020
Yeah, as long as you and your family and your children are all happy.
865
00:52:20,020 --> 00:52:21,020
Yeah.
866
00:52:21,020 --> 00:52:22,020
Stuff for everyone else.
867
00:52:22,020 --> 00:52:23,020
Yeah, pretty much.
868
00:52:23,020 --> 00:52:50,020
Yeah.
869
00:52:50,020 --> 00:52:54,820
Okay, so in terms of like what influences you with your photography, like you talk about
870
00:52:54,820 --> 00:52:59,540
doing your own, you've done your own projects when you first sort of picked up the camera
871
00:52:59,540 --> 00:53:04,500
and you're taking pictures of nature or, you know, things in the world and things like
872
00:53:04,500 --> 00:53:06,740
just as from your perspective.
873
00:53:06,740 --> 00:53:11,740
Have you found that since you became a mum that maybe what you're looking at is different
874
00:53:11,740 --> 00:53:14,620
or what's influencing you is different?
875
00:53:14,620 --> 00:53:15,620
Absolutely.
876
00:53:15,620 --> 00:53:21,900
You know, if I had kids, I would go on lots of hikes and I was interested in taking pictures
877
00:53:21,900 --> 00:53:29,260
of butterflies and pretty flowers and light and landscapes and the water and whatever
878
00:53:29,260 --> 00:53:34,880
else happened by or when I was traveling, obviously, you know, there's like 4,000 pictures
879
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:39,380
of the Eiffel Tower from when I went to Paris because that's what you do.
880
00:53:39,380 --> 00:53:44,780
And that's what I was doing, you know, different angles, random things, experimenting, everything.
881
00:53:44,780 --> 00:53:52,100
But you know, I would just kind of focused on that.
882
00:53:52,100 --> 00:53:58,500
Like I was thinking about taking pretty things, pretty pictures, and there wasn't really a
883
00:53:58,500 --> 00:54:03,780
meaning or anything deeper in the images.
884
00:54:03,780 --> 00:54:06,300
I just liked the photographic medium.
885
00:54:06,300 --> 00:54:11,260
I liked how I could express with it and play with it, but I didn't necessarily want to
886
00:54:11,260 --> 00:54:13,900
say anything with it.
887
00:54:13,900 --> 00:54:17,140
If that makes sense.
888
00:54:17,140 --> 00:54:23,900
I did have some brief moments when I turned 30 where I was like, oh, I'm getting old.
889
00:54:23,900 --> 00:54:30,940
And I wanted to, I started to experiment with some self-portraiture a little bit just to
890
00:54:30,940 --> 00:54:34,220
see how I was changing and how things were going.
891
00:54:34,220 --> 00:54:39,900
I was getting to that age where, you know, I had just gotten married and I was wanting
892
00:54:39,900 --> 00:54:45,820
to start a family, so I wanted to start kind of documenting me and how I was going to change.
893
00:54:45,820 --> 00:54:50,500
And so that's, I would say that 30 is when I started to try and say something with my
894
00:54:50,500 --> 00:54:54,580
photography, whether I was good at it or not, it's a whole different story.
895
00:54:54,580 --> 00:55:01,780
But I did try and do something specific with my work.
896
00:55:01,780 --> 00:55:06,540
And so I started kind of experimenting on, you know, trying to do self-portraits with
897
00:55:06,540 --> 00:55:10,340
what I had and all that kind of stuff.
898
00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:16,860
Then I had baby number one and baby number one became the center focus of everything.
899
00:55:16,860 --> 00:55:22,060
It was documenting every moment, you know, look at the spit bubble, how cute.
900
00:55:22,060 --> 00:55:27,900
And you know, it's like, you know, and then I started to follow like all these moms on
901
00:55:27,900 --> 00:55:31,660
Instagram doing all these cool things with their babies and these photographers, other
902
00:55:31,660 --> 00:55:32,900
things doing stuff.
903
00:55:32,900 --> 00:55:41,420
And also I was trying to launch the business and so my personal photography kind of got
904
00:55:41,420 --> 00:55:48,900
set aside and it was only just taking pictures of the kids as they started to grow and develop.
905
00:55:48,900 --> 00:55:51,820
And then at a certain point, something else clicked.
906
00:55:51,820 --> 00:55:56,580
And I think it's when they started to, you know, question things again, after they were
907
00:55:56,580 --> 00:56:02,300
that little needy ball of stuff that just needed you 100% when started to talk.
908
00:56:02,300 --> 00:56:06,180
And have tiny little conversations in their own way.
909
00:56:06,180 --> 00:56:14,340
And they started asking me things and I was like, you know, that's a very good question.
910
00:56:14,340 --> 00:56:18,460
Children have an unfiltered view of the world and they ask things they don't care about
911
00:56:18,460 --> 00:56:20,540
matters or whatever.
912
00:56:20,540 --> 00:56:26,380
And you know, and it really started when one of my daughters, she saw I was just getting
913
00:56:26,380 --> 00:56:31,300
changed and she saw my stretch marks on my belly and she's like, mommy, what are those?
914
00:56:31,300 --> 00:56:32,780
And I said, oh, they're stretch marks.
915
00:56:32,780 --> 00:56:34,340
And she's like, what's a stretch mark?
916
00:56:34,340 --> 00:56:35,340
Because as you do.
917
00:56:35,340 --> 00:56:39,860
And I said, oh, it's what happens when you have a, when your belly grows.
918
00:56:39,860 --> 00:56:43,580
And usually when you have a baby because your skin stretches, but it doesn't go back together
919
00:56:43,580 --> 00:56:44,580
again.
920
00:56:44,580 --> 00:56:48,260
And she's like, do you like them?
921
00:56:48,260 --> 00:56:51,780
And I was like, that is a very good question.
922
00:56:51,780 --> 00:56:53,300
Do I like them?
923
00:56:53,300 --> 00:56:54,640
And it got me thinking.
924
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:59,220
And so I randomly took pictures of my stretch marks.
925
00:56:59,220 --> 00:57:08,060
You know, and I started this kind of idea of taking self portraits of me as I am now,
926
00:57:08,060 --> 00:57:14,060
you know, with the saggy belly, with the, you know, using it as like a therapy for my
927
00:57:14,060 --> 00:57:19,180
frustrations because as I said, I was all mom and business and I didn't do personal
928
00:57:19,180 --> 00:57:20,180
work.
929
00:57:20,180 --> 00:57:23,300
So this was one of my first steps was taking self portraits.
930
00:57:23,300 --> 00:57:28,660
And I started doing a series of self portraits, which are still ongoing.
931
00:57:28,660 --> 00:57:34,180
And I think I'll probably end up doing them my whole life because I will keep changing.
932
00:57:34,180 --> 00:57:38,820
And I love to see how they've changed and how I've changed.
933
00:57:38,820 --> 00:57:40,540
Even my body has changed.
934
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:44,340
And sometimes you see yourself in a certain way and then you see yourself in a picture
935
00:57:44,340 --> 00:57:47,980
and you're like, wow, that's nothing like I see myself.
936
00:57:47,980 --> 00:57:50,060
And sometimes it's a good thing.
937
00:57:50,060 --> 00:57:53,020
Sometimes it's not such a good thing.
938
00:57:53,020 --> 00:57:57,500
You know, but, but it's still, it's made me think about, I can actually say something
939
00:57:57,500 --> 00:57:59,580
with what I want to do.
940
00:57:59,580 --> 00:58:06,140
So I started doing personal, just thinking of something on the theme and doing personal
941
00:58:06,140 --> 00:58:07,140
work.
942
00:58:07,140 --> 00:58:11,740
And so my self portraits has been a big ongoing one.
943
00:58:11,740 --> 00:58:20,460
Another one that I have been doing slowly is exploring the concept of what family is.
944
00:58:20,460 --> 00:58:22,380
And it's called the We Are Family Project.
945
00:58:22,380 --> 00:58:27,420
And basically I'm out photographing families using creative lenses, but families that are
946
00:58:27,420 --> 00:58:31,060
mom, dad, and 2.5 kids and a cat and dog.
947
00:58:31,060 --> 00:58:36,460
So yeah, of course there's a family with mom and dad and 2.5 kids and a dog.
948
00:58:36,460 --> 00:58:42,820
And then there's a family with just one mom, or there's a family with two moms, or there's
949
00:58:42,820 --> 00:58:48,260
a family with no kids, just the dog, or there's a family with a child with special needs, you
950
00:58:48,260 --> 00:58:55,580
know, and I'm trying to photograph as much diversity of what family is.
951
00:58:55,580 --> 00:58:59,900
And it reminds me of that episode of your podcast episode where you interviewed that
952
00:58:59,900 --> 00:59:03,700
lady that had IVF and she decided to be a mom.
953
00:59:03,700 --> 00:59:04,700
Yes, Alisha.
954
00:59:04,700 --> 00:59:05,700
It was Alisha.
955
00:59:05,700 --> 00:59:06,700
Yeah.
956
00:59:06,700 --> 00:59:12,740
And she talked about her IVF journey and how she was writing a book, I think, about normalizing
957
00:59:12,740 --> 00:59:13,740
family.
958
00:59:13,740 --> 00:59:18,580
And I was like, oh, and it's like, I was like, see, that's in the lines of my project.
959
00:59:18,580 --> 00:59:21,060
It's to normalize what family is.
960
00:59:21,060 --> 00:59:22,860
Family can be anything.
961
00:59:22,860 --> 00:59:24,340
Family can be multi-generations.
962
00:59:24,340 --> 00:59:30,020
I had a family where mom was living with her single daughter and her two kids, and that
963
00:59:30,020 --> 00:59:31,980
was the family.
964
00:59:31,980 --> 00:59:36,860
So I've been working on that project as well slowly over the years.
965
00:59:36,860 --> 00:59:43,100
I've done a few families and I'm recently starting a new one that I'm actually photographing
966
00:59:43,100 --> 00:59:47,180
my first model for today.
967
00:59:47,180 --> 00:59:51,620
And I'm calling it the Kintsugi Mama project and it has to do with stretch marks.
968
00:59:51,620 --> 00:59:53,140
Yeah, right.
969
00:59:53,140 --> 00:59:57,660
So it came from, and it's kind of been simmering in the back there for a few years, from when
970
00:59:57,660 --> 01:00:00,060
my daughter asked me about the stretch marks.
971
01:00:00,060 --> 01:00:05,460
And then one day I told her that, you know what, I thought about your question and I
972
01:00:05,460 --> 01:00:11,100
think I like my stretch marks because they're the story of you and your sister.
973
01:00:11,100 --> 01:00:14,700
And my skin broke, but it healed together.
974
01:00:14,700 --> 01:00:20,100
And then I found out about this Japanese practice of Kintsugi, which is repairing broken pottery
975
01:00:20,100 --> 01:00:21,100
with gold.
976
01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:22,700
I don't know if you've heard of it.
977
01:00:22,700 --> 01:00:23,700
Yeah.
978
01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:24,700
Yeah.
979
01:00:24,700 --> 01:00:28,220
And I was like, they work, they work together.
980
01:00:28,220 --> 01:00:32,260
So I got in touch with a friend of mine who's a face painter and I'm like, I need gold face
981
01:00:32,260 --> 01:00:34,300
paint that's safe and this and that.
982
01:00:34,300 --> 01:00:37,460
I've got this idea and I need to do it.
983
01:00:37,460 --> 01:00:43,820
And so I sat down and very trickly with a mirror painted my own stretch marks in gold
984
01:00:43,820 --> 01:00:46,180
face paint and I photographed it.
985
01:00:46,180 --> 01:00:48,900
And I said, this is the beginning of a new project.
986
01:00:48,900 --> 01:00:50,460
It's not just my stretch marks.
987
01:00:50,460 --> 01:00:58,180
All of our stretch marks, whether we have two or 4,000, they tell our story and they
988
01:00:58,180 --> 01:01:03,060
are when our body broke and it fixed itself and fixed itself in a beautiful way.
989
01:01:03,060 --> 01:01:04,620
And it's something I want to highlight.
990
01:01:04,620 --> 01:01:12,860
So I've called in a few moms of all shapes and sizes and I am painting their stretch
991
01:01:12,860 --> 01:01:15,740
marks in gold and photographing it.
992
01:01:15,740 --> 01:01:17,420
I love it.
993
01:01:17,420 --> 01:01:18,420
Photographing them.
994
01:01:18,420 --> 01:01:20,220
And so I'm super excited about this.
995
01:01:20,220 --> 01:01:21,220
I had to put it off.
996
01:01:21,220 --> 01:01:25,580
I was supposed to do it last week, but I had a surgery and recovery took way too long.
997
01:01:25,580 --> 01:01:30,020
And so I'm doing it again this week and I'm super excited to be doing that.
998
01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:35,380
And I have something to say and I think we all have something to say.
999
01:01:35,380 --> 01:01:36,820
And it goes into so many things.
1000
01:01:36,820 --> 01:01:43,820
It goes into Bosby positive and mom positive and empowering us to appreciate what our bodies
1001
01:01:43,820 --> 01:01:44,820
do.
1002
01:01:44,820 --> 01:01:52,100
Society is like we're all airbrushed and photoshopped and no, we aren't.
1003
01:01:52,100 --> 01:01:53,100
Yeah.
1004
01:01:53,100 --> 01:01:54,100
Yeah.
1005
01:01:54,100 --> 01:01:55,740
No, I absolutely love that.
1006
01:01:55,740 --> 01:01:59,620
I just, it's actually made me a little bit emotional to be honest, because I just think
1007
01:01:59,620 --> 01:02:06,020
I resonate with that so deeply that society wants us to fix, to be fixed and to not look
1008
01:02:06,020 --> 01:02:08,740
like we've ever gone through anything bad.
1009
01:02:08,740 --> 01:02:13,340
We have to hold up this perfect persona or perception of ourselves.
1010
01:02:13,340 --> 01:02:19,020
It's like, why are we so afraid to hide these parts of us that show the amazing things we've
1011
01:02:19,020 --> 01:02:20,020
done?
1012
01:02:20,020 --> 01:02:26,220
You know, it's pretty bloody amazing to have to carry a child and to birth a child.
1013
01:02:26,220 --> 01:02:31,660
It's just like, why do we have to hide that and be afraid of what people, I don't know.
1014
01:02:31,660 --> 01:02:34,940
To me it's patriarchy, but anyway, that's my take on it.
1015
01:02:34,940 --> 01:02:36,940
Cause we would have to be perfect.
1016
01:02:36,940 --> 01:02:38,940
We do it to ourselves as well.
1017
01:02:38,940 --> 01:02:39,940
Yeah, we do.
1018
01:02:39,940 --> 01:02:40,940
We play into that.
1019
01:02:40,940 --> 01:02:41,940
We do it.
1020
01:02:41,940 --> 01:02:42,940
It's not just men.
1021
01:02:42,940 --> 01:02:47,620
It was just men and the patriarchy and it's conditioned generations and generations and
1022
01:02:47,620 --> 01:02:51,100
generations of women, but we do it to ourselves.
1023
01:02:51,100 --> 01:02:57,980
I mean, I know lots of amazing photographers and I'm not to, you know, lessen their work
1024
01:02:57,980 --> 01:03:05,340
or anything, but they do these maternity photos that are, oh my God, they're stunning.
1025
01:03:05,340 --> 01:03:11,100
And these women have porcelain skin, smooth skin, not a blemish.
1026
01:03:11,100 --> 01:03:17,700
I mean, it looks, well, they're like models, beautiful models with flowing dresses and
1027
01:03:17,700 --> 01:03:19,740
a perfect bump.
1028
01:03:19,740 --> 01:03:22,100
And they look amazing.
1029
01:03:22,100 --> 01:03:25,020
And that's great because that's what they want them to look like.
1030
01:03:25,020 --> 01:03:28,520
These women have gone to these people because that's what they want to feel.
1031
01:03:28,520 --> 01:03:33,340
But then when you're done and you look at yourself and you look at that picture you
1032
01:03:33,340 --> 01:03:38,620
have on the wall, is that really you?
1033
01:03:38,620 --> 01:03:43,780
And are you appreciating you for you or are you appreciating you for that glorious portrait
1034
01:03:43,780 --> 01:03:46,700
that you've had done, which is beautiful.
1035
01:03:46,700 --> 01:03:53,420
And I love that, you know, we can as photographers do this and make someone feel how amazing
1036
01:03:53,420 --> 01:03:56,900
they truly are if they can look past their imperfections.
1037
01:03:56,900 --> 01:04:02,580
I think you can see that as one of the reasons behind that kind of very photoshopped kind
1038
01:04:02,580 --> 01:04:05,180
of photography.
1039
01:04:05,180 --> 01:04:08,020
But I prefer to say, I'm not, don't need to see past it.
1040
01:04:08,020 --> 01:04:09,380
I need to embrace it.
1041
01:04:09,380 --> 01:04:14,540
And it's been part of my own journey doing this and doing these projects and part of
1042
01:04:14,540 --> 01:04:20,620
my own personal journey as well to accepting my body for what it is and understanding that
1043
01:04:20,620 --> 01:04:25,520
it's a map of my life and it's my story and that of my children, it connects me to them.
1044
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:31,420
Those stretch marks, each one of those connects me to one of my kids.
1045
01:04:31,420 --> 01:04:35,860
And I think that it's so important to help other people to understand that as well.
1046
01:04:35,860 --> 01:04:43,260
So I'm really hoping that this project will take off and become something a bit more and
1047
01:04:43,260 --> 01:04:47,940
take, you know, I don't know, I don't know where it's going to go, but I'm hoping that
1048
01:04:47,940 --> 01:04:50,340
it will make an impact on someone somewhere.
1049
01:04:50,340 --> 01:04:51,340
Oh, I love it.
1050
01:04:51,340 --> 01:04:53,500
I just think it's just so wonderful.
1051
01:04:53,500 --> 01:04:58,700
Honestly, I wish I was closer to you because I'd let you paint mine.
1052
01:04:58,700 --> 01:05:02,900
I would love to have you if you ever come and brought over this way and decided the
1053
01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:05,780
world stopped by and I will happily add you.
1054
01:05:05,780 --> 01:05:08,220
Yeah, no, I love, I just love that.
1055
01:05:08,220 --> 01:05:12,300
I think, yeah, like I said, sorry, I'm getting, I'm getting a bit emotional because I just
1056
01:05:12,300 --> 01:05:18,220
think it's, oh, I don't know, maybe it's because I'm getting tired, but you know what I mean?
1057
01:05:18,220 --> 01:05:19,220
I am sorry.
1058
01:05:19,220 --> 01:05:20,580
No, no, it's good.
1059
01:05:20,580 --> 01:05:28,380
I just, the more people that can do stuff like what you're doing and also the, your
1060
01:05:28,380 --> 01:05:34,540
models, you know, to be able to put themselves out there too, that's massive.
1061
01:05:34,540 --> 01:05:38,460
You know, like that takes, like you've said, you're, you know, through your work, it's
1062
01:05:38,460 --> 01:05:42,540
you working through things for someone to rock up and say, yep, no worries.
1063
01:05:42,540 --> 01:05:43,540
Here I am.
1064
01:05:43,540 --> 01:05:44,540
Put me out there.
1065
01:05:44,540 --> 01:05:46,540
You know, it's, it's a big thing.
1066
01:05:46,540 --> 01:05:53,540
I mean, when I did the model call, I posted and shared it in a local breastfeeding group
1067
01:05:53,540 --> 01:05:57,340
that I'm part of still from when I was feeding my girls.
1068
01:05:57,340 --> 01:06:01,860
And you know, I had a lot of people interested in the concept, but then when I explained
1069
01:06:01,860 --> 01:06:05,940
exactly what it was going to be, a lot of people said, I'm not ready for that yet.
1070
01:06:05,940 --> 01:06:06,940
And that's okay.
1071
01:06:06,940 --> 01:06:10,420
They said, I might be after, and I'm like, that's okay.
1072
01:06:10,420 --> 01:06:13,260
It doesn't matter when you're ready.
1073
01:06:13,260 --> 01:06:15,340
You let me know and we'll do this.
1074
01:06:15,340 --> 01:06:18,340
And I had others say, yeah, let's do it, man.
1075
01:06:18,340 --> 01:06:23,900
I'm totally wanting to work on my image and I want to, I want to help myself.
1076
01:06:23,900 --> 01:06:28,100
And they see it as part of something that they can work on together too.
1077
01:06:28,100 --> 01:06:29,380
And that's okay too.
1078
01:06:29,380 --> 01:06:35,020
And when you're ready, it's very hard for us to accept ourselves as we are, no matter
1079
01:06:35,020 --> 01:06:42,660
what shape, size we are, you know, how we see ourselves or how we want to see ourselves.
1080
01:06:42,660 --> 01:06:49,980
It's so, so very different from what we really are.
1081
01:06:49,980 --> 01:06:53,660
I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but yeah.
1082
01:06:53,660 --> 01:06:54,660
Yeah.
1083
01:06:54,660 --> 01:06:59,780
And the way that people actually see us, I think is it can be really different from how
1084
01:06:59,780 --> 01:07:01,700
we want to be seen.
1085
01:07:01,700 --> 01:07:08,020
So you know, we put these fields like Instagram or TikTok, I'm not on TikTok, but you know,
1086
01:07:08,020 --> 01:07:14,860
we put these filters on to try and, you know, create this artificial way of presenting ourselves
1087
01:07:14,860 --> 01:07:17,980
because we think people will like that more or you know what I mean?
1088
01:07:17,980 --> 01:07:22,820
Like it's just, I know it's a bit disturbing really, when you think about it, like we had,
1089
01:07:22,820 --> 01:07:29,300
oh, you could go down a rabbit hole with all that stuff, you know, and talk about it for
1090
01:07:29,300 --> 01:07:31,580
ages and debate and everything.
1091
01:07:31,580 --> 01:07:33,580
So I just, yeah.
1092
01:07:33,580 --> 01:07:38,100
I think it's a good way to be here all day.
1093
01:07:38,100 --> 01:07:39,100
I know.
1094
01:07:39,100 --> 01:07:41,580
No, but look, what you're doing is amazing.
1095
01:07:41,580 --> 01:07:42,580
It really is.
1096
01:07:42,580 --> 01:07:46,140
If there is anyone that's in your neck of the woods that would like to get involved
1097
01:07:46,140 --> 01:07:50,740
in that, is your Instagram the best place to go or do you have...
1098
01:07:50,740 --> 01:07:56,420
Yeah, I have, I've created a little account for it on my Instagram.
1099
01:07:56,420 --> 01:07:59,300
It's called Kintsugi Mama Project.
1100
01:07:59,300 --> 01:08:03,820
I can send it to you when I send you all the links and stuff.
1101
01:08:03,820 --> 01:08:05,740
Yeah, that would be great.
1102
01:08:05,740 --> 01:08:06,740
Yeah.
1103
01:08:06,740 --> 01:08:07,740
And it's on there.
1104
01:08:07,740 --> 01:08:11,940
Of course I've already, I've shared it also on my personal work profile, which is life
1105
01:08:11,940 --> 01:08:20,540
is wild and free, but Instagram took it down because it promoted, you know, something.
1106
01:08:20,540 --> 01:08:22,500
Oh for goodness sake.
1107
01:08:22,500 --> 01:08:25,220
That's part of the problem, isn't it?
1108
01:08:25,220 --> 01:08:26,940
Yeah, it is.
1109
01:08:26,940 --> 01:08:30,540
Because that account, I think, has more followers.
1110
01:08:30,540 --> 01:08:32,100
So someone must have reported it.
1111
01:08:32,100 --> 01:08:35,860
It must have bothered someone to see my belly in gold.
1112
01:08:35,860 --> 01:08:38,820
Oh for God's sake.
1113
01:08:38,820 --> 01:08:44,580
But that picture is still on the Kintsugi Mama one because it's a smaller number of
1114
01:08:44,580 --> 01:08:45,580
followers.
1115
01:08:45,580 --> 01:08:47,780
It probably hasn't peaked anyone's attention yet.
1116
01:08:47,780 --> 01:08:50,820
So at the moment, it's still there.
1117
01:08:50,820 --> 01:08:56,900
I can foresee that I will have some trouble sharing some of these pieces uncensored on
1118
01:08:56,900 --> 01:08:58,900
Instagram.
1119
01:08:58,900 --> 01:09:05,420
So I am going to be setting up a section on my website for it because that's mine and
1120
01:09:05,420 --> 01:09:09,940
I can decide what I share and what I don't and no one can take it down.
1121
01:09:09,940 --> 01:09:12,100
Yeah, as far as I know.
1122
01:09:12,100 --> 01:09:14,860
So I will be doing that to share a bit more of it.
1123
01:09:14,860 --> 01:09:21,300
But as it stands at the moment, it is just on Instagram and I have a little newsletter
1124
01:09:21,300 --> 01:09:26,020
that I started writing for the ones that answered the model call and stuff to keep them updated
1125
01:09:26,020 --> 01:09:28,140
on how the project is doing.
1126
01:09:28,140 --> 01:09:33,180
But I'll be developing that as it comes to help and also get subscribers on that list
1127
01:09:33,180 --> 01:09:38,780
so people can follow it without having to be worrying about what Facebook or Instagram
1128
01:09:38,780 --> 01:09:46,100
or TikTok or whatever platform you have as their personal opinion on a woman's body.
1129
01:09:46,100 --> 01:09:47,100
So yeah.
1130
01:09:47,100 --> 01:09:50,100
Yeah, but I don't know.
1131
01:09:50,100 --> 01:09:53,380
Yeah, we could talk about this or not.
1132
01:09:53,380 --> 01:09:56,300
It just really frustrates me.
1133
01:09:56,300 --> 01:10:02,220
Anyway, I'll put all the links in the show notes so people can click away and keep updated.
1134
01:10:02,220 --> 01:10:03,940
And I think that's wonderful and all the best with it.
1135
01:10:03,940 --> 01:10:06,820
I really think that is amazing.
1136
01:10:06,820 --> 01:10:08,860
I really like it is and I love the tie in.
1137
01:10:08,860 --> 01:10:12,620
I love how your mind went there to bring those two ideas together.
1138
01:10:12,620 --> 01:10:13,620
I think that's brilliant.
1139
01:10:13,620 --> 01:10:14,620
Oh yeah.
1140
01:10:14,620 --> 01:10:17,060
Oh, it's fun to follow the brain, isn't it?
1141
01:10:17,060 --> 01:10:21,060
It's just like these two random things like I can do something with that.
1142
01:10:21,060 --> 01:10:22,060
Oh yeah.
1143
01:10:22,060 --> 01:10:23,060
Yeah.
1144
01:10:23,060 --> 01:10:26,900
I love moments like that where you get something and then you sort of go, oh, now this is something,
1145
01:10:26,900 --> 01:10:29,540
you know, because you always got stuff going through your head.
1146
01:10:29,540 --> 01:10:33,620
And then it's like you stop and go, oh yeah, oh, I like that one.
1147
01:10:33,620 --> 01:10:36,020
You know what I mean?
1148
01:10:36,020 --> 01:10:37,420
That's the one I'm going to cling to.
1149
01:10:37,420 --> 01:10:38,420
Yeah.
1150
01:10:38,420 --> 01:10:40,580
Because you have so many things and it's like you can't do them all.
1151
01:10:40,580 --> 01:10:41,580
Yeah.
1152
01:10:41,580 --> 01:10:45,500
You can't do them all well, but the one that really sings to you, that all comes together
1153
01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:47,500
and you're like, that's the one.
1154
01:10:47,500 --> 01:10:48,940
That's the one you're doing.
1155
01:10:48,940 --> 01:10:49,940
Yeah.
1156
01:10:49,940 --> 01:10:50,940
So that's what I'm going with now.
1157
01:10:50,940 --> 01:10:51,940
Good on you.
1158
01:10:51,940 --> 01:10:52,940
I love that.
1159
01:10:52,940 --> 01:10:53,940
I actually had a moment like that.
1160
01:10:53,940 --> 01:10:59,420
I went to Adelaide, which is like the capital city of my state over the weekend by myself,
1161
01:10:59,420 --> 01:11:02,020
totally by myself, no children, no husband.
1162
01:11:02,020 --> 01:11:06,860
It was just amazing because I had a singing gig on in the city and driving home, I had
1163
01:11:06,860 --> 01:11:09,780
one of those moments where I just was listening to a song.
1164
01:11:09,780 --> 01:11:11,300
So I'm a massive Beatles fan.
1165
01:11:11,300 --> 01:11:14,900
So I was listening to the Beatles and all of a sudden I had this idea.
1166
01:11:14,900 --> 01:11:19,220
And by the time I'd gotten home, I'd planned this whole idea for my album I'm going to
1167
01:11:19,220 --> 01:11:20,940
do and all these songs I'm going to do.
1168
01:11:20,940 --> 01:11:25,020
And it's like, you know, just things just, once they start, they just go and go and go.
1169
01:11:25,020 --> 01:11:27,100
And now I've got to try and find time to do it.
1170
01:11:27,100 --> 01:11:28,100
That's the next thing.
1171
01:11:28,100 --> 01:11:29,100
Yeah, that's true.
1172
01:11:29,100 --> 01:11:30,100
Yeah.
1173
01:11:30,100 --> 01:11:35,420
I find that if I write it down, I'm able to get it out of my head and then I can actually
1174
01:11:35,420 --> 01:11:37,480
still remember the stuff.
1175
01:11:37,480 --> 01:11:42,460
So I have a notebook because mine come right before I'm about to fall asleep.
1176
01:11:42,460 --> 01:11:43,460
Yes.
1177
01:11:43,460 --> 01:11:44,460
Yep.
1178
01:11:44,460 --> 01:11:45,460
Yep.
1179
01:11:45,460 --> 01:11:46,460
Or when I'm driving, that's another one.
1180
01:11:46,460 --> 01:11:50,460
So I always have a little notebook and a pen near my bed.
1181
01:11:50,460 --> 01:11:54,220
And when I wake up with this great idea and I'm like, got to write it down, got to write
1182
01:11:54,220 --> 01:11:55,220
down before I forget it.
1183
01:11:55,220 --> 01:11:56,700
And then I'm like, I can sleep now.
1184
01:11:56,700 --> 01:12:02,260
And then the next day I could sit down and focus on it and just do what I got to do to
1185
01:12:02,260 --> 01:12:07,260
make it happen.
1186
01:12:07,260 --> 01:12:16,220
Yeah, no, thanks for sharing like what you've got coming up to the things you're working
1187
01:12:16,220 --> 01:12:17,220
on.
1188
01:12:17,220 --> 01:12:19,420
Cause that's something I think I like to know what people are up to.
1189
01:12:19,420 --> 01:12:24,300
And then people can, if they, you know, pique their interests, they can follow along and
1190
01:12:24,300 --> 01:12:25,300
see what's going on.
1191
01:12:25,300 --> 01:12:26,300
Yeah, absolutely.
1192
01:12:26,300 --> 01:12:28,100
And I'm sure you're following along on that project.
1193
01:12:28,100 --> 01:12:30,740
That's just spectacular.
1194
01:12:30,740 --> 01:12:34,860
I hope that it will speak to you and others as well.
1195
01:12:34,860 --> 01:12:40,020
And yeah, I hope that it will develop and grow into something a bit more than just an
1196
01:12:40,020 --> 01:12:41,020
Instagram account.
1197
01:12:41,020 --> 01:12:45,540
I could keep the account and don't get banned off of it.
1198
01:12:45,540 --> 01:12:49,060
Oh gee, now good on you.
1199
01:12:49,060 --> 01:12:51,580
Thank you so much for coming on.
1200
01:12:51,580 --> 01:12:52,580
I've just had such a...
1201
01:12:52,580 --> 01:12:53,580
Thank you so much for having me.
1202
01:12:53,580 --> 01:12:54,580
It's been an amazing impact.
1203
01:12:54,580 --> 01:12:55,580
It's been a pleasure.
1204
01:12:55,580 --> 01:12:56,580
It has, it's been lovely.
1205
01:12:56,580 --> 01:13:00,420
And I feel like now I'm starting to get like sore cheeks from laughing.
1206
01:13:00,420 --> 01:13:06,620
You know, you smile so much, you're like, which is a great sign of a great chat.
1207
01:13:06,620 --> 01:13:08,740
Thank you and all the best.
1208
01:13:08,740 --> 01:13:13,300
And I'm really inspired by what you're doing.
1209
01:13:13,300 --> 01:13:14,620
Good for you.
1210
01:13:14,620 --> 01:13:15,620
Really awesome.
1211
01:13:15,620 --> 01:13:16,620
That's awesome.
1212
01:13:16,620 --> 01:13:17,620
I'm so happy.
1213
01:13:17,620 --> 01:13:23,100
Cause you know, knowing that you can make just a difference for one person or to help
1214
01:13:23,100 --> 01:13:27,740
one person is huge and sometimes we forget about it because we're all like, oh, I need
1215
01:13:27,740 --> 01:13:32,820
to become like an established authority in my field and in order to be successful, right?
1216
01:13:32,820 --> 01:13:38,860
I need to have like millions of followers and have that little blue tick on my account.
1217
01:13:38,860 --> 01:13:41,740
And you know what?
1218
01:13:41,740 --> 01:13:42,740
It's all yes.
1219
01:13:42,740 --> 01:13:43,740
It is, isn't it?
1220
01:13:43,740 --> 01:13:44,740
It really is.
1221
01:13:44,740 --> 01:13:45,740
Yeah.
1222
01:13:45,740 --> 01:13:46,740
Yeah.
1223
01:13:46,740 --> 01:13:51,220
Because you can make a difference in your small, you're already making a difference
1224
01:13:51,220 --> 01:13:53,540
to someone in your family, aren't you?
1225
01:13:53,540 --> 01:13:54,540
You know?
1226
01:13:54,540 --> 01:13:55,540
I mean, yeah, that's so true.
1227
01:13:55,540 --> 01:13:57,020
I think we overlook that a lot, don't we?
1228
01:13:57,020 --> 01:14:03,380
We forget how powerful and how impactful we can be on that small circle of people that
1229
01:14:03,380 --> 01:14:04,380
live with us.
1230
01:14:04,380 --> 01:14:05,740
We don't need to be huge in the world.
1231
01:14:05,740 --> 01:14:09,860
I mean, it would be great to be able to make a huge difference, wouldn't it?
1232
01:14:09,860 --> 01:14:14,580
But even making it to like, you know, who would have thought my chat with you would
1233
01:14:14,580 --> 01:14:18,460
have helped inspire you all the way in Australia?
1234
01:14:18,460 --> 01:14:23,820
To maybe take that step and look at yourself in a different way.
1235
01:14:23,820 --> 01:14:25,860
I mean, who would have thought?
1236
01:14:25,860 --> 01:14:26,860
And yet there we go.
1237
01:14:26,860 --> 01:14:27,860
Yeah, that's it, isn't it?
1238
01:14:27,860 --> 01:14:31,340
And that makes me feel like I've accomplished today.
1239
01:14:31,340 --> 01:14:32,340
Yeah.
1240
01:14:32,340 --> 01:14:34,380
I love that.
1241
01:14:34,380 --> 01:14:40,140
It's another lesson on sort of adjusting our lens, I guess, of what our expectations
1242
01:14:40,140 --> 01:14:42,340
might be or what we want to achieve out of something.
1243
01:14:42,340 --> 01:14:43,620
Why are we doing what we're doing?
1244
01:14:43,620 --> 01:14:45,340
And yeah, I love that.
1245
01:14:45,340 --> 01:14:47,340
That's a whole other story, isn't it?
1246
01:14:47,340 --> 01:14:49,420
Just go on, go on, go on.
1247
01:14:49,420 --> 01:14:52,420
Oh my goodness.
1248
01:14:52,420 --> 01:14:54,300
Thanks for your company today.
1249
01:14:54,300 --> 01:14:59,700
If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following
1250
01:14:59,700 --> 01:15:05,600
or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend you think might be interested.
1251
01:15:05,600 --> 01:15:09,600
If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch
1252
01:15:09,600 --> 01:15:12,220
with us by the link in the show notes.
1253
01:15:12,220 --> 01:15:18,220
The music you heard featured on today's episode was from Alemjo, which is my new age ambient
1254
01:15:18,220 --> 01:15:24,180
music trio comprised of myself, my sister Emma Anderson and her husband John.
1255
01:15:24,180 --> 01:15:28,380
If you'd like to hear more, you can find a link to us in the show notes.
1256
01:15:28,380 --> 01:15:43,820
I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.