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Kate King US counsellor + art therapist S2 Ep60 Listen and subscribe on Spotify , Apple podcasts (itunes) and Google Podcasts My guest this week is Kate King, a licensed professional counsellor and a certified art therapist, and a mom of of 2 based in Boulder Colorado. USA Kate grew up with a lot of art around her, her grandmother was always very creative as were her parents, her dad was a stone sculptor. Her family supported expression through creativity. Kate had a number of black sketch books that she would always carry around with her. Kate was actually doing a lot of art therapy already before knowing what it really was. Her formal schooling began at the University of Denver where Kate graduated with a dual Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and Art. It wasn't until she completed College that she googled what to do with these studies and found art therapy. From there Kate eagerly pursued post-graduate education at Naropa University (a Buddhist-inspired school in Boulder, CO) where she earned a Master’s Degree in Transpersonal Counselling Psychology and Art Therapy. Kate is a Licensed Professional Counsellor and Board Certified and Registered Art Therapist. Her private practice is a colourful, creative, cozy space located in the Ken Caryl area of Littleton, Colorado. Under the umbrella of her business, The Radiant Life Project , Kate offers a holistic, preventive health perspective which incorporates verbal, creative, and body-centred therapy skills and techniques. She operates from a perspective that considers each person in their mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional entirety. It is her genuine belief that each person is capable of choosing their life's path, and re-creating their story along the way. Kate began writing her book The Authentic Mother - Creative Art Engagement to Support the New Parent when her son was 3 months old, as she was unable to find a book that could help her in the creative way she was seeking. Kate has also created a set of oracle cards, The Ink & Wings Oracle Deck , and I was fortunate enough to receive a reading from Kate in this podcast! If you are interested you can take a look at the cards she drew for me here Connect with Kate website / instagram / facebook / youtube Connect with the podcast - website / instagram *** This episode contains discussion around mental health, anxiety, post natal depression and birth trauma. *** If today’s episode is triggering for you I encourage you to seek help from those around you, or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mothers work is influenced by their children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for joining me today. It really is a pleasure to have you. My guest this week on the podcast is Kate King. Kate is a licensed professional counselor, and a certified Art Therapist, as well as being a mom of two based in Boulder, Colorado in the United States. Kate grew up with a lot of art around her. Her grandmother was always very creative, as were her parents. Her dad was a stone sculptor, her family supported expression through creativity. Kate had a number of black sketchbooks that she would always carry around with her. And Kate was actually doing a lot of art therapy already, before really knowing what it was. Her formal schooling began at the University of Denver, where Kate graduated with a dual bachelor's degree in psychology and art. It wasn't until she completed college that she Googled what to do with these two modalities and found art therapy. From there, Kate eagerly pursued postgraduate education at Naropa University, a Buddhist inspired school in Boulder, Colorado, where she earned a master's degree in transpersonal, Counseling Psychology and art therapy. Kate is a licensed professional counselor, and board certified and registered art therapist. Her private practice is a colorful, creative and cozy space located in the ken Carroll area of Littleton in Colorado. Under the umbrella of her business, the Radiant Life Project, Kate offers a holistic preventative health perspective, which incorporates verbal, creative and body centered therapy skills and techniques. Kate operates from a perspective that considers each person in their mental, spiritual, physical and emotional entirety. It is her genuine belief that each person is capable of choosing their life's path and recreating their story along the way. If today's episode is triggering for you at all, I encourage you to seek help from those around you medical professionals or from resources online. I have compiled a list of great international resources on my website, Alison newman.net/podcast. This episode contains discussions around mental health, anxiety, postnatal depression and birth trauma. The music used on today's episode is from my new age, Ambient Music trio called LM Joe and is used with permission. Lm j is myself, my sister, Emma Anderson, and her husband, John. I hope you enjoy today's episode. Thank you so much for being a part of this. It's really it's lovely to meet you. It's lovely to meet you. I'm grateful to be here. Yeah. So whereabouts are you in the US? I am in Denver, Colorado. Yeah, right. That's pretty nice there, isn't it? It's beautiful. And very close to the infamous Red Rocks. concert venue. So I don't know if you've heard of that. But it's really pretty place. Yeah, right. So what time of year is over there now? You're in your summer, aren't you? Yes. This is the hottest time of the summer for us. Yeah, right. So jealous of where you are. I would love to be winter right now. Don't be jealous. It's horrible. Here. It is just fair. I just, we've just come back from a week up in Queensland where it's like nicer. Because it's just so gray. Like I can deal with cold but I just can't deal with lack of sunshine. Like it's just just gray. And it just makes me annoyed. And yeah, you're like in Colorado. We have like 300 days of sunshine here. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Don't tempt me. That sounds really. Maybe it's time for a vacation. Yeah, I've actually never been to America. So there you go. And I've never been Where You Live either so I would love to visit. Australia is pretty good. A lot Australia. Yes, I've heard beautiful things you after your name, you've got lots of letters. Can you just just tell us what, what you what you do? Yes. So the M A is representative of my master's degree, which is in transpersonal, Counseling Psychology and art therapy. Transpersonal Counseling Psychology is a form of psychology that considers where the psyche and the spirit meet. And so there's a lot of influences around spirituality and just kind of open mindedness and open heartedness into different traditions and modalities. So that's the MA, the LPC is my Licensed Professional Counselor certification. So that's my therapy license here in the state of Colorado. And the ATR since I wrote this book, actually, I have a new credential now it's ATR dash BC, which stands for board certified registered art therapist. And so that's a art therapy designation. Excellent. So going right back to the beginning, I guess, how did you first get interested in? Was it the art that came first? Or sort of the thinking about people? Like how did you sort of get drawn into this sort of area? Yeah, it was the art. My my family is sort of creative at the roots. My grandmother was always very creative. My dad is a stone sculptor. And so I had a lot of art surrounding me growing up, and my family really supported just expressing that way. And I used to have these black sketchbooks that I just would fill with drawings, I would carry these with me everywhere I went, I had bookshelves filled with them. And, you know, they were, I wouldn't go anywhere with them. They were always with me. And so I think I was doing art therapy on myself before I knew what it was. It wasn't until I was about to graduate from college. And I had a Bachelors of Arts Degree and a psychology degree in a double bachelor's focus that I was like, What do I do with my life? And I actually Googled, what do you do with an art degree and a psychology degree? And that's how I first learned about art therapy from Google. Yeah. And then did you sort of go, this feels very familiar to me, like, Was it something that just sat naturally with you anyway? Yes, it resonated so strongly that I just, I stopped really looking and I just started looking for a graduate program where I could really studied what I wanted to study. And I ended up at a school here in Colorado called Naropa University that was founded by a Buddhist monk. And it has a strong background of meditation and different kinds of spiritual practices. And so the coming together of science and spirituality and creativity and psychology, it was just like, everything that I was interested in. Yeah, that sounds amazing. I didn't actually know that places like that existed. That is really cool. It is very cool. I did not know either, until I plugged them into Google. So for people who aren't familiar, how would you describe art therapy? Art Therapy is it's a form of, there's actually two different schools of art therapy. One is considered art as therapy, which is that the art is inherently healing, and you don't really need to talk about it, do anything, you know, just creating heals things within us because it helps us to sublimate or move the energy through our body and out from us in a way that's productive. And the other school of art therapy is art as psychotherapy, which is more of what I do in my private practice where I would provide specific directives, kind of projects for people that are designed with the intention of helping them investigate what's going on in their lives and have sort of a visual representation of that, rather than just the talking that we normally do in therapy, which can so often, kind of people can Avoid talking about certain things, or they can hide information from themselves from their therapists that way. But art therapy is just a really gentle kind of backdoor into the psyche that allows you to work through the metaphor of color, and line and shape and image. So you see what you're ready to see in your art. And the art therapist can sort of gently reflect like, wow, it looks like you only used you know the color blue today, what does blue mean to you? And then we can sort of have a collaborative dialogue about what this symbology looks like in your life and how your art can be kind of a roadmap for your psyche? Hmm. Do you find then that people that what actually comes out of people is often it's it's things that you can't put words to generally, because it's so deep, maybe people don't even realize what they're bringing out of themselves? If that makes sense. Yeah, sometimes, sometimes, people, they don't know, they don't expect the art to move through them in the way it does. But usually, once they do create something, it's easier to talk about it because it already exists in some form. Now that they've made it, it doesn't feel so pent up. And sometimes talking about things through metaphor just feels a lot safer. Instead of someone talking about their trauma, they can talk about the, you know, the lightning bolts that are in their imagery, and that holds the kind of energy of that trauma without it feeling so triggering that it shuts them down. Hmm. Yeah. So it's a really good way for people to communicate without feeling. I don't know, scared, I suppose that. Yeah, wonderful. It's like a natural titration process where they can, they can kind of go as deep or as as intensive as they want to go. And they don't have to do anything they don't want to do their art kind of helps to guide their comfort. Yeah, yeah, that is really cool. Because I've had my fair share of, of therapy over the years, but I've never done art therapy. And it's sort of a kind of wonder, it's just to see what happens. Especially as a creative person, I'm surprised that surprise, you wouldn't do that. Although, you know, you don't have to be a creative person to benefit from art therapy, I actually, I really enjoy seeing people come to art therapy, who have no art background at all, because they don't have any picture in their mind for making something beautiful or frameable. It's just expression for the sake of expression. And sometimes that takes a lot of pressure off. So for people who are already artists, sometimes we need to move through the layers of like, releasing some of the pressure. And so I'll have them make art with their nondominant hand or with their eyes closed, things like that, so that they don't have that pressure to make something beautiful. Sometimes you need to make something messy or ugly. Yeah, cuz that's the thing is in a restaurant, you're not really addressing the issues. I mean, you're showing new issues, I suppose the the lack of letting go and control and the pressure that you feel and the expectation, whatever. But yeah, perhaps not then allowing you to go into that next layer of what you kind of might need to work through, I suppose. Yeah, yeah. But it's all it's all good work. And I think whatever is ready to be worked on comes up in this session. And so we don't really have to dig too deep. It just shows up, because ultimately, our systems want to heal. Yeah, I've heard that actually like that, that I can't, I don't know how to describe it. But it's like your, your inner, whatever that is, knows where it's supposed to be. And it will do what it needs to do to try and get you there. But then the humaneness of us and the ego stops us from getting there. Right, exactly, yeah, we get in our own way, a lot of the time. Art is a really great way to help to sort of release some of those narratives and just let you connect with the part of you that knows what you need to heal and express and grow. Yeah. Coming back to your own art, what sort of style or is there a way you can describe like the mediums you like working with what what's sort of your art? Yeah, so my art has sort of changed over time. It's interesting. As an art therapist, I know now that the different kinds of art I made over time were reflective of how healed I was in my own psycho emotional process. So what I do now is I love watercolor and goulash like a like the pigmented like the tubes of watercolor, not the palette necessarily because I like it when it's really vibrant. And I also like to draw I like a lot of detail and I love just black rollerball pens, and then sort of working with them together with watercolor can be interesting. But in the beginning for the longest time, most of my life, I it was just black and white, really intense, patterned, organized drawings. And I now know that that was my way of containment and of kind of holding myself together. And as I went through my own therapeutic journey, I was able to explore more with, you know, watercolor that drips and bleeds and it's less than control. I also really liked colored pencil, just colors really vibrant colors are important to me. And lately, I've been drawing a lot of imagery about goddesses and the divine feminine and sort of the celestial. I have pictures with like a goddess with horns and wings and a sun, you know, solar systems. So it gets a little magical for me. Oh, that's so cool. It's interesting, isn't it, there's probably people out there now thinking, they're thinking about the stuff that they make, that they're starving, they're thinking, Oh, I wonder what that means. Like, we can, we can draw so much from what we're doing. And it's interesting, you say how it changes like I, I have times when and this is just me personally, and I'm sure there's people, you know, we change all the time. But there's some days I really like to draw, and I can't draw like I'm not a draw at all. But I love coloring and I love the sound that it makes. And it makes me feel really grounded. Almost like I have an urge to write in lead pencil like that kind of feeling where I don't know back to the earth where you know, it's I don't know how to describe it anyway. And then other days, like the watercolor, you happy to let things just wish wash everywhere and you don't mind if something dripped somewhere? Or well, maybe then you do. And then you go, Oh, actually, no, I don't want to do this today, I need something that's going to stay more I want it to stay. So we sort of change, even, you know, day to day of what we're using, based on how we're feeling and what we're going through, I suppose. Yes, the materials can mirror what we're feeling. And they can also be used to sort of like nudge us when we're ready for growth. So a really controlled person, when they're stable and resourced. Watercolor would be great for them, because it would sort of push them to become more comfortable with less control. And when you practice that with art, your brain starts to become more familiar with that. And then it's more likely to repeat that in other areas of your life that are not art, like maybe your relationships, you don't have as much control. And you're more okay with that. So it kind of pairs well with all of life. Yeah, that just reminded me of a lady I had on the podcast just a couple of weeks ago, Fiona Valentine, and she's in Australia. And her and her husband do classes for businesses, like groups of employees, who want to try and extend their creativity. So they, they get them to draw, and it's something that's achievable. So it's not going to make people feel like alienated that they can do it. And then when they realize that they can actually draw, then it changes those neural pathways. And then like you say, it flows over to the other parts of their life. So the idea is that then it might help them in their work to think differently, or, you know, see things in a different way, I suppose. So it's absolutely a thing, isn't it? It's amazing. Yeah, yeah, our brains are really malleable. And so if we can find some mechanism that helps to teach our brains to think differently, it affects our whole life, it has a ripple effect that reaches really far. Now, I want to start talking about some of the things you've created. And I'm gonna start about your book fairs, which you've kindly sent me a copy of thank you so much. It's called the authentic mother, creative art engagement to support the new parent and I have read through this and it is sensational. It is really, really, like I was blown away. I really, I wish we shouldn't say things like this, but I wish I had had this when I had my first child because I think it would have made a massive difference to my mental wellness and my journey through mental illness. Can you see We've asked what the sort of impetus was to create it and telling us in your own words, rather than me, telling people what it is to share, share what it is all about. Yes, absolutely. And thank you so much for your kind words, it really, it really is a labor of love. So, I wrote this book in the very beginning stages of my motherhood journey, after I had my first child, probably when he was, I don't know, maybe three months old, I started writing it because I needed a book. And because I was feeling really, like, shocked and lost and overwhelmed by motherhood, because it was not the beautiful picture that everyone said it would be. The birth was totally traumatic, like it was very, very challenging. And so I kept trying to find a support resource. And everything I looked for it was either kind of shaming or not really validating for the truth, it really didn't give a lot of creative support, which was very important to me at that time. And so I just started to journal and write about my experience. And one day when I was journaling about it, I had left it on my computer, and a friend of mine came over. And she saw it, and she's like, What is this? And I told her and she was like, Kate, you have to publish this. This is what so many moms need. And I'm like, no, nobody wants to read this. And so ultimately, that was the beginning. And she said, Yes, moms need this, for sure. And so because it's an art therapy book, it talks a little bit about the neuroscience and kind of the psychological aspects of what happens in the brain in the body when we become mothers, fathers when we all go through this, but it felt important to have real artwork in it. And so I sent out a beacon to moms and I ended up getting over 35 Real moms who don't identify as artists. And they I sent them the directives that I write about in the book. And they made art for the book. And so I have real, real pieces of artwork for the projects and directives that I've designed to help support moms, dads, just new parents, as they're navigating everything from body image stuff to mental health challenges to issues with your family and your in laws and boundaries, cultural expectations. So it's a really wide variety of directives. And the intention here is really just to support that the motherhood experience is very vast and broad and unique for everyone. And it's important that we have a creative outlet for that, so that we don't spiral down to a place where we feel isolated, and things get worse. So literally, that was this book is what helped you and stopped you from doing just that. Man, thank you for sharing it with the world. That fringe, whoever you are, thank you. Because it is so valuable. It's I don't know, I, I, when I was flipping through it, I just kept thinking, I wish I'd known this, I wish I thought like this, I wish I'd had, I wish like literally I wish I had it would have even with my second child when I was seven years older, I had more experience in the world, I was now working in childcare. So I physically knew how to take care of a child. And I kept telling myself, it's not going to be the same, it's gonna be totally different, you know, for all these, whatever reasons, and my personnel depression was far worse than it ever was when my first child. So the talk that like, and you're saying, Hey, you talk about I guess, what's the word, the jargon? I don't know if that's the right word, but of your background, you know, the the psychology behind things, and you know, the neural pathways and what have you. But that's not overwhelming. It's not like you pick it up and you feel alienated by the words, if you know what I mean. Anyone can pick it up without having any understanding or any background or knowledge in that field. So that's really good. So you don't feel you know, you're already going through enough as a new mother. Like, I don't know this, and I don't know that. But you pick this up and it feels familiar. Which is lovely. It's like, if I'm getting really sloppy now but it literally it feels like you're right here next to me if you know what I mean. Like it feels like you're right here. So I'm getting really emotional. Really does it really feels like that and, and I love that you call it the authentic mother because it's you know, because we have all these, you know, versions of what a mom's supposed to be and the good mom and the bad mom and you're not doing this you're not doing that and you're not doing it right. It's like Get rid of all of that those labels, and you go back to who you are, in your core. You're this child's mother and how to sort of look after yourself and keep yourself well. Sorry, that was really blurry. I appreciate it. No, I It really warms my heart that the book has touched you because that was, that was what I so needed. And that was my intention. I wanted people to feel with this book, like they were talking to a friend. And I wanted it to feel accessible to people who wanted to kind of understand what was going on with them, but didn't have the psychology background. So I'm happy to hear that it doesn't feel dense and jargony accessible to you. Because that's, that was my intention. Now, it's lovely. Sorry, I've just raved on so much. But honestly, I just even as I'm sort of thinking that because I want I want to do this stuff in it, I want to use it in a way. I'm not gonna have any more children. But I feel like I could benefit from doing the the exercises and like you said, the directives in here, thinking it from looking at through another lens, perhaps as other issues going on in my life. So Oh, yes, all of legally. All of these directives are applicable outside of early motherhood as well. I mean, I couldn't really honestly flip to any of them. I just flipped to one that was about just creating this called the insecurity image. It's on page 138. And this is just about creating imagery about what you feel insecure about. A new mom to feel insecure. This could be about your workplace, your relationship, your your new gray hairs, like I don't know, it could be about anything. Yeah, let's see, I've just got glasses. I don't want to wear them. Yeah, so any of these are applicable inside of motherhood, outside of motherhood in groups. I've done a lot of these directives with my friends. I've done them with my husband. I've even done them with children because they're really fun. Yeah. So there you go, everyone, even if you're not having another child, you can definitely gain something from this. And something else you you've got that you've made, which you just shared with me before we went live is your I don't want to come to do a column tarot cards, or you call them Oracle Card, Oracle Card. Sorry, yeah, this is the ink and wings, Oracle deck, because you know, my art is magical. And it includes wings. So there you have it. So this is a deck of cards that is comprised of my artwork. And it is very, sort of spiritually rich, and it helps with insight and just gaining navigation for your for your life. I I pull cards almost every day and my kids love it. We pull cards for what you know what's gonna happen today, or what do I need to focus on right now? And it seems like it's always really spot on. I love doing my cards. I often do them overnight when about when I'm about to fall asleep. And I'll do the three card spreads. I will do like the past, present or future. And then other times just there'll be another card that's like poking its head out and like okay, yes, you obviously need to tell me something. And then I've just end up with like, all these. Oh, just one more, just one more. But yeah, I love them. We might. We might talk about them a bit later and possibly do a reading if you're up for that. Oh, yes. I would love to do a reading. That will be a first for the podcast to no one's ever done. I love it. It's always so fun when I do those because I'm like, is this gonna work? And then usually it kind of does. So we'll see if it works. We'll test it out. All right. Ready? Now you mentioned one of your children there when you said he was sorry, he or she I'm not sure was three months old when you started writing the book. Can you share a little bit more about your children? Yes. So my son is named Bridger. And he's nine. So he in this book are about the same age. I birthed them at the same time at the same time they birth myself as a new mom. So I have Bridger who's nine and I have Heidi who is six, and no more babies for me because my hands are so full with those. I can relate to that. So you said you you share your sort of experience with the oracle cards, you're obviously quite sort of open and communicative with the children and share a lot of your things you enjoy, I suppose. Are they into do some art. They do the artwork as well? Yes, yeah, we have set up a designated art space in our home. And so sometimes when it's a weekend and we have some extra time we get Really excited about having our time together. And I had a teacher in graduate school in my art therapy program that always said, you have to lay out your art materials like like you're in a candy store, so that they all just look so enticing, that you just can't wait to dive in. And so we keep our room like that in our home where everything has its place, and it's colorful, and the boxes are open, and you can see what's inside. So the kids will just go into the art space with me, and some days will paint some days will make a big mess, some days will, you know, be very, very tidy and neat. And we'll do collage, we'll do everything. And it is such amazing bonding time. Even my husband will join us sometimes. And he I don't think he identifies as being very creative. But I think he really enjoys it when he's there. What not what I would read it, yeah, and you just kind of get lost in the art process. And we do have, at the end of every year, we have a family vision board kind of ritual where we all go through collages and create imagery about what we want to bring into the next year. And so that has become something my husband has really enjoyed. And he actually invited his father to join us a couple of those years. And it was so fun just having the whole family make vision boards. And then you put up all our vision boards. And it's interesting to see what everyone wants that's similar or different and how they overlap and how they kind of coordinate. So when you had your daughter, then I don't want to say you breeze through it. But did you find it easier because you have those tools and you knew what you needed to do to incorporate your art to help you manage the transition to have? I think it was easier for me? Yes, I think having the tools was a big a big deal. And it really supported me. And also, I think it also helped me that I had already sort of stretched my life around one baby. And so I felt like, you know, there's no, there's no selfishness left, like might as well throw another one in here. While we're while we're the bottomless pit of caregiving. Yes, but it definitely was interesting to have art. When I had my daughter, my son was two and a half. And so he was active in the art process. So we would be able to make art together at that period, which was really a kind of neat thing. So that when the baby was, you know, nursing or sleeping, I had something to do with my son that actually benefited both of us. That's really important, isn't it? Because I feel like a lot of the time, pardon me, the the first child, depending on their age can sort of feel a little bit shafted, like there's a new baby here. And now I'm number two, and I don't like this, and then you can see the sort of perhaps some changes in behavior, you might not like putting it that way. But yeah, to be able to do that you keep your relationship really strong with him. And I guess to its, it allows him to realize that this new little person isn't a threat to him. So he's might be more anonymous and more accepting. But maybe I don't know, it sort of helps all of the three of you together to create, you know, a little unit as a three rather than a, it's me, it's mum time, or it's not my mom time, you know that that conflict? Right? Yes, the art can be sort of like a joining force. That's a really good word. Yes. That's really good word. I like that. I'm going to take that quote. Yes, go for it. I also think it's good with when when babies are around moms who are creative, then creativity is a normal part of life. And so it feels more accessible to the kids. It's like, if you grow up, you know, eating vegetables, then vegetables are just normal and you just eat them, right? It's the same thing with creativity and moms get to model that by their own creative process and the inclusion of their kids through that and sort of joining. Absolutely. And I think then as you as the kids get older, perhaps then realizing, seeing that deeper meaning behind the art, like sneaking into that art therapy sort of realm that it's not, I'm not just making marks on the paper. I'm not just painting I'm actually using this as a tool in my life, which is Powerful to give kids from a young age, isn't that, right? Because we all have this tool, even the people who identify as non creative, we are all creative if we tap into it, and if we allow ourselves to be and it's, it can be completely free, you can go make art with nature, it does not have to be expensive, it does not have to cost really anything. And so I think it's accessible. And a lot of us just forget, or a lot of people are really traumatized by their kindergarten art teachers. So I get a lot of clients who come in and they're like, I am not an artist, I'm not artistic. My kindergarten art teacher told me that I'm bad at art. So I haven't made art since. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, it's time for a corrective experience. Because art is about being expressive. It's about making, it's not about the end product. Yes, I'm really glad you said that, actually. Because as you were starting that conversation there, something came into my head and what you just said to completely confirmed it. I come from a background of working in childcare, I was in childcare for nine years. And our center had this really big philosophy about, we had this art room that was available all the time to any child of any age, or like the candy store, like everything was there, you could pick what you wanted to. And you didn't have to have an idea of what you're going to make before you went in, which I think is really important, because I think some people can be like, to the children. Now what are you going to make, it's like, well, you don't really no till you there and you're experimenting and experiencing, then something might come out. But then a lot of kindergartens and I know a lot of like early, maybe reception in new ones, teachers would have just like a cut out like a printed stencil, each child will get the exact same picture, maybe just say it's Christmas time and everyone's got to make a Christmas tree. And it all has to be green. And it all has to have the same things on it. And it all has to be folded the same way. And we used to have this poster up in our staff room, and it was like a picture of a child created a painting of whatever. And then it had this, you know, repetitive, exactly the same image. And it said, This is art, this isn't and it sort of helps you realize that it's not about the end product, it's not about having that whatever looking tree to give to Mum and Dad, it's about, you know, I always valued like you can see behind me, you might not be able to cause the sun, but I've got I put most of my kids paintings around the room. And a lot of them are just I have no idea what they are. Or they might be just some whatever's on a page, but I love them and I value them so much more than I value, you know, that stencil carbon copy, because I know that they haven't done that. That's the teacher's intention is to make everybody make the same thing. And I just think it's damaging to the little imaginations that want to run wild and be magical and be inventive. And maybe your tree has horns, maybe it's purple, maybe it has six trunks, you know, we need to be able to have that expressive freedom. Yeah, maybe it's not actually a tree, maybe it's a rocket ship. Or, again, if it was my chart, if you like you're picking up. Right. Right. And, and having a place where they can have, you know, the sky be the limit to their creative ability and capacity is so valuable for kids. Absolutely. And I think I've spoken about this with a lot of moms is that fear that we can have about and probably coming from our sort of, perhaps issues with control and having things done. Right and not having mess is it's really can be really challenging to set your children up with with paints and sit there and not freak out because it's going everywhere. And it's on them. And it might not be on the paper that can be quite challenging for for moms to get over as well. Yes, I think I tell moms who have that, that kind of issue with the messiness piece to go outside and make art in the grass or to have a designated set of clothing. That's art making clothing that we just don't worry about, or to put down a giant piece of tarp or a sheet that you don't care about so that you really you can let go of that. But it's also valuable for the mom to notice that that kind of anxiety around the mess, and to do her work around that too, because the art is actually helping her to see an area where she still needs healing. And so the art therapy is happening for her even if she's not the artist, she's the witness. But she she has a thing revealed. So it's notation back into herself. Hmm, that is so true, isn't it? You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mum, Alison Newman. Two topics that I love to sort of delve into with my guests on this show. One is identity. And we've spoken briefly about that, but we'll talk about it more. And the other thing is mum guilt. How do you feel about that? I think mom guilt is a real thing. And I think most if not all, moms feel it. And I love that it is something that's out in the open as a real thing. So that it takes the shame out of it, if possible. And if you can name your experience of having mom guilt, I think just the power of naming it takes some of the charge out of it. But yeah, I think we, I mean, I think you're in a different culture than I am. But I think collectively, many cultures on our globe have these sort of predetermined rules and expectations and structures that mothers are supposed to fit into. And it really does us a disservice. Because it doesn't allow us to be who we are. And so that's a big reason why my jam is authenticity. Because I really, I want to see what, what is real for people. And if someone is inundated with guilt, about working a lot, or not working a lot, or not being creative or not lending baby food in their home, blender, whatever. I think it's really important that they not avoid that, and that they actually say, Gosh, I feel really ashamed and guilty that I'm feeding my kid food from a pouch instead of you know, homemade. And what's that about? Right? It's another example of how we can kind of turn the arrow back at ourselves, and really invite ourselves into inner work around. What is this guilt? What is it reflecting about me? Where did it come from? Maybe it's even a lineage pattern that has been alive for generations in my own family. And how many women in my family felt unsupported as mothers? I don't know, because they didn't talk about it until maybe this generation. That's so true, isn't it? And I feel like because we're all talking about it, it takes the sting out of it a bit. You don't have to feel guilty for feeling guilty. You know, for one of a better description, it's, you know, it exists. I hate it. I think it's a load of, I hate it so much. I wish it didn't exist, but and I think that's why I like talking about it, because the more we talk about it, you know, like I said, it, it takes a feel like it takes the power out of it. Because once it's named, it's almost like I don't know, I'm trying, I had this thought come through my head, like, you know, like, if it's a monster, it doesn't exist, but it scares you. But then you discover that it exists. And then you realize it's actually doesn't have power over you. I don't know, that's a really long pole to try. And I've been watching a lot of Avengers lately. Like you said it, you'd name it, you own it, and then you can do the work on and it doesn't hold that control power fear over you because you like facing it head on and, and doing something about it. Yes, I think even though so many moms are now talking about mom guilt in a way that's really supportive and compassionate, there still is a huge part of the world that isn't talking about it. And that's laying those old narratives on motherhood. So I think it's really important for moms to find their people who can support them, and who can align with the type of authenticity that lets you feel guilty and supports you in your guilt and helps you to not feel alone and to work through it. Because if you're an authentic person, in an inauthentic system, it's gonna feel really invalidating and it's gonna, it's gonna crush you in you're not going to continue to express that because it's, it's not being validated. You just have to feel like you're pushed down. Yeah, that's really important. Isn't it about finding, finding the people that share your views? And have that, again, that authenticity? It's keep coming back to that word, but it's so true, isn't it? Yes. And I think there's a lot there about aligned relationships. You know, people like the buzzwords like toxic relationships, or that person's a narcissist or whatever. But if you just take all the labels away, and it's just about alignment or misalignment, you know, it doesn't make anyone bad or wrong. It just makes them misaligned with you. So then you go find your people who you can be more aligned with so that you have that congruence. See and that feeling of resonance when you're with people who actually see you and support you for who you are not for some charade that you're pretending to uphold. Yeah. Pardon me? That is That is so true. What sort of role do you feel like social media has to play in all this sort of guilt driving and judgment sort of thing? I think it's kind of the both sides of the coin, I think you can find that support and that authenticity. I think there's people like you and like me who are on social media trying to spread this compassion and this authenticity. And I think you can easily get down the rabbit hole of really narrow minded, rigid thinking that is related to old narratives and a lot of guilt and shame. So I think you have to be discerning with social media. Yeah, it's that same thing, as in real life is in finding those people, finding your tribe, and following the people that you don't allied with. Right, yeah. And I also think it's important to remember that what you see on social media isn't always the truth. It's hardly ever the truth. So it's everyone that you see on social media is smiling with their new baby, and they look so happy. I think it's important to remind yourself like, maybe that's partially true. But what am I not seeing about what's hard for this person, and just know that the snapshots on Facebook or Instagram are just snapshots there, they don't have depth of reality. And if you want more depth of reality, find real live humans to go spend time with instead of social media feeds. Yeah, that's really, really good advice. Because there are a lot of rabbit holes to fall down into, on social media. I find in terms of unfollowing, I'll go through phases where I felt I'll be on a different sort of tracks or follow a lot of people in that sort of area. And then all of a sudden, one day, I'll just go, Ah, no, I don't want that anymore. And I will just go through and unfollow, unfollow, and then another day, I'll find something. It's really interesting how you like, depending how your thoughts have evolved, you know, maybe you've been surrounding yourself with people that have allowed you to see things in a different way or opens your mind to a different way of thinking and then you go, Oh, actually, that stuff doesn't feel right anymore. You know, it's there's nothing wrong with doing that. Yes, that's clearing, right? So when we grow and we learn new things, we see the world through a new way, we naturally need to let go of what no longer aligns, so that we can create space for what does align, because you can't just fill yourself and your social media feed endlessly, you have to clear to let in. I once heard, I've had a few readings with psychic mediums over the years. And one of my favorites, he told me, you only have a certain amount of room in your backpack. So you know, you have to take out things sometimes to be able to fit those new things in. So I sort of use that sort of visual analogy that, you know, you can only carry so much. I love that. And it's important to be discerning. Yeah, absolutely. The other topic about identity and you touched on it. When you were talking about writing your book when your son was three months old. Let's just talk about that a bit more. So that shift that we go through. And I everyone feels this differently, too, which is awesome. Which, you know, we talked about earlier, everyone's motherhood journey is so different. Personally, the feelings you were feeling, can you sort of share a bit more about that? About what felt hard at that time? Yeah. And I guess about how, if you felt like, you know, your previous say, your previous self, you're still the same person. But, you know, you were changing into this, this mother role. How that sort of felt that transition? Oh, yes. Well, I think what made it so hard was that it was so abrupt that you know, during pregnancy, I was so happy. I loved with both of my pregnancies. It felt like an immensely spiritual experience. I felt like a vessel I felt like oh my gosh, like if the aliens could see how we make people they would be amazed. It's just so it's incredible. So even when I felt nauseous or, you know, when I was 30 pounds heavier than I was used to being, I was like, This is amazing. Yeah, I had such a great experience. And then, right at the end of my pregnancy with my son with my firstborn, our midwife found out that he was breech. And they were like, Oh, well, we're gonna have to flip this baby. And I'm like, what is that a thing. And so I tend to get very urgent about, like, when something is abnormal, medically, I just have my own anxiety triggers around health and medical stuff. And so I was like, Okay, we gotta flip this baby. And it pregnancy stopped being enjoyable, and it started feeling stressful. And I kid you not, I read somewhere that I was supposed to do a handstand and go upside down in a swimming pool to turn my baby. So if you can imagine someone at eight months pregnant, like trying to do a handstand, in the swimming pool, in like, community swimming pool with all of these people, it was humiliating. But I was so committed, I'm like, You're gonna turn this baby. Like, it didn't work, you know, it's such a silly thing. And so I tried that I did Chinese Chinese medicine called moxibustion. And I was, it's like this little, like a charcoal lit charcoal thing that you put close to a chakra. And it energetically is supposed to help, whatever it didn't do it. But what it did do is it triggered labor. And so I went into labor, just in this really stressful state of being like, my baby's not coming out the way I want my baby to come out. So that went into a birth, that was a cesarean after I was really attached to the idea of a vaginal birth. And then my baby was born with a bilateral pneumothorax, which is a puncture in each of his lungs. And so he had to go to NICU and we didn't get to bond. And I didn't get to hold him. And I was like, strapped down on a table with a open surgical wound. And it was just so different than what I envisioned. And so I was set up for motherhood, like with this trauma. And so I think, I actually think now, you know, nine years later, I look back and I'm like, Well, I learned my first lesson of motherhood, right off the bat, that I'm not in control of everything anymore. And my rigid thinking and my attachment to what I want and how I want it needs to soften and it needs to be more flexible. And so that was probably the hardest transition for me was that it was just this very abrupt sort of message that was in my face, like you are not in control. And you have got to learn how to be more flexible. Just while you're saying that I'm getting goosebumps, because that literally feels like the message that I was given. similar sort of, you know, I had all these expectations I had my first baby was a vaginal birth, but he was very quick. So I had this idea that this time my waters would break, everything would be, you know, planned and go to nap, we had a very traumatic scenario. And same thing, he was a, he was very tiny. But he, he was fully developed. But he was very tiny. Because it turned out my placenta had stopped working after 26 weeks, and no one don't know how no one discovered it. So then he was away from me for a while. So I had this, I just kept like, right from the beginning, he had to have formula. So that control I had in my last, my last baby, that I had to feed him against all odds, I was going to feed this child that was taken away from me. So it was like, Okay, you are really not in control of this. And you you're being forced to let go of these, you know, these beliefs that you are holding on to. And then when I got him back, I just had these, I just kept hearing in my head, just keep him close, keep him close. So I would just sit and hold him and nurse him and he'd sleep and I'd miss him. And it just was completely different to my first child. And I'm so glad that I was thrown all those curveballs because it just made me completely relaxed and and go, there is no routine, there is no predictability. And I was happy with that. And it was weird because I've never been happy with that. Like when I was five years old, on my first gig performing on stage, it was just at a school Christmas concert. The teacher held the microphone for me and she wasn't holding it in the right spot. So I pulled it closer. You know, this has been me my whole life. It's good. Try it Hmm, yeah, very suddenly and violently, and traumatically. That was all taken away from me. And I'm so grateful for that. Now, you know, in hindsight, the lessons that I've learned, although at the time was pretty full on that, you know, I've always, I've always felt like the, like our babies, teach us the lessons that we would not learn from anyone else, we would not let anyone else get close enough and honest and vulnerable enough as we let our children get to us. And so some of our biggest issues will never come up for healing. If our kids don't reflect them back to us, you know, and control is a really big one for a lot of moms. And it's really healing to be able to finally sort of unpack it and work through the layers. It's amazing, isn't it? Because I save the children choose us for the lessons we have to learn in this life. So it's prevalent? Yeah, I think we choose our families. So talking more about yourself in the work that you're doing? Can you share what you've sort of got coming up or anything you want to share about the work that you're doing? Yes, I actually have a huge movement that I am in right now with my business, I am in the process of transforming my private therapy practice into a large scale mental health platform called the Radiant Life project. And the Radiant Life project is all about helping people find that radiance, and that glow. That is part of our human birthright. But we forget, and we get stuck in our mental illnesses, and we get stuck on autopilot. And so this is about really getting unstuck, whether you're a mother, whether you're not a mother, whether you're a man or a woman, or non binary, anyone, this is about lighting your life up from the inside out and feeling full and resourced. Not without challenges in your life, but with the challenges and feeling empowered to live as a whole person. So I have a new book that I'm working on, that's almost ready to go to publishing called the Radiant Life project. And it's a big download of my 15 plus years of clinical experience, plus some of my own personal journey. And I've also got some courses coming up that will be available on my website. And I'll be offering retreats and workshops that are all geared toward helping people build a radiant life. Wow, that sounds awesome. I'm really excited for you. That's fantastic. Thank you, I am so excited by it, I actually took a three month sabbatical from my therapy practice because I got really burned out working sort of on the frontlines as a mental health person in the pandemic. And I thought I was just going to spend my sabbatical like curled up in bed watching movies, but actually, I have felt so energized and so excited about the Radiant Life project that I am just writing, and building and creating and making art and talking to people like you and it feels, talk about alignment, it feels very aligned. That's wonderful. I can just see your face like literally radiant, as you told me about it. It's just wonderful. Thank you. So share with us, what's the name of your website where people can best find you and find out more information. Yes, the website is the Radiant Life project.com. And you can also follow me on Instagram at the Radiant Life project. I'm I'm posting reels every other day with little therapeutic tidbits and kind of helpful, helpful little gems for people. And I have a free newsletter that I'm sending out once a month that gives inspirations and little offerings and keeps people up to date with my new releases and the progress of my book. So if you want to be part of my mailing list, you can sign up for my newsletter on my website, which is the Radiant Life project.com And that's probably the best way to reach me. Awesome. I'm glad you mentioned about your Instagram because I do enjoy your reels. And there's something very soothing about your voice too. I must say when you're sharing you know little tips about I think one was how you had to give a good apology like the three steps and there was another one about boundaries that I really liked. But the way you present them is just so it makes To stop scrolling and just go, ah, like, it's just so calming. And I don't know really connective, if that's not the word, but you know what I mean? Like, it's, again, it feels like you're right there, you're talking, you're talking to me. And you're saying, Allison, this is this is a thing you should be listening to. Thank you. That is my intention. And I am trying to, I'm trying to give away free support for people and Instagram as a great resource for people. And so I really am, you know, these aren't like promotional videos that I'm trying to hook people, I'm really just trying to give away knowledge that people can use to support themselves. Because the Radiant Life project is not about using anyone else as a crutch or expecting anyone else to rescue you. It's about doing it from the inside out. And, and being so radiant, that it extends through and beyond you and affects the world. Absolutely. We need to sit there about doing the work yourself. And there's no one's going to do it for you. When I was in the real depths of my postnatal depression, with my second child, I had that exact feeling I had, and it was incredibly daunting, and scary. But on the other hand, it was so empowering, it was like, no one can help me, and a fearful thing, but then it was like, Uh, no one can help me because I'm capable of doing this, I can do this. So it was like, flicking the switch. It's, it's scary, when you know, you've got to do it yourself. And when you're not in a great place, you know, in your own head, they can feel like the worst news in the world. Like, literally, you want someone to save you, you want someone to fix you. But working with someone like yourself, you know, a trained professional, you will have assistants, but at the end of the day, it is you that goes deep inside you and changes, you know, whether it's, you know, the habits or the way you think about you yourself, think about the world, all that sort of stuff is on you. And I think I learned that during my sabbatical it, it took me 15 years of clinical practice to realize that, oh, I don't want these people to need me, I want these people to not need me. Yo, now I'll be going back to this Radiant Life project with the new perspective of I'm here as a guide and as a supportive resource. But ultimately, this is your show. This is your life. So reclaim it. Yeah, let's see. So well said I love that. And also just a point I wanted to mention, you are trained and experienced, like you said, 15 years of clinical experience, it really annoys me when I see people on Instagram sprouting out do this, do that, whatever. And they know they have none of that. So just to point out the you actually know things. Thank you. You're right, there are a lot of snake oil salesmen out there. So make sure you know as people are being discerning about aligned relationships and the right resources, make sure that the support that you receive is from credible places. All right, well, I'll let you lead the way, Kate with this reading using your beautiful deck. Okay, thank you. So what I always do with this is, I just want the cards to know that this is for you and not me. So I just sort of say to the cards. This is a reading for Alison. Okay, so would you like to stick with your your three card? Pull? You do whatever feels right over there. But I'm gonna leave it up to you. Do you have any specific questions or any specific? Anything that's on your mind that you're curious about? Look, I'd like to just know that where I'm at right now I'm actually feeling because I see my full disclosure, I see my therapist monthly. So I do a lot of work. And I feel like right at this moment in time, I actually had a mental health check with my doctor this morning. And you know, we have this thing over here called a I think it's called K 10. And you check, no, based on the last four weeks, have you experienced different emotions or situations. And mine was the lowest score I think it's ever been ever so right now I'm going really good. So I guess I just like, you know, some feedback on that, I suppose. Yes, that's perfect. How about like, why are you feeling so well? What's working? Yeah, And what are some areas of? Oh, I got it. Okay, what's working? What is an area of growth that you can work through now that you have so much strength? And I'm wondering if maybe there was something to let go of now. So maybe I'll pull three. Yep, that sounds awesome. Okay, so the first one is Why are you feeling so good? Okay, and the second one is what area of growth feels accessible now that you're so resourced? Okay, and the third one is, what can you let go of? What do you no longer need? All right. So I'll give you these three. And then if we need an additional minute, sometimes we need one more card. So we'll see. So why are you feeling so good. This is the card that I pulled. And this is the card of companionship, this is a relational card. And for you, this could mean anything from like, either not being codependent, like just coexisting peacefully with people or it could mean that you have a new kind of support or a connection that's really sustaining and filling you up. But this is about kind of like peaceful coexistence and relationships. Yeah. And I'll screenshot these these cards and put them in the show notes for everyone. But it's, it's a pair of Dragon is it to dragonflies and flowers, and then color that is my color, that background? That's like that aqua, sort of It's a mixture between throat chakra and the heart chakra. It's kind of that that really beautiful Aqua. Love that. That's beautiful, by the way. Thank you. Okay, so number two, now that you're in a strong place, what work can you do? So this is the card that's about being both rooted, and also free. So the work now is kind of working with this binary that you don't have to be so grounded that you don't fly, and you don't have to be so airy, that you're ungrounded. So the work now is about having both Hmm. It's finding that balance, isn't that? Which kind of Yeah, you should, one sorry to cut you off. I'm usually one way or the other, I made the Full Tilt one way or nothing. So this card is telling you that now that you're in such a strong place in your life, it's time for you to kind of have a fusion of Mind Body Spirit, and not be only in one or the other. Yep, yeah. So where can you can you describe that? That beautiful picture? Fairly? Yes. So this is a an image of a figure that has sort of golden energy coming in through the crown chakra at the top of their head and moving through the body, and actually growing roots that reach down into the earth all the way down to sort of the molten lava core where there are pure crystalline energies and resources. And the figure also has large wings that are open and expanding and kind of taking off. Yeah, I have a thing with wings, we fly with feathers, I collect a lot of flat Earth, this flower girl articulates a lot of flowers, too. But wings is a big thing for me. Yes, I also love wings, well, then you're gonna like this one, too. So your third part, which is about what to let go of. This is an image that's about like magical thinking, this is about I think what this message is, is that you should let go of the sort of spiritual bypassing of avoiding things by being too kind of too spiritual, and not actually facing what's real. There is magic in the world. And there is spirituality in the world. And we can also use them as avoidance mechanisms. So I think that this card is asking you to release that. Hmm, that definitely makes sense. I love how you're, you're female, I guess presuming it's a female figure there has got the wing on one side. And then it's sort of like it's reality, and, and sort of the spiritual world sort of shining one figure and if that makes sense, and the columns and it's similar to your second card with sort of a feeling of grounding, but also flying at the same time. And I think that's part of the message with With when you don't want to let go of all of your magic, you don't want to let go of your spirituality that's important. You just want to let go of the parts that are keeping you from doing the work you need to do. Hmm, yeah, that makes sense. It's almost like I can use it as a justification to avoid things. I think you just said that. Yeah. Yes. John Wellwood has a term called spiritual bypassing. And it is just all about how we use spirituality to avoid things. And it's not that's not a healthy use of spirituality. Yeah. I love that. So do you need do you need another car? Do you feel like there's any anything lingering? No, I don't actually, I feel like that's, that's actually incredibly spot on. That's, and it's really not, I've always felt really reassured after having cards pulled like, it just feels like a nice warm hug from the universe. And, you know, there's, there's never, I don't know, all the all the decks I've ever read. If they want to tell you, you know, to improve on something, it's always in a kind way, you know, they're never gonna pound you on the head with a with a horrible, you know, mean thing. But you know, they're looking after. So if there's things I need to say, they'll tell us, you know? Yes, I talk about it as like the shadow side and the sunny side where everything has the shadow like Carl Jung talked about in his in his groundbreaking psychological work. But there's a dark side to everything. But there's also a bright side to everything. And if you can find the place where you can hold both and glean the gifts from both than that's like holistic, balanced living, right is not getting too lost in the shadows or too blinded by the light. It's getting that union the Yang sort of just it's balanced. Yes. Balance. Yes. Oh, look, thank you. That is just, ah, I feel very special. And everyone listening, you should feel special, because that's the very first time we've ever had a reading on the podcast. So thank you, Kate, for sharing that with us. You're welcome. And you'll be can people purchase your cards from your website as well? Yes. So at the Radiant Life project.com There's a page where you can purchase the deck, you could purchase the book, the authentic Mother, you can also purchase prints of my artwork. Oh, lovely. Excellent on thank you I have just had a such a lovely morning chatting to you. Thank you so much for coming on. It's just so welcome. I've enjoyed it as well. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Onnie Michalsky US councellor and podcaster S3 Ep83 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts On the show today I welcome Onnie Michalsky, a podcaster, coach and licenced counsellor from Montana USA and mom of 6 children aged from 23 to 8 years old. Onnie began as a counselor in the mental health field. When she decided in 2019 to start a business it was inspired by her own challenges. Things like, the house would fall apart if she stepped away that she had to control everything, and that nobody could do the job as well as here. She thought that being a good mum meant everyone else's needs were taken care of often at the expense of their own. Her online business Moms Without Capes brings plenty of her own strategies and experiences with "Supermon syndrome", or "the perfect mother myth" and her progress with overcoming it. To let go of the negative self talk the perfectionism the people pleasing and the unrealistic expectations, discovering along the way who you are, and learning to truly love yourself and your life and to finally hang up that Supermon cape. Onnie helps overscheduled stressed out mums to slow down recognize their worth and find their way back to themselves. Sounds pretty good to me. Onnie Mom's Without Capes website / instagram / facebook group Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... elcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their works been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also stray into territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes, along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online, I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison newman.net/podcast. The art of being a man would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on has been the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never ceded. Hello, and welcome to another episode. I say it every week. But it really is a pleasure to have you and to welcome me into this world of encouragement and support for fellow creative mums. Today, I just want to give a quick mention to the email that I've been sending out every week. I'm really conscious of the fact that whatever we put online, we don't really own. And it could disappear at any time. And Instagram is the main way that I communicate with you all. So if you'd love to keep up to date with what's going on, in the event that you know, someone like Elon Musk takes over Instagram and recs that as well, or the simple thing like I get hacked and I lose all my data and have to start again, please go to my web page, Alison newman.net/podcast. And sign up to the weekly newsletter, where I give a little bit of a more detail about who's on each week and a heads up about who's coming in the following week. And I also have a few little different bits and bobs on there that I don't share on the Instagram page. If that's not for you, no worries. Let's keep chatting on Instagram where I'm most active. And you can find that link in the show notes or just search for the art of being a mum on Instagram. Come say hi. On the show today. I welcome ani Michelle ski ani is a podcaster, a coach, a licensed counselor from Montana in the US and she's a mom of six children aged from 23 to eight years old. Five girls and one boy only began as a counselor in the mental health field. When she decided in 2019 to start a business it was inspired by her own challenges. Things like the house would fall apart if she stepped away that she had to control everything, and that nobody could do the job as well as her. She thought that being a good mum meant everyone else's needs were taken care of often at the expense of their own. Her online business moms without capes brings plenty of their own strategies and experiences with Superman syndrome with a perfect mother myth and her progress with overcoming it. To let go of the negative self talk. The perfectionism the people pleasing and unrealistic expectations, discovering along the way who you are, and learning to truly love yourself and your life and to finally hang up that Superman cape. In her business mums without capes on he helps overscheduled stressed out mums to slow down, recognize their worth and find their way back to themselves. Sounds pretty good to me. I hope you enjoy today's chat with Arne. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast Ani. It's such a pleasure to meet you and to welcome you today. Yeah, I'm excited to be here. Ellison. Oh, that's awesome. I'm really pleased. Yeah. Tell me whereabouts you are in America. In Montana, which do you know what that is? Because I didn't know where it was. It like not fully south but in the middle somewhere. No, it's not in the north like it kind of is right Canada is right above us. Okay. Where the third state from the west. Yeah, right. I'm from the East Coast though. So when I met my husband, I had no idea where Montana was. I'm learning so much about about geography, like American geography. It's really quite interesting. So what's the weather like man at the moment? Today was actually in the 50s 50 degrees Fahrenheit Yeah, People are wearing just like jeans and sweatshirts, that kind of weather. But usually, it is, you know, two weeks ago we had to, like below zero temperatures, and it was absolutely frigid out. Usually we have ice packed roads through the winter. Right now we're just experiencing a little bit of a rarity these days. Yeah, so that's 10 degrees for us, which is cold. Like that's cold for us here. For me here. That's a cold winter's day. We don't get that very often. I still wear my coat even though I like the true Montanans like jeans and a sweatshirt, but I'm still bundled up with me, wherever he from originally. So from the I'm from outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Yeah, right. It's the same except our winters aren't as long or as cold. I don't think so. We still get snow and stuff. But yes, longer summers there. Yeah. So when, when I saw on the news a few weeks ago, you guys had really, really like ridiculously cold. Temperatures. Did you guys like lose power and all that sort of stuff and have storms or anything? No, I don't think we lost power. It was just so frigid. Like we didn't even want to go outside. I pretty much like hibernate from October through. It takes a lot to get me out of the house. And I had to invest in a good pair of snow boots and snow pants and everything when I got here, because for the first few years I like did not go out of the house for real. Yeah, it's cold. Yeah, well, I'll tell you here today, it's all worked out before it's about 71 in Fahrenheit, and beautiful blue skies. Some shining. It's just it's a really nice day apart from it's a little windy. That's the only thing. But the other day it was have to convert it. Hang on. It was 36 centigrade, or Celsius here. So what's that in? You? Know? No, not here where I'm from. We don't get anywhere near as cold. Yeah, I wouldn't like that either. 9896 96 Fahrenheit. It was here just a couple of days ago. So it really fluctuates. Yeah, we'll have like days, a couple of days really hot. And then we'll go back to sort of meet whatever. 70s No talking at all. No wonder you guys are all sick all over there. Oh, I honestly, I swear it has something to do with it. Yeah. And you get you just get used to something and then it changes on you. And that messes with you. With everything in your body and name. But anyway, enough about that. I actually find it really interesting. When I talk to people I want to know what what the weather's like. It's just something that I find really interesting. I don't know. Funny, cuz like talking about the weather is like consider like that small talk. I know what I know. Because it's when I was a kid, I had a lot of pen pals from around the world. And I just loved knowing what what the weather was because like, it's so different. Like, obviously, we're just talking about you know, I don't get snow. You guys get snow. I find that it's a whole different world. And I just find that really interesting and exciting. Have you ever seen snow like have you ever bit experience? Yeah, we did go once but we didn't. We didn't ski like we just went to literally say the snow. And it was different to what I thought like it was really wet. Like I thought it would be I don't know what salary but like, yeah, like, Yeah, I like sat down and just got saturated. Because we weren't planning. Yeah, we just had normal clothes on. We just went for a drive one day when we're in Melbourne. Yeah, but I'd like I'd love to go skiing. I think it would be really fun. I don't think I'd be very good at it. But I'd like to try. I went in high school for my first time we tried to take the kids every year. A few years ago, my husband and I decided to try snowboarding. Yeah. Well when I went in high school, it wasn't until the very last day that I actually got the hang of it. And then it was years and years afterwards until I got to go try again. And I am not an avid skier at all but a few years ago we tried snowboarding and that I was even worse. My calves were killing I really was like the most awkward thing was getting up on the snowboard. Yeah, it was just awkward my whole butts up and I wouldn't be a cool snowboarder and it wasn't happening. Yeah, I love watching them on the Olympics and stuff how they just like raw down here and then they just stop like they turn themselves in. They just stop so effortlessly. That would not be me. Oh god, that's classy you're cold mums without cakes, which I think is fantastic. Can you share with us what the premise and the sort of ideas behind that? Sure. So I created a whole business moms without capes. And what it is, is I help super moms who moms who think they have to be doing everything and taking care of everything. And with the huge like mental load and all of thinking they have to do all the things, and I help them create margin in their day for themselves. I helped them put themselves on their, on their to do list and give themselves permission to focus on themselves. So that's, that's really my huge mission is to help moms recognize their own worth, and give themselves what they need. That is that is so important. Like that is the biggest thing that we talked about on this show, it always comes up is that people mums need time to still be the person they were before they had kids, you know, that side of you just doesn't disappear and fly off into the distance. It's like it's particularly go there. Yeah. Creative and I've always had a passion for making and creating and doing trying to find that space within the you know, the role of mothering can be tremendously difficult. But it's so important to do it because, you know, just helps you be yourself I suppose. It's It's so true, like moms tend to lose themselves when they're sacrificing their, their identity. For the for being a mom, right? It's almost happens naturally you had to fight against it. But I helped moms like recognize themselves in the mirror. Because you get to a point where you're like, I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what it is that I like, because for so long, you're just doing everything for your family. And you turn around one day and you don't even recognize yourself who you are what what your purpose is beyond being a mom? How did this come about for you? Is this from like personal experience or anything like that? Yes, absolutely. So bite fi trade, I guess or I am a licensed counselor here in Montana as well. And so in the mental health field, and when I decided in 2019 All right, I'm gonna start a business right like that was like, as if I was just gonna know exactly what to do. I started learning more about you know, coaching and how to create a business and everything's like, everyone's like you have to niche down. And, you know, after I learned what that word actually meant, I had niched down to weight loss was what it was, because as part of my story, which we'll get into in a second, I had lost weight. And so I was like, Alright, I'm like, I'll do weight loss, right? So I started with that. And then I started gaining weight and I was like, this is not working. Well, I can't even get like a handle on like my own weight. I felt like it was worse than imposter syndrome. So I decided to do some more exploring and some more just you know, journaling, some talking to other moms and like just realized like trying to see like, what can I bring to the table? What can I create a business about? And who do I want to serve? So I knew right away even with weight loss, like I gravitate towards the helping moms. So I am a mom of six we have six kids. So I create a Mazda that capes as a way to bring my own experience because back in 2011 when I had lost when I started my like weight loss journey or started that I struggled with a lot of perfectionism and people pleasing and all the things that kept me from even taking a Zumba class. That was where it started. I wanted to take a Zumba class. and I couldn't figure out how to get the stars to line up for me to walk out the door. Because everything I did, I was homeschooling, I had to, you know, I was the primary, making sure the meals were all done making sure the house was all clean, like I had so many things on, like so many plates, I was spinning. In addition to like, I volunteered around the community and stuff that I couldn't figure out what it was that I needed to. So that really started my journey of like self development, and learning to get past those excuses that I was telling myself the lies that I was telling myself, you know, that I, you know, everything that I had to control everything that the house was going to fall apart if I stepped away, that nobody could do the job as good as me, right? All these things, these expectations that we hold. And I really had to do a lot of deep diving into all of that. And so yes, moms without capes, brings plenty of my own struggles and experience with the supermom syndrome. And much like my progress of overcoming it. Actually, I say overcoming it, but I still struggle. I just wrote an email to my my mom's and I was like, yesterday morning was like one of those moments where I was like, Oh my gosh, like, everything was everyone needed me within a 10 minute span. And I was just like, I can't do this. I can't do this. Sorry. So like, I have to continually keep myself in check. But where before I would just continually to like give give give. I've gotten to this point where I'm like, Okay, what do I need, and I give myself that. So like, in that case, yesterday morning, I was like, Okay, I need to walk out I need to breathe, I need to communicate to my family, like the effect that this is having on me like feeling like claustrophobic almost like, you know, you know, and I was able to rebound a lot faster than I would have 10 years ago when I was really like just thinking that, you know, to be a good mom, I had to make sure everybody else was taken care of. So I've done a lot of progress that way. But at the same time, I know that I it's not it comes back, the overwhelm comes back at times, you know, it's just the seasons, it's the seasons of like, you know, and the thing is our oldest is 23. And then we've got a 19 year old to 16 year olds, a 12 year old who's about to be 13 and eight year old. So by the time I get to the year, I'm like, I'm just tired. Yeah, you know, and like, I'm a completely different parent than I was 12 like 23 years ago, right? Like our older kids, like, never video games. Like I was always like, no, like that would make me a bad mom. And like, you know, try and like that the rains I was like home holding thinking that the world was going to collapse. Like I was able to definitely loosen up and when I say let Fun Mom sure face, you know, like, back and relax and like, enjoy company like enjoy like the company of my family and do things that before? No, because I always had to be the Enforcer. I always had to be the one that it was a lot of communication with a lot of personal work. Yeah, good on you. That's, that's so inspiring that you've been able to do that. Now Good on you. Because I think you took equal like the Superman syndrome by this perfect mother myth that the good mum, in our mind, I think we've got all these stories we tell ourselves of what this person looks like. And there's a fantastic sociologist over here name's Dr. Sophie Brock. And she talks a lot about this and that person, they don't actually exist. Like, if you write down all the things that you think is makes the perfect mother, that person does not live on this earth, like they do not exist. But we keep beating ourselves double standard. Yes. And I think a lot of it, like, you know, the comparison that we we look at other people, we think, Oh, they they're doing that on my I should be doing that. Oh, you know, you're talking about the screen time or my kids on screen time. This long? Oh, maybe I shouldn't do it. A lot of it's, you know, brought on by this judgment of others or social media, you know, shows us these ideals that were supposed to be Yeah, literally a highlight reel of 10 seconds of someone's life. And, and we compare ourselves to that. So being really conscious of what we want to do as our own self, you know, not doing what the neighbors doing or what the person on social media is doing. It's it's really hard to do. But I think I don't want to say that's what it boils down to because it's so much bigger than that. But you know what I mean having the faith in yourself to say right, this is what I want to do for my family. These are the rules in our house regarding whatever Uh, you know, the expectations we have or the morals that we have or whatever, and trying to do it without looking. So that goes down to you know, you have to know yourself to trust yourself. Yeah, with a point where you, you don't know yourself, yeah, it's really hard to trust yourself and then you get caught in that compare game. It reinforces that feeling or that belief of being inadequate, or like never measuring up, right. And then we have these huge to do lists that also create this feeling of like, I'm never good enough, or I'm never enough. And so by removing that, and recognizing, like collecting the evidence that says otherwise, because there's plenty of evidence that says that you are a good mom, right? Like you said, like looking at that definition. And you're like, No, like, why am I holding myself to this double standard, but you've got to be aware that you're doing that, because so many times we do it in our mind. And we can we compare ourselves to other people, we compare ourselves to this definition. And it's not getting us anywhere, except feeling worse about ourselves. It keeps us in this like, perpetuating cycle, where it's awareness is one of the very first step of realizing like, I don't have to be this doesn't have to be the norm. Yeah. Yeah. Which is, yeah, can be really challenging to do. It's sort of I can't think, well, it's called there's a Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And it's like, you get to the top menu, like self actualized or something. And it's like, how do you know if you are that? You know what I mean? It's sort of that thing of looking at yourself. From outside in? And I don't know, it's a weird, I can't describe what I'm trying to say. But anyway, right. Right. But like, that's self awareness, PS. Yeah, like, but first of all, like, give yourself that permission. Like, it's okay for me to spend some time on myself and in reflection, and asking myself what I need. Because, you know, I'm working with a lot of people pleasers that have a hard time setting boundaries. Yeah, I have a hard time like, you know, stepping away from that people pleasing, saying no, because, you know, you're saying no to other people, you're saying yes to yourself. And so you've got to, you've got to do the work, you've got to be aware of what what can change and have that belief that things can actually change? Absolutely. There's a quote that I read on your website, about putting out putting our needs first without feeling guilty. How is that possible? is a massive topic that I love talking about. I find it incredibly fascinating. That's so funny, when you just pull that coin like, oh, gosh, what's she gonna say? Everybody says, everybody, when they hear me start going, they think, Oh, what is it? Everyone's caught off guard one time when I saw them. Say, like, they wanted me to name the like, the seven things that like I just done like a Facebook live about. And I'm like, I just did it the week before. And I was like, ah, like, I don't have my notes for that. And then she's like, well, let me remind you to remember and reason about guilt. This was, this was something I really struggled with. And that is something that I also like, I see the progress that I have made, because I feel way less guilty. And let me tell you a story about when I first moved to Montana and my mother, like my my own mom rarely took her kids and we moved here when I was pregnant with number five. So when we were there, like we had four kids and my mom would like rarely take more than one at a time. So when we moved here, my mother in law called me up and she's like, I want to take the kids for the weekend. And my defenses went up now my mother in law is a great mother. Like she you know, she raised my husband like no problems whatever like I I went into a panic like because I had all these things like nobody can do the job as good as me and my a good mom because I'm like letting my kids go like leave me like that was like a touch. Separation anxiety on my part, but like, I all of these things were coming through my mind to the point that I got off the phone and like, cry to my husband. Like she can't take them like that. You know, we've got, I just had all these things, right. And so I, then I was crying to my best friend who lived in Pennsylvania. And she was like, Are you crazy? Like, let's talk. She's like, What is the worst that's gonna happen? Like you, you are going to enjoy this weekend like, let her take the kids, right. So she talked some sense into me, thank goodness because they went. And the overwhelming feeling that I had felt at that point was guilt. I felt like this tremendous guilt like of letting my kids like go. And they went, and it ended up being a really good week. Came back, we survived, everything was good, right. And it was doing those kinds of things like over and over. And even in small spurts. Like I talked about the Zumba class. Like, I felt like, I felt like one night the stars did line up, everything was good. There's meal in the slow cooker. The house was clean. The laundry was folded. It was a very rare moment. And I went to the class. And it was like I came back and like it was kind of like testing those expectations that I had or like that definition of good mom, and then taking the time to reflect on it and be like, holy smokes, I got away with that, right. Yeah, I started like collecting the like, things that like, where those expectations that I was holding weren't holding true. And it was at that thing that my, my belief started shifting. And when my belief started shifting, my thoughts shifted as a result. And then the guilt became less and less. And I also learned to ask for help. That was something that I was not able to do for a long time. And it's not that I'm perfect, and I still struggle at it. But I'm so much more able to ask for help. At this point. I've learned how to ask for help. And I gave myself permission to ask for help realizing that I can't do it all. And if I want the family that I want to, like have with the values in place, I want my daughter we have five daughters and one son so I'm like I want my daughters to learn that it's okay to ask for help. And I want my son to realize like that his wife is going to need help. Like we're always talking about like, you know, the other day we were watching a show my husband my son's like, it was about purpose. Did you ever hear the thing fairplay? Yes. Yes. We were just talking about this on an episode I recorded a couple of days. Oh, yeah. I'm actually thinking of becoming a facilitator for that. I was like, this is a game changer, right? About a practical tool to communicate the division of labor in the household. So anyway, so we were watching the documentary, I'd read the book. And so I knew what it was about. My son came in my 16 year old son, and he's like, we got this whole conversation about purpose. And it brings us back because he was like, Well, don't we give you a purpose? Try to lay the guilt on. And I'm like, Well, you do. But I made for more like I'm more than just a mom. And so yeah, like, being able to ask for help and have like that collaboration within the household allows you to live your purpose, more freely and more guilt free, like feeling like that. It's okay. It's okay to do that. It's okay to give yourself time and it's okay to give yourself space and it's okay to I know, you, uh, you know, your singing and your art and like all like, it's okay to discover yourself and to lean into your passions. And for so many moms. I've had moms cry to me. I don't even know what it is that I like to do. And I'm like, that's, that's okay, like, it's normal. It's sad as that is. There's so many other moms that are in the same boat. Yeah, like, Yeah, but let's, let's get out of there. Because you are men for so much more. Your family deserves a mom who leans into her passions. You're doing your family a disservice when you're putting yourself on the back burner or you're putting yourself not not focusing on what it is that you enjoy. So, particularly moms that have had that, you know, mums that I speak to a lot, obviously creative and have had that outlet, usually before they have their child. And I find that myself included in this if we don't do that creative outlet. We're just not the people we want to be you know, and then even not just for ourselves, but then you actually have to go out of your studio or wherever you are, and then parent and be a partner as well. It's like if you don't have that outlet for us. Do you just, you know your feet all over the place. So it's so important. I just, I'm taking piano lessons right now. And I love it. I love just sitting there like, I'm not really that good at I just started a few months ago, so but I do know a few songs and it's so relaxing. I took out my sketchbook and I was like, I need to start sketching like this was like two years ago. And my kids are like, you know how to draw. So just like, create, like finding those creative pursuits, and even like business, like I just remember, like, just even making posts and like graphics. Oh, Canva Oh, I love it. No die on that. Like, my rabbit hole, you know, like, it's like, yeah, just finding those ways to be able to express yourself and just create and get in the flow are so important, especially for moms. Yeah, absolutely. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, Alison Newman. How'd you find your sort of adjustment to being a mum? Did you sort of have any sort of like identity shift like not identity crisis? But you know what I mean, like this going from? From from Nanta. Mum? Yeah. So Oh, my gosh, a huge identity. And I would I think crisis was the right word. Yeah. It really was, like, really tight. You know, none of our kids were planned there, you know, 23 years ago. So totally different place. Like I was 22 when I had gotten pregnant, you know, and it was just like, it was a very scary time. I wasn't, we weren't married, I'm actually so with him. 23 years later, I ended up falling in love with him. And all of that, kind of did it backwards. But it all worked out. He's like my best friend everything. And we had five more. And I feel like every single time I was like, my editor really shifted. I was because I was in different parts. I was different places in my life. None of them were planned. Well, number two, we were like, well, maybe we'll have another one. And then I thought two or three years later, I'm like, Well, maybe not. We'll focus on my career. Because at that point I had was, had got my Master's in Counseling, and was working as an as an intern at a domestic violence shelter. And I loved it. Like I loved the work I was doing. And I was like, maybe I'll be one of those career moms, you know, it's trying to find out what kind of mom am I going to be? And then, you know, of course, how it happens, I got pregnant. So like, I kind of made my decision, I still, you know, is working and everything. And then I had not worked then we had twins, four years later, twins. And that was a huge adjustment, you know, and I feel like, every time I became and then you know, and then we moved to Montana, every time we became got the news, you know, like I was I was gonna be I was pregnant. It was, you know, a huge adjustment for our family and for who I was. And I mean, even that, even our last one, like, each time, you know, I had to figure out like, how am I going to do this? And what do I what do I see is like, important and what do I want to what do I want for our family? And then, you know, in 2011 That was when right after I had number five and so when I entered entered like pregnancy with number six, I had already discovered like the world like self care. And so I had really put that emphasis on making sure it's probably like my healthiest pregnancy. Yeah, cuz I continue to like, make sure that I was taking care of myself throughout it. Yeah, yeah, that's yeah, that's a really good point. Actually. It's like, I can actually relate to that. After you've said it. I never thought of it. But yeah, I've got seven years between my two. And I was completely different points in my life, you know, and had different careers and different levels of experience. So yeah, that's it like every time you have another child, you basically find yourself again at a different place, wherever you are at that time. I was like, you have the experience, though, like you're able to, like, kind of adjust a little bit differently than you did before. Because you've got that past experience. Like yeah, like I knew, like, this doesn't have to do with identity. But I knew by like, when I had the twins, like, there's no point of going to the hospital until I'm ready to like, drop, and I went and 15 minutes later I delivered. I knew, you know, by the time I had them, I was like, Okay, we have to go get something to eat, because I know I'm gonna have ice chips. You know, like, and, like, just this is not related to anything at all. I'm just interested to know, each time you have your baby. Does your labor get shorter? Each time you go? Yeah, yeah, I was. The last one was very strange, because that was the only one I got induced, because we lived an hour and a half away. And from the hospital, and I was so like, I think the doctor was afraid to that I was gonna go because we couldn't really judge when. And so it was really strange to just be like, All right, family, I'm going to have a baby. I'm gonna have a kid like, and to like know that at like six o'clock, I was going into the induced, like, that was the street and we hadn't found out the other ones, we found out the gender. And the last time we were like, well, we were kind of prepared for both at that point, a boy could work or pink and we don't have the swings. And like all the baby equipment that we had in our first few were like, we basically knew that, you know, when you have a baby, you don't need all that equipment. As a new mom, like a new fresh mom like you. You think you need all this stuff. And then by the time six, we're like, well, we can get by with like, you could probably run I don't know, you might have already been write a really interesting article about the stuff that you actually do not need, like that much experience. It's like, yeah, done a really good point. Like we had already tried the Diaper Genie like, they're all the gadgets and stuff. At one point. The thing is with having the kids like so far apart, like having the kids 23 to eight, like, at this point, like our eight year old gets robbed of like a lot of like, say for like the Easy Bake Oven. Like I'm like, I refuse to buy that. And I'm sorry, like, you won't have that experience, because I know it's junk. We'll just take a real cake and put it in the regular. It's hard to like Christmas shop for the younger ones. Because I'm like, at one point, we've had that and I'm like, and it's just not worth it funny. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, you're like, Yeah, this this thing won't last long. You know? We're not getting these. Oh, that's really funny. So growing up, what were you from a big family? You so um, so my family I had we had three kids? Yeah, I was the oldest, I was the oldest. My My parents had me when they were 20. So, you know, kind of grew up with, like, when I look back, it's like last night we were looking through pictures, old pictures. And such babies. Like when I looked back at like murmurs or 20s. Like, oh my gosh, you're so young. I'm saying my husband pictures, like, Look at this. But anyway, so my parents were 20. And then I was the oldest. And then I have a brother who is 13 years, 13 months younger than me. And he is mentally handicapped. So he grew up, like we grew up, where they say Irish twins or whatever. Yeah. And then six years younger, my other brother came along. And then I thought our family was done. And, you know, I grew up, up until I was 16. When my parents both, both same parents decided to Well, they didn't decide they had, you know, an oops. It wasn't good. It was plastic. It was almost like, but it's so funny because when I was growing up, like all I wanted was a little sister, like I used to. With my dolls like that I had there was this doll called kids. It was like my buddy. And then it was I think it was like kid sister or something. And like, I cherish like my Cabbage Patch Kids. I always pretend like we're my sister. Like I always wanted a little sister. And then when I was 16 my parents found out that they're pregnant and ended up being a girl. I remember it was so embarrassing. I remember going into the bank and the lady at the bank said I bet you didn't even know your parents did it anymore. Yeah. I just 16 years old Allison. I was like worried. I still remember. Like, you don't want to think about that at 16 I remember just being so excited though, to finally had that little sister and it was a cool thing because my my mom, one of my parents, let me come into the delivery room. Oh, wait. So I got to see the birth of her and I, you know, I wrote like, a whole memory book, like every day of her life, her first year, like, I just like, loved it. But then it was hard because I went off to college. Yeah. And I wasn't able, like I wrote her like letters, like when she learned how to go potty, or like, in kindergarten, like I was able, like, it was like, from a distance and I wasn't able to enjoy like a baby sister. In the everyday thing, like I was I was like, dying. Like, I wish that happened sooner. But it didn't happen now. She's 30 now. So she, yeah, and you know, we're not we're not that close. We're not as close as we want. Like, as I would like to be. We also live a country like a whole country across. They still live in the East Coast. here next week, I still go back and visit. But um, yeah, having that relationship, like so far apart. So I see that with my own kids. Yeah, like the oldest ones. And the youngest ones, like I know that they're, you know, even though like now, like our oldest will come to the little ones like, little like, any kind of school functions, like a Christmas concert and stuff. I'm like, I know that having that so far apart. That age difference is going to matter. But it's going to make a difference. But yeah, I mean, I can see with my own kids like the ties, the twins are like incredibly close. Yeah. And then like the different sibling combinations that exists. And beat Yeah, the dynamics between them. And yeah, yeah, I we've just the seven years between my two I just think I mean, I think I was mad for going back again. But, you know, that's the way it worked to circumstances. And that's how it happened. But yeah, I think as they get older, they'll get closer, because at the moment, I think they just drive each other crazy. You know, Alex is, like the every day like just tolerating. Yeah. And they seem to stare each other up quite a bit. which buttons to push each other? For sure. Yeah. But I think yes, they get older. I think it'd be lovely for them to have have that. Because yeah, at one point, we thought we just have we just have one. And that'd be the end. And then my dad said to me once, do you realize that, Alex, because that's my oldest that he won't have aunties and uncles or something is sort of there was some relationship that he pointed out that he wouldn't get because he was an only child. And I sort of went, Oh, shit, like, that's, I'm like the cousins. And it was like, I'm denying my child, this part of life, or relationships with people because of my decision. And it didn't make me all of a sudden, go. Yeah, but it just made me realize how responsible I was for parts of his life that I might never even experience or may never see. And I thought, Damn, you dad put me through. It is lost. And also like, I think as we get older, as parents like, for them to have to organize, you know, like health care as we age or put us into a home or whatever, you know, it'd be nice for them to have each other to make decisions and talk to about stuff. And they just need that now with my mom and like, she's one of five. So she grew up in a pretty big family and like now with grandma, who's 93, like her having like those other siblings to bounce things off and like to kind of share that care across siblings. So you're kind of like providing for your own security. We got half a dozen kids. Maybe hopefully one or two of them will care. Yeah, by planning craft. Like, parenting like my mom. My mom was a stay at home mom for the whole time I was growing up up until I actually had our first my first kid when we had areolas that my mom decided to go back to work. And then so she's been like a working for so for my sister. She's been a working mom like her home. So we even have that different. That different dynamic right there. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. Obviously, it's important for you to do what you do, as your own person as Ani, without being a mum is important that you're we've talked to before about, about role modeling to your children, but it is important, particularly for you girls that they say that, that you're doing your thing that mom does this and has nothing to do with that at all. I think, in fact, when I, when I talked to other moms about self care, I do a self care challenge in my Facebook group. And that's one of the big things is like you are an example to your children. Like, like I mentioned before, you're an example to your, to your daughters, how like that they don't have to lose themselves, they don't have to lose their identity when they become a mom, or when they get married. Like they can be their own person and develop them. Like they're, they can continue to grow. Even, it's even more important after they change their role, or add a role to their life. And then for their for the sons as well. Like showing them like that, you know, that their mom doesn't have to, or his wife doesn't have to give up her, give up herself. For him. Like, it just kind of it provides that example or that model being a role model. So when I do practice, I'm like my kids know self care, like because they all it's all they do is hear my eight year old actually for Christmas, she she's not getting an easy Baker. She didn't get an easy bake oven. But she did get a self care journal. We were like, you know, like, Okay, well, what's your plan? Like, you know, do you when are you going to do meditation, like it lays its adult journal. But like, she sits there, like we were trying to fill out the spots that she was able to plan, like how she was going to take care of herself that day. I think that's so important. Like for kids to understand that that's a thing, right? From a very early age. And like it's it actually exists and it's important to do. Yeah. eight year old takes it to extreme though, that right now, right now she's in the middle person, not at this moment. But this week, she's been personally training my husband and she's like, become this like personal trainer. And I walked out the other day. They're both sitting on the carpet, like in the rug in the living room in like, in lotus position, meditating. And like, she's leading him in like so guided. Oh, yeah. That's so funny. Like, it's good on it and good on your husband for accepting that too. Because I think can be hard sometimes for for men to slow down and take meditation seriously. Just like, are you gonna do my class? Mom? Are you gonna say that she started saying that was gonna be $1. And I was like, No, I'm not taking your class. She's like, why not like because you're bossy I hear you just love that. She's gone places that anyone could. So tell us, if anyone that's listening is got really excited about this. And they want to catch up with you online and find you and get involved in what what you're doing? How can everyone find you? So moms without capes, I've got a podcast and I talk all about different mental health things. A lot of you know, when I mentioned the perfectionism that people pleasing all the things that keep us from being able to hang up or keep. And then I also am on Facebook, I'm on Instagram too. But Facebook's my main platform. And that's where I have a fun Facebook community that I would love to invite your listeners to join me in. We do. I have a book club that goes on there. And you know, I tried to do some fun events. And one of those is included, like a self care challenge that I do where I give prizes, and I help you to find what self care is for you and help you make time for yourself. Yeah. Oh, that's all happens on Facebook. Yep. All right, well, I'll put all the links in the show notes so people can find you and can click away. Is there anything else you want to mention? That I think was on your mind that you want to? I just want to you know, I feel like my main mission is to help moms recognize their own words. And it starts by just asking yourself, what do I need? And so making sure that you are asking yourself each and every day, setting yourself up living with intention and instead of Just like zooming through your day with making sure that you're checking all the tasks that you need, think you need to be doing. Take a step back and just ask yourself, what do I need to feel fulfilled? Or what do I need to feel like me? Not Not me feel like you. First off that, and then start taking steps to get back to who you are, because your family deserves you. To be you not to be some shadow of who you used to be. Yeah, that's a lovely note to end on. Thank you so much, Annie. I just love chatting with you today. I feel like I've got so cheeks are laughing I keep wiping tears out of my eyes. And laughter It's been lovely. All the best. I should ask you, if there's anything in the future that you want to mention, it's coming up or anything in particular, come join the group. Because our Facebook Our challenge is actually kicking off February 20. So I will be right in Provo mode when this episode drops. So definitely come just search moms with that case right there on Facebook, where you said you're gonna throw the link in the show notes. And then that way you can come join the challenge. Oh, Mom's got capes.com yet backslash challenge and just get registered, but y'all couldn't do it all happens in the group. Anyway. So beautiful. Thank you so much. It's wonderful. I'm gonna check it out, too. I think it's, it's really important to, even if you feel like you've got a handle on things, it's nice just to check in and just, you know, because like you said things ebb and flow and you have, you know, different times when things are going good. And then other times things might not. Everything's falling apart. Like, am I doing? I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. I've never been. I feel like that's the thing. Like we're all in this together. We're all just doing our best at the time. Like whatever the present time. We're all just doing what we can. And it's lovely to have that support and to feel like you know, you're not alone. You know, we've all got the same struggle as well. We're all thinking about how much time our kids had screen time. You know, we're all doing things. Lovely. Thank you, Ronnie. Thanks again on. It's been an absolute pleasure. Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

Lena George US author S3 Ep79 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts My guest this week is Lena George, an author from Baltimore USA and mom of one son. Lena has been creative her whole life, growing up in Pennsylvania she played guitar, violin and flute, as a youngster she would dictate books and stories for her mom to write and Lena would illustrate them. When she was 14 she started a Zine and published that for a while, and when In college studying visual arts Lena wrote a live journal blog. She moved to Baltimore in 2008. Lena was diagnosed with ADHD as a teenager, She began a blog in 2014 and from this released her fiction work in 2019 under her own name Jaclyn Paul around this topic called Order from Chaos - The Everyday Grind of Staying Organised with Adult ADHD . Her writing about ADHD has appeared in ADDResources , ADHD Roller Coaster with Gina Pera and Houston Family Magazine . Lena's debut non fiction novel She's Not Home will be released in April this year, It explores the relationship between a mother and her daughter. shared grief and coming of age. She started writing the book in 2009, before she had a child, and put it away for a long time. When Lena came back to it, she wrote in significantly more of the mother's perspective, after becoming a mother herself. The book is available for pre order now here Lena's website / instagram Podcast - instagram / website Fair Play - Eve Rodsky This episode contains discussions around ADHD and road accident fatalities. If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I, Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy love to enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creatives about the joys and issues they've encountered. Trying to be a mum and continue to create. You hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how they works, being influenced by mother, mom guilt, cultural norms, and we also stray into territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the shownotes along with a link to the basic place, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online. I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Allison dotnet slash podcast, the blog, the traditional islands of the land and water, which his podcast is recorded on has been abandoned in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never seen it. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me. My guest this week is George Lincoln is an author from Baltimore. And a mom of one son. Lena has been creative her whole life. Growing up in Pennsylvania. She played guitar, violin and flute. As a youngster she would dictate books and stories for him to write, and Lena would illustrate them. When she was 14 she started a zine and published that for a while. When in college while studying visual arts. Lena wrote a Live Journal blog. She moved to Baltimore in 2008 Lena was diagnosed with ADHD as a teenager, she began a blog in 2014 and from base released her fiction in 2019. Under her own name, Jacqueline Lena George is in pain for nonfiction book is called the everyday grind of staying organized with adult ADHD, providing a sense of add resources, ADHD roller coaster, genius hero and Houston family medicine. Lane his debut nonfiction, she's not fine will be released in April this year. It explores the relationship between a mother and her daughter shared grief and coming of age. Lena started writing the book in 2009, before she had her son, and she put it away for a long time. When Lena came back to it, she wrote in significantly more of the mother's perspective after becoming a mother herself. The book is available for pre order now. Links are in the show. This episode contains discussion around ADHD, and Brode accident fatalities. I hope you enjoy today's chat. Thanks again for tuning in. Hi, Lena, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's such a pleasure to welcome you. Yeah, thank you for inviting me. I know. This is I'm excited. Well, it's my pleasure. So we're about to you based in America. So I'm in Baltimore. That's I mean, I've learned after moving here, that's the Mid Atlantic region. So just I'm originally from Pennsylvania, and associated more with the Northeast that way, but yeah, kind of in the middle of the right smack in the middle of the East Coast. Yeah, right. What state is that in? Maryland? Ah, you're the third person I've had on from Maryland. There's something Maryland. Sorry, I gotta say it right. Something going on with it part of the world at the wire. It's pretty cool. That's very funny, because it's not a big state. Yeah, there you go. Because yeah, I'm getting better with my geography. I know which side of the like the east or west of the big cities are on, but I'm getting better with my little other places. Oh, even people who live here are not so good at outside of their region. i It's very funny because when I meet people who are from the Western United States, I, I just I obviously know where the states are, but the size of them is they scale up as you as you go out there. And just sort of what's close to what and and I've been laughed at many times Such a big country. I mean, it's Yeah. It couldn't be blind for not knowing every inch of it. Yeah, it's impractical on many levels. Yeah. So what what brought you to that part of the world? You said you're from Pennsylvania originally? I am. So we came down here. So Pennsylvania and Maryland Shara border. And I live about two and a half, three hours away from most of my extended family. So we're not super far away. My husband got a job down here in 2007. And I was a little bit adrift. So I just came along. And now here we are quite some time later. Yeah. Oh, very good. So you're a writer. And I'm gonna ask you this name, you have a pen name of Lena George, how can we do that? So I just started that pen name for my fiction work. Because I am already a published nonfiction author. And I am somewhat widely known for my niche nonfiction work. And even though I always tell people do, do not order your books on Amazon, go to your local bookstore. The reality of it is, as a writer, you do have to think about the Amazon algorithm. And I created a pen name for my fiction. So I could keep things kind of cleanly delineated that I have to, you know, I'll have two catalogs of work nonfiction under my given name and fiction under my pen name, and there will be audience crossover. But I didn't want to him myself into kind of needing to have the same audience for both. And that's why I went back and forth on it a lot whether I should do the pen name. And eventually I just decided to do that and keep things simple. But yeah, so it's a little weird. I, it's my first book under that name is coming out in the spring. And I'm just starting to try to figure out oh, okay, so when I'm interacting with people in person, like how do I introduce myself, it's very especially locally here in Baltimore, because it is a small town. And I know a lot of people at this point, and they recognize me by my given name, so it gets a little bit more muddled around here then out in the wide world where no one Yeah. Oh, do you? Oh, yeah. It's it's makes sense, doesn't it to do it like that? And just iron out the little details of how you deal with certain people face to face. Yeah. Oh, yeah. How long have you been writing your whole life? Are you doing that as a kid, you're really creative. I think writing is the thing I've done the longest I have had many creative pursuits in my life. But even before I was a great like physically at writing, I, before I went to elementary school, even I remember sitting and I would dictate book your quote unquote, books, and stories to my mom, and she would write them into these construction paper books, and then I would illustrate them. Yeah, so I went to kindergarten having, you know, written some weird one page story about a toy ghost I had, and it escalated from from there. And I went through phases, I really thought my pursuit in life would be music, and then it wasn't and then I went to school for visual art. And that wasn't it either. And then I came back to writing so so you got back into writing. Can you tell us a little bit about the books that you've written? So I have one published book that has been out for a few years and it's called order from chaos. The everyday grind of staying organized with adult ADHD. So I started writing a blog years ago 20 In 2014 And I sort of spun what I had the work I had done there into the book. And now most I feel like a lot of people encounter me now via the book, the book is more popular than the blog ever was. And so Oh, I didn't know you also had a blog. Yeah, that's kind of where it started. But I yeah, that's been ironically, my my most full focus nonfiction work I've done when I was in ninth grade. So yeah, when I was 14, I started a zine. Which is maybe dating, dating myself a little bit. But I published that for a while and then went to college. And then we had Live Journal and I, you know, wrote a Live Journal blog. So I did a lot of like, personal experience writing. For myself, and then pretending it was for other people, too. But then I tried a few like more adult blogs, when I was out of college, and this is the one that stuck and really like it. My work started resonating with people. And that made it easier to stick to because I felt some, you know, accountability there to a community that I had built. And so that's, that's where my nonfiction writing mostly has been. For the past, I guess it's almost nine years now. Yeah. Right. So, obviously, based on your own experiences of having ADHD, so when were you diagnosed with ADHD? Um, well, so I, I guess I figured it out on my own when I was in high school. I, when I was 17, I asked a therapist to, like, do she did some sort of evaluation on the computer. And then she was like, Alright, so what do you want to do with this. And here, if you are a minor, to get a diagnosis and evaluation, it, you have to involve your teachers and your parents. And they have to fill out these questionnaires. And I had kind of hidden all of that away. And so at some point, if you are good enough at hiding your struggles, or if you are in an environment where there's a certain ethos around, like, what kind of struggles are okay? Or, or expected, or like everyone deals with that, or you just have to do this try harder. I just didn't want to involve anybody, because I was terrified of them. Just saying, There's nothing actually wrong with you. You just can't deal with your life like, but that's you. That's not something that we need to fill out a questionnaire about. And it wasn't until I was in my mid 20s, that I kind of hit a rock bottom point and pursued it again. So it was I was like, what the classic late diagnosis? You know. Looking back at my elementary school paperwork, like Yeah, okay, like one of the professionals in the room should have probably noticed this, but I was the gifted student. And I think it just slips by, if you're the gifted student, you then if you have behavioral or social problems, or if schoolwork is extra super hard, it can really mask the true struggle. And it's like, well, you need to learn how to control your behavior or, you know, apply yourself and your schoolwork. And, yeah, yeah, so it's it. That was kind of a long journey. That I guess it started in high school that I like, asked for something. But then it wasn't until I was like, well into homeownership and adulthood that came to a head. Yeah, right. It's almost like like I've had, I work in the early childhood education sector. So I've come across a lot of children with ADHD, and my own son has had some issues as well. So I can relate to what you're saying, from an educators point of view. So almost like they said, that, that you weren't a problem for them. Right. Your behavior was, you know, everything was they didn't have to do anything. You know, if it had been a child that was having issues with behavior or couldn't get their work done, then they would have had to do something, you know what I mean? Like it's, that's a horrible thing to say. They didn't think like that. But yeah, yeah, but it's like if you don't have to try I in school, then it masks a lot because I wasn't failing school because I could coast. And I certainly didn't challenge myself as much as I could have. But because I was very selective about where I was comfortable being challenged, my academics were always okay. And then the behavior stuff was just like, well, we need to address this as a behavior issue. But even I mean, that's 30 years ago, and even now I know, educators who say, Oh, yeah, we can't really do anything, intervention wise, if the academics aren't being affected, which I think is terrible, because I'm like, Oh, I wish that things would have gotten better. Because, I mean, because my son is the same way that his not he's not failing, grades wise, but in terms of his own, like, like mental health and happiness. If I hadn't known what to look for, then his teachers might have been in a position where, like, the academics aren't being affected. So we really can't push this with the parents. And, you know, it's, yeah, it makes me sad, because I'm like, a bunch of kids are still being like, left behind and thinking that they are just a problem. Yeah, and yeah, that's really horrible to hear, isn't it? Hmm. Because there's so many other things in life that are important, other than just having good schoolwork results, you know, like you said, the social Yeah. Yeah. There's more beyond school and work that makes us happy. And, yeah, with ADHD, it's that a lot of the focus is on. Well, how are you doing at work? How you doing at school by the numbers? And, you know, if that doesn't look terrible, then what are you complaining about? And well, okay, but yeah, it does make me sad that like things haven't come a little further than that, since I was, you know, my son's age for sure. So, tell me about this new book you've got coming out in your fiction section. Yeah. Lena, George, how'd you come up with that name, by the way? If you don't, sorry. Sorry, I'm, I have known people who have renamed themselves and adulthood. And I just didn't appreciate how hard it is to come up with a new name for oneself. So my maternal, paternal great grandfather, I guess. He wrote a novel that was never published. He died in 1941. So I absolutely never crossed paths with him. And also, it was not spoken about that he wrote fiction. I think my great grandmother, were very German in that way that she just did not speak about him. Really, I think it is, it was a painful topic. And she had really had to, like, get up by her bootstraps and be a single parent at a time when that was not the norm. And yeah, she did not like sit around and share reminiscing about him. But after my grandmother died in 2020, I was given this box that had this the hovel manuscript in it, and I was like, Oh, that's funny. He played the violin. And now I learned that he's a novelist. This is the person I apparently have the most in common with and I never knew but his first name was George so that's where the the last name is a is a nod to him and then I eventually I was trying to do to family names and it just wasn't working. So I just found I just like okay, well what's like a what's a German first name with a nice ring to it? And I came up with Lena and so that's yeah, Lina George, but it's a kind of an A in honor of For the family that I writers on both sides who like did not share their work. That's interesting, isn't it? Do you think it's like, sort of, of the time that they were just too busy working and having, you know, their life that you couldn't indulge in these other sort of things? I don't know. I don't maybe because my great grandfather, George, he worked in finance. And I, I get the idea that that kept him rather busy. So he didn't probably feel like he had a lot of time to sit around and dilly dally with this. But he also he did share his work with other people for feedback. There's like someone he wrote to who gave him you know, some very critical feedback in a letter, which is really funny to read. But then my grandmother on my mom's side, apparently wrote stories as well. And she would submit them. But then when she got rejection letters, she would just get rid of the stories. And she was like, oh, no, but do you know how many rejections some very, very famous authors got before? They made it? Don't throw it away? Yeah. But yeah, apparently she didn't keep her stories. And it was at the time typewriter. So you threw it out? It was just gone. Yeah. Which, you know, my mom is like, I can't believe she did that. Because she would love to be able to read them. But um, yeah. Hey, guy. I'm glad I asked you that question. The weird, the weird family history. Our. Yeah, but my grandmother. I mean, she wrote stories, but she also was, you know, she had four children. So that's another another person who probably did not have oodles of free time to write stories. And maybe that's what I don't know. I guess we'll never know why she got rid of them. But as you know, is it was it a perfectionistic thing? Or just a? Well, you know, I guess it's a waste of time, then. Yeah, there you go. So your walk is called? She's not home? Can you? I mean, obviously, don't give us any spoilers, because we want everyone to read it. How does what's the GST? So the gist is the so it's told from two perspectives. A mother and a daughter, and the daughter is 17. And it's, the book starts just before her senior homecoming dance in the fall at her high school. And 10 years prior to this, her older sister, her only sibling had died in a car accident on the night of Homecoming. So in the intervening years, her mother sort of transformed from, you know, the kind of the fun parent into this, she just did not address her grief around this and instead just became very controlling of the surviving child because she was terrified of experiencing a loss like this again. And so the fun carefree lifestyle didn't do it. Okay, you know, I need to become a different parent to this child, so that I like, there will never be an opportunity for her to be in a situation where something like this would occur. And part of that is her envisioning of how this accident happened. And the daughter is obviously feeling a bit suffocated by this at this point, and everything kind of comes to a head for them around this homecoming night. And the daughter discovers how things actually transpired for her sister. And she ends up running away from home. And the to the story is her running away and having to deal with this. Even though it's you can understand in the moment, the impulse to run away, it's still like the people left behind. She being a kid and rather impulsive, did not fully comprehend how many people would be deeply affected by this and that it actually is kind of a terrible thing to do, even if it's understandable. So it's, we see her kind of coping with the fallout from her choices. and having to decide like, well, then I thought that a fresh start would be so clean. It's not, but how do I rebuild my life and become a whole person again? And does that in any way include like reestablishing contact with my family? Like, can I do that? Do I have the courage to do that. And then meanwhile, the mom is is left to to reckon with, like, not only losing another child, but losing another child in a way that feels like very much on her. Yeah. Like, after all these years of trying so hard to insulate herself from this trauma recurring is like that. Those efforts have then, like, in a way brought it about the thing that she most feared. And you know, how, how can she actually like heal from that and figure out like, who she is in the world? It's almost like, the mother sort of had a self fulfilling prophecy that she sort of created this. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So is that just complete fiction? Or have you sort of, is your own your own influences? In there since you became a mother? It definitely I don't I don't know if I could have written. I don't know if i. So this story has been around quite a while I wrote the first draft of it in 2009. Before I had a child. Yeah. And I, you know, I shelved it for a long time. And when I came back to it, I actually wrote in significantly more of the mother's perspective. And the issue had always been that she was a little bit two dimensional. And we didn't get to, like meet her early enough in the story, like from her in, in her own words. And once I wrote that, I mean, the book is a lot better now than I think I could have written it when I was younger. But the inspiration for it actually came from a what if line of thought involving my sister, because I have a sister who's significantly younger, and we grew up in a rural area with like, lots of hills and winding roads. And at least when I was a teenager, everybody drove all the time. And looking back on it as an adult, I'm like that was outlandish ly dangerous. How did our parents bear to let us drive around in cars that did not have safety features, like we have now. It just, it's mind boggling. But I you know, I know, several, former, you know, high school classmates who did not see their 21st birthday, who did not see their 18th birthday, you know, because of car accidents. So it's a very present thing. And I just went back to visit my dad recently. And it was the first time that I really thought about, like, what does it mean to grow up, surrounded by like, roadside memorials to people who have died very young. But my inspiration for writing this book in the first place was actually thinking about my sister and how, you know, I had a friend who died when we were 17 in a car accident, and it seemed very chancy to me that I was a good driver for a teenager. I was careful for a teenager. But even so, I mean, it's still a lot of it as fate. And you know, what would have happened if something had happened to me and like, how would my sisters growing up experience have been changed by that? And how would like she as a person be different if my absence had loomed so large? In our family? And yeah, but the family does not resemble my family at all. Yeah, I can relate to what you're saying about these roadside memorials. I live in this I was born in this area, I've always lived here and it's it's a rural slash sort of mean whether they say the way the biggest city and city are putting in quotes because we're not a city. We're a big town, outside of Adelaide, in my State of South Australia, and a lot of kids like there's not a lot to do so the kids go driving, right? And yeah, there's been a lot of accidents over the years use particularly boys, they seem to the boys getting the cars together and to know if they get each other on to take risks or whatever, but Oh, yeah, well, I think if you get the more young boys you get in a group. It's the collective decision making ability goes down. It's Yes, the boys are are. I've warned my he's nine. And I've worn my son about this already. I said, Look, if you're in a group, and it's all young boys, just bad decisions can happen. Be careful. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's a lot of driving. And it's not all sober driving. Yeah, they, I mean, they say that kids aren't getting into as much old fashioned trouble anymore. Because they went to computers to when they fly. Yeah. Which is its own kind of risk factor. You know? Yeah. If I remember growing up, dad would always he was my dad's from this area, too. He's from an even smaller town. And he would like say, don't ever get in the car with anyone don't get in the car with boys like because I think he knew, because they've done it himself. But yeah, there's a real Yeah, sure of it. But you're right. I think yeah, it's definitely it's shifting because yeah, of this online world. They're, they're sitting at home playing fortnight or something instead of being together, but I don't know. Different. Yeah. But ya know, I can definitely relate to that. Yeah. So you're talking about your son, if you've just got the one child? Yeah, it was just just him. Yep. So he's nine. Now. The? Yeah. So you started the first draft before he was born. And then you kept writing? In my face, you know, there's additions. So how we, when it came time to write, were you just like up all night? Or like, early in the morning? Like, how did you physically fit in your time to write. So I'm not so good at that there are people who will get up at five o'clock in the morning, there's on Twitter, I think for a while there was a 5am writers club hashtag that a lot of and a lot of them are parents who get up in for the hour before their kids woke up, they would write. And there I have a author friend who is a real night owl, and always up until you know, midnight or whatever, writing. And I just am not good at that at all. I'm like an after lunch writer. So that definitely became very challenging when I especially when he was much smaller. And now. I mean, he's, sometimes he wants to hang out with me, but like, often not really. He has his own stuff he wants to do. But, you know, yeah, like naptime. I would get a little bit in. And then at the time, my husband had a job, where he was gone for like the whole day, he would leave after breakfast and come home after I went to bed. But then he would like build up extra Lake comp hours at work and have to take some time off eventually. So my dad's family has this little beach bungalow, and I would go and just hang out there for a few days and just, you know, write a lot and make a lot of progress. And then that makes it easier to do the like naptime segments. But yeah, I'm still that way. I'm still an after lunch writer. That's like when my brain does it best. But it did. Like when he was smaller, it made it a little bit challenging. And I don't know if there had been more than one of him. I might have had to I might have had to learn how to write earlier late. If I want to get it done. Yeah. So were you after he was born? Like in those early stages, we were you able to write them? Like did you find that that was important for you to still have something for yourself? Or was it just like, not even on your radar? I was I think even from the beginning I was thinking, okay, when am I going to phase it back in before he was born? So I quit my job like a couple months before he was born to finish the book that I was working on and you know, get do things for myself because I knew that that was going to be more difficult, but I also remember saying to someone, yeah, I'm thinking I'll take Get a couple of weeks totally off. And then, you know, I'll like get get back into it. And now I tell people, if they're expecting their first I'm like, Alright, so this is what I thought was gonna happen. And it is so absurd, I feel embarrassed even saying it now, don't expect that of yourself at all, like the first three months are like, just don't even, it's, it'll just be a black hole in your memory. And then the first year actually is like really hard. And then it starts to get a little easier. But it's so the first year was that was a tricky negotiation. Because and I was I was kind of, like full time, parent, but I was still trying to, like wedge the writing work in. And it sometimes was not successful. And it's just, as soon as I guess, when my son was two, he started going to preschool two days a week. And then three, he went three days a week, and now he's in school five days a week. And I can have a much more like, adult schedule. But ya know, but it was hard. Because I was home, I wasn't making money off of my writing, but I was still doing it. And so the the really like full time stay at home parents in my circle, would always have stuff going on, like, Oh, we're going to the storytime today. You know, there'd be something on the agenda every single day. And I just really could not manage that. Because I wouldn't have had any time to like, do work on my stuff. Yep. And so I kind of felt bad a little bit and, you know, caught between two worlds because I wasn't like, I didn't fit in with the working parents and I did not fit in necessarily the like, full time. stay at home parents. Yeah, and I still don't but that's all right. All right, differently prepared. Yeah, exactly. But the at the time when he was in the first and second years of his life, it was kind of a weird landscape. Because I yeah, I felt kind of alone in that. No Man's Land. of you know, I wasn't Yeah, I wasn't beholden to clients or an employer. But I was still trying to, like, keep momentum on my own projects, because I felt like I needed to do them. And so I just like, No, I can't, I can't go to a different storytime every day. I can't just drop everything and go to the aquarium. And know if my kid would have wanted that but. You're listening to the art of being a mum was my mum, Alison Newman. You mentioned there about the writing. And at that point, not making money from it? Was that something that sort of was a bit of an internal conflict for you at that stage? Yeah, I, I, I definitely grew up with and still kind of have to do battle with in my head the idea that if, if you're going to demand time and space for something that you're doing like that, the money kind of legitimizes it. And, you know, my book has been pretty successful. And I've tried to be careful with the way I think about that, because it's like, well, no, but it's not. It's not worthwhile because it it made me a certain level of income. Yeah, yeah. It's, you know, it's worthwhile because it it had an impact on people's lives. And it's important and I thought it was necessary for me personally to do. But it's yeah, it has been challenging. And I think it's over the years to I think my husband and I have under like had much more of an understanding than we had at the beginning about why it is important for me to do my work. And, and I've also tried not to put pressure on myself. have to, like make money with it because that's when I start get tempted to, oh, maybe I should like get some extra like freelance work or this that and like pad my income a little bit. But that's taking time away from the sort of career projects that I shouldn't be working on. And there's no reason that I need to be making, like, X number of dollars every month, it just is not even before. Before kids, my husband was complaining about my job. And he said, you know, you don't have to work like, we could survive if you didn't work. So if you want to just like if the job is bothering you that much, like just just quit and like work on your writing, and do that, and see where that takes you. And I was like, No, I need to have a job. What are you talking about? Looking back, I'm like, why? Like I was being underpaid at that job. And I should have just quit and like, pursued my writing earlier. I didn't feel like I had to, I didn't feel like I had the freedom to do that until I became a parent. And that was kind of my reason, like, oh, well, I don't have to have a job. Because, you know, economically, it makes sense for me not to have a job. While you know, the baby is small, and then I can like also work on my writing that I wanted to do. And oh, but if I would have done it sooner, like that kind of thing. But ya know, it is it's tricky. And it's, yeah, we don't live a lavish lifestyle. So I have as I have a lot of leeway with my work, and I don't have a huge amount of pressure to hit, like an income target. And so, you know, whatever I can pay myself is good. But I think the pressure is like all from me. It's not from Yeah, so I feel like that was my music because I don't earn very much at all for my music, and it cost me a lot to make something that I really, really love doing. I wouldn't be able to not do it. So it's like I don't know, my husband's a financial advisor. So it makes life a bit tricky. Sometimes he reminds me What's ironically, I'm, I've been our homes like financial manager for as long as we've been a household because my husband has no, he has no interest in any of that. And so he just, you know, it's, it's funny, and but like, wow, you know, I'm earning my keep by just me like making sure the money goes where it's supposed to win. But it's, yeah, it is. It's not always practical. But I was just reading this book called fair play by Yves Brodsky. And I got to this chapter that was, I think the title, the chapter was reclaim your right to be interesting. And it was all about how, you know, when women become mothers, they often just allow that to like subsume their whole identity. And whoever is expecting us to do that, no one is happy with the results when we are not doing the things anymore that like make us interesting to ourselves, let alone anyone else and that she had asked all these men, you know, can you say, Can you name something? A way that you are proud of your wife. And a lot of them would say, wish she's a wonderful mother or he I don't know what we would do without her. She keeps everything together? And she said no, no, no. But something about her that you are proud of external to what she's doing for you. And then so many of them had nothing. They couldn't name anything that they were proud of their partner for. That didn't revolve around domestic responsibilities. And I say oh, that's That's so sad. And I realized you it hasn't always we haven't always been in complete agreement about how each of our time should be divvied up here, but I know you know, my husband says all the all the time is, uh, you know, Oh, I'm so proud of you. Like you're doing these like really impressive things. And, you know, I feel like what am it I'm just going and like by I'm writing, as I know, that's cool too. But you know that, that it's, I didn't mean to do do it for that reason. But I, as I read that chapter, I was like, oh, that's what we did, though, is that we made room for me to keep doing my creative work. But that's the thing that sort of makes me who I am and makes my my life interesting. And, you know, if I'm not, if I'm not doing it, I'm not really showing up as an ideal person to live with. I can relate to that. Yeah, that's what I'm, I don't think of it as like taking resources away from your family, because you need to invest some resources in your own, you know, intellectual sustenance, or else, it's just, you're not going to be showing up as the person that you want to be eventually. I couldn't agree with that more. That's, that's, that has put it so well, I'm taking that quote. And you're gonna hear that quote, In your introduction? Because that is spot on. Yeah, absolutely. Do you feel that way with your son? I mean, he's nine. So he, you know, he'd be aware of what mom does. Do you feel like that's important that he sees you as more than just want to say just mum, because we never just mom, but you know what I mean? Yeah, no, that's very important to me. And even before he was born, I, I wrote down somewhere, I would say, I want him. I want him to see me, as you know, a parent who does who like achieves things. And who wants things for themselves and who does something. And I, yeah, and I, even when he was very small, and I was doing less of my own work, I started to realize how important to me it was for, for him to see that. And not just see me like keeping the house and my husband going out and doing things and having an interesting job that he went to. And then I don't know, I would, I was a child of two working parents. And I just remember seeing my mom worked so hard, and she still does, like where she's like, one of the hardest working people I know. And she, you know, she would dabble in things, you know, crafts and stuff that she did just for herself. But I remember as a kid, you know, wishing that she had like, there was more space for her to do things like that, or what? Even when I was a kid, obviously no kid ever asked to say, Mom, what did you actually want to do? Before you had a child, or, you know if you could have had any career because she I mean, she worked at this store. And you know, did I think that her dream in life was to like work at the store. Yeah, that's what she ended up doing. And like, we all have something we ended up doing. Like I didn't become like a famous musician as I planned, either. But yeah, it's interesting, even as a kid, and especially after my sister was born, and she was working like an overnight shift, and she would come home and like, take a little like, hour nap and then take my sister to preschool and like, go back to work. And even as a selfish teenager, I was like, how is she doing this? Like, how does she how is this like, survivable for her? And I mean, I think Mountain Dew was the answer. When I asked her she's like I drink a lot of Mountain Dew. but I just I wanted, because I had the privilege to do so. And I was aware even as a young person that my own mother did not have as much privilege as I have to pursue something that like, I alone could not live off of my, like, my contributions to our household are not like, paying the mortgage and buying the groceries. But I, yeah, I like I wanted my son to see that. I have, you know, an identity, and aspirations and things that I am doing. Because I think it's a lot also to put on a child. If they are, like, everything you have going on. It's just, it just feels like maybe that's a maybe that's a like a heavy thing. Like, if, if I am the thing that my parents is like living through, you know, what does that what expectations does that put on me and like, how I enjoy and experience my life? And yeah, you know, as opposed to if we are to humans who are very much enmeshed in each and each other's existence. But also, like, it's, yeah, when I, when I was younger, I had some relationships where I just did not realize that you should always have something else going for your own, like mental stability, like you shouldn't put all of your eggs in one relational basket, you know, because stuff falls apart. And you know, it's, if your kid is having a hard time. And that's hard time for you, like, having something to turn to. Hmm. That's it, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So that if, if I'm having a big parenting struggle, you know, hopefully, I'm not also having a big riding struggle. But even if I am, it's the way out of those struggles is very different. And the amount of control I have over the resolution of those struggles is very different. So it's definitely a little bit of a balancing thing. Yeah, I think even Yeah, even before kids are involved, or even if they're not involved, I think it's so important for, for couples to have something that that isn't each other. Something they can go and do by themselves. Because we all need space, you know, we all have to Oh, yeah, have to have time align and do things we enjoy and reset, spend time with other people, and then we can come back fresh and, you know, give each other time to miss each other. You know, we're not in each other's pockets all day long. Oh, we are, especially now that I mean, we've been both working from home since 2020. So if you don't have something else going on, I feel like that's a that's a problem. But yeah, my mom always told me that when I was I was as a child very a I get very attached to like one best friend. And then, you know, I when I was in high school, I had, you know, boyfriend and so then like, I focused all my energy on that. And my mom always told me, she's like, Yeah, this is you. You never know what's going to happen. And you should never like, just have one person. Because what if you get into a fight, then you're just alone, you know? And, but it's, it's very true that it's, yeah, like, even without kids. It's too it's too much on one person to make you know, this relationship, like the thing I have going on. Yeah, it's, yeah, the ability to like leave and come back. And, you know, my, I guess my parents set an example of that, for me, because they like their extracurricular activities outside the house. We're, I'm trying to think if any of them were like things they did together. I'm not sure they were. Yeah. That, you know, my mom had stuff that she did. She like, did bowling and you know, my dad would go on golf trips with his friends. But yeah, it's, you know, they didn't. They didn't feel like oh, boy, I have to include you. Yes. So, yeah, that's awesome. That's it. It's very important. We call it mum guilt, mom guilt, mommy guilt, whatever you want to call it. How do you feel about that? Do you? Do you resonate with that at all? Or something you don't even? Not even on your radar? Oh, it's definitely on the radar. Yeah, so when my son was very small, he did not really get upset when I would leave to go, you know, if I went to the beach for three, four days to write, he was fine. And I, I'm trying to think when it was it, it's like the, just the past maybe two years, I feel like he's become much more attached to me. And started to develop a very different relationship with his dad than he has with me, which makes sense because like, we're very different people that he gets very different things from. But he it also means that he like actively, like, vocally misses me when I go away. And he'll send me messages from his iPad. It's like, I miss you so much with like, the crying face emoji and like, and he'll, you know, he'll be really sad. And I've, like, I feel, you know, what, it's hard. Because then even before when he wouldn't get that sad, even though you know, right before, it was like, the day that I was leaving, I would always feel guilty. Like, is this? Like, should I really be doing this? You know, is it really worth all this to like, leave my kid behind. And now, you know, now that he's older as I go, I'll miss you so much. And it's very sweet. But it's also it plays into that guilt of, like, is this like, really? Okay, for and in logically, I'm like, of course it is. Because he needs to learn how to, this is like a human experiences, like people go away, and we miss them, and they come back, and we're happy to see them. And that's a very normal and healthy part of existence. And someone should have told me that and said, Please, like, don't miss out on the opportunity to study abroad in college, just because you don't want to, like, miss someone that you're dating. Like. That's, that's not acceptable. But, um, yeah, so of course, I know that it's like a developmental thing. That's good, you know, for him to learn that I will leave and then also come back. And that is, that is okay. And we can all survive. But yeah, it is, especially if he's like, going through a tough time. Where, you know, maybe he's been like arguing with his dad, or like, he got in trouble in school or something. And he's feeling extra, like needy of the, like, emotional, like, sit around and talk support that he comes to me for, you know, then I feel extra because I'm like, Oh, this is a terrible time to be leaving him. Like, why am I leaving him now? But, yeah, it's so it's hard. And then when, at the beginning of at the beginning of this year, I worked a lot to do developmental editing on this book that's coming out in the spring, and I didn't pay attention to my own social life or my family or anything. It was it was attractive as a dark time. But he like basically organized his own birthday party and like, set everything up outside and I felt a little bad because I was like, oh, no, you know, I didn't even like, I didn't even get it together to help my child. Like, just put tape on me. He's like, carrying the folding chairs outside. Yeah, so it definitely I adapt honestly feel it. And even though he like, thinks it's very cool that I'm an author, I think he thinks that authors are like, famous and make a lot of money. Yes, I want to be a writer when I grow up too. And I was like, Well, if you're doing it for the money, I'm, I'll tell you right now. That's, that's not the way but yeah, so like he thinks it's very, very cool. But I still do like, especially when I go away. Yeah, if I travel to like, I do a writing retreat with a friend every year, even if I just go for a couple days to the beach to to catch up. Yeah, it's like, it's like, right before I leave is when it's the worst. Yes. And I just have that like, avalanche of self doubt. That's like, but like, I should be here for him. And, you know, always sad and. But and then do you tell yourself that's not true? Yeah, I just tried to tell myself. No, that's, and of course, my husband says he'll be fine. It's fine. Like, he'll like when you leave, then he'll just like, you're gone. So it's not like you're leaving. It's you're already gone. And then he just will find others. He'll find stuff to do. And I'll be fine. Sorry. Okay. Usually, yeah. Oh, yeah. What sort of music are you doing? So my, when I was a kid, I was involved in a lot of community groups, my favorite was pit orchestra for musicals, operas, and stuff. That was a lot of fun. And I did some chamber music, which was also fun. And I plan to go to school for it until I didn't. And then was that violin or cello what we've learned. So I started on the violin, and I picked up the flute in fourth grade. And that was where I had the most aptitude. It's hard to find a place for yourself as a flute player sometimes. So I played violin, in some groups that were looking to fill in a big violin section, and if I actually had to be really good, that's when I got the flute I, you know, for orchestra or band or something needed someone to fill in for a concert, I would just like kind of drop in for the dress rehearsal and play the concert the next day and have a good time. I could do that on the flute. I could not do that on any other instrument for sure. Yeah. But it was it was a ton of fun. I miss it a lot. Doing that stuff. But yeah, do you play it oh, now just for fun. I haven't in a while because it's a the flute is really a group instrument as far as I'm concerned. And when I moved down here, I did not have a group I didn't I wasn't plugged into all the music community people. I no longer had a community where people would just kind of call me and say that they needed someone. And I didn't know quite how to find that. I'm not the most outgoing person anyone has ever met. So I kind of fell out of it. And then I got a little rusty and I got sad about that. And so now I sort of dabble with the piano and the guitar because they're solitary, more so or they can be but I would love to get back into it. I'm actually looking to scale back some of my other volunteer responsibilities so that I can go back to that again, because it was something that was very nourishing to me at one point in my life and it feels wasteful. It feels wasteful to have a like an outsize ability with something thing and then just to not do anything with it. And I know that's not always the best way to think about stuff but it you know, it's in the back of my head sometimes. Yeah, that was the thing that was the thing you were really good at and be it just didn't do it anymore. Why not? Well, like Yeah, yeah, but no. Yeah, you never do you know, and I I did you know post something online in the spring just to see if anybody had suggestions and I got a whole list. And so I figure when I'm feeling bold and brave, and I've, you know, quit a couple of other things that I need to pass on so you said your books coming out in spring? So what month what month? Is that? So it's April 25. Is the launch date? Yep. April 20. We have that's like our, you know, how you have like Veterans Day or something like that. What do you have? Not Memorial Day? What's your memorial Days in May? Yeah. Veterans Day is in November. Yeah. Okay, we have this that our Anzac days kind of version of that we remember the people that went to war in the First World War. So yeah, 25th. There you go. I won't forget that date. That's important that whereabouts will people be able to get your book from when it comes out? Well, so it's actually, I'm just about to launch into the shameless self promotion phase of things. That's going to be really hitting in January. That's the most uncomfortable part, I think of being an introverted artist of any kind. But it is actually available for preorder now. Yeah, so it's on Amazon. And there's your if you go on indie bound, you can get it I always tell people to get it from the independent bookstore. I know some people buy it on Amazon anyway. But the the local bookstore is where it's at. But then it'll be Yeah, it'll it should be available in ebook to Apple books and can and Kindle. But yeah, I can, I can give a link that has all of that in there. That'd be great. Even though it's the the really like heavy duty promotion is still you know, few weeks, maybe a month away the the preorder links are up and an active and testing. So I hesitate to ask then is there another book in your, in your future? So that's, yeah, there is there's more than one actually. And that's been my big struggle. This year, is getting this one is done. And I now have two or three books that are waiting to be drafted and unfinished. And I don't have anything in between. And it's like having children with a huge age gap. Between them, it's, it's a little disorienting, and you know, it's because 2020 everything shut down. And we had a year and a half I think of virtual school. You know, for which I was the point person. Yeah, so I really like the deep dark days of the pandemic and virtual school time. I did not do intensive like writing projects at all. And because it just was not it wasn't possible. Yeah, I know it was for some people it was was not for me. And I did you know my little podcast for my Patreon people and I did blog posts. But you know, I books were not getting written during like virtual school and trying to figure out how to get like canola oil on toilet paper, it just the in terms of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we were really stuck at the base for a long time. But now this year, I have come out of that I've had a lot more time to work. And it's but it is very difficult to come to terms with the work that didn't happen during that time. Because that work that didn't happen means that I don't have books that are well into the editing phase now that I've I'm like, Ah, I have to you know, really kick it into high gear and draft up these books and get them you know, somewhere. But yeah, but it was a little demoralizing for a moment. And it still is sometimes. Just just how much time I lost. And I'm sure many, many parents in my similar situation. Have that. Yeah, it's like, your, your thing had to just completely stop so that your children's things could happen. Yeah. And just that we were all all of us here all the time. Yeah, yeah. So the books, you've got your, in your head that are going to happen, are they fiction or nonfiction ones? So I have my next novel, pretty well planned out. And it's just a matter of drafting it. I've never had quite so much a plan before. I mean, it's a very loose plan, because I don't, I'm not a heavy outliner or planner for fiction. And nonfiction, I have an essay collection that I've been working on. That's my, my next two nonfiction books are going to be much less prescriptive than, than the first and much more like personal experience writing like memoir style. Because that's a lot of people seem to have connected with my writing makes you feel seen. Yeah. And to have an experience similar to their own, like, articulated in a certain way. And so I'm excited to really, like lean into that. Yeah. It sounds good, to be very valuable, you know, people feel like what they're going through is legitimate, I guess. And you talked about that community that you've sort of built around your first book. Yeah, yeah. So important. A lot of people have written and said, you know, thank you for putting this out there. And I thought that I was the only one who had this experience. And, you know, it's reassuring to know that it's not just me. So good on Yeah. Because it can be quite daunting to sort of share like that, to put it all out there. And did you have moments like that when you're writing the book, you're thinking or do I? How much of this do I want to share? I suppose, or are you just passionate about getting it all out there. So as a nonfiction writer, I, I don't have a whole lot of a filter. I although I will say some of my most successful writing has been the stuff I was most afraid to put out there. So that kind of says something. I actually feel a lot more anxious about putting my not my fiction out into the world, which is an interesting thing. I think it's just because I know not everyone's gonna like me. And so as a nonfiction writer, you know, if people don't, this is who I am. And if it doesn't resonate with people, or they, they don't like, they don't like me or my take on the world, then it's, in some ways easier for me to just be like, okay, like, really, I've, I've never been for everyone. And I don't need to be the likeable character in your story, either. So that's okay. A lot of people are responding to it. Yeah, but fiction and something that's entirely your own creation. It's, it does feel very different. Because it's, yeah, it's something that I created specifically to resonate with the most people possible. But even so, if you've ever been in a book club, it no book is for everyone. Yeah, I kind of feel like that. Like, we've, in general, like, I mean, I love I love and respect every artist that I meet because of what they're doing, just because they're doing the thing that they love, and they getting it out there. But I don't necessarily resonate with every kind of art, you know, and same with music, ya know? And I think that's fine. That's what makes us human and different. We're all different. And that's fine either. That's, yeah, that's completely normal. Yeah, that's resonating with someone it's, you know, it's and but it is interesting because I it occurred to me at some point this year, so I'm a lot more nervous about this book launch earlier on, than I was with the last one. The last one was like on launch day, I kind of had a little bit of a panic. Just like what if this is actually terrible, and no one told me but You know, which this book is not self published. So it's I mean, I, I've had like a whole team behind it. It's not terrible and no one said anything. It's still like, I know, because I just know people, you know, people are gonna get on Good Reads and write some scathing criticism. And it's just it's going to happen and it's why they tell you don't read your don't read your own reviews. Yeah, it's better not to know. You just gotta be what you've done. And if people message and say how much they loved it, that's what you hold on to. Yeah, no, I have a whole folder of those like, I never get rid of those. Those reader emails, I just drag them all into the into the little folder. Alright, whenever I need this. Yes, that is awesome. Yep. Good on. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on today. I really enjoyed chatting with you. It's been a pleasure to meet you. All the best with the with the release that's coming out in April, and with your future work, and I'll definitely share anything I say because I just think what you're doing is awesome. And yeah. Thanks again. Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, this is nice. I appreciate it. The music you heard featured on today's episode was from Elim, Joe, which is my new age ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson, and her husband John. If you'd like to learn more, you can find a link to us in the show notes. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Dana Stephensen Senior Dancer with the Australian Ballet S2 Ep39 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts My guest today is Dana Stephensen, Senior Artist with the Australian Ballet Company and a mother of 3 children, including twin girls, At the age of three Dana began her dance training with Davidia Lind in jazz, tap, ballet and singing in her hometown of Brisbane. She later trained with Mary Heath and Sandra Ashley before studying with the Queensland Dance School of Excellence in 2001, obtaining her Royal Academy of Dance Solo Seal. Dana joined The Australian Ballet School in 2002. In her graduating year she was seconded to The Australian Ballet to perform in various seasons before joining the company full-time in 2005. She has since enjoyed international tours to Los Angeles, New York, UK, Auckland, Shanghai, Tokyo, and Paris. At the end of 2008, Dana was awarded the Khitercs Hirai Scholarship, which enabled her to gain invaluable experience training with numerous ballet companies in Europe. Dana was promoted to coryphée (a leading dancer in a corps) in 2010 and went on to win the Telstra Ballet Dancer Award later that year. She was promoted to soloist in 2014 and to senior artist in 2018. In 2020 Dana took what she thought was to be her final dance with the company, at that stage 11 weeks pregnant with her twin girls with fiancé Lachy Gillespie AKA the Purple Wiggle . Today Dana shares her story of her experience with post natal depression and anxiety, and how she used her ballet as therapy to aid in her recovery. I also indulge my own curiosity of the ballet world so we talk a lot about ballet! **This episode contains discussion around post natal depression and anxiety** Read more about Dana and follow her on instagram Dana would love you to visit : www.cope.com.au www.panda.com.au www.gigetfoundation.org.au Upcoming Australian ballet Shows Read and listen to the part of Swan Lake I was trying to describe Read the Sydney Morning Herald article Read about Wayne McGregor and Dyad 1929 Podcast - instagram / website Music used in this episode is in the public domain and therefore not subject to copyright, and is taken from the ballets Swan Lake, Peter and the Wolf, The Nutcracker and Giselle. Photo by Jeff Busby of Dana performing in the ballet The Sleeping Beauty. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for joining me. I'm thrilled to welcome to the podcast today. Danna Stevenson, Donna is a senior artist with the Australian ballet and a mother of three children including twin girls. At the age of three, Diana began her dance training with de Vidya land in jazz tap ballet and singing in her hometown of Brisbane. She later trained with Mary Heath and Sandra Ashley, before studying with the Queensland dance school of excellence in 2001, obtaining her Royal Academy of Dance solo seal, Donna joined the Australian ballet school in 2002. In her graduating year, she was seconded to the Australian ballet to perform in various seasons before joining the company full time in 2005. Since that time, she's enjoyed international tours to Los Angeles, New York, the UK, Auckland, Shanghai, Tokyo and Paris. At the end of 2008 Danna was awarded the catex HiRISE Scholarship, which enabled her to gain invaluable experience training with numerous ballet companies in Europe. Donna was promoted to Cara fee, a leading dancer in a core and went on to win the Telstra ballet dancer award later that year. She was promoted to soloist in 2014, and two senior artists in 2018. In 2020, Donna took what she thought was to be her final dance with the company at that stage 11 weeks pregnant with her twin girls with her fiance, Locky Gillespie, also known as the purple wiggle. Today Diana shares her story and her experience with postnatal depression and anxiety and how she used her ballet as therapy to aid in her recovery. I also indulge my own curiosity of the ballet world. So we talk a lot about ballet and music. This episode contains discussion around postnatal depression and anxiety. The music used in this episode is in the public domain and therefore not subject to copyright, and is taken from the ballets of Swan Lake, Peter in the wolf, the Nutcracker. And Giselle, I hope you enjoy. Welcome, Donna, thank you so much. It's lovely to have you today. Thanks for having me. I'm really excited to have a chat. Yeah, for sure. So you're a senior artist, you've obviously been dancing ballet for quite a while. Can you tell us how you first got started? I started dancing when I was three. So my earliest memories really are of me being a dancer, obviously a little bit different to what I am now. But I think it is quite interesting that that's kind of where memory kind of starts to form for children, here and there. And so my earliest memories are of dancing. So I actually started because my sister was dancing at the time. She's two years older than me. And she had started a general jazz class at the local dance school with some school friends. Because she was really shy, really, really shy like hiding behind mom shy. So it was a way of kind of getting her into something social and something to bring her out a bit. Yes, it was parent watching week that week, and I went with mum. And I was sitting at the back and I just started, I just stood up and started joining in the class. And then they were doing cartwheels. And I just was all a part of it, basically. And the teacher came over to mom and said, Oh, I think this little one probably wants to have a go, you know, come around to the little little East class and other day. And I think it just started like that. And then quite quickly, I started the Stanford team. I was there five days a week, and then six days like, by that before I started school, probably a bit more. It was like, more is more. I just danced all the time. I was at school or I dance that was that was how it was. Yeah, right. So it was literally your sister got you into it, which is really cool. My sister got me into singing, like formal singing, like because she joined. And I wanted to do it too. So that's a really cool, so it's your sister older. Now she's younger. And I think that's why I wanted to do it. Because it was like, well, she gets to draw, I should be doing it. Because yeah, I mean, I think it's a little bit ironic because my sister started doing a jazz class. And I started with that. And then I started taking ballet and tap, and then all the different, all the different things. And my sister stuck with that one jazz class a week until maybe she was 10. She would, she would get so worked up before it and we didn't know this until she was older that she would get so sick to her stomach about going to dancing because it was such a big deal for her to have people looking at her. And meanwhile, her little sister was just you know, couldn't get enough of it. Interestingly, Brie my sister Bree, she would have done so well in ballet. Yeah, I was very much metrical one. And then I found ballet to be my path a lot later. Whereas my sister, she would have actually loved ballet. And she says that now I wish I'd just done ballet, not jazz, because that's all out there. And yeah, a bit chunky. Whereas ballet, she's she actually would have loved the discipline. And the, you know, the teacher sets the exercise. And you do that, and it's a bit quieter? Not not so much like, like jazz hands in the spotlight kind of thing. Yeah. So then how did you get into the ballet side of things? Was it just something you were offered? And, and then you sort of just thought, I love this so much. I'm just gonna go with it. Yeah, it's quite interesting, because I think as a child, I am sure this is the case. For most children. I just love dancing. I didn't really, obviously there were the dance styles. But I didn't differentiate between what each one was, I just loved the whole thing. And then once I started doing istead, fits and being on stage and the lights and the feeling of that, and taking on a different character, it was all one in the same. Obviously, there's different elements to each sort of style, but I just loved all of it. So it wasn't until I was a teenager, and every time that musicals would come to Brisbane, I'm from Brisbane. So you know, once he went fame would calm or Chicago or whatever it was, we'd go and but also every time the Australian ballet would come, you know, on the Saturday matinee mum would take me to that. And that was a big event of the year too. So it all just kind of was coinciding, and I had no preference whatsoever, until as a teenager, you do start to need to take a bit more of a structured path if you are going to follow ballet, but my school at the time did video in Dance Center where I went when I was three, she she had never had a ballet dancer. So that needed more ballet training as a teenager because no one had kind of got that fire in their belly exams at the time. So I actually had to find some teachers externally to help me. And then I was an interstate associate with the Australian Ballet School, which is in Melbourne, which is the school that does feed into the Australian ballet company. And so that meant I could come down for a week, every year to do like a winter school. And when they came to Brisbane, we do a master class, but it was still just happening bubbling along. But then the audition came to do for the first level five year which is about 15. At the Australian Ballet School, the senior school is level six, seven and eight. That's like your finishing training. But they're just started a level five and that was half ballet half school. And so I auditioned for that and was very hopeful about getting in and I didn't get in. And I was really really disappointed. And I couldn't have said it at the time. But I think that was a really big catalyst in thinking I obviously really want to do this. It's not happening right now. And I, I think I really, I want that to be happening. So the next year, I went to a school in Brisbane called the Queensland at school of excellence, which was, again, half Valley High School, but a version of that in Brisbane, and auditioned again for the Australian ballet school the next year. Yep. And got in the next year, and then did my three years and then got into the company. Yeah, so yeah, that moment, it's like, the level of disappointment you felt made you sort of realize i, this is how much I want this. This is it's almost like, it's not great that you didn't get in, but it's almost like you needed that to confirm it for you to make you go right, I'm gonna go for this really, this is what I want to do. So I think so it was an probably a strong indication to that I needed to probably blinkers on a little bit. And just focus a bit more on that. Having said that, I was I loved my high school, and I loved my school friends. And I, I think that's something you know, I've always had, I have always kind of needed to have a balanced sort of life. I was never like a Betty bonehead. And I'm still not. But at the same time, I think I needed to probably think, Okay, well, if this is what you want to do, there's a few steps that need to be taken. And so I took those steps and worked really hard and I was very lucky to get in that next time. So then what what sort of direction did you Korea take from then after that, getting in there. So they strain bicycles, three years and then. So your final year, you start to do a lot more performing. And very fortunately, at the time, the company who's in the same building, so it's really special at the school, because you can't just walk down the corridor, and like, put your little face at the windows, and you see the company dancing and rehearsing and all your idols and like it's, you know, coming from Brisbane, and coming down into this world. It was so scary, overwhelming, amazing, exciting, just all of those things. And then to, to think and dream about getting to the other end of the corridor and getting into those company rooms one day. But yeah, at the time, when I was in my last year at the school, that company had, we're doing lots of different seasons, but there was quite a few injuries. So they needed some extra dancers. And at that time, they often seconded dancers from the school to go join that company. So they had a couple of us learn a particular ballet symphony and see, and then the next night I was on, basically, Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was like a baptism of fire. But at the same time, I feel like looking back at that age, you're so ready. And that's what you're training for. And obviously, that's an amazing opportunity. And then that opportunity turned into a longer opportunity. I danced with the company for almost all their seasons that year. And so I was very lucky to have the, the staff and obviously the artistic director at the time, David McAllister, he could see me across a whole year almost, as opposed to going in one day for an audition somewhere, they have no idea who you are, where you've come from any story. And you have to somehow impress someone in in a glimpse or in a half an hour class, then, you know, to this day, I still find that hard when people come into cars valets, I'm like, I don't even know what you want to see like, and that's fine. By this point. You're just like, I need this is what I've got. And if you like it, great. And if you don't, all right, then that's kind of the nature of the industry. There's still something that I I find quite challenging. But like I said, at that at that time of, you know, trying to get my first job, I was very fortunate to have a long audition process. And not for a second though, did I think I would get a job the following year, but then at the end of the year, when they gave contracts out, they gave two female contracts and two male contracts and I was one of the females. That was lucky enough Did you get a job with the company then? Yeah, right. So then that meant you're part of that, that room that you've been sort of peeking in and looking out for those years, that would have been incredible. It really is. It's, you know, there's so much looking up to in ballet, you know, you watch videos in such a different world now, with the internet and YouTube, but back in the day, you'd have back in the day. But so, but no, I would watch the same videos at the Australian ballet company every Saturday over and over, and over, and I knew everything they did inside out. And then he walked down once a move to Melbourne. And then he walked down the corridor and that person, right there real quick. So, yeah, it's, I think it's a really lovely thing. And there's substitution traditions in ballet that really need to move forwards. But there's certain traditions that are really lovely, like when you're doing the company, and there's a lot of respect, obviously, for the principles. And if they don't have a passport, and you're absolutely a first year, you do not take a spot at the bar. And some of those things seem a bit archaic. But I also think in our, our industry and our career, those people have worked to where they've got to, and they who we look to and the epitome of that. And I actually loved that. Yeah, it's like that level of respect that you can show someone's in that, like, we were talking before about being called a ballerina. That's a title that you've earned. And, you know, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's, I guess all dancers feel differently about that. And that's a personal preference. But I don't feel that comfortable when people refer to me as a ballerina, because I'm not that, in my mind. I'm, for many reasons, I'm not that I'm a bit left field as a ballerina, but also, they're the people I look up to. They're the people who have earned that title as ballerinas of the company. And I've done a lot of amazing work, and I'm so proud of where I'm at, and the rain. COVID chi is something beyond my wildest dreams. But yeah, I even in like, you know, the smallest context when you know, even like, when a little girl calls me a ballerina like, Oh, I'm not quite I'm sorry. No, okay. Yeah, in my by myself, like, oh, that's, that's, that's those people. That's not me. Yeah, yeah, I can I just say that. It's, yeah, I think, like you said, there's probably a lot of things that can change. But I think there's nothing wrong with respecting people like you, like you the story that you've just outlined the amount of work that's gone in, you know, and there's people you know, that's what they do, they dedicate their entire life to their art. So I think there's, you know, there's a time and space for like, you know, some tradition, respect Yeah. Just while we're talking about that, I'll just mention quickly, my I went to school with two girls who went on to become dancers, dances with different ballets. I'm not sure if you know, Rachel Walsh, or if you've heard of Rachel, she was happy to fall. Yeah, we went through school together, up to I think she left you 10 might have been a last year in that Gambia. And then she went off to do her thing, which she's done, amazingly. And we've been chatting a bit. So we're organizing that she'll come on the show in the future, which is really cool. And another girl called, she's Lisa Robinson, and she went to Canada, I think, to do her dance, he or she ended up in Canada. She's there now. But it was just amazing that at that time, when you're when you're teenagers, you have no idea what these girls are doing what they're going through, you just go Oh, yeah, they're dead. They're dancing, you know, but they're, like you've described your whole world you switched on, that's your focus. And everything involved in that too. Like your, your way you eat, I suppose and the way you look after your body and the exercises you do and the training that you do. And here we are just you know, teenagers worrying about, you know, what the boys are up to or you know, it's just all different, different world. Like that's it. That's a really interesting point because I I think ballet dancers have to make certain decisions much earlier. You know, it would it's, it's comparable with elite athletes, but they have to make quite adult is an adult grown up decisions about what they'd like to do how they'd like to achieve it. But at quite a young age, I moved to Melbourne, I was 16. But I know there's other kids, I'd say, Yeah, you know, at 1415. And they might be in the boarding house or, you know, different, different home setups. And I can't comment on anyone else's experience, obviously. But you look back and you think, oh, that's, that's actually a massive deal. But at the time, and this is, this is the sort of people we are, who are who are drawn to what, to who are drawn to doing what this what we do, you have to be so driven, and dedicated, and focused, single minded focus and determined, resilient, they're all the skills that you're building up in your teenage years, which is not often I'd say, traditionally, the years you're building up those things. Oh, and, you know, staying open to things and so you, you did, probably there's a sense of isolation in that. I mean, I had great school friends around me who they were just like Danna does ballet. And that's really great. I know, other people have had different experiences by being so different. Obviously, a lot of men in the company, I've had lots of bullying experiences, I got a little bit about how small I was, and how, how focused I was, I guess, but I had really good people around me and I have a really amazing family who's not involved in ballet at all, really grounded. And it was all a bit of a new experience for me. And I felt a bit protected in that honestly. But yeah, it is it is. It feels like you're a bit ahead in many ways, at that age, because you have to be, but that's what prepares you for the career you're about to have. And to be able to handle the pressure that you have to at really quite a young age. Would you say, Don't put words in your mouth, but I've never been in the ballet world. Is it? Like I don't want to say cutthroat but is it a hugely intense? Like you talked about the having to audition? Like is there so much pressure to keep yourself at a certain level or and you're competing with other people all the time? Or if I got that really not on the mark? No, you're pretty spot on. What's probably a bit less expected is that it's it's a lot more nuanced than that in terms of it is cutthroat and it's competitive. And in a company, and I've been in a company for 18 years now, which I can't believe I still feel like I'm 16 It's a bit like that, I feel like you just keep you a little bit young somehow, in some way. But anyway, I do. It's a really interesting competitiveness. Because essentially, you're vying for the same roles all the time. And you're Korea is in is ideally solely in your hands and your work and the effort you're putting in and energy and your commitment, and your training, your resilience and your reliability. There's so many skills that are in your control. But there's also a really big one, which is someone else's opinion, and that at the end of the day, sometimes trumps everything. And I think a good thing to remember with that, though, is that across your career, you will be on both sides of that, you'll be on the side where someone comes in and just thinks you're the bee's knees. And they'll then there's the times that you're on the other side of that, which is someone who's not interested in you at all. And so everyone has their moments either side. And you know, you might have a couple of bad years where you feel like nothing's going your way. And trying to stay motivated in that time and internally driven and internally motivated, is very challenging. And I think that again, we move into this career quite young, I was performing at 17 with the National Ballet Company, which you know, there were younger people than that even so, especially young, but at that age, you're dealing with quite a lot of pressure and competitiveness. And you know, I've got children and you know, what would you want to tell your children You're perfect as you are, you know, just go out there and do a good job. Just work hard, and that's the most important thing. How do you tell someone or they just don't want Like, how you look? Yeah, like, that's just always, you know, obviously, in ballet, there's, you know, a lot of scope to talk about body types and body aesthetics. And the Australian ballet is really healthy in terms of that. There's, we all look really different. There's lots of different heights, and different body styles and different ways of moving, which ultimately, is the most important thing. But there is a lot of versatility in our company now. But sometimes it really is, they don't like how you look, or how you can't, which is the way you personally express yourself. So it's pretty heart wrenching sometimes because they're like how someone else does it more. And some, sometimes just thinking about almost as clearly as as brutal as it is, is the best way. Like, that's how they're doing it. I'm doing this over here. And as you get older, and more experienced, and I think weed life experience, obviously kind of boosting you. On all sides, you realize that this is all you have is what you are and what you bring. And if it's not your turn right now, it might be your turn next month. Yeah, I'm, that is such a incredible way of looking at things like that. It's so pragmatic. It's just an I personally, it took me a long time to get to that point with music, because it's, it's the same thing people like what you're doing or you don't, and it's you, you're putting yourself out there. And I got to a point. Like I used to do a Stanford to for singing. And one year I just thought, why am I doing this, I'm letting one person's opinion, decide how I feel about myself. And I just thought, I'm not doing this anymore. I don't, I don't want to feel like this. And I just stopped doing it. And then I can sort of like put myself up for different awards or put things online. And I feel like, if it's not my turn, it's someone else's turn. And that's they need that right now in their life. And it's become a really great way of me being able to just go, Oh, that's good, that's nice and not be worried about stuff anymore. Which took a long time, like, I'm nearly 44. So it's like, it's a thing that you have to go through, I think because no one can sit you down and say, right, this is how you should feel about failure. I think it's something you have to sort of work through yourself. But I love that I really love that the way I've described that. I think experience, you need experience on both sides of that coin. And you know, another thing in the company, you join the company, and we all have, we all have a certain level of talent that makes us ballet dancers. And then beyond that we all have our unique talents. And some of us, I'm a really good jumper, for example, because of how I'm built and I'm really athletic. But my whole life my whole career, I've wished I've looked like the other girls who are so beautiful and so elegant. And just total ballerinas and I have lots of energy, and it serves me really well sometimes. And other times I hold over a lot. I've just come to embrace and everyone's like Dan is on the floor again. Because I've gone through obviously different phases with what I've felt like on my own failures or weaknesses. Yeah. And of course, as a younger dancer, there is something so much about your work ethic. If I just work hard enough, I can change that. And there is merit to that, about working on our weaknesses, but ultimately, focusing on our strengths and amplifying them actually, is so much more. I don't know, it's you're so much more yourself, if that's what you're focusing on what you're putting your attention to. I spent, you know, my early years in the company were quite tricky. And I was having battles with, with what eventually became Hashimotos thyroiditis. So thyroid disease, which was undiagnosed for a long time. Yeah, and my body's a lot and being a professional ballet dancer and having a really low it's an autoimmune disease. But yeah, it's, it was really challenging. And so I was finding it very hard to have confidence in anything about myself and then when it came to my dancing, I was still in that mindset of if I could just make my legs look nicer if I you know, I've got really strong feet but they're not aesthetically beautiful like a lot of the other girls like I don't know, how about it, it's a really honor. Some other people probably say that to which I say hats off to you. But yeah, I just if I could just make that better. Yeah, my career will be better. But ultimately, it's it's not it's your career is going to be what it is. And they're, they're in a ballet camp, there is always room for a dancer like me. And that took time and maturity to realize there is someone has to be the person jumping, someone has to be the one moving fast. I'm a bit messy. And I'm always working on my footwork and trying to clean things up. But someone has to do that. And once I felt confident in that, that was something I could do that those other girls were like, how do you do that? I was like, I don't know, I just get in the air man, like, Oh, I'd love to be able to do that. I'd love to be able to stand still like you is a place that can be a place for everyone. And sometimes when it comes to casting things swing your way. And other times, they don't you realize your opportunities out there, you make the most of them. And then when you can see maybe there, what's tricky in the company, there might be a season you're not in very much, or there's not a lot of work for you. But you never know what's coming up next. And you know, often we do know what's coming up, but you never know what your next opportunity might be. So if you drop the ball, and think, Oh, this is my, this is my season where it's a bit average, or I'll just won't bother. Ya know what Julie, you might miss next because you're not ready. And that's these are the things that I have no doubt, I can say 100% have have created the opportunities that have actually made me and made my career not because, you know, I was built a certain way, being in the right place at the right time has has been very good to me. Yeah, and that you're right. It's like, it's you unless you're, unless you're ready for that opportunity when it comes? Well, actually, this person sort of slackened off a bit this year, because, you know, they didn't get so many roles. And we can see that. So we'll go to the next person, you know, so yeah, you've got to, you've always got to be motivated and still working and which would be intensely draining. Like it sounds like, you know, it's a full on life. Like you're just, I mean, obviously, lots of people do it. So it's sustainable. But from my point of view, someone who's not a dancer at all, and not highly motivated. It really it is and again, as a young student, you don't, it's what you want to do. It's your passion, it's your drive, you love it, you can't imagine not doing it. And you're willing to give up almost anything to do it. And it's so enjoyable. Like, I love dancing. I know last night I was on stage, and my old nanny actually was watching and she hadn't seen me dance after all these years. And she said, Oh, gosh, it just looks so much fun. And I said to her, I was like, I just have a stupid amount of fun when I'm on stage. And I know I've got my little kids at home, and I hope they're asleep and they ate them. And then I just had this. I know it's not a guilt, like guilty pleasure. I just, it's just so fun. Like, and I'm just lucky, I still enjoy what I do so much. But it is a lifestyle. It's it's not. It's not it's not a job for us. And I think, again, I can't speak for everyone else. But if it becomes a job, I don't think it's right anymore. Because it is so much more than that. And you have to put so much more into it. And in terms of just your hours, you know, we work really long hours, unusual hours. We rehearse in the days. We train every day, six days a week. We have Sundays off but we try and live every morning. We rehearse every day. We perform at night, but we don't just go in for the show at night. We train in the morning, rehearse show, two shows Wednesday two shows that day. 200 shows a year. It's yeah, it's the Australian ballet is one of if not the top amount of you know shows per year in terms of ballet companies. Yeah. Which takes a certain amount of resilience and managing your body and your mind over that time becomes a really important skill that you learn. It takes years to learn how to manage that. Yep, yeah. Can I help? Sorry, we were really doing a lot of talking about your ballet, which is dope, we will get to your family, it's okay. I'm just so honored to be able to speak to you. And I really want to squeeze everything out that I can because it's just really exciting. Like I said, my exposure to ballet, like with the girls that I grew up with, it was it was a world that I knew nothing about. I loved it. And I love watching ballet, it's just blows my mind how graceful and incredible it is. So I just want to ask you lots of things. I'm more than happy. You know, it's a lot of people find it quite a you know, it is this mysterious kind of world. And I'm, I'm always wanting to encourage people to ask questions. And it's, you know, there's obviously that version of ballet people often think about in their heads. And often it's a bit different to that. Or then there's the other one, which is like, Oh, is it like Black Swan? And it's like, well, there's little bits that are absolutely true. I'll be the first to tell you that it's not quite like that. But I think it's lovely that people are interested in in what we do. It's always a lovely thing. Awesome. Well, that's good. You can indulge me a bit longer than Absolutely. All right. So I'd like to ask you what your favorite roles have been that you've played and why. And I didn't even I didn't even give you a heads up. I was gonna ask you this. Sorry. No, that's, that's really I like being on the spot. Oh, that's really tricky. Because I'm, I mean, I've been so lucky. fortunate to have had such a wide range of roles and opportunities. Yeah, and across, you know, the starting Valley does a lot of strict classical ballet performances, you know, your swan lakes, you're not crackers does owls, kind of structurally classical ballet, Sleeping Beauty. And then we do a lot of contemporary modern work. And usually the year it's kind of somewhat, the balance is somewhat split. And I have had opportunities in kind of both sections of those repertoire groups. And it's kind of like when I was younger when people said, oh, did you like jazz or ballet? And I just liked it all. Yeah, it's the same thing. In what I do. Now, I just love it all. There's not one that's better than the other. And even as I get older, often people lean one way or the other. And I just, I just love it all, because I love dancing. And they all bring different challenges. I will say though, often certain roles at certain times in your career do seem to feel like they mean, even more. The one of my favorite, like all time, classical roles was Giselle. And I was very lucky I, I was able to dance the title role of Giselle, which I would never normally be casting because there's so many other girls who are so beautiful at it. And that's just the nature of it. Sometimes you don't get it, you know, you might get a go of all those girls weren't so good. But also, you know, stylistically, you know, some people might not cast me in that role, but it came out it came about because it was the regional tour of the Australian ballet goes out. And that year on I had my son Jasper a few months earlier. And I was talking with David McAllister, my director at the time about coming back and the the main company, we're actually going to London on tour then. And I was like, not up for that. Yeah. Actually, this is really great opportunity, if you would like the regional tour is taking out Giselle, and I think you'd make a really lovely Giselle, would you like to do it and this is like the Holy Grail of ballet. And I'm like, How can anyone say no like, like coming back after maternity leave? You know, talk about like not working your way up. It's like, it's the most incredible ballet role. It's the romantic ballet period. So it's not, you know, it's your long kind of soft tutus. Not your sticky outy. tutus. Yeah. And it's it's a beautiful ballet about this young peasant girl who falls in love. And then she realizes that he's actually a royal and he's engaged to someone else. And she has a weak heart anyway, and her she basically, cat, you know, goes into such a state and her heart gives way and she, she dies. And then the second act is the ethereal, otherworldly spirit world. And so she is one of the willies. They're called. And this beautiful quarter ballet scene, that's the big roof of the company, create this amazing atmosphere. They're like ghosts. And so Albrecht, who was the man she fell in love with comes to find her grave and her spirit. And she basically saves him because the Queen Miyata, Queen of the willies. So queen of all of these, you know, these girls who were jilted before their wedding days, they dance the man to death, anyone who dares enters the forest, you know, after dark, and Giselle with all her compassion and forgiveness dances until sunrise with our breaks this love of hers to save him. And, you know, it's a role that is so intricate, in terms of its dancing, but more than anything, just the story is so, so beautiful to tell, and you can really make your own mark on it. And to cut back after having a baby at that point, that role was so, so perfect and cathartic for me to dive into. Because there was just a whole new level of me that was able to have that absolute 100% all in love, compassion, forgiveness, I'll do anything for you know, that you have to have a child, that's just, you know, I don't even know how it comes out. But it's just a part of you. And I had this beautiful art form this beautiful music, this atmosphere and to just, you know, pour that all into so the timing of that roll, that roll in itself is is a gift to any ballet dancer or ballerina. Yeah, it's a real ballerina role. And, you know, I haven't had a lot of those ballerina moments, I could say, that might have been my one. But it was the timing of that, particularly that was so special in every single show. It's not about you know, if you got all your face positions, or if your turns were perfect. It's about, you know, your connection with your partner the atmosphere you create, and, and every show, I walked away just so happy and proud. And so touched and humbled by being able to do that at that time. You know, and I was like camping before the show. Yeah. And, you know, always bath in Jasper and then would rush to the theater and go into this other world. But that whole time did have this really special magic. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, I will assume you. You've actually answered a question that I was going to ask you later about, because there's so much acting involved in your dancing. I think I think a lot of people realize that, that that's such a massive part of what you do. The way that you'd approach a role changed after you became a mom and you've just answered that without even asking it. It's just Yeah, I love I really think, again, that's a craft that you you have to learn across your years. You know, you come to as a young dancer and you're you're dancing and you know, you might do a bit of like, acting in terms of the ballets you're putting on it students, but that is a craft that you you learn and you know, I've been so fortunate that I've grown up in the company watching these incredible ballerinas and several of them were became mothers while they were still dancing, and I could see that transformation. I don't know how well they've had babies, but just the depth that the expression, the naturalness, the freedom, like there's so many things that come out of that, but you know, you sit there and you watch all those full rehearsals for the whole company in a room, running all these big ballets. And you you watch over the years how many We'll do those things. And when you get a chance to be able to wish I had at that point in time to put all of that in to a role. That was, yeah, such a magical time. Obviously, then there's valleys that don't have a story. And so, in terms of, you know, you're not acting per se, but you might, you know, there's obviously always envision in your mind that you're thinking of, or, you know, a vision the choreographer wants you to create, or an energy or a feeling or something in those kinds of contemporary works. And, you know, conversely, that's what I also enjoy about the contemporary repertoire that we, you know, we perform, is those kind of really physical, the expression is the physicality and the physical physicality almost has a persona, and you have a persona, when you're, you're dancing that even if there's not a story, yeah, that's your input, you embody those emotions or whatever the you're trying to get out. Yeah, yeah. And often, you know, obviously, ballet. For me anyway, the music is, it's the marriage of the ballet and the music, it's, that's when it comes to get it that alchemy, that's, that's what's, you know, goes across that, you know, the fault lines, that's what the audience takes on that their experience is that, you know, Alchemy that's happening in front of them, and that can be equally as powerful. In a contemporary work, I was very lucky I, when a choreographer call Wayne McGregor came out from the UK. He's a very, very renowned choreographer. And at the time, he just started as a resident choreographer at the Royal Ballet. So he was a contemporary choreographer, and then he started to move to the ballet space of it. And then not long after lots of ballet companies across the world, we're grabbing him to, like get a work by Wayne. Yeah, we were quite early in the piece, really, at that sort of time, we're able to, somehow now became, and he created a work called diet 1929 here, and that was a time he came into the room to obviously cast the ballet, we're in class, and I was quite young at the time, or maybe 24 or something, and, and I knew his work, I was like, so cool to be here. But you know, like, how do you how do you get in it? Yeah, you standing there doing fundraising? Like what can you see in my Tonberry, that's not very good, because I'm not very good at them still, that might show you that I or so want to be in your way. Anyway, really, you know, often ballets a cast from the hierarchy. So from the top of the company down, I was still in the quarterback at the time, which is, you know, the big ensemble down the bottom. But not everyone cast like that he came in, and he looked at the whole company as a whole. And it didn't matter where you were. Yeah, I think, anyway, very fortunately, got cast and his ballet, and then that ballet across my time. You know, that was such a, you know, working with him at that time was like groundbreaking for all of us. We've never worked with someone like this. He's so fast. He's so smart. He is. He does a lot of work with brain science and how he puts that into, you know, ballet and art a lot of people wouldn't even understand but for him, like, that's how he creates it. You watch his brain work. And you think, wow, I just like, you just see all the neurons firing. It was a really exciting time. It felt very, like we're in the moment cutting edge. And I, I was very fortunate to learn a spot in that. And so I was performing that and then across my career, every time we've done that ballot, then moved on to a different spot. Yeah, right. So for different spots in that valley, you know, we took it to New York. And you know, I did a different spot in that. And so I've kind of grown up in that valley. So that's one of my favorite contemporary pieces. Yeah, that's been my journey as well in terms of, I stepped up into, you know, different roles. And then my last show before I had my twin girls actually was in that valley in a white leotard, which is absolutely what you want to be in when you're pregnant with twins at 11 weeks. It's all it actually has been saying in about a month. So Valley mountains that you just, you cannot time it any better. But you are usually when you're, you know, early, you know, first trimester dancing, if you're pregnant, you have to be in a flesh leotard or while you're tired because it always happens like that. Nobody's like a free free dress or like something coming it's just always happens to fall in the most exposing of all so yeah, but same time that I knew that those were my last shows and I actually thought they were my last shows ever. And so to for it to be in that work. That particular work was really special to me, and I've done Lots of contemporary works. And they're all fantastic too. And they could so easily be my favorites. Yeah, but the timing again and what that whole valley and journey meant that yeah, that's a really special suspicion yeah I don't want to talk too much more about your ballet. I do want to, but I'm gonna make myself stop. But you've mentioned the music. And it's like, I absolutely that is. I don't want to say it's my favorite part of ballet because of course, the dancing is pretty awesome. But like you said, the way that it's all wrapped up together, and the costuming and everything and my favorite bit ever was in Swan Lake when because, you know, you've got that theme that dad did it, it did. I don't know what any of this is called. So just go with me here. When it turns when it changes at the end. And it's goes from being in a minor key tool, major key. And it's just it gives you goosebumps, it's like it just taught it tells you the story through the music, they don't even have to tell you what's happened to this character, this transformation. It's like you just hear in the music. And it's just that moment, every time I hear it, I just go Oh, survive. And to rely, you could just imagine how you How could you contain yourself when you're actually onstage doing that, like I always think like, it could just be like envelopes in it, you're just your whole body and your senses, it just be like charged, it'd be amazing. It's such a full body experience, I think and we are so used to that. And so it did that. And it's an incredible feeling, you know, some of the, the scores we dance to and, you know, some scores, you know, like the the big Tchaikovsky's or, you know, it's, you've heard them over and over. And I bet you've rehearsed. And I went and stopped going back. I can't stop, go back. You know, you've heard them cut up many times, you're often counting certain things. You know, the ballet we're dancing at the moment is Anna Karenina, and the score was made for this particular production. So it also marries so perfectly. Yeah. And, you know, it's a really tragic story, obviously. And there's some absolutely just heartbreaking musical moments that are just matched so beautifully with what's happening on stage. That, you know, we've seen it so many times. And it still it gives me goosebumps, and it still feels like ah, this is just like so. Yeah, it's just, I don't know, it's yeah, it's such a privilege, you know, to, to watch people in that moment or to be in that moment. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Yeah. It's beautiful. I love it all right, let's talk about your children. You've mentioned them briefly in passing. Tell us a little bit more about your family. I have three children, which still doesn't seem real when I say that to me. I'm not doing I do I do. Just make sure. I don't mean to discount the massiveness of that and I'm, I'm so fortunate to have been lucky enough to have three beautiful children. But I do still feel quite I don't know, I guess each day I'm just like treading water. So sometimes I don't stop to like acknowledge. Yeah, I've got three beautiful children. Jasper, my son is six. And he has grown up around the valley, which is a really unique, you know, he hasn't been here every every second but he's grown up around it. And He's toured with me and I went back to dancing after I had him dancing Giselle in that regional tour when he was nine months old. So he came out on the road with me and my mom and my mom has been like the biggest To support save, You're everything to me for my whole career. I mean, she was the one who took me to every dance class. And she is not a ballet mom at all. She doesn't know one step from the other. But she has just been there every moment. And so he's been very lucky to travel a little bit with me too, but he has a real appreciation for it. But yes, I have twin girls, Lulu, and Lottie, who are 18 months old now or a few days time. So they're little, very cheeky, very funny. little toddlers at the moment, were in that sweet stage before the that yes, I was. There's no twins in our family. And that came as a bit of a shock. Yeah. And, you know, I, this is something I think this is another part of the ballet world that, you know, I don't think he's really, I guess, thought about talked about, you know, obviously a woman's choice to have children when she has them. How that works with her career is a very, very personal choice. And I absolutely respect that people don't talk about it. But I think it's really interesting. And it's probably very similar for elite athletes. But again, I can just talk about the ballet experience. You know, artistically, you are, finally, after so many years of training, learning the craft, performing, you know, working, just optimizing, you get to your 30s, artistically, you're finally coming into your straps, you're not even there yet, probably you're just coming into your straps, you're coming into that zone, where it all starts to be cohesive and make sense. And you can feel that you can trust yourself, you can go for it. And that's also the years where you need to start about a family. And if you'd like to have one how that might work. And I think that is quite a battle for the dancers in that kind of part of their career, because how can you How could you possibly choose to stop? And then there's always thinking, Oh, what's it going to be like, on the other side, I'll lose a year I've got really good, you know, flow I've got, you know, you might be in a really good trajectory, you know, not just a ranking sort of thing. But just like with the roles, you're getting the impetus, the momentum, you're building your reputation, but just like how you feel in yourself, and then to then I'm just going to stop that now. And just take, firstly, nine months to have a baby. And I'm talking very pragmatically here. I know, this is obviously, you know, there's a whole lot more to it. But I'm just like to say it kind of nine months for that and then getting back into into it. How will that work? Who's my where's the support system? How would it work? It's I think it's a really daunting prospect. And you know, there's always like, Oh, but there's that ballet coming up next year. I've always wanted to do that. We can't dance till we're 60. It's not a career that lasts forever. So, yeah, I feel like you entered. I was lucky. I had Jasper when I was 30. And I was ready, then I was ready to stop. I was ready for it to not be about me. And I left it quite open in that sense. But yeah, I just think and you know, that's, you know, on the flip side, it's such a beautiful thing, that becoming a mum only makes your ballet career so much richer and so much more beautiful. And, you know, you can't know that beforehand. You see that in other people? But yeah, yeah. Also, then, you know, not that long after you might be thinking about retirement, I just think there's like this even like five year window, that's hyper pressure about what choices you're making, when you're making them. He's now a good time. If I'm, if I step away now, to do this, all those other girls are gonna get my impetus. And then when I come back when it's my place, it's, you know, but fortunately, I feel like when I chose to have my children, and when I, when I chose to have, you know, to say, Okay, I think I think I'm happy with what I've achieved here now, and I'd like to look at having another child in this case to that one. I was happy with what I'd achieved and it was too important. For me, it wasn't about what ballet was coming up. It was. It wasn't about that it was I would love the opportunity to have a child, another child and obviously we'd lucky to and so that trumps everything and very fortunately, we're lucky to have him At a beautiful girls. And we're a family of five. I love that so when you when you did have Jasper, did you think that was the end? And you were happy with that? Or were you still thinking I can come back? You know, I've got the support of my mom, I can, I can do this. And I could, I was very lucky that I'd seen women in the company go before me. And quite a lot of them honestly, because David McAllister, the director at the time, really pioneered the maternity leave and process of the Australian ballet, which is, again a front runner of worldwide standards, I could see that it was possible. I was encouraged by that. Again, they were the ballerinas as the company, I was a soloist at the time, so I wasn't on the same level as them. But also like an by level, I also mean, as a principal dancer, as principal artists, you are mostly not dancing every night and and show because you have your two or three Shows a week. This is not every week, but let's just change your Time Season. They're on all the time. But generally speaking, they have their specific shows, and you know, perhaps a bit more saying what they're doing and their timings. When you're Junior in the company, you don't you're in the biggest scene. So you're there rehearsing in the bigger scenes every day that need more time, you're not just rehearsing you and your partner, or can we do that at one today, because I've got to go or you're kind of at the mercy of the group. And then you're at the mercy of all the shows. So it's not about I'll be in the theater, like three nights a week, it's like, I'll be there six nights a week, like every week. So I had worked to a point where I'd got I was really happy with what I achieved. And again, at that point, I had a very clear mind that having a child was the most important thing. And if that was it, I was very open ended, you know if something if he was, you know, sick as a baby, or if I didn't feel like it felt right for me anymore. I would have stopped dancing. I just left it quite open. So a few months after he was born, I started doing some Pilates. And I thought now I've still got it in me and even though we don't have family in Melbourne, I was mum was able to talk with me. So I gave it a go. And then after when I knew I was pregnant with the girls I I then knew like at that first scan appointment, when I saw there was two, and I gasped he started crying. No. I'll never forget that moment. It was just it was such a indescribable, like, so many feelings. Not instantly, but I thought you know what, I think this is life telling me that this is probably time, it's time to enjoy the bit you've got left. And I was just hoping to get to that particular season that I was talking about previously to get to do that ballet died 1929. Yep. Because I thought that was a beautiful full circle. I was really sick and tired. Like really sick with the girls being pregnant with them. So I didn't know if I'd actually be able to make it to that point. But I just tried. Just gave myself each day at a time and I was able to get through those shows before COVID shut us down anyway. So I was able to do those shows. And then and thought they were my last. Yeah, yeah. I want to ask you, you've mentioned feeling sick with the girls. What's it like? Being like dancing when you are pregnant? Like do the does the company sort of make allowances? Do they? Do you have like special things that you're not allowed to do like that? How does it sort of work? Yeah, well, it is quite different for everyone. Obviously, you're not you know, you're not able to sit at your desk and hide away a bit and you know, discreetly go to the bathroom. If you're feeling a bit nauseous and I look it's a very vulnerable time for any woman and I it doesn't matter how many times you've been pregnant what the circumstances are. I think every woman feels very vulnerable until you feel like the pregnancy is safely on its way so I think you That's really tricky to balance with the fact that it's a very public public profession, you're in a leotard. People can look at you and you're not feeling great. You sense that other people can tell that they're still many, many weeks to go before you're in the clear, or you feel comfortable to tell your boss or other dancers. So it's actually a really yucky time. Irrespective if you're tired or sick. It's a very it feels really confronting and both pregnancies I felt really. Yeah, not. I don't enjoy that, you know, it's my first pregnancy with Jasper, I sprained my ankle ankle at seven weeks. And I think that was just a blessing, because I wasn't about maybe nine weeks, and I wasn't coping with just, like, feeling like it was so obvious, but you've got a long time to go, you've got to pretend you're still able to do everything, obviously, at any point you can, you can speak to staff, and they'll absolutely, you know, just keep like, keep that in mind. And, yeah, obviously, that that level of duty of care is absolutely there. But you know, as as a woman, you don't feel comfortable. Just you know, saying I'm eight weeks pregnant, you know, there's still four or five weeks to go before I really feel okay about this. But yes, it can affect the repertoire you're doing and obviously different partner and different lifts and things. Some some girls tell the partner they're dancing with, and some don't, because they don't want their partner to freak out. They're going to do something wrong, and you're guided by your health, your health care professionals, and I had a lovely obstetrician for the girls who said to me when Okay, let's talk about twins. And I just said, I surely can't do anything that I meant to be doing. And he said, No, no, you're and obviously, this is not medical advice. This is just what he said to me in my circumstance. He said, No, no, just you just do what you're doing. That's your life. Normally, just keep doing that. I want you to do that. He gave me some options for the sickness. But other than that, and he was just said, you keep doing that. And I told David at the time, when I was 10 weeks pregnant, I was so close to getting to the shows, but I just had to say no. And he was so excited. I love it. So excited. Yeah, certainly I'm sure in many years, not that long ago gone by it was not at all a comfortable conversation to have. Yeah, I that's something in itself. I always felt like this was exciting news to share. It wasn't like, oh, well, that's, that's going to be a shame. Or why did you choose now like you're just doing so well, there's none of that, in my experience. And so there shouldn't be but I'm sure in the years gone by it was seen as a, you're not as dedicated because you've chosen to do this. Yeah, absolutely. And there probably wouldn't be the option to come back, because people would judge you on that and go, Well, they've chosen that so that you don't come back? No, I think traditionally, absolutely. And David was very clear about making that cultural, you know, a huge, a huge change in that, that it was only supportive, and you don't want to be losing all your top women, just because they they realize they don't want to miss out on something that has a finite time. Our career has a finite time. And so does you know, the years where you are able to have your children and care for them and deal with, you know, their early years. That's what's so tricky. Our job is so demanding to what we often feel as ballet moms feel at odds with is that you know, those early child hood years are so intense also. And you don't want to miss lots of it. And you want to be forming that bond and that connection, but also your career there. They are your best years. And they're kind of endears. So it's like a really tricky. And you just find your way and they do complement each other. But yeah, it's a big, I think it is a big decision to kind of be confident enough. If you do want to continue to ask him to put a pause button and say this is really important that I have a family as well. And then I'm going to come back and I'm still going to be able to do what I can do. Yeah, absolutely. When you found out you're having tweens and you mentioned those emotions. Did you think how's my body going to? I mean, I suppose at that point you weren't thinking Coming back, necessarily. But did you think how's my body going to go? Then? After all the changes? It's going to go through having to at one time, will I will I be able to dance the same way? Or, you know, how will my body come back from that with its, you know, flexibility? All that that kind of stuff. Did you did that sort of? Was that something was you thinking? I guess, because I wasn't thinking about coming back. And, again, I'll just like the timing of it. Literally COVID had just hit Australia. A few days before that. Last season I did opened and we only were able to perform three shows a Friday into Saturday. And then everything was close. That was when everything shut down. Yeah. Sorry about it only recently performed in Melbourne this last week, since then, sorry. Which everyone thinks is actually some kind of miracle. Right? Do they days, you know, give this to them, care for them? And then come back. And, you know, oh, it's the opening of Anna Karenina that was meant to open two years ago. And yeah. But I guess yeah, my mindset wasn't on, on anything regards to ballet. Yeah, when I was, I wasn't absolutely dead set against coming back. But I just in my mind, I was leaning towards that. And I've never actually, you know, really thought too hard about that kind of physical change. In terms of my career, with, you know, with pregnancy, I did, you know, I was pretty concerned about having a twin pregnancy genuinely, it's, it is a high risk. And, you know, we had our own complications along the way. And so nothing's taken for granted. And I think that perspectives enough to be like, you know, if you, if you can't get your leg up pie anymore, it's really, it's really not important. So I was just amazed my body could handle the twin pregnancy generally. Because I'm not, there's not a lot of room. Amazingly, they make room but pretty, pretty uncomfortable at the end. And, but it's also like I, a lot of people think somehow being a valid answer must help you in birth or something. And perhaps it does, but I think more than anything, it's just that you've been so strong your whole life, that on the flip side, your recoveries probably a bit. A bit easier, even from a twin pregnancy, then yeah, maybe someone who hasn't been as active and just so aware of, you know, muscles and how things feel. And yeah, I mean, I think a lot of valid answers. So if they do go back, they try to go back really quickly to dancing and they miss it. Like, I think physically, they miss it, and they miss feeling like that. And they have, you know, a really clear vision and for whatever other reasons, which are their own, they want to dance so quickly again. I mean, I didn't have that. That's just not part of me, but also after the twins. I mean, I wasn't sleeping until they were like 10 months old, proper properly. So I don't know where in that I was meant to be. In that to be thinking about doing ballet. i If there was ever a 10 minutes, I would try to lie on the couch. You know, I wasn't like oh, just do some exercise. It wasn't really my headspace. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I want to bring up I've had my own experiences with postnatal depression. So I can relate to a lot of stories that my guests share. And you've been really vocal about your journey. And I want to commend you for that, because I think it's so important that we talk about it so that it becomes like a normalization of this is, this is something that happens to a lot of people. And it's not something to, you know, be scared of or hide away from, we're going to talk about it so everyone can sort of help each other and, and ways to get through it. If you're comfortable sharing we can you tell us a little bit about that experience. Yeah, absolutely. Um, yeah, it's, you know, I I agree. It's, it's a topic that I believe should be spoken about more. You know, I can also understand you don't want to put that on to new months in that, oh, you know, it can be this hard and it can be so bad and you know, when they're going through such a transformative experience, and some people are not affected in that way. So you don't want to be Putting that experience onto everyone. But by the same token, there are so many women who are really battling with something that is out of their control. And it's meant to be the happiest time of your life. And it isn't, you feel quite unhappy, really. And on top of that, you're so sleep deprived, and so unable, what feels like so unable to cope, and then the guilt of not feeling like it's the happiest time of your life. There's so many levels of that, and the layers just kind of keep building each day. And it is, it's this, it's this kind of base and I can see, you know, externally now that why you feel like you can't say anything, and I felt that like that at the time, and I have such amazing support. And, you know, Locky is, is my greatest support in every way. And, you know, I had to sometimes some days, I had to feel, find the bravery somewhere in myself to actually say how it was. Because it felt like such a big thing to put on to someone else who's already supporting you, you know, and if that's your mom, or if that's anyone, but just to be like, it's actually really bad. You know, these are actually the thoughts I'm having. And I don't mean to be dramatic, because it's actually is that bad, you know, and mine. My postnatal depression, and anxiety kind of set in quite quickly. And, you know, I know everyone has a different experience. And yeah, I guess I'll just share mine. But yeah, twins is quite a shock. And I was so euphoric, I had this amazing, beautiful birth with them. And yeah, I had natural deliveries. And they were, you know, we, they were almost full term, and they were healthy. And after a really long pregnancy, worrying, like the relief for that. And I couldn't believe my body could do that. And I was like, This is great. And, you know, they were feeding well. And I was managing to feed them, somehow duck tanned and feed them, which is just somehow managed to do that. And you know, so you know, that first bit that first week or so, like, wow, I made two babies. And it's, um, yeah, I was, I actually did feel that pride and that, you know, we were ecstatic. And then, you know, the actual care of twins, and obviously, multiple births, you actually are just statistically at a higher risk of postnatal depression, because it's just hard. Yeah. And I was very lucky, I had people around me who said it like that, you know, and I had a really great obstetrician in Brisbane, where we had the girls eventually, I remember the six week appointment we had, I had it at four weeks, because we had to go back to Sydney at that time. So like, he could go back to work. And we had it a bit early. So it was even earlier than you know. And I walked in, and he was like, how he going and I said, like, death warmed up, and we'd had a terrible night, 20 minutes sleep the whole night. I was feeding them. At that point, trying to establish as is to better at once is one everyone says put them on a schedule schedule, put them on a schedule. And for someone who's had a schedule my whole life, like I, I would take to that like a duck to water but these babies still didn't know that. willing to do it. And I'm still feel like there's a part of me that, you know, was was perhaps keeping twins for a reason because I can stick I'm determined, I will make them do the same things at once. But not at that stage. They you know, and they're so you know, their tummies are so little and all of the, you know, you're up padding and tap, you know, do they need more and all of that, but times two. And so after even just four weeks of that, and no sleep. And I was feeding them so that's exhausting, obviously. And it really came on like a, you know, like a freight truck, even by that point. And then we moved back to Sydney. And I met a really wonderful, very just by chance. My maternal child health nurse there was incredible and a really important person in my journey because straightaway, even though she'd never met me, and I told her our, our story, and you know, my I hadn't seen my son Jasper, who was in Melbourne with his dad. And he'd been there 10 weeks and because the borders were closed with COVID Oh, yeah. And it's like, right, so you're here. You had the girls in Brisbane, because you had to fly up, go up, drive up there do hotel quarantine because of the risk. There was a risky birth situation anyway. So we had family support, so you had to leave your son in mail. When you're here in Sydney, you've been around a bit, you've just had twins, feeding them. And she's just like, this is, this is a lot. And she's like, No, you're not around your friends like, and you know, my work friends are my family. You're not around you use your usual people. You're at a really high risk here. And, and I was like, really? Ah, no, I'll be right. And she's, and she was like, no, no, we're, we're going to look at this. And I'm going to tell you like in a really great pragmatic way with someone who's so sleep deprived, and emotionally drained, needs to sometimes hear it so bluntly. And she's like, it's, you know, twins, it's about twin management. And, you know, I was like, but I meant to be like, loving them and like caring, and like looking at their toenails. And I'm like, I don't even know what their toes look like. That feeling of like, how much your adoring them and like staring at them. And with twins, you feel like, in fact, I can see you're getting, you're trying to get to know two people at once. So you're getting double the input, like feedback, but you can't process so I felt like it took me so much longer to know which one liked what and which one needed and to feel equally as close and in connection with an in tune with both, because it was just like, kind of like not a production line. But it's just it's just all routine. Yeah, yeah, it was. And, and that was to our to get to a point that it was to our benefit, so that you weren't up all day and all night with one baby at a time. So it was all working towards that. But to make that happen is is like hard work like effort, like one's up, okay, get the other one out. Okay, feed, that one's going out, put the other one down. Like it's, it's not just go with the flow. And I thought being a second pregnancy second baby, I'd love to be that like go with the flow parent, which ultimately probably doesn't suit my personality. But to just be more relaxed and to know it all passes. And to know, you get through it. And but it was it was such a different experience. So how could I and I, I really needed so much support. And I'm just to this day, every day. So grateful I had access to support. I know it makes me so sad to know that there's women out there who just don't have that support, or someone saying you need, I'm going to funnel you into a system and you're going to go to that mother baby and or you're going to have this appointment, or we're going to squeeze you into a telehealth to talk to someone because right now, that's crucial. It's not just like, oh, you know, four weeks time we'll do. It's like, right now this needs to happen. And very, very fortunately, with twins, in those sorts of areas, you do sometimes get a little bit of a, you get a priority. It's like we know this, this is yes has to happen. Yeah, which I you know, I was really grateful for that so I had people checking on me, and I felt so incapable. And just, you know, yeah, just so out of my depth. And, you know, I was just like, I think back and it is an every time. It's like, it's like a dream, like, and not always a good one. But it's like and I with my son, he came up to see us and I'd you know hadn't seen him it's so long, which was just so hard in itself. And he was meeting his new sisters and he had so much energy and I had so little to give him and it's just you know, there was always a baby that needed something and you know, he's been so patient and had to adjust but it took me a long time, especially with how I was feeling and how low I was feeling. And so anxious. You know, even when I got to sleep, I couldn't sleep. I didn't know again until I'd spoken to my nurse and to the psychologists I eventually spoke to that I that that feeling of rage or like anger, but mostly that that rage that like volcanoes up inside you and you just need like a you know, the pressure valve just needs to release is is a real, real sign of anxiety you You just think I'm just a horrible person. And I'm just so mean to everyone. And I'm so angry, and it's not fair. And why am I so awful? And he's like, No, it's the pressure release of you're so anxious. And I think in my career, I'm so used to dealing with pressure. And even if you're anxious, you're able to deal with it. Either squash it, compartmentalize it, do something with it. I didn't have an outlet. I didn't have time. You know, anyone talks about moms having time for themselves. It's like, that was a joke. When was like, understandably, it's just not, it's also not a fact, when he had young twins, and leaving the house, and people would talk to me at the cafe, and I just, I wouldn't even know how to talk. Like, I just, I just looked down, please don't talk to me, please. Lovely, have more and just like so. And, and you feel and it's another point where you just let I just don't feel that. Like they're so beautiful, and I love them. But my experience is just like, I can't get through this. I'm I'm just floundering. And that mismatch between what what people expect or think, is another layer of like, RC like I should be. And if I could just like what I said earlier about, but if I could just work harder if I could just think differently. I'm sure I could turn this around. But really, I needed a lot of help and support. And in time sleep. Yeah. Yeah, I needed an iron infusion. I needed, you know, there was a whole plan that I was very lucky, multiple people, you know, and I had an incredibly supportive partner who sat there and looked me in the face. And you know, how old were you when I said awful things, you know, really was like, I don't like having to say this. But if I get this out, it has less power. And then we could kind of like, move through it. And so over time, and I noticed too, this is something that it feels like too much to be like, I need an hour to do my telehealth with my psychologist, you know, especially with a young family and Jasper was at school. And there was always a reason I could have just cancelled that I was lucky to get into a psychologist with the Gates Foundation in Sydney. And so that really worked, especially not having to go out of the house. If I had to go to an appointment, I probably wouldn't have prioritized it again. I was lucky in that COVID time that telehealth was a thing. And yet, when I dropped a few weeks, it wouldn't happen immediately. But it would start to come in again, I'd feel that that ends all day anxiety. And as soon as one of the girls would wake up before I wanted her to it was so frustrating. And why are you? Why are you not doing what I thought you're meant to be doing. And now I have to get the other one out and restart again. And it's school pick up tight and just it would my coping mechanisms would start to fall away again. And obviously, everything feels like it falls apart. So definitely talking to someone, you know, weekly became a priority. And if that meant I heard, you know, my mom with the girls, and they're both screaming as hard as that was, yeah. It, I had to at some in some way. Prioritize that hour. And then once the girls were able to be in a routine that was more consistent, they didn't sleep as well as my son ever did. And, you know, every time they went through a sleep regression, one of them would always hit it worse than the other. And, and you know, not that long ago, you know, one of my girls was up for like six hours a night for a couple of weeks. And you're just like, What do I do? How How is ones just sleeping? And but you what do you do with a baby for six hours says every Monday, every overwhelmed of all time. And of course you get through it. But I could get through that because I'm in such a better place. And I've had some sleep. And it seems so simplistic to say, Oh, you just need time and sleep. But really, fundamentally, they're two really important things that help you with young babies. Yeah, absolutely. Sleep is sleep is king. You just get anxious about it. And so I'm like set on how everyone's sleeping how the baby's sleep times to this case, which it was ultimately everything. How you're sleeping, how my son like anyone who'd make a noise that would potentially you know, a lot of symptoms of postnatal depression and anxiety I you think all you feel pretty, pretty sad and pretty low bit unmotivated. You're not enjoying it as much. A lot of the Symptoms like I couldn't handle light. I couldn't handle sound my son's footsteps running down the corridor. We're just like, Ah, it's just so loud in here one night, I was asking people to turn off the lights and the TV. And everyone was so lovely and, you know, receptive, but they looked at me like, oh my gosh, yeah, it's really not that bad. But the sensory overload for someone who was already at the end of it, like wit's end on every level, I think was just too much of a trigger. When I, I had my first son 14 years ago, and we, you know, you go to the prenatal classes, and this guy came in from Beyond Blue, I think, Oh, I can't remember where he was from, he might have just been from the hospital. So basically, he, he said to us, you're going to have times when you feel beat down, it's going to be hard. You're going to have, you're going to feel you're gonna get the baby blues. So good luck with that. And that was what, that's what they told us about, about postnatal depression. And it was like the intensity, oh my gosh, actually can be. And also, by this point, for anyone, when you're having a child, it's the responsibility you feel like, is overwhelming at times. Even though this is something you desperately wanted in that it doesn't change the fact that it's a huge responsibility that everything to do with this little person, or these two little people, it is about you and your decision. And every decision you make, you know, it's I think, trivialize it like that, compared to, obviously, you know, what it's like, it's couldn't, couldn't be, you know, more polar opposite to how intense it feels. It's absolutely not baby blues. And you know, that's what I say to anyone I know, who's having a baby or has had a baby, you know, like, I'm up in the night often anyway, so if you need to call anyone, please just know, you can always message me or call me or anything, because it's, it's not trivial. And there are some moments in time that you might actually just need someone. And as someone who, it doesn't matter what you've done in your life previously, as someone who by that point usually feels a bit capable are a bit like, you know, I can manage things to feel so incapable is, and so at a loss is such an unsettling, despondent feeling, let alone then feeling like that, and being responsible for someone else. Hmm. Yeah. I want to touch on when you said, when you spoke to your, the nurse that you said was really, really good. When she sort of told you all these things, these were massive things that were impacting, and, and you sort of said, I'll be right. Were you feeling like at that point? And you don't have to answer this if I'm trying too much. Did you feel like because I'm sort of trying to relate it to my experience? Did you feel like you had to pretend it wasn't happening? Or did you really genuinely feel like it was wasn't happening? I don't think I was aware how bad it was, even though I felt really bad. I knew it was I think it's like everyone has that pride. And I think I thought I could get through it. Or a bit like if I just do this in this a nice it'll, it'll go away or or it will get better. Yeah, I guess that was her point was just, you know, it's it doesn't have to be okay. You have so much going on, not to mention a pandemic. Yeah. Parents of the last two years, have not been able to access for their children for themselves for their families, the same levels of care, the lack of, you know, the lockdowns, the restrictions that the people popping over the all of those little things that at such a critical time, might be that one person you spoke to who you got to have a hug with, or might be, you know, all of that wasn't there. And I think I'm used to coping with quite a lot. I'll be the first to say I don't cope very well with change, or with anything going not to plan. Even though a whole lot of things in life in my life. You know, like, really there's been A lot of change and a whole lot of things that I've actually had to cope with. I think I cope externally very well. But internally, I, I battle how well I'm coping. And also I you know, you don't want to be a downer for everyone. I think that's another layer that no, we will women who are feeling, you know, like they are postnatally depressed, that you don't want to be a burden on other people. You want to live up to what you're meant to be living up to, you know, yeah, that is so true. You just not. And again, sometimes it has to be as plain as day is that. And also that first appointment, I think, you know, I had all these questions about the babies and you know, this feeding this and, you know, sleeping in their tummies, all this stuff, you had this list of things like all every new moms, dads, and she's like, I don't want to talk about babies. It was so amazing. So experience is I want to talk to you my mind anxious me, I just wish we could get to the things I want to talk about. So I'm getting to know both of us, myself lucky, our stories, how we got to this point, and you know, obviously with the traveling and the quarantine, and all of the know driving on the highway and all of this and Jasper and and she's like, you know, it's a pyramid structure. And she said, everyone thinks that the parents are, you know, come last, and there at the bottom, but it's actually the other way around. If you're at the top, and it filters down. If you guys aren't okay, no one's okay. And then when it came to me, if you're not, okay, no one else is okay. And that's not a burden to you, that's just where we need to put you in this picture. Because you're going to be putting yourself down here and everyone else comes first. And that the baby's needs come first. And as someone who does like perfection in that way, whenever they'd cry, I'd feel like a failure. When I couldn't settle them, I'd feel like a failure. And like lots of mums do because that's your feedback. And you equate that to how well you're doing at being a mum. And when you've got two of them at once doing that. Or when you've just got one settled and the other you think your status quo is constantly being disrupted. So therefore, you must be doing a terrible job. And someone else would be doing this better than you. But she, she kind of was the right person for me to be saying, you know, they're going to cry sometimes, and you're not going to like it. But if that means you got to eat something that is okay. Because if you don't put any of your needs first with twins, you will never ever look after yourself. And that's going to trickle down. And that's no good for anyone. So I had to relearn I have to actually in my very sad, anxious, not really, you know, really fuzzy how fuzzy you feel. Yeah, you are in that, that place like other than the tiredness, but there's a fuzz that, you know, you can't even make a sentence. Even still, I had to with practice with time, we support and someone checking in and going over this, again, really learn about putting some of my needs first, to then be able to help other people. That's it's a massive, a massive thing. To, for someone to ask you to do that. And then more massive to actually put into practice. That's, it's huge, isn't it? Because that's not how we're not, we're not wired to think that way. We've we've just got to give given given given give. So we kind of do feel, perhaps all mothers always do. But I do you sense in this time when I talk to my mom and you know, women of that age, that the pressure younger parents now put on themselves to be everything for their children. every second and every moment is a teachable moment. And, you know, if you did it this way, they won't have tantrums because they'll have all the food and you know, because you will have practiced these strategies and all of this and you sat with your child and looked him in the eye and all of that, you know, someone's having a meltdown in Kohl's and you've got to get back to work in like half an hour. It's really hard to be that parent. And we have that vision in ourselves. Like I want to be this parent and myself. I wanted to be that parent and then I had new born twins and I thought I knew some some things about having a baby turns out with twins it's a totally different story. And I just did absolute like sleep deprivation doesn't you know and that's what I just you know, I can't even believe I got through and any twin parents is because it's such a. Anyway triplets. quarters don't even single babies are really tricky to and it's, it's separating that like having that difficult baby or that tricky baby does not relate to how well your mothering like, it is not the same thing it's so hard to. And again, you need other people drumming that into you, reminding you and I, you know, I'm lucky that I have, I have those people around me. So I've found my way through and to, you know, not just to an end that big story. Sorry, very long story positive, but I do feel like and not that I wish this on any other mother, ever. But I do feel like the enjoyment I get from my girls. And the joy I have with them now that I had been through that experience of being so down. It really is amplified because I see it. And I remember when I first started feeling better over time, and then you have your bad days again. And then you know it's incremental. But when I actually enjoyed them, I just like cried with happiness. I just thought, oh my gosh, I'm enjoying them. Oh my gosh, like, and I think the appreciation for that was so huge. And I you know, I know there's challenging times ahead, children, but I do, I do have a greater sense of that appreciation for that, you know, enjoyment. And the present illness after feeling so not present. So spacey, so unable to be in the moment because you don't even know where you are. And sometimes you just wished you are asleep. Most of the time. Do not thank you for sharing that. So candidly, I appreciate it. And I'm sure there's a lot of people that listening that are going to kind of take a lot from it. So thank you. Sorry, that that's the only you know, that's what not that I mean, but I do feel like that is the one one blessing of going through that experience is that you were able to help so many other people by sharing yours. And that is the only reason I have you know, I've shared about that in my own in my own space. And you know, I'm very lucky that I've had that support and I just like I said before, I just so hope that other women have that too. And if that means one day when they're having a really bad day and they happen to read something you know, which has happened to me before to you read something on a particularly bad day and might just help you see that evening witching hour, just somewhat a bit differently for that one day. If I can help one person one day by them reading something, then I'm I'm really glad. Yeah. You're listening to the art of being a mom, if my mom Alison Newman. After you start to feel, well, you're enjoying these moments and things are feeling feeling improved for you. When did you get that spark that you thought? I'm gonna go in depth again? Well, I wasn't actually feeling much better when I first started thinking about that. Yeah. Yeah, so dancing again, in, in a kind of condensed fashion, which I'm not good at, as you can see it again, was part of me feeling well, again, and I couldn't have known that at the time. Like I said, I really didn't think I would dance again. And the most exercise I would get would be when I was in the girls room, and they might have just like settled and I didn't want to open the door and the light come in. So I'd lie on the floor. And do you know, my pelvic floor exercises, that's that's the extent of where I was at. And that wasn't so I could get back on stage that was just to be a functional person again, and I have a really incredible Women's Health physio, which I also very much recommend to any any woman anywhere, no matter what you've done in your life. But you know, that was something that was just good for me. That was not, I'm just going to start with this because that'll be helpful when I'm dancing. There was no dancing thoughts. I would go over ballets when I was like rocking them to sleep in in their room, or like settling them like sometimes a random step would come out. But I was thinking about my retirement speech more than anything. And then COVID At the time I thought I probably won't even have anything and then I thought that's so sad like After 18 years like that, it just, you know, some people choose to have it that way. And I wouldn't have had a fanfare but I always thought when I retired, I'd have my family there. But yeah, I think about what I'd say. And they're the thoughts that would come and go in my, you know, spacey state that was my dance world. And so it was actually people around me mainly Locky. Because he's so supportive of me and my career. And it would be very easy to say, Oh, this is too hard. Donna, you know, Donna, you know, he tours, obviously, he's very busy with his job. And he loves his job. And, you know, he, you know, that's his dream job. And he is so good at it. It's, you know, we love watching him and but just, you know, the, the, we both have very demanding jobs in the eyes. Yeah, there was never a question of like, are from anyone that my mind was less significant in any way, or that it would be easier if I stopped dancing, because then that would work better for the family or just be easy, at some point, that probably will become part of the reason you know why we shift into a different way of how our family works. But just because I'd had two babies was not a reason for that to happen. So here's the first person who wanted to see me dance again, if that was something I wanted to do. So he he was very supportive over time in his beautiful way, not in your face just a little bit every day. Go in and have the conversation, you've got a contract still, your position is there. It's not trying to get a new job. It's your job. It's your position, have a chat, but not like what how could I talk? This is ridiculous. Don't even think about that. Go in and have a chat with David David Hallberg, our new director. So this was a new director for me, so I'm gonna who doesn't know me. And that was quite daunting in itself. So eventually, by about seven months, the company was in Melbourne at the time, they just had a Sydney season that somehow managed to squeeze in with COVID. And I arranged an appointment and decided to go in and you know, I could have not gone that day, I felt terrible, you know, I was going to miss a feed from the girls. And, you know, they'd never been left do that anyone else? Really? My mom was there lucky. I don't know if lucky was there that day. But yeah, it just all felt too hard. Of course, it's too hard. You know, there's so many other things. When you're in that, like baby space, that's too hard, leaving the house, one of them any variable for someone who is very much struggling with the day to day, a variable is too hard. Like go in and have a chat. So I put, like proper clothes on which I hadn't done and drove my car, which I also hadn't done in a while. And, you know, all of these things, and it felt like stepping out into the world again. And that was incredibly I remember, also being in this state I was, it was a sensory overload all of it, like the light, the sounds, just everything's coming into the carpark going in the left, I felt sick. Coming up, you know, it wasn't like, Oh, I'm home. And this is, you know, this is so lovely. I spent all my life here, it's, I was not in that stage. And also things had really moved on. That building felt different. I'm so glad I did, obviously. And David was very gracious in probably accepting me in that state. And, you know, I'm also a new person to him, and I just kind of flat out said, I've had a really, really rough time, and I didn't think I'd dance again. And he's like, you know, what would you like to talk about? And I said, I just I think I might want to try. You know, it wasn't a hugely confident telling yourself. I might want to try. It's like, what would that look like? I don't know. I've run out. I couldn't look him in the eye. And, you know, I just I was a shell of myself. And he just said, Well, how about you to start somewhere? I said, I don't know what, what I could come back to, you know, I was thinking like roles or seasons or and he's like, just don't even think about that. Just start somewhere, just babysit. And I was like, you know, you feel like you've got to offer something. I'll, I'll work I'll come back and I'll do that or I'll try for that series that just just don't yeah, don't think that far ahead. Just just in me Reality, if I'd actually thought about everything I have to do to get in this building every day, and to tour, I would not have gone in that day at all. So it was absolutely right on all fronts. So then I started coming in. And that was my therapy, I guess I'd come in and do Pilates kind of conditioning exercises that are quite specific what we do here. And, you know, I've done them for years. And I was very lucky that everyone knows me very well here. And in terms of, you know, the artistic health team, know me very well. I know how I function best and they weren't in my face. Some, you know, there's some mums amongst them. And they, they know, they knew instinctively what I needed. Sometimes that was just done. This is done a space, she's coming in today. And she's, you came in today, and I was like, and they're like you came in today. And then I start doing my little toe push up to the theater events. Yeah. And, you know, they could sense the days, I just needed space for myself. And that's essentially what it was. Because if I was home, I was always doing something I couldn't, we just coming back from Jessa, it was different, I could do a lot at home and he was asleep. The girls were still up and down all the time. There was always something to do food to cook a snack to get Jasper to, like, I had to go somewhere to have my that my time. And so that started like that incrementally. Then I joined our like daily training class. And that was, again, usually we work with Megan Connolly, who's our rehab coach, you normally go in with her and you know, do a couple of weeks, just one on one. And she's like, so you're gonna go into class today. And I said, Oh, but like, what are we going to do? And she's like, on in and I just go in there. I was like, no, that's just like, this is a studio with people, other people. And like a teacher and a penis. And I was like, I just, I can't, I can't like so many people in the eye, it really, you know, was a full body experience trying to get myself back into the world. And I did that by coming back into ballet, into something I knew. And that even like, all at that point. And even to vary up to when I did my first shows, I had to think if I don't get to do shows, if I don't get if I stop before I get to the like the goal or the cherry on top that I've this has been a successful worthy process, because this is what needed to happen for me. So it's more about the process rather than the end goal. It was about all those steps, and how that was like your therapy. It was actually it was and my maternal child health nurse had commented on that so much earlier. So how are we going to get you back to work? Like, that's just can't too hard. It's just we're gonna have to think about if you want, but we'll have to think about that. And I was not in that headspace. Whereas someone like her externally so much experience, I think could see pinpoint. This, this woman is going to need even for a short window of time to find a part of herself that has been so not thought about. And so I started in class for a little bit. Some days, I'd have to leave because I was overwhelmed by it wasn't even the ballet, the actual dance and everyone's like, Oh, it looks like you've never left and I'm standing there like a shell of myself and can't even express how different I felt. Physically. I was going through the motions. So and that's what I think is is tricky externally, after 18 month sort of dancing. Twins. i And I don't mean to say this, in a sense, it's precocious, but I was actually just going through the motions giving the actual dancing side of things such little thought because it was actually so much more a mental battle for me to stay in the room. People are there. They're going to look at you sometimes their eyes. Okay, you did it like, yeah, yeah, it was it just Yeah, it's like your body just almost had its own experience there. It knew the muscles knew what to do. It just did its own thing. And you could let it do that. In the meanwhile, the you know, inside your head. All this is happening. And yeah, and it's hard. People don't say that. Like literally, like you said, they said, it's like you never left. So they're only seeing this outside and they're not, you know, seeing the whole picture. So yeah, it's the realizations that come to me when I'm dancing. That's always been the case. But especially in that time and even still, the distance I have from being at home when I'm At the ballet, and when I'm dancing, things come to me and I solve problems in my head. And yeah, you know, I have these epiphany moments all the time about my kids and about mothering. When I'm at the bar. It comes to me then. Ah, so it is there's something about that. And maybe just because I've grown up doing it, and there's live music the first day, when someone started, we have, you know, a live pianist. So they start playing plays, and they improvise every day, all these exercises, and I just, like, my mouth was open, I was just like, oh my gosh, that's right. So I'm gonna just plays music for your day. Someone amazing, just plays music, music all day for you. was a really profound one. But I think I could unravel a lot of what had happened over the last 18 months, by being in that space. Yeah, wouldn't have to do at home for sure. Or even, you know, gone for a run or something it might have might have worked that there was something about, like you said, my body being a little bit on autopilot, that my mental chat could start to unravel a little bit. Okay, the space, it's, it's almost like, like a meditation in some ways that, like, I mean, I know, traditional meditation, you lay down, and then your body's at rest, so your mind can work. But sort of, in that way, like, your body's just doing its thing. You don't have to think about it. And then yeah, all this stuff, you're open to process, like it's a problem solve. And I feel very, I had such like a vehicle actually, that was way too daunting at the start, but actually became, you know, the art form that I've loved forever, actually, was the way into, you know, the new version of me that was all put together. Every kind of come before. Yeah, that's, that's incredible. It's like it truly is a part of your identity. And it just needed it was like that. Yeah, like I keep coming back to this word therapy was and that nurse was was experienced enough to see that, that that was going to be part of your healing was to get that part of your life back again. Yeah. And that's how long you know, who knows, and it's not about that. And I was lucky enough to be able to, after Melbourne, got out of the last longtown last year, we had a gala celebration season in December, it was a 10 day runner shows at the Art Center. And I was lucky enough to be ready at that point. I I'd only just come back full time. And so that was a personal choice, too. I extended my maternity leave beyond the 12 months, because I wasn't ready yet to leave the girls. I wasn't ready to have my schedule dictated to. I still needed to have because everything just took longer. And with twins, it just does. I think for everyone to find their feet for the tweens to settle into life like everything. Yeah, yeah, but certainly I wasn't ready to be after that long fighting to be there and enjoying them to then just evacuate and be at work you know, for 1012 hour days. So I took a really slow slow ride in and that meant I was working Training Training obviously you can't just turn off on day one. So from you know, from when they was eight months maybe not wasn't actually was like 10 months old. That's when I started some physical stuff and then I did all of that on my own time on my own schedule and then the week before shows opened as I'd planned but they everyone knew but I was like that's when I finish things that you've got a week and then a week of shows and I'm going on holiday Yeah, so again like compartmentalizing things like right from the start how lucky was saying just go into a chat and then you had you had David just saying well just try the sword you know it was it's breaking that down because the overwhelm if you think about everything is just too much it's just it's not it's not good yeah. The topic of mum guilt in and I guess everyone has different views. Use of what that is some people think it's a load of rubbish, which is great. Other people have like really relate to it, which is fine. Everyone's different. Have you ever had any experience with that? Or your thoughts about that are definitely have experience with mom guilt. That's something I feel all mums do face. And I will I'm certainly I certainly do. And a lot of the ballet mums here, that's a big one for us. Obviously, feeling guilty all the time serves no one. So I'm aware of that, too, that it's, it's a, it's a sensitive feeling that isn't really helping anyone. But what we do here at the ballet feels very self centered and self absorbed. It's such a giving up form, but our experience of how hard it is and the work we need to put in and the conditioning and the focus. And the I've got to get to the theater at this time. Because I've got to get my hair, I've got to do my makeup, I've got to think about my steps. And all of that changes after you become a man, you minimize everything and into the small amount of time as you can. But there's still the sense that I'm doing something for myself here. Like I'm, I'm focusing on myself, and I want that role. And I want to do that on stage and every one. I want to feel that. And you can't help but think I've got these little people who are like, Hey, Mom, I want you to but yeah, you know, so I very much relate to that. Whilst also understanding it's not really helpful. But there was something that I come back to, and what has often come from people reminding me and then I try to repeat it for myself is that your children, seeing you as a whole person is really important. And your children, especially with what we do seeing, seeing, you're so dedicated and so passionate, and loving something so much. What brought to you is really, really important to especially as a mother. And I think the uniqueness of what we do and touring half the year, the you know, the changeability, that pulling kids out of school or daycare and taking them to Sydney for two months, can feel like a bit of a liability and a bit of a, you know, kind of mixing their life up so much. And you know, with my son, I felt really guilty, he hasn't been able to do regular swimming lessons. And he hasn't been able to do soccer. And you know, I can't always be the one at the school gate. And even though when I was at home with the little girls with my twins, and he started school, when I stood at the school gate, I felt so out of place, I felt, I just felt so out of place. I just, I just I just yeah, it was actually a really uncomfortable feeling. And he didn't actually really care if I was if it was me there or not. Some days he does, and he is but he's also had such a colorful, interesting childhood already. I tried to flip that round, to say actually, he's had exposure to things that other kids haven't had. Yes, they've had playdates regular playdates, they go to soccer every Saturday, and the routine of that, and, you know, maybe the social constancy of that, you know, he hasn't had, but he's also had exposure to so many other things. So in context of my work and knowing it's not forever, knowing at some point, and probably, you know, by the time the girls are at school, I will be at the school gate every day, makes this time even more precious. And, you know, I do hope that, you know, they can see that their mom, you know, in did look after themselves, so that I could look after them. I do hope at some point in their lives, they can, they can see how valuable that was. And I might Santi now at the ballet, and he just had the best home ever so football with with the dancers, and that's something that other kids don't get to do. That's it. Yeah, absolutely. It's about although I think it's um, it relies again, on, you know, routinely reminding yourself of the value that your your art and your work is giving to you, and then how that's trickling down into your family. I definitely have more energy and more, more empathy, more support, more, more valuable time, if I've just had a bit of time for myself. At the moment that time is being spent doing something that I love, which is dancing. And at some point in the future, I have to find something else that that time is for so that that can still trickle down. Yeah, absolutely. You have you have that thing that feels that pick up and then you can you can give to others. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's good. You said about that. Because yeah, one of the things I like to mention is that it's, it is important for children to say, what their mums and dads are doing. I didn't matter what didn't actually mean to ask this, I was about to say something different. But as you mentioned before the girls like see their dad on the telly like, that's just like, did they? Did they make the connection? Do they like this? Yeah, yeah. I mean, probably assisted by the fact that like, hey, look, this study the girls, this is something I think all kids love music and dancing and our all of our kids do, but especially the girls are so absorbed in music and dance. And I mean, maybe some of those genetic I found with Queens, one of the only ways especially when they're early, you know, when they're lying on their little playing mat. That was one thing to keep them both entertained at once, which wasn't holding both of them at once was to lay them on the floor. And I'd put Wiggles, you know, playlists on and dance around like a little crazy person, you know, crazy person and try and sing not as well as their dad. And they would kick their little legs and you know, smile and giggle and that, you know, they obviously had exposure really, really early on to that. And still those particular wiggles that I've obviously drummed into them are their favorites. I you know, I love that they, I love so much, you know, we at 410 Every day we put you know, ABC Kids on and that's when we will design that's our little 10 minutes of you know, TV. They start dancing around and you know, Emma twirls around and they're, they're twirling around and they're trying to actually trying to do a sign language. It's amazing what young babies are picking up because there's me involved like, yeah, it's how they are learning because their music and dance involved. It's so innate. Yeah, I think it's really lovely. Obviously, Daddy's out there too. And that's pretty special. And yeah. We're taking them to the wiggles concert next week. And by we, I mean me. And I can't wait. Because even when they were five months old, I think, you know, I was on the sides with the girls. And my mom and Lulu especially was transfixed, and you know, five months old for 45 minutes. Oh, yeah, totally transfixed. And I think the power of music and dance is so, so beautiful. And I'm so glad they're growing up. So, so all amongst it. Yeah, it is beautiful, isn't it, it's like, like you're saying before, it might not be the, you know, going to soccer every week or the, you know, whatever it might be. But it's you're giving the children such an incredible life, just this exposure to things that other children might not get. And it's just, it's so awesome. It is. And it's challenging, obviously, and logistically, it's a jigsaw puzzle, turn it upside down and back to front and try put it back together again, every day is like that we have so many moving parts of our lives function. were two of us trying to tune out as well. It's just pretty, pretty full on and we're desperate school and trying to keep that consistent. And but it but it is it's it's it's good. I think I always try to remember to this is such a short amount of time. Yet ultimately, it's the best time for it to be like this. Yeah. Jess was starting us kit this year. And he'll he'll he'll do that, you know, he'll do that in years to come. He'll have enough soccer on Saturdays and he will get to your swimming lessons. But this is a unique time where I'm able to still do this. I can't do this again in 10 years time, being the level I'm at and want to be in 10 years time. So I might say you can but I'm, you know, I'm more than every day. I'm aware of that. You know, I do I have the best job in the world. And I get to go on stage and be different people and have world class orchestras playing music for me and do something I felt mostly quite natural doing my whole life. You know, it's it's hard to say no to that. And yes, hopefully my children can benefit from that too. Yeah, absolutely. I've got a wrench and the there was a beautiful article. Sydney Morning Herald where they took all these amazing photos of your family dressed up, and there's this one photo. I think it's Lulu. Like you've got this beautiful dress on and you're holding it and she's like, whatever like her facial expression. It's like, Oh, come on. I just every time I look at that, I just think she's in this world she gets, she knows what's going on. And she's like, Yeah, I'm in front of the camera again. With that particular photo, I know you're talking about it was one of her actually smiling. Yeah, they didn't using it. So when I saw that particular shot, when she's looking at, yeah, like, whatever. I thought it's a bit of a shame. But for whatever reason, maybe my leg looked better. Or, you know, the dress looks, you know, had a bit more flow or something. But I yeah, I did think that oh, interestingly enough, she's the one who loves her dress, and you put it on and she doesn't actually turned around. I just find those things. So interesting. Yeah. I don't know what Mommy does. Really. They don't. They haven't been able to come in most of my friends here at work. haven't even met the girls because of COVID. And, yeah, we're still very careful here, obviously. So those sorts of things aren't allowed. But yeah, they actually only know dancing through what they know themselves and through Wiggles. Um, but it's I love watching them just like, you know, dance along. Yeah, yeah. No, I just love I had to mention that. It's really funny. She's, she's really theatrical one. Currently in our Melbourne season of Anna Karenina, which was meant to be in the 2020 season, but has been postponed several years. So it's so lovely to have been able to get the this ballet on here. It actually made it to Adelaide last year and a little sneaky little week. It's a big, bold, intense drama. So beautiful, amazing costumes, scenery, a real modern day story of such a classic novel, obviously. So we're performing out here now. And we move that to Sydney, in April. Yeah, for three weeks. And we open also in Sydney in May a massive production called Kunstkammer, which is a whole huge evening of work. It's an amazing show from Netherlands dance theater and dt, which is the premier absolute, contemporary dance creative Maverick company from the last 60 something years. So this concept of Karma is a collection of incredible, four different choreographers who came together to create this incredible work, and there's so much in it. So it's a big undertaking for the company, but an absolute gift for us. No one else in the world has performed this ballet. So to have this in Australia is like having, you know, the rarest gem. So we're currently working on that at the moment, which is really exciting. You know, the some of the choreographers, I never thought I would ever be in the same room as them. Last year when we started workshopping and are just learning the early bits and I thought this is already enough like day one I've seen in the room with Paul Lightfoot. I never thought that would happen. This is unbelievable. So that's so exciting. We're doing that in Sydney in May. We bring that to Melbourne in June. So Melbourne gets to see that too. And then we open a ballet called Harlequinade here, which is a great commedia dell'arte, ballet, slapstick kind of comedy, but really clever, lots of dancing. Really funny, a real family sort of fun piece, which I'm really excited about. It's the sort of dancing that I get really excited by it's virtuoso, kind of pumping and turning and lots of fast movement but also lots of comedic timing and storytelling, which you know, I think is challenging but so, so rewarding. And then we have to finish off the first half the year we have our Adelaide season actually of counterpoint which is double bill, a double bill of Raymonda and which is a classical to to act. And then I got, I got artifacts, we really emphasize artifact suite, which is kind of like, again, a ballet that you know, the Eastern invite to have in their repertoire is a real coup. Yeah, that pushes dancers to like next level. So a whole lot of work. So, so you are performing something but then learning something else at the same time. Like you're doing different man that must does that screw with your head a bit, though, that you're like, which character am I today? That if you're doing the same dance, but several roles in the same dance that is quite tricky for the brain. Yeah, but I find the role is in the music. So whatever musics on it just getting to Yeah, we only did we did two versions of Swan Lake back to back. And that was a bit like, Oh, which one are we in? This one was modern was restoration, or, Oh, it's kind of similar, but not quite hit it in a music. But again, that's a skill that you kind of have to pick up along the way. And that's the challenge as well. But yeah, it's that's the sort of thing that I think people don't realize they do. Yeah, I never realized that till you just said that then, because I think musically, we're certainly my experience, you've got a show coming up. So you work on all this stuff for that show, then that show finishes, then you start for your next thing. But your world is just constantly constantly going, revolving door. And the different dance styles really challenge your body in different ways. And it's often when you start a new dance style, like as in a new piece of repertoire, it often you get quite sore or a bit, you know, using different muscles to do what you have been doing, and it feels a bit not quite the same as last night, and you're all caught up to my coin. How do I do that today? It is a constant challenge in that respect. But also it's the richness of the work we get to perform in the company here is that it's so diverse. And we actually are all very versatile dancers and very capable of that. So yeah, yeah, there was always lots to look forward to. And that's why you know, if you're not in a season this season heavily, you're there's something coming up always to think about. So we're very lucky. It's like a feast for us here. Everyone's very jealous overseas, how many shows we do? Talking about the kids like the dancing, I've worked in childcare, that's my day job. And I've certainly had a lot of wiggles over the years. But like it, they will that's what they want to hear the kids like, oh, we have this computer that we set up the music and and we have different music for sleep time. And anytime anyone walks over there we go squiggles or we will lose or they'll just they'll just start doing actions and they just love it. And same, like you said about the sign language. Like it's just becoming more mainstream a part of culture. Because of that, that, you know, the AMA, and it's like, it's just wonderful. It's, there's so there's so much like education value in what they're doing. It's not like, you know, they're not just a bunch of people to stenciling and having a party. It's like, they're actually educating and it's our like, my eldest son, he grew up with the originals. And then it was lovely to meet everyone in a different way. And some new faces when I had Digby, he's, he's six. So yeah, the year is and it's just a wonderful thing that it's still going and they've got the new faces now and it's just it's a wonderful part of our culture, I think. Yeah, yeah. It's, um, it's a it's a pretty special experience to be able to, you know, share that with children. And I do think, like I said, Before, they children just learn so innately through through music and dance without even knowing they are. And I think that probably goes across the ages and that goes into, you know, children who are well about, you know, three, four or five years old who love all those sorts of songs and things and so much scope for for learning with music and dance and how that can help all kids and all sorts of education kind of settings. With a ballet you know, we have storytime ballet which is, you know, the ballet for kids and Jasper seen those shows and a lot of kids come to those shows and you know, that is also what sparks a lot of children's in imaginations and a lot of what becomes the future generation of ballet dancers here and overseas, because they started at that first storytime, ballet performance, you know, that their mom or their grandma or someone took them to when they were three, four or five, six? Yes, spark something of that experience that took them somewhere. And then that takes them on their life to, you know, what they might like to become? And I'm sure that's how it happened with me like I just How can you not get take with that whole experience? And I think, you know, with ballet and music you that's pretty special to have that spark at such a young age and to play a part in that little person. Yeah, absolutely. I love that. That's it. That's a beautiful note to end on. I think. Thank you so much, Donna, it's been an absolute pleasure having you on. Thank you for giving me so much time and, and chatting. So candidly, I've really, really enjoyed it. I have to thank you for giving me the space to you know, just like I said, I hope I can always help. The only reason I'd ever share anything about what I'm doing in my life or at home is that I can help someone else. And it's really lovely that ballet dancers now have the choice to become mums. And that, you know, we're working through this space of working out how they kind of feed and inspire each other. So thank you for giving me the space. It's been a pleasure. Thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum

Melissa Condo Francis Australian musician, singer, songwriter and educator S1 Ep13 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts My guest today is Melissa Condo Francis. Melissa is a singer/songwriter, collaborator, producer and performing arts teacher from Portland Victoria, and a mum of 3. Describing her genres as wide ranging as folk, electronica, jazz and alt pop, Melissa has performed as a duo, and soloist under the guise ‘ Sleuth ’, done international collaborations and released 4 albums as an independent artist, as well as producing and performing in an operetta. She talks about the way music has bonded their family, how she deals with criticism and finding 'your people', and the challenges of writing music with your significant other. **This episode contains discussions around mental health issues, loss of a parent and grief** Connect with Melissa on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sleuthmusic11/?hl=en Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Melissa's music used with permission Spotify Listen to all recent musical guests' tracks on this Spotify playlist When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the art of being among the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creators and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Thank you for joining me. My guest today is Melissa Kondo France's Melissa is a singer, songwriter, collaborator, producer and a performing arts teacher from Portland, Victoria, and a mom of three, describing her genres as wide ranging as folk, electronica, jazz and old pop. Melissa has performed as a duo and a soloist under the guise of sleuth, she's done international collaborations and released four albums as an independent artist, as well as producing and performing in an operetta. On the episode she talks about the way music has gone to their family, how she deals with criticism, and finding your people and the challenges of writing music with your significant other. This episode contains discussions around mental health issues, loss of a parent and grief. Welcome, Melissa, it's great to have you on the podcast. Thanks for coming on today. Thanks for having me. So, for those who aren't familiar with your music and what you do, can you give us a rundown about the style of music you create and all that kind of thing? Yeah, so I perform and right under the artist name of sleuth, which is kind of a bit of a parody harkening back to my days in the police force, actually. But I did my music style would be eclectic, really. I've done everything from sort of folk music to electronica to hardstyle, drum and bass. What else would I have done, I've got a lot of jazz elements to quite a bit of my music, as well. And probably the more prolific music or this stuff that's been out there a little bit more than the other stuff that in the back catalogue, we'd be all pop. Yeah, it's yeah, it's really, really, I have actually been openly criticized for not picking a particular genre to stick with. But I actually like it. I do a lot of international collabs with different artists. And they're all from all sorts of different genres, which is great. So keeps it interesting. And it really pushes my creativity, I think, to be able to write two different styles. Hmm, keep keeping it keeping it really interesting. Yeah. How did you first get into music? I've, I can't remember a time when I haven't been a musician. I learned piano from age three. So sort of earliest memories. Piano from age three till about, I did formal lessons till I was about 1516 years old. And yeah, I just stuck with that, really, and a lot of music theory, had a fair amount of personal family stuff go on for about a decade after that, which meant that I was sort of not playing music or writing. And I never really, in that decade, pushed myself to do anything musically. And then just found myself in a sphere, I guess, after after meeting my husband, where I could pick it up again, which was great. So from about age 26 onwards, just re fostered that, that love of music again, and threw myself into it. guns blazing, wrote four albums, did a couple of reasonably reasonably local regional tours. And yeah, I was I was probably a bit old really to be. And I say that with a big smile on my face, because I don't believe in age, defining how creative you can be. But yeah, I was probably a little bit too old to be marketed that successfully to the current pop scene, but that's okay. It doesn't. It certainly didn't stop me doing what I was doing. And I guess I was very fortunate that I could write music as a hobby, which allowed me to be a lot more authentic with what I was writing rather than try and write to a contract. To feel obligated to push out the music. I just sort of got on a creative wave, wrote it as long as the wave lasted and fortunately Um, the right the wave sort of has subsided a little bit about probably the start of 2021. I stopped, I haven't, I haven't actually released anything of my own. Since then I've released collaborations with other artists, but I haven't. I haven't written anything since Lux was finished. That was my fourth album. So just having a bit of a rest at the moment and dealing with COVID and dealing with other other scenes. I think my life at the moment that are taking a little bit more of a forefront. School I have three children, I had three under four, which was insane. So they're currently aged 10, nine and six. So my daughter is 10 and my two sons, nearly nine and six and a half. And they are in grade four, three and one. So they're, especially with remote learning in Victoria because of lockdowns, it's pretty mentally consuming to try and get them through a school day at home. Yeah, they do. Amazingly, I think we, I was fortunate enough to be blessed with a very large, extended inlaw family. And so they've had a lot of one on one time, they've had a lot of reading, they've had a lot of the early groundwork done. So they're actually, I think, probably a dream, realistically, speaking up to homeschool, but it doesn't feel like that a lot. But yeah, I think they're, they're amazing. So where did the having the children fit in with doing your music, I think the probably the scene for me to be reviving my, my musical abilities and interest really happened when I met my husband. We've been married for 13 and a half years. And that love of music has never really left me but I sort of didn't have any space to really inject any any deliberate effort into it or any sort of passion. Obviously, a piano is not that easy to transport to various different rental properties and that sort of thing. So my, my family piano stayed with my dad. And I've only just last year got got the piano. But I've been playing on since and everything since my husband actually gifted me one. My kids I had sort of I started having children about two and a half years into being married. So my husband and I were writing mainly folk music together, and just playing very sort of small, intimate Restaurant and Bar gigs in the local music scene, which, incidentally, I found super hard to get into it. There's a lot of ego I think involved in particularly the regional music scenes in Victoria, I don't know if it's like that in the rest of the country. But yeah, the covers scene is alive and well. And certainly if you if you play covers, you can get gigs just about anywhere, if you're any good. But to play original music, it's really really hard to garner a local following. So that that probably was a factor I think in in it just being sort of more smaller, intimate stuff at first. And then I had my children wrote music at home around doing all of that. But I was lucky that I never really needed to have it as a career. So I've always had a wage from another sort of job, or alongside being a musician that I think I was fortunate as well that when I did invest money into the music, I was able to do it under a performing arts business, which was one of my side jobs. So a lot of my expenses were tax deductible. And I had a very clever accountant that knew how to make it work for me. So I was able and my husband was amazingly supportive as well, which was, which was really nice. I don't think many musicians have that level of acceptance of spending 1000s of dollars on musical equipment, so that you can record an album which of course no one's paying you to record either. So then to produce CDs then costs 1000s of dollars more, and then you're really just taking a punt on whether or not there'll be enough I often local support to buy those albums just to recover your costs. So I think I've been quite lucky. That one, I have the support from him. And then secondly, I was lucky enough to have won a couple of competitions, which funded the subsequent album that I was about to release. So I released my firt, my debut album, number anima, which was very favorably received, which blew my mind, I got a five star review from a julong music publication, then independent music magazine, which just did not expect that at all, I remember getting the email with a review and just bawling my eyes out in the kitchen because it had been 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of hours of work, unpaid, nearly, like, oftentimes causing a lot of marital tension because of the amount of focus and just sheer ignorance that I had of whatever else was going on in my family scene. Because I'm pretty singularly focused like that, I often shut things out. So I've had an amazing amount of support to allow me to do that for a period of time. So those albums, were partially funded by me winning competitions, which was nice. And then also the sales of CDs, which I don't recommend doing either. Like, I must admit, I have chosen a medium to produce albums, which is not really that financially viable, but I'm lucky that at least it's paid for itself. So as far as a hobby goes, it's not costing me any more money, which is nice. That sort of takes a bit of a strain off. But yeah, it certainly is a privilege that not many, not many musicians get to get to enjoy your children into music as well. Yeah, absolutely. They don't have a choice really. Sorry. I had, as I said, I had music lessons from age three. My kids have been learning piano from or how old were they? I think I started them at age six or seven on piano. So they all play piano and they all start read music. They all play a little bit of drums. My son Austin plays guitar and Zach is learning all those a bit little. Zara plays ukulele they write songs, my daughter actually wrote a couple of songs with a girlfriend, which is super cute. I think that she was eight at the time and her friend was nine. And they put it on YouTube. So because of course they're watching mum do these music videos at home and things like that. Because obviously, I don't have a marketing budget to spend 1000s of dollars on music videos. So I just do the home job variety. I had a rude wake up call the other day actually, on a complete side tangent, I put one of my we've just recently got a pretty nice TV at our house. It was my husband's tax return present to himself. And I put one of my YouTube clips up on the TV. And on a phone or a small laptop screen, you can't see various errors. And then you put it on a massive 76 inch television. And you can see all these little blotches on the screen where I haven't edited properly and all this sort of thing i Oh my God, that's just an amateur hour. So yeah, it's it's been interesting, but I mean, unfortunately I don't have to. I don't have to answer to anyone about my my home job music videos, which is nice. But yes, in answer to your question, getting back on topic, my kids are all very musical. And it's a great way of bonding I think, particularly with my husband and the boys. They play drums and they also play like basic guitar. So they we all swap over instruments. One of our we had a we built a music studio during the first big lockdown in Victoria in the downstairs part of our house and so we have a bass rig a drum kit thing, an electric guitar rig a couple of my since the piano, the interface for recording and a big PA system down there as well. And so we'll have that family band time a lot of the time down there and the boys will they love it. It's actually really good bonding for them with with their dad and I don't think they would have been able to do it quite so early. If it wasn't for them. Piano Lessons might be at the beginning, my husband was thought I was crazy for insisting that they do theoretical piano lessons from a young age because it was quite expensive. And so, and he just didn't see the value in it initially. And now a few years in when they're playing sight reading music themselves and learning blues riffs, with their left hand and being able to have show independence on the piano between their hands and play some really cool little little jams, which he can then put bass or guitar or drums to. It's yeah, it's quite a good bonding thing for him. And for them, as well. Oh, yeah. Do you find them that because they've learned piano? Because they know the basic skills? They can transfer that then into the other instruments? Yeah. For them? Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Especially with with the drums. For Austin, he, he's quite gifted at drums. He's only eight years old, nearly nine. And he, he can play with a lot of independence between his feet and his hands. Which means that he can play quite complex drum beats, compared to basic sort of four on the floor, rock ACDC type sort of stuff, which is not criticizing it. It's a fundamental part of Australian music. And there's a reason why it's so successful and accessible as well. It's because it's just so simple. There's a lot of space in the music for everybody to ramp up the vibe when I listen to it, but he can actually do quite a lot of creative fills. And different. I'm not a drummer. So I don't know the correct word, but like different textures with different different types of drums, because of it, because of that independence. And that really transcends from from playing piano, especially blues piano. He's quite lucky. I wish I'd learnt blues piano rather than just classical. But that's where I can teach myself now I've been teaching myself drums, which is pretty exciting as well. So padded, it's great. It's very therapeutic, though. I hit that the other day. Actually, I did some interviews with some dads for like the Father's Day special. And one of the dads was like, yep, Jones is very therapeutic. Yeah, yeah. That was drinking wine, as well as the other thing I've been doing. I had a conversation about that, too. I think all of Australia is actually that that could be the way to get our economy back up and running. Apparently, we had all this wine that China wasn't buying a while ago. I'm sure it's getting put to very good use right now. We won't waste it that's for sure. Did the kids come along to gigs or some of the kids I suppose with the ages? Some of them have yeah, I've done like I said, I've done quite a lot of different types of gigs. So I've put together a few years ago, an opera ready. Operator actually, I think it's a so called deal was two events. I did one in Hamilton and one in Portland and one was called Baroque on the hill and Baroque by the bay. And that was in conjunction with Hamilton and Alexandra college. So I, I put together a performance with a student ensemble where a couple of their most gifted string students were able to join in I obviously had the the core of the ensemble with a professional musicians which were the teaching staff at Hamilton and Alexandra college. And I had a singing student of mine, Medline and Meister performed the soprano to Starbuck murder and I performed the Alto part. And so that was the the settings for those two performances were in churches, one in Hamilton, one in Portland. And so the kids were able to come to that, which was really quite special for me because obviously, there's a certain amount of discipline and rigor that is involved in performing a 45 minute opera. That, like, I just rehearse, I was obsessed with it. I was obsessed with most of my projects anyway, musically, but there was I think the kids knew every single note of the opera by the time by the time I actually performed it. They had had heard it being rehearsed every hour of every waking minute of every day. So you Yeah, they, it was good for them to see that performance get put together. And then there's been a couple of other performances that they've been out. And most of them, though, are in pubs and wine bars and things like that. So it's not really suitable for the kids to attend. And I think it's certainly, because we're not famous enough to have our own roadies to do all the gigs set up for us. gigs where we're having to stuff the car with all the PA gear and transport it means that there's no room for children in the car. So those gigs I've been very fortunate to have my inlaws out at, but my kids have certainly seen me on bigger stages like the foreshore, New Year's Eve and, and that sort of thing, where I've had a proper tech crew and that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, that's and they, I've talked to some parents whose children do that, do this. When you're stopped, your kids wouldn't be like that. And I think it's actually been, it's taken a long time for my daughter to decide that my music is actually okay. But there was a really special moment that I had, when my kids were doing swimming lessons at the local YMCA. And this is long time ago, right before the release of ombre anima, which was my debut album that I'd been obsessively working on the nine songs on that album. And so the kids had heard it all over the house, they'd had it in the car when I was dropping them off to school so that I could get an idea of what it sounded like on different speakers and all sorts of things. And they were very sick of it. And they were at the YMCA with school swimming lessons, and I had turned up with my laptop to sit on the side of the pool and do the good mum thing and watch my kids or pretend to watch my kids have swim lessons. And so I had my headphones in, and I had my laptop there and I was listening to music and rehashing different bars and that sort of thing to just see what what sort of mixing I'd need to adjust on it. Not an optimal mixing environment. I know. But I was. It was my first album, give me a break. And I had heard I heard over like it was so it's such a surreal moment. My kids were in the pool behind me. I was sitting was poolside and then all of a sudden on the PA system of the YMCA can blaring my song in the dark. And I didn't realize at first I was sick because I had headphones in and that was the song I was working on. I was like what's going on here. And I took my headphones out and I looked over and the local water aerobics class had chosen that song because they obviously knew I was there to do their water aerobics class. And so they just bled it at the top of their of their system through the YMCA and my kids borrow in particular was sitting in the pool doing a lesson and she's gone. That's my mom's song. And so I hear this this big, like all the water aerobics ladies started clapping me from the other side of the pool and then my daughter is gone. That's my mom's music. So I think she suddenly realized that it wasn't such an uncool thing to be like to write music and to actually have people listen to it. I think she finally realized that it was actually something that people enjoyed and that they appreciated. Even if she didn't Yeah, they often sing my stuff which is nice to hear to also realize that other people value what you're doing exactly yeah, that is the big that was the big moment but it was it was quite a special moment for me because I not only was it really quite surprising and confusing for me to have it not playing in my headphones and playing beside me. Yeah, to have just audiences from all like, in so many different ways in that moment. It was really nice. Quite a weird experience but yeah, that's the lesson story yeah I talk to all my guests about mom guilt and I put it in a quote. What how do you feel about mom guilt? I think it's very alive and well and prevalence. And I I guess I just had to decide that I didn't care about it. I have have actually had a lot of flack over the years for I think I got I got told at One point that I was handling my children to their dad. And yeah, so there was that comment. I think I've actually been pretty heavily criticized by other local museums as being ruthless and being overly competitive and quite a lot of other things. Because it seems like a lot of people, I guess that's not just a mum thing. That's also a an Australian thing. I think we dislike anybody that plays a big, we have to play small. Because otherwise we step on too many people's toes. And for me to sort of, and I really, it really graded with me, particularly that one, I think there was this idea that I was I was too old, or I was too, too aggressive, or I was too Ultra focused, and I needed to be sort of more. I needed to be more flexible on some things, which I actually didn't think I needed to be more flexible on because they were my standards. So I've had a lot of flack from that along the way. But I, as far as with parenting guilt and mum guilt. I think I've been amazingly lucky in that my husband not only understands music, so he had, he was a bit of a rock star before I met him. So he had been in bands for years. He plays everything. So he plays drums, bass guitar, sings writes music, and he reckons he can't play piano, but he can. He just doesn't play it as well as me. And so he considers that an abject failure because he's super competitive. But yeah, he I'm lucky that the two of us both being musicians value that highly so he could see the value in what I was doing. And I think I was kind of lucky that I could lord it over him a little bit in the beginning, because he, he had his Rockstar years when I first met him. And so that consisted of band practice two or three times a week, for hours, like come home at two in the morning. It was a bit of a boys club. They're great guys, but it was very much I was The Good Wife that just sort of let played second fiddle really to it. And I was pretty supportive, like I was I was very enthusiastic about his music, pushed his, but pushed him to really push himself with it was very supportive, most of the time of band prac. Because I had my own obsessions at the time I was writing to fitness and running and everything. So I just instead of playing music, I threw myself into that. Then we had babies. And of course I was the only way that I could really sort of have any time was with him musically, was to write softer, more folky sort of stuff that was just the two of us. So we, he, he was very present with all of that, although we we nearly ended up divorced a few times with writing music, because he's got very different writing style. To me, he's incredibly it's a, it's a good thing that we have those differences. But it took us probably about 10 years to work through it. He is very critical of everything that he does, to the point where he'll refine and refine and refine, whereas he can play a couple of notes to me, and I just see endless possibilities. And I roll with with my creative vision on it. And then he'll stop and start and go back and change. And it just pulls the rug. For me it feels like it pulls the rug out from under my feet when writing, but it's because he he doesn't have the same way of visualizing. And it was incredibly deflating to me over and over and over again, it was my fault because I didn't what was kind of that was anyone's fault. It was just a mismatch in how we wrote music together. And then when I started writing my own music, all of a sudden, we had this freedom where he would criticize what I wrote in a good way and I'll critique it, I should say, not criticize it. And I would take it on board and I would refine what I was writing and everything because it was my vision that I was working with. And because every now and then I would tell him to go shove is critiquing. And I didn't sort of compromise my what my vision for the song was. It took all the ego out of all the previous discussions and we're just suddenly like, I just I don't know, it was amazing. So he's very lucky that he's very supportive of my writing. He's not afraid to tell me if he thinks something should be made better, which is great, because a lot of my stuff on Lux is hugely involving of him. We've he's been very critical in a good way of what I've done. And then regarding the mum guilt thing. Occasionally he will be critical of how much time I have spent focusing on music instead of a family. But yeah, he's he's pretty good. With all of it. I think most of the time the criticism comes from other family members or other museums, really, that sort of don't handle my day directness, I think in my singularity of focus, which I think it is a bad thing sometimes, I think, my blinkers on with my family for a while, it definitely couldn't have endured forever. But I think I've been very lucky that I've been allowed to have a season where my dad just let me ride the creative. Talking about how you caught flack from people that had your style, I suppose. And your decisions, when you got that feedback? Does that drive you and make you? Yeah, yeah. So one of my songs on my debut album, ombre anima is entirely written because of that. It's called empty room. And I think it was, it was written in direct response to two people, I'm not going to name them because I don't think it's very nice of me. But basically, a big fu to some people that had criticize the way that I taught my performing art students, people that criticize the way that I was so uncompromising on certain things. And they, they actually saw that as a real character flaw rather than a positive thing as far as being disciplined and staying the course towards what you actually were trying to achieve. I think there are dreams where it does become a bad thing. But I don't think like I look at what I've achieved with, with, with my performing art students, and also with my music for such a, like, I've never had a grant paid to me, I've never had any sort of funding support from a label or anything like that. And I've still produced four albums, and been nominated for awards and won some awards and that sort of thing. So I think, I think considering all of that, I think I've done what I needed to do to do that. And I don't think that I've lost anything along the way, despite obviously upsetting a few people here and there that felt a bit threatened by it. Yeah, so that song that definitely inspires me to write, I wrote empty room about that, I think, would have lyrics to that song, there's little things I do, giving up of me, just to prove to you that there's somehow sunlight breaking through. So in other words, that whole verse is about me trying to prove to someone that I was a nice person inside. And giving up on what I actually wanted to do and needed to do in order just to prove to them that I was a nice person. And I just went nuts, I'm actually done with that, like, it feels like I'm living in a cage, screw all of you, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna do what I need to do. And it took me I actually needed to work through it, it took probably a couple of days of being really, really like almost on the point of breakdown, I think I was really low from it, because I really felt like it was a I took it, I took it on board too much at first, and I believed them. At first I didn't instead of actually going hang on a minute, what's your motivation for having a crack at me? Instead of doing that I actually took on board what they said way too much. And then I think I think I just came to the realization that those people aren't my people. They don't get it. They don't support drive and ambition and the pursuit of making something the best that it can possibly be. And they don't take feedback very well either. Interestingly, so yeah. Yeah, so yeah, that that was where that comes from that Yeah, certainly I have been inspired by that. That's what I need. Maybe I need someone to help me and then I've run another. The other big thing that I like to explore is entity so and I'll put in air quotes again being more than just a mom, you're still listening. You're still musician. Louisa, you you have children, but you You're really strong on on maintaining your own see outside of being a mother? Yeah, definitely. I think that comes through in the themes of what I write as well, I. Yeah, my, a lot of what I've written is sort of autobiographical. Which is not to say that it's all about falling in love and having your heart broken, and that sort of thing, which is fine. Like those are, those are significant moments for a lot of people. And there's a reason why those sorts of songs resonate with so many people. But my music is often inspired by either just what I'm going through in the moment. So an example of that would be vinyl scratch on my album lacks where I was mucking around with some jazz stuff. And was really interested in just making a song entirely composed of jazz chords. And so I started mucking around with that, and I had a flashback of, because we're in lockdown, and we couldn't go anywhere. And it just sort of seemed like time was just dissolving in front of us. I wrote, I wrote about how music was timeless in that respect, like when you listen to music, you stop worrying about how long the song goes for or, or what you've what you've got going on. And so that was what vinyl scratch was about. So it's not necessarily a theme of, of a tragedy or whatever. But by contrast, as well, there's another song that I wrote, wrote on Lux, which was probably the biggest song I've ever written, maybe that's the reason why I'm not writing a lot now. It's called umbilicus. And that was probably the most autobiographical song I've ever done. It was about the death of my own mother. But in a way, the lead up to her death, as well. She had she had brain cancer. And so she was quite, quite ill for years prior to dying. And it was a very confusing time for me and my sister as teenagers trying to navigate being told that it was just us and it was just our attitude problems. And it was just, you know, what the reason we were finding life so hard was because we were teenagers. And it wasn't because we had someone who was mentally unstable, and entirely unpredictable and quite a difficult person to be around. It wasn't anything to do with that, like the outside world couldn't really didn't know a lot of what was going on. And so yeah, that was it's quite a painful song. It's called umbilicus. And so it's really about that connection between babies and mothers. And I think it's taken, it's taken me I'm 39 now it's a it took me 38 years to really be able to articulate what, what happened. Because it's not just about mom dying when I was 20. It's also to do with my identity because my my own biological father died when I was five weeks old. And so my whole life I've had questions. I found out about that when I was 11. And it kind of just erased 11 years of childhood identity for me when I found out my stepdad is an amazing man. And he was a great dad to me. He's a great dad to me still, but it was my identity that really just took a massive hit. When I learned I learned to have that And then of course mum, in the years after that was very confusing to be around. Yeah, so I think having children of my own in particular has informed a lot will have what happened with mum has informed a lot of the way that I parent with my kids, I'm unfortunately very much like my own mother. In a in a lot of firm ways with my kids I hear I hear her voice coming out of me when I tell them off with various things. And I think I have much less of a sense of humor these days, which is very much like my mum, I think she would just would have been so bloody tired. That that's where that lack of sense of humor comes along. Like my husband plays a lot better with my children than I do. Which I look at and I go, yep, that's my mum, to a tee. But yeah, that a lot of the negative things I went through with mum definitely inform the way that I parent, my kids, I've sort of don't ever want my kids to feel confused about who they are and who I am and, and what, what I really think I think my mum often toed the conservative line a lot of the time, just because that was what the neighbors would want her to do. And I don't think I'm like that at all. So those those little retaliations against, against what I've been through, I guess, coming out, and umbilicus is is a lot about, about that I sort of felt like there was a large level of deception going on, not because Mum was a liar. But because cancer and brain cancer turned her into someone that she wasn't. And she did lie when she was really ill, she would make up things and then remember things differently to how they actually happened and all sorts of really confusing stuff. And then try and tell you that you were wrong, because you're only 15? And don't answer back and that sort of thing. So it was it was a really, it was it was probably the most difficult thing that I've been through. And that comes out in that song. Do you children come out in new songs as well. That'd be quite a confronting thing to have to think about. Actually, I don't know that they do a lot. Yeah. Probably because my kids are a huge source of joy. For me. And they are, they are a joint project, I guess as well between me and my husband. And music for me is quite a selfish pursuit. So maybe I don't write them into my songs. For that reason. I certainly dedicate all the albums to them, because they have to listen to them in the car, when we're driving them to school. As I'm, as I'm writing albums, I have to listen to them over and over and over again, then they've certainly been exposed to them a lot that way. But yeah, I don't think I don't think I so much write my children into my songs. But I I am the person that I am. As the as a songwriter and an author lyrically, particularly in response to my to who I am as a mum and who my kids are. There's, there's a song I wrote called Boy Who Cried Wolf, which is quite a partly a political song. And it was written as part of the me to movement, when all these women were suddenly coming out and saying that they had been sexually assaulted or oppressed or prejudiced against because of not putting out or they've just been subjected to sexual abuse in their careers. And had we're now speaking up and I wrote that song, partly as being inspired by that movement, but also also probably as a as what I hope for my daughter, as well. I probably doesn't come across that personally in the song, but it's certainly like, I hope that my daughter never actually apologizes for who she is, and never never just submits because of who someone else is. I don't Yeah, I don't know if it comes across that personally in the song but yeah, but certainly I am I had hair in my mind when I was writing a lot of the time Jesus see graphs I'd love to write more, more jazz pieces I've been listening to. I'm sort of in that in that calm behind the wave of creativity at the moment where I'm listening to other people's music a lot. And vocally, I think there are some areas where I still need to build a bit of strength in my voice, which Yeah, I've been I've been pushing it certainly singing, singing different techniques and different types of music. So I'm really kind of focusing on all of that. So there might be some more cover. Cover work done, I think, if I can, if I can ever play again. But yeah, that maybe, maybe some more, I'll pop style music. I think I've been listening to a lot of Hayley Williams lately, just because she's got such an epic voice and trying to improve a bit of brightness at the top end of my voice, just listening to her and singing along with her stuff. And my husband has been very accommodating and playing a few few of her songs acoustically. So we've been wiling away a bit of the time, musically that way. I haven't hopped on the piano for a few weeks now, other than to play some classical stuff. I've just wanting to focus a bit on my tech, my technique. So I've been playing a bit of Mozart and a bit of yeah, there's some classical stuff. Just to try and get my speed up again. Is my fingers are actually for a pianist. I've got quite arthritic fingers. But yeah, it's alright. We'll improve again with a bit of practice. It's so lovely to see you. Thank you, sir. Likewise, I appreciate it. Thank you, given my kids an hour break from home school, which is nice as well. So yeah, they need it. If you or someone you know, would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email. Alison Newman dotnet

Luke Balkin Australian electronic dance musician and producer S1 Ep09 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts To mark Father's Day here in the Southern Hemisphere I share 3 special episodes where I chat to 3 creative dads to get their take on things, how they continue to make music while being hands on dads. In this episode I chat to electronic musician, and producer Luke Balkin from Casterton VIC, Luke is a dad of two, we chat about balancing creating music with running a farm and being a dad, the importance of supporting independent artists, and how he incorporates his children into his music. Luke's stage name is LT Balkin. Connect with Luke here - https://www.instagram.com/l t balkin_music/ Watch Luke's DJ B*tch video here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFsv0zo8BJY Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Luke's music used with permission When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creators and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. Oh, come along, like thanks so much for being part of this special episode. No worries. Thanks for having me, Allison, of how to listen to a couple of the podcasts so far. And it's sounding really good. So yeah, it's great to be a part of this. Oh, great. Thank you. All right. So for those people who aren't familiar with your music, and what you've been up to Jordan, give us a rundown of how you got into music. What was the style is and what you what you're up to at the moment as well. Yeah, for sure. So I got into electronic music, being a DJ. And I also studied audio engineering at SAE in, in Melbourne. So I was, you know, recording bands and stuff like that in Melbourne. And then also DJing on the side. And, and when I sort of, at the end of my finishing up doing DJing I just wanted to sort of make music and, and at that sort of stage, I sort of got into the electronic music field. And, and yeah, started sort of producing tracks and making music and just my own sort of own sort of style sort of thing. So yeah, that's how it all sort of started out. I was I started out as a punk DJ, like I was at nightclubs in Melbourne, playing playing punk rock music, and, and, yeah, I used to record bands and stuff and do sound engineering for a fair few bands on the circuit as well. So when I do, you know, between their sets, I used to DJ at the clubs, and then they come on afterwards and mix them while up on stage playing. And that's, you know, that's my early roots has always been punk rock. So, you know, I grew up listening to that, you know, no effects and, and all those sort of punk punk bands, the early sort of Green Day stuff, and living and and all that. And that was the scene I grew up in. And, yeah, that's sort of sort of how my music career sort of started out really, it was, like come from, I've never been really musical as such, but I've always had a fairly good ear for music. So it was more to do with audio engineering and stuff like that. So yeah, but when I first started out as an audio engineer, it was a long time ago. And, um, we were, you know, Pro Tools just sort of started the digital era was just coming out. Well, I was, I was back when it was, we were recording off of like tape and stuff like that will cut in bits and pieces. So it was a long time ago. And then we're just sort of forming into that digital era. So yeah, it was a it was good time. And that's Yeah, so my early, early parts are all punk rock. That's, you know, that's where I sort of started the whole music sort of thing with me. So when you say, pre electronic sort of equipment, does that mean you were DJing? With proper records? And that kind of stuff? Back in the day? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. That's, that's how, you know, we, as as DJs, when I started with like, with the punk rock stuff, it was all on CD and stuff, it had nothing really to do with, with mixing as such, you're just dropping the music after the song had finished. So you just had to have a really good ear to what would come on after that track was all it was really just whatever you wanted to play. But then when I that's what sort of got me into electronic music was that it all had to do with like BPM and actually mixing the song and actually making songs really mash together really well without sort of, you know, missing a beat. That's what you couldn't do that with punk rock music, you know, you're just playing songs after songs and just trying to keep the crowd entertained. As much as you want to do that with electronic music, you've got to be a good mixer. And starting off, too, with turntables, like I had a, like a reasonable time on turntables. But I wouldn't say that my main DJ was with turntables that was sort of like, turned over onto that the CD sort of format, and we were sort of mixing off of CDs and CD decks, the early early CD decks and stuff like that, but we were, you know, you had to be a but you had to be a good DJ, to, to be able to get by back then. And these days, you don't have to do anything. You can just push a button and it'll sync everything up for you and you know, and the kids love it. So it's a lot it's a lot different. It's a lot different these days. So, yeah, yeah, for sure. I think a lot of people now just press play, and especially the young kids doing it now, they don't seem to be actually mixing live as they're going, Oh, it's 100% I, you know, my club times in, in Adelaide, you know, I sort of that's where I sort of finish my, my DJing careers was I had a, a, like, a residency at the casino, where we go and play there, you know, every, every Wednesday night, and it was, it was really good vibe, and everything like that, but we used to go out a lot. And afterwards, and that and two other clubs, and you go there, and you just go up and have a look and see what they're doing. And you would see people pushing play on like, a mix on on, you know, like a Spotify mix or something like that. And that was what they were doing. And I'm like, what, like, what are you doing? Are you actually doing anything up here or, you know, and a lot of did it lost its vibe, because the people they actually don't really know how to mix at all, they just have got a sink on their, on their mixer. And, and it pretty much well, you know, everything comes together and you get you can't get by if you go to a club, and you sit back and you listen to music. And you either know if it's a shit DJ are really good DJ. And that's, that's these days, you can go out and you put it to work and you'll you'll know straight away if it's good, it's good. It's a real skill then to as a DJ to read your audience to get those people back on the dance floor. You got to know your stuff. Yeah, that's 100% Like, yeah, definitely, if a DJ doesn't know what he's playing, or, you know, gets up there and, and hasn't got the right tools or, or know how to work the decks or anything like that they can fail just so easily. So yeah, it's just it takes it takes a big skill to, to do it. And yeah, a lot of guys out there are good at it are really good at it. And you don't actually see, or I don't know that many DJs that are right into producing though either though, like most of them are just you know, they just do their weekend DJs and stuff like that. So DJ gigs, so you know, you know the music you're making now, you're doing that all from your house, and you're working with people all around the world, which is really exciting. Yeah, 100% the music I make now is basically a collection of music that I made probably around about 2016 and I'm still making music now. I just a lot of the stuff that I made, I put a lot of time and effort into it. So I seem to like go back and revisit a lot of the older stuff that I made. And just keep working on on that. Yeah, so now i i Just jump online I've got a master over in America that I used and he's put me in touch with a fair few people to collaborate with singers that Charlotte lock who's from the UK and, and a fair few other artists that I that I just work with. And just you mainly for vocals. Yeah. And it's just really fun. It's just fun to sort of have a bit of a hobby and a passion for music and still be able to, you know, put something out there at the end of the day and have a bit of fun with it. So yeah, that's my sort of main thing is just as long as you're having fun with music, that's the main thing for me. Absolutely. You've got a young family. Tell us about your your children over there in Victoria. So I've got a young boy named Fletcher. He is coming up to three years old. And I've got a little girl Lexi and she's around one and a half. Alexis she is so yeah, we give her we just call it Alexei. So she loves that. So yeah. keeping you busy at that age, the two of them run around. Yeah, they sure they sure. Are they sure are they they they cause plenty of headaches but they are both really good kids and yeah, we love them to death. Yeah, so how do you go then finding time to to get stuck into your music and create when you've got little people? Do you sort of try and do it at night or weekends? How do you make it work? This is basically my time now it's like minute they're the kids go to bed at sort of, you know, seven o'clock, eight o'clock as I come up here I've got my own sort of studio up in what I call the school house. It's like an old converted school house just got like a bed for friends to stay in and it's just got all my computer equipment and stuff like that up here. So I just wanted to come up here and do my thing. You know, it's it definitely has been challenging, I must admit like coming from, you know, just having a part Under and being able to do music and that whenever you want to, to to, then only do it at night time, you've got to try and really, you know, focus and yeah, try and make the time that you've got, you know, make it work. Yeah, yeah, make the most of those limited little slots with the hours. So you also work you also run a farm, I believe. So you're, you're pretty much burning the candle at both ends. Really? Yeah, yeah. So we've got a three and a half 1000 acre farm over here in Casselton. And me and my dad work here on the farm. And we've got like, roughly set like around about 350 head of cattle, and so maybe closer to 400. And, and two and a half 1000 sheep here on our farm, so So it's extremely busy here, during the weekdays plus, up in New South Wales, our my brother, my older brother, he has his farm up there, which is around about 13,000 acres. So we used to split our time a lot in between the properties and work both sides of it. But now we tend to sort of stay one end and the other end of my dad sort of floats in between the property. So yeah, we were pretty flat out over here all the time. So, yeah, absolutely. And we'd be challenging then to try and, you know, with the kids, you wouldn't actually be able to sort of float between the two properties that easily when you've got your Yeah, that's right. Yeah. 100% it's made it made a lot different. Now having that having a family and stuff like that, it just changes things a lot. You know, so but, you know, that's just the part of having a family I guess you've got to make, you know, you've got to make changes yourself as well. So clincher is actually in one of your music videos recently. So I do, I do a lot of my own music videos, and I've been doing video for a long time, probably just as long as I've been doing music. So that's one thing I've sort of thought about doing is like, just just do it, just make the video yourself have a bit of fun with it and make it yourself. And they they just love it. They they love being a part of anything. And then when you go back like, you know, if you put if you put TV on and YouTube or tractors on, then you know he gets really grumpy. So that so when he gets on YouTube, and then he sees himself on there, he thinks that's the best thing in the world. Like he thinks it's the funniest thing ever. And he will watch it repetitively all day and Lexi, well, she just loves it, so she can't get enough of watching him or mommy on there. So they love it. So the I'm going to try and incorporate that the kids into as many of the music videos as I can and just have a bit of fun with it. Like I was thinking about sort of getting something you know, professionally done up and I'm just like, what, what's the hell, you know, like, just just have a bit of fun with it and do it yourself. It always like always think that if you have a crack at it yourself and it comes out real raw, it sometimes makes it give a more feel to it, then then something that's over produced or anything like that, like you know, you'll give your fuel footage to somebody else Now rub their hands all over it and, and make it glossy and everything but it doesn't seem as raw as as sometimes. stuff. So, yeah, we just had had a lot of fun making the video for DJ bitch. And yeah, we filmed it on our property. And yeah, we always had this idea to do it. But it was just really an idea. And let's let's just do it. And we had this footage. And it was it had just been sitting there and I said the laser I said we've got to finish it with like half it was shot. And I just sort of started putting it together and it just sort of slotted in really well. And yeah, before too long, I think, you know, the film clip I think was up to about 6000 views at last I looked it was it was quite a shock actually, but it's a good fun. It's a good fun video clip. So, you know, it was just a bit of fun and the kids love it and like I said they just can't get enough of watching themselves so it's really good. It is a great video and yeah, I didn't realize that you made that yourself. Congratulations because that is awesome. Yeah, no, I do all the all the video on myself and then I get back to the computer here and and produce it all myself. So yeah, it's just fun. Yeah. So you used to drown in that video is that you do that yourself as well. Yeah, I got my I got my own drone. And so the drone shoots in full 1080 Hey, He HD and I use the GoPro as well to get mosiello shots on the film clip because pretty much a GoPros these days, I just got some of the best, you know, the best pixels as well they just come out amazing clear and you can just sort of go through and edit up your videos afterwards. So yeah, drone stuff. I've had a drone for a number of years now and yeah, I love love flying them and just yeah really fun you kids obviously know that you do your music is that it's something that you you love sharing with the kids, it's important for you to involve them in, in what you're doing. Yeah, for sure my kids really love music. We got a thing at our house that we just love to put on music, like around tea time, or Saturday mornings and stuff like that, it's always music going on at our place. And we just yeah, we just try and involve them as much as we can, you know, whether it's listening to my music or, or listening to other people's music, and they love it, they love dancing, and they just love being kids and, and as adults mainly so we both love it as well. So yeah, that just we just make sure that they've got heaps vert arounds. And you know, they're not too scared to have a bit of fun and dance around the living room. Here in my studio, I've actually got a toy toy room here for Wednesday. So, like on a Saturday, if I'm, if I want to do music or anything like that, I bring the kids up here with me, and they've got their own toy room, and they'll, they'll play toys up here and, you know, push around the boats and the cars and stuff while I'm up here, you know, playing on the computer. So yeah, it's a really sort of fun environment for him. And we don't I definitely don't just run away from the whole family to go and do music. It's just, it's just here, you know, Dad's up here at the schoolhouse, and the kids will come up here and, and you know, they'll ride their bikes around in here and have a bit of fun as well. So yeah, definitely they're very much included Can you see do you find now have with the kids in your life, that the way that you write your music has changed at all yet, like the like you see the world a bit differently? Maybe anything like that? Yeah, 100% I'd say. Because my music is, you know, electronic and different. I'm just sort of really trying to create a vibe, as much for like the, the kids and stuff, it definitely hasn't really changed my sort of style as much. Yeah, the only thing that that really has changed is that just not being able to have that flexibility time to you know, just just go and you will just have more time without having the kids and stuff like that you would just end up having a lot more time up yet up your sleeve to sit down and really concentrate on something, and you just win now doing music, you sorta have got to be in the right mindset, or else you just don't get it down. And if you're not, if it just doesn't flow, it, you're wasting your time. So yeah, I will, I'll come up and play around with tracks like that. And it's just not working. It's just definitely it's not working. So you just stop and you'll come back another time, but it's it having children and music, you just got to really make time for your passion, I think. And yes, to having having children and stuff like that. It's, it's yeah, it's a great thing. And it's been awesome, but there's definitely challenges involved. And I think if I had children a lot, like, like, I'm I'm 40 Now, if I had them when I was younger, I don't think I would have coped as well that's one thing I don't really want. I'm glad I had children when I was older. I'm pretty like I think I'm very selfish myself sometimes like not now, but I was would have been when I was younger, a lot more selfish er and wanted to sort of achieve more. Now I've got that mindset that I've just don't don't really care anymore. Like I just want to have fun. So but um, but now, you know being a bit older and stuff like that. I'm just a lot more chilled and just don't really care. And just like I said, I think for myself if I just have music as a as a passion and a hobby. It breaks down those walls. It's just like, you know, if you achieve something, it's great, but you're not really focused on, you've got it, oh, I've got to make the charts or I've got to sell music or anything like that. If people want to listen to it, that's fantastic. And it's awesome. And if you wanted to get shows, that's great. But if you really focused on that, and it doesn't happen, it just breaks your heart all the time. And you just end up burying yourself, I think you just want to, I just want to put stuff out there that I'm really proud of. And, you know, when I released my last album, I had had a lot of messages of people saying, Oh, my God, that song was just amazing, or that was so great. And that's what it comes down to. For me, it's like, just those moments where people say to that, so I think it's really big. Shout out to people that, you know, tell that artists that you really liked their music, it makes a difference to people like it makes people be more productive. And they want to actually, you know, they want to keep pursuing their dreams. And I think today's age to like, with artists, where where artists and musicians and everything has gone through the whole COVID thing. You know, they need you more than ever right now. People really need to stand up and say, hey, you know what, I'm gonna buy that CD. I love that tune. Keep doing what you're doing. And you know, stay positive, because it only takes one person to say oh, you know your musics crap. And you know, you suck, all of a sudden, that person just shuts down and then they don't want to do it anymore. So you know, as long as you know, since I've been doing music, I haven't even had one person say you, you suck or your shit. It's just like, everything in the music scene I think is so positive. But we're just going through such a short time with COVID that no guy out there's work and the poor old industry, music is industry is suffering. The venue's are dying up. They need you more than ever, right now. People, people like myself, anyone out there who's putting music together still is they need you. So, you know, the people out there listening and buying records, you know, they're awesome. That's what we, we do it for. So, you know, yeah. That's so well said. Yeah, that's the thing. And I think big Yeah, because we can't say, the audience face to face because we can't make those, you know, personal connections, it is important for people, if, you know, if you like someone's music, send them a message. And, you know, it's just that little, that little bit of connection. It's just enough to brighten someone up and and keep them go. And like you said, it's, it's that spark that gets them going. So, yeah. And it's nothing is it so it's not, I like appreciate so many different styles of music, like I listened to, you know, so much different styles. And even if it's not the general the genre that you listen to, you know, just just let them know that that piece of music that was awesome, you did an awesome job on that, you know, your vocal was fantastic on that. Just just let them know. I think it's like, that's the most positive thing I think with the with the music scene, other artists get behind other artists, even if you got a small majority of fans out there and you know, I don't consider myself having many fans at all but the small group that have that I have around me that they definitely don't shy away with saying hey, that's that tunes. Awesome, great job that's a that's a sweet tune keep getting maybe keep doing that sort of style it's a love it so that's and that's what gives me a bit of momentum and stuff and just just to have a bit of fun with it too. So yeah, but it's definitely a struggle out there and if you know if someone was doing this job at the moment full time and and you know looking for those gigs every weekend I really feel for those people at the moment I you know, it breaks my heart to to see how the music industry is going to recover from this because I know a lot of artists I know that they're artists Charlotte lock the, the girl that featured on my album, she she ended up going back to work at a big company and I murder messaged not long ago and I said you know how's how's the music going? And she was like, there's no time you know, I've got to get back to work and there's no no gigs. So and she you know, I couldn't never think of this girl not seeing again because of voice is so amazing. And it just broke my heart to hear that. You know this girl can't get any more gigs and she's had to go back to the office and start working again and slaving away to the man you know. You mentioned briefly before Lacey your wife She must be very supportive of of what you're doing and helped me a lot. She's very supportive she that she loves that she loves being involved. She's, you know, probably my biggest fan I every track that I do or take part in in any small way. She's probably the first person who gets it is on that track. So I give it to her and, and she'll listen and I'll say, What do you think of this? And you know, what do you think of this? And she'll be like, oh, yeah, I love it. I love it. I love this bit. And so that yeah, gives we sort of feed off each other a lot. And, yeah, it's great to have somebody supportive that by your side, or that, you know, is prepared to sit up all night while you're at three o'clock in the morning, you know, bouncing ideas off somebody overseas about some track that's getting mastered at, you know, some ungodly hour or, you know, me waking up in the middle of night Khan Hawk got such a great idea for a video clip. So, she, yeah, she's really great and very supportive. And yeah, yeah, I love her a lot. Yeah, and she got got a little bit of a go in the video as well. The music video. Yeah, she was up there dancing with flat chi. And it was quite funny. She said, I'll go out with death, which I said yeah, get out there and have a dead so yeah, it was good. Mid so I loved the little little jacket that he had onto. Yeah, he's gonna wear that and all that all the film clips. We've decided he loves his he loves that jacket. He calls it his DJ check jacket. So he really thinks it's really cool. So yeah. What have you got on at the moment or anything coming up that you want to share? I've got one track that I'm working on at the moment. I've just, I've got another girl that's just doing some vocals for me for this track. It's, it's called creatures. When you've heard lately, it's like I really wanted to make something that was sort of like, really on that that preset vibe that really pumped up sort of idea. And just it didn't really have to mean anything. It was just sort of a like really pumped up track. Yeah, that's what I'm working on at the moment. So I just sort of had that mastered. But it's come back and I'm Why can't I just need something else to sort of give it a bit of an edge. So I thought I'll try it with a female vocals. I'm just waiting for those vocals to come back. And I'll put in the track. And yeah, see how that turns out. Let me lose a happy move. I don't know what to do. Everything about my situation is a win or lose. I know the feeling of people when they go donate bags. I made a choice to ignore my Molly, Jason bash, what is exactly when I listen to a couple of the podcasts before? And he the people what they were saying about you know, and you know that they have music and then that was on the back burner because they've got so much time. It's what happens. I think when you have a family, it's like so much gets put on the backburner though, doesn't it? It's like, it's incredible, that, you know, you've got all this, all this passion and all this art that you want to get out there and want to push out into the world. And all of a sudden, you can't because you're locked down with their, with your family and doing you're doing the stuff that's, that's, that's important to them. And then all of a sudden, you can't you can't get it out. And then it's sort of built up, it really is built up, especially if they're, if they're, if it's a person that's putting out stuff constantly, and has a family and all of a sudden that sort of just kind of it's it's hard it's just about expressing yourself, I think and as long as people can keep getting it out there. That's the main thing. And you know, I imagine for women, especially having kids, it's so important to nurture those kids and you'd seem to be putting everything into the children I know from seeing it firsthand through my wife that she puts everything into our kids and and your wonder like now I've you know, she's focused on going back to studying more at nursing and, and, and that's something that she's passionate about and she loves so we make time to fit her you know, things that she needs to do to into into her life things but it's that's the thing is it's like you know when When if you don't have an outlet somewhere or a passion and you've got nowhere to you know to do it it builds up and you know probably can end up being the falling down of your marriage or anything like that because you just got no outlet and you feel like you're locked up with your children and just having this dull life that you you know, that just ends up crashing around around you if it doesn't have you don't have an outlet much for coming on today. Like it's been great to chat and all the best with whatever you've got coming up soon. I can't wait to hear some new tracks for me. No worries. Thanks, Alison. I really appreciate coming on the podcast and yeah, I wish you all the success for it. It's sounds fantastic so far, and yeah, it was he could be keep going with it in the future and it keeps coming out and bringing positive messages with it.

Aleathia Holland Australian entrepreneur and business owner S2 Ep67 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and Apple podcasts (itunes) I am delighted to welcome Aleathia Holland to the podcast, Aleathia is an entrepreneur and business owner from Mount Gambier SA, and a mum of 3. Aleathia grew up in what she would describe as an entrepreneurial family. She was always encouraged to follow her ideas and try new things. She would make and sell potpourri as a child. She opened a clothing store in the late 1990s with a passion for selling one off, exclusive designs in a world that hadn't quite evolved to online shopping, in a town 500kms from a capital city. Her earliest memory of tea is of her Grandma using her very cold very black tea to add to the Christmas pudding, once she added a cup of tea all the grandchildren would get to have a stir and make a wish. Aleathia thinks it was this magical tradition that started her love of tea, although she didn’t realise this at the time. Aleathia's husband's work has taken her family around the globe. In Singapore and discovered TWG tea, luxurious tea tins, decadent high teas and divine blends. It gave her new appreciation for quality tea blends. From there she moved to South Korea and discovered traditional tea ceremonies, and green tea - the plantations were lush and green and filled the country side. That’s where she really discovered the difference between a top grade and low grade of tea, steamed, fermented or pan. It was amazing how much went into creating teas that we drink everyday, not really thinking about how they came to be in our homes. In 2020 when Covid struck, Aleathia's family needed to move with a weeks notice to Western Australia for her husbands work. Suddenly with extra time on her hands, Aleathia had the opportunity to start up her tea obsession! Aleathia opened her tea company Athella, driven by her passion for providing high quality, organic and ethically sourced tea, and she takes pride that she is able to run her business from a regional centre, and mix the tea herself. She entrusts the help of a Naturopath to ensure her teas aid wellness and are full of health benefits. When her family moved back to Mount Gambier, her business was embraced by the supportive people in her regional home. She is passionate about educating her tea drinkers. and has hopes to provide an accessible employment environment for working mothers in her home town. Connect with Aleathia - website / instagram / shop tea Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered. While continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggler, how mothers work is influenced by their children. Mum guilt, how moms give themselves time to create within the role of mothering and the value that mothers and others placed on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to gain touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for listening to my podcasts today. It's really a pleasure to welcome you. My guest today is Alethia Holland. Alethia is a mom of three from Mount Gambier South Australia, and is an entrepreneur and business owner. Lithia grew up in what she would describe as an entrepreneurial family. She was always encouraged to follow her ideas and try new things. She would make and sell potpourri as a child and she opened a clothing store in the late 90s. Called a Linus with a passion for selling one off exclusive designs in a world that hadn't quite evolved to online shopping. And in a town that was 500 kilometers away from a capital city. Her earliest memory of tea is her grandma using her very cold and very black tea to add to the Christmas pudding. Once she added a cup of tea, all the grandchildren would get to have a stir and make a wish. Alethia thinks this was the magical tradition that started her love of tea. Although she probably didn't realize it at the time. A lady's husband's work has taken her family around the globe. In Singapore, she discovered TWG tea, luxurious tea tins, decadent high teas and divine blends. It gave her a new appreciation for quality tea blends. From there she moved to South Korea and discovered traditional tea ceremonies and green tea. The plantations were lush and green and filled the countryside. That's where she really discovered the difference between a top grade and low grade of tea. It was amazing how much went into creating teas that we drink every day, not really thinking about how they came to be in our homes. In 2020, when COVID struck a lathe his family needed to move within a week's notice to Western Australia for her husband's work. Suddenly, with extra time on her hands. Alethia had the opportunity to start up her tea obsession. She opened her tea company, a fella driven by her passion for providing high quality, organic and ethically sourced teas, and she takes pride that she's able to run her business from a regional center and mix the tea herself. She interests the help of a naturopath to ensure her teas aid wellness and a full of health benefits. When her family moved back to mount Gambia, her business was embraced by the supportive people in her regional home. Alicia is passionate about educating her tea drinkers and has hopes to provide an accessible employment environment for working mothers in her hometown in the future. The music you'll hear on today's podcast is from my ambient music trio called LM Joe made up of myself, my sister Emma Anderson and her husband John. And that's your cue to pop the kettle on and get cozy as a luthier spills the tea on what it's like for her to be a creative mum. I really hope you enjoy this episode. We had a lot of fun recording it. Thank you, Alicia. It is a pleasure to have you here. But I'm here in your space today. So thank you for welcoming me. I know I love it. I'm so excited that we've got our tea. Can you tell us what teas we've got today? We've actually got your favorite tea, which is our organic peppermint teas and Gyptian mint tea, and it's beautiful and smooth. And while even though I have put some of these sweet levels out he is meant to help with sweet cravings. See how we go it doesn't help me. Do you? So take How did you first become to love tea so much? What was the draw for you? The draw for me really is tea has been around my whole life from my sitting down with my grandma and having a cup of black tea with all those lovely tea leaves in it because we didn't have strainers and that's how she drank it. Yeah, I used to think but I didn't mind you used to let me put milk and sugar in it. You know it was it Get a treat. And then from there really, tea has just been a staple lot. When my mom and her sisters would get together, the cattle would go on, everyone have a cup of tea. So it's just become such a familiar part of our lives. When something's happened, we're all you know, something's happened up at Mom's, we're all up there, the candles on, everyone's having a cup of tea when my friends come to my house, the tea pot goes on. If we've had a party, and it's 2am we end with a cup of tea. That is my like, you don't realize what a staple it is apart from the every day. It has just become one of those things. That's when I started doing this business, I realized what a big part of was of my life. And then I think to what have massive parties for for a lot of people. And then you could share in that too. Which is really lovely. Because I know a lot of people don't drink coffee. So you know, sometimes you can, you know, get a bit stuck. You go to someone's house, and let's say your tea or coffee and you say I'll have a tea and they're like, Oh, I've just got this old lectins or some generic brand. And you get on. I'll take that. But you know what I mean? Like, especially when you you enjoy good quality tea, then you're stuck with something that's not quite the same where you go. Do well and truly, it's just created and did you like a lot of people actually because coffee is everywhere, right? And you know, getting this type of coffee, a lot of people will have a coffee, but they don't tea the rest of the day. Because I've never drank coffee, but tea is actually the most consumed hot drink in the world. Yeah, so even Trump's the coffee absolutely well and truly Trump's coffee and being able to get good quality tea and and look, I didn't grow up on good coffee tea, supermarket tea, because that's you just didn't you didn't know you had access to I was gonna say I don't think there really was that stuff around back then. No, especially make him here like, no, no, there wasn't, there wasn't specialty cheese. And it was yeah, it was quite generic. And that was great for a first experience. But that's really what started me on my tea journey because I do love my herbal teas. And I've always struggled with quality tea. But I do love my stable black tea. And I sort of got a couple of years ago, I got to the stage where I could no longer stomach black tea. And that's what really started me on that quest as I didn't want to give up that luxury. And I actually after investigating and researching, I found out that I'm actually allergic to the chemicals they used to map when they do mass production of tea. Ah, so I can drink organic clean black tea, which is what our Ceylon is made of. Yeah, no problem. But I cannot drink the mass produced tea. So in that, and I think that comes down. And that's what I'm a firm believer in is educating our little tea community because people drink numerous teas a day. Yeah. And you know, sometimes they're at those that don't have great stuff, you know? So that's really true, isn't it? Is that education process as well? For me that's important to me. Is that what I've learned? I'm able to pass on to someone else. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, cuz yeah. I don't know. I don't know how many years ago it was when it started to become quite mainstream, that everyone was talking about, oh, what's in our food, you know, all of a sudden, it just was like, bang. Nutritionists. And, you know, people from the eastern side of medicine been saying for decades. Yeah. But all of a sudden, like, mainstream caught up. And yeah, all the things like what goes into making a tea bag and the chemicals that are in that paper, eat whatever it is. Yeah. It's actually lung plastic. Yeah, right, and the stream. And then sometimes, if you're not careful, you you label fuzziness. Well, you know, goodness knows what you end up actually steeping in your water. It's a whole host. And you could be all drinking that every day, maybe up to three or four cups. Yeah, unless you're drinking looseleaf. And then, you know, as long as it's organic and clean, you're fine. And that's another big part of education is educating towards looseleaf even though I do do the clean teabags, you can't get better. Yeah. And I think too. Now, a lot of the companies now making an effort to put the little taste drainers in the top of drink bottles, because it's so popular, and they're catching on that people want to drink clean, and they don't want to have all that mess. Yeah, yeah, it's just the little extras. And I think, look, I'm the later into 40. And you do start to as women, we do start to have things that come up in our bodies that we need to clean up. And we start having reactions to things Yeah, it does put us on a pathway of finding a better way to eat healthy, I guess, as well. Yeah. And that's the thing like you say you might have, you know, myself, maybe, you know, five or six cups of tea a day. And if you're doing that every single time, yeah. So you are consuming a lot of plastics and your tea bags and things like that. If they're not, you know, biodegradable or native plant based product. Yeah, so it does it does make a difference Yeah. Now I remember back in the, I want to say 90s, late 90s, you had a clothing store in the main street or not all just off the main street, which I used to come to because I loved it. He was called Elena's my saying that right? Yeah, for a long time. Yeah. So you've you've always been like an entrepreneur and doing your own thing you like to sort of create, you know, business ideas. Look, I grew up in what I would call an entrepreneurial family, you know, from the age of 12. I was probably younger, actually. But my family had coffee shop with a couple during my growing up years. And the first one I used to make rose petals and sell them and this little guy had in the Hi Fi arcade as on my boat. Okay, I think it was, I can't remember what Okay, that was it's not it's not existent now. But there was a guy that sold badges. And he used to let me sell my little bags and pop furious probably 10 or 11. I did that with a friend. And you know, made myself some pocket money. Because, you know, that wasn't, there wasn't disposable income for lots of things back then. And so, you know, I always watched my parents work very hard. Like they both had great work ethic and had multiple jobs at times. And, you know, I think all of our schools work, I grew up in a family where anything was achievable. So that was that was something my dad was a real ideas person. And, you know, if we wanted to do he's the one that encouraged me I was living in, in Adelaide at the time. Yeah, running a store for witchery. And he's like, you've got to come down and doing this, and he's gonna do a hairdressers. You can do the clothes. And I'm like, why not? Go? Yeah, that was always I had the backing of my parents. So always and I think that's really important. Yeah. It's it's harder to achieve without some backing off support. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I found is everything. Oh, absolutely. That's it, isn't it? And, yeah, I got some really good here from your show. Because it was different. And there wasn't many of each size. So it wasn't going to be heaps people wearing them, which I found really good. Because I went to check it once somebody's 21st or eight, I can't remember it was about three, the girls all had the same dresses. Because you know, you may Gambia and this was before the internet, you know. 1999. Yeah. We were a little bit. So I appreciate it that the point of difference that your clothing heard so nice. That was again, that was a lot to not be the same. Yeah. So that was really important to me that while I could have sold 10 of the same thing, I didn't want to do that. I wanted my clients to feel special. You know, I think that was really important. It wasn't about making x amount of dollars. It was me it was making, you know, building that community and making people feel special in their clothing. Yeah, absolutely. It doesn't matter what I do. That's what is the most important factor. That's what drives you. That's yeah, is that happiness that you get from seeing someone loving how they feel? And I noticed too, I hope I'm guessing this right, when you create the names of your business using your own name along for time. Is that too much? I don't know. I love that though. I mean, names have to have a connection for me personally. And yes, I'm proud of my heritage. I'm proud of the names that you know, my parents gave to me and that connection and I, I love having that connection to my name. I think that's important. So when I was coming up with this business, a thriller, it really was a struggle because you know, I had all these other different names that relate to tea, but I didn't feel connected to those names. Botanical Tea Company and things like that, which were great. But I didn't feel connected and this is a family business, my son's coming down here at 14. As much as he doesn't love it works on Tuesdays and Thursdays with mom. You know, he does the deliveries, oh, my delivery man much is doing you know, he's 14 comes and cuts up the boxes. He doesn't love it. But he has to understand the value of the dollar and family and then we help each other out, he gets paid to do it. I think it's really important that if it's outside, do jobs at home, I don't use my kids pocket money. That's part of their being part of family. And I get paid to do their washing, that when they come and work, that's a really good point. I don't get paid. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? You know, you never thought of it like that this house, we work as a family routine, you help out. I mean, not to say I didn't try the pocket money thing. I've tried everything, charts. You name it bribery. And we've all tried it. But it's just got to the point now where I'm like, the jobs at home, when you come to work with money, you get paid for the hour. And that's yourself by like, you know, that's his satisfaction on the jungle. So that's his first job. So yeah, and that's great. Because he loves that work ethic, because he's coming through, you know, you said about your mom and dad, to you to him, it's like, you're training him so well for the world, you know, you're giving them all those amazing skills that you've had. That's awesome. Can I make you know, to raise well adjusted children, is all we can hope for in, in this in the world we live in, it's really can be a struggle at times. This world of, of always outside influences that. I mean, I certainly didn't have any probably the same growing up, there was no, you know, social media, or carry on on YouTube. And you just think my God, it's like we're competing against all these other forces to try and keep our children, you know, and to influence our children are very vulnerable to what information goes in and who their influence five. Yeah. So it's really important that that we are still their biggest influences. You know, they'll have mentors and teachers and sports coaches, and, you know, people outside of us as well, uncles and artists. But social media can be a really good or really dangerous influences. We have to learn a way you can't limit it. You always have to learn. I mean, I'm not adults, but we have to learn how to embrace it. And help our children to navigate it. Yeah, exactly. That's really easy. You can't just go that can't have switch it off. Yeah, learning how and often that's learning together about what what your child is capable of. Because I know, at one point I, I sort of, I don't know, I might have underestimated Alex will be he's 14. And he's like, Oh, no, no, I, I know what he sees when I have to do it. And I was like, Oh, my God, it was and I thought, okay, you're actually more sensible than I thought you were. So yeah, that's okay. Sometimes it's nice. Isn't it? Surprised? Okay, job done. I out there, doesn't it? It is really hard. I really feel like when my kids were young, and social media was around, it wasn't really a thing. Because my oldest was born in 2002. The first time they got iPads is when we moved to America. So they were allowed to have those iPads on the plane if we traveled. And then they went away. There was no nothing during the week. I didn't have that because just wasn't done. But this next generation that's coming up, I didn't have a phone that I was on all the time either. Yeah, you know, very different so and it seems it's happening so quickly, like it's just the speed of technology inside for whelming. So you mentioned America so you've done a little bit of living overseas with your husband's work. So I guess that's why like when we were talking about aligners and the clothes store like I loved I've always loved working in what I do, but I met I hate that I always knew my mum was very much there for us like even though we had coffee shops and that my mom was the sort of person get off the bus, we had a massive long driveway that felt like forever, because we lived on a farm, you raining, we get inside and mum and have a hot Marlo and something hot out the oven for us. So I knew that if I was able to, I wanted to have that for my children. And it just happened that we had to move away when I got pregnant with Dagon. And so it sort of I wasn't able to do it, I was able to have a life where I was home for the kids, which was really great. So you know, not for everyone. But it was 100% something that I really wanted to do so so and moving countries to Yukon, we we've lived in three other different countries. We as a as as part of my husband's work, we weren't able to get work visas. So we weren't actually because we were in each country for about 18 months to us. So we couldn't get work visas, which is fine that I you know, had money blogs or something. I've always tried to keep a little part of the 100% there for my children, but also keep a little part of myself. It's very important. Yes, yes, yeah. Especially if you're over in a country, and you don't really know many people, and it's a foreign place. You know, yeah, it'd be challenging, challenging to set up to find yourself, I guess, you keep the sexism container myself, right being to look at, you know, us as sisters, who had all of our kids at the same time, I was able to stay home, and she wasn't, and it hasn't made a difference to our children. And I think that's because we learned the values from our mom. And one of those values was, was being the keys to the present and listening in the moment when your children need you. So that that's really important. My mom was always there for us when we need to. She was having a coffee running a coffee shop or not. And I feel like you can't have it all, like I think women it's been really hard for women is that we feel that we have to work, we have to be an amazing mom, we have to go to all the school functions have to be there for our partner still have a friend group. We have to do all these juggle all these boxes. And it's really a tough gig. And staying home is a tough gig and going to work as a tough gig. And I think there's been this mentality mentality, which is changing now. But I feel like it was like, yes, you're a woman, you can have it all, you can do it all. You're amazing. And I've really, I thought when I first had babies that I would be able to do it all. And I soon realized that wasn't a possibility. Not for my mental health, not for anything. I've realized that I can have it all, but just not right now. So I had the stay at home when I had the kids younger. And now I'm having the career. Yeah, even though I'm probably more tired to have a career. I love what I do. So do you know, I feel like I'm changing as women? Do we understand that? We don't have to do it all right now. Yeah. I the way I say it, I feel like we can have it all, just not at the same time. You know, like you said, yeah, that period with your children that was really important to you. And, and now they're sort of growing up. And now it's your time to have a little bit more time, you know, to do what you want to do. One of the ladies ahead on podcast. In Season One, Rachel Power said an amazing quote about, you know, post, the post feminist movement made us feel like we could have it all. No, all these worlds have been opened up towards this all these opportunities, but then as soon as you become a mother that just goes out the window. It's not it's almost like it's not relevant to you if you're a mother, because this notion of having always just completed neath, you know, yeah, so I think a lot of it is just, you know, being kind to ourselves and knowing that, you know, life does change, you know, I know that can be a lot of sort of an order use the word resentment, but it's like, you know, that this time is not your own. When you've got little children. It's like, okay, I'm gonna give everything to my children. And then knowing down the track, life's gonna change, you know, there's always this constant cycle of change. Yeah, I don't know where it's going. But I 100% agree with you. I love that. I love that if you're able to give that time to your children, if that's what you know, is like I said, it's not for everyone. Not everyone has. Every you know, some people need their time away, and they thrive better as a mother if they're working. So everyone thrives in different ways. But if You have the ability to give that press especially from those one to five, know from baby to five. If you can do that, then it's a great benefit. To be able to. Yeah, I think the important thing is is that we all do what suits us and, and neither side devalues one another females doing I feel like I felt it a lot when you know, obviously this is early 2000s. It was like, oh, no, I always remember this guy. We read it. I went to a hairdressing conference or something. container at the time was doing. And I said, I'm just a mom or something like that. girlfriend. Don't ever put the word just in front of you know, stay at home mom. And I like, Yeah, okay. Yeah, I was like, Nope, just to stay at home mom. Like that. It's how I felt at the time that what I was doing wasn't valued by society. Yeah, I don't feel like that now. Yeah. But at the time, because I'd had a career before. And I chosen to be and it's not very glamorous. stay at home mom. Yeah, I mean, going to it's and routine based. And it's a bit monotonous. And you know, it's the same day in and day out. But this is just those beautiful little moments that I got to have you with my children that, you know, I cherish. Yeah. And that time that you never get back again, which I've learned very quickly as they grow so fast, and they don't think their mother anymore. You think, oh my gosh. Well, then they turn into what I like to say, toddler adults. Because, yes, it changes you go, Okay, do everything for a toddler, and you have to do everything for little ones, right? Like go into primary school, and then start to become the independent, or the last at the table or the laundry, the dishwasher and help you clean up and this is all lovely. And you know, you know where they are. And it's, you're in control of everything, you know, you're it's all your influence, really. And then you come teenagers, and there's a real, you know, back and forth. And a lot of that goes on. And there's social media involved. And it's a whole different world where they're pushing back on your beliefs, because they want to explore their own beliefs, which is great. And I love that about, you know, kids in general. And then they become they turn 18 still living at home, which is I love it. But suddenly, there's clothes everywhere, and there's a cup left and it just packets of food everywhere. No one knows how to put a dish in the dishwasher. I don't know how they think that happens. They forgotten how to do that. Yeah. And then they do need you all the time because they're out in the workforce and then navigating how to communicate with other people and clients and adults. And it's like mom is a person that they revert back to so even though I'm busy at work, I'll sometimes get 100 phone calls a day, which you know, I'm like, okay, so it's like yeah, I like to say toddler adults because they're not that they revert back to needing mom for a whole range of things. That's really interesting. So unless they go off to uni or something like that, because my two oldest are still at home. Yeah, I do feel like I love them dearly, but they just picked up off themselves to be better. So when you kids, can you share with us how old they are, or Dagon will be 20 next month, and Ariella is a team and thing exporting. They're all beautiful ages. And yeah, they're, it's, it's so interesting having added, like your kids become adults, it's such a transition. And it's another beautiful different way in which you communicate and bond with them really enjoying, essentially living really Mowgli and just to see them grow, and I guess, you know, try and help them guide them to the right path, and then just seeing them make the right, you know, their own independent decisions that you've helped guide it. And I think to really notice, a lot of like mine and my husband's influence coming out in the way that they speak their beliefs and, and actually feel proud that of that as well, that they've got these beautiful mindsets in a way that I mean, they've moved on from it from us, and then just tighten because you want your children like you want your children to what I you know, I feel like I want my children to achieve and be better than what I've done, like last year, so I want them to improve, there's a lot of things that I fall over on, there's a lot of things that haven't, you know, I've had to change the way that I think, or my beliefs and things. And it's great, you know, you have to grow continuously as a person, you can't get stuck in, in certain ways. So it's really good to see this, the kids and they've challenged me on things. You which I love. I'm like, okay, all right. Yep. That's actually a great example. You know, so it's been really good, the way that they think about the world is very different to how we have thought about the world. Yeah. And I love their perspective on it. Yeah, that's, that's interesting, isn't it? It'd be it'd be, you'd have some really interesting conversations, you know, as they grow up, yeah. How they, how they think about things and how they see things. And because the world they're in now, like, obviously didn't exist when, you know, we were there, OSH is a completely different place in so many ways. Like, like, for example, Australia days, such a big difference to you know, what, how we grew up. Yeah. And my kids have just such a different thing. It's my gift to change it for them, it's just an instant just change. It's a no brainer, it's a no brainer for this next generation, like they are so worth the vault evolved than what way we are and have such a deeper understanding of hurt and pain. And I just when we talked about it, so I love that isn't that that's the next generations way of thinking about things because they're not stuck in the past and not know, not like, oh, just because it's always been done this way. We'll keep doing it that way. It's that's very encouraging to hear, isn't it? You know, not to and that they're not threatened by change. Yeah, right. They're not they don't feel that it's anything to do with them. You know, part lucky even though it's it's generational stuff that's happened there that I've seen how past generations have seen. So this is really a Yeah, I love that. And I hope as we move forward, this generation is going to make big changes. It sounds very promising. And that comes through the education system, and schools as they evolve more and everything. Yeah, absolutely. Yep. Yes, yes. When you were overseas, I think it was in your in Korea or Japan, South Korea, South Korea. You found some tea over there that you really like, is that the rice tea? I love all the green teas and the rice teas and everything. But I actually fell in love with tea in a more organic way when I moved to Singapore. Ah, right. Yeah, there was some beautiful teas that I got to try while we were living in Singapore. And from then in South Korea, I've seen they had all the green tea fields and plantations and to see how beautiful they were and, and, you know, falling in love with all the different kinds of the magic team. All these beautiful center. There's just so many beautiful green teams that because for me creative, yeah, like, oh, you vine, it's like, I just can't drink this. But I know that I shouldn't because it's full of health benefits. And it's like, and I just didn't like it. But then it just completely opened my eyes to a whole new world. So I really got into all the different teas and the tea ceremonies, the history. It's really just such a beautiful culture when you get into, you know, the ceremonies and rituals of tea and where it truly comes from. And that beautiful calmness about tea. And you're preparing a tea like it's just, it's all of that that can be really soothing. See, I think a lot of people would sort of be familiar with the way Japan sort of honors tea and uses that they use that the same South Korea is quite Yes. teas, teas everywhere. Yeah. Right tea is is very similar in the way that they create their tea rituals and teas very big for health benefits. Again, it's you know, it's used in all herbal medicine and everything, it comes back from all of that that needs. It was used in the original medicine, that was all the beautiful herbs and teas. It's just we've forgotten along the way as Western medicine has taken over. And everything has been packaged down. Convenience, that it all that all those pills are packed, they all have an ingredient of hers. So it's all that beautiful that we can actually get by off the shelf. As long as it's organic and clean. Then you're getting health benefits from it. So is that where you sort of sparked for you that you want to create this business? How when did that sort of come up that you thought, right, I'm going to do a team business we did that. That was when we had to move to we've moved back to negative you been here for three years and then COVID strock. And we had to move to my husband's job. So I spent 2020 in Perth. And I sort of like Perth, there was another drop of COVID there was no restrictions there were no mas, it was just the polar opposite of Victoria really was really different. And that's when I was really having the bad side effects from the black tea. And I had time to play around I had all these beautiful herbal and organic stores, I was living in the city again. So you know, I had this lovely chance to score. And I've been looking at, I really feel like I want to do something again for myself. That coal to business was really pulling at me and I was looking for opportunities of what I can do. And so then I sort of started playing around with things that I originally started with mixing collagen protein because it's really into collagen. So that's sort of where it started. The collagen tea was a whole nother whole thing. I am releasing that this year. But I had to get food technologists on board and I've had to learn so much into it. I'm luckier that Santi business is so much bigger, anyone that's listening knows, it's not so easy just to start a business from scratch. Like, you know, just the packaging alone is a massive thing to design and produce and you know, all the things that go with it. So, but back to Starling T, I started playing around with herbs. I was looking for clean organic teas. I looked into plantations, I knew that I wanted to work with single state plantations. I'd like to work with one that does Ceylon tea she doesn't like to enjoy. And they also do sustainable farming. So they don't DeForest, right? They just replant among so you'll see their plantation and I'm very transparent with where my tea comes from. And the So that was sent out newsletters with little videos of the farmers talking about the tea. And third, I work with third generation farmers. So they've really honed their skills over the years. And so they work around the forest, they work around the trees and everything. And I love that water gets reproduced in, you know, they're really conscious of their environment. And so that was really important. I didn't want to buy where I didn't know what was being produced. So they go, they show you the whole process of how they don't use pesticides, they don't use artificial fertilizers, and all these things that are now used in mass production teams. So I you know, connected with some really great people, I was working with a friend at the time, we also talked to a naturopath and got some naturopathic teas on board because I'm not skilled in those areas. But I knew that I wanted to create a sleep team. And I knew that I wanted something for mental clarity. Because, again, brain fog is afternoon is something that I really struggled with. So I knew that those two teams were really important. And I and I wanted to make sure that I had them right. So we went we started off by going to Fremantle market, which is really clean, organic, sustainable, and thought, let's see, let's see if we get anyone coming back. And of course, I was doing tea tasting, I was talking to people, I've done more research. I've also studied tea as well. That's ongoing golf course. And my next video is going to go on to finish my course. So I wanted to make sure that I was educated as well. Because I'm not trying to the naturopath or herbalist or anything like that. So we wanted to have my own background besides my tastebuds. Yeah. And what feel good in my body. So we found that people kept coming back and they would buy the whole range. So they weren't coming back for just their favor. They were trying and coming back for the whole range. So once that happened, I felt like Yeah, I suppose. So the workout the packaging, and I knew that I already wanted to do wholesale so I'm one of these people that go okay, let's do global domination. Make it small think big, right from the start thinking big, right? I just didn't realize how much it would take to get to global like thinking big, but it's it's been quite a few setbacks along the way. But we are definitely getting there and moving back to South Australian having such a beautiful local community throw their support behind me has been amazing. Yeah, it's been really amazing. So so that's sort of been my journey, we've had a name change along the way and, and a move into feeling more like it was part of me and my background and aims and values and, and it is like my husband works when he's home from work. He works away. So we, you know, we were the TeamMachine together, my daughter's coming to work with me next year after 12 She's having a gap year. So it's really very family oriented, which is wonderful. He's wonderful. Yes. And I've got to say I'm a big supporter of your team because I love it so much. I love it so much and it's so nice to be able to buy proper good tea that's made like from a person in my own town like I think that's so awesome. You can just get it right I can go did did it on the computer and the next day I get a nice little person I'm just actually speaking to I'm gonna fill your cup up here a bit more of this tea and you're right that is my phone. Well I knew that it was gonna like should I get something different today beautiful all throughout the time when you're building your business and you've got the kids Are you saying you need some coffee? So? Did you ever feel like, you know, this little horrible thing? The mom guilt was that ever in your mind that on I've got to focus on the kids and can't do this, you know, it was ever conflict. I love to talk to all my guests about this. Because I just find it's the most interesting concept in the world. I know that mom, you friend, your family guilt, parents, I mean, I think guilt is something that I'm not sure it happens as much with men as it does for women, I know my husband gets up, go, if he has to go away, that's all he has to do, to pack his bag and walk out the door. Whereas I'm like, Okay, our kids, what else needs to be done Washington down the house clean, like, our mom, your doesn't stop. And even though this is the thing that I've really noticed with having older children, is that that mom guilt doesn't stop. Yeah, it really doesn't stop. But some nights I do work, you know, six to seven days a week in my business and I at the start, and I really had to find a work life balance, because I love what I do so much. It does consume me at times, and I get so excited about what I'm doing that I just want to work 24/7. And I've found that, you know, there was that sense of everyone wanted me home, regardless of whether they were sitting in their room watching TV or off riding their bike, there's a sense of the kids do want you to be there in the moment they get home. And so I really had to battle and we've had lots of discussions around this. And just everyone you know, helping out taking interns to cook tea and things like so that we everyone understands that you know, what's going on at the moment that mums working for your band together, you know, it makes my job easier, it makes them feel more involved in the house, if you might their cooking. You know, like my oldest son cook a meal. My youngest is he does Taco Tuesday, you know, he will cook that up, you know, the taco meats and everything. That's his thing. So it just, it helps with the monkey. I mean, I try not to work on weekends now at all, unless the kids are all gone, which a lot of the time they are off doing their own things. And I tried to hold try to finish up by like, five 530. So that I'm home, you know, at home with the kids, but school holidays is hard. Because even though my youngest is 14, it's just like, they still like you at home. So I do feel good, because I've always been available for my kids. But I'm I'm at the stage right him being a little bit. I'm gonna take this time for myself as well, because I love what I'm doing. And it does build resilience and independence and your children to like, I'm I've always felt you that. I do think they need to be independent, and resilient. So that helps with the McGill. Because I feel like at least I'm teaching them some valuable lessons that they need to also aspire to do. Yeah. So when you're saying about cooking the meals, there's no reason why they can't cook like children can't cook meals for adults. Like I think we've got this thing in our head that because we're the grown ups or whether the mom we have to do everything is like why can't the kids cook, you know, they're old enough. They're capable, they know what they want to make, you know, and like you said before about contributing to the family contribute to the home. I feel like that's a really sort of previous generation thing that we're carrying down that we don't have to know. And they feel proud. I mean, yeah, I have been my youngest loves to cook. Well. He did a lot more. Say when we moved back to Australia one of the days I think he would have been about nine. Anyway, were mum and I were both building so we're all living in a house together. And we had a big glass door and glass window at the front and I've been down the street for whatever and came home. And Phoenix informs me that a lady had knocked at the door while he was standing on a stool cooking bacon and eggs with no top on over a gas stove. And she said he answered the door sales report. And she said Do you think you should be doing that with no telephone? How mortified Sweeney on the worst mom in the world. I'm like you cannot cook my monster mine because I was hungry. Like myself and bacon and eggs. Oh my god, that was devastating. But yeah, that because they are independent and that's something he would do with me in the kitchen. Not a problem because I'm around but you know we talked about don't cook a monster here but he was just extra hungry that day. Pretty good. And it's just yeah. So there are those things and they do take it on board and, and Pete most people go, Well, you know, that's not okay because he's too young. But I find value and I'm excited that he's able to do that for himself. Like I said, the pride that you take in that library makes it everyone team. Yeah, it may be just meant to the taco. You know, there might not be any salad with it is that he's made? Yeah, that's amazing. And that takes so much from me as well. He's doing that. And then someone else cleans up. It's just as little thing, and you're teaching him valuable skills that he's going to take on, you know, men need. Hopefully his partner this is I grew up an old girl family. My mom was pretty so like, she did everything for us. You know, so I, and I've got boys. So I really want my boys to know how to look up to be able to do their own washing clean a bathroom. Yeah, that's a big one. clean a bathroom? And you know, be able to make a meal. Yeah, it's all learning because it makes it look, because you know, how is it makes their relationships better, as well, because they're able to shoulder a lot of the load. Yeah, that's it isn't. And, and I think it just shows it's a, it's a sign of the times, you know, that life is changing, and that, that men, the traditional roles are changing. And I think if you can be a part of that, you know, by the actions that you do yourself, but also the skills that you give your sons, it's like, you're sending them out into that new world, you know, ready to roll? It's, it's wonderful. I feel the same that my boys Yeah, I just yeah, I'll say my head. I mean, my sister. Yeah, I've got two boys. Yeah, it's a different way, is a different world is so different. Some of the stuff they come out with, I just say to my sister, we never spoke like that, like just some of the ridiculous jokes and are and they are honestly the amount of things I've had broken inside my house. Yeah, the ball. Yeah. It's just like, there's a football that's been juggled around my poor indoor little garden that I've been cultivating. It's got stems missing, and I'm like, who's kicked the ball in my pants again, now? The dog the fairies? So yeah, sounds good. And look, you know, Chad's really good with helping as well. So I think if you're a partnership that the kids can see mom and dad work here. So that helps with a lot of you know, going back to that mom guilt, you know, when he says that travels away a lot when he's home, it makes a difference, because he will call me also the kids like dad's cooking meal when he steps up in those roles. So yeah, that's so important, isn't it those role models and seeing it in action Yeah. When you're talking before about when you when you had you by your first child, and you have this idea because of society's conditioning, that we can have it all we can do anything, whatever. And that then perhaps didn't turn out the way the expectation that you had were leading to ease. Was there a identity shift for you? Because you've been, you know, basically, an entrepreneur working almost a full time, probably more than full time because you're in business. And then you become a mother. And that all stops even though you did want to be there at home with them. Did you have that change in identity case or yourself and how Alethia sort of changed or has been changed by becoming a mum? No, we've I recognized it as being an identity shift because I wanted it. Yeah. You know, so I loved what I was doing to an extent. I knew that that. Yeah, that's a really hard question for me, because I know a lot of the women now really are aware of that going on with it, you know, there's so much talk about it. Whereas I don't really feel like I knew that I certainly had times that were harder, especially between babies. And that were harder at times, and that I struggled with, and I also moved to a town where, you know, one, yeah, so I had two kids 19 months apart. Where, you know, I was pregnant with Ariella had Deegan, who was, wasn't too. And with my support system, or so there was certainly difficult times, but that sort of became my whole world. And I didn't really, I still organized skills, weekends and things, I did make a huge effort to keep in contact with my friends. And I was always the one organizing events or trips away. So I still did all of that. Those things, but just probably not on a regular basis. And I didn't, at the time, I didn't want to Yeah, I didn't have that. I didn't want to remember my husband organizing a 10 year trip to Queensland, Phoenix was like two and I'm like, no. But I mean, I did everyone was like, he goes off organized, everyone, you know, Mom's gonna be here, and, you know, your sisters and all of that. But at the time that I just didn't want to be away from that's just how I feel personally. Yeah, that's how I felt really connected to my family in that way. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I was gonna talk about like support because you you come from a family where you're very close, or grown up, they gave you three deals together. And then when you're in a completely different place with your own children, that would be really challenging. Like you said, you didn't have your family there. Yeah, yeah, definitely, like, willing to fill a pylon for three or four years. And that was definitely my hardest time. Because I didn't have and my parents were amazing. They came over all the time to support me then, because they, they're very good like that. And but yeah, I really, they were definitely hard times. And they were a real struggle. And it would have probably been great if I certainly made friends and I made connections. But nothing's like your family. But that's how it is for me. Not everyone has it. So we've got to go out make a real effort to make those connections. So yeah, we did all of that. But I was in a bubble. It wasn't a real bubble back then. I think. And it just Yeah. Was there anything you were doing for yourself as like a creative outlet doing you talk about your blogging? Were you doing that back then? Does it I wasn't, but I did that that's when eBay was really big. Ah, yeah, I would be like, I was always doing something. Yeah. So I'd be like selling like kids clothes and everything on eBay. Like just having a secondhand store. And it was really crazy about some stuff you sell for more than probably had children shopping addiction anyway. But you find something I remember having like a wiggles jumper and from Kmart, and it sold for more on eBay than one affordable. Secondhand. It's crazy. It's crazy. But yeah, so things to keep you're always done something. Yeah. There's never really been a time where I haven't been a motivation. Yeah, exactly. That's it, isn't it? If you grew up with parents that are hardworking, and show you the value, you know, how you earn your money by working hard, you know, it's instilled in you and, you know, stuff but yeah, and it just is just is how you feel like it's hard to sit idly you know? Yeah. And even now, I'm not you can easily go down the social media rabbit hole, and I am on social media a lot for work. Yeah, you know, I have to build these rules and everything now that you've got to keep updated. I'm definitely not a dancer. You're gonna see me do that. But it does take up a lot of time. So you know, and it's really hard. That's another thing For women with their family, and they're running a business, and then you go to social media, talk to so many women that feel at breaking point, because of all these extra things now that we have to do just to have a business, I love creativity. I don't even get to do all the team lens that I've got in my head that I want to get out. Because there's so many other aspects of running a business, besides just being creative. Yeah. So it's, it's, yeah, that sign of that. And social media and everything else is really hard. Yeah, there's was you were saying that Ronnie for post I saw about the follower artists, painters, and they were saying something like, become a painter so that you can spend half of time making rules for tick tock, can you the secret? Yeah, yeah, it's so true. It's so true. It's so and you know, it, it would be really hard even to be like a mom, and have that downtime, with social media and everything else, you can just go, oh, wow, two hours ago, oh, there's so many distractions for us these days, it's hard to be focused. That's very true. Yeah, I'm glad that I had my kids, I feel I really feel for the moms today. Because it would be really hard to be able to have time for yourself, time for your family time for your work. Time for your partner. It's really hard. What I feel for the people nowadays, like getting married these days, or having any sort of event like, everything's got to be Insta worthy, you know what I mean? Everything's got to look a certain way. I think God that when I get married 2003, or something like that, that obviously that didn't exist, but you just did what you wanted to do and what you could afford or what, you know, whatever was trending at the time. If you can't about trends, you know what I mean? Like, you just did whatever. But now it's like, you know, I've heard a particular people stories where they've got all of these chairs, like a white chair, and the bride's husband said to her, but no one will see it because they're sitting, I'm just like, that doesn't matter what could in the photo, just everyone's consumed by this, what things are going to look like? And and I feel like with little babies, like, everyone's got to have the best little clothes for the best photos. And I don't know, it's like, I'm glad that I'd I do you care about things looking good, but I'm not consumed by that. Because I think if you were, you would have a difficult time, you know, with comparison and judgment and that sort of stuff. I think, absolutely, it'd be so hard to step away from the bubble. And the whole Keeping Up with the Joneses thing, yes, escalated tenfold because of social media, and it's really kind of a really strong mindset to be able to take a step back from that. And just be who you need to be for you and your family, your authentic self and, and try and ignore. And that's sitting off by feel sorry, for mums. At any stage of life, I was gonna say new mums, but you know, can be at any stage about people say, Oh, you shouldn't do this, and you shouldn't do that. And, you know, all these experts are putting in air quotes, you know, don't rock your bed, you sleep and make sure you sleep with you, right? Like all these conflicting stuff is all over us from every angle. Yeah. So how are you supposed to just get back to your own? Like what's in your, your heart and your intuition to parent your child? You know? Yes, that's so true, especially about intuition, because I think we did that gets blocked, somewhere along the line. And I know with my first son who had colic, terrible, I don't think we slept for the first eight weeks. It was just like, the girls saying that I just was walking away, you know, asleep. And I was like, Yeah, but I remember someone saying just trying on his tummy. You know, and that was like a massive nono. And I remember putting him on there and just sitting watching him the whole time. And then I think he moved into his head to the side. So it was like, Okay, I feel okay about that. But the judgment and he stopped screaming after like, we just had screaming. He stopped screaming and was able to sleep I was able to sleep, but even in his pram, he's just like, when his belly, but the judgment I received from that was horrendous, because, you know, you know, and then I'd hear all the statistics and, and, you know, it was not a fun time. But at the same time, I was his mom. Yeah. And I was making that call. And like you said you'd sat there and watched him because it didn't feel right to you because you know, everyone says don't want your baby on the belly. Just leave always the seats, rolls, commendations and it's like, you didn't just chuck you in there and leave them and off you went like, yeah, you know Like people down the street to be like, but it was our people from our high levels of my family all the support system I had, it was, it was people I didn't know, you know, seeing him use pram and things like that it was, it was more of that. And I always found that judgment. It taught me that lesson anyway, you know, not to just judge a book by its cover, I guess he didn't come from, you know, in smoke and come from a smoke filled room that was not in conditions with him. So, but it's just a real, yeah, we really get a lot of judgment at home in from other women. Yes, he's actually from our PDS isn't that moving forward? If we can just support each other, and not judging each other? We might have a beautiful world, like you were saying earlier about, you know, some mums stay at home, some moms go to work, some mums work from home, some mums work, you know, like, and not throwing judgment on each other, because it wants you to actually so different and nobody knows what's going on in that family? Or, you know, in that height, no one knows. And but we're also quick to get oh, she don't know, you know, she's always on social, even the social media or she's always on social media. What if that makes her happy on social media? You know, she might have done an hour of footage, and she's just paid for their kid the rest of the day? Yeah, we actually don't know. But everyone is so quick to judge about what people need to sustain a healthy life for themselves. And I think that's where that stuff needs to take a step back. Yeah, we just need to be happy for someone because we don't know the full picture. Exactly. Yep. No, I love that? Having your children involved here. Do you hope that they see you? As an I'm going to say more than just monkeys? Like when you're just man? No, I don't either. Like just but you know, they recognize that you, as this person who has involved mothering in their life also does other things and can do amazing everything. Yes, absolutely. And I think one of the reasons why one of my thought processes was when I started this business, is I guess, my children, I wanted them to know that you could raise a family. And then you could still have a career. Like I said before, not everything at once, but they were stepping stones to life, that you can have different achievements through. And definitely having a business and, and showing them hard work. Creates reward, too. I think a work ethic is very important. Like, you know, you can be the smartest kid in the room. But if you don't have work ethic, or some passion along with it doesn't matter. Because that's the driving force that drives you to greatness is having a work ethic UCS, you know, the sports stars, this kids can be so talented, but they don't want to put in the training. They're not going to be a superstar. So I wanted my kids also to see, you know what comes out of hard work, because that's really the really important foundation and building block to having a better life. Because nothing comes easy. Life is hard, and it's there's going to be lots of stumbling blocks. So yeah, that was part of it. And also if they helped me out, like we just went to Melbourne and did the boho Luxe market over there, which was huge. And Ariella came and worked with three days and travels out a little Lackey and he built the stand and refilled and ran around did all that sort of stuff for us. But we literally Didn't, by the time we got there in the morning to the afternoon, we didn't eat, we didn't have a break. We just talked to people the whole time. Yeah. So she understood what it takes and how much work you've got to put in, to sell the product. And she also seen how passionate I was with talking about TV, you know, so that was a big thing as well. So I definitely think the curve, the kids don't resent what I'm doing, and that they also enjoy it. They don't necessarily want to take it on their own. No one's gonna, you know, take this business on and 09 and one that I want for them to create their own businesses and create their own life paths. Absolutely. With this awesome, sort of I can't think what the word you know, what we actually should have had folks, we should have focused, that was I was going to make our brains would have been on fire. Oh, man, I often have a focus team. When I'm doing this, I do that. What was it golden was a goal was a goal. Is that having that clarity? And you do get to afternoon and it's like, something happens now? Yeah. And you get tired? Yeah. And it's just like you just need that spark? has been influenced the way that you work, or the way that you do business or the way you think about your business? Yeah, I mean, being a mom has changed. So many thought process, processes, beliefs, you know, how I go about things and, and compassion. You know, one of the big another thing that I wanted to create coming back to my hometown, I knew that as I grew, so something like T is a really great person business that you can source actually create your blends, and then you can get a code that factor on who they then you send all your blends to they package, they do everything. But a really important aspect of my business I'm invested in is buying attention, because I want to be able to create jobs for females here and our local mums in particular, that have a school aged children. Because I think that's the hardest hours to come by. And not enough people show compassion around your children being sick, having school, certainly sports days, all of that. So if if I'm able to, my aim will be to grow my business, and be able to hire women, that we have a compassionate workforce more. And along those lines, where if there is a school assembly, or you need to take sick days, I get that I still run a business. But I want to be able to run one that work for women who also want to be there for their children. And then they don't have to make those hard choices. Yeah, between earning $1 and being there for their kids. Yeah, that's, that's if I'm able to do that. So we've already started the investment by buying the team machine. And then yeah, so being able to grow, I'm about to move into another space where I'll be able to do a bigger wholesale operation and hopefully be able to keep manufacturing to our local area. And you know, like it obviously costs a lot more being regional. Yeah, anything that gets sent here gets so much hammered with postage and everything. But yeah, I think in business and at the age, I've been very fortunate that if I can be able to create something for my community, then while running a business, yeah. So sort of want to wanted to have a charitable aspect to it. Yeah, I guess if if, you know, in that way that we're able to run it in that way. Well, that's so awesome. That is so good. That's my passion. Yeah, that's really what I want to create. It's hard work to try to get there. But that's that is my motivation and aim for growing up years your year. I would love to be able to run a business as compassionate to women who just find so many women are torn by on nine to go on your school excursion. And one of the other influences from that is because when I've always been involved in the parents committee of schools, and when my kids were at school, you had to fight to go on, you know, a school excursion. There's so many moms, where's now? Oh, no one. Yeah. There's no one to go on the school excursions, and it's so cute to go with the kids. I even get to go on one. Yeah, but there's one. And I really feel for all the mums just aren't able to do it. Yeah, yeah, they're able to do it. Yeah. And so yeah, and look, it's only gonna be, you know, a couple of people that might be able to help or whatever, whatever it grows, do you think too, it's, it's, it's that mentality, and then that, that sort of run on effect of having that mentality? Other businesses will see that and go, Oh, that's what we that's what people expect now that this is what Yes, you know, to get good people. This is what we have to give, you know, absolutely. And I think if COVID has taught us anything, it is that we can still be productive, and not work in a three by three office space. So I can't see why people can't work unconventional hours, if that happens, or, you know, work around different times and enable people to still have a family life. There's really no argument against that now, is that, like, it's literally been proven now. That things can still happen. Yeah, if not every single person goes into an office. And you can get stuff done between eight and 330. Yeah, 830 3 million, like, yep. There, there should be a way that women are able to have a bit of both worlds. Because a lot of women don't have the choice. And they have to go to work. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? It's just too expensive for everything. So yeah, so that that is part of my business plan. Yes. In my business plan. Yeah. Love that. She used to love that mentality. That's like, you're just talking about stuff. are you actually doing something about it? You know, actually changing the system? Yeah. Well, if we can look it, wouldn't it be amazing if one business tear and then another another business, when you know what we can have two days a year, you can choose to go with your child's function that you're allowed to take time off, to go to your charity event, sports day or whatever, like, take them to the show, which they're all going to go to soon. Yeah, I got that form the other night, and I looked at and if you weren't going on a Wednesday, I'd be able to go, you know, just those little for, ya know. So it's just, it's just little things that we can't like, you know, we can't do it all. But if it's one or two events a year, that's not a law that we're at, because somebody would never get to go to anything. Yeah. They just don't get to go to anything. And say, you know, they make up the hours by working through that lunch break, one of the weeks or whatever it is, it works for at least flexibility, the flexibility to have the opportunity to ask to have it written in there. To have that. Yeah, just have it have it has, because that's the thing. People are always too scared to ask because it's just someone will say no. So you don't even bother asking. Yeah, you know, and it's hard to ask. Because you don't because you may value having time off to go to a school assembly, this little Johnny's getting an award. But you don't feel that anyone else values that but we wouldn't be surprised a lot of people value that. Yeah. And it is important and you should ask for that. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. I'm very impressed by that. still chasing me. I like it. I mean, I'm looking forward to trying it is rasberries, medleys line, the whole whatever fruit I've got flying on, I put in that. Orange is beautiful. I hope love orange on the weekend. Because it's just really refreshing people to them, I said, I would just like you put it if you do want to get bags, I said, I have a leader in there for the week. And just use it whenever you want. So you can get your tipsy. I'd like you to tell us what's coming up. For this amazing why haven't we got counting? My brain is exploding because there are so many things coming up that are just like was there was a first obviously we had a name change, because I went to a fella because there's so many different things coming in. And I wanted a name that really recognized all those things. It also gives us the opportunity to branch out to different countries as well, having a name that is unique to us. So the big thing that will first be coming under the umbrella, as I like to say will be Yeah, the college and T which was been my baby from the start, this is something that I've been very passionate about. There's so many, there are a lot of colors of collagen products out there. But there's no a lot of education around. So I just see collagen all the time and what they're telling people. And what they're putting out there is is not always correct. So we're really hoping that we can educate along those lines. But it has been a long process because I want to make sure it's right before I put out a product there. So the collagen t will be coming out. And that will be available in the teabags and the loose as well. So very excited, we've got a new packaging. So how to work on new packaging, I've got a lovely Kate Sutton who wears me on all that she's amazing. I've I couldn't do it without a group of women behind me helping me with this business. So that's been a really huge part of being able to move forward. We've got like I'm working on a Christmas plan, which I'm very excited about. As well as a Syrah that is used to make mocktails or cocktails, whatever you'd like. So we tried it last year, and I'm just refining that. So that will hopefully come out in the summertime. I'm also moving to a subscription based business, because I really want to reward people that buy on a monthly basis, so that they get an ongoing discount. So and I really want to create, like we do do a newsletter, but I want to make it more interactive as well. So really create that exclusive little community where we bring on collaborators, naturopaths, wellness, holistic coaches, and people that you can get information without having to buy a whole package together, or do a masterclass or anything like that, like you're getting that information when you need that, you know, community. So, education and information is super important with what we're putting in our bodies. And you know, all that information around plant based and everything like that. So getting back to the subscription. I know we get sidetracked all the time, don't we? So that we'll have quite a few of our I've got 14 wins now. So there's quite a few and there's more being released all the time. So it's something that I want to keep going as you know, some might be more popular than others and things like that, but I always want to bring something new. And you know, we've got the purity and things like that they're really different and ancient base Chinese teas and things like that. So you're always gonna get something That's you won't find in the supermarket. You know from me, you're always going to get a different tea or a different combination. So hopefully this Christmas tea comes together. I'm very excited about it again, it's going to be able to be iced and everything like that will have a subscription base. And yeah, there's a few good a whole new website changes photoshoots and everything I'm really coming, I just don't know how to fit them all in. Yeah, that is my biggest thing is I just, it's trying to fit everything in that we want to do. So I just got to tailor my ideas back. So I'm like, oh, let's do this. Oh, let's do that. And it's like, Okay, stop. Me and do it. Very difficult for me. I'm hitting all the trade shows next year as well. Yeah, we're hoping to do one in Singapore. So there's a lot a lot on the To Do lists. where it all happens. Somebody list good on Yeah. Love it. So what's the website so people know where to go. So if you go to WW dot, Leland t co.com. And you we asked you under the Lila Tico banner. So Lila Tico. Sue has its own Instagram and everything we've got, it's the basically sister companies, more about sisters, you know, love a little sisterhood. You know, my we've got my sisters and our friends and family. And yeah, I think that's really important to me. So that's why I created the sister companies. So because we do wholesale around Australia, people will just still be able to wholesale, the Leela Tico. And because the other thing, the big thing about that was, I still had a lot of packaging, because I've got new packaging for Lila Tico. And then just had this brain boss thing that when I have to change my name, so And sustainability is really important. So that's why we've still kept Lila Tico as a wholesale branch. So when the website changes that will be all a filler. So it doesn't matter what name you type in, whether it's a fella with an A, all in a Tico it will direct you to the same site, because it's all streamlined. But eventually a fella will be the number one was what you'll be seeing everywhere. Fantastic. And I'll put the links to the to all the things you've mentioned in the show notes so people can thank you click away Thank you so much for having me here today. It's been such a pleasure chatting with you. It's an honor for you to ask me to have a conversation and I think thank you for having me eautiful taste thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

ShanRong Janicijevic-tuo US violinist + music educator S2 Ep46 Listen and subscribe on Apple podcasts (itunes) Spotify + Google podcasts Today I welcome ShanRong Janicijevic-tuo to the podcast, a violist and music educator based in New York City, USA and a mother of 1. Born in China, ShanRong started playing the violin at the age of 10, which was considered late to start. ShanRong grew up in a valley a long way from the city, so she didn't have access to teachers. Her mother trained to become a violin teacher so she could teach her. After just 4 years of lessons, ShanRong was accepted into her high school Conservatory talent programme, After school ShanRong travelled to Singapore to completed her undergraduate education at the Yong Siew Toh Conservatory of Music, where she was under the tutelage of Mr. Zuo Jun and Mr. Alexander Souptel, former Concert Master of Singapore Symphony Orchestra. ShanRong then travelled to Pittsburgh to do her Masters and 4 years later got into the Doctorate programme in New York City. ShanRong holds Master’s Degree and Artist Certificates in Violin performance and orchestra studies from the prestigious Carnegie Mellon School of Music as a full scholarship recipient, where she studied with Mr. Cyrus Forough, a pupil of legendary violinist David Oistrakh. ShanRong has more than 12 years experience working with students from different levels, ages, races and countries. Many of her college and pre-school students have accepted in major music schools and festivals in China and the United States. In academic teaching and researching, ShanRong was a teaching assistant in Western Music History and Rock Music History at Stony Brook University. ShanRong is a doctoral candidate in violin performance at Stony Brook University and recently appeared as soloist and chamber musician with Ms. Jennifer Frautschi, and Emerson quartet members at Stony Brook University Starry Nights Concert series, Arts of Violin and Chamber Music Festival. Today we chat about the unexpected injury that ShanRong has suffered since becoming a mother, role modelling the will to never give up and the appreciation she has for the support of those around her. You'll also hear chatter from her 8 month old and the rumble of the New York trains. Music from Dr Erica Ball US composer, pianist and music educator, and previous guest of the podcast ShanRong website / instagram Podcast website / instagram Mummys Wrist Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast. It's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mother's work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others placed on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which this podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for joining me today. On today's episode, I welcome Shan Rong gana ceviche Torre to the podcast, a violinist and music educator based in New York City and a mother of one. Born in China, SHAN Rong started playing the violin at the age of 10, which was considered late to start Shenron grew up in a valley long way from the city so she didn't have access to teachers. Her mother trained to become a violin teacher so that she could educate her. After just four years of lessons, Shenron was accepted into her high school conservatory talent program. After school Shan rung traveled to Singapore, to complete her undergraduate education at the young suto Conservatory of Music. Shenron then traveled to Pittsburgh to do her master's and four years later was accepted into the doctorate program in New York City. Shenron holds a master's degree and artist certificates in violin performance and orchestra studies from the prestigious Carnegie Mellon School of Music. Shenron also has more than 12 years experience working with students from different levels, ages, races and countries. Many of our college and preschool students have accepted in major music schools and festivals in China and the United States. In academic teaching and researching Shenron was a teaching assistant in western music history and rock music history at Stony Brook University. Today, we chat about the unexpected injury that shamrock has suffered since becoming a mother role modeling the wheel to never give up. And the appreciation she has for the support of those around her. You'll also hear chatter from her eight month old son and the rumble of the New York City trains. The music you hear throughout this episode was composed by a previous guest of mine, Dr. Erica ball from the United States. This episode contains discussion around anxiety. Is that lady talking to my mom? Welcome Shenron it's such a pleasure to have you on the podcast today. Thank you for having me. Yeah. So you're in New York City. Tell me a little bit about life in New York City. I think it's one of those places that people always sort of want to visit and and aspire to visit. Just tell us what it's like to live there. New York City is very busy. The living past is really fast. And I don't know if it's because I get I'm getting older. And that I'm a mom. So I just felt like Monday to Friday just like a flying so fast. You just don't notice that. And then time is gone. Yeah, we just live here. Day by day and just very busy. Yeah. Yeah. You are is always very exciting. It's a lot of going on a lot of arts going on and a lot of things going on. I'm really happy that after, you know, we sort of going through this kind of pandemic thing locked down and are kind of dead in that moment. And then everything's getting back slowly. Which I'm happy. Yeah, but in general is very, very fast. Very busy city. Yeah, for sure. Very good. What brought you to New York City. Oh, I sort of traveled all over the place. Orange finally I was born in China. I went to Singapore for my undergraduate studies. So I was in Singapore for many years and To come to state is really the reason that I came here to study my master's degree, pursue my further education. So yeah, I went to Carnegie Mellon for my master's degrees. And also my artists deploy my training over there in Carnegie Mellon, and I moved to New York in 2015, just to come here to complete my doctoral degree. So let's share with our listeners what you do you play the violin, and incredibly well to you, because I've watched some of your videos that were linked to your website, just beautiful. Tell us about how you got started playing. Yeah, I actually started on this road when I was 10. It wasn't, it wasn't early, because most of my colleagues theory, or starters, like two and a half and why? Well, I lived in your Valley in China. And it's kind of far from CD. So I never actually get a chance to actually get to touch this instrument. But I always see people playing back then in team on TV. So I was holding a chopsticks. Like, I'm pretending I'm playing. And I even like I wasn't sure what I was doing. But I always very excited to see people playing, even to hear just hear the music. Yeah. And just by occasion, that my mom's friend's daughter actually got a chance to go to Sydney to learn this instrument. And then they brought the teacher to the valley. So I actually started a group lesson. And I was one of those overdose coats in the class. And I was just basically running around. I wasn't learning in the moment, my mom was like, What are you doing after half year, I don't even know the open strings of my instruments. She sort of getting into it, it was like, and she started getting all those books. And she started to study by herself. And she started to just teach me and after half year, my mom sort of fired the teacher. And she brought me on this road. And we found a teacher in CT will occasionally go into that teacher's house, like every half year because it's only two hours by bus from the valley. I used to live to the city. So my mom does lead me there, like every half year. But the rest of time she won't be learning by those teaching tapes. And you know, that then, like 20 years ago, then we don't have like DVDs or those kind of things. We have like your VCR like you really big tape. Yeah, yeah, we do. And my mom bought all those teaching tapes and that she just, I don't know, she's amazing. You should learn about ourselves. She got all those books and she watched you have people play on the TV and she just learned how to hold a ball how to read music. She just taught her something and I just after four years and I got into high school consequently, talent, talent program. Yeah, by playing Czajkowski are actually not checkups me. I played school as planning concerto, the first movement when I was 14 years old. Yeah. Well, I started 13 years old. And I yeah, I do not know how I have no idea. How did I do it? Everything for me? Yeah. So that's how I started. And after, you know, years of studies, and I just auditioned, and I got into Singapore. That's long story short, so I got into Singapore finished my bachelor and I started my masters in Pittsburgh. And four years later, I got into the doctoral program is still over. Yeah, that's just the kind of trip. Wow, that is. That's an incredible story that your mom was so passionate for you to play that she basically she became your teacher. And she also ended up teaching her having her own studio. Yeah, brought up so many very, so many talented students. And actually, one of them now works for Amazon and she used to be playing a lot but now she's, she's working for Allah. Come like go scientists for the Amazon yeah what was it like having your mom as a teacher? Was she really tough on you because you were your daughter? Or she was she liked? Yes. I think she has a lot of patience for me. Because I wasn't an easy kid. I do not want to practice but she asked me do you want to practice? No, I definitely absolutely hate practicing with passion. Yeah. But she believes she believes in me and she trusts that I would have this as my career. She's for some reasons too. So that in my in my life, hmm. Yeah. I do not know how she did it. But that's she had been she gave up a lot to give up her work. And she dedicated to my practice. She gave up TV shows. She don't watch TV. And she just cut off her friends for me to just be with me and practice. Yeah, she sets all my lessons and she sets all my practice. Yeah. Is your mom still alive now? Yeah, she's she she now she's a she lives in China. Yeah, so she's been able to see your whole career like she's she's seen everything you've achieved. She must be so incredibly proud of you. Well, she was happy time to time well, she will also get very critical comment. So basically tell me I really don't like your dress that you wear on the performance punch you just tie your hair better I think that phrase you can do that phrase again, like in this way. So Interplay playing and she's so into my performance my like a progress. Yeah. Like a performance related or now like nowadays I teach a lot and she sometimes give me feedbacks or my teaching or she will give me some advice on how to handle my students. Oh, wow. That is incredible. So at that time in China was that something that was out of the ordinary for a mum to do? Well, that's back then. It's very rare that for someone will quit her job. Basically just to dedicate everything give everything to the child. Oh, very unusual. Yeah. Yeah. People don't seem I understand. People even laughed at her like you know, say Oh, I gotta see how is your young daughter going to be but turned out nobody knows what's gonna happen So how old you little boy there seven month and last. I love seeing his photos when you put things up on his on your Instagram. He's just the most gorgeous I bet you hear that a lot. You Yeah, people always like Well, yeah, like if they want people if people know me the result? Ah, he looks like Daddy or you look like mommy. I'd be if I walk on the street. I got someone asked me I knew the nanny. Like there's one day there's a lady random lady come up to me that people find that very respectful but like I just want that for fun. Yeah. Thinking that maybe because my, I wasn't dressed well, because nowadays when you become a mom, you don't have time to think, Oh, I got to put up makeup, I got to dress nicely, I have things first thing on my shirt, or just wear sweatpants and running out, just get some food, you know, like I don't have I could totally actually complain about that tell us about some of the things I was reading in your bio about places that you've performed and things that you've done and share with us a little bit about some of the things the performances or the things you've done that really stick in your mind that that you're like your favorites, I suppose? Well, I have to really say that I really enjoy performing, especially chamber music. And not even mention about solo music. Mean solo means just love it by yourself. So far, I have done a lot of performance with string instruments or piano a lot. And but last year in November, I performed it with a newly formed orchestra in New York City, which is right after, like not too long after I gave birth. I gave birth in August, and then that concert happened in November. I played with this chamber orchestra. Yeah. Yeah, so that's basically what I do. Yeah, the performance. Yeah. And hopefully, a new future that I can't have some more kind of like a chamber music series come up. So I can perform. During the pandemic is a little hard. Oh, like a 2020 2020 2021. Back then from 2020 was a first year. We don't, we don't like everywhere in New York City was shut down. Like retrim Metropolitan Opera was shut down and new. New York Philharmonic was shut down. And all the artists has no stage to perform. The concert halls was close. So but the time I still didn't give up. So I flooded positions we performed on the performance on the road on the side of the road. And we put we played a lot of string string works like like trills, Doros and solo violence. Yeah. And we played those kind of outdoor concerts. You have a pandemic, and we have great turnout. Yeah. And also, I also played a lot in church, which our church I played with organ and piano. Yeah. A lot. The only thing that I don't I didn't do much is in to play in the orchestra. I don't consider myself an orchestral musician. Although I love orchestral music. I love to be your audience. Instead of sitting in. Yeah, maybe hopefully, in the future, maybe I will have a different experience. Or maybe my, my feeling will change. But who knows. I enjoy chamber music. Oh, yeah. The only one of the videos I was watching, you're playing the solo for winter by the rowdy from the four seasons. Can you tell us a little bit about that? That performance? Oh, that performance was in 2013. And I was selected by the school. And that year was the 100 years anniversary for Carnegie Mellon University. So that was to the gala concert. So I was like, there were there was a call permutation is cool. Like, we have like a 10 students playing the same piece. And I got lucky got selected to play that gala concert. And it was it was broadcast at the same time on the wq. Ed. Radio Station classical. Yeah. And to all the December because it will happen in December, right. It was a winter concert and true December. Everyone can hear my flying on this radio station. It was just repeatedly playing during that season. It's like a holiday season. Like, if you hear winter. That's me. I forgot my friend called me. Turn on the radio. You were you were on the plane. Oh, that was wonderful experience for me. And costs a house for a beautiful two. Yeah, and playing in front of that orchestra would have been quite incredible for you. And we have a choir, the choir entire choir was behind me. Like it turned out because there's no time for people to stand out from the stage. So I just have to come out play and then off again Absolutely. So what are your, some of your favorite pieces or favorite composers that you enjoy to play? Well, over the years, it's changing so much. I remember when I was just out from college, I enjoyed the play. Chuck kowski. Like, you know, those very romantic pieces. And then time passing, right that you grow older and you experience a lot in life. And I figured I I do really, really like love Beethoven. And I love Brahms. And then later on, I started to get into a lot of contemporary pieces, too. And buy new composers. Yeah. But in general, my. My favorite composer, I have to say the pieces to play is Beethoven is controllable. And he's so novice and also Bach. Yeah, that's like, the top. Yeah, yeah. I have nothing to work on. If I have nothing to play, I will just do something. Yeah. was pregnant 2020 in November? Yeah. So 2021 is the time like, basically, I got pregnant. And I still manage the practice back then. Although the first three months was really hard, because I my body was just off. I couldn't get off the couch. Yeah. So and then after that I still kept practicing. And so I also managed to have rehearsals with my friend. Yeah. And I had rehearsals in my house. And I also did rehearsal with my friend who plays the viola we we've prepared, prepared for the concert to be happening in November last year. Yeah. But we hadn't rehearsed. So in May, June, July, and, like I go to give birthday August, sort of like that. And I managed to practice because I say is pandemic essence, I'm not going anywhere. So I sort of made a list of work that I wanted to practice. Yeah, but I never get a chance. But now I got pregnant, so I had a plenty time. And then I just started practicing all those pieces. Yeah, yeah. Great, great time to work on things that you don't have time for. But yeah. So like, during that time, I found myself I can sit down and to just focus longer. I do not know. Because if there's a because of hormones or like I have just been changed. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And there's a beautiful photo that you sent me. of you. I'm not can't remember how many months pregnant now, but you've you've got your violin. And then you've got the baby violin sitting on your name. Yeah, that was in June, July. Yeah, July. We're in year two. I watch any beginning of July. We're in year two. Yeah. That's yeah. So like, my friend. I was kept asking me if I want my boy to play instruments. I said no. I saw her daughter swollen. Because my friend she was still photograph. Until I saw that. I was like, oh, like, let me take a photo with it. Yes, I guess maybe we. Listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman. You said that you went back and your first performance was when your sound was three months old. How How hard was that to do? Well, I think the trickiest thing for me back then was when we had to have rehearsal. I had the conductor and I had the other soloist came to my apartment. And the hardest thing is you're rehearsing babies all weekend. So the conductor, so they are they're both are my friends. So the conductor has to hold my baby in one hand and listen to us like it's kind of you Yeah, he was. He was to one month in house. Over two months. Yeah. It's amazing what we do, isn't it to make things work? Yeah. And also, sometimes he has to just see through my practice. Yeah, I have to, or like during the rehearsal when the conductor wasn't here, just me and the violist. I had to put him right next to me was not my turn. I sort of like, like a pedicab. Like him to calm down. And when those my term and to enter, I have to grab my esteros. Fast and join. Join her. Yeah, that was it was a challenge. But yeah, but that's the thing, though, isn't it? It's like, I guess you wanted to get back to playing it was important for you to keep that part of your life going. Yeah. So I have to say, if you if I look back from the time when I give birth to now, the hardest thing and making more than most is actually not because I don't have time to practice or I don't have energy is that truly the ones that I because I have to keep holding the baby and I sort of develop mommy's wrist Oh, third most last November when I performed with this collective 366 My wrist my full hand was really painful. I sort of have to change a lot of Boeing's because that to compensate, but a lot of boys that I do. So I because that reason hurts so much. I cannot do a post ago. So I have to sort of change the bowing that I used to do before I give birth. So now I have to change a lot of things to make it happen. Yeah, for sure. And then after performance, the baby is scoring bigger and I have to carry him continuously to calm him down. Right and, and then my left hand also developed the mommy's wrist. So now that I come to the question that uh, do I have to give up my plane? Now, yes, I sort of have to say a lot of said no to a lot of concerts performance. Yeah. It hurts even when I have to just demonstrate to my students. Yeah, I can do. I cannot do shifts. Yeah, on my left hand, I cannot really do shifts because it hurts the muscle when I have to use too. Well, the good thing is this just a temporary in just a moment. So I, I wasn't giving up the whole whole thing yet. So I'm just basically I'm not taking any performance. I'm not performing or having any rehearsal, but I still happen to manage that to practice self care basic skills. Yeah, yeah. Like to, like I'm now here. I'm actually a new mom taking baby steps. Yeah, I'll make sure to Yeah, isn't it? Yeah, physically, you can use I can play longer. longest time I have some some sort of movements that I can do. Yep. Wow. Was that something that you anticipated? When, when you were pregnant? No, I was actually shocked. I didn't know. I didn't do research that I might going to this. Some women, they were experiencing this kind of pain, even before the baby was born. I think it does have something related to the hormones. Do you sort of feel a little bit like, I feel a bit like it's not fair that I've got to give up? You know, playing or do you feel okay with it? I'm okay with it. Because children cared for, like, my baby is extension of my life. And it's from me and my husband. I don't really think it's not fair. And I, but I'm not. Also I'm not gonna say that. I'm enjoying every single moment. Fair. I'm not saying that I'm enjoying every single moment. But I'm, I'm just trying to experience every bit of it. Whether it is happy, whether it's tired, or even sad, or angry, or disappointed, sometimes love my husband is here if you're in there. I'm trying to experience because I believe this thing. Having a baby having a child in my life is should be part of my life. Yeah, let's see. Of course, it is very hard for a woman and to be a mom to be an artist to be a teacher to be an educator. It just so much to do even not to forget to be your wife. Yeah, that's it. I'm still struggling with how to balance sometimes I'm just like, Oh, I'm just really burnout. Yeah, yeah. I think that's something I can all relate to. Yeah, I'm really appreciate that. Although I don't have my parents with me, you know, in our culture, your, your parents can help you. Like, our parents can help us with baby. But we don't have our pants. It's basically me and my husband. So the daytime he is at work. And when he comes home, he will take over the baby then I can have some time to cook. And when the baby go to the bat, then we we finally have some time to eat and to clean it up, you know, just very busy. Oh, yeah. I'm still trying to figure out the time to practice not long, like at least an hour. Because my condition right now. Yeah, I did get angry. That angry and sad that my hands become like this mess, hence saturation. I was a little mad about this. But once I understood that was just gonna be a phrase of my life. And it's just differently. I have to be patient to slowing down with what I do now in life. Actually, actually started to enjoying the process of being with my baby. Because I know this one will never return. He will grow up bigger and this time we'll never return back. I can always go back to play and once he can go to daycare. My goal is not just in time to take here before to, yes. That's right. November last year, because it was just the three months, right, three months of after give birth. And then, you know, yes, before four month we are purely breastfeeding. So I don't really breast breastfeeding him. After two months, I was there pumping out so I can get some sleep. And so and my my friend who was of USA, her name is Makayla, and she was asking me, so what are you going to do when you're on the stage? Are you going to leak or something? Nope. I have. I said, I'm saying I have I think I have that figured out. So I will make sure that I come before I walk on the stage. So yes, you have sort of hot before you walk on the stage. Yeah. Yeah, because you I also have to dress like your performance dress. Right. And so yeah. I think go to time. Perfect. And cannot be too early. It cannot be too late. Yeah, because you also have to mentally prepared you're gonna do you have to perform. You have to be fully concentrate. Yeah. But then pumping is something jumping before the performance. Yes. Something that I got to figure it out. You mentioned about your teaching, you're still teaching now. Yes, I teach a lot. Yeah, I teach. So actually, I went back to teaching two weeks after I give birth. You know, it is pandemic. And it's not like I have to go somewhere. Yeah, it was online. So I spread my students to every day. So I have one hour for each student's per day. So it's not a lot work. So in fact, that's kind of like changing my how my brain works. So I it's so for me, actually teaching become a break for me. Yeah, I really enjoy teaching. That's the only time I don't have to work with baby. I don't have to work with baby. Yeah. And here I really have to, to say to my students, and the parents are so, so nice. So most of the time after New York back to normal, like meaning reopen. So I started to have private student come to my house. And the parents are either helping me carrying the baby or they will just allow me to carry my baby we're teaching. So my baby Jacob was exposed to music. So yeah, he will either sing along when I'm teaching. Yeah. Or he will just drag me my students for he is joining us most of the time. Yeah. That's so nice. Isn't it that he's such a part of it? Yeah. So I also teach in the weekend, weekends on Sunday. That's the time my husband wants so I have that day. I have that day. Just teaching Yeah, for sure. When you first had your son, did you feel like you went through a change in your identity about how you saw yourself? I think this part is very this part of me is very funny. And I don't know if other moms are like this too. After giving birth I cannot believe If I'm already on mom, I can question myself what is going on? And I cannot. Like if people are saying asking me Oh, how is the baby so your baby's fine, but I cannot. I find it really difficult for me to relate me as his mom. Yeah. Well, I have to talk to myself that I'm already a mom. Yeah. So, yes, my identity. I realize my identity changed over the months. For sure. Yeah. So I wasn't really, really aware of it. Even after I gave birth, I wasn't really aware for that. Yeah. Yeah. If you will tell me all your violinist Yes. You're a wife. Yes. But you're a mom. I was like, Let me think about it. But actually, yes. Yeah. This is a topic I like to talk to all my mom's about mom guilt. Is that something that you've experienced? Or? Or what's your thoughts about that? Yes, definitely. That frustration for me? I'm not exactly about because I I have to not been taken care of. It's just because it's because I have to learn how to sort of my What do you say that? Patients? Yeah, yeah. Patients, you know, musicians, artists are very, very emotional. They're very sensitive. We're very sensitive. So whatever. baby cries will make me really, really anxious. That's my gifts. Yeah, right. Make anxious and I find myself at the very beginning. I have very, very difficult time to actually sue him. And also calm myself down. And I will be actually crying together with. Yeah, that's the only mommy guilt. Yeah. Yeah. So well, I did my husband jumping and helping me. Wherever he crushed so much. He will just jump jumping in and take him. Yeah, yeah. Even like in the car riding like, I sometimes I can't really control my emotions when you know, anxious. That's totally normal. It happens to a lot of new moms. Oh, yeah. Well, like my husband won't help not appreciate and I had my students parents that I can talk to, and they won't give me a lot of advice because she had three three kids. Yeah, she got thing and I'm really appreciate these people in my life. Yeah, my mommy guilt is really just handling the baby. Learning. I just felt like I'm not learning that fast enough. I thought it's come natural, but actually not natural. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah. But that's my mom. I told her this is way harder than playing a violin. Practice to protect your next moments. And you're you're actually caring about your past, past, present and future you can control sort of controlling even on the stage. You know how it's gonna go. If you practice a baby, you can't. Oh, yeah, everyday. Yeah. So that's, it's very challenging, isn't it? Yeah. Challenging. Yeah. And also, yeah, I just felt like it's having a baby has a very, very big impact in my career. Yeah. But no regrets. I'm happy this I still happy that I made a decision decision to be alone. Yeah. Yeah, like you said, it's a phase in your life and in he'll grow and change and then there'll be other things you know, As always, your violin will always be there also, I won't let my identity that's part of me, I don't want that to go. I want my children look at me in the future when they answer their own since I'm in their eyes, I'm not only their mom, I want them to see that. During the hardest time, I never give up what I love. Because rather than teaching is what I love. And making music, be able to play with people is what I love. And I want my children to see that. Even through the hardest time I have to make choice to give my life my time and attention to them. But I never give up what I love, and I always come back to it. Yeah, absolutely. And I will go get this encouragement from my wife, my mentor. His name is Philip Setzer. He's the violinist from Amazon, the famous Amazon quartet. He told me that his mom gave up her performance her career in for him to bring him up, spend all the time for the family to be a mom. But eventually, her mom came back and auditioned to kill Cleveland Symphony Orchestra and go into that orchestra and spend the rest of your life with that orchestra still be a professional Yeah, yes, he wrote this email to me he says he wants to give me some encouragement that never give up. Now that's wonderful that is so good. Hold on yeah I'm very happy and I'm also very appreciate that the people in my life my friends that I mentioned earlier, the music director of collective 366 That's new orchestra and they are my friend in life that they always told me never give up they always told me well we're gonna play again yeah I'm really really appreciate that those people who you my life wanted to make music with me. Yeah, that I never forget my identity. Absolutely. Oh, good on you. That sounds like you've got some really good people around yes fantastic. Have you got anything coming up any performances or things that you want to share with us? So a music festival coming up in May. This is organized by conservatory Lila, named Lila music conservatory and that they have Music Festival in May. And also in August there will be some masterclass happening in the same place. I don't have further concerts coming up yet because my hands addiction. But I have two concerts planned in my in my mind. One is a solo works cause that was on the fingertips. And basically I will play a lot of dance music by Bach and also some contrary pieces and collaborated with some dancers. And also there will be another concert just basically by Stravinsky some work by Stravinsky and Bach. Yeah, wonderful. With Anest let's update those informations once I have clear debt on my on my website oh good on you. That sounds great. Oh look, it's been such a pleasure chatting with you and having you little man there too. Yeah. Is very active. He wants to he already knows how to post them. Okay, by seven half. He hasn't had one taste yet. But he already can. He can already set up by himself. And he wants to pause then and just don't want to be just steel wants to move around. He wants to go ready to get very tired, but like Sometimes when I practice I just put him in a walker, or a Noona. Like the chair, and I just play for him. Yeah. Me, like, what are you doing? Yeah, most recently, last Saturday, I brought him to a piano masterclass. The professor played one phrase of Chapin. And it was so it's a it's a sad music. And he was he was so touched by the music. He was full tears in his eyes and start crying oh I'm gonna let you go now. You can have Mammootty yourself again. Oh, it was so nice to talk to you. Oh. My mom was a great example for me. Never give up. And that's the math was like I I learned I saw how that happened. Absolutely. I hope in the future, I can come back to the stage again and continue to share great music with people with everyone. I'm sure you will. I'm absolutely sure you will. We don't yet. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Georgia Fields Australian singer, songwriter and musician S1 Ep15 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Georgia Fields is a singer, songwriter, producer and arranger from Melbourne Vic, and a mum of 2. She has been recording and releasing music as an independent artist for over 10 years. In 2010 Georgia recorded her debut self-titled album. Georgia Fields was awarded Album of the Week for ABC Radio National and Beat Magazine, and saw her perform on national television for SBS’ RocKwiz. Since then she has released Astral Debris in 2016 and Afloat, Adrift in 2017 - an EP captured live with The Andromeda String Quartet and She currently working on her next album Hiraeth, due for release 2022. She has also founded and launched The Mother Lode - a community to support and connect working mums in the Australian music industry. In this episode we chat about experiencing and dealing with 'imposter syndrome', the challenge of returning to performing after taking a maternity break, ageism in the music industry, THAT Triple J tweet and our mutual love for The Beatles. **This episode contains discussions around post natal depression and anxiety** Connect with Georgia here - https://www.georgiafields.com/ Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Georgia's music used with permission When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the art of being among the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creatives and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Thank you for joining me. My guest today is Giorgio fiends. Giorgio is a singer songwriter and arranger from Melbourne, Victoria, and a mum of two children. George has been recording and releasing music as an independent artist for over 10 years. In 2010, Georgia recorded her debut self titled album, her album, Georgia Fields was awarded album of the week for ABC Radio, national and beat magazine, and it saw her perform on national television on an episode of SPSS TV show rock quiz. Since then, she has released astral Daybreak in 2016, and afloat adrift in 2017, and AP captured live with the Andromeda String Quartet. George is currently working on her next album, entitled heroes, due for release in 2022. Amongst all this, Georgia has also founded and launched the motherlode, a community to support and connect working mums in the Australian music industry. This episode contains discussion around postnatal depression and anxiety. Love to welcome you along today, Georgia. Thank you so much for agreeing to be on the podcast. And thank you. Great to have you here. Thanks for having me. So I know a little bit about you. I've been listening to your music for a little while. But can you share what you do? How you got into it? And all that kind of stuff? Sure. Well, I'm, I'm a singer, songwriter, I guess. That's my main bag. And I started, I started writing songs when I was a kid. But it took me a long time to have the guts to really pursue it professionally. So I started playing and really giving it a go when I was about 25. I think. So that was writing songs and performing under my own name, Georgia fields. And so now I'm, of course 26. No, I'm going to be 78 next week, so I've been doing it a little while now. I also write for strings from time to time, either for myself or for other artists, which is a lot of fun doing string arranging. Yeah, that's in terms of what kind of music I do. I tend to just say pop music because I feel like that kind of covers a lot of bases but pops a wider genre. So delving deeper into that, I guess. I tend to have a play with a band, as I said, sometimes with strings, so more of an indie pop, modern folk type situation. I guess that sums me up. Yeah. So when you said you used to write when you were younger? Did you ever do anything with it, then? Did you ever sing it like concerts or perform you're performing music as a child? I didn't do. I didn't kind of work as a child thing. I did a few recording sessions for ads as a kid. My uncle worked in that world. So occasionally, they'd need some singers. That sounded young or were kids. So I had done a little bit of that. Before I was familiar with studios. My uncle had both of my uncles had studios and and my family from the music world as well. So it was just something that was kind of modeled to me I didn't perform really as a kid. Thankfully, because I think that is a whole other can of worms. Yeah, yeah, that's how experiences Yeah, for sure. So why did it take you till you are 24 to start sharing your music? I think I just thought I had to be perfect to get started. Probably do Just want to examine that now like, probably I heard someone say, the problem was, I think it was like probably read it on Instagram on an inspirational quote, but it was something like we compare our, our work in progress with other people's finished outputs, you know, like, big I was just looking at looking at the artist side mired and going, Oh, well, what I'm doing here, what I'm working on isn't isn't as good as that. Whereas, you know, you're kind of comparing your own bedroom, works in progress with fully finished fully supported artists that are signed to Sony and to have massive, you know, I think there's probably a bit of naivety and a bit of impostor syndrome. But when I was I was, I went overseas, I went around around the world, when back when you could do that. And I was working in London, and I remember someone I've been working with. No, thank you, my husband just brought in a little snack for me. Thank you. What a sweetheart. I was I was I was living. I was living in London, I was working in London, and one of the directors of the firm I was working at, and I was just doing administration forgot my name. And I've been working with them for setting up their breakfast meeting for a while, like a while now. And they called me sweetie. And I was like, he doesn't know my name. And it just was this moment of feeling really disrespected and feeling like I wasn't where I wanted to be. And I just thought I have to I just have to get back home to Melbourne and just get making music. So that was kind of what really spurred me on, I think, yeah, it was that that moment that sort of brought everything into clarity, I suppose. And you Right, right. None of this stuff. That's right. That's right. Yeah. You. you've recorded a few albums as I listened to you on Spotify for a while that I did a bit of research. Thanks. Tell us about your albums that you've recorded. You said you've composed for strings. I think that's what in my mind anyway, makes your stuff so different. And so beautiful that you combine your your vocals, it's like the strings aren't just there to fill in. Underneath the accompaniment, they actually have a special place. Thank you. That's a really lovely interpretation of it. And I studied cello as a kid at school, I was lucky to go to a school that had a strings program. And we had a music program and you could choose an instrument and I chose cello actually initially chose double bass, but they didn't have enough school bases for me to borrow. So I've got I've got the cello which from memory my dad was was happy about. But I was I had terrible cello. And I didn't practice enough and it just wasn't really my instrument. So I never really able to be when I played it for five years, wasn't really able to get a beautiful sound out of it. So I ended up quitting cello in high school just to focus on on singing. But it's something it's instrument that I love. I love it so much that I decided not to play it anymore because it's so terrible. And out of respect for the insurance pure respect for cello. I'm not going to do it to any more cello. But I think having that experience of knowing what it can do and what it could sound like I was able to bring that to my my songwriting. I remember my cello teacher when I was in high school, I said to her, I really want to like plug Rotella in and play like play it, like maybe put it through an app and then I could sing over the top of it and bless a shoe I think she must have been must be a very classically trained cellist and she played with the msoa. And she just kind of looked at me and was like, okay, and I think that idea was quite foreign to her. But also She's probably just thinking you could start by playing some scales and doing a practice that I have given to you that you haven't done. Anyway, I digress. Yeah, I love working with strings because I feel there's just so it's such an emotional instrument and they're very versatile. So I've I've always had strings in my releases. My first album was very kind of was very foci and orchestral kind of based. I had an old friend who I met in high school actually, who's an incredible cellist. She's now a doctor of cello and she He was really mentored me when I started writing for strings. That's a treaty. Her name is Judas Haman if Casio in case any listeners will look that up, I wanted, you know, how do you write this out. And so she kind of got me started on it and got me hooked on it. Yeah, and then a little while ago, I made a record with a quartet that I work with a lot the Andromeda String Quartet, which was really fun, because we just did it live in the studio. So it was just just string quartet and voice. Before we talk about your children, I want to talk about the amazing work that you're doing with the mother lode, the website and the Instagram. And I just commend you so much. Can you just share with the listeners about the mother lode? How it came about? You know what compelled you to create the concept? First, I want to say thanks for your kind words about it. It's relatively new project. And it's funny when I connect with other mums through this project. In other words, it's always astounding to me when they say oh, we're you know, we're really enjoying it. Oh, this is this is a really great initiative because I think oh, gosh, I have had huge impostor syndrome about launching it. Yeah, who am I? Who am I to create this space for moms? You know, what have I done? How am I you know, this, you know, Cami farm Georgia, get back in your box, but I'm glad I started it. Yeah, so motherlode is it's an online community that basically aims to support independent musicians who are mothers in their music making, and their mothering, I guess, acknowledging that there are two enormous jobs in your life roles, or, you know, not labels, but they're parts of who you are. And they're really their full time. Part like you don't clock off being an artist, you don't clock off being a mom, they're just that that's part of who you are as a person. And support is needed for boats, I guess it was, I've been thinking about it for a while. I've been thinking about, you know, I just want to get together with my as a musician, friends, and just have a big debrief on so how are you doing this? And are you putting childcare in the grant budget? And how did you get a How did you, you know, do this and how do we do that. But it was when, really, in the pandemic, in in 2020, that I thought, this is getting ridiculous, this is getting very challenging. And, you know, we see it saw that a lot of job losses, you know, across across all jobs have, we've seen that it's women bearing the brunt of that. And people have said, it's likely because they're the ones that were already working part time was a big, they've had to stop working so they can homeschool their kids. We know that the music industry has been in crisis from the pandemic. So I guess just wanting to support mothers in the music industry to stay active, stay supported to keep creating work, because if we lose those voices, we're going to lose, you know, those stories, we're going to lose that, that perspective that I think is really important. And it's perspectives that I seek out now. Yeah, it is a community. It's, it's bringing people together, it's sharing ideas, and just giving people the opportunity to share information that is going to help others you know, it builds on itself. And yeah, it's wonderful. I hope it builds on itself. I feel like we're really in early days, we've got the Instagram channel, which is at Find the mother lode and then the website which I'm building up slowly. I guess because it's just as you would know, it's it's just me behind the scenes at night when the kids are in bed furiously on my laptop, trying to you know, work and get things done, but um, I've got a lot of dreams for the project and what it could mean. But yeah, we just got to start small, don't we? It's always got to start somewhere, but the intention is there and I'm so glad that you put aside your imposter syndrome that you named it. I haven't put it aside I'm just I'm just, you know, just keeping it quiet for the time being No, thank you. I am trying to put it aside. Yeah. trees and all these gravel magic so you mentioned your kids then tell us about your family. Yeah, I'm a mum to two kids. We live in Melbourne with my husband and my daughter, Kendra, who is six and a half. And my son Marlon, who is two and a half, and we're in lockdown. 6 million points. Whatever it is, I've lost count. But yeah, we live in, in the burbs here in Melbourne, and yeah, my husband's also a musician. So we're rich. We have a lot of keyboards, we have a lot of keyboards. We don't, you know, don't have a TV. But we have a piano. So we've got our priorities, you know, order or not order. Yeah, that That basically sums up that's us. Yeah. So you met your husband? Through your music, like through performing through meeting? Yes, yeah, our bands were singing our guest spot. At a night where his band was playing. So we did a collaboration together. And then we did a live family collaboration. We'll see. With with a bit of, you know, getting to know each other in between? Yeah. Oh, do you find that because he has an insight into music, he can empathize with the space and the time that you need, and when you need it, because he's got that background in music. Definitely. There's definitely an understanding of what the creative process is and what it feels like to be a creative person, but there's also a lot of competition, because we both want that space. And there's children in the family that require our care and attention all the time, because we're doing home learning. So we have very little respite at the moment. So I'd say that, that there's the positive of Yeah, you know, he gets it. But also, we both kind of scrounging for that time, which is a challenge, I think, with families, particularly families where there's two creative people. Yeah. So how I mean, taking out the challenge right now of being in lockdown, how would you generally manage your time and then with the children? With it's changed over time. So when we when it depends really on what the teaching arrangements are. He He's teaching at the moment, I was teaching before I took maternity leave. So generally, we just kind of try and split whatever spare days were left in the week, where we weren't teaching. But this, it's been more challenging as I wasn't really able to return from maternity leave to teaching work. Because that was when the pandemic really started. So that means that he's doing the majority of the teaching work. So in general, we try to split the time when the one when we're not teaching, but at the moment, he's working essentially full time. So we both are just working in the evenings on our creative projects if and when and how we want to do that, which is pretty tiring, but yeah, absolutely. And then yeah, you have the nights when the kids are awake, and then you're up with the children and then you've got a front up the next day again, it's just Oh, yeah. Your work to you know, work on something till 1230 At night, one o'clock, and then your toddler wakes at three, and then you've got to be up at 630 for whatever. Yeah, I'm pretty shocking. I was sleeping but um, but yeah, it's challenging, but you know, we love it. And that is something that I've that I struggle with is getting that balance because and I was talking to my husband about this in the kitchen the other day, like, I'm a much happier person when I'm when I'm got when I've got things on the go when I'm working on motherlode when I'm trying to put a single out or doing some recording, whatever it is, I'm much happier. But I've got to do that, you know, in the night and then I'm freaking exhausted and I'm not as happy as it's like how do you know just kind of do it, I guess. Week by week. Yeah, you can then go here the next week. I don't know if anyone's got an answer, please. Please email in. Yeah, send me a message. But you're going to take care of ourselves too. I mean, yeah. I don't know. I don't know the answer. It's a hard one isn't it? I've really noticed since because I had I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and anxiety after my son was born. He wasn't a great sleeper. Bless him. But now I've really noticed that and I feel like I've I've received a lot of support for that and I'm kind of coming coming through that. But I do notice now when I haven't had enough sleep, like you know, if I if I pull an all nighter to get some work done that I want to do and then my kids waking and then the next day I'm like, Well, I actually I really noticed that my anxiety is really high. So yeah, it's just it is a funny dance. How do you I've got to I have to take care of that because I don't want it to kind of get away from me again. Yeah, for sure. But I don't want to give up making music so but that I think that is a very that's something that's very specific to indie musicians who perhaps are supporting their creative practice with another job as opposed to musicians who are you know, their songwriting and they're performing pays their wage because they they're not you know, having to work through the night. I don't know. I don't know I've never been one of those so yeah. So hard to change. Of all the fates. I've begged to be with you you you I read that you're a big Beatles fan. Yeah, she's awesome. Because I love the Beatles so much the same way you can see their legs. I can Yes, I can. I don't know if I'm as big a fan as my son is now he is mad for it. That's wonderful. If I say to him, Are you are you retired boy or, you know, let me give you a cuddle of my little boys. I'm not a boy. I'm Ringo. I'm mummy Ringo. And he's Marlon Ringo. He's Yes. Please support the Beatles fan here. Beatles fan for sure. What's your favorite album? Oh, that's a good question. It used to be I mean, it was it was such a purpose for a long time, but I feel like I kind of almost burnt myself out from it because it was like my favorite you know from from being a kid. Revolver is just like this really amazing. Almost like a coming of age. I can hear Sergeant Pepper's just around the corner. But you know all that kind of the close harmony. Boy group stuff is still really in there too. I find that really fascinating. Record, but they're all good. I mean, Revolver is my favorite. I tossed up for a long time between that and the White Album. But I went, I love revolver so much. I just love. Yeah, it's just building up. It's just getting like it's starting to wind up to that the psychedelic crazy. Love has a high watermark for guitar sounds, isn't it? Like oh, yeah, I love how they just did whatever they wanted. Like they just they had songs with the tempos changed. And then they had like, the three songs joined together and they just did literally anything they want to. It's like, God, you guys, like 10 years, it was only 10 years, but I know just blows too short amount of time. But I feel as though it would have been it. Yeah, that'd be the talent, the talent, the individual talents, you know, we're standing together sum of their parts situation where you know, there's a special kind of magic, having them all working together but also that imagine just being able to go into into the studio, like just imagine just just going in and not being like watching the clock going shit. How am I gonna pay for this or like we've you know, we've got to get this done because, you know, I've got to make sure I get this many streams or I don't know, just imagine going in and being like, Oh, what am You can do today like that massive amount of freedom and people would have had that confidence in you like none of the record companies would have been worried about what was coming next like they would have just, you know, just let them go and see what they do. Yeah, yeah. Unreal just unreal. You favorite they don't have to ask you for everything. Well, of course Paul for a long time in fact, forever but I feel a really big coming around to George Moore he's his songs kind of used to scare me as a child had this quite Yes. It's kind of not aggressive. But there's something about his voice it's it's almost spooky. It's hit some of his some of his songs. He's just broke me a bit as a kid. But um, but yeah, coming around to George but um, always really been a fan of the way. Paul approaches melody and any songwriting? Yeah. I'm definitely more Paul than I am. John. John. John scares me a bit in his, I think, because I, before I knew much about their lifestyles and their behaviors, I really liked John's music. And then I sort of got turned off a bit when I discovered like, I don't know if that things were true or her stories. Yeah, and it's misogyny sort of attitudes and stuff. And I thought, I'm just gonna stick with post rock and roll that's feels better. I really struggled to listen to run for your life. Oh, yeah. I've listened to the lyrics of it. And what was the other one I was listening to? Which I love no reply, which is from an older one record I can't remember which one so from please please wear his like, I saw you walk in because I've seen like basically it's just he's a stock is a stock it doesn't matter if there's a stock it's not get the message. She's not into you. Just turn the phone. back. Oh, that reminds me. I was just thinking then when you said to me, there's no time. Soon, and it's like, basically do it my way. You gotta see my way. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like do it my way because you're always wrong. And if you do it my way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's unreal. When you start thinking about in that way, like, if it creeps like anyway, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to go if you were sent back in time. And you could you could deliver all the songs, but they were fresh. I don't know if I mean, those songs are incredible songs. But they vary over time. And I don't know if you if you transported them to now, would they be successful? I pray I don't I think they actually because they defined the year that they were in because that's groundbreaking in the time that they're in. But yeah, you take them out and put them in today. And you just go What's that? Like? You wouldn't make it wouldn't might not be hit as hard I don't know. 911 Yep, well that's probably a good thing. leaving tomorrow tomorrow never know yeah with my guests, I love talking about two big the two big things I love talking about mum guilt and identity. So we've gone to mum guilt rock fest. How do you feel about I put it in the air quotes the old mum guilt? Because I feel like it's a label that's been created by someone else. But those feelings of that that guilt had had the sort of process that even before I answer that that that is a really interesting idea of what could we call it instead of mum guilt, because it is a thing that is natural. When you care about something, you want to make sure you're doing that job well. How can we re label that? You know, is it is it a pool or is it being drawn back to I definitely I definitely have mom guilt tend to have more mom guilt when I leave. Like if I have to leave the house to do work. Particularly if I go away on tour which I haven't done heaps of I did more of that when tender was little but you know pandemic times haven't really had the chance to abandon my son and hit the road yet. Yeah, it's a funny one. I mean, it's sometimes it never really, never really seems to have a rhyme or reason for me. You know, there'll be times when I can be stand quite firm in my commitment to maintain creative practice and a career and, and think, oh, you know, this is fine. And that's got him and this is great for him, it's great for them and not going to worry about this. And then there's other times, you know, I shouldn't have spent so long at the milk bar, you know, it doesn't seem to have a rhyme or reason for me, but definitely experience it. Yeah. Absolutely. And, yes, I like that, what you're saying about calling it something else, because I feel like almost like social media has created that tear, like a hashtag monkey, like, it's a throwaway sort of comment for others, but it's, it doesn't serve moms well to be labeled in that way. And sometimes, is it guilt? Or sometimes is it just actually, you know, us questioning? Is it time to bring the the is it the ledger back to towards more towards family? Or, you know, like, I think it is okay to question your involvement in in any kind of, you know, activity or, or passion, it's okay to say, Oh, am I spending too much time at work? Or am I? Or my you know, that that's okay. But whether you necessarily want to feel guilty about it? I don't know. And I guess, thinking about it now, like I haven't really thought really investigated this. And I'm glad you're asking me to but just for my own self, but I suppose it requires you two approach. I guess it's worth acknowledging that you're not going to approach parenting with a clean slate, like we all bring the wounds from our own childhood, and the wounds from the way we were parented to our own parenting. So that's something I guess that I, I find myself second guessing myself a bit on you know, do I have a reason to feel guilty about this? Or is it? Is it okay? Hmm. So I think, yeah, it's a challenging one, because no one's going to approach it. Yet, with a clean slate, everyone's going to bring their own baggage to parenting and, and that's going to inform how guilty you might be, or might feel. It's funny, there's, my friends become a mother recently, she's got a son who's nine must be nearly 10 months now maybe. And we went on tour together, we did a really big tour together when my daughter was maybe two, three. And like, that was the first time I left her and I had a lot of guilt about leaving her about being far away. And a lot of that was, I can also I could sense that there was a lot of baggage from my own childhood as well. But she was always very active about saying, you know, you are setting a great example for her, you are showing her that you there are things that in your life that you care about, you're showing her you're being entrepreneurship and you know, so she's really in my ear about that. So I feel lucky to have a friend and a musician and another like her to really help keep that in check. And if anyone is interested, her name is fear pH ia i think Instagram handle is listened to fear she's an amazing artist. So she's worth checking out and if she's your friend like she's my friend, she would tell you enjoy the music making take that time off go on to do it. So then leading into that the concept of identity that and I'm going to put this in air quotes again, because whenever I say I know it's not true. It's important to us for you to be more than just a mum and I know that's not right, because we're never just a mum, but I think you sort of touched on it earlier. When you say you don't clock off from being a mom, you don't clock off from being a musician, or an artist. How do you sort of retain your identity of, you know, you're still GA, you happen to have kids, but you've got all these other aspects of your life that are important as well. Make sense? Isn't it? It's an interesting question. I don't know if your other guests say this, but it's really interesting to have somebody asking these specific questions because often, like, I personally wouldn't think about this, in such specifically personal terms, until someone asked me a question like this, I thank you for the opportunity to, you know, do therapy. Podcast, when, when my daughter was born, I had work when I fell pregnant, I had work coming up, I had been booked to write a film school. And that started work on my second album. So I was just like, I'm just gonna keep doing like, I'm gonna start, I'm just gonna keep doing these things. And so I had these things booked in, I had to do them. Oh, my God, it was quite stressful at times, because I was frightened of letting people down. I didn't realize how sleep deprived I was going to be. So there was like, it was very challenging. But because I had the work booked in, it had to happen. Contrasting that, to the experience with my son, which is when I thought, Okay, I'm just gonna take some time off, I'm not going to book anything in. I'm not going to stress myself out, like I did the other time when I had all those commitments, so I'm just going to have nothing in the future. And then, you know, when he's one or something, I'll just start on some things. But COVID said, No, you won't. So that was interesting. Because I approach motherhood with having no, no creative projects, really happenings and no identity as, as a being a musician in that way, and it was very shocking was very challenging. To consider that those parts of myself could be gone, they might not come back. The opportunities might not be there, you know, those relationships might be lost. When you put time, why don't you go back to book a gig and that person is not there anymore? They knew you and the other person's like, oh, who are you? And how many people can you bring to the venue? And you have to go through the whole thing of selling yourself? Again, that sort of thing? Which really, yeah, I think it is really important to there's nothing wrong with being a full time mother who doesn't work outside the house. And, and is, is totally, um, enthused. And just fulfilled by that role. If you wanted to be executive, or, you know, an artist, or whatever it is, if you want to do something outside of that, it's okay to like, I think it's really important to, like, still live life on your own terms, I guess. Not feel like you have to say no to things. Because fathers aren't saying no to things. Let me tell you. Yep. Sorry, but it's true. It's true. Yep. Absolutely. I mean, if you want to say no, if you think oh, I'm just gonna be too tired. And I prefer to just spend the time with my kids then great. But you should be free to make those decisions as much as you can, I think. Yeah, because it is important, I feel from talking to other moms, that you still need to have you still use need to have that sense of self. You need to have something that you can do without your children. You know, it's so I'm just a happy mother. I'm a better mother. I'm a happier mother when I'm when I'm making things callous in its choosing. sweeping across a baby. Laughter sands on defenseless. Spock this shins have detached This is my love with your writing of your music, leaving you scoring. Have you found that that's changed at all since became a mum, like the themes that you explore that kind of thing? The themes in my writing have changed definitely. Yeah. I've I want to say finished writing but I haven't finished recording so the album so maybe I haven't finished writing it either. Maybe there'll be some new song that finds its way onto it. But I have a collection of songs I have a new body of work that I'm I've started recording and And it's it's very much inspired by motherhood and and relationships with my own mother and and grief and and yeah identity and belonging and home and I don't think I would have explored those themes pre children's pre children my songs weren't all about love and breakups you know a number that were and the number that still are you know, but I don't think I would have been inspired to explore those really personal relationships family relationships had I not experienced that imagining of your family Sandra MiFi meets your friends then words fall out like stone we carry them like it to your children they see what you're maybe not the two and a half year old but your your older daughter she knows what you're doing. She knows that you're recording she knows you're making music. She aware of that your contribution to the world. I suppose. She hasn't seen any of my music videos. Actually. I haven't showed her any of those. But she knows she knows I play she knows that. Most of the most of the time what my little one says don't go to a geek mummy. If he sees me putting lipstick on. He's like can you do any of these don't go it's sorry, some slams don't know. I find you i joking about it more because I think we've been so you know, with the lockdown. Everything's been so kind of home. Homebound, so I'm pretty keen to to get out. So I do joke more about that now. But um, but ya know, she she knows. She knows I sing and play and I don't. Yeah, time will tell whether, you know, she's on the therapist couch going my mum was so selfish or, you know, or whether she'll say I was I was proud to see her do things maybe it'd be both probably. I'm guessing. That's isn't it? Maybe it's a little little of both? do really interesting, I wonder what how music compares with other art forms? Because I'm in music as well. I feel like you know, there was that Triple J tweet fuel. You know about which I when I read it, I was like, I don't know if that's really intended for musicians. Like I saw it. And I was like, there must be something else behind that. Because that is just so insulting that I'm sure no one would be stupid. Like no one at Georgia will be stupid enough to insult that many people. Like on purpose. But it was so like, wow. quite awful to read. But, you know, I don't I don't know if there's explicit ageism. In other art forms where people aren't presenting themselves. Yeah, you know, as the work yeah, but probably another isn't dead. So I've got a friend who is a really successful ballet dancer. And, you know, there's this idea that once you get to a certain age and you like, you are not going to be as flexible as a 22 year old, you know, if, if you're in your 50s you're just not going to have the same body, but whether you know, that can still be celebrated and still be, you know, a vehicle for emotion. I mean, how could it not be if you had a dancer with like, 45 years of experience on stage is a 60 year old How could it not be incredible but yeah, I do wonder like how, as I'm getting older and I'm in a young person's industry, you shouldn't be it's I mean, it's not run by all young people. It's run by old men but but yeah, it does. Is it the same for writers who who don't have to have their It faces on the on the work. Is it the same for visual artists, video artists, as women age? Are they more respected? Or is there more pressure to have achieved things and are well, you're this age and you haven't achieved it yet? That's something that I'm would like to know more about. So tell me your findings, you should publish them. But yeah, at first, I thought that must be like a lyric for a song that I'm too old to, like. There must be reason why that that happened. And I think, you know, in the end, I'm glad because I think it it allowed it gave people the confidence to call it out. And just Yeah, I mean, a lot. I am friends with musicians who are my age, and we're just 21. And no joking about that. And be okay with it. I'm 38 Next week. But that, you know, we've all had the thing where Triple J will say, Oh, we we think you're not maybe quite right. To be fair. You know, similar to you, like, I'm not sure that my music really is Triple J music, but I know people I know women who are making Triple J type pop music. Yeah, we're being told Are we just think it's not right, like the right kind of thing for us. Let's move on to the slightly older Double J. But then I I've got a couple of friends who are men who have no problem getting played. So I might know, I don't know. Is it a coincidence? Yeah. See, I thought when the backlash came out, he was certainly I noticed more women reacting to that, quote, men were some men was supportive. But by and large I, for the people that I follow at least, that the women were the ones going hang on a second like, Yeah, I know. It really does. It troubles me. And then some of the comments, there was a really interesting tweet in reply that if you want to double j to be taken seriously, you know, create the same sort of exciting opportunities on double jayven on Triple J. So revamp that to make it something that people aren't like, Oh, great. Now my dad was like, yeah, like you've been primed off to a lesser, you know, and I do think that, that hopefully that will that will grow. Yeah, there was an artist Jack Cole, who was talking about that. He's a out and proud, gay man and a singer songwriter, beautiful singer songwriter and had a lot of wonderful success and to supporting Sarab Lesko and his recent albums received a lot of success. But he was saying that, you similarly, it's the ageism thing is, is compounded by if you're a woman, if you're non binary, if you're gay, if you're from a diverse cultural background, if you're First Nation, so and his experience was very much that, you know, you don't want to have an h you get asked to you know, why don't you send it on to Double J But Double J don't have the lack of version? They don't it's, you can't tune in in your car. It's digital radio. So it's, yeah, yeah. Yeah, hopefully that the only thing I just think it'd be better if there was more Australian, you know, national, radiant, like you've Double J get up to be more of a just a different Triple J and then we're fantastic. But someone else would made the point that Double J or Triple J really rose to cultural fame or importance before the internet. Oh, that was for me. You know, we'd listened to my cassette player ready to hit record when I hear the song that I liked, because it was no Spotify. Yeah, recorded on tape. Yeah, really old. But now that there's the internet, we can all hear about whatever music we want. You know, I still think there's a place for it. I think radio is a really powerful way to connect with people and share music but it is like maybe they're not the cultural gatekeepers that perhaps I think what we think they are because there's the thing called the internet that the kids are talking about this amazing thing I see on the outside like a size I guess it's hard to ask you when you're in lockdown what you've got coming up. Oh, that's Thanks for Thanks for being sensitive enough to kind of say that. You know, I've been around for that. What do you got coming out? Have you asked me that? Yeah. But nothing coming up? No. Thank you for asking. And thank you for putting that beautiful little disclaimer on there about lockdown and the challenges that we're facing with being able to create new works. Really, the main thing I'm focusing on the moment is building up motherlode. It's been something that I find really, I didn't think that ever be something that excited me about building as, as I've been excited about creating songs and writing songs and sharing them with the world and building that sort of the Georgia fields project. I feel really just as excited by Motherload at the moment. So almost sometimes I have to remind myself, hey, you know, have you done any GA feels? Okay, have you worked on your songs because I've just been very excited about starting that off. But I do have some songs written and I'm in the I'm basically I'm trying to get it funded. So I'm, I'm saving money, I'm doing the grants, I'm doing all the things. So that's taking up a lot of energy. But I've decided that I'm just gonna keep trying to record the songs, I've got a single coming out soon, where were worked with a with the producer for the album, which, you know, I'm really excited about sharing because we went into a lovely studio and, you know, sing it in the lovely studio, and he's mixed it and it sounds lovely, and can't wait to share that if I can't get funding together. You know, it might be more of a Lo Fi project, but I feel I won't. I will. And this is another conversation for another day maybe on creativity and, and, and motherhood. But I feel that until I've kind of recorded these songs, it's very challenging to write are the ones I don't know if you're like that, like I'm very much like, I need to record the songs now. I need to share them. It's like and then I can close the chapter. And I can Yeah, so I think I have to record them. So they will come out at some point in some way. Yeah. Now with varying sounds of maybe some of them are going to have my kids in the background. I don't know. I could send my two Nerf guns for you. Just to help you kind of really concentrate really getting my feel I do feel I heard that's not I feel like though. Now like I've done shows where something's you know, distracting or it's like nothing is is prepares you for that stage craft focus and when you're trying to practice and you've got kids running around in the lounge room like it's just such a good training man thank you so much. Yeah, I look forward to seeing how it goes. Likewise. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio or send me an email. Alison Newman dotnet My breath is my heart was

Wedding Reviews Alison, it was a honour and privilege to have you sing on our special day. I couldn't have imagined anyone else to share our day with us. Alison is amazing and you definitely won't be disappointed. -Jess, happy Bride Alison sang at our wedding and was it absolutely beautiful. She is very professional, organised and went above and beyond for our special day. We try and catch her when she is singing around town as it always guarantees to be a great day - Tennille, happy Bride I first heard Alison sing on the night my now husband proposed to me. She was singing for a function at the Lakes Resort Restaurant, Mt Gambier. My husband and I loved the tunes and the atmosphere and I knew this was what I wanted my guest to experience on my own wedding day. Alison has such a marvellous voice I can still hear her singing “my song” A thousand years by Christina Perri to this day. My guests were blown away with her beautiful voice and I commend her for creating a magical ceremony.I would whole heartedly recommend Alison for any function or wedding as she is the “finishing touch.” Claire & James Buckley Alison recently sang at our wedding and it was absolutely beautiful to listen to her. She is incredibly talented and so friendly and easy going. Thank you again Alison for being part of our special day - Siobhan, happy Bride Alison is a professional, fun and flexible performer, with significant experience in helping couples set the soundtrack to their special day. I've loved working with Alison and highly recommend her calm and adaptable approach to delivering a professional and entertaining service at any venue. Tim Gerritsen—Pianist/Organist Alison performed at our wedding in 2009. The addition of live music meant that our songs were arranged by Alison in styles that we loved. Alison's professionalism saw this part of the day run smoothly, and we didn't need to worry about any part of this, including the volume or the quality of the sound. We would highly recommend Alison's singing to add a personalised and special touch to your wedding day, or any event. Emma and John Anderson

Suzanne Culberg Australian writer + coach S2 Ep65 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and Apple podcasts (itunes) This week I welcome Suzanne Culberg to the podcast. Suzanne is an author, coach and speaker from Sydney Australia, and a mum of 2 children. Suzanne is known as The ‘Nope’ Coach who helps over-givers and people pleasers learn to say ‘No’ without feeling like a Bitch. Suzanne is a memoirist, and she wrote her first book The Beginning is Shit reflecting on her experience with over eating and weight loss. The lessons she learned about why she was eating was the catalyst to drive Suzanne to help others. Suzanne’s passion for helping women is fuelled by her own experiences of over-giving, over-consuming, and over-doing everything. She’s on a mission to not only help women set boundaries for themselves but also to make boundaries normal. We should be saying ‘No’ more often. Through her signature online program Why W8? Suzanne has helped hundreds of women break the cycle of putting themselves last and instead build the confidence to set boundaries. Suzanne is a Certified Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic programming (NLP) and holds a Bachelor of Medical Science (Honours). She also has Certificates III and IV in Fitness, and is a Certified Sacred Depths Practitioner. Connect with Suzanne website / instagram / facebook Connect with the podcast website / instagram If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mothers work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering and the value that mothers and others place on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which his podcast is recorded on. Thank you so much for joining me today. My guest this week is Suzanne Kohlberg. Suzanne is an author, coach and speaker from Sydney, Australia, and a mum of two children. Suzanne is known as the note coach who helps over givers and people pleasers Learn to say no without feeling like a beach. Suzanne is a memoirist, and she wrote her first book, The beginning is shit. Reflecting on her experience with over eating and weight loss. The lessons she learned about why she was overeating was the catalyst to Dr. Suzanne to help others. Suzanne's passion for helping women is fueled by her own experience of over giving over consuming and overdoing just about everything. She's on a mission to not only help women set boundaries for themselves, but to also make boundaries normal. We should be saying no more often through her signature online program. Why wait? Suzanne has helped hundreds of women break the cycle of putting themselves last and instead build the confidence to set boundaries. Suzanne is a certified practitioner of neuro linguistic programming, and holds a Bachelor of Medical Science. She also has certificates three and four in fitness and is a certified sacred depths practitioner. Please music you'll hear today is from my new age ambient music trio, LM Joe which is myself, my sister Emma Anderson and her husband John. And apologies for the quality of my voice at the moment. I do have a bit of a sniffle. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Lovely to meet you. It is lovely to meet you. So Mount Gambier in South Australia. Is it? Yeah, right down the bottom. We're about 20 minutes from the coast. So we're like south southeast corner really close to them. Yeah, we're about to you. I'm in Kellyville. So Western Sydney, an hour out of CBD. Okay. Yeah, right. I I've never been to Kellyville to the UK. What's funny, I only moved here three years ago, my mum grew up in Sydney. And then we moved to Tassie. My husband, I've moved around quite a bit. But anyway, mums like killer whales like farmland, and I'm like, might have been 40 years ago. But now it's very much suburbia. Right? And only 40 minutes from Sydney. So I'd like be pretty, pretty intense sort of building. Sort of, it's actually awesome. It's such a lovely kind of like suburbia plays. It's funny because I grew up in Tassie, and then we've lived in Kingaroy. So also rural. And when we first moved here, because I'm not much of a driver in traffic, and a friend invited me to drummoyne I didn't think to look where it was. And I was like, I assumed it'd be like this, but I had to end up going at the Cross city tunnel over the Harbour Bridge. And, like my anxiety was like, just not good. Yes. Welcome along. It's really lovely to have you and I I'd love you to just start by sharing about what it is that you that you do and what you create. Oh, I love this because I've never really to be honest, consider myself creative. And it was like, Yeah, but I've written a book. So I grew up in a very family that was kind of against the arts. It was like there's no money in that. And yeah, but I'm like closet creative. And I really love to journal and I write a weekly newsletter which you're technically supposed to be at my about my business, but usually it's just like a journal entry. Last week I wrote about my child's first concert in the choir. And I love the responses because like they're right there with you. It's like yeah, I am creative. All my life people said you should write a book So I eventually did and I self published that last year. And I have a few others in the works. But it's yeah, it's a it's a commitment to put a book out there. But I do. Yeah, I've written a newsletter every week now. Rain, hail or shine for five years. Oh, well done. Thank you. That's an achievement, isn't it? It's certainly yes. So you say that your sort of family were against the idea of being, you know, having making a career when you're a child, were you sort of, were you doing art and creative stuff when as you were growing up? I wanted to so I, it's funny. I'm an introvert and a socially awkward person. But at one stage, I wanted to be an actor. Yeah. My parents are like, so few people make it like, what's it's interesting, what's modeled to you. And I'm sure they had the best of intentions. But it was kind of like, if you can't do really well at something, why do it at all? So yeah, not the kind of attitude that I want to inspire in my children. But anyway, I remember at one stage, trying out for a play, and we lived really, and there was no bus service out to our house. And I got in and my parents were like, well, how are we going to? He gonna go to this? Because it was two weeks at the Playhouse Theatre in Hobart. Oh. And anyway, a friend also got in and her mom, they had four kids, what was one more, so I just lived with them for the two weeks that the show was on. And it was so fabulous for me because I'd always lived out in the country. So to live with this buses, and you can actually go to things instead of having to sit outside your parents work after school. It was just fabulous. And yeah, I loved I loved it, though, as I said, socially awkward, and that not really was ever going to be a career. But I do like to dabble. Oh, good on. Yeah. It's interesting isn't those blocks that we get from other people in our lives? And I mean, I've got a had an interesting one recently, with my husband regarding my work, and it was the same the words that just came out of your mouth literally the same as is like, well, how are we going to make that work? And it's like, well, can't we just be pleased that this is happening, you know, look at look at the achievement level of something. And then it's like, the rest can work itself out later, is interesting that like, that's the initial response. I'm always really fascinated by what's going on for that person to make them. That's the that's the first thing they say, You know what I mean? He will those his story I read once, it's like a parable. And it's about this gentleman who fishes for a living. And this like lawyer or businessman or something comes along to him and goes, well, you could, you know, get extra boats and hire a team and charter and all this sort of stuff. And he's like, to what end? And he's like, well, so then like, you know, you can retire and go fishing. And he's like, but that's what I'm doing now. So I think sometimes we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of, you know, how much is this gonna make or how's this going to support us or whatever, but we're miserable. And the thing is, we always tend to like make do not in a like, sad way. But you know, there's there's a joy that we miss when we're chasing $1 or chasing a certification or achievement of some sort. I definitely agree with that. I feel like our capitalist societies got so much to ask for in that respect is 100% D. So you mentioned that you've written a book and you've got more in the works, what does the sort of what are your books about? And then memoirs, and I laugh at when people say memoirs is in plural, and I'm like, it's never been official, but I love Glennon Doyle before she was going well, she's always been claimed or before she was famous. I came across her with her first book, which was carry on warrior. And then I read Love warrior and then obviously I've read untamed but they're all kind of memoir style, like the all little snippets of her life. And so my first book is a weight loss memoir. It's about my journey with weight and body image. And the second one will be a business memoir, like from one printer to entrepreneur, like the real thing, not the six months to six figures in six steps. Yeah, nonsense. Right. slogging the reality of final one I have in the works for now that there may be more because as I said, I've moved around a lot. So I could write about that as well. It would be a parenting one like my, I love the harasser gene and a few other people who write about like real parenting, not the thing. And my kids actually have, I think, a bigger following than I do. The number of people who like I follow you for your son. So yes, he's destined for the stage. But yeah, like, and people have said to me a number of times that I should write something like funny things my kids say, because I often put the little snippets on Facebook purely for me. So when the memories come up, I'm like, Oh, I remember that. But then they just have kind of taken off. I think the last thing I shared with him had nearly 100 likes so I was like something of mine. 10 likes something if my son 100. Let's go. Yeah, so you mentioned your son, how many children do you have? towards you? You have two children? Yep. So Xanthi is nine. She's a girl, I say because the names are unusual. And beautiful name. Thank you and Casimir. He is seven. Oh, that's a lovely name to what they like unusual names gonna say were they inspired by like literary or anything particular? Well, my husband and I both wanted unusual names. So not commonplace. So we like read through the baby book and highlighted ones and finding ones we both agreed on was the biggest challenge. And Santi We just liked them baby book. But then Casimir is also it's French was also polish. And in Poland, it's spelt Cazal own France is spelt kazimier with a K and is it spelled it with a C and S has actually been like seven King customers in Poland. But it was also a character and a couple of books that I've read. So we liked that name. And then they've both got like more traditional middle names. If for whatever reason they didn't like their first name, they could just go by their middle name. That's cool. It's funny you say I don't know how I fell upon it the other day on the net, as you do, you know, you just see these random stories, there was this lady that has changed her child's name. He's 18 months and she changed it because it didn't suit him anymore or didn't suit the child that she thought he would become. So she named him Aspen because she thought he was going to be like a outdoorsy kind of child and take after his father. And his clear opposite. So they've changed his name to Luke and sloth would like to start I don't know, I just don't I it's really weird, because I don't know I don't understand it. I think I just I don't know. James fascinate me. It's really interesting because mites of mine, I'm the youngest of four. My name is Suzanne, and my sisters all have names that start with C. And I was going to be Korean. But then my sisters are like, Oh, I know someone like that. And she's not a nice person. And every name my mum came up with one of them because they were all significantly older than me. And in the interest like, is it a boy after your father? If it's a girl after me, Don Oh, wow. So I was like, I just I know I wanted a name. But then I didn't want any of that nonsense of people telling me I didn't like it. So I didn't tell anyone. Neither my husband nor I did. And my daughter was not quite two. When Cassidy was born, she knew it. And I can still remember my family asking her but she couldn't quite pronounce it so that she was telling it was catch me. It was really funny. Oh, that's hilarious. On names, like my youngest is called DP, which is it's not unusual. It's just not very common. And I deliberately didn't test that out on anyone because I thought I might get a lot of pushback from that. And then I'll feel uncomfortable about it. So my husband and I sort of didn't say the same to anyone. But then when he was born, and we said, oh, well, it's a boy. It's Digby, the midwife said, Oh, I've got a friend with a dog called DB. And I've just got a Thanks for telling me that you know, like, it's not necessary. Listen to one of your episodes. You mentioned dig because one of my friends when we were pregnant, our children had the same due date. Her Yeah, how you give your baby a name. Fenty was just Jelly Bean. But her son was Digby while she was pregnant. And I thought that was so funny. I ended up calling him something else. Yeah, sometimes I still refer to him as Digby, the midwife he said a dog and Cassidy was born. And I said to the midwife, she's like, Oh, cashmere, like the sweater. But then I thought Oh, that'd be one. So After he gets a quite a bit actually cashmere, and he gets embarrassed about it like you can always correct somebody on the pronunciation like that is your name. So once you do it politely, yeah, absolutely. Oh my gosh, yeah. And giving the children that, that empowerment to set their boundaries, I think from a young age is incredibly important. That's certainly not something I had as a child. So I think it's great to be able to give them give them that as their when they're little. On your Instagram bio, you've got there that you help women say no, without feeling like a bitch. Can you expand on that for you? You're allowed to work on the show wasn't sure? Sometimes in a way that feels good. So I'm like, okay, that just sounds nicer. So it's funny, you mentioned boundaries. Because growing up and I had never made this connection. This is why I love being on podcast, because the things that come up, the only boundary that was instilled in me was my name. Because my mother had the same name as me and stuff I remember at school. This teacher always called me Susan. And I always corrected her and said it was Suzanne. And when one time she's like, Well, I'm just going to call you Susan. And I'm like we can but I'm not going to answer. She called my mom, like the only time in my school history because I was a bit of a teacher's pet. When my mum got called in. And then she came, she had to leave work. And my mum was like, Okay, well, what's this about? And a teacher told her that my mum was like, I took time off work for this. That's not cheeky, that's her name. felt like the only time in my life and I'd forgotten about like, I remember, but I've forgotten to we're having this discussion. But ya know, I wasn't conditioned to have boundaries, it was children should be seen and not heard. And always be respectful. And, and the school motto, the school I went to was others first yourself last. Oh, like that's a bit much reflect the things that you just take as a child and you don't question. Yeah. So basically, I think that by saying yes to everybody else, and no to myself, is a what have led to me over eating a lot. Because it was kind of like food doesn't talk back food doesn't care. food's always my friend. And yeah, the less space I allowed myself to take up with my personality, because I couldn't say no, and I didn't want to be an imposition. The more I took up physically, because it just had to have an outlet. So when I originally went into business, I was funny, I was an accidental entrepreneur, I basically had issues at the beginning. I'm not creative. I started a Facebook page that was just chatting about what it is that I was doing a newsletter list that's just talking about my life. And then people were like, Oh, can you work with me? Okay, and then I got certified as a coach. And I had the most fun that first year of my business in terms of what lit me up. And then I was like, well actually should like make this profession and the business coach was like, What do you Nish and what's your people don't just ask to work with you. Like you have to make offers. Like that's been my entire business. Yeah, never made an offer. Yeah, um, so then I niched into weight loss because I'd had a big weight journey, but I must admit, I've never been passionate about weight loss because it's more about what's going on internally. The weight the number the size of the clothes. Yes, that is a big deal when you're struggling with it. But you can force yourself to lose weight and still be miserable and unhappy. So anyway, I recently I'm in the process my website's still coming have at the time recording this anyway. rebranding to the nope, coach and helping people say no women say no without feeling like a bitch. Yeah. Because you know, when we say yes to others, and no to ourselves, there's that that resentment, the seed of resentment, like and I just think it's so much better to say an honest no. Then a resentful Yes. And you're baking the cookies now do it and it's about how to do that in a way you know, without feeling like a bitch and in a way that honors both of your needs. Because I'd much rather if I'm like, Hey, Alison, I'm having a Tupperware party. You want to come and you're like, Suzanne, I can't stand Tupperware but if you have a I don't know. I'm not really into the things that I've seen and you can feed me come on over like that to me so much nicer then you saying? Yeah, sure. I'm going to come canceling on the day when I've cleaned my house and made all the food. So I think sometimes we think and they ended up The example of it wasn't I can still remember when I was growing up. I thought my mum liked white linen, the perfume, I saved up for it. And for every Mother's Day and I thought I was so amazing. And I eventually found out she's like, I can't stand it. Oh, I didn't you tell me yes ago like this was money and I thought, and then when my kids, I've got my own kids now. And my daughter bought me something for Mother's Day, it was like a hand cream thing. And I said to her, I love this. Thank you so much. Please don't buy me things like this again, because I've got a sensitive smell. There's some things that I like to buy on my own. And I remember my mom like raking over the coals and saying how horrible it was. And I said no horrible is accepting something for two decades. And then telling me you didn't like it. It's that fear of offending people, isn't it? It's, we've got a hold this, this is something that's become really evident that when we're recording this, the Queen passed away in the last few days. And I feel like it's brought up all this stuff about doing the right thing and be seen to be doing the right thing. So everybody thinks you're good. And I don't I just this that English, stiff upper lip sort of behavior that, you know, keep calm and carry on. It's like, No, you can actually be honest with people, it might be a little bit uncomfortable. When you first say actually, sorry, I don't want to go out for tea with you. Because I haven't seen you in 10 years, and I don't really feel comfortable reconnecting in that way. Everyone goes, Oh, that's like, well, that avoids uncomfortableness for everybody in the future. You know, if someone says, Yeah, sure, I'll come out for tea. And then next time, they say, oh, let's all catch up next month, and it becomes this great big thing. And you're going I don't want to say these people I've moved on I've grown or whatever it might be any situation. That's Brene Brown her quote, choose discomfort over resentment. So it's uncomfortable to say in the moment, no, or no, thank you, or not right now. But then there's the you know, the resentment where you get stuck, because the thing is, so like, it's say, the movies too, if you're like, you're gonna go see this. It's like, actually, I don't like horror, or I don't like whatever it is, but if it was something else, because then it's really clear. And another thing Brene Brown says he's clear, he's kind. So I would much rather like you know, and I think it also to the thing with saying no, without feeling like a bitch, a lot of us are over givers, like we give and give and give to others. And we're unable to receive. And I think that's why we over consume over eat over, stay up late over watch Netflix. And you know, it's kind of like, well, when we can actually say no, and not over gift to others, then we can start giving to ourselves. And instead of having passion projects, littering every available space in our house that we don't actually make time to do, we can do the things that we want to do, rather than doing the things that are expected of us. Because also to sometimes say I said to you, Hey, you want to go and see a movie and I'm actually not contributing worse. I honestly would not be offended. I'd rather that's I was talking to a client recently. And sometimes it just takes someone to point it out to you. She went to a friend's house, her best friend had just bought a coffee maker, the Caribbean best friends with her best friend would know. But anyway, I digress. She's like, do you want to a coffee or whatever? My client doesn't drink coffee. And she didn't want to offend her. So she says she draw. And then she's trying to drink it. Because she was I couldn't I couldn't drink was that bad? Yeah. And the person said, Oh, what's wrong? And then she admitted, I don't actually drink coffee. And she's like, why don't you say I could have made you a hot chocolate? Like, wow, oh, anywhere. And people say hey, do you want to drink? I used to in the past always say no, because we're conditioned. Don't take anything. Don't ask for anything or whatever. I say, What have you got? Yeah, the thing is, I don't want to be demanding and say like, if I'm a you know, I only drink hot chocolate. We don't have any. What do you have? Yeah, open it up. I don't eat meat. And I used to get really nervous and uncomfortable at restaurants, asking if thing was in particular things. And I got over that pretty quickly. Because I once had an experience where I'd asked what was in a particular source or can't think what it was. Oh, it was it a Thai restaurant, it was in some sort of like a soup, like a broth. And I didn't ask and as I was eating it, it was like, I am pretty sure this is like fishing or whatever. And I thought, right, this is this is a lesson G Alison that you need to actually open your mouth and say, so now I don't care. I just say a sheltered from the roof. And if there's nothing else I say, I'll just eat a plate of vegetables so you can stay with vegetables and that'll be fun. Yeah, but being scared to actually honor yourself. Like as a kid when I grew up, I was so afraid to even you know, I'd be at the back of a line waiting and sharp and I get to the front of the line and I'd be so nervous to even just ask for what I wanted. Like, just I've got my dad he pretty sure I got it from my dad. He would walk backwards and forwards past this little deli in this small town where he lived, waiting for them to notice him. So they've let him in because he was too nervous to go in by himself. So it's like, we've all got these little things that we're carrying around. And it's great that, you know, you're offering women that opportunity to do the work to move past that. And then perhaps not pass that on to the next generation. So we're breaking those those habits that have continuously come down. I think that's been what's the most important thing for me not passing my habits on to my children, because children learn through modeling, not what we tell them. So by me modeling having really clear boundaries and me modeling, asking for things, and then also dealing with the disappointment, because just because you asked for something doesn't mean it's going to be a yes. So it's funny with both my kids and my clients, I'm like, you guys can ask me for whatever you want. Don't expect to Yes, though, like, negotiate? Absolutely. So yeah. Yeah, I love that. That's really powerful isn't it? So in your experience, and what was it? How did that sort of play out for you personally, then through it through? Or how did it start for you to sort of realize that your behaviors were connected to the way that you were eating the way you were using food? How did that sort of spark for you? It? Well, they say hindsight, life's leap forward, but understood backward. So I'd been a lifelong Dieter, my parents put me on my first diet when I was four. Oh, that's spoken about in the book. I have to send me your address later, I will not post your copy. Yes. And so I knew how to diet and I knew how to lose weight. And I'd lost and gained in excess of 500 kilograms in my life. Like, I'm, I, I'm good at it. But I was like, there must be something else going on here. Like I'm a fairly smart person. Like, what, what else is beyond? Because the thing is, so many of us know what to do, eat less, move more. It's not that hard. But we just don't do it. Like, why do we eat when we're not hungry? What are we really hungry for? And if true physical body hunger, hunger isn't the issue foods not going to solve it? Yet we we go like most of us are really good all day. And then at night, especially once you have kids and the kids go to bed, start going into town, or for me now my tell is when I buy something for the kids. It's like, yeah, that's totally for you. But it's kinda like, when we don't do anything for ourselves. So like, we make the plans. So we've got a fridge full of vegetables that are wilting, while we buy cheap and cheerful because it's just easier to keep the peace, or we've got the gym membership. But we know that kids don't want to go in the crate, or they're going to cry. So we like just don't go. And, and I believe like giving and receiving. And like inhaling and exhaling, they're paired, you can't have one without the other. So over giving, saying yes to your kids, the school, your parents, your neighbor, your husband, your friends, is paired with over consuming. So so many people think I've just got no willpower, or I can't control myself or whatever. And it's like, it's because you say no to yourself all day, every day. That in the evening, it just levels out and the body is just like nope, so this and then with that then leads into this big shame spiral. So it's really how many of us do have passion projects and love. Creativity is one of them art or things that we've been conditioned as well because you can't make a career out of it. Why bother? Or because someone else's is better than yours. Like, I have my two children they're only two years apart. But my my son's still at the age where whatever he draws he thinks is the best thing ever. And my daughter's reached that critical age where she's like, but hers is looking better or the you know, that kind of thing. And we still have the part of his inside that wants to draw a purple horse with foreheads and glitter and that's it. But we don't indulge that because we don't have time yet. But then we have time to stay up to 2am binge watching shows and eating. So so often when I say to People like the secret not so secret is to actually indulge those passions. And they're like, Well, I don't have time, or money or space, or this or that or the other. And it's like, but you've got four hours to, you know, scroll Facebook and watch cat videos and boom, scroll. It's like, yeah, you do have the time, you just not purposing it in a way. And it's not gonna be like a switch that you can understand intellectually. But it's like actually making that time in small pockets during the day. Like, it was funny. This morning, I was in a funk. And I was like, I just want to eat chocolate, like nothing else. It's like, what do I really understand son, I just say, five minutes to breathe. I'm like my husband, he take the kids. And I come back here, and I'm ready to go. But normally, we wouldn't allow ourselves that. And I think the other reason eating is so easy is because we don't have to read or create or sculpt or paint, but we got to eat. So we tend to not have as much guilt associated with that because we need to survive. So once you you developed this understanding of how your behaviors or thoughts were affecting the way you're eating, you're talking about little changes, over what sort of timeframe were you able to sort of implement this, like, I've got this, I hate these, you know, six week gym, you know, come and lose so many kilos. And we're like, I just test them. I was involved in the fitness industry for many years as an instructor, and then I took a break, and then came back and instructed in a different way, which I loved. But I'm very, very aware of the way that certain industries will latch on to people's insecurities, and will make them think that if you go hard for this short period of time, sure you, you might lose a few kilos, and you'll feel really empowered and amazing. But then you can't sustain this, you cannot go to the gym twice a day, for the rest of your life. And it's not, it's not good for you, it's not good for your family, your relationships, anything around you. So was that sort of on your mind, too, that it wasn't going to be a quick fix. It was something that implementing your life and sort of see how it changed over a period of time. 100% Someone who read my book recently and sent me a message was like, the part I loved. Whereas you're like, I'd rather be fat forever. Then keep doing this to myself. Yeah. And it's like, it's it's hilarious, because now I have a program not targeted at weight loss. It's over consuming in whatever way we do it. Because anyway, I digress. But originally, I opened that as a membership for the very reason that you just touched because six week eight week challenges, like I was already dreaming about the Mac has been John is going to have at the end, and how you lose the weight is how you keep it off. And none of these things are sustainable, and they profit and benefit from the fact that you praise them. Like this thing is the best thing ever. When I'm on it, I lose weight. And then you self blame yourself. I'm the fat lazy fuck who can't keep doing it. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I'm from. And I never wanted my business being that way. But what I found, interestingly about having a membership rather than a program, is people would get to a point where it was time for them to move on. Like they had spent enough time they kind of just slunk out like there was guilt or whatever. Like no, let's celebrate. And like you know, and also to sometimes what should have been a graduation became a divorce when people stayed too long. So I actually re adjusted my business and now it is a 10 week program. I just delivered the last call of the current round today, where the difference in the in the last week we celebrate we harvest like what have we done over these last 10 weeks? And what I love it because every time I run it, we get to that point and there's a people who are always like, cringing or shattering or feeling so guilty because I thought I was going to and I'm like no, let's nip that go hard or go home stuff in the bud. Because I believe it's like you when you're a kid you play that game warmer and colder. Someone finds something and you go What am I what my heart heart? Well, if you are used to doing this challenge type things where it's all or nothing and you get to the end and you're like I didn't go hard. It's like colder, colder, colder, freezing like you're telling the universe Like, what's the point and then you're saying to yourself, I'm just gonna binge on everything and then get so sick of myself, I start again, like, that's not good. Whereas if you get to the end of the 10 weeks and you're like, Okay, you know, I listened to two of the 10 modules was eight modules. I turned up to a call I did one action is like warmer, warmer, warmer, warmer. And that gives us the momentum. So that you asked, and I got on a whole tangent, but releasing the weight took me three years. Yeah, right. So sometimes people will be like, Oh, that's so long. But when you're there, it's like, it doesn't matter. The time is gone anyway. And it stayed off. Like I'm a little bit heavier right now. I'll be honest, COVID hasn't been the kindest, I don't want any more, because I don't want any inanimate object telling me what I should think about myself anyway. Yeah, tell him my clothes. But it's kind of like it's you only ever hear now. Whereas when you force yourself to eat miso soup in shakes and go to the gym four hours a day, yeah, you're gonna shed a lot of weight. But really, it's water and muscle as well, anyway. But as soon as you actually eat again and calm, it's all gonna come back. And that's no way to live that's on or off. So let's see, yeah, this all or nothing approach? Yeah, no, I love that. And it's not. And when you're talking about, you know, your, the content that you're presenting to people, I'm guessing this isn't, you know, go for a run or do some squats or whatever this is all what's going on in your mind and working on yourself. I don't actually give them a prescription as in, here's what you do. I help them uncover what it is for them. Because I like that saying the same water that softens a potato hardens and egg. So whenever you do a program, there'll be some people who get great results, and other people who get nothing. And then some will be like, Well, you didn't cheat it or you didn't try hard enough, we did this, but your body is just not the same as their body. So it's about finding like the habits and the things that you want to cultivate that work for you. Like one of the people in my current round is a writer, like a professional writer who publishes books, like why and to, but one, I count myself as a writer for evermore, because I've done one, she's a traditionally published body of work type person. And the penny habit that we're working on for her is just writing for. Because the thing is, you sit down, you go, Oh, I'm gonna write for an hour, and then our half an hour, and then I'll do it tomorrow. So it literally she has to open her thing and write the date. And then from there, we can keep it going. Because what we tend to do is we like set our goal exercise, writing, meditating, whatever, like 45 minutes or nothing. And then six out of seven days a week, we ended up with nothing. Yeah. Whereas if you made it really, really small, like write the date, or for my walking on its go to my mailbox, which is 12 steps from my house, you usually keep going because you've got your shows, or you've got into the rhythm. So the the work we do in the program isn't like a secret thing. It's, you know, cultivating these habits that we do consistently and persistently, and looking at our resistances because we've all joined something, this is gonna be the thing. Two weeks later, you're like, No, next thing. Exactly. And I guess that the importance that you're talking about is you make it, you tailor it to your own life. It's not like you're getting these rules shoved out, you have to do this, you have to do this. And then it's like, Whoa, it just becomes overwhelming. It's like you look at yourself, you look at your life and where those changes and adjustments can be made. And that's different. We have different numbers of kids, we have different jobs. We live in different locations the world because the thing is my pet peeve, The Biggest Loser like I was always obsessed with going on the sharks, I thought that would change my life. Why did they not all but almost all of them gain weight when they go home? Like what is with that? It's because when you go into a show, or in my book I wrote about when I went to fat camp was a health retreat, but I call it fat power. While you're there, you've got no other responsibilities. You don't have to work. You don't have to show up. You don't have family, you don't have drama, you don't have internet, you don't have anything. He's just there to focus purely on you. And then you have this wonderful time and you go home and you're like, I'm going to keep this up. And then you've got real life. So the thing about the program that I run, like every round, there'll be people who are disappointed. It always pulls on my heartstrings. But we have life stuff goes on. And I've caught my program. Why wait? Because what are we waiting for? There's never going to be the perfect time. Oh, there's people who get sick kids who get unwell. You know, some people home away from home for the first time this round. We had somebody moving out and there's empty nest and all this stuff. That's life, but not as in like, let's just wait but as in like this, we are a cog in this and how can we make these things that become part of our life rather than putting your life on hold to fix ourselves? We're not broken. Yes, yeah, no, that's really valid. I think that's that's something that I spoke about on a podcast. I was a guest on it last week about we've all got this idea that, Oh, when this happens, we'll be happier or I have to wait for this to happen. And then I can do that and then I'll be happier. It's like, there is no perfect time. It's literally life is just rolling and it just keeps going and there's always going to be something like you say the kids get sick and throw things out the window and whatever it is there's always something happening. Yeah, and I guess that's the thing you touched on earlier about that horrible motto of your primary school where, you know, putting yourself last, like, as a mother, I feel like we're conditioned to do that. It's like, everybody else has to be happy before us, and our needs come last. And I, I, I hate that so much. And I find that talking to women on this podcast, it's, it's imperative and important and almost essential that they do put themselves first and think of themselves as worthy of, of their commitment and their time and with their art practice, you know, but I feel like women who feel like they don't have that something, that passion project or that whatever, can sort of get lost then about well, how do I put myself first, what does that look like for me? Growing up, my mom never had friends. She never had hobbies. Like, I don't want to say she was just a mom. That sounds horrible. But like, I remember looking at her. And I was thinking, I don't want to become a mom. Like, honestly, if this is what it means to be. Your wife kind of ends, you don't have anything. And it was interesting. I met my husband when I was 18. And we, when we got married when I was like 22. And we were never sure on the kids thing. I could be really honest. Like, I love my kids and everything, but we weren't sure. And then we decided or wait till I was 28. And then we would decide. So we had, you know, by the time I was 2010 years together, and then we were like, Okay, we have kids got pregnant the first month, I had a very lucky journey in that respect. But it was kind of like, I remember when we got the positive pregnancy test, he was over the moon. And I was just sitting there kind of like, whoa, because I didn't think you know, it's like, this is what we wanted. And I was like, yes, but like, there was a little bit of mourning there. Oh, and, and then I was like, I don't have to be the mum. But my mum was. And yeah, like, I have friends. I have hobbies, I have a business. And I model really good boundaries to my children. And some people think that I'm too harsh, or this or that or the other. But then other people like, wow. And I'm like, Yeah, because I don't stand for anything else. But also to encouraging them that their needs and their things are important. And that we all have time. So we have different games that different ones of us like to play and we have a little chart on the fridge when we take turns about who gets to choose and all that kind of thing rather than it's just kind of like I remember the the Goldilocks story and mommy mama bears porridge was always cold. And I had a story about that with my son recently because I always say to my kids, I like porridge. And like if your breakfast takes 12 minutes before I have it, do you want anything? No, I want it later today. And I'm like You do realize mommy's making hummus. Yeah, that's fine. He was like, Oh, mommy, but it's cold porridge. I'm like, Yeah, I mean, Damn straight. It's like you had the thing. You can wait. I think it's kind of like it's just learning. And in life, we don't always get our way. And yet we say to our kids, they're first but then suddenly, when you have your own kids, you've now got to go from first to last. It's really it's kind of like an identity shift. And even with choosing TV shows, it's funny. I live away from my family, my husband and I interstate. So we don't have we see them that often. But I don't really like kids movie. So it's funny. I was on a podcast recently somebody asked me about bluey because I'm Australian. And I had to admit that that's the show my husband watches with the kids. But anyway, I hired a babysitter to take my kids to the movies and other some people will like that's the best idea ever. Because I'm an introvert. I don't want to go out. I don't want to hire a babysitter and go out. I want them to take them. But I didn't have to see the kids movies. And I could stay at home. Like that was like just groundbreaking for me. The kids get what they want. Yeah, I get what I want. And we're all winning my husband I went to Phantom of the Opera in the opera house awesome. And my kids went to see whatever the latest 3d pet movie or I don't know, some super pets or so like everybody was happy. That it's almost like it's normalizing doing things differently. It's breaking down that what we think we're supposed to do, because that's what has always been done. I love all these posts at the moment. People have like normalized naps, you know, having a nap in the middle of the day, you know, normalize something like, it's just like, Why? Why are we pretending that life has to be perfect? You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, I was. You know, when you're talking about your porridge, and you know, the kids having to wait, there is nothing wrong with your kids having to wait, like, I have this thing that, that we've got that, you know, the kids want something. So we will have to drop everything and go do it for them. And the same with the games, like, my little one always wants to play the same board games. And like, I don't mind it so much, because I enjoy some of them. But my husband's like, I want to play this game, you know, it's like, well, let's say to him, we don't want to play this, let's pick something else, you know, they don't always have to come first. Yes, I think that's the thing, that it's been conditioned from previous generation, that the kids come first and we protect them. But then it's actually not teaching them the skills they're going to need when they're older. And that your parents are people too. And they have their own wants and needs and passions and interests that might not necessarily align with yours. And it's just yeah, it's modeling good boundary setting and the family as a cohesive unit. So we're going on a holiday for Christmas. And, you know, we each get to decide for a day what we want to do, rather than just doing stuff for the kids, because, you know, yeah, so because then it's like you're even on holiday, you're just taking your children on holiday. Yeah, I think that's the thing too, like so many times, you there's a difference between never doing anything, it's been I think so many of us are so fearful of being self centered, or self focused or selfish. And that actually, you know, self care and self first isn't bubble baths and this sort of stuff. Yeah, doing the daily things that we don't want to do. But then, you know, modeling that, you know, we all get, we all have to do things like my kids now with their chores. It's so funny. Some days, like, I just don't do this. I'm like, do you think I want to work or cook? Yeah, whatever. Like, left my own devices? Yeah, I'd sit in the backyard and sun or pay with paint or whatever. But you know, it's their life is, you know, 5050 or whatever balance it is. Yeah, you know, if we all do it, we all follow the washing or whatever, then we can go and play a game. But if it's left to mom, then you know, yeah, yeah, I love that my wonderful one. Boy can't be I don't, I'm so tired. I don't want to go to school. I said, mate, I'm tired. I don't want to go to work. But, you know, this is what we do. It's life. You know. That example of the holiday, we went to Queensland recently, and we did the same thing. We all wrote down a list of all things we wanted to do. The some of the things were aligned. So that was fine. Those days sort of suited a few people. But I desperately wanted to go away or watching and I was going to do that. No matter if no one came with me or everyone came with me. I didn't care. But in the end, we all booked a ticket. And unfortunately, my eldest son was too unwell to go. So my husband stayed with him. So I took the little taco. And he was good for a while until he just decided I just don't wanna do this anymore. And I'm like, we're in a boat in the ocean. Where would you like to go sort of thing. And I was getting pretty impatient. Because this was my thing. I was like, pumped to see these whales, and we'd already seen a few whales. So I think he was like, over the whole thing. He wanted to sit inside and I said, if we sit inside, we won't see them. And I said to him, I have waited to see these whales. I'm going to go and stand out there. And it was just, I mean, I could say, I'm just going to send out there. I'm going to look at these whales. And he huffed and puffed and he said, Well, I'm going inside. So I stood out there, took photos of the whales, and he went inside. We told this lady, this old lady that we've never met, Mom and I are having a disagreement. Dr. Leakey and I came back. I gave it five minutes. I thought I probably shouldn't even too long. But damn it, I would say my wife. And I thought we can't go anywhere. I'm not going to lose him. So I went back in and the lady said, Oh, you've got such a lovely boys come over and told me that you're having a disagreement. Thanks, Digby for sharing. But I was like, there was no, that was not the time for you to get your own way. dB. This was my thing. You know, I was letting that go. Yes. And I think sometimes to you, when we do give in and you know, put everyone else's needs first. It's another reason that we end up over eating or over shopping or over whatever, because that part of us that you know what's going on I get my way does in a way that's not nourishing for anyone. Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? Yeah, it's good for you. I think that's the best thing ever. I think of a few times my kids have, but I love it like on a boat. Yeah, you know, like, you're stuck here. Honestly, they went through my mind I thought, am I being a bad mother because I'm letting my kid wandered around on a boat. And I honestly, it all flashed, I thought someone's gonna think I'm bad because I've left Makita on my own. I thought, No, dammit, he's fine. He's absolutely fine. I can see him. He's safe. I mean, I couldn't see him when I was looking at the whales. But I thought what's the worst that could happen? On here? No, he's not going to jump off the boat. Yeah, and I think that's the thing, too. It's our own inner talk or our own guilt. Yeah, some people might have thought you're a bad mother. And some people would have thought Look at that. Yes, yeah, that's what I want. And then the end of it, I thought, damn it, I've come this far. I'm glad you brought up guilt, because that is a big topic that I love to talk about this whole mom guilt concept. What are your thoughts about that? Though, very significantly, because I think it's something that we can't escape we all have. But it's just like for me, you know, when it happens, it's interesting. So like, you can say something to your kid and be like, I shouldn't have said that. And apologize. I'm all for apologizing when I'm wrong. Not as a way like, whatever. But like, you know, I shouldn't have said that. I feel bad. And then the kids can move on their merry way and skipping and happy. And, and it's I'm the one. So what's that saying that? Pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional. So the pain of like, oh, I shouldn't have done that, like, you know, but then the suffering and the stuff that we tell ourselves. So I can think of examples of like, when my son has hurt himself, like he's fallen over or whatever it happens. But then I'm like, well, I should have been watching him or I shouldn't have the room arranged like that, or it doesn't make any sense. Yeah. And then if I want to go to the other extreme, and I know I'm not the only one who does is a couple of 100 share this. But anyway, it's kind of like, Wolf, I really was. I'm not a bad mother, because at least I'm like, not burning them with cigarette butts or something like that. But like, it's sometimes like, yeah, if you really were a bad mother, would you be questioning? Am I a bad mother? Like, yeah, I think, yeah, you know, we all doing the best we can with what we have. And there are moments where we yell, or say something that we later like, makes us cringe. Like, you know, I open my mouth and my own mother comes. Like, I'm never gonna do this. And then you do it. You're like, Oh, yeah. And it's just kind of like, it's, yeah, it's all the skills, we want them to learn humility, you know, apologizing, being honest, sharing our feelings and not putting our stuff onto our kids. But yeah, kind of like, you know, so it's interesting. I I'm very strict in some people's rules, when I go out with my children. And I have a one warning policy. And I hold it. So we've literally gone out to dinner before ordered, and left, even though I've paid like, because the restaurants not missing out. And the kids think that they can get away with it. Because I've already paid like, No, we will leave we've left the cinema before. And it's like, I'm disappointed too. I wanted to watch this. But I would rather like take it to learn this. And anyway, some days, I'm just like, I've got nothing. So I'll be like, this is a no warning kind of day. Yes, you can go to the park or yes, we can do this, but everything is gonna go swimmingly. Or we will go home as soon as you poke prod breathe into the air. I don't know. It's like, I mean, it's just being honest with where I'm at. And also upholding that, because I think I know, my sister. She never she's like, I don't understand why my kids are so good because her kids are. Well, it's funny. She was just here this morning. Her kids are now in the 20s. And it because our age gap. But anyway, when I said if you clean your room, we can go the movies or whatever. If they didn't clean their room, we wouldn't go as as my own parent now my own children. It's like making sure I choose that not punishment, but the consequence. That's not going to be a detriment to me, because I remember a few weeks back, I was like, okay, no electronics for a week. And I was like, this was not a great idea because so it's picking up thing that but also to something because like if I sent my daughter to her room, she'd love it. Yes, like me, whereas my son, that's a punishment. He's like, I need to be around people. So it's kind of like, yes, it's gonna happen. Yes, we learn from it. And whenever we need to, like break that pattern so for me, for me, it's the cigarette butts story. It's not my finest moment, but it's just, it's just enough of ridiculousness for me to go Of course, yeah. In some out of it. That's viral. Yeah. And like you said, the mere fact that you that we are questioning if we're good enough, that's telling us that we're not good enough, you know, because we care because we're aware of stuff. Done and again, I just have all these thoughts, and I brought them down, then it's gone. All right, understand you're in the other thing I was gonna say that helps me with mum guilt, or any sort of guilt or times that I feel not enough yet, is I have a folder on my phone. It's called nice things. People say, whenever I get an email, or a text or a comment or whatever, I screenshot it, and I go and save it to that album. And when I'm having those things where I'm like, I'm the worst person in the world. And everyone hates me, because we all have that. I read back over it on my phone. Awesome. Yeah, I love that. I'm getting really used to the fact that mothering is not right or wrong, black or white? Yes or no, there's this this gray area, it's literally an entire gray area and this level of ambivalence of, yes, you can have a bad day and and yell at your kids because they misbehaved. But you can also love them so much, you would you know, throw yourself in front of a moving car for them like that. And I think some people depending with the, you know, left brain or right brain, how you your brain works need to have a yes or no, they need to have a straight answer. They need to know, was this right or wrong? And this whole motherhood conundrum just throws that completely out the window. So then I think for some people, it can be confusing. If you are and I've put this in air quotes, doing it right, from your own perspective, because there are so many gray areas. For me, there's something that another thing I think, is I always love my children without a doubt. I don't always like them. Yeah. So it's like, you know, I if something happens, like I love you, fiercely. I don't like this. So it's it's separating like the love is always, as he said, jump in front of a bus or take on a intruder or whatever. Yeah, you're not drawing on my walls. Okay, how pretty it is? No. Yeah, absolutely. That's a good one, actually. Because my background is in early childhood education. And something that I learned straight away when I started working at this particular center, about nine years ago was that we wouldn't use terms like you're a good boy, or, you know, you're being bad or whatever. Because it's the behavior that you're not happy with, not the person. Yeah. And I've been really, really, what's the word focused, or it's important to me that I talk to my kids like that, in terms of their friendships. Because there's a whole thing of kids of a certain age, I'm not your best friend, I don't like you're not my best friend, you're not coming to my birthday party, all this sort of behavior? Yeah. And it's like, yes, you you were frustrated with your mate is because he keeps your ball on the roof, it then doesn't mean that you're not friends, you know, just breaking things down separating an actual person to the behavior that you don't like, or, you know, I think that's really important to set up because that's not something I grew up with normally changing that, that thing is the way we speak to ourselves, too. And, you know, because the thing is, you can't be what you don't see. So it's like modeling it for you for your children. So my son, he sees a psychologist, he has autism. And they he calls her his emotions, doctor, which Oh, that's good. And she works a lot with him with how he speaks to himself, because he's got a very critical inner voice and anything that I think it's part of his autism to, doesn't take a joke. So like I'm very, very jovial and can take a stab, but I don't mean it, but he will take it to heart. Yeah. And it's the way he speaks to himself in any way I have. I use a Voxer voice messaging app for my business. And the other day, someone left me a message and most of the time I can listen to them in front of the kids and it's not a big deal or I don't actually I usually have my headphones, but I couldn't find him anyway, whatever happened, I press play. And the person's like, Oh, I'm such a dick. Like the message, you know, he was like, why would they talk to them about themselves like that? And I was like, see, we all do we all have our ways that I'm not good enough, or, you know, this is wrong, or I'm bad. And then it's catching that. And, you know, so it was actually such a great learning experience. I don't know, I told the person about and like, I've always wanted to be the reason somebody needed to laugh about it. But it's just kind of like our inner talk, like, you know, and distinguishing. Like, I, I made a bad decision. Not I'm a bad person. Yeah, the thing is, the message was that we're supposed to message me like two weeks ago, and I hadn't, so I've had to deconstruct sorry. And it was like, you know, life happens. I get it. But it was like, you know, I did a dick move or IV is not I am so yes, exactly. Yeah, I think that's a really important thing that self taught because Matt and I, we, we tend to beat ourselves up so much, and talk to ourselves, the way that we'd never speak to anybody else. You know, we're so so harsh and horrible to ourselves. A lot of the time. Yeah. And then who wants to hang out with somebody like that, and then we're stuck with ourselves all the time. So no wonder we end up in you know, behaviors that don't serve us because at least gives us a break or numbs it out for a short period of time. Yeah, that's so true. My website is Susanne kohlberg.com, which you'll probably spell in the show notes. Because it's an interesting I think I've ever had anybody get Kolberg. Right. Again, anything from Collberg to gold. It's about to be updated. I don't know when this show will end. So if you guys come across it as not quite yet, just put your email in there. And I'll let you know. I've been rebranding, it's been such a process, I tend to really significantly underestimate the amount of time things will take person who works long term on goals, but anywho. And it's got all about my program on there, it has the first two chapters of my book, if you do sign up for the first two chapters of my book, it doesn't automatically add you to my list. It's one of my pet peeves, so I can never get away from it because I just wanted a freebie. So it literally is just the two chapters, I send two emails, and the podcasts I've been on if you wanna listen to me anywhere else, and all that kind of thing. But my program, it's, it's 10 weeks, it's called Why wait visiting, what are you waiting for. And it's for people who are overdue us over consumers to kind of overcome our inner resistances and our all or nothing mindset and take small sustainable changes, and it runs for 10 weeks at a time. If you do at once, then you're an alumni and you get a significantly discount if you want to come back some people in my life is we come back every round, some people dropping once a year, it's you're always welcome. And it's about showing up as you actually are, there's none of this kind of pretense or whatever you can wear your pajamas, I really don't mind. Just kind of like what's actually going on, and a space to be seen and heard and witnessed. And then, you know, work through it if you want to, or just be seen because so many of us, we don't have a place where we can say what really happened. We have like the highlight role, which is Facebook or Instagram. And it's just yet about breaking these really big goals down into small ones. And, and starting out and celebrating the things we celebrate. And why won't you be humiliated to say anywhere else because it's just so small. But it's like, I'm so excited. I walk to my mailbox. Yeah, then that's that competence that's playing warm up with the universe and then that building excitement of others, rather than just kind of ho hum, I've missed my work like that. So it's about learning to witness the times that we're in struggle and struggle of others not wallow in them. Hmm. That's very important, isn't it? Like you said before about you know, we can choose to suffer or not? Yeah, pain is inevitable stuff. Stuff. Thumbs up. Like, it's interesting, every round, it's finishing now, but towards the end, we say like, you know, I have a list of things, how many of these come up that you weren't expecting? And because so often people will be like, I thought this would be the time I thought this would be the thing. And it was like, somebody's passed away. Somebody had COVID, somebody's moved, somebody's lost a job like all these stressor indicators. And then we're like beating ourselves up. And it's like, still in the room. Accounts. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely. Like that deserves acknowledgement and celebration. 100%. Yeah. Because I think as a society, as this capitalism come up again, but it's like, you have to meet some incredible goal, some massive thing, and then you're worthy of being celebrated. Yeah, and every quarter is going to be better than the last quarter. And that's the thing to like, because a lot of people do come back round after round for my program, and like this round might not have been a growth round. So I taught I teach it in seasons. So we start in an artificial spring, because obviously, a we're from all over the world. So some of us it is spring, and some of us isn't. But also it's the seeds. It's the planting, it's the initiation, a lot of us, especially your daughters, were really good at Spring. This is gonna be the thing. Oh, yeah. And then we move into the summer, which is the persistent and consistent action. A lot of yo yo dieters at all, and I think people were terrible at summer. This is where we go away, then we go into the autumn or fall, depending on where you are in the globe, which is the harvest of what have we done this round. And then the winter, a lot of people are really good at winter. So spring, winter, spring, winter, spring, winter, and it's like the break either between rounds or you know, a longer break the time for rejuvenation. And because we need to prune in order to grow in a capitalist linear society. We fear winter, because it's the end, like then it's over. Yeah. Whereas in a cyclical natural rhythm after every winter comes the next spring. Yeah. And I think with the power of the program, and the people who are coming back, you know, you can see like, some of it is disappointing. Sometimes you have around where everything's happening, and you're making so much progress. And other rounds, you feel like you just keep your head above water. And as a facilitator, I get it out. Because I teach the program live every time none of its pre recorded. It's like, what's going on for me shapes that as well as what's going on for the people in the container? And I think there's some power in that rather than us just pretending that everything's hunky dory all tile here. Absolutely. I was just this, this whole issue of, of being transparent and honest and sharing. When things are going bad. This is a thing that I feel like there's a movement happening. You know, and you talked about the socials where everyone just puts their highlight reel and people like, you know, people that are capable of it, I guess I able to share when things aren't going well. And then other people say that and go, ah, that makes it okay for me to say that this is normal, you know, it normalizes life. I think the big work of like, my life's work on my passion is teaching people and modeling how to sit with people when things aren't going well. Like, the first time someone told me I was a space holder. I was like, What is this space blank, and I was thinking about the hospital, bear hug up. And it's like, we aren't taught how to sit with people in their discomfort. We either taught to fix it, which is very masculine thing, what can I do? Have you tried? Have you tried keto? Have you tried paleo? Have you tried, which is like really frustrating. Or we're told to diminish? It's not that bad. It's not that bad. And people have it worse. actually sit with someone who's having a hard time and just listen. Yeah, it's the most powerful thing or normalize like, of course, this happens happens to everyone. I think, you know, the inner talk thing with my son, like he explained to him and normalizing we do all speak to ourselves in ways you know, but it's like having tools or things or just noticing it the power of noticing, rather than eating like that. For me, that's been the hardest thing becoming a mother. When my kids are struggling. I just want to throw food at them. Because that's what was done to me when I was a kid. Yeah, exactly. Same, same. Yes. Like food and alcohol were the common threads through every situation, you know? Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it? But yeah, that I'm noticing a lot of posts lately about toxic positivity about calling out that behavior to say, Oh, well, at least you You should be grateful of this and blah, blah, and just that diminishes the actual problem, or the issue just skirts over it by making you feel happy. Like you know, and you complain about your kids are where you should, you know, you should be glad that you can have children. That's like that's not a helpful thing to say. No, it actually I think that that toxic positivity really increases mental struggles and depression, anxiety, because you don't have anyone to speak to. And people think that being helpful, but it's like struggle isn't a competition. Yeah. And then who do you turn to because the thing is, like, I was very fortunate that I didn't have any struggle conceiving. And it's like, oh, I can't talk about that because other people do it. But there's other things that I had struggle with that other people don't. And it's not like a tit for tat thing like, oh, well, I can't you know, it's just kind of like, that sucks. And all that's awesome. Because sometimes when you get what you want, like we were talking way back at the beginning, if this then that. So you were saying your once this, sometimes once you achieve the thing, it's not what you thought, and then you can't like so I dropped 78 kilograms. So like an entire person off my body. Yeah, the number of people who tell me how I must feel You must be confident you must be this, you must be this. And it's like, honestly, it was hard because I didn't have an identity like this. And people didn't recognize me. And I didn't recognize myself. And when nobody wants to hear that. They just want to life's perfect and you're confident. That's it. That's the headline, isn't it? That's click on on the internet, they don't click on woman loses 78 kilos and doesn't feel this way. Like, it's, that's not that's not what society is built to see here. You don't burst the bubble. And it's like, I think we should be bursting more bubbles and not. So it's not saying you don't do the thing. It's just that we don't set ourselves up. I think that's the reason so many of us want to avoid being disappointed. So we kind of live our life preemptively disappointed. But then there's other things like there's always going to be new problems. Like once you reach this goal, there's going to be another goal. So it's focusing on how much you've gained and how far you've come. But realizing there's always going to be a gap. Yeah. Yeah, it's so interesting, isn't it? I feel like we could talk forever about this. So often not spoken off, because it's kind of you know, like, I remember when I first started coaching, I coached for an organization, they wouldn't put me on their website, because I wouldn't have my makeup done. Like, I'm always like, you know, Mumba. And this is how I am, this is who I am. And it's like, well, nobody wants to see that they want to see, you know, the after, like, you know, the fancy clothes and the makeup and hair. It's like, they don't get around like that. Like, for me, it's funny, if I see someone all done, and then I get a call with them. And you know, it's like, this is it as interesting. My first iteration of my website, it was Sue's professional. I didn't do full makeup or whatever. But I wore like nicer clothes. And I had my head straightened. But I don't look like that. So this part of my website, I showed my current clients and like what we love is you've got the ridiculous T shirts, and you haven't done your hair. Yeah, cuz that's how I am. We think, Oh, I can't go out like that. I can't be seen like that. And we kind of almost living two lives. And it's like, no, no, this, this is how I am but and then there's also with the kids like teaching them when it's appropriate to say certain things like I'm very much just very fairy, I will own that. And in the house. I don't mind so much if my kids do a little bit but in public never. And it's funny my books called the beginning you shit. And my son will either say the beginning is bad word. Or the beginning is sure. He knows as big it's kind of like, there's so much awareness there. And I remember at the therapy session thing will pint we play cards at the end and I get to come in, because we're teaching him about turn taking and whatever. And we've got this game called uno flip it. Oh, yeah, one year. Anyway, sometimes at home, I'll say let's flip this bid sheet. And pass music to the data therapist. My mommy says let's flip this bad word that starts with a beat I just think there's something about the realness as opposed to like I know growing up, it was like, This is who we are. Like when we go to church, my family's religious, or when we go here, and this is who we are at home. And I just didn't understand that. Whereas with my kids I explain you know, there are things that are allowable in the house of words, and these but not to be different. But to just be mindful of others. Yeah, that's it. Isn't it that respectful of others and other people's boundaries? I suppose. And yeah, that's good. Well, I do love playing that flip it sometimes I get confused. Because some of the things aren't really clear if it means it's going to flip Well, this summer. This one took me a while to work around the world one in five, nothing nasty, because we make it compound. So like for us one time and recently I did pick up 25 cards. Oh my goodness. I feel like we've got the core of the decade now, but he's a good guy. I really like that one. All right, well, have you got anything else you'd like to share? Sort of finishing up any sort of final thoughts that you'd like to tell everyone? For people, it's kind of you can listen to a podcast or read a book or whatever, and separate yourself into you know, me and them or I'm different because or things like that. And I encourage anybody who's listening it If that's the case for you, to look at how we're the same with the hotter and colder game of the universe, when we look at, well, she has two kids and I have four. Well, she lives here and I live, there we are, where we're making the distance greater. And it's kind of like when we look for, you know how we're similar, like, oh, wow, she was on her first diet at four, I went on my eighth or, you know, she lost and regained, like hundreds of kilos. I've done that, too. So, why not me is what I've been encouraging anybody listening to think, because we can think why me all the reasons I couldn't do this. But why not you? And I just, I really hope that that that really lands or resonates with someone because I know for me, for years, I'd be listening and reading and like I was obsessed with before and after stories, when I was losing weight, hence why I never found one like mine. They were always before my life was terrible, after my life is magical. And it was kind of like this Disney Princess story. Yeah. And I was like, whereas I felt more like the Disney movie that had multiple sequels. Something bad happened again, next book. And it's just kind of like, you know, this is life. And then also to, even within people being honest and transparent. There's the selectivity about about what we share, because sometimes to people like, oh, well, despite them having all this going on, you know, they've still had it or they've still gotten there. We all have our our dark moments are the moments that you know, we wouldn't share. And it's not that they disappear. It's that we know how to move through them. Or they go through them faster. Luckily, I still gone slammed entire packet, Tim Tams not proud of it. But less often or less amount, or I catch myself and go. This is really solving it. No, yeah. So those moments of awareness, it's, it reminds me of that. There's this model about how we learn. And it's like unconscious. Whatever, like you don't know that you don't know. So like my son. He didn't know he didn't know how to drive a car, because it wasn't his frame of reference. Yeah. And there was conscious not knowing. So like, my daughter's like, I don't know how to drive a car. And I want to. So sometimes when we go from Yeah, unconscious incompetence, to conscious incompetence. So when you first start making these changes, it's often harder, because you're aware. And that's when we can stop and quit and start and stop and whatever. But when you get through that, then you get to the conscious competence. But you have to think about it until you get to the unconscious competence, where you just do it. So like recently, I watched that. The other reason why Facebook memories instead, it comes back up my first Facebook Live. Oh my gosh, it's so bad. So often people take that stuff down. I leave it there because I watch it. And I'm like how far I've come. Yeah, literally breathe into a paper bag for nearly an hour beforehand. I couldn't go on without my own. So I had one of my kids in it. It was just, I had the dot points on the screen. And one of my friends was just like, you sound like you got to pull up your ass. But you know, it gets better. Your best gets to get better. But you've got to start to wear someone else's. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. Absolutely. Because we're all in different little ways. In long the journey. You know, we're different seasons. Nobody's ahead of you. You're not behind. You're just in a different season. Yeah. Now that I love that analogy. That's really, really cool. Well, thank you so much for coming on Suzanne so much for having me. It's been such a lovely chat. And it's a pleasure to meet you. And I'm thank you for doing the work you're doing and sharing what your experiences and I'm sure it's helping. It's helping people and it will continue to do so. So thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Alex McLaughlin Canadian acrylic and watercolour artist, S2 Ep36 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Today I welcome Alex McLaughlin to the podcast, Canadian acrylic and watercolour artist and mum of 2 boys from Midland Ontario. Raised in Honey Harbour on Georgian Bay , Alex was fortunate enough to have a childhood full of love and opportunity. Her summers can be best characterized by exploration, swimming, boating, and working for the family business. Having the opportunity to be on the water nearly every day since she was born has never been something she has never taken for granted. After working as a paramedic on the streets of Toronto for many years, Alex felt the pull to return to her childhood home, and now lives there with her husband and 2 boys. She now focuses solely on her art, working out of her home studio which allows her to to maximize precious painting time and be the present mother she has always wanted to be. Put simply, Alex feels like she is now doing what she was always meant to be doing. Ever since Alex was little, her grandmother encouraged her to practice and appreciate the arts as a way to document her life. Alex is a predominately self taught artist, but after taking a watercolour course by local Canadian artist John Hartman everything seemed to make sense for her and allowed her to explore her local area with a new set of eyes. Recently, Alex created her first-ever painting series that is very close to her heart: Georgian Bay Reflections . Using vibrant colour and layered brush strokes, Alex feels her way through each piece until its depth and composition are reminiscent of this special place that was, is and always will be home. Through the power of her expressionism artform, Alex's hope for us is to be reminded of how the simple and natural things in life are the most beautiful. In a world that seems to be evolving faster than ever before, Most of all her wish is to have us stop and experience, even just for a moment, the beauty of life translated through art. **This episode contains discussion around anxiety, OCD and depression** Visit Alex's website The Massasauga Rattler Snake https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGW3MSt8nJI Beam Paints https://www.beampaints.com/ is the paint company Alex mentioned who she found making water colour paints locally. Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission from Alemjo https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=aEJ8a3qJREifAqhYyeRoow Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water, as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks so much for joining me. Today I welcome Alex McLaughlin to the podcast. Alex is a Canadian acrylic and watercolor artist and a mum of two boys from Midland Ontario. Raised in honey Harbor on Georgian Bay, Alex was fortunate enough to have a childhood full of love and opportunity. His summers can be best described by exploration, swimming, boating, and working for the family business. Having the opportunity to be on the water nearly every day since she was born has never been something she's taken for granted. After working as a paramedic on the streets of Toronto for many years, Alex felt the pull to return to her childhood home and now lives there with her husband and two boys. She focuses solely on her art working out of her home studio, which allows her to maximize precious painting time and be the present mother she's always wanted to be. Put simply, Alex feels like she's now doing what she was always meant to be doing. Ever since Alex was little, her grandmother encouraged her to practice and appreciate the arts as a way to document her life. Alex is a predominantly self taught artist. But after taking a watercolor course by local Canadian artists, John Hartman, everything seemed to make sense for her and allowed her to explore her local area with a new set of eyes. Recently, Alex created her first ever painting series that is very close to her heart, entitled Georgian Bay reflections. Using vibrant color and layered brushstrokes. Alex feels her way through each piece until its depth and composition are reminiscent of the special place that was is and always will be her home through the power of her expressionist art form. Alex's hope for us is to be reminded of how the simple and natural things in life are the most beautiful in a world that seems to be evolving faster than ever before. Most of all, her wish is to have a stop and experience even for just a moment. The beauty of life translated through art. This episode contains discussion around anxiety, OCD, and depression. Thanks so much for coming on today. Alex. It's such a pleasure to meet you all the way from Canada today. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited. Absolutely. It's such a pleasure. So tell us whereabouts you are in Canada. So I live in Midland, Ontario on Georgian Bay. It's a it's a massive Bay off of Lake Huron, one of the Great Lakes. And we're about an hour and a half an hour and a half north of Toronto. People call it cottage country, cottage country, what's the meaning behind that? Um, most people from the city that own cottages will head north pretty much every weekend. I know that people call it something different in many parts of the world. But yeah, it's called a cottage here. And most of them in my area are not tiny little cabins, a lot of them are are very extravagant. They're not exactly cottages they like made quite a bit of money has moved up here in the past, like 20 years so and then we're pretty close to Muskoka right next to us as well, which is can be kind of fancy, like major wakeboarding culture. And, ah, yeah, it's a pretty amazing place to have grown up and to live now. I left her about 12 years with school and my previous career and then moved back up here five years ago, so we're nice and settled in again. Yeah, yeah. So what's the weather like there? Now I have this real obsession with finding out temperatures and weather around the world, people I chat to were pretty extreme. Which I like So it's it's warming up a little bit now like today was gray and cloudy and and it was still cold it was I think minus seven or minus six Celsius. Yeah. Because you're in your Celsius so today was like warm compared to what it's been. It's been minus 20 to minus 30. Recently. Yeah, we were ice fishing this morning. Oh, my parents this and there was 20 inches of ice. Oh, wow. We don't seem to say you get that much ice. It's it's a good winter for ice and like people snowmobile all over the lake. Yeah, nice. Good. So, yeah, we have a very extreme weather we have like the lake effect. So we get tons and tons of snow. You have to. Some people don't have one, but it's very helpful to have a snowblower here. Like your full time job would be shoveling throughout the winter if you didn't have a snowblower so well, yeah, it's very extreme in the winter. And then we have pretty awesome warm, humid summers, so Oh, well. Yeah, the best of both worlds. So what's your sort of average champion Summer? Summer, like we we truly do have spring we have all all the seasons. So the spring can seem very, very long when we're anxious for the summer to come. But pretty reliably June, like through September now, anywhere from, like 18 degrees to it can be extreme heat warnings of you know, 40 degrees, sometimes, well, for about two months, we get between, I guess 25 And like 32, something like that. So that is amazing. It is that is truly amazing that you can have like zero like monastery up to like 40. That is incredible. Yeah. And we don't always have like a cold winter like this. I prefer it because then you can do stuff on the ice. And you can go skiing and snowboarding and all of that stuff. Like we are only 20 minutes from a hill. Not a big hill. It's not I wouldn't call it a mountain. But we have a few options here. And and then we have an ice rink in our backyard as well. We started that last year because of the pandemic and not being able to really go out right so yeah, yeah, no, I absolutely love it. The winters can be tough for sure. And most people will fly south during the winter for at least one trip. And and we're making the best of all the winter activities now. So yeah, that sounds amazing. I haven't I didn't realize places like that existed where you could have like a normal summer basically, and then have massive, massive winter. Yeah, it's really, for a lot of people. It's all about the summer here because the summers are really incredible. I've actually traveled in Australia and quite a few places. And the one thing I really missed while traveling was having my own boat because I don't live on an ocean and I'm so used to being able to boat like there's actually 30,000 islands in my area. All you kidding. It's the largest freshwater are archipelago. I think I said that right. archipelago, sorry. Which means just like the largest cluster of islands in freshwater in the world. It's yeah, so very interesting boating culture here. Yeah, right. Actually, that reminds me is it like, this is like a real left of field but the Ozarks TV show where they take boats everywhere. Is that kind of like? Totally. I would I would call the Ozarks a little bit more like Muskoka because there's a whole bunch of, they call them Muskoka lakes. So there's great lakes, where it's a lot more sheltered. Georgian Bay has much more open water in certain areas. So you can have all those, like nooks where it's protected if you stay in, like honey harbor is where I grew up. It's just a small drag from here. But then you can go to open water where you can't see anything and you feel like you're on the ocean. So yeah, we actually traveled to an island and a lighthouse on an island called the Western islands. And it takes about two to two and a half hours of driving fast, like straight in one direction not being able to see any thing, and then the island emerges out of nowhere. You post stuff like that with friends and get just like for safety but pretty wild. That sounds like an incredible place to leave. That's just wow. Yeah, I'm really happy to be here. That's lovely I was reading on your website, you talked about honey Harbor, how you were so deeply connected to that Georgian Bay Area. And I love that your quote with the way that you describe things, its life translated through art in love that I'm primarily a self taught painter. I have been mostly doing acrylic paintings and, and mostly large scale, I really like to paint large, starting to mix in some smaller stuff, because painting large all the time is difficult with time management. But yeah, so that's mostly what I've focused on. And I've and I've recently been mixing in using watercolors as well, as more of like a daily paint. I was always super creative as a kid. Like I really took every project to the creative extreme in high school, stuff like that. But I didn't really sorry. And I was also very involved in the arts, just not fine art. So I was a competitive dancer for many years. And I played classical guitar until the end of high school. It's like I was always very involved in something that was really creative, but didn't really stumble upon painting until university actually. I had taken one elective course throughout my psychology degree, and got to do art. And we did two weeks of painting. So I just learned the basics. And I honestly didn't really I wasn't very proud of any any of the projects that we had in that class. But then beyond that year of taking that class, it stuck with me and I did a lot of paintings like for gifts for family and did a few commission jobs. And throughout the years, I kept coming back to it so and then I didn't get really serious about it until 2018 When I moved back here to Midland I was living closer to the city to Toronto, for my husband, because I was actually a paramedic in Toronto for eight years before diving into the art full time. You said that the painting you first like you discovered that at uni? Was there anyone else like in your family like growing up was painting ever exposed to earlier than that? So not necessarily painting. But I was gonna mention my grandmother I called her only because she she was German. She's passed now but so my mother's mother took care of us a lot. She helped out a lot with babysitting. A lot of my memories are with her. And she was super interested in art. She painted herself as well. But mainly she was a photographer. Yeah, right. Yeah, she didn't consider herself professional by any means. She struggled financially a lot of the time. But yeah, she was the one that really encouraged me would sit me down with all the materials for drawing. I remember her teaching me sort of like a just the way to draw certain things like a barn and she had a way to instruct me how to do that. And then it also remember doing a lot of like still life like vases with flowers in them and stuff with very special markers that she would get me. Yeah, somehow I never really got into painting with like professional paints. It's funny that I don't remember touching that until university. Yeah, she was the early influence. My parents were always super supportive. But they. And my mom is very creative herself with like interior design. And my dad is a builder. And so yeah, like, it's in the family. But yeah, she was my push for sure. And like she is one of the reasons. I do it today. And I sort of had the confidence to go for it. And I know, even though she's not here physically, yeah, I know. I hope that she knows what I'm doing. Yeah. Be proud. So yeah, that's really special. Oh, that's lovely. Growing up, so. Oh, so she didn't she wasn't alive, to see change careers and come back to Oh, yeah, she met my first son, who he's seven now. But she found out she was sick, like within that first year that he was born. So yeah, it's really kind of tragic, but but she clearly lives on through a lot of us. My aunt who's like her other daughter, is also an artist, and like, has been pursuing it more seriously as well. So yeah. Oh, that's lovely. It's like the legacy that's carried on through the family. Yeah, that's beautiful. I love the quote that you've got on your website, when you said I'm finally doing what I was meant to do. Yes, like you had to go through all this other stuff and maybe discover what you didn't want to do before you went? Actually I want to do was that was that an easy decision? Or hard in some ways to just give up, I want to say a nine to five like, solid job. I had worked really hard to be a paramedic. You so yeah, that was the part that was really hard for me was I've always been very introspective. And trying to balance what was going to make me the happiest I was, I was so lucky to have like an upbringing with all these opportunities, right. So I was trying to figure out a path that would make me super happy, but also seemed like a smart, logical path. Which led me to do this, like psychology degree, and I was considering business and all these other things. But I guess deep down inside, like, I was always very creative. And then, and I loved my career as a paramedic, super competitive, to get into school to get hired right out of school. And then it takes about five years of doing that job to start to feel settled and comfortable and not just freaked out and in a few of the situations, right. Yeah, it takes a long time to build that confidence. And then when we started having a family, it's like I knew we were going to have to make some tough decisions. Financially, you know, mortgage was going to become difficult. My husband is also a paramedic in Toronto, and he's he's still doing it there. And I just couldn't imagine doing the double shiftworker family with children, you basically have to hire a live in nanny to make it work. And then I just be working to pay for somebody else to take care of my children. And yeah, so I was starting to feel like a little bit. I was frustrated for sure, like knowing that these big changes were coming. But it's funny because now I'm happier than ever. And I really do think that just trusting the process not only like in my art but in life is super important. I have always been when not to make too many strict plans. I know that things can change. I especially learned that as a paramedic, right and just to really not take anything for granted and and try and appreciate every day as it comes and then know that they're the changes will come and I just tried to roll with it the best I can. So that's what we did. And I knew I needed to have something of my own. Like something really exciting to look forward to. As I was approaching that moment of officially quitting my paramedic career and moving on so yeah, I, I took a year leave of absence when we moved up north, away from the city, which it also that provided some major financial relief, by the way. So like all these changes were to set us up so that I could be at home with the kids and not worry as much about money, because leaving that Job was was a big paycheck as well. Yeah. So yeah, we moved north, and we're actually mortgage free because of the move, because we moved really like from very close to the city to two hours north where most people wouldn't, wouldn't go that far, right. And it was, it was tough. Like it was, even though I had grown up here, it didn't have too many strong friendships remaining like in that immediate area. So I really had to start over. Build those new connections and, and it eventually happened. But yeah, for a few years, it was tough. And so yeah, when we moved up, I took the year leave of absence. And then for about four months, I just was trying to, I was stressing over what to paint, I knew I was going to try and pursue painting. I just didn't know what I should paint because I wanted it to be successful. So I put a lot of pressure on that. But I just started painting all kinds of different things, different themes. You and and then enough work to sort of build a cohesive series, because A, in my research, I realized that was very important to make it as an artist or to get, you know, just to be successful, like to sell work and be represented or whatever. So yeah, just worked really hard to build a cohesive body of work. And then I launched my website, as soon as I had officially quit the paramedic job. And the response was amazing. I sold two original pieces, I think within the first two weeks, which is a nice boost of confidence. Yeah. And then yeah, it was a bit of a whirlwind, like lots, lots of cool opportunities. But then I got into the the fun, like figuring out the balance of trying to run my own business and be the full time mom and having a shiftworker husband, who's gone a week at a time kind of thing. So yeah, that was like a new area that you were like trying to work out the balance. Yeah. Well, you know, thankfully, it was busy and I wasn't bored. And I think that keeps you happier. Right. Especially when you're in a new place and and away from your, you know, the friendships I had established in the city and stuff, huh? Yeah. Yeah, just just an interesting, a lot of changes. But we we believed that that was the best thing to do for our family. And I feel like it all worked out. Really did. And I do feel like I am exactly where I should be because being back home has informed my art greatly. Like when I was saying I didn't know what to paint. Eventually, I figured it out because I just started painting what I know best. Yeah. Yeah, that was the water that I had grown up on. And it's just mean like the response I've had from people. They really love that series. Oh, yeah. Now I'm at a point where I've done I don't know how many of them I've done. It's it's around 25 of them. And I'm ready to I'm ready to mix it up a bit. So yeah, it's kind of cool to be successful in something like that and then know that I sort of have that as my fallback but and then but I'm always wanting to try new things. So yeah, and I'm at right now yeah. So is that where the water colors start to come in a bit like you're just sort of testing out what else he can do and yes, so I'm trying to figure wrote that does have a lot to do with just like incorporating my practice into my life and trying to be more efficient. Because I've never really been able to involve my kids in the studio too much. I have two really active boys. I tried I really did try to to just be casual about it and set them up and but yeah, my oldest was could not sit still he'd get into the the worst things, you know, like climbing the walls. So and I didn't want to say no, I didn't want to say no all the time, right. So we kind of avoided being in the studio too much. earlier on. Now I am learning what they prefer. I have to set my my oldest seven year old he has to be set up with an easel and he takes my light and he sets it up. But he's he's very short lived though. Like he'll pay it for about maybe 10 minutes and then that's it. And then he's gone and he hasn't cleaned up and and then my five year old is on the floor like still like rubbing the paint into the broken paper. Like he gets really into it. Yeah. And then everyone's gone. And it just gets busy. So yeah. Lots of having boys Hey, yeah. The the watercolor like that medium. It was sort of a magical thing. I took a water color course, online during the pandemic from John Hartman, who is a huge artists here in Canada. And luckily, he's local. Yeah, I actually know his his niece's here, I played volleyball with them growing up. And so there's like a bit of a connection there. He had never met me though. And I took this class online, and I've taken many, like several art classes, this one was just different. And it something clicked. And he, I think grew up similar to me, has like, a very special appreciation for the land, and just just this unique corner of the world, right. And he's he's obviously very into nature and all of the animals and all of the patterns and and he's been very, very successful here. So the local gallery got him to teach this class. I took it from him. And it just seemed to make sense for me as well, the way that he was taking his watercolor kit out to the islands if he would go like by canoe or kayak or whatever. And so I decided to prepare like a waterproof backpack, prep all of the paper and, and then I discovered these incredible, this incredible paint company where the paints made on Manitoulin Island. It's actually five hours north of us. Yeah, but it just felt so right because they're very focused on producing plastic free. Like the pigments are almost a lot of them are sourced locally on Manitoulin Island, and then they use tree sap, local honey, all of these things as like their binders, and it's just completely natural paints. So I feel good about going out and like washing my brush in the lake. Yes, water and then using the natural paints that she's made, and it's just amazing. So that's such an incredible connection isn't a lot. That's just amazing. Beautiful. Yeah, because they really do care about that as well. Like I am painting about my connection with the bay and then using things that are made here to create the work is yeah, it just feels really right. So I was really excited about that. And I'm getting better at being more consistent and remembering that backpack it was just always ready to go. Yeah, I'm not the most organized person so it's taken a few years for me to get myself sorted like that and know that I have to prep a few things to sit to enable myself to create in those busy situations and our children are old enough now that it's not so crazy to have my husband watch them while I take half an hour to paint so yeah, yeah. Good day The pandemic really pushed me to want to explore locally more, as it I'm sure has for many people, I love traveling, my husband loves traveling, we really miss it. And so this island hopping culture that exists here, I didn't do that growing up, my parents were always working. And I was always boating and working at marinas and like very familiar on a boat, but not really exploring. There's a lot of public islands that you can, that you can go and have a picnic for the day and, and they're really amazing and really rugged and picturesque and challenging. A lot of people don't do it because there's you could hit rocks everywhere where your boat here, like, just beneath the surface. So for some people, it's a bit too risky, or expensive to be hitting rocks with your boat. Oh, yeah, I have this level of comfort with the bay and boating. I used to to live and work on the water for many years. So yeah, it's a really. Yeah. That's incredible. Oh, just hearing your story. It just I don't want to say it sounds perfect, because nothing's perfect. But just the way things have come together for you just sounds just ideal to so. Yeah. And I, I knew that there was just something about this place when I traveled because when I, when I first traveled after university, I went on my own, I did a solo backpacking trip in Australia. And that led to many other trips to different countries until I went back to college for paramedics, and then it kind of halted the traveling and the art and everything. But now yeah, I'm coming back to it. And I didn't know how much I missed it here until I returned with my kids. And I felt like I could almost breathe easier just being surrounded by nature and the trees and I honestly didn't know how much I missed it though. Because I'm pretty happy wherever I go. I truly appreciate the city. I loved living downtown Toronto. The excitement of being a paramedic downtown was amazing. You know, I was happy I thought but I think I am much happier here. So but yeah, we also don't know, I guess we never really think in forever. My husband and I are adventurous. And he's from the east coast of Canada. So we we go there often and that's pretty amazing out there too. But when he talks about it, I I don't know if I could move there. Right. It's mostly just leaving Georgia and bay that would stress me out. So yeah. Anyway, I'm really enjoying being here right now. And it's yeah, it's inspired me so much. And gotten me on a pretty amazing foot with my art career so far. I wanted to mention, I'll put a link for people to have a look at the way that you paint the water. Right. It's just It looks like a photo. Like it looks so real. And I actually paint properly. I just mess around with painting. So I'm really interested in painting because I can't do it. I love like zooming in like how do you do that? Like it just looks real? Just beautiful. And yeah, that series that you mentioned before. Just all those pieces that just like you feel like you could literally dive into the paintings. They're just so real. So yeah, I just love them. Yeah, all right. First of all, I think that anybody can paint. It's, it is a practice, right? You just, you get better as you do it more or not necessarily even better, because I'm trying to get back to like a loose lit a looseness actually, that I had before I did these water pieces, and they have progressively gotten more realistic. Which wasn't really my intention. It's just I seem to be getting pickier with it right. And I, I can't leave it alone, like I just go further and further and further with them as I do more of those pieces. So yeah, I get very intense about them. So I honestly just think it's the amount of layers. And I will just keep painting until I'm happy with it right. And, and I do paint from a photo for the water pieces, because they wanted, it's just something I always wanted to try. I had tried painting several things. And it's interesting, because when I look back at my early paintings, like way before I knew I would pursue this as a career, the water element was there. And a lot of a lot of my pieces not not in exactly the same style, but it was there. And yeah, there's just something about it that feels like home to me and nostalgic. And I feel like the water here is very unique to other places in the world I've been. It's beautiful in all of these different places, too. But there's something very special to me about it here. And I think just with the response I've had, it seems like people that are cottagers here really identify with it too. Yeah, they're really drawn to it. Yeah, there's something about when you walk down on the dock, because we have a floating dock. And which is different from a lot of places in the world. We don't have tides. So yeah, when you go down to the dock, you feel like you're so surrounded by water in a in a really unique way to it's different from working on a beach, or Yeah. I don't know, you know, all the different ways that you can be next to the water. There's something very unique about floating on air. Like you're connected to it straight away, like you're already part of it. You can feel the move, all that kind of stuff. Yeah, and I don't get that feeling all the time. It's usually when I've been away for a while and then I go down. You're standing there and it's kind of overwhelming. I remember coming back after being away for almost a year, right. So yeah, it's pretty cool. I'm very lucky. You've mentioned the children a little bit in passing. Tell us a little bit more a bit about your boys. Yeah, they're loved them. Um, so my oldest is Charlie, he's seven. And then my younger boy is five and his name is Van. And I also have a Newfoundland puppy as well. Oh. He, we had we had another one before him and unfortunately lost him through the pandemic. So this is a COVID puppy. Do it again. And yeah, very, very active household. It always has been. But it suits it suits myself and my husband. We are not good at sitting at home. We're extremely adventurous. So and now we're taking our kids along with us on those adventures. They are learning to drive the boat. They are there in Forest School as well once a week, which I love. So they're just they're super resilient kids like they go out in that minus 20 degree weather the entire day at school. And then I'll pick them up and I was so you know, I'm always a little worried about their hands and feet. And then they'll tell me that they were too hot. So because I put a sweater on them very particular layering system Man, you, you know, the types of clothes you have to put on the kids to do that sort of thing but love it. And yeah, we're outdoors, hours and hours a day like, we don't stay indoors very much. And that was I always wanted to raise them like that. But then the pandemic pushed me to turn to nature even more way to deal with the anxieties and stuff that would come up with all of this. My oldest son got very anxious with like the first sort of flip flopping locked down back to school, that kind of stuff. It was really hard on him, but at the time, he was five years old. So yeah, I find five is a really interesting age to be dealing with complicated things like that. So yeah, it's like the brains not quite developed enough to make sense of it, but they can understand quite a lot. So it's really hard for them to, you know, comprehend things and deal with them. Yeah. So he definitely has some OCD. Which, you know, we we haven't taken them to get diagnosed, because we were a little bit worried about that, at that age to like, what the effect of actually going and getting a diagnosis. Just, we just wanted to see if we could deal with it on our own first, and it did get a bit scary, for sure. But he's doing amazing now and we've figured out some coping strategies. We're lucky with the internet, right? You can do so much research on your own. Yeah, we were open to if we felt like we couldn't handle it, I had the name and number of someone to call, but got through it. And you just never know when it's when things like that are gonna creep up on you with the kids. Challenging, challenging time. Yeah, that's for sure. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, I was naming. Ellie, you mentioned that being a paramedic was good at sort of allowing you just to go with the flow and things are unexpected things change? Do you think that's sort of helped you being a parent in the way that things are always changing unexpected things? And for sure, yeah, absolutely. I think that was sort of in my personality anyway, and, and why I enjoyed being a paramedic so much. And, but yeah, like that experience, I knew that I would never regret becoming a paramedic, even if it was not the be all end all of what I was going to do, you know, having those skills, I would never regret it. It's pretty cool. And I my style, honestly, was to not worry about the call details. Because you get when you get a call, you get a bunch of details. And most of the time, it's completely different. When Yeah, when you arrive. Yeah. Somebody on the phone? Yeah, people in emergencies can't describe. Can't describe what's going on accurately most of the time. Yeah. So you'd like to discard that. Basically, when you get there you make your own assessments and work from that sort of thing. Yeah, I just tried to always have a really open mind. Honestly, though, my husband is an incredible paramedic, and he has a completely different approach. He actually goes through all of the possibilities, and all of the protocol protocols for all of those possibilities. So he's the one practicing it all in his mind before he walks in. So he knows the dosage and everything medications, whereas I I was different in that. Yeah, I would more roll with it. Because it's it's dangerous to get tunnel visioned. Especially in that job, right. Yeah. So yeah. And I think that has reflected In my life as a parent, for sure, you learn pretty quickly that as soon as you get the routine going, it changes. Prizes and, and your, your children usually turn out very, very to be very different personalities. So yeah, it's it's pretty cool. Something really neat about my oldest son, the one that had all of that anxiety. He's I think it's because he's such an empath we've learned, he picks up on everything right, no matter how much we were trying to keep our cool at the beginning of all of it. Everybody was holding their breath and watching the news too much. And yeah, it was. It was terrifying. So And I honestly just snapped back into paramedic mode. I was not thinking about art at all. Yeah, yeah. And I was almost feeling guilty that I got out of that profession. Like before this happened. Yeah, right. Yeah. Because this is just so huge. It's like something that you prepare for, and you hope never happens. But yeah, it was happening. And my son, yeah, he just picks up on everything. Even when you don't know that. It's like that you're stressed out or you're depressed, or whatever it is. So yeah, things kind of fall apart when I get when mom gets super stressed or overwhelmed. And then I start seeing issues in my kids with their anxiety. So he keeps me in check. I have to take care of myself and keep a balance and not forget to get back to exercising when I can and all of those things. Or yeah, I find we have issues. So huh. That's it if mom's not happy. It's challenging, but I really appreciate that about him. So I'm super lucky, right? I'm at home with him. I don't have to leave the house to go to work. We made some tough decisions to put me in this position. But so I know I'm very very lucky. Some people aren't as fortunate right. And life is tough. It's sometimes impossible to get out of debt for a lot of people now so that's easy. Yeah, so I really just appreciate Yeah, I'm able to do and be at home with them and be super in tune with my kids absolutely YEAH. I just wanted to ask just on that when you're talking about the, the pandemic Did you ever consider thinking I need to go back and help like, did you ever think or I'm I'm a paramedic? I can I can help with it's yeah, um, um, I think it crossed my mind. But so yeah, I was feeling guilty, but I know I didn't have the urge to walk away from the art that I had yet into and protecting my family. I sure applied it in all of my conversations with friends. You know, like talking through it with people. Then like new connections that I made helping friends with anxiety The stuff like that. And just like explaining things in like a medical way was really helpful. Like we we obviously could grasp what was going on in a different way from a lot of other people, which was scary actually. It's like you knew you knew exactly what was happening. And that was a little bit too much. Honestly sitting there thinking, why aren't we doing what New Zealand is doing? Like, why are we not locking everything down right away? Like what is taking so long? And there were real repercussions because of that, but but nobody really knows. Right? So. Yeah, it's yeah, that's the thing. They're all making decisions. On the fly. Basically, there's no book about how to deal with this. It's never really happened. Before your best. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But on that, New Zealand's done amazing. They're still not letting Australians back in. Like, that's how good they're going. They're awesome. I know. It's a different way. And yeah, it's hard to say what's best. But yeah, that's the thing. And every country is like, obviously, geographically different challenges, whatever. But yeah, I do have a lot of respect for New Zealand and the wonderful Prime Minister, she's pretty cool. changing tack slightly, in terms of there's a topic that I love to talk about two mums about mum guilt. And I'm not sure if that's a term that. I mean, I find the Australians know what I'm talking about. Is that something that you're familiar with over there in Canada, the mum guilt? Yeah. I definitely believe that it exists for sure. And, as I've explained the way, the changes we've made in our life, and the fact that I can work from home and pivot whenever needed to put my children first. That sort of like mitigates that a lot, right? I think I've experienced mom guilt in small doses, and then almost used it to help guide my decisions with my life. Because I want to avoid feeling like that, of course. And I'm lucky that I was able to find a way to avoid it a lot, right? Yeah. Yeah, the first time I think I felt it was honestly when I was pregnant. I was nesting and working on the house, and I fell off of a ladder when I was seven months pregnant, I think, yeah. I just remember sitting in the bathtub after feeling like horrible. I had a very hard time adjusting while being pregnant, to not being able to do certain things. Just because I really independent I pride myself on being a very strong woman that way, you know, yeah, ask for help. to a fault. Yeah, so that was the first time I felt really horrible. Like, that was a dumb decision to be doing that in the first place. And then, and then I'm trying to think, oh, so I had my first child. And then we did have a plan. Like, I didn't think I was going to continue doing the shift work. We sort of knew there was going to be an end eventually. But I did go back to work when my son was one year old, but I went back pregnant because they're only they're 19 months apart. Yep. So I went back wasn't going back to the road. I luckily got to go back to modify duties. So much safer, safer environment. A little more mundane and not the type of stuff I like to do. But yeah, so it was like an eight hour day instead of the 12 to 15 hour days that I would normally work. And that was really tough. I finding a nanny that I felt comfortable with, and then leaving my child with the nanny, even though I had put a lot of effort in had, I think I fired two before we settled on the one that we kept. Yeah. And yeah, it was really tough to leave him with her. But eventually, we got used to it. And I knew there was an end in sight. And then I went off the road again, you know, when I was, I can't remember how many weeks. But I just didn't want to go back to that. I didn't like that feeling. I personally didn't see the point of having kids if I couldn't be with them all the time. Right. So. But, yeah, I'm so fortunate that we could make it work that way. Right? It's not that way for everybody. So sometimes there, those opportunities don't exist. And my husband, I was able to really lean on him for a couple years to support us while I was not making any money as an artist. So I just started making more financial goals and wanting to relieve him a little bit. But we made it a good couple of years without too much pressure on it. Yeah, pretty hard to create meaningful art. If you're worried about the money. Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? You just, you'd be really constrained and like, I've got to, I've got to do this. So I can sell it. And I've got to, you know, you'd have all this pressure on yourself. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how I would do that. Yeah, it would be such a distraction. Right. Hmm. Let's see. Yeah, it's almost like it wouldn't feel like a creative space. It just feel like a job like you had you just have to. Yeah, produce stuff. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. Yeah, no good. The other thing I love to chat to moms about is identity, like how you how you see yourself shifts in as you become a mother and from what you just mentioned, is that like, you're started when you were pregnant. You know, you're the challenge of having to adjust how you do things. So then when you actually had your children, did that change? Did the shift keep? Was the shift already made sort of thing, like we able then to adjust into motherhood? Because you've already sort of started to change. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. I think the shift so I physically, like I was always very athletic and doing kind of adventurous things like that, you know, like when I traveled a, I did the skydiving in the bungee, and the the only thing I I was too nervous to do is hang gliding and Brazil. myself with run off a cliff like that. So yeah, I've always been a bit of an adrenaline junkie, and I've had a lot of injuries, or my last major injury was while I was in paramedic College, and that scared me because it threatened my career. So I I I've shifted big time just being more careful with my body. And then yes, as as I was pregnant that was really difficult. Adjusting just asking for help with anything lifting wise was I left the hardware store falling once because I lifted a how many gallons is that? I think it's like 18 liters. Yeah, like the big thing of primer I lifted into into the cart and then felt obviously some major pain. And then I had to ask somebody to put that into my vehicle at the end. And and they were like, how did you get it in the car? So just stuff like that was so hard on me. But yeah, I'm so obviously I adjusted and it's okay, and I realized I needed to be careful. And just not taking as many risks right like you have kids to protect you Yeah, I find her a lot more careful like that. I'm always wanting to do the adventurous stuff and my husband. It makes him a little more nervous with kids around water and things like that. So we're good balance. Yeah, yeah. Yep. But I feel like I really worked on like figuring out who I was. Before kids, I was really lucky to do the traveling and several jobs, right. I really played around and tried to figure it out. And I thought I had figured it out with the paramedic thing and. And then, yeah, leaving that behind was a huge, felt like a sacrifice. Being a mother, it felt like I was giving up something that I had worked so hard for. And I didn't really see that coming. I did, but it didn't, you know, it didn't actually happen yet. So I was a little upset for sure. But, ya know, like, I think when things get tough like that, I think just thinking about what will be best for your kids always helps make the decision a little easier, like what direction to go. That's the way that we approach it. And I have never regretted making a decision based on that. Yeah, that's really well said, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You always have to think about yourself, too. But I'm personally happier when I put my kids first. So. And I'm getting better at balancing those things. But when they're really, really young, yeah, I was. All over it all, I was pretty crazy with all the homemade food and schedule and trying to mix it up enough that when we do mess with their schedule, they're not devastated. And, you know, trying to just do everything as responsibly as possible. Give him a sort of taste of life, I suppose that things don't always go to plan. And, you know, you can be adaptable. And mean, you can you can, you're allowed to get annoyed if things don't work out. But it's not like the end of the world. Like he can give back things. And that's really important. Sorry, sorry, I think kids in general have just proven how much they can handle and how resilient they are through this pandemic, right? It's just crazy. Yeah, depends on what country you're in, I think but we have done the online schooling I think four times. It has gotten easier, but which is amazing. That the last time it was kind of knew the routine and I wasn't as upset, right? Like I was really hard on myself with the online school. First, or Yeah, the first time it was very stressful. And I felt very down on myself. That's I guess that could be slotted in as mom guilt, right? Like not I eventually learned that I had to decide when we just had to call it quits for the day and to not allow myself to feel guilty that it wasn't working on the computer and we're just going outside and blowing it off because it was easier because they're in kindergarten at the time. So junior and senior kindergarten so like, I don't I didn't believe they should be on the computer anyway, but I also didn't want them to fall too far behind. So yeah, yeah. Yeah. More reasonable commitments. In my mind, I was like if we do it three days a week out of the five then I'm happy or if it's a bad day just just stopped right so yeah. hoping it's over, gosh, I know. In terms if you're making and I know your children, age wise, this might not apply but is it important for you, for them to see what you're doing and how you contribute? doing? Absolutely, it's important to me that they see what I'm doing and my process. Actually, just recently, I've had a lot of really awesome opportunities landed in my lap. And and I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to do it all, because I think they're gonna stay in school. And I think we can plan for this right. So I've actually just turned my dining room wall into my new studio, so that I cannot get away from the project that I'm working on. Because when I'm walking by it constantly, I'm just subconsciously like working on it in my head. Right? Yeah. And I think it's really cool and exciting for them to go to school and come home and then see what it has changed. Yeah, it's, and it does inspire them. And I am seeing them try to copy things that I paint, it took, it took a while, like, you have to know that you have to be patient with some kids, like they're not going to just show interest in. And Charlie, my oldest showed so much resistance at first, so I just didn't push it. And then all of a sudden, in the last year, he is a big drawer, like an amazing drawer. And like his composition is on point. It's crazy. And he would draw his emotions through the panoramic. That's kind of home with these drawings. And with very, like, all different emotions on all of the people's faces, and it was a little bit sad. Of course. Yeah. His anxiety. But yeah, so his drawing skills have are just amazing. And then he has recently been trying to like copy certain pieces that he sees of mine. Yeah. And then they're both really giving their opinions on, on art. Like, yeah, on like, which paintings they like, and my little one van will always he's really into the water paintings and Hill. Yeah, he just offers his opinion on his favorites. And, and I have two really great friends I met online in the last year as well. And we're always sharing our work and critiquing each other and pushing each other along. Yeah. And sometimes, like, they'll see the little video clip and, and, you know, chime in on what they think of their work as well. It's really well, that's lovely. I love I love involving them in the process. Yeah. So even though we are just starting to do some collaborative, like paint, paint days and stuff and trying to do like Saturday mornings, there's a little online class that I'm trying to get all of us set up and I set them up exactly with all the things that I have. And I think that's really cool. But mostly, I think that they are part of my process. Not in the physical art making but like the inspiration side. Because reliving my childhood with my kids has been amazing. And definitely coming home and the nostalgia of like this place was sort of the initial inspiration and it's and yeah, now experiencing it alongside my kids and having all these adventures it's really special. So I'm trying to capture that in some of my future paintings. Yes, yeah, I really like to to give them that freedom in nature like as long as they're safe to explore and like I find they're just so confident because of it. You know? Yeah, it's really cool to see Yeah, absolutely. I love the way you describe though you really reliving your childhood three children. That's just Yeah. Thanks. Yeah, it reminds me when you say reminds me of my oh me when I when I describe that because I actually think I'm trying to provide them with sort of the same experience that that she provided with me. I purposely avoid driving anywhere I make them walk incredible distances. You know, we're like always picking flowers and, and just really getting into things like that. And that's that's what she did with me. And I remember sometimes finding it annoying, you know, when I was an older child care thing, stopping at the side of the road to pick flowers and stuff and she's taking like photos of my brother sister and I and I And now we appreciate it so much and, and all of those flowers and stuff remind me of her. So yeah, I'm just hoping that they remember that when they're an adult as well, right? I just, yeah. That's just beautiful. I'll go tingly now. Lovely. Similarly, like I had my, my Nana was real, it was very, very close to her. And she wasn't musical, but she was the one that bought us. My sister and I are first like organ like the double keyboard organ is fun to sort of encourage us to play and she passed away when I was 10. So and she's never met, obviously never met my children, but she inspires so much of my music and decisions that I make. And, you know, it's just incredible that someone who's not here has just informed our lives so much. It's just lovely. And yeah, it's the people that are really present with you. Not just going through the motions there. They put in sort of the hard work and, and, and the tough love. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's really interesting. You say that. I interviewed a lady from she's Hungarian. But she now she lives in Austria. And it's, this is really funny. I have these runs of people that I talk about the same things with like, it goes through phases. And so the last thing I spoke to, and you have talked about the same thing about a significant grandmother, who had such an impact on them, and the same thing that that tough love like this, this grandma would be like, you're not playing that right. Like she's a flute played, played again. Not like that, play it again, play it again. And at the time, she's like, Oh, come on, like this is, you know, you felt like she was she was punishing her. But she's like, now I understand why she was doing it. And it's made me who I am and all this sort of stuff. And yeah, she passed away early as well. So all these people that is mighty Yeah. You talked about your watercolor that you you sort of adventuring into and including your children in your work. What sort of other thoughts have you got about the future for your art practice? Was it sort of hinting? Yeah, I have a lot of really exciting projects that I can't even really, they're not, you know, developed enough that I can talk about them yet. Yes, you're sort of man, it's only February. And the year is planned. Well for commissions, and it's just amazing. But there is one really big exciting thing that I'm starting, that I haven't talked about yet, but I do feel ready. And it is about everything in my life. It's just all making sense and coming together. And I guess I've always been waiting for the right idea like business, I always consider different business ideas. And so yeah, the last two years, we did a lot of the adventure, boating, checking out all these islands that I didn't even know existed. It's just crazy that it was like a 20 minute boat ride away and I had never discovered that. And we ended up purchasing a new boat in November. That would be suitable for this idea that I have. I'm going to start what's going to be called compete with me excursions. And I'm going to invite small groups of artists to go out with me on the boat, and I'm going to take them to paint plein air, meaning outdoor painting I'm just because a lot of people that live in this area actually don't have access to the water and the islands, and it's right there. But they've either never been on a boat or never really been on a tour in the area. Because there aren't a lot of there's just no businesses that enable that. Like there was one cruise boat from Midland that takes you on a couple hour cruise or whatever. But yeah, so this is going to be more of a, like a private tour, and we're going to select a destination based on the weather just like I always do, we really have to pay attention to weather. Yeah, because it can, if there's any chance of a major storm, I don't want to risk it. Even though I, I enjoy it. But yeah, so I have to upgrade my certification to be able to take this boats gonna be able to take 10 people. But for now, I'll be limited to a group of six people, which will be really nice. Yeah, I'm just trying to get the business end of all of that organized so that I can start advertising and start booking some dates. Trying to involve that in my my summer schedule with my, you know, my husband's schedule, the kids being home, all of that stuff. But I what I wanted is just to be on the water more, as much as possible, because for many years, I worked for my dad doing marine contracting. So like a lot of barging and doing the building of those cottages on these Rock Islands. And I just loved working on the water, you know, boating to work. And then it was very physical work. But it was amazing to be outside all day on the water. And then when you're on the water every day like that, like you experience, the different weather and kind of like magical things in nature, the wildlife that you see, sometimes it's just amazing. And you don't, you don't get as many opportunities like that if you're not consistently out there. So I feel like it's going to really support my own art practice. Yeah, I'm gonna get to do my little daily painting, even if I'm trying to instruct others and not really doing my own work. I'm just out there and fired. i It's like my favorite place to be. So I'm trying to position myself there. You know, while supporting myself financially, it'll support. it'll inspire my work, I'm sure. And we need a little more like community with the there's a lot of artists in the area. But it's a small town. Yep. You know, and so these kinds of things are needed. And I did one test run with a group of friends. Yeah. And it just, it was amazing. And like, just listening to everyone the ideas that were flowing and the chatter it was a group of women and they were just loving it right. It was very cool. And I've actually seen sort of the inspiration from that day in a in most of them like a lot of them started these new projects and stuff and I think I think a day like that can just give somebody an extra nudge something new so yeah, just and then my, my paramedic background makes me feel confident to like take care of people. Yeah, in you know, a wild terrain. There's going I actually did a photo shoot on one of the islands I'm going to use and we pulled up with the photographer and there was a bear on the island to eating berries. And I was like are you serious? The time is right we need to do this photo shoot and there was a bear there and we just sort of paused for a couple of minutes and I checked with sorry there's major stomping upstairs Yeah, I just checked in with my friend and the photographer like are you guys still into this because I definitely was and the bear took off to the other end of the island is very small island and they were they were game and we went on the island we we obviously didn't go to the other end where the bear went. But we still did it because I don't know I know there's no for sure but there you could just tell we weren't bothering the bear. The bear didn't want anything to do with us. Yeah, it just eaten some berries. He was full. We didn't need to eat some kind of crazy so yeah, I would never, I, you know, if I see the group, I'm not going to go on the island. But personally, I take some more risks I think than other people would be willing to take. Just when I have those kinds of experiences, I feel I feel like it's like, a good omen or it's like good luck. It's like a sign from the universe. Right? So Oh, yeah. And it really made it memorable. Yeah. You couldn't like try and position the bear in the background? So a couple of shots of it, I'll definitely post them at some point. Oh, that's so cool. I love that. It was neat. Excited to start that, a lot of organization, obviously, but yeah, like, you know, paperwork, kind of, yeah. booking system, all of those things, but I'm just going to try and take it easy for the first year and, and just see the interest and stuff. I'm feel very confident about it, because there aren't many things available like this here. But yeah. And then, and then I've offered to be like a volunteer steward to keep an eye on some of these islands for conservation purposes. And oh, cool. Because they get a lot of people to just do that people that are cottagers to keep an eye on a particular island. And yeah, make sure people aren't leaving garbage behind and things like that. And, and it can extend into a major educational opportunity. Yeah, just to educate people how to enjoy it, but like in a zero footprint way. And yeah, be respectful of the Yeah, because yeah, that's the thing you said, there's like 3000 islands, like there'd be so many where no one would be able to actually, like people can't be everywhere. So that's a great thing to do. Yeah, so I just feel like tourism is going to become more of a thing up here. We're seeing some major booming with housing and stuff like that, right, as there is everywhere. But I yeah, I feel good about doing it in a responsible way. And I have a ton of experience here. And I just, I want people to respect it the same way that we do. We're out there all the time. But yeah. I would probably, you know, report to whoever is whoever owns the island or is responsible for the wildlife conservation. Like if we ever noticed an issue or something like that. So yeah, that's wonderful. And it's like you're you're you're passing on like you've got such a connection such a love the area and you're sort of ensuring that it's cared for and looked after for for the next generations. You know, yeah, it's, it's super important, right? Because I have been in those places in the world that the water is just almost and swimmable, it's so polluted. The microplastics in our lakes are actually are at a very high level. If you're paying attention to that kind of stuff, yeah, it's, it's already really bad. So hopefully, we can find a way to reverse some of that stuff. When you're talking about the wildlife before? What sort of other animals do you get up there? Yeah, so it's super unique here because of all of the rocks like the landscape and all of the islands. So there are I think there's a lot of I don't know enough about birds, but there are a lot of unique birds. There's a lot of marshland as well. And then we have very unique reptile aisles and master set a Massasauga rattler snake that is poisonous. So, like I grew up watching where you're walking for snakes just like in Australia. Oh, yeah, well, either that one. Yeah. So that's just normal to us it Yeah, it's hard for someone to get used to if that if they haven't grown up that way. But that's just part of it and you learn about them and they're not. They're not out like looking for you. They're very frightened of humans have. Absolutely yes. It's just something to be really careful of. And I think if you're educated on like, how to coexist with wildlife, then that's, that's the best way to be the rattlesnakes. Something super interesting is they actually protect the blueberry bushes. Oh, yeah. From being over picked and stuff. Like a lot of people won't go to the areas where there are all the wild blueberries because there are so many rattlesnakes there. I think originally it was to protect the berries from being over eaten by animals. But yeah, yeah. So um, but there are so many other types of snakes as well. Just that that is our only poisonous snake. Lots of birds of prey. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, you don't want to mess with an angry owl or something. Right. end We have pretty bad mosquitoes and things like that. But But yeah, it's it's pretty beautiful. I love very into nature. I that's what I focused on when I was a kid. Yeah. Sounds wonderful. I have a lot of fun with the kids with that stuff. We raised butterflies last summer. Yeah, right. Yeah, just stuff like that. So gosh, you're making me jealous. I want to go then. You'll have to come visit. I honestly have been inviting people to come visit my whole life. Right. And I have hosted a couple of friends like I drove to Toronto and, and brought them up for the day and took them on a boat ride just to show them. And I just Yeah, I love that. I'm actually going to start a business like this. And can invite especially I've made a lot of artists friends. I'm a part of a few communities online now. Yeah, took me a while I was too shy to like officially join any of them for many years. And then I felt ready and it's been amazing. Yeah, the connections I've made and I know some of them will come visit eventually. Paint together. Oh, that's awesome. Geez. I love that. Yeah, that's that's wonderful I was gonna ask you whereabouts Did you like do a big lap of Australia? Like where did you go to when you're over here? I started in Melbourne. I didn't I didn't go to where you live yet, but I Yeah, Melbourne. I went all the way up the coast, the East Coast. I was really lucky when I started. I stayed for two weeks with a friend. So we have friends here. She's Australian. He's Canadian. They ended up living here. And they are the ones that pushed me when I was considering it. I think I was thinking maybe three weeks. No. You need to go at least for three months. Yeah. It's turned into I think I booked an open ended ticket. Right. And it lasted eight months. Yeah. All the way up the East Coast. I did Fraser Island, you know through Whitsundays. I went all the way up to Cape Tribulation. Yeah. I never did the like the interior. Yeah, I didn't get to do that trip. But I flew over to Darwin, just there was just a layover. I didn't actually spend much time there. Although I really wish I could have and then I even did some of the West Coast. I stayed in Perth for a little while. And then I did more of a an organised tour of the West Coast, southwest coast. And in between there I also went to New Zealand and Southeast Asia and I did tomato planting. Do you know where Boeing is? Boeing? Which was typesetting? Um, it is. I'm trying to think if it's north of New South, I think it's near North. Oh boy. It's near Airlie Beach. Oh, yeah, yeah, Queensland. Yeah. It's where the film Australia was filmed. Yeah, right. Yeah. Here and they were looking for extras. Ah, yeah. And I it was, oh boy. It was a, I guess a bit of a risky situation. Like, somebody asked me if I'd ever Oh no, the guy that picked me up for the farm. asked me if I had ever seen Wolf Creek. Oh, God. That's a great that's a great stuff. Uh, he ended up being Canadian, which was great. Oh, and they had bought this hostile to ours. inland. I'm trying to think of Bowen was. I think Bowens coastal. Right. And then, yeah, so yeah, it is. It's right on the coast. Yeah. So two hours into the Outback, Bowen, and I worked on a tomato farm for five weeks. And it was called the bogey river Busch house. And such an amazing group of people that I met there. together first, most people were very broke. I spent every night at the bonfire on the like, dry riverbed. It was amazing. And I'm sure I will connect with some of those people. Eventually. They're all over the world. But yeah, it was a really cool experience. And we were all dreaming of going to Thailand because it was cheaper and, like, blew up into this massive trip. But yeah, that was one of the coolest experiences. And I got to see, like a true Aboriginal ceremony as well. Like, I didn't pay for it. We had a barbecue and oh, man, it was really amazing. Oh, that's so cool. You've seen more of Australia than what I have. I I haven't traveled enough of Canada, to be honest. So yeah. It's funny how that happens. Yeah, yeah, it was, it was the best place to start. Like traveling alone. It was it was awesome. Yeah. Did you sort of feel comfortable because we all spoke English. You know, English is our language. And we're in a court. We're a Commonwealth country. So you know, yeah. sort of feels really familiar. Pretty easy. That way, you know, not overly dangerous. Yeah. And you use the snake, so that's okay. Yeah. And I Yeah, exactly. If the watch for the spiders on the farms especially. Yes, that stuff didn't freak me out. Maybe because of where I'm from. Yeah. But oh, it was so beautiful. And I met the best people. And I was very lucky to have I don't know if they finished explaining that I stayed with the friend for two weeks initially, just outside of Melbourne. And then I just remember being ready to go on my own and the city and stayed in a hostel for the first time and, and I very quickly met a friend from Ottawa, Canadian. And he ended up being my travel partner through Thailand and stuff too. So yeah, I just made incredible friends. I was really lucky. I had a great time. And I don't know it's always timing, right? Oh, yeah. That's it, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Has my cat. Oh, good on. Yeah. Thanks again. It's been great. Yeah, I had so much fun. And thanks, sir. I'm just glad you found me. Thanks for your company today. 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