Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast the art of being a mum we'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on as being the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it

Welcome to another episode of the podcast it is so great to be back for episode 98 Lovely to welcome you from wherever you are around the world. My guest this week is Tamara Seeley. Tamara is a singer and songwriter from Matt Gambia in South Australia and she's a mom of two. Tamara has been a singer since the age of 15. crediting her Scottish heritage is what brought her to singing as well as Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard movie. After leaving school, she went to Melbourne to start her training. From there she spent time living and performing in London, Doha and South Korea. She's been flown from London to New Zealand to act in a commercial and she's performed on the Disney cruise ship in the Caribbean islands. And she sang backup vocals for right said Fred of 90s IMT sexy fame and was an extra in a Bollywood movie to her philosophy at that time was trying anything that she had the opportunity to, and she certainly did that. Tamara has four releases under her belt, her 2015 EP gold armor, singles Eileen and old school love and her latest release of a 10 year special remix of her track release me which is out now. Even though Tamara has seen some amazing places and traveled so widely. She credits amongst her proudest career achievements recording and producing her latest music video in her hometown of Mount Gambia, a regional town of about 28,000 people. Hope you enjoy today's episode. You'll hear tomorrow's music featured throughout thank you again for listening.

The old tree

welcome, Tamara, it is such a pleasure to have you on the podcast. Thank you for coming on today.

And thank you for asking me this is my first podcast. So very excited.

Even more exciting. That's awesome. And when you say thanks for asking me I have I have had you in my mind for a very long time. So I'm glad we were able to make it work. Yeah, it's great. You're actually one of the first people I thought of when I was starting to do this. And I thought Who do I know and I wanted to go with a an industry I felt comfortable with. So I was just reaching out to musicians to start with them like yep, tomorrow, tomorrow. And it's funny because I messaged you and you're like, Yeah, I'm not right now. You know, whatever was going on. And then Thankfully, he messaged me recently because I forget what's the message so thanks.

And life just gets in the way cuz I think when you first asked me, I can I just had Jasper and I was working on my 90s mixtape show. So I was a bit like, Yep, it's all happening. Juggling a few things. So yeah, that's the main thing.

Yes. And it's wonderful, wonderful to speak to you even though we're in the same town with zoom in it today just because it's good with the kids and in life. So making it work. Yeah,

absolutely. Sorry. I have the internet.

Yes.

So before we jump in talk about exciting things that are happening right now. I want to go back to how did you first get into music?

So my answer used to be that I stumbled into music because I came from a sporting background. So my mom's side of the family were very sporty. I was very much a tomboy. But I used to sing with my dad and my dad is Scottish. And his mother was a beautiful singer. And he was actually in a BGS tribute band. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. So when they were living in while they did a few gigs, the karaoke machine still comes out at all of their, like family dues. And like, they're just amazing singers. So I sing because of my Scottish heritage. Like, that's just I do believe that that passes through. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a I just fell into it. Like, I think there's a deeper reason as to why I got into it. I really first connected with singing when I watched the bodyguard. Oh, yeah. Right. And I heard Whitney Houston sing. And I used to sing with that, but I never thought anything of it. And then I watched that, and I was like, singing her songs. And I was like, Yeah, this is pretty cool. But I didn't come from I don't come from like a stage school background. So I didn't do a Stanford's. I wasn't in a choir. So I just didn't, didn't even think that singing could be a possibility. So I just sort of would do it in my bedroom. I know that sounds cliche, but I would just, you know, sing along. And didn't think anything of it really, until I went to boarding school in Hamilton when I was 15. And they had, like a music and drama program, which wasn't, wasn't at Tennyson at the time. And a friend of mine overheard me sing and she's like, why didn't you audition? I'm like, Well, why are you got a really good voice? And I auditioned for it and just fell in love with it ever since then. So I think I was I think I was like, 15 or 16 when I had my first Singing Lesson. Yep. Yeah. But from then I was like, No, this is what I would like to do. Yeah.

So it was like it. It was like an instant, like moment of oh my gosh, like, you can all this this singing that you've done your whole life. This can actually turn into something that you do in your future.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think my family would get shocked because I was quite shy as a kid. And like I said, I came from that sporting background, though to then all of a sudden, like, you know, into year 12. I was like, Mom, I'm moving to Melbourne. I'm gonna have some singing lessons. I think that's what I want to do. And that's just how I got started. Yeah,

right. This to me, led me me so I can stand

Yeah, what happened when you move to Melbourne had it? Because I know you've you've been overseas, you've done things like gigs on cruise ships, like how did it sort of evolved from from that point on.

So when I was 18, I moved to Melbourne had singing lessons. And I just practiced so hard. I was just like, I'm just loving this. And I'm actually wanting to get back to that point. Because I feel like the better you get, the further along in your career that you get, there's like, it feels like more of a job like and just because it's your passion doesn't mean that you'd love it all the time. So I just remember like, being right in the thick of just like singing to different styles and singing in different keys and just just showing up the craft, you know, without any sort of pressure or expectation. So I just did that solid for I reckon, two or three years. And then I had spent 12 months at dance world in Melbourne. Yeah, right. Yeah. Certificate no so random. They're like, Oh, this is a really good call. Most singers like it's dancing, but it's, you know, for singers, no, it was more the other way around. And I was like, way out of my depth, but I got so much out of it. And I think I'm comfortable on stage because I did that. Yeah, right. You know, you do notice that sometimes with singers that haven't had like a movement background that they can be, you know, a bit awkward. So even though I was never going to pursue dancing, I still, I feel like that's what you have to do is you just give things a go. And that all adds to how you're shaped as an artist.

Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. Yes. And then what happened?

Then, then I moved back to Matt Gambia, actually. Yeah, so I was just like, broke all the time. Like I was in between, you know, doing shitty hospitality jobs. And also, I'm just going to move home for a bit and save some money. And I remember this clear as day I was at Holies, in Kmart, the Yes. And I've run into Dennis O'Carroll, who I hadn't seen in years and I went to went to school with his daughter, Chelsea. And he's like, oh, so he, you know, you've been doing a bit of singing. He's like, go to Dale Cleves, because Nick Aslan, who's in bariatric is looking for. They're looking for a new singer. And I'd never heard of heard of bass Rec. So I dropped in my my CD with it. I think it had a Christina Aguilera cover on there. And I auditioned to be in that band. Yeah. So that was what my first first paid gig. Yeah, right. Yes. Digging in that Gambia. Yeah.

I remember those days, like go down and dance it away. So much fun. It

was so and it was a thriving scene. Yeah, like you could not move in fine. Again. You could not move in shadows. The Gambia like, yeah, I was gigging a lot. And I think that was just such a huge learning curve because singing into in your bedroom. singing in a band. Yeah. And some of those songs were rock. So getting your voice to cut through but still using the right technique and then throw a few drunks in the mix. You know, like it's, it's and back

then. People would have been able to smoke in pubs as well. So that would have been a horrible for your voice.

Yeah, like not it's survived. Just like when he did he did get shadows. I think our set started at 1230 at night. Yeah. Three to four o'clock. Oh, god. Yeah, those days are long gone. That's okay. I'm not yearning for that time even though that was awesome. I'm like the thought of doing that and then having to you know deal with two toddlers not happening Sunday session by you know, finish. Finish by for six o'clock at night. Yeah.

Back home for bedtime for the kids.

witching hour started. God.

Yes. So, how long did you spend doing like gigging you met Gambia before you moved away again.

So that was, I reckon, two years. But whilst I was here, I went in my first trip overseas and my first overseas singing gig was in South Korea. Ah, so I reckon I was 21. Yeah, where I got a job in a trio singing covers six nights or six nights a week. Oh, Jesus. Yeah.

How does your voice hold up during that? Like back to back to back to back?

Not too bad. Yeah. I never really I'm lucky. I think if I tried to do it now, I think I would feel like I've because I was gigging a lot down here. And doing those like big pop rock songs as well. I felt like I was good fit for it. And not all of the songs were like, say your big, big numbers. They were like, you know, sometimes more like jazz ballads. So you could sort of go easy. Yeah. There was another singer as well. So it wasn't just all on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

that would have been good.

Old school memories and nothing like the modern days.

Yeah, move back to my Gambia for 12 months. And I moved to London. Yeah, right. Yeah. So I was in London for five years. Working, you know, various jobs. I worked for the Halifax Bank of Scotland. Yeah. Right. Which ended up giving me an awesome opportunity. So every year, the Halifax Bank of Scotland would recruit colleagues for their TV commercials. TV commercials, and it used to be used to be you know, they'd get them to sing. Yep. The year that I auditioned, we had to do these stunts. I actually probably should post this advert that I was in because it was an absolute incredible experience. For us, they were like, are you scared of heights? I'm like, no, like, you know, I was quite sporty and we grew up in the country. That's not a problem. Like that's a bit random that you're asking that. Ended up getting. Getting selected to be in this TV advert got flown from London to New Zealand to film this advert. Oh, wow. And my part of the scene was leaping over these massive human pillars to pass someone a five pound note. Oh, his cat, Paula Halifax. Bank of Scotland was you know, giving you extra type thing. Oh, my God. But I had to like train for this. I worked with the stunt team that worked on Australia. Then the movie with Nicole Kidman like it was a huge production. The director has then gone on to be the director for Lion the movie. That's one? Oh, yeah. Because I've worked with him before. Like, that's what it was. Exactly like it was such an incredible experience.

Yeah, I feel like I've seen it. I've recognized sight like you have shared it. And I reckon I've seen it but I can't I'm you know, vaguely remembering. So you didn't get to singing it. But you got to like throw yourself for it.

Yeah, how to harness on was flying through the air. It was pretty cool. Experience. Oh, it really was like, I feel like I went to London. And I feel like I probably always had this attitude. I'm just going to show up and give things a go. You know, I was in my 20s. I was like, This is what it's all about. This is what the traveling life's all about. So I was in a Bollywood music video as an extra. Yeah, I just literally signed up to everything. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love that. Actually studied music there as well. Yeah. Which was an incredible experience. So I did a diploma in popular music and tech, music schools, I think it's called something different now. But they also have. So they had tech vocals, drums, bass guitar. And once a week you had to, you'd have to learn a song. So the singers would have to learn the song, the drummer would have to learn the song guitar player, bass player, and you had to learn the backing vocals and you just have to get up and do it. Yeah, right. Yeah, so it was, yeah, it was pretty intense. But what a what a great discipline to be prepared. Probably lacked some of that in my early my early career not like being prepared for auditions for getting my words get becoming like overly nervous. And that was like a huge learning curve. Like not you need to learn your shit. So that when you can get up there, you can nail it, and you can be confident and I think that's the key to confidence. And this is what I when I was was teaching singing why you have to practice this, you know, you have people like, Oh, don't be nervous. Just get up there. Just be confident. Well, that doesn't really know does that. I find if I'm overly nervous about something, I've it's not the right thing, or I'm not prepared for him. Because I've made that mistake before so like I still to this day, like if I've got something coming up. I have to be prepared. Otherwise, I'll just be be an absolute wreck.

Yeah, I can. I can relate to that. Like I had someone asked me once if I get nervous, and I said, I only get nervous if I don't know exactly what I'm doing. Like I feel like if you know what you're doing, and I don't know if you do this, but I visualize myself in whatever space it's going to be even if I haven't necessarily been there. I can just imagine myself being on stage. And then I sort of just feel comfortable that I know where I'm gonna be. I know what I'm doing. And so then there's really no need to feel nervous, you know, like, and that's not a conceited or an ego thing, but it's like, you know, your voice, you know what you're doing? You know? Yeah. So, yeah, but then I've heard other people say, are you if you're not nervous, it means it's not important enough to you? And it's like, well, I don't know about that, either. Because? I don't know.

So yeah, I think you can channel nerve like it. I think it's normal to be nervous, but you're excited about it. Yeah. But this my moment, because I'm prepared. I've put in the work. I love to do this. And all I have to do now is be in the moment and enjoy it. Because if I'm enjoying it, everyone else is like, there's nothing worse than seeing another performer suffer on stage. And you can see it. Oh, yeah. Yes, yeah. Horrible. Because you know what that's like, you know, so it's, um, yeah, and it doesn't. And for me, it doesn't actually matter what the size of the gig is.

Yeah. Yep.

It's just what I have to put in place. So I can enjoy it. So I'm not an absolute, you know, nervous wreck, yeah.

I'm gonna follow the slide. So we'll come back to you. other bits and bobs that you've done. But I want to ask that putting things in place. Now, as a mom of two. That would also be who's gonna look after the kids? And how am I going to rehearse when I've got two kids? Like, all that sort of stuff? Adds a massive new element to it, doesn't it?

massive new element. But I think being a musician and artists, I can practice around them. Is it easy? No, it is not. You get to grab the moments when they're there. But yeah, I just do my best to work around them. I also don't get this right all the time. But I try to not have the old tomorrow head on. Like our before kids, I was able to work at this pace. I think that's where, you know, I can become undone. I think other mums can come undone as well because they're trying to perform at a level before motherhood. And it's pretty much an impossible task because your life is different. Yeah. And I'm not saying you can't still do what you love to do. And I think you need that to be you know, a good mom. I feel like I'm a better mom when I sing when I've got like side projects. I feel like I'm and I love that I can include my kids as well. Yeah, right. Yeah. Because quite often they'll come into band practices. I remember when they I can Jasper was four months old and Marie and I were practicing my 90s mixtape and or doing the chorus medley at the end, which was like 20 courses back to back in one song. The last songs absolutely everybody by Vanessa amorosi. And yeah, singing that note at the end. I'm breastfeeding Jasper at this time, like doing all the like, oh my gosh, but I actually felt really empowered. I'm like, I can do this. Yeah, it just is showing up differently. And that's okay.

And not putting those, like you said, comparing yourself to the life you had before. So I feel like that just it just makes you feel bad or guilty or something. It's like there's no point trying to drag yourself back into that space.

Absolutely. There's no going back whether you decide to be a mom or not. There's no going back, but how I feel like there's so many people that are so attached to their old life. Instead of embracing what's happening now and being in the moment now. Like I'm not, I'm not, you know, 25 in London anymore. I'm not, you know, seeing on a cruise ship anymore. I don't want to do that either. Because I have done that that chapter of my life was bloody awesome. But then you tapped out you The music's different now. And I'm showing up in a different way now, but I think that's exciting instead of being a I'm not my old self wasn't a man before. Yeah, I am.

That's a great way to look at it. That is a great way to look at it

some holidays down by the

drink and lemon jello, making promises we won't.

So you mentioned the cruise ships there. Let's have a quick chat about what you were doing and how long you were doing it for.

Yep. So when I was living in London, I auditioned to be a lead singer in a band on Disney for Disney Cruise Line.

Yeah. So I

got so I got the I got the gig. And I spent three months traveling around the Caribbean. It was terrible.

Would have been raining the whole time? No sunshine.

Best and after that.

A bit. Mean amazing.

Yeah, it really was. And that was yeah, a huge learning curve, because it was Thursday night. So sometimes it was, you know, Motown jazz. We did one set a week in front of the goofy pool, and we'd perform with the Disney characters or Magica days we die. Allison, it was like, the joy on everyone's faces. And you would you know, get lost in the moment as well. It was. Yeah, it was a really, really good gig. Yeah. Though, living on the ship is not my cup of tea. I think I always knew that. But I was like, I want to do this once. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm glad I did it. But now I want to be living on the land. Not mindspace. Not in a cabin right down the bottom with no windows.

Oh, oh, that'd be hard. Like did you get do you get seasick or like, queasy down there did a

couple of times when it was rough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But in the Caribbean are pretty calm. So it wasn't too bad. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't take a job like that if you suffered from.

I can just imagine, like, I get pretty seasick as it is. But if you were down somewhere with no window, I recommended just do your heading. You just feel like you're in a box. That was

the worst, I would say. Like, quite often. I'm just going up to the top deck. I just need some sunlight. Yes, not. Not great.

Yeah. Oh, there you go. So sorry. How long did you do that for? You said

three months?

Yeah, right. Oh, that would have been amazing. Yeah. It's so good that you've got all these wonderful experiences you can look back on and just like you said, you can say that was amazing. I'm not doing that. Now. I've moved on life. But you've got all these awesome things and all these stories. I can that's so cool. Oh, love it. And I guess you would have probably learnt heaps like working with different people along the way to like picking up things from different musicians and, you know, just keeping them in your back pocket for next time sort of thing.

Absolutely. I actually think it's a great masterclass for songwriting. Yeah. Right. You know, cuz you watch what the audience get into. So like, when does that when, you know, a song lifts or certain hooks and phrasing and styles, like just all those types of things? I find some, you know, in the singer songwriters really turned their nose down, you know, have a band singers, but I think, how are you meant to learn? If you don't try every flavor of ice cream, you know? And, you know, doing cover gigs? You do you have to sometimes sing songs you don't necessarily like sometimes you quite often will find songs that you really like and connect with that you didn't? Didn't think you would. So I actually think it was. Yeah, an amazing experience to do that.

Yeah. Do you find that? I mean, this is my personal experience that I think the best way that I've learned my, what my voice can do and my range and what I'm capable of is singing other people's songs because I wouldn't write songs, like the other people that I sing their music, you know what I mean? So it's actually been really useful to be singing lots of songs over many years to sort of see what you can do and learn where you can push yourself and where you can learn more.

Absolutely, and I I have loved doing that because I like I said, I love like Whitney, Mariah I'd never change the, like, I probably sound like a, you know, animal in the paddock that's practicing it. But how are you meant to know what you're capable of if you don't go there?

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

So I runs Oh, how do you you know, seeing that height? Because I let myself go there and practice that.

Yeah. You know, I

mean, everyone's voices are different, like, I don't have a low voice. Like, I probably wouldn't ever tackle like a Tracy Chapman song in the original key because it you know, I just can't sing that low. So I think that's what makes us all you know, special and unique. That's the beauty Beauty and the voice, you know that everyone has different, you know, colors and textures and sounds and yeah, I love

Yeah, absolutely. And I, I know, there's like, no, like, you talk about that sort of stigma of being a cover singer. But I don't know people. People love hearing songs that they know. And this is something I've struggled with placing original songs in sets over the years because people love and I do it too. When I go out. I love to hear some unknown, you know, tap a foot and sing along. So this this, people should stop bagging it. They probably love it too.

Exactly. Like, I'm not ashamed to say that I'm, you know, my guilty pleasures are power ballads. Yeah. I went to say Celine Dion in Vegas. It was amazing.

Yeah, right would have been pretty special.

Do you know what you're not just one thing? Yeah. Oh, that's exciting thing, you know, with being a singer that you can decide what you want to do like you can. And I've seen that with the work that you do. You can sing on dance tracks, you can do jazz, you can do folk, you can do acoustic, you can do whatever the hell you want to do.

Yep, that's it, isn't it? That's why sometimes hate

that question. Who are you as an artist? Well, I don't, you're huge. I mean, yeah. Sometimes I want to sing this. And sometimes I want to sing that. And it's like, I don't like I don't think I'd put out an album that like the first song was a you know, it was death metal. And then it was a power ballad. Like, I think that would be a bit confused. But I'm just, I'm not into those labels.

I've actually gotten less and less keen on, like labeling genres. And to the point where I'll start putting myself in competition. So as I want to know what your genre is, like, I can't tell you I just It depends what mood I'm in. But I feel I'm working with and you know, I know that sort of, say it's very restrictive. I wish there was less less of that sort of talk in the industry, but they've got an eye. It's like, they've got to work out how to deal with you. They've got to know what you do. And it's easy for them if they can pigeonhole you into something.

And why do they need to know how old you are? Ya got

you? Yes, yes. Yeah.

I think the I think it's getting better. yet. I found like, you know, I when I was in Melbourne I can't remember what audition it was and I was like 18 or 19 Oh, no, you're too old for that. Oh, Lord.

Oh my god.

So young and I believed it for a long time. So I never really took myself like that seriously cuz I just thought like I'm never probably going to have a career in it because you clearly have to be to to get signed. It's bizarre what does it matter

love has changed. Me

You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, I listen.

I think the older you get, the more life experience you have. And I've know personally, the better songwriting I'm doing as I get older. I think even since I've had kids, it's like this whole new perspective on your life. And it's so much richer, you know, and to be able to reflect on that and but they want us all to be young and I don't know single and not have kids and but that's mainstream say Eric and the amount of people I've talked to in the indie indie world. No one gives a shit like people, people if you've got a good song and you like people like what you're what you're putting out there. That's all that matters. And I feel like a lot of people, people that I to talk to anyway I just really not even bothering with mainstream stuff not even trying to knock down those doors. Because it's just the first thing. How old are you? They see you're a woman. Have you got kids? Like, that's the interview?

Yeah, it's, yeah. And there's no point even like trying to go there. Like, I'm not trying to be the next Teen sensation to appeal to a younger audience, because there's actually some really amazing young artists coming through that are tapping into that market beautifully. Let them own that. I just think there's, you know, enough room for all of us. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I need to be pegged up against each other. Yeah. We all have, you know, different stories to tell. Different songs to put out there. That can't really you can't compare it. Because they're not the same, you know?

Yeah. Let's hear.

So I just, yeah, I, it doesn't that doesn't bother me anymore. But it really did back then. And because I was so young when now. I don't I don't care. Yeah. Yeah, no. Heat. I think if I'm authentic to myself, and I'm proud of the work that I'm putting out there. And I get to work with all the amazing people in this community. And in you know, in the in the music world that I've connected with tech, you've already won. Could you proud of that? Yeah, that's a garment. You know, the followers the views?

Yeah. Yeah. You could get

10,000 views on my YouTube. Yeah.

It's it's a funny one. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah.

So you're talking about songwriting. I want to talk to you about when did you start start writing your own songs?

When I was studying in London, yeah. Right. So you know, we would take songwriting classes there, we perform original songs. Then I sort of stopped because I was getting quite a lot of, you know, cover band work. And that's when I went, you know, on the Disney ship. And from the Disney ship. I got a job seeing in the Middle East.

Ah, that's was that Doha? Yes. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yep. So

I got a job seeing six nights a week with that same band that I worked with on the on the Disney cruise ship. Yeah. At the Intercontinental Hotel in in Doha. Yeah. Right. And we were one of the first western bands there. Oh, wow. So like, we were treated like rock stars. Like that was my rock star moment. Oh, cool. Yeah, it was so cool. was so two weeks into the gig. They had the Big Day Out festival. On the beach. They had like home staying top loader. Like got in like a couple of other big bands. I can't remember off the top of my head. But it was like this massive Festival on the beach and like, Oh, can you open up for them? And we're like

oh my god.

It was just like a scene from a movie. Like it was just like, huge budget massive stage. Big audience. Like the sound was epic. It was just hot, balmy weather on the beach. I'm like, this is a vibe.

Oh, man. Come home from

what you learn to being in this industry. It's not all highs. Yeah, yeah. And it's very easy to fall into the trap and I'm guilty of it. of always wanting that feeling. Always wanting that high. And it's nice not like that. And it's not all about those big gigs. You know, I've done gigs where like literally playing to nobody tables and chairs. Singing everybody oh wait, there's no one there. You know, like it's just yeah. But you know, it makes you appreciate when you do get opportunities like that because they're not all you know, The

showstoppers. Yeah, let's see.

And that's, and that's okay. Because it's about it. This is what I've learned since having kids is enjoying the process more.

Recently, did a music video and remix of my first single release me, it's gonna ask you about that. Let's talk about that now. Yeah, so I wrote that in Doha. That's, that was my first song I'd ever written, released. I was 28. Yeah, right. I was like, I've got to push myself here. You know, I've been doing this this cover band gig for a while, which I've enjoyed, but I wanted to challenge myself and the opportunity to work with a producer there. Came up and then a friend of mine who, who is a videographer, just out of the blue said, are you working on any originals? I might well, actually, I do want to shoot a music video. Sure. Um, and I think from that moment, I'm like, Oh, I really want to explore songwriting more, I really want to, you know, go down this path. Yeah.

So when you were writing at that point, what was Where were you drawing your inspiration from as compared to now? I guess.

So that's that song's about that's heartbreak. It's a ballad. It's about you know, an old find having a hold on your heart. So it was sort of weird singing it now. I'm happily married. I've got two kids. Like, life's cool. Live in Gambia. Very different to, you know, what I was going through at the time. But you can always put that hat back on, even if you're in that place. I don't know if you find that, Allison. Yes. And I think there's something beautiful about that type of vulnerability like that heartbreak. I think that's why people bloody love Adele. She's willing to go there. Yeah. And it's just so beautiful to you know, hear that vulnerability in music like I really connect with, with songs like that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I wanted to strip that song back a bit more as well.

Yeah, congratulations on that. When I heard it. For the first time. I just thought, Oh, this is lovely. Because I actually listened to the original few days before I was driving at drive to Rome. And I thought, let's listen to the original just to prepare myself for for the change. And it's beautiful to our congratulations. Thank you, hopefully. And yeah, you talked about your film clip. Tell us about that. Because that is amazing. I'm gonna put a link to that in your show notes because people need to see this. It's a piece of art basically. It's DEVAR.

Thank you. You know, it was a team effort. Yeah. You know, like my sister in law had that beautiful Roberto Cavalli game gown hanging you know, like, you know, so lucky to that was a, you know, an art piece that suited the venue. Unlike these dress and the venue belong together.

You could not have done it any more perfectly seriously. It's just incredible.

Yeah, and to film it. Yeah. Have you ever been to Yellin Park?

I haven't actually ever been there. No. Didn't go.

So Young Park is just outside of Panola it is one of I think it's Australia's best preserved Victorian home.

Oh, really? I didn't know that.

Let me rephrase that mansion. Yes. Absolutely spectacular. You know, the old piano, the furniture, the original wallpaper. That staircase with the stained glass window. Like it was just you feel the magic when you when you walk in there? Yeah. Yeah, it was, you know, because homes aren't built like that anymore. So just to, you know, feel like you're stepping back in time and like to do that down here is really important to me, because I always thought like, I don't know if I could ever live, you know, in Mount Gambier again, is this going to fill me enough because I, you know, lived in London and traveled a lot but it's actually been the best thing for me to be able to, like work with the people that I've been been able to work with in that time. But we're so lucky down here. Like, we don't have to go to the city. Sometimes you do. And you have to source that work outside of the community. But we're just so lucky.

Yeah, there are some seriously talented people you won't get. Like, just, yeah, you don't have to go far to find someone that's got a skill that can help you with something

fun. Like, you know, I've worked with Katy Fox, but yes, like, she's just so beautiful. And like, she's just so much fun on set. And we just have a laugh. And yeah, it was just yeah, really special to, to do that with all my, my favorite creative. Yeah, yeah, that's

really nice. I've often thought of that, like, you think are now I've got kids, I can't go away and record in Melbourne for two weeks non stop, you know, all this sort of stuff. And you sort of think, yeah, it's actually you feel really proud when you do something down here. Because it's like almost saying, you know, and up yours to people that think you have to leave a small town to achieve things.

You don't? You really don't look, logistically, is it a bit challenging? Like, I'm thinking off? I'm going to do a tour at some point. What's that gonna look like? But you can still make it happen. And I think sometimes making it happen in your own small way. It's not about you trying to be the biggest and the bestest, you know?

Yeah, yeah, it's like what's achievable in your world, and it may not look like what it is for somebody else. But that's another thing that I've been talking before about, as you get older, not worrying so much about stuff. And like, I used to be really competitive, like think, Oh, someone's doing that, oh, I wish I could do that. In my 20s. And now it's like, well, good on them. Like you actually look at someone and appreciate what they've done and what they're doing. And it's it's a really great way to be because you're just, I know, you're not caught up in, you know, all this, especially on this on social media with all the things you see from people. But you can sort of just, you know, I can't remember where I was going with this. I've gotten there now. And I can't remember what my point was at the start of it. Might come back to me, but yeah, basically. Oh, yeah. Ego. You see, I've got to do this, too, in this way. Because such and such did this way. And this is how people expect you to do a tour but it's like no, actually break it down. What's worked for me, my family, my location, and just don't worry about what people think. Because it matters what you think.

You have to live with you at the end of the day. Yeah. And why you go down a path that's not authentic to you. That's going to actually make you probably end up hating music, because you're not staying true to who you are. Yeah. Yeah. And I think you know, we're there. You know, we live in a society that's obsessed with busy and being hustled hard and do this and you want to, you know, like pulling you in, in directions that actually, you don't want to go. But that's, you know, what I've realized, especially since having kids I'm in the driver's seat here, I get to decide not people pulling me in other directions of where I you know, want to go

Yeah, that's incredibly empowering. Isn't it?

Really is like, you know, you don't have to be signed anymore. We have the internet so even though that's you know, with the streaming and making money's a little bit more challenging but your reach is absolutely endless so there's so many there's so many positives Yep. Yeah

stands at the desk

I want to take you on down different path. about this topic we have I love to talk to my guests about the Old Faithful mum guilt, which is something that it's an interesting one because I've had I think I haven't had two guests who genuinely didn't know what it was. And I thought this is amazing actually had one had to google it. And when asked me to explain it, and that that's all well and truly in the minority but yes, it is awesome. And there should be more like it going on. But yeah, share your thoughts what you think about monkey

monkey. Mom guilt is very real. I've definitely experienced it. Do I believe in it? I don't I think it's toxic. Why would we should be shaming moms for taking time away from their family? To do something that they love to do? Or to go for a walk down the street? Or where are your kids? I can have time away from my kids, you know, but you don't say that to their father.

Tell me about it. Why it's such Dustin is it really

is. I feel guilty. If I'm feeling stressed about something and I take it out. And my kids, if I'm a bit short with them, that's when I feel bad. I'm you let them down in that way. But I don't feel I don't feel bad about being creative. I include my kids in that. I share my music with them. How is that a bad thing? I think it's just another layer of making moms feel like shit, putting them up on this ridiculous pedestal of trying to be absolutely everything to everybody. And it's an impossible standard to keep. And men are drowning because of it. Yeah, you know, it's Yeah, so I do feel it. It is there. But I don't spend much time going down that path because I don't genuinely believe in mom guilt. It's fair on mums.

Yeah, that's so well said. It's like it is it is. It's like a thing that someone came up with, just to add another layer of you know, we don't feel bad enough about things. So let's just put something else on to moms.

Yeah. It's horrible. It is horrible. It really

good on you for fighting against it.

Because it's crap. I think a lot a lot, a lot of women and a lot of mothers are speaking out about it in that way as well. Like, this is BS, it is. Why, why should I feel bad? It doesn't make any sense now.

And like you said earlier, it actually helps you be a better person. And therefore a better mother, when you are being creative and your own needs are being met. It just, it sends you out in the world in a different headspace.

Absolutely, and how cool that I get to share this with my sons. You know, motherhood and being creative can exist together doesn't have to be one or the other. And our kids are here to teach us a lesson or to look at their imagination. Look at them just being present in the moment. They're not going, Ah, I've got to go the supermarket by this time, and I've got to do this, I've got to do that there's something so special about being around young children.

Oh, I totally agree with that, is I spend my days working in a kindergarten and it's just, it really humbles you. It's like, all the stuff that you thought in the world was I mean, it is some stuff is bad, but you know, the stuffs on your mind, like the trivial things. And then you've got a child who's looking at a leaf, and just studying the veins on the leaf. And it's just like, Ah, okay, right, get back to basics. You know, it just really brings you back down to earth.

Absolutely. And it's, you know, it's about making big things out of the small things. It's not about this, you know, unachievable goal that's put that like that we're being fed this narrative that, oh, if you wake up at this time, and if you eat this food, and if you do this, if you do that, if you do that, and it's like, by the time I get through that bloody list over the last 24 hours,

yeah, yeah. And if you read another list, it would be conflicting, it'd say, Don't eat that before such and such but do this before and it's just like, hello, we have to actually live our lives.

Yes, on that as well. Like it's too much.

We are consuming content at a rapid rate. We need to have those output days where we're just, you know, playing around on a keyboard writing a song right, you know, playing outside with our kids without being Oh, someone so said this on Instagram and I'm just going to watch this video. I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to do that and you're just not being in the moment and I think there's a huge disconnect in society. because it is.

Yeah, I can the biggest scary thing for me is the, the like this tick tock era where the what's the word concentration spans are being shortened? Because you fed this information and it turns over so quick. So I see the mind kids, it's like they'll watch half of a, there's like a big long video, maybe I'd know half an hour and they'll only watch like 10 minutes and then decide they don't like that anymore. It's like, hang on, what about the rest of it? And like, be an hour day you're watching the television. That was all you had to watch channel eight, and ABC and you create a connection? Yes, good. Oh, gotcha connection. You know, it's like, they just they expect to have more and more and different and different constantly asked them, you know, and it's like, no, no, no, we have to stop this to scary.

And now you know, artists are writing songs for Tik Tok. They're not even writing whole.

Bloody Kylie Minogue. Did you see what she's done? I don't think she's even released her latest song, she's just put it out on Tik Tok, and basically got people to make a dance out of it. So that's what's getting the track viral is because they're all doing this dance. It's like she knows how to run the show. You don't need a record label anymore. You just say tick tock account

online. And that's why it's important. I think as an artist to like I've said before, write songs that you're proud of. That you can connect to. Because what's going to be the next trend? I can't go there. I'm not gonna write a song for Tik Tok. I'm not gonna write a song in a you know, in hoping that it's gonna go viral. I can't go there. Yeah, you know if I can be vulnerable, authentic, like, I love writing about the human experience. You know, love loss, adversity, being brave that type of thing. I know that that story, those stories connect with other people because I've been through it as well. Yeah. So you know, I'm willing to dabble production wise do something a bit different. But I'm not I think yes, you're chasing your tail if you're trying to write songs just because this is you know, tic TOCs the latest thing or Instagram or do this do that? Like I think that's not gonna that's not an enjoyable process. Yeah, I

was actually going to say that it did start to feel more like a chore and a job. And it's not meeting that the need that you have to express what you need to express, you know, yeah, so yeah. I don't even have I don't even have a tic tock account. I don't even want to go there. It's just

I'll just find out have you Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how to use other major rookie here.

Oh, goodness way.

Change

there was a quote that you had on your Facebook recently, and you said that, that it spoke like the process had sparked your creativity. And it was something that you thought was gone since having your kids so have you? Have you basically put this aside for How old's your oldest sorry, I haven't asked

how old he So Max is three and a half and Jasper's

Yeah, right. So for the past three and a half years have you done anything for yourself with your music?

Not a lot. So that's why I was really nervous to put this out like I really enjoyed the process of you know, doing this remix during the video. But then when it came for the launch, I'm like I'm freaking out here. Like I haven't been in this headspace for Ohio have been you know, my mode so it was it was a challenge for me to do it. I wouldn't say that that was a walk in the park. You know because we all had plenty gastro two weeks before the release and all this shit basically literally. All this is so hard to try and do both. It's just feels like such an impossible task. But I was just had to keep reminding myself. You can only do your best

you can do come and quiet the mind because there's so little but yeah, it was was a challenge. But I was also refreshing as well as well. I've needed this,

huh? Yes, yeah, yeah. Because you like since you were 15 music has been pretty much your life. So then to have that big break from it that would have liked did you have times during that time where you're like, Oh, I really feel like I have to get back to it or like what was going through your mind at times.

I made the point though, of always having a little project. So I'm was not back doing gigs to what I was doing previously. And at the moment, I'm not either and that is totally fine. But like always. Oh, my kids are back on that ground. Reality Check. When I fell pregnant with Max, I still had my mobile caravan business limoncello caravan bar, which was still operating. I had staff that would work in the van for me. And he was four months old. And I did the band Christmas show. I did a limoncello caravan bar cocktail Christmas party. So I I knew I could do two gigs. Right. I just made sure that I had a couple of little projects in the pipeline. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that has helped because if I didn't do that, well COVID kicked off in March. Yeah, yeah. And then I fell pregnant with Jasper in the June halfway through COVID. Yep. And then what I was working on my 90s mixtape, so we did that the part of the 2018 Matt Gander in Adelaide fringe. And we performed that again, but that I reckon that got Reese Yeah, that got rescheduled. Yeah, right. COVID. Yeah. A week. And then we finally did it again last year.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, that was a long time goes by how much time has gone by Don't ya like Oh, my God isn't work. It's so

funny though. Having kids in COVID Because we're like, Oh, how's how's your child going? I'm like, which one? They're like, did you have another one? I'm like, yeah. What else?

Gotta keep busy somehow.

Otherwise Oh, that's

classic. Oh, that's so funny

each and every day

the distance the time is all we need

your brain makes of release me is out. What do you see the cup coming up? Have you got anything sort of happening in your brain? Like, I want to do this and what indeed there are lots

of things. That's the like I've, I've always been like this, like, going back to childhood like my imagination is wild. And Nick can tell when I'm off on one because it's like I'm talking to myself is that we're used to thinking something or doing something. I'm like, Yeah, I was I just go into this. This other world? Yeah. So on. Yeah. Got a few ideas in the pipeline. Yep. But I don't want to say what I'm going to do because it's very early stage.

That's okay. You don't have to tell me all your secrets.

I would like to drop a single by the end of the year, but if that happened, that's okay. The songs got to be right. Anyway, so I've started you know, penning a few ideas down so yeah, we'll just see what happens.

Oh, good Anya, and yet look honestly, when I saw what you were wearing, and that the location for your film clip I was like, oh my god, like you could seriously not have found two more perfect things to put together like that dress. Oh my gosh, like did you feel like like, I don't know, like a goddess or something you met Jessica is it bloody hell? You look good. Like,

I felt like a million bucks because like, you know, I've been in nursing tops, sweatpants. Rock Mumbai, been for the past two years like, actually not The cameras have my hair and makeup done. I'm like is this is what I needed at this moment in time?

So like kickstarted, like you said, it's kickstarted that creativity. And now it's like the balls rolling and all these things are happening in your mind. It's exciting, isn't it?

It is. But then it's like I'm dealing with two toddlers at the moment. So they, yeah, that's sort of stealing the show.

Might be able to feature them in the next film clip just for a second. Yeah. Well,

Maxis in one of my film clips. Oh, I see. Yeah. And I was pregnant with Jasper as well. So did you see Eileen? The Tribute? I did to my grandfather?

I did. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

Oh, I mean, like, my kids and family are a part of my music. Sound legacy and how bloody cool is that?

Yeah. I love that. Like

mom said to me, probably the best thing you'll ever do is sing with the kids. And at the time, I was probably quite young. I was that. Oh, really? And then I'm like, nah,

this is cool.

I call that I can cue on this journey. And like Max's like, Oh, mommy, you're gonna go singing now. And I want to come and see me is that as well as being their mom? is super cool.

Oh, yeah. I feel like that is for me personally. That's where I find the most pride I think that they can see that their mother is not the mother still, Allison is still their own person, like mom still May. And and my life does not exist to solely do one. You know, role. I do all these other things. And I love that the kids know that. I think it's so important for like, I say feminism moving forward. But it's, it's I think it's really important for them to get that that women just because they have children. Does it make them obsolete in our society?

Absolutely. And that's inspiring. And that success. You're allowed to say that. I feel like you can't say, oh, I love I love being a mom like I really do. Like I absolutely love it. Am I perfect? No.

exist. Like and you know

what? I don't want my kids to think that I'm perfect. So if I'm, you know, get a bit totally at them because they've you know, spilled my my load down the wall or put a golf club through the TV, like, and I get it across about it. Yeah. I apologize and go oh, sorry, I did get a B cross. Because we're all human. We're not perfect. I don't want to be put up on that pedestal.

Yeah. Yep. So feel like you're sending your kids out with unrealistic, unrealistic expectations of what you know, relationships are and what you can expect from other people. That's like, we are actually allowed to get shitty and annoyed at each other feel these emotions, you're allowed to feel this stuff? I don't know. I feel like the previous like, when I was a kid, you know, you wouldn't see your parents in these ways of expressing themselves. They were just mom and dad. And they didn't know anything else about what they did. But, you know, I want my kids to know that I'm a full whole person with all these other elements to me.

And I love you, regardless of what you show me. Yeah. You're angry. That's okay. I want you to come to me. My doors always open ask me anything. Yeah, I was by far the, you know, perfect teenager. I get it. Man that got the t shirt. You know, like, I don't? Yeah, I don't want them to strive for perfection. And I, I don't either. You know, how many moms are trying to be the perfect mom? Yeah.

There's a really good Carrie. Oh, it is. And I had an episode with Sophie Brock, who's a Dr. Sophie Brock, who's a motherhood sociologist. And she said, the perfect mother myth, like the perfect mother does not exist, because there's an exercise she gets you to where you write down all the things that you think makes up a perfect mother and putting that in air quotes. And you'd when you look at that, and you read that back, it, that person cannot physically exist. But you know, we're all told we're meant to do these things and be certain ways and behave this and don't do that and make sure you do that. So what the hell.

Well, you know what I hate, especially from people that don't have kids. Well, you chose to be a mom, or Yeah, yeah. No. It's like you're allowed to complain about your office job. Yeah. Like, you two feelings can exist at the same time. Mike, I'm grateful but also you're doing my bloody head in I'm sick of cleaning up all this food off the floor. This mess is making me feel good. overwhelmed and overstimulated, we're allowed to have these honest conversations. Yeah, you're allowed to say that. It's hard because it bloody is. Yeah. Yeah. But also, it's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you meet your child for the first time, like, how could I love something so much? Yeah, I experienced this before, you know.

It's at all look that ambivalence that two thoughts at the same time that are both true is one something I find incredibly fascinating about being a mum. Like, I'd be like, Oh, geez, I could I could literally throw myself in front of a moving car to save your life. But could you just eat your bloody tea? Please? Stop it's you're at an eight you're totally extremes. It just it contains. It really is. Oh, man. Oh, that's funny. Yeah.

The sorries

we begin.

Yeah, if you got anything else you wanted to share before I let you go because I'm conscious. We're rolling on to the witching hour. So

screaming in the background, clearly someone's hungry. So I'm obsessed with flamingos. I love them.

Ah, that's a lovely mug.

And I found this amazing quote on Instagram about flamingos and I want to share with you just beautiful. So flamingos lose their pink when they're raising their babies. Because it's such an intense process. Eventually it comes back. If you're deep in postpartum motherhood right now, Mama, remember you will get your pink bag.

Oh, I love that. Oh, yeah. Like, when you said that?

Oh, but it's so true. Like it's actually okay. To surrender to to motherhood and being that because it is so full on you don't have to, you know, try and still have a full time career like it's, it's okay.

Yeah, yes,

you know, you and you will get your shine your shine back.

Just to tell our listeners what you're wearing.

I'm wearing a sequin bomber jacket.

Yeah, that's serious. And like, yeah, being patient and knowing that time. Yeah, you know, we move through life and people get older. And I love people who say that the seasons change. You know, I'm in a different season in my life. Now. It's like, yeah, and sometimes it's hard to do that, you know, to, to go Oh, but I remember this. And I remember that. And it's okay to give yourself a break, you know, and, yeah, you Pinkel.

I think art is better for it. Sometimes when you take a break. Why are we talking about this enough?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

The stillness, that your priorities do change. Doesn't mean it's lost forever. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah.

Could you say some good things. I'm gonna have sandy quotes, but

that Flamingo one isn't mine. I stole that one.

That's okay. But you said it today. So that's cool.

Like, I feel like as a mom, we're holding on to a lot of shame that's not necessary. Like pursuing our creative dreams. We're also carrying on like, these old stories and old narratives that don't that don't serve us. I think it's, you know, when sometimes they just shatter a legacy that's holding us back. That and that that's, you know, belief system. Doesn't doesn't work for me. And it's okay for me to and what's important is to do what's right for my family. And that might not be what some someone else would do, but that's okay. And I think you have to be comfortable in that, because everyone's got an opinion.

Everyone will tell you what they think.

And you know, especially, you know, I look at my grandmother's generation, they lived in a different time, of course, they're gonna have a different perspective on what motherhood should be or what life should be. Some of those values are amazing, but some of them don't hold up in, in modern society. So it's really important to stay in your lane, and to be comfortable in the choices that you make as a family. Yeah. You know, my kids feel loved. They're seeing, they're heard. They're happy, my husband's happy. I'm happy. Yeah. You know, that's the main thing.

Yeah. That is, that is awesome. Yeah, I saw I saw a quote the other day, sort of similar to that, like, I'm not going to get this wrong, I'm going off by heart, but I can't remember was something about how were the really the first generation of mothers who have got this, this thing coming out and saying, Oh, you can do it, or you can do this, you could do that. So that, that sort of post feminist movement of that, you can do it all. But then our mothers didn't do it all, they probably had jobs, and then stopped working to have kids. And now we're at this point where we do want to express ourselves, and we do want to do other things apart from the mothering role. So we're just caught in limbo of how like, I don't wanna say, how do you get it right? Because I don't think you ever get it. Right. But how do you make it work? You know, like you were saying, like, for your family, and it's really hard not to look around and seeing what other people are doing listening to other voices. It's like, put your blinkers on and just do what works for you. Like you said, Stay in your lane. And if you if you're all happy, then that's all that matters.

Absolutely. Yeah. Because you're always gonna feel that pool. Like how often do you hear or backing, backing out? And we didn't do this?

Yeah, there was a different life completely different circumstances.

Absolutely. And I want to make sure that when my kids, especially when they're a bit older, that I'm up to speed with what's going on in schooling. They're living through a different time than I did as a child. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's really important. Not projecting your experience onto your kids. Like our parents did. Like, you know, my my parents parents did. Yeah, some of those values were good, but some of those things are not.

Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. That is a really good way to put it

get that baby

thank you so much for coming on tomorrow. I love chatting with you to save me. It's been lovely. It's nice to actually have a conversation because we always see each other in passing at gigs and shows and things. It's lovely to sit down and chat with you. And thank you for sharing

on thanks for having me. Like this was such a safe space to have very, you know, a very open conversation. I've never done a podcast before, like,

natural you have to do more of them.

But I didn't you know you make it made me feel comfortable.

Or Thank you. I appreciate that.

And I do you know, follow your podcast and you've done a really good job to be proud of it.

Oh, thank you. That's so nice of you to say. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes.