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Hello artistic Dad!! Thank you so much for agreeing to be a guest on the special Father's Day eps of my podcast. I cant wait to meet you and chat. Here are the general talking points that I work through on each episode. As my chats are quite organic, we may not end up talking about every one of these, and some may not apply to you or your art form. Artist Intro Tell us about yourself, your art form, what you create, style, mediums you use, how you got into your art/creating, how long you have been doing it for, influences, etc Family intro Tell us about your family, children, ages, (names are optional) Share as much or as little as you wish. Being a Dad Did having a child/becoming a father influence or change your work? What was your experience in the trenches of new fatherhood like? What surprised you about becoming a dad? Identity How did the concept of your own identity change when you became a Dad? Is it important to you to continue your art as well as be a father? Is it important to you that your children see you as an artist/creator? Day to day What does your art life look like today? Perhaps your children are grown and it looks very different. challenges, pros and cons Did you need to find new ways to work so you could continue creating? Support Do you/did you have other dads in your art circle that have had this experience? Do you or have you had role models about how to juggle creating art and the demands of parenthood? Do you/did you have a support network around you? How did that/does that affect your work/art/creativity? Guilt We talk a lot about mum guilt on my show. Do you have any thoughts on this? Do you ever experience "dad guilt" in relation to your art/creativity? If your art is not your 'day job', do you feel torn about spending time on lesser monetary producing activities? Anything else An opportunity for you to share anything additional that you w ish to that is important to you Future What projects/shows do you have coming up, anything you’d like to mention. How people can find you online. Other notes You can be as honest as you want on my podcast, swearing is okay too. If any conversations arise that may trigger others I will put a warning on the episode. Conversely, you don’t have to be honest, please don’t feel that you have to share anything that you don’t feel comfortable sharing. You will have approx 3-4 days before I finalise editing of your episode. If you recall anything that you would like removed please let me know before this time and I will be happy to do so. Before chatting, if you have any topics that are definitely off limits, please let me know and I will be happy to oblige Although not a topic I ask guests directly about, the subject of mental health comes up more often than not. If you feel comfortable talking about your experience please do so. I have had my own personal experience with post natal depression and anxiety, and feel comfortable talking about the subject, Please send me promo photos that I can share. This can be of you, an example of your work, your family/children, anything that you would like to represent you. Any number from 1-5 is great, and at least one that shows your face is awesome. - OR refer me to an online platform where I can access them. SOCIAL MEDIA Your episode will go live on a Friday. Leading up to this I will post promos on my instagram and facebook accounts: I will tag you in each, feel free to share or repost on your socials, it certainly helps to spread the word to new listeners. Alison alsone765@gmail.com www.alisonnewman.net 0422 458 336 Take a listen to the podcast here

Alison Newman is an Australian singer songwriter and has released her new EP 'Wolf': a musical masterpiece that delves deep into the complexities of postnatal depression. BUY MUSIC ON BANDCAMP "I feel like Alison is one of those artists that give pieces of herself in each song that she releases." RAG MAG “Was great to have Mt Gambier singer-songwriter Alison Newman as support when I played in her town. Her new EP is excellent and the hometown crowd loved her performance.” Ross Wilson - Daddy Cool/Mondo Rock Alison's EP album 'Wolf' is out now .... FIND OUT MORE LISTEN

Luke Balkin Australian electronic dance musician and producer S1 Ep09 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts To mark Father's Day here in the Southern Hemisphere I share 3 special episodes where I chat to 3 creative dads to get their take on things, how they continue to make music while being hands on dads. In this episode I chat to electronic musician, and producer Luke Balkin from Casterton VIC, Luke is a dad of two, we chat about balancing creating music with running a farm and being a dad, the importance of supporting independent artists, and how he incorporates his children into his music. Luke's stage name is LT Balkin. Connect with Luke here - https://www.instagram.com/l t balkin_music/ Watch Luke's DJ B*tch video here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFsv0zo8BJY Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Luke's music used with permission When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creators and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. Oh, come along, like thanks so much for being part of this special episode. No worries. Thanks for having me, Allison, of how to listen to a couple of the podcasts so far. And it's sounding really good. So yeah, it's great to be a part of this. Oh, great. Thank you. All right. So for those people who aren't familiar with your music, and what you've been up to Jordan, give us a rundown of how you got into music. What was the style is and what you what you're up to at the moment as well. Yeah, for sure. So I got into electronic music, being a DJ. And I also studied audio engineering at SAE in, in Melbourne. So I was, you know, recording bands and stuff like that in Melbourne. And then also DJing on the side. And, and when I sort of, at the end of my finishing up doing DJing I just wanted to sort of make music and, and at that sort of stage, I sort of got into the electronic music field. And, and yeah, started sort of producing tracks and making music and just my own sort of own sort of style sort of thing. So yeah, that's how it all sort of started out. I was I started out as a punk DJ, like I was at nightclubs in Melbourne, playing playing punk rock music, and, and, yeah, I used to record bands and stuff and do sound engineering for a fair few bands on the circuit as well. So when I do, you know, between their sets, I used to DJ at the clubs, and then they come on afterwards and mix them while up on stage playing. And that's, you know, that's my early roots has always been punk rock. So, you know, I grew up listening to that, you know, no effects and, and all those sort of punk punk bands, the early sort of Green Day stuff, and living and and all that. And that was the scene I grew up in. And, yeah, that's sort of sort of how my music career sort of started out really, it was, like come from, I've never been really musical as such, but I've always had a fairly good ear for music. So it was more to do with audio engineering and stuff like that. So yeah, but when I first started out as an audio engineer, it was a long time ago. And, um, we were, you know, Pro Tools just sort of started the digital era was just coming out. Well, I was, I was back when it was, we were recording off of like tape and stuff like that will cut in bits and pieces. So it was a long time ago. And then we're just sort of forming into that digital era. So yeah, it was a it was good time. And that's Yeah, so my early, early parts are all punk rock. That's, you know, that's where I sort of started the whole music sort of thing with me. So when you say, pre electronic sort of equipment, does that mean you were DJing? With proper records? And that kind of stuff? Back in the day? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. That's, that's how, you know, we, as as DJs, when I started with like, with the punk rock stuff, it was all on CD and stuff, it had nothing really to do with, with mixing as such, you're just dropping the music after the song had finished. So you just had to have a really good ear to what would come on after that track was all it was really just whatever you wanted to play. But then when I that's what sort of got me into electronic music was that it all had to do with like BPM and actually mixing the song and actually making songs really mash together really well without sort of, you know, missing a beat. That's what you couldn't do that with punk rock music, you know, you're just playing songs after songs and just trying to keep the crowd entertained. As much as you want to do that with electronic music, you've got to be a good mixer. And starting off, too, with turntables, like I had a, like a reasonable time on turntables. But I wouldn't say that my main DJ was with turntables that was sort of like, turned over onto that the CD sort of format, and we were sort of mixing off of CDs and CD decks, the early early CD decks and stuff like that, but we were, you know, you had to be a but you had to be a good DJ, to, to be able to get by back then. And these days, you don't have to do anything. You can just push a button and it'll sync everything up for you and you know, and the kids love it. So it's a lot it's a lot different. It's a lot different these days. So, yeah, yeah, for sure. I think a lot of people now just press play, and especially the young kids doing it now, they don't seem to be actually mixing live as they're going, Oh, it's 100% I, you know, my club times in, in Adelaide, you know, I sort of that's where I sort of finish my, my DJing careers was I had a, a, like, a residency at the casino, where we go and play there, you know, every, every Wednesday night, and it was, it was really good vibe, and everything like that, but we used to go out a lot. And afterwards, and that and two other clubs, and you go there, and you just go up and have a look and see what they're doing. And you would see people pushing play on like, a mix on on, you know, like a Spotify mix or something like that. And that was what they were doing. And I'm like, what, like, what are you doing? Are you actually doing anything up here or, you know, and a lot of did it lost its vibe, because the people they actually don't really know how to mix at all, they just have got a sink on their, on their mixer. And, and it pretty much well, you know, everything comes together and you get you can't get by if you go to a club, and you sit back and you listen to music. And you either know if it's a shit DJ are really good DJ. And that's, that's these days, you can go out and you put it to work and you'll you'll know straight away if it's good, it's good. It's a real skill then to as a DJ to read your audience to get those people back on the dance floor. You got to know your stuff. Yeah, that's 100% Like, yeah, definitely, if a DJ doesn't know what he's playing, or, you know, gets up there and, and hasn't got the right tools or, or know how to work the decks or anything like that they can fail just so easily. So yeah, it's just it takes it takes a big skill to, to do it. And yeah, a lot of guys out there are good at it are really good at it. And you don't actually see, or I don't know that many DJs that are right into producing though either though, like most of them are just you know, they just do their weekend DJs and stuff like that. So DJ gigs, so you know, you know the music you're making now, you're doing that all from your house, and you're working with people all around the world, which is really exciting. Yeah, 100% the music I make now is basically a collection of music that I made probably around about 2016 and I'm still making music now. I just a lot of the stuff that I made, I put a lot of time and effort into it. So I seem to like go back and revisit a lot of the older stuff that I made. And just keep working on on that. Yeah, so now i i Just jump online I've got a master over in America that I used and he's put me in touch with a fair few people to collaborate with singers that Charlotte lock who's from the UK and, and a fair few other artists that I that I just work with. And just you mainly for vocals. Yeah. And it's just really fun. It's just fun to sort of have a bit of a hobby and a passion for music and still be able to, you know, put something out there at the end of the day and have a bit of fun with it. So yeah, that's my sort of main thing is just as long as you're having fun with music, that's the main thing for me. Absolutely. You've got a young family. Tell us about your your children over there in Victoria. So I've got a young boy named Fletcher. He is coming up to three years old. And I've got a little girl Lexi and she's around one and a half. Alexis she is so yeah, we give her we just call it Alexei. So she loves that. So yeah. keeping you busy at that age, the two of them run around. Yeah, they sure they sure. Are they sure are they they they cause plenty of headaches but they are both really good kids and yeah, we love them to death. Yeah, so how do you go then finding time to to get stuck into your music and create when you've got little people? Do you sort of try and do it at night or weekends? How do you make it work? This is basically my time now it's like minute they're the kids go to bed at sort of, you know, seven o'clock, eight o'clock as I come up here I've got my own sort of studio up in what I call the school house. It's like an old converted school house just got like a bed for friends to stay in and it's just got all my computer equipment and stuff like that up here. So I just wanted to come up here and do my thing. You know, it's it definitely has been challenging, I must admit like coming from, you know, just having a part Under and being able to do music and that whenever you want to, to to, then only do it at night time, you've got to try and really, you know, focus and yeah, try and make the time that you've got, you know, make it work. Yeah, yeah, make the most of those limited little slots with the hours. So you also work you also run a farm, I believe. So you're, you're pretty much burning the candle at both ends. Really? Yeah, yeah. So we've got a three and a half 1000 acre farm over here in Casselton. And me and my dad work here on the farm. And we've got like, roughly set like around about 350 head of cattle, and so maybe closer to 400. And, and two and a half 1000 sheep here on our farm, so So it's extremely busy here, during the weekdays plus, up in New South Wales, our my brother, my older brother, he has his farm up there, which is around about 13,000 acres. So we used to split our time a lot in between the properties and work both sides of it. But now we tend to sort of stay one end and the other end of my dad sort of floats in between the property. So yeah, we were pretty flat out over here all the time. So, yeah, absolutely. And we'd be challenging then to try and, you know, with the kids, you wouldn't actually be able to sort of float between the two properties that easily when you've got your Yeah, that's right. Yeah. 100% it's made it made a lot different. Now having that having a family and stuff like that, it just changes things a lot. You know, so but, you know, that's just the part of having a family I guess you've got to make, you know, you've got to make changes yourself as well. So clincher is actually in one of your music videos recently. So I do, I do a lot of my own music videos, and I've been doing video for a long time, probably just as long as I've been doing music. So that's one thing I've sort of thought about doing is like, just just do it, just make the video yourself have a bit of fun with it and make it yourself. And they they just love it. They they love being a part of anything. And then when you go back like, you know, if you put if you put TV on and YouTube or tractors on, then you know he gets really grumpy. So that so when he gets on YouTube, and then he sees himself on there, he thinks that's the best thing in the world. Like he thinks it's the funniest thing ever. And he will watch it repetitively all day and Lexi, well, she just loves it, so she can't get enough of watching him or mommy on there. So they love it. So the I'm going to try and incorporate that the kids into as many of the music videos as I can and just have a bit of fun with it. Like I was thinking about sort of getting something you know, professionally done up and I'm just like, what, what's the hell, you know, like, just just have a bit of fun with it and do it yourself. It always like always think that if you have a crack at it yourself and it comes out real raw, it sometimes makes it give a more feel to it, then then something that's over produced or anything like that, like you know, you'll give your fuel footage to somebody else Now rub their hands all over it and, and make it glossy and everything but it doesn't seem as raw as as sometimes. stuff. So, yeah, we just had had a lot of fun making the video for DJ bitch. And yeah, we filmed it on our property. And yeah, we always had this idea to do it. But it was just really an idea. And let's let's just do it. And we had this footage. And it was it had just been sitting there and I said the laser I said we've got to finish it with like half it was shot. And I just sort of started putting it together and it just sort of slotted in really well. And yeah, before too long, I think, you know, the film clip I think was up to about 6000 views at last I looked it was it was quite a shock actually, but it's a good fun. It's a good fun video clip. So, you know, it was just a bit of fun and the kids love it and like I said they just can't get enough of watching themselves so it's really good. It is a great video and yeah, I didn't realize that you made that yourself. Congratulations because that is awesome. Yeah, no, I do all the all the video on myself and then I get back to the computer here and and produce it all myself. So yeah, it's just fun. Yeah. So you used to drown in that video is that you do that yourself as well. Yeah, I got my I got my own drone. And so the drone shoots in full 1080 Hey, He HD and I use the GoPro as well to get mosiello shots on the film clip because pretty much a GoPros these days, I just got some of the best, you know, the best pixels as well they just come out amazing clear and you can just sort of go through and edit up your videos afterwards. So yeah, drone stuff. I've had a drone for a number of years now and yeah, I love love flying them and just yeah really fun you kids obviously know that you do your music is that it's something that you you love sharing with the kids, it's important for you to involve them in, in what you're doing. Yeah, for sure my kids really love music. We got a thing at our house that we just love to put on music, like around tea time, or Saturday mornings and stuff like that, it's always music going on at our place. And we just yeah, we just try and involve them as much as we can, you know, whether it's listening to my music or, or listening to other people's music, and they love it, they love dancing, and they just love being kids and, and as adults mainly so we both love it as well. So yeah, that just we just make sure that they've got heaps vert arounds. And you know, they're not too scared to have a bit of fun and dance around the living room. Here in my studio, I've actually got a toy toy room here for Wednesday. So, like on a Saturday, if I'm, if I want to do music or anything like that, I bring the kids up here with me, and they've got their own toy room, and they'll, they'll play toys up here and, you know, push around the boats and the cars and stuff while I'm up here, you know, playing on the computer. So yeah, it's a really sort of fun environment for him. And we don't I definitely don't just run away from the whole family to go and do music. It's just, it's just here, you know, Dad's up here at the schoolhouse, and the kids will come up here and, and you know, they'll ride their bikes around in here and have a bit of fun as well. So yeah, definitely they're very much included Can you see do you find now have with the kids in your life, that the way that you write your music has changed at all yet, like the like you see the world a bit differently? Maybe anything like that? Yeah, 100% I'd say. Because my music is, you know, electronic and different. I'm just sort of really trying to create a vibe, as much for like the, the kids and stuff, it definitely hasn't really changed my sort of style as much. Yeah, the only thing that that really has changed is that just not being able to have that flexibility time to you know, just just go and you will just have more time without having the kids and stuff like that you would just end up having a lot more time up yet up your sleeve to sit down and really concentrate on something, and you just win now doing music, you sorta have got to be in the right mindset, or else you just don't get it down. And if you're not, if it just doesn't flow, it, you're wasting your time. So yeah, I will, I'll come up and play around with tracks like that. And it's just not working. It's just definitely it's not working. So you just stop and you'll come back another time, but it's it having children and music, you just got to really make time for your passion, I think. And yes, to having having children and stuff like that. It's, it's yeah, it's a great thing. And it's been awesome, but there's definitely challenges involved. And I think if I had children a lot, like, like, I'm I'm 40 Now, if I had them when I was younger, I don't think I would have coped as well that's one thing I don't really want. I'm glad I had children when I was older. I'm pretty like I think I'm very selfish myself sometimes like not now, but I was would have been when I was younger, a lot more selfish er and wanted to sort of achieve more. Now I've got that mindset that I've just don't don't really care anymore. Like I just want to have fun. So but um, but now, you know being a bit older and stuff like that. I'm just a lot more chilled and just don't really care. And just like I said, I think for myself if I just have music as a as a passion and a hobby. It breaks down those walls. It's just like, you know, if you achieve something, it's great, but you're not really focused on, you've got it, oh, I've got to make the charts or I've got to sell music or anything like that. If people want to listen to it, that's fantastic. And it's awesome. And if you wanted to get shows, that's great. But if you really focused on that, and it doesn't happen, it just breaks your heart all the time. And you just end up burying yourself, I think you just want to, I just want to put stuff out there that I'm really proud of. And, you know, when I released my last album, I had had a lot of messages of people saying, Oh, my God, that song was just amazing, or that was so great. And that's what it comes down to. For me, it's like, just those moments where people say to that, so I think it's really big. Shout out to people that, you know, tell that artists that you really liked their music, it makes a difference to people like it makes people be more productive. And they want to actually, you know, they want to keep pursuing their dreams. And I think today's age to like, with artists, where where artists and musicians and everything has gone through the whole COVID thing. You know, they need you more than ever right now. People really need to stand up and say, hey, you know what, I'm gonna buy that CD. I love that tune. Keep doing what you're doing. And you know, stay positive, because it only takes one person to say oh, you know your musics crap. And you know, you suck, all of a sudden, that person just shuts down and then they don't want to do it anymore. So you know, as long as you know, since I've been doing music, I haven't even had one person say you, you suck or your shit. It's just like, everything in the music scene I think is so positive. But we're just going through such a short time with COVID that no guy out there's work and the poor old industry, music is industry is suffering. The venue's are dying up. They need you more than ever, right now. People, people like myself, anyone out there who's putting music together still is they need you. So, you know, the people out there listening and buying records, you know, they're awesome. That's what we, we do it for. So, you know, yeah. That's so well said. Yeah, that's the thing. And I think big Yeah, because we can't say, the audience face to face because we can't make those, you know, personal connections, it is important for people, if, you know, if you like someone's music, send them a message. And, you know, it's just that little, that little bit of connection. It's just enough to brighten someone up and and keep them go. And like you said, it's, it's that spark that gets them going. So, yeah. And it's nothing is it so it's not, I like appreciate so many different styles of music, like I listened to, you know, so much different styles. And even if it's not the general the genre that you listen to, you know, just just let them know that that piece of music that was awesome, you did an awesome job on that, you know, your vocal was fantastic on that. Just just let them know. I think it's like, that's the most positive thing I think with the with the music scene, other artists get behind other artists, even if you got a small majority of fans out there and you know, I don't consider myself having many fans at all but the small group that have that I have around me that they definitely don't shy away with saying hey, that's that tunes. Awesome, great job that's a that's a sweet tune keep getting maybe keep doing that sort of style it's a love it so that's and that's what gives me a bit of momentum and stuff and just just to have a bit of fun with it too. So yeah, but it's definitely a struggle out there and if you know if someone was doing this job at the moment full time and and you know looking for those gigs every weekend I really feel for those people at the moment I you know, it breaks my heart to to see how the music industry is going to recover from this because I know a lot of artists I know that they're artists Charlotte lock the, the girl that featured on my album, she she ended up going back to work at a big company and I murder messaged not long ago and I said you know how's how's the music going? And she was like, there's no time you know, I've got to get back to work and there's no no gigs. So and she you know, I couldn't never think of this girl not seeing again because of voice is so amazing. And it just broke my heart to hear that. You know this girl can't get any more gigs and she's had to go back to the office and start working again and slaving away to the man you know. You mentioned briefly before Lacey your wife She must be very supportive of of what you're doing and helped me a lot. She's very supportive she that she loves that she loves being involved. She's, you know, probably my biggest fan I every track that I do or take part in in any small way. She's probably the first person who gets it is on that track. So I give it to her and, and she'll listen and I'll say, What do you think of this? And you know, what do you think of this? And she'll be like, oh, yeah, I love it. I love it. I love this bit. And so that yeah, gives we sort of feed off each other a lot. And, yeah, it's great to have somebody supportive that by your side, or that, you know, is prepared to sit up all night while you're at three o'clock in the morning, you know, bouncing ideas off somebody overseas about some track that's getting mastered at, you know, some ungodly hour or, you know, me waking up in the middle of night Khan Hawk got such a great idea for a video clip. So, she, yeah, she's really great and very supportive. And yeah, yeah, I love her a lot. Yeah, and she got got a little bit of a go in the video as well. The music video. Yeah, she was up there dancing with flat chi. And it was quite funny. She said, I'll go out with death, which I said yeah, get out there and have a dead so yeah, it was good. Mid so I loved the little little jacket that he had onto. Yeah, he's gonna wear that and all that all the film clips. We've decided he loves his he loves that jacket. He calls it his DJ check jacket. So he really thinks it's really cool. So yeah. What have you got on at the moment or anything coming up that you want to share? I've got one track that I'm working on at the moment. I've just, I've got another girl that's just doing some vocals for me for this track. It's, it's called creatures. When you've heard lately, it's like I really wanted to make something that was sort of like, really on that that preset vibe that really pumped up sort of idea. And just it didn't really have to mean anything. It was just sort of a like really pumped up track. Yeah, that's what I'm working on at the moment. So I just sort of had that mastered. But it's come back and I'm Why can't I just need something else to sort of give it a bit of an edge. So I thought I'll try it with a female vocals. I'm just waiting for those vocals to come back. And I'll put in the track. And yeah, see how that turns out. Let me lose a happy move. I don't know what to do. Everything about my situation is a win or lose. I know the feeling of people when they go donate bags. I made a choice to ignore my Molly, Jason bash, what is exactly when I listen to a couple of the podcasts before? And he the people what they were saying about you know, and you know that they have music and then that was on the back burner because they've got so much time. It's what happens. I think when you have a family, it's like so much gets put on the backburner though, doesn't it? It's like, it's incredible, that, you know, you've got all this, all this passion and all this art that you want to get out there and want to push out into the world. And all of a sudden, you can't because you're locked down with their, with your family and doing you're doing the stuff that's, that's, that's important to them. And then all of a sudden, you can't you can't get it out. And then it's sort of built up, it really is built up, especially if they're, if they're, if it's a person that's putting out stuff constantly, and has a family and all of a sudden that sort of just kind of it's it's hard it's just about expressing yourself, I think and as long as people can keep getting it out there. That's the main thing. And you know, I imagine for women, especially having kids, it's so important to nurture those kids and you'd seem to be putting everything into the children I know from seeing it firsthand through my wife that she puts everything into our kids and and your wonder like now I've you know, she's focused on going back to studying more at nursing and, and, and that's something that she's passionate about and she loves so we make time to fit her you know, things that she needs to do to into into her life things but it's that's the thing is it's like you know when When if you don't have an outlet somewhere or a passion and you've got nowhere to you know to do it it builds up and you know probably can end up being the falling down of your marriage or anything like that because you just got no outlet and you feel like you're locked up with your children and just having this dull life that you you know, that just ends up crashing around around you if it doesn't have you don't have an outlet much for coming on today. Like it's been great to chat and all the best with whatever you've got coming up soon. I can't wait to hear some new tracks for me. No worries. Thanks, Alison. I really appreciate coming on the podcast and yeah, I wish you all the success for it. It's sounds fantastic so far, and yeah, it was he could be keep going with it in the future and it keeps coming out and bringing positive messages with it.

Adam Page South Australian saxophonist and composer S1 Ep10 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts To mark Father's Day here in the Southern Hemisphere I share 3 special episodes where I chat to 3 creative dads to get their take on things, how they continue to make music while being hands on dads. In this final of 3 special episodes, I chat with saxophonist, multi instrumentals and composer Adam Page who is a dad of 2 from Adelaide South Australia, Adam talks about the decision he made before even having a child about how his career would change, the struggle of being an artist during lockdown and how to manage being in a creative funk. Connect with Adam here Adam's youtube Adam's faceboook page Purchase Adam's music here Adam's music used with permission Connect with the podcast here When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creators and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. Thanks for coming on today. Adam. It's a pleasure to have you join on this very special episode. I am stoked. It's I think it's important to to open up these conversations. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. So can you tell us about your connection with music, how you got into playing and all the amazing things that you've done over the years? All right, well, how long have you got that look, I first got into music fully, I guess in Mount Gambier when I was a student at at Grant High School. And that kind of led on to coming up to Adelaide to to study jazz and as a saxophonist, and from that point, I kind of I don't know, I just, I just sat back and and let the you know, let the music guide where I was going. And I've done all kinds of things in my life since then, musically from spending three and a half years on cruise ships. playing in the orchestra is on ships to you know, touring with with bands around around the country and around the world and playing in make millions of recordings and as I guess a freelance saxophonist, but also a lot of writing as well heaps of writing for small ensembles and larger ensembles. Currently, I'm I'm writing for the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra and have done multiple times in the last few years. I've written major works for New Zealand Symphony Orchestra and orchestra Wellington as well. I've traveled the world with my multi instrumental looping, improvised show. Yeah, I don't know like heaps, heaps and heaps and heaps of stuff. And this. This stuff happened. I mean, you know, a lot of it happened before I was a father. But there's still yeah, there's still a lot of it that still exists. Just, it just it just looks a little different now. Yeah, for sure. So you said multi instrumentalist? How many instruments can you play? Well, I own a lot more than I can play. But I mean, I guess the woodwinds are my first go to so you know, all of the saxophones clarinet, flute. Other flutes like Native American flute and Bansuri. But then, you know, piano has always been a big part of my, my sort of creativity. And the tools for writing sort of come from the piano. I play guitar, bass, drums and percussion. Yeah, and other bits and pieces. We add instruments from around the world. But yeah, I guess you know, I call myself a multi instrumentalist, but you know, I'm, I'm a saxophone player first. So you just you have a passion for just, like trying out new things and just seeing what happens and finding new ways to do things. Yeah, I do. I do because I mean, you know musics music and, you know, the, the fundamentals of music remain no matter what instrument you play in. So like I, you know, I play drums. Like, I play the saxophone, I play, you know, the nose flute, in the same way that I was, I would play the bass. It's just, you know, it's the same music but just a different different technique and a different a different voice that you're using. But inside it's still the same, the same music. Let's go and you went to New Zealand recently I saw on your Instagram. I did. And that was pretty lucky. I'd been working on a on a saxophone concerto that was that was written for me that I'd collaborated with as well in the composition process and you So I've been working on it for a long time. And I got to a point where it was was ready. And I was ready to go over and work with this orchestra and you know, do the performance and a recording as well. And then, you know, some, some some COVID business was starting to drop around the place. And I luckily, I got over, you know, before anything happened. And while I was over there, the Victorian outbreak sort of happened. And I luckily changed my flights earlier to go through Auckland in Adelaide rather than Melbourne. If I'd gone through Melbourne, I would have yet I would have been stuck. But yeah, I got back a day before locked down in South Australia. So I'm very lucky, I got it down. Because I think, you know, I mean, I'm just so used to cancellations. Now the last 18 months has just been just one projects lost after another. And I've got used to that kind of dynamic that it creates creatively. But if this if this show was canceled, I would have been pretty gutted. It's like an emotional roller coaster isn't it really is really tough. And, you know, the deeper we get into this, you know, like I'm understanding more and more about my, my creative process and what, what I need and what keeps me buoyant. And a lot of a lot of these sorts of situations that are occurring around us. In a lot of ways, they're kind of they're sort of drowning my my normally buoyant kind of attitudes and and my direction that I normally kind of take so and that's just purely because we can't, you know, we can't dream money we can dream it we can't fully turn those dreams into, into a reality without all of this uncertainty is attached to it. So it's yeah, it's very difficult. Yeah, for sure. It's like, you want to have ideas and goals and dreams, but you're sort of like, well, what's the point? Because it's not going to happen anyway, like, you feel that it's crushed before? Yeah, I'm trying, I'm trying not to get to that point of like, what's the point? Because because the you know, in so many ways, the point is, it's not in the delivery, it's in the creation. And I hear, but it's hard, though, it's hard. Because, you know, you've taken you take away one fundamental part of the, of the project, which is the delivery. And it's very hard to stay focused. Without letting that that idea of, of uncertainty creep in, you know, it does definitely affect affect the creation effect ever every level of it. Really? Yeah, absolutely. Have you been able to do much like work online with your music, or you found other ways to be able to look back in the, like, you know, the first sort of wave, I guess you could call it I did a few online performances, which went really, really well. Like, I was surprised, actually, that the community that that kind of, you know, opted in was super supportive. And, you know, I could I could see the comment thread just going crazy while I was performing and it was just, it was just really nice. I'm, I'm planning on doing another couple of those in the in the coming weeks as well. Just like basically for my my friends over in New South Wales and Victoria and just to give them something to consume. But aside from that, I've been really lucky that I've had some I've had some composition projects that have really kept me and kept me going with with the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra and, and also some other, you know, work with with a small ensemble, the Ben Todd quartet, with Ben Todd, who's a drummer Paul white and James Marlowe and that those two projects have really kind of kept me kept me going. Yeah, but it's it's hard. So you mentioned a little bit before, before you had two kids. What did you music life look like at that stage where you're doing it full time? Oh, yeah. It's there. You know, there's, there's no doubt that once you have kids, the, you know, that changes, you know, and for me, I, I kind of made a made a decision before we had our first daughter that my life was going to change. Okay, and so what what I had in the past will not, I will never have that again. And that that led to me really thinking about priorities and this at this moment in my life, like what is important, and it really like, I mean, it was it was just so clear that the most important part of my life right now is is, is my family and creating those those irreversibly positive relationships with my, with my children and with my partner as well. And so, yeah, everything changed. I was doing so much stuff, creatively, and I was definitely absolutely in control of my day of my week of my hour, there was a point before we had kids, where, you know, there was quite a while where I would on a Sunday night. Look at my week, and I printed out these calendars with, you know, from from 5am to midnight, basically. And I would, I would schedule everything that was happening in the week, and I will just sit there for an hour or so on a Sunday night and, and just put it all in including, like hangtime, including breaks, including just like, Okay, so on Thursday, I'm doing nothing. And then and I'll just let it happen. And so you know, I'm I go to the art gallery, I might go for a swim or whatever, you know, Thursday's Friday, but then all of the other days, I would like totally just go like, right, this is best case scenario. And then, you know, I'd you know, on Monday night, I would, I would look at it and go see what's happening Tuesday and go like Anna looks cool, or I could change this change that. So it was a very, very productive. Incredibly, and then when you have children you like if you're if you're a committed parent, if you are completely into the next few years being, you know, in a state of creative upheaval, if you commit to that, then you know, it, it changes it changes everything, you know, you can't it's not possible to, to have those those sorts of positive relationships without making sacrifices. And, you know, and I hope I'm not sounding negative here, like, because I I'm very positive about and I'm very happy about the choices I make, because will have made and continue to make because I have had, you know, I've had discussions with with people who have gone the other way where they have followed the path of their career and their and their music or their art. And it's, it's caused the, you know, the downfall of their family. And that's, that's, that's long term. Okay. That's, that's an absolute long term thing that everybody regrets, I'm sure. And so, so yeah, it's, it's, I don't know, I've just gone I'm going around in so many circles here in different different directions. But you know, what I'm saying like, you've just got to make those sacrifices for the good of your, of your, of your village, you know, of that, that beautiful thing that we call family? Or? Let's see. Yeah, so you had you had a conscious think about it, I suppose, of what what your life was gonna look like and made a decision for yourself. But But can I if I can add to that, yeah. We also with with my partner, Georgia, like, we had really fantastic conversations about my career and about my art and about what I need, because my needs are very clear, like I need to be creating I need to be doing something musically. And, and the importance of that and so, you know, the conversation just even having a conversation about the importance of art of music and being creative in my life. actually gave me more room to to step away from that for a while and know that when the time was right, I can I can commit to it again, I can just go straight back into it. So and and it was funny because in the first you know, in her first year of life, I wrote basically 90 minutes of orchestral music for this concert and I had, I have no memory of writing it. Like, I don't know how I did it, but we made it work. And there was a bunch of projects that happened in that, you know, in those first kind of couple of years, because it's like, we had these conversations, we were totally open about what, you know what I wanted to do, but, but most importantly, what I was capable of first, firstly, as a, as a, as a musician, as an artist, but then secondly, as a father, you know, like, so it's a constant balance between the two, and, you know, short trips out of balance, sometimes, sometimes I'm way too busy. And, you know, I'm relying too much on on family and, and, you know, George's parents and, you know, to kind of, you know, give us a bit of help, but, but then other times, I find that man, I haven't picked up my horn in two weeks, you know, yeah, but it's just constantly constantly kind of in flux are out communication is key, all because, you know, like, one, kind of, you know, 30 minute conversation can make the next six months, like, so much easier, because you're honest about your needs. And you're honest about about the capabilities, that you have to be able to kind of get to the finish line with these with the projects, but, but at the same time, it's like you, you start that dialogue around, around how it's going to affect the family, because, because that's the big change. Now, it's not just about me, you know, like, I, you know, with my partner, we, you know, she used to love it, when I went away, when I did, because I said a lot of international touring a lot, a lot of touring around the place, and she'd be like, awesome, I've got some time to myself, it's fantastic. And I used to love being away as well, it's just so fun, so fantastic. And, but then all of a sudden, it's just like, it's no longer about, like me, it's like, it's like it's you, me and us all together, you know, and, and, and if that's the this, the, if that's central to your to every conversation, then you actually end up getting a better result, like everyone gets a better result from from being open and, and communicative and clear with with your needs. And also being realistic. I love doing this stuff. Because, you know, we, we need to talk, we need to talk about this stuff. Like I feel every time I talk about my my parenting style and how it aligns with my, with my art, I just, I feel good, I feel really positive. And I feel you know, and at times where, you know, at the moment, there's a lot of negativity surrounding our lives. And, you know, I think I think just just talking this stuff through reminds, reminds me that, that, you know, this too shall pass and, and I will get to a point where I'll get a tour, you know, somewhere and I'll say to my four year old or their, you know, your might be six at that point, hey, do you want to come on the road with me for a couple of weeks, you know, like, I know, that's going to happen, you know, I know that's going to happen. But yeah. And that's because it's because of the sort of the choices I'm making now. And, and waiting, letting letting life the be the thing that that that steers me, rather than my creativity, if you know what I mean. It's like you're, in a way, you're in a sort of a holding pattern, got all this amazing stuff, you know, you've got to look forward to because of how you've set, set your life up and set things up with your family. So it's really positive. When you look forward, it's salutely and it's a bit of a slow burn. You know, you can't expect it to happen straightaway. And I mean, sometimes I expect it, I expect things to happen far too soon. And, you know, I've just got to kind of try and try and sort of, you know, lose some of that disappointment. Knowing that it will, and knowing that, you know, it will be easier because I mean, we've got a four year old and a one year old at the moment and so we're wearing it at the moment. I'm wearing it deep. And you know, and it's no no word of a lie that the these last, you know, four years of our lives. It's the hardest hardest we've ever had to deal with. You know, you're just you're just totally forced to your absolute capacity and then some and but then you get out to the other side and just be like, Well, that was intense. That was intense. And, and then yeah, like, it just, it's, there's nothing like these first few years to, to really kind of remind you what it's like to be a human, or what it takes to be human. Yeah. And also, I think it gives you a sense of how much you're actually capable of that you probably didn't realize, because I've been forced to these extremes before. That's actually like, you can discover a lot of stuff about yourself that you didn't know. Yeah, yeah. But then on the other end of the spectrum, like I did not know, that I was capable of, of having so much love for someone else. Yeah. You know, like, the love I like I'm tearing up here. love I have for my children. Is it? I don't know anything else like it? Or actually no, nothing else like it. And, you know, when when I walk in the door, you know, a half an hour ago, and I hear my one year old going, daddy data, data and just like just crawling as fast as you can to get to me. Like, it's just like, far out like, what? What, what show have I ever done? That is as good as that. You know? It's the best and I think, yeah, I I hope that my kids realize that. I mean, I know they do. Yeah, I don't have to tell them that I love them so much. You know? Because I mean, I do every moment I can, but they I know they can feel it. Yeah, your actions, your behaviors are showing that. Yeah, and I'm sure, I'm sure that that that the the art that I'm creating at the moment is is is is in some way guided by by that love. That's something I'm interested to that I'd like to chat with people about, have you found that, that change in your life, that being a parent, and that all the changes and intensities that go with it? How does that How has that come out in your work, you find it reflected in what you're creating, I think I've written probably the most beautiful music that I could write through thinking about my, my daughters. One of them was when my, my eldest she look would have been about maybe six months old, and just screaming at three o'clock in the morning, holding her just just absolutely the at the end of my, you know, of what I could give her and just sitting at the piano and just started playing these arpeggios. And she just stopped. And the you know, I thought oh, this is cool. And so I just kept playing and kept sort of doing this, these these very simple arpeggios. And, and yeah, everything changed. And then I had like, I remembered it once he was asleep, and I just sat down at like, what at four o'clock in the morning, whatever is and wrote out this piece of music and and to this day, it's like it comes to her and calms me and and then last year I wrote her a saxophone concerto that was it was inspired by COVID and how the COVID pandemic was was developing and then halfway through and in the second movement I just it was when when you know our youngest was born and and yeah, it's I think it's the yeah it's up there with absolutely some of the most beautiful music I've made just because I I had her in my mind and I had her absolute kind of beauty and and it just it just came through in the notes and like music that never would have existed without without these experiences and I think I think the the beauty comes out of like the pain and suffering as well that you go through having having children and and then that loss of that loss of your old life because it is you know, I miss it. I'm not gonna lie, I miss it so much. It's like a mourning for Access, you have to go see lately? Because I mean, if you if someone says, I know, I don't miss my old life I, you know, this is this is this defines me now it's just like, that's that crap, I don't believe that for one second for one second and you know what it's I'm allowed to miss it because I missed it so much because it was so awesome. You know, but because it was so awesome that has turned me into a different person. And so it's like, well, you know, all of those experiences still exist, they exist in who I am right now. And all of those experiences still exist in in, in the stories that I'm going to tell my, my kids about, you know, the things that I used to do. And but then, you know, I don't I'm not saying that I'm going to be a hermit and just a father for the rest of my life, I know that things are going to change, things are going to get easier. And I'm going to get back on the road, I'm going to get back into doing more stuff and more full time. But at the moment, I've made that choice I've made that deal to be to be there to be present. What does your days look like? Now? I mean, obviously, you've quite busy with a one year old. But when do you find the time to be able to do what you need to do with your music? Well, so we've, we've found an amazing childcare center that both actually both my my kids go to now because Georgia, my partner, she went back to work three weeks ago, three days a week. So that's, that's been amazing. So the eldest goes three days a week, and the one year old, she goes twice a week. So I've effectively got two, three days of creative time now. It's excellent. And I have no idea how to use it. Like I'm telling you I'm at the moment like I'm, I've just been thrusted all of this time. And also because you know, it's a pretty, it's a pretty crazy world out there at the moment with COVID. And we were just committing to me doing some more travel, I'd meant to be playing three weeks at the Sydney Opera House in September, even though there hasn't been kind of publicly canceled. So and I was meant to be in Darwin this week for a festival. And of course, they've just coming out of lockdown. And so I've effectively got about six weeks of free time now as well, which has made our lives so much easier as parents because I wasn't going to be away for four or five weeks. Which I was really anxious about, just because of the implications of the home life, you know, and how Georgia could manage me we've got amazing supports from her, her parents. My folks still live in that Gambia so they can't, they can't help out in a physical sense. Yeah, so but but with this time that I've got, I'm in a real creative funk, hey, like, I've got all these projects that I want to, to embark on. I've been I've been constantly kind of dreaming stuff and writing stuff down. But to actually get to that next level, I'm finding it quite difficult. And I think there's a few things that are that, uh, like impacting my normal kind of my, my normal direction or my normal flow. And first and foremost, it's, it's that idea of what's the point? Yeah, are they actually going to happen? Like, you know, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's not, you know, the view is worth the climb. And so it's that whole kind of like, okay, the, the actual process is what's what I get the most amount of energy out of, you know, but then also, I mean, this is this is another can of worms, social media, like I'm, I'm absolutely 100% addicted to social media. And as as we all are, you know, if anyone's got Facebook or Instagram or Twitter on their phone, you're addicted immediately because those algorithms are so great. They suck you in so and also sort of not seeking out bad news, but just like looking at the news websites just to see what what bad things happened next, you know what I mean? And that's had a profound effect on my, on my outlook on life, like I'm at my core, I'm an incredibly positive and optimistic person. And I'm just feeling now that, you know, the, the, the weight of the world is getting a bit too much for me. And and so I'm actually I've made the decision this morning I'm going to have a bit of a break from social media, just because I've just found myself in some situations online that have been quite negative, and have sort of kept me up at night. And I need that you've got a one year old to keep you up at night. You don't need anything else keep me. I know. And so, yeah, it's a great, it's a great time to be having this discussion. Because, you know, the, the fact of the matter is that, you know, I've got all this time and I'm being super creative. But actually, the reality is, like, I've got all this time and I have no freaking idea how to use it. And that's the reality and that's, that's something that we need to all kind of embrace. I think. You can't be super creative all the time. Like this might be like a healing time that you just need for yourself, you know, to, I mean, a lot of people I think some people like hate lockdowns and hate whatever it is. But I know some people I've spoken to that are enjoying being locked away, because the world is so proud. And just being with the people they love and with the family that they need around them. I know that it's putting a spin on a negative but, you know, cocooning time for you, and then you know, the butterflies come out, you know, sometimes I absolutely, and I do track that I was forced into a, you know, physical and creative lockdown last year was pretty, like, the timing was pretty amazing. Because because we were about to have a kid, our second kid, and it was like, Okay, we're home. So what else are we going to do? We are going to, we're going to be here as a quartet. Like, who can go and deep? And it was it was, it was fantastic. And I think, for me, it's yeah, I'm still having trouble getting out of that zone. Because I loved it. Like I, I loved the fact that we were together so much. And that I'd made that choice four years ago, when we know when we had our first that it's like, this is this is a moment in time that I cannot get back. And any opportunity I can take to connect is going to bear fruit in the future. Yeah, and I mean, I've got some, there's some role models in my life that have that have been guiding me as well, like really strong, strong men and strong fathers that have really helped me through making these decisions as well. You know? And, yeah, and so the deeper you get into that mode of, of deep connection, and parenting, the harder it is to get out of it as well. And I think that's a part of it, as well, like i Yes, I've been incredibly creative in this time and these last four years. But I have no idea how I think, I think, yeah, necessity, I think deadlines are the only things that have actually kept me focused. I didn't have a deadline. I wouldn't be doing anything. I actually did write the other day. So I'm on Instagram, someone said that deadlines are really good for musicians, because they make you get off your acid do stuff. Absolutely, absolutely. And I feel like I feel like I need to get back into that kind of idea. Because I mean, for me, you know, so many of my bands that I would start were like, basically, we would just be hanging out, you know, mates hanging out talking about music, had this idea for a band, and then all of a sudden we'd book a gig and get a t shirt designed and before we've even written a note so it's like you know, like that's yeah, let's Let's book the gig. Let's get the vibe. This is this is what it's gonna be like and like, bam, here it is. And yeah, they go okay, so what is it going to be? who's playing what? I think I need a bit more of that in my life. That's like a really stress to get you going You mentioned that you've had some really good role models around you positive and negative, I suppose you'd say things that you you think, Oh, actually, I don't want to do that. Yeah, there's lessons everywhere. You know, I think that where, where we go so well, is through communication. And, you know, some some interactions I've had with other fathers in the past have been quite insightful just in their just in the way that they describe their relationships, you know, with their partners, you know, like, just using that, that idea of, you know, or you're lucky, your misses have, you know, let you out of the house, that sort of thing. And so it's like, man, if you're gonna use that kind of language with me, I doubt you've had, you've had a really kind of, you know, deep conversation about your needs, both both of their needs. And so, you know, I, I've kind of learnt from friends that have had children before me that, that communication is key to being a great parent, so communication with your other half, because sometimes it'll be, you know, it feels like weeks, we're living in the same house, but sometimes it feels like weeks that we've actually connected, like, within Georgia, it's like, full on and, you know, and that's, that's a scary, that's a scary cycle that can be, that can be created, you know, to the point where you, you feel like, you don't know each other anymore. And like, and so communication is just so important, you know, communicating when things are going well, as well. Or not just when things are going badly, you know, and when things are difficult, it's like, let's, let's celebrate these, these moments of, of clarity and, and enjoying our life or new life together, you know? Yeah, so I've definitely, I've definitely taken that from from my friends. You know, James Brown, who's a guitarist, one of my best friends here. Yeah. Him and his partner and their family, they've they've been a big influence, as has Ross McHenry, who's another fantastic musician, incredibly prolific creator, with three kids, I don't know how he does incredible, but he's been a massive kind of beacon for me. But also John Sophos, who's a composer in New South, in New South Wales, in New Zealand, who's my, one of my favorite people in the world, and, you know, he's, he's got adult children now. And, you know, he, he came and stayed with us, you know, when our, when our eldest was about kind of one and a half ish. And we would just sort of sit up the frontman hair, and just chat and just spend time together. And, and he said to me, that I, that he could see himself in me in the decisions that he made when he was a young parent, to put his his career and creativity on the back burner for a while and really hook in with the kid. He's now so close with his kids that are adults, you know, and he said that the stuff that you do now is it's fertilizer. You know, it's, it is lifelong. It's a lifelong connection. And, and you've only got one chance to create that connection. And, and he just said, Look, I'm so happy with what you're doing. Because he's, he's reaping the benefits of it now, with these amazing relationships with these incredible human beings. I know both of his, his his Well, kids so well, as well. And they're amazing humans, you know. And so I look at him and just think, right, I, it might be hard now, but I know that what's happening, what's to come is pretty, pretty magnificent. That's it, you're sowing the seeds to reap, in the field, you're out there. And I truly believe in that, that idea of we only get one chance at this, you know, I've got so many chances to write a new song. I've got so many chances to, to start a new band to, you know, book, a tour, whatever, you know, whatever creative thing. I've got so many chances and if one chance disappears, then there'll be another one. But right now this is my only chance to be to be Is that that kind of person? That I truly want to be as a father that, that, you know, absolutely. Connected? Absolutely. Kind of engaged kind of human around them. And, and you know, silly as well, you got to be silly. Get down on the floor got to get down on the floor with them and play. Yes, that's just so important. Yeah. And again, going back to the social media thing, I think I am using it as a bit of a kind of advice, I think. And it's starting to creep into my, my relationship with my kids as well, like, I'll be talking with them, but I'll be looking at FACP. At the same time, I'm like, Well, what's going on? I need to stop this war, because I don't I don't drink anymore. I stopped drinking five years ago. This is before we even started kind of talking about really having kids and while we've been talking about them, but actually, you know, trying, which I'm happy about. And so I don't have I don't have like alcohol to fall back on. which so many of us do, like, and I can see the power of alcohol as well to have a you just want to have a nice glass of wine at the end of the day. You know, alcohol works? Absolutely. So so I don't have that. And so is that why you cut it out? Because you could see your alignment team? Yeah, absolutely. And it's hard. It's been the hardest thing to maintain. But also, I'm feeling really good about it. Yeah. Good for you. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, right now, what is it? It's it's one one o'clock in the afternoon and I'm I'm actually drinking a beer right now. It's a It's so I'm still drinking but it's just non alcoholic beer and yeah. Thanks, great. Do rejoice, and celebrate when when Georgia, you know, has a swig on the tequila bottle. It's like it's pretty cool. It's just like, oh, yeah, you needed that you needed that? did want to ask me about your music around the children, particularly older daughter? Do you play your instruments around areas like she she's into your music? Here's how it goes. Okay, I sit down at the piano. I play one note, Daddy, stop. I sing a note. No, daddy stop. Yeah, it's been. It's going well, yeah. But she's decided that she likes being in the same room as me when I'm practicing the saxophone. Which I? Yeah, I've usually I've had to go to I've got it. I'm lucky enough to have a studio space as well. And so I go to the studio to practice and just because I know if I start playing, she'll run at me and yell at me. And, and I'm cool with that. Because I'm not forcing it on her. It's like, she is such a strong willed little girl. That that's just you know, it's a fight. I'm not, I'm not prepared to to embark on because it might just end up with her hating music. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't want to do that. I mean, she will never hate music. He loves music. She will listen to music all the time. She loves David Bowie. She loves like, she just loves music, which is fantastic. She wants to play the violin. And that's that came out of nowhere. I think just because we've been watching orchestral things and listening to orchestral things. Yeah, but so she'll sit with me when I practice. And so now, when I practice the saxophone with her, I'm purposely doing really simple stuff. I'm playing major scales. I'm playing scales and thirds. I'm doing things that aren't going to scare her away. So when she starts playing a musical instrument, she's already going to know the sounds and she's already going to know, like, how to practice. Yeah, and and funnily enough, yeah, like it was, it was amazing, like after, you know, a week or so she, you know, she came in with me a few times. She was just sort of sitting in the bar. Singing now she started singing this melody in thirds. She was makeup like, you know, corn and the fairy was things I think the singing in theaters and I'm like, Darling, are you singing what i've what I was practicing? She's like, Yeah. And I just thought to myself, well, there it is like it's Yeah, our youngest one. On the other hand, we can I can, I can pick up a spoon, and then drop it on the ground. And she will just go like, Oh, that sounds awesome. And she'll dance around. And she like, he is the absolute opposite she like you put on any kind of music and she just explodes. Right? They can pull up this and I, you know, and I play, you know, I play the anything that she loses. She goes crazy. When I put the blender on in the morning. She thinks it's the greatest sound in the world. And she's just sitting there dancing to the funny. Yep, she's just looking for any any opportunity just to bust out anyway. She's just, she's just hanging? Absolutely. Oh, look, I know that those qualities that that, you know, the oldest has are only going to be kind of her, or that they're going to be her superpowers when she's older. You know, it'd be so easy for us to to destroy that part of her. You know, but we want we're embracing it. Because, you know, the world needs more powerful women and she's, she's gonna take on the world. And I I wish anyone luck that stands in her way because they will not win. But that's, that's what I love about her as well. As challenging as it is. And as hard as it is to deal with sometimes it's actually like, pretty exciting. That she's gonna be that kind of person. Absolutely. Thank you can't wait to see can't wait to see what she doesn't care. She changes the world. Hope she's my manager actually. Even my manager, my bouncer. Yeah, personal security guy. Oh, that's so awesome. It is important for you to maintain who you are as a person outside of your role as a parent. Absolutely. Because, you know, as much as, as much as we say that, you know, we're the same person. It's, we're not, you know, and, and, and I really do believe that the identity is is incredibly important. And, you know, but but you need to know what, what that is, as well. And so, you know, what, what is my identity? And like, what, what do I identify with? And you know, what makes me me? And I've, yeah, there's a few things that make me me. One of them is, is reading, I read a lot. And I still read a lot. And I the one thing that I've kept from my, my life, pre kids is reading. And so every night I've read, it might be two pages. It might be two lines, it might be 100. I don't think I've, I mean, there might be some nights where I'm just absolutely smashed, and I just need to go to sleep. But generally, I'll read. So that's, you know, that's a big thing about my identity that I've kept. And that's and that's a silent part of my identity as well. But it's such an important part of me and a part of my life. And if I wasn't reading I yeah, I wouldn't be very happy person. And so So yeah, that that is the one thing that I've been, I've kept control of my identity as a musician. I don't think that changes because my identity isn't just about me, my identity is actually in other people. Now that might come out to kind of strange but, you know, in the eyes of of, of my public and the people that enjoy my music, they don't see me as a father. They see me as out of page the bearded musician So in many ways, my identity still exists. Okay? So that side of it, my public identity still exists. And if I, if I'm, if I'm trying to kind of, you know, simmer away at projects, and which I have been doing a bit, it's been more than simmering, it's been boiling sometimes, but, you know, if my output remains, then my identity in the public eye is the same, it just keeps growing, I guess. But yeah, but personally, it's quite simple. For me, and, and it's, and it's reading, it's listening to music as well. It's a big part of my journey of my, my kind of journey of being a better person is exploring other other music and letting the music in, rather than just leaving the music out. And, and that's something that I can do with my children as well. And, you know, I can share that. And that's, in many ways, kind of really helping our relationship as well, because they're growing through music. And, but then, but then, you know, you kind of have to ask yourself, you know, who am I and, I mean, who, who I was yesterday is different to who I am today. And who I'll be tomorrow, and that's just, that's totally, that's up to me, and it's up to my, my mindset at the time. Because if you think that your, your identity is fixed, then then you're missing out on so many other air like factors of your life that you don't know, existed. And so, I, that idea of identity is is kind of attached to the idea of self, you know, what is self what is, you know, it's just, I don't know, I feel like my my identity is who I am right now. And, and who I am right now, is someone that's, that's in a bit of a creative funk. And I'm okay with that. Because that's who I am right now. You can except, yeah, except that except that that's what it is. And if I, if I accept then if I was to be like, Oh, I should be this person, I should be this, you know, multi award winning bla bla bla bla bla, that's, that means nothing. Who I am right now is who I am right now. And so that, to me, is preserving my identity because I'm accepting my identity. All right, we're going deep. Oh, I love it. I kind of I need these conversations as well like because, you know, I do I do talk with friends about this stuff, you know, and it always makes me feel better at the end. So it's nice that we pressing record think the big takeaway from this for this, there's any, any fathers listening even mothers as well, is like communication is just key. And, and talking about the things that you really want to do. And then finding a way together, to be able to do them, you know, like, just being open, and communicating has just, it's just made it made made potentially sticky situations. really manageable. You know, and as I said, before, we've got so much help from from family that yeah, we're so lucky. We're very lucky. Very, very, very, very lucky. I'm eternally grateful for for the people that help us and help me actually it's mostly about me being able to realize not some of my artistic kind of, you know, dreams if you must. Yeah. So yeah, it takes it takes a village

Samantha Redfern British expat mixed media visual artist S2 Ep30 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Samantha Redfern is a mixed media visual artist and a British expat who has made her home in Singapore with her husband and 3 children. Incorporating symbolism such as crowns, flowers, nature, shapes and graffiti, Samantha's abstract style embodies bright colour, exuberance, fun and energy, reflecting the visual cues she notices in her daily walks around Singapore. Samantha studied fine art at University and has a background in photography, pastels, drawing, watercolours, spray painting, and creative writing. Her art has appeared on cosmetic packaging, on swimwear and she sells and exhibits her artwork all around the world. Today we chat about using art to survive lockdown, experimenting in art, the role of women in lockdown, patriarchy in art and the economics of a working artist, We also get slightly off topic and chat about teens on social media, the stark realities of motherhood, body image and internet trolls. **This episode contains discussions around low mood + miscarriage*** Connect with Samantha on instagram - https://www.instagram.com/samantharedfern.fineart/ and her website - https://samantharedfern.com/ Connect with the podcast https://www.instagram.com/art_ of_ being_ a_ mum_podcast Music used with permission from Alemjo https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=aEJ8a3qJREifAqhYyeRoow When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bow and tick people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for joining me today. My guest on today's episode is Samantha red fan. Samantha is a mixed media visual artist and a British expat who has made her home in Singapore with her husband and three children incorporating symbolism such as crowns, flowers, nature, shapes and graffiti. Samantha's abstract style embodies bright colors, exuberance, fun and energy, reflecting the visual cues she notices in her daily walks around Singapore. Samantha studied Fine Art at University and has a background in photography, pastels, drawing, watercolors, spray painting and creative writing. Her art has appeared on cosmetic packaging on swimwear, and she sells it exhibits her artwork all around the world. Today we chat about using art to survive lockdown, experimenting in art, the role of women in locked down the patriarchy in art, and the economics of a working artist. We also get slightly off topic and chat about teens on social media, the stark realities of motherhood, body image and internet trolls. I hope you enjoy. This episode contains discussions around low mood and miscarriage. Welcome to the podcast, Samantha. It's so lovely to meet you today. Thank you, thank you so much for inviting me on. How did you end up in Singapore? So we so me and my husband we met at university, so I did a fine art degree. And he did maths. So you know, leads make sense? are really bad maps. What do you do? I do maps? Oh, it's perfect pairing. So yeah, we've been together since we were 18. We've been together for a really long time, had three kids. But the third one we had out here. So we I don't know. I think we were just stuck in this. This routine, like, particularly me because my husband was working in London, he only saw the kids on weekends. I was just in this, this routine of just housework, like housework and childcare. And it left me no room to even do anything. Like there was no one to look after the kids. So even in the evening, I couldn't go out anywhere or do even do like a Zumba class or something like that, because I couldn't leave the kids husband wasn't till about you know 1010 at night so really, really long days. Didn't have Netflix or anything like that. So you just end up surfing video chat, just bored. I was just really really bored and frustrated because I felt like I loved to keep part playing with the kids but actually lost who I was or any kind of ambition or motivation to seem to be non stop washing, you know folding clothes. Like all that kind of thing. Which if you are someone who loves homemaking, then yeah, sure. That's that's that's great. But for me, I never loved housework. never loved that. Yeah, you know what was it like for you as a kid? I guess not damn I've always been a massive animal lovers always had a lot of pets and have dogs and you know, love being out walking with them taking the kids for days out. But then this opportunity came along. My husband was offered a potential role overseas and it never happened. And at first I said No, good. No, I'm not moving. I'm not moving. Like what? Like, and then I just thought Why Why am I adamantly saying? No, like if opportunities come along, like, should we have that knee jerk reaction to just deny it and that I stopped thinking I thought wouldn't that be an you know, an experience or an adventure or something that opens up loads of possibility? He's we lived in a small village and Dave Days were quite similar. And then weekends was like, where do we go local garden center? b&q which is homeware store, you know, mowing the grass? I thought, why not? So we, yeah, we found an opportunity. And we moved over here, the dogs and the kids and just uprooted. And it was just the best decision. It was honestly the best decision. Yeah, wow. That's it's daunting, but exciting. You know, like, it's, you don't know what it's gonna be like when you get there. But you just go on for it. Yeah, I honestly, I just thought, I don't know, like, I will hate it, maybe will hate it. And I told everybody, we'll be back, we'll be back into the years, two years, we'll be back, we're just doing this for a little bit. And then it's six years now. You probably can't see yourself going back, probably no lifestyle who's so different, like, you know, I can run my business, I can see friends, I can do this stuff I can, if we moved back, everyone else's life would kind of be the same. The mind would change, if that's the thing in mind that would be negatively impacted the most. And I don't want to give that up. But I've been working for my business. So hard, put so much into it. And if I had to go back, and then not have time for again, and not, I just I just couldn't get couldn't literally kill part of myself off because I would desperately even feel like, yeah, fight this period of my life. And I don't want I don't want to, and everybody's so happy here. The kids are happy. And husbands super happy here. And it is hard because with COVID We've been separated. So never in a million years that I wouldn't see my parents for two years. Yeah, but life. Life happens. And it's been really tough. But it's still the right decision. A lot of expats move back home because of this because it couldn't be separated. But from a family perspective, we feel like it's the best thing to be to be out here and just hoping this goes away. Please go away Yes, I tell tell me all about your art. I know I've looked at it. I've looked at it on you online, and it's so bright and vibrant. And, and what you said, just through this conversation about you just want people to feel good and make people feel happy. And yeah, tell us all about it. I actually didn't start off by doing kind of like bright happy artwork. You know, it just kind of evolved. And I realized when we moved to Singapore, and like, there seems to be a gap in the market for abstract art for the older white walls, because most people here you're renting. This is expatriates. Or like you know, not to say most people I'm sure lots of locals but for expats and things most people are renting out here and and you get the bog standard white walls, you know, everything is white. And then people have bought stuff from home or they've left from home ash. So actually, I want something for my wars. Like you know, and I don't want something mass produced and when we're not in a position where we can just go and buy something that's like, you know, 30k or whatever. So I was like, Maybe I should do something. It's been such a while since I actually tried to paint because I'd been doing photography and I've been doing pastoral pastoral drawings and watercolors for you know, just people or myself or like my kids or pets or whatever. But I'm actually really got some paints out since university or other than getting a finger painting with the kids but in that kind of more like guess Okay, let's let's make something Yeah. And first it was like, What do I paint you know when people like can't go out and and go what Okay, so I just thought what, what do I see? And then I I walk a lot and you know, I was going out I've taken all my photos of all the tropical plants and things like that, of course color inspiration. So I was doing maybe plants and flowers, and then it evolved into my city scape series which is the combination of that Uh, the architecture here surrounded by this kind of lush tropical rainforest, the foliage. And then it evolved more into the abstract expressionists pieces with the graffiti style and the colors. So it's very much evolution, but everything kind of spins back, you know, to the beginning with the flowers and the nature and the shapes. So a lot of the shapes I use in my work, and they represent things like they still represent the buildings like a you squares a lot, which represents like humanity and a lot of ways. I've started incorporating crowns and things that was quite a recent thing. I did a breast cancer painting. It's called yas queen, and it was pink. And it's like, it's because it had boobs in their crowns in that and it's like a real like, empowering like piece. And I liked that. And that's how painting makes me feel so empowered. It's like, makes you stand out from the crowd. Like you're not just anybody. You're an artist and you're expressing yourself and that does make me feel confident. I like the reaction. You know, when people said what do you do? And you're like, Ah, I'm an artist. And I love that it makes me feel really really empowered. So the Crown's come in as that kind of symbol of like, Yeah, I'm, I'm doing my thing and I feel positive. Yeah, so that's really cool. I love that so you talked about photography in your past was have you always done a bit of art throughout your whole life? Yeah, literally, I did. From the my one of my earliest memories of preschool is one of my teacher saying, Oh, well done smells. Really, you know, you've done a good job on this. And I think, you know what, when you have positive affirmation from teachers is so important. Not all teachers are good. And not all teachers are encouraging. But when you have that it makes such a difference for a child. I've been lucky. I've had some teachers that totally dismissed me as nothing, you know, like I wasn't sporty. So the PE teachers and things they were like I always liked English. So my English teachers were always very good with me, and I like creative writing or write poems and little kids stories and things that Lance anything created for me. Yep, not sporty, crap at maths, like terrible maths, I think because it's so it's either right or it's wrong. And I don't like that. I like things that are open for interpretation. And I think with artworks, people see different things evokes different emotions in people, whereas Yes, some I'm sure it does, because for some people who love math, they get very excited about equations. But for me, like, No, I don't have a massive brain. Just honestly awful. And then I did it for my GCSE. So I did art design. And then I went on to college. And I did basically a double A level in art and design, which is great, because basically spent most of the time doing art. I did English as well. So I did a level English and I did this double. A level. I loved it, because I think this is what made my practice kind of what it is now because I'm really experimental. I like to try different things. So people were like, Okay, you're doing this now, or you're done this, but for me, that's what should be. It shouldn't be like, Oh, I've nailed something, someone's bought it. I'll just do 1000 of these until I die. It's more. Okay, what else can we do? And I had this teacher called Yuna, and she was always like grass. Nice. Happens If you stick this on it, you know? And that was her attitude. It's like yes, that's a nice painting. What can we do to really make it not just a nice painting but as something, you know, elevated somehow. And that's exactly how I've approached my my work and I started doing the mixed media staff and I love it now. I find it really hard not to stick stuff on my work when I'm painting through this across so spray paint Tanner just just cover it in it. You know, I think when you're not scared of ruining a piece, it enables you to really kind of like, let let go and I think that society can be so so rigid and we're doing our same routine means and for me, it's like this, this big release of energy and everything is just getting a canvas, big canvas, like working big and then just going to town on it, you know, it's so releasing, and anybody can do it. Anybody can do, it doesn't have to be something that's gonna go and hang in the Tate Modern or whatever. It's just part of tapping into yourself and that primitive urge that so many of us have, like with singing or music or dancing, or, you know, whatever, we have this urge to express ourselves. Yeah, absolutely. So you've mentioned just in passing just a little bit about your kids and their ages. Can you tell us a bit more about about your kids? Yeah, so I've got a 12 year old daughter, and yeah, I was 20. I was 26, when I had her. So that's actually like, quite young by today's standards. I didn't, I didn't feel overly young. And in fact, I'm glad I had event because I had a kid later as well. So I've got a four year old. And, wow, your bodies are so much more tired, so much more time in your 30s then it is in your 20s Now, I don't think everybody has to like make decisions based on you know, where they are in their life and like, you know, the situations and circumstances. And for us, we got married quite young. So we were married at 24 I think we just kind of thought, shall we, you know, as so many people do, when you think about having a family kind of tends to be a bit you know, can be a bit of a like a showy, and, you know, worked out everything you don't expect it not to though, with your first you don't expect it you don't have any decent day you don't know any different you don't know about troubles with conception or miscarriages or things like that. You just expect you're pregnant. And it'll go it'll be fine. It's quite a nice easy breezy pregnancy. But with with her like I was working so I had a sales job. And I wanted to make a lot of money so that I could have comfortable maternity leave. So I basically had loads of orders coming in and coming through get the Commission's that in my head, I was like if I go for coffee and a cake or like, you know, want to treat myself to something that's all on I'm paid for it. So I'm not going to be like a financial burden by not, you know, not working and then costing extra. Yeah. But then I wanted to go back and I tried to get that but our company was bought out by someone else. And then my job wasn't there anymore. And they said you just keep applying, like through the portal. And so I was applying for jobs. I mean, I probably shouldn't have to apply for finance director, you know, didn't really have that that credentials, but the salary looks really attractive. It's like sure, I'll go back to 90k. But I tried anyway, I did. I did try. And then we got pregnant with my middle child, my son. So there's literally one month off three years between them. And yeah, I had a miscarriage in between two, I think two in between. You know, so I know then when you have that, that other pregnancies you learn that it's not always plain sailing, and it's not always, you know, given that you just get pregnant and then just have babies. But yeah, so having having taken this when I had a call from a company, it's like coming back to work. I was like, Well, you know, I'm kind of pregnant and they're gonna have another baby, baby. And then with with him, I did the maths of what I would go back to salary wise, what it would cost me to commute to work what it would cost me to have lunch or coffees or get binding work. rope, you know, and then car petrol maintenance childcare. Yeah, I would have made literally like a couple of grand like once you subtract it or taking home that 2000 pounds. That looks so good. You know, that's not like a month. Yeah. I just don't, actually we're okay. Without my salary. We've managed, you know, we've managed voluntary redundancy, which helped and, and then, so we're okay, we just keep living the way we're living. And then I stay at home with the kids and my husband, you know, he was working long hours. And of course, he would have encouraged me to go back to work, or he would have supported me like, whatever, it was very much my decision. But he did like that I'm there. For the day taking photos, I'm there firsthand with the kids, I can tell him, you know, the little stories or showing the little video clips of what the kids did during the day, rather than coming back, you know, knackered in the evening, and then just hearing it from the childcare. So we were very privileged and very fortunate that could have done that. But everything is positive always has a negative because of course, I stepped away from the corporate world. So I could been climbing and carried on climbing the ladder. Do you take that sacrifice in a lot of ways to spend time with the kids? And then also, remember it you know, it did benefit them hugely. If they don't remember those years, then you get those comments, but daddy works really hard, you know, and that was kind of really annoying. Yeah. You just you just do this. I mean, you just, you know, get the Hoover out. And it's like, okay, okay, you know, you get the credit. You don't get the credit and you feel like you should, you should be like I'm doing everything you know, and I'm not getting paid. I'm like free. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, I actually had my I was putting away some washing the other night, my eldest? No, my little one, I've got a I've got a 13 year old and a six year old. My little one says, Mum, why are you always the one that does the washing? And I said, that's a very good question. Digby, why is that? And he goes, cuz, cuz you just have time. And I said, Well, maybe I don't have time. Maybe this is something I have to fit in amongst everything else I'm doing. So why should I be the one that and it got me thinking. And I thought, this is the first time in all these years anyone's actually said that, you know, like, I had this conversation with a, a mum through this podcast. And she said, I don't remember having the conversation with my husband, when I decided I would do everything with the children said, it's just a thing that that society expects, you know, it was like, I'm expected to give up my job. I'm expected to give up my art, my body, my life, you know? And it's like, well, you wanted kids. So there you go. Like, it's just this, this thing that happens to us. And there's what besides? society isn't very sympathetic. I see this when I read comments. I never read comments, don't read comments. It's like a horrible rabbit hole where you just think oh, my God. Yeah. The age old debate about parent child spaces. Yeah. Can I ask them in Australia, right. So I didn't realize the importance until I had kids. And you realize that actually, and even being pregnant as well, because it was a situation I couldn't get into my car. Because somebody parked and I had this massive bump, I couldn't actually get into my car. But then with kids getting them out, but then you understand that you need to open your doors wider to be able to get car seats in and out and strap your kids you need to get right in there struggling and then people like you asked you to have kids. It's not our fault if you shouldn't get special treatment. And it's like, oh my god, do you not understand how society carries on? So what if we all just went on strike? Yeah, no. Okay. Yeah. Then what? Then society collapses? Yeah, the, you know, no one said to pay, who pays people's pensions? We're doing this a good job, we're doing a service. And if we do a good job raising our kids, those better it all in and raise these nice people to nice people that are going to society. And that that isn't just done to me, and it's not like, well, then I've had you, I can just leave you alone. And then you'll grow up to be an outstanding member of society. It takes a huge amount of work. Yeah. Yeah, that's thing of that. Yeah. Someone else said said the words that, that people forget that we are literally raising the next generation like we are. We are, whatever we do, and how we do it affects how society is going to be, you know, 2030 years down the track. You know, so what we do has so much value, but because it's not a monetary and monetized thing, that value just disappears or dissipates. It's just not valued. I know I don't I don't I'll be back on tick tock This is an interesting topic, this, the last three mums that I've spoken to have, we've all gotten to this, this topic about the way that the mums have been shafted, basically through through COVID. It's yeah, we're the first ones to go and the least appreciated, but, you know, doing the the really hard emotional work, but, you know, that's just what you got to do. Society just expects that and one of the mums said, because she was selling her artwork, it made her and her husband as wealth feel like it was a legitimate job. She said, if I was just doing my art, for me, just as a, you know, something fun, or something I enjoy to do, it wouldn't have been important enough to keep doing, you know, so it's also that monetary value that we have to play some things important. Yeah, that's what he does. Because it says that you're, you know, if you're a big roller, then you're successful. And it doesn't eat. I mean, success is totally subjective, anyway, because Am I successful? Only if I earn crazy amounts of money, like, you know, and these artists are doing credibly? Well, not definitely not the, the the rule, they're the exception to the rule and female artists to get to that point. It's pretty much impossible, because society still banks on the male artists, so can we go to auction? It's always the male artists, these their works are going off for billions. You know, women tend to get that that look in. And until society changes if it ever changes. Because every time we go in the right direction, something comes along and it sets us back. Yeah, thank you. With COVID Set women back climate change the people, they said the people that suffer, suffer the most with that will be women so so we keep we keep bouncing back. And we try and we don't we don't give up. Keep keep going. And but yeah, it's I don't know what your success I feel successful. Because I'm doing something that I that I enjoy, I want to make money from it. And I need to really, because otherwise, how am I going to pay for my materials or whatever. That's what we do is this kind of unpaid work. Because when you're self employed, everything that you're doing your your Instagram, and then people who will say, Oh, you're just messing around on Instagram, it's like, I'm actually not like, I'm a marketing, you know, professional. You know, it and to be that person I looked into, like, how much it costs to get someone involved in all that kind of stuff. It's expensive. So doing all this stuff myself to cut cut costs. And yeah, when people like somebody laughed, I said, I was expensive to be an artist and somebody laughed. I went, No, it really is. Yeah, and that's the mentality isn't it? That's how they that's what they think it's like, what what you're just you're just fluffing around, doing whatever. Yeah. That people have in their minds. Yeah. And they don't realize when they see something sell and they go whoa, money bags, and like you don't realize how many cameras I've bought, how much paint I've bought, you know, my studio I rent it's like these these things that I'm putting in and I still not I'm still not making huge profits or no I'm keeping enough and making enough so that I can my business going. Like if for whatever reason, I suddenly had to be the main breadwinner. I couldn't do this full time you know, I'm not making enough that I can be like sure guys are pay the rent our payment, you know, our buy the food shopping. Honestly, I couldn't I want to get points and that's what I'm working towards. So that's my goal. Like, okay, I can keep my business going now. But I want to get to the point and I think I'm entitled to get to the point of doing this that I can be like I'll pay the bills you know, I'll put food on the table like yeah, you know yeah won't be good on Yeah. I don't think it's like unrealistic or like, you know, unjust a one. Be saying and kind of have that motivation to try you know, try to do it. Yeah, absolutely not good for you Yeah, I think everyone's really had enough of this pandemic. Oh, God, just so depressed. I think it stems my work through through the pieces. Like I then kind of went through this rebellion, because it's so like, you know, unhappy like, I'm not really I'm not a really upbeat person all the time. Like, I'm a Pisces, so I am like, one minute I'm like, I love everybody. I've already is amazing. And next is just like, oh my god, yoga new Mommy, you know, is this changes like, I do get bouts of like feeling low and feeling down and things like that. But I'm, I'm, I'm an optimist. So my husband's like, the more pessimistic and I'm always like, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. Let's do it. But I do get down, not just constantly high on life. And I did find it really hard. Because so many of my plans were canceled as well. And I didn't want to feel down because I was like, How dare I, you know, people are really suffering. Yeah. And I kind of thought, actually, I am entitled to acknowledge that I feel down, like, singing from the rooftops. And like, you know, so Oh, woe is me. But like, just to allow myself to actually acknowledge I feel a bit a bit low and a bit disappointed. And I think disappointment is the hardest emotion to deal with. But as a kid as well, like kids, yeah, you're going to Disneyland all of a sudden, you're not going to do that. That is such a hard that's such a hard emotion and it doesn't get any easier as you're an adult. Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. And you tell yourself, you should deal with this. You're grown up, you know, but you still like things you just say actually disappointed. You flying to all these places, or these countries and doing these shows, and they're like, Wow, this is gonna launch me I'm gonna be there. And the same goes to me, who am I gonna meet different artists, galleries, different whatever. And it's like, knowing you're not going anywhere. You're staying in Singapore for two years. But I guess the The upside to that is no one else is going anywhere. So it's not exactly and I just channeled it or reversed it. And I went through Blue periods. I did people who followed them for a while remember, I just like non stop blue stuff. This has been locked down to begin with, as I blue blue, like depressed blue. And then I just like no, do you know what I can't if I'm not dealing with it? Color. And that's when like, I just believe she rebelled. And I made these like, obnoxiously cheerful, like pieces. It's a kind of like fingers up to like that kind of down feeling. I was like, No, I'm gonna surround myself with these joyful colors and joyful things. And we were in our house right in our house can't leave anywhere. It's had all these paintings all over the walls that hung everywhere. And it was so nice having that I realized people realize being at home, they should have more art. You know, when you're stuck. Actually having just some piece, it makes you feel cheerful and makes you feel good, honestly, does change your space. And if you wake up to that and see if it doesn't lift you as well, you feel like calm surrounded by something beautiful, something positive. And it has that effect on your mood instantly, instantly. Yeah, absolutely. It's like you've decided that the outside world's going to hell, but that's fine. Because in my space, everything's lovely food and I'm creating, you're making, you're making it what you want it to be control. I think a lot of people when you feel out of control, you want to harness some control, right. And this happens a lot of the time, there was a period of time where we were all just completely out of control. And I think when you can control some element of your life, it brings you some kind of relaxation, some kind of safety as well, so I can't control this. And particularly as we were we're a family of five and the rules were all like, you know groups of two, so you'd get out or you know, or one and I had a toddler so my youngest is four. So in the height of Dan, who's two years old, like so full of energy and take him to his little preschool will take Come to like, all these indoor playgrounds, you can run around and just burn off that energy. All of a sudden, he can't leave the house and it's like, wow, the odor to them all right, they were already into like gaming and that kind of thing. They could entertain themselves pretty much. Having having a toddler is like a whole new. Yeah. You want to go out you want to let them run out. And they're also worried about like them not getting any vitamin D or anything. Yeah, we've had a balcony we weren't even allowed outside. So this is how bad it was. And we don't have a garden because we're in a like a what they call here Cluster House, which is like multiple units with shared you know, shared pool shared shared gardens. So because you don't own it we weren't even allowed to go outside like no remaining your property no bounce no balcony. No you know anything so it was really tough. Oh, that's horrible. Well, we because we were in what they call a condo before and I'm so glad at least we moved to this house because now we're kind of more separated and then my husband could still work without everybody being in basically one room because how stressful is that? Because if you've got some need some new trying to do a job and then you've got shouting kids and then you're the one that can also I didn't want to because women really suffered during this because awesome their work if it what weren't paid enough, you know, you're not the breadwinner, your your job has to take that slip, you know, and this was what happens how we ever supposed to catch up if we can't do it, you know, who keeps in cold all yours is just a sideline, yours is a hobby, yours is, you know, doesn't in the big bucks was never going to bring the big bucks is it it's always a sideline exam. You never get the chance to know exactly, it's always that whole first sign of trouble. You've got to, you've got to look after the kids but my husband, he's, he's very, he's very good, strangely FC, or he's very good. You know, he, he doesn't ever try and dismiss my, my job what I do as a sideline or hobby. And, yeah, he's really supportive. And he's got a huge amount of belief in me. And I think that makes such a difference or in a partnership. And it works both ways. Because I've always supported him, you know, as well. So it goes it goes both ways. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mum, Alison Newman. You talked about doing your pastels and your watercolors and stuff. Were you doing that while the kids were little like we able to do any of this for when my daughter was born. And the first like year of life, I think for maybe my son, I didn't do anything. Honestly, I took photos always had like an SLR camera. And I just like to go out and do that. I took loads of pictures and kids and all that stuff. But I literally had no time. And I told me about your recurrent dream where we we had a house. And one day I just discovered this door. I opened the door. And it's this whole wing like of a house like this stuff that we didn't even know we had. And it's like, oh my god, wow, when did we get ballroom? This house, this house was so important. And you just like I had this dream so often. And I'm looking into it and doing a bit of research. And they say it's when you're there's a part of yourself that you're ignoring and neglecting and it's there the whole time going. Come on, come discover me. And it made total sense. And like because this is I've done I've literally shut myself off. My interests, my creativity just was like just not being utilized. I used to tell my kids stories and made them up and that kind of thing. So it was creative in different ways. But in terms of actually physically creating an art piece. It was totally neglected. And then I took a picture of the kids and I thought just to make such a nice drawing makes it such a nice truck. And I just got pastels and I drew it. And what's really nice, like, it's really nice, I haven't done anything so long. That's really pretty. We framed it and, and then it's kind of just started me doing that. So I use my daughter all the time as like my muse and I did little drawings and then other people in the village was like, Oh, can you do my kids? Can you do my dog? And can you, you know, deal with this. And then that started the business in its early infancy. So that when I came to Singapore, I registered business care, because I was enjoying doing that it wasn't bringing in much money, because it's, it doesn't at that point. And I did it for again, businesses, friends, people, paying you to do the other kids, family, whatever. And that gave me some confidence. And also, yeah, like a little bit of extra income, like, you know, but it wasn't really ticking the boxes in terms of letting loose creatively, because when you're doing someone's kid, you can't suddenly be like, Oh, I'm gonna stick. Goodbye row on there. Doesn't look like my child. And so you it's very much formulated, you've got to grid it out, you've got to play it, it's got to look like the person you're drawing because that's the whole point of those kinds of paintings. Okay, but does it really identify? Like me as well? Just like, is it stand out? Is it recognizable? Because the next part of being an artist is, is developing a style and your style can change. It doesn't have to be this is my style. Now I'm good. I'm staying with this stuff ever. You look at the Masters look at the artists and history with their work isn't the same thing replicated? Like basically carbon copy for that wherever you've artists that do everything like installations. Her like your customer, right? So she's, she's got photo photo, she's got installations, she's got painting she's got, but you don't have to pay for your creativity. You can really, yeah, like circumnavigate the whole, the whole spectrum and, and just give things a go. I've done pottery. I've never done that. late, so I was like, Yes, I'm gonna sign up for a pottery course. Like, you know, why not? What things can you learn? You just learned different, different things about your, you know, your capability. I mean, I'm, I'm not going to do pottery going forward. I think at first I thought I was had this romanticized idea that it'd be super easy, like just throwing pots. And then I imagined painting them in these colors. And I just kind of thought, Yes, I'm going to do this, this is going to be my thing. And it's like, I didn't really shit I still carried on, because I'm a truck. And I've got some nice pieces around the house. But yeah, it's not. It's not for me, I find it to just like what painting gives me which is the freedom that desperately I don't like being restricted or following a formula, which is, you know, pottery and things like that. It's, it's an exact kind of science. And there's a, there's an exact kind of way to do it. And I've got a huge respect for them. But also, it just takes so long. Needed clay out, then you could, you know, you'd roll in spinning it and pull it and then you've got to wait for it to bisque and then you've got to glaze it and you've got to fire it. So takes weeks to get one piece you know, can roll out a massive canvas, like huge canvas, and just spend the day slapping paint on it and like, you know, building the app and in terms of maybe, I mean, I'm an instant gratification person to work on this that's it, I need to take my time. Rather than expect to come out at the end of the day with something workable, you know, that's very interesting. In practice a lot of yoga and one of the terms they they say, if you hate a particular pose, and that's the one you need to work on, because that's the one that's challenging you might not be physically but mentally so there you go. Yeah. Might be that might be your, your thing. Impatient as far as like, I've got no patience at all I hate queuing. Like, you know, I hate that kind of thing. I'm really, really patient like as a person. So yeah, but I've started doing yoga as well. Have I need it because I'm so I'm so uptight. I'm like the real kind of wound, tightly wound kind of person. And I've got issues with this because it causes me physical pain, like I clench my teeth, or Yeah, yeah. And just my neck pain is awful. I've been having physiotherapy for it for ages. And some days, it's so bad, it just gets me really, really down because it's horrible living in constant like constant pain. And then it puts me off going to the studio, because when I go to the studio, I spend a lot of time on like Cantonese, I do that and then when you're scaring in one position a lot of time as well. And then, you know, I ended up putting my neck more sometimes after a lengthy day, in this year, so I'm like, Okay, well, I've got yeah, I've got my mouth God, now we're running out of time, this and that. And now I'm like, Brad, I need to do yoga, I need to find that harmony, that relaxation and just learn to focus on doing that. And not constantly Oh, I better check Instagram, Oh, I better do this. I'm going to upload to this I'm gonna do that already should be painting or I should do this or I should do some exercise you just little you know, there's so many things. I can just sit in my head. I'm like, promotional guy. I love it. And I started doing outdoor yoga. Last year, I've had a number of health problems, which has stopped me from getting into into it, I want to and I think the motivations there. So just just life keeps getting in the way. But they do the outdoor class at the botanical gardens. And I'd say I love walking. So for me that is my exercise. I don't like the gym, I don't enjoy any of that. I like just walking, taking photographs, like just getting out in nature, quite often on my own, just just the solitary you know, stop, I'll have a coffee on my own like love it, I find that really, really relaxing. So I started doing this outdoor yoga class outside. And the rigor itself was fun, like it's nice. My favorite bit was last bit when they get you to lie. And maybe had these like ice cold flannels that you put maybe your face and you just lay there, like totally exposed because there's there's everything there like, you know, otters and monitors are watching over you. You're like you don't get attacked. And it just that was just the best moment like that because people don't find that cyclic, quiet, solace, just pure relaxation in our day to day lives. Really? We don't really Yeah, that's it my daughter is 12 and she's not allowed Instagram. And the reason I say that is because for me my my algorithm knows I'm only interested in art accounts. So my home my home page and my explorer page is like just basically ours. They do still sneak in some celebrities you know I've heard is that you know the Spider Man guy and stuff like that I'm showing an interest in in that but it seems to be really really pushing that I should be interested in Yeah, I'm sure there's like the big companies must pay to be able to get their stuff on that that Explore page because this stuff comes up about like to say I've because I'm I love Star Wars. So Adam Driver, like from the actor from Star Wars. Any movie that he then is in it comes up with the trailers of that and I'm like, like, I love Star Wars. I don't necessarily love this guy, but I like to tell but they're trying to like, you know, Lady Gaga or come up because he was in a movie with her. She's that's it, her and the guy from Star Wars. You're right, that he's all over my school page. I've got like three stars, but I don't mind because I do actually watch the hairstyle stuff. So I'm like, Yeah, fine, like I do. I do like his posts. I'm like, It's fine. I don't I'll watch them because I'm quite happy to have art and Harry Styles on my school page nine with my daughter when my daughter borrowed my phone. She started looking at this was like about a year ago. I think she was a kid these row, you know, row bucks, whatever. It's all very robust. Alright. And she was looking at some room examples or something. And then I looked at my Explore page, and then all of a sudden, it's full of women. We mean, you know, little clothes and things like this acid, this is the problem. Like, you've looked at that and it's gone. What does the person who's looking at this want to look at? Or if they don't wanna look at but what you know, and then it's such a unrealistic female body types and things like this, and I use it as a, as a way to have a discussion, you know, with her about these filters, because I'm guilty of doing it too, right? Yeah, not every like, not every post I put on my feed is, is 100% natural with no no lighting tweaks or something like that. But like, Come on, we live in a day and age and there's nothing wrong with trying to show your flattering, you know, more flashy stuff. Some of them are just want to say then there's nothing on there. There's no filter. It's just done straight from my thing. Because, yeah, I'm not trying to sell cosmetics or whatever. It's my artwork. Yeah. But then, hopefully, if I'm doing a real or something, then what? Yeah, I'm guilty. Yeah, that's the thing, too. Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look the way that you want to present yourself, either. Like, I had some photos done recently, because I'm releasing a new album next year, or hopefully this year. And I got some photos done and, and the lady that did them is like a proper portrait photographer. So she's telling me like, put your chin out and drop it down, and then lean forward and all this. And I'm like, I know, I'm going to look, I'm going to look better, because my double chin is not going to come out. Like this is okay. Because this is I mean, it's a it's a technique, I suppose to make you look more appealing, I don't know. And I thought when I was doing it, I thought is this bad, but I'm not just standing like a normal person. And he said, we get shamed into doing this. This is the thing that you say you're guilty if and Badgett and I always if someone says, You look great, I'm the first one to say it's a filter, you know, and I think we've got to stop doing that. Because the the celebrities or whatever the Instagram influencers, they're not being forthcoming with that information. Yeah. And that's the thing, like, even the amount of airbrushing, like I didn't realize too, I don't know how long ago when, maybe 10 years ago when all this big thing come out about the airbrushing that we're using in magazines and all that I was just like, Ah, so they're not that perfect. Like, you know, you have this moment of you think that because you cuz I don't know, they there's these these people that exist in the world that are absolutely flawless, you know, but maybe, maybe they're pretty good, but no one's absolutely perfect. You know, when you zoom right into your pores like no one is that perfect. That's the thing with the models and things like that in your teen magazines and we didn't have internet when I was little we had all these teen magazines are just 17 all that kind of stuff right? Read that but they would airbrush all the girls have these flawless skin and now you're like 1415 with a breakout and you know with a Tash? And it's like, well, where's, you know, where are these people and I just an anomaly, but then you're looking around your friends at school and you're like, yeah. But I'm saying that too. Like when I had these photos time, the photographer asked me if she wanted, she said, Do you want me to airbrush out some of you? You know, yeah, it's close feed or whatever. And I was like, no, because that's me, you know, like, I don't know, I just felt like, okay, you can make me look more flattering. Physically, that's fine, but don't take away my character. You know, like, that's, you know, all these guys into my art and my creating, like, if I hadn't experienced life, I wouldn't have these lines to show it and I wouldn't have the story. I know it is. It is hard. And when you put your face on something, say like your music, it's a bit like a book cover. In a way, you know, somebody's gonna look at your album. And now the first thing they'll judge you on isn't by the contents because they can't see it. They can't hear it. You know, they don't know. They might not know your backstory There literally is like taking that first image of you and making that decision if they want to press play on the you know, on a thing or I don't know Do people CDs anymore? I don't know. I still get them printed. But yeah, I mean, this is the thing like that's, this is the photo, right? So that's it. That's what they see. From that they have to decide if they like my music or not. Yeah, likely they have bad luck like it though. I like that. It's really nice. It's really approachable. It's an approachable photo, you know? And if that I don't, I haven't listened to music, but Um, now I would get that it was more uplifting so you're not like a sole key like I don't know you might be but from that Yeah, I think it's like kind of more like uplifting rather than yeah depressing doom and gloom that's that's you look at you go you're like the Analyze of this and that's it think as a woman we are totally judged on more of our appearance and like you can't win because honestly, if you show too much flesh, you're told that you're selling out or you're doing this. If you're too conservative, then you frumpy and, and, you know, I had a negative I don't get trolled, like I might do after this. But I don't get out. You know. I think and I'm not controversial. I don't have like, I don't share strong opinions or strong views. I keep it like, no politics, no religion. No, you know, because it's not, that's not what my my painting is about. It's about making people happy rather than provoking or, you know, any kind of I got trolled. A while ago, the photo was new. And I live in Singapore, right? It's hot, it's sweaty. I live in shorts. And like needle, I have a little you know, singlet tops or little T shirts. Because it's boiling. It's like 33 degrees. And hardly anybody wears anything. It's just day to day. And the photo I was in, I was just wearing what I was wearing that day. So I haven't got changed or done anything special for it. Just what this is what I've been wearing. While I've been painting, I'll just sit in front of it and take picture. Somebody wrote, Wow, good job setting back women painters, 50 years. But the thing is, didn't realize their comment is setting. That is not me, because there's a word entitled to wear whatever I want. But also wearing Sports Shorts. You go to a fitness page, like are these women getting like, you know, they're wearing a sports bra? I wasn't wearing a sports bra. But if I was, you know, I'm allowed to. And I think a comment like that just shows where that person is in their mentality. Like this, they are in this in their being they are the ones holding it back because they continue to think like that, you know, they made a decision to see you like that because that's how they're feeling about it. You know, I was strange because it wasn't it wasn't a sexual but even if it was, but it wasn't. But you know, it's like still like, it's my prerogative. I mean, if a woman wants to show her body, it's like it's up. It's up to them. I'm not going to go through and the Internet, I'd be there for weeks. You know, just being negative comments on anybody who's scantily clad for for male, female, or transgender whatever, there's so much flesh on display on Instagram. But if you're looking for that, I wouldn't say Come to My Account changing tack just slightly I want to ask you about the concept of mum guilt. I mean, we call it mum guilt here. I don't know if you have the official hashtag mum guilt over there. But yeah, have you come across that sort of interview with your art like that taking that time for yourself? Do you have those feelings of I should I should be with the kids or that kind of stuff? Yeah, actually, when I started painting that property painting, I waited until the kids were in bed. It's like, you know, painting till like midnight. Because I was high choir. I don't want it to take away my time with the kids. So I was Yeah, I was doing it cramming in. So instead of time where I should have been probably relaxing. It was like now I've got to gotta create content. Keep going in on these things, it's quite good in a way because you know, you have to create content. So it pushes you to make that schedule and make sure you're showing up so it stops you kind of slipping away and think, Oh, I'm a bit busy at the moment. It's just taking some time finding some time because you don't even have to do anything massive or spectacular. Honestly, like I do. arted this year doing abstract faces, right and small with a three paper. And I'm just doing them as this busy extended visit this year, I got lots of stuff coming up and government wisdom teeth out this week I know I'm going to be, you know, I'm not going to be able to go into the studio and do massive pieces and things that I'm gonna have to take easy. So, I mean, my three paper and some paints here, I can find some time to do something. Small, and weed. Now the kids are older, and so they're all at school and stuff. So it don't feel the guilt. But when I was in traveling, this has nothing to do with guilt. Right? So he's kind of all but if I do this show, and I go, Well, I'm gonna be way I'm gonna be in a different country away from my kids. Whereas Yeah, if you're, if you're a man, that's your job, you just travel a lot. I'm not saying they don't also, you know, don't feel guilty, because it'll be a lot of men that travel and they don't want to, you know, they didn't want to, but you know, whatever to go wherever the money is, and whatever. But yeah, you do feel that, oh, I'm away from my kids, I'm gonna rush back and get back, you know, get back to the kids and, like, whatever. But what makes it all worth it, it will not be worth it. It's like how, when they're over it now. But when I first started when I started selling, they were so proud. And they're so excited. And they only tell the teachers on my mom's and our tears. There's a middle son's was asking me if I'm famous yet. Many YouTube subscribers, you know, people have an audience. I'm like, No, I don't have that. I'm not I'm not famous. You know, it's different, different measurements, but I like that now they have that. But now if I sell it, okay to my daughter, I'm still going to be like yeah, it's good. That's something you know, and, and inspiring debt to, to be more creative. And I think then growing up in a household that has a lot of art is a really nice, really nice way to grow up like books as well. It's shocking how many, how many houses don't have any books, we have loads of books and art, I think, super important. None of us are that musical. I wish we were I wish we were I never learned an instrument. I feel like probably not going to now. The ship has sailed. Kids do music at school. And apparently, my daughter's quite promising. Her teacher was saying that she's you know, she's just showing some, some promise and music. Because it would be nice if one of them did something musical, you know, just got the clarinet out or something that's like just careful what you wish for my son is learning the bagpipes. So yeah, at the moment, he doesn't have a bag at home, but he has the charter. So we'll be watching the television. And he will just walk down the passage and just stand there in the lounge. Like I'm putting on a show right now. And my husband, I'll just be like, Hi. But yeah, sort of saying careful what you wish for because you end up with that clarinet in your head at four o'clock. Who isn't gonna change things? We're not like, Wait, we're not really really super pushy parents either. Because my mom and dad are so laid back like so laid back. They never pushed us to do anything. Yeah, he's on with it. And I think it's quite good. Because I think self motivation is really important. And if you're having every aspect of your life and managed, you don't have that it's like oh, now it's guitar lessons. Now it's Chinese now. It's extra maps. It's like, yeah, you're not allowing yourself to ever have a moment of what shall I do with my life? Like what should i How should I entertain myself? There's always things that you think you should be doing, like you know, I joined Tik Tok and YouTube and then and Twitter and then there's just not enough minutes in the day to do them to just do them all. We just never do anything. Yeah, I basically I stick to I love eating grant, that's my favorite social medium. And I did, I looked at tick tock and I thought, Oh God, I could spend all day just looking at stuff on here and not do anything else. So you do, obviously, I stopped, I've stopped looking at it. Because the algorithms, they know what you kind of want to look at. And then if you look at a few videos, then it was just showing me non stop videos that were making me kind of angry. And it's like, Oh, this isn't this is what the problem was some social media is that it does that doesn't it? And it can make you kind of feel angry about something. And I'm like, I don't want to be watching this and feeling angry chick leaves, you tend to scroll just before you go to sleep. Yeah, and then filed up, you know about issues to do with women, because he knows it's like, it's like, oh, she's got some feminist, you know, feminist views. So give her like, non stop feminist stuff. And then I'm just getting really angry and like, you know, the damn The thing is like, with kids, like no one really prepares you either for what your support is like, and I really struggled. I'm somebody who really enjoys alone time, like, you know, very comfortable in my own time and my own space. And if I'm with people all the time, drives me just insane. I just need some time to just be away for people not talk. And like a very social antisocial person. But then all of a sudden, you've got something with you 24 hours a day. And, and you know, I've never had a baby, I remember them sending me home with her. And I was like, hey, what, you know, I've never had one. All right. Me, me. What happens, you know, needs medical attention. And is that feeling was like, well done. Good job. Off you go. Yes, your person to take home. It's so crazy. And you're going from being able to go to the loo and have a shower and a coffee or just whatever, go to Sainsbury's or you know, a supermarket and just browse the home, or items or whatever. And then all of a sudden, it's like, oh, my god, get in there now get go, go, go, go go grab the essentials, and cheese screen read off because she's suddenly decided she's starving. Then you've got to drop the trolley and then run off to find somewhere. It's like, your bow. I mean, it's just completely different. Just just just like that overnight. Yes, completely. Yep. It's like, Yeah, I had this feeling when I when I left hospital. I thought you saw that I can? Am I Am I okay, doing this? Like, do you don't want to like vet me to make sure it's okay that I can actually do this. Like, if you were adopting, you'd have to add it. So assumption that you'll know what to do. I'm in with this woman. I was because I was very. Yeah, I hadn't been around a lot of kids. When I had my first child. I didn't really know what I was mean, no one knows what they're doing. But I literally didn't know what to do. And I was barfing give gave the baby's first bath. And I was like, have like, how do I wash him? Like, what? Like, how hard do I press? Like, what do I do? And this nurses, just listen to your intuition. You'll know what to do. And I thought, no, but I actually don't know what to do. With you, they're meant to show you in the hospital was like, Oh, no. And there was this, oh, my God, this thing, this sign? Because like, I'm a very, like, I like to know, structure. And like, I'm not as bad now. But when I had when I had Alex, it was like, I wanted to know what was going to happen. Like, what might what to expect with this kid? Like, how's it going to work? How often do I feed him? How long is he going to be sleeping for? And this nurse said to me off every baby's different? And I thought, well, that's a great answer, isn't it? That tells me nothing. And then it's true. Is true, because some of them sleep. Some of them don't. Some of them get colleagues, some of them. It wasn't until I started to work, I work start to work in childcare when Alex went back to school. And I just went, Oh my gosh, now I understand that. She told me but at that time, I just wanted someone to tell me what to do. And of course, no one can tell you what to do. Because no one knows what your kid's gonna be like. I didn't read any of them books either. You know, I just I'm just like, Jenny, what? They don't want to be stressed out by schedule. I'm not somebody who's a brace schedule. I'm totally unscheduled, you know, into the point where it's like, I forget what my schedule is all the time. So I get phone calls. Aren't you supposed to be here now? I'm like shared So I didn't want to be worried about like, Fiji, which I'm Devon and then this time, and it wouldn't have worked with Isla anyway, because I pretty much gaffer taped her onto my chest all day, because that is just what where she wanted to be, and I just didn't do anything else. And my husband would take her so I could just get a break. Yeah, it's like, because as soon as she's on me, she was just routing routing routes all the time. Like, me, basically, is that like a giant passerby? Yeah. Like, it's like, can you have it for a bit and he was so good in the way that he would always as soon as he was there, we would take her and, and it always allowed me to get some rest. I mean, he couldn't do the night feeds. They just refuse. We tried. We tried. I tried, like, you know, the bottles and things just so I could. I was woken up anyway. And I'm somebody, I'm awake. It takes me a really, really long time to get to sleep. So I could then hear him struggling to try and get her to have it and I'm just not it's just not worth it actually, because it's not it's not getting anywhere. I'm not getting any more rest and it's just as as a mommy, you have that. It's a horrible trigger, isn't it? That when you feel hear your baby crying is a primitive, primordial like anxiety that you just triggers like now I can hear a newborn baby crying I'm like Oh, my God, my God. It's just really good. Set all your instincts like heightened alert. Yep, absolutely. And then the physical like your body starts to you start to leap because it's like, right, yeah. I happened in I was in target one time. Alex mom was looking after him when he was a baby. And I heard this baby cry two hours across next minute. My boobs when I'm just like, that's not even my kid. Crying in the shower, and it wasn't even then like you're right. It's like, no, no, no. You know, there's no no, but we have with with my kids. My husband wasn't there. Showering becomes a real luxury. And I remember being trying to shower like a lightning speed. Tape my middle son in a baby bouncer like literally facing me while I'm in the shower. And I'm trying to sing to him. And I'd be like, you know, keeping really happy. It's just like puce in the face. Just so angry to hear you out. So you can see me and obviously can see the boobs. outraged. But little things like that showering, saving yourself. Honestly, either yourself, like, just Adam, my husband would take island just so I could have my food. Yeah, this little things like that. You can't even eat shower, go to the loo like, it's just so relentless. And it's just not prepared for it. Nothing, nothing can prepay for it now. And that's the thing to even if people do try and prepare you for it, you just dismiss it because you get a heart. It can't be that they're not you know, because you've got no idea. wouldn't matter what anybody told you. I remember reading a book and it said about what to do if your baby's fussy or whatever. And I was like, I didn't need to read this, my baby's gonna be perfect. You know, like, just total blissful denial what's about to happen to me, You do kind of think to yourself why like, mostly, this one's gonna love it to none of mine slept No, they were over to just is, it just is what it is, is what it is. I mean, you hear, I've got friends who've got kids that were like five and didn't, you know, didn't sleep through. So you just got to be grateful with your, you know, but my middle, my middle son, he used to get colic and stuff. And that was really horrible. So I was trying to feed him that, you know, the great water and in for coal and all that stuff. Because the worst thing was, even when he was asleep, he would make these noises. So I'd be trying to sleep and I've got this kind of like, you know, little rising thing, and he never wanted to not be close to you. So there was none of this sleeping, you know, in a Bayes net, like, there or like in a car, so I didn't feel comfortable having him in my bed, either. Because I'm worried about suffocating him, especially when you're so tired, that he's just exhausted, I worried like, What if I fall asleep in that role on him or something? So what we did is we took the side of his car and now you can buy these, you know, great inventions, we can actually stick them up at the side of the car and just put it right up against my bed and I had to sleep half hidden his cot half in my bed. And as soon as he was asleep I try and retract you know so like this like a ninja trying to take my spike, but he just sensed it. They sent it like just no longer. Yeah. And I'd wake up and I could barely move my neck and my arm be like dad like pins and needles. Yeah, the things we have to do Hey. Yeah, and they won't remember any of it. Probably for the best to be honest. What those early years, early months or so, so fundamental in a kid's development, like, if you don't do the right things, then never those connections are never formed. And that person never developed the way they're supposed to. So all those little things that you did like all the silly talk, and all the you know, the smiles and all that it's so authentic, and all the code and I think that's it you feel stressed by? Because you feel like you should be doing so many things. Like you know, when you've got a new phone, especially if you've got a toddler as well, it's really it's really difficult. That those cuddles in those first district so quick, like six weeks and it's different, right? Yeah. When tiny, tiny, tiny, and just having those moments like cherish but this snuggled up on you and they smell nice. There. And, you know, it goes so fast. He really does it, really. But my daughter now she's 12 she's gonna be 13 this year, she's the same height as me. She's gonna be taller than me. I'm not I'm not that tall, though. So it's not that hard. But, you know, she's already so grown up. Like, I think people always say, oh, kids are so grown up these days. I think probably, I don't think I think that's probably the same. They just have access to more information these days. That's the best the difference. We didn't have it connected to the world. Yeah, yeah, we just didn't have that. The big piece of me looking at it in my sport shorts. It's, it's called Making my claim. And that was the whole the whole thing about like ties into the feminism and just saying, like, I'm here, like, I'm a woman, I'm here. I'm a mother. You know, I'm of a certain age, society kind of discards you, when you reach a certain age. In a way, it's the same that I'm making my claim. I'm here. I want to be a contender. And have the ambitions is something that's often you know, it's kind of, oh, she's ambitious, too. You know, it's like in negativity. When it comes to a woman. They say, It's okay to be ambitious. Like, it's okay. You should be good. And it's okay to put your own your own needs. Not above everybody. I don't believe that. It's like, oh, my needs first because I'm a mother and No, but my needs are there, though. They're there. And then we met, it shouldn't be the chocolate into this because that's just not how it's just not how any family. Yeah, it's the same with like, you know, a kid you can't get your needs matter above everybody else's, like all the time, because you're gonna grow up with this kind of little dictator. Compromising like compromising just so everybody's living, you know, nice, happy, happy. Exactly. Everyone's getting their needs met, but no one to the detriment of anyone else. And it's, you're not setting Anyone up for, you know, failure through their life by think making them think that they they're up here and everyone else is down here. And, you know, ya know, it's like about going to what you want everything as well. And that understanding that not everybody's on the same, you know, not everyone's running the same race, as well as there's things that you can be a really hard worker, but you'll never get to the point that somebody else will be more privileged perspective will reach it's just not it's just not how the world works. And that's, that's just it. It's horrible. And we're fighting for change. We're fighting for, you know, saying just by being present on social media and having a platform being a woman and showing our faces and showing our art and encouraging other women to do the same then at least we're doing a little bit to get it in the right direction. Absolutely. And the more more people that do it, it just, you know, it just builds on itself and just keeps keeps going and going to one day it happens yeah. Somebody said to me recently who's your main competitor, like in Singapore and tell me I'm touched is because he can't, if someone likes a piece you can't go up while they're in the process of buying someone else's piece and be like, weather my mind they just see, there's no such thing as competitors, you can be like, better known, so you'll fight for your spec market, because we have to, you know, it's like that. But you can't, you can't fight to be, you know, for somebody to buy a piece that they're going to buy someone else's. And it's like, actually, this is quite unique in that way. This what we're doing as artists, we really, really support each other. Yeah, yeah. And learn from each other as well. There's so much learning and I say, actually, I learned so much from Instagram, like, full of inspiration, getting inspired all the time. So I did a post recently, I have to say, like, you know, massive props to all the artists that are doing that stuff together and giving it to us for free. You know, it's, it's free, and we can see not just a couple of paintings a year a show. Yeah, you know what I wish we would have done 10 years ago, whatever. Yeah. thing that you'd be posts from people's people's practice. It's, it's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, it's unreal. And it's been such a pleasure chatting with you squint so lovely. We could chat all day. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Holly Norman Australian professional musician + wellbeing practitioner S3 Ep81 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts This week I am pleased to welcome Holly Norman to the podcast. Holly is a musician and wellness pracitioner from Perth WA and a mum of 1. When Holly was growing up, her dad used to listen to big band jazz records at home, and early on she was listening regularly to classic swing and big band – Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong and so on. At the age of 11, a self confessed, late starter Holly took up the drums. She went through high school and university as a dyed-in-the-wool classical percussionist and back then you couldn’t have paid her to get behind a drum set. Once she started playing in bands in her mid-twenties, Holly realised that there was a whole world of music that could become accessible to her, if she moved over to drums. As a musician Holly has worked with the likes of The Cat Empire. Ash Grunwald, the Australian String Quartet, and the West Australian and Canberra Symphony Orchestras. She released her own EP of original songs in 2013 called Hollypop , recently released a single called It's Only Weather in late 2022, and has a new song out now, called Isolation , written about the covid-19 lockdown periods experienced over the past couple of years. Holly spent 10 years as an event producer and arts manager, working on some amazing projects like the Melbourne International Jazz festival, Perth PRIDE Parade, and Perth International Jazz Festival. Holly is also passionate about health and wellness practicing yoga for over 15 years and she's also a yoga teacher. Musicians need so many different types of mobility, and functional/postural support to play their instrument, so Holly developed the Yoga for Drummers session. She is really passionate about keeping musicians safe and ensuring longevity in the industry. This episode contains discussion around miscarriage and loss. Connect with Holly - instagram / website / facebook Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Holly's music is used throughout today's episode, with permission. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoy honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their work has been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also strain to territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison Newman dotnet slash podcast the art of being a mum we'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on has been the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Welcome to another episode of the podcast is a pleasure to welcome you from wherever you are in the world. Whether this is your first episode, or your at first, thank you so much for being along for the ride. I've just come back from a week away with the family in a city called Ballarat, which is about three hours away from where I live here, Matt, Gambia. It's over in Victoria and it was lovely to be out of my own space somewhere completely different enjoying the sunshine, swimming, being a tourist and sightseeing and spending a lot of time with the family. Although the car trips with the two boys in the back, were always a bit of fun and the huge pile of washing that we've accumulated. Now that we're home is also great. I'm sure many of you can relate. But nevertheless, today I'm very excited to welcome Holly Norman to the podcast. Holly is a percussionist a singer, a songwriter and musician from Perth in Western Australia, and she's a mom of one. When Holly was growing up, her dad used to listen to Big Band jazz records at home. And early on, Holly was listening regularly to classic swing and big bands such as Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, and Louis Armstrong and so on. At the age of 11. A self confessed late starter, Holly took up the drums. She went through high school and university as a dyed in the wool classical percussionist, and back then you couldn't have paid her to get behind a drum set. Once she started playing in bands in her mid 20s. Holly realized that there was a whole world of music that could become accessible to her if she moved over to the drums. So that's what she did. As a musician, Holly has worked with the likes of the cat empire, Ash, Grunwald, the Australian String Quartet, and the West Australian and Canberra symphony orchestras. Holly's also released in a piece of her own work, entitled Holly pop, which is available through Bandcamp. And you can find that through the link in the show notes. Holly spent 10 years as an event producer and arts manager working on some amazing projects like the Melbourne International Jazz Festival, the Perth Pride Parade and the Perth International Jazz Festival. Holly is also passionate about health and wellness, practicing yoga for over 15 years and she's now a yoga teacher. Musicians need so many different types of mobility, and functional and postural support to play the instrument. So Holly developed the yoga for drummers sessions, which can be found via the link in the show notes. This episode contains discussions around miscarriage and loss. The music you'll hear on today's episode is from Holly herself. There's a little bit of holly solo on her piano self accompanied and with her behind the drum set for her jazz quartet. Thanks again for tuning in. It's a pleasure to be with you and I hope you enjoy my chat with Holly. name is Deanna Manzi. Season seems to be thanks so much for coming on today, Holly. Welcome to the podcast. Thanks you for having me. Yeah, it's a real pleasure. So we were just chatting before we hit record that you're in Perth and the massive time difference between Perth and the rest of Australia. So it's 12 o'clock here. What time? Is it over there? It's 9:30am. Yes, it's a three hour time difference in summer. Yeah, that's yes. Yeah, it is. Yeah. We just got back from Canberra a couple of days ago. So my husband's family lives there. So we spent Christmas there. And yeah, luckily, it actually didn't hit us too hard with the sort of body clock adjustment for my daughter who's two and a half. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was expecting it to be more of a pain. But as soon as she got back in bed, she just has slept like a dream. So that's really nice, actually. Yeah, yeah, that's a consideration because I don't like you were saying you don't have daylight savings there. But whenever the clocks change here, like there's this whole big Yeah. How do we manage daylight savings with the calculator? Yeah. I mean, we we had our daughter in Melbourne. So the first 18 months of her life, we were there. So yeah, we did have to do a little bit of that when she was still a baby and napping. And I remember trying to adjust to like, how do you get them to think it's an hour later or an hour earlier? Like starting the naps? Like 15 minute increments like Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so funny. And the other kids just they just click into it. Like, you know, like, I don't know, just bizarre like, because I've got two kids and they're just completely different. So yeah, you just never know what's gonna happen to Yeah, totally Divi? You're a musician, you do some other things, too. But is musician, your first sort of passion, your first love? Yeah, it definitely is my first love. It's interesting, the whole kind of, I guess the topic of like, how you identify yourself, because I haven't made I haven't tried to make my living from playing music for a really long time. And that was sort of a deliberate choice. I had a day job. For the last, I want to say 10 years as a event producer and arts manager. So I sort of did that as like a nine to five. But yeah, the music part has always been there. Since I was in high school, really, it's, I would say it's like the great love of my life, for sure still is even more so now. Like coming out of the pandemic and and rediscovering music and what it means to me. Yes, definitely the main thing. Yeah. Do you remember how you first got into music? Yeah, it's funny. I was actually talking to someone about this yesterday, we're talking about Disney movies, because my daughter has just entered like the frozen phase that phase. I reckon Disney is like the reason that I'm I took out music. I loved the way that it could merge narrative with musical form. That and yeah, when I went to high school, I went to a school that was some specialists music. So we did a lot, a lot of music there. And when I arrived, I was sort of felt like I was a little bit behind the other kids because there were lots of lots of families and lots of children that came from these big like classical music sort of dynasty families and had been listening to records and like knew all this repertoire. And I didn't really have that kind of an upbringing. Like I there was lots of music played in our family home for sure. Like I was brought up on, you know, all of the sort of classics, but nothing classical music. So when I went into that style of studying and that sort of foundation of learning music. I used to take myself into the State Library actually on a Saturday morning is such a nerd and like listen to record of like, you know, Beethoven and yeah symphonies to try to catch up on all of the learning that I felt like I'd missed. I was Yeah, I was just really obsessed by that the sort of properties of music telling a story and Star Wars and big scores. Stuff that I just loved it like the kind of majesty of it all. Yeah, when you say about Star Wars, I've got I keep like things that inspire me. Because I just love here you can hear a Tiny Toon and relate that to a character and relate that to a whole storyline. And then you just taken into this whole world, like, I just find that so amazing. I just love that. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah. My first instrument was actually the flute, and I was the world's worst flute player. So when I was a child, you could have opened a can with my face like I had such a pronounced Overbite that I had I had a full Year flute lessons with a very, very patient, lovely woman, who at the end of the year took my mother aside and politely said, Holly has musical aptitude. But I think it's best if she were to play an instrument that doesn't require her mouth, as you know, as an ombre. Sure. Yeah, I couldn't make a sound after a full year of lessons. And that flute teacher specifically said, for some reason, take her to have have lessons with this teacher who teaches play percussion. So yeah, that was the instrument because you know, you just hit it. So you don't need big lungs. You don't need an Ambusher you don't need to use your mouth. She was obviously thinking that I was rubbish at all of those things. Right, yeah. Yeah, like, I guess that's like, the instruments sort of found me by like being disqualified from other instruments that I yeah, I just, I really fell in love with it. It's it's quite physical, I suppose percussion, which I enjoyed this, like, you know, striking the instrument. And the variety of it really appealed to me. So I'm, I'm a sort of being multi passionate is a pretty core facet of my personality. So with percussion, you know, we never really had to choose one instrument like you can have you play snare drum, xylophone, vibraphone, bass drum crash cymbals timpani? Like you get to play everything at the back of the orchestra. And that that really appealed to me, I think, being able to sort of jump from one thing to the other. Yeah, and keep keep things interesting to like, totally not just sitting on the same instrument they have today. Yeah. And I think also another another big thing that I got from that those early years sitting at the back of the orchestra is that, you know, percussionist, they don't play for most of the time. You know, it's like an icing on the cake philosophy, you really are there for like the one or 2% of you know, the moments where the music becomes really exciting, or, you know, that sort of skill of just listening, I think is something that's really carried through to my adult years into the musician that I became because yeah, it's just a lot of listening to other people play. Yeah. And yeah, trying to fulfill that that role. Yeah. Yeah, cuz that's it, isn't it? It's like when when something interesting is happening in the music, whether like you said, it's really big or something really small, like, whether it's like the xylophone or one of those twinkly, chime things that we like, it's really something interesting is happening. I've actually always wanted like, because I'm a musician myself. But I I've always wondered like when I've seen orchestras play, like the person at the back on the, on the percussion, like they're waiting for their turn. Yes, like, a long time. 4550 minutes? Do you sort of, do you have to read the music the whole time to know where you are? Like, do you ever get scared, you're gonna get lost, like key comes up? And you're like, Oh, is it my turn? Like, do you ever get that? Or is it? I mean, I suppose it would, for someone who's just stepped into it, you'd be like panicking. But I guess because you've rehearsed it that many times. But have you ever had that moment? Where you go? Oh, I'm coming up now. But I'm not exactly sure where it is. Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, look, it's I guess, being generally when you have a long period of rest. You know, you get you get to know what what's happening in that gap. So yeah, you usually no and like, that's why when I said I used to go to the library and listen to records, I just used to kind of like rote learn an entire piece of music and just listen to it a lot. Again, I was such a nerd. I had like, I stayed at home when I had braces for about two and a half years and I had no social confidence as a team. So I used to put on I used to play Playstation, but I turned down the game volume and put on like Gershwin and just memorize memorize the whole thing. But yeah, generally, but by the time that I got to playing that sort of stuff, I usually knew where I was. But having said that, I fallen asleep on the stage of the Perth concert hall. And very, very nearly missed an entry. Because I'm have a weird like, borderline it's not narcolepsy. It's not narcolepsy, but when I'm seated I can lose consciousness pretty easily if I'm not doing something so I often like will sleep in a meeting in class in school our sleep chronically is it's horrible. I slept in jury duty. Oh, so yeah, onstage just with a really really long time of rest. It doesn't I was sitting there like in my full concert blacks people in the class who was behind me peering over my shoulder and yeah, basically passed out and very, very nearly missed an entry. Oh, gosh, yeah. Oh my god. That's a nightmare. Yeah, it's not a great feeling. Oh my goodness. So you can play a few different instruments. What else can you play? Ah, so play a little bit of ukulele definitely not wizard at it. And I play a bit of piano. So I'm just self taught on piano and keys as well. I write most of my own songs on the keyboard, that's sort of the median that I prefer. Yeah, I would have loved to have probably been more competent on piano. But it just wasn't I sort of had quite a late start with music. Like I only started playing percussion when I was about 11. So it wasn't something that I ever really did as a kid, a younger child. But yeah, I would I play mostly drumset now, like, you know, after all that talk about like, playing in orchestras and playing percussion, I probably defined myself more now as as a drummer. That was a transition that happened in my 20s. And I sort of started to, yeah, just relate more to the kind of musical styles and, and settings that I could play in just on drum set, which is mostly jazz. So yeah, I would say mostly drummer percussionist, I sing as well, again, I would never, I would never say I'm the singer. I think I sing my own songs. I like seeing a bit of backing vocals. But I've definitely I can't belt would never get up and do a covers gig. It's just not how I sort of identify. So when you say you write, like you're writing in the jazz style, is that the sort of songs you write? Oh, gosh, not necessarily. I'm a bit of a folky at heart. Really? Yeah. So I would say singer songwriter, folk pop is sort of the main style that I write in. But then, since I've been playing more drums, i Something I've always sort of struggled with creatively is like finding the right performance context of what what instrument am I actually going to play. Because I drums is my first instrument, but you can't really accompany yourself as a soloist, if you're playing drums. So the band that I play with now over here, I play drums, and I sing from behind the drum set, it's my compositions, but then they'd been rearranged and like more of a jazz style, and I've got a bass player, a keyboard player and a saxophone player. So yeah, really, it just depends on the context, I suppose. Like, I did a house concert in December. And that was lovely, because I was just playing solo, piano bit of ukulele. And that was like, very intimate. So yeah, that's not something that I do very often. And I felt pretty bad. Because the morning after that house concert, I woke up with COVID and then had given COVID to six people at a house concerts. I felt horrific about it. But yeah, that's I guess it just depends on the context. Really? Yeah. Yeah. A little bit of everything. Yeah. Cool. And you also you talked a bit before about your arts and event project management that you've sort of in the day job? Yeah. Tell us a little bit about that. And what you do with that? Yeah, so I've actually I've sort of recently, I'm in the middle of a bit of a career transition at the moment. So I've done like arts management as my sort of day job yet for, like I said, about 10 years, I got into it, because I think a lot of musicians once you know, I went to uni for music, so I went to work. And like a lot of sort of tertiary educated musicians, if you want to make a living from music, he often ended up doing a lot of teaching. So I came out of uni, and I started doing quite a lot of instrumental teaching. And I just felt like it wasn't really the right fit for me. And I felt quite strongly that if you're going to be in that position of, you know, influencing a child's relationship with music, that you should really care about being there. And it wasn't that I didn't like teaching, I actually really enjoyed it. And I still, I'd still be open to some teaching. But I feel like the framework of a school and the way that instrumental music was taught in schools because it just didn't really resonate with how I wanted to teach and how I felt like kids should be connecting with music. So I was looking for something else to do, I suppose that could make money and be sort of crossed. And yeah, I always liked being really organized. And I liked making things happen. And I yeah, just sort of fell into it. Like I started working with you, the youth orchestra here. And when I'm working with, started working with arts organizations, and then sort of went into festivals and just climbed up from sort of smaller roles to working as a producer and a programmer. A lot of that was when I was in Melbourne, I really focused on that sort of festival work and like working on the national festival circuit. It's yeah, it's a chapter of my life that I would probably consider is coming to a slate and because I'm studying counseling now, so I'm halfway through a Master's in Counseling. And yeah, I guess like just you know, during the pandemic and watching the way that the Australian arts community was placed it festival work is it can really yet chew you up and spit you out. It's long hours. Not necessarily super family friendly. So I was sort of looking for a way to transition out of that work, but Yeah, making that decision, which was only about six months ago, it was a really, really tough choice. Like, it's hard to step away from something that you really do love, and I still love it. Like, you know, it's incredible work, you're working with people that just care so much, and making things happen. It really getting blood out of a stone, like working with almost next to no budget, which is difficult at times. And I think that was also part of the quandary for me, ethically, as someone, you know, in the music community, as well, as a performer, I thought, I'm finding myself in a situation where I'm often having to ask people for to do things for less than I feel they're worth. And that made me feel like, as someone that, you know, sort of has a presence where I often talk about well being and in the arts industry. I don't I just didn't want to feel like I was feeding into that problem, I suppose. People working for less than they're worth, because I do feel like that's part of the issue. Yeah, yeah. So I thought I was pulled back on that, for the time being focus on being a musician again, and focus on studying and working with people in in health plans to work on. Snap crack, with a smoker, Dini accident, good news, to make the gazal disappear. But there's some things you should consider. Rebel. I'm glad you raised that issue about the pandemic and how the arts were perceived and how they were treated. And if any regular listeners will know, they'll hit they've heard this before. I just get so cross and so angry about how the sport kept going, like, yeah, exactly. Players were moving the country, all these bubbles and whatever. Like all everything else that, you know, it was like, that's the only thing of value because that brings in the most money, you know, yeah. And I just, I just kept saying to people, but everyone's sitting at home watching Netflix, you know, who do you think made it made all the stuff, you know, the arts created all of it. And everyone, it was just really made me so mad. And it still makes me mad. And yeah, and then thing to even before that happened, like I've been a performer, just in my, my town here for, you know, I don't know, I'm 44. Now, it's been a long time. And the attitude towards performers is like, they expect you to do stuff for nothing. And this whole thing of Oh, it's great exposure. And it's like, the amount of times I've heard that bullshit. And I've gotten better as, as I've gotten older, just to say no, sorry, if you're not going to pay me this such whatever this amount is, I'm sorry, I can't do it. You know, and it's, it makes me so cross and then so they'll just, they won't change anything, because they'll just go get the next young kid who's just a geek and just take advantage of them. Yeah, that whole thing just makes me really mad. It's so hard. And I mean, I think, for me, my boundaries have always been like, fairly strong, because I had worked on the other side of the fence, and I understood how much budget organizations usually did have to allocate, which is not heaps, but you know, if you are worrying about, you know, quoting 200 bucks versus 500, like, just quote 500, because they can usually afford to pay it like, I guess I had a level of insight from working on the other side of like managing projects for organizations, but I think being a mum becoming a parent is the ultimate like line in the sand of really having to learn, you know, it's not only that the financial value of an opportunity, but like the energy value of an opportunity and like, What's it costing your family and your household for you to be out of the house for six hours. And for them to not be food in the fridge or to not get any of the other stuff done that you need to get done. But yeah, having said that, I'd certainly don't get it right all the time. And it's, I mean, I've only been really, I've only had to be a parent and be in the regular world for less than 12 months because Matilda was born in April of 2020. So you know, most of her life was in the Melbourne lockdowns, which were some of the toughest and we didn't have a regular life at all until we came to WA and then very abruptly had this like pre pandemic existence, which was like difficult to stomach. Yeah, time. Such a huge culture shock from the way that we have been living so yeah, just even like balancing a social life with work and study and gigs. And having a kid that's only I would say, I've only been I've only had a year of experience even though she's two and a half. Yeah, so what took you to Western Australia? Yeah, so I was born here, and I live most of my life here. I love it over here. I've always been a big advocate and like very proud for the arts community. There's some great people over here, even though it is very isolated from the rest of the world and the rest of the country. And then I'd moved. What year was it? 20 End of 2015. I think I met my now husband. And he had been living in the US studying over there, he'd moved back to Australia. And He's based in Sydney, He then moved to Melbourne, we basically met, we went on one day, and we started, we were like, Let's have a long distance relationship. Then I moved up to Darwin. So I left and went up to Darwin for a festival contract. And then after that, I moved to Melbourne and we were there for about six years together. But yeah, it was, it wasn't the plan to move to Perth. When we did I think that was one of those, you know, sort of sliding doors scenarios that so many families experienced during the pandemic, it was, I think, the hard border with WA, I got to a point where it was causing me I would say, real trauma to not be able to come in. We tried five times to get in I had pretty severe postnatal depression after my daughter was born. It was yeah, it was just a horrible feeling, really, to have everyone over here. And I feel a really strong connection to the to the land over here and like to country, and it was just just knowing that it was something that was prohibited and, and a lot of the attitudes that I felt were being displayed towards us as being like, dirty Victorians and like don't come in and like there was this total xenophobia that was Yeah, revolting. Yeah, I've seen I've seen, I would say, I've seen a side of who that I can say. And, yeah, it's been like a bit of a rocky road to rebuilding that relationship with somewhere that I always loved and said was my home before that? Yeah, I think we basically just got to a point where we didn't have any family in Melbourne. So my husband, like I said, was from Canberra, my family's here in Perth. You know, Melbourne at the time, during COVID, it wasn't what it had been. And we were sort of looking at each other saying, you know, how long will it take for it to rebuild to what it was in terms of the the art space? And I think we just wanted some way that we could live with more family support. Yeah, it was, yeah, it was just so wild. It was we made that decision so quickly. Really, when I look back on it, it's, I often reflect that it's kind of remarkable that we made a good decision in in the place that we were mentally like we were, we were in survival mode, big time. Yeah, when we got here, it was just like having a lot of panic attacks. And really, it all just had to come out at some point. Like, it was tough over there that start part. Yeah. But yes, I think it has been the right choice for sure. And my husband as well was in the military band, he's he's a saxophone player. So he was playing in the Air Force Band. When we lived in Melbourne, which sort of that was like the equivalent, I suppose, is like doing a full time nine to five. So it was like, relatively secure, but he didn't have heaps of freedom outside of that job to pursue other creative stuff. So I think now that we're here, we're sort of, we've regained a balance of being both a portion freelance, you know, and a portion teaching or doing other work and for me study, so it feels like a better balance for us to both have that flexibility. And that's something that we're only really able to do because we've got the family support with a young child. Yeah, no, I did. Yeah. It's massive, isn't it? How much difference it makes when you've got that, that support? When you were saying before about this dirty Victorian mentality, where I leave, my town is Matt, Gambia. We're about 20 minutes from the border. To Tory and the amount of abuse that Victorians cops like people would go home like I worked with a there was a because you had to have all these permits to cross the border. For anyone that doesn't know it was pretty full on. So people that there was a lady that I worked with who was Victorian and she said she would cop abuse people would see her number plate in the car pocket coals and we're just abused get out of here and falling over your fires like it was just disgusting. And they're people who are part of our community basically, you know, they work here horrible been their money here, but then they happen to live in a little tiny little, like, basically a rural little thing just over the border. And yeah, it was really horrible. It was horrible. Because, yeah, like you said, this whole new side of people the way people ostracizing people. Totally, it's hard. Yeah, it's hard to think back on it like a lot of I feel like I sort of just blank a lot of it out. Yeah. But yeah, it was I mean, who obviously had the, you know, proudly the world's hardest border. He built the one didn't you know, I can You kind of laugh about it now, but like this, like my heart's like Slack, silently clenching. Still, as we talk about it like, it's still it's totally still hard to think about. Yeah. But you know, having said that, when we got here, I did understand, I suppose, from the side of people that were here, why they were pleased, in a way to have that protection because they were, you know, artists were able to live relatively unencumbered. Like they didn't have to shut down in the same way that you know, certainly that that Melbourne did so. Yeah, I do get it. But yeah, it's just, it's just a whole chapter of life that I'm so glad is over. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Finding my guys when I thought about it, so you're also into the wellness side of things you do yoga? And I guess that's where you counseling sort of coming in to thing? Yeah, yeah. You've been practicing yoga for a long time. Yeah, I have. I want to say I sort of got into it. Like a lot of, you know, yoga, people got into it, just for exercise. That was when I was in my early 20s. And I remember going to classes and that the teacher would spend ages and the breathing and I'd mentally have this dialogue of like, Can you hurry up and get to the fast paced stuff, like get to the poses, I'm here to you know, get a workout on and it's so funny now, because as a teacher, now, I'm a yoga teacher. And, you know, after what 15 years of practicing is, the breathing is my favorite part. And I would have happily spend two hours in one shape like I don't, I'm not in a hurry, the way that I my home practice has completely changed. You know, I love a slow Hathor as opposed to like a fast vinyasa with a million Chaturanga is, but yeah, it was sort of something that I got into it. And I've never done any real movement training, I'd never did dance or anything like that. But I, when I was at uni, I had a bit of like, RSI, and performance injuries, you know, stemming from how many hours of practice I was doing when I was first studying. So I started going to Pilates. And that was helpful to understand, I suppose my physicality and like how my muscles worked. And, you know, being a relatively petite female and playing an instrument that's traditionally made for, you know, German men like classical percussion. It was yeah, it was just helpful to understand how to support my body and what what sort of strength I needed to build in sort of muscles and that sort of thing. Yeah, so I sort of just started and then kept going, and I did something called Yoga for drummers a few years ago, which had sort of like to start getting that going again. So I had a YouTube class and I did a few workshops as well, you know, drummers pit like all musicians, I would say, not hugely on top of looking after their health in on any level. But you know, it's just, it's easy to injure yourself. And I've met so many musicians in their sort of later years, like, you know, 50s, who say, ah, you know, I wrecked my hearing, and I'd never write what earplugs and I've got chronic back pain. And it's like, all of that stuff can actually be really easily prevented. And I think we're starting to get a handle now. You know, sort of globally and in terms of the Australian arts community, I think there is more of a narrative of like prevention is better than cure, you know, trying to give resources to younger people coming into the industry in terms of how do you look after yourself when you're out on the road? How do you eat well, when you're touring? How do you combat this industry that you know, by and large is so unregulated and requires you to work incredibly long hours and usually unwind with, you know, alcohol or drugs? Healthy Choices are the first ones that you reach for on the shelf, I suppose. But for me, I was never somebody that I've always liked to have a good night's sleep. I'm a total Nana, like, even before I love to happy becoming a monk because I was like, finally, I feel like I'm validated in this choice. Like, people aren't gonna hang shit on me for like wanting to go to bed early because I've got to get up early for the child but but I was doing that before I was a mum. Yeah, so yeah, I guess like, you know, just wanting to feel good and and also, you know, with my own mental health, you know, yoga and well being has been a massive tool and like essential, I think for for managing my own mental well being. So yeah, it's just been really helpful. And I think the more people that I've talked to about it now, I think there's more and more museums and artists that are like happy to have those conversations and say like, I really struggle with this or I use this and You know, barefoot running like people are into all sorts of things. Like, it doesn't matter what it is, unless you've got something that works for you. And it's just, it's just trial and error. Yeah, yeah, that whole sort of culture of, you know, sex, drugs and rock and roll soda. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like drinking, you know, their boots and going. On they got Hell yeah. A little bit funny. It's good. I've practiced yoga for a long time, as well. And I find nowadays, I just, I just, I do a lot of yoga. I just have been in the photos and breathing. And yeah, I just don't have the energy for anything else. Like, my whole life is so busy and doing. So when I go to uni, I'm just like, ah, like, just just chill out. Yeah, it's so different. I sold my husband on yoga, the only way I could get into a greater guy was to explain that it's basically lying on the floor with a blanket for 75 minutes. Sounds like you can wear your pjs like, you will be in a flat position. Yeah, it's very chill. Yeah, and that's the other thing too, like now like, because I used to also work in the fitness industry. So it was, it was all about what your looks like, and what the latest fashion was on the chain and all these whatever's. And now I just literally will wear my DAG is trackies. And I don't care, like if I've got an old jumper or whatever, because then I'm not going upside down. So I don't have to worry about you know, things coming up. And it's like, it's totally changed. And yeah, it's, and there's actually this guy now that does classes, just with breathing. All he does is breathing. And so this is amazing that he's actually guy went to school with that it'd be the last face at the world. We have a you know, a revelation and come come to that sort of sort of living. But yeah, it's wonderful. Love it. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, I was naming. I think during the early stages of the pandemic, I remember that first lock down that everyone did like the sort of month long one, the very, you know, March or April 2020 whenever it was, and I remember all of my musician, friends, because we everyone had got job keeper. So no one was worried about making ends meet because they were getting paid to stay home or not work. i The overwhelming rhetoric coming out of every single person that I knew was I am so relieved to have this time off like people were just yeah, you know, and obviously, it got worse. And it got more complicated. And people wanted to go to back to work after that. And they couldn't. But yeah, I remember that strike, it was just like this exhale of like, wow, we're just on this hamster wheel 24/7. And just not only being able to not work and not have things in the calendar, but giving yourself the permission to not have to be constantly practicing and hustling and looking for the next thing. I remember thinking like, wow, we're going to learn so much from this. And then if I look at myself and the people around me, I think that we've struggled to implement those lessons on top. Certainly, I feel the same. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know, coming back, and then you've got to make hay while the sun shines, right. Like that's, that's it? Yeah. As soon as we had the opportunity to make money and to rebuild profile, and to get those opportunities, sort of, you know, rolling again, we all sort of had to do that. And that's unfortunately, how this industry works. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think there's been a return to balance really, because I think we're all being sold to that society was ready to open up and everyone, everyone wanted to get out. And everyone wanted to do things. It's like, yeah, oh, we have to be there on the other side of that to meet these people. You know, so there wasn't this. Yeah. Like, I can relate to that completely. I had, we had a we have a thing called the it's like the, it's not as big as the Adelaide Fringe Festival. We call it the Fringe Festival down here. Sorry. I hadn't mean. And I had two shows. And I because I was doing a show with my sister, which I wanted to do. And then I'd said yes to this other one without them thinking, Oh, I actually have to rehearse for this and promote this and organize this. Some reason all I had in my head was the geek just being on stage throwing up and do it. Yeah. And I just said, Oh, my God, what have I done? And so yeah, when they pulled the pin on it, I actually was so relieved. I thought, yeah, God for that, like all the pressure of rehearsal. Yeah. Balancing family life and everything and pushing it the promotion and all that sort of stuff was like, Oh, thank God, that's not happening. But yeah, as time went on, it became like, oh, okay, so yeah, everything's canceled now. And obviously, we weren't locked down. but people weren't doing anything. No one was taking bookings. And I was encouraging groups of people and you couldn't dance. There's no dance. Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you what, but yeah. And I said to myself, I'll just remember this time how good it is. And then you forget, but now I've really pulled back from gigs since then, like I've really, and, and I think, to just looking at, you know, my family life and the balance that we have, like you said about before, we're talking about the monetary reward for doing a gig, you also have to look at, you know, the emotional strain and the physical titling. And I just also got sick of carrying my stuff around, like, just the thought of loading the car just made me do it. Like I complain constantly about being a drummer. I'm like, why? Worst life choice? I wouldn't change it. But yeah, totally. It's, I for me to say yes to things. Usually, there has to be a house kit like that. It has to be a gig I really, really want to do if I have to be wiring my own stuff. Because, you know, maybe our sport when I was in Melbourne, and there are lots of house kits and venues but yeah, I'm just that it has to be the this the path of least resistance. Yes. This is my philosophy for taking on new things. Yeah, I and I do a lot of like, you know, guest lecturing and stuff in unis with music students, and you know, younger people coming into the industry. And I always one thing I always say as a piece of advice is like, if someone asks you to do something, before you say yes, just pause, pause. Because once that yes is out there, you can't retract it. Yeah. And like you've probably said yes, without really understanding the true scope of, of what's within that opportunity, you know, because like, you probably just gonna get a text that says, hey, free on June 16, for a gig and of text. We need we need a little bit more detail here. Like, you know what time? What's the soundcheck? What's the repertoire? How many hours do I need to commit to learning this material? Do I need to bring my own key out? What will I wear? What's the fee? Like? You really you need to I always say that you should reply with a big laundry list of questions. And you know, really, like put them on the back foot like this is a way that everyone in this industry, I think can be trying to educate each other as to what's an acceptable working environment. Because like you said before, there's so many young people, unfortunately, he'll just jump at the chance to do something for exposure. And like I'm not saying that doesn't have a place it does. For a very, very limited time in your early Korea. But it's I think the way that we fall over is like, oh, when is the point when you transition out of that? And who tells you when to transition out of it. Unfortunately, there's no one else standing there being like, Okay, it's time to do this now. You know, we found that coming back to Perth, I think that's why my husband and I were both completely run ragged at the end of what's today's the second of January. So the end of last year, we you know, transition back, we packed up our house in Melbourne on four days notice to be able to get into wa so like when I say it was quick, it was quick. You know, we really just had to hit the ground running, readjust to living here readjust to living in a pre pandemic society drop all of our trauma or somehow like hardly process it. Yeah. And then like, start getting back into the music community and be like, Hey, we're here. We want to work. You know, that was massive transition, like you know, starting again in a new city is just the same I think as as starting your career. When Yeah, yeah. It's like that process of having a duel that networking and stuff again. That's yeah, took a toll for sure. I think it's good to have that first 12 months back in Perth, like under the belt now, even though it was from here. I hadn't been here for a long time. And he hadn't been here at all. So yeah, it's like basically starting afresh, isn't it? Because yeah, yeah, that that was something I had. I'm not sure if you know, Georgia field. She's a Melbourne. Yeah, amazing. Yes, she is. She's amazing. I love Georgia. So she came on the podcast in its first season. And she sort of related the time she had off when she had her children to basically starting her career again, because you're going back into venues, there might be a different, you know, manager and they're like, oh, what we're going to bring, you know, yeah, yeah, it was that was really challenging for here. And yeah, yeah. And I think one of the things that I was really lucky actually, when I had when I became a mother was that it wasn't like I disappeared from society because I was on this sort of mat leave and the rest of the world kept going, the whole world stopped. So it was actually there was like a bit of solidarity in that I was protected from that, I suppose unique isolation in that everyone was isolated. And everyone was sort of going through That existential crisis of like, oh my gosh, should I just start playing easy to become a data analyst? Everyone was going through that at the same time. So that was I would say that was one of the Silver Linings for sure. Some they were the last the sky seven days to slow down it's only when made outside your daughter's two and a half. Yeah. So what are your days look like now? Yeah, so we are she has been going to childcare she started pretty early. I think that was because I wanted I wanted to go back to work at the time in Melbourne, because we were in lockdown. And I, I was just really struggling, you know, with having no life. So we put her in, and she started going three days a week, and she's kept going three days a week, which has been really good. And she now goes to my mums as well like another sort of one or two days a week. So actually were extremely privileged and fortunate is basically what I'm trying to say and that we have close to five days a week of of care for her. Which means in those five days, my husband, I both pretty much just flat out working. I wouldn't say that we get a lot of time to practice, even though we have all of set with all of that care, like I'm studying as well. So my course load is sort of one to two days a week. And I work I work as a peer support worker now. For a business where we support people on NDIS for mental illness. So I work two to two and a half days a week. Then my course load, I would say is at least 20 to 30 hours a week. And then yeah, there's all this like practice that I'm allegedly doing, which I can tell you in full confidence that I just never do. And does she look after my daughter goes to bed at night? It's so funny. I often I'm like there's parents out there that keep going after their kid goes to bed base. I'm not one of them like that. That is the end of my day. Come 738 o'clock at night. I'm a vegetable. I am good at getting up early. Actually he is too because he was yeah, he's we're an early rising family, my daughter included. So I will usually we will set our alarms for about 430 or five and get up an hour before her. And that time. For me that's really, really integral time for sort of self care. And like I'll do my own yoga practice then and just like, yeah, just get a jump on the day, maybe go and make a quick list of what else I need to get done. And yeah, once she's awake, obviously, it's just like a long form negotiation and getting dressed and eating rice bubbles. You can leave the house and yeah, that's sort of the routine really weekends. I usually try to keep like the Saturday morning as a really quiet family time. Because you know, she's got a big week to like, yeah, being out of the house every day. So that's Yeah, even though the weekends is like, you know, it's it's work time, I reckon. Yeah. sandeels and I both probably work in some form or capacity. Seven days a week, we're chipping away at stuff, I would say seven days a week. We're using her nap time and like tag teaming on the weekends for sure. To get stuff done. But yeah, that Saturday morning is like sort of the Sacred Family time of yeah, just being really slow. And in our jammies. Yeah. Because that's the thing like, I don't know, I don't want to judge other people in the way they do things. But I could not be bothered rushing around on the weekends. Like I feel like we rushed around enough during the week and saying being respectful that your kids are rushing around to a time to to reset and readjust and decompress. And that sort of thing, too. It's like, like we've we've managed to avoid Saturday morning sport for nearly 15 years. Oh, wow. That's actually remarkable. Yes, it is. We've been very lucky. But now my youngest is started playing tennis. So it's like tennis. Is that safe anyway? Oh my god. What is this world? Yeah, I know. I mean, look, when I was a kid, I went to school on a Saturday morning for concert band. Oh, yeah. Right. So yeah, I had before school and after school every day. And then my parents would have to drive me on a Saturday morning to band wait in the car for three hours. Yeah, yeah. But I guess things are different then because you could trust your kids to go out and make their own way around a little bit more and like sort of get public transport. Like I don't know what it's like in that Gambia. But I think you know, when I sort of forecast what it's like to be the parent of a teenage girl which I will be I'm like, oh my god, it's things are gonna have to be so it's just so different to the way that my parents were so relaxed and bohemian with us. We were just doing our own thing. Like, you know, lucky, everything worked out fine. But yeah, we were on a pretty long leash. And I don't I, I just don't think you can parent that way. Probably. anymore with the same confidence, unfortunately, I wish to think about it all the time. Yeah. And yeah, the whole social media thing that's been that's a tricky one to navigate to, because we didn't grow up with that ourselves. And how do you sort of had an eye? It's a tricky one. That's that's one that's constant work in China, it's so hard, like, I'm really conscious of being on my phone in front of Matilda. And, you know, the more that she's going to see me on my phone, the more she's going to desire a phone as as cool thing to play with. So yeah, I do. Yeah, I tried to sort of be in the other room, if I have to, like send a quick text or, you know, get back to somebody. But it's also that thing, I suppose if just, if someone needs a response from me, and I'm with my child, they will they'll, they can just wait until, until I'm ready to respond to them. Like, I definitely don't feel that pressure to send someone an instant response. Like I think that there's enough. There's enough conversation and visibility around parenting and working for yourself now that I think we can all support each other to I've had other mums say to me, like, I can't get back to you right now. My kids like doing a poo in a park in the lawn. can relate? I don't even need to write that message like exactly. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. And I think, yeah, in the same way, I feel like businesses because of the social media, and because they're on like, it's 24/7. People feel like they can send people messages anytime day or night. And because sometimes I'm so guilty in the morning, because I'm like, Hello, world. Yes, I feel like people have to be really strict with their boundaries. And then people have to respect that. It's like, oh, we're gonna do so yeah. Great. It's a whole new world, isn't it? We're learning to navigate together. I'm struggling to find a genie. And so you say about your working on the weekend? Do you ever feel like I like to talk to all my moms about this concept of mom guilt? And I hate the term. I wish it didn't exist, but I know it does. What does that mean to you? Or how do you feel about that? Yeah, I mean, I think it certainly exists. And I think it's an almost inescapable phenomenon. Yeah, a couple are earlier last year now. 2022. So I went away to Tasmania for 10 days. And I did a a creative music intensive with the Australian Art orchestra, which, when I applied for, I mean, I started the year last year, like, I was still breastfeeding, like, I breastfed until she was just under two. And I just applied for it and thought, you know, what, if this is meant to happen, I'll get in, they'll give me a place, I'll rediscover what it was like to be a museum again, and like be a creative person, because I'm really deprioritize being a creative in my own right. That whole time, really, I'd say I was living in Melbourne, like I just really focused on festival work, and which is a different type of creative work and problem solving. But it's not writing and playing music. So that was a really, that was a really big thing, you know, going away for such a long time. And I'd waned her by then, but still, I remember right up until I got on the plane. I was like, I'm gonna turn around and go home. This is crazy. Like, who am I to take 10 days away from my child and to put that load on to my partner? And yeah, I did. I did have a lot of guilt for sure. About what, like I said before, what the cost of that was for everyone else. And you know, we're lucky that we have so much family support, so I really just didn't have to worry about her. She could not have cared less that I was gone. Definitely was harder for me. But yeah, I it was that was a big shift for me going on that trip. I'm so glad I did it like it was there was about 25 of us from around Australia and a couple of people came from overseas and we were in the central highlands of Tasmania, super remote, little village. It was just just out group each day. And one of the other producers from the orchestra who was sort of the operations manager He brought his partner and their young child down from Melbourne and their child was very similar age to my daughter. And I had this moment where we were watching a performance, which was a very, very moving performance of some Aboriginal singers and song makers from up in Arnhem Land. And I was sitting there watching and I was watching this mum play with her, bought her little boy, and I just my whole being just imploded into tears, like it was just like this catharsis of really profoundly missing my daughter. But at the same time, I was so grateful for being able to be there. But I think just realizing, really, really realizing in my core for the first time, that my whole identity was completely different. And that that person that I was watching, play with her child was me like, that was myself. And that was, yeah, I just sort of hadn't really realized it and looked at it from the outside. Like that until that moment. But yeah, the guilt that I had to sort of wade through, I think to take that time for myself was immense. Yeah, and yeah, there's always like people, and I feel like people make comments as well. You know, if you're, if you happen to be related to anyone who parented in a different generation, it's very hard to escape. Yeah. Other people's points of view. Absolutely. Yeah. So yeah, it is, it is a thing. And I think that's probably for me why? Because I do, like I said, you know, I've got her almost in five days of care, which is a lot. So the time that I do spend with her, I want to be really, really present. And I think that's for me, I'm able to sort of put them on gear on the back burner, because I know that I am really present with that time. And nothing else is allowed to intrude into the time that we spend together. You know, like when she comes home at the end of the day we play we have a dance party like um, yeah, I feel like I'm a fairly present parent. Maybe I'm just telling myself that to obey the monkey. But yeah, I usually I wouldn't say that. My thoughts elsewhere when I'm with her, I suppose. Yeah. So after you went on that trip, was it then did you feel like I guess you talked about the realizing who your your identity had changed was that then when you came back? Did you then find it difficult to then have those two parts of your identity coexist? Was that a challenge then? Or was that really? Yeah? No, I haven't found it to be a challenge. I think, you know, what it's actually makes it a lot easier is the fact that I'm able to share music with my daughter. And it's such a huge, I can see in her that that's something that she loves. And I guess I'm quite fortunate. Like, I mean, for example, she wouldn't let she never let me Of course play my instrument at home. I'm not allowed to do any practice ever because toddlers are very self centered world to revolve around them. So if your attention is elsewhere that she and she's not like a wallflower about it. She's like a flaming volcano of rage about I'm not paying attention to her. So yeah, I was never able to even even like, you know, anecdotally play the ukulele and sing her song was not allowed. So I was thinking when I was in Tassie, I was like, what, what's the get around for this, because this is really pissing me off. And so I thought she's, she, she wants it to be about her. So I'll write her a song about her. Yeah, write this song about her, which I recently actually recorded. And I'm just gonna go on a release that I'm doing in a few months time. But that was, you know, one. So I was just looking for creative ways to bring her into the that world so that we could share it together because it's not going to look the same as when I wasn't a parent. And I could go into a room and sit down and have uninterrupted time working on songs or playing my instrument. I can only do that when she's not in the house. Or when she's in theory asleep, like it's getting that time is hard, I suppose is what I'm trying to say. So there's other ways that we can engage together in music. Luckily, it's something that she really loves. Like I took her to a gig last night. There's a band that plays here first Sunday of every month at at the fish pub, and it's just so family friendly and such a vibe like I actually the same bands been going for more than 30 years. So I used to go and see this this same band with my parents. It's so wicked like yeah, being able to kind of bring it into the new generation take her and Yeah, lucky for me, she does. She loves to boogie. Like I've set a pretty strong role model that the dance floor is a place for like cutting sick and inhibitions go so yeah, she's got good staying power on the dance floor. And that's that was it's just so much fun to include her in that so I feel fortunate that it's something that she's willing to get on board with because I definitely if that wasn't the case, there's no way I could bring myself to force her to love music like I I couldn't care less if whether or not she you know wants to become a musician. Despite having two musician parents. I just, I suppose I care that She feels a sense of release from listening to music and a sense of joy and happiness and fulfillment on some level, because that's what I get from it. So yeah, trying to share that with her it has, I would say been the number one joy as a parent being able to share that with her it's soundly whether that Rolla cries this guy. I'm sad. And, you know, the worst thing you can do with music is tell someone how it's supposed to be like, there's Yeah, there really. And I think there's so much of that, that I see in, you know, particularly studying music at a tertiary level, like trying to unlearn the learning of someone being like this is this is jazz, this is classical lateral, this stupid labels that we put on ourselves, which, for me, coming back to Perth has actually been really beautiful and liberating, because I'm fine. I'm in the part of my life now where I just don't care anymore about any of that stuff, like I, you know, sort of was identified so strongly with this like box of, you know, being a very classically educated person for so long and only being, you know, playing in orchestras. And that was what I wanted to do. And then I was like, Well, I couldn't possibly play jazz, or I couldn't be a drummer. And then when I went to Melbourne, to live, I remember going to a jam session that one of the first weeks I was there with a friend and he said, Are you going to get out? But I was like, No. And then I just had a moment of realizing like, no one knows me. Like, I could get up right now. And just, for all they know, I'm a badass drama. Like, maybe, maybe I just like start something new, you know? And so I just sort of got up and was like, I'll just gonna, I'm going to say this is the thing that I do. And yeah, overcoming that self stigma, I think is a really a big, it's takes time. I would say that's the best thing about betting in my 30s. And just not caring what people think anymore. It's definitely because it's your it's your everyone's just their own worst enemy. Really? Like that's what takes the longest to overcome. Oh, yeah, absolutely. That's a common theme with people chat, too. It's like 30s and 40s. It's like, literally, you could not give a shit. It's wonderful. When you think back on your younger years, and it's like, Oh, my God, what did I think I What will I think was wrong with me like, yeah. And you think all the things that you could have done, but you didn't do? Because you held yourself back? Yeah. Barney Hill. Yeah. So funny thing is, I can tell I'm super old now. Because I find myself thinking things like youth is wasted on the young. I'm like, I'm an old person. I'm there I've arrived Is there anything else that you want to mention about what it's like being a mom and doing your thing? God just said, I just don't, don't get it right, more than half the time or, or any of the time ever. I think it's just so funny, because, you know, sometimes you have days that you just think I nailed it. And then the next day is just like, the apocalypse. Just like the tire can change. So so quickly, you know, you go from and as I think, this year, I for the past year, maybe we were just really, you know, our immune systems were compromised for being in lockdown. But as the sickness just really got to us, and that was a really difficult thing to contend with. So yeah, we had days where everything was like, perfect. And then the next day, like, you know, my daughter's in emergency on a respirator. They can just take so quickly. No, I don't have anything else. Really, I've got no words of wisdom, just just try to you know, take it one day at a time. I think everyone just needs to be more gentle on themselves. So that's probably and particularly where we are now. I don't want to say post pandemic, because we're still in it. But I think everyone's very tired. Actually, I think there's a deep fatigue and exhaustion for people in the creative industry, that, you know, we're picking up the tab now for the last couple of years, like in terms of, you know, emotionally in the energy and it's taken a toll. And I think, I think just to acknowledge that for ourselves, as well as you know, acknowledge that the space that we're holding for our children and and For other mums as well, like, I'm so lucky, I've got some of my, my best friends who I went to uni with, you know, a million years ago. And we all studied music together, there were all mums over here together at the same time. And it's so funny because even though I finally after years, we all live in the same place, the majority of our contact with each other is just sending each other like frantic voice memos and never seeing each other and just being like, I really want to see you. It's been three and a half months. And you finally see each other and it's just like, you get five minutes of conversation, because your kids are just running around. Doing Yeah, someone's trying to throw themselves in front of a car like, yeah. Oh, yeah. My sister. And I often joke about that. Like, it was nice to catch up. I don't feel like I spoke to you at all. But yeah, totally. Yeah. So I think you know, just try to have that space for each other as well. But also know that you can, you can take up that space, that's something that I'm still working on that very much, just allowing myself to take up the space of feeling tired and feeling overwhelmed sometimes. And I've, I'm also very guilty of putting myself down because I've only got one child. So I often invalidate my own parenting challenges, because there's only one of her, which is really stupid. And I'm trying to work on not doing comparing myself to people that have more children and being like, Oh, they've got it worse than me. Yeah, those are all things. For sure. No, I'm good on you. But thank you so much for sharing your time with me today. It's been lovely chatting to you. So lovely. And thanks for just like running the podcast. It's so awesome. Oh, I just love it. I just love talking to people. And I don't know, I just, it's just a lot of fun. I don't know. It's just a fun thing. Yeah. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Vian Lin Australian pianist and influencer S2 Ep33 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Vian Lin is a pianist, educator, businesswoman and influencer based in Brisbane QLD, and a mum of 4 children. Vian was born in Shanghai China and lived in Paris before arriving in Brisbane in 2002 to pursue her music studies. Vian started her piano journey at Shanghai Conservatory of Music when she was just 3 years old. She went on to win the Australian Yamaha Piano Competition at the age of 17 and performed at the Sydney Opera House. That same year Vian received a scholarship from University of Queensland, and went on to tour more than 10 countries, and performed a piano solo with her own piece – “Two Cities” at the 2014 G20 Summit in Brisbane. In the past decade, Vian has worked with lots of world class artists and musicians, including Dami Im, the Queensland and Sydney Symphony Orchestras, Yo-Yo Ma, and so many more. Vian has performed for Queensland Performing Arts Centre Brisbane Festival and other major festivals in Australia, and around the world. In 2011, Vian created Harmonie Music Centre and Harmonie International and started her new business chapter with a group of young Australian musicians who share the same goals. Vian is now the director and owner of these businesses. Over the past 11 years, Harmonie has brought household names from China, Japan, Korea, Hungary and Croatia, in over 300 performances to over 200,000 patrons in Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Brisbane, Perth and Auckland. Her goal is to share Asian culture with every resident in Australia and all over the world. Vian is also an educator who has students over all over the world. Through her social media handle 'Not Just a Pianist' Vian shares her love of music, collaborates with fashions houses such as Burberry and seeks to change long held stereotypes about China and pianists. Vian facebook / Instagram / youtube Podcast - instagram / website Vian’s music is used throughout this episode with permission. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests, and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bowl antic people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for your company. Today my guest is vn Lin. Vn is a pianist, educator, businesswoman and influencer based in Brisbane, Queensland, and a mum of four children, then was born in Shanghai, China, and lived in Paris before arriving in Brisbane in 2002. To pursue her musical studies. Vn started her piano journey at Shanghai Conservatory of Music when she was just three years old. She went on to win the Australian Yamaha piano competition at the age of 17 and performed at the Sydney Opera House. That same year vn received a scholarship from the University of Queensland, and went on to tour more than 10 countries and performed a piano solo with our own piece two cities at the 2014 G 20. Summit held in Brisbane. In the past decade, vn has worked with lots of world class artists and musicians, including Dami in the Queensland and Sydney Symphony orchestras, Yo Yo Ma, and so many more. In 2011 vn created harmony Music Center, and how many international and started her new business chapter with a group of other young Australian musicians who shared the same goals. The end is now the director and owner of both these businesses. Over the past 11 years harmony has bought household names from China, Japan, Korea, Hungary and Croatia to Australia in over 300 performances and to over 200,000 patrons in Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Brisbane, Perth and in Auckland, New Zealand. Her goal is to share Asian culture with every resident in Australia and all over the world. Vn is also an educator, and she has students from all across the world. Through her social media handle, not just a pianist vn shares her love of music collaborates with fashion houses such as Burberry and seeks to change long held stereotypes about China and pianists. I hope you enjoy our chat. Welcome, VN, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. It's my pleasure. I really like your Instagram accounts. Yes, it's quite inspiring. That's great to hear. Thank you. So you're up in Brisbane? Yes, I am. Yeah. Yeah. Fantastic. Must be nice and warm up there this time here. And this is Clay warm today. Yes. So on your social media is your handle is not just a pianist. So can you tell me how you came up with that? And what are the things that you do in addition to play? Obviously, piano is this my career? And but, you know, I was thinking I should actually label myself not just the pianist because I'm also a mom, and also influenced. And also, you know, I'm still studying lots of things. So that's why I came up with some idea that I'm not just the pianist. Yeah. So that's cool. And it sort of makes people intrigued and sort of wonder, what are the things that you do? So that's really cool. Yeah, yeah. So tell me how did you get into playing the piano if you've been playing for a long time? Yeah, I've been playing for already, I think 35 years. I have to say, yes. 35 people are known. I've been playing for years. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you started when you're quite young. I started when I was three. So it was like many many, many years ago and I've been playing and I was studying You know at the Conservatorium University of Queensland and I've been traveling from Australia to Austria and many different countries and you know, sharing music and learning from this person to the other. So music is basically the blood, you know? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So did you grew up in a family that that played music as well. Surprisingly, actually, my dad is a businessman, and my mom is an author. So if and I don't have any family influence, but my mom is very, very supportive. When I was young, I remember because, you know, when you were young, you have no idea why you need to learn the music. So I always wanted to quit. And I always wanted to do something silly, but my mom always support me. And you know, call me back to the music and piano lesson and stuff. So yeah. So it's good that she did. Isn't it kept you going? Yeah, yeah. So did you grow up in Australia or we born overseas? I came here in the year of 2000. So that was 22 years ago, I believe. And I think I came here. even earlier than that, maybe 2018 Just for the exchange program as music students, so from China, so I've been in Brisbane. Quite a few years already. Yeah. And whereabouts in China. Are you from? Shanghai? Oh, yeah. That's a name that most people will recognize that. Yeah, that's right yeah. Tell us about your family. You have some children. I have four children. Yeah, I got Doremi. Far. You're not going to complete the scale. Hey, yeah, but that's already a lot. I come anymore. That's it. Yeah. So how What's the age range of view up children? Oh, my youngest just turned one. Oh, wow. And my oldest is 27. In April. So I basically had four children in five years. Well, already. Yeah. Yeah. And guess what? I didn't start my performance as well. So I was basically, you know, giving birth and having babies in a plane and he's fine. Oh, wow. So was obviously like, important to you to keep keep playing your music. You weren't going to stop that for anything. I think it's very difficult to you know, like, not stop. I mean, it's very difficult for women. I think parenting and pregnancy is very, such a big challenge. I have to say, it's a biggest challenge in my life, but I still wanted to do music. So this drives me to see balance. You know, being a mom and being a pianist, I have to say, so did you have, like some support, like family support? Or, you know, someone to help out? You know, with the practicalities of looking after the kids while you're able to perform? Um, yes, I do. I do. I do. But just during the pregnancy, it wasn't that pleasant because, you know, my third and fourth child, they are quite young, and they they around the COVID period. My first child is a call the baby basically. So no one help you. We don't have any any parents. We don't have anybody. You just have to rely on yourself and your family just to get through this. Yeah. Oh, good on you. Yeah, made it. Yeah. Congratulations. So do you do write your own music? As well as playing other people? I do write my own music on the piano. Yes, I do. Yeah. Great. I was gonna ask whether Have you noticed after you've had the children that you might have sort of, are you influenced by the kids like as being becoming a mother changed the way you write? Just in music, particularly before I become a mom, my music is always driven and I always wanted to challenge the speed and to showing off how fast I can play. Giving birth and having your child understand life is not about speed. It's about how relaxed you can be to handle all This scenario, so, email me so you can hear all this settled for flow. So I have changed a lot because of this parenting thing I have to say, Hmm, that's very interesting. Yeah, like that. So it kind of helps you helps you to slow down as well. And keep Yes. If you're sort of in that, that mood. Yeah. So in addition to doing your piano, you you do your influencing you do some modeling as well. Can you tell us about that? I started to do lots of collaborations with it was different brands from 2021. Um, before that, I do perform a lot and you know, friends and different brands, they didn't really, you know, push me to label as an influencer, because I think I was mainly focusing on the performance, then COVID hits. So obviously, your performance, opportunity or time everything else very, very limited, right? So as to think maybe I should do something different. So I start to do YouTube videos kind of became a YouTuber. Also, Instagram and Facebook. Plus, there is some very new Chinese channel called the Red Book. So I am professional Korea, music and also parenting. So I started to have more fans and audiences, then I start to do collaborations with different brands. So that must be fun, like getting to, to wear different clothes. And I've noticed in the campaign you did for Westfield, that you've got your family involved as well. Yes, that's right. We did a campaign was February. And it was kind of fun, because I get to choose the color combinations and my hair and everything. I really liked those kinds of things. Because I think I'm a I'm a canvas, which is very arty, you know, like how I want it to be creative. So I really enjoyed doing what I love. I have to say, this is really a blessing. Yeah. And it's good to be able to step away from the piano too. And show maybe a different side of your creativity because it can be really, yeah, yeah. And that everyone you did like having your hair in that the two little buttons and the bra was written was just very eye catching. Looks awesome. Thank you for your feedback. I love it, too. I recently had a hair cut so I can't go that up anymore. But they will grow to low bars boss who knows? Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I was I had a look at your YouTube, you've got some really fun things on YouTube, like you do the unboxing of your products. That the music side of things, which is really cool. Like, you actually explain the stories behind particular songs sort of educate, as well. Yeah, so you obviously enjoy sharing your knowledge that you have about music as well. Yeah, yeah. And also a fun one was when your husband did you make up that was a good one. Yeah, I have to say that. I think being America. But you know what? I'm so curious. If you look at all those top beauty cosmetic brands, you know, in that in nowadays, you know, all the top makeup artists, they're all male. You're interested. And you know, for this gender thing. Male nowadays they were makeups huh? Yeah, they can kiss and they are so conscious about how they look and how they can improve their appearance and stuff. So yeah, it's interesting so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. has been having good had a good go. I didn't think he did a very bad job actually didn't do that. Very honest, because I like you very much. So it wasn't a good well, yeah, but you got to have fun. Don't Yeah, you've got to you got to have fun in life. Yeah, absolutely. Do your children play music as well? So actually my oldest daughter harmony, she's doing four instruments. Oh, well, he is doing three instruments. So they, they, they are lucky because they born in a musical family, you know, and I guess they're influenced by what we're doing. Because we also have our education institute, which operates and actually have music education, sort of program and stuff. So they basically when they were just six months, they start to grab, you know, triangle, bongo drums and anything you can think about. So they they love music. Yeah, absolutely. And do they enjoy watching you play or hearing you play? Yeah, especially how many because every time I go to a concert, she, she, she did attend. And I think for the reason why she even became my special guests. So she played the cello and we collaborate one song from the north cello exam syllabus, and I really enjoy it, you know, the opportunity to share the stage, not with five musicians, but also with fellow musicians, such as my daughter, this is not only the proud mom moment, it's just the moment that you understand. I am giving my child you know, a musically environment. And she enjoys it, and she's able to stand up and share the stage because I think at such a young age and then standing up on stage to play in front of so many people. It is a very frightening, you know, sort of experience. Absolutely. Yes. Because, you know, even even when I was 17, I came to a piano competition, I can tell that I was so shaky, and I was so nervous, you know, but what I saw my daughter's she's okay, actually, she's only six that time. So I'm so proud. I have to say, oh, yeah, absolutely. I can completely relate to that. Do you think though, because maybe because you've made music, such a normal thing in your life, and she's probably seen you perform. So she thinks it's not scary. It's not not that it's not a big deal. Like she understands that it's important, but it's sort of normalized it a bit for that. And she's sad for me to say. Yeah, because for me on the stage, she knows that our mommy is doing this when I'm going to do something similar to what my mom does. So she, Ellie she has got like, some like security, you know, font there. So she does feel like okay, I can do it. So even if she can't do perfectly it doesn't matter, right? Yeah, absolutely. That's I think that's a wonderful gift to be able to pass on to children that's really lovely. One thing I love to talk to my guests about is the concept of mum guilt. So this idea that mums should just be mums and then if you do anything else apart from being a mum, you should you should feel bad about it or that you know, society makes you feel bad about it. How do you feel about mongoose? I have to say I'm I'm a selfish I'm how to say it. I love my children, right? And I go for it. That's a lot of workload. You can you can't you can't imagine how much you have to do. But for example, now it is the cola period. I don't know about other city but but in particularly in Queensland. It's getting worse. So every bit every day there will be like an increased amount of ls 10,000 cases Imagine that. And if you any group chat, you will notice all the months or so panic, they will be like, I'm not going to send my kids to childcare. I'm not gonna write and this and that. But what I did, but I'm not saying that I'm putting my kids into risk, because they are in a very good school, which I attended when I was young, you know, and all of my four children, two of them are in primary school, one is seeing how to have the IERC, which is the Early Learning Center. So what I did is, every morning, I do send them to there. All right, I trust the teacher, I trust the facility will be able to give my child a healthy and safe environment. All right, because every, every institution, they have a call of a safe plan. So but you know, because some moms are so panicked, they don't believe they don't transmit So, but I'm the one who may be a bit selfish that I trust the institution. And I decided to leave my kids there. Because if they go the whole day, I'll be able to work. Hmm, do my own thing. All right. This is one thing. The other thing is, no matter what every week, I need to do do my yoga. Is this my relaxation moment? So if you want to sacrifice, I'm not going to sacrifice. If my daughter says that, Oh, Mommy, can you do this for me? I will say no, no, I so you can do that with Melody, or you can do that with you know, there are many people in our family. We are big family, you can do that with this or that I gave her options. But the option is not me. Because I told her mommy needs mommy's can. Yeah, yeah, I guess I'm very different. Especially in Asian culture. Because the Asian culture, I think, especially my mom's generation, family, kids, parenting is always the first priority. You never think about yourself. You just have to give everything to your family is a culture you know, huh? Yeah. That's interesting, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But it's good that, like, you've recognized that you need particular things in your life, so that you feel good. You know, it's not all about pleasing everyone else all the time. Or maybe you've already passed to that stage because I'm, I'm turning 36 This year, so I don't feel like I wanted to please everybody anymore. Do you get what I'm saying? I do. Yeah. I always wanted to do my best. I want to show maybe my in laws how good I am in i and show my friends or show my kids. Kids. You know, Friends, Mom, you know, like how good I am stuff. I don't want to do that anymore. I just want to be happy. Yeah, that is so. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. The other a few weeks ago, I had a chat with an author. And she said, It's like when you get to 40 You just think I just don't care about any of that other rubbish anymore. Like you just you get over the fact of, you know, comparison and judgment of other people. And like you said, you just want to be happy and yeah, I think that there's something that comes with with age, you sort of get this perspective of what's important in your life maybe. Yeah, absolutely. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, I was when you had two children, how did the identity of yourself change? Did you sort of feel that that was challenged at all becoming a mother did you feel like you were losing part of yourself or if I look back, all of my, you know, for children and they gave birth and everything, I think that pregnancy is the most difficult part for me. I don't know about other women, but it wasn't a pleasant journey for me for each pregnancy. Maybe because of I push myself to be able to handle work and other men, as well as you know, having getting through this pregnancy. But I had lots of issues and lots of you know, problem problems and call the baby as well. No one helped and physically I was facing a lot of difficulties and also mentally when the baby was born, you know, I think it's all good. Like I don't you're tired anyway but I guess because the natural of myself I'm a very energetic person. Always uplifting you know, I'm just some people think that how come via you know, so always like So up in that high, I said, I'm not on drugs, I just I don't know I don't I don't drink. I can't get drunk. Because if you can one, one cup of anything, I just draw. And I don't smoke. So anything, the only cheat I get myself is maybe just Pepsi or some kids. I'm just having some kids. I'm very happy. So I guess my energy level is always very high. That's maybe why I have four children or because sometimes can I my phone company? Oh, I had one already had enough. Yeah. Oh, that's good. I have three more. If you got three more, you will be fine. I just, I think your energy level is very important. So when you asked me that question, when I look back to that question, I have to say pregnancy is really really bad. This is, this is something that I think every woman is really struggling with pregnancy because the baby is not out yet. You have to always check in you're not sure. And you know, the mom, really nice in your process and everything. You just have to wait. I think that's a period of time for a woman to get through. Both mentally and physically. Hmm, yeah, that's a really good point. So then when you actually had the childhood sort of already prepared yourself had gone through those changes. So then when you had your baby, you were sort of already at that point. I was so lucky. I had the best oil be so what happened is, you know, I my delivery was just so smooth, like didn't feel anything you know, at all, like no pain and no anything just like right hand right? Everything. So maybe because of my case, getting busted didn't really cost me any, you know, attention at all. So my attention Oh, jaws to the pregnancy. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. I want to say that I really like your channel, because you're trying to do something I think the society really needs. I think there will be no model about a month. Everyone is different, right? And yeah, I don't know how you feel about Australia. But I came here 2000. So it's already 22 years, it's already half passed off my entire life up to now. So I literally I spent more time in Australia than China. I think the Chinese social media recently really raised me up. Recently, there is a very famous Chinese pop sinner called Lee home, a Taiwanese scene, all right, and, and he betrayed his wife. And the wife gave birth three times and gave everything to the family and basically the popstar just betrayed and it became black and white in the society, they start to get to the court, things get very messy and stuff. And you can imagine, you know, the lady would know that the female the mom started to cry and, you know, mentally break down. It's just, I just feel that, when I look back, I have a very different perspective was that I just feel like everybody has a choice. If they don't want to be like that, you know, dependent on your husband, or you don't want to be betrayed by your husband, and think woman, you know, what do you want? Like, you need to really have a strong thing in yourself, then no matter people betray you or not no matter people, you know, do some bad thing or not, he still can move on. So I guess the social media label that women are in a very bad position and men always you know, money and they are they have, you know, strong ego in China. I'm not saying in Australia. You know, women, they need to depend on a man because they are the one who make money. You know that like, yeah, you know what? Yeah, so China In China Social Media, were they trying to say that woman needs to wake up, so I guess it's a bit late, but at least they are starting to have this slogan. Woman You have to wake up. You are not just a mom. You're also so I guess in Australia, this is so natural. Like I saw my friend like yesterday they gave us today they already you know, grabbing the baby just you know, like, at the workplace. Yeah, you cannot do that. You try not people are just like what are you crazy? And that's why I love Australia because I just feel like I can breathe and I can do whatever I want even have to rely on the Chinese social media and society Australia because I am influenced. I know I was born in China, but there are things I don't like. And what I'm doing now is I don't charge about the things I don't like I just support the things I like, and let more people know about it. And I want them to know that people may not know about it, no matter how many children I have. I'm still a woman. So the most important thing is yourself. That's it. Yeah. Children can wait no matter how many children because every time I find a lesson, yeah, you have four children as you saw what Josh's point if you want to have any more Yeah, that's that's really, really I love that no matter how many children I have. I'm still a woman. That's just really powerful. Yeah, yeah. Good for you. Yeah, I really like your channel because I think society needs this kind of thing rather than just label what is good mom. What is bad mom? And yeah, they need something like this. Yeah. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Thanks for being a part of it. It's wonderful to have you on. Have you got anything coming up that you want to let us know? Maybe anyone that you're working with or anything musical that you've got coming? I do have something I got two things to share with everybody. So in Brisbane, from February the first where are we standing a festival called bris Asia festival. And I'm so honored to be able to work with very, very famous producer Anthony and I'm going to do lots of music making with different cultures and sound and, and one of the main theme of it is improvisations. And you can feel the music in the space with different instrumental player and a musician. So it's just going to be so beautiful. I'm so thrilled to share with you about February and one for the festival will go for a month. Yes, sir. Yes. Yes. And my show will be an awful amount. So I will put on my socials. Yeah. And also apart from that I'm working with Japanese jazz scene called Lisa Oh no, she's very famous in the jest field. And I'm going to host her international tour in Taiwan in May. So I'm going to flew sorry I'm going to fly down to Taiwan. Hopefully April and I'm going to do four shows with hiding different cities and this is the part I really looking forward to things called always stop all the international shows. And I can't wait to be physically in that theater the big you know, call with International Jazz Singer Lisa or not. So yes, that sounds fantastic. That is great. Good Anya. So you leave the like the kids will stay in Australia you won't take the kids with you nothing. Because I think they are doing a very good routine. I think consistency is very important for children's development. am I building harmony, my oldest child for her to explore because she's started aware of everything. But obviously though the other three younger ones. They will definitely stick with their daily routine. Yeah. Right. Your parents are still there in China. My dad passed away five years ago in Australia, and my mom is still in China. She's in Shanghai at the moment. We used to live in In Brisbane occasionally because she's that type. She wants her own life. Yeah, she told me. I'm your mom. But I don't have responsibility to take care of your daughter's he's done it hard work. Yes. He told me that she says she needs a life. So I guess that's something that, you know, she passed up to me. So, you know, the beginning, I can't understand that. But now I really enjoyed the distance because she's having her own life and I'm having my life. She's right. I chose to have four children. I have a big family, I've got responsibilities, then I will take care of everything. So you learn from it. Right? No one is perfect. So yeah. Yeah. So my mom is not here. Yep. Yep. So how does you talked before about in the Asian culture that it's sort of like the mums got to do everything and not do anything for herself? How does your mom feel about how you're not in a judgmental way? But just she sort of she recognized because you're in Australia, it's a bit different that you can do yoga and I guess there's reason my mom is not that kind of like sacrificing everything for her child type. Yeah, sure. Example, she decided to send me to Australia when I was very young because she's Spacey. I remember when I was six or seven. Everyone else like dad or mom or grandma, grandpa. They waited at the front of the school in China. They always pick up their kids like in front of it and all line up three o'clock. No one picked me up. My mom pulled a key just Oh, my neck. You go home yourself. I was raised up in that kind of family. You understand what I'm saying? Like? Yeah, yeah. Do you think my mom is even worse? No one can take care of me. I still remember when I was six or seven. I don't remember exactly what she right. There was one time my mom was sick. I was so shocked because my dad was interstate for something business. I don't know. You know what happened to me? I actually we have a lunch break. Every school eat China. You have lunch break. So I remember it's 45 minutes. I ran back home cook instant noodle for my mom. Because I was too young that time. I think if people don't eat, they would die. Oh. This is a no, no. I cooked it and leave it to mom. I said mommy to eat. Okay, then I ran back to school. I was only six or seven. raised up by a family that everybody sacrificed for me. It was well, it was offset, then that's what I'm in Brisbane. You know, in Queensland when I was a teenager. I dive into the culture quite quickly, because I think my family's belief is quite matching was, you know, Western culture a little bit. Not not 100% but majority of Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, that makes sense. Yes. So in a way your mom was kind of not doing the normal trend for an Asian family. Yeah. Yeah. Did so when you when you sort of started to realize that. Did you think that was a really good thing. Like, did you think my mom was really cool? Because she's just doing whatever she wants. So was it the opposite? My mom is really cool. You know? And I tell her tonight, she's really cool. Because I think I still I see, I don't know, I think you have that kind of friends around you. I don't know if you know, that. Every day. If you send your kids to school, right? You bring lunch. And some moms, they are just amazing. Like everything you just opened their lunchbox like they can do the sushi like Panda. And you know, like, yeah, yeah, they can just talk like, oh, like a mastership Yeah, I can't. I can't it's basically that I don't have the time and I'd be honest, I don't have effort to really learn that then there will be people saying the odd vn doesn't love techies. Yeah, there will be like, because I'm an influencer. So people sometimes judge about me. Oh, she never cooks. Oh, she doesn't know how to cook. She doesn't feed her child. But they still eat so mom, you know, raised me and then my mom was just so cool. Do you know why? I'm still working and I'm working like so busy. You know, it's from my social media. So for example, reason why I had a shooting with Ross Ross. You know the conduct recap. Yeah, he's helped me with the scripts, scripts. And it seemed Mandarin English. Obviously. My mom is author. She's so cool. She can help my scripts. Yeah, yeah. Just imagine if my mom choose to be, you know, giving her Everything just raised me pick me up from school, cook about those food for me and give up her career. She won't be so good. I mean, I, I think I think when you just, I mean it's not yes or no right or wrong, but at the end of the day, you just have to ask yourself, what do you really want? Like a mom like, Oh, come on, can you bring me to your family? Can I live with you? I don't want to be like that kind of mom. I want them have their own life. So do I want to have my own life? So I guess maybe the best way is we do have a bit of boundaries. We do have the lines and to let my children know what does not mean. Like what does money don't like and what what moms can do well, mom want to so let's see. I'm not 100% Mom, you know what I mean? Like? Yeah, absolutely. No, that's wonderful. I really love that good on you. Because I think, I think a lot of moms feel like they have to do everything. And if you don't do it, then you're a bad mom, you know, but it's like yeah, no, that's not true. Yeah, absolutely. And this, this makes people sometimes a bit panic as well. I think this is a peer pressures as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The sort of competition of like you said about the lunch boxes, like, you know, and then you see things. And you know, how neat and tidy your uniform is, your hair is all sort of mark your child gets, you know, you know, that kind of things. Yeah. And then And then, with social media, too, there's all this, you know, you see what other mums doing and all the competition there. It's like you forever feel like you've been judged by somebody else. And yeah, gets a bit much. So your your story is very refreshing. I think a lot of people are going to be very inspired to hear to hear that. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. So honestly. I really, really love chatting to you. It's been lovely. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Alex McLaughlin Canadian acrylic and watercolour artist, S2 Ep36 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Today I welcome Alex McLaughlin to the podcast, Canadian acrylic and watercolour artist and mum of 2 boys from Midland Ontario. Raised in Honey Harbour on Georgian Bay , Alex was fortunate enough to have a childhood full of love and opportunity. Her summers can be best characterized by exploration, swimming, boating, and working for the family business. Having the opportunity to be on the water nearly every day since she was born has never been something she has never taken for granted. After working as a paramedic on the streets of Toronto for many years, Alex felt the pull to return to her childhood home, and now lives there with her husband and 2 boys. She now focuses solely on her art, working out of her home studio which allows her to to maximize precious painting time and be the present mother she has always wanted to be. Put simply, Alex feels like she is now doing what she was always meant to be doing. Ever since Alex was little, her grandmother encouraged her to practice and appreciate the arts as a way to document her life. Alex is a predominately self taught artist, but after taking a watercolour course by local Canadian artist John Hartman everything seemed to make sense for her and allowed her to explore her local area with a new set of eyes. Recently, Alex created her first-ever painting series that is very close to her heart: Georgian Bay Reflections . Using vibrant colour and layered brush strokes, Alex feels her way through each piece until its depth and composition are reminiscent of this special place that was, is and always will be home. Through the power of her expressionism artform, Alex's hope for us is to be reminded of how the simple and natural things in life are the most beautiful. In a world that seems to be evolving faster than ever before, Most of all her wish is to have us stop and experience, even just for a moment, the beauty of life translated through art. **This episode contains discussion around anxiety, OCD and depression** Visit Alex's website The Massasauga Rattler Snake https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGW3MSt8nJI Beam Paints https://www.beampaints.com/ is the paint company Alex mentioned who she found making water colour paints locally. Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission from Alemjo https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=aEJ8a3qJREifAqhYyeRoow Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water, as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for joining me. Today I welcome Alex McLaughlin to the podcast. Alex is a Canadian acrylic and watercolor artist and a mum of two boys from Midland Ontario. Raised in honey Harbor on Georgian Bay, Alex was fortunate enough to have a childhood full of love and opportunity. His summers can be best described by exploration, swimming, boating, and working for the family business. Having the opportunity to be on the water nearly every day since she was born has never been something she's taken for granted. After working as a paramedic on the streets of Toronto for many years, Alex felt the pull to return to her childhood home and now lives there with her husband and two boys. She focuses solely on her art working out of her home studio, which allows her to maximize precious painting time and be the present mother she's always wanted to be. Put simply, Alex feels like she's now doing what she was always meant to be doing. Ever since Alex was little, her grandmother encouraged her to practice and appreciate the arts as a way to document her life. Alex is a predominantly self taught artist. But after taking a watercolor course by local Canadian artists, John Hartman, everything seemed to make sense for her and allowed her to explore her local area with a new set of eyes. Recently, Alex created her first ever painting series that is very close to her heart, entitled Georgian Bay reflections. Using vibrant color and layered brushstrokes. Alex feels her way through each piece until its depth and composition are reminiscent of the special place that was is and always will be her home through the power of her expressionist art form. Alex's hope for us is to be reminded of how the simple and natural things in life are the most beautiful in a world that seems to be evolving faster than ever before. Most of all, her wish is to have a stop and experience even for just a moment. The beauty of life translated through art. This episode contains discussion around anxiety, OCD, and depression. Thanks so much for coming on today. Alex. It's such a pleasure to meet you all the way from Canada today. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited. Absolutely. It's such a pleasure. So tell us whereabouts you are in Canada. So I live in Midland, Ontario on Georgian Bay. It's a it's a massive Bay off of Lake Huron, one of the Great Lakes. And we're about an hour and a half an hour and a half north of Toronto. People call it cottage country, cottage country, what's the meaning behind that? Um, most people from the city that own cottages will head north pretty much every weekend. I know that people call it something different in many parts of the world. But yeah, it's called a cottage here. And most of them in my area are not tiny little cabins, a lot of them are are very extravagant. They're not exactly cottages they like made quite a bit of money has moved up here in the past, like 20 years so and then we're pretty close to Muskoka right next to us as well, which is can be kind of fancy, like major wakeboarding culture. And, ah, yeah, it's a pretty amazing place to have grown up and to live now. I left her about 12 years with school and my previous career and then moved back up here five years ago, so we're nice and settled in again. Yeah, yeah. So what's the weather like there? Now I have this real obsession with finding out temperatures and weather around the world, people I chat to were pretty extreme. Which I like So it's it's warming up a little bit now like today was gray and cloudy and and it was still cold it was I think minus seven or minus six Celsius. Yeah. Because you're in your Celsius so today was like warm compared to what it's been. It's been minus 20 to minus 30. Recently. Yeah, we were ice fishing this morning. Oh, my parents this and there was 20 inches of ice. Oh, wow. We don't seem to say you get that much ice. It's it's a good winter for ice and like people snowmobile all over the lake. Yeah, nice. Good. So, yeah, we have a very extreme weather we have like the lake effect. So we get tons and tons of snow. You have to. Some people don't have one, but it's very helpful to have a snowblower here. Like your full time job would be shoveling throughout the winter if you didn't have a snowblower so well, yeah, it's very extreme in the winter. And then we have pretty awesome warm, humid summers, so Oh, well. Yeah, the best of both worlds. So what's your sort of average champion Summer? Summer, like we we truly do have spring we have all all the seasons. So the spring can seem very, very long when we're anxious for the summer to come. But pretty reliably June, like through September now, anywhere from, like 18 degrees to it can be extreme heat warnings of you know, 40 degrees, sometimes, well, for about two months, we get between, I guess 25 And like 32, something like that. So that is amazing. It is that is truly amazing that you can have like zero like monastery up to like 40. That is incredible. Yeah. And we don't always have like a cold winter like this. I prefer it because then you can do stuff on the ice. And you can go skiing and snowboarding and all of that stuff. Like we are only 20 minutes from a hill. Not a big hill. It's not I wouldn't call it a mountain. But we have a few options here. And and then we have an ice rink in our backyard as well. We started that last year because of the pandemic and not being able to really go out right so yeah, yeah, no, I absolutely love it. The winters can be tough for sure. And most people will fly south during the winter for at least one trip. And and we're making the best of all the winter activities now. So yeah, that sounds amazing. I haven't I didn't realize places like that existed where you could have like a normal summer basically, and then have massive, massive winter. Yeah, it's really, for a lot of people. It's all about the summer here because the summers are really incredible. I've actually traveled in Australia and quite a few places. And the one thing I really missed while traveling was having my own boat because I don't live on an ocean and I'm so used to being able to boat like there's actually 30,000 islands in my area. All you kidding. It's the largest freshwater are archipelago. I think I said that right. archipelago, sorry. Which means just like the largest cluster of islands in freshwater in the world. It's yeah, so very interesting boating culture here. Yeah, right. Actually, that reminds me is it like, this is like a real left of field but the Ozarks TV show where they take boats everywhere. Is that kind of like? Totally. I would I would call the Ozarks a little bit more like Muskoka because there's a whole bunch of, they call them Muskoka lakes. So there's great lakes, where it's a lot more sheltered. Georgian Bay has much more open water in certain areas. So you can have all those, like nooks where it's protected if you stay in, like honey harbor is where I grew up. It's just a small drag from here. But then you can go to open water where you can't see anything and you feel like you're on the ocean. So yeah, we actually traveled to an island and a lighthouse on an island called the Western islands. And it takes about two to two and a half hours of driving fast, like straight in one direction not being able to see any thing, and then the island emerges out of nowhere. You post stuff like that with friends and get just like for safety but pretty wild. That sounds like an incredible place to leave. That's just wow. Yeah, I'm really happy to be here. That's lovely I was reading on your website, you talked about honey Harbor, how you were so deeply connected to that Georgian Bay Area. And I love that your quote with the way that you describe things, its life translated through art in love that I'm primarily a self taught painter. I have been mostly doing acrylic paintings and, and mostly large scale, I really like to paint large, starting to mix in some smaller stuff, because painting large all the time is difficult with time management. But yeah, so that's mostly what I've focused on. And I've and I've recently been mixing in using watercolors as well, as more of like a daily paint. I was always super creative as a kid. Like I really took every project to the creative extreme in high school, stuff like that. But I didn't really sorry. And I was also very involved in the arts, just not fine art. So I was a competitive dancer for many years. And I played classical guitar until the end of high school. It's like I was always very involved in something that was really creative, but didn't really stumble upon painting until university actually. I had taken one elective course throughout my psychology degree, and got to do art. And we did two weeks of painting. So I just learned the basics. And I honestly didn't really I wasn't very proud of any any of the projects that we had in that class. But then beyond that year of taking that class, it stuck with me and I did a lot of paintings like for gifts for family and did a few commission jobs. And throughout the years, I kept coming back to it so and then I didn't get really serious about it until 2018 When I moved back here to Midland I was living closer to the city to Toronto, for my husband, because I was actually a paramedic in Toronto for eight years before diving into the art full time. You said that the painting you first like you discovered that at uni? Was there anyone else like in your family like growing up was painting ever exposed to earlier than that? So not necessarily painting. But I was gonna mention my grandmother I called her only because she she was German. She's passed now but so my mother's mother took care of us a lot. She helped out a lot with babysitting. A lot of my memories are with her. And she was super interested in art. She painted herself as well. But mainly she was a photographer. Yeah, right. Yeah, she didn't consider herself professional by any means. She struggled financially a lot of the time. But yeah, she was the one that really encouraged me would sit me down with all the materials for drawing. I remember her teaching me sort of like a just the way to draw certain things like a barn and she had a way to instruct me how to do that. And then it also remember doing a lot of like still life like vases with flowers in them and stuff with very special markers that she would get me. Yeah, somehow I never really got into painting with like professional paints. It's funny that I don't remember touching that until university. Yeah, she was the early influence. My parents were always super supportive. But they. And my mom is very creative herself with like interior design. And my dad is a builder. And so yeah, like, it's in the family. But yeah, she was my push for sure. And like she is one of the reasons. I do it today. And I sort of had the confidence to go for it. And I know, even though she's not here physically, yeah, I know. I hope that she knows what I'm doing. Yeah. Be proud. So yeah, that's really special. Oh, that's lovely. Growing up, so. Oh, so she didn't she wasn't alive, to see change careers and come back to Oh, yeah, she met my first son, who he's seven now. But she found out she was sick, like within that first year that he was born. So yeah, it's really kind of tragic, but but she clearly lives on through a lot of us. My aunt who's like her other daughter, is also an artist, and like, has been pursuing it more seriously as well. So yeah. Oh, that's lovely. It's like the legacy that's carried on through the family. Yeah, that's beautiful. I love the quote that you've got on your website, when you said I'm finally doing what I was meant to do. Yes, like you had to go through all this other stuff and maybe discover what you didn't want to do before you went? Actually I want to do was that was that an easy decision? Or hard in some ways to just give up, I want to say a nine to five like, solid job. I had worked really hard to be a paramedic. You so yeah, that was the part that was really hard for me was I've always been very introspective. And trying to balance what was going to make me the happiest I was, I was so lucky to have like an upbringing with all these opportunities, right. So I was trying to figure out a path that would make me super happy, but also seemed like a smart, logical path. Which led me to do this, like psychology degree, and I was considering business and all these other things. But I guess deep down inside, like, I was always very creative. And then, and I loved my career as a paramedic, super competitive, to get into school to get hired right out of school. And then it takes about five years of doing that job to start to feel settled and comfortable and not just freaked out and in a few of the situations, right. Yeah, it takes a long time to build that confidence. And then when we started having a family, it's like I knew we were going to have to make some tough decisions. Financially, you know, mortgage was going to become difficult. My husband is also a paramedic in Toronto, and he's he's still doing it there. And I just couldn't imagine doing the double shiftworker family with children, you basically have to hire a live in nanny to make it work. And then I just be working to pay for somebody else to take care of my children. And yeah, so I was starting to feel like a little bit. I was frustrated for sure, like knowing that these big changes were coming. But it's funny because now I'm happier than ever. And I really do think that just trusting the process not only like in my art but in life is super important. I have always been when not to make too many strict plans. I know that things can change. I especially learned that as a paramedic, right and just to really not take anything for granted and and try and appreciate every day as it comes and then know that they're the changes will come and I just tried to roll with it the best I can. So that's what we did. And I knew I needed to have something of my own. Like something really exciting to look forward to. As I was approaching that moment of officially quitting my paramedic career and moving on so yeah, I, I took a year leave of absence when we moved up north, away from the city, which it also that provided some major financial relief, by the way. So like all these changes were to set us up so that I could be at home with the kids and not worry as much about money, because leaving that Job was was a big paycheck as well. Yeah. So yeah, we moved north, and we're actually mortgage free because of the move, because we moved really like from very close to the city to two hours north where most people wouldn't, wouldn't go that far, right. And it was, it was tough. Like it was, even though I had grown up here, it didn't have too many strong friendships remaining like in that immediate area. So I really had to start over. Build those new connections and, and it eventually happened. But yeah, for a few years, it was tough. And so yeah, when we moved up, I took the year leave of absence. And then for about four months, I just was trying to, I was stressing over what to paint, I knew I was going to try and pursue painting. I just didn't know what I should paint because I wanted it to be successful. So I put a lot of pressure on that. But I just started painting all kinds of different things, different themes. You and and then enough work to sort of build a cohesive series, because A, in my research, I realized that was very important to make it as an artist or to get, you know, just to be successful, like to sell work and be represented or whatever. So yeah, just worked really hard to build a cohesive body of work. And then I launched my website, as soon as I had officially quit the paramedic job. And the response was amazing. I sold two original pieces, I think within the first two weeks, which is a nice boost of confidence. Yeah. And then yeah, it was a bit of a whirlwind, like lots, lots of cool opportunities. But then I got into the the fun, like figuring out the balance of trying to run my own business and be the full time mom and having a shiftworker husband, who's gone a week at a time kind of thing. So yeah, that was like a new area that you were like trying to work out the balance. Yeah. Well, you know, thankfully, it was busy and I wasn't bored. And I think that keeps you happier. Right. Especially when you're in a new place and and away from your, you know, the friendships I had established in the city and stuff, huh? Yeah. Yeah, just just an interesting, a lot of changes. But we we believed that that was the best thing to do for our family. And I feel like it all worked out. Really did. And I do feel like I am exactly where I should be because being back home has informed my art greatly. Like when I was saying I didn't know what to paint. Eventually, I figured it out because I just started painting what I know best. Yeah. Yeah, that was the water that I had grown up on. And it's just mean like the response I've had from people. They really love that series. Oh, yeah. Now I'm at a point where I've done I don't know how many of them I've done. It's it's around 25 of them. And I'm ready to I'm ready to mix it up a bit. So yeah, it's kind of cool to be successful in something like that and then know that I sort of have that as my fallback but and then but I'm always wanting to try new things. So yeah, and I'm at right now yeah. So is that where the water colors start to come in a bit like you're just sort of testing out what else he can do and yes, so I'm trying to figure wrote that does have a lot to do with just like incorporating my practice into my life and trying to be more efficient. Because I've never really been able to involve my kids in the studio too much. I have two really active boys. I tried I really did try to to just be casual about it and set them up and but yeah, my oldest was could not sit still he'd get into the the worst things, you know, like climbing the walls. So and I didn't want to say no, I didn't want to say no all the time, right. So we kind of avoided being in the studio too much. earlier on. Now I am learning what they prefer. I have to set my my oldest seven year old he has to be set up with an easel and he takes my light and he sets it up. But he's he's very short lived though. Like he'll pay it for about maybe 10 minutes and then that's it. And then he's gone and he hasn't cleaned up and and then my five year old is on the floor like still like rubbing the paint into the broken paper. Like he gets really into it. Yeah. And then everyone's gone. And it just gets busy. So yeah. Lots of having boys Hey, yeah. The the watercolor like that medium. It was sort of a magical thing. I took a water color course, online during the pandemic from John Hartman, who is a huge artists here in Canada. And luckily, he's local. Yeah, I actually know his his niece's here, I played volleyball with them growing up. And so there's like a bit of a connection there. He had never met me though. And I took this class online, and I've taken many, like several art classes, this one was just different. And it something clicked. And he, I think grew up similar to me, has like, a very special appreciation for the land, and just just this unique corner of the world, right. And he's he's obviously very into nature and all of the animals and all of the patterns and and he's been very, very successful here. So the local gallery got him to teach this class. I took it from him. And it just seemed to make sense for me as well, the way that he was taking his watercolor kit out to the islands if he would go like by canoe or kayak or whatever. And so I decided to prepare like a waterproof backpack, prep all of the paper and, and then I discovered these incredible, this incredible paint company where the paints made on Manitoulin Island. It's actually five hours north of us. Yeah, but it just felt so right because they're very focused on producing plastic free. Like the pigments are almost a lot of them are sourced locally on Manitoulin Island, and then they use tree sap, local honey, all of these things as like their binders, and it's just completely natural paints. So I feel good about going out and like washing my brush in the lake. Yes, water and then using the natural paints that she's made, and it's just amazing. So that's such an incredible connection isn't a lot. That's just amazing. Beautiful. Yeah, because they really do care about that as well. Like I am painting about my connection with the bay and then using things that are made here to create the work is yeah, it just feels really right. So I was really excited about that. And I'm getting better at being more consistent and remembering that backpack it was just always ready to go. Yeah, I'm not the most organized person so it's taken a few years for me to get myself sorted like that and know that I have to prep a few things to sit to enable myself to create in those busy situations and our children are old enough now that it's not so crazy to have my husband watch them while I take half an hour to paint so yeah, yeah. Good day The pandemic really pushed me to want to explore locally more, as it I'm sure has for many people, I love traveling, my husband loves traveling, we really miss it. And so this island hopping culture that exists here, I didn't do that growing up, my parents were always working. And I was always boating and working at marinas and like very familiar on a boat, but not really exploring. There's a lot of public islands that you can, that you can go and have a picnic for the day and, and they're really amazing and really rugged and picturesque and challenging. A lot of people don't do it because there's you could hit rocks everywhere where your boat here, like, just beneath the surface. So for some people, it's a bit too risky, or expensive to be hitting rocks with your boat. Oh, yeah, I have this level of comfort with the bay and boating. I used to to live and work on the water for many years. So yeah, it's a really. Yeah. That's incredible. Oh, just hearing your story. It just I don't want to say it sounds perfect, because nothing's perfect. But just the way things have come together for you just sounds just ideal to so. Yeah. And I, I knew that there was just something about this place when I traveled because when I, when I first traveled after university, I went on my own, I did a solo backpacking trip in Australia. And that led to many other trips to different countries until I went back to college for paramedics, and then it kind of halted the traveling and the art and everything. But now yeah, I'm coming back to it. And I didn't know how much I missed it here until I returned with my kids. And I felt like I could almost breathe easier just being surrounded by nature and the trees and I honestly didn't know how much I missed it though. Because I'm pretty happy wherever I go. I truly appreciate the city. I loved living downtown Toronto. The excitement of being a paramedic downtown was amazing. You know, I was happy I thought but I think I am much happier here. So but yeah, we also don't know, I guess we never really think in forever. My husband and I are adventurous. And he's from the east coast of Canada. So we we go there often and that's pretty amazing out there too. But when he talks about it, I I don't know if I could move there. Right. It's mostly just leaving Georgia and bay that would stress me out. So yeah. Anyway, I'm really enjoying being here right now. And it's yeah, it's inspired me so much. And gotten me on a pretty amazing foot with my art career so far. I wanted to mention, I'll put a link for people to have a look at the way that you paint the water. Right. It's just It looks like a photo. Like it looks so real. And I actually paint properly. I just mess around with painting. So I'm really interested in painting because I can't do it. I love like zooming in like how do you do that? Like it just looks real? Just beautiful. And yeah, that series that you mentioned before. Just all those pieces that just like you feel like you could literally dive into the paintings. They're just so real. So yeah, I just love them. Yeah, all right. First of all, I think that anybody can paint. It's, it is a practice, right? You just, you get better as you do it more or not necessarily even better, because I'm trying to get back to like a loose lit a looseness actually, that I had before I did these water pieces, and they have progressively gotten more realistic. Which wasn't really my intention. It's just I seem to be getting pickier with it right. And I, I can't leave it alone, like I just go further and further and further with them as I do more of those pieces. So yeah, I get very intense about them. So I honestly just think it's the amount of layers. And I will just keep painting until I'm happy with it right. And, and I do paint from a photo for the water pieces, because they wanted, it's just something I always wanted to try. I had tried painting several things. And it's interesting, because when I look back at my early paintings, like way before I knew I would pursue this as a career, the water element was there. And a lot of a lot of my pieces not not in exactly the same style, but it was there. And yeah, there's just something about it that feels like home to me and nostalgic. And I feel like the water here is very unique to other places in the world I've been. It's beautiful in all of these different places, too. But there's something very special to me about it here. And I think just with the response I've had, it seems like people that are cottagers here really identify with it too. Yeah, they're really drawn to it. Yeah, there's something about when you walk down on the dock, because we have a floating dock. And which is different from a lot of places in the world. We don't have tides. So yeah, when you go down to the dock, you feel like you're so surrounded by water in a in a really unique way to it's different from working on a beach, or Yeah. I don't know, you know, all the different ways that you can be next to the water. There's something very unique about floating on air. Like you're connected to it straight away, like you're already part of it. You can feel the move, all that kind of stuff. Yeah, and I don't get that feeling all the time. It's usually when I've been away for a while and then I go down. You're standing there and it's kind of overwhelming. I remember coming back after being away for almost a year, right. So yeah, it's pretty cool. I'm very lucky. You've mentioned the children a little bit in passing. Tell us a little bit more a bit about your boys. Yeah, they're loved them. Um, so my oldest is Charlie, he's seven. And then my younger boy is five and his name is Van. And I also have a Newfoundland puppy as well. Oh. He, we had we had another one before him and unfortunately lost him through the pandemic. So this is a COVID puppy. Do it again. And yeah, very, very active household. It always has been. But it suits it suits myself and my husband. We are not good at sitting at home. We're extremely adventurous. So and now we're taking our kids along with us on those adventures. They are learning to drive the boat. They are there in Forest School as well once a week, which I love. So they're just they're super resilient kids like they go out in that minus 20 degree weather the entire day at school. And then I'll pick them up and I was so you know, I'm always a little worried about their hands and feet. And then they'll tell me that they were too hot. So because I put a sweater on them very particular layering system Man, you, you know, the types of clothes you have to put on the kids to do that sort of thing but love it. And yeah, we're outdoors, hours and hours a day like, we don't stay indoors very much. And that was I always wanted to raise them like that. But then the pandemic pushed me to turn to nature even more way to deal with the anxieties and stuff that would come up with all of this. My oldest son got very anxious with like the first sort of flip flopping locked down back to school, that kind of stuff. It was really hard on him, but at the time, he was five years old. So yeah, I find five is a really interesting age to be dealing with complicated things like that. So yeah, it's like the brains not quite developed enough to make sense of it, but they can understand quite a lot. So it's really hard for them to, you know, comprehend things and deal with them. Yeah. So he definitely has some OCD. Which, you know, we we haven't taken them to get diagnosed, because we were a little bit worried about that, at that age to like, what the effect of actually going and getting a diagnosis. Just, we just wanted to see if we could deal with it on our own first, and it did get a bit scary, for sure. But he's doing amazing now and we've figured out some coping strategies. We're lucky with the internet, right? You can do so much research on your own. Yeah, we were open to if we felt like we couldn't handle it, I had the name and number of someone to call, but got through it. And you just never know when it's when things like that are gonna creep up on you with the kids. Challenging, challenging time. Yeah, that's for sure. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, I was naming. Ellie, you mentioned that being a paramedic was good at sort of allowing you just to go with the flow and things are unexpected things change? Do you think that's sort of helped you being a parent in the way that things are always changing unexpected things? And for sure, yeah, absolutely. I think that was sort of in my personality anyway, and, and why I enjoyed being a paramedic so much. And, but yeah, like that experience, I knew that I would never regret becoming a paramedic, even if it was not the be all end all of what I was going to do, you know, having those skills, I would never regret it. It's pretty cool. And I my style, honestly, was to not worry about the call details. Because you get when you get a call, you get a bunch of details. And most of the time, it's completely different. When Yeah, when you arrive. Yeah. Somebody on the phone? Yeah, people in emergencies can't describe. Can't describe what's going on accurately most of the time. Yeah. So you'd like to discard that. Basically, when you get there you make your own assessments and work from that sort of thing. Yeah, I just tried to always have a really open mind. Honestly, though, my husband is an incredible paramedic, and he has a completely different approach. He actually goes through all of the possibilities, and all of the protocol protocols for all of those possibilities. So he's the one practicing it all in his mind before he walks in. So he knows the dosage and everything medications, whereas I I was different in that. Yeah, I would more roll with it. Because it's it's dangerous to get tunnel visioned. Especially in that job, right. Yeah. So yeah. And I think that has reflected In my life as a parent, for sure, you learn pretty quickly that as soon as you get the routine going, it changes. Prizes and, and your, your children usually turn out very, very to be very different personalities. So yeah, it's it's pretty cool. Something really neat about my oldest son, the one that had all of that anxiety. He's I think it's because he's such an empath we've learned, he picks up on everything right, no matter how much we were trying to keep our cool at the beginning of all of it. Everybody was holding their breath and watching the news too much. And yeah, it was. It was terrifying. So And I honestly just snapped back into paramedic mode. I was not thinking about art at all. Yeah, yeah. And I was almost feeling guilty that I got out of that profession. Like before this happened. Yeah, right. Yeah. Because this is just so huge. It's like something that you prepare for, and you hope never happens. But yeah, it was happening. And my son, yeah, he just picks up on everything. Even when you don't know that. It's like that you're stressed out or you're depressed, or whatever it is. So yeah, things kind of fall apart when I get when mom gets super stressed or overwhelmed. And then I start seeing issues in my kids with their anxiety. So he keeps me in check. I have to take care of myself and keep a balance and not forget to get back to exercising when I can and all of those things. Or yeah, I find we have issues. So huh. That's it if mom's not happy. It's challenging, but I really appreciate that about him. So I'm super lucky, right? I'm at home with him. I don't have to leave the house to go to work. We made some tough decisions to put me in this position. But so I know I'm very very lucky. Some people aren't as fortunate right. And life is tough. It's sometimes impossible to get out of debt for a lot of people now so that's easy. Yeah, so I really just appreciate Yeah, I'm able to do and be at home with them and be super in tune with my kids absolutely YEAH. I just wanted to ask just on that when you're talking about the, the pandemic Did you ever consider thinking I need to go back and help like, did you ever think or I'm I'm a paramedic? I can I can help with it's yeah, um, um, I think it crossed my mind. But so yeah, I was feeling guilty, but I know I didn't have the urge to walk away from the art that I had yet into and protecting my family. I sure applied it in all of my conversations with friends. You know, like talking through it with people. Then like new connections that I made helping friends with anxiety The stuff like that. And just like explaining things in like a medical way was really helpful. Like we we obviously could grasp what was going on in a different way from a lot of other people, which was scary actually. It's like you knew you knew exactly what was happening. And that was a little bit too much. Honestly sitting there thinking, why aren't we doing what New Zealand is doing? Like, why are we not locking everything down right away? Like what is taking so long? And there were real repercussions because of that, but but nobody really knows. Right? So. Yeah, it's yeah, that's the thing. They're all making decisions. On the fly. Basically, there's no book about how to deal with this. It's never really happened. Before your best. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But on that, New Zealand's done amazing. They're still not letting Australians back in. Like, that's how good they're going. They're awesome. I know. It's a different way. And yeah, it's hard to say what's best. But yeah, that's the thing. And every country is like, obviously, geographically different challenges, whatever. But yeah, I do have a lot of respect for New Zealand and the wonderful Prime Minister, she's pretty cool. changing tack slightly, in terms of there's a topic that I love to talk about two mums about mum guilt. And I'm not sure if that's a term that. I mean, I find the Australians know what I'm talking about. Is that something that you're familiar with over there in Canada, the mum guilt? Yeah. I definitely believe that it exists for sure. And, as I've explained the way, the changes we've made in our life, and the fact that I can work from home and pivot whenever needed to put my children first. That sort of like mitigates that a lot, right? I think I've experienced mom guilt in small doses, and then almost used it to help guide my decisions with my life. Because I want to avoid feeling like that, of course. And I'm lucky that I was able to find a way to avoid it a lot, right? Yeah. Yeah, the first time I think I felt it was honestly when I was pregnant. I was nesting and working on the house, and I fell off of a ladder when I was seven months pregnant, I think, yeah. I just remember sitting in the bathtub after feeling like horrible. I had a very hard time adjusting while being pregnant, to not being able to do certain things. Just because I really independent I pride myself on being a very strong woman that way, you know, yeah, ask for help. to a fault. Yeah, so that was the first time I felt really horrible. Like, that was a dumb decision to be doing that in the first place. And then, and then I'm trying to think, oh, so I had my first child. And then we did have a plan. Like, I didn't think I was going to continue doing the shift work. We sort of knew there was going to be an end eventually. But I did go back to work when my son was one year old, but I went back pregnant because they're only they're 19 months apart. Yep. So I went back wasn't going back to the road. I luckily got to go back to modify duties. So much safer, safer environment. A little more mundane and not the type of stuff I like to do. But yeah, so it was like an eight hour day instead of the 12 to 15 hour days that I would normally work. And that was really tough. I finding a nanny that I felt comfortable with, and then leaving my child with the nanny, even though I had put a lot of effort in had, I think I fired two before we settled on the one that we kept. Yeah. And yeah, it was really tough to leave him with her. But eventually, we got used to it. And I knew there was an end in sight. And then I went off the road again, you know, when I was, I can't remember how many weeks. But I just didn't want to go back to that. I didn't like that feeling. I personally didn't see the point of having kids if I couldn't be with them all the time. Right. So. But, yeah, I'm so fortunate that we could make it work that way. Right? It's not that way for everybody. So sometimes there, those opportunities don't exist. And my husband, I was able to really lean on him for a couple years to support us while I was not making any money as an artist. So I just started making more financial goals and wanting to relieve him a little bit. But we made it a good couple of years without too much pressure on it. Yeah, pretty hard to create meaningful art. If you're worried about the money. Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? You just, you'd be really constrained and like, I've got to, I've got to do this. So I can sell it. And I've got to, you know, you'd have all this pressure on yourself. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how I would do that. Yeah, it would be such a distraction. Right. Hmm. Let's see. Yeah, it's almost like it wouldn't feel like a creative space. It just feel like a job like you had you just have to. Yeah, produce stuff. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. Yeah, no good. The other thing I love to chat to moms about is identity, like how you how you see yourself shifts in as you become a mother and from what you just mentioned, is that like, you're started when you were pregnant. You know, you're the challenge of having to adjust how you do things. So then when you actually had your children, did that change? Did the shift keep? Was the shift already made sort of thing, like we able then to adjust into motherhood? Because you've already sort of started to change. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. I think the shift so I physically, like I was always very athletic and doing kind of adventurous things like that, you know, like when I traveled a, I did the skydiving in the bungee, and the the only thing I I was too nervous to do is hang gliding and Brazil. myself with run off a cliff like that. So yeah, I've always been a bit of an adrenaline junkie, and I've had a lot of injuries, or my last major injury was while I was in paramedic College, and that scared me because it threatened my career. So I I I've shifted big time just being more careful with my body. And then yes, as as I was pregnant that was really difficult. Adjusting just asking for help with anything lifting wise was I left the hardware store falling once because I lifted a how many gallons is that? I think it's like 18 liters. Yeah, like the big thing of primer I lifted into into the cart and then felt obviously some major pain. And then I had to ask somebody to put that into my vehicle at the end. And and they were like, how did you get it in the car? So just stuff like that was so hard on me. But yeah, I'm so obviously I adjusted and it's okay, and I realized I needed to be careful. And just not taking as many risks right like you have kids to protect you Yeah, I find her a lot more careful like that. I'm always wanting to do the adventurous stuff and my husband. It makes him a little more nervous with kids around water and things like that. So we're good balance. Yeah, yeah. Yep. But I feel like I really worked on like figuring out who I was. Before kids, I was really lucky to do the traveling and several jobs, right. I really played around and tried to figure it out. And I thought I had figured it out with the paramedic thing and. And then, yeah, leaving that behind was a huge, felt like a sacrifice. Being a mother, it felt like I was giving up something that I had worked so hard for. And I didn't really see that coming. I did, but it didn't, you know, it didn't actually happen yet. So I was a little upset for sure. But, ya know, like, I think when things get tough like that, I think just thinking about what will be best for your kids always helps make the decision a little easier, like what direction to go. That's the way that we approach it. And I have never regretted making a decision based on that. Yeah, that's really well said, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You always have to think about yourself, too. But I'm personally happier when I put my kids first. So. And I'm getting better at balancing those things. But when they're really, really young, yeah, I was. All over it all, I was pretty crazy with all the homemade food and schedule and trying to mix it up enough that when we do mess with their schedule, they're not devastated. And, you know, trying to just do everything as responsibly as possible. Give him a sort of taste of life, I suppose that things don't always go to plan. And, you know, you can be adaptable. And mean, you can you can, you're allowed to get annoyed if things don't work out. But it's not like the end of the world. Like he can give back things. And that's really important. Sorry, sorry, I think kids in general have just proven how much they can handle and how resilient they are through this pandemic, right? It's just crazy. Yeah, depends on what country you're in, I think but we have done the online schooling I think four times. It has gotten easier, but which is amazing. That the last time it was kind of knew the routine and I wasn't as upset, right? Like I was really hard on myself with the online school. First, or Yeah, the first time it was very stressful. And I felt very down on myself. That's I guess that could be slotted in as mom guilt, right? Like not I eventually learned that I had to decide when we just had to call it quits for the day and to not allow myself to feel guilty that it wasn't working on the computer and we're just going outside and blowing it off because it was easier because they're in kindergarten at the time. So junior and senior kindergarten so like, I don't I didn't believe they should be on the computer anyway, but I also didn't want them to fall too far behind. So yeah, yeah. Yeah. More reasonable commitments. In my mind, I was like if we do it three days a week out of the five then I'm happy or if it's a bad day just just stopped right so yeah. hoping it's over, gosh, I know. In terms if you're making and I know your children, age wise, this might not apply but is it important for you, for them to see what you're doing and how you contribute? doing? Absolutely, it's important to me that they see what I'm doing and my process. Actually, just recently, I've had a lot of really awesome opportunities landed in my lap. And and I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to do it all, because I think they're gonna stay in school. And I think we can plan for this right. So I've actually just turned my dining room wall into my new studio, so that I cannot get away from the project that I'm working on. Because when I'm walking by it constantly, I'm just subconsciously like working on it in my head. Right? Yeah. And I think it's really cool and exciting for them to go to school and come home and then see what it has changed. Yeah, it's, and it does inspire them. And I am seeing them try to copy things that I paint, it took, it took a while, like, you have to know that you have to be patient with some kids, like they're not going to just show interest in. And Charlie, my oldest showed so much resistance at first, so I just didn't push it. And then all of a sudden, in the last year, he is a big drawer, like an amazing drawer. And like his composition is on point. It's crazy. And he would draw his emotions through the panoramic. That's kind of home with these drawings. And with very, like, all different emotions on all of the people's faces, and it was a little bit sad. Of course. Yeah. His anxiety. But yeah, so his drawing skills have are just amazing. And then he has recently been trying to like copy certain pieces that he sees of mine. Yeah. And then they're both really giving their opinions on, on art. Like, yeah, on like, which paintings they like, and my little one van will always he's really into the water paintings and Hill. Yeah, he just offers his opinion on his favorites. And, and I have two really great friends I met online in the last year as well. And we're always sharing our work and critiquing each other and pushing each other along. Yeah. And sometimes, like, they'll see the little video clip and, and, you know, chime in on what they think of their work as well. It's really well, that's lovely. I love I love involving them in the process. Yeah. So even though we are just starting to do some collaborative, like paint, paint days and stuff and trying to do like Saturday mornings, there's a little online class that I'm trying to get all of us set up and I set them up exactly with all the things that I have. And I think that's really cool. But mostly, I think that they are part of my process. Not in the physical art making but like the inspiration side. Because reliving my childhood with my kids has been amazing. And definitely coming home and the nostalgia of like this place was sort of the initial inspiration and it's and yeah, now experiencing it alongside my kids and having all these adventures it's really special. So I'm trying to capture that in some of my future paintings. Yes, yeah, I really like to to give them that freedom in nature like as long as they're safe to explore and like I find they're just so confident because of it. You know? Yeah, it's really cool to see Yeah, absolutely. I love the way you describe though you really reliving your childhood three children. That's just Yeah. Thanks. Yeah, it reminds me when you say reminds me of my oh me when I when I describe that because I actually think I'm trying to provide them with sort of the same experience that that she provided with me. I purposely avoid driving anywhere I make them walk incredible distances. You know, we're like always picking flowers and, and just really getting into things like that. And that's that's what she did with me. And I remember sometimes finding it annoying, you know, when I was an older child care thing, stopping at the side of the road to pick flowers and stuff and she's taking like photos of my brother sister and I and I And now we appreciate it so much and, and all of those flowers and stuff remind me of her. So yeah, I'm just hoping that they remember that when they're an adult as well, right? I just, yeah. That's just beautiful. I'll go tingly now. Lovely. Similarly, like I had my, my Nana was real, it was very, very close to her. And she wasn't musical, but she was the one that bought us. My sister and I are first like organ like the double keyboard organ is fun to sort of encourage us to play and she passed away when I was 10. So and she's never met, obviously never met my children, but she inspires so much of my music and decisions that I make. And, you know, it's just incredible that someone who's not here has just informed our lives so much. It's just lovely. And yeah, it's the people that are really present with you. Not just going through the motions there. They put in sort of the hard work and, and, and the tough love. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's really interesting. You say that. I interviewed a lady from she's Hungarian. But she now she lives in Austria. And it's, this is really funny. I have these runs of people that I talk about the same things with like, it goes through phases. And so the last thing I spoke to, and you have talked about the same thing about a significant grandmother, who had such an impact on them, and the same thing that that tough love like this, this grandma would be like, you're not playing that right. Like she's a flute played, played again. Not like that, play it again, play it again. And at the time, she's like, Oh, come on, like this is, you know, you felt like she was she was punishing her. But she's like, now I understand why she was doing it. And it's made me who I am and all this sort of stuff. And yeah, she passed away early as well. So all these people that is mighty Yeah. You talked about your watercolor that you you sort of adventuring into and including your children in your work. What sort of other thoughts have you got about the future for your art practice? Was it sort of hinting? Yeah, I have a lot of really exciting projects that I can't even really, they're not, you know, developed enough that I can talk about them yet. Yes, you're sort of man, it's only February. And the year is planned. Well for commissions, and it's just amazing. But there is one really big exciting thing that I'm starting, that I haven't talked about yet, but I do feel ready. And it is about everything in my life. It's just all making sense and coming together. And I guess I've always been waiting for the right idea like business, I always consider different business ideas. And so yeah, the last two years, we did a lot of the adventure, boating, checking out all these islands that I didn't even know existed. It's just crazy that it was like a 20 minute boat ride away and I had never discovered that. And we ended up purchasing a new boat in November. That would be suitable for this idea that I have. I'm going to start what's going to be called compete with me excursions. And I'm going to invite small groups of artists to go out with me on the boat, and I'm going to take them to paint plein air, meaning outdoor painting I'm just because a lot of people that live in this area actually don't have access to the water and the islands, and it's right there. But they've either never been on a boat or never really been on a tour in the area. Because there aren't a lot of there's just no businesses that enable that. Like there was one cruise boat from Midland that takes you on a couple hour cruise or whatever. But yeah, so this is going to be more of a, like a private tour, and we're going to select a destination based on the weather just like I always do, we really have to pay attention to weather. Yeah, because it can, if there's any chance of a major storm, I don't want to risk it. Even though I, I enjoy it. But yeah, so I have to upgrade my certification to be able to take this boats gonna be able to take 10 people. But for now, I'll be limited to a group of six people, which will be really nice. Yeah, I'm just trying to get the business end of all of that organized so that I can start advertising and start booking some dates. Trying to involve that in my my summer schedule with my, you know, my husband's schedule, the kids being home, all of that stuff. But I what I wanted is just to be on the water more, as much as possible, because for many years, I worked for my dad doing marine contracting. So like a lot of barging and doing the building of those cottages on these Rock Islands. And I just loved working on the water, you know, boating to work. And then it was very physical work. But it was amazing to be outside all day on the water. And then when you're on the water every day like that, like you experience, the different weather and kind of like magical things in nature, the wildlife that you see, sometimes it's just amazing. And you don't, you don't get as many opportunities like that if you're not consistently out there. So I feel like it's going to really support my own art practice. Yeah, I'm gonna get to do my little daily painting, even if I'm trying to instruct others and not really doing my own work. I'm just out there and fired. i It's like my favorite place to be. So I'm trying to position myself there. You know, while supporting myself financially, it'll support. it'll inspire my work, I'm sure. And we need a little more like community with the there's a lot of artists in the area. But it's a small town. Yep. You know, and so these kinds of things are needed. And I did one test run with a group of friends. Yeah. And it just, it was amazing. And like, just listening to everyone the ideas that were flowing and the chatter it was a group of women and they were just loving it right. It was very cool. And I've actually seen sort of the inspiration from that day in a in most of them like a lot of them started these new projects and stuff and I think I think a day like that can just give somebody an extra nudge something new so yeah, just and then my, my paramedic background makes me feel confident to like take care of people. Yeah, in you know, a wild terrain. There's going I actually did a photo shoot on one of the islands I'm going to use and we pulled up with the photographer and there was a bear on the island to eating berries. And I was like are you serious? The time is right we need to do this photo shoot and there was a bear there and we just sort of paused for a couple of minutes and I checked with sorry there's major stomping upstairs Yeah, I just checked in with my friend and the photographer like are you guys still into this because I definitely was and the bear took off to the other end of the island is very small island and they were they were game and we went on the island we we obviously didn't go to the other end where the bear went. But we still did it because I don't know I know there's no for sure but there you could just tell we weren't bothering the bear. The bear didn't want anything to do with us. Yeah, it just eaten some berries. He was full. We didn't need to eat some kind of crazy so yeah, I would never, I, you know, if I see the group, I'm not going to go on the island. But personally, I take some more risks I think than other people would be willing to take. Just when I have those kinds of experiences, I feel I feel like it's like, a good omen or it's like good luck. It's like a sign from the universe. Right? So Oh, yeah. And it really made it memorable. Yeah. You couldn't like try and position the bear in the background? So a couple of shots of it, I'll definitely post them at some point. Oh, that's so cool. I love that. It was neat. Excited to start that, a lot of organization, obviously, but yeah, like, you know, paperwork, kind of, yeah. booking system, all of those things, but I'm just going to try and take it easy for the first year and, and just see the interest and stuff. I'm feel very confident about it, because there aren't many things available like this here. But yeah. And then, and then I've offered to be like a volunteer steward to keep an eye on some of these islands for conservation purposes. And oh, cool. Because they get a lot of people to just do that people that are cottagers to keep an eye on a particular island. And yeah, make sure people aren't leaving garbage behind and things like that. And, and it can extend into a major educational opportunity. Yeah, just to educate people how to enjoy it, but like in a zero footprint way. And yeah, be respectful of the Yeah, because yeah, that's the thing you said, there's like 3000 islands, like there'd be so many where no one would be able to actually, like people can't be everywhere. So that's a great thing to do. Yeah, so I just feel like tourism is going to become more of a thing up here. We're seeing some major booming with housing and stuff like that, right, as there is everywhere. But I yeah, I feel good about doing it in a responsible way. And I have a ton of experience here. And I just, I want people to respect it the same way that we do. We're out there all the time. But yeah. I would probably, you know, report to whoever is whoever owns the island or is responsible for the wildlife conservation. Like if we ever noticed an issue or something like that. So yeah, that's wonderful. And it's like you're you're you're passing on like you've got such a connection such a love the area and you're sort of ensuring that it's cared for and looked after for for the next generations. You know, yeah, it's, it's super important, right? Because I have been in those places in the world that the water is just almost and swimmable, it's so polluted. The microplastics in our lakes are actually are at a very high level. If you're paying attention to that kind of stuff, yeah, it's, it's already really bad. So hopefully, we can find a way to reverse some of that stuff. When you're talking about the wildlife before? What sort of other animals do you get up there? Yeah, so it's super unique here because of all of the rocks like the landscape and all of the islands. So there are I think there's a lot of I don't know enough about birds, but there are a lot of unique birds. There's a lot of marshland as well. And then we have very unique reptile aisles and master set a Massasauga rattler snake that is poisonous. So, like I grew up watching where you're walking for snakes just like in Australia. Oh, yeah, well, either that one. Yeah. So that's just normal to us it Yeah, it's hard for someone to get used to if that if they haven't grown up that way. But that's just part of it and you learn about them and they're not. They're not out like looking for you. They're very frightened of humans have. Absolutely yes. It's just something to be really careful of. And I think if you're educated on like, how to coexist with wildlife, then that's, that's the best way to be the rattlesnakes. Something super interesting is they actually protect the blueberry bushes. Oh, yeah. From being over picked and stuff. Like a lot of people won't go to the areas where there are all the wild blueberries because there are so many rattlesnakes there. I think originally it was to protect the berries from being over eaten by animals. But yeah, yeah. So um, but there are so many other types of snakes as well. Just that that is our only poisonous snake. Lots of birds of prey. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, you don't want to mess with an angry owl or something. Right. end We have pretty bad mosquitoes and things like that. But But yeah, it's it's pretty beautiful. I love very into nature. I that's what I focused on when I was a kid. Yeah. Sounds wonderful. I have a lot of fun with the kids with that stuff. We raised butterflies last summer. Yeah, right. Yeah, just stuff like that. So gosh, you're making me jealous. I want to go then. You'll have to come visit. I honestly have been inviting people to come visit my whole life. Right. And I have hosted a couple of friends like I drove to Toronto and, and brought them up for the day and took them on a boat ride just to show them. And I just Yeah, I love that. I'm actually going to start a business like this. And can invite especially I've made a lot of artists friends. I'm a part of a few communities online now. Yeah, took me a while I was too shy to like officially join any of them for many years. And then I felt ready and it's been amazing. Yeah, the connections I've made and I know some of them will come visit eventually. Paint together. Oh, that's awesome. Geez. I love that. Yeah, that's that's wonderful I was gonna ask you whereabouts Did you like do a big lap of Australia? Like where did you go to when you're over here? I started in Melbourne. I didn't I didn't go to where you live yet, but I Yeah, Melbourne. I went all the way up the coast, the East Coast. I was really lucky when I started. I stayed for two weeks with a friend. So we have friends here. She's Australian. He's Canadian. They ended up living here. And they are the ones that pushed me when I was considering it. I think I was thinking maybe three weeks. No. You need to go at least for three months. Yeah. It's turned into I think I booked an open ended ticket. Right. And it lasted eight months. Yeah. All the way up the East Coast. I did Fraser Island, you know through Whitsundays. I went all the way up to Cape Tribulation. Yeah. I never did the like the interior. Yeah, I didn't get to do that trip. But I flew over to Darwin, just there was just a layover. I didn't actually spend much time there. Although I really wish I could have and then I even did some of the West Coast. I stayed in Perth for a little while. And then I did more of a an organised tour of the West Coast, southwest coast. And in between there I also went to New Zealand and Southeast Asia and I did tomato planting. Do you know where Boeing is? Boeing? Which was typesetting? Um, it is. I'm trying to think if it's north of New South, I think it's near North. Oh boy. It's near Airlie Beach. Oh, yeah, yeah, Queensland. Yeah. It's where the film Australia was filmed. Yeah, right. Yeah. Here and they were looking for extras. Ah, yeah. And I it was, oh boy. It was a, I guess a bit of a risky situation. Like, somebody asked me if I'd ever Oh no, the guy that picked me up for the farm. asked me if I had ever seen Wolf Creek. Oh, God. That's a great that's a great stuff. Uh, he ended up being Canadian, which was great. Oh, and they had bought this hostile to ours. inland. I'm trying to think of Bowen was. I think Bowens coastal. Right. And then, yeah, so yeah, it is. It's right on the coast. Yeah. So two hours into the Outback, Bowen, and I worked on a tomato farm for five weeks. And it was called the bogey river Busch house. And such an amazing group of people that I met there. together first, most people were very broke. I spent every night at the bonfire on the like, dry riverbed. It was amazing. And I'm sure I will connect with some of those people. Eventually. They're all over the world. But yeah, it was a really cool experience. And we were all dreaming of going to Thailand because it was cheaper and, like, blew up into this massive trip. But yeah, that was one of the coolest experiences. And I got to see, like a true Aboriginal ceremony as well. Like, I didn't pay for it. We had a barbecue and oh, man, it was really amazing. Oh, that's so cool. You've seen more of Australia than what I have. I I haven't traveled enough of Canada, to be honest. So yeah. It's funny how that happens. Yeah, yeah, it was, it was the best place to start. Like traveling alone. It was it was awesome. Yeah. Did you sort of feel comfortable because we all spoke English. You know, English is our language. And we're in a court. We're a Commonwealth country. So you know, yeah. sort of feels really familiar. Pretty easy. That way, you know, not overly dangerous. Yeah. And you use the snake, so that's okay. Yeah. And I Yeah, exactly. If the watch for the spiders on the farms especially. Yes, that stuff didn't freak me out. Maybe because of where I'm from. Yeah. But oh, it was so beautiful. And I met the best people. And I was very lucky to have I don't know if they finished explaining that I stayed with the friend for two weeks initially, just outside of Melbourne. And then I just remember being ready to go on my own and the city and stayed in a hostel for the first time and, and I very quickly met a friend from Ottawa, Canadian. And he ended up being my travel partner through Thailand and stuff too. So yeah, I just made incredible friends. I was really lucky. I had a great time. And I don't know it's always timing, right? Oh, yeah. That's it, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Has my cat. Oh, good on. Yeah. Thanks again. It's been great. Yeah, I had so much fun. And thanks, sir. I'm just glad you found me. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Amy Siegfried US podcaster + entrepreneur S2 Ep56 Listen and subscribe on Spotify , Apple podcasts (itunes) and Google Podcasts My guest this week is Amy Siegfried, a podcaster and entrepreneur based in Tulsa Oklahoma, USA and a mother of 1 - AKA The Tiny Human. Originally from Las Vegas, Amy’s athletic career was short-lived, but she fell in love with the world of sports. That learned love for sports came in handy when she embarked on her career in professional sports, working as an intern in a Major League Baseball Club. She’s lived internationally, which provides her with a global sports perspective. It was while working in this male dominated world that Amy thought, as women, we are constantly hurdling unrealistic expectations, but what if we could make that easier? After having the initial idea 14 years earlier, Amy finally founded her company Last Night's Game with her brother. It was born out the idea of how do you go to work in a that male dominated world and converse in sports, Not the stats, not the things that happen on the field or on the court. Things like foods, travel, celebrity gossip and music associated with significant sporting events. Think, the Super Bowl Half Time show, WAGS, sports fashions and off the field goings on. They launched their email publication and website first, then 4 years later the podcast Sports Curious was born. They believe in short and sweet, emails are about a 3-4 minute read, and podcasts max of 5 minutes, supplying interesting tid bits of information that you might be able to use to start a conversation with a sports fan. Amy's career spans marketing, partnerships and public relations and she has also presented a TedX speech . Today we chat about women supporting each other, celebrating your wins, and having each other's back rather than judging each other. Last Night's Game on instagram Podcast - instagram / website Watch Hoda Kotb's induction speech Music used with permission from Alemjo Australian new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mothers work is influenced by their children, mum guilt, how moms give themselves time to create within the role of mothering and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for joining me. My guest this week is Amy Siegfried. Amy is a podcaster and entrepreneur based in Tulsa, USA. And as a mom of one originally from Las Vegas. Amy's athletic career was short lived, but she fell in love with the world of sport. That learn to love for sport came in handy when she embarked on her career in professional sports working as an intern in a major league baseball club. She's lived internationally, which provides him with a global sports perspective. It was while working in this male dominated world that Amy thought as women were constantly hurdling, unrealistic expectations. But what if she could make that easier? After having the initial idea 14 years earlier, Amy founded her company last night's game with her brother. It was born out of the idea of how do you go to work in a male dominated world and converse in sports, not the stats, not the things that happen on the field or on the court. Things like food, travel, celebrity gossip, and music associated with significant sporting events. Think the Superbowl halftime show WAGs sports fashions and the off field goings ons. They launched their email, publication and website first then four years later, the podcast entitled sports curious was born. They believe in short and sweet emails are about three to four minute read and podcasts and maximum of five minutes supplying interesting tidbits of information that you might be able to use to start a conversation with a sports fan. Amy's career spans marketing partnerships and public relations. And she's also presented a TEDx speech. Music used in today's episode is from LM Joe, an Australian New Age and ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson, and her husband, John. I hope you enjoy today's episode. Welcome to the podcast. Amy. It's a real pleasure to meet you and to have you today. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. So we're about to you at the moment. You're in the US. Yes, I am in Tulsa, Oklahoma and Oklahoma. For those who are not familiar, I just write about as I like to call it Texas, the Texas hat. So just because there's like a cowboy hat to Texas. That's a cool way of describing it. Right. Right. Well, I'm from Las Vegas, and most people have heard of Las Vegas. So from Yeah, so you're originally from Las Vegas. So you've lived in other places around the world to whereabouts have you? Have you been? We Well, I've lived across the couple places in the US obviously from he lived in Phoenix. And we lived in Singapore and now we live in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Yeah, that'd be pretty exciting living in Singapore. It was a it was a really exciting and someone actually asked me yesterday if I missed it, and I said, Yes. There's certainly pluses and minuses to everything being 26 hours of flying time away from your family is a little far but there's so many wonderful things. And I said to someone, like what do you miss my, the food and the diversity? I just love the mix of people and, and that's what I really learned to appreciate. And I think the more that I've traveled, the more I've understood I understand that. Basically everyone's the same we all want the same few things for ourselves for our families, and its safety, its food, and you know, we want to be happy to have good health and so I mean, that's truly what we all want and the more you travel the smaller the world becomes. Because that same it's the same inner woven vein through no matter where you live. what language you speak. Yeah, yeah, that's so true, isn't it? Like because often we say oh, we're all so different and blah blah But yeah, when it comes down to it we all we all have our needs our basic human needs for survival. Yeah, right. That's really all I mean, when it comes down to it when when all things hit the fan like that's all you really need in the in the, in the in the big pictures and so on. Think that's just really interesting part of everyone bonds over food and different things, and maybe different food and maybe different drink. But everybody bonds over food and different things. So it's really kind of fun. And that was one big thing. We traveled a lot. We always had cooking classes. Ah, that was a great way to get into learning just local food and local currency cultures. And why this ingredient versus that? And so it's kind of interesting. And like, yeah, what's important? What do they value? Why do they use what they use? And? Yeah, that's really cool. I love that insert. So you are a podcaster, amongst other things, I know you do a lot of different things. But tell us about your podcast, because it's really cool. You're very kind. Thank you. So I created a company called last night's game I brothers, also my co founder. And I'll give you a quick synopsis of it. But it was born out of the idea. I used to work in major baseball, I worked for the Arizona tax. And I had all these girlfriends who knew nothing about the world of sports. And we were in our early 20s. And I thought how do you go to work in a male dominated industry of manufacturing, or law or whatever that might be? And not have even just a baseline of what's happening? You'd have no idea. It's some big, maybe the Olympics, they might know. But I mean, it's one of those where they don't have and if there's a scoop, the Superbowl or whatever that might be. So how do you go in the office and not have just that baseline? And so I called my brother who was in high school at the time, in turn. So I was making 525 an hour. And, you know, okay, we need to figure out how we teach our friends about sort of the interesting side of sports, the not the stats, not the things that happen on the field or on the court. The interesting things about sports, why? Kind of like cooking, like, Why do you have this ingredient versus this ingredient? And, and so he was like, that's a really great idea. And me, but I'm in high school and you work 80 hours a week. So no. And so that was 14 years before we started last night's game. And when we were moving back from Singapore, I realized that no one was hiring because it was Thanksgiving in the US, and no one really hires between Thanksgiving and New Years. And so we I sort of said, Okay, well, I have about a month and a half to sort of let's give this a shot. And so we started that, and it was ugly. In the beginning. You know, we were it was not a pretty product by any stretch of the imagination. And so we rolled that out. And about, probably four years after we rolled out our email, I'll try weekly email publication and our website, we rolled out a podcast and the way we do our email publication, as well as our podcast is we believe in short and sweet. Emails are about a three minute read, you can click for more information if you want it, but just briefly, the headlines if you'd like. And then the podcast is about five minutes. And we cover sort of what's happening in the world of sports at this time. Typically, it's around that something like a five things to know about. We just did five things about the Masters was just last week, I want to talk about major league baseball season. And we'll do stuff about Earth Day, actually, this week on the podcast. And so we we sort of tried to cover things that are interesting that you might be able to start a conversation with someone who was a sports person. And well, the way I always see sports, and I use it myself this way is it's a great foray into conversation. But it also has this great plethora of roads out of the sports conversation, you can talk about food, you can talk about travel, maybe you want to tweak and fashion, celebrity gossip, I mean, you can really weave it all in together. And so that's how we kind of we talk about sports, and that's how we cover them. And because no one no one's interested in, you know, the stats, and this and that they really want to know the stories. And that's how we all talk, right? We talk about the stories of our travels or whatever that might be. So our kids, whatever that might be. So that's kind of how we cover sports. Something makes it interesting, huh? No, I love that because you're right, it can be incredibly intimidating because it isn't, it's a man's world. It you know, we're trying to make it better. And over here in Australia, we have the women's football, the AFL football league, and we have women's soccer and we have women's cricket. But, you know, we're always seen as like the poor cousin of the men's game, which is unfortunate. So in that it can feel very daunting to try and converse. Enter a sports world because you feel like you're going to be judged because you're right to start with unless you know what you're talking about. So your episodes they're short, sweet to the point how often do you bring out your episodes? Where every week? Yeah, every once in a while we'll roll out a bonus episode on something. But yes, every week so it's been it's been fun. It's just in my whole theory is or email publication. It is Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays. And the podcast is once a week because I feel like if you're truly not in the ESPN Sports World, then you are. You're trying to digest what you read. And I think sometimes there's so much information coming out of you. So if you can have a day or two to digest what you read in your email, or a day or two or week to listen to that podcast, even though it's short, it gives you a chance to process and then execute it in your conversations. That's it, isn't it? You can put it put into practice test it out. Exactly. That's exactly give it a whirl Yeah. I want to ask you, what was it like being a woman working in that bus baseball environment. It was interesting. Now there my now I worked in the Community Relations Department in the foundation. So we were female, heavy in that department. But it was definitely different. It was definitely interesting, because it truly is a man's world. And you kind of have to get in there. And I probably blame them for my mouth, spews four letter words, and some of those other things. But it's it's definitely, it's an adjustment. And it's it's really interesting because you are in it even more. So in a man's world, you're in a world of men, where a lot of them were always told how great they were always built up. Because there are these athletes, there are these celebrities, if you will. And I will tell you 99.9% of them are fantastic. Their dads, their brothers, their husbands, they're great men. And so that is I mean, I don't want to give anybody a bad, a bad reputation at all. But it was definitely one of those things that you had to be mindful as a woman of what you were doing, where you were, who you were with. And so that's kind of just one of those things that you really do have to, you know, and stand your own ground when it came to things where they maybe things maybe got uncomfortable. There were comments you made. I got really good at just sort of rushing off and giving a hard time and going alright, well move along here type of thing. So it's kind of it's funny how you just, it's a life skill, though. You know, when I met my husband, my father in law has that personality where he always tries to make comments or funny things. He always tries to like get under your skin and not in like a mean way. But he wants to get your reaction. Yeah. And so I had that skill from the My Work in baseball that really turned into a benefit of giving my shit my short, witty comebacks to him where I'm like, oh, yeah, okay, well, let me get you on this one. Yeah. So yeah, it's definitely likes going out, I would just say it's one of those things that if as long as you, you respected yourself, you really were You were fine. You really had to push for what you wanted, though. And for who maybe career jobs because there were certain jobs that women just didn't do. And we have our first there's a woman who's Alyson Aiken, who's the AI. She's about a year and a half into her career as a baseball coach for Major League Baseball team. And she's the first woman to coach on the field. She's an assistant baseball coach for the San Francisco Giants. And so it's neat to see you know, baseball, we have an in football, we have quite an American football, we have quite a few female coaches, not head coaches. But they're factored in there in one way or another. So it's nice to see that these women are pushing through that boundary and saying, I don't care that this is a locker room situation. I'm a good coach, I'm really good at what I do. I'm the best you can hire. Forget that. I'm a woman. I'm the best that that's out there. And so it has been really neat and really motivating to see women step up into those roles. And and we talked a little bit about earlier about women in sports, but it's been really neat. So we have the the March Madness college basketball tournament that happens here in the US, the men's tournament in the women's tournament, and it's a whole bracket single elimination that drives the country crazy for a month, and just solid basketball. And this year, they've really built up the women's tournament. And the numbers have gone through the roof because people are watching because great basketball, great sport. They're very talented. And so that is really neat for us as a company that covers sports. You know, we cover the headlines. And so sometimes that is maybe mostly American football versus throwing in something, but it's mostly going to be men's sports. That's what people are talking about. But I really love turning on ESPN here and having the break the first story of Sports Center, a women's sports story. And that to me is really cool because where we've tried to we definitely I will say that definitely because we're women women lead that I steer the conversation toward women's sports where I can So it's really neat to not have to steer it because it's all of a sudden, it's already missing on its own. And that is a really cool thing to see even in. We've been around for about six years. And so it's been really nice to see how that has worked in covering sports in general. You know, with the beginning, it was, let's talk about so and so's wife or girlfriend. And now it's turned into Rockstar was out there taking, taking names, doing what she does best. And that's really cool, huh? Yeah, that would that would be a really interesting part of what you're doing is being able to watch that evolution. And let's hope it continues to go. I hope so, too. And I think that leaves a lot of faith and motivation for women's sports in other countries. I mean, I look we're we're heading to Australia for the Women's World Cup next year. Yeah. Right. And so we have a dear friend who lives in Perth, so we're gonna go visit him and go to some games with our kiddos. And I look forward to if it's the right season. What else can we fit in there? What else can we see? And, you know, learning for me, he also did a our friend Toby. So shout out to you, Toby. Did a whole write up for us on rugby. Yes, that's a whole thing that we're slowly with. We've kind of grown more lacrosse than rugby. But it's really a fun sport that people my brother played rugby in college. And so it's neat to learn so much about and it's fun to, for us to bring a different perspective on the world. And sports just joins, they join together. And so it's really neat to be able to share some of those insights into other sports that maybe are more much more popular in other countries. Absolutely, yeah. And then I think the closest we get to yours, your American football is obviously Super Bowl. That is like they put it on Morning, probably like 10 o'clock in the morning. And of course everyone wants to see who's like the halftime show is like the biggest thing in the world. But that in itself, you know, connects people even though a lot of us don't get what's happening, but they were involved in the spectacle, you know, they they you get caught up in the whole atmosphere of it and you can sort of, you know, relate to some aspect of it to allow you to join in and and have fun with it, I guess even if it is just the halftime show. Right? That's I think that's why Super Bowl is just our favorite because it does take into account the game itself and that's interesting because you can tell stories about the players but there's so much that happens around the Superbowl and that's, you know, once again, going back to food and I think I'm gonna screw up the numbers. I think it's like 6 billion chicken wings are eaten in the US on Super Bowl Sunday. It's obscene. And it's just so it's so neat to look at the commercials and all the other things that we see in the last Super Bowl was in LA as you have this huge celebrity presence and that's just a really like that is a perfect storm for someone like last night's game because we love the non sporting side of that and that really get does give everyone something to talk about. Yeah, that's it's like, yeah, he cares about the game but what was what a singer seeing and what were they aware about the game? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Tell us a little bit about your family. You mentioned the kids, you're gonna bring them out to Australia to come to the to the soccer we call soccer Night Football. What do you call over there? Do you call it soccer or football? We call it soccer. Ecosa. Yeah, we call it soccer. And then sometimes we call it football. Depending if the if the Europeans are around it gets cold. Let's take a fusing because we've got AFL out like Australian rules football. And then we've also got Rugby League, and we've got rugby union. So there's like four different footballs. So the black and white one, that's the one we're going with. Yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. So I have a little munchkin and he is three and a half. I affectionately refer to him as the tiny human. And, you know, he's just he's been trying to break in here for the past few minutes. And he's a he's a great little dude. And so we'll bring him on his first big trip to Australia and I think we're taking him to Singapore to figured why we're in Perth. You might as well take the five hour flight north. Oh, yeah, go check out go back to Singapore because we haven't been back since. Since we moved in 2015. So I'm really looking forward to that and it can be neat. I love I love showing him. Women who could do great things in sports and I have this big this big thought process. sense of women really need to be able to teach their children or coach their kids sports teams. And because I think that's important for them to see leadership in all facets, you know, they see they see us lead in the home, probably work or whatever else we might do. But that's one spot where you could also lead and I mean, I'm not going to coach high school football, because I know nothing about what football strategy. But you know, it's, it's really interesting, too. We're on where he's playing in his first soccer team share, and he's three and a half. And, I mean, he's mostly about digging holes in the dirt, and crying on the sideline and snacks, which is fine. All fine. We're there we try. Well, we tried to get him to go into the game. But um, you know, it's like that. So next year, I'm going to put my hand up and say, How can I? How can I help because I think it's important for them to see that leadership and, and not just the moms coaching the girls teams, but the moms coaching the boys teams. And so I think that's just, you know, it's one more step of leadership where we continue to show our children how we can lead. And when they're that little, it's, it's the time commitment is much different than obviously when they're much, much older. But I just I feel like that's just another way to, can you just show up and continue to show we're just as worthy as anybody else to lead a team, and to continue to motivate a group. So I don't know. I don't know, I can't motivate my own child to get on the field. So I'm not sure how that works for everybody else. But I can relate to that story about your son is my little fella. He's now 14. He here, like Australia is a big sporting country like clear sport culture, especially in a country town. Yeah, you know, winter is footy and netball, and summer is tennis, and cricket. Like that's it. And for a child, that's not a massive leap, interested in sport that's really challenging. And we learned pretty early on that Alex wasn't going to be a traditional sports player. We tried to get him to play soccer. And I remember he just used to run around, there was a little boy, he just used to run around with him. And they'd just be off down the end of the page, doing whatever else is concentrating really hard and take it really seriously and then just like, rolling around. Well, like, Okay, this is our Sunday morning. So yeah. So what does he do? What did he what kind of activities did he get into, he ended up he played baseball for a while, actually. Okay. And he really enjoyed that, because we worked out that he liked things that changed often. And okay, everybody got a turn, because the thing with soccer, it's unless you're very good, you're not going to get near that ball. So I think he worked out pretty quick that he wasn't at the level that perhaps some other kids were and then he was getting left out. So that led to the messing around sort of thing. But, you know, baseball is awesome, everyone lines up, everyone gets a bat, it changes quick, as often they'll get out, you know, three, three year out, and off, they go. And then you run out into the field for a while and you mess around out there for a bit and they become daisies. And so that was was perfect for him. He did that for I think probably three seasons. And now he's he's doing some music and some other things. But yeah, it was really except for you with creativity. Oh, it was just really good. My other son's gonna be completely different. It's like, we're trying to actually just wait till he gets a bit older because he will do anything. So we're sort of don't want to start just driving him around to everything. Be careful what you wish for. Yes. Yeah, he's gonna I think he will take that traditional route. But yeah, I don't know. It's an as a country town in Australia, baseball hasn't been a massive thing. You know, certainly they have the teams in, in the cities. But, you know, games like that are awesome. And I had no exposure to baseball growing up. So that was a real learning curve, for me working out how the game actually flowed. And was that was that? I don't know, the foul balls used to get me all the time. Like, why are they trying to catch it? And so they were found like, ah, you know, it's it's a learn and and that's I think that's the most interesting thing about sports is you can learning something new and like, it's like cricket. I knew nothing about cricket minus, you have the bowler and a couple of different things. And there's tiebreaks that I mean, I'm here for yes, we have. I mean, I'm here for that. It's just so funny. It's like wait, because Matt, you go to a sporting event that can last for five days, but And so but it's so neat to to continue to evolve and learn and when you can find a team or someone to get on board with so when we moved to Singapore, they have an F Formula One race there. We'd never watched Formula One. I'm a daughter of a mechanic and car guy and so I would why NASCAR and we watch all the race car stuff. Yeah, but I've never watched Formula One. And we thought, Well, my husband thought, well, we need to kind of learn this because it's happening like right in front of our house. And so it was so fun. Because once you get into it, and you start paying attention, you start learning all the little quirks, you start learning all the little things and the different characters, right, have different athletes. And so it's I wish that some of those sports were more readily available for us to see in the US. And because I do think there's just such a cool opportunity to learn and to dive in. And if you ever need a one on one on any sports, just holler because I have it. So we have a we have a bunch of them on our website, because it is it's sports, gambling, sports, betting and those kinds of things that make the game more fun or might get you involved somehow. And so it's how you make it. Once again, going back to how do you make it relatable? Yeah. interested? Just a little bit. Yep. Now I love that. Two things are just thought of when we're talking about that. I love Formula One. And we had our Australian Grand Prix in Melbourne, just last weekend, which was just so great. That I've had a friend I worked with who was watching drive to survive on Netflix, the show about the whole thing, which apparently isn't in Perth isn't perfectly true. Apparently, there's some drivers who have said that they, you know, change the plot slightly. We I mean, it's going to be interesting for television, I can understand that. Right, exactly. But since she was watching that, now, she's really interested in watching them in real life. So that is really cool. I've heard from quite a few people, actually. Yeah, and you're right, like the characters like it's literally like you have the goodie in the battery. And it can be set up any way you like to take it. But this is pretty exciting. I like I'm liking where this is going. But also what you said about over the years, like I'm a big course racing fan. And a lot of the races you'll go to around here they have a have the fashions on the field where you can get dressed up and win prizes and stuff. And I, a lot of people have come to the races with me because they want to dress up. And then when they get there, then I try and explain to them how to put a bed on or you know how to follow this particular trainer or like pick them out by the colors or, you know, you go down to the stalls and see the horses and but that's the thing that what that's what brings them in, and then they can, you know, get involved in whatever way they want. That's exactly it. Yeah, it's that little hook, just like your son. And he, once he realized that you need something that changed a little more rapidly. That got him involved. And so that's once you get that little hook, then you start to develop all that around it. And it is really neat. And it's neat to see how they've they've started. I mean, now that you have all these different TV streaming platforms that they're they're taking these stories like drive to survive and different things that they're making them interesting, where you're getting a little bit more of the behind the scenes and the human interest story of a sport versus just the stuff you see on the actual game. Yeah. And I think that's as a woman, I think it's you need to make connections with people. I think like that's what I mean. That's what certainly draws me to Formula One. Like I love hearing the drivers what they're thinking and they do have a lot of access to people these days, like people are very generous with their time. And I love watching them talk about Formula One again, but before a race didn't have me they do have the Sky News in the sky in the UK have the the rights for and they do this pit, the pit lane walk and they will walk through the actual crowd of all the drivers are actually on the grid, they're actually ready to drive. And then we'll walk through and chat to like maybe the race director or the chief engineer, whatever, and people are just, they'll just chat for like two or three seconds and off they go. And the access to people is incredible these days, which is amazing. And then like you get to know the race directors like people love toto like they people have their favorite people that they go for because they've made a connection with a person. So they go for that chain, you know. So I think that's a massive part and that's the thing that I think for so long, having been in charge and I'm putting that in inverted commas air quotes of sport only gave it was only sort of interesting from one perspective, it was interesting from what was on the field or what was on the track or whatever. But you get women involved in you get the behind the scenes and you find out that Christian Horner is married to one of the Spice Girls you know, you find out all this stuff that you wouldn't have men because men don't care about but as women we're like interested in people. So we bring so much to the sporting world. That's a really and I think that is a truly that that gives you a buy in if you will to a team or a driver because the more you I mean that's really think about it when you go to a sporting event. As a kid if you get a t shirt or you catch a ball or you get an autograph or whatever you have any sort of interaction with that team besides just showing up and eating up you know pretzel or some popcorn, it continues to get that buy in right now you have an affinity, you feel like you have an affiliation to that team. And so the more that we can buy into really learning to love a team and whoever that might be, whether it's an athlete or the story behind a team, I think it's so important. I mean, it truly is, it goes into that whole branding perspective, right of the more you can tell your story, and direct the conversation you want it to be, the more you're going to get people to buy in and get excited about it. So I think it's, I think it's awesome. And you're seeing a little bit of that here. There's still some sports that are US sports are a bit resistant to that. But you're for the most part, you're seeing a lot of them who are progressive, saying, all right, sure. Let's put a microphone on the guy and you know, in the outfield, or whatever, our preseason covered a preseason training on HBO. And so it's been it's it's neat to see. And, you know, I always talk about sports and the way I kind of rationalized because we first started last night's game, people were like, oh, it's sports for dummies and like, Well, no, because nobody's a dummy. Everyone's smart at their own thing. And so I think to me, I look at that and say, Okay, this is just another tool in your tool belt, you know, we watch the news to have information about what's going on in the world. And we whatever we're into, we might study or craft or follow people on Instagram and learn different things. And this is just one more tool in our tool belt to be successful. And I think that, to me, that's walking into a conversation being able to pull from a couple of different hats that I might have, and say, Okay, I'm talking to this guy here from Texas, I bet I could talk to him about, I don't want to talk to him about politics, because that's just messy. But you know, I could probably talk to about football, because it's football season, whatever that might be. And so it's just having that extra armor, to be able to kind of conversation, that extra tool to be able to shift a conversation into what is comfortable for you, allows you to create that someone, and hopefully a lasting relationship. Hmm, yeah, that's it, isn't it? Not? I love it. I think it's awesome. And you're right. It's not saying it for Dummies, you're not? You're not like teaching people the rules of something like you're actually you're like you said, you're relating it to, to an aspect of real life, I suppose. And so then it allows you to bring it into life without, you know, you're not memorizing stats or that sort of stuff, you know? Yeah, it's a really, what's the word? I can't think of what the word I was thinking of. But anyway, that word, this is like that. Your son is three and a half. So how do you find the time to do all this stuff? How does it work? Well, it definitely helped. So I went back to school to get my, my MBA when he was one and a half. And that happened to be about three months before everything locked down for COVID. So that was a whole perspective shift. I already knew my life was going to be busy. And busier, if you will. And so it's kind of funny how, you know, the reason I did that is I love to continue to learn, I love to continue to evolve. And I was talking to a friend who had earned her master's. And she's like, do it now. Because when they're seven or eight, you're missing birthday parties, you're missing baseball games, and they know you're gone at one and a half, they don't know you're gone. And so that was a huge, I think it took me as if people know, when you become a parent, whatever you did before, I don't know, you know, you're like you could get that everything done in two and half the time because you're just you have to consolidate your time and your work effort. And so I would say that I've just learned to work at this little more of an elevated perspective and an elevated pace. And so, you know, it's it's also for me, it's trying to figure out how to streamline things. That's a big piece of what we do because it's my brother and I and he works halftime. He's sort of my sports. He's my information cultivator. He's the one bringing in the information. Given that to me, I write it we handle all the writing I do all the editing for the podcast, social all the things. For me, it's I feel like that sorry, this is a very roundabout way to answer your question. No, no, go for it. But it It's streamlining work. And that is truly streamlining it to make sure I can get done. When I get done in my, my timeframe I've given myself, but also giving myself a little bit of a break. And that's something I didn't do during school that I've had to reteach myself is, you know, I get up early I work usually before he wakes up, I get everybody out the door that I work in, during the day, and then I pick him up from school about five o'clock. And somewhere in there, I try to get in a workout just to keep my sanity. And then we do dinner. And some days I go back to work after bedtime. And some days I don't. And that's one thing, like I said, I had to kind of retrain my brain because after, during school, after bedtime, I would get to my computer and do schoolwork, probably till midnight, one o'clock, and then get back up again at five o'clock and go all over again. And so I actually found that I'm more productive. When I give myself a break at night, I give myself time to decompress, and start over in the morning, I feel so much more mentally refreshed, I sleep better because I'm not closing my laptop at 1030 and trying to go to bed at 1045. And so it's it's it's a tough lesson to learn. But I've just learned to kind of reprioritize things and I use a project management software called Asana. And that's how I keep track of everything because it allows me to prioritize, but also see that full list that I can prioritize move things around as we need to. And so that is, to me is really important. And I'm trying to make my family a priority to and myself a priority because I believe that, you know, you truly need to put at the airplane you need put your oxygen mask on first, because if you can't breathe, nobody else is going to be able to do that. So I really do try to factor in those little things that might be a 30 minute workout. And sometimes that's in the morning, sometimes it's in lunch over the lunch hour, sometimes it's, you know what I've got, I'm going to pick them up from school sweaty, because I've just jumped I it is what it is, that keeps my sanity. And so I'm working from home too, that's any way you can get a break to just take a 10 minute walk outside around the neighborhood and come back. And especially on those big writing days where I'm trying to create a lot of content, that break is just huge. And so it's really funny to say I do less to do more. But I've kind of found attempted to find this happy medium of continuing to fuel myself and allow myself to grow, while also busting my butt while I am in front of my computer. That's that's really valuable. I think because a lot of I think there's been this culture, for a while of just going hard getting it done, you know, this hustle, I'm putting that in air quotes again, you know, you've just got to keep going and keep going and get it all done. And then at the expense of what you know, your relationships, your health, you know, everything falls apart. So it's awesome to hear that you've got that, that sort of balance that works for you. Because I'm just reminded of this, you know, when you sit, you're scrolling Instagram, and you see things come up and you just pause for a moment, then you keep going. There was there was one the other day about, we've started to see rest as well, we have been seeing rest as a reward, rather than a thing that's actually required to, to keep us sane, to keep us healthy to increase productivity. So I feel like there's, there's another little shift going on, where people are saying, hang on a minute, this isn't sustainable. We can't, we can't keep doing this. Right. And when when we're working from home, there's no separation between work and home at that point. So you might change rooms, but you're still in the same scenario. And so, you know, for for fitting for all of us it you've got to find that, that that space to just step away. And that's kind of what I've started doing at work too though, when when I first started working from home full time, you know, I'd get up and do the dishes or I'd throw it a little laundry or something like that. Yeah, now I've just said no laundry happens on Saturday. You need something watch beforehand, throw it in like it can sit there or you watch it yourself. But it's one of those where I'm not distracting myself with other tasks. Yeah, try not to distract myself with that it's focusing on when I'm at work I try to just do it like I'm at an office like I'm at work I'm working. Yeah, and so that way I'm not the dishes get done at the end of the day or when I make lunch or whatever that might be so yes, trying to define those little compartmentalize the best we can which I know that's really not our best skill as women. Yeah, but I think it's really really good what you're saying about like setting those boundaries even though we are at home and doesn't mean we have to be in like mum mode and you know, set the set the washing machine Shane and quickly go hang it out. Because it's a nice day, you know? Right. Like, yeah, you're right, keeping that the cup compartmental I can't say that we get to compartmentalize one, it's hard. I mean, you're creative as well. I mean, it's when you're in a creative space, you really do have to focus. Because if you start to think, oh, the dishes are dirty, oh, I just heard the dishwasher go off, I'll go empty that you can't you really, I mean, I work in house by myself, but I still put my headphones in. Because it just blocks out all that ancillary noise and allows me to focus because I can't write if I'm hearing the garbage truck drive by and all those things. And so it's when sometimes you just when you're in that creative headspace, you need to just just check the world out the best way you can. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah, that's cool. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, I was naming. One of the lovely topics I love to talk about with all my moms is mom guilt. And I realized that it comes in all forms, or it may not come at all. And that's great. That's one of the great things about talking about it. So what's your thoughts on mommy guilt? Amy? I think it I think it is alive and well, at least in my house. And I have, I mean, it ranges from you just lose your patience with them. And you snap and you're like, Okay, that was probably not the best move by me. But also, you were being really horrible. And I can't take it anymore to the fact that sometimes you have to say, Hey, bud, I gotta finish this, this needs to be done for work. When I'm done, I'll come play with you, whatever that might be insert activity here. And it's, but it's alive. And well. And it's really interesting. So I do a lot of chats on my Instagram stories. And I talk a little about the mom guilt and how that is tough on days when it snows it's a snow day and you're stuck at home with your kid. And they've watched three movies by 2pm. And that's it is what it is. I mean, I think we're all fine. We've probably done that somewhere along in our lives. But that that mom guilt is alive and well. And I, I've had a couple of people say, Well, you're just imagining mom guilt, it doesn't need to exist. My kids watch TV today, too. And I didn't feel bad about it. Michael, that congratulations to you. I'm really that is fantastic that that's how you can run your household. And that's how you feel. That's, that's fine. This is how I feel. And you're right that it does, you don't do give me a dose of confidence to say that I need to be easier on myself, I appreciate that. But I think that's the interesting part of being a mom. And you know, my mom, my mom, I talk a lot about how being a mom has shifted so much since she went since I was little till now because a lot of the, you know, from her perspective, a lot of these women's movement movements have really taught us to take care of each other, versus fight each other when it really comes down to it. And so I do think the mom guilt looks a little different. You know, I joke that, you know, we we the cookies come out of the little package that you buy from the store, and you put them on the pan and my mother takes my son and makes them with the mixer and the whole nine yards and like, this is how mom does them. This is how grandma doesn't. And they're both okay. Yeah. And that's okay. And we go do this where you guys don't do that. It's it's truly one of the things and I think the challenge is probably getting out of our own heads. So much. us feeling like we need to put ourselves in this box and whatever that might be. Or, you know, we see people on Instagram who, you know, cut their children's sandwiches into fun shapes and sizes every day. And then they also take to the zoo, but somehow they work full time. And then they go and you're like, how how do you possibly make dinner and go to the zoo and go to work from nine to five and then cut their sandwiches to look like the Taj Mahal? Like I don't understand how this works. So I think it's just it's setting our own perspectives of what we're able to do. And what we just have to let go. And like when I was in school, we take away a lot because it was like, Okay, well we have peanut butter and jelly, pancakes, eggs, or we can go down the street and get a salad and that's just, that's just where we live. We lived for two years because, you know, it was that was what we had time for. And that's just how sometimes that works. And we're all going to be okay for it. You know, I joke that I never ate a blueberry that was not in a muffin until I went to college. And I still do are not okay, I varies now it's fine. I'm a reasonably healthy human. You know, it's it's one of those where we all have to just give ourselves a little bit of a break. And I don't know, what is What's your perspective on mom guilt? Because I think you said everyone's take is different. I hate it, I wish it would never existed. Because I think that I feel like I get a bit, I start to get a bit passionate about things. I'll try and curtail myself, but I feel like it's an excuse. For mums to be bashed on, basically, I feel like, I mean, I feel like it has its place in some regards. Like, it's almost like a little voice that might help you decide what's important to you, or how you're tracking in that time, like, like, if, if I don't call it the devil on your shoulder, like the little voice in your ear that might say, now, you know, you've been out four times this week, you probably should be home tonight. But then the other side says, well, actually, you've got a show on at the moment. So you rehearsing for it. So this is important to you. So you go, okay, that's fine. But then another time, the voice might go, Well, actually, you haven't put your child to bed this week, because you've been out going to the movies or catching up with friends. And then you go, Oh, actually, that's true. Maybe I should slow down a bit, you know. So situations or whatever, every, everyone's different in different things, and which is awesome. But I feel like it's an excuse for mums to get a bad deal or the roar end of the deal. It's like, you are allowed to do things for yourself. And it's very important that you do things for yourself. And it's up to you and your family to work out. Where that line is, I suppose of what's manageable for you guys, I think and that you write when you look at social media, I feel like it's, it's it's an opportunity to compare, and to feel judged, and to beat in to judge others. Because I feel like as moms, we're really, we're really bad at judging, like we judge each other. It's I'm not talking about, you know, just people that don't have children, judge us we judge each other. So that'd be good if we stopped doing that. But yeah, we compare ourselves a lot. And we've got to remember that the lives that we see on Instagram are generally a very curated version of that person's life. Absolutely. So we everyone has a different, you know, level of support lives in a different part of the world has a different cultural background, everyone has different values of what's important to them and different styles of mothering. So no, two of us are exactly the same. So we can't compare ourselves, you know? No, to an excellent perspective, really, truly. Yeah, I think it just does more more harm than good. It really does. And it makes no one feel any better. Right? I just I it always sticks in my mind when, when Roy was little he was I really didn't take any time to stop working. But I mean, I had a C section at 7pm, because I was in labor for 24 hours in a C section at 7pm. My mom stayed with me that night, because my husband had to be at a meeting with customers the next morning. And so you know, what I saw, we had a woman come in and help us help me at night for like three nights a week, just so I could sleep. Because he did it, he did not sleep at all, he was a crazy little human. But I had one of my friends from from back in Phoenix, say to me, must be really nice to have all this help. And I said, Well, you know, in all fairness, I don't have any family help. And my husband's gone 50 to 60% of the time. So I need a break. I can't I can't do it all. And so like, I appreciate you dropping that judgment on me. But I don't have any lot of a ton of support. So I have to pay for my support. So that's just, that's what I'm, that's the situation I'm in. And I would love to have a husband who is home all the time to also help and have my mom around the corner. But that just wasn't feasible. And so you're right, though, as we step back and look at what everyone does, and how we handle all the things we need to appreciate and understand that there are a lot of other pieces that we don't, that we don't see. And you know, I I say I joke that it might your children's school might be the same way we're not allowed to have. We're no longer allowed to have homemade treats brought in. So those are things we get homemade treats. Yeah. So they ought to be individually packaged and from from an external source. Yep, that is the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life. Because I'd be making the sad light blue frosting cookies. I mean, it's like the best thing that's ever happened to me because, you know, my mom talks all about how she's a working mom who had two kids in both in activities and my dad went to work at 530 in the morning and came home at seven o'clock. And she was doing homework and all the things and how it will be some sort of something and she had to make something. She was like okay, well, we're in my spare time. You know, she shows up my mom's A Fabulous Baker. But, you know, she shows up with some cookies or something and someone else shows up with his Barbie Kassala cake. She's like, well, here's here's my sad cookies, you know. And where she said it's just it, things have shifted so much. And there's certain things that have, she also didn't have Amazon were food grocery delivery. That might be the only reason I survived with a newborn was Amazon delivery because I would never remember to order diapers till 2am When you're sitting in the chair and going, oh, please just go to sleep and crap or out of diapers has changed for the better. And so we're just there, there are definitely things that make it a little bit better. So there's that when you said before you compared like that your son can go with your mom and do some baking. I feel like it's something we forget as mums, it's really important that when we're not with our children, if he's with your mum, that's a really important thing for him to be doing to, you know, we can't give them everything. And this might even sound like I'm trying to justify having other people look after my children. But it's, it's really important for them to create relationships that don't involve us. Absolutely. So good for for that other person to to have that relationship with your child. It is and it's hard, it's really hard to sometimes, and I don't know about your boys, but mine is like would be glued to my hip all day, every day. If he could be he just like always wants to be with mom, which I, I appreciate it. And one day, he's going to be 15 and want nothing to do with me, I'm going to go fishing with dad or something. But I do think I think about the times that I value where I spent time with my my grandparents and how much fun I had watching The Golden Girls and putting on a face mask with my grandma who took her dentures out in the teeth. And we sat at a great old time. And that was, I think that is so important. And I think that gives them a different perspective to you know, it's, it gives them something to come back and talk about because there are going to be things that grandmas and grandpas say or have a different perspective on or thinking in a different way. And it's a good thing to talk about, like what we what we do as a family versus all the things but it's true everyone gives everyone brings a different value to their life. And just like we can't, we can't do it all. As individuals, we can't bring all the things to them. And so for them to go learn that and just and I think I had to step back at one point. And I really hated you know, my, my mother and I was so sweet. She takes my son now to school almost every morning. And I hated feeling like I was saying, Could you do want to take him to school because like it was a favor to me and I but I had to step back and say, This is awesome for her. She's loving, she gets him by himself for 20 minutes in the car in the morning. And they talk about things from classical music to trees and things that I would probably not talk about in the car with him. And she loves it, it helps me. And so I was once again stepping way back from the mom guilt, she's so happy, she can help because she knows what it's like, she can take that piece and that's something she can do and do well. And it's just it's it is a you have to step back sometimes and say I got a I gotta give you give you the distance, right. And I had a girlfriend when when Ray was born, he said to me, if you do your job, right, at 18 years old, your child will move out of your house and never move back in. And you have to make decisions sometimes based on knowing that that is a future, a future forward thinking forward thinking where you might have to say, You know what, I'm kind of uncomfortable letting you go play in the backyard by yourself. But you know what, just go do it and say where I can hear you. But those little pieces of freedom then give them that onus to continue to grow. And I say this as a person with a three and a half year old. So people will 25 year olds don't judge me because I'm I'm you know, I have a three and a half year old and I'm just we're all doing the best we can so send pointers if your kids are still alive at 25 Because I don't know how I'm gonna make it that far. But um, you know, so it's, it's it is going back to that, letting other people teach them things and some of those things might be not what you want them to learn, right? I mean, you know, it's not ideal that, you know, Grandpa takes him for ice cream and then exam candy at the grocery store and drops them back off at home. You're like, well, thanks a lot, but yeah, it's part of it's part of the things that they do and it's part of that sort of thing that they're gonna have build a memory and maybe learn why you shouldn't eat candy and ice cream on an empty stomach and that's you don't feel so good later either. So yeah, there's always a lesson in there somewhere. There's always a lesson in there somewhere in our mothers, we're always right. That's, yeah. I love that. I've got so many oh my gosh, my dad with my children. It's like he's, I don't recognize him sometimes, because he's such a different grandparent to what he was, as a father, just so much more relaxed and easygoing, and the stuff that would have, you know, got him all riled up when we were kids is like, Ah, whatever. Like, I remember one day, my sister and I were sitting there watching going, Who is this man? Like? It's so love. It's fantastic. Yeah, it's, it's, I just want when my parents fencing like my grandchildren, keep me young and keep me alive and keep me going. Because it is, it's that whole new lease on life, that is this little ball of energy or multiple balls of energy, if you have extra more than one kiddo. And it's just so neat to see them. I mean, my mother wears wears him out. She's in she's in her mid 60s And he's he's zonked out at three and a half. And she's like, Hold on, I'm gonna keep going, let me go make dinner and we're gonna make cookies. And he's like, Oh, love that. It's super, it's awesome. I think it's so great. One of the things I really love talking to moms bear is the concept of their own identity, and how that might have been challenged and changed when you actually had a child? Did you sort of go through some shifts in pace or yourself? That's a great, that's a great question. And I think it's something that people don't talk enough about. Because I do feel like, there is this weird, there is this weird shift. And I, it's funny, because when I was when I first started telling some people I knew in a leadership program I was in there, I was pregnant. One of the guys said to me, how are you going to raise two babies at once being a business and your child? And I was like, Well, I really haven't thought about it. But to be all, in all fairness, I'll figure it out. That's what I've done with everything else in my life. I'll figure it out. And then you start to watch, as you know, people kind of talk to you about how's the baby going to impact your career. And finally, I just got tired of it. And it was just I just, I started doing my smart asset answers of what why don't you ask my husband, I was going to impact his career. Like, why are you asking me? And yes, I understand that I am the primary parent and that I am the one who does all the things. We that's just how most women handle life, right? But I was like, please stop that. That's not fair. To me. It's not fair to my child. And, and it is, it's hard. It's hard to figure out kind of where you fit in there. Because I'm not a, I'm not a mom who's probably going to wear the shirt with my kids face on it. You know, and that's just, that's just not me. There's a mom for every type of person. And I appreciate and respect all of those that do. And I really do, because I think we all own it, how we own it. And for me, it was really important to continue to work and continue to push and actually meeting with a friend last week. And she's in an investment group. And we were I was talking to her and she said, It's just she said, I'm a better mother, when I drop my child off to school when I go to work. And I said me too, that's just how I operate. And that's how I was raised, though I was I don't know anything really different. And but I said, you remember that one that first time when you got out and you went, you dropped your kid off with lifting with dad or babysit or whatever, that grandparent when they were little. And you went out and you went to a meeting or something and you got in the car and you were like, Yes, I still have it. I can still do this. She was like I do remember that moment. Yeah. So that to me was that moment of like, okay, I don't have to completely get rid of one to be the other. And you can be all the things. And what I've tried to to just step back and look at is having a child has made me a better worker. It's made me a better boss. It's made me a better investor, a better board member, all these things, because I've been able to have sympathy to a certain perspective. And I think COVID has also taught us all that in general. But it allows me to put a perspective and his spin on things that really, it puts things as we kind of talked about earlier. It puts everything in perspective. And there's something that says, you know, why is that? Why are we even arguing about this? This is silly. Let's go ahead and XYZ and so I really do feel like it's stepping back and being able to own what I'm good at, and be good at what I'm good at, and still attempt to be a good mom. And but not let any of that define me. I think it comp they all complement each other. Yeah, but I try not to let any of those pieces define me. And I think I learned that really early in my career. I had some pretty rough female bosses for a while including one who fired me and then fired the subsequent two other women she hired after me to fill my position. And I just realized that that was a huge identity loss for me because I was my job. And I think at that point, I realized that I can't ever truly make myself synonymous with anything, I want to try to be able to always be my own person. And I want to be a me but I also am happy to be worries mom, and Reagan's wife, and last night's game, co founder and sister to Scott, my last night's game, co founder and a daughter, and all those things. Because all of us have all of those facets. It's just how you own it. And it works for me, it might not work for somebody else. And I think that continues to go back to the point where we continue to be sympathetic to each other. And understand that it truly takes all of us to make the mom World Go down, go around, and the more we can support each other, the better off we can be and, and also make I don't know, to me, it's nice to hear someone say, Man, I lost I, I I lost it on my kids this morning. That drop off was rough. You're like mine to okay, I'm not the only one who's crazy. Okay, thank you. Yeah. And I think there's some sort of community and that of saying, Okay, it's hard for you to okay, I appreciate that. Because that means I'm not crazy. And I think is that continue stepping back and looking at the real life situations versus the Instagram perfect stuff. Because that is right, that's, we're really a community of like minded, same people. When it comes to motherhood, we all look a little different and one, one faster another. But ultimately, we're all still trying to do the same thing. And we're all probably feeling guilty about something similar. And we're probably getting driven crazy about something similar. And so and we all just want our kids to eat their fruit, vegetables, and grow up to be good humans, you know, like that. Get a decent job be a good human. Yep, some vegetables and some fruits. So you can you know, live a long life. I mean, you love it. I don't know, how about you like, what's your what's your take on that? I'm, from your perspective. The thing about being honest with each other is something that I find really intriguing because I'm the sort of person that I tell things how it is I'm extremely honest. You know, I've been really opening sharing different parts of my life. I've had experience with mental health issues. And I've talked about that openly a lot. And I think it's important to talk about stuff that I remember when I went to my first we have this thing over here called mothers group, when you have a baby, they put you in a group of all the people that had babies at the same time. And so you don't know these people, they're just random people. The only thing in common is that your babies were born, you know, within a day or two of each other. And I remember sitting with this bunch of women the first time and everyone had to go round and talk about their baby. And everyone seemed to be just perfect. Everything was going great for everybody. And I just thought what is going on here? Like, am I the only person whose baby wakes up after 45 minute naps? Am I the only person who's having trouble establishing breastfeeding? Right? I thought what the hell is going on here? So I did say a little bit of stuff. And when I said that, one of the other ladies sort of I could see her look at me like, Oh, thank god you said that. Because now I feel like I can say that, you know? And then the more we talked, it all came out. And I think people have this idea that you've got a nice set up your the way people see you is got to be a certain way and has to be right and you can't let any like crack show. I don't know. resets never bothered me. I think, you know, I've always thrived on like, really deep, honest relationships and really good honest talks. And that's why I love doing this too, because I get to talk to people in really good under the surface ways. Yeah. So it's like my sister at the moment like her daughter is a year almost exactly a year younger than my little fella who's six, nearly six and a half and we just compare drop off stories like you're just talking about like, Oh, I couldn't get them in the car this morning. And I told her to put her sucks And I'm like, yeah, no, I had that with the shoes, you know, and being honest with each other and not sitting there going, Oh, Everything went perfect for me and then making the other mom feel like a failure. You know, we got to know each other, support each other and have each other's back. Yeah. And I would also say on the flip side of that is to really celebrate each other. And that is something interesting. I have a group of girlfriends from my MBA class. And I should say that I traveled out of state every other week to Chicago, for my MBA, so I, I really like my husband was primary parent. And that was a whole shift for us. Luckily, it was COVID. And that doesn't sound right. Not luckily, it was because of COVID. He wasn't traveling. So he was a primary parents. So I really got a chance to actually embrace and make friends, sort of outside of my family, too, because I wasn't having to rush home to them as well. But I have a group of girlfriends that were on the same text message group. And to this day, that's the one where you go to if you have a big win, like, Hey, I got a promotion. And this group is so on board with, you know, we're I think women are so humble in the sense that we don't celebrate our own victories to someone else to celebrate others. And so but I love this group, because it's like, Hey, I got a promotion, oh, my god, you guys, I just landed this, or whatever that might be. And I love it. That group is very much you don't feel uncomfortable celebrating or telling your victories. And I think that's something you know, I really strive to do is seek out these things that my friends have done and, and celebrate them. And I'm a huge fan of snail mail. I love sending greeting cards, the more inappropriate the better. And so I have a whole entire box in my desk that's like, I don't know, probably 200 cards that when I find ones I like I buy them. Yeah, because I just I love that little act of recognition of who doesn't love to get mail. I mean, it goes back to like the day when you have a pen pal, right? Yeah. And so I just love that. And I love celebrating other people. Because everyone works really hard. I don't care if you're a mom, your dad, you don't have kids, you're a dog, Mom, I don't care. You everyone works their butts off. And so if we can celebrate even these little wins, whatever that might be, and you worked out five days in a row, you ate a carrot today. I don't whatever it sound like I'm gonna design some sort of weird Health Net, but I'm not. You finished a whole bottle of wine, let's celebrate. You know, I think there's just i just i There's life is so serious and so full. So being honest. And then then also owning your stuff that you are awesome. And it's great for you to be here to see this. And let's celebrate you and I encourage you if you haven't, there's the Today Show, which is like one of the morning TV programs here. On our one of our big networks here in the US. Two of the there's two morning anchors, they're both females. They're both just this last weekend inducted into the Hall of Fame for broadcasting. Oh, wow. And the one lady her name is Hoda copy. And she gave this speech and talked a lot about how really, everybody, these people, the celebrities that she's interviewed who are so astoundingly accomplished. Don't feel these women don't feel like they're worth it. She doesn't feel like she's worth it. And so let's talk about how we need to earn it because you're worth it. And she went through this whole format speech and it's it's quick. But it's so well done that I actually bookmarked it on my Instagram, because it's one of those things when you need a pep talk. That's that speech where you are worthy, you are worth it. And so celebrate you and that I mean really, that goes back into the mom guilt thing full circle of we have to just give ourselves a break sometimes and celebrate the little victories in our day, you know, what can add underwear on today? Some days that is harder than others. So let's just call that a when we have underwear on, we think we might have two shoes on, they may not match. They may not even be the right feet known to go out and like a rain boot and flip flops. And so, I mean, yeah, we just celebrate those victories that we have and the beauty we can find in our own little worlds of, you know, just stop and figure out what that might be. And, you know, sometimes that's a 15 minute time to 15 minutes to sit down with your kiddo and read a book. And that might be all you have that day. But it's still 15 minutes of book time and Qt so you know, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, that's so true. Over here in Australia, we have this. It's a terrible part of our culture. I feel like it is slightly getting better, but it's not really. It's the tall poppy syndrome about if anyone else is doing really good around you. You've got to cut them down and bring him back to the same level as everyone else. And that's been a massive part of Australian culture for a very long time. And I think that that's lends itself to the fact that people don't like to talk themselves out, because they don't want to be seen as being, you know, doing well and maybe being better at something than someone else, because people will pull them down and they'll say, Oh, yeah. What about this? Yeah, you know? Yeah. And I remember years ago, because I've been singing my whole life, and we have our towns only what? 30,000 people. So you're gonna get in the newspaper, at some point. If you live in Gambia, you're gonna get in there, at some point, hopefully, for something good. Yeah, not in like the court pages. But because I've been in singing for a long time, I've done a lot of public events and fundraisers and different community things. So I've been in the paper a lot. And early on. One of my singing teachers said to me, make sure you cut your cut your articles out, don't be vain in like, don't be scared to cut them out and keep them because she said, No one else is going to do that for you. And, you know, I thought, Oh, I feel a bit funny. You know, I Oh, look, this is me, this is me. But it's like, I'm so glad that I have them now, because I have them in this little folder. And every now and then if I'm looking through the cupboard to find something else, I'll see them like, Oh, look at me, and then I'll show the kids. And it's like, it's so nice to have that. So you worked hard to earn? Yeah, yeah. So let's see. Yeah, let me no one's gonna be, right. I mean, our parents can be really proud of us, if that's what the their verbage they use, but you've got to be proud of yourself. And that's something I think also comes with age. I think when I, when I hit 40, I all of a sudden just grew up here that I didn't really know I had, and just learn to be okay with stuff. And stop trying to fit in the mold of exactly what something should be, or should it be and, you know, sort of tried to just let some stuff go. And I mean, I was always envious of older like actresses, when you would hear them in interviews, say, Well, as I got older, I just learned not to give a crap. And I think that is like what a great place to be. And, and so you know, if someone's listening, and they're, they're younger, and feeling unsure, you've got this, you own it, because guess what you've what you're gonna have at 40 is what you're gonna have at 30 You're gonna be a little bit more a little bit wiser, but own it. You know, clip your clip your your write, clip your newspaper articles and save them because that's really cool. That's an awesome accomplishment to be able to do something so magnificent. And it may mean nothing to you, and may be nothing to you. But you know, you don't remember that sometimes you're low lights or someone's highlights like they really, yeah, it's always perspective. So celebrate you and put it off, blow it up and put it on the wall. If that's what you're into. Do it. Who cares? Yeah, that's what gets you out of bed. Do it? Yep. No, I definitely agree with that 40 year old thing. It's like the amount of women I've spoken to you that have said that same thing. It's it's a thing. You honestly, you just go not do not care. Do? You know? I don't know. You just time for this. I mean, we we looked at a school for the title human for starting, like pre K and kindergarten. And one of the schools is known to have sort of a bit more of a catty mom group and I was bullied in when I in all through middle school. And so I joke to my husband, like, I'm gonna need to go to therapy to send our child to that school because I'm not going to make it. Yeah. And it turned out that there were a lot of things that made that school not not work for us, but I just thought, why? I don't want anything to do with any of that. I really don't care if my husband I don't care if that's if you want to talk shit about us, then go for it. Have at it, but leave my kid alone. Yeah, and we'll be fine. But it's just it's one of those are like why? Yeah, let's this just seems like way too much work. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. So many times in my life. I've had this saying something's gone down. And I'm like, I'm not in high school anymore. Like this. I'm beyond this. This is not this is not worthy of my time. It's not something I want to spend my energy on. You guys go for it and do what you got to do. But I'm not doing your free toilet paper by house just like high school if that's what you want to do. That's fine. Whatever. Yeah, like Yeah, yeah, it's a funny thing. What I really tried to talk a lot about and where I've sort of started to try to own my own perspective, is to support young women coming up through their careers. Because, you know, I think I mentioned it earlier that I had some I had one or two great female bosses. But I really struggled with bosses and male bosses too. And so, you know, what, what I kind of tried to do myself is be a resource, and that is to the babysitter's who come and watch the Munchkin. You know, is it, one or two of them are getting married? They're like, can you look at my registry? Can I ask you this work? Question? How do I ask for a raise? I mean, whatever that might be, I just want to be that resource. Because I think far too often women are not really set up where we don't really do mentors like men do. And I think that's something that we as women who are further along in our career in our talents that we can do, we can provide some perspective. And I think that perspective might just be the same as this isn't high school, this isn't worth it type of thing to say, yeah, that's it, isn't it? Because I think because the business world has been a man's world for so long, they've formalized this mentor stuff, and it's been something they do. And it's like, we've got to try and find ways to do it. Because it's so important. It is really important. And I think about me growing up, like, all I learned from my mum about my job was how to dress and how to answer the phone and how just, you know, that sort of stuff, not how to like, say, ask for a raise how to, you know, communicate with people in your workplace, it was all the how to type? How to Answer the phone, you know? So yeah, I think that is so so important. While I think the honor the honest side of things, and, you know, I think that it's giving reviews and giving honest feedback in areas where people really can work on things and, and grow and evolve. So all those things is continuing to give positive but constructive feedback, and being honest, and that's one thing that's really funny, we were kind of out of our friends, our friends here, we're sort of on the the older end and the first have children, whereas in other places, we were kind of at the tail end of it. And we've had friends who've had kids who say, can we go to dinner with the two of you, because I know you'll give us the honest feedback about parenting and pregnancy and all of that stuff. And like, sure, that's what we're here for. I'm not going to pretend that you know, pregnancy and newborns are all like puppies and babies and toilet paper commercial, like they're not all fluffy. It's not all perfect. And so here's some perspective, I want you to know that it's fantastic. But it's also tough. There's going to be tough times where, you know, my husband would say, Well, you know, took me a long time, a little while to get, like, really feel like I bonded with the baby, and all those things. But all that stuff is things I think are things that people don't talk about, once again, going back to your baby class. And it's all normal. And so maybe it won't happen to you. But if it does know that that's okay, and know that that's normal, and your hormone fluctuations, whatever that might be. So, you know, it's really truly pick up that next generation, but be honest to maybe not to, to a fault, but provide some honest feedback and constructive criticism of work if that's where that that relationship lies and, and truly being. Because I think that's going to set us all up for success when it comes down to it. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Good on you. So you can find last night's game at last night's game.com We are on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter as well as LinkedIn. And I run our Instagram account. So all the stories are the kind of behind the scenes of the life of another founder, a female founder. And so you'll see the tiny human running around probably with you know, his rear end hanging out on his scooter in the front yard. You start from there to a little bit of everything. So Instagram was definitely a really fun place for us to share a story. And let's say last night's game.com And then we're on our podcasts is sports curious. And we are on all major podcast platforms and we come out on that releases on Wednesdays and it's about a five minute podcast very rarely do we go over five minutes so I'm here to make sure that your life is short, sweet and out the door and you get on your way with all the other very important things you have going on in life. Oh love that. That is so awesome. Thank you so much for coming on. It's been it's been really lovely chatting with you. Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. I look I look forward to making the visit your way here in the next year. Yeah, well, if you if you ever need boy yell out. Well, for sure. Absolutely. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Dr Erica Ball US classical music composer, violinist, pianist and educator S2 Ep38 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Dr Erica Ball is a contemporary classical music composer, violinist, pianist and educator from Portland Maine, USA and a mother of 2 boys. Erica received her PhD in music composition from the University of Pennsylvania where she studied with Anna Weesner , Jim Primosch, and Jay Reise. Translating everyday life into music is at the heart of Erica whimsical and playful works. Inspired by the natural world, a childhood spent dreaming of becoming a ballerina, and studies of 20th-century American avant-garde music, Erica is equally at home writing lyrical melodies that sweep across an orchestra and collaborating with animators and circus dancers. With an affinity for layered complexity, Erica’s music portrays clouds building up on the horizon as a summer thunderstorm approaches or the busy sounds of passengers in a subway station. Erica's music has been performed by numerous ensembles including the Da Capo Chamber Players , the Daedalus Quartet , pianist Blair McMillen , the International Contemporary Ensemble , Network for New Music , and the American Symphony Orchestra . Her works have been heard across the country in Chicago, Boston, New York and Philadelphia, and internationally in Germany and New Zealand. Recent commissions include Riding the EL and The Spotted Lanternfly for Relâche, and a thread run through which was commissioned by a consortium of advanced youth orchestras to be premiered in spring 2020, and now postponed to 2022. In addition to her work as a composer, Erica remains active as a violinist, pianist, and educator with a special interest in bringing contemporary music to new audiences. Today we chat about the lack of representation of women in the classical music canon, the way that arts are undervalued in our culture and how amazing it is to have an artist mother who gets what you do. Connect with Erica Erica's music used throughout the episode with permission: war no more commissioned by Network for New Music 9 lives - performed by Daedalus Quartet révérence Let's Be Spoken mentorship Read about Irelands basic wage for artists Podcast - instagram / website When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Welcome to today's episode. Thanks for joining us. My guest today is Dr. Erica ball. Erica is a classical music composer, violinist pianist and educator from Portland, Maine in the USA, and a mother of two boys. Erica received her PhD in music composition from the University of Pennsylvania, where she studied with Anna Wizner Jim pre mush and J res. Translating everyday life into music is at the heart of Eric is whimsical and playful works. Inspired by the natural world, a childhood spent dreaming of becoming a ballerina, and studies of 20th century American avant garde music. Erica is equally at home writing lyrical melodies that sweep across an orchestra and collaborating with animators and circumstances. With an affinity for layered complexity. Eric is music portrays clouds building up on the horizon as a summer thunderstorm approaches or the busy sounds of passengers on a subway station. Eric is music has been performed by numerous ensembles including the capo Chamber Players, pianos, Blair McMillan, the International Contemporary ensemble, and the American Symphony Orchestra. Her works have been heard across the country in Chicago, Boston, New York and Philadelphia, and around the world in Germany and New Zealand. Today, we chat about the lack of representation of women in the classical music canon, the way that the arts are undervalued and underfunded in our culture, and how amazing it is to have an artist mother who just gets what you're doing. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Hello, Oh, yay. Good. It's nice to meet you, Alison. Lovely to meet you, too. Eric. It's lovely to have you on. Yeah. It's been it's been really interesting to listen to like past episodes. And like, there's definitely like common threads no matter where, like artists, moms are in the world. We're all kind of dealing with these same things. It's been really, it's been reassuring to know. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, you're not the first person to say that that reassurance it's Yeah, certainly something that people gain from it. Sorry. That is really good. I'm really pleased that it's helpful and makes people feel like they're doing okay. You know, like, what they're going through is completely normal and they're not alone. So yeah, it's a good feeling. But yeah, so you're in Portland in my set right? It's Portland mean not Portland, Oregon. Yeah. I mean, there's another Portland Okay. I've got a Portland an hour down the road from us here and Oh, really? It's not very big though. It's not like hardly anyone lives there. But so what's the weather been like over there at the moment? We just got a big snowstorm. We got like six or seven inches on Friday. So this morning I was out cross country skiing with my kids in the woods and just got back from from a run on our icy roads. That's why I'm a little flush still. Yeah, definitely the middle of winter here. Yeah, cool. Oh, that's awesome. We don't get anywhere near that here. We don't get we don't get cold. It's just Yeah, that's what I love. I love asking people from around the world what the weather's like, because? Like you, you're a composer. Erica, how did you get into music when you first started out, I started playing instruments. And then I didn't get into composing until kind of late in the game. So in high school, I went to a wonderful program called the Walden school for young musicians. And it's a five week long program in New Hampshire, and it's specifically for young composers. So they were teaching a variety of things, musicianship music theory, but ultimately composing, and I had never really written a piece before. And I wanted to try it out. So one school gave me this opportunity. And then at the end of the five week program, your music is performed by like, some of the best musicians in from New York City often, and what a thrill to like, have written something as like a 16 year old and then to hear these like hot shots, play it on stage. It's like wow. And, and that's kind of what hooked me. And I, I kind of already had the realization that I was not going to have a career as like a performing musician, that just wasn't a thing for me. But I loved music so much, and composition seemed like, well, this is something that I can do that I also really love that I don't have to spend, you know, those like agonizing hours in the practice rooms, and like the audition circuit, and all that. Yeah. And then I went to college, and I was really fortunate that I studied with Joan tower, who's probably at least in the stage, she's one of the leading women composers. She's in her 80s. Now. So she's been doing it a long time, certainly one of the trailblazers for, for women in the classical music industry. And I was very fortunate, she kind of took me under her wing, and I was the only woman in the department writing music when I was there. So so that was really special. And then, after undergrad, I kind of decided that I was going to take one chance. And I said, I'll apply to one graduate school for composition. And then I applied to like, law schools as well. A totally different career path. And, and I got in, and I was like, well, the worst thing that happens is I waste four years of my life, doing something that I love, right? And then I can always still decide to go to law school. And I was very fortunate that the program that I got into at the University of Pennsylvania was a free ride. So like you, you do have to work you be a TA and all that jazz, but it wouldn't put me into debt to go to grad school. So So I went and then I've been composing ever since. So that's kind of my route into it. Yeah, yeah. It's funny how things work out. Isn't it? Like you had that law thing? I bet you would have been disappointed if you had to do law though. Like you would have been? Yeah, probably. So What instruments do you play? So I play piano, as you can see here with my giant baby grand that takes up half the room. So I play piano and violin. I started piano when I was like, two or three years old and violin shortly thereafter. And I still am very active playing I don't really love to perform. But I do a lot of studio teaching. So besides composing, teach a lot of kids and adults piano and violin as well. Yeah. So you're very busy. Music is your is your whole life, basically. Yeah. That's so good. I love it was looking on your website and all the different sort of styles of music that you've composed for. Which is really cool. I used to be in I used to do a vocal group. So I'm used to like SSA and SSAA because I was with with females, and every now and then we'd get to do an essay T Baker's, we'd join up with a with a men's group and it was so exciting. So I was looking at you like you do vocal, which is really cool. And chamber music and orchestral music and also Are for individual instruments as well. So you basically do everything really. Yeah, as I mean, a lot of composers, you know, kind of write for all different types of instrumentations. There's, there's some that have managed to kind of find their niche and like just write vocal music or just write opera or the rare composer these days that can kind of make a living just reading orchestral pieces. But for most of us, it's kind of you just got to write for whoever's willing to play your music, and sometimes it's an orchestra, and sometimes it's a solo performer. So really doing everything. Yeah. Do you have a favorite like a preference that you like to write for? It's a good question. I love writing for strings. As a violinist, myself, so strings is probably one of my favorites. piano is even the less the other instrument that I play is very intimidating. Because there's, there's so many possibilities with it. And there's so much repertoire, right. So there's, there's so much history of the instrument. But I did just finish up a suite of piano preludes. And I got, I got pretty excited once I was into them, and writing them. And then right now, I'm going to be getting started on a piece for string quartet and piano. So piano quintet. So that'll that'll be an interesting challenge. I love writing for strings. I've written a couple of string quartets before, but now I'm going to have that challenge of integrating the piano into the ensemble. So do you get your work from people that commissioned you to do work? Is that part of what you do? Yeah, so right now, I've been able to sort of cobbled together a bunch of consortium Commission's. So I kind of asked people I know, friends, colleagues, friends of friends, would you be interested in joining this consortium, and basically, it's a way of sort of having these performers pool their resources to pay me to write for them. So it's not so much of a big ask for them, but I still get paid fairly for my work. So the first time I did this was with three different youth orchestras in the Philadelphia area, which is where I was originally from and up until a year ago. And we had three years of youth orchestras to in Philadelphia when Houston, Texas, just sort of people that I knew, and they pooled their resources together, I wrote a piece for them. And so since then, I've sort of developed this consortium model. And I did that with the piano preludes that I just finished up writing and the piano quintet that I'm about to get started on is also a consortium commission. Yeah, cool. That's a great idea. I love that idea. Yeah. Is that something that you sort of came up with yourself? Or is that something that sort of is fairly recognized that goes on? I think it's it's becoming more of a thing. There are definitely some other composers who are doing it and certainly, like at the orchestral level, you know, if an orchestra is going to commission a composer, oftentimes they do consortiums, so that way that composer gets like an East Coast premiere and a West Coast premiere so you try to make sure that your players are not all in New York City and kind of stepping on each other's toes when they premiere the piece. But I think it's becoming a more common model which is great because otherwise the only way you get your music played is if you win these competitions and they're they're really hard to get and you know, there's lots of problems with the competitions themselves way they're organized, are they equitable? Are they are they discriminatory against certain groups of people so yes model is really working for me the concessions Yeah good. Listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman. I wanted to ask about the protect some of the titles of your pieces. There's a couple that have sort of got like two meanings or hidden meanings in them. We're example this one. It's called the resilient sound but then through the use of brackets says the silence sound is that if I got that, right, I interpreted that right. Yeah, so I love word games. I love anagrams and Scrabble and all that kind of stuff and um, I've always been really interested in the poetry of E. Cummings and the interesting things that he does like with the shapes of the words on the page, and just the way that you can can play with words and like you said, create sort of double meanings using parentheses or brackets. So, yeah, I have played around with some interesting titles of my own. And that one was sort of like playing around with the word resilient, but yet there's the word silent in it. And those two can kind of go against each other in terms of their meaning. So playing around with the dualities contained within those words. Yeah. So it's like you can send your own sort of message through the music, but then also through that title, you sort of get people thinking about the deeper meaning behind things. I suppose it's not just, you know, it's not just maybe as they expect it is. There's more going on. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, and with, with contemporary classical music, you know, most people if they're, if they're going to a chamber music concert, and they see like, a composer on the piece that they don't composer on the program, they don't recognize, like, Oh, what is this is it going to be weird sounds that I don't understand. And so anything that I as a composer can give them to sort of latch on to to help them derive meaning from the piece, I find helps with the overall reception of the work. So if it's if it's an intriguing title, if it's a title that has some scene depicted in it, or has some emotional content it gives, it sort of sets the stage for them when they're listening. And I also I don't know, if you saw some of the artwork that's on my website, like the colors of my pieces. My My mother is an artist, and she is always graciously donated her art or some sometimes I've been fortunate enough to be able to, to pay her for her artwork. But it graces the covers of my scores. And I think that that visual element is really important for the performers as well, because they're playing it for the first time. Yep. And to have like a visual representation of the piece as a way into the interpretation of IQ be really helpful. Yeah, helps just to sort of set the mood for them of where this is, where this is coming from, and how it's to be sort of interpreted and presented, I guess. Yeah, I love that. And also, I think it's cool that it's sort of like you've got your own sort of niche in that way that people will remember. Like you said, people that might not know you, or they'll go oh, that's that. That's that lady that makes the call, like titles and like, you know what I mean? Like people connect to that with you and remember will remember you for that. I don't know I just thought that as you were saying. Yeah, I love on your website, your sort of motto, like translating everyday life into music. I think it's just such a I know it sounds simplistic, but it's such a it's a huge way of describing music, isn't it? It's like, it's, it's just that normal everyday things that happened to us, but they can be turned into this incredible piece or incredible painting or incredible body of work. It's just, I really love that analogy. Yeah, thanks. It took me a long time to figure that out that that's what a lot of my music is about. Because in when you think of like the Canon, and like Bach and Beethoven and all these, like great composers that we hold up as like genius, white European men, and we put them on a pedestal. And like, that's, that's not what my music is about. And, you know, it's me going on a run and hearing the sound of water as it hits like ice in a stream and makes this like really interesting tinkly kind of sound that's not quite pitched, but has some pitch to it and has an irregularity and then going to the piano and seeing if I can recreate that like that. That's what the music is about to me. Or it's about. I have a string quartet that's kind of about different episodes and a cat's life. Yeah, and yeah, and one of them. A couple of the movements are about napping because cats nap all the time. And, and they all are derived from children's lullaby eyes. So there's one that centers on Twinkle, twinkle, and there's a different napping movement that centers on taps. And you know, they don't, they're not going to hear them that way. But those are like the bits of material that I pulled from them. Because I was, you know, getting ready to have my own kids and thinking a lot about what it would mean to be a mom, and you know, what songs I was going to sing to my children. And, and that's where the music came from. It wasn't some like grand idea about what it means to be a sleeping cat. It was just sort of banal kind of inspiration. Yeah. Yeah. I think at some level, I think. I don't know. It's like that. I don't know how to word it now. People like because I write my rap music, just like as a song singer, songwriter, and people like, how did you get that idea? What did you do? And most of my stuff comes like, similarly, like, I'd be out for a walk. And I just, I don't know, just get a tune in my head or, you know, it's, it's, it's a lot simpler than what people think. I think, like, I don't want to make it seem that it's super easy. But inspiration comes from everywhere. Like it's all around us all the time. And it's just, it is part of, like, life just comes into you what you're creating. I know that sounds like I really dumbed it down and really simplified it, but I don't know that's exactly what it is. Yeah, it's just always there for us if we can be open to it, I suppose. And look at things through different eyes and for years and, you know, interpret things differently. I loved how you just said genius, white European men. It's I feel like there's there's there's more of a conversation to be had. Yes. Is it? I'm not in the I'm not in the classical world is that is that still what people want is that what they're drawn to? Is that what people are still sort of holding us that? I don't know, the marker of unfortunately, the classical music industry is decades, if not hundreds of years behind the rest of the world. And, and it's, it's in recent years, probably within like the last in the last two years, especially with the pandemic but also within like the last five to 10 years, there has been a real awakening and a real beginning to reckon with the past of the history of classical music and how you know, history is always written written by the winners, but people who have the power by the people who are in charge and so we have Bach, we have Beethoven, we have Debussy, we have Revell, we are missing all the women, not to mention all the musics from different cultures, or the musics that, you know, were were popular but weren't part of like the religious order. Because a lot of classical music comes out of the church music and comes from that patronage model. And so it's a real problem within the classical music industry. And thankfully, the industry is starting to recognize it as a problem and starting to change. But there's, we're kind of straddling, at least I'm finding straddling these generations of, you know, there's some older musicians who don't want to change and don't want the industry to change. And then there's a really strong cohort of younger musicians who want to be the solution and want to make real fundamental changes, to make things more equitable, to be rewriting history to include composers like Amy beach like Florence price, like Margaret bonds. And it's it's really important to me that that is also a part of my work as a living female composer. So in my own studio, when I'm teaching students, I make sure that everyone's always playing a piece by woman composer, not allowed to just play music that's by Bach and Beethoven. Yeah, it's it's a real problem. And, and I think it's for people who aren't in the industry, it can kind of come as a shock, because so much of the world has become accustomed to sort of recognizing talent wherever it exists, and not just sort of in these siloed areas. But it's a it's a big problem in our industry. Hmm. Is the audience sort of driving change as well? Did they want it? Are they wanting to hear new things? Is that are they sort of hungry for that? I don't know modernization of the of the what's the word I don't know, relation of the canon. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I? That's a really interesting question because I think it depends on which part of the audience we're talking about. Yeah. And I have found that, that older generations off often are a little bit more resistant to this change or to, to hearing pieces that are new or being premiered. But I think there's, if you present new music in the right way, if you kind of set it up, if you give people information if you play a piece more than once, because you might not like Beethoven the first time you hear it, but because it's played so often, it's a part of our popular culture we hear in Looney Tunes, because it's sort of everywhere we end up gravitating towards it. And I think there's a lot to be said for how new music is presented to an audience that can then make them fall in love with it. And I think I think audiences are more and more becoming interested in hearing new music by hearing music by people who are living now and music that responds to our times. Absolutely. Just on that, too, I noticed there was a piece that you've written, it was like a, sorry, I can't remember exactly what context it was in. But it was a retelling I suppose re imagining of Down by the riverside of war no more, which I thought was really cool. Knowing the words to and everything else. Oh, that is really cool. I just thought then, as we're talking about current stuff, like that's, I don't know, I mean, what's going on right now, with Russia and Ukraine? It's like, there could be, there's so many pieces that could be like people could hear now that relate to what's happening now. You know, why do we have to keep listening to stuff that doesn't sort of align with our current political climate or social climate? Like, doesn't sound familiar chain? Why does that mean, we have to keep hearing it over and over again, and like we hear it when we're on hold on the phone or hear it on a background of a commercial? Like, why? Why is that so important to us to keep hearing it? You know? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. It's a definite thing. I mean, you think of like popular music, they they move on, right, that was popular last year is not popular this year. And that's kind of part of the excitement of it. And in the classical music world, we like haven't moved on from like, the past 200 years, yet. We're still trying to make progress. It's very interesting. Yeah. Says it's very interesting. I wonder if it's other night, I'm gonna draw a long bow here. The amount of money that people make out of the pop music industry, is it because it's driven? It's a It's, what's the word? It's a commercialized entity. So they're always trying to pump out new things and make more money? I don't know. Is that Is that a fair thing to say? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe? Maybe it's part of it. I mean, if you think classical music at one point for certain populations was the popular music of the time. Yeah. And it's just kind of become this like, niche tiny little corner of the music industry now. But you're, you're changing that. So that is awesome. I love that. So you mentioned so we are gonna get your children at some point. You mentioned that you're you're a teacher as well. That I love how you said you make sure there's some feet, there's always like a female composers work that people are working on. Do you find that? The I guess it's gonna be the same as the last question about the audience depending on age. But are your students wanting new pieces? Are they looking for the stuff they've never heard before to play? Or are they still going back to the old, faithful sort of? Yeah. Most of my students don't realize before they come to me that there is new music out there. They just want to learn how to play the piano or the violin, and usually that's through some exposure that they've had to classical music in general. And I think it's when they encounter me and I'm like, I write music. I am a composer. Oh, what is that? What does that sound like? And you know, I've I've yet have a student who doesn't like that, about me as a teacher that I'm that I'm actively creating music, and I will frequently play my own music for my students. So when I was working on the piano preludes, I actually played some rough drafts for students. And I asked them like, well, what descriptive word comes to mind, because I can't figure it out. And it was kind of helping them, helping them give me some ideas for the piece. And they loved that to sort of have a window into the process and to know what was going on. And as far as exposing them to different types of music, I still am very much like a classical Lee trained musician. So that's, that's what I teach. I don't teach jazz improvisation because that's not my thing. I don't know how to do it. But I am very careful that I'm incorporating music from outside the traditional canon. So, for example, female composers, not just current female composers, but historical female composers that aren't sort of in most of the anthologies that we find when we're teaching sort of graded piano studies. Yes, that's another way to expose them to it. Yeah, fantastic. Oh, good for you. That's so awesome to hear. Alright, let's get to your family then. How many children do you have? Tell me a little bit? I have two little boys. I have a almost six year old and a three year old. Yeah, cool. I've got a six year old. It's a good time a life Baby six, zero. It is it so they into your meeting, they play music, they sort of come in and hang on your beautiful piano. They do like to bang on the piano. I also have you can't see it. It's off screen here. But I have a cupboard filled with like hand percussion different things. Boomwhackers which are these like big plastic tubes that you whack on the ground and it makes up a rough sounding pitch. tambourine, tambourines, maracas, egg shakers, they love going in there and having family band time. And it's quite amazing the amount of cacophony that they can create. And I can actually sit at my desk and tune it all out and do work. And they'll be sitting here on the floor, just making a racket, but it keeps them busy for a good 20 minutes. So if I have to deal with the noise, I will Oh, JC do well. And it's sort of I think, like, energetically, it's sort of, you know, it's, it's getting so much energy through their body as well. Like, I don't know, I work in childcare. So I'm used to seeing children go completely bonkers. And then completely flat. So just massive buildup of energy. There's like, oh, no, do your kids do the same sort of thing? Oh, yes. All of the day is always like, get them as tired as possible. So they sleep, and they go to bed early and stay asleep. So with those ages of, of your boys, when do you do your work? Is it sort of an evening thing? Or are they in care, so you can actually do what you need to do. So right now, I also so I do all different things. So I'm currently working a full time job as an arts administrator. So I'm sort of running all the administrative stuff for a professional string quartet here in Maine. So that's what I am doing roughly like the nine to five hours. So I have fortunately a lot of flexibility because I'm working from home for that. And then I teach about eight hours of studio a week so that students who come come to my home and I teach them piano and violin. And then somewhere in there I squeezed in my composition, often times, it's like really early in the morning, or it's late at night. Or the nice thing about composing as opposed to practicing an instrument is that I don't have to be physically at my instrument to do it. So like I'll be out in a run and I'll be thinking about the music and kind of testing out ideas in my head. So so I'm able to do it kind of squeezed in there. I'm also really fortunate that my partner is very supportive of my creativity and he'll take the kids out of the house on the weekend for a cup have hours and I'll get like a big chunk of time where I can really work. But no set schedule unfortunately, just happens when it happens. Do you find that happen after you come back from your run, and you've got these ideas to actually come back in and either notated or recorded onto something, because you're coming back into the like mum role is that you find that it's so hard to switch between the different roles and to be constantly interrupted. I think that's probably what drives me more nights is when I'm in the middle of composing, you know, maybe I'm like writing something at the piano while they're eating breakfast. Because they, most of the time, can eat peacefully. And one of them will come running in here, I need some more milk or whatever the problem happens to be. And it's like, oh, there goes the idea. It's just gone. Poof out of my head. But I've gotten into the habit of leaving myself video recordings as little messages. So if I'm going to sit down at the piano, and I know there's even a chance I might get interrupted, I'll just hit record. And that way, anything that I play anything that I've been kind of talking to myself out loud through giving myself ideas, at least I have a record of it, and I can kind of get back into that moment via the video recording. Yeah, absolutely. That's, it's Oh, my gosh, I'm feeling the pain there. i Yeah, I think interruptions is probably the thing that frustrates me the most really, it's just, you're on a roll. And then it's like, I need some cheese, oh. You're saying earlier about when you were writing the cat piece, when you were thinking about what it would be like to be mother? Can you expand on that a little bit more about sort of how you were feeling when you knew your life was about to change completely. So I, we very sort of deliberately made the decision like, Okay, we're going to have kids. And it came apart mostly because I so after grad school, I went on the job market for one year. And I got I got a couple of interviews, I got to the final round for when an interview offers sort of tenure track composition or theory professors in the university and went through that whole process and realize that it was either going to take a really long time and multiple years of doing this whole kind of circus to find the right position for me. Or I would have to do a series of visiting assistant professorships, where you get hired for one year, maybe two years at an institution, and then you leave and you go somewhere else. Or I would never get a position. And none of those options really sounded good to me. They don't have stability, it's a lot of sort of giving up a lot of your life for these academic institutions that who knows how they're going to treat you. And then then you also have the tenure clock, right. So even if you did land, a tenure track position, you're on the tenure clock, not a great time to be having kids, it's already stressful enough. And I made the decision that that wasn't the life for me. And I would rather have my kids young and maybe give up that dream of teaching in a university and have my kids young and get them out of the house while I'm young too. Because, you know, the composing if I had to stop for a couple of years, which I did when my kids were were very young, I didn't there were a couple of years, but I just didn't write a single note. I'd rather do that then and then have the rest of my life to do the creative stuff. It will always be there. So yeah, yeah, it was like an actual decision of how I want my life to be. Yeah, so when you said how you didn't write a note were you playing it all was like music still a part of your life during the very much so playing that I found that so i i graduated grad school and had a couple months off, and then ended up pregnant with number one. And I was teaching as an adjunct during the pregnancy and we had just bought a house and moved in. So there was like a lot of stuff going on. Being homeowners fixing up the house and dealing with morning sickness adjunctive and a couple of classes dealing with that still kind of trying to apply to some jobs and, and composition just kind of fell by the wayside. And I think part of that was also related to how intense graduate school is. is just the amount of work and the amount of pressure that you're under. And I really rushed to finish my dissertation as quickly as possible because I didn't want to. I didn't want to be in the position where I would lose my funding, but still have to finish my dissertation. Yeah. So I really pushed to finish it while I still had funding. And I was just kind of burnt out. I was, yeah, it was done for a little while. And, and I was being creative. And other things, I found that, you know, learning, there's so much education that you have to do when you're pregnant, just learning about what's going on with your body learning about okay, what is it going to be like to be a mom? How am I going to prepare myself for this? So there were other things going on, that felt somewhat creative, and I was still constantly playing music, and I was playing the community orchestra and playing with friends and still teaching a lot. So music has always been there, just the composition stop for a few years? Yeah, that's understandable. It's like you just can't do everything. Exactly. And even if you know, you have the time to do it, it'd be like, we actually need to rest at some point, don't you like you just can't, I mean, some people probably do, but I know myself, you just cannot push through because you just need to fill up at some point yes. When you are writing your pieces, you talked about getting influence from everywhere? Do you find that your children influence your composing? Sometimes, I think more than anything, it's their curiosity and watching them, watching them learn watching how they interact with the world that has, in some ways given me permission to do the same. And like that moment that I was describing earlier, whereas on a run, I heard the water stream and the ice, I don't think I would have necessarily noticed that before kids. I think I think parts of me have always been in tune with just sort of listening in a way that maybe non musicians don't, because music is such a part of my life. But I'm not sure if I would have stopped. And I literally stopped on the side of the trail, and just kind of stood there listening to it. And then I was playing with a stick in the stream. And I don't know that I would have done that if I didn't have kids just sort of this permission to engage with the world in a more childlike sense of curiosity. I think that's more than anything, how they've sort of inspired and worked their way into my music. Yeah, that definitely makes sense. I feel like as adults, we sort of feel like we have to behave in a certain way. And like, when you were talking there about stopping, I remember one day I'd stopped while it was walking, and I stopped to look at these flowers. And someone drove personnel like, what do you do? Like, you know, yeah, you know, I had a sledge at me. And I was like, I'm looking at the flowers, like, you know, what's the big? You know, I think, I don't know, somewhere in adult life. It's sort of like, No, you're not allowed to be playful, and you know, that anymore. It's like, you have to be serious and grown up now. I feel like being an artist or a creative person, you sort of have to have that in a real what would you be inspired by it? Like, you know, that just you have to be curious and, and stop and play with sticks. You know? Just, it's just part of life. I don't know. It's it's a very interesting thing. And the more I talk to artistic moms, it's like, there's this thread that goes through that you you are different in a really good way like you you don't necessarily have these hang ups about what people that judge you or people can worry about things and I don't know it's just a different way of looking at life. I don't know maybe I'm speaking for myself, but I don't know I just think I don't know I'm going off on babbling Vietnam so there was there was sort of a in the back of my head when I stopped on the trail. This is like busy trails through our woods were in the city so people are walking their dogs and stuff. There was a part of me that that kind of said, what if someone comes down the trail you're gonna be the adult on the side of the trail playing with sticks in the stream and like tapping the ice to see what kind of sound it makes. Like so what Yeah, so what they see me like it drag myself and like experimenting and being curious. And they'll probably just walk right past me. Yeah, maybe though maybe they'll be curious and ask what I'm doing. But probably they'll just walk right past. Yeah, there you go. I love it so there's a thing that we talk about in Australia a lot. And I'm finding that it's it is quite a worldwide phenomenon, this mum guilt. And I put that in inverted commas. What's your thoughts on mum guilt? Oh, boy. I think it it's a very real thing. And I think it's, it's something that's been constructed by our culture's and by our society, I don't think it's a, an innate part of being a human mother. But I think at this point, it is because of the culture and the societies that we're in. And it's, it's torturous, and it's, it's not something that I that I think, a lot of men experience. And I'm sure there are some that experience, you know, some version of this, like parental parental guilt, but I think there's something there's something special about being a mom experiencing it, just because of all of the different expectations that are put on women. And, and it's definitely something that I've wrestled with, and within the classical music industry, you know, there's, it's taken a long time for orchestras to accept women as violinists and their sections. So, you know, within my lifetime, the Vienna Philharmonic, for example, like wouldn't allow women to play in the ensemble. Oh, and so, you know, there's sort of discrimination writ large against women, let alone women who might be mothers like that full embodiment of being a woman. And so there's sort of the industry and women's place within it. But then there's also like, the family and the home life and that feeling like if you're, if you have any spare moment that's free. It should be like devoted to your kids and your family. And it's really hard to then say, No, I don't have to go and do that thing. Or it's okay for me to miss bedtime and be composing because that is also important to me. Yeah, I mean, for example, I've, I've been to concerts, and by myself and people who knew me, and they would sit, you know, make remarks like, Oh, you're missing bedtime. I'm so glad you came to the concert. Like, I'm so sorry. You had to miss bedtime. And like, I love missing bedtime. It is my least favorite part of day. I am so glad to be here. My husband is perfectly capable of putting our children to bed. Yeah, he does it most days, even if I'm home. Yeah, isn't that it's just interesting. Have the judgment. People just assume that it's like, that's what you should be doing your mom, that's what you should be doing. Like, hello, they have two parents like, exactly. Ah, it really frustrates me. And comments like that. They just don't go very far to help. You know, it's like, it sets you back. If you've if you've got if you were feeling a little bit funny, like, ah, you know, I probably wanted to do this or that or the other. And you got no, I'm going to do this. It's okay. And then someone makes a comment. And it just drags you straight back into that. Oh, no, I should have done that. Because now everyone thinks I'm a bad mother and bla bla bla. You know, exactly. There's a lot to be said for, for how other people's comments. How much of an impact it makes on moms. And yeah, I don't know. Yes, it's a big frustrating topic. That one really has really struggled with them. But I'd love to hear you say it's okay for me, for me to miss bedtime. Because there's other things that are important to you. It's like, I don't know. And you're right. It's hard to like even if you've made yourself a priority, and you've kind of laid aside the mom guilt and you've been able to engage with the activity. Those comments are so hurtful, because they regenerate that guilt with inside yourself, even if you've been able to successfully overcome it. And it's sort of like always lurking there in the background just like I am, I should be with my kids. or more, you know, like sort of the more simple guilt that's not even directly pertaining to your craft as an artist. Things like, Oh, I didn't pack them a perfect lunch, like I just threw stuff in their lunchbox, and I didn't write them a note on Valentine's Day. I just like, you know, that kind of thing. And there are these ridiculous expectations that moms are held up to. And I think it also helps to kind of find your tribe of moms, I have a couple of good mom, friends who they know that my house is a mess. They know that my laundry lives on my bedroom floor for a couple of days before it ever gets put away. And they're cool with it, because they also do the same thing. And it's about sort of letting down that facade of being like this perfect woman and just saying, like, No, I fail all the time in my household duties and taking care of my kids and my professional line, like I am not perfect, and have other women who can be comfortable with you and say the same thing is really, it's really heartening. And it it really helps the overall situation. Oh, yeah, yeah, I definitely agree with that. It's like, you just don't feel you feel quite comfortable just to be yourself and to you don't have to feel like you're gonna be judged by them. Like, you're all in it together. It's not a competition, exactly. And the other thing I love to talk about is identity about how your own identity changed. When you had your children when you became a mum, did you sort of go through a shift in that regard? Yes, because the composition kind of stopped for a good three years in there. And, and it was something I worried about, like am I ever gonna be able to write again, and maybe all my creative energy is just going into raising my kids. And that's where it's going to be. And I felt kind of lost. And I felt like I lost a part of myself for a while. And even even though I was making music and teaching and still engaged with the music community, it didn't feel the same, it didn't feel the same as creating myself and as actually composing. And it it took a lot of a lot of work to get back into composing a lot of fear a lot of judging myself, like, what if you were never any good at this to begin with, and it's gonna be so hard. And it actually the so the first piece I think I wrote after the birth of my second was a piece of music that my grandfather asked me to write. So my grandfather, had studied piano with me for a couple of years, when I was in Philadelphia, and that was, it was always really special to have these lessons with him. And he, he had this passage from a song that he wanted me to set to music. And and I took I took on the challenge didn't have anyone prepared to sing it. I was like, Okay, I'll just, this is an exercise for me. And I'll see if I can do this again. And I wrote this piece and ended up ended up getting performed at St. Davids church in Baltimore. But that was sort of the the baby step that I took back into composition. And I was also really fortunate that my, my mom is an artist. And I think there's something really special about having a mom who's an artist who is so supportive of my own creativity. And I'm sure that moms are supportive of creative daughters in all sorts of ways. But to have someone who's lived it themselves, is it's probably one of the best things that I have going for me because she knows how important it is. She knows how hard it is to place the priority on my creative work. And sort of right when I started getting back into composing, she would take my kids for a couple of hours during the week and she would say you are not allowed to clean your house hours, you are not allowed to go grocery shopping. I want to hear what you have done for you during those few hours. And to have to have that sort of account forced accountability. Really sort of got me back on the track of composing Again, and to test someone to see the value in what you're doing as well. So I've talked to some mums who have their their in laws, or even their own parents have sort of seen it as fluffing about, like, you're just, you know, yeah, I don't know, it's like, there's a lot of emphasis emphasis placed on the monetary value of what you're doing. And it's like, well, you're not really, you're not really working. So it's not that important. You know what I mean? Like, it's a real, it's a real, whole new ballgame when people don't see the value in what you're actually creating and adding to society and culture. And, you know, yeah, yeah, that that is a huge problem. And I mean, I don't know what it's like in Australia for how like arts funding works. But here in the States, it is, it is a mess in the United States. I know a couple of the countries in Europe have slightly better models and a little bit more support for musicians in the classical industry, but the way that arts are undervalued in our culture, and yet, so much money is made off of them, like in the pop music, industry, streaming services and all of the sort of exploitation that goes on. Yeah, absolutely. We have a big issue in Australia that that was certainly brought out through the whole pandemic situation that the sport, the sport side of Australia kept going, they made allowances for, like the footy teams to travel interstate, even though people weren't supposed to be traveling and everything kept going, except the arts. And people were just, you know, obviously losing their incomes, everything was falling to pieces. And it still hasn't been fully addressed that what happened to like, literally, arts are everywhere, like television, and radio, and everything that we pick up and use is being created by someone in some way. And it's like, we just don't value it. We just don't see the importance of it in our culture. And it's really, this is me off. Sorry. All this time, the free like people had concert scheduled to travel around Australia, but they couldn't because the the borders were closed. But yet hundreds of football players were traveling wherever they wanted to, and just like come on, really, really show the huge divide between what what are our culture values? incredibly disappointing. Yeah, it was interesting. You said about the different places in Europe I saw on the telly the other day that island might be might be introducing just like a universal income for artists. Yeah. God, how amazing would that be like, it would just you would just have the freedom to create, you wouldn't have to worry about how you're going to, you know, pay the bills or whatever, you can just imagine the explosion that's going to happen creativity in that area, just be amazing. mentioned all the people who leave the arts, so many talented, amazing artists, musicians, dancers, playwrights, they leave the arts because you can't make a living in it. And they're, you know, there's a point in your life where you have to decide, do I want to start a family and if I'm going to start a family, I want to be financially stable, and what does that mean for my creative practice? And I was really fortunate that, you know, my, my partner is a public school teacher, you know, neither of us are ever going to be no wealthy in our lifetime, but he has a stable job, he has really good health insurance. And so like the pressure was thankfully never on me to provide, you know, the big income and health insurance for our family. But, you know, I know I know plenty of couples who both of them are musicians and that is it's an incredibly hard life just because there's no stability within our industry. Yeah. Yep. And I've seen lots of people leave as a result which is you know, it's it's detrimental to all of us because we're losing out on on their talents and what talents they could pass on to students. You Yeah, yeah. The whole the whole industry is just poor for unfortunately. Yeah. I'm getting wound up just so frustrating to you Well, I have had some some interesting experiences recently with other women, composers reaching out to me primarily, you know, people who are like out of undergrad not necessarily in graduate school or, or are coming back to music after leaving a different career path behind. And I think there's a lack of meant During in our industry, women mentoring other women. And like I was very fortunate, I studied with John Tower. And when I went to graduate school I studied with Anna Wiesner. So you know, I've studied with these other women composers, but there's a lack of community. And I think it's important for for young women in particular, to be able to have conversations with, with someone and be able to talk about things like, you know, if I take this job overseas and move to, you know, move to a different country for a couple of years, because I'm following my boyfriend and I want to be with him. What does that mean for my career as a musician, and that's probably a conversation that a young woman might not be comfortable having with a male figure. They might be, you know, concerned whether they're going to be judged for that decision or whatnot. So, so that's been kind of interesting. And I definitely don't have the bandwidth for it right now. But I think in the in the future, I would, I would love to start some type of mentorship program specifically for for women, composers who are kind of like on the cusp of that sort of professional becoming a professional composer, they've left school behind. They've done all that all that hard work. And now it's how do I make this into a living for myself? How do I, if I'm going to start a family? How do I navigate that and my career at the same time? That's yeah, that is so great, you should definitely do that. I got I gotta wait a couple more years, I gotta get both kids in grade school. I have a few more hours in the day. But eventually, eventually, that's so valuable. That's just incredible. On that, though, did you have anyone around you that you could sort of lead off with the children side of things was there anyone in your sort of circle that was doing the same sort of thing as you, um, none of my musician friends had kids when I started having kids. So I was definitely kind of the odd one out there. And, and in grad school, I was the only woman in the program for quite some time. So there wasn't even someone going through grad school at the same time as me who was dealing with these issues. I have plenty of women friends outside of music, who have kids and families. But I think I think a lot of musicians wait until later on to start families because of that lack of financial stability. And I had a lot of help when our kids were young. My parents were in the same town as us. And as I mentioned before, my mom really recognized the need for me to still have some space to myself, even if my primary role at the time was staying home and taking care of the kids. So I've always had lots of family support with child care. Because that's the other thing in the United States, there's no child care via the government. You gotta wait until your kids are public school age, and then you can get rid of them for nine months of the year. Did I really just say get rid of them. I meant we can overlay save them goodbye, tearfully at the bus stop and welcome them home with a hug. You know, there's, there's no, there's no support for for families and for kids when they're preschool age. So thankfully, I've had family because sending my kids to daycare or childcare would have been a sort of a reckless financial decision to make because any money that I would have made, would have been completely negated by paying for childcare. So yeah, so that's kind of how I've had navigated the young, the young children thing and dealing with that and being creative at the same time. Yeah, I can definitely imagine people are gonna hear this and definitely get some take something from it. And I, I really hope that you do do your mentoring, because that's just so valuable. We'll just keep it'll keep the creative, everything going and people won't have to. And I think when you said about before about asking a man, a man's got such different opinions on that stuff, like they're not going to get, they're just going to get told some rubbish, you know, sorry. Yeah. It's not to say it's not and, and I'm sure there are wonderful, you know, male composers out there who would be great mentors for a young woman. But, you know, at least in my experience, there's something different about, you know, women's speaking to other women. And I just, well, I haven't quite finished up this program yet, but I've been fortunate to be mentored myself by it. To wonderful men as part of let's be spoken, which is a mentorship program specifically for women in the classical and jazz industry. And that that was really key in sort of getting my composing and my professional career back on track. And to realize in these big group sessions that we would have with all of us and the two leaders, Gina, and I wouldn't be, we would kind of come to these realizations that we're all struggling with these same things like, Oh, I have to do publicity photos. And I like how do I want those to look and it's so hard as a woman versus like, a man just throws on a suit and take some photos, and he's good to go. Women were like, is this going to be sexy? Is this going to make me appear sweet? Is this going to influence how people hear my music because it's just different as a woman. And And that program was really helpful. So there definitely are mentorship programs for women in the industry. But I am excited to eventually start something specifically for, for women to talk one on one with someone who's like cobbled together a career in composition, because it's so different than being a performer. Because that the model for how you create your income is just not there. 30 there's very little institutional support for it. Versus a performer, you can join an ensemble, you can be part of an orchestra, you can you can create your own tours, right? You don't even have to have management to do that. Whereas a composer, if my musics going to have a life, other people are going to be playing it. And that takes a lot of behind the scenes effort to make happen. Yeah, that's a really good point, isn't it? It's like there's not there's not a model that says, This is how you do it. You do this and then you do that. And then it's done. Like it's just yeah. Yeah, there you go. Now Good on you. I really enjoyed chatting with you, Eric. It's been a real pleasure talking with you. And I have missed bedtime. So thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend you think might be interesting. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Rachel Larsen Weaver US photographer + artist-educator S2 Ep69 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and Apple podcasts (itunes) Rachel Larsen Weaver is an artist-educator and photographer joyfully living on the Maryland beaches of the Chesapeake Bay as a mother to five. Rachel enjoyed writing as a child and she has always been a reader. Rachel studied an Masters of Fine Arts in Creative Writing in College, creative non fiction and writing personal essays was her passion. She spent 10 years as a teacher and in her current life calls back to this in her mentoring roles. When her 3rd son was born, she wanted to start a blog, and in an effort to provide good quality pictures - she bought a camera - and her passion for photography was ignited. She was inspired to improve the quality of her photos and soon she was approached to take photos for others. She delved into studying photography as an artform and heavily invested herself in researching photography, seeking mentors and improving her knowledge. Her style of photography is reflective, deeply embedded in story telling and through her Long Form Sessions where she spends days with her clients in their homes, she is finding the joy in the hidden and messy places. She's about helping others see the beauty in themselves, the days, families, and worlds they create - and the homes that hold them. Her firm belief is that self-love and self celebration are not reserved for the thin, white, young, able bodied, cis-gendered female. She creates environments for people to be seen and to be heard. Rachel is so passionate about sharing every body and leads by example with her own self portrait projects. She has worked hard on self acceptance and encourages others to do the same through her Finding Myself in Portraits project. Her portfolio and practice is fat-affirming, mindful and genuine, focusing on the life and light of her clients. Rachel travels the country documenting mothers, bodies and details. Rachel’s unique ability to call people home to themselves, their bodies, their passions and their worlds is precisely the gift made manifest in her photo work. By grounding into presence and remaining stubborn in her commitment to joy, Rachel brings a clear sense of purpose (and humour) to her life and her work with clients. Connect with Rachel website / instagram / facebook Podcast - instagram / website / Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mothers work is influenced by their children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which this podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for joining me today. My guest today is Rachel Lassen Weaver. Rachel is a photographer, and an artist educator living on the Maryland beaches of the Chesapeake Bay in the United States, and she's a mother to five children. Rachel enjoyed writing as a child, and she was always a reader. She studied a Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing in college, creative nonfiction, and writing personal essays was her passion. She spent 10 years as a teacher, and in her current life calls back to these in her mentoring roles. When her third son was born, Rachel wanted to start a blog. And in an effort to provide good quality pictures, she bought a camera and her passion for photography was ignited. She was inspired to improve the quality of her photos, and soon she was approached to take photos for others. Rachel delved into studying photography as an art form, and heavily invested herself in researching photography, seeking mentors and improving her knowledge. Her style of photography is reflective, deeply embedded in storytelling, and through her long form sessions, where she spends days with her clients in their homes. She is finding the joy in the hidden and messy places. She is about helping others see the beauty in themselves, the days families and worlds they create and the homes that hold them. Her firm belief is that self love and self celebration are not reserved for thin, white, young, able bodied, cisgendered female, she creates environments for people should be seen and to be heard. Rachel is so passionate about sharing every body and leads by example, with her own self portrait projects. She has worked hard on self acceptance and encourages others to do the same. Through her finding myself in portraits project. Her portfolio and practice is fat affirming, mindful and genuine, focusing on the life and life of her clients. Rachel travels the country documenting mother's bodies and details. Her unique ability to call people home to themselves, their bodies and their passions and their worlds is precisely the gift made manifest in her photo work. By grounding into presence and remaining stubborn in her commitment to joy. Rachael brings a clear sense of purpose and humor to her life and her work with clients. The music you'll hear today is from my ambient new age music trio called LM Joe made up of myself, my sister Emma Anderson, and her husband, John. I really hope you enjoy today's episode. Rachel, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. It's lovely to meet you. It's so nice to be here. Thanks for having me, Allison. Yeah, you're in Maryland, Maryland. Good job. Yeah. Yeah, we say Maryland, Maryland. Yeah. Whereabouts is that sorry, forgive me. My geography is not great. It's on the east coast of you of the US. It's the state that Washington DC the Capitol got chopped out of? Basically Washington DC, is in Maryland's region. Yeah. Okay. Then I know. I know what you mean. Now? What happened there? Why did they do that? So I was like, kind of Central Coast when it was the 13 colonies. And originally for Virginia had given Pete a piece too, because that's the state right below us. And it was a perfect square. But then Virginia took back their peace, I think during the Civil War when they joined the Confederacy, so now it's just like, the peace out of Maryland. That's funny, isn't it? Hmm. When when I read that you're on Chesapeake Bay, which is really cool, because I've been we were massive fans of the Hamilton musical. And there's a bit with the Chesapeake Bay. It's like anyone? Shout out. Excellent. What time is it? What day is it for you Tuesday? It's Tuesday and it's 10am. Yep. So beautiful. Where it? What is it for you there? It's 7:30pm. Monday on Monday. Yeah, cool. Okay. That's one of the things I love about doing this is just like, I used to have a lot of pen pals when I was a kid. And I was always fascinated by what the weather was, like, where they lived and what time it was, you know, all that sort of stuff. I love. I love it. It's so cool. We're both at like transitional seasons right now. Right? Going into spring. So it feels like we're extreme. Yeah. So we're halfway, like springs officially started. But we're we're going to start summer, next month. So we're like, it almost feels like it's going back to autumn. Now. It's really weird. The mornings are really cold. But then the sun comes out and it's beautiful. Then Then it starts raining. It's like it's wearing a mishmash of everything right now is bizarre. What part of Australia are you? So I mean, Matt Gambia, which is right down the bottom. In South Australia. It's almost like there's a border between South Australia and Victoria. And I'm about 10 minutes from that two minutes drive. Right, almost almost at the coast, probably half an hour from the coast. So yeah, it's an interesting place because we get a lot of like the weather comes across, like the Tet the Tasman Strait is like freezing cold. So we get all that weird weather. But then sometimes in summer we get the northerly winds. And it's boiling hot, like 40 degrees Celsius. I don't sorry, I don't know what that is in. You're really hot. I know. Like, yeah, and we'll have days of that on end. But then it will just go back to like, I don't know, it's really weird. Really weird. You have more seasons that Northern Australia. Yeah, we're really distinct. Like out there. They have like a wet season or dry season pretty much they I don't think they dispense with the traditional, you know, summer or winter, spring or fall. You call it fall over? Yeah. We call it either. It's allowed. It's actually cool watching all these physical fall a lot of people from America and it's like it's sweater weather. No, this was a good American accent there too. I love it. Everyone's getting like the pumpkin spice lattes and Oh, God love so you're a photographer. Can you share with us what you do? How you got into it? Tell us all about what you do. So originally my like, creative medium. What I studied in college, and when I started my MFA, do you have to ask isn't that translates right? Yeah, yes, it does. Yes, was in was in creative writing. And so writing was really my focus, creative nonfiction in particular, like writing personal essays. But when my third son was born, I wanted to start a blog. I like felt like it was the time where everybody had a blog, blog, too. And if you have a blog, you need pictures that nobody's gonna read your blog. So I bought a camera, really just so that I could have pictures for my blog. And because the writing was the part I was more excited about. And it's sort of, then I wanted my pictures for the blog to be better. And then people started around me started asking like, Well, can you take my family pictures or, you know, friends that were having low key weddings, that, that all the sudden photography was a bigger thing. As soon as people started to want to pay me, I felt an obligation to like, get good at it. And I'm just like, if somebody wants me to do this, I want to and I really dug into studying photography, as an art form. Like I feel very dedicated to photography. I spend a lot of time and money buying monographs. I love to have books of photographers work. I spent a lot of time studying that I try to go to exhibits as often as I can. Knowing kind of the history of it and who the the founding folks that have built something like that's a lot of my energy and I like to look into it because I think it kind of helps keep you from Instagram trends are, especially since photography is so easily shareable and it's easy. I feel like it's kind of easy to fall into thinking of it as a social media content, creative thing. And that's not how I see it, I want to make an image that does not just exist for social media. And I feel like it gives a lot of legitimacy to it. Because you understand that you're like, it's like someone studying the, you know, their art form. Like if they paint a particular way they study all the greats from that style, or whatever, you know, you're really invested in him. And he's in he said, monetary wise, too. But you know, you're, you're really into it, you're not just like, click, click, click, put on Instagram, you know, hashtag, whatever. It's a real, it's a real passion. And I can, like, nerd out so hard, I like, do like, I love books, I love studying. And so I wouldn't be a student for the rest of my life, if I could figure out a way to afford to do that. So I really do feel like a student of photography at this stage. And it really, I think, does help to create things that feel be, like I said, beyond what is of this moment, one of the things that I really think, studying that other work, when I'm just looking at social media as my inspiration, the things that do well, on a really small screen that you're kind of passing by quickly, aren't the same images that I want to return to again, and again, when public, like when I'm looking at larger in a book, and so it helps kind of realign me to my purpose to be looking at the thing that I'm trying to create, rather than the thing that's easy to consume. Yes, yeah. It's interesting, I saw, it's just reminded me of something I saw the other day, someone who I'm not going to remember what it was. But it was literally about that. The popularity of Instagram, yeah, we can forget what's driving us because we get the likes and the comments or whatever. And that, you know, our dopamine brain goes, Oh, that's exciting. Everyone likes me. But then, as you said, like, this is not going to be an era that lasts forever, you know, this, this will be a little blip on the radar. And already people are getting back to printing. You know, there's a photographer I know, here, Matt Gambia, who gets all her field, things printed on films, like she's got a film camera. Now she's going back to the olden days, olden days, everything I do everything on film. Yeah. And it's wonderful, you know, and same thing that people getting back to records, you know, that physical, we're sort of like rejecting this mass consumption of instant stuff. And we're going back to the important thing. So I think you're right, not just, you know, focusing on what's popular now. But the things that have stood the test of time, and, you know, will stand the test of time, the things that you're creating now, that's what I want to use as kind of my measuring tool. You know, I can't I can't be like, I mean, how many people do you know that are on Instagram right now that are like, so frustrated with that it wasn't what it used to be. And, and so I feel like it doesn't frustrate me deeply, because I don't feel a huge attachment, like pretty active user of it. And I like it, and I but it isn't the end all be all for me. And so I can kind of have a certain like, you know, casualness with it. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yep. And that said something else that reminds me, so I'll do this a lot. Things will remind me and I'll go. And then I'll probably cut it out later, because I realized that I'm just rambling. But yeah, somebody somebody posted recently, they were leaving Instagram, because they weren't happy with one that somebody else actually owned their content. You know, we don't own what we put on Instagram, they could disappear at any moment. And to obviously, now with the changes in algorithm, they're controlling what people see. So they will like, come and join my email list, you know, come to my website, getting people back to that, you know, I used to work at a plant nursery, and we used to when people would come past the tool, and you'd say, Oh, would you like to join our email list? You know, the old the old thing of writing down your email, and it seems so pointless and dorky, but like that's what people are getting back to now, you know, this is motivation. I send them Monday night newsletter, it will go. It's funny. We're recording Monday night, my time. It'll go out and a half an hour. It's become my biggest driver of business. It feels like my biggest creative outlet. Like I'm mostly excited about people coming to Instagram so that I can get them to my newsletter, because it was sort of like my first love to it gives me a space to do that. I can share the images that I want without censorship. It feels like a different investment to the people who like choose to read that newsletter that they open it up on Monday night, it feels like a ritual for some people. Or maybe I'm just that I'm like, giving you this thing. And I'm like, Cool, Rachel. But I think too, like, that's your intention behind it, you know, it's not something that you can just scroll on, you know, it's a thing that is a special thing that people have chosen to be a part of, and that's thing you want them to appreciate? This is your this is your special way reaching out, you know? Yeah, and that's really, I think, part li having that does make me feel a little less freaked out by the algorithm. You know what I mean? Where I'm like, Okay, it's gonna be all right, the people, because the people who were most interested in working with me, they've already, they're already over there, they're following, they're keeping in touch with me. And I think we underestimate us. I mean, I know some are artists or less in like, the direct marketing, maybe that so many, like, portrait photographers, we use Instagram, to get business maybe in a way that's different than some of your guests like when you have musicians and authors, it can be kind of a different relationship. So I'd like to go back to this beginning for you with the writing, were you always into writing as a kid growing up? Yeah, that's probably the thing that I, it's probably the career I most often returned to. I mean, I've wanted to be so many things throughout the course of my life. But I think writing frequently was the thing that I returned to is something that I loved. Of all always been a reader. I've always been a writer. But it was interesting to me because as I said, creative nonfiction was my, my main genre. And I feel like it makes the transition into the type of photography that I create feels sort of in that same in that same genre that I want to, you know, there are so many conceptual photographers that I really love, that I kind of like when they're kind of playing with surrealism, or, you know what I mean that they're, they're doing things that are kind of abstract, or they're doing things that feel like deeply creative. And they love it, and I'm inspired by it. But that isn't the thing that I seek to create, I think back on, on one of my creative writing professors, which sort of adorably My oldest is in college right now. And she has this professor who was like, my favorite professor, because she's going to the same university. And it's his last semester teaching anyhow, that's brilliant. And, yeah. And one of the things he had said about creative nonfiction was, you can write in any detail that you need to in your piece, and it doesn't have to be true. Like, you don't have to remember what they were wearing. As long as it could be true. You know, what I mean? Like, what is the thing that Allison might wouldn't be wearing? Or would be eating or? And so I think about that a lot. When I'm taking pictures, it's not that I'm pure documentary. I don't mind moving the situation, or changing it. But I still want it to feel in the realm of, could that be true? It's not like true for a mom to be like, hanging around naked in her kitchen with her children. Where I like, see lots of like, kind of beautiful, and like, I don't want to make that picture. Like I don't you know what I mean? Like, but if you are a lady that, like, hang around in your undies in your, you know, big T shirt, then that is interesting to me. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. So anyhow, that's sort of like, I see how that writing background, how the how the details that I was most interested in like that, that that's then what I become interested in, in pictures. I feel like there's a real overlap between the writing I liked and the photographs I like and try to make. Yeah, that is so interesting. So would you describe your style of photography as documentary style? Or what's the best way to describe it? For a person who loves words I hate tried to figure though word is for it. Because I know it's not pure documentary because I feel like I am fine with adjusting the thing. Like, I often think about Sally Mann, who is one of my, you know, favorite photographers that I look up to, there's a picture where she has a bite mark on her arm, and it's called Jessie bites. And her son was Jessie. But she bit herself for that photo was in a biting phase, apparently, but then like she wanted to make the image. But she was like, this could be true, but it's not. So anyhow. So documentary feels like there's sort of a commitment to you don't alter the situation. And I'm not afraid to alter it so that it can in the period of time that we need to tell the truth that we need it to. But it's not lifestyle photography. It's not portrait photography yet. So it's kind of a mix between conceptual and documentary. Maybe. Yeah. I mean, that I mean, it couldn't be. Because if we think of the concept of speed, how much truth can we try to tell as fast as we can? I mean, which is funny that I say as fast as we can, because I, my preferred way to shoot is long form sessions, which are 24 Hour Photo experiences, where I like come into somebody's home, and I stay with them for a full 24 hours. Oh, wow. Yeah. So even when I say you're still trying to tell a whole family of a story, or a whole story of the family, even their 24 hours is so much longer. There's still so much story to tell. Yet, it's still a short period of time in the game. There's that part of me that keeps thinking like, How long could I make these go? Because I wish I had a week sometimes, you know what I mean? Like to make a body of work that feels like, oh, this could be its own book. This could be its own show, like how could this family you know, to show the nuances of it in the different relationships and how they shift in and out. That's sort of my fantasy. Wow, I this is groundbreaking. You're the first person I've spoken to, or first person I've heard of that does this this is amazing. Like to spend that amount of time I love it. No. Yeah. Because you really get to like, you know, I, I sleep in their house, I eat their meals with them. I wake up with them. I go, and because I say it's at least 24 hours sometimes because I'm flying places. We're driving like this weekend, I'll be driving down the coast. So you know, I'll spend Friday night with them shoot all day Saturday and then go home on Sunday. You really like you're seeing what know how the sausage is made? That's an expression that you use in Australia. Oh, yeah. You don't I mean, like you're in there. And I love it. It's like, voyeurism at its best. It's so exciting. I like fascinating. Yeah, it's a it's also interesting, sort of the backstory on it about a year and a half ago. Like so many photographers. I like needed to make a buck, as we often do. And I was offering, like, motherhood mini sessions, and I had a friend who was on the other side of the country who had done it so beautifully and pulled it off. And I was like, Yeah, was it okay, I'm just gonna like copy. And it flopped, like, not do very well. And I had that moment of like, oh, I don't think that this is what people want from me. I don't make portraits quickly. You know, even the way I was normally running sessions, I had a realization like, I think people want longer, not less time. I think people want to really get to show what's going on that we want to be validated in the work that we're doing in the in the thick of it. So I like got my act together. And I started long form sessions, and I booked more long form sessions that were like, nearly 10 times the price of a mini session, I booked more long form sessions that I had many sessions. Yeah, that's the thing that people wants what they want. Yeah. And it was different than what other people were offering. Yeah, yeah. But isn't that interesting, though, that it's like, when you stay true to yourself, like that authentic openness? And I'm not, you know, I'm not being rude to you at all, because I think we all do it. And I certainly know I've done it with this podcast. You see how someone does it and you think, Oh, that looks good. I'll do that. Yeah. And it was probably great that it flopped because it went well. Hang on. So grateful. That's not me. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like, it was and I think It's just the reminder, especially for like creative entrepreneurs, that we try a thing. And like, the next thing that could be super wildly successful for you can just be around the corner. And the more that we lean into the piece that we're really good at the part that feels the most aligned with the work that we're supposed to be making. But, you know, it's a little bit hard sometimes to like, brush off your bruised ego when you're like, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Seems to be doing this so well. And I tried it and no, like, I had a real moment, like that dark night where you're like, I just was like, oh, yeah, he's question everything, don't you? Yeah. I'm so glad you got going. Yeah, you know, because I had, I mean, the big thing was, my oldest daughter was about to go to college, and I needed to make more money than I had been making. So I thought many sessions might provide that. And it didn't. So you, but this has been the end. So creatively fulfilling, it is the work that I want to be making, it's in the speed, one of the things about because I do shoot completely film, I can't, like film needs more light than digital photography. In low light situations, I can't be shooting very easily, like, I can do a flash, but that kind of, yeah, just the nature of it, you know. So it's not like 24 hours of a camera in your face, you know, in ebbs and flows, and that it'll be like, let's do this thing. And then it kind of settles back down. Maybe the babies are taking a nap or whatever. And then like, you kind of have the desire to like make kind of bubbles back up, like you do, like, you know what I mean? It kind of feels like almost three sessions over the course of the day, with some clicking in between. But I don't know the flow of it is so perfect, deeply exciting to me. Yeah, I just love it. This is an awesome thing I've never heard before. And I'm so like, I feel like energized. I don't know, if anybody in Australia does this cube, please get in touch with me. Sounds amazing. So when you're in people's homes, like you say how you know that it sort of ebbs and flows. You spending a lot of time watching these people, you know, that must be a passion for you to I don't want to say analyze people, but you know, you're picking up the nuances. You're saying, you know, and your focus is on, you know, the mothering role. Yeah. Is that part of it interesting to to sort of the dynamics and how people interacting? Absolutely. I mean, and maybe that's like a little bit the writer in me too, that I'm like, like to listen to the stories that I, I don't know, I feel like my friends and my family at this point. They like hearing about sort of the adventures of it. And there's no like, it's not not a priest or doctor or lawyer to tell your business to my husband once I'm done. No confidentiality agreement. But I will say I am not a fly on the wall, sort of. That's the other thing that makes me feel like not a documentary photographer. Sometimes. I'm engaging, we're talking, I'm trying to, through what you're saying to when you're speaking to like, what your motherhood experiences. What your experience because I mean, it is primarily mothers, I have done some sessions. With couples, I had one woman who was a single woman that had me come and do a long form. And it was so wonderful to see how somebody crafts a day. You know, it was, there was like really special moments where she was like, bringing out a 50 year old vacuum cleaner that had been her great grandmother's that was like part of her like Saturday ritual. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, things that you're like, Oh, this is what your day your life is like. But anyhow, so So the conversation is helping lead me to like what I think we should create, as well, that I'm not strictly observing. It's pretty. It's pretty dynamic. It does feel kind of collaborative. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like you're not standing back and letting them go and just click, click, click, it's you're involved, and talking about things. And yeah, I love it. You've just blown my mind. Honestly, that is just magic. And that actually explains now, why your photos are so amazing, because I had a look on your website. As I told you before I speak to my guests. And it also explains why your writing is amazing on your website because you're a writer and that oh make sense. Now You fineries are so I don't know how to describe them. They're just delightful and divine. And the, the, the story that they tell is so significant like I, I mean, back in the day, I used to do wedding photography, because I loved I love the detail of stuff. Like I took a lot of photos of people's, you know, fingers and faces and, and there wasn't a lot of, you know, let's all stand up and take a photo of everybody. I love that detail. And I feel like this, this your photos they tell so much, you know, there's so much there, but it's I can't describe it in words. I'm not I've not a good way of words to zero. But you know that I don't know how to describe it. And you can tell I think the passion that you have for what you do, like, seriously comes out because you couldn't just go click click, click and get these photos. You know, there's a, it makes sense. Now it all makes sense. There's one of my favorite podcast episodes like of all time, Malcolm Gladwell has a podcast because I just like met Malcolm Gladwell is writing so much revisionist history, and there's one I think it's called King of tears. But it talks about how country music One of the reasons that like country music breaks your heart is because it's so specific. And maybe we've kind of like used to make fun of it. Like, now dad that like sort of trope. Yeah. But, but those like real specific details, like through that, I think it speaks more to like the universal than anything else. And so that is often like what I'm looking for. It's funny, I've had like, portfolio reviews and critiques. And not everybody loves it the way I do that. They're like, You should have moved that out of the frame or whatever. But for me, it's those like messy bits, that feel. I don't that they give it the depth and the nuance that I mean, and I still want it to be pretty. That's, that's the thing. Sometimes I see strict documentary photography. And it's I don't know, in so in attempt to tell the story truthfully, I don't, I don't know that they're not always beauty isn't as much of an aim. And maybe I'm like a little superficial. I do want it to have that. And I also do think people, the clients who are hiring me, they want to see themselves in an honest way, but like, their best. I mean, like you still want to feel like beautiful and attractive in in that even if it is complicated. And you know, yes, I think yeah, I think yeah, exactly. You can show the realness, but then within that, adjust it to, I mean, the person's got to look at it and like it to at the end of the day, don't they? They don't want to look go oh, this is so cringy I don't like looking at this photo of myself. You know, it's got to have that balance, I think yeah. When you first started taking photos, did you have any influence? Or did you just go intuitively into this is the style of photo that you're taking? Now, one of the things I do not think I'm a very natural photographer, I've worked really hard at it. There are other things that I feel like have come to me. It's one of the reasons that I kind of like mentoring is because I'm like, Oh, I think I can tell you how to do this. Even if you're not like naturally good at it because I like I have put my time in I have studied, it was something that I wanted to be good at. So, so I don't know that I'm there. So there was influence, and early on. Like I also believe a lot and like finding mentors and teachers who can help you along the way. Early on when I was like getting hired, all the sudden to take pictures and I was like, well, one thing I realized was this was before I was doing long form sessions when I was taking a picture of my children, which is what was showing up in my blog. I was clicking when the light was blue Before when the moment had come, when it had sort of naturally appeared? Well, now all of a sudden, I had one hour in somebody's house. And I didn't know how to like, make that moment happen. You know what I mean? So your natural tendency, then is to, like, start posing them into groups, because you're like, I don't know what to do when I'm in there looking at you kind of like, what do we do now? Yeah, yeah. And so that's when I found, I, like, did the research and found somebody who I thought was making family photography that felt deep and rich, and not like the pictures I was seeing everywhere. And I went to one of her workshops. And in the years, since we've just developed a relationship that turned friendship, and that it was somebody that has really helped guide and I recognize the importance of that, that, you know, having somebody to look at your work and be able to give it an honest critique. And I've tried other mentors and programs I've seen sometimes you're like, Oh, that was not my person, like they're telling me about my work doesn't actually resonate when you're saying that. I felt like confrontational like, oh, you can't tell me to remove that picture. So anyhow, you find that person, that vision aligns with yours, and they help you to amplify your voice. And I think that that is a really, that was a really powerful part of my growth in learning. Yeah. And so that's what drives you to help others then because it's like, you can pass on like he said, if you're not a natural habit, I've got some tips. Yeah, you can do it. Because that was me, you know. I mean, it's funny, I was saying to my husband, I was like, I actually think I might be more of a natural teacher than a photographer, because I taught in public schools in the US for eight years. And then for two years, I did an online school class that was doing almost daily zoom calls for two years during the pandemic, like I have a lot of teaching experience. Yeah. So sometimes when I'll do mentoring sessions, and people will say, like, that was so wonderful. I've done lots of these. This felt like the best use of my money that I've ever done. Sometimes I'm like, did not just say the things that like any. Like, to me, that's where I think everything is some sort of like obvious, but you realize that maybe that's the piece that comes more naturally. Yeah, and I guess hearing things like you could hear the same thing. 20 times 20 different people, but it's not until maybe you connect with that person, you resonate with that person, and then you know, you will allow yourself to hear it. You know what I mean? Or to you to hear it? Yeah. Yeah. Because also like, if your friend who you feel like doesn't know anything about pictures is like, that's your best picture. You might be Yeah, who says like, whatever. You're an accountant, like Oh, I love that. Now, I want to mention some really amazing things about what drives you to take these pictures, right? I love going to take some direct quotes off your website, okay, which I love. It says self love and self celebration are not reserved only for the thin, white, young, cisgendered able bodied female. When I read that, I was just like, Go girl, like, I feel like there's so many of us, because we've, you know, we might have grown up with magazines with the airbrush people on the covers, and then the social media shoving thin people down our throats, it's like, you just feel so unworthy of being in front of a camera, or wanting to be in front of a camera. You know, it's just like, you read that and you go, yeah, if I feel heard, I feel seen. Well, like one of the things that I think has made me excited about photography. Like before I wanted to be a photographer, one of the things you know, I said there were lots of jobs and ideas that I would imagine that I felt like the straw like, I don't know that the work was supposed to be sort of about something and about something more that they're supposed to be an aspect of, like, activism or charity, or like that was so much. And sometimes I felt like I think maybe I wouldn't allow myself to consider being an artist because I was like, Oh, well, that seems like In almost selfish pursuit, I'm not saying that I agree with these ideas now, but you know, this was like my. But one of the things that I realized like as an image creator, as a person who makes images, that you wield a lot of power in, like what you show and where you show beauty and how you expand the definition of beauty, and how you allow other people to feel seen, and heard and accepted, when I was a kid, and I've always had a big body, like I never, there was never easy to buy clothing, I could never share clothing with my friends, I always felt like the fattest kid in the class. Because I was the fattest kid in the class, like, just in truth, that was just fact. I thought, when I didn't see people like me, in TV, or movies, or magazines or catalogs, I didn't think that the problem was them and representation, I thought that the problem was me. And if I could just make myself thinner and different, then I deserved to be represented. And, like, That's bullshit. And so now that I have like, a little bit of a platform, a little bit of a way to make images, a little bit of wit, a way to share those, I'm like, and I had to start, it's one of the reasons I'm, like, pretty passionate about self portraiture, because I wanted people of different sizes, and abilities and bodies to hire me. And I felt like well, I have to start by showing mine. Like, I feel like it's one of those things that especially photographers, if you want to be telling people, like, I want you to feel comfortable in your body, you kind of have to like, walk the walk and prove it a little like they can see through your BS. And so if you haven't really done the work, to love and accept yourself. The best thing I can do is model that. And then when I show up, I kind of show up and I give people permission to be like, Oh, yes, I get to do this too. Yeah, it probably makes your clients feel more comfortable to be themselves because they know they're with someone who has done the same thing. You can just relax and it almost feels like a camaraderie that okay, you know, I've done this you can do this, you know, and you feel empowered. I guess that's been that's definitely what I want. One of one of the stories I tell sometimes one of the bad mentoring experience, I went and paid for a mentorship with a wedding photographer when that weddings were still a bigger part of my, my work. And I really loved her editing and her low light. The way she did things This was before I was shooting film, either. But when I showed up to meet with her, the first thing she said to me was that I should not have plus size bodies on my portfolio or Instagram. Oh, it was like particularly shocking, I thought to tell straight to a plus sized person that I was like, oh, did you like think Did you like walk out right then? No, because I felt like $800 and I and I was like, Do you know what I mean? It was one of those times where you're like, what, like we hadn't even started we had like gone to get a cup of coffee. We hadn't even started the mentorship yet. And I was like, what, but you know, also, how hard is it to like, learn once you feel really shut down? Oh, yeah, actually, it was one of those things that was really invigorating for me. Yes. So like a screw that. Yeah. Like that is absolutely. I will use my like I said, my limited influence my limited platform to be like, That is not the story. I would love if that person could actually see what you're doing now that she would just get a shock of how amazing it is and how wonderful it isn't appreciated. I know though, it's funny, I had seen that at some point during the pandemic, that this person had been hired by a brand to shoot a plus size model. And that made me so mad that I was like I I think this woman is like entirely fat phobic. And now she's like, because she's being paid for the specific thing like yeah, it made my blood boil because I was oh, that poor body in front of her lens that isn't actually loved. That isn't like, there she is not seeing the beauty in that person. Like I don't, I don't believe it. But Isn't that an amazing gift from the universe though to say the thing that you're most afraid of? For whatever reason there's got to be something that's gone on in that woman's life. Here it is. And you can have some money for doing it and she would have been so conflicted she would have been doing need money or do I need to not do it? No. It is like I want to Oh my god I have been a fly on the wall that circumstance but you want to die. I would love to know now. out if that, if that changed her at all, if she in some way, developed an appreciation for a body, that's not the typical norm, which actually, I would argue that we probably are more normal than what, like, you know how, yeah, the site the size of clothes, the the, you know, the average size of clothes, the most popular size of clothes to get sold in Australia is a 14, which, I mean, fourteens aren't super small. But you know, it's, it's the other end of you know, the 810 12, you know, so, you know, our bodies are like, the normal one. And one of the things I also realized, and I, that I always had this idea that if I could achieve the certain thing, then I would feel beautiful. And I realized, I met all of these beautiful, stunning humans, and they didn't necessarily feel that they were beautiful. And I realized that there was actually like, no direct correlation between how someone looked, and how they felt about their own self and their own body. And I was sort of like, well, if there's no correlation, I might as well just decide I love myself. Because, like, it seems like, you know, if people can do it the other way, then I'm just gonna, and also, I've always just wanted to be like, a little weirder than I am. I'm actually like, more. And I was like, you know, what I think my ticket will be is I'm just gonna be the woman who loves herself. And but how bad is that? But that is groundbreaking, you know, is that new bad or was that that's what societies can do. But like photography, it was something that I had to work on. I had always loved me as a person. But I didn't love the body that I was in. Like, I thought that my body was sort of unimportant. In the grand scheme of things. I was like, Oh, it's okay. I love my spirit of my soul. I love my personality, I love my intellect, it my body is just like the bag that carries that around. And one thing that had recently sort of occurred to me, no one thinks it's because it almost seems shallow to care about bodies. Nobody makes it shallow to think that a mountain is beautiful, or a flower or a sunset, like there are all sorts of other physical forms that we get excited about, like, why can't I be excited about my physical form? Or yours? Like? Yeah, yeah, like, when you're saying that I'm, I'm thinking about, you know, I don't know what year I'm not a, I'm not a an art person. I don't understand a lot about things in art. But, you know, in some time in art, they were painting bigger bodies, you know, they will luxurious, and, you know, I can just have this image in my mind, you know, like, luxuriating on a reclined something, you know, and they were celebrating, you know, even the, what's the one that's coming out of the luxurious? Yeah, like, she's not a size too, you know, like, yeah, you know, when did we get to the, is it all about this selling, like advertising? And, you know, making money and capitalism is that, that switch that's going off some in some point in the world. I mean, I'm even thinking about in Mad Men, because that's one of my favorite TV shows. Love that show so much. You know, Joan, bigger bust round was like, you know, she had a really gorgeous figure, hourglass figure. She was, you know, craved by the men, you know, and you had all these little stick figure like Peggy and whoever running around, who people couldn't give a toss about. But then at what point did it actually go? No, we need the thinnest person possible. And that's all we want. It's the thing that feels important to me is to be like, That thin woman is beautiful, that round woman is beautiful. That older woman is beautiful, that black woman is beautiful that like that the person with the moles the person with the hair, the person with the freckles, person with the stretch marks, like I just want, I want more beauty in my life. So I just want to keep expanding the definition bigger and bigger, so that it also holds me but that it holds so many people because then I get to experience more beauty. And like I am a glutton for beauty. I am totally a hedonist. I love pleasure. I love looking at things that I'm like, Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I just want to be like, how come there has always felt like there has been some control over women's bodies, no matter which way, maybe it's about thinness. Or maybe it was about that? Oh, you shouldn't be too strong. You should look like this or youth or, like, what is fertility look like? Whatever those things are. I just want to like, say be us to all of it to be like, there is so many ways for a thing to be beautiful. And I'm, I'm not interested in just seeing one flower. Like, why would I just be interested in seeing one body type? Yeah, I love that. Like, yeah, and it reminds me too, because I actually had this conversation with someone on the podcast about why we'd want to Beauty but beauty is literally in the eye of the beholder because I love dead flowers. You know, dead flowers aren't meant to be beautiful, they're dead. But the color the roses when they die, their color comes out in a different way. And they, I don't throw them away. I just have them all around me because I just love them. You know this? Yeah, who decides what's beautiful, you know, one of my like, one of my favorite concepts. And there was a book I returned to a lot. wabi sabi for artists, designers, philosophers and poets, I think. Anyhow, it is a, you know, it's a little it's a small little like treaties on the idea of wabi sabi. And the idea of like, the beautiful and like, the imperfect, the in let's think, the imperfect, the impermanent. And one other thing that I can't think of at this moment, but you know, I'm with you, when we start to see beauty as like the full cycle of life, even in the death that there's beautiful when we start to see that like that, that whole that that comes in every part of the cycle, like, we've just expanded how much beauty we get to experience and like, we don't have to hold on so tight to the beauty that we think exist in this moment. You know what the next one is good. And when that flower rots, it becomes more flowers. And that's also beautiful, like, it will feed the ground. Yeah, cycle of life. I love that. Love it. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman. That brings me to talking about there's a sorry, I'm just going to bring it up on your website. So I can say the right thing. Finding myself in portrait, a self love guide disguised as a self portrait primer. So this, I guess, is your way of saying encouraging people to unite except themselves find their beauty. And, you know, this is the medium through which you will work through things, I guess. One of the things like in that digital guide, I don't like I see self portraiture as being one of the ways that we can access like a self love self care routine, I don't think I think to just start taking pictures of yourself without like having some of the intention behind it with some of the practice it can be. You know, it doesn't have the same meaning in the same depth. And meanwhile, like, you can definitely have like a self love practice and self acceptance practice that doesn't involve self portraiture, but I just liked the way that they come together. One of the reasons that I started with self portraiture was thinking, I want to show different bodies, I guess I have to start with mine. And it was sort of a hard reckoning at first, at first you see pictures of your body, and you're like, What the heck, I I was so used to the image that I saw on a mirror that I could adjust. Yeah, that I could see myself though, you know, how we all get your faces or mirror poses and like, Yeah, but then I was making self portraits. And I was seeing things that I had hidden from my own view, I did not know myself, completely and fully. And at first, it was shocking. But like, now I know me so well. Like, it doesn't surprise me when I see those things. Like, she is familiar to me. I know where her bumps are, and her cracks and her lines and her dimples. And, you know, I and I have a loving acceptance of her. And that has been a real powerful tool for me to be like I had, you know, can you think of all the times it's like your friend shows you a picture of yourself? And you're like, Oh, God. Yeah, at this point, I can be like, yeah, sometimes make that expression under those circumstances. And it's okay, because I also can do this thing, like, everyone I love. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, even the people I love very much. I don't always think that they're like, the hottest person in the world. Yeah. Doesn't mean that I don't see like their flaws are. But it does mean that like as a whole I love and accept them and I you know, see the beauty in them. I don't think that loving yourself has to mean that you don't see some of that and recognize that. But to say like, oh, I'm still worthy of my love. stretchmarks and all. Exactly. Yeah. And this concept of you mentioned earlier briefly, that we have to wait until a certain time before we're happy, you know We have to lose the kilos. Or we have to, I can't even think of another example. That's the only thing I've ever had in my head, you know, until this happens until I get to this way or till I can fit in that dress, I won't be happy, you know, you just put your life on hold. And there's so many industries that just tap into that, you know that in the fitness industry. I used to work in the fitness industry for many years. Toxic as hell, when you're in it, you don't really see it. But you get out of it. And you think, oh my lord, you know, it should be outlawed. Yeah. I can imagine that. That was like really painful. You don't even realize that it's going on, but you're like, but again, because I think we often just think it's about ourselves, and like, we're the problem. What they're doing isn't the problem. Exactly. Yes. Oh, no, I mean, powerful way of looking at it. Yeah. But I think when I think about like, it can't be the other thing. And unlike you, it's always easy for me to think about it in terms of weight, because that had always sort of been my thing, but I realized other people, they think that maybe the Botox, or they think that if their hair is different, or if they're, you know, they've got what there's just a million ways to feel uncomfortable in your body and we have been sold for so I mean, one thing that I have to say is, I do think that that is changing to some extent, like and one of the things that I encourage in that guide when I talk about this sometimes, in other places. Consider what media you're consuming. If everything on your Instagram feed is thin, white, heterosexual women of a certain age, you need to diversify that. If all of the TV and all of the movies everywhere you're buying clothing from kind of makes you feel bad because you don't see your body represented in it. There are ways to not do that anymore. Like there are I love when I'm watching television shows, they tend to be like a little more on the RT side. But when you're seeing skin that looks like real skin, there's a TV show. I don't know if it made it to Australia, Betty, it's like a skater girl. Not sure. Borders in. In New York. The first season was like New York in the summer. And it was just like, so beautiful. I mean, the cinematography of it was beautiful. It was interesting to me at one point, there's a character that just had lots of acne on his face. There was no mention of it. It wasn't a part of the storyline. He wasn't being made fun of for it. It was just like, yeah, here's some real skin. And it just was treated as normal. And it was so fascinating to me how that made me feel that I was like, That is exciting. Yeah, see that? Yeah. Yeah. It was shocking. The first time I saw catalog where I felt like boobs, stretch marks, and it was like on a plus size model, they'd always had plus size models. But I was like, Oh, my literal thought was, oh, somebody messed up, they forgot the airbrush. They're gonna get in trouble, like, somehow that had like, passed by editors. Because it was so novel to me at the time that I was supposed to say that. Yeah, I actually feel like, it's one of these moments that it's happening now is that advertisers have realized that we want to see normal bodies. And it's, I mean, certainly the the things that I see anyway, it's, it's so noticeable now that it's just becoming normal. You know, like, when I first saw it, I remember saying, Ah, it was some, it was, like, some rolls over the top of a pair and leaves in it. And it was just like, Oh, I wonder if they meant to do like, same thing did was Did that go through somehow. But now it's everywhere. It's like, it's becoming so normal, that it's not a big deal. And I think that's really important that when it stops, like, the acne, it stops being shocking. It's, it stops being out of the ordinary, then that's really good. You know, that's where things have really changed, you know? Yeah. And, and I feel excited for younger generation. I'm, it's interesting, because I know that people give social media a lot of hard time and the effect that it's having on our teens, in part because my oldest my 17 year old daughter, like, I don't know, the part of Tiktok and Instagram that she seems to be interested in is like that, you know, queer people of color content creators. So like she's isn't I mean, there is a way to has given marginalized voices. A platform. Yeah. And I think that that can be exciting and that like we need to remember that that It is also happening. Yeah, in a way that I think is really powerful. Yeah, that CD, isn't it? I think. Yeah. And certainly a lot of conversations I've had on this on this podcast is like, you know, in Instagram, and I'm not on Facebook a lot now, but and I'm not on Tik Tok, because I feel like, it's just another thing for me to see, am I not doing anything? Yeah, I thought but you know, Instagram, it's got its place, you know, my, you know, people I speak to mostly have a business. So, you know, you've, you feel like, you've got to be on there to get yourself out. And then we're so quick to bag at art shows this and shows that, but you're right, if you shift your focus, and you say, right, I'm not seeing what I want to say, seek out the things you want to see. Because they are there. Like you said, the these marginalized voices, they are there, and they're trying really hard to be heard. And that's interesting you say about your daughter, I think a lot of the time, we don't give our kids enough credit for actually how switched on they are about the world. You know, I think we're coming at it from our world of, you know, we're all on social media now. But we didn't grow up with it. So we we've been through this year of fear about it. And you know, they're predators and whatever. So we can come at it from that, which obviously is important. I'm not diminishing that at all. But we can come at it from that fear perspective. But like my example of my son, who's 14, and he got on to Arkin, he got on to Facebook once, as I said, I You can't be out to your 13 or whatever. And he didn't tell me that he'd been on it. And so I had this conversation, are you not going to tell me if you're doing this stuff? And I don't mind you doing it? But tell me he goes, Oh, yeah, I was on it for about 10 minutes. And I thought this is a load sheet. So I uninstalled it, you know, and, and he has this very, I don't say jaded view, but he's very questioning about why people do what they do. On these platforms. You know, he sees the girls at school, particular groups who record the Tick Tock dancers. So he's like, Ah, I'm not gone there. Because all they do is those stupid dance, you know, like, kids aren't stupid, you know, and they're quite painful at times, you know, to make their decisions and say, This is what I want to consume, probably more so than what way? You know. I've heard a lot of things and it's like Millennials spend more time on their phones, the Gen Zers do and I feel like, you know what I mean? Like, there's a lot of, maybe we're given them a hard time. In places, I'm not saying that there aren't mental health consequences. Some, but I think some of the conversation shouldn't be whether this is good or bad, but like, how are you going to use it? What are you going to do with it? Yes. What? And like, have those conversations rather than just acting like, the only conversation is, what? What platforms are you on? And how much are you on there? Yeah, like if for what purpose? What are you trying to get out of it? Who are you seeing? Like, you know, he knows me. And you know, there's also how you get to have all sorts of meaningful conversations, especially with your tweens and teens getting older. Yeah, so some interest in those places, opens up a lot of conversation. Now on that we should talk about your children. Now, we let's mention that you do have children. Tell us how many do you have? Five? Yeah, they run the age gamut. There's Awesome. Yeah, so I have a 17 year old, 15 year old, a nine year old, a seven year old and a three year old. Oh, beautiful. I mean, one of the things I live in the same small town that I grew up, and within like, I'm one of six kids and five of us still live within a two mile radius. Yeah, my mom is here. My dad, my grandma, my aunt, my cousin's like, you know, there's six, soon to be seven nieces and nephews who you know. So one thing about having a big family is just that I have such a support network that I don't think everybody has. Yeah, that's so true, isn't it? Yeah. And yeah, having five it would take a lot of time to do things. We'd need that some food. But then also, my kids are so spread out in age, it really helps. My oldest is home from college this weekend. But like, you know, if we're about to go somewhere, she's helping get the three year old dress or their energy. Do you know what I mean? There's because I do so much traveling for work these days where I'm going away to shoot these long form sessions. Oftentimes, you know, my 15 year old is baby is watching his younger siblings, we live really close to the Chesapeake Bay. So he'll like take them to the beach or take them to playgrounds and kind of, you know, help do things while my husband's working. Anyhow. So it's really a it's deeply a family affair. Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, really team players about it. That's awesome. That's something I wanted to ask you actually about, you know, having your children see what you do for them to see you as I put this in air quotes more than just mum because we're never just mum. Yeah, no, I mean, I, I am not like a martyr by nature. Like, I love mothering. I love my kids. There's, but like, I, I didn't want that to be my whole identity. Like, there's other things that mattered to me. And I'm okay with them realizing like, we do things with each other and for each other, and we go hard as a team. And also, we get to have our own lives and our own passions. And I want you to see that, like, I'm going to pursue those. Especially because my oldest is like you she wants to be a songwriter. That's right, because that's your Yeah, medium. Yeah. Well, yes. I mean, I have a day job, but my my love my first my first one is music. Yes. Yeah. I feel like I've shown her like, this is how like, you are gritty and you work and you like, keep going. And, you know, I like we talk about those things and how you market and how you network and how like, because if you want a career in arts, either you're gonna have to have a day job and it's like more a hobby, but if you want a career in IT, like you're gonna have to hustle. That's a lot of work. And it's a hard slog. Yeah, there's much easier ways to make $1 Yeah, it's it's the constant pool, isn't it? It's like the creativeness is always there. And it's like, like, I'll be on my day jobs with children. I work in the kindergartens here make Gambia and, you know, you're thinking of stuff, you're always got that that brain on it, like, Oh, that's a good chain quickly, running to the toilet and record it in my phone. You know, like, it doesn't turn off, you know? Yeah, yeah, you'd be this say really love that visual. Details I live for God. So with your traveling, you said you'd go away a lot to do these long form sessions. How do you sit with the concept of mum guilt? What does that does that even exist in your world? I feel I feel more guilty that I'm gonna say I don't think it does. Because I feel I'm like, Mom. Okay, so one thing to know about me, I got pregnant with my first I was only 19 years old. When I found out I was pregnant. I was not with my husband and I were not together at that point. It was like, totally an accident, and it was not planned. And so I sort of was like, Okay, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna, like, try my best. But there was a part of me that maybe because I wasn't like, a thing that I had planned and gone into real intentionally at the beginning, that I was like, we're, we're in this together. I'm gonna give it the old college try. Don't know that. In some ways, I think it's what has been my saving grace, though. That has been like, I'm pretty good at presence and trying to decide like, if this is what's in front of me, I want to make the most of it and have but to some extent, I feel that way about my kids to like, this is the mom you were dealt. And she loves you fiercely. There are things she is great at and there are things that she is not. And one of the things that is important to me is I try to find a moment, moments of deep presence with my kids that I'm paying attention that I'm listening that I'm there with them. And I do not hold myself to a standard that that has to be all day every day. I think that some I think that sometimes moms act like if I'm not giving them everything which none of us are even capable of, then they're then they're feeling guilty every time they pick up the phone where I would much rather kind of have like a clear delineation of like You got your time, and now I'm having my time. And that's okay. Yes. Yes. I don't have to be your everything. And you're not gonna be my everything. Here here. Yes. Round of applause. Yeah, honestly, I feel like that that's something that I am really strong on his like, I'm not gonna leave behind the Allison that I was before I happen to have children, it hasn't made me a completely different person, obviously, I've changed, of course, we all change, we. And even if we don't have children through periods of our lives, we change. But just because I have these little people here does not mean that I stop. And everything I've ever done is just watch from the page, because I am now a mother. And I want my children in a respectful and kind way to understand that I am still May. And when they rush in here and say I need this, I need this, I need this. And I've just spent, you know, two hours playing out the back or whatever. I actually right now, I'm right in the middle of something that I've really liked to finish. Come back to me in 10 minutes, you know, and there is nothing wrong with saying that, you know, don't feel like want to teach your kids that they get to have like some boundaries. And like, everybody doesn't stop the the world. One of the books that was like super influential when I was pregnant with my first. Yeah, I have not watched a lot of Oprah since but at the time, I was like watching a lot of Oprah I was a little depressed or lots of the pregnancy. But I remember, there was a book called Confessions of a slacker mom, I wish I remember who the writer was. But I like loved that book. It did give me a certain permission because it was talking kind of about the benefit of being a slacker mom, that doesn't jump at your kids every whim. Because like, What good are we doing for them? This little shits? They're gonna think things about them like that is not? Yes. So you're actually doing them a disservice by sending them out into the world thinking that, you know, everything revolves around. Yeah. Well, so like, yeah, wait, turn, you will figure it out. And, and but then they're, I mean, I like family dinner is really important to me. That's like something that I love. I don't mind the emotional labor of the fact that I'm like, the one who buys most of the groceries in the house, that I'm the one who prepares most of the food that like dinner is sort of my domain. And it's a thing that I give to my family because it's important. And that's a time where like, we do come together and we and then I don't mind that I like leave the dishes for them and then come up here and this record this podcast with you like, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, now it's my time. Yeah, exactly. And I think it's so important for, you know, your children to see that because they're going to take that into their life. You know, I feel like, you know, my parents was not, it wasn't like this, you know, I felt like, if we wanted something, you know, they did it for us. There wasn't? I don't know, it's like, it's a different a different time, I think of setting boundaries and saying, hang on a sec, you know, particularly women, you know, yeah, this is not okay for us, you know, I'm putting my hand up. As I say this, it's like, no, actually, this is not okay, now is the time that this is going to change. And we pass that on to the next generation. Hopefully, yeah. Because how many of us have mothers that we love so deeply, but we're thinking I wish you had kept more for yourself? I wish that you you know what I mean? Like, you were doing it all for us. But like, I want you to have, you know, the people we love, we want them to have held on to that. So really, we're doing our kids a great service to hold on to a piece as when they're adults. And they're not going to feel like we depend on them in the same way. And I don't know, I think that's says a woman who sees her mother every day and I absolutely depend on so. I've got my family here. You know, my mom and dad, okay, I was the same thing. I was born in this town, I have no reason to leave, leave this town. My sister literally lives around the corner. You know, she's just over there. But you know, that, that family thing, I'd need that support. I'd be I'd be stuck through that. I couldn't do half the things I do if I didn't have mom, you know, and I want them to know that like, Hey, you can stay and you can do this. Like, I'm going to be okay either way. Like, my happiness does not rely on your constant presence necessarily. Like, I mean, and I've gotten especially because my first isn't in at home in the same way. When I realized like, oh, no, there's still like a really meaningful, deep connection that we can have even when we're not seeing each other daily. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, I've had a visitor I'm speaking okay family. Come say hello. Just take me is this bagpiper? This is Rachel. No. This is not the bagpiper. This was a little i This is little Lisa's degree. How old are you, Digby? How old are you? sound a bit louder. Seven. I heard I've got a seven year old to me. How are you going? Do you need something in particular? Or are you coming in to say hi? All right. Yeah. It's a Yeah. So yeah, I'll be out soon. Okay. Come on. Face. That way. All right, there we go. See how we go for the night? Yeah. That's how we make it work. To being a mom. You read this book has been like one of my favorite books this week? Or this year? Baby on the fire escape? Oh, no, I don't know that one. Okay, so I'm writing the art of being a mum. So this is it's a book that looks at different mother artists, mostly that were born in about like the 1900s. Because they wanted to look at like the whole course of their career. Yeah, but one of the things that they see the power of interruptions, like all mothers, it's the thing that like both our daily work, and also the trajectory of our careers get interrupted by childbirth by all of these things, but also like the daily will be trying to, like record a podcast. And anyhow, it's a great read. And it's like, really inspiring. I'm frightened that one day and I'm gonna check it out. I love that. Because I mean, it's it's inescapable, isn't it? Like, it's just you can't split yourself into who you are. You just you always. Yeah, I mean, the Myth of Multitasking, you can only single task back and forth. And yeah. And something interrupted. Yeah, the other thing I wanted to mention that I thought was really relevant of the way that you photograph is that you're talking about being present helps you with your lack of mum guilt, which is awesome. Yeah, we can all take something from that. Like, you can only do what you do in that moment. And there's actually no point, thinking it later, because you can't change the past or that sort of philosophy, but the presence in the imperfections, you know, life's messy, and that's what it is, you know, you know, I think the way that you photograph, it shows real life. And I, we've we've sort of talked about this in other ways, but I don't know, there's just so much to be said, for that acceptance in the moment. This is who I am, this is what's happening. And that can really give you peace, I think that you just go I did what I did. I've done what I've done. End of story. Yeah, that like it. And I know that that can be easier said than done. And the kind of thing that takes some practice. And I think, you know, that, that there are things that we can do to, to work on the release. And to, you know, one of the things I talk about, sort of frequently, like in my newsletter, and things like that is what is coming back into my senses as often as possible. When I'm feeling like I've, I'm moving out to be like, okay, my feet feel like this on the ground. And my clothing feels like this. And this is what I'm smelling. This is what I'm seeing. One of the practices and presence that I also like, tried to do, especially when things are starting to feel really chaotic, is I it's kinda like a gratitude journal, but I call it poetic sparks, where I'm just trying to like notice, to spend my day like noticing the little bits of beauty no matter what else is happening, and then that I write them down because it then helps, like, when I know that I'm gonna write it down, I hold on to them differently. And then I also get to experience them a second time in the writing. And then maybe I even get to experience them a third or fourth time if I revisit that writing. Yeah, and if you remember it in a different way, that it becomes less fleeting, but it does help me kind of just ground back into it and also to realize like, it would be things that are very sterile aren't where I find the most beauty. Like, you know what I mean? The things that are feel me The most perfect Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. And then acceptance to be like, actually like, when I'm in really like beautiful, perfectly styled super clean, super minimal homes. I find it less exciting than like, seeing the things that are left by the front door and like what story does that tell? And what does the like? What did the dirty dishes on the counter? Like? What did they hint that? I don't know. And all of those things and let me a bigger slob in my own home. Like it's a win whimsically. The shovelled a whole aesthetic like God, I love that. That's the new. That's hashtag. Yeah. But the other thing, sir, I keep referring to things you've written, but they're just they're powerful things, the joy in the mundane. And that is something that reminded me immediately there was a guest I had on last season. What was it early this year, I can't remember. Monica Crowley is an Irish artist. She's a printmaker, and a painter. And she is really similar in the way that she looks at it. It's like, you're gonna be at bed at the sink, washing dishes a lot, as a mother, and to actually find the joy in that. And she, she created this entire artwork, of all the experiences that she had standing at the sink and doing the dishes, I feel like we can get really caught up in celebrating the big things that happen. But in the meantime, we're actually just living our lives, and we're missing the life that's happening in front of us, because we're waiting for some big event or whatever, you know, it's existing and happening right in front of us. I feel like we diminish that. Yeah, it's like, it's we're just waiting for vacation. And especially if you were in the US, we don't even get the vacations that you Australians get, like you get a lot less of it. It's like if that is every week is just been waiting, if we're just waiting on the weekend. That's a whole lot of life to not be appreciating. And like. So I want to be able to say like, what can I do in the moment of folding laundry, which is like definitely my least favorite chore. If you can see the pile of clean laundry that is to the right of me right now. It's like, it's like been worked on today and it's knee high. Like it is significant. In that moment, what can I What pleasure can I can I get from it? And if I can't get pleasure from it, is there a way that I can add something to it? Is there like music, I can listen to our podcast? Or if I asked my husband to come in and help me and then we're talking while we're doing it, like what can happen so that this doesn't feel miserable? And like just a chore that I have to do. I'm like always try. I'm always trying to hack my joy to be like this be more fun. Because I wanted to. Yes, and we are in control of that. And I think that harks back to what you said earlier that you don't have a martyr mentality at all. It's not like Well, here I am suffering again during this folding of watching you know, it's like right how can I turn this around? And that's a really powerful thing to first recognize and then actually go and do you know you're in control of how you want to feel just powerful. Yeah, I love them. Love it I feel like we could talk for hours about this. This is so far. Oh, now I have to tell you about when you were talking earlier about artists sorry, particularly photography. When you want to portray something. You know, you've got to be that authentic yourself, you know, acceptance of your body and showing yourself. There's a photographer here in Mount Gambier. Her name's Louise Agnew. And I think you would love her stuff that feels familiar. She had she was a guest on my podcast a little while ago, but she shows herself in raw vulnerable and she's incredibly inspirational looking at her work right now. Yeah, yes. And I think that, especially in a town, like, you know, small town mentality, everyone's judging everyone else. What's that person doing? Blah, blah, blah. But you know, she's got this platform and she's, you know, projecting this stuff and it's influencing a lot of people and making a lot of people feel really comfortable in their own skin. So yeah, I was gonna say if you don't know her she's a really good one to seek out she's, yeah, talk about walking the talk or however you say it. She's she's doing this stuff. Yeah, no, i i Absolutely. It's funny though. We're talking about like, the small town Enos of it sometimes. Yeah, it's funny. Like, sometimes I'll post maybe a less, like, personal like, full nude self portraits out there. But sometimes there is like a little bit of burying some skin. Like, have posted it. And then you are at the grocery store. People that you know, like it's one thing to show the internet. It's so much more embarrassing when it was like your old Sunday School teacher or like, your neighbor feels like a little weird right now. Like being authentic. That's like, um, yeah. Okay, now I have to show my face. I get particularly embarrassed to act like the internet exists that I want to be like, can we just pretend it doesn't right now? Like, you know what's going on? Can we? Yeah. Let's just keep the conversation on like the cantaloupes look good today, right. Let's not let's not, let's not talk about my really, really? Yeah. Oh, man. I love that. So can you share with us? I mean, obviously, I'll put all the links in the shownotes for people to find you. But where's the best place for people to get in touch with you? I mean, my favorite thing is, if you would, if you're interested in weekly shares, my newsletter is my favorite. And you can find that either on my Instagram, that it's in the link profile, or on my website. It'll direct you there. And I'm Rachel dot Larson dot Weaver on Instagram or just Rachel Larson. weaver.com is mindful. So yeah, my newsletter is my favorite thing. Yeah. mentioned, but I like Instagram a lot. So yeah, I like it while the getting's good, who knows how long we have it for now? I'm enjoying the present. Yes. Oh, the newsletter. I mean, Instagram seems to go away anytime. Yes, and I think that's the thing too that acceptance of of the future to like we're not in control of some things and that can either scare the crap out of you or give you a tremendous amount of peace that it's like this acceptance of what will be will be and you know, and I try to hedge my bets a little like email list as that or but like Don't be can't count on any one thing as being our as being our Savior. It's not going to be it I'm can't control if Instagram becomes all stupid reals there's nothing I can do about like I'm I'm just not there's like important things that I need to be fighting. Yeah, algorithm is not one of them. It's not gonna be Yeah. Can't fight the machine. Yeah, hard pass. Is there anything you want to share that's coming up, or you want to give some things a plug? Um, well, at the end of October, I will be announcing the next round of mentoring sessions, which is like more useful for folks in America than Australians. Because they're like, an in person, or because there's an in person component to it. But um, when this airs, I'll be in the middle of the retreat, where people are coming to my hometown and staying in my childhood home and will shoot portfolio building sessions that are like, catered exactly to the portfolios they want to be making that I've arranged all the shoots around their specific goals, but I'm going to be announcing dates for them. next two sessions. So if you're interested in, in doing that kind of work, if making images that show beauty like across difference, that feel really rooted in presence, and imperfection, and join them in and date and all of those things that we've talked about. And if lots of the people who are joining these are folks who are interested in learning more about long form, and how they can bring that into their own business models, come check it out, fit for you, yeah. There's an image on your website. I've done yoga for a long time. And I had a small period of my life where I was quite thin. And that was a very short period of time. But now I've gone back to how I had that myself. Yeah, yeah. But it's interesting that I'm hyper mobile. So I'm quite naturally bendy. Anyway. Yeah. And there's an image on your website of a lady. She's pretty much nude. But you can't I mean, she's got a leg in the spot. You can't see a bottom half. But, you know, she's doing this massive back then. And oh, yeah, I was like, I've found that so inspiring. Because it's like, I'm big. And you don't have to be skinny to be flexible. You know, like, yeah, I feel like, that's this thing that's still in my head from the gym. The gym days when I was instructing people was like, I don't know, it was like, it just reminded, like, I know this stuff. Like, I know, I live this life. I know it. But it reminded me like this thing that still stuck in my head. So I just banged myself on the head and attempt to get it out. You know, just reminded me that anybody can be flexible. You know? Why is this thing that you have to rethink to reflect? Sorry? That's like it. That's one of my favorite images that I've ever made. I love that picture. Yeah, it's just you. Yeah, it's true. But you're absolutely right. Like, we have these ideas about health and how it relates to body size. And they're frequently like, just bullshit, like, your strength, your flexibility, your endurance, what you're getting what I mean, like all of these sorts of markers that are actually important, like blood pressure, any of those things. They don't have to be related to weight. But we put so much idea on like, what the size or what a number says versus like, well, what is it doing? Also, you know, then there's a whole argument to over like, and you get to be loved even if your body can't do that, because there's a whole lot of non able bodied people that can't do those things. Yes, absolutely. I don't know. It's just not reserved for like gym rats. Yeah, yeah. This is a really fun talk. It's been one year ever. I'll have to do something new and exciting. So then I can convince you to let me come back on. Oh, I've got this new thing to talk about. Let's have another case. Let's Let's do it again. Thank you so much. It's been so lovely speaking to you, all the best with everything. And I'm really, really happy to see you doing this stuff, because it's so worthwhile is the word I'm looking for. It's really, it was really nice talking and thanks for giving. Mom's an artist and Mother artists like a platform. It's, it's my pleasure. I love that. I'm just grateful people want to talk to me. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic Mom

10 Rachel Charge Australian ceramic artist, writer and multidisciplinary creative 10 Article # 8 September 2023 My name is Rachel Charge, I am a mother, ceramic artist, writer and multidisciplinary creative. With my hands and a small selection of tools, I transform textural clay into considered ceramic forms for elevated daily use. Beyond the practice of ceramics, I am an independent writer and storyteller weaving intentional words for mindful publications and conscious small businesses. I have always been creative and dreamed of being an artist in some form – I loved to write stories and draw in my early years and then my focus turned to poetry, photography and studio arts in high school where I sold my first artwork at 17 years old. My path has never been linear and it took time to figure out what I wanted to do and build the courage to put myself out there. I have a Bachelor of Business degree majoring in Public Relations and I suppose the common thread throughout the corporate roles of my twenties has always been writing. I fell in love with clay after taking a sabbatical in 2018 where I allowed myself to fully embrace my creativity. We had been trying to conceive for a few years by that time and clay became a beautiful outlet for me. I am predominantly self-taught in my practice and use hand building techniques to create my work. It all fell into place quite naturally, and I began selling my work and gaining stockists that same year. My husband, James, is my biggest supporter and we fell pregnant via IVF with our daughter, Peach, in 2019. The journey to becoming a mother in all its phases and fullness has informed my practice over time. Matrescence for me feels like the process of learning and unlearning. A shift like the seasons and huge period of growth. Throughout it all my artistic process feels both independent from and gently interwoven with myself as a mother. She is muse to me, and I am muse to myself. Motherhood has expanded my being. "Family is incredibly important to me. I love being home with Peach and integrating my passion for my art and life’s work around motherhood." During this season of my life, I am a mum first. Most of my week is spent with Peach while she is still little, and I have one full day per week where she goes to my parents’ house with her cousins. I make up most of my studio time on this day but also weave in some writing time where I can. Otherwise, I make the most of moonlight hours, weekends and slow afternoons. I have become more of a night owl since becoming a mother; surrendering to found moments and shorter intervals of time. I am more efficient now in the way that I work. Time is more valuable. As Peach grows (she will be four in November), a sense of consistency has returned to my practice and a rhythmic flow seems easier to find. I try to weave a little bit of magic and creativity into every day which nourishes both of us. Some of my best ideas have arrived during day-to-day activities with her. I am surrounded by many beautiful humans who are parents, small business owners, entrepreneurs, artists and creatives who inspire me in life and in parenthood. No matter what we do, we are all just trying our best to live how we want to live. My support network is everything! James, my parents, my three sisters and my friends who feel like home are my biggest supporters as an artist, a mother and a human. They always have my back. Having people around us who love our family and want to see us thrive is the most beautiful gift. I’ll forever be grateful for them. I have felt guilt in the moments of overwhelm, where I feel like I am juggling everything and nothing because the cycle of mundanity can feel endless. I live too deeply in my own head sometimes and it can be difficult to go easy on myself – to embrace the chaos. Being faced with my own humanity and fears can feel triggering. Since having Peach, I have always put the needs of me and my family first and move at a pace that we are comfortable with. I have experienced more guilt over disappointing others than I have experienced ‘mum guilt’ but finding my voice in the realm of my own motherhood experience has been invaluable. The process of matrescence has brought me back to my core values and the necessity for me to prioritise my work as an artist alongside motherhood. I want Peach to see the beauty and potential of life and give her the tools to grow into whoever she wants to be. "I do believe that there are still deeply rooted societal pressures on mothers and families regardless of the household dynamic. The value of motherhood is underrated. " My artistic practices will forever feed my soul, but this does not transcend the desire to create something of value. I want my work to make people feel. I want it to be worth something. I know it is worth something and this empowers me as an artist. I am one of four daughters/sisters, and our mother played a big role in being home with us and being involved at school. My dad took over my grandfather’s business and made it his own, so I suppose I am the product of both my parents in the way I have chosen to live my life. They are both now semi-retired and love spending time with their grandchildren. We are a very close family and spend a lot of time together. Family is incredibly important to me. I love being home with Peach and integrating my passion for my art and life’s work around motherhood. James is an amazing dad who has worked incredibly hard to be able to be at home with her as much as possible too. She gets to witness both of her parents working and being present to guide her. I do believe that there are still deeply rooted societal pressures on mothers and families regardless of the household dynamic. The value of motherhood is underrated. The value of artistry is underrated. The value of small business is underrated. Contact Rachel www.rachelcharge.com.au BACK