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Alex Williams South Australian interior designer S1 Ep05 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Alex Williams is an interior stylist, creator, dancer and business owner from Mt Gambier South Australia, and a mum of 2. We chat about why it is so important for her to retain her self identity, how she is going against the mothering modelling that she was shown, and the importance of supporting your husband as much as they are supporting you.... as well as plenty of laughs and light hearted moments too! Alex instagram Check out Alex's infamous Instagram reel here - Podcast - instagram / website Music used with permission When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from artists and creative mothers sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mum and continue to make art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Alex Williams has been a creative her whole life from writing songs and poetry as a teenager to dancing fashion, shooting to fame as an Instagram content creator and her current work as an interior designer. This mother of two hails from Matt Gambia, South Australia. Welcome along. Alex, it's wonderful to have you on the podcast today. Hi, thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here. What is the best way to describe what you do? What do you like to sort of call yourself? Well I like to call myself an interior decorator interior stylist. Yeah, I love to create I love to style people's homes and create Yeah, interiors that make you very happy to walk into the room pretty much no matter what room that is. I like all kinds of you know, bedrooms and living rooms and office buildings and oh, yeah, at home offices and every all the all the interior kind of things that can be done. I love to do it. So yes, interior stylist. That's my name. Very good. And could I also call you a sort of a Instagram real superstar? I'm not gonna stop you. So funny. I put that reel up. And then my boss. I also worked for Ashley Lauren. And she messaged me and she were both obviously quite, you know, we're well aware of how Instagram works. And we're on it all the time. And she said, Oh my god, can you believe how many views you're getting on that reel? And I was like, No, I could not be more famous. And she was like I don't. And then she had Googled it. And she said apparently 3 million is when it's considered to go viral. And so now I'm up to 2.8 million, so I'm just waiting for it to take over. That is hilarious. Like, who knows how these things work. But I don't like I've done nothing. You know, it took no kind of smarts or skill. It just, you know, it did what it did. It was hilarious. But yeah, it's funny. And it's so funny because I didn't post it for ages because my husband didn't think that's funny. He's like, That's not funny. And I was like, Oh, really then I showed a couple of girlfriends and they're like, that's so funny. And really, because it's taking the piss out of him hit that. So I didn't like Absolutely. I have one single guy has liked it. And but all the women are on board, they're fully on my side. So it's definitely something that women can relate to, that's for sure. Exactly, exactly. I speak to the women, the women have you always been a very creative kind of person, like growing up and I've seen jobs in one way or another and that hasn't always been I mean, you know, growing up I was always the kid in my household that had the clean room and they had the nice things in the room you know that nice bedding and I wanted everything in its right place whereas my siblings were very messy. But that was pretty much it and I always loved I don't do it anymore but I used to love ride writing songs and poetry and then when I moved to mount Gambia I got a job at random country fashion retail store and I even fashion I think is such an creative and expressive you know things so I've always been into fashion and loved you know dressing up and finding you know things with if it's got a bit of leather or not, not real leather fake leather. Got a bit of sequins or fluff or you know anything that's just a little bit textural and catches my eye that I just love all that sort of stuff. So I think yes, on some kind of level I've always been I used to love making jewelry. Yeah, I think I have always been creative in one way or another. Yep. So it's a recurring theme throughout your life. Yeah, absolutely. So you work as as your former work as a an interior stylist. Is that something that you've formally started recently but have been doing for a while as well? Um, I have only been doing it for me before I obviously launched the business. I yeah, I I just pretty much did my own house and you know you have your friends That's a you need to be doing this as a job. It's you're so good at it, and can you come into my house and law, and I couldn't avoid brushed it off because it's just such a career change. And then one day, I just and this is me, I just decided I was going to do it. And that was it. And I. And then that's, that's all I think about now. So I started the business before I studied and I've been studying during, because I just, I'm, I'm Well, two reasons. I'm really impatient. And I love to just do it. I love to get my feet in the water and just start. And also, I believe the best teacher is experience. So I don't think I could have learned anything as valuable as what I have learned working with my clients so far. And then during working with them, I've been doing courses and master classes and things like that, which I have loved as well. So it's been full Bogo, just get into it. It's been awesome. But so that's that's how you tend to sort of do things you just like, right? I want to do it. So I'm doing it. Yeah, exactly. I think if anyone can do it, I can do what anyone else can do. And if I want to do it, I'm gonna do it. Love. So tell us, tell us about your family. Alex, you've got three children. I do a daughter, Savannah. She's five and a little boy named Luca. And he is three. So they're two years apart. And I have a husband, his name is Chris. He is very handy in my business as well. Because he's you know, good at the heavy lifting. He's a painter. So he is great. He you know, he's Williams Way second employee, even though he doesn't know it. The full thing gets worked quite well. So yeah, so yeah, that's my little family, too. And I'm done. I'm all set with them. Because most recently, you were doing doing a photo booth. So yeah. How did that sort of your creativity about fitting in with the kids? I suppose? Like, how, how did you find that the balance? I guess early on when they're little. And then as they've grown up, did you find that was a good kind of working hours that it suited? Yeah, that's pretty much that wasn't obviously that well, not obviously, that wasn't so much of a creative path of something like I have always dreamed of owning owning photos. Yeah. But that was purely, not purely a few different reasons why we open now. You're always in a fun environment you're never at, you know, you're at some of people's happiest days, their birthdays, their weddings. So we love that. And I'm such a people person I love you know, I'm a hot girl. I'm like, Yeah, I'm so excited. You look amazing. Like I'm all about that life. I don't care if I know you or not. So that was right up my alley. When I said before I had children, I worked all day at red gum at the retail store. And then I taught dance at nighttime until, you know, late hours of the night. So I was very busy. I love to be busy. I love to be doing things. So when I was pregnant with my daughter, obviously, both of those jobs stopped. The teaching wasn't something I loved teaching. But it wasn't something I wanted to continue because the hours after school hours into night, which is which in my mind was when I was only going to have time to send my kids because they'd be at school eventually. So that wasn't a career path I wanted to continue on. And I wasn't going back to retail that was just you know, I did like it while I was there. And I met some of my best friends working there. But that was a chapter to close as well. But I said to Chris, there's no way I can not work, like not do anything. So what can we do? And him and I were just brainstorming one night and he said we'd had a photo booth at our wedding. And he said, Why don't we open a photobooth business. There's only one there was only one in town I think at that time, possibly two. And they were blowing up and everyone wanted them and we've got a pretty big town here. So we knew a third could definitely be supported. So that was it. We decided to do that. I wanted something where I could still stay home with the kids during the week were with Savannah during the week. So that was perfect. It was it was nighttime work on a weekend where Chris's parents could watch her. So it just really fit well into our lives. That's what that's how that started. It just was one of those things that was just going to fit perfectly and still where I can earn my own money and you know, contribute to I just like to add I know I noticed one of your questions later is do you need your an identity besides being My mother and I'm like a billion times. Yes. Well, we can talk about that now, if you want. I couldn't just, I know just being mothers. That's that's the sentence that sounds a bit sad. I didn't want to just be a mother. That's not the way I think of a but I know the mother. When I say it, I sort of I like to do air quotes, because you're never just a mom. But yeah, it's, it's I didn't want to be just slave. That's what it's like at the start. Let's be honest. Yeah, you're getting nothing from this newborn. And you're giving every single thing that you've got to, to this little human. So yeah, I definitely needed something else that I could some adult interaction. So yes, that's how that happened. And we've recently just sold that business. Because that's it was weekend work. And now the kids are a bit older. I can work during the week. And we want our weekends free for the kids. So it's first served its purpose. Yeah. And really ideal for everybody at that time to eat satisfied your need for your outlet as well, which like, is just so important, as our Absolutely, yeah. So while we're on the topic, why don't we talk about that now, the concept of identity, it's obviously very important to you. Let me give you a little context of my life. When I was growing up, my mom was a stay at home mom, and my oldest sister. Oh, and you know, any other woman in my life was a stay at home mother. My sister had her firstborn when she was young. She's eight years older than me. But she was young. And so she went straight into motherhood as well. And no, I'd never seen anyone follow a career path. And so when I was young, I, that's all I wanted to do. I want to grow up and I want to be a mom and I want to get married. And Lola. Then when I moved to I moved from I grew up in Queensland, when I moved here, I was 18. I got a job at red gum with Wendy. And I just feel like my eyes were open though. These women, these working women, she got me very involved in the community. And I really, yeah, it's not like I've always felt like that I've always actually been opposite. When growing up, I wanted to be a mum. And now and then as I grew up from 18 onwards, I was the complete opposite. I loved being a part of the community. I loved getting out there. I love socializing. I loved doing my own thing and traveling and things like that. So now yeah, now I'm the complete opposite. Feel like that, then you're sort of role modeling to your own daughter that there are options out there for women now, it's not that 100% That's actually where I was going. Thank you for saying that, though. Was I read? them? Yeah, you really did. Yes, that was my point. So watching my of my people I'd seen that's all I wanted to do. And that's exactly what I don't want to teach my daughter or my son. I want him to see that. You know, maybe when he grows up, he's a stay at home dad and the mom is the one who goes and has the career and Savannah I want her to be the same. I never was taught that I could have a career or, you know, what are you going to do? And you know, nothing like that. And now I am yeah, if I had my time over again, I'd be definitely going straight into career first and and going all in. So I want to I want her to definitely learn and watch me take over the world find it very important that that your children see that you are argues that again? More than just the mother that you actually know Alex that has an existence that is outside of of that mothering role. That's important. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. And I feel like when well from my personal experience when you think of like my mom, well she left when we were 12 so I didn't have her for very long but thinking of her from when I was younger. I always was very much like that. I was like mom's mom she's there to make me a sandwich and she's there to put me to bed and she's that's that I remember that being my thought process I never saw her do as she never socialized with any of her friends. I never saw her do anything. Obviously it was different back then as well that was definitely the culture you know the stay at home mom and that sort of thing. But yeah, I think that's a little indulgent for children to be able to think that way and and a little not selfish but yeah, I think it's important for them to know that they're not the be all and end all of the entire world. They're not the center of the universe. New love like obviously I love them more than life at Self no do anything for them. But I don't want them to think that my life revolves around them. You still think that there? Yeah, it's not going to set them up for real world? Yeah, no. That's it. You just it's it's unrealistic. It's unrealistic. It's like what your mum modeled to you. And then when you got out there you went, Oh, actually, there is something different. It's like you don't want your children to have that terrible realization all of a sudden that life could have been different for them. Right and some way Exactly. That's right. Yeah. Oh, now I want to touch on you mentioned that you're a dancer. Did you keep dancing through your pregnancies? i Yes. Yep. So I taught. I was still teaching with Savannah. So I taught up until I was I can't remember seven or eight months pregnant, I think, pretty pregnant. And I look back on some of the dance teaching videos. And I was like, Oh, I competed. I competed. I was six months pregnant when we won a Melbourne Hip Hop championships. So that was exciting. My photos of me holding a trophy with my little bumps are very, very cute. And yes, still dance with Luca. When I was pregnant with him. I was asked to be in swing with the stars that year, Kim Sela, who owns hot, one of the owners of hat. She asked me to be in and I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant. I said, you know, I'd love to but guess what, I'm actually pregnant. And this poor guy won't want to lift me by the time senior stuff comes around. He's gonna get good 20 kilos more than what he bargained for at the start. So, but yes, yes, I have never stopped anything. There hasn't been a year, I haven't danced since well, perhaps been open for 12 years. So since then. And again, that's something that you've got that, you know, satisfies your need, and then gives you that creative outlet as well. That's separate to the family side of life. Yeah, that's right. Another hobby? For sure. For sure. Yes, I can attribute a lot of my husband's amazing, he's very supportive. And you know, if I'm like, I'm going to the gym, or I've got dancing, or I'm just going to do a console or I'm doing this and that he's very supportive. He's like, yep, yep. And he knows what he married. So he doesn't not much surprised. And I'm saying with him, he's playing, he plays poorly. And he, you know, loves to go golfing. And we're very, we're very much like, we know, we need to go and do our own thing. And we need to be our own people. And so we try and definitely give each other as much time to do that as we can. When you first had Savannah, how how did you feel I was horrible. It was horrible. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. And it got no easy when I had Luca. When I had Savannah I think well, because I don't have I mean, my mum was here but we're obviously as I mentioned, she had left when we were quite young. So we're not we don't have a super close, you know, Mother Daughter bond that a lot of the people I see have. So I feel like possibly because I didn't have only Chris is literally my support. He's my support system. So I think because I only had him not only had him, he's great. But yeah, he doesn't know anything about being a mom, because he was doing that same time I was so yeah, I really struggled. I found the most difficult. Yeah, I don't know. I think the breastfeeding that that was I remember that being just I remember thinking that was gonna be so easy. They just latch not didn't even know the word latch. And they're just like, oh, and then you you have them and you're like, What the hell is this? Oh my God, everything hurts. Everything is so hard. Everyone's telling you different opinions. At one of I'd only had one other friend who had had a baby. So it was just Yeah, it was really difficult. I was very, very sad. Very sad for probably the first three months and then we decided to sleep train her. I know everyone's got different opinions on that. We decided to slip trainer took two nights was the best thing we've ever done and and yeah, I was just a different human once I started getting some sleep. Yeah, everything became a bit easier on a routine. So yeah, and then Luca came along two years later, and I fell in a heap again, I was just like, Oh God, this is no easier. I had a two year old running around and yeah, I don't know. I just wasn't for me, not the new bond thing. I love their ages now. But I would literally prefer to walk the depths of hell than have a newborn again. I'm not kidding. Yeah, you can I think I don't think enough people are honest about it's it's not all sunshine and roses and sparkles. It's it's bloody hard work and it's definitely not and it depends on your support system. I think I think it depends on who you've got around you to help you. And, and you know, people have good babies not good babies but people have different kinds of babies. Some babies are great. Some babies are just harder than others. Some are have colic, I don't know, you know, there's just so many variables that no one that's why no one can tell you what it's going to be like, because no one knows. We're just gonna have to wait and see. Yeah, surprise to go. Lucky no healthy and happy. Oh my God So were you able to then once we talk about Savannah, like you're able to, as she got older, you got more sleep able to return to some of the things that you really wanted to? Yes, see. So I never stopped dancing, which was great. But when I used to go, it would literally be I'd, I stopped teaching but I went just to I think I was doing two classes a week, when I could, you know, after the six weeks when I could go back and every every time for the first I can't even remember, maybe like two to three months, Chris would message me and say home as quick as you can. And find him with, you know, on the bathroom floor with a hairdryer going on the vacuum going just trying to cut them down until I'd got home. We were honestly like the blind leading the blind around here. Um, so, you know, but every week I was like good luck. So yeah, I'll be back. Like there was a one or two hours a week that I had. So I definitely kept doing that. And then probably she started going to childcare. And, um, I was that was pretty much just for me time I wasn't I did a little bit of photobooth work, but that pretty much that wasn't like a big you know, admin job that was mainly when you're at the events on the weekend. So yeah, look, just being able to eat lunch in peace and clean the house and you actually get a job finished that was I highly recommend that I feel like some parents or mums who don't have a job, they never have a day off from their child. And it's like, no, you need to be getting that child into childcare and having an idea so you might need to get your eyebrows down. You might want to cook a meal you might want to go out for lunch with someone and you know, absolutely that is so important teacher that I mean at some point they're gonna have to go to school and kindy so you might as well get them used to little kitten you know hanging out with other kids before they get so old that they no different you know, when they're young and they're you know, under two they're like, so palatable. Is that the world? Yeah, yeah, you can try to just make them do whatever. They don't have this little sass attitude where they'll tell you what's up so yes, I, I she started doing that. And then I can't remember I was I must have had Luca already. And I was at a women in business dinner and Kelly nodes who worked for Ash, who does still, she was pregnant. And so I walked over to the table. I didn't really know I knew ash and Kelly, but I didn't know them super well. But I was just like, I would love that job. What a time. Yes, that is right up my alley. And so I just walked over there and I was like, Hi girls. How are you? I'm just so you know, if you need someone to replace Kelly, I'm your girl. And that was it. She hired me straightaway. So that was fantastic. I love that and I've been there for a year and a half two years I think so yeah, that was another little I added because Luca Luca was probably a year old by that stage so I was ready to take on a bit more work and I yeah work there two days a week with her so yes, yes, it's great timing to sort of start something new and get a bit more back into the work work industry again. Yeah, absolutely. Another example of you deciding you want something and just going in doing it. Exactly yeah. I'm always I'm always scared but I'm very big on the just because like scared and can't be the reason you don't do something you can be scared three years scared as you're likely still got to do it. You still have to do it. So I was like, petrified to walk over to that table. You know, in front of everyone and I love it. I was like well you still have to do it though. Like you can't not do it just because you're a big scaredy cat like get to But So yeah, I went missing you just gotta you gotta take what you want. Like, yeah. weaken, and they're lucky to have you whoever you are. If you want to do something and you know you're good at it, go and do it. I'm definitely quote me on that one. For me, yeah. Sorry. Well, something else I'd like to explore with my guests is the concept of mum guilt? And I'm going to put that Yes. Once again. Yeah. What's your take on that? How do you feel about that? Oh, yeah, I feel like mom guilt is definitely a thing. Whether you want to call it that, or not, definitely, I feel I feel mom guilt. But I don't really let it weigh me down. I, I feel like, yeah, you know, I might not be so well, this is a great example. I've got my my son's home with me two days a week, he goes into care three days a week, and he stays home with me two days a week. And on those two days, I'm working from home for my business or for Ash, or I'm doing something, you know, around the house, I'm cleaning, or there's a million things to be done. If I hadn't taken on a second job, which is my interior design, I would have all this time in the world to spend with him. And, you know, whatever, you know, play. And sometimes I think he's getting the wrong end of the stick. But then I think he's not really he's so happy to be here, he's happy to have a couple of rest days. Because these are above the days, he's so busy and going and doing stuff. And I think at the end of the day, you might feel guilty doing something or going here and doing something for you. But you can take you can see that your child's happy, like I can see my kids are always happy. When I leave the house, I do leave the house a lot. Like I'll go to the gym, or I'll go dancing, or I'm going to consult or I'm going to see a client about something they're either going to do a job, and they're quite often, especially Savannah shoes, like please don't go again. Mom, please don't leave me. And you do you feel bad knitting, I'm sorry. But you know, what are you gonna do? personal message me and I won't have men down the down the end of the street? And he'll be like, she's fine. Hmm. And, and I always think this is what when I start to feel guilty, I think, Do I have any memories of my mom leaving to go and do something? No, because I happened every single day, it's not something that's gonna they're going to remember, it's not going to impact them, you know, it's not going to scar them for life that you've gone to the grocery store. Like, just yeah, I really, I'm really not into the Yeah, the guilt thing. I just, I mean, obviously, I feel it, but that's not going to stop me from doing whatever needs to be done that day. And you can definitely gauge those moments, you know, she's sick, or you know, or something. And they really do need you. Um, you know, they're the moments where you're like, no worries, like, I won't go today, or I can, I can skip that that's easy, you know, we'll stay home. And, you know, I think every mother can tell what their child really needs. And when the child is just putting on a show. Because they do it every day. So you just have to start to learn which shows you need to pay attention to. And also I think I've been home with you all day, or like we've been together, you know, we spent three hours this morning together. And then two hours this afternoon, your father's just walked in the door, you can spend half an hour with him before it while I'm gone. I think you can. Like it's not I'm not a one parent show. You've got to and you need to learn to enjoy both. Do you find that that experience that you have, as a mother might sort of sneak through into the way that you've reflected in the way that you might put a room together? I think definitely I think that the experience of being a parent and a mother probably affects everything. Every every way, everything I do in life, a great gives great perspective of on, you know, when you're when you're younger, and you don't have children and think I'm so tired. And now you think, Well, that was funny. Like it gives you such good perspective on actual what's really hard in life. And so it definitely is I yeah, I love the perspective it gives being a mother. And definitely in my design work, especially when doing family homes. If the family has children, it's always very handy because you just yeah, it gives me such a great insight as to what actually needs to be considered the height of a bench, how sharp it's going to be where coffee table is going to sit. They're going to be able to run through without you know, hitting a toy, you know, 10 different things, what their bedrooms are going to look like and how they're going to use them. So yes, definitely definitely handy. Having kids is gives great perspective on all things in life, whether you realize it or not probably. Yeah. And I guess you'd be able to maybe make recommendations to clients that might not have considered something because you've got that experience. So the Especially during like nurseries and things like that with new Yeah, when they, when they're new, I think my main thing is don't spend too much because it's gonna get covered in vomit. Don't make it too expensive, because if you want to throw it out and it's expensive you aren't, whereas it's not too bad, you just like, throw it out, donate, I don't want to look at it, let's not even bother with it. Ya know. And I guess too, because you've been there, you realize that maybe I don't want to say things, the things that they think are important, maybe aren't as important. I don't want to say in that way, but has a nice, I feel like it's always nice for someone to be able to give you some guidance. If from I am like this in life, if someone knows something more than me, and they've had more experience with something, I want them to share their, their opinions with me, I feel like a lot of people get their backup when someone tries to tell them. I mean, obviously, there's ways of doing it tries to tell them a certain way. But if someone has more experience in something than you do, and I'm loved, like, especially with my line of work with carpenters and things like that, they know so much. And I want to learn it all I, you know, learning how to use the drill for the first time a couple of years ago, like I don't do it for me, I want to learn how to do it. And I'm more than happy to take on the criticism and the constructive criticism, not just criticism. And you know, I'm happy to listen and tell me as many times as it's going to take for me to get it right. And I think that about everything. I think if someone knows more than you and obviously they're happy and willing to teach you in a kind way, then it's amazing. Like you can never learn too much and every everything in life is going to turn into a skill if you can learn it the right way. So thank you so much for coming on the show. Alex. It's been an absolute pleasure having you. Thank you so much for having me. This has been awesome. I look forward to chatting with you again soon.

Sarah Broekensha Australian actor and producer S1 Ep18 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Sarah Brokensha is an actor and producer from Eight Mile Creek, South Australia, and a mother of 2 boys. Acting since the age of 23, Sarah has performed numerous times with Patch Theatre Company , including an off-Broadway season in New York City. She performed in Mutzenball which was awarded the 2008 Green Room Theatre Award for Best Cabaret Ensemble, Other shows include Ruby Bruise , Emily Loves to Bounce , Me and My Shadow, Yo Diddle Diddle and The Girl Who Cried Wolf. Her film and television credits include Wanted Season 3 , Wolf Creek 2 and Rabbit (feature film). Sarah created her own production company, Control Party Theatre , and received rave reviews for her one woman show "The World is Looking for You" in August 2021. In addition to all this she runs a farm with her husband Liam, which incorporates a free range egg farm The Splendid Egg We discuss how covid has levelled the playing field in the theatre industry, how important support for expectant and new mums is in the industry in keeping your sense of identity, and building resilience in her children, and herself. Connect with Sarah here More info about The World is Looking For You Connect with the podcast here Audio of the promo video for The World is Looking for You that appears in the intro, is used with permission Music used with permission in this episode is from Alison Newman and Alemjo Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... oday on the podcast, I would like to welcome Sarah Brokenshire. Sarah, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you for having me. It's great. So you are an actor, which is exciting. I haven't had an actor on my show yet. So, welcome. Thank you. I feel honored to be the first. Yeah. So tell us about yourself how you got into being an actor and share anything else that you'd like to around that? Yeah, okay. Well, I think I was I loved acting or the drama at school, high school, I guess. And then I didn't quite have the confidence, I don't think to audition for drama schools at that stage when I was 17. So I kind of put that aside and I went traveling, went skiing, I was kind of snow ski instructor actually, and then did like a business degree and did all sorts of other things. But really, ultimately, it got to a point where all I was thinking about was having a go having a crack at acting and, and so finally, when I was, it was it was when I was about 2024 2423 24, I finally plucked up the courage and started auditioning for drama school. So then I went to drama school. In had the best three years, I've had the best time and then as a mature age students, so everyone else was kind of 1718 and I was very old, 24 year old. I felt very old looking back now. That um, and then yeah, and then I left drama school. I finished there in 2004 and just been kind of slowly chipping away doing just getting gigs where I can and not experiencer independent theater and working with a lot of the professional theatre companies in Adelaide mainly spent a couple of years in Melbourne and then made the odd decision to move regionally. Which was really weird way has been the best thing. All my career. It's a very interesting journey for me, but to be leaving early. Yeah, I was gonna ask you that. And you've brought it up. So I'll ask you now have you said it's really good for your career of being in my Gambia which is 500 kilometers away from Adelaide 500. Club. Know, but how, how is that so good? I think initially, it was actually was quite hard. But it made me become a bit more resourceful made me think about what I kind of work I wanted to make I wanted to be a part of. And when things were quite quiet, I kind of went alright, well, maybe. How can I make the work come to me? How can I get I'd made some really good I spent a good 10 years in Adelaide making a really great network of creatives and friends that were doing amazing things. And then I looked for avenues where I couldn't bring them to me or yeah, how can I open up an opportunity that maybe I'm not, you know, outside of the box, and that's kind of where that started. And and I mean, it's not it doesn't all happen really quickly. That's happened but I've been here for 11 years. And now I'm starting to get quite busy but it's taken, you know, taken it's a slow burn definitely. That's interesting, too. I guess that would also be It's really beneficial for us as audiences in regional areas to be able to maybe get shows that we wouldn't get here because the main actor is from here. Would that be fair to say? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And one or the other. And also, when I got invited kind of created down to me, I've also tried to have opportunities where I get them out into the community. So we, and it's also been a really good way for me to an inroad into my community in a way as well, it's been a really good way for me to kind of understand where I live and get to know the people that surround me. But, yeah, definitely, like, I think the more Yeah, I think more professional artists seem to be kind of leaving the cities. And I think that definitely draws those kind of different shows and works and performances, whatever, out of the city. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I was gonna ask you to share with us some of the shows that you've been in, I know that I had a ticket to come and see you in the world is looking for you. And then my son broke his arm that night, so I couldn't. Stressful, I've actually very disappointed because I've had wonderful, wonderful feedback about that show. So I don't know how we're ever gonna get to see Do they ever? Do they record them? Like, yeah, it often doesn't translate quite as well. But we did get a really beautiful, archival recording in Adelaide, actually, an amazing filmmaker kind of came in and took a few different, got a few different cameras in there. But I think hopefully, we'll get to do it again, down here, I only got to do it three times and to very small audiences, which was intentional, to keep it very intimate. But I think I would like it just was over so quickly, in such a, I guess this work was very personal, and had a lot of my personal story in it. And then to be able to do it to my local community was was so humbling and profound for me, that I just selfishly want to have that experience again. It was just, it was really very grateful to have had that moment in time. Yeah. No, I want you to do it again. So I can say it. Yeah. So front row ticket. Yeah, absolutely. So you said that you'd had some of your own personal story. So how did that come about? Were you involved in actually like brushing it? Or how how did that come about? Um, I went long story is that when I first moved back here, I was definitely a bit of a loss of what to do and thought I had isolated myself from my creative community I kind of initially I thought I possibly made a mistake in terms of career not not in terms of family because I'd moved back to be closer to family to for limb, my husband and I would start a family together. But I did feel quite isolated from Adelaide and in Melbourne and thought maybe I'd made a mistake, but in that regard, but then I just kept getting these little invitations from the regional funding body country out to say and they kind of one of them kind of heard that I had moved from Adelaide to or from and to Matt Gandy. And so he just kept sending me these little invitations to meet up with someone just to talk about this or come to Adelaide for the fringe and meet some other regional artists and so slowly, I kind of, and then I kind of got the courage, I guess, which is sounds a bit strange, but the courage to have an idea that in my mind that I kind of put out there usually I just perform other people's ideas or, and so I applied for a grant to develop a show with a director, friend of mine, Daisy Brown, she's this incredible director that we've worked together on a few shows in Adelaide. And so we applied for funding to commission, an amazing writer Finnegan Cucamonga to come and work with us. So I didn't write the show. Thank goodness. I am. So this is part of that, that process of who are the people that I'd like to sit in a room with and work with. And it was Daisy and Finn, and, and Mario, who Daisy, Mario, and I have a company to get a fairly company together. And we all want to work with those people. And I had just had an idea, which was a, an article that I'd found in a, based on an article I'd found on Facebook essentially used before. And so I got the got the funding. And I think you've got to come down here to Adelaide, Gambia, and we sat in a room for a week, and talking and talking talk. And then we did that, again, we probably had a four week rehearsal process over a year. And then we just started from there. And we it was a four year process. play that. Yeah. It was a big one. And it was meant to happen in last year, but it got postponed because COVID But there was almost a blessing. I think that yeah, and so and, and why I wasn't really sure what it was going to be none of us were when we started talking. And then it's just kind of evolved over evolved over four years and became this one woman show which wasn't my intention, either, because that's terrifying. It ended up being Yeah, this this. Yeah, this is theta work that we're very proud of. Oh, yeah. That's, that's no, I really have to say it was on stage with the composer he, he played live. And then we had this amazing vocalist as well. So she was part of the EU, I think to what maybe I can like start a petition to get it back. So other things that you've done? I know, with my connection with childcare, you've done some work with the patch theatre group, they do shows for children. Yeah, tell us the other things that you've done over? Yeah. Yeah, I've done a lot of work with patch theatre, and I actually do a lot of work with them over my presidency. Yeah, so that kind of saved me a little bit, in many ways. Like, it kept me kind of, in the, in the, with my finger, it felt like my finger was still on a pulse of some description. Because I'm, you know, I mean, I'm sure you understand as well, when you when you have start having kids. It's just, it's hard to kind of, you know, still figure out who you are amongst the midst of motherhood and beautiful mess in some in some respects, I guess. But you do. It's hard to kind of, you know, there's a life that was and then you as another kind of just trying to figure it out. And somehow I got to kind of keep a little bit of my artistic identity alive at at that stage, which I think was very crucial to my feeling. Like, I could still do it. I was still an artist still. Yeah. And so I kept my head above water a little bit. So patch I did, I got a pet like 10, or maybe even more than 10 years ago, now, I was lucky enough to start working on two different pet shows. They'll call them. Emily loves to bounce, and me and my shadow, which is two beautiful, beautiful shows that just happened to have these amazing tours and I got to tour with them every you know, once or twice a year. You know, back when we could go overseas and got to go to you know, travel to New York and perform in New York with a little two year old in tow and Oh, yeah. And also while I was pregnant, they kind of would shift rehearsals so that, you know, I could still do rehearsals before my due date and because you're gonna have some times when, when you're acting you feel when you get job. You feel like what I did, I felt like when I found out I was pregnant. I felt like if I told them, you know, that might be the end of that gig, no other jobs in sight. And yeah, so there's all this. Yeah, but something you know, both times when I was pregnant I had patched up and they kind of would go out. No worries, let's just move this here and there. So you can still be, we still want you to be part of the soul and how they will kind of crash into my ceiling. valued, I guess. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So it's a bit more than just jobs. I guess. Now that looking back on that. acting jobs hilarious. And then, yeah, so. And then I've just done a few little tiny TV roles and things like that, where, where I've been able to, and they've been amazing, and, and just basically, I'll take any job I can get. Like, I'll do whatever, I'll do anything. Identity? Yeah, so you mentioned there, how crucial and really valuable that wasn't being able to keep doing what you love doing, rather than having to stop while you're pregnant? What about when, when you first had your first child? Did you have a break at all, then? Or were you able to just sort of keep, keep going? I guess, I kept going by the day, the shows are fairly, you know, sporadic. So there was long periods of time where there wasn't much happening, or there were periods of time where I wasn't sure if there was anything in the pipeline, you know, and then something would come up, and it'd be okay. And we'd kind of boy, me, I guess for a bit and then. So it's that old kind of, you know, it's never, you never know, really what's happening and what's coming up next. And, you know, so that job insecurity that comes with being an actor or creative, probably. But, um, so it was definitely a struggle. And then I guess, you know, for me, I have to, usually for the most part, but go to Adelaide, usually to work. So there's that added kind of stress of added stress of having to figure out what to do. Whether to, yeah, how to make that work. Because I will often desperately feel like I wanted to do that job. You know, because you hardly know when you're going to get the next opportunity or, or, yeah, but also trying to look after little tiny babies or, like, some of the patch touring I did, I did these big tourism. So Liam would come with me for a few weeks, and then taking with his mum. And so my mother in law would come and tour with me for a couple of weeks, and then my mom and so it always involved having a very good support network around me. And that was kind of the part of the reason for coming home as well was because I knew that there would be that support network is when my mum lives here. My sister and her. Her husband, they moved back here about six months before I did and we're very close. So yeah, having having that support has been crucial. Absolutely. I wouldn't have been Yeah. Tell me about your children is nearly 10 Finnegan and Fergus, he is seven, seven coming up seven and a half, two and a half years apart. Of course I am very fond of them. And I think they're very amazing. And I printed in funny and, and yeah, I've luckily just been able to either bring them along on tour or have them in rehearsal rooms when required or, you know, and they, they've loved kind of growing up in that, that little world. And I'm working on a children's show just finished a little bit of a rehearsal now and we're doing a bit more rehearsal in December and we need a test audience. That six kids so they're going to come in and be our test audience. I feel very smug about that. Cool huh. So they work just as well. Do they like to have a bit of a go? Yeah, I don't know. I think it seems like to me oldest might have a guy but yeah, I don't know. This guy doesn't know, folks too keen to get up in front of people. But I think maybe maybe seen he's got a bit more of that. Or not that a lot of actors are kind of overt an extrovert. Actually, most of us aren't think but yes. Jimmy's got a bit of a flair, I think. Have you come across any other mums doing sort of similar thing to you that are able to keep working with the little ones or while they're pregnant? Um, yeah, I think it's becoming more and more. I don't know, like, commonplace. I think that your work around pregnancies and small children and it's kind of crucial now I think for theatre companies to be inclusive of mothers of tiny babies. So make those rehearsal rooms comfortable and safe for new mothers and things that I think it's becoming just normal now. Which is great. I don't know. I don't know. I know a lot of friends in Adelaide that have babies that working in Adelaide. I don't know, so many regional artists, personally that don't have to leave home for you know, long stretches, which I've done a little bit of that which has been very challenging. Like I really appreciated the work and the experiences, but yeah, very, very challenging. For me and for Lee and my husband, as well. And. You also run a chicken not a chicken farm. It's an egg egg farm. Yeah. Well, I guess it's a we're trying to make it a regenerative farm basically, and so that the chickens are part of that ethos or that philosophy. So they we've only got a couple of caravans, I guess, they called but then sheds, mobile sheds, and we pull it around the paddocks. And chickens just cruise around wherever they want. And kind of basically fertilizing and sanitizing the soil in hopes that we don't have to spray and do all those kinds of things. And we have those beautiful Miranda dog Guardian dogs that look after them out in the paddock. So, you know, there's no fences or anything that I wander around and do it like that. Um, so yeah, that's an interesting been an amazing kind of little add on to the farm. So my, my family, I grew up on this farm that I'm living on now. And my husband is now running it, which is not something that we both really thought we'd be doing, like 15 years ago. We love it. And yeah, so the chickens, we've got this brand called the splendid age, and we sell these beautiful, I think it'd be passion free range eggs. And yeah, just as part of a byproduct of trying to create more diversity on the farm. So traditional farmers will like run other we run we run low prime land, we sell walls well across from that and then we have just some cattle from other neighboring kind of properties. So we look after cattle for other farms and you know trying to got a bit of a rotation of a few different animals through their property. Yeah. And I have read online that they the the chickens have so much space it's even beyond like the traditional what they classes it's like even more yeah just get back in. There's no other offenses to keep they're like Kelvin shooting but they can just walk through the under those or they can go wherever they like essentially, right at the beginning we have these kind of movable fences so we can teach them where to lay and where to sleep and things like that. But you in Yeah, and I can just walk anywhere they're like, I mean, obviously, they walk too far and then come back then it's it's on them if they caught my socks. Yeah, man, some of them just won't walk for case but um, yeah, no, no, no, we'll just kind of wander back to the caravans to roost at night. Yeah, I can go wherever you're like, really? Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, it's lovely. So you came to be easy, really? Like with a bit of a weird mix? Ah, okay. People like oh, look, that's the egg lady. I won't say. I won't say you're the egg lady. Egg lady. But it is a weird combination of kind of acting. And I quite like wearing a few different hats as long as I can have something creative in the pipeline, or yeah, just be able to kind of continue auditioning and things like that. Then I I really enjoy having such different hats. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Have gone in COVID. Obviously, you've been able to put on you your big show. But like, you talked about auditioning in that? Or have you had to do lots of stuff online? Or has it sort of worked? Yeah, in a way, it's kind of leveled the playing field a little bit for people that don't live in the city. Because I mean, it was kind of hanging that way in the industry was starting to do a lot more self taping, for auditions and things like that. So it was kind of heading in that direction anyway, when rather than walking into a impersonal audition, you'd send in a tape and then go through all the tapes, and then pick the field that they want, and then get those people to come in. And now that's kind of the norm. And obviously, preferred method of auditioning is actually just sending you the tape. And because it's harder to get, you can't fly from Melbourne to Sydney, just, you know, for the day to do an audition. So it's, yeah, it kind of leveled the playing field a bit. And I kind of that isolation weirdly, for me, was minimized, I guess, or Yeah, so I felt more connected. People. I mean, and you know, it would go crazy. Like, people were zooming like crazy in the beginning, but I started connecting with all sorts of people. And creatives that were doing interesting things through zoom, and because everyone was like, well, right, well, how can we still connect with that? Yeah, that Zoom each other or? Yeah, can you send in a tape for this? And it's for me, it kind of was good in many ways. Cuz you probably you probably wonder I've got the chance to meet these people have opportunities if if it wasn't there, that like you said, it's got to tell its upside. Yeah, it definitely has its upside because I have been doing tapes for a little while. Now. I also feel quite comfortable doing that, but almost prefer going into a live or digital real audition because I get all not great. auditioning. I get nervous and you know, when you start talking in your head, like just stop talking. And you just keep going or go back. So I've had to like I have so much more control over a self tape audition, so I don't know concept of mum guilt. What how do you feel about that? Yeah, I've been thinking about that a bit. Navigating motherhood is, is tricky, that I definitely felt a lot of guilt I guess, but about starting going back to work about leaving the kids about leaving my family to go and do a theater job or, and whether it was worth it. And I think, mum got it, I feel like it implies that you've done something wrong, do like numb guilt. And I don't think that's correct. So I wonder if are thinking about it today, because I often feel guilt about not doing this because I'm doing this so you know, I'm doing an acting job. So I can't put as much energy into the farm and so it puts more pressure on them or so I'm feeling guilty all over the place. And, and that's the kind of I feel like I'm being that conditioning thing. So it's not just mom guilt, I don't think I just always felt a bit kind of like I should be in all places all the time. But I think I think I when you when I was going away a lot, I struggled with feeling guilty, feeling, I guess, stressed and stretched and, and then and just not being around. And Liam is just amazing. And being so supportive, he would say well, you know, is that I think he kind of stress to me that it's important that the boys see that you're doing what you love, I guess. And that maybe it's just about finding the right compromises. So your husband, Liam, he must be very supportive, to be encouraging you to keep keep doing what you love doing. And all my whole family right from the beginning. And I think that lame would always say look, because leading up to going away for a show, or just a couple of weeks before I just feel wretched and I feel sad, and I'd feel super guilty about leaving and that he would just remind me that it's a beautiful time for him and the boys to to have a different kind of relationship. Often leaves mum would come over with her partner while I was away to help. And then so then she'd have this different relationship with Liam and the boys than she would if I was here, which I thought was really a lovely thing to say and a lovely thing for me to be reminded of that. She Yeah, she gets to have this different relationship with with the boys while while I'm away. And that she loves that time. She because she doesn't get to see them often. She was encountering, like regional Victoria eight hours away. So and then they get to see me during my love, I guess, or they get to see me going to do that. I mean, they don't necessarily see the shows each time but they get to understand that I'm making a sacrifice to do the things that I love or making. And, and that yeah, it's just about trying to find the right kind of compromise because I think you need your own thing as a as a human and as a as a mum as a parent, but definitely as a mom you need your own whatever that is like even if it doesn't have to be work but and so to have your own thing you do need to compromise and sacrifice a little bit. That kind of relationship with your children or your husband and it's about finding the right compromise or the right balance I guess of sure feeling a bit guilty but also feeling that you Are you doing the right thing for you? I guess? Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think that's an that's it's always a struggle, it's never the same, it's time, it's always a different lead up to me leaving, it only happens a couple of times a year. If I have a good deal, it's, it's a couple of times a year. And the lead up is different every year as the kids get older to. Like, Finn, especially he really misses. Or he gets away, he kind of worked himself off as a lead up to me going away, but then he's finally gone. But so that anxiety, those anxieties are a bit different now for the boys leading up to because they can communicate how they're feeling. And they don't want me to go and this and that, and the other. But I guess that opens up opportunities to talk about why I'm doing what I'm doing. And that it is, although it is hard, it means I get to kind of do the thing that I love, but they also get to hang out with Liam in a different way. That's a really great way of looking at it too. It's stringer strengthening other relationships in your family unit, as well. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and lame. Duck put obviously, a lot of pressure on him, but and he really appreciates that kind of bond he gets with the kids that different when I'm around. This is the kind of mommy's boys a bit at the moment. And so on kind of the, you know, but when I'm out of the picture for a bit, he becomes the kind of parent I guess. Yeah, so how do you step into those different roles? And I hope it's building resilience as well, a little bit maybe what's building resilience for me? I miss them so much. And, and it's, it's tapping away, because I'm also constantly going, is this worth it? Am I doing the right thing? It's only a theater show? Should I be home? Like all of that still going on? Even if I am having an amazing kind of time, you know, being in the rehearsal room, or something like that? And then do you tell yourself that it is worth it? Like, do you do it yourself? Then? Say yes, yeah. Yes, exactly. And that I am reminded, and my mom actually said, the last time because Oh, my God, I'm feeling really anxious about not being around. And it's just like, well, you know, if you just have to, you know, kind of weigh up. And if it's too much, like, if it's, if that's outweighing if you're, if you're miserable, and doing in a way during the show, then there's no point to doing that. So, but if you're, if you're, if you're happy, then and, yeah, then it's kind of it's worth it. I'm not like damaging my children. I just think it's wonderful though, for for boys, in particular, to say that a mother's a mother can be any, anything that they want to be to, like, the mother is the traditional role that they might sit might have seen, maybe the grandparents in a different way. But then mothers of today can can do whatever they want. And I think that's awesome for boys to say that that, you know, as they grow up their expectation of what, you know, their relationships might look like is, you know, endless. I suppose its boundless. It hasn't got these constraints that the previous generations would have had, I guess. Yeah, that's right. I mean, I guess when when I'm at home, I do we do tend to kind of fall into Liam's kind of out doing the labor on the farm, although I do come out and help and, and I tend to be them on that kind of nurturing and doing like book work and, and taking the score and doing those kind of almost, you know, those stereotypes, the stereotypical kind of role that we've kind of fall into which I don't sometimes I feel funny about that. I yeah, I agree with you that I think it's great for them to kind of see me Yeah. forging a bit of a path that's a bit tricky, as well, I guess. Yeah, it's just it's tricky and hard and as a performer, I think and an actor it's definitely a build resilience. Yeah. I get out pretty quickly, I think. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Like, you would have to have pretty thick skin I suppose to, you've always putting yourself up for stuff. And you're at the whim of someone else to tell you whether you're good enough because or not, whether you're right for the role or not, but I don't think there'll be many people. Exactly, yeah, it's definitely pretty tricky. And I think that's part of the reason for starting to be a bit more rigorous in creating my own work is so that you can have some kind of control over what you're doing. And, and so you can still get your voice out there and your stories out there. And, and, and, you know, it's hard, like, I'm sure you probably feel the same when you like, write a song or or write an album, and then you've kind of put put your heart and soul into it. And then you just have to go, Matt, ego, what do you think? Why do you not I mean, like, Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's very, you're so very, very vulnerable situation to put yourself in and, and, yeah, sometimes when standing out, outside, just recently are standing out the front of the foyer after doing the show. And I'm just like, God, this is, I feel like I basically just kind of, you know, cut over my chest poured out my heart. And I just smoked it down in front of everyone for you to skate. You know, I was a bit late for a bit but like, God, it is. Yeah, it's thank God, people do it now. Like when you hear a piece of music that just like rips your heart out, or you see like, for me watching a theater show that can either punches you in the gut for the best. I love it so much. And so, you know, thank God, artists and people are creative, because for me, that's like, that's the stuff of life. But I'm not for everybody, I guess. But yeah, it does take a bit of Yeah, resilience and determination. And it's not really a choice is that you're just Oh, yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's very true. Yeah. Yeah, it's just you just make you just have to. Yes, you are compelled to do it. Yeah, yep. Yep. Yeah, I think it's great. I have so much admiration for all of us and relishing myself. And yeah, I think it's just, Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I think I think that's why it's so hard for moms, you create, because of this, the sheer determination that you're going to do what you want to do, you're going to put out what you want to share, you're going to create what you want to create. But then you go, Oh, hang on a minute. There's these other people here now that I have to consider. And it's like trying to reconcile the two. Yeah, it's just, absolutely. I mean, I don't know how you feel when you're kind of writing songs or, but I know that when I'm rehearsing or performing a show, especially leading up to opening night, or things like that, I find it very hard to be present. Because I'm always thinking about just feeling nervous, really, or you kind of consumed about the characters I'm exploring. And so it's a tricky balance to be kind of be present. With the kids walking something at the same time, but also, yeah. Enjoy the privilege. Yeah, it's, it's, that's a, it's a really hard one. There's the episode that came out today with Rachel, she said that she always tried to keep the two things really separate the, the parenting, and her art practice. And I think it's different. Because when you're actually, you know, you physically holding a paintbrush or physically holding a pen, you can go to this space and do it. But you're in this, here. And so then she she found that if she could get some time doing her art, then she could go right, that's done. Now I can go see my children, which works great, you know, for that sort of medium. But I find like, your mind can be really challenging because you've always got stuff going around in your head. Like, yeah, always there. And how do you switch that off? Well, your children have come over and said, Hey, what should we do this and you're going when I'm watching but my brains back here thinking about what I was really challenging just to but when I come in here to actually record something, that's the easy bit because I can go right I'm shutting the door. Give me 10 minutes to record. Yeah, it's all the other step the other times the hard, you know, yeah. And yeah, it's rattling around in here. And you just, you just want to grab, like, things will come to you in a second and you're like, Oh, hang on, hang on. I have to write this down. Yeah. Because the truth is Do you know? Oh, I don't know. It's just like, ah, yeah, heads looks like splitting. Yeah, I'd be I find it tricky as well. And because I, I spent a lot of time when I'm rehearsing and performing actually away from the family. So that's easier for that in that regard for to be able to kind of just concentrate on, on the show that I'm doing. Whereas I find now that I'm doing a bit more work here and in my Gambia at home, and it's actually really tricky. When you when you work go to work during the day, and then you have to come home and and come try and switch it off. So that's a real struggle for me, because I've kind of had an realize it was a bit of a luxury to be able to just get in that bubble, and, and kind of create and then not have to come home and parent that yeah, the really tricky part is trying to combine the two and, you know, I have huge admiration for, you know, a lot of my working actor friends in Adelaide that have to do that all the time, because that's tricky. Yeah. Just these endless challenges that we're faced with. Yeah, something comes up. Show that you've got coming up that you're working on the children show, how when's that sort of looking like it will have its opening and that sort of stuff? Yeah, so that's a company called the paper boats and theatre theater, Michael de Brown, who used to work at patch theater, so that when I was doing my shadow, and he was the artistic director there, so we've had a long kind of working relationship. He is developing a show with another creative down here called Kevin Clark. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So dancer musician, I feel like it's the triple threat. And he, so I'm working on a little show called Seven little wonders that will be performed, I think, as part of the Fringe Festival Matt gave me that. March. Yeah. So we're kind of slowly kind of developing. It involves like six little six kids on stage the whole time. So I've never it'll be an interesting and interesting experience, I think and so that's why we're starting we're gonna get a few test audiences in early but hopefully the the beautiful kind of, you know, little show for for kind of four to eight year olds. Oh, wonderful. That sounds awesome. Yeah, that sounds Yeah, gag, gag just he plays all these different instruments. And I just kind of stand there and say words every now and again. But the fairy wouldn't have the show without your words. Thank you if you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email. Alison Newman H dwellest Cafe is a fortnightly ish, long form interview based podcast featuring conversations about politics, environment and mental health in a world on edge with Ben heavy. Ben is an international relations researcher, environmental educator, mental health advocate and longtime friend of mine who enjoys having a yarn over a hot coffee. The podcast tries to make sense of the different kinds of edges that define us, divide us and shape how we interact with each other. In a world that's gone a little bonkers, and what it means to be a little different. Check it out at pod bean.com or wherever you get your podcasts

Rebecca Smith Australian content creator and brand ambassador S1 Ep20 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Rebecca Smith is a brand ambassador and content creator from the Central Coast of NSW and a mum of twin boys. Rebecca has a background as a copy writer, writing for Mindful Parenting Magazine and freelance model , and started her personal blog @ThatAchellesGir l (pronounced: A-KILL-EES) on Instagram, which has since morphed into a boutique content creation service for small businesses, most of them being in the fashion industry. We chat about how becoming a mother lead to her current work role, the need for mums to be honest and ask for help and support when they need it, and why she is an advocate for sharing your mental health struggles and reaching out for support. ** This episode contains discussion around post natal depression and anxiety ** Rebecca's website and instagram Read more about Monti and Me toys Find out more about LifeBoat SE and Alison's podcast .Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Music in this episode is used with permission from Alemjo- https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=pTHGHD20TWe08KDHtSWFjg&nd=1 Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle, mental health and how children manifest in there. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discussed in the show notes, along with the music play, and a link to buy the podcast on Instagram. All music used on the podcast is done so with the art of being a mom acknowledges the volunteer as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is reported on and pays respects to the relationship that traditional owners have with their lending, as well as acknowledging elder's past, present and emerging. Thanks for your company today. My guest today is Rebecca. Rebecca is a brand ambassador and content creator from the Central Coast of New South Wales and a mom of two printing. Rebecca has a background as a copywriter, writing for magazines such as mindful parenting, and has worked as a freelance model. She started her personal blog, that Achilles girl on Instagram, which has since morphed into a boutique content creation service for small businesses, most of them being in the fashion industry. Today, we chat about how becoming a mother led to your current work role. The need for moms to be honest and ask for help and support when they need it. And why she's an advocate for sharing your mental health struggles and reaching out for support. This episode contains discussions around postnatal depression and anxiety. So today, I'd love to welcome Rebecca Smith to the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on, Rebecca. Hi, thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to chat. So I've been following you on Instagram. That's where I first came across you on Instagram, at that Achilli scale is the name of your site. So is there a bit of a story how you came up with that Achilles girl? Is that like, is there a story that you're saying it probably that's so music to my ears? Yeah, so Achilles is my maiden name. So I started doing all the work that I've been doing years before I got married, obviously. And I just kept that Achilles girl, as my instagram name, for two reasons. One was I just wanted to continue, I didn't want to lose all the work that I'd done. So I figured if I changed my name to that Smith Bell, who's that I had to start all over again, with all the stuff that I'd written online for publications, like I'd have no Google anymore, like, you know, history. And also, I did go to checks I felt guilty about not when I got married, I did become Smith. I took my husband's last name, but then I felt guilty for not using it on social media or all that crap. And some of our friends would say, I use Smith or Achilles. So I did go and check is that Smith girl available and it was not so even if I wanted to change it. I couldn't have so I just kept going with that Achilles girl. Yeah, yeah, she's just my family name. Yeah. And it's a memorable name, too. Like that Achilles girl, like you sort of, you know, sticks in people's minds, too. It's a good, good. Well, yeah, yeah, I hope so. I don't know. It's more it just feels like it's me. Whereas that Smith girl is a new Smith is a new identity for me. It doesn't feel like me. So, yeah, that's where the name came from. Anyway. Yeah, for sure. So, on your Instagram, you sort of brand yourself as a content creator, a brand ambassador. You haven't been doing that forever. What did you sort of start off with? Yeah, so I started off with creative writing and copywriting so copywriting is like a form of advertising and marketing. You know, copywriters, they they write thing not everyone knows it's not anything to do with legal stuff. Like copyright law. It's actually a form of writing that encourages someone to buy a product or booking your service. So it's salesy. I mean, that's like, that you might hear on Yeah. Yachty Yes. Yeah, I did a little website copy. So I started my own business as a copywriter while I was working as a PA for like a criminal lawyer. So I did both jobs for a long time. And I loved copywriting and then basically, to summarize what happened, I got pregnant, and was I had really severe fatigue. So I couldn't really just do anything and couldn't make my brain work. I just decided to just throw in the towel and relax and enjoy being pregnant. So I stopped Everything for a couple of years. And then it wasn't till I came back. After giving birth and becoming a mother that I tried copywriting again, it still didn't really my brain was just not there. I couldn't get myself to write like I used to. And that's when I went into content creation. Yeah, right. So like social media. Yeah. It's interesting. You talk about that sort of brain fog. That's a big thing is when you're pregnant, it's like the baby's supposed to suck out. Part of your Yeah, you're cognitively, not only not only when I was pregnant, but then after I gave birth, it's still lingered with me and only lifted lack. When we started sleeping properly, again, and the boys, our boys didn't really start sleeping properly until they were two and a half. Yeah. So now I feel like I'm getting my brain back a little bit. But it's crazy how much sleep deprivation affects everything. Yeah, it's interesting. Like, I remember when I had had my first and someone made a joke that remember, sleep deprivation is a form of torture. That's where all my problems started. Honestly, the sleep deprivation. decline from there on once once I realized we weren't sleep, like gonna get any more sleep so you have twin boys, yes, be full on job. They're very full on. So they're turning three next month. So they arrived like a couple days before Christmas. So they're almost three. In a lot of ways, it's easier now that they are toddlers, and they're speaking a little bit. They can get snacks for themselves, you know, I found the newborn stage really hard. So I'm really loving the toddler stage, actually. But they still Yeah, they're just really high energy, really high energy and want your attention all the time. So it's, I find it very difficult to sort of try to get any work done. If I'm home alone with them, I pretty much just have to give up on getting anything done, which I really struggled with for a long time. Yeah. So in a practical sense, how do you manage your day to day trying to achieve what you want to achieve with your worksite? Yeah, well, I just make sure that I save my work for the middle of the day, when I know they're going to have about a two hour sleep. I actually work first thing in the morning at like 5:36am for an hour while my husband is home, and I'll have a coffee and I'll be in bed doing whatever emails or something just for an hour and then I wait until midday and do some more two hour in the two hour window. That's just pretty much how I do it. I've got two jobs. So one I need to be out of the house. And I'm you know what I mean? I'm not actually it's not a freelance job. I work in the salon doing beauty services twice a week. So you know, that's easy. My kids are either at daycare or with my parents, so they're not there. But the other freelancing stuff like content creation with brands, it is pretty tricky to there's so many things I want to do and I have to remind myself to you know, go slow and also not ignore the kids make sure that I'm spending quality time with them and stuff like that. So for that it's mostly when my husband's home or when they're napping any little minute I get I just sort of Yeah, I work actually. Try not great. You do you do what works you do you do what works. You touched on briefly there. Sort of I guess the the shift in identity from being able to do the things how you wanted whenever you wanted and then you've got these two little children and how to sort of adjust your thinking I suppose of this new life that you had. Yeah, how did you sort of approach that that change in identity? Not very elegantly, I found it really, really difficult. And I think because we had the twins it was like even more of an adjustment like it's not just one baby that you need someone to help you look after it's two seni two adults I'm still I honestly to this day, I still struggle with trying to work it out. And this is my new life and I just have to like, you know, do both but I'm very adamant to make it work to do both. I got as in I don't think that I would be happy being a stay at home mom, because I often think to myself like Even last week when I get really anxious if I'm really busy, and I go along, and I think, look, you can stop anytime No one's forcing you to do all this work. But then I think, well, I don't want to be a stay at home mom, I like having projects I like I like, you know, having that side of my life. So it's just a matter of taking the anxious days when they come and trying to be patient with myself and moving my work to another day, if it's all just not working out. It's yeah, I still sort of, I still struggle with it today, basically. Okay, you're not the only one that's that's a really common theme that comes up in these chats is that, and mums, I think it's so important to not forget that mums are still an actual person, we're not just a mum that exists just for children. So yeah, a lot of mums talk about having something that they need for themselves to keep themselves you know, fill up your cup and make yourself feel really fulfilled and excited about doing something for yourself. And then that sort of thing, obviously, helps you then go on with the other part of your life. Feeling, you know, feeling good about yourself, I suppose. If that makes sense. We'll say yes. Say my mom always told me. She didn't make time for herself. She didn't insist that she wanted to return to work when me and my brother were toddlers, my dad and her had an arrangement that she would be a stay at home mom and just focus on us kids. And my mom said to me later, when I was going through all this with my kids, I said to I just can't Mom, I'm like, I feel bad that I can't be a stay at home mom, but I just can't. I want to do the things that I want to do. And she said, You know, I support you because I really wish I'd done that. And that was really, I think she probably doesn't even remember that she said it to me. But it was it. I remembered it. And it was really special. That she did say that to me. And it made me feel better. And I thought it's not weird that I it's not weird that I want these things. And I you know, because I thought is am I Does anyone else feel like this? Like I no one just sort of bounce off because a lot of my friends were not having babies at the time. So I had to make new friends. Yeah. And then I learned that it was normal. But you know, in the beginning, I was just like, wow, what is this? Yeah, that's the thing. No one sort of sets you up in, you know, you do your prenatal class, and you learn all about baby stuff. But you never know and actually says to you, this is what you'll do. And this is normal. And you know, yeah, yes. You mentioned you, Mama, do you have people close by you to be able to help with the boys so that you can, you know, have some time to yourself? Yes, I do. I literally have my entire family helping me and my husband. And we're so lucky. I've got his parents that help every week, my parents and then my husband also is he's really good with the boys. He's super patient. He's like a swim teacher. So he, he's around kids all day, every day, you know what I mean? So it was less of a shock for him than me was never around children. So he's patient and he knows what to do when they tantrum and scream and he's just great. And he always wants to help me. You know, he does things he would get up in the night and bottle feed one twin while I said the other one, you know, when he still had to go to work the next day and stuff and didn't complain about it. So everyone helps me. Really lucky. That's yeah, that is so good. Yeah, yeah. I have a couple of friends who are like from the UK and they just have no family here. And no help. And I just think Well, I don't know how they do it. Yeah, honestly, I I'm the same as you. I've got my family. Sort of Yeah, you do. And I yeah, my mum. She moved from Melbourne to Matt Gambia. We're in this little town halfway between Adelaide, Melbourne. She moved over here, and had no one knew nobody apart from my dad, and then had these two children as a How the hell did you do that? Yeah, I take it for granted, I think because they're here that they're always able to help. But I think my goodness, you know, I take my hat off to people that that don't have help. Because that's, you know, yeah, it's important for the kids too, though. Like they it's nice for them to grow up with. You know, it helps you as the mom but it's nice for them to have, you know, other people around as well that they know, love them and are there for them. So, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a big it's a big commitment to help with grandkids and things I guess for some people but it's also a pleasure. So on both sides. Oh yeah. And it's interesting to see to see your own parents in this completely different relationship with the child. Totally. I don't even it funny. Yeah, treat like my dad especially. It's like who is this man? He's not. He wouldn't talk to me like that. Like he's just this different. Yeah, until the soft side comes out. Yeah, I mean saying that my dad always says I he's never changed and happy of me and my brother I don't think and then he will not change my son's either. I think he would get a hose out if he had to do anything when my mom wasn't there he's just hopeless with vomiting poo anything like that? Runny nose. least he knows his limitations. And you know he's prepared. Yeah. And with it. Do you agree entertainer? Switching back to the identity topic we were talking about when you were pregnant? Did you sort of have that in your mind? Like you were thinking at all? How life was going to change? Like Were you conscious of? I mean, I guess no one prepares you when it's different when the babies come out. But did you sort of start to think anything about you know what, how your life would be, or I totally pictured one thing. And I we decided to serve as my partner like 10 years. We got married when we were six or seven years into dating or something. And so it wasn't until we were married that I thought okay, yeah, I think we, I think I'd like to have a baby. And then so I pictured One thing, though. And then when I found out it was twins, it was like, all the anxiety kicked in. Because I felt like, well hang on. What does that mean? To me returning to work can I return to I won't be able to return to work, you know. And then you have all the stress about how's my how's my body going to change with two it was I felt great with one baby and I was happy with being pregnant. But then once I found out it was twins, it did really slow me and I had to really adjust to getting excited about it and not being too anxious. So I'm very lucky that I had twins and I think that now and I love their bond and I love being twin moms. But I didn't. You know I didn't initially I really I feel bad that I think that but I really was upset and I was really anxious. I had pretty bad anxiety when I was pregnant. Actually, once I found out. Look, that's understandable. I'd be exactly the same. So we've got we've got twin, my husband's family's got twins. His dad's okay. And then his brother had twins. So I was like, Oh, sweetie, but Yeah, same thing. Of course. In the end, I would have been, you know, delighted to have my children. But if Yeah, you have that that is that anxiety like, oh my gosh, like, I guess you're thinking how am I going to manage? You know, what's it going to be like? Double the work? And of course already, how's your body going to, you know, manage having two babies? Like it's huge. Yeah. It Yeah, it Yeah, it was really I had to get used to it. But I remember when we were having the scanned on the eight week mark and she said that there's two heartbeats. I like was trying really hard to not cry because I was so upset and my husband was like laughing and clapping his hands and he was so excited. And I was just thinking like, Oh, what are you excited about? But at the same time, I thought maybe this is okay. Because he's excited it would have been terrible if he was you know, reacting like I was so I'm very glad looking back that he was very positive about it. Because I was freaking out. Oh, my goodness. Talking about body and you do like modeling with for your brand work that you do now? Is that right? I do now? Yeah, I do now, but that's a new thing. I guess when I was a teen like 16. I did model and I was with an agency and I modeled for a few years. But I left the industry because I was very, I had really bad shyness and I wasn't very confident. My mom suggested I try modeling and sort of put me out there and I did work but I would just be so anxious and I did not like it if I left and I've only sort of found that confidence. Now that I'm like, nearly 30, so I'm happy to do it, but I'm only doing it on my own terms. So I don't I you know, I work with a photographer who is my contact and I know him and we work together for brands and I pick what I do. I don't do swimwear, I don't do laundry. You know what I mean? I do things that I find fun and they're gonna make me stressy or, yeah, that are not too out of my comfort zone. Yeah, for sure. The concept of mum guilt is something that I love to talk to my guests about too, is this whole idea. And, and it does tie in a fair bit with identity. But yeah, how do you feel about this? This mum guilt term and how it makes us feel, I suppose. Yes. I actually, I wrote an article on this. I used to write for mindful parenting magazine, you know, love at love. It's media. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No. And I wrote an article about having mum guilt, but doing something anyway, that I had to guilt about. And it was basically you know, I, to answer your question, I do experience it all the time. And this particular time, our twins were teething, and they were just waking every hour overnight, and we had not slept for, I think, like, two weeks straight. And I was just like, on the verge of break down like I was, you know what I mean? You know, when you're so tired, it's just like, I can't do anything anymore. I need to just go. So I said to my husband, like, this is how I'm feeling he knew I had postnatal depression and anxiety at the time. So he was very supportive with helping me. And I know that he would have been exhausted too. And I had to just say to him, like, I know that you're tired. And I'm sorry to ask, but I need to just go sleep somewhere else for just one night. And I said, when I get back, you can go and do the same thing. But can I just go and I need to go now. And he was just like, yep. And so yeah, I wrote this article. It was, it was funny, though, like, I tried to make a lot hot, like, you know, a lot of it and I ordered a pizza and I had a bath and put my feet up and ate pizza in the bath. At this Airbnb that I stayed at, like, only 10 minutes away from our house. And just sort of in trying to encourage other mums to ask for help if you are experiencing something like that, and not feel guilty about it, but everyone does. So it's it's a constant thing. Yeah, that's so true, isn't it? I think that the thing you say about how you feel it, but you do it anyway, I think that's really important. Because we are allowed to feel emotions, you're allowed to feel we are allowed to feel guilt. But yeah, unless it's something, you know, really bad. Why should we let that stop you from doing so if it's something like I feel bad about working and not being at home with my kids, or I feel bad about going and having a night away? Because I'm so sleep deprived? It's like, you've got to tell yourself, yes, but doing that? Well, I knew at the time, I'm going to come back as a better mother to be able to focus on my kids, if I can have a night off or, for me, I'm like, I'd be way happier way, way more present parent, if I can have my two, three days a week working. And, you know, focus on new kids the other days. So you know, things like that. You just got to have a little pep talk with yourself. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah. And if it is really bad, you wouldn't do it anyway. Because you know that that maternal instinct is so strong, you know? Exactly, you know, it's not that bad drive down to the bottle shop and get a bottle of wine. Come back, you know, I like stuff like that and you said, as well about encouraging other moms to be able to be honest and open and ask for help. I think that's something that we don't do enough of because, I mean, I know I do. And I'm not sure if this is because I'm overthinker I'm a cancer so I tend to anticipate what other husbands are cancer. Oh, I love kids. Yeah, we're good. We're good sometimes when we're not being moody. Scorpio I'm apparently moody all the time, too. Yeah, right. I know. Everyone says that qualities too. My downfall is I tend to anticipate or make up a story in my mind, of, of what the other person's thinking. So instead of just I Once again, I'll go through this great big thing. Oh, they should know. You know, just Oh, yeah. Instead of just saying, Hey, can you put the kids to bed tonight? Because I really needed an early night, you know, as we would go, Yeah, no worries. And be like, yes. Why did I turn that into such a great thing? You know, we had so many of those arguments. So my husband said to me, I'm not a mind reader. Can you please tell me? Tell me this? Oh, tell me that. And I'd say you should know. And he'd be like, No, but like, I don't I'm sorry, but I don't. So can you just tell me next time? And I was like, office groundbreaking to me, like, ask I mean, sorry to tell you exactly what I'm thinking or I want and I was like, Oh, I can do that. Okay. Yeah. Like I just hadn't. I'd be sitting there like rooting like, oh, like Khan hate. I don't know, whatever it was at the time. Everything's a big deal when you got a newborn and you're tired? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's groundbreaking, isn't it? You can actually open your mouth and ask. I know, that's how I feel. Right? I just, I don't naturally do that. You know, I learned I'm learning to sort of do that more. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a that's a woman thing. I think. I mean, I'm not speaking. I think so too. It's like, you feel like you should be able to do everything you should, you know, you're the mom, you should have everything under control. And you should be able to do it, but and then to ask for help is some sort of sign of weakness. So you don't you just suffer through and get all shitty and, you know, yell at everyone and just keep doing it funny because my mom does the exact same thing with my dad, and my mom will complain to me about this, that or whatever. Every now and then. And I will sit there thinking like, actually say to her now I just, you just got to speak your mind more Mom, you've got to tell him if you don't want there. So you don't want that? Or, you know, and she's just like, oh, yeah, she does exactly what I do. Yeah, it's interesting. Maybe this this generation of arrows because we've, we've seen our moms, perhaps be that final generation that doesn't speak their mind doesn't speak up. Maybe. I mean, I'm generalizing again. I know every relationship is different. But you know, the women that that may be, you know, got told that you meant to be a good wife, and you do the right things. You look after the kids and look after your husband, and then you keep everything happy. And an on the live. Yeah, you don't ever question before like 1950s housewife? Yeah, yeah. So maybe, because we're starting to break the mold that will help, you know, the generations coming after us? Well, we're seeing like, we're seeing the aftermath. Okay, that this is what it looks like he is on after you've done what our mothers have done and sort of just, you know, make everything look nice. And just make it comfortable for this, that and the other but not yourself. And yeah, maybe yeah, I don't know. The instead of sacrificing yourself for everyone else's happiness. You're actually Yeah, our lab to say, hey, come and do something. But we have social media too. So like, everyone's screaming about this on social media, and I think other women are reading and watching on going, oh, yeah, you know what I mean? Like, I didn't have social media back then. And wouldn't have known what other women was thinking. Because now we, we we do wherever and so much more connected through that. Absolutely. I mean, that can go both ways to being a positive and, and a drawback. I think, too, and especially with this mum view, I think a lot of the judgment that we place on each other, can manifest itself in that social media, because you're sharing so much of your life. And people are going, oh, oh, she's gone and done this again. Well, who's looking after the kids, you know, or someone might look at and go, oh, good for her. She's gone. And done this again. You know? Yeah, because we say that. Funny you say that? Because I was where was I was somewhere a couple weeks ago with family and some friends were there as well. And we're all having drinks. And they'd had these particular friends and had a few more drinks. And I'd had and so they one of them made a comment, like, I'm talking about how often I make reels on Instagram, and I'm showing up on social media. And like, so how do you, you know, how do you get that? How do you get that done? I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, I thought you were my friend. And really, people are watching what I'm doing and sort of thinking, you must not be a very good mother because you're just, you know, making reels all the time. And you're always on social media. And I'm like, Well, it's my job now. So yeah, I'm sure if you're getting paid to do reels and do you know, show up every day on social media. I'm sure you, you do it too. That's my job. Yeah, but your job is, you know, Office admin or whatever it is you're doing or work In a cafe making coffee like this is my job. Yeah. And I don't know shows that that judgment people, people will make make assumptions about people without actually knowing. You know everything. Yeah. Particularly when you're a mom. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And yeah, and yeah, you get a tiny glimpse into someone's life through social media and then that can, you can No, no, build a whole idea in your head about what this person's life is like, without knowing anything. So, yeah, that side of things I find interesting. Yes. Certainly the positives, you know, sharing, sharing things like this, you know, when, you know, the topic about, you know, asking for help, you know, if enough people talk about it, it builds on itself. And, you know, people can share, share that just just an example, I suppose, you know, a positive of this social network, I suppose. I like several mum mums sort of personalities on Instagram, who do talk candidly about being a mum and, and nothing, you know, it's not all rosy. And, you know, that makes it like that. It's more relatable. It's not the fake, like, beautiful selfies with your child in a beautiful seat outfit. You know what I mean? Like, oh, yeah, I don't know, I just surround my page with people that I want to follow. I'm very big on, there might be a feed that's really curated and beautiful. But if they sort of aren't being real, and I won't follow them, and I try my best to be real online as well. Yeah. Yeah. Being genuine. goes a long way, I think. And you're actually building a connection, then you're not just, you know, yes. Putting up a shiny pretty trying to model or sell something. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I think yeah, in this day and age people, people will buy or connect with people who they have some sort of relationship, they feel something about someone. Totally, whereas, you know, my dad would go to the person with the best price. So you know, that sort of thing. But I think now so with my dad. Yeah. Yeah, different. Yeah. So that's Yeah, that's really interesting. I want to link that into, I guess, your the work that you're doing. So do you sort of do you kind of vet the people you're going to work with to make sure they're, they're the right fit for you. You're there. Does that make sense afterwards? I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah. 100%, I have had a couple of people who I feel just maybe when I was new I and my prices were quite reasonable. I feel like they were just trying to squeeze every, you know, worth, you know, every cent worth out of me and want a million things in return demanding. And you can sort of, you can sort of see now pick and choose who you want to work with, on their vibe, because we have like zoom meetings with businesses before we start working with them to ask what they want. And so you can it's like a half an hour chat, but you can sort of see what kind of person they are through that chat. And I also like to I don't like to work for like fast fashion brands, I prefer to work for designers who have actually, you know, Australian designers who put their heart and soul into the designs and like this one I'm wearing, you know, that's a local designer, and she designs all of these herself in Australia, and it's her brand. So I do pick and choose things like sustainable and ethical fashion brands. Australian, I prioritize as well, just because I want to support Aziz. Yeah, so yeah, I do. I do pick and choose. And I also don't have heaps of time. I only can work part time. So naturally, I do pick and choose who or who I take on. Yeah, even not being that big or that busy right now. I still have the opportunity to pick and choose so I do. Yeah, now that's good. I mean, you're picking the people that align with your own belief so yeah, I'm not trying not to be a bitch about it. I just I do I pick people who align with what I'm doing and yeah, I'm not gonna go work for a fast fashion brand whose stuff comes from China and just has you know, this just imported from them. They're not you know, yeah. Yeah, there's no carpet so it's not Yeah, it's it's that connection thing again, isn't it? It's like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So sorry, I'm just gonna I'm skipping back again. We were getting through it but we're doing it in really? Your mind what what? You just you do you and I'll just answer whatever you want. Oh, good. No pressure. No. Good. I wanted to go back to when we talked much early hear about the support that you had. And you mentioned that you had you don't you didn't have any friends who were at the same sort of time in their life having babies at the same time when you did. And you sent us the words, I had to find new friends. Yeah. How was that? Like? I mean, you you expressed that you had postnatal depression and anxiety was that? Was that really a challenging? Sorry, I don't want to bring up things. If you're not, you know, I want to make you make you feel sad. Like, I'm not gonna say to you that I don't already write about us say to other people. So like, I don't care. Look, I did have friends who had babies, but they weren't close friends that I had, like, everyday contact with him feel like they were close friends that I could talk to them about how I was feeling. But also I didn't, I didn't know anyone that had had twins. And most, most women and most of my friends were really excited had a joyful pregnancy. Positive positive, you know, and I just didn't really I was careful with who I spoke to. Because I didn't feel like that for most of the pregnancy. Yeah. But what I did do is join a facebook group for moms that moms of multiples and parents of multiples. And so I got my feel from that, to be honest, rather than you know, and to maybe real life best friends who's who I've known forever. And were there for me with whatever I was feeling. So I did have them with my husband, my family. But yeah, I also use these online groups to sort of see how other mothers were feeling. And they were all very honest. So I realized it was normal and okay to be feeling anxious. Yeah, that's very important, isn't it? Because you'd be, you'd sort of be really questioning each question yourself to start with, but then you'd be like, Oh, hang on a second. Everyone else around me is all happy. Is this okay? You know, like we touched on earlier, like, yeah, no, that's really good. That's great. So another good social media positive connecting? Yeah, it's very important to me at that time, and I still check in on it every now and then, you know, like googling how to toddler had toilet trained toddlers, and it's like, oh, that group will know. They'll have some tips. I just, you know, yeah. That's it. Because it's not just that, you know, baby, the baby part. But then as they grow up, it's like, you're gonna have these different questions. Other things? Yes. Do you put twins in the same class at school? Like, you know, little things like that. When you go to a birthday party with your twins? Do you take two presents or one? Like silly little things, but it's nice to have somewhere that you can look? Yeah, slowly? That's so true. Yeah. Do you work with any, like children's brands? Like, are you drawn to doing things with children? Because you know, you've got your children? Yes. So like, basically, I got the job that I got working for that magazine for the parenting mag, the parenting magazine, I got that job because I was a mom, and I wouldn't have otherwise gone for it, or probably even been considered. So that was the first thing that sort of changed. I wanted to find a way to keep writing and blogging because like, I'd write articles and blogs, right. And so that was a way for me to continue writing, but still, in this new part of my life, and now with content creation, and working for brands and things. There has been several baby boutiques who have reached out and so I will incorporate the boys into photos and videos. I prefer to do toys. So there's one brand Mantine me and they have like, Montessori type. What's it called interactive toys and educational toys, and activities you can do so that's fun. And I enjoyed filming stuff like that, because I get to play with the kids with the activities and the tripods just holding my phone recording stuff. And then I edit it later. You know, I like that. Yeah, other than the fashion stuff, that's me. I'm not sure like, I love doing it. So it's so it's so cute, but it's harder. I prefer to do the playing activity things with them. And then I'm sort of doing stuff with them as well. That's it's a spontaneous, spontaneous reaction to like, they're going to be asked about the toy so much, and I have all those videos as as the boys grow up, and I have all those videos now. Like, it's like memories that I'm recording as well, to me. It's not just about work, and I get paid for that. And this and that, you know, I like having those memories that I'm sort of recording to Yeah, that's that's such a good point is that look, that's very cool. Well, yeah, I just thought about it the other day when I was on my phone, just you know, scrolling through stuff, and I was like, Oh, I remember that. Caleb and I remember this and that and it's nice to have those in my phone. You know that you otherwise probably wouldn't make the time to like, do Oh, yeah, that's, that's so true I like parents and working mothers following me. And I like connecting with them on Instagram as much as they don't have brands. So maybe I can't create content for them. I like having them in my feed and reading about their motherhood journey. And I hope that they like reading about mine. So I do try to like 30% of the time talk about motherhood and kids stuff on my Instagram, and then you know, 50%, I talk about work stuff and whatever else, but I like to sort of keep that open as a pillar or whatever you want to say, for my social media stuff. So yeah, well, you know, I actually predominantly work with fashion brands with the content creation business that I have. You know, handbags, clothes, even baby products, they'll send me stuff, and I'll photograph it or make reels, whatever they ask of me. So while that doesn't necessarily matter, to some mothers who are listening to this, yeah, I do like to talk very openly about being a mom and working while being a mom. And also I'm honest about trying to overcome, you know, postnatal depression and anxiety and have medication for it. And I'm very pro, like, if you need to have medication and you feel the same. That's okay. You know, things like that. Yeah, there's people, a lot of people have said to me, why weren't you nervous about starting medication and not being able to come off it? Or some people actually said, like, I heard that any depressants can make you like, put on heaps of weight. So I don't want to and, you know, I just sort of had all those kinds of conversations with people and what what medication do you take because all the ones I taught made me feel sick. And so I like to just sort of be encouraging with that stuff, too. Yeah. Without saying too much. Because I know it's not spoken about a lot either. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. I have had quite bad personal repression. And I take Feistel take my own. Now, am I Yeah, six now, but honestly, I, my daughter in a pandemic at the moment to like, seriously, but that's the thing. Like, I think people are scared of medication. And I know it's not for everybody. Yeah, that's fine. But I don't, yeah. I'm not scared people knowing that I take medication, because I think that helps to normalize the stigma around mental illness and, and how to work through it's like a tool to help you get through. Yeah, so but some people also describe how they feel to me, I think, because they know that I have experienced it, maybe. And I can see from what they described to me that they it's quite alarming, like they're quite anxious, or they are feeling really low. And it's like, wouldn't you rather just feel better? And if you have to have some medication temporarily. Why don't you just try it like? Yeah, it's a tough one. It is. Yeah, yeah. Because that's thing you don't know. Who in their life is maybe giving them their own opinion? You know, like people? Yeah, you may be someone's going on. You don't need that. Yeah, right. Oh, I had that. Yeah, I ended up just not saying anything to anyone and going to the doctor and getting it myself and taking it and seeing then I'd started to tell family afterwards after I was already on it, so that they couldn't try and talk me out of it again. But yeah, I just think it's Yeah, important to talk about normalize, like you said, not not be judgmental, if other people want to have medication or need it, and be encouraging about, it's okay, if you do need it, you know, things like that. Yeah, absolutely. I think we'd be in a lot better place as in as, as a society if we were just so much more open and accepting of other people's, you know, issues and problems and just being supportive of people is even, even my dad like I, I work with a, there's a local group there called lifeboat and it's basically they gathered up a lot of sort of people in the community that people recognize, like, not fake, I want to say famous, but you know, we're a small town. Most people know everyone. So they gathered up a heap of people and said, Let's do some podcasts to talk about your experience with mental health. And, and my dad said, Are you sure you want people to know what happened to you? And I said, Yes, that's why I'm doing it because I want people to know that average, ordinary everyday people, everybody has issues, you know, and yeah, don't be scared to talk about because there are people out there to help you. And you'll get you'll get the support you need. You know, instead of just being scared of what people think of you, so that said that I reckon that's the generational difference, because my parents are very private like that, too. And they, I don't know how they feel about what I say, and things like that. But I think it's courageous to just be brave and just say how you're feeling. I mean, doesn't help anyone just doing what maybe our parents think we should do? Which is just, you know, suffer in silence Be quiet. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Another way we can sort of help. The shift in the thinking, I think moving forward on new cost sharing. Yeah. Thank you. And you too. Yeah. Nah, thanks. So it is it is good. I mean, it's hard, but it's good. You know, after that, after I did that podcast, I got so many messages from people just saying, yeah, thank you for sharing that. I this is what makes it worth it, you know, and that that was the That's what I said to the host. I said, you know, if if one person gets something out of this, it's been in here, you had people message him saying, you know, my wife had this. This was like, 60 year olds, right, saying my wife had this, but nobody knew what it was. We didn't know what to do with it. You know, this, this, this whole shift that's happening in caring for for mental unwellness you know, it's just amazing. So yeah, I was really pleased that they asked me to do this. I really Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's the thing, the more we can talk the better. Absolutely. I agree. Yeah. If you or someone you know, would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email at Alison Newman dotnet. Edge dwellers Cafe is a fortnightly ish, long form interview based podcast featuring conversations about politics, environment and mental health in a world on edge. We've been had it. Ben is an international relations researcher, environmental educator, mental health advocate, and longtime friend of mine who enjoys having a yarn over a hot coffee. The podcast tries to make sense of the different kinds of edges that define us, divide us and shape how we interact with each other. In a world that's gone a little bonkers, and what it means to be a little different. Check it out at pod bean.com or wherever you get your podcasts

Georgia Fields Australian singer, songwriter and musician S1 Ep15 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Georgia Fields is a singer, songwriter, producer and arranger from Melbourne Vic, and a mum of 2. She has been recording and releasing music as an independent artist for over 10 years. In 2010 Georgia recorded her debut self-titled album. Georgia Fields was awarded Album of the Week for ABC Radio National and Beat Magazine, and saw her perform on national television for SBS’ RocKwiz. Since then she has released Astral Debris in 2016 and Afloat, Adrift in 2017 - an EP captured live with The Andromeda String Quartet and She currently working on her next album Hiraeth, due for release 2022. She has also founded and launched The Mother Lode - a community to support and connect working mums in the Australian music industry. In this episode we chat about experiencing and dealing with 'imposter syndrome', the challenge of returning to performing after taking a maternity break, ageism in the music industry, THAT Triple J tweet and our mutual love for The Beatles. **This episode contains discussions around post natal depression and anxiety** Connect with Georgia here - https://www.georgiafields.com/ Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Georgia's music used with permission When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the art of being among the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creatives and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Thank you for joining me. My guest today is Giorgio fiends. Giorgio is a singer songwriter and arranger from Melbourne, Victoria, and a mum of two children. George has been recording and releasing music as an independent artist for over 10 years. In 2010, Georgia recorded her debut self titled album, her album, Georgia Fields was awarded album of the week for ABC Radio, national and beat magazine, and it saw her perform on national television on an episode of SPSS TV show rock quiz. Since then, she has released astral Daybreak in 2016, and afloat adrift in 2017, and AP captured live with the Andromeda String Quartet. George is currently working on her next album, entitled heroes, due for release in 2022. Amongst all this, Georgia has also founded and launched the motherlode, a community to support and connect working mums in the Australian music industry. This episode contains discussion around postnatal depression and anxiety. Love to welcome you along today, Georgia. Thank you so much for agreeing to be on the podcast. And thank you. Great to have you here. Thanks for having me. So I know a little bit about you. I've been listening to your music for a little while. But can you share what you do? How you got into it? And all that kind of stuff? Sure. Well, I'm, I'm a singer, songwriter, I guess. That's my main bag. And I started, I started writing songs when I was a kid. But it took me a long time to have the guts to really pursue it professionally. So I started playing and really giving it a go when I was about 25. I think. So that was writing songs and performing under my own name, Georgia fields. And so now I'm, of course 26. No, I'm going to be 78 next week, so I've been doing it a little while now. I also write for strings from time to time, either for myself or for other artists, which is a lot of fun doing string arranging. Yeah, that's in terms of what kind of music I do. I tend to just say pop music because I feel like that kind of covers a lot of bases but pops a wider genre. So delving deeper into that, I guess. I tend to have a play with a band, as I said, sometimes with strings, so more of an indie pop, modern folk type situation. I guess that sums me up. Yeah. So when you said you used to write when you were younger? Did you ever do anything with it, then? Did you ever sing it like concerts or perform you're performing music as a child? I didn't do. I didn't kind of work as a child thing. I did a few recording sessions for ads as a kid. My uncle worked in that world. So occasionally, they'd need some singers. That sounded young or were kids. So I had done a little bit of that. Before I was familiar with studios. My uncle had both of my uncles had studios and and my family from the music world as well. So it was just something that was kind of modeled to me I didn't perform really as a kid. Thankfully, because I think that is a whole other can of worms. Yeah, yeah, that's how experiences Yeah, for sure. So why did it take you till you are 24 to start sharing your music? I think I just thought I had to be perfect to get started. Probably do Just want to examine that now like, probably I heard someone say, the problem was, I think it was like probably read it on Instagram on an inspirational quote, but it was something like we compare our, our work in progress with other people's finished outputs, you know, like, big I was just looking at looking at the artist side mired and going, Oh, well, what I'm doing here, what I'm working on isn't isn't as good as that. Whereas, you know, you're kind of comparing your own bedroom, works in progress with fully finished fully supported artists that are signed to Sony and to have massive, you know, I think there's probably a bit of naivety and a bit of impostor syndrome. But when I was I was, I went overseas, I went around around the world, when back when you could do that. And I was working in London, and I remember someone I've been working with. No, thank you, my husband just brought in a little snack for me. Thank you. What a sweetheart. I was I was I was living. I was living in London, I was working in London, and one of the directors of the firm I was working at, and I was just doing administration forgot my name. And I've been working with them for setting up their breakfast meeting for a while, like a while now. And they called me sweetie. And I was like, he doesn't know my name. And it just was this moment of feeling really disrespected and feeling like I wasn't where I wanted to be. And I just thought I have to I just have to get back home to Melbourne and just get making music. So that was kind of what really spurred me on, I think, yeah, it was that that moment that sort of brought everything into clarity, I suppose. And you Right, right. None of this stuff. That's right. That's right. Yeah. You. you've recorded a few albums as I listened to you on Spotify for a while that I did a bit of research. Thanks. Tell us about your albums that you've recorded. You said you've composed for strings. I think that's what in my mind anyway, makes your stuff so different. And so beautiful that you combine your your vocals, it's like the strings aren't just there to fill in. Underneath the accompaniment, they actually have a special place. Thank you. That's a really lovely interpretation of it. And I studied cello as a kid at school, I was lucky to go to a school that had a strings program. And we had a music program and you could choose an instrument and I chose cello actually initially chose double bass, but they didn't have enough school bases for me to borrow. So I've got I've got the cello which from memory my dad was was happy about. But I was I had terrible cello. And I didn't practice enough and it just wasn't really my instrument. So I never really able to be when I played it for five years, wasn't really able to get a beautiful sound out of it. So I ended up quitting cello in high school just to focus on on singing. But it's something it's instrument that I love. I love it so much that I decided not to play it anymore because it's so terrible. And out of respect for the insurance pure respect for cello. I'm not going to do it to any more cello. But I think having that experience of knowing what it can do and what it could sound like I was able to bring that to my my songwriting. I remember my cello teacher when I was in high school, I said to her, I really want to like plug Rotella in and play like play it, like maybe put it through an app and then I could sing over the top of it and bless a shoe I think she must have been must be a very classically trained cellist and she played with the msoa. And she just kind of looked at me and was like, okay, and I think that idea was quite foreign to her. But also She's probably just thinking you could start by playing some scales and doing a practice that I have given to you that you haven't done. Anyway, I digress. Yeah, I love working with strings because I feel there's just so it's such an emotional instrument and they're very versatile. So I've I've always had strings in my releases. My first album was very kind of was very foci and orchestral kind of based. I had an old friend who I met in high school actually, who's an incredible cellist. She's now a doctor of cello and she He was really mentored me when I started writing for strings. That's a treaty. Her name is Judas Haman if Casio in case any listeners will look that up, I wanted, you know, how do you write this out. And so she kind of got me started on it and got me hooked on it. Yeah, and then a little while ago, I made a record with a quartet that I work with a lot the Andromeda String Quartet, which was really fun, because we just did it live in the studio. So it was just just string quartet and voice. Before we talk about your children, I want to talk about the amazing work that you're doing with the mother lode, the website and the Instagram. And I just commend you so much. Can you just share with the listeners about the mother lode? How it came about? You know what compelled you to create the concept? First, I want to say thanks for your kind words about it. It's relatively new project. And it's funny when I connect with other mums through this project. In other words, it's always astounding to me when they say oh, we're you know, we're really enjoying it. Oh, this is this is a really great initiative because I think oh, gosh, I have had huge impostor syndrome about launching it. Yeah, who am I? Who am I to create this space for moms? You know, what have I done? How am I you know, this, you know, Cami farm Georgia, get back in your box, but I'm glad I started it. Yeah, so motherlode is it's an online community that basically aims to support independent musicians who are mothers in their music making, and their mothering, I guess, acknowledging that there are two enormous jobs in your life roles, or, you know, not labels, but they're parts of who you are. And they're really their full time. Part like you don't clock off being an artist, you don't clock off being a mom, they're just that that's part of who you are as a person. And support is needed for boats, I guess it was, I've been thinking about it for a while. I've been thinking about, you know, I just want to get together with my as a musician, friends, and just have a big debrief on so how are you doing this? And are you putting childcare in the grant budget? And how did you get a How did you, you know, do this and how do we do that. But it was when, really, in the pandemic, in in 2020, that I thought, this is getting ridiculous, this is getting very challenging. And, you know, we see it saw that a lot of job losses, you know, across across all jobs have, we've seen that it's women bearing the brunt of that. And people have said, it's likely because they're the ones that were already working part time was a big, they've had to stop working so they can homeschool their kids. We know that the music industry has been in crisis from the pandemic. So I guess just wanting to support mothers in the music industry to stay active, stay supported to keep creating work, because if we lose those voices, we're going to lose, you know, those stories, we're going to lose that, that perspective that I think is really important. And it's perspectives that I seek out now. Yeah, it is a community. It's, it's bringing people together, it's sharing ideas, and just giving people the opportunity to share information that is going to help others you know, it builds on itself. And yeah, it's wonderful. I hope it builds on itself. I feel like we're really in early days, we've got the Instagram channel, which is at Find the mother lode and then the website which I'm building up slowly. I guess because it's just as you would know, it's it's just me behind the scenes at night when the kids are in bed furiously on my laptop, trying to you know, work and get things done, but um, I've got a lot of dreams for the project and what it could mean. But yeah, we just got to start small, don't we? It's always got to start somewhere, but the intention is there and I'm so glad that you put aside your imposter syndrome that you named it. I haven't put it aside I'm just I'm just, you know, just keeping it quiet for the time being No, thank you. I am trying to put it aside. Yeah. trees and all these gravel magic so you mentioned your kids then tell us about your family. Yeah, I'm a mum to two kids. We live in Melbourne with my husband and my daughter, Kendra, who is six and a half. And my son Marlon, who is two and a half, and we're in lockdown. 6 million points. Whatever it is, I've lost count. But yeah, we live in, in the burbs here in Melbourne, and yeah, my husband's also a musician. So we're rich. We have a lot of keyboards, we have a lot of keyboards. We don't, you know, don't have a TV. But we have a piano. So we've got our priorities, you know, order or not order. Yeah, that That basically sums up that's us. Yeah. So you met your husband? Through your music, like through performing through meeting? Yes, yeah, our bands were singing our guest spot. At a night where his band was playing. So we did a collaboration together. And then we did a live family collaboration. We'll see. With with a bit of, you know, getting to know each other in between? Yeah. Oh, do you find that because he has an insight into music, he can empathize with the space and the time that you need, and when you need it, because he's got that background in music. Definitely. There's definitely an understanding of what the creative process is and what it feels like to be a creative person, but there's also a lot of competition, because we both want that space. And there's children in the family that require our care and attention all the time, because we're doing home learning. So we have very little respite at the moment. So I'd say that, that there's the positive of Yeah, you know, he gets it. But also, we both kind of scrounging for that time, which is a challenge, I think, with families, particularly families where there's two creative people. Yeah. So how I mean, taking out the challenge right now of being in lockdown, how would you generally manage your time and then with the children? With it's changed over time. So when we when it depends really on what the teaching arrangements are. He He's teaching at the moment, I was teaching before I took maternity leave. So generally, we just kind of try and split whatever spare days were left in the week, where we weren't teaching. But this, it's been more challenging as I wasn't really able to return from maternity leave to teaching work. Because that was when the pandemic really started. So that means that he's doing the majority of the teaching work. So in general, we try to split the time when the one when we're not teaching, but at the moment, he's working essentially full time. So we both are just working in the evenings on our creative projects if and when and how we want to do that, which is pretty tiring, but yeah, absolutely. And then yeah, you have the nights when the kids are awake, and then you're up with the children and then you've got a front up the next day again, it's just Oh, yeah. Your work to you know, work on something till 1230 At night, one o'clock, and then your toddler wakes at three, and then you've got to be up at 630 for whatever. Yeah, I'm pretty shocking. I was sleeping but um, but yeah, it's challenging, but you know, we love it. And that is something that I've that I struggle with is getting that balance because and I was talking to my husband about this in the kitchen the other day, like, I'm a much happier person when I'm when I'm got when I've got things on the go when I'm working on motherlode when I'm trying to put a single out or doing some recording, whatever it is, I'm much happier. But I've got to do that, you know, in the night and then I'm freaking exhausted and I'm not as happy as it's like how do you know just kind of do it, I guess. Week by week. Yeah, you can then go here the next week. I don't know if anyone's got an answer, please. Please email in. Yeah, send me a message. But you're going to take care of ourselves too. I mean, yeah. I don't know. I don't know the answer. It's a hard one isn't it? I've really noticed since because I had I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and anxiety after my son was born. He wasn't a great sleeper. Bless him. But now I've really noticed that and I feel like I've I've received a lot of support for that and I'm kind of coming coming through that. But I do notice now when I haven't had enough sleep, like you know, if I if I pull an all nighter to get some work done that I want to do and then my kids waking and then the next day I'm like, Well, I actually I really noticed that my anxiety is really high. So yeah, it's just it is a funny dance. How do you I've got to I have to take care of that because I don't want it to kind of get away from me again. Yeah, for sure. But I don't want to give up making music so but that I think that is a very that's something that's very specific to indie musicians who perhaps are supporting their creative practice with another job as opposed to musicians who are you know, their songwriting and they're performing pays their wage because they they're not you know, having to work through the night. I don't know. I don't know I've never been one of those so yeah. So hard to change. Of all the fates. I've begged to be with you you you I read that you're a big Beatles fan. Yeah, she's awesome. Because I love the Beatles so much the same way you can see their legs. I can Yes, I can. I don't know if I'm as big a fan as my son is now he is mad for it. That's wonderful. If I say to him, Are you are you retired boy or, you know, let me give you a cuddle of my little boys. I'm not a boy. I'm Ringo. I'm mummy Ringo. And he's Marlon Ringo. He's Yes. Please support the Beatles fan here. Beatles fan for sure. What's your favorite album? Oh, that's a good question. It used to be I mean, it was it was such a purpose for a long time, but I feel like I kind of almost burnt myself out from it because it was like my favorite you know from from being a kid. Revolver is just like this really amazing. Almost like a coming of age. I can hear Sergeant Pepper's just around the corner. But you know all that kind of the close harmony. Boy group stuff is still really in there too. I find that really fascinating. Record, but they're all good. I mean, Revolver is my favorite. I tossed up for a long time between that and the White Album. But I went, I love revolver so much. I just love. Yeah, it's just building up. It's just getting like it's starting to wind up to that the psychedelic crazy. Love has a high watermark for guitar sounds, isn't it? Like oh, yeah, I love how they just did whatever they wanted. Like they just they had songs with the tempos changed. And then they had like, the three songs joined together and they just did literally anything they want to. It's like, God, you guys, like 10 years, it was only 10 years, but I know just blows too short amount of time. But I feel as though it would have been it. Yeah, that'd be the talent, the talent, the individual talents, you know, we're standing together sum of their parts situation where you know, there's a special kind of magic, having them all working together but also that imagine just being able to go into into the studio, like just imagine just just going in and not being like watching the clock going shit. How am I gonna pay for this or like we've you know, we've got to get this done because, you know, I've got to make sure I get this many streams or I don't know, just imagine going in and being like, Oh, what am You can do today like that massive amount of freedom and people would have had that confidence in you like none of the record companies would have been worried about what was coming next like they would have just, you know, just let them go and see what they do. Yeah, yeah. Unreal just unreal. You favorite they don't have to ask you for everything. Well, of course Paul for a long time in fact, forever but I feel a really big coming around to George Moore he's his songs kind of used to scare me as a child had this quite Yes. It's kind of not aggressive. But there's something about his voice it's it's almost spooky. It's hit some of his some of his songs. He's just broke me a bit as a kid. But um, but yeah, coming around to George but um, always really been a fan of the way. Paul approaches melody and any songwriting? Yeah. I'm definitely more Paul than I am. John. John. John scares me a bit in his, I think, because I, before I knew much about their lifestyles and their behaviors, I really liked John's music. And then I sort of got turned off a bit when I discovered like, I don't know if that things were true or her stories. Yeah, and it's misogyny sort of attitudes and stuff. And I thought, I'm just gonna stick with post rock and roll that's feels better. I really struggled to listen to run for your life. Oh, yeah. I've listened to the lyrics of it. And what was the other one I was listening to? Which I love no reply, which is from an older one record I can't remember which one so from please please wear his like, I saw you walk in because I've seen like basically it's just he's a stock is a stock it doesn't matter if there's a stock it's not get the message. She's not into you. Just turn the phone. back. Oh, that reminds me. I was just thinking then when you said to me, there's no time. Soon, and it's like, basically do it my way. You gotta see my way. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like do it my way because you're always wrong. And if you do it my way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's unreal. When you start thinking about in that way, like, if it creeps like anyway, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to go if you were sent back in time. And you could you could deliver all the songs, but they were fresh. I don't know if I mean, those songs are incredible songs. But they vary over time. And I don't know if you if you transported them to now, would they be successful? I pray I don't I think they actually because they defined the year that they were in because that's groundbreaking in the time that they're in. But yeah, you take them out and put them in today. And you just go What's that? Like? You wouldn't make it wouldn't might not be hit as hard I don't know. 911 Yep, well that's probably a good thing. leaving tomorrow tomorrow never know yeah with my guests, I love talking about two big the two big things I love talking about mum guilt and identity. So we've gone to mum guilt rock fest. How do you feel about I put it in the air quotes the old mum guilt? Because I feel like it's a label that's been created by someone else. But those feelings of that that guilt had had the sort of process that even before I answer that that that is a really interesting idea of what could we call it instead of mum guilt, because it is a thing that is natural. When you care about something, you want to make sure you're doing that job well. How can we re label that? You know, is it is it a pool or is it being drawn back to I definitely I definitely have mom guilt tend to have more mom guilt when I leave. Like if I have to leave the house to do work. Particularly if I go away on tour which I haven't done heaps of I did more of that when tender was little but you know pandemic times haven't really had the chance to abandon my son and hit the road yet. Yeah, it's a funny one. I mean, it's sometimes it never really, never really seems to have a rhyme or reason for me. You know, there'll be times when I can be stand quite firm in my commitment to maintain creative practice and a career and, and think, oh, you know, this is fine. And that's got him and this is great for him, it's great for them and not going to worry about this. And then there's other times, you know, I shouldn't have spent so long at the milk bar, you know, it doesn't seem to have a rhyme or reason for me, but definitely experience it. Yeah. Absolutely. And, yes, I like that, what you're saying about calling it something else, because I feel like almost like social media has created that tear, like a hashtag monkey, like, it's a throwaway sort of comment for others, but it's, it doesn't serve moms well to be labeled in that way. And sometimes, is it guilt? Or sometimes is it just actually, you know, us questioning? Is it time to bring the the is it the ledger back to towards more towards family? Or, you know, like, I think it is okay to question your involvement in in any kind of, you know, activity or, or passion, it's okay to say, Oh, am I spending too much time at work? Or am I? Or my you know, that that's okay. But whether you necessarily want to feel guilty about it? I don't know. And I guess, thinking about it now, like I haven't really thought really investigated this. And I'm glad you're asking me to but just for my own self, but I suppose it requires you two approach. I guess it's worth acknowledging that you're not going to approach parenting with a clean slate, like we all bring the wounds from our own childhood, and the wounds from the way we were parented to our own parenting. So that's something I guess that I, I find myself second guessing myself a bit on you know, do I have a reason to feel guilty about this? Or is it? Is it okay? Hmm. So I think, yeah, it's a challenging one, because no one's going to approach it. Yet, with a clean slate, everyone's going to bring their own baggage to parenting and, and that's going to inform how guilty you might be, or might feel. It's funny, there's, my friends become a mother recently, she's got a son who's nine must be nearly 10 months now maybe. And we went on tour together, we did a really big tour together when my daughter was maybe two, three. And like, that was the first time I left her and I had a lot of guilt about leaving her about being far away. And a lot of that was, I can also I could sense that there was a lot of baggage from my own childhood as well. But she was always very active about saying, you know, you are setting a great example for her, you are showing her that you there are things that in your life that you care about, you're showing her you're being entrepreneurship and you know, so she's really in my ear about that. So I feel lucky to have a friend and a musician and another like her to really help keep that in check. And if anyone is interested, her name is fear pH ia i think Instagram handle is listened to fear she's an amazing artist. So she's worth checking out and if she's your friend like she's my friend, she would tell you enjoy the music making take that time off go on to do it. So then leading into that the concept of identity that and I'm going to put this in air quotes again, because whenever I say I know it's not true. It's important to us for you to be more than just a mum and I know that's not right, because we're never just a mum, but I think you sort of touched on it earlier. When you say you don't clock off from being a mom, you don't clock off from being a musician, or an artist. How do you sort of retain your identity of, you know, you're still GA, you happen to have kids, but you've got all these other aspects of your life that are important as well. Make sense? Isn't it? It's an interesting question. I don't know if your other guests say this, but it's really interesting to have somebody asking these specific questions because often, like, I personally wouldn't think about this, in such specifically personal terms, until someone asked me a question like this, I thank you for the opportunity to, you know, do therapy. Podcast, when, when my daughter was born, I had work when I fell pregnant, I had work coming up, I had been booked to write a film school. And that started work on my second album. So I was just like, I'm just gonna keep doing like, I'm gonna start, I'm just gonna keep doing these things. And so I had these things booked in, I had to do them. Oh, my God, it was quite stressful at times, because I was frightened of letting people down. I didn't realize how sleep deprived I was going to be. So there was like, it was very challenging. But because I had the work booked in, it had to happen. Contrasting that, to the experience with my son, which is when I thought, Okay, I'm just gonna take some time off, I'm not going to book anything in. I'm not going to stress myself out, like I did the other time when I had all those commitments, so I'm just going to have nothing in the future. And then, you know, when he's one or something, I'll just start on some things. But COVID said, No, you won't. So that was interesting. Because I approach motherhood with having no, no creative projects, really happenings and no identity as, as a being a musician in that way, and it was very shocking was very challenging. To consider that those parts of myself could be gone, they might not come back. The opportunities might not be there, you know, those relationships might be lost. When you put time, why don't you go back to book a gig and that person is not there anymore? They knew you and the other person's like, oh, who are you? And how many people can you bring to the venue? And you have to go through the whole thing of selling yourself? Again, that sort of thing? Which really, yeah, I think it is really important to there's nothing wrong with being a full time mother who doesn't work outside the house. And, and is, is totally, um, enthused. And just fulfilled by that role. If you wanted to be executive, or, you know, an artist, or whatever it is, if you want to do something outside of that, it's okay to like, I think it's really important to, like, still live life on your own terms, I guess. Not feel like you have to say no to things. Because fathers aren't saying no to things. Let me tell you. Yep. Sorry, but it's true. It's true. Yep. Absolutely. I mean, if you want to say no, if you think oh, I'm just gonna be too tired. And I prefer to just spend the time with my kids then great. But you should be free to make those decisions as much as you can, I think. Yeah, because it is important, I feel from talking to other moms, that you still need to have you still use need to have that sense of self. You need to have something that you can do without your children. You know, it's so I'm just a happy mother. I'm a better mother. I'm a happier mother when I'm when I'm making things callous in its choosing. sweeping across a baby. Laughter sands on defenseless. Spock this shins have detached This is my love with your writing of your music, leaving you scoring. Have you found that that's changed at all since became a mum, like the themes that you explore that kind of thing? The themes in my writing have changed definitely. Yeah. I've I want to say finished writing but I haven't finished recording so the album so maybe I haven't finished writing it either. Maybe there'll be some new song that finds its way onto it. But I have a collection of songs I have a new body of work that I'm I've started recording and And it's it's very much inspired by motherhood and and relationships with my own mother and and grief and and yeah identity and belonging and home and I don't think I would have explored those themes pre children's pre children my songs weren't all about love and breakups you know a number that were and the number that still are you know, but I don't think I would have been inspired to explore those really personal relationships family relationships had I not experienced that imagining of your family Sandra MiFi meets your friends then words fall out like stone we carry them like it to your children they see what you're maybe not the two and a half year old but your your older daughter she knows what you're doing. She knows that you're recording she knows you're making music. She aware of that your contribution to the world. I suppose. She hasn't seen any of my music videos. Actually. I haven't showed her any of those. But she knows she knows I play she knows that. Most of the most of the time what my little one says don't go to a geek mummy. If he sees me putting lipstick on. He's like can you do any of these don't go it's sorry, some slams don't know. I find you i joking about it more because I think we've been so you know, with the lockdown. Everything's been so kind of home. Homebound, so I'm pretty keen to to get out. So I do joke more about that now. But um, but ya know, she she knows. She knows I sing and play and I don't. Yeah, time will tell whether, you know, she's on the therapist couch going my mum was so selfish or, you know, or whether she'll say I was I was proud to see her do things maybe it'd be both probably. I'm guessing. That's isn't it? Maybe it's a little little of both? do really interesting, I wonder what how music compares with other art forms? Because I'm in music as well. I feel like you know, there was that Triple J tweet fuel. You know about which I when I read it, I was like, I don't know if that's really intended for musicians. Like I saw it. And I was like, there must be something else behind that. Because that is just so insulting that I'm sure no one would be stupid. Like no one at Georgia will be stupid enough to insult that many people. Like on purpose. But it was so like, wow. quite awful to read. But, you know, I don't I don't know if there's explicit ageism. In other art forms where people aren't presenting themselves. Yeah, you know, as the work yeah, but probably another isn't dead. So I've got a friend who is a really successful ballet dancer. And, you know, there's this idea that once you get to a certain age and you like, you are not going to be as flexible as a 22 year old, you know, if, if you're in your 50s you're just not going to have the same body, but whether you know, that can still be celebrated and still be, you know, a vehicle for emotion. I mean, how could it not be if you had a dancer with like, 45 years of experience on stage is a 60 year old How could it not be incredible but yeah, I do wonder like how, as I'm getting older and I'm in a young person's industry, you shouldn't be it's I mean, it's not run by all young people. It's run by old men but but yeah, it does. Is it the same for writers who who don't have to have their It faces on the on the work. Is it the same for visual artists, video artists, as women age? Are they more respected? Or is there more pressure to have achieved things and are well, you're this age and you haven't achieved it yet? That's something that I'm would like to know more about. So tell me your findings, you should publish them. But yeah, at first, I thought that must be like a lyric for a song that I'm too old to, like. There must be reason why that that happened. And I think, you know, in the end, I'm glad because I think it it allowed it gave people the confidence to call it out. And just Yeah, I mean, a lot. I am friends with musicians who are my age, and we're just 21. And no joking about that. And be okay with it. I'm 38 Next week. But that, you know, we've all had the thing where Triple J will say, Oh, we we think you're not maybe quite right. To be fair. You know, similar to you, like, I'm not sure that my music really is Triple J music, but I know people I know women who are making Triple J type pop music. Yeah, we're being told Are we just think it's not right, like the right kind of thing for us. Let's move on to the slightly older Double J. But then I I've got a couple of friends who are men who have no problem getting played. So I might know, I don't know. Is it a coincidence? Yeah. See, I thought when the backlash came out, he was certainly I noticed more women reacting to that, quote, men were some men was supportive. But by and large I, for the people that I follow at least, that the women were the ones going hang on a second like, Yeah, I know. It really does. It troubles me. And then some of the comments, there was a really interesting tweet in reply that if you want to double j to be taken seriously, you know, create the same sort of exciting opportunities on double jayven on Triple J. So revamp that to make it something that people aren't like, Oh, great. Now my dad was like, yeah, like you've been primed off to a lesser, you know, and I do think that, that hopefully that will that will grow. Yeah, there was an artist Jack Cole, who was talking about that. He's a out and proud, gay man and a singer songwriter, beautiful singer songwriter and had a lot of wonderful success and to supporting Sarab Lesko and his recent albums received a lot of success. But he was saying that, you similarly, it's the ageism thing is, is compounded by if you're a woman, if you're non binary, if you're gay, if you're from a diverse cultural background, if you're First Nation, so and his experience was very much that, you know, you don't want to have an h you get asked to you know, why don't you send it on to Double J But Double J don't have the lack of version? They don't it's, you can't tune in in your car. It's digital radio. So it's, yeah, yeah. Yeah, hopefully that the only thing I just think it'd be better if there was more Australian, you know, national, radiant, like you've Double J get up to be more of a just a different Triple J and then we're fantastic. But someone else would made the point that Double J or Triple J really rose to cultural fame or importance before the internet. Oh, that was for me. You know, we'd listened to my cassette player ready to hit record when I hear the song that I liked, because it was no Spotify. Yeah, recorded on tape. Yeah, really old. But now that there's the internet, we can all hear about whatever music we want. You know, I still think there's a place for it. I think radio is a really powerful way to connect with people and share music but it is like maybe they're not the cultural gatekeepers that perhaps I think what we think they are because there's the thing called the internet that the kids are talking about this amazing thing I see on the outside like a size I guess it's hard to ask you when you're in lockdown what you've got coming up. Oh, that's Thanks for Thanks for being sensitive enough to kind of say that. You know, I've been around for that. What do you got coming out? Have you asked me that? Yeah. But nothing coming up? No. Thank you for asking. And thank you for putting that beautiful little disclaimer on there about lockdown and the challenges that we're facing with being able to create new works. Really, the main thing I'm focusing on the moment is building up motherlode. It's been something that I find really, I didn't think that ever be something that excited me about building as, as I've been excited about creating songs and writing songs and sharing them with the world and building that sort of the Georgia fields project. I feel really just as excited by Motherload at the moment. So almost sometimes I have to remind myself, hey, you know, have you done any GA feels? Okay, have you worked on your songs because I've just been very excited about starting that off. But I do have some songs written and I'm in the I'm basically I'm trying to get it funded. So I'm, I'm saving money, I'm doing the grants, I'm doing all the things. So that's taking up a lot of energy. But I've decided that I'm just gonna keep trying to record the songs, I've got a single coming out soon, where were worked with a with the producer for the album, which, you know, I'm really excited about sharing because we went into a lovely studio and, you know, sing it in the lovely studio, and he's mixed it and it sounds lovely, and can't wait to share that if I can't get funding together. You know, it might be more of a Lo Fi project, but I feel I won't. I will. And this is another conversation for another day maybe on creativity and, and, and motherhood. But I feel that until I've kind of recorded these songs, it's very challenging to write are the ones I don't know if you're like that, like I'm very much like, I need to record the songs now. I need to share them. It's like and then I can close the chapter. And I can Yeah, so I think I have to record them. So they will come out at some point in some way. Yeah. Now with varying sounds of maybe some of them are going to have my kids in the background. I don't know. I could send my two Nerf guns for you. Just to help you kind of really concentrate really getting my feel I do feel I heard that's not I feel like though. Now like I've done shows where something's you know, distracting or it's like nothing is is prepares you for that stage craft focus and when you're trying to practice and you've got kids running around in the lounge room like it's just such a good training man thank you so much. Yeah, I look forward to seeing how it goes. Likewise. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio or send me an email. Alison Newman dotnet My breath is my heart was

Megan Arlin US knitter and yarn dyer S1 Ep14 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts This week I welcome my first international guest to the show, Megan Arlin from Colorado Springs, USA. Megan is a small batch yarn dyer running Huck and Rae Fibre Studio, and a mother of 2. Megan grew up in a creative home, she was a mixed media artist, using graphites, coloured pencils and collaging, selling her art and has been into yarn since the age of 18, She now enjoys being able to chat to people all over the world and assist them in creating their ideal colours and textures. We chat about the importance of her having something that is just for her, the identity crisis that she experienced after the birth of her first child, and how much she loves being a part of the very supportive online knitting community. ** This episode contains discussions around post natal anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder and dysphoric milk ejection reflex** Connect with Megan on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/huckandraefiberstudio/ Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Music used with permission Alemjo - https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=pTHGHD20TWe08KDHtSWFjg&nd=1 When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the art of being among the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creators and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Thank you for joining me. This week I welcome my first international guests to the show. Megan Ireland from Colorado Springs, USA. Megan is a small batch yarn Dyer running Huck and re fiber studio and a mother of two. Megan grew up in a creative home. She was a mixed media artist using graphites colored pencils and collaging. She sold her out and has been into yarn since the age of 18. She now enjoys being able to chat to people all over the world and assist them in creating their ideal colors and textures. This episode contains discussions around postnatal anxiety, General Anxiety Disorder, and dysphoric milk ejection reflex. Today, I'm really excited to welcome my very first international guest. Welcome, Megan, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you. I am so excited to be on. Yeah, I think I need to change that this episode to be called The Art of Being a mom instead of that. Yeah, you know, Same Same difference. Yeah. So tell us about what you create. So I am the owner and Dyer behind hucking re fiber studio, which is a small batch, hand dyed yarn company. And we're located in Colorado Springs, Colorado, in the USA. So when you say small batch, what does that look like? What sort of quantities are you? Yeah, yeah. So it's it's basically one pan at a time. So basically, I die. Anywhere from like three to four skeins of yarn. At one time, you know, I can have multiple pans going, but I'm just really, really small batch. There's no large scale stuff going on here. Yeah, so that'd be quite labor intensive. I guess they still Yeah. If you're doing a lot and creating a new line or whatever. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It would just be quite full on to, to get it all done. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm my business is pretty, pretty new. So it's all pretty manageable right now. And great. So um, so yeah, it's good. So have you always been interested in like creating with with yarn like knitting or crocheting, things like that? Yeah. So my mom was a she, she didn't really knit much, but she wasn't like a weaver. She was she would like make, like little weep squares and put blankets together and stuff. She didn't know a little bit, but I kind of always had that around me. I wouldn't say that. I was always super interested in it until, um, I don't know. I was I was about 18. I think when I got into it, I actually do you guys have Michaels art and craft there? I don't think so. Okay, well, it's an art and crafts store here. And I worked there and my last few years of high school and I was like constantly around the yarn. And I was just like, I want to learn how to do something with this. So I kind of I kind of picked it up when I was 18. But I've always had it around me. How does the process actually work? Like what do you actually do to where do you get your yarn from and how do you sort of work through to create Yeah, so I I don't spin the yarn or anything like that i by just kind of like naked undyed skeins of yarn in bulk and then you know, different weights and different textures different I primarily, pretty much only dye animal fiber so I'm working with wool alpaca silk stuff like that. Yeah, and so I just I have I have all those bases and I kind of just, you know, use inspiration around me to create the colors that I want basically to go together and make pretty yarn. You call it fall over there your autumn. Have you just started autumn over there? Ah, it's not quite but we're getting there. We're at the tail end of summer. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I've noticed a lot of your colors now. You're moving into those beautiful oranges and burnt sort of colors. Yeah, those are my favorite. Yeah. All the fall colors are like jewel tones. I just, I'm really drawn to towards those colors. Yeah, for sure. So you take a lot of inspiration from what's happening around you in the world and yeah, I mean, Colorado I don't know if you know much about Colorado but it's beautiful. It's beautiful. Here we have we have all the Aspen's, do you know that asked? Hey a little bit yeah. We have lots of like color changes and stuff, you know where everything goes from green to yellow and orange and red and it's it's just really beautiful like this. This part of the country is is just stunning and it's very inspirational. color wise I actually discovered you through documentary Cooper's episode. Yes, yes. You're finding people. Yeah. I've talked to people in Australia like Melanie and I've talked to people in Germany like I've, I've actually talked to other yarn dyers in Germany. Yeah. So like, all over the world. So. So it's, it's incredible. You're brilliant. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I think probably because you, you're creating, like this small batch you can specialize in, I guess what people the demand for what people want, you can turn it around really quickly to if someone says this, this beautiful, whatever shade of green or whatever, you can go Righto and make it. Yeah, and it makes it really personalized to I suppose because you can you can talk to people about what they want. And, and crap. Yeah, I had, I had a gal the other day, who, who messaged me, and you know, is asking, like, if I thought these colors would go together, and you know, so so it is it's really fun and to to just like help people curate, you know, the the ideas that they have in their head for the yarn for their projects. So it's like, they're getting like my little bit of art to put into their art, which is just so special. Yeah. And then seeing what they what your product turns into. Yes. 100% The coolest thing about it to see to see what other people do with yarn. Yeah, I was really taken by the way that Melanie, she described how she paints but then she uses she knits and crochets and then includes that with their painting. And that's like, obviously, I'm not from an art background at all, but that I was like, wow, I would never thought to do that. So I guess it'd be cool for you to see. Yeah, we're Yeah. Your your products in up? Yeah, exactly. So cool. Yeah, it might not be what you sort of might imagine it might you think might become a teddy or something. But it might become you know, something? Completely. Yeah, yeah. The stuff that Melanie does is so cool and unique in and it's just really cool. Family, so tell us about your children. Yeah. So my husband's name is Jeff and we have been married for going on six years now. We got married in October 2015. I think I think that's right. And we have two children. We have a four year old son. He's my oldest. His name is Finn. And then we have a three year old daughter and her name is Sophia. S. V. A. Yeah, it's a it's an unusual name. Is that does that have any origins in that? So it's, it's Swedish. We were we were originally leaning towards name naming her Freya. But we want I just came across that name span and fell right in love with it. So that's what we ended up doing. So it's a beautiful way. Thank you. Thank you. I work in childcare. So I come across a lot of nice. Oh, I'm sure you do. Yes. A lot of unique name that that's a beautiful name. Thank you. Yeah, sorry, how old? She is three. So so my kids are they're 16 months apart. Yeah. Right. So they're very, very close. And he is how does that go? Do they get on? Well, they say do they actually really do. I mean, they're kind of At the age right now, where they bicker a lot, but but they just adore each other and the it's it's good, they play together and it's great, really slowly. So how do you fit in creating around having two little ones? Yeah, so basically, I, my husband and I kind of came to an agreement that I could have three days a week after he gets off of work because he once COVID happened and stuff he started working from home and he still is working from home. So basically, when he gets off of work three days a week, I get to go downstairs and do do my thing. So he takes over all the all the childcare and stuff and that's then that's how it works and it works well. Let's cry so you can just blissfully go down and create Yeah, I know that everyone's fine upstairs. Yeah, I mean, I can I can hear what's going on. So if I need to, I can run up there. Oh, that's fantastic. Well, you're doing you're dying before you had your children. No, I was not. So I was a mixed media artist basically, pretty much my whole life. In high school, I did a lot a lot of mixed media art, I sold my art I got a scholarship. So basically, my medium was like graphite colored pencil. And in the I throw in other things like newspaper clippings or magazine clippings, yarn, sometimes that type of stuff. But no, I wasn't ever doing really anything with yarn dyeing until after I had my kids. So do you do do you still do your your other kind of out of touch? Now I really I really don't very much. So kind of when I got into college, like my kind of my art kind of stopped. I really, I got focused in on like, I was kind of like weighing whether I wanted to pursue art or whether I wanted to do something else. And I I ended up pursuing health care. And so I actually worked in health care for 12 years I Alzheimer's and dementia patients for six years. And then I did hospice for six years. Oh, wow. Yeah. So um, so I I mean, I was knitting during that time that but I really wasn't I wasn't really doing art you know, it had it had all kind of kind of dropped off. So so really, I don't I don't do it too much anymore at all. Sometimes Sometimes I'll draw or do watercolors something like that, but not not much. Yeah, for sure. It's the the drawings got the center stage at the way right. So do you have other mums over there that are sort of in a similar boat where they're juggling? Doing they're creating with young kids, you have a sort of support network around you. I really don't. You know, that's I've kind of been alone in that type of way, I guess you could say, I actually don't even have that many mom friends that are in the same place as me. Like, I have friends that have older kids. I have one friend in particular who is who was kind of in the same, you know, toddlerhood area as me but she I actually just taught her how to knit so so she now she's on that boat but but yeah, not Not really. I actually most of the community that I have I I got online. So I the community that I that I have online to through knitting and fiber fiber art is you know, those are people that that I guess I can relate to, in that sense, you know, there's definitely other moms and stuff like that in that world. But I but I don't have anybody directly that I'm in contact with. Um, in my day to day life that is kind of in the same boat as me. Yeah. Do you find that challenging at all? I do a little bit. Yeah, it's, it is tough because I actually don't even have any family around at all. So it's kind of just us. And, and yeah, so so it is. It's it. It felt very lonely until I was able to like, kind of engage with the community online. So that's been wonderful for me. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Because yeah, even if you don't have that, you know, physical support. But yeah, having people that you can relate to that you can have conversations we've had so important, isn't it? Yes, it is. Absolutely. And particularly at the moment, I'm not sure how you guys are going over there now. But with all the COVID stuff, like not being able to see people anyway, having to be Yeah, and things like that. Yeah, guys, all out of that. Now, where are you? Oh, so so we're not in lockdown at all. In fact, not not just a whole lot of people are wearing a ton of masks or anything anymore here. So you know, we I think there's a high vaccination rate, but I'm not 100% sure about all that type of stuff. But anyway, yeah. So so we're not locked down or anything like that. I know that the like, Delta variant is pretty busy making a comeback and everything. So I don't know how help the winter looks for for us. But But yeah, we've been kind of back to normal, I would say, you know, where we can go to restaurants and all that type of stuff. So oh, that's a good. Yeah, the only place that you like have to wear a mask is if you're going into medical places. So yeah. Which makes sense, doesn't it? Yeah, does. Absolutely. It's we've been living in crazy times. Oh, my gosh. Do you still work in healthcare? Now? I don't. So when I got pregnant, you know, it was always the plan for me to be a stay at home mom. And so yeah, I worked up until I my last month in in, I was doing hospice. And and then, you know, then I was a stay at home mom, you know, and I guess we had planned on me getting back into healthcare and everything at some point, but after being out of it for a while, I realized, like, I cannot go back to health care, because it was actually a little bit traumatizing. You know, it's kind of like after, you know, it's like, you're in it, you're in in the battle. And then you get out of it, and you're able to process it. I mean, like, I had so many people that I loved and cared about and you know, and I was caring for them during their death, you know, and so 12 years of that was a little bit traumatizing for me. And so, yeah, so I was like, you know, although it was very fulfilling. And I'm thankful that I did it. I don't ever want to go back into the healthcare field. And that's, that's just that for sure. And particularly now with COVID Like, I don't think if you had your choice you certainly you wouldn't put yourself in that exposure and the danger and having young family now yeah, look on a on a separate note, I totally I completely admire what you've done with hospice of dementia I'm I'm got a complete admiration and gratitude. I did home health care to when I was hospital because where I live, I might the city that I live in is quite large, but the cities around us are a lot smaller. It's a lot more like farmland and stuff. And so So yeah, I would go out I would go out to houses and stuff too. And, and yes, like palliative care and hospice is 100% of blessing but like, but yeah, it's it's hard mentally. Yeah, for sure. So yeah. So you said you would you wouldn't eating at that stage. Was that something you were doing to sort of switch off To forget, days, I guess Yeah, I mean, knitting, knitting has always been a source of like, like to help with anxiety or you know, any of that type of stuff. It's like, you just yeah, you kind of just, it's something that you're doing that you focus in on and, and knitting is just so awesome. In that way, you know, you can just knit and knit and knit mindlessly. And it's, it's really wonderful. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's, it's repetitive and you can get lost in it. And it's meditative, almost like you consumed by, yes, you're doing and you're using your hands. So you know, your whole body is involved. And my Nana used to knit she used to sit and watch the telly and just gonna click, click, click, click, click. Yeah. She tried to teach us and I remember kind of doing the thing. But now, but I could totally say that I can totally empathize with that for sure. In each episode, I asked my guests about two particular things. One is identity. So retaining themselves, even though they're a mom, they still are themselves and they hold their own identity. The other thing I talk about is mum guilt, which I'm sure translates across the across all Yeah, realities. Yeah. So let's talk about identity first. So he's important for you to feel like, and I say this in air quotes, because I know that it's not an actual correct statement. But you are more than just a mum. Yeah, so I didn't know how important that was. Until Yeah, I, you know, I had, you know, I had had an identity, you know, which was, I was a health care worker. And then I became a mom, and then I wasn't that anymore. And so, you know, people would be like, Oh, what do you do? And I'd be like, Oh, I'm a stay at home mom. And so they would automatically say, oh, then okay, what is your husband do? Which, which I'm just, like, just felt terrible to me. It felt terrible to me. And, and so, yeah, that was a big. I went through an identity crisis, really? Where I was just like, What am I besides a mom, like, it didn't feel good to me. It didn't it, didn't it? I felt really, really lost. During Yeah, during that kind of transition, because I didn't really I didn't really know. And like, just, I mean, I'm not saying that, like, just being a mom isn't enough. But for me, it didn't. It just didn't. I just felt lost. You know? So yeah, I mean, it is really important to me to feel like I have something that is just mine, you know, something that that I can tell people about that, that I'm passionate about that that's really just mine, and yeah, so yeah, that is really important to me. Yeah. And something that you can do without your children. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, cuz because there isn't really a whole lot of that bathroom. Yep. Yeah, it's Yeah. And it's important that you've got your own space in your home where you can go the space spikes. Yeah, I mean, you know, I've got two toddlers talking at me all day. And like, we're, I just don't even have have a minute to even think to myself and so being in my little die dungeon down here. Oh, being able to just think to myself, talk to myself, I talk to myself all the time. You know, and just create a create what I want to create is everything to me really, you know, it's, it's, I need that in my life. So it's very important. Absolutely. You've said it so well. You actually took the words out of my mouth because I always say I'm I need something just for me. That's just mine. That's how I feel about my, my singing and my performing. And I loved that when you said it. I just went, Yeah, you know, and it was, it was something for me that like I felt I had, it was, it was hard to come to that realization because like, I felt a little selfish for feeling that way. Like, like I was being ungrateful. Because you know, how many people would not love to be in my position where I'm staying at home and not having to, you know, go to a job every day or whatever. But that's really not not fair to me. You know, right, like, yeah, that's not fair to think that way. And so and so yeah, I own that I own that I need some time to myself, you know, and that is not selfish at all. Because I think you probably would find I'm putting words in your mouth now. But a lot of people have said to me, they need something for themselves. So then they can show up in the best way. And for the children. Oh, 100% 100%. Yeah. Because, yeah, I mean, like, before, I was able to, like start doing my yarn dyeing and everything like that. It was, I felt more burnt out, you know, I just felt burnt out. Really? You know, and so yeah, I'm absolutely more able to, you know, I'm taking care of myself. And so it's much easier to show up for my kids. Yeah, you can't pour from an empty cup, you need to have it filled up to be. Yeah, brilliant. So I guess that sort of then leads into that mum guilt, about, you know, feeling like you should be doing everything for your kids, and you shouldn't be doing something for yourself. So I guess you sort of, you've experienced a little bit of that. Yeah. Transition. And I think I think mom guilt is a real thing. You know, I think I think that some people do experience it, but like, I can't 100% say right now that, that I don't and, and, you know, my kids are really helpful in that too. Because they, they honestly think that what I do is the coolest thing in the world. Like, they they really think I'm a rock star. They're just like, Mom, are you gonna go die your yarn, you know, they just think it's the greatest thing in the world. Like my, like, before I come downstairs, my daughter, like gives me a hug and a kiss. And she's like, have fun at work. You know? Like, they just respect the crap out of what I do, which I think it makes it so much easier. You know? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, and also, I'm not leaving my house, I can run upstairs whenever I'm needed or whatever, you know. But But yeah, it's, it's great. That's beautiful, that they see what you're doing. And they value that. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they could see a change in in me, you know, because, you know, I'm, I'm happier I feel more more whole. Now, you know, then than I did before when I was feeling you know, lost and like, I didn't have any type of identity or anything for myself. So, but yeah, they think they think it's so cool. And I think that's great Do they ever come down into the die dungeon or? Yeah, I mean, like so. So like dyeing, the dye powder is dangerous. So you have to wear a mask and stuff so they're never around when I'm actually dying. But yeah, like every single morning, they come down to see what I've done, you know, and they'll be like, Oh, Mom, this is my favorite one. I love these colors, you know? So yeah, they definitely helped me you know, do the steps that they they can like help help me like wash out the yarn or like put it in the spin dryer you put it in a spin dryer and let all the water spin out of it. They love that so so yeah, they get involved in the pieces that they can Yeah, and I guess it would be exciting for them to see see the finished product like when it comes out to see what it actually looks like and that'd be new to us. Yeah, yeah, it's yeah, it's fun for everybody is like Do you ever think you think it's going to turn out somewhere and then it comes out a different way every single time every single time like you know I have a plan in my head and you know, I start working and doing what I'm doing. And it always does come out a little bit different than than I expect but I usually like it so and if not, I can go back I can kind of go back and rework it a little bit. It's so I do like it you know, like isn't quite dark enough for or whatever you know, do you wish to recipe or need Just go by. See, yeah. So so basically what I do is I develop the recipes. So I, yeah, so I develop the recipes and then I, I write down every single step so that I can try and recreate them, you know, the best I can, you know, you can't 100% recreate it, but you know, if people want, like, specific colorway data, I can do that. Yeah. Do you kids ever? Did they give you suggestions of what colors they want you to make? No, I mean, like, they're kind of like, you know what you're doing? You'll just tell me which ones ones they like and which ones they don't like as much, you know? Yeah. They could critique is at the end. Yeah. Yeah, yes, exactly. Oh, that's it door. I love that. Part of my part of my getting to this point where like, I was even, like, wondering about dyeing yarn and stuff like that was partially because of my I had I had postpartum anxiety. And so, um, you know, I was like, at this, this point where, like, I was just, I just had a really hard time, you know, letting even my husband kind of deal with my, like, when, when I was a new mom, so with my son, like, I was always even concerned with my husband dealing with my son, I didn't want to leave him alone with anybody. I was like, constantly, like, compulsively checking to see if he was breathing, you know, so I really, I really struggled with that. And so I started looking, you know, I started knitting a lot more, you know, just, that is just what I do to help with my anxiety and stuff. And that's how I actually got involved in the, like the knitting community. Because that because I really knew no one else who knit my age at least. And so I that's how I got involved in the knitting community and even learned about indie dyeing. And that's kind of just really what set it all off. So I kind of have my postpartum anxiety is, for that. I have a generalized anxiety disorder that I've been diagnosed with. So actually, when I was kind of in, in the Thralls, of my postpartum anxiety, I didn't I didn't even realize it. So it was more kind of my, my husband was kind of like, oh, you know, I actually, I, I experienced, I don't know if you've ever heard of this. It's called dysphoric milk ejection reflex. So basically, what it is, is when you're, you're breastfeeding or pumping breast milk, the letdown. It's, you know, releases chemicals in your brain. And for people who experienced this, like myself, it makes you feel terrible. Like, it's just like a wash of bad feeling over you. And so I experienced that during breastfeeding. And I also was just having a really hard time breastfeeding, like, I was just not a very good milk producer. And so it was, it was it was just kind of a double whammy, really. And so like, I was kind of dealing with that. And I was dealing with the I mean, and I didn't really know I did actually end up talking to my I, I had a midwife I did I did home births with both my children. And so anyway, I told my midwife about that and she diagnosed me with the dysphoric milk rejection thing, and it's so that you know, and I mean, there wasn't really much to do about it, I guess. So. I just kind of dealt with it. And I kind of fought I fought with breastfeeding for about eight months with my son. And finally, my husband was just like, can we please just try some formula? And I was like, I guess. And so we did. And like, Honestly, after I put my son on formula, like, I felt so much better, really, you know, and I had, I had been a mom for eight months, you know, and so that kind of was like my coming out of that. But then I got pregnant, right after I stopped breastfeeding, and kind of but but at least like with my daughter, I knew what I was getting into. I knew I was going to experience that. And so I just didn't breastfeed her as long as and put her on formula, like after three or four months. So yeah, yeah. So yeah, it's so I didn't really, so when I was in the postpartum anxiety, like, it's something that I see so much looking back on. But like, I didn't really realize until I was out of it until I like, talk, because, you know, it's like, when you're in it, you're just like, what, what are you talking about? Yeah, I can so precisely that situation was just very defensive and everything and so so looking back on it, I was like, Oh, me on so yeah, and I mean, like, with my, with my daughter, it wasn't, it wasn't as bad. Because I wasn't a brand new mom, I knew she she was going to be breathing every single check. Do you know? And? Yeah, so. So so I didn't necessarily deal with it with my health care professionals at all. But it was also something that like, I hadn't really heard a whole lot about, like, you hear a ton about postpartum depression, but not very much about postpartum anxiety. So it for sure. Yeah. So it's definitely a real thing. And it's definitely different. You know, yeah. Oh, absolutely. Like I've had my background experience has been replaced now depression. And I didn't know there was a thing called personnel anxiety till I spoke to Jade, who's on the program next week. So and now I'm talking to you. There's no speak to experience. So it must be so widespread, but yeah, it will just don't you know, don't hear about it. I don't know if they don't, they're not aware of it. Which I don't know. I wonder I wonder if it because, like, you know, I? I wonder if it's just because maybe, I don't know, it's maybe it's more common amongst people who have like, anxiety disorders. I don't know. I don't know if the other lady that that you talked to has like a anxiety or panic disorder and her Yeah, life or whatever, but but I do. And so, um, but I mean, like, my husband, my husband's known me for forever, you know, and he, he was just like, it was on a different level. You know, during my, my postnatal Yeah. So yeah. First one is always is always tough. I think, you know, because you just don't, you just don't I mean, like, I was a caregiver for for 12 years. And I still, you know, I was like, before I had kids, I was just like, I got this, you know, but then, but then I had kids and I was like, wow, this is this is really a totally different ballgame. Oh, yeah. Nothing can prepare you really nothing? Yeah. Nothing at all. Even people tell you about it. Before you have kids, they tell you. It's really bad, but and you just get it. Yeah, that's nice. Because you're not in that headspace. You have no concept of what it's like to not have sleep and you know, yeah, you don't. You don't you're not there. Yeah, if you would have told me that I would be waking up at six o'clock, five o'clock in the morning every day. I wouldn't be like, No, not me. But that is my life now like I was I was definitely the gal who like slept as late as possible before working. But but now it's just like I'm an early riser. Yep. They changed your life in so many Abiel so many assays. Oh, yeah. Is the knitting community really big in America? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So um, yeah. If you're not a part of the knitting community, you wouldn't know how huge it is. Yeah, it's it's it's big. Yeah, it's big. It's a it's a big deal among knitters and crochet errs and, you know, fiber artists, so, yeah, yeah. Cool. There's a lot of people a lot of people involved yet. Yeah, over here. It's Like crocheting is having this massive resurgence in a, in a not doily way. Yeah. Right. It's the best way I can describe it. It's like they're making all these amazing, beautiful Teddy's and creations. And yeah, those are so cool. I love it and because I have so much respect for it, because I don't understand how they do it. So yeah, I have no idea how to crochet. I've never I've never tried, I kind of always just, I like, the way that knitting looks, you know, and so that's why I wanted to knit. I just kind of like the the end product of of knitting, but now, but now I've seen lots of crochet stuff that looks like knitting So, but But yeah, I've never learned how to crochet but yeah, I do know, I do know a lot of people who do. Yeah, yeah, it might inspire me just to pick up the sticks again, maybe Yeah. I, when I listened to Melanie's episode, I was crying at the end. Because, you know, it's like, it's like, because I can relate to her a lot. And so I you know, it's almost like you feel so validated, you feel validated when you hear other people have gone through the same things that you did, you know, because, you know, a lot of, of what you see is like, perfect, perfect. Culture, perfect, mom's perfect, you know, everything and, and if you don't see the real side of it, then you feel like you're alone on an island. And, and so it's so validating and to hear other people's stories about motherhood and what, what they did and what they went through and stuff. So I think what you're doing is, is wonderful. Oh, thank you, thanks for being a part of it. I kind of like work on collections. So like, I did a spring collection and now I'm doing fall collection. And you know, because I'm because I'm a fairly new business. You know, I'm just kind of go in the flow and seeing how things go, you know, so but yeah, it's kind of like, I guess the goal is to be able to release collections and also have like, custom like sweater quantity orders come in and stuff like that. So yeah, that's that's kind of the goal. So, yep. Thank you. Thank you. It was great talking to you. Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, I'm so excited to have have a special American as well. Thank you again, Megan. Alright, take care and best of luck. You too. Stay wary. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email at Alison Newman dotnet

Onnie Michalsky US councellor and podcaster S3 Ep83 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts On the show today I welcome Onnie Michalsky, a podcaster, coach and licenced counsellor from Montana USA and mom of 6 children aged from 23 to 8 years old. Onnie began as a counselor in the mental health field. When she decided in 2019 to start a business it was inspired by her own challenges. Things like, the house would fall apart if she stepped away that she had to control everything, and that nobody could do the job as well as here. She thought that being a good mum meant everyone else's needs were taken care of often at the expense of their own. Her online business Moms Without Capes brings plenty of her own strategies and experiences with "Supermon syndrome", or "the perfect mother myth" and her progress with overcoming it. To let go of the negative self talk the perfectionism the people pleasing and the unrealistic expectations, discovering along the way who you are, and learning to truly love yourself and your life and to finally hang up that Supermon cape. Onnie helps overscheduled stressed out mums to slow down recognize their worth and find their way back to themselves. Sounds pretty good to me. Onnie Mom's Without Capes website / instagram / facebook group Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... elcome to the Art of Being a mum podcast, where I Alison Newman, a singer songwriter, and Ozzy mum of two enjoys honest and inspiring conversations with artists and creators about the joys and issues they've encountered. While trying to be a mum and continue to create. You'll hear themes like the mental juggle, changes in identity, how their works been influenced by motherhood, mum guilt, cultural norms, and we also stray into territory such as the patriarchy, feminism, and capitalism. You can find links to my guests and topics we discussed in the show notes, along with a link to the music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our supportive and lively community on Instagram. I'll always put a trigger warning if we discuss sensitive topics on the podcast. But if at any time you're concerned about your mental health, I urge you to talk to those around you reach out to health professionals, or seek out resources online, I've compiled a list of international resources which can be accessed on the podcast landing page, Alison newman.net/podcast. The art of being a man would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on has been the Bondic people in the barren region of South Australia. I'm working on land that was never ceded. Hello, and welcome to another episode. I say it every week. But it really is a pleasure to have you and to welcome me into this world of encouragement and support for fellow creative mums. Today, I just want to give a quick mention to the email that I've been sending out every week. I'm really conscious of the fact that whatever we put online, we don't really own. And it could disappear at any time. And Instagram is the main way that I communicate with you all. So if you'd love to keep up to date with what's going on, in the event that you know, someone like Elon Musk takes over Instagram and recs that as well, or the simple thing like I get hacked and I lose all my data and have to start again, please go to my web page, Alison newman.net/podcast. And sign up to the weekly newsletter, where I give a little bit of a more detail about who's on each week and a heads up about who's coming in the following week. And I also have a few little different bits and bobs on there that I don't share on the Instagram page. If that's not for you, no worries. Let's keep chatting on Instagram where I'm most active. And you can find that link in the show notes or just search for the art of being a mum on Instagram. Come say hi. On the show today. I welcome ani Michelle ski ani is a podcaster, a coach, a licensed counselor from Montana in the US and she's a mom of six children aged from 23 to eight years old. Five girls and one boy only began as a counselor in the mental health field. When she decided in 2019 to start a business it was inspired by her own challenges. Things like the house would fall apart if she stepped away that she had to control everything, and that nobody could do the job as well as her. She thought that being a good mum meant everyone else's needs were taken care of often at the expense of their own. Her online business moms without capes brings plenty of their own strategies and experiences with Superman syndrome with a perfect mother myth and her progress with overcoming it. To let go of the negative self talk. The perfectionism the people pleasing and unrealistic expectations, discovering along the way who you are, and learning to truly love yourself and your life and to finally hang up that Superman cape. In her business mums without capes on he helps overscheduled stressed out mums to slow down, recognize their worth and find their way back to themselves. Sounds pretty good to me. I hope you enjoy today's chat with Arne. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast Ani. It's such a pleasure to meet you and to welcome you today. Yeah, I'm excited to be here. Ellison. Oh, that's awesome. I'm really pleased. Yeah. Tell me whereabouts you are in America. In Montana, which do you know what that is? Because I didn't know where it was. It like not fully south but in the middle somewhere. No, it's not in the north like it kind of is right Canada is right above us. Okay. Where the third state from the west. Yeah, right. I'm from the East Coast though. So when I met my husband, I had no idea where Montana was. I'm learning so much about about geography, like American geography. It's really quite interesting. So what's the weather like man at the moment? Today was actually in the 50s 50 degrees Fahrenheit Yeah, People are wearing just like jeans and sweatshirts, that kind of weather. But usually, it is, you know, two weeks ago we had to, like below zero temperatures, and it was absolutely frigid out. Usually we have ice packed roads through the winter. Right now we're just experiencing a little bit of a rarity these days. Yeah, so that's 10 degrees for us, which is cold. Like that's cold for us here. For me here. That's a cold winter's day. We don't get that very often. I still wear my coat even though I like the true Montanans like jeans and a sweatshirt, but I'm still bundled up with me, wherever he from originally. So from the I'm from outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Yeah, right. It's the same except our winters aren't as long or as cold. I don't think so. We still get snow and stuff. But yes, longer summers there. Yeah. So when, when I saw on the news a few weeks ago, you guys had really, really like ridiculously cold. Temperatures. Did you guys like lose power and all that sort of stuff and have storms or anything? No, I don't think we lost power. It was just so frigid. Like we didn't even want to go outside. I pretty much like hibernate from October through. It takes a lot to get me out of the house. And I had to invest in a good pair of snow boots and snow pants and everything when I got here, because for the first few years I like did not go out of the house for real. Yeah, it's cold. Yeah, well, I'll tell you here today, it's all worked out before it's about 71 in Fahrenheit, and beautiful blue skies. Some shining. It's just it's a really nice day apart from it's a little windy. That's the only thing. But the other day it was have to convert it. Hang on. It was 36 centigrade, or Celsius here. So what's that in? You? Know? No, not here where I'm from. We don't get anywhere near as cold. Yeah, I wouldn't like that either. 9896 96 Fahrenheit. It was here just a couple of days ago. So it really fluctuates. Yeah, we'll have like days, a couple of days really hot. And then we'll go back to sort of meet whatever. 70s No talking at all. No wonder you guys are all sick all over there. Oh, I honestly, I swear it has something to do with it. Yeah. And you get you just get used to something and then it changes on you. And that messes with you. With everything in your body and name. But anyway, enough about that. I actually find it really interesting. When I talk to people I want to know what what the weather's like. It's just something that I find really interesting. I don't know. Funny, cuz like talking about the weather is like consider like that small talk. I know what I know. Because it's when I was a kid, I had a lot of pen pals from around the world. And I just loved knowing what what the weather was because like, it's so different. Like, obviously, we're just talking about you know, I don't get snow. You guys get snow. I find that it's a whole different world. And I just find that really interesting and exciting. Have you ever seen snow like have you ever bit experience? Yeah, we did go once but we didn't. We didn't ski like we just went to literally say the snow. And it was different to what I thought like it was really wet. Like I thought it would be I don't know what salary but like, yeah, like, Yeah, I like sat down and just got saturated. Because we weren't planning. Yeah, we just had normal clothes on. We just went for a drive one day when we're in Melbourne. Yeah, but I'd like I'd love to go skiing. I think it would be really fun. I don't think I'd be very good at it. But I'd like to try. I went in high school for my first time we tried to take the kids every year. A few years ago, my husband and I decided to try snowboarding. Yeah. Well when I went in high school, it wasn't until the very last day that I actually got the hang of it. And then it was years and years afterwards until I got to go try again. And I am not an avid skier at all but a few years ago we tried snowboarding and that I was even worse. My calves were killing I really was like the most awkward thing was getting up on the snowboard. Yeah, it was just awkward my whole butts up and I wouldn't be a cool snowboarder and it wasn't happening. Yeah, I love watching them on the Olympics and stuff how they just like raw down here and then they just stop like they turn themselves in. They just stop so effortlessly. That would not be me. Oh god, that's classy you're cold mums without cakes, which I think is fantastic. Can you share with us what the premise and the sort of ideas behind that? Sure. So I created a whole business moms without capes. And what it is, is I help super moms who moms who think they have to be doing everything and taking care of everything. And with the huge like mental load and all of thinking they have to do all the things, and I help them create margin in their day for themselves. I helped them put themselves on their, on their to do list and give themselves permission to focus on themselves. So that's, that's really my huge mission is to help moms recognize their own worth, and give themselves what they need. That is that is so important. Like that is the biggest thing that we talked about on this show, it always comes up is that people mums need time to still be the person they were before they had kids, you know, that side of you just doesn't disappear and fly off into the distance. It's like it's particularly go there. Yeah. Creative and I've always had a passion for making and creating and doing trying to find that space within the you know, the role of mothering can be tremendously difficult. But it's so important to do it because, you know, just helps you be yourself I suppose. It's It's so true, like moms tend to lose themselves when they're sacrificing their, their identity. For the for being a mom, right? It's almost happens naturally you had to fight against it. But I helped moms like recognize themselves in the mirror. Because you get to a point where you're like, I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what it is that I like, because for so long, you're just doing everything for your family. And you turn around one day and you don't even recognize yourself who you are what what your purpose is beyond being a mom? How did this come about for you? Is this from like personal experience or anything like that? Yes, absolutely. So bite fi trade, I guess or I am a licensed counselor here in Montana as well. And so in the mental health field, and when I decided in 2019 All right, I'm gonna start a business right like that was like, as if I was just gonna know exactly what to do. I started learning more about you know, coaching and how to create a business and everything's like, everyone's like you have to niche down. And, you know, after I learned what that word actually meant, I had niched down to weight loss was what it was, because as part of my story, which we'll get into in a second, I had lost weight. And so I was like, Alright, I'm like, I'll do weight loss, right? So I started with that. And then I started gaining weight and I was like, this is not working. Well, I can't even get like a handle on like my own weight. I felt like it was worse than imposter syndrome. So I decided to do some more exploring and some more just you know, journaling, some talking to other moms and like just realized like trying to see like, what can I bring to the table? What can I create a business about? And who do I want to serve? So I knew right away even with weight loss, like I gravitate towards the helping moms. So I am a mom of six we have six kids. So I create a Mazda that capes as a way to bring my own experience because back in 2011 when I had lost when I started my like weight loss journey or started that I struggled with a lot of perfectionism and people pleasing and all the things that kept me from even taking a Zumba class. That was where it started. I wanted to take a Zumba class. and I couldn't figure out how to get the stars to line up for me to walk out the door. Because everything I did, I was homeschooling, I had to, you know, I was the primary, making sure the meals were all done making sure the house was all clean, like I had so many things on, like so many plates, I was spinning. In addition to like, I volunteered around the community and stuff that I couldn't figure out what it was that I needed to. So that really started my journey of like self development, and learning to get past those excuses that I was telling myself the lies that I was telling myself, you know, that I, you know, everything that I had to control everything that the house was going to fall apart if I stepped away, that nobody could do the job as good as me, right? All these things, these expectations that we hold. And I really had to do a lot of deep diving into all of that. And so yes, moms without capes, brings plenty of my own struggles and experience with the supermom syndrome. And much like my progress of overcoming it. Actually, I say overcoming it, but I still struggle. I just wrote an email to my my mom's and I was like, yesterday morning was like one of those moments where I was like, Oh my gosh, like, everything was everyone needed me within a 10 minute span. And I was just like, I can't do this. I can't do this. Sorry. So like, I have to continually keep myself in check. But where before I would just continually to like give give give. I've gotten to this point where I'm like, Okay, what do I need, and I give myself that. So like, in that case, yesterday morning, I was like, Okay, I need to walk out I need to breathe, I need to communicate to my family, like the effect that this is having on me like feeling like claustrophobic almost like, you know, you know, and I was able to rebound a lot faster than I would have 10 years ago when I was really like just thinking that, you know, to be a good mom, I had to make sure everybody else was taken care of. So I've done a lot of progress that way. But at the same time, I know that I it's not it comes back, the overwhelm comes back at times, you know, it's just the seasons, it's the seasons of like, you know, and the thing is our oldest is 23. And then we've got a 19 year old to 16 year olds, a 12 year old who's about to be 13 and eight year old. So by the time I get to the year, I'm like, I'm just tired. Yeah, you know, and like, I'm a completely different parent than I was 12 like 23 years ago, right? Like our older kids, like, never video games. Like I was always like, no, like that would make me a bad mom. And like, you know, try and like that the rains I was like home holding thinking that the world was going to collapse. Like I was able to definitely loosen up and when I say let Fun Mom sure face, you know, like, back and relax and like, enjoy company like enjoy like the company of my family and do things that before? No, because I always had to be the Enforcer. I always had to be the one that it was a lot of communication with a lot of personal work. Yeah, good on you. That's, that's so inspiring that you've been able to do that. Now Good on you. Because I think you took equal like the Superman syndrome by this perfect mother myth that the good mum, in our mind, I think we've got all these stories we tell ourselves of what this person looks like. And there's a fantastic sociologist over here name's Dr. Sophie Brock. And she talks a lot about this and that person, they don't actually exist. Like, if you write down all the things that you think is makes the perfect mother, that person does not live on this earth, like they do not exist. But we keep beating ourselves double standard. Yes. And I think a lot of it, like, you know, the comparison that we we look at other people, we think, Oh, they they're doing that on my I should be doing that. Oh, you know, you're talking about the screen time or my kids on screen time. This long? Oh, maybe I shouldn't do it. A lot of it's, you know, brought on by this judgment of others or social media, you know, shows us these ideals that were supposed to be Yeah, literally a highlight reel of 10 seconds of someone's life. And, and we compare ourselves to that. So being really conscious of what we want to do as our own self, you know, not doing what the neighbors doing or what the person on social media is doing. It's it's really hard to do. But I think I don't want to say that's what it boils down to because it's so much bigger than that. But you know what I mean having the faith in yourself to say right, this is what I want to do for my family. These are the rules in our house regarding whatever Uh, you know, the expectations we have or the morals that we have or whatever, and trying to do it without looking. So that goes down to you know, you have to know yourself to trust yourself. Yeah, with a point where you, you don't know yourself, yeah, it's really hard to trust yourself and then you get caught in that compare game. It reinforces that feeling or that belief of being inadequate, or like never measuring up, right. And then we have these huge to do lists that also create this feeling of like, I'm never good enough, or I'm never enough. And so by removing that, and recognizing, like collecting the evidence that says otherwise, because there's plenty of evidence that says that you are a good mom, right? Like you said, like looking at that definition. And you're like, No, like, why am I holding myself to this double standard, but you've got to be aware that you're doing that, because so many times we do it in our mind. And we can we compare ourselves to other people, we compare ourselves to this definition. And it's not getting us anywhere, except feeling worse about ourselves. It keeps us in this like, perpetuating cycle, where it's awareness is one of the very first step of realizing like, I don't have to be this doesn't have to be the norm. Yeah. Yeah. Which is, yeah, can be really challenging to do. It's sort of I can't think, well, it's called there's a Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And it's like, you get to the top menu, like self actualized or something. And it's like, how do you know if you are that? You know what I mean? It's sort of that thing of looking at yourself. From outside in? And I don't know, it's a weird, I can't describe what I'm trying to say. But anyway, right. Right. But like, that's self awareness, PS. Yeah, like, but first of all, like, give yourself that permission. Like, it's okay for me to spend some time on myself and in reflection, and asking myself what I need. Because, you know, I'm working with a lot of people pleasers that have a hard time setting boundaries. Yeah, I have a hard time like, you know, stepping away from that people pleasing, saying no, because, you know, you're saying no to other people, you're saying yes to yourself. And so you've got to, you've got to do the work, you've got to be aware of what what can change and have that belief that things can actually change? Absolutely. There's a quote that I read on your website, about putting out putting our needs first without feeling guilty. How is that possible? is a massive topic that I love talking about. I find it incredibly fascinating. That's so funny, when you just pull that coin like, oh, gosh, what's she gonna say? Everybody says, everybody, when they hear me start going, they think, Oh, what is it? Everyone's caught off guard one time when I saw them. Say, like, they wanted me to name the like, the seven things that like I just done like a Facebook live about. And I'm like, I just did it the week before. And I was like, ah, like, I don't have my notes for that. And then she's like, well, let me remind you to remember and reason about guilt. This was, this was something I really struggled with. And that is something that I also like, I see the progress that I have made, because I feel way less guilty. And let me tell you a story about when I first moved to Montana and my mother, like my my own mom rarely took her kids and we moved here when I was pregnant with number five. So when we were there, like we had four kids and my mom would like rarely take more than one at a time. So when we moved here, my mother in law called me up and she's like, I want to take the kids for the weekend. And my defenses went up now my mother in law is a great mother. Like she you know, she raised my husband like no problems whatever like I I went into a panic like because I had all these things like nobody can do the job as good as me and my a good mom because I'm like letting my kids go like leave me like that was like a touch. Separation anxiety on my part, but like, I all of these things were coming through my mind to the point that I got off the phone and like, cry to my husband. Like she can't take them like that. You know, we've got, I just had all these things, right. And so I, then I was crying to my best friend who lived in Pennsylvania. And she was like, Are you crazy? Like, let's talk. She's like, What is the worst that's gonna happen? Like you, you are going to enjoy this weekend like, let her take the kids, right. So she talked some sense into me, thank goodness because they went. And the overwhelming feeling that I had felt at that point was guilt. I felt like this tremendous guilt like of letting my kids like go. And they went, and it ended up being a really good week. Came back, we survived, everything was good, right. And it was doing those kinds of things like over and over. And even in small spurts. Like I talked about the Zumba class. Like, I felt like, I felt like one night the stars did line up, everything was good. There's meal in the slow cooker. The house was clean. The laundry was folded. It was a very rare moment. And I went to the class. And it was like I came back and like it was kind of like testing those expectations that I had or like that definition of good mom, and then taking the time to reflect on it and be like, holy smokes, I got away with that, right. Yeah, I started like collecting the like, things that like, where those expectations that I was holding weren't holding true. And it was at that thing that my, my belief started shifting. And when my belief started shifting, my thoughts shifted as a result. And then the guilt became less and less. And I also learned to ask for help. That was something that I was not able to do for a long time. And it's not that I'm perfect, and I still struggle at it. But I'm so much more able to ask for help. At this point. I've learned how to ask for help. And I gave myself permission to ask for help realizing that I can't do it all. And if I want the family that I want to, like have with the values in place, I want my daughter we have five daughters and one son so I'm like I want my daughters to learn that it's okay to ask for help. And I want my son to realize like that his wife is going to need help. Like we're always talking about like, you know, the other day we were watching a show my husband my son's like, it was about purpose. Did you ever hear the thing fairplay? Yes. Yes. We were just talking about this on an episode I recorded a couple of days. Oh, yeah. I'm actually thinking of becoming a facilitator for that. I was like, this is a game changer, right? About a practical tool to communicate the division of labor in the household. So anyway, so we were watching the documentary, I'd read the book. And so I knew what it was about. My son came in my 16 year old son, and he's like, we got this whole conversation about purpose. And it brings us back because he was like, Well, don't we give you a purpose? Try to lay the guilt on. And I'm like, Well, you do. But I made for more like I'm more than just a mom. And so yeah, like, being able to ask for help and have like that collaboration within the household allows you to live your purpose, more freely and more guilt free, like feeling like that. It's okay. It's okay to do that. It's okay to give yourself time and it's okay to give yourself space and it's okay to I know, you, uh, you know, your singing and your art and like all like, it's okay to discover yourself and to lean into your passions. And for so many moms. I've had moms cry to me. I don't even know what it is that I like to do. And I'm like, that's, that's okay, like, it's normal. It's sad as that is. There's so many other moms that are in the same boat. Yeah, like, Yeah, but let's, let's get out of there. Because you are men for so much more. Your family deserves a mom who leans into her passions. You're doing your family a disservice when you're putting yourself on the back burner or you're putting yourself not not focusing on what it is that you enjoy. So, particularly moms that have had that, you know, mums that I speak to a lot, obviously creative and have had that outlet, usually before they have their child. And I find that myself included in this if we don't do that creative outlet. We're just not the people we want to be you know, and then even not just for ourselves, but then you actually have to go out of your studio or wherever you are, and then parent and be a partner as well. It's like if you don't have that outlet for us. Do you just, you know your feet all over the place. So it's so important. I just, I'm taking piano lessons right now. And I love it. I love just sitting there like, I'm not really that good at I just started a few months ago, so but I do know a few songs and it's so relaxing. I took out my sketchbook and I was like, I need to start sketching like this was like two years ago. And my kids are like, you know how to draw. So just like, create, like finding those creative pursuits, and even like business, like I just remember, like, just even making posts and like graphics. Oh, Canva Oh, I love it. No die on that. Like, my rabbit hole, you know, like, it's like, yeah, just finding those ways to be able to express yourself and just create and get in the flow are so important, especially for moms. Yeah, absolutely. You're listening to the art of being a mom was my mom, Alison Newman. How'd you find your sort of adjustment to being a mum? Did you sort of have any sort of like identity shift like not identity crisis? But you know what I mean, like this going from? From from Nanta. Mum? Yeah. So Oh, my gosh, a huge identity. And I would I think crisis was the right word. Yeah. It really was, like, really tight. You know, none of our kids were planned there, you know, 23 years ago. So totally different place. Like I was 22 when I had gotten pregnant, you know, and it was just like, it was a very scary time. I wasn't, we weren't married, I'm actually so with him. 23 years later, I ended up falling in love with him. And all of that, kind of did it backwards. But it all worked out. He's like my best friend everything. And we had five more. And I feel like every single time I was like, my editor really shifted. I was because I was in different parts. I was different places in my life. None of them were planned. Well, number two, we were like, well, maybe we'll have another one. And then I thought two or three years later, I'm like, Well, maybe not. We'll focus on my career. Because at that point I had was, had got my Master's in Counseling, and was working as an as an intern at a domestic violence shelter. And I loved it. Like I loved the work I was doing. And I was like, maybe I'll be one of those career moms, you know, it's trying to find out what kind of mom am I going to be? And then, you know, of course, how it happens, I got pregnant. So like, I kind of made my decision, I still, you know, is working and everything. And then I had not worked then we had twins, four years later, twins. And that was a huge adjustment, you know, and I feel like, every time I became and then you know, and then we moved to Montana, every time we became got the news, you know, like I was I was gonna be I was pregnant. It was, you know, a huge adjustment for our family and for who I was. And I mean, even that, even our last one, like, each time, you know, I had to figure out like, how am I going to do this? And what do I what do I see is like, important and what do I want to what do I want for our family? And then, you know, in 2011 That was when right after I had number five and so when I entered entered like pregnancy with number six, I had already discovered like the world like self care. And so I had really put that emphasis on making sure it's probably like my healthiest pregnancy. Yeah, cuz I continue to like, make sure that I was taking care of myself throughout it. Yeah, yeah, that's yeah, that's a really good point. Actually. It's like, I can actually relate to that. After you've said it. I never thought of it. But yeah, I've got seven years between my two. And I was completely different points in my life, you know, and had different careers and different levels of experience. So yeah, that's it like every time you have another child, you basically find yourself again at a different place, wherever you are at that time. I was like, you have the experience, though, like you're able to, like, kind of adjust a little bit differently than you did before. Because you've got that past experience. Like yeah, like I knew, like, this doesn't have to do with identity. But I knew by like, when I had the twins, like, there's no point of going to the hospital until I'm ready to like, drop, and I went and 15 minutes later I delivered. I knew, you know, by the time I had them, I was like, Okay, we have to go get something to eat, because I know I'm gonna have ice chips. You know, like, and, like, just this is not related to anything at all. I'm just interested to know, each time you have your baby. Does your labor get shorter? Each time you go? Yeah, yeah, I was. The last one was very strange, because that was the only one I got induced, because we lived an hour and a half away. And from the hospital, and I was so like, I think the doctor was afraid to that I was gonna go because we couldn't really judge when. And so it was really strange to just be like, All right, family, I'm going to have a baby. I'm gonna have a kid like, and to like know that at like six o'clock, I was going into the induced, like, that was the street and we hadn't found out the other ones, we found out the gender. And the last time we were like, well, we were kind of prepared for both at that point, a boy could work or pink and we don't have the swings. And like all the baby equipment that we had in our first few were like, we basically knew that, you know, when you have a baby, you don't need all that equipment. As a new mom, like a new fresh mom like you. You think you need all this stuff. And then by the time six, we're like, well, we can get by with like, you could probably run I don't know, you might have already been write a really interesting article about the stuff that you actually do not need, like that much experience. It's like, yeah, done a really good point. Like we had already tried the Diaper Genie like, they're all the gadgets and stuff. At one point. The thing is with having the kids like so far apart, like having the kids 23 to eight, like, at this point, like our eight year old gets robbed of like a lot of like, say for like the Easy Bake Oven. Like I'm like, I refuse to buy that. And I'm sorry, like, you won't have that experience, because I know it's junk. We'll just take a real cake and put it in the regular. It's hard to like Christmas shop for the younger ones. Because I'm like, at one point, we've had that and I'm like, and it's just not worth it funny. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, you're like, Yeah, this this thing won't last long. You know? We're not getting these. Oh, that's really funny. So growing up, what were you from a big family? You so um, so my family I had we had three kids? Yeah, I was the oldest, I was the oldest. My My parents had me when they were 20. So, you know, kind of grew up with, like, when I look back, it's like last night we were looking through pictures, old pictures. And such babies. Like when I looked back at like murmurs or 20s. Like, oh my gosh, you're so young. I'm saying my husband pictures, like, Look at this. But anyway, so my parents were 20. And then I was the oldest. And then I have a brother who is 13 years, 13 months younger than me. And he is mentally handicapped. So he grew up, like we grew up, where they say Irish twins or whatever. Yeah. And then six years younger, my other brother came along. And then I thought our family was done. And, you know, I grew up, up until I was 16. When my parents both, both same parents decided to Well, they didn't decide they had, you know, an oops. It wasn't good. It was plastic. It was almost like, but it's so funny because when I was growing up, like all I wanted was a little sister, like I used to. With my dolls like that I had there was this doll called kids. It was like my buddy. And then it was I think it was like kid sister or something. And like, I cherish like my Cabbage Patch Kids. I always pretend like we're my sister. Like I always wanted a little sister. And then when I was 16 my parents found out that they're pregnant and ended up being a girl. I remember it was so embarrassing. I remember going into the bank and the lady at the bank said I bet you didn't even know your parents did it anymore. Yeah. I just 16 years old Allison. I was like worried. I still remember. Like, you don't want to think about that at 16 I remember just being so excited though, to finally had that little sister and it was a cool thing because my my mom, one of my parents, let me come into the delivery room. Oh, wait. So I got to see the birth of her and I, you know, I wrote like, a whole memory book, like every day of her life, her first year, like, I just like, loved it. But then it was hard because I went off to college. Yeah. And I wasn't able, like I wrote her like letters, like when she learned how to go potty, or like, in kindergarten, like I was able, like, it was like, from a distance and I wasn't able to enjoy like a baby sister. In the everyday thing, like I was I was like, dying. Like, I wish that happened sooner. But it didn't happen now. She's 30 now. So she, yeah, and you know, we're not we're not that close. We're not as close as we want. Like, as I would like to be. We also live a country like a whole country across. They still live in the East Coast. here next week, I still go back and visit. But um, yeah, having that relationship, like so far apart. So I see that with my own kids. Yeah, like the oldest ones. And the youngest ones, like I know that they're, you know, even though like now, like our oldest will come to the little ones like, little like, any kind of school functions, like a Christmas concert and stuff. I'm like, I know that having that so far apart. That age difference is going to matter. But it's going to make a difference. But yeah, I mean, I can see with my own kids like the ties, the twins are like incredibly close. Yeah. And then like the different sibling combinations that exists. And beat Yeah, the dynamics between them. And yeah, yeah, I we've just the seven years between my two I just think I mean, I think I was mad for going back again. But, you know, that's the way it worked to circumstances. And that's how it happened. But yeah, I think as they get older, they'll get closer, because at the moment, I think they just drive each other crazy. You know, Alex is, like the every day like just tolerating. Yeah. And they seem to stare each other up quite a bit. which buttons to push each other? For sure. Yeah. But I think yes, they get older. I think it'd be lovely for them to have have that. Because yeah, at one point, we thought we just have we just have one. And that'd be the end. And then my dad said to me once, do you realize that, Alex, because that's my oldest that he won't have aunties and uncles or something is sort of there was some relationship that he pointed out that he wouldn't get because he was an only child. And I sort of went, Oh, shit, like, that's, I'm like the cousins. And it was like, I'm denying my child, this part of life, or relationships with people because of my decision. And it didn't make me all of a sudden, go. Yeah, but it just made me realize how responsible I was for parts of his life that I might never even experience or may never see. And I thought, Damn, you dad put me through. It is lost. And also like, I think as we get older, as parents like, for them to have to organize, you know, like health care as we age or put us into a home or whatever, you know, it'd be nice for them to have each other to make decisions and talk to about stuff. And they just need that now with my mom and like, she's one of five. So she grew up in a pretty big family and like now with grandma, who's 93, like her having like those other siblings to bounce things off and like to kind of share that care across siblings. So you're kind of like providing for your own security. We got half a dozen kids. Maybe hopefully one or two of them will care. Yeah, by planning craft. Like, parenting like my mom. My mom was a stay at home mom for the whole time I was growing up up until I actually had our first my first kid when we had areolas that my mom decided to go back to work. And then so she's been like a working for so for my sister. She's been a working mom like her home. So we even have that different. That different dynamic right there. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. Obviously, it's important for you to do what you do, as your own person as Ani, without being a mum is important that you're we've talked to before about, about role modeling to your children, but it is important, particularly for you girls that they say that, that you're doing your thing that mom does this and has nothing to do with that at all. I think, in fact, when I, when I talked to other moms about self care, I do a self care challenge in my Facebook group. And that's one of the big things is like you are an example to your children. Like, like I mentioned before, you're an example to your, to your daughters, how like that they don't have to lose themselves, they don't have to lose their identity when they become a mom, or when they get married. Like they can be their own person and develop them. Like they're, they can continue to grow. Even, it's even more important after they change their role, or add a role to their life. And then for their for the sons as well. Like showing them like that, you know, that their mom doesn't have to, or his wife doesn't have to give up her, give up herself. For him. Like, it just kind of it provides that example or that model being a role model. So when I do practice, I'm like my kids know self care, like because they all it's all they do is hear my eight year old actually for Christmas, she she's not getting an easy Baker. She didn't get an easy bake oven. But she did get a self care journal. We were like, you know, like, Okay, well, what's your plan? Like, you know, do you when are you going to do meditation, like it lays its adult journal. But like, she sits there, like we were trying to fill out the spots that she was able to plan, like how she was going to take care of herself that day. I think that's so important. Like for kids to understand that that's a thing, right? From a very early age. And like it's it actually exists and it's important to do. Yeah. eight year old takes it to extreme though, that right now, right now she's in the middle person, not at this moment. But this week, she's been personally training my husband and she's like, become this like personal trainer. And I walked out the other day. They're both sitting on the carpet, like in the rug in the living room in like, in lotus position, meditating. And like, she's leading him in like so guided. Oh, yeah. That's so funny. Like, it's good on it and good on your husband for accepting that too. Because I think can be hard sometimes for for men to slow down and take meditation seriously. Just like, are you gonna do my class? Mom? Are you gonna say that she started saying that was gonna be $1. And I was like, No, I'm not taking your class. She's like, why not like because you're bossy I hear you just love that. She's gone places that anyone could. So tell us, if anyone that's listening is got really excited about this. And they want to catch up with you online and find you and get involved in what what you're doing? How can everyone find you? So moms without capes, I've got a podcast and I talk all about different mental health things. A lot of you know, when I mentioned the perfectionism that people pleasing all the things that keep us from being able to hang up or keep. And then I also am on Facebook, I'm on Instagram too. But Facebook's my main platform. And that's where I have a fun Facebook community that I would love to invite your listeners to join me in. We do. I have a book club that goes on there. And you know, I tried to do some fun events. And one of those is included, like a self care challenge that I do where I give prizes, and I help you to find what self care is for you and help you make time for yourself. Yeah. Oh, that's all happens on Facebook. Yep. All right, well, I'll put all the links in the show notes so people can find you and can click away. Is there anything else you want to mention? That I think was on your mind that you want to? I just want to you know, I feel like my main mission is to help moms recognize their own words. And it starts by just asking yourself, what do I need? And so making sure that you are asking yourself each and every day, setting yourself up living with intention and instead of Just like zooming through your day with making sure that you're checking all the tasks that you need, think you need to be doing. Take a step back and just ask yourself, what do I need to feel fulfilled? Or what do I need to feel like me? Not Not me feel like you. First off that, and then start taking steps to get back to who you are, because your family deserves you. To be you not to be some shadow of who you used to be. Yeah, that's a lovely note to end on. Thank you so much, Annie. I just love chatting with you today. I feel like I've got so cheeks are laughing I keep wiping tears out of my eyes. And laughter It's been lovely. All the best. I should ask you, if there's anything in the future that you want to mention, it's coming up or anything in particular, come join the group. Because our Facebook Our challenge is actually kicking off February 20. So I will be right in Provo mode when this episode drops. So definitely come just search moms with that case right there on Facebook, where you said you're gonna throw the link in the show notes. And then that way you can come join the challenge. Oh, Mom's got capes.com yet backslash challenge and just get registered, but y'all couldn't do it all happens in the group. Anyway. So beautiful. Thank you so much. It's wonderful. I'm gonna check it out, too. I think it's, it's really important to, even if you feel like you've got a handle on things, it's nice just to check in and just, you know, because like you said things ebb and flow and you have, you know, different times when things are going good. And then other times things might not. Everything's falling apart. Like, am I doing? I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. I've never been. I feel like that's the thing. Like we're all in this together. We're all just doing our best at the time. Like whatever the present time. We're all just doing what we can. And it's lovely to have that support and to feel like you know, you're not alone. You know, we've all got the same struggle as well. We're all thinking about how much time our kids had screen time. You know, we're all doing things. Lovely. Thank you, Ronnie. Thanks again on. It's been an absolute pleasure. Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

Sami Lange US mixed media paper artist S2 Ep31 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts Sami Lange is a mixed media paper artist living and working in Phoenix, Arizona, and she's mum of 2 children. Sami grew up in a creative home, and sees art and creativity as a fully incorporated part of family life, with her children having access to her studio. Her paper artwork is made of hundreds and sometimes thousands of paper circles and shapes stitched together. Each shape is hand-cut by Sami with scissors, dyed multiple times in water baths, and then dried, taped and stitched. Sami has worked with paper dyeing for over 14 years. She has also done furniture painting, drawing, collage and print making. After an evacuation of her hometown of Santa Rosa, California in 2017, Sami's family was blessed to have their home spared after the Tubbs fire swept through the city and burned down over 5,000 homes. This life changing event forced Sami to re-evaluate her art practice, reflect on what is truly important and what makes a thoughtful piece of art worth making. **This episode contains discussions about post natal depression and anxiety** Visit Samis website - https://www.samilangeart.com/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/samilangeart/ Frogmans http://frogmans.net/ Shop the art supplies Sami uses here Connect with the podcast - https://www.instagram.com/art_of_being_a_mum_podcast Music used with permission from Alemjo https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=aEJ8a3qJREifAqhYyeRoow When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bow and tick people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Semi Lang semi is a mixed media paper artist living and working in Phoenix, Arizona, and she's a mom of two children. Semi grew up in a creative home and sees art and creativity as a fully incorporated part of family life, with her children having access to her studio. Her paper artwork is made of hundreds and sometimes 1000s of paper circles and shapes stitched together. Each shape is hand cut by Sammy with scissors died multiple times in waterbirds. And then dried, taped and stitched Sammy has worked with paper dyeing for over 14 years. She's also done furniture painting, drawing, collage and printmaking. After an evacuation of our hometown of Santa Rosa, California in 2017 semis family was blessed to have their home spared after the Tubbs fire swept through the city, and burned down over 5000 homes. This life changing event for Sammy to reevaluate her art practice, reflect on what is truly important. And what makes a thoughtful piece of art worth making. This episode contains discussions around postnatal depression and anxiety. Thank you so much for doing this. So it's just lovely to meet you and to have you on so much for having me. I'm so excited. So you're in Phoenix, Arizona. So what's it like there at the moment? Is it is it cold and snowing or anything? Live it? So Gloria, so in Phoenix, it doesn't usually snow, I mean, not really a couple hours north it will. But here it's about 65 degrees in January, that's about 18 degrees Celsius. And it's just so glorious. It's basically the perfect time and weather. We've only lived here for about a year and a half, we essentially moved the day everything shut down when the pandemic started. That's when we moved out of state. Yeah, so it was a little bit of a wild ride. And it was very, very hot, like 120 degrees for what felt like two straight months, and that's about 48 degrees Celsius. But they always joke that the whole state is air conditioned. And you know, it was a little bit better this last summer. So we transitioned really well now, I think. So where were you before? Where did you move from? We were in Northern California, and I was there for close to 20 years. So as a little bit of a change of pace, but the fires hit where we were at. And so we just we kept having to evacuate. And we knew a lot of people that were losing their houses, and we just eventually decided that we really couldn't raise our kids there. You know, we just we just was really stressful. And so I was actually a tenured librarian there. And I decided, okay, I'm giving up tenure, we're just going to start over, we'll just do whatever. And so we put our house on the market even before I had a job. And then thankfully, everything worked out because then the pandemic hit, and then the job almost didn't come through. And so it was a little wild there for a while, but we're settled. And, you know, we're grateful that we've kind of had, you know, as much luck as we've had, but I mean, you know, it's been rough for all moms everywhere. Oh, yeah, goodness. Yeah, that sounds really scary. The fire's like, we've got like, we get quite a lot of bushfires here in Australia, so I can appreciate what you say. I've never been in that position personally, but I'd certainly understand what you're saying. We had to evacuate. We actually chose to be one day and then that afternoon all of the police came around our neighborhood and told everyone to get out. Well, there was one night where we were we were thinking about if we wanted to or if our home was going to burn down we didn't know and And we're kind of reflecting like what choices we wish we'd made. You know, that was 2017. So was the Tubbs fire. So I had a lot of friends and colleagues lose their homes in that fire and it just sort of hit randomly. Yeah, I remember that night thinking about the studio and thinking about my work and be like, well, that's okay. If we lose everything, you know, that's fine. We're safe, which of course, that's, you know, the truth. And then we got back and it just was this very surreal experience. There was ash everywhere, you know, and then I went into the studio, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, like, it made me question everything. And of course, the whole community was in trauma, and then it just kept happening. You know, it just kept like, every year we would evacuate and then someone else we knew would lose their house. And it was a really stressful way to live. I don't know how people do that year after year, and it dangerous things like that. So you are a paper artist, I've never chatted to anybody that does your kind of art. So this is cool. Can you tell me about what you do in the process and all that kind of stuff? I would love to and I it's so funny. I have such a hard time deciding what to call myself. Occasionally, when I'll send out emails, it'll say simulating paper artists. And then next week, I'll send you mixed media, paper artists. And then I'll say print maker and mixed media artists. You know, it's just, I mean, when I think of paper artists, I don't think of my work, but I'm making work out of paper. So I'm actually a printmaker, which is kind of where the mixed media piece comes in. I I consider myself conceptually a print maker by trade. And that was what my BFA was in. That's what I went to school for. And about 15 years ago, I did some assistantships at print and press workshop called Frog man's in the US. And it's this amazing workshop. And it lasts for two weeks. And I had gotten an assistantship for three weeks. And so you go and then you kind of help run a class. Yeah, so I had been in a class with an artist, Tim high. And he does these amazing screen prints. And what's so interesting is he basically takes like a wood stipple. So it's kind of as almost a sharp as like a very sharp pencil point. And he'll block out the parts. And he basically stippled an entire scene in a gradation gradient of screen printing, which is just insane from a technical standpoint. But he would start that by dyeing the paper, which I loved, because it's like, instead of being a white printmaking paper, you just went to pastel yellow, or you just went to PDH, or, you know, and he would kind of just let the process flow. And so that was the first introduction, I got to the paper, dyeing it all. And then I sort of like did that, you know, it sort of became this tool that I would use for, I guess, about 11 years, but I kind of didn't know what to do with it. You know, it's like I do a painting. And then there would be this cut shape that I like, glued on the painting. And then I finished me like, okay, but like, why is that glued piece of paper? They're like, what is? Yeah, and so then I then we had the fires. And then I had that night where I thought, gosh, you know, what happens if the studio burns down? That would be okay, so then when I got back, I just had this sensation of thinking, Okay, well, if I was okay with it burning down, then like, what are we doing? You know, at that point, I've been an artist professionally for about 13 years, but I was working in education full time. So it's always on the side. And I just, I thought, Okay, well, maybe this isn't me, it was sort of the first time that I'd ever questioned if I was an artist, or if that was my identity or anything like that. Yeah. And so I took a break, I took like a three month break. And that was the biggest, that was probably the only break I can think of in my entire life of not making art. Yeah. And then I've always had a home studio. And so I did at the time, my kids were really little, they were like two and three. And so we had a baby gate up on that studio, which was a room and I would just I would walk by like 30 times a day because I was always chasing them. And then one day, I saw a little circle that was on the ground. And it's like something clicked and I thought, oh my gosh, the work is the paper like stop putting in a drawing, stop putting in a print, stop putting it on painting, stop doing it. It's just the paper. And so it sort of was this avalanche of creating what I call the paper quilts. I don't really know what to call them but they're basically hundreds and sometimes 1000s of cut paper that I hand cut with scissors, and then I dye them 123 times in water baths I'm just using die in like jars with the shapes put in them and then I dry them. Thankfully in Arizona they dry really quickly. And then I tape them down and then stitch them and so they just kind of become On this piece that's created from, you know, white printmaking paper to start. So that's an incredibly intense, like labor labor intensive process, that's incredible. When it comes to like, choosing your colors, is it just a really intuitive thing, like when you're mixing up your dyes, it's a really intuitive thing. I, sometimes I wish I was a more organized, you know, methodical color picker, sometimes I have this vision that I'm going to make all of these color formulas and have this book and I go through it and I, but it never works. That way, there's something that's so that is so out of my control when I do the water bath. And I feel like the process in general is so controlled, that it's this way that forces me to not have control. And so I need to keep that incorporated. And there will be sometimes I mean, I kind of learned my lesson repeatedly with this because sometimes I'll do you know, a light read or kind of a reddish orange. And then I'll do maybe a deep dark blue purple dye, I don't think this will be so beautiful. And then it comes out and it's basically mud. It's like they died over each other and it looks horrible. And it's like, oh, well, they're just hand cut 100 circles, and then I killed them and that way around. Like, I know that. But there's something kind of exhilarating even though this is not a big risk. It's like this small risk way to have fun. And so because the process and the cutting and the dying is just so a part of our daily lives, I always have a home studio. So it's always like there's something in the die pads or something that I'm cutting. I think when I didn't, didn't do as well, with my time when I was younger in the studio, that would have bothered me. But now I just sort of embrace all the failures. It's almost like I'm trying to fail a lot. Because when I, when I feel big, sometimes I fail forward. And so that really helps my practice. And so even though the work is really tight, there's a ton of play, which is refreshing and you know, uplifting. So, yeah, absolutely. I love that. So does that challenge you like your own thinking then? Like, is that been a process for you to work through of accepting? When things don't work? It's okay, that sort of stuff. Yeah, I think I've had to do that for like seven straight years. I feel like my my youngest is, or my oldest is seven. And I feel like this idea I had, what being an adult was is hysterical. I look back to being a kid and thinking, oh, when you're an adult, you can choose everything. I feel like, you know, I had really bad postpartum depression after my kids were born. And so that was a real shocker. And that lasted for several years. And then kind of right when I sort of came out of that in the fog it cleared and I was feeling good, then the fires hit, then that lasted for like four years, then we you know, we transitioned to an out of state move, I gave up a job that I thought I would basically have my whole career and then a global pandemic hits. So it's like seven years of this like straight sort of, you never know what you're gonna get. And I would say in the past couple of months, it's been sort of exhilarating because I'm just like, Okay, we never know what we're gonna get let's just go for broke in the studio you know, it's like this safe space to just go why Oh, yeah, it's almost like it's just it gives this giving you permission just to just to just take the pressure off and have no expectations because you know, the unknown is there and it could happen at any moment. So it's like well, okay, let's just go for it. Go for hot pink in the water bath. So you've always been a creative person, like as a child and growing up you've always been making? Yeah, I would say it's a it's a serious core identity. I think I mean Some of my earliest memories were like looking at art books. My mom was primarily a stay at home mom. But until I was seven, she was a graphic designer. So some of my earliest memories are going with her. And I'm at the age and she's at the age where nothing was digital. So it was all storyboard. So like, I remember going into her work office and seeing all the transparent paper and the different layers taped down, you know, like, kind of the more old school graphic design. And so she was always doing art stuff with me, and she's more of a realist er. And then I got into I mean, I took art classes all the way up through high school, then I I was doing like furniture, painting and mosaics, I mean, just something always creative. And then college is really where a printmaking head, and I sort of happened into it accidentally, I didn't, I wasn't, I was not planning on being an art major. But then you go to college and things happen, and then I got a BFA so. I was gonna ask you about your children. So you briefly mentioned your oldest is seven. So how many children have you got? I've got two, I've got a girl that seven and a boy that six. Yeah, right. And they are yet the same age as yours. They're hysterical. It's a, I have to say someone told me years ago when mine were babies that these were sort of the golden years. And they were right. I mean, I just I absolutely love, I love that they can tell me what they want. I love that we're past potty training. I love that. They can hold a pencil and a paintbrush, like in a different way. You know, because we do a ton of creative time. I get up early before I go to my librarian job. And I'm in the studio every morning. And we just, I think, I think because I grew up with such a creative mom. And in such a creative household. I never sort of questioned that as, as how you live, you know, it's like, that was how we lived. And my dad worked full time in the government and then retired and became a teacher. And he was always writing, you know, it's like creativity was just the lifestyle. And so I never, I never had any other expectation of what I would be like and how I would raise my kids. And so and we didn't have kids right away. My husband and I, we waited like 10 years not not as a plan, just, that's when we decided we were ready. And you know, and so then I had always been art making. And so then my kids always made art with me. And I remember right before I got married with my husband, we were just talking about this the other day, and I said you remember, like the week before we got married, and we got married really young. I was 21. Or I thought that was young, because I freaked out. I'm like, we're too young. I'm like, This is crazy. We should do this, what are we thinking? And then I said, you know, I just I need to tell you, I'm never going to make less art. I said, I'm not going to get married to you and you know, clean or something like that. I was like, I just need you to know, this is who I am. And you guys I know, this is who you are like, we're good. You know, and granted, I will occasionally clean now. I did go back on that. But but as far as the studio time, it has never changed, you know, and so even when they were babies, it's like they were painting with me and they were in the studio and I've always had a home studio, which I have to say is really really important. I mean, that's just a total game changer. And so there's always we've always had a room that's been my studio, the dedicated space and that it's just super important. You know, we were talking about how you have all your kids artwork. I have drawers in my flat files that are theirs. It's like they know that those are their drawers and there's their paper and there's their work and you know, so it's just kind of how we live I guess which makes it possible to make the work and also work so I'm grateful for that so you get up early, you do some in the morning. Do you do do you then go back to it at night? I do. i i This is so I have this funny story. And it has to do with me wearing a bikini to work, and it will, like we're going on a tangent, but really, it's going to come back, if I can remember to get us back, it's gonna come back. So Right. So right after my son was born as a college librarian, you do a lot of teaching. And so I had gone back, and I had both my kids at my last job when I was on the tenure track. So I had, you know, I was trying to get tenure, I was teaching or student observations. And I was teaching a class and I was wearing, I remember this beautiful blue linen dress, it was so beautiful. And underneath that I was wearing a bikini, because I had just returned to work. And I had not done laundry. And so I remember be teaching in this class, and like, you know, pointing to something on the screen. And in my mind, I'm thinking about this bikini that I'm wearing, and the fact that I have no backup bikini. And it's not like it was a bikini that fit. It was like the pre pregnancy bikini. So it's like, dire, you know, and so I'm, I'm like, Okay, what should I do? I had to stay late teaching that I'm like, should I go to Target and buy a backup backup bikini, or should I, like I because I didn't have time to do laundry, like, forget that they were the kids are gonna be up all night. At that point, my son was five months old. And my daughter was 19 months. Yeah. And I was like trying to, you know, teach and all this stuff. So then as I'm trying to teach this class, I'm like, You know what, clearly, this isn't working. Like you need to figure out a way to change your schedule, cut stuff out, do whatever it takes, so that you're not thinking about backup bikini is like is your emergency work plan. And so I ended up just getting totally into productivity research, and like trying all these different time hacks and all this stuff. It got to such a point that then I started talking about it so much at work that then one of my supervisors was like, Could you start doing some productivity trainings, then I started making videos and classes and like kind of creating these mini cohorts. And so then I started doing all these very enjoyable, small groups about productivity and how we think about our energy and what choices we make. And that how much time and energy our decisions take us and cognitive load, and like, and all that stuff. And so that kind of helped me reset everything after my kids were born. So I started just really focusing on the art making, as opposed to worrying about this idea that the dishes had to be done, or this idea that like, there was one year where one of my strategies was, I thought, I don't need matching socks, who cares if I have matching socks, so I stopped doing all map all socks hurting, like, you know, but then I realized I'm like, You know what people actually can see your socks. Like, maybe that's not the strategy that you want to do, you know, like, a snowflake sock. And like, you know, like, so. So anyways, I tried a whole bunch of stuff. And I ended up cutting a whole bunch of things out. And then kind of over the last year, I realized that I had gotten really, really good about managing the time so that I could have studio time and Eve, like in the morning and night. But then I realized I was tired at night. And I was like, alright, well, what's the deal, like, You got everything down, you need to get down and you have this time. So what's the block and so then I just sort of started paying more attention to my energy. You know, like, when we're at the park, normally I'm, you know, talking to the kids and engaging with the kids and, and then I started taking more photos, there's some really beautiful photos on my camera, things like bark, you know, things that are kind of make, they're the textures, and colors and stuff that will eventually make themselves, you know, back into the studio and back into my water baths and things like that. And so it just sort of started checking in a little bit more about how I was feeling and how my energy was, which one makes me a lot more patient. And two, I feel like then it gives me that little push so that when the kids are asleep, then I can go in and do like 30 minutes in the studio and listen to a podcast or, you know, Pandora or like just a little music, and then I can go to bed. And then when I get up early, I'm ready to roll. You know, like that early time with coffee in the studio. That's probably my favorite time of day. Aside from the hysterical jokes and questions were like, I don't know how to answer that. And I know you're six. But I don't know how to answer that was like constant skill testing as a parent, like, what's the answer here? When when Diggs asked me he asked me really wacky question the other day, and I had I could not think of a thing and I said, Well, what do you think? Because I just thought, I cannot think of anything to say, Hey, this is ridiculous. And then he came out with this great big, long winded explanation. Excellent. That sounds good on you. So we're going to use that strategy. My daughter asked me last week, how was man created? She gets one question at bedtime. And I'm like, um, what was your other question? Oh, you know, using your strategy. It's dates, definitely. Because then the main probably bedtimes not the greatest time for it because it gets them thinking again, but Why is that at bedtime? All these questions come out? It's like I wrote this ridiculous Facebook post years ago. And I don't know how I can remember exactly what it was now but Digby asked, How do you make bricks? What is this thing happened where the colors come from? He clearly thought of the language why do we talk in this accent? All this stuff just one after the other understanding going tomorrow we'll do this tomorrow so I'm guessing the the, the key dyes and stuff that you use then like non toxic and stuff like were you able to keep keep doing that while you were pregnant? Like there was no sort of worry there. So I use red dye, you know that really, really common dye that you can find with fabric and at all the craft stores and, and I've used both powder and liquid but right now I primarily use liquid. And as a printmaker, you know, I just threw down the hours in the studio, I mean, I would go to the shop and be there for like 12 hours, and I would leave with these horrible migraines. And so when I graduated college, I just decided I wanted a totally non toxic studio. So after college, I transitioned to essentially everything non toxic, non toxic print inks, acrylic paint, you know, so, and that was kind of part of the plan with having a home studio was that I wanted everything to just be comfortable. And so I've never fortunately had to transition any of the materials when I was pregnant, I could just use everything. Yeah, so that's been really, really helpful. Just having the kids around, and they use all my supplies. I ran into a photo the other day, my son when he was two, and he had, you know, those little edges, sketch those magnetic things gone. So he was too and he hadn't shirt off. And he was so proudly holding up on his little belly, that I just sketch with, like some circles cut on it. And at the time, I was excluded or drawn on it. I was exclusively doing circles. So he was like, so proud that he had his circle. And then I started finding and we got them into looking back, probably they were really little we got them into using kid scissors really young. Yeah. And so I would find these really jagged edges, like circle square shaped things in with my servers. I'm like, Oh, he was contributing to my pile, like he got on scissors. And so it's nice, because they just think they make merit. And sometimes I'll find these piles of glue and circles. And they're mine on like, something I'm like I didn't make has been in here stealing my materials. But it's pretty, that's beautiful. Isn't it like that, obviously, it's, you know, they see it, and it's made such an impact on them and that they want to they're a part of it, you know, that's their way of being a part of it. And that's lovely that they're welcomed into that space that they they can be there. And it's not like oh, you have to stay out because it's either it's not safe, or I don't want you to touch or whatever. Like it. That's lovely. It's such a beautiful environment. They're like little human bodies of glue. It's like wherever you go. They go. Attached to I had a funny conversation with my daughter the other day. We have, I have these rules. Like one rule is don't talk to mom while she's in the bathroom. So that's to me, like even if I don't need to go the bathroom. That's a safe space. So I was walking to the bathroom. I've I like announced I put my arms up and they go, I'm going to the bathroom. My arms are up. I'm like announcing to the household. And I'm walking and she's finally and I'm walking and I go I'm going to the bathroom. She's following still talking. I go I'm going to the bathroom and she goes, Yes. And she stops and she kind of puts her finger up and she goes, but you're not in the bathroom. And I go you know what? You're ready. You are so right. Okay, what do you need so that I can go to the bathroom? Oh my gosh, it was so hysterical. That's gold and not bad. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman. So if you don't mind would Is it okay if we talk a little bit bit about your postpartum depression? Is that okay? Talk? Yeah. Yeah, I can definitely relate, I had had it bad with the first one, but super bad with the second one. So. So did you did you find at that point that you are either ramped up or sort of went the other way and decreased? How did that sort of impact? Ya? know, I've always been pretty consistent with the practice, I think, I honestly don't even remember. I mean, that was such a dark time, but I probably leaned into it more at that, at that time, I wasn't doing the paper quotes, I was still doing a lot of drawing and a lot of hand printed printmaking. I do remember because I had kind of tried everything for the postpartum depression, you know, it's like, everything that you were supposed to do, I just, I feel like I was in a hole. And I was like, trying to climb out of it. And, I mean, I did the journaling, and I did the exercise, and I get I got a therapist, and I, you know, I did the art and I did the walking like, I just, I tried everything and, and for me, I just kind of had to wait it out. You know, it's like, I did everything so long, and so consistently, and then one day, the fog just sort of cleared. But it wasn't like a switch, it just was like, gradually, eventually, everything sort of worked. And I had a therapist at the time. And I use this a lot. So my work is so much about color, you know, it's so much about color, and emotion and color really brings out, you know, feelings. And so she would say to me sometimes she said, we'll just sit there, you know, because we would talk about my art. And she would say what color are you? You know, and I would have to think about well, what color do I feel like? Am I read on my, you know, what color do I want to be? And so I started meditating a lot at that time, too. That was one of the strategies. And so then when the fires hit, and we came back, and everything switched to the paper quilts, I used a lot of the quilting as meditations, you know. And so a lot of those blues and most common greens, that was kind of what I hit first, because it's like, I just needed the space to sort of watch my community heal, to see what was gonna happen, you know, was such a shock. So I, I really did make a lot of art, but not necessarily that much different. I've just been this massive producer, I used to try and recycle everything because I used to make a lot of really ugly, like a really hideous work. I mean, I didn't like it, but it was like I was trying to get to something. And so I'm finally at the place where I'm making what I want to make. But I mean, it was like, it was like 12 years of just junk. And I would put it in the recycling bin and I would like tear it off and throw on the trash. Like that was nice when I transitioned to non toxic because I feel like I could recycle more stuff. But, you know, it was a real push there. And I just kind of had to wait it out. Yeah. Good on you. You obviously had a lot of support that time. Yeah. Husband helping out a lot. Yeah, I'm an only child. And my parents were, you know, in really close with them. When we moved from California to Arizona, we actually said that I'm like, Are you coming? Because you know, we kind of need you to come like are you going to come in. So now and they came. They're now neighbors. So they knew Yeah, it's just amazing. And so they knew what was going on. And I had some really close friends that knew what was going on. And then my husband, I kind of hit the jackpot. And he's the Marriage and Family Therapist. So he like kind of had this language, you know, there's a sort of a therapist language that he has never he can help me identify things or talk to things and, and you know, therapy is actually really hard. I mean, therapy is really charged to especially if you're going through something like postpartum depression. And it's funny, but like, I basically found the therapist that I needed to help me through that time. And it was so hard that she was just an amazing person. But I think sometimes people need therapy and they try a therapist, and then it's not the therapist, they should do it. So then they think therapy doesn't work. Yes, I'm grateful that I had a husband who could be like, well, you need support. And so why don't you find a therapist, but then if you don't like that person, keep looking. And so even that is a simple idea. I have no I had never heard of that. I would have never known that. You know and so, so I kind of had everything going for me as far as like the support network, which I'm super grateful for. Yeah, it's hard. Like transitioning from motherhood and having postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. It's hard. Yep, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Talking about that transition, like, did your identity or how you saw yourself did that sort of go through some some adjustment, then as well, I think mine was more of an adjustment that I will not be able to plan myself into a relaxed life. It's like I'm such a planner, in life in general, and I am one of the most efficient people. And so it's sort of like, well take that really nice attractive schedule to do you write that up, you throw it up in the air, and you see what lands a chair, and then that's what you're going to do that. So I think just that idea of being flexible, and now I've, I would say I'm very comfortable with it. I also think that now that my kids are a little bit older, and now that, you know, we do so much creative stuff that actually really helps a lot. There was so much diaper changing and breastfeeding and like, oh my gosh, what am I supposed to do with that? Oh, my gosh, what do I do with the crying or that this or that getting up, or those sort of walking zombie exhaustion in those early years. And my kids are so close that it was like, we had an under two for three straight years. I mean, they're 13 months apart. And so just the sleep deprivation, it was like a free for all, you know, it was just like, What day is it? Yeah. So I've really acclimated. And I've really, they're really good sleepers. Now, I kind of have one night owl and one early bird, which is okay. Because there's like a solid time in there to sleep. So I think just my idea of getting stuff done how to transition. But as far as the creative part, or, you know, I kind of never lost that part of the identity that just sort of carried through with me, yeah. One of the topics I really like talking about is mum guilt. And I'm going to I'm guessing that it's sort of, from who other people have talked to you from America, that it's something that's quite universal? Is that something you've ever experienced? Or sort of? What's your opinion on that? I love this question. And the reason I love it is because of course I listen to your podcast, and there's a couple artists and creatives that you've had on that say they don't have it. And then Mike, Ooh, what's that, like? Triumph on that idea. And I think no, can't even can't even put it on. It's like a try. And I just, I feel like I could sprinkle mom guilt across the world. And that's leftover like. So then after, after I hear all these other people say that they don't have it. I'm like, Okay, well, what is mom guilt to me? You know, because then it's like, kind of this really interesting question of like, well, what is that mean? And? And then when do I have it, and I never have it with the creative stuff. I think it comes back to you know, when I talked about sort of the core identity of being a creative and like, this is a lifestyle, instead of a choice. Yeah. And so I think where I have had the most trouble with mom guilt is, I feel like I always want to look at each individual kid, and try and make the best choice for that kid, you know, and in the pandemic, I feel like there were no good choices. You know, it's like we wanted to pod we moved here, one to get away from the bears, but to also to be with my grandparents and family. And, you know, we chose to pod with them during the podcast. Until then that meant online school. And we didn't want to do zoom school because we didn't think that would work for our kids. So then we didn't you know, so it's like you, you pick, you keep picking the best choice of all these choices you just don't want and so then we ended up homeschooling my six year old son in kindergarten, you know, it's like, it just gets to this point where you're like, Well, how did we get here? And it's sort of, I think that's where my mom guilt goes up, like, Okay, I want us to eat healthy, but I, I don't want to argue about this cookie or you know, it's like just those little things that then by the end of the day, you're tired. And so I'm always trying to tell myself well, that's okay. Because you're gonna refresh at night like get back, good sleep if you can, and then just start over and start fresh. So the module is more about just trying to look at every like, look at every like I have, like 10 look at each one of my kids. And just try and do the best by them. Yeah, if I had more or a dog, heaven forbid, like, I'm, I'm working on it to do. Yeah, I actually thought when I, when we talked, when I was leading up to ask the question, I thought to myself, I don't think you're gonna have any guilt related to your artwork, just because it's part of your life, your children are included in it. You're not doing your art at the detriment of anybody else. So I knew that was coming. Yeah. So it's so funny, you knew that because I had to process it. I was like, What would my answer be to this? Because in my mind, I'm like I've done so long ago. But then when I started noticing what it was, it was really those small individual things, you know, that just add up, and then you feel this collective weight? Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting, you say about, you know, resetting the next day. But this is, this is the same sort of topic that came up with another lady that I interviewed just the other day, and was saying the same thing. It's like, you when the kids were little, you always knew the sun would rise. And you could start again, and see what happens if you just wipe the slate clean and start again, the next day, and then you felt like you were doing that every day. You know, there's always hope, because you can have that time to reset and then off, you go again. Or there's a locked door to our chocolate, like whatever it takes. I'm here and yet. So have you got some projects that you're working on at the moment that anything in particular that you want to share with us about that up? Yeah, I have a magazine article that I'm working on. So I'm working on a feature article for women's artists magazine, which I'm super excited about. I just got invited last week to a local show, which I'm super excited about in Chandler, Arizona. And then last year, in the last quarter, I just got invited to practical art, which is this absolutely amazing and really neat community of artists. And it's like a gallery and a little art shop in Phoenix, Arizona, and they just love them. It's about 100 local artists. And so now I'm one of their artisans that's featured at their shop, and they're open, which is nice. And so they have like gallery exhibits all the time and sort of like wearable, livable art. So yeah. Oh, that's psycho. So you're very active in your, like, your local community with your art, getting it out there. And, yeah, I'm really trying to be you know, it was odd moving in a pandemic, and then trying to build an in person community. So we kind of, but now I feel like you know, we're almost two years and I am back physically in work at my library and job, which is just glorious. It's so nice to work with people in person. I've just been trying to make as many connections as I can in Arizona and in Phoenix, I want to start going to shows and, you know, just really trying to connect with this art community, it makes such a difference. As an artist, being a member of a community. It's so inspiring studio time can be really lonely, even if you've got kids in there. And you know, it's like, even if you have a ton of ideas, it's just so nice to see other people's work and their creative energy and support them too. So I'm looking forward to doing that more. Yes, thanks. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, someone else I spoke to talk to about how their art changes when they do when they're not in isolation, like when you're around other people. And even if you're not doing the same style of art, you can sort of feed off each other and someone might make a comment about your piece. And it's like, you can take it in another direction that you never thought of, you know, having a fresh pair of eyes look at it or someone that has no understanding of your what you do that, you know, it's can be really good thing. So 100% agree and a lot of my pushes have been based on just sort of one side comment or one observation and right now my stuff, I don't know where it's going, but it used to be behind the frame. And now it's out from behind the frame. And it's just sort of, you know, the open so you can see all the texture and nothing is protecting it. It's just hanging on the wall and then it sort of getting into these more sculptural pieces for the while and stitched in wood and so we'll see where it goes. We're still in experimental phase, but that was just kind of Based on one person's comment of how nice it was to see the texture, and sort of have more visual access to it, so it's always so interesting what creative juices are flowing from other people's comments and their minds. And yeah, absolutely, you put that very well. I couldn't find the words what I was trying to say. It's still early IV. It's not really bad. I'm, is it over there? Well, it's nearly 10 o'clock. But you know, it's early, let's do it. That's early. That first time that you saw that circle, and then you went into down that path? Is there anything you sort of find an imagery of the circle? Do you find yourself like, is there any deeper meaning in that, that circle for you? There initially was, you know, when I started doing the circles, when I started cutting the circles, it was only circles. I mean, it was only circles. And I was, in my mind, because I'm such a, I'm such a planner to the court was like, I'm going to cut circles for the rest of my life. And I will be a circle cutter. Like, I just, I go really deep in this stuff. Like, this is the plan. Yeah. And so, and I remember walking, I walk a lot with my dad. And I remember one day, he's like, Have you ever considered like, a square? And I stopped, and I looked at him, and I was like, why would I do that? Like, I cut circles. We have very funny conversations. And we're, he's a very enjoyable, and it's funny, because now I cut every shape, you know, it's like, I don't want to give him credit for that. But, you know, it's sort of like there was, there was something that was so meaningful about it never ending, you know, there was something that was very peaceful. And with all the meditation, when I first started doing all the circles and all the die, I had a totally silent studio. So I wouldn't listen to music, you know, it's like, I just used it as a full meditation. And so it's like, you could also because I was hand cutting these, and now the circles are really clean, you know, they're very circular. But when I started, I was making really bad circles, ovals. These, like lobby egg things, you know, it's like, it takes you a while to kind of clean up your, your free hand cutting. And so there was something that was so also freeing, where you could just keep editing, it's like, you just keep cutting that circle around and around and around until it looks like something that it should look like. And so I think that was really peaceful. And so it was just more sort of this personal process of meditation, and kind of getting, you know, back into the studio and back into making what I wanted to make. But there's not like a final symbol of it just being a circle. I mean, I know, there's a lot of, you know, like eternity symbols and like the circle of life and things like that, but not from a conceptual standpoint. And now I'm doing just all different shapes and trying out different dye techniques, and just sort of really experimenting with what imagery comes out. And the colors and the my palette is never consistent. I mean, it's like, it'll be hot pink and black, or you know, and I'm starting to incorporate a lot more of my printmaking. That's kind of the direction that I'm going and then doing a lot of hand printing now and then drawing the circles and then printing on top, and then taping and then stitching. And so just the processes the process, I guess that's lovely. It's quite freeing, isn't it just to be able to say, I'm going to do it this way? Or I'm going to do it that way. And that's probably probably you mean, you don't want to give the guy credit for it. But it's probably good that he said that, because it sort of gives you permission to say, well, this isn't what I'm going to do forever. I can fiddle around and and try different things and different techniques. So yeah, thanks. Thank you, Dan. So when it comes to retail, you've got all these these shapes, they're dyed, and they're ready to go. What's your sort of thinking or your process when it comes to laying them out deciding where they're going to, to lie on the paper. So there's a lot of decision, there's probably like 10 or 12 important decision points, but one of the most important is how big the final piece is going to be. Because because I don't use formulas. All the dyes are really specific. So it's like I'll die 400 things. And then okay, you have 400 things, so I didn't so I'm kind of thinking about how large I want that final piece to be before I ever even do it and then usually I'll make templates. You know, I'll cut out paper. I do a lot of drawing in my sketchbook that never makes it to Instagram because it's nothing that anybody wants to look at my guiding path and so I I kind of know all the shapes that are going to be and I Use color a lot just to think about the world. I, you know, I work in education. And sometimes education gets a little contentious people get really in, you know, rightly so about certain issues. And I've been in some very contentious meetings before and environments that are really stressful. And to try and sort of step back from some of that stress, I usually go to color. And so sometimes I'll just ask these not almost nonsensical questions of like, if that person was like, a blob of color, what would it be right now, you know, and so it's like, I'm constantly kind of drawing out these visuals or asking these questions are like relating things into shapes. And so some of that comes out into the work. Some of it is just that I'll be on a walk, and I'll see a visual or I'll see a gradation with, you know, a cactus, and then its variation with what's on the ground. And I'll take a picture of that. And then those are the two colors that end up in the work or the piece, and then part of that line, or that shape, or that feeling, then is the shape that shows up in the piece. So a lot of it is a reflection of what I'm seeing, and what photos that I'm taking or how I'm cropping things. Basically, I try and pull inspiration from everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, I will say to that, even though I'm super intentional, there's always an element of surprise, because when you dye stuff, you're putting it in the full water bath. So there's always two sides. It's like, I might, you know, do a pink and around, but then I pulled the water back, I pulled it out really quickly for half of the batch, and I left it in overnight for the other half the batch. Even though the overall shape might have been a circle, what I end up with is like a really beautiful, soft brown and pink combo, and then like an almost black and pink combo. And so then I might decide when I'm laying it out, but then it's going to be striped. Yeah, it's sort of like I'm making a decision every single time even though I have the templates, and I have the overall colors. And those are fixed. Yeah, then I'm still doing a ton of experimentation. And then I actually take the back of it, flip it over, and then I obviously am stitching the top. Yeah. Ben from the top. So what sort of material do you use to stitch with? Like, whoa, you know, I have a brand. Let me look, I think it's the Lisbeth I do used a lot of different threads. And I had a quite a bit of difficulty over the pandemic, finding some of the papers and threads that I was using, like with production delays and stuff. So I ended up switching to Lisbeth thread, which I pretty much only use now it's, this will sound funny, but it's actually super important. They, they treat it in a way I think it's something called gasps injure, it's some process that they do that makes the thread rounder. So when I'm stitching with it, you know how sometimes of embroidery thread when you stitch it on paper or wood or something and you stretch it out. It's sort of like it lays flat. I know that that's a very detailed observation. But I need it to be round, because the mark making is important. I choose the colors of the thread really carefully. If I don't have a color of thread, then I die. I individually hand die the thread. And so I want that crisp color. And it just needs to pop like that, because it's sort of like I'm drawing on the paper boats, but it happens to be with thread. And so that I'm I now just exclusively use that thread. Yeah, so you want it to sort of have that three dimension where it actually sits up a bit. It's not, it doesn't fade into the work, it's sort of up on top of it. So adds that texture as well. I just hope that people keep going, I think, you know, I think I struggled for so many years making such bad work for so long. Because I could have given up like at so many points. And I'm grateful that I did it because I I honestly feel like it took me 13 or 14 years to figure out the type of work that I wanted to make. And so sometimes I just I think people really have to be in it for the long haul and just sort of the eye on the prize is that you'll find your path whenever it decides to show up. And I'm so grateful that I kind of had the practice you know, the practice of just showing up to the studio and making really bad work for many many years. So that I could kind of come into this nice space you know, now like, not the physical space but just the emotional space with my kids. You know, now we can share it and now it's kind of this enjoyable thing. That and I just I'm so enjoying your podcast. So listen to other mothers like honestly It just being a mother being a creative is so lonely sometimes. And so hearing podcasts of other women creatives, it's just awesome. You're just you're doing such a nice job. I just love it. Thank you. I appreciate that. And that's a sentiment that a lot of women have said that it's like, it's so nice to hear that other people are going through the same thing. Because it like even a lady that I spoke to the other night both in Belfast, not Belfast, Dublin, in Ireland. And she said, it's lovely to hear that everyone around the world is going through it too. You know, it's just this universal thing that we're all struggling with. And yeah, it's that support in knowing that we're not alone is just so important. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, that's a beautiful night to finish our phone. Thank you so much, sir. It's been an absolute pleasure chatting with you. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum.

Lyss Morton US event florist, podcaster + entrepreneur S2 Ep72 Listen and subscribe on Spotify and itunes/Apple podcasts Lyss Morton is an event florist and entrepreneur from New Jersey USA and a mum of 2. 2 years ago Lyss and her husband began a floral design business, doing weddings and events, and floral preservation. Lyss credits her love for flowers to her grandmother. Lyss describes herself as multi passionate, and a serial entrepreneur. She produces 2 podcasts, The Making Mommy Moves podcast and The Power Couple podcast, has a digital production company called Mama Media and another florist related business. Lyss is also writing her first book and has plans for more. Today we chat about boundary setting, people pleasing, our old favourite mum guilt and cultural role modelling. **This episode contains discussion around post natal depression and birth trauma** Connect with Lyss - website Podcast - instagram / website If today’s episode is triggering for you in any way I encourage you to seek help from those around you, medical professionals or from resources on line. I have compiled a list of great international resources here Music used with permission from Alemjo my new age and ambient music trio. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast that's a platform for mothers who are artists and creatives to share the joys and issues they've encountered, while continuing to make art. Regular themes we explore include the day to day juggle, how mother's work is influenced by the children, mum guilt, how mums give themselves time to create within the role of mothering, and the value that mothers and others placed on their artistic selves. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. You can find links to my guests and topics we discuss in the show notes. Together with music played, how to get in touch, and a link to join our lively and supportive community on Instagram. The art of being a mum acknowledges the Bondic people as the traditional owners of the land, which is podcast is recorded on welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today. My guest this week is Liz Morton. Liz is an event florist and entrepreneur from New Jersey in the USA and a mom of two. Two years ago Listen, her husband began a floral design business doing weddings and events and floral preservation. Liz credits her love of flowers to her grandmother. She describes herself as multi passionate and a serial entrepreneur. This produces two podcasts, the making mommy moves podcast, and the power couple podcast with her husband. She has a digital production company called mama media, and another floral related business. Lisa is also writing her first book and has plans for more. Today we chat about boundary setting people pleasing our perennial favorite mom guilt, and cultural role modeling. This episode contains discussions around postnatal depression, and birth trauma. If today's episode is triggering for you in any way, I encourage you to seek help from those around you medical professionals or from resources online. I've compiled a list of great international resources, which is listed on the podcast landing page, Alison newman.net/podcast. The music you'll hear today is used with permission from LM J, which is my new age and ambient music trio comprised of myself, my sister, Emma Anderson and her husband, John. I really hope you enjoy today's chat. Welcome to the podcast. Listen, that's really lovely to have you and to meet you. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. I appreciate you having me on your show. Oh, no worries at all. Now, we're about to you based. I'm in New Jersey, over across the big pond. Yeah. Yeah. Whereabouts is that in America? We're on the east coast. So right around your Pennsylvania. tri state area. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, I can visualize where that is. It's good. Yeah. And you're coming into what you call it fall over there. Do we call it autumn here? Yeah, it hit us in the face a couple of weeks ago. We have a garden that we grow in all the time. And we're like right on the cusp of everything dying. Yeah, that changes seasons. Always fun. Where where are the other side? We're coming into summer like we're in spring and everything starting to grow like crazy. And all the weeds are coming up because it's raining and feet of warmth. And yeah, I feel like I'm just forever picking waves out of a garden now. A good time of year though. Ah, do you see love say Oh, my roses have come out now. So it's it's good. Like, like this time of year? You do lots of different things, don't you but your use? Did you say am I right in saying you started out as a florist? Is that right? Yeah. Um, well, I'll give you a little bit of a backstory. I wasn't always a florist. I started as a medical biller in a chiropractic office for about 10 years of my life. And I was like, I hate this. So I started working with flowers. And I became an event florist and now we serve events all throughout New Jersey and the surrounding area, bringing weddings to life primarily for couples. And how long have you been doing that for about two years? Yes. So no, I'm, but we went. We grew really quickly in that time. Yeah. So do you do you source your flowers or do you grow a lot yourself? Or do both? Yeah, we started primarily growing our own flowers. And then it was time management wise. We couldn't with everything that we were doing for the events and planning and meeting send everything, we didn't have the time to commit to growing everything ourselves. So we like to say that we work some of our garden and grown blooms into their designs. But we actually are sourcing and then like in her bridal bouquet will incorporate some of our envelopes. Awesome. That'd be really fun. One of my favorites. My wedding was was picking out my flowers. I really enjoyed that part of it. And I reckon I spent, like, percentage wise, I spent a pretty high percent on my flowers because like, I just love them. I just wanted them to be like, really big. Yes. Oh, so what's, what are the flowers at the moment over there that a lot? Or do you buy them like from people that grow them all year round, like the stuff that's particularly in season at the moment. Right now we're finishing out the season locally, there are a couple of growers that have some greenhouses that were able to get stuff. But right now, like we're getting the end of the dahlia is for santha mums. And then like anything that is grown in the greenhouse is amazing. But we primarily sourced from other wholesalers that import flowers from, you know, the Ecuador and South America and other places like that some California stuff. So primarily, we're integrating the local flowers in with the overseas stuff. Yeah, cool. Oh, that's awesome. What made you go into flowers, we've been we've always been a gardener or just thought it would be fun to do for if I give a lot of the credit to my grandma, because she had the most amazing garden and she still does, it's, it takes up her entire backyard. And it's like on a nice beautiful creek. So it just looks like it's meant to be there. So I I blame her for my flower bug that I have. Um, but I really like I can't say that like, they were my go to thing. I loved getting flowers. And then when I wanted to create my own business, I was like, what brings me joy. And I love flowers. There was like, let's start that. And I just took every workshop and every course that I could find on the topic and dug in. Yeah. Well, that's great. Good news. And you say wait, I'm guessing that's your your husband and you work together? Yes. Yeah, we're we're good partnership. Okay, ego right together, you don't have to renew legally disagree with anything awesome. You also do podcasting, and lots of other different things. So can you share with us? What else do you do that keeps you busy? Yeah, I'm thinking to say that I'm multi passionate, I've got a lot of different things that I have going on. So I'm in the process of writing my first book, I've got a podcast, it's called the making mommy moves show. I've got our floral design business where we do events. And then we also preserve flowers for our couples and anywhere in the US or that they're able to ship them. We had one come from Mexico, where we encase their flowers and resin or press designs. We've got another business where it's very, very niche specific, we help other event floors, clean up their events. At the end of the wedding, we help them collect all the rental items and any other decor that they have. And then something more recently that I started was it's called mama media. It's a digital like production company where we do like podcast editing and YouTube Editing and stuff like that. Hmm. There's a lot of different things going on. And yeah, multi passionate, that's a great way of describing it. So you just really like, like, like doing things you like being busy and being creative. Like, that's, that's what drives you. Yes, very much. Yeah. Yeah. People think it's a little crazy. But you know, when you have a knack for something, and you just I'm, I say that I'm a quickstart personality. So it's like I get an idea. And I have to jump on it. My husband and I were actually just talking about that this morning, because it's actually a little overwhelming at times, trying to manage it all, especially being a mom and everything else that we have going on his family. So we're trying to be more intentional about the things that we take on and limit the project so that we're able to actually follow through on them too. Huh, yeah, cuz that overwhelm is a big thing, isn't it? And then you get all the different things thrown at you family wise and children wise things are always jumping up and surprising. It's out of the blue. Exactly. Tell me more about your book, what is the Book about? So I'm reading my book about different business processes as a wedding florist. I'm working with Jake Calper. Like he's doing a fun, like challenge. So every day for 90 days, we're working on a book together. And it's just an hour a day that I'm dedicating to the process. And it's been really enlightening, because he just wants you to just do it and get it done. So I'm following his framework in order to do it. Because you know, as moms and business owners, we have very little time, or at least it feels that way. So I'm just trying to break it down into smaller pieces. And it's nonfiction obviously. And I'm just trying to get the parts one done and out and make it mean something and also be helpful to other business owners and mompreneurs. And then I'm gonna move on to my next one. Yeah. So if you got, you've got your idea for you to explore, I've already got a couple of them. And it was like difficult for me to choose one. So this one is about business ownership. And then I have one that I want to like write about with my mom and like our relationship together. I've got a couple different ideas like it works. Well, that's great. So you say you, you can eat just an hour a day? Do you ever find that you just cannot get the hour in? Or is that something that you make sure you definitely do every day no matter what. I give myself some grace. So especially as a wedding florist, like we're just getting out of our peak wedding season, there were some weeks that we had four weddings in the weekend that we're trying to get out the door and servants. Obviously, they're our priority next to my kids. So it's like we're trying to make sure that they're taken care of that our contracts are fulfilled. And that's taken care of. So I am giving myself some grace if for some reason I am too busy dividend. What about your podcast? Tell us a little bit more about that. Yes, so it's called the making mommy move show. And it's primarily a come along with me, because we don't have it all figured out. But we want to be able to document the journey as we create our we have a lot of big goals that we're working towards. So one of them is financial freedom. Another is like fitness and health and just general wellness and happiness. So we want to be able to be an inspiration for other moms to live the life they want to live. Because I know too many of the ones that I grew up around, just sacrifice their life, to work the nine to five and for their kids. And it's like you can have it too. Like you can have your cake and eat it too in the sense that you can live the life that you want. So we created it as a come along with me. I share different stories and strategies and tips and just milestones in our life as we're learning different things through business ownership. But as a mom, I just want it to be really inspiring and helpful. And all the things. Yes. How long have you been doing that for now works? So not a long time. Yeah. And it's great. It all really heavy. I started off with a three time a week podcast schedule, and we're just now dropping down to once a week because it's a lot of demand. Yeah, as you know. Yes. Do you and you record like you visually record you a lot of things as well for Instagram I've seen. So that's another sort of element to it as well. Yeah, we set up the camera and the microphone, and I put it on YouTube, the different podcast platforms and then we use it for Instagram and Tiktok and things like that. I'm trying to make sure that it's more curated for the different platforms. I just today I recorded a whole bunch of videos for YouTube in particular so that it's because you know every platform is specific to their own. I want to say like audience and the way that that people interpret the information. So yeah, I'm trying to be more intentional about that too. Yeah, cuz that's it, isn't it? It's like the way people consume things on different platforms. You is very different. I actually thought it was quite funny. A comedian made a made a reel about people coming in for like a it was like an audition. And they were saying they were presenting the way they talk and they're like, right you go to YouTube and the next one coming up are your for Tik Tok. Like, it was quite funny the way it happened, but they are very different, aren't they? Yeah, like, I've been watching a lot of different content creators obviously. And like seeing the way that they put things out into the world. And it's like, third priority. So some people prioritize YouTube and some people prioritize their blogs or Tik Tok or Instagram. And I'm feeling like YouTube is actually like a good place for me. So it's like helping me to be more intentional about where I put my time and like my focus. So it's like, YouTube is growing the quickest. So it's like, oh, I need to put more of my effort there. As opposed to Instagram that's really slow. So it's like really interesting to think about that too, yeah. So you've mentioned your kids a couple of times being a mom, can you share a little bit about your children? Yeah, I've got two little girls. My oldest is two and a half. And my youngest is going to be one next week or the week after the seventh. So it's been fine with them. I had my second when I just started my business, we had a wedding do a contract. It was supposed to be two days after my due date. And I ended up like wheeling the heck out of that girl coming sooner to keep 13 days early. And tell because it's like you booked a wedding two days after your due date. And it's like, I had faith that God was gonna let me fulfill the event. He wouldn't let me book it if I couldn't do it. Oh, did say you had a 13 days early. So that means you were up and about doing this waiting? Oh, my gosh, how did that go? It worked perfectly. It was fairly small. So I had like backup plans in place, like just in case I was in the hospital or something. But it worked out? Well. I'm glad that it wasn't any bigger than it was because you know, postpartum is difficult. And fulfilling. And event after that was not not exactly fun. But it wasn't bad either. Working up to that point was difficult. I worked until 39 weeks like doing weddings and freelancing with other florists and there was one venue in particular that I was going into and big ol belly in front of me. And the chairs were like this close together. And I can't squeeze through them. It was respond. Did so it was always Daisy having fun. Doing it. Yeah. Trying to carry stuff and they don't want you to carry anything because you're nine months pregnant. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ah, hey, good. But obviously, you've got your support. If your husband in the business site, you're able to sort of be be flexible with things like that. He's such a tremendous help but everything. Lately I've been trying to teach him designing so he's able to actually jump in if I need him helping processing all over flowers to get them prepped to design. helping deliver. Yeah, they help in every way. And like not just that but also like with the kids being able to watch them when I have to go out or having some other family or friends or babysitters helped. Hmm, yeah, that's definitely the supports a massive thing, isn't it? Having people around you? Yeah, makes it really tricky. If you don't have that doesn't that I've spoken to quite a few people on the show that are just like away from their family for whatever reason, and you sort of got to create create your family then I suppose for one of a better word to find the people. Yeah. So yeah, I'm really fortunate. I still live in the town that I was born in and my sister lives around the corner. My mum lives up the road and it's like, I've got him here. If I need him. It's really, really lucky. You need it, you really can't do it without the support system. That's for sure. In terms of then sort of the juggling that goes on, how do you sort of manage? Like your children are still quite young? How do you sort of? Is it a lot of help from others to make it happen? Or how do you sort of juggle everything? Question. So during the week, they're in daycare, I can't live without daycare, it's like, every day, like, Thank goodness for it. And then a lot of late nights. So we try to prioritize and maximize or our family time that we do have. So from five to eight, we have our family time we do dinner, we do baps some quality, like book times, stuff like that, and then we put them down for bed. And then it's usually like eight to 11 is crunch time for whatever we need to make happen. So whether that's designing for an event, or working on a computer, or meetings, stuff like that. Yeah, cuz that's thing you've actually got to meet with your clients, I suppose. Do you do a lot of that? It does that work in the day or you do meet people have an evening as well. Usually, it's in the evening, because most of the people work that we're working with. So they don't typically get out of work or have the time to that they're both home until seven, you know, somewhere in there. So I'll you do accommodate the late night meetings. I prefer when they happen during the day and the girls are at school. But yeah, I'll make it happen for them. Yeah. Oh, that's good. So I want to go back to when when you first had had your first daughter, did you sort of find did you have sort of an identity shift of how you saw yourself, and how that sort of changed when you became a mom, I had a really bad postpartum depression with my first. And I actually want to call it like a disassociation, because I was not attached to her. Going through my first, like, postpartum experience, I had a really traumatic delivery with her. And after I got really fit, like in the gym, like I prioritize that, and I really went through a time that I wasn't connected to her. So I have a different experience with her than I do with my second one. So it's like hard to say like in that sense, but throughout, I want to say like the first six months of our life together, I became more attached to her. And obviously, we have a really close relationship now. But as a mom, it was interesting, because I felt unattached, like, I still felt like myself. So I can't really say I felt like I had gone through this metamorphosis of like, shifts and personality change. But with my second and getting pregnant with my second, I really felt it. Hmm. So the way that you sort of, I guess, I had postnatal depression with both my kids. So I can definitely relate to what you're saying. And I guess that's the thing, it does make it hard to sort of talk about that identity. Because you feel so different anyway, like, because you're experiencing these mental health issues. And I guess, maybe going to your second daughter, how did you sort of when you had your second daughter, did you experience the same sort of postnatal depression or was everything different that time it was really different the second time, and I kind of associated more with starting my business like I felt the build. So it was a different kind of feeling like with my first I was still working as a full time mom and working full time. So I didn't feel like I had the same flexibility I didn't work my second I was able to snuggle up with her. And I was working on my computer and breastfeeding her at the same time. So I was still able to have like that skin to skin contact and everything up until she went to daycare when she was like five months old. Whereas with my first like immediately from the get go, she was in daycare with my mom with anybody that could watch her I was working full time. So I guess I didn't have the same kind of connecting experience with her. And also that affected our relationship and the way that my mental health was and everything else. Yeah, it's interesting, like, oh, yeah, no, thank you for sharing that because it's interesting. I've spoken to some mums who had postnatal depression first or second, or both, or like it's just there doesn't seem to be any consistency to it. Like when I had mine quite bad with my fist. So then the doctors were like, sort of put like, a red flag to me, but they had on all my files, you know, watch out for this one sort of thing, you know, which was good because when it did happen, you know, the ball moves really quickly and all the care that I needed came really quickly. But then yeah, I've spoken to some people who had it with their first didn't have on their second or didn't have with their first head it was like they doesn't seem to be any, you know, rhyme or reason like it. And I sort of had talked to my I talked myself into the fact like, there's seven years between my kids. And I thought, you know, I'm seven years older, I'm more mature, I've worked in childcare. Now I know, physically how to look after a child. And I kept thinking, I'm gonna be fine. This isn't gonna happen, you know, but then actually happened worse the second time and the first time. So it's like, so bizarre. It really is. And it's like, I went through so many mental changes, just evolving as a person and a business owner and everything that I associated with that, but maybe it could just be a different experience, just hormonal wise, like you're saying, like seven years older, and it's hard to say exactly why it happens the way that it does. Oh, my gosh, it is It is bizarre. Like it's just odd. And I wish it didn't happen to any of us. But it's just one of those weird things. And I feel like I've never quite been the same sense. I don't know. Now that I'm getting older, my hormones are changing more. I don't know. I mean, I still feel like me, but I just feel like I haven't quite gotten back to how it was before. I don't know. It's really weird, but never go back, either. Like, you've got so many new experiences now, like having been through childbirth twice, and the postpartum experience twice and everything in between. You'll never go back. Which I guess is a good thing. Yeah. It's a strange thing isn't that happens to us? You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, I was named. One of the big topics I like to talk about with my moms is this concept of mom guilt. And I put that in air quotes, because I have spoken to moms who didn't even know what it was and had to google it. And I reckon that's awesome. That's how we should all be. But unfortunately, most of us, what's your sort of take on that whole topic? Oh, I feel guilty about everything that I do. I'm guilty. If I'm not being productive, I'm guilty. If I'm not spending enough time with them. I'm guilty. If I am not sleeping enough, I'm guilty. If I'm not eating right, I'm guilty of I'm prioritizing the wrong things. I'm just a big ball of guilt in every way, shape and form. So I'm curious to hear like what you have to say about it, and how you try to overcome it. Like with me, I just remind myself of what I'm working toward, and get myself grace as best as I can. Hmm. Yeah, I think that acceptance is a really big thing. And that's what I'm finding. It's interesting, the people that I've spoken to one in particular comes to mind that that did not even know what it was, which was brilliant. I think it was something to do with, she was basically in this little bubble, where she hadn't been around a lot of people with children, and wasn't sort of all over social media, looking at all things to do with children. And I think a lot of it comes what will in certainly in my experience of people I've spoken to, I'm not saying this is right for everybody, but the expectations that we feel from the outside world to behave a certain way or to do a certain thing or to not do a certain thing. And then that pressure that comes on us, is what sort of manifests neck yoke, because I don't know, there's just so many outside, outside forces with all this conflicting information, like I actually saw a really funny reel the other day about was like a new mom. And she was saying, I can't even think what they were. But it was things like don't hold your baby too much. But make sure you have a lot of skin to skin contact. But don't feed them too much. But make sure that they get enough food, like it was just this constant back and forth and the mums like what am I supposed to do? And I think you're right, that that sort of giving yourself grace and acceptance and in the moment feeling like I'm doing all that I can right now. And then try not to beat yourself up about later, which is so easier said than done, but it's just a horrible thing. And I wish it didn't exist. I wish no one had to go through it, too. I think you're right about the Instagram and like the social media aspect of it too. Because we have this new way to compare ourselves to like what other people look like they're doing as opposed to what we should be doing or comparing what they're what they have done. going on with their kids, because we don't know, we only see the highlight reel on Instagram. So it's like somebody else might look like they're in the gym all the time and spending time with their kids and having the best of everything. They probably have a nanny or somebody living in the house that's able to take care of the kids. Like you're not seeing it all. Yeah, that's so the best. You have to just give yourself grace, knowing what you're living through and your situation and the way that you're dealing with things when it's like you can do that season. We can just do that and not, and the judgment that I was talking to a mom the other day, about that mums and women were really, only if we're really good at what we're really bad at. I can't work out the way to say it, but we judge each other a lot. Like we're like the number one worst judges of each other. We need to know if we could just stop there. Yeah. But I think a lot of that also might come from guilt too, is that, you know, if you see someone doing something and you think, Oh, bloody hell, and then you think, wow, I should be doing that. You know, it's all that that internalized stuff. Again, you are you're judging them because you're not doing it or whatever it is. I'm really bad at that. I'll see something that looks like I should be doing it. And I get bad that they're doing and I'm not, or feeling like I should be further along in my journey. And it's like I just started so I can't get mad at it. Yeah, yeah. But I think you're right about this, this Instagram and the socials. It's like, people will only show you what they want you to say they're not going to show you all the bad stuff that's happened that day, or the how hard it was to get your kid to eat breakfast and then get them in the car to go wherever it like. Yes. But I feel like they're having. Yeah, yeah. It's, but yeah, I feel like people are getting better at sharing things. And I'm trying to change the people that I follow. So that the people that resonate with me more, not the people that I feel challenged by I suppose, if that makes sense. Yeah, surrounding yourself with positive, the positive stuff. I've been getting better at that, too. I've been restricting a lot of accounts that so I'm not like unfriending them or unfollowing them, but I'm not seeing their stuff purposefully. Cuz it either makes me mad or makes me feel guilty or something negative that I shouldn't be feeling. And it's just preventing me from working the way that I should be. Hmm, that's a really good point. And actually, that that point has come up, I reckon in the last two or three podcast chats that I've had that about just, you know, surrounding yourself with the people that make you feel good. Like, yeah, like, like, you know, in real life we do. So why not do it? You know, in a socialist, yeah, it's funny, because I find that even, I have to restrict, like, some friends and family because like, I'll see them and like, hold myself to like a new level of criticism, or guilts. Or, however I'm interpreting it, and then like, I can't be looking at this all the time, just because it makes me feel like I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing, or it's bad or something. Yeah, those things that trigger Yeah, it's like, you know, remove them. And that's true, even if it is family, you know, or friends, it's, we're still allowed to sort of set the boundaries and say, you know, I don't need to consume this, because it's going to affect me in a certain way. I think that's really powerful. Because I feel like in the past, we sort of have felt like, because their family, we've got to accept just everything that they do to us their behaviors. I feel like people are starting to sort of go, oh, actually, that's not okay. Even though, you know, you're my sister, or you're my mom or whatever. That That doesn't work. For me. That's a pretty powerful thing, isn't it? Very, very powerful. And to have the emotional intelligence to say, You know what, this is a little toxic or a little triggering for me. So I'm just going to remove myself from the situation and go from there. Yeah, that's really good. I think. Yeah. I don't know. Certainly the people I'm following. It's like, you know, that that emotional intelligence that and feeling like you have permission to do things? Like I don't know, you've always sort of feel like, is it okay for me to say to such and such that I don't want to do that, you know, that. That people pleasing sort of got to say yes to everything. I feel like yeah, people that I follow. I do follow a lot of psychologists to actually that's where this is going rather, you know, you are allowed to say that you don't have to please everybody. Thank you say that with like, yes to everything because I'm really bad people pleaser, at least I'm getting better at it. And for the holidays all the time, everybody would want us over their house. So We'd be trying to go to four or five different houses in the course of Christmas. And it's like that's not enjoyable like to just go from house to house. Yeah. So it's like, either had them on different days, or like, Come to us, because now we have kids, and then she's difficult to go from, you know, breakfast to late breakfast to brunch, to lunch to dinner, an early dinner, late dinners next. Bedtime is somewhere in the middle. Yeah, that's the thing. And you like the age of your girl. So probably still napping is like, how do you even, you know, fit that in? Yeah, but that's the thing too, I think. Yeah, for years are a family like, I'm lucky because everyone's in the town. And we all just gather at one point. But yeah, I've heard lots of stories of people of these, because we've got lots of little towns all around our big town, like little sort of out in the countryside. And people would be going from here to there to their to their similar to your story. Now, just think, God, that wouldn't be a very nice day, you know, it wouldn't be a very enjoyable day. And they'd say things like, you know, the kids get their presents, but then they can't play with them, because they've got to rush off to the next place. And you think it sort of takes all of that? What it's supposed to be about it takes all of that away. And you're right, why can't do it on another day, like, you know, make it a boxing? Or do you have Boxing Day over there to call it that? You know, yeah, we have like the day after Christmas is like a relaxing day, you're supposed to we, most times there's a cricket match on. It's like this tradition, the Boxing Day test match. So everyone like, relaxes in front of the telly and watches the cricket and has a drink because it's summer here. So it's all very, you know, laid back. So that's thing why not doing on the next day, like, you know, why does that have to be this pressure just for this one? Day? Yeah, that's like the thing, like, both my husband and I, like both of our parents were divorced. So it's like, we were having like, four just with them. And then it was the extended family and, you know, siblings wanting to get together in the morning to open gifts and then do dinner later. It's like, we're seeing you already, like agree don't need to do it twice. You know? Yeah. So if anyone's listening to this, if this is triggering for you, this might really to say actually, no, I want to do it this way. Or, you know, have a chat here from this time to that time, and you're welcome to stop by. Yeah, that's a great way of saying it. Yeah. And it's not, it's not like you're saying, we don't want to see you like it's not a bad. You know, it's like just to shuffle things to make it work. And I mean, other people probably feeling the same way too, you know? So by starting the conversation, you might be taking the pressure off someone else to go Oh, thank God, I've been wanting to say this, you know? Yes, 100%. That's really cool. I love it that conversation with. Growing up as a kid, did you, I mean, a lot of the moms I speak to were of the same sort of age roughly. I have had a couple of grandmas on. And that's been really interesting, too. But the way that the way that we were parented has changed a lot. I feel like I mean, culturally in Australia, certainly. And I'm sort of guessing similarly, in the US. What sort of role modeling did you have for being a mum, and the way that you've decided to parent your children? Interesting? Um, I? Oh, tough question. My mom worked all the time. So I can't really say that she was like, super involved. Like when she was really like, when we were young, I guess she was a stay at home mom for a while. But when my parents and I were in a rough relationship, so she worked pretty much around the clock. And we were with my grandparents most of the time. So essentially, my grandmother raised me. I guess, as far as like parenting styles, I have a lot of the same kind of styles that they do. Some things have evolved. Like, we don't force them to eat everything on their plate, like I was forced to, because I'm like, she's a toddler and she's not hungry. She'll eat when she's hungry. So she snaps and that's the way that she eats and the pediatrician have told us the same thing like to just let her you know, she's gonna go through phases. My mom was a big fast food mom, like I don't do that. Stuff like that. Yeah, I feel like we're sort of listening to our children a bit more like, like that example of, you know, the parents saying you have to eat this. And it's like, I remember as a kid, just shoveling the ends of my tea into my mouth and just feeling like seek just so full of food. It's like, we've sort of got to the point where we Going well, actually, I think children are capable of deciding when they're full, you know, obviously you want them to try and, you know, eat more than one bead of toast or whatever, you know, you want them to, to try encourage them. But, you know, I think this that sort of, for me, at least, I don't know if it did, or it didn't, but might have been something to do with the relationship that I now have with food, that I've got to eat everything, you know, we don't know what Yes, what little seeds are being planted in little people's brains when we're doing these behaviors, and we're putting our, our judgment now behaviors onto them. 100% I'm on a similar note, like, trying to, I've learned that my mom wasn't exactly like a well rounded eater, she ate a lot of SP foods, a lot of the same things. So I'm finding like, as a mom, myself, that my kids eat everything that I eat. So if I'm showing them that I'm eating broccoli, and like home cooked meals, they're gonna want to eat them, too. So if I'm not giving them those options, they're not going to eat them. And they're not encouraged to because if I'm drinking soda, my daughter wants to drink soda. If I'm eating a nice polite with turkey bacon, she's gonna want to eat that too. So it's just a matter of introducing them to the right things and setting a good example. Hmm. And that's, that's really good point. Because that's thing if they don't see things they're not, they're not even, you know, gonna, they're not gonna choose one day go, Oh, I'm just gonna eat some broccoli just for no reason. You know, it's, it's got to be a part of. Yeah, exactly. And you were talking earlier about, like, you know, eating well, and fitness. Is that something that you're you guys are conscious of. So that's really great that you're sort of encouraging that right from, you know, the beginning of their lives. Yeah, really trying. With the business and everything. It's honestly taken a bit of a back burn. But we've been recommitting ourselves. And it's really important to show them that this is a priority for us if it is for them to. Absolutely, yeah, that's so that's so important. And I think like, exercise just being a part of life, like you can just go for a walk anytime. And that's, you know, that it's not some big deal that can I just, it's just a normal part of life, that it just is what you do, you know, maybe not every day, depending how your day is going. But it's just there all the time. That makes sense. Yeah, that you don't have to make it a special. Like, you don't have to get up and go to the gym at 530 Every morning, like you could squeeze it in with a bike ride or make it fun, and a family activity or different ways to go. Do you feel like it's important to you, and I'm gonna say this in air quotes again, to be more than just a mum, because we're never just a mum, that Yeah, is that that's important to you to maintain who you are outside of your mothering role. Very important. Um, I never want to be just anybody. I want to be myself. And I, you know that I'm really ambitious. So I've got a lot of goals. So I can't imagine like just being a mom, I have to be me and fulfilling and successful. And I just have a lot of these deep rooted things that I need to fulfill myself. Where do you think that drive comes from? Is that was there anyone in your life that sort of role model that or is that just, that's just you. It's just me, it's many of you ask, like my mom or my grandma, they'll tell you that I have this number one syndrome that I have to be number one in everything. And it's funny because as a kid, it was true, I needed to be first in line, I needed to be the top of the attendance roster, I needed to be like, number one on the honor roll like all of those things. And I guess it still rings true, but in different ways like it's fueling to want to be and accomplish all of these things. So it's like I have a bucket list of stuff that I want to do before I die and set a good example for my kids and be this person. Hmm. Yeah. Can you share some of the other things that are on your bucket list? If that's appropriate? I haven't asked you this before. You Yeah, sure. Well, writing a book is obviously on the top of the list. I have places that I want to travel. I want to have some speaking opportunities, like I want to get on a TEDx stage or something fun like that, um, surround myself but some people that I consider like, I don't know if you have like bucket list people that you want to like have conversations with Yeah, couple things. Yeah, people that I keep annoying with emails to come on my podcast. And I never hear back from you, we'll keep trying. And like, that's the thing like this has got this experience, doing this sort of stuff has got me really good at just being rejected and not worrying about any more like to just go, no, oh, that's fine. Who's next on my list? You know, and not getting hung up about stuff. It's been a really good teaching experience for me to learn this stuff, you know? Well, it's like it boils down to, it's always going to be no, if you don't ask, yes, yes. Or no, like somebody might have an opening in the calendar, or they might actually be available that weekend. They, you know, whatever the situation is, like, the reason that they're saying no, probably has nothing to do with you. You know, it's probably that they have their kids baseball game that they actually are able to attend this weekend. So they want to go. And that's, I feel like that if you don't ask you don't know. And that, yeah, I've asked some awesome people that have come on, and I thought they would never come on, but it's like, Thank God ask because, you know, just, yeah. It's funny, isn't it? Like? And that's the thing, too, like, I think we just we never know what's going on in other people's lives, like in any in anything, you know, and I think we sometimes can be really quick to judge a person's reaction and put it back onto ourselves. Where it's probably not about us at all, like you said, it's, it's something that in their lives or whatever. Yeah, like, as we know, like all of our lives, we're bound to rob ourselves. Like, I like to think of like Jenna Kutcher, a lot. I always hear that she's just says no to everything. And it's like, it has nothing to do with anybody else. It's just that she has like three priorities. And those are the priorities. So if it's not one of those three things, it's going to be no. And I feel that way about like, when I'm even asked to, let's say, like, over a friend's house or something. If it's, if I'm not feeling up to if my kids are not feeling good, like whatever it is, it's like it's gonna be no, if it doesn't feel any of those things. Hmm, yeah. And there's nothing wrong with saying that like, again, this boundary setting, looking after ourselves, not just saying yes, because we feel we feel bad if we say no. Yeah, well, then you feel guilty or resentful, or saying yes, if you didn't say no. And that's the worst is like saying yes. And not meaning it or wishing that you said no, or being mad that somebody isn't giving you something? Because you said yes. Because you said yes. You know, exactly. Yeah. It's like watching there, isn't there? Yeah, I have a good example to go along with that. One of my girlfriends is getting married. And I told her that I would do her wedding flowers. And I wished that I didn't say, and I'm feeling resentful now. Because it's like, I would rather not commit the time and my own finances to do it. And it's like a really generous gift. And I was like, Is this really like, Why did I say yes, and I'm going back and forth with it. And it's like, I need to just commit myself and I am going to commit myself because I agreed to it. But that's like a really good example of something that you should think, before you say yes. And try not to be resentful of the fact that you did. Because that's the thing isn't like, things can seem really good at the time. And then when you think about it, and you go, oh, like I've done that with singing gigs. And I've said yes to things because I thought, oh, yeah, that'll be fun. And then I thought, ah, but I have to rehearse and I have to learn these songs. And I'm, like, I'm, in my mind. I'm thinking of the gig. I'm thinking, Oh, that'd be awesome. But then I step back and go, Ah, crap, all this stuff that needs to happen to do that. And I think, ah, like, it's not just the thing. Yeah, everything else to go with it. So it's like, my friend's wedding is like Thanksgiving weekend, it's, so it's gonna be a pain in the neck to get flowers. And for her, it's gonna be I have another wedding the next day. So it's like, I'm gonna be adding more work to my load. And it's like, all these other things that make it a lot more difficult than just doing the thing. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I've gotten I think, I don't know if this is a bad thing to say. But the COVID Everything that happened with COVID actually gave me a time to think about like saying no more like I really enjoyed not rushing out because everything got canceled, all the gigs got canceled, which to start with was quite bad. And then I sort of went actually I'm enjoying not going out all the time now and I'm glad the pressures off because now I don't have to do this. And I know that obviously I'm not dismissing COVID at all like it's very bad a lot of people have have suffered because of it and economies and everything. But one good thing came out of it is it made me start saying no to things because I remembered how good it felt not doing things. Yes, I agree with that. And I agree wholeheartedly with that conversation. cuz, yes, COVID was awful for many people. But there were so many good things that also came out of it like my business, like, as a floral designer took off because of COVID. Because all of the other floors were booked. And there were so many delays so that I was able to actually do 50 Weddings last year and was my first year of business. So it's like, that shouldn't have been possible. But it was because of COVID. And, like you said, like enjoying the actual time, but you had to yourself because of it, we had that same kind of situation, like in 2020, that we were able to just enjoy ourselves and our little family. I actually enjoyed being not having visitors in the hospital when I gave birth, because I had two COVID babies. So it was like I enjoyed being able to actually just be the three of us and not worry about everyone in their brother coming in while I'm breastfeeding and stuff like that. Yeah, I think there was a good stuff. Yeah, that's a really good point, isn't it? Because I think that can that's another whole issue about people not having boundaries, when people have babies that it's like, you just assume, Oh, you've had a baby, great, we'll go see them. And, you know, a lot of people are now saying, we'll let you know, you know, even waiting till they get home and even you know, settling in waiting till breastfeeding is established or, you know, any challenges. I've got an even, like, over here, not so much now. But a few years ago, there was a big thing with whooping cough. So people were saying until you're vaccinated, we don't want you to come to see the baby. So yeah, and I think people just getting more respectful of other people's, you know, wishes, just because it's always been done a certain way doesn't mean that that's, you know, how we should keep doing things. Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot. Having the boundaries, and not holding it to like, the expectation that that's how things have to go, you can make it, you can make those decisions and say that this is the new way of doing things. And then actually like it better having the babies like during COVID and saying no, or at least like in the postpartum experience. I can't imagine, like, this is something that I had establishes boundaries, like if you want to come over, you have to bring dinner. Love that, that people are like, can I come over visit? Like, you know, what are you bringing for dinner? Like, are you gonna come over and do some laundry for me? Because I don't want to entertain you. Yes, that is awesome. Like, literally, what are you bringing with you? What are you going to do while you're here, you're just going to sit on your ass and hold my baby while I sit there and think of all these things I've got to do. Or I could be asleep right now. You know. I love that. So we have a digital production company that we just started. And it came to be because of all of the stuff that I've been doing with the YouTube and the podcast and all the social media management and all of that stuff because I had to put together a team to do it. I'm sure you have one too, with editing and whatnot. So I was like, Oh, my goodness, it's a game changer. I've got time, right, you know, it's this is, yeah, I've got time. I can do it. I did not time. So I was like I cannot be sitting here on my computer doing all this. So I hired a team to help me do it. And I realized I'm like, this is a need that I can fill and I need to at least monetize what I'm doing. Because at this point, I was just shelling money out trying to get everything edited and monitor my podcasts and just everything. Social media service, like let me share my team with people to see well that's where that came to be. Yep. So primarily, we help people with podcast editing and production, YouTube Editing and the SEO that goes with it, like the keywords and the titles and the thumbnails and the backlinks and all those fun things that I didn't even know was a thing until I started doing it. Yeah. And social media management. Yeah, right. So where can people find find you online with that if people want a Fievel interested in that. So it's mama media, ma ma M Ed ia.org. And that's where you could find us for those services. was cool. I'll put a link to that in the show notes if anyone wants to check that out. Yeah, it's interesting, like when you say, like, I do it myself because I can and because I really, I had all the equipment here from my singing, so I didn't have to purchase anything and got my mixer, I've got my mic and everything, and I can do all my editing myself. And I actually really love doing it. Like, that's part one of the parts that I actually I really look forward to doing because I love fiddling around doing things, you know, that's just my thing. But there'd be a lot of people that don't love that and don't have the time and don't have the equipment to do it. So I think that's a really good service and good on you for for like, being able to like you've got that team you can share with other people. It's already there. And you can go right, I mean, you can do this for other people. Yeah. Yeah. And like I said, like, it came, like I was just showing money out the door. And I'm like, I can't keep doing this. Like I need to be able to bring something in here. Somehow. I was like, How can I monetize this. And I was like that, like, you've got a perfect little formula right here, like just put it out there. And I love the name T that's a really cool name. Thank you. Just like to share with everybody that listens, that you can do whatever you want in this life, and you don't have to be defined because you're a mom or by that title, you can seriously have your cake and eat it too. And what I mean by that is you can create the businesses that you want, you can create the financial freedom, that financial security that you want, you can do the hobbies that bring you joy, you can create anything that you want in this life. So don't let being a mom define you by that. I grew up with so many people that did and they are not happy, like at the end of the day. And it just is a shame because they're meant for more than that. Hmm, yeah, that's a really, really well said, Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? We just because we have a child doesn't mean that our whole rest of our life has to stop existing. Yeah, like, there's a trend going around right now. That's mom before she was mom. And it's like, all the photos of her having fun. And then like, as a mom, it's just she's holding the kids and putting them down for bed. And it's like, you can do all those fun things with them. Like, it doesn't have to be an end to your life. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? It doesn't stop. And I think that's the thing like our, my parents generation, that there was very much, it was very much of us in them. Like, obviously, we're crazy family. But, you know, parents would do so much stuff without the kids. Whereas now I feel like we're involving our kids in so much more other parts of our lives that I wasn't involved in with my parents. So that's really good change, I think. Yeah, I think it's really positive and important and impactful for them to to be part of it. You know, if I were watching my mom, like, do the things that she wanted to do, I think you'd one like have like a newfound respect for them, because you're seeing them doing what they love and happy and joyful. And it's also like setting an example for you that you can do it too, huh? Absolutely. Yeah. It's great. That's a lovely note to end on. Thank you. It's been such a joy chatting with you. Thank you so much for giving me your time today. It's not time over there, isn't it? What time is it? There? They go. It's quarter past 10 In the morning, over here. So it's really a lovely start to my day. Thank you and all the best with everything. I'm sure you're gonna keep keep ticking things off that bucket list and keep achieving things because you Yeah, very motivated, very driven. And it's it's lovely to chat with you. Thank you, Alison. It's been so fun. I hope that everybody enjoyed our chat too. If anybody wants to come over and listen to more than we've got going on come to the Mickey money moves show. I'd love to have Allison on. And you can find me on Instagram at list dot Morton. Awesome. And yes, I'll put all the links so everyone can just click away and find you and that would be awesome. Thank you again. It's been great. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mum Helen Thompson is a childcare educator and baby massage instructor and she knows being a parent for the first time is challenging and changes Your life in every way imaginable. Join Helen each week in the first time mums chat podcast, where she'll help ease your transition into parenthood. Helen aims to offer supported holistic approaches and insights for moms of babies aged mainly from four weeks to 10 months of age. Helens goal is to assist you to become the most confident parents you can and smooth out the bumps along the way. Check out first time mums chat at my baby massage dotnet forward slash podcast

Rosie Rutherford British clarinettist and freelance musician S2 Ep32 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts My guest today is Rosie Rutherford, a clarinettist, composer, freelance musician and educator from Darby in the British Midlands, and a mum of 3 children. Rosie grew up in a musical household with her father and sisters being quite musical, she started on the keyboard at 5, piano at 6 and clarinet at 8 - after there being no flutes available at her school. Rosie studied at the Royal Birmingham Conservatoire , playing in the Folk ensemble, and later met her husband Jamie. She formed a trio with Jamie on guitar and violinist Ning-ning Li called Threaded. They are at their core a folk band, but take their influences from all types of music. They’ve released 3 albums- of what we spoke (2016) Fair Winds & Following Seas (2017), When The Raven Comes Calling (2019) Threaded was commissioned to create the musical score for Red Earth Deaf Accessible Theatre performances in 2018 for Soon Child. going on a live theatre tour around the UK before covid hit. In the past months they have been involved with another show with Red Earth Theatre, The Red Tree. which came out virtually in January 2022. They have also created 5 music videos incorporating Sign Song for the deaf community which you can watch here - https://www.threadedmusic.com/sign-song Rosie also runs Teenie Tempos, a parent and baby/toddler music group based in Derby. Red Earth Theatre https://redearththeatre.com/ Podcast - instagram / website Threaded's music is used throughout this episode with permission. When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mum of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thanks for tuning in. My guest today is Rosie Rutherford. Rosie plays the clarinet. She is a composer, a freelance musician and an educator from Darby in the British Midlands in the UK, and a mum of three children. Rosie grew up in a very musical household with her father and sisters all playing instruments, and she started on the keyboard at age five, piano age six and clarinet at age eight. After there were no flutes available at his school. Rosie studied at the Royal Birmingham Conservatoire, playing in the folk ensemble, and she later met her husband Jamie, who also attended the same Conservatoire. She formed a trio with Jamie on guitar meaningly on the violin, and herself, called threaded. They are at their core a folk band but take the influences from all types of music. They have released three albums of what we spoke in 2016, fair winds and following seas in 2017. And when the Raven comes calling in 2019. testable theaters performance of soon child in 2018 and went on a live theater tour throughout the UK with the show before COVID hit. In the past months they have been involved with another show with radio theater called the red tree, which came out virtually in January 2022. They've also created five music videos incorporating sign songs for the deaf community, which you can find through the links in the show notes if you're interested in watching. Rosie also runs teeny tempos a parent and baby toddler Music Group based in Darby. I hope you enjoy our chat. It's a pleasure to have you. Thanks so much for coming on. You're welcome. Thank you for having me. So it's nice to have have a good natter isn't it about all things moms? Absolutely. It's so enjoyable. Whereabouts are you? What's What town are you? Darby? Yeah, so in East Midlands Oh, very good. Yeah. So as you mentioned, it's very misty and, you know, a bit sort of Sunday morning ish there. What, what sort of what's the weather like, there is cold and you know, horrible winter, what's what's going on there is absolutely freezing. It was funny during over the year, it was actually fairly warm. I think it's one of the most warmest years on record. And I thought oh, this will be alright. I can cope with them. And then last week, it was just like really freezing and icy. Yeah, yeah, I'm not I don't mind the cold. I like cold if it's crisp. You know, if you've got the nice bright sunshine. Yeah, but it's just a misty and you drive in and you're like, or can't actually see anything two cars in front of me. And I think the problem with weather here is it's just it changes so fast. So you can't ever you know, cold is absolutely fine. And snow is fine and hot sun is fine. I think it just always takes your body a while to acclimatized to it. So if it just happens really fast. You just feel like a sore all the time. You just like going on. It's like it's catching up with what's going on. And then it changes again and then you've got today here it's been what 30 Probably got up to 32 Today your associates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so not Yeah. summer's day here. It's been beautiful like, oh, sorry, I shouldn't say. I could just pretend although I said the other day, I spoke to a lady who was in Canada and she had snow. And I was like, so jealous because I've never skied. I've looked at I've seen snow and I've touched it, but I've never actually been to the snow. So I'm like, Oh my gosh, that'd be awesome. As my sleep comes the same playing field across my chest, and the softness All right, so tell me about your music. I've discovered you as a, of course. That white thing that you're playing, it looks like a storm true for wind Institute. It's like, can you tell us about what you play with the proper names of things? Not like the Stormtrooper instrument? Yeah, no. So I'm a I'm a clarinetist is my is my main thing. And so I play clarinet, bass clarinet. But I also play all the woodwinds as, as a protective music teacher and stuff like that. So the Stormtrooper instrument, which is a discord and electronic wind instrument, which for a project that I'm working on at the moment, has to try and get my fingers around it so we can use it to because it's, it uses MIDI, so it can import into the computer. So it's the same thing. Dreams is a saxophone. It's just like electronic saxophone, but, but it has like the same functions as a keyboard. So you can you can have all these different all these different sounds. So it's proper novelty. So just for like having when I get a minute to have a little go and find another different different core sounding things. I can I can play yeah, so it is cool, but it's really it's really crazy instruments really strange. I've been enjoying watching a little Instagram, little posts you put up when you're finding all the different settings and this one sounds like like you've been sucked through vortex or something. So cool. It is. And I thought because I got it literally at the start of December just landed on my mat. And I was like, right, so I'll try and be festive. We're trying to a different Christmas carol every single day on it, then um, it gives me a chance to like play every day, but it's very, I don't have to commit much time to because that's always the problem, isn't it? Like is you want to do something every day but actually finding the time to commit that and I was like a Christmas carol. I can probably do. I still didn't manage every day, but I managed most days. Think I've got through a lot of the core settings. Yeah. It's good fun. It's like yeah, into discovering what what all the buttons do. Yeah, that's it. So how did you get into music? Have you always been musical? Did you grew up in a musical household? Yeah, I think so. So my dad plays. He's a he's a blues man. So he's a guitarist and harmonica player. But actually, when I was a child, he didn't he plays a bit of guitar but he didn't kind of gig or anything like that. So I think we just we just always got into music. me I've got two sisters. And we're always quite musical. And yeah, so I think I started playing the I think I started on the keyboard when I was about five and then did piano at six and then I picked up the clarinet when I was eight. Yeah, right. Do you remember why you went to the clarinet? Was there a sort of something that drew you to this is one of those questions that is like so so I want to play the flute but they didn't have any in school. So I want clarinet sure did around No. Oh, my second choice. Now I'm so glad I'm actually so glad because the character is like I just thought Do you love it? And it's so me. So it was meant to be there was meant to be no flutes left that was always meant to happen. Yeah. Have you ever gone back and tried to play the flute? Has that ever been something you've tried? Yeah, so what do I do now? Yeah, not not like not that well, but um, is it you know, but I can play it well enough to double on it and then I can teach it I can teach it so. Yeah, so I do play it and it is really nice as well but it isn't the current app. So it's alright. It's funny how things work out isn't it? How many other instruments do you play? Mainly so clarinet and bass clarinet kind of my main things and then I play a bit flute player play sax, and I've tried to get into the whistle so absolutely love Yeah, I love the Irish we're so big fake lover. So during the lockdown I was trying to get a little bit better at that. And but it's like everything once you start delving in a little bit, it's just becomes it's just a minefield and there's and then you want to be able to do everything and amazingly you don't you and you're like well if I'm gonna say that I'm doing this then I have to be able to do this. But it's just a complete like it's just a whole life time of musical knowledge to fit into learning a new thing so it's Work in Progress see your glances involving a Tree Yard quote. Fred is telling you say threaded is it's, I guess it's like my little baby in terms of musical stuff. So it's me my husband Jamie on guitar and then our friend lighning who plays violin. And we got together. We all studied at Birmingham, Conservatoire, Royal Birmingham Conservatoire as it is now. So and they're all and we all did classical music degrees, performance degrees on our instruments. And we played in a big, massive folk group, they're called Joe Biden's conservative folk ensemble, which is amazing. It's, I mean, it differs in numbers, but it's around 60 people. And you know, and we do the festival circuit and everything. And it's just all like, it's amazing. You should absolutely check out check out Conservatorio contemplate screen, it's still going. And every because it's a it's used. The people that are in Conservatoire, and then the personnel changes kind of, sometimes yearly, sometimes every four years, but it's, it's grown over the past 20 odd years. It's brilliant. And we and we played there and that kind of spot, I've always referred music, because like, like I said, my dad's been a blues man. And he and my mom have always been into music. So always growing up growing up around it. But funnily, in a clarinetist, I kind of thought I can't play folk music as a kid, you know, because it's such a classical. Well, I think it's either a classical or jazz journey that you take with an instrument like the clarinet because you think, Oh, the clarinet, so and because of the teachers and the era, they live and the I guess the pathways that are open to you to start studying, it was straight. Classical, is the path that I took. And so you kind of think, oh, you know, I can't really play folk music on the clarinet. It's not a folk instrument. So although I loved it, I didn't really do much on it until I got to college. And then because we had the folk ensemble, and I was like, Oh, this is great. Learn to do some tunes, and, and things. And then, and obviously, when you start then exposing yourself to this new world of all this free music, you kind of think, well, folk music actually. Like it's the music of the people. It's our music. This is what I love play. I love it. And so me and Jamie and Nunes because we love playing together anyway. We just thought we're going to create our own group and, and we're just going to play our own music. So the great thing about Fred it is that it's all devised. We generally one of us will bring a tune or a song and then we just get together. We turn it into a piece and and it's all original stuff. So it it's so it's really beautiful. Like it's beautiful for us because you know it takes that creative box because you just don't and you've got this outlet. And it's a safe place as well, because we're all, you know, we're all on the same page. So it's nice and easy. So, yeah, I feel really, really lucky to kind of have that place to just be creative with people that you can bounce off so easily. Yeah, so that's kind of where it came from. So we were like, we're not really focused. We don't really know what we are to be honest. Like, we're developing, I guess it's developing all the time, but kind of started with like, folk influence, but it's definitely like, we take influences and inspiration from everywhere and everything. So yeah, that's good. Yeah. And it must feel good to like, I've got two things I want to ask you, just from what you said, but the first thing is like to have, like you said, how it's a safe space. Like you can go there with your ideas and not feel like judged. You can play the thing you want to play and not feel like everyone's going, Oh, that's no good. You know, if you have that trust with each other, that you can play something and not feel scared or, you know, yeah, I don't know what the word is. I'm trying to intimidate. Yeah, that's what I'm going. Yeah, you feel really good to be able to share stuff and be honest with each other. And, yeah, that's it. And also, you know, that you know, that whatever you bring will, like we I don't know, it's like, because I think we do, I mean, obviously, I'm play. But recently, I've been doing a lot more composing and songwriting for various other things as well, not just threaded, but the great thing is that, whatever you see, whatever we seem to bring, we managed to make something work out. Even if it's completely different by the end of the session, then it is the start. But it's like that having everyone's kind of collective voices in there. Just always, we think, yeah, it just feels so easy. Because that it's such a positive experience. Always, you know, whatever you bring, and then you get to the end of it, you're like, oh, this, this has made this really great thing. Now that's, and you feel quite satisfied at the end. So yeah, I feel very lucky to have that place to be able to be creative. Absolutely, um, I've thought of something else to ask you. I'll come back to that. So do you guys do? Maybe COVID? You know, been annoying. But do you guys do a lot of live shows with the music? Or is it mainly recorded stuff that you chose? Um, well, pre pandemic? Yeah, so when we first started, and I guess for the first chunk of our time together, it's just kind of, we were just doing lots of like, mainly live stuff. So kind of small art centers festival type stuff, because I think that's where our musics best suited. And then in 2018, we got commissioned to work with this company called Red a theater. We do differ decibel performances. And so we wrote the score for a show with them and their show soon child, which was amazing. So that was kind of our first commission. So and then we did a live theater tour around the UK with them as onstage musicians and actors. Yeah. And then, and then it was pandemic hit. So when, but in between that we did three albums as well. So I think the first album was out in 2016, I want to say and then 27 teen and then 2019 was when we did the last album, which was the music from seeing child that we recorded. Yeah. Yeah. And then since then, since pandemic, obviously we've done a couple of live shows. But we because I mean me and Jamie are married so that's quite easy we can we can work and well I say it's easy next not easy with having we also have three children but that's another story that we can you know when we've got stuff we can create and write in evenings, but nothing slips in Birmingham. So it's not too far distance it's about four to five minutes but obviously we were all in lockdown as you guys were as well. I think we couldn't get together for quite a long time. So yeah, so we've done a lot we've tried to put a few things together last year just online just kind of over the Instagram to do some stuff but we haven't. So this year we're hoping that we're going to be able to do a lot more we did a reason we did we did something last year which we got some funding for which was turning so off the back of soon child like I said read out there to the Deaf accessible. They did deaf accessible theater so we and what we did with them with our songs is worked with science on directors and used a lot of science song in it so all of their shows is integrated in BSL to British Sign Language. So the actors are sign as well as talk so then when we did it when we put the songs in they are they were all signed in and off the back of that we kind of thought, you know, like, it gives an extra layer to our music, which we've never had before, like this visual element. And it's beautiful sign song is absolutely beautiful, because not only is it a language, and it's obviously a communication tool, but it's also just like this form of, it's just almost like dance with the performance when it's so beautiful. And so that that enhances the music so much, actually. And we kind of thought, Oh, well, we want to, once you've also kind of connected with the deaf community, we were like, We want to be doing this all the time, like the inclusion is just, it's just so important. So we've started trying to work and make find ways to make our music more accessible. So we've developed like, threaded, which is still going started the three of us, but we've kind of got a tangent as well called the threaded collective. And with that we're doing lots of different projects, working with other artists. So one of them is going to be the Deaf accessibility and music and how we can work and develop that and work with some deaf performance. It's not doing the sign song with us and things like that. So we're hopefully got a couple of festivals in the summer already. And we're going to work on developing that. So yeah, it's amazing. It's kind of all doing this. And you're just like, oh, I never expected that this would finish here. But that's where it's going. And we're just gonna go with it. Yeah, amazing. I've never heard of sign song before. Is that like, how did you said, signing? Two songs that don't have lyrics? Or like, how does it? Can you explain? Yeah, so I mean, I'm no expert. But it's mainly it's it's just Deaf, Deaf people, interpretation of the songs, so and how they sign it. So. And therefore, the beauty of it is that everyone's interpretation might be slightly different. So you can obviously some will do a literal translation. And but then sometimes, obviously, songs songs are really interesting, aren't they? Because obviously, a lot of songs are metaphors. And though you use metaphors within the songs, or the song is a metaphor for something else, or it's emotive, so when you're when we're working with them, with the science on performers, often it's talking about the context of it, what you mean by that line, and then they will interpret it, I guess, like any will, it's like any translation is if you translate in a book, but they'll work on it. So the signing that they do isn't necessarily like literal signing, it's all trying to create the metaphor. So it's so it's just this whole thing is just as beautiful performance, because it's just that everything working together. It's just amazing. That seems to be able to create music that can become a part of that. Do you know what I mean? Really, really? Absolutely. I'm gonna do some Googling when we get get off here, because that sounds amazing. Yeah, a whole new thing I've I've never known. Yeah. Yeah. Well, within theater, the accessible theater is becoming quite rightly, much bigger here. So there is a lot more access. And I think the UK really working on it. And but in music, sometimes, you know, there's been some performances, there's been some stuff that's on festivals and Glastonbury, they had a big, big thing, there was a signer with a wrap up, but still, it's not it that we've got so far. We need to go the long way to go. So yeah, it's we feel like quite strongly, it's important. And it's a way that that so many people could quite easily add this access level in a beautiful way. And then, you know, and it's just and it's just like, it's amazing to watch and it means you're including so many more people within your performance. So it's really good. Yeah, well done. That's wonderful. I love that wage, roll up your brain pole to get not far to go on what I was gonna ask before, what's it like working so closely with your husband? Basically. It's actually amazing. I think our relationship it came from being musical together I think. So. I think we're at we're often at our best as a couple when we are being creative together. I think we probably find that things are more strained when we're not getting the opportunity and it's just home after you know what I mean. So when because Because yeah, so much of it is so much of I guess why we love being together is being creative, and I definitely feel like much better music session with him. And I think because instrumentally dynamically because he's a guitarist. So any tune i i write or any kind of like songs he will be like. And then it kind of makes it like quite quickly being on that same wavelength. Whereas I didn't necessarily have the scale to be like, I know exactly how I'm going to accompany this. Jamie will be like, this sounds good. And I'm just like, yes, that is what I was aiming for. So yeah, it's actually really nice. But obviously, with having the family it has become a much bigger juggle for us to be able to work together. In terms of like childcare and other logistics, so at the moment, he's working. So the, the theatre company, Red Earth, which we did scene child with, me and Jamie, right, have worked on the music for their next show, which she is currently rehearsing called the red tree, which is a book by shot and it's beautiful picture book. And so we've written the music together, or like the main terms of music, some of it, he'll divide in the process. But originally, we were both kind of going to be on it in stage, but then I had my third little baby in August. So I haven't been able to do the tour. And that's going to be live streamed at the end of the month. So I feel like, I feel like a solo parent. Because normally you work with you're going around each other and it's like I'll do this day he does this day or this evening, and, you know, work around it. Whereas because it's every day, it's Monday to Saturday for the whole month. I'm just like, Yes, I actually have all the admiration for single parents, because I did about three days. And I was like, oh, people do that. The school run. I mean, like, I feel like the school run is harder than having a third child. Like having to be in the same place twice a day and get everyone ready to get out of the house on time. Yeah, that is just that is the kettle of fish do. I was like something. Show me what you've got something. What I can do. So you have three children. How old are your older children? So my daughter Ruby is four. My son is three. And then the little baby Louie is four months old. I love that name. Louisans says Did you meet your husband at like in a music capacity? Do you only ever known each other through music? Yeah, yeah. So we we studied at the same same Conservatoire. But we didn't know each other while we were studying. Because he was here above me. And Qataris Tantek. They kept themselves to themselves classical guitarists that come in for their things. Whereas obviously, the clarinetists you'd be in the orchestra in the band. So I was in a lot more. So I never, I didn't really know him. It wasn't until after we'd finished that through friends and stuff. We met each other. So yeah, so it's weird because we went to the same place, but we have completely different, you know, but before being together, we just have completely different experiences of being there. Which is a bit strange, but you know, it's funny, isn't it? Do you remember seeing him there? Like, did you ever seen you see each other there to remember? I don't really remember. I think I think I did go to one of his projects is major project, but um, but I didn't really know him. Just because we're friends with the painful. Yeah. And then. So it was mainly after we'd finish that we got to know each other. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So every since you got together, we've always played music together, or did it take a bit of time to sort of warm up to the fact that you were going to share this? It was like, instant sort of? Yeah, yeah. It was pretty instant. Pretty instant. So. So yeah, that's always been really nice. It's always been something that we've done, and we've been able to able to do together. And then it's, you know, and and then being able to kind of get together and stuff. It's really nice, because it's almost like date night. Date Night is just going and doing a gig. So it's like working day, but but it is nice. It's like a nice experience. So I feel like we get to share with each other. She's really good. Absolutely. That's lovely. So you talked briefly about how it's a bit tricky with now that you've got the kids with childcare, how to how do you manage if you've got some good support around you? For the kids? Yeah, I'm really lucky so my mum and dad live fairly Place and my sister and Jamie's parents are retired. So they've that when we did the when we did the tour they kind of came down and stayed for a chunk. So we were able to do it. So yeah, I mean we can only we've only been able to facilitate the word being able to tour and stuff because we've got like family and friends support so we are really really lucky. Yeah, it makes all the difference doesn't it really does. Like when you said before about people that do it on their own soul parents I've Yeah, I just don't understand how they do it. I go out of my brain if I was the only one doing this never made that absolutely amazing Absolutely. You're listening to the art of being a mom, with my mom, I will see you. When you I'm interested to ask you this because I'm a singer. That's my background. When you were pregnant with the with each child, did you find it really hard to breathe while you were playing your instrument? Yeah, I think, well, I had I had different pregnancy experiences. So and which affected which affected my play in and I think some of them are more mentally than others. But with with Ruby, my first one I had a really big bleed at 13 weeks. And they never knew why. Yeah. So they were kind of like, you know, take it easy. And I got like tours booked. And in the end, I just had to I couldn't I didn't pay because I was because you know like you have this degree. And it's all tummy muscles isn't it and I was scared to use them because it was like, because they don't know why I've had this. And then so I didn't really play for the first kind of six months. And then I've got some stuff in and I think probably felt a little bit more confident to kind of hit but I still never supported properly, often just playing from here because I was going to use my dummy. And then. And then with Arlo, I think I think I did have some bleeding again. But I think it was really early on. And then I was kind of fine for playing and stuff. So I did quite a lot of work with him. And he that was that felt like generally a much easier pregnancy. But he was got pregnant after nine months after having reap. So I think I was just such in such a sleep deprived state from her because she just didn't sleep until she was about four that I just probably didn't didn't think about I was just in autopilot. So I think I just kind of work through a bit more. And then with live, it's really similar. I had a had a really big bleed at 11 weeks, or just performance, we scan. Really, really it was on the birthday, actually, I'd had a burger were locked down. But we'd ordered this burger I was really excited. And then it started bleeding. And then I had to go to AD. But I knew that was a similar thing to read, like had that gut feeling like that he that it was fine. So I was like I knew it was but it's obviously still terrifying. And then after that, I was a bit like oh, I've been scared. I was scared to play again because I just don't want to put any pressure on you don't want to rupture anything. So yeah, and I felt really tired for a lot of that pregnancy. So that's when I did a bit more whistle playing because it's just not the same type that you just don't have to put the same type of like support on and everything. But then then you don't know whether some of it's just because you know it's their time on your body's tired it's just like you're doing this again. You've got the other two that you're actually got to look after I did lockdown because this you know, you're trying to be so positive and you know, for the kids especially. And but there isn't that much to do either. So you you know you think you're tired because you just like the whole situation is just exhausting, isn't it? The pandemic itself is just so it's exhausting. Just so yeah, yeah. Oh, that's interesting. I always like to ask musicians that are that are in that area that can relate to I had a shocking first pregnancy it was fine. I don't know why but the second one, I don't know. He sat up right on my diaphragm. It was ridiculous. I couldn't breathe to save myself. And that was starting to use up here too much putting too much strain on my on my actual, you know, in my voice and I had to give up a few gigs was like I can't actually project anymore. This is you know, there's nothing I can and the problem is you you feel really bad because you did you know Like, you don't want to cancel stuff anyway, because you know, you pregnant you're absolutely candid, but you don't know until the time d that actually this this isn't and it can change so quickly. Yeah, I was kind of Alright, doing this. And then I got to about seven months, and I was like, I literally have no space that I can do. So yeah, yeah. It's a funny thing, isn't it? Good on him? Day to day with the kids now, do you basically set time of an evening just to work on your music with your husband? Yeah, generally, generally. I mean, when when we've had commissions, like when we were working on the theater stuff, we did block out days to do it. And, and the same when we were working on the collective stuff last year, we would we blocked out days to do it. But when we've been in lockdown, obviously, we haven't been able to use the chat we had, we couldn't use the childcare at some point of it. So then it would have to be evenings. So in the summer, it's alright, because you still feel like you have like evening time, but in the winter, it doesn't, it doesn't mean that you don't end up getting very much done. The kids are in bed, and it's like half past eight, nine o'clock. And then you're like, right, we've got to have dinner. And then we've got to try. And we've got to try and create. So I think I think it depends on what we're creating for as well. Like if it's commission stuff. Because there's a brief and it's kind of got to get done, you can be a bit more pragmatic about it, it's like, well, you know, if we are doing the evenings, we'll commit three or four evenings to it. And we will get it done in that time, because that's the time. Whereas if it's our own stuff, like if it was just kind of like more. So if we take the threaded or stuff about rain, then you can be a little bit more like, well, we'll just get together in an evening and have a bit of a jam and see what happens. And that's a lot. I feel like that the winter months are never that good for that type of thing. For me, I think fat. And I don't know whether it is just because I'm so brain dead by the time it gets to the I can't I can't think and also a lot of a lot of creating on my instrument. It's just playing. So it's a lot of improvising and seeing what comes out of improvising. And the current house isn't that big. So you can't really do that. When the kids are in bed loudly. And in the winter. In the summer. We've got we've got a conservator on the back so you can kind of go in there. And it's warm. But in the winter, it's actually freezing because the Conservatives the court really typically delivery very much just ended up not doing a lot which was probably the attic. But I think if you're trying to be creative, if it's your job and you've got to write stuff on top, then it's like any job isn't it? You've got to get it done. So you will find find the time and the space. But I think if it's for me, I have to be in the right frame of mind to do it. And yeah, and in the right space for it to for it to be enjoyable. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And and that's the thing, like if you're forcing it, it's you're not you're creative. tivity is not going to come you could because you're just like, Oh, I've got to do it and nothing's going to come when you put pressure on yourself like that. Like, like you said, you need the time to just fiddle about and see what comes out on. Yeah, absolutely. Oh. What's your thoughts about mum guilt? I think that I feel like we shouldn't have it. But I think so many of us do. And I think even if, from people I spoke to and friends and everything, and I think and I think it's like anything, I think it's, I think it just stems because you care, and you want to make the right choices. And I think for your children, and I think as mums. I don't know you kind of there's this thing, isn't there anything that you do for yourself? It's at the expense of doing it for your children. And that isn't, but it isn't. But I think we'd have to go through that process, don't we? And it seems, seems that lots of people have to, you know, go kind of through this process and find, find out how you're going to work and what you need to do. And what you would class is something that makes you feel bad, and something that makes you not feel bad. So I think it's different for everybody. I know, I've definitely had it, I get it a lot. I think it's, but I know I shouldn't have it. Because a lot of it is like work. It's because I've because, you know, if you're gonna go and do something for work, then you feel bad, because you're like other kids are being having to go so this person isn't going to this person, but then you need to earn a living. So yeah, then you can't have the quality of life that they're gonna have if if you don't earn any money. So yeah, I think it's really it's really interesting. And I feel like now my attitude towards it has developed after like being on my third child, because I know, when I just had Ruby, you know, kind of anything feel really, really bad. And I wouldn't, I'd be like, Oh, no, I can't do anything for myself, I can't go for a run because the house is a mess. And I've got to do this, I've got to do the washing and everything before I do this little thing myself. And now, I'm a bit like, well, if I want to play my bass clarinet for 10 minutes, the house has missed and I'm just going to do it because I only have one life and it's not fair and everyone else that I'm resentful because I don't get to do it. Because actually, it's my choice. But it's taken, you know, it's taken a long time for me to kind of get to that point of that I will do that. I still haven't been out the house for a run yet. anyone to do anything because it because you know, it's like, well, if I've got if I have got half an hour for me, then what am I going to do with it? If I was to have if I was to probably have longer than that and start feeling a bit like, oh, I probably should be doing this and probably shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, and you know, I'm taking on gigs and things and I When Ruby was little we did a lot more gigging because it was the, you know, the other side of the pandemic. So things were actually booked in. And I didn't feel bad about that, because I didn't everything was booked beforehand. And I didn't know and I think I just struggled leaving. But I think when there are as I don't know, I think you know, like, once you've gone through it, you know, they're going to be fine as well. You know, when that it's always worth thinking of what, what's it gonna be like? Whereas, you know, it is always okay. So yeah, yeah, with that benefit of experience, then you know, that your your next two children, it's actually going to be fine. We'll be fine. Yeah. But it is hard. Because, you know, I think everyone feels guilty to some degree. I think people just have different. Some people and people feel different, like guilty about different things, don't they? And for some people, their guilt might stem from work related. So for some people, it might stem from like socializing, they feel like they shouldn't go out and have a drink because or see their friends. Because you know that because the children have their bedtime routine. And, and yeah, I think everyone will have something that they struggle with in terms of mum Gill. But, yeah, yes, finding the balance. I think that's so true. Because I think it's yeah, the balance of like, I think you still need to do something for yourself. Like, you can't just be a mum all the time, you actually still have to be yourself and especially, you know, with your husband, you still have to have that relationship. And it's a funny thing, like when you have kids, it's like, I don't know, this is expectation that your whole world has to completely stop and revolve around the kids which is fair enough for for a period of time like it has to because they're so little and they can't do anything but I think it's a no from what I'm finding talking to different mums through this. It's like well, there's a point when you actually go hang on a sec. I'm still me and I actually want to go do stuff that I did before. Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's really important for for your children to See you? And I think them's. I mean, we notice it loads with Ruby because she, with, with coming from a very musical household, she's now like, she's so into it. And we haven't, you know, for a while, like, would you want to do this? And she'd be like, No, I don't want you to show me how to do that. I do it my way, when we can have gotten your clarinet, and I'd be like, because kids want me to, I don't want you to show me I just want to do it, which is like, you know, fair enough. But now she's gonna, which is making a pro songs, and she's doing all this stuff. And she's only four. But, but I think, for me, I want her to see me go, you know, especially for as a as a woman that I can, I can still be an artist, and I can be a performing musician, and I can do this, and I can still have a family, and be a present mom, but be still be creative. And be me because, you know, that's, you want, I don't know, like, that's, I feel, I feel proud, I guess that I'm managing to juggle these plates, because I always wanted to be be a musician. And, you know, and it's tough. There's lots of tough elements about it. And, you know, a lot of people feel that they can't balance a family and be a musician, because, because it, you know, you end up having to turn down so much work because of various things. And I think, you know, if they can still see if your kids can still see you being you that's, that's really good for them to know that or they could, you know, they can still have the life that they want to do. And, yeah, I think it's, I think it's really nice and also have an understanding that time is that their time is or that your time is split, but over things that are important, you know, and especially our, whatever your artistic discipline, that's something that you've worked at, usually your whole life, or, you know, from an age of being able to do it, you know, with dance or art or whatever, and you've committed so many hours that just because, you know, you decide to take on the responsibility in whatever capacity of being a parent, you don't stop. That doesn't stop, because that's part of who you are. And so I think it's important is for your children to see that that time still happens in time still exists, like I still have to practice because otherwise, if I get a call to go and do a gig, I can't if my lips not in I'm not going to be able to do it. So, but it's not at the expense of time with them. Yeah, it's, it's just part of our daily life and routine. And so yeah, I do think that that's important. But I'm only kind of starting to, like, put that time and now you know, it's taken me a while of not feeling bad for doing practice, even though I believe that I shouldn't feel bad for doing it. And I have to do it. It's still, you know, it's still actually doing it. But yeah, it is good. Yeah, I love that. I love the way you describe that. Because that's like, that's how I feel. It's like, I think it's wonderful. Especially, I mean, I don't have any girls, but for my boys to see, you know, the woman who if they end up with a woman that they, you know, that becomes a mother should their children, but she still does all the things that she did before she had kids, you know, it's just in your slotted into your life, like you said, you you're practicing your you know, it's part of what you do, and your children see you do that, which is just, I love that it is so wonderful. Yeah, I love it. And I think you know, like, for, for our kids as well, we're definitely noticing that they, they all seem to love. Like either whether it's performing or I think kids kids respond to what they're exposed to, don't they so but as they're always making up songs now, even though their three year old, he's really started to get into the dispersing in and they'll be they'll be doing that payment, these payments, dinosaurs and he's making up songs. And you think that's just because it's exposure, and I'm sure it's like, you know, all children or children are sponges, aren't they. So whatever you do in your house, your children will pick it up. And whatever. So I think that's the thing, whatever it is that you love, and you want for any mom, even if they're not, if it's not art, if it's you know, yoga or, or climbing, or whatever it is that you want to do is kind of your hobby, if the kids can see it, that they absorb it. It's something that that often it can be something you end up doing together because they think oh, my mom is this, I'm interested in it. mom or dad's doing this. And that's what we've kind of found with ours, whatever it is, we're kind of doing that they want to do. And then you end up still being able to do the thing that you love and you do it with them. I my husband really loves drawing. And he's always drawn and he's you know, he's really good at drawing but it's just something that he does for himself and he really enjoys it and so the kids are annual sit and draw with the kids. And so their art is amazing. Well, me I know I'm so it's my kids, but I think that there is really, it's really brilliant. But I'm just like since they've been able to hold a pen you sat there and drawn with them. And so that's something that they are really like to do. I mean so then when I I see it and if we, you know, draw it or whatever, and I'll draw, they're just like, Oh, what's that meant to be mommy? Daddy's is better, just like, I'm trying. No, but they do they just pick it up so much that I think it is important, therefore, for them to see you doing things that you enjoy. Yeah, it just becomes a part of life. It's like, it's not a sure thing. That it's like, Okay, now, we're now done going to do this, but it's just incorporated in your life. It's just what you do. Yeah, I love that. That's this beautiful, that's so good. How did you feel then this, I like this concept of identity about how we view ourselves as a woman, then we have children, you know, how do we see ourselves? Did you sort of have a concept of your own identity change when you became a mom, I don't know, you know, I don't know whether it really has. If I think about it, like, I still feel like I'm really easy. And I'm very lucky, because I've got the same friends, I haven't. And a lot of my friends from school, we all move back to the same place. So we all kind of went out to study, whatever we did at university, and then we've all kind of come back to the same place. So I've got a lot of the same friends, a few of them have also had children at the same time. And all my friends from studying at college, still fairly close with them. And I think I've still I've been very lucky that I've been able to be facilitated to still work. And so I kind of feel like I don't think I've changed. Does that make sense? It does. I don't feel any different. I think I just, I just Yeah, I think I don't feel any different. I have literally got more responsibilities, but I think I try and yeah, it's yeah, I'm not putting words in your mouth. But it's almost like, because you've got this musical practice, which is endemic to you, and you've got the relationship with your husband, who's also got the music, it's like, you're able just to bring the children into your world. And continue with that, what you had, and the children and sort of they have joined into your world, and you'll still be able to maintain who you are without any sort of like, oh, I have to give this up, or I have to do this. Now whatever. I think so. I think and I'm very lucky that I guess I'm surrounded by people that have supported that. And being with with me and my husband both being artists, you know, that has challenges, you know, it because it's not like often, often, for other friends who are artists, they're married to someone who has got a stable job. And not that not all artists are stable, but we're freelancers so it is up and down. So one of them, you know, so they can be they can kind of project work that they want, but they know if they're gonna if they're going to have a family or whatever, there's going to be a stable income coming in nine to five sort of thing. Yeah, yeah. Whereas obviously, we both of us, we haven't got that. And we've always relied on because, you know, very lucky, we're very, very equal. We've always kind of both worked in both, both on whatever. So having a family for us and me being a moment. We've we've, we've kind of thought, well, we're going to do it and we'll make it work around this and Jamie chipped in just as much as me. So I don't know, I yeah, I've been able to just kind of carry on and also have things in place. For the work that I do that I will take the children if I need to. So I've been very lucky that I've been able to do it. My work that's kind of more artsadmin like I've gotten I've done, I've done like training and I've just had the baby in the sling. Because so because I'm breastfeeding and I'm gonna go to work and have to take the baby and that's just it. So and but I've been very lucky that people have been very accepting of that. Because if I was maybe in a business where that wasn't acceptable, you know, not all businesses, it isn't acceptable, you know, if you're a nurse or whatever, can't take your baby to work. So I do feel very lucky that I've been able, you know, the support network around me at work as well as home as men that I have been able to have children and still work as an artist, you know, and that so and I know not everybody does have that support. So I do feel very lucky. I think sometimes it's what it's wanting to do it though, isn't it like I think I am. I'm quite proud RTX I'm like, Well, I still want to do this, and I want to have children. So therefore I have to, I have to make it work. And so I have to put myself in positions, that I can do it. So yeah, a lot of it is setting things up that I've had to do myself. You know, a lot of my work and everything I've gone out to find and projects I do the funding applications for and everything which I have to do my own time, there's been a lot of midnight 1am is writing funding bids for you. But that means that when we've been lucky, and we've been successful, it's meant I've been able to do the work I want. And because I've been project manager, and they've been able to make things work. So yeah, it's it is. It is hard work to make it work. But it's worth it. If you want to make it if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. You also teach music. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. So I do peripatetic teaching. So I go around some schools, it's mainly been primary schools, and I do private teaching at home as well, which is, some kids are mainly adults that I teach privately. Yeah. Yeah. Is that changed a lot through COVID? Did you have to do lots of stuff online? Yeah, so a lot of it was online, which is tough. I think teaching online is really, there's some really good things about it, in the sense that it's actually you can fit more people in, you know, condense it. So and, and you you don't have in, yeah, you're not having to do too much traveling. So that's good. And it's convenient, especially for adults. Because often if you finish work, and then you have to go out to the clarinet lesson, you can be bothered to go and do that, you know, on a dark evening. And actually, that timelines worked quite a lot for them because they can slot in the parents with the children because they're, you know, if you've got to having to take little Germany to x and x. You know, it's tiring, isn't it after your work? So some parents are actually quite good. But but it isn't. It isn't the same. Yeah. Nothing can nothing is the same as having face to face lessons. So that was tough during the pandemic, but everyone that I teach cope so well. And it was amazing to be able to keep it going. Yeah, yeah. So your place is called Darby. That's it. Right. Yeah. And you're near Birmingham? Yeah. Are you from the North? This is one of those questions. Because, you know, I think it's because if you're from the south, everything north of Birmingham is the North. Whereas if you're from the north, then like, then it depends on where you, you know, if you were from Yorkshire, you would not pass me as a Northerner. It'd be like, Midlands, that's not enough. Whereas if you were London, you'd probably class be a Northerner. So that depends on who you talk to. Looking at the map, like there's still quite a lot of north north of you. Yeah, quite a lot going up. Yeah. To be to be safe. I'm in Midland, you're indecisive. I don't know where I am just hovering around. That's funny. It's like your relative to other people telling you where you are. That's it. That's it. Sorry, I'm scrolling now. What sort of projects? Can you share any projects that you've got on the go stuff you've got coming up that you want to share? With the list? Yes. Yes. So what am I doing? So we've got a work one of the jobs that I do I work for a hospital trusters arts coordinator on Amis music coordinator, and during the pandemic, we did some Commission's and writing some stuff. So this year, we've got We've got quite a big project coming up in the summer, which is going to be a reflection on the pandemic and stuff with the staff. And so we've written a song for that, which we'll do with the staff choir. And it's hopefully going to be a sharing a lot of the staff wrote poems and things like that as part of like reflection for them. So I'm organizing that which will be hopefully really beautiful and really reflective and really nice. And then threaded wise, we've got at the moment, putting together some for some summer festivals. And we're working with the University in Nottingham as well to develop some tech which will support the access. So that's a bit of a kind of experiment as to what they are developing and we will try will pilot is from festivals and see, see how it works. And if it works. So we're going to be doing that in the summer, as well. And that's ongoing and yes on collective performances. And we're going to try we're going to we're getting back on with some threaded stuff this year as well. So we've got some dates of the day with names and we're gonna write some new music. Yeah, which I'm really looking forward to. And then, yeah, we've got the red tree, which is the the music I've written for the theatre company that's been live streamed. On Sunday, the twin, it's Sunday, the 29th of January at Wolverhampton theatre. So I mean, if it's live stream, I imagine that anybody could get one even if you're in Australia, you could watch it I imagine if it's live streamed, yeah, for sure. So that story, the red tree, I think it's aimed at children six upwards, and it's about, it's about the little girl who she wakes up in a room and she's got nothing to look forward to. And each book, each picture of the book is a different kind of scenario. And it's about anxiety, depression, really, I think the book, but then at the end, it's all hopeful. So they've been doing a lot of work. And so it's going to be live streamed into schools during the week. But anyone with children that especially after the pandemic that has that type of, you know, children, because children have experienced a lot of isolation and anxiety more than I think. I know, I know, that happens anyway. But I think just so it's just such a big thing. At the moment, I think they thought it was going to be a really great book, because it might help children reflect on their feelings a little bit. So for sure. A good one to check out if anyone wants to watch some live stream theater. So yeah, and then. Yeah, and then I think, and then apart from that, I just got to try and get some more gigs in but I am being honest, because I'm on maternity leave. So yeah, real thing, but. But I have just after LUMION and really started school in September. So that juggle, I've got on with some stuff, but I need to get back on that. And then I'm also starting my baby music classes back at the start of next month as well, because I do a little group called Ed tempos. And it's really lovely. And so because I've got Aluna, I can take him and I do that, because that's really nice. And it's really good now, because I've got the children and I've seen them go through that. So did did it with the others. It's like it actually is amazing. I know. I know, music is amazing for children's development. But I've seen firsthand that now. Like seeing it go from nought to five. Because they did all this stuff like rubes is like her ear and all those musical issues that the pianos just work like to work out tunes. And that that's just because of exposure, you know, and you don't have to come from a musical household for your children to be able to do that. I think all children can do it. It's just exposure. Yeah, that's Yeah. How long have you been doing you? Is it teeny? Temporary? Tiny? Yeah, TV tempos? So we started it when Yeah, we started it when I was little. And so when was that? 20. I think it started in 2019. And we did a bit of it before the pandemic. And then then we did it. We moved it online for a term. But it was one of those things that was just tough to do online. And then I could have gone back and started it face to face, but because of a lot of the restrictions, and the and just the risk assessments and all the cleaning and everything, I was just a bit overwhelmed. I was like, oh, you know, I'd be really stressed about under disinfect everything because I have to do that in teach with teaching in schools, but it's kind of with older kids, you can disinfect the stones you can disinfect everything I've touched, but with babies and children and putting things in their mouths and using the right cleaners and I was like Ah, there's just too much. So I thought I'll just wait until things have calmed down a little bit and find a way to make that work. So we're starting the face to face stuff, but that's really really nice and it's nice to help other parents use music as a way to communicate with their babies and be confident to do it as well because it's like you know so many people and but you find that being a vocalist as well, that we can all sing and We have different levels of as my dad always says Rosie likes to sing. Definitely doesn't mean that Gabby, I think, but I think what's really what everybody can and babies don't care about how, whether or not you're any good, they just love that sound and the connection. So, and sometimes it's just finding, it's just knowing what to do and how to do it. Give mums and dads the confidence, or grandparents or whoever it is the confidence to communicate with your baby through music and song because it just enhanced their development so much. And you know, into even intonations between words, there's some specific things that they can they latch on to, and tones of voice for positive and negative and things like that, which, once you know it, it's really nice for you to be able to use that and communicate with your baby. But a lot of it is confidence and parents not having the confidence to sing or not, not even knowing the nursery rhymes because it's been such a long time. You know, if you did it as a child, and if you don't have any other children in your family, you know, if you've not got siblings or children or cousins of children, your child could be the first one for a long time. And you just have no idea what any of these babies absorb. Yeah. Yeah, so that's really nice. Yeah, I work in childcare. That's my day job. I mainly work with what are they probably 18 months to two and a half, maybe nearly three year olds. thing I find, like, I don't care. I've been doing that job for nine years now. And I'll old and I don't sing properly. When I'm at work. I just you know, hey, you've got that proper singing voice and then you've got you this this when you sing Happy Birthday to someone in a group you just sing. You don't do your prophecy voice? You know what I mean? Yeah, I just I just crack on and sing the silly songs. And I think a lot of stuff for parents, I just get so embarrassed because they think you've got to be able to sing properly, to sing and so like, your kids just want to hear you sing like they don't they're not going to judge you. And they're not. They just and you're right. It's like the rhythms and like almost like, you know, when you read a really good book with the, like, the poetry the way, the like the rhythm of the words coming out like it just expanding on that and singing something or, you know, just I don't know, like, it's just this, this expansion of language and the kids love it so much, especially if you can throw into actions. That's always good. Yeah, I think I think parents just get embarrassed because they think, Oh, I can't do this. And who's watching me and, you know, it's yeah, it's like, Just do it. Yeah, enjoy the process. The end result doesn't matter. Yeah. And your kids just love it. They just they want to hear it. Thank you so much for being on the show. It's been a pleasure chatting to you, Rosie. It's been lovely. Thank you so much for having me, Alison. It's been lovely. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us via the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Melissa Condo Francis Australian musician, singer, songwriter and educator S1 Ep13 Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts My guest today is Melissa Condo Francis. Melissa is a singer/songwriter, collaborator, producer and performing arts teacher from Portland Victoria, and a mum of 3. Describing her genres as wide ranging as folk, electronica, jazz and alt pop, Melissa has performed as a duo, and soloist under the guise ‘ Sleuth ’, done international collaborations and released 4 albums as an independent artist, as well as producing and performing in an operetta. She talks about the way music has bonded their family, how she deals with criticism and finding 'your people', and the challenges of writing music with your significant other. **This episode contains discussions around mental health issues, loss of a parent and grief** Connect with Melissa on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sleuthmusic11/?hl=en Connect with the podcast here - https://www.instagram.com/art of being a mum_podcast/ Melissa's music used with permission Spotify Listen to all recent musical guests' tracks on this Spotify playlist When chatting to my guests I greatly appreciate their openness and honestly in sharing their stories. If at any stage their information is found to be incorrect, the podcast bears no responsibility for my guests' inaccuracies. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the art of being among the podcast where we hear from mothers who are creators and artists sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. My name's Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness and a background in early childhood education. Thank you for joining me. My guest today is Melissa Kondo France's Melissa is a singer, songwriter, collaborator, producer and a performing arts teacher from Portland, Victoria, and a mom of three, describing her genres as wide ranging as folk, electronica, jazz and old pop. Melissa has performed as a duo and a soloist under the guise of sleuth, she's done international collaborations and released four albums as an independent artist, as well as producing and performing in an operetta. On the episode she talks about the way music has gone to their family, how she deals with criticism, and finding your people and the challenges of writing music with your significant other. This episode contains discussions around mental health issues, loss of a parent and grief. Welcome, Melissa, it's great to have you on the podcast. Thanks for coming on today. Thanks for having me. So, for those who aren't familiar with your music and what you do, can you give us a rundown about the style of music you create and all that kind of thing? Yeah, so I perform and right under the artist name of sleuth, which is kind of a bit of a parody harkening back to my days in the police force, actually. But I did my music style would be eclectic, really. I've done everything from sort of folk music to electronica to hardstyle, drum and bass. What else would I have done, I've got a lot of jazz elements to quite a bit of my music, as well. And probably the more prolific music or this stuff that's been out there a little bit more than the other stuff that in the back catalogue, we'd be all pop. Yeah, it's yeah, it's really, really, I have actually been openly criticized for not picking a particular genre to stick with. But I actually like it. I do a lot of international collabs with different artists. And they're all from all sorts of different genres, which is great. So keeps it interesting. And it really pushes my creativity, I think, to be able to write two different styles. Hmm, keep keeping it keeping it really interesting. Yeah. How did you first get into music? I've, I can't remember a time when I haven't been a musician. I learned piano from age three. So sort of earliest memories. Piano from age three till about, I did formal lessons till I was about 1516 years old. And yeah, I just stuck with that, really, and a lot of music theory, had a fair amount of personal family stuff go on for about a decade after that, which meant that I was sort of not playing music or writing. And I never really, in that decade, pushed myself to do anything musically. And then just found myself in a sphere, I guess, after after meeting my husband, where I could pick it up again, which was great. So from about age 26 onwards, just re fostered that, that love of music again, and threw myself into it. guns blazing, wrote four albums, did a couple of reasonably reasonably local regional tours. And yeah, I was I was probably a bit old really to be. And I say that with a big smile on my face, because I don't believe in age, defining how creative you can be. But yeah, I was probably a little bit too old to be marketed that successfully to the current pop scene, but that's okay. It doesn't. It certainly didn't stop me doing what I was doing. And I guess I was very fortunate that I could write music as a hobby, which allowed me to be a lot more authentic with what I was writing rather than try and write to a contract. To feel obligated to push out the music. I just sort of got on a creative wave, wrote it as long as the wave lasted and fortunately Um, the right the wave sort of has subsided a little bit about probably the start of 2021. I stopped, I haven't, I haven't actually released anything of my own. Since then I've released collaborations with other artists, but I haven't. I haven't written anything since Lux was finished. That was my fourth album. So just having a bit of a rest at the moment and dealing with COVID and dealing with other other scenes. I think my life at the moment that are taking a little bit more of a forefront. School I have three children, I had three under four, which was insane. So they're currently aged 10, nine and six. So my daughter is 10 and my two sons, nearly nine and six and a half. And they are in grade four, three and one. So they're, especially with remote learning in Victoria because of lockdowns, it's pretty mentally consuming to try and get them through a school day at home. Yeah, they do. Amazingly, I think we, I was fortunate enough to be blessed with a very large, extended inlaw family. And so they've had a lot of one on one time, they've had a lot of reading, they've had a lot of the early groundwork done. So they're actually, I think, probably a dream, realistically, speaking up to homeschool, but it doesn't feel like that a lot. But yeah, I think they're, they're amazing. So where did the having the children fit in with doing your music, I think the probably the scene for me to be reviving my, my musical abilities and interest really happened when I met my husband. We've been married for 13 and a half years. And that love of music has never really left me but I sort of didn't have any space to really inject any any deliberate effort into it or any sort of passion. Obviously, a piano is not that easy to transport to various different rental properties and that sort of thing. So my, my family piano stayed with my dad. And I've only just last year got got the piano. But I've been playing on since and everything since my husband actually gifted me one. My kids I had sort of I started having children about two and a half years into being married. So my husband and I were writing mainly folk music together, and just playing very sort of small, intimate Restaurant and Bar gigs in the local music scene, which, incidentally, I found super hard to get into it. There's a lot of ego I think involved in particularly the regional music scenes in Victoria, I don't know if it's like that in the rest of the country. But yeah, the covers scene is alive and well. And certainly if you if you play covers, you can get gigs just about anywhere, if you're any good. But to play original music, it's really really hard to garner a local following. So that that probably was a factor I think in in it just being sort of more smaller, intimate stuff at first. And then I had my children wrote music at home around doing all of that. But I was lucky that I never really needed to have it as a career. So I've always had a wage from another sort of job, or alongside being a musician that I think I was fortunate as well that when I did invest money into the music, I was able to do it under a performing arts business, which was one of my side jobs. So a lot of my expenses were tax deductible. And I had a very clever accountant that knew how to make it work for me. So I was able and my husband was amazingly supportive as well, which was, which was really nice. I don't think many musicians have that level of acceptance of spending 1000s of dollars on musical equipment, so that you can record an album which of course no one's paying you to record either. So then to produce CDs then costs 1000s of dollars more, and then you're really just taking a punt on whether or not there'll be enough I often local support to buy those albums just to recover your costs. So I think I've been quite lucky. That one, I have the support from him. And then secondly, I was lucky enough to have won a couple of competitions, which funded the subsequent album that I was about to release. So I released my firt, my debut album, number anima, which was very favorably received, which blew my mind, I got a five star review from a julong music publication, then independent music magazine, which just did not expect that at all, I remember getting the email with a review and just bawling my eyes out in the kitchen because it had been 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of hours of work, unpaid, nearly, like, oftentimes causing a lot of marital tension because of the amount of focus and just sheer ignorance that I had of whatever else was going on in my family scene. Because I'm pretty singularly focused like that, I often shut things out. So I've had an amazing amount of support to allow me to do that for a period of time. So those albums, were partially funded by me winning competitions, which was nice. And then also the sales of CDs, which I don't recommend doing either. Like, I must admit, I have chosen a medium to produce albums, which is not really that financially viable, but I'm lucky that at least it's paid for itself. So as far as a hobby goes, it's not costing me any more money, which is nice. That sort of takes a bit of a strain off. But yeah, it certainly is a privilege that not many, not many musicians get to get to enjoy your children into music as well. Yeah, absolutely. They don't have a choice really. Sorry. I had, as I said, I had music lessons from age three. My kids have been learning piano from or how old were they? I think I started them at age six or seven on piano. So they all play piano and they all start read music. They all play a little bit of drums. My son Austin plays guitar and Zach is learning all those a bit little. Zara plays ukulele they write songs, my daughter actually wrote a couple of songs with a girlfriend, which is super cute. I think that she was eight at the time and her friend was nine. And they put it on YouTube. So because of course they're watching mum do these music videos at home and things like that. Because obviously, I don't have a marketing budget to spend 1000s of dollars on music videos. So I just do the home job variety. I had a rude wake up call the other day actually, on a complete side tangent, I put one of my we've just recently got a pretty nice TV at our house. It was my husband's tax return present to himself. And I put one of my YouTube clips up on the TV. And on a phone or a small laptop screen, you can't see various errors. And then you put it on a massive 76 inch television. And you can see all these little blotches on the screen where I haven't edited properly and all this sort of thing i Oh my God, that's just an amateur hour. So yeah, it's it's been interesting, but I mean, unfortunately I don't have to. I don't have to answer to anyone about my my home job music videos, which is nice. But yes, in answer to your question, getting back on topic, my kids are all very musical. And it's a great way of bonding I think, particularly with my husband and the boys. They play drums and they also play like basic guitar. So they we all swap over instruments. One of our we had a we built a music studio during the first big lockdown in Victoria in the downstairs part of our house and so we have a bass rig a drum kit thing, an electric guitar rig a couple of my since the piano, the interface for recording and a big PA system down there as well. And so we'll have that family band time a lot of the time down there and the boys will they love it. It's actually really good bonding for them with with their dad and I don't think they would have been able to do it quite so early. If it wasn't for them. Piano Lessons might be at the beginning, my husband was thought I was crazy for insisting that they do theoretical piano lessons from a young age because it was quite expensive. And so, and he just didn't see the value in it initially. And now a few years in when they're playing sight reading music themselves and learning blues riffs, with their left hand and being able to have show independence on the piano between their hands and play some really cool little little jams, which he can then put bass or guitar or drums to. It's yeah, it's quite a good bonding thing for him. And for them, as well. Oh, yeah. Do you find them that because they've learned piano? Because they know the basic skills? They can transfer that then into the other instruments? Yeah. For them? Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Especially with with the drums. For Austin, he, he's quite gifted at drums. He's only eight years old, nearly nine. And he, he can play with a lot of independence between his feet and his hands. Which means that he can play quite complex drum beats, compared to basic sort of four on the floor, rock ACDC type sort of stuff, which is not criticizing it. It's a fundamental part of Australian music. And there's a reason why it's so successful and accessible as well. It's because it's just so simple. There's a lot of space in the music for everybody to ramp up the vibe when I listen to it, but he can actually do quite a lot of creative fills. And different. I'm not a drummer. So I don't know the correct word, but like different textures with different different types of drums, because of it, because of that independence. And that really transcends from from playing piano, especially blues piano. He's quite lucky. I wish I'd learnt blues piano rather than just classical. But that's where I can teach myself now I've been teaching myself drums, which is pretty exciting as well. So padded, it's great. It's very therapeutic, though. I hit that the other day. Actually, I did some interviews with some dads for like the Father's Day special. And one of the dads was like, yep, Jones is very therapeutic. Yeah, yeah. That was drinking wine, as well as the other thing I've been doing. I had a conversation about that, too. I think all of Australia is actually that that could be the way to get our economy back up and running. Apparently, we had all this wine that China wasn't buying a while ago. I'm sure it's getting put to very good use right now. We won't waste it that's for sure. Did the kids come along to gigs or some of the kids I suppose with the ages? Some of them have yeah, I've done like I said, I've done quite a lot of different types of gigs. So I've put together a few years ago, an opera ready. Operator actually, I think it's a so called deal was two events. I did one in Hamilton and one in Portland and one was called Baroque on the hill and Baroque by the bay. And that was in conjunction with Hamilton and Alexandra college. So I, I put together a performance with a student ensemble where a couple of their most gifted string students were able to join in I obviously had the the core of the ensemble with a professional musicians which were the teaching staff at Hamilton and Alexandra college. And I had a singing student of mine, Medline and Meister performed the soprano to Starbuck murder and I performed the Alto part. And so that was the the settings for those two performances were in churches, one in Hamilton, one in Portland. And so the kids were able to come to that, which was really quite special for me because obviously, there's a certain amount of discipline and rigor that is involved in performing a 45 minute opera. That, like, I just rehearse, I was obsessed with it. I was obsessed with most of my projects anyway, musically, but there was I think the kids knew every single note of the opera by the time by the time I actually performed it. They had had heard it being rehearsed every hour of every waking minute of every day. So you Yeah, they, it was good for them to see that performance get put together. And then there's been a couple of other performances that they've been out. And most of them, though, are in pubs and wine bars and things like that. So it's not really suitable for the kids to attend. And I think it's certainly, because we're not famous enough to have our own roadies to do all the gigs set up for us. gigs where we're having to stuff the car with all the PA gear and transport it means that there's no room for children in the car. So those gigs I've been very fortunate to have my inlaws out at, but my kids have certainly seen me on bigger stages like the foreshore, New Year's Eve and, and that sort of thing, where I've had a proper tech crew and that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, that's and they, I've talked to some parents whose children do that, do this. When you're stopped, your kids wouldn't be like that. And I think it's actually been, it's taken a long time for my daughter to decide that my music is actually okay. But there was a really special moment that I had, when my kids were doing swimming lessons at the local YMCA. And this is long time ago, right before the release of ombre anima, which was my debut album that I'd been obsessively working on the nine songs on that album. And so the kids had heard it all over the house, they'd had it in the car when I was dropping them off to school so that I could get an idea of what it sounded like on different speakers and all sorts of things. And they were very sick of it. And they were at the YMCA with school swimming lessons, and I had turned up with my laptop to sit on the side of the pool and do the good mum thing and watch my kids or pretend to watch my kids have swim lessons. And so I had my headphones in, and I had my laptop there and I was listening to music and rehashing different bars and that sort of thing to just see what what sort of mixing I'd need to adjust on it. Not an optimal mixing environment. I know. But I was. It was my first album, give me a break. And I had heard I heard over like it was so it's such a surreal moment. My kids were in the pool behind me. I was sitting was poolside and then all of a sudden on the PA system of the YMCA can blaring my song in the dark. And I didn't realize at first I was sick because I had headphones in and that was the song I was working on. I was like what's going on here. And I took my headphones out and I looked over and the local water aerobics class had chosen that song because they obviously knew I was there to do their water aerobics class. And so they just bled it at the top of their of their system through the YMCA and my kids borrow in particular was sitting in the pool doing a lesson and she's gone. That's my mom's song. And so I hear this this big, like all the water aerobics ladies started clapping me from the other side of the pool and then my daughter is gone. That's my mom's music. So I think she suddenly realized that it wasn't such an uncool thing to be like to write music and to actually have people listen to it. I think she finally realized that it was actually something that people enjoyed and that they appreciated. Even if she didn't Yeah, they often sing my stuff which is nice to hear to also realize that other people value what you're doing exactly yeah, that is the big that was the big moment but it was it was quite a special moment for me because I not only was it really quite surprising and confusing for me to have it not playing in my headphones and playing beside me. Yeah, to have just audiences from all like, in so many different ways in that moment. It was really nice. Quite a weird experience but yeah, that's the lesson story yeah I talk to all my guests about mom guilt and I put it in a quote. What how do you feel about mom guilt? I think it's very alive and well and prevalence. And I I guess I just had to decide that I didn't care about it. I have have actually had a lot of flack over the years for I think I got I got told at One point that I was handling my children to their dad. And yeah, so there was that comment. I think I've actually been pretty heavily criticized by other local museums as being ruthless and being overly competitive and quite a lot of other things. Because it seems like a lot of people, I guess that's not just a mum thing. That's also a an Australian thing. I think we dislike anybody that plays a big, we have to play small. Because otherwise we step on too many people's toes. And for me to sort of, and I really, it really graded with me, particularly that one, I think there was this idea that I was I was too old, or I was too, too aggressive, or I was too Ultra focused, and I needed to be sort of more. I needed to be more flexible on some things, which I actually didn't think I needed to be more flexible on because they were my standards. So I've had a lot of flack from that along the way. But I, as far as with parenting guilt and mum guilt. I think I've been amazingly lucky in that my husband not only understands music, so he had, he was a bit of a rock star before I met him. So he had been in bands for years. He plays everything. So he plays drums, bass guitar, sings writes music, and he reckons he can't play piano, but he can. He just doesn't play it as well as me. And so he considers that an abject failure because he's super competitive. But yeah, he I'm lucky that the two of us both being musicians value that highly so he could see the value in what I was doing. And I think I was kind of lucky that I could lord it over him a little bit in the beginning, because he, he had his Rockstar years when I first met him. And so that consisted of band practice two or three times a week, for hours, like come home at two in the morning. It was a bit of a boys club. They're great guys, but it was very much I was The Good Wife that just sort of let played second fiddle really to it. And I was pretty supportive, like I was I was very enthusiastic about his music, pushed his, but pushed him to really push himself with it was very supportive, most of the time of band prac. Because I had my own obsessions at the time I was writing to fitness and running and everything. So I just instead of playing music, I threw myself into that. Then we had babies. And of course I was the only way that I could really sort of have any time was with him musically, was to write softer, more folky sort of stuff that was just the two of us. So we, he, he was very present with all of that, although we we nearly ended up divorced a few times with writing music, because he's got very different writing style. To me, he's incredibly it's a, it's a good thing that we have those differences. But it took us probably about 10 years to work through it. He is very critical of everything that he does, to the point where he'll refine and refine and refine, whereas he can play a couple of notes to me, and I just see endless possibilities. And I roll with with my creative vision on it. And then he'll stop and start and go back and change. And it just pulls the rug. For me it feels like it pulls the rug out from under my feet when writing, but it's because he he doesn't have the same way of visualizing. And it was incredibly deflating to me over and over and over again, it was my fault because I didn't what was kind of that was anyone's fault. It was just a mismatch in how we wrote music together. And then when I started writing my own music, all of a sudden, we had this freedom where he would criticize what I wrote in a good way and I'll critique it, I should say, not criticize it. And I would take it on board and I would refine what I was writing and everything because it was my vision that I was working with. And because every now and then I would tell him to go shove is critiquing. And I didn't sort of compromise my what my vision for the song was. It took all the ego out of all the previous discussions and we're just suddenly like, I just I don't know, it was amazing. So he's very lucky that he's very supportive of my writing. He's not afraid to tell me if he thinks something should be made better, which is great, because a lot of my stuff on Lux is hugely involving of him. We've he's been very critical in a good way of what I've done. And then regarding the mum guilt thing. Occasionally he will be critical of how much time I have spent focusing on music instead of a family. But yeah, he's he's pretty good. With all of it. I think most of the time the criticism comes from other family members or other museums, really, that sort of don't handle my day directness, I think in my singularity of focus, which I think it is a bad thing sometimes, I think, my blinkers on with my family for a while, it definitely couldn't have endured forever. But I think I've been very lucky that I've been allowed to have a season where my dad just let me ride the creative. Talking about how you caught flack from people that had your style, I suppose. And your decisions, when you got that feedback? Does that drive you and make you? Yeah, yeah. So one of my songs on my debut album, ombre anima is entirely written because of that. It's called empty room. And I think it was, it was written in direct response to two people, I'm not going to name them because I don't think it's very nice of me. But basically, a big fu to some people that had criticize the way that I taught my performing art students, people that criticize the way that I was so uncompromising on certain things. And they, they actually saw that as a real character flaw rather than a positive thing as far as being disciplined and staying the course towards what you actually were trying to achieve. I think there are dreams where it does become a bad thing. But I don't think like I look at what I've achieved with, with, with my performing art students, and also with my music for such a, like, I've never had a grant paid to me, I've never had any sort of funding support from a label or anything like that. And I've still produced four albums, and been nominated for awards and won some awards and that sort of thing. So I think, I think considering all of that, I think I've done what I needed to do to do that. And I don't think that I've lost anything along the way, despite obviously upsetting a few people here and there that felt a bit threatened by it. Yeah, so that song that definitely inspires me to write, I wrote empty room about that, I think, would have lyrics to that song, there's little things I do, giving up of me, just to prove to you that there's somehow sunlight breaking through. So in other words, that whole verse is about me trying to prove to someone that I was a nice person inside. And giving up on what I actually wanted to do and needed to do in order just to prove to them that I was a nice person. And I just went nuts, I'm actually done with that, like, it feels like I'm living in a cage, screw all of you, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna do what I need to do. And it took me I actually needed to work through it, it took probably a couple of days of being really, really like almost on the point of breakdown, I think I was really low from it, because I really felt like it was a I took it, I took it on board too much at first, and I believed them. At first I didn't instead of actually going hang on a minute, what's your motivation for having a crack at me? Instead of doing that I actually took on board what they said way too much. And then I think I think I just came to the realization that those people aren't my people. They don't get it. They don't support drive and ambition and the pursuit of making something the best that it can possibly be. And they don't take feedback very well either. Interestingly, so yeah. Yeah, so yeah, that that was where that comes from that Yeah, certainly I have been inspired by that. That's what I need. Maybe I need someone to help me and then I've run another. The other big thing that I like to explore is entity so and I'll put in air quotes again being more than just a mom, you're still listening. You're still musician. Louisa, you you have children, but you You're really strong on on maintaining your own see outside of being a mother? Yeah, definitely. I think that comes through in the themes of what I write as well, I. Yeah, my, a lot of what I've written is sort of autobiographical. Which is not to say that it's all about falling in love and having your heart broken, and that sort of thing, which is fine. Like those are, those are significant moments for a lot of people. And there's a reason why those sorts of songs resonate with so many people. But my music is often inspired by either just what I'm going through in the moment. So an example of that would be vinyl scratch on my album lacks where I was mucking around with some jazz stuff. And was really interested in just making a song entirely composed of jazz chords. And so I started mucking around with that, and I had a flashback of, because we're in lockdown, and we couldn't go anywhere. And it just sort of seemed like time was just dissolving in front of us. I wrote, I wrote about how music was timeless in that respect, like when you listen to music, you stop worrying about how long the song goes for or, or what you've what you've got going on. And so that was what vinyl scratch was about. So it's not necessarily a theme of, of a tragedy or whatever. But by contrast, as well, there's another song that I wrote, wrote on Lux, which was probably the biggest song I've ever written, maybe that's the reason why I'm not writing a lot now. It's called umbilicus. And that was probably the most autobiographical song I've ever done. It was about the death of my own mother. But in a way, the lead up to her death, as well. She had she had brain cancer. And so she was quite, quite ill for years prior to dying. And it was a very confusing time for me and my sister as teenagers trying to navigate being told that it was just us and it was just our attitude problems. And it was just, you know, what the reason we were finding life so hard was because we were teenagers. And it wasn't because we had someone who was mentally unstable, and entirely unpredictable and quite a difficult person to be around. It wasn't anything to do with that, like the outside world couldn't really didn't know a lot of what was going on. And so yeah, that was it's quite a painful song. It's called umbilicus. And so it's really about that connection between babies and mothers. And I think it's taken, it's taken me I'm 39 now it's a it took me 38 years to really be able to articulate what, what happened. Because it's not just about mom dying when I was 20. It's also to do with my identity because my my own biological father died when I was five weeks old. And so my whole life I've had questions. I found out about that when I was 11. And it kind of just erased 11 years of childhood identity for me when I found out my stepdad is an amazing man. And he was a great dad to me. He's a great dad to me still, but it was my identity that really just took a massive hit. When I learned I learned to have that And then of course mum, in the years after that was very confusing to be around. Yeah, so I think having children of my own in particular has informed a lot will have what happened with mum has informed a lot of the way that I parent with my kids, I'm unfortunately very much like my own mother. In a in a lot of firm ways with my kids I hear I hear her voice coming out of me when I tell them off with various things. And I think I have much less of a sense of humor these days, which is very much like my mum, I think she would just would have been so bloody tired. That that's where that lack of sense of humor comes along. Like my husband plays a lot better with my children than I do. Which I look at and I go, yep, that's my mum, to a tee. But yeah, that a lot of the negative things I went through with mum definitely inform the way that I parent, my kids, I've sort of don't ever want my kids to feel confused about who they are and who I am and, and what, what I really think I think my mum often toed the conservative line a lot of the time, just because that was what the neighbors would want her to do. And I don't think I'm like that at all. So those those little retaliations against, against what I've been through, I guess, coming out, and umbilicus is is a lot about, about that I sort of felt like there was a large level of deception going on, not because Mum was a liar. But because cancer and brain cancer turned her into someone that she wasn't. And she did lie when she was really ill, she would make up things and then remember things differently to how they actually happened and all sorts of really confusing stuff. And then try and tell you that you were wrong, because you're only 15? And don't answer back and that sort of thing. So it was it was a really, it was it was probably the most difficult thing that I've been through. And that comes out in that song. Do you children come out in new songs as well. That'd be quite a confronting thing to have to think about. Actually, I don't know that they do a lot. Yeah. Probably because my kids are a huge source of joy. For me. And they are, they are a joint project, I guess as well between me and my husband. And music for me is quite a selfish pursuit. So maybe I don't write them into my songs. For that reason. I certainly dedicate all the albums to them, because they have to listen to them in the car, when we're driving them to school. As I'm, as I'm writing albums, I have to listen to them over and over and over again, then they've certainly been exposed to them a lot that way. But yeah, I don't think I don't think I so much write my children into my songs. But I I am the person that I am. As the as a songwriter and an author lyrically, particularly in response to my to who I am as a mum and who my kids are. There's, there's a song I wrote called Boy Who Cried Wolf, which is quite a partly a political song. And it was written as part of the me to movement, when all these women were suddenly coming out and saying that they had been sexually assaulted or oppressed or prejudiced against because of not putting out or they've just been subjected to sexual abuse in their careers. And had we're now speaking up and I wrote that song, partly as being inspired by that movement, but also also probably as a as what I hope for my daughter, as well. I probably doesn't come across that personally in the song, but it's certainly like, I hope that my daughter never actually apologizes for who she is, and never never just submits because of who someone else is. I don't Yeah, I don't know if it comes across that personally in the song but yeah, but certainly I am I had hair in my mind when I was writing a lot of the time Jesus see graphs I'd love to write more, more jazz pieces I've been listening to. I'm sort of in that in that calm behind the wave of creativity at the moment where I'm listening to other people's music a lot. And vocally, I think there are some areas where I still need to build a bit of strength in my voice, which Yeah, I've been I've been pushing it certainly singing, singing different techniques and different types of music. So I'm really kind of focusing on all of that. So there might be some more cover. Cover work done, I think, if I can, if I can ever play again. But yeah, that maybe, maybe some more, I'll pop style music. I think I've been listening to a lot of Hayley Williams lately, just because she's got such an epic voice and trying to improve a bit of brightness at the top end of my voice, just listening to her and singing along with her stuff. And my husband has been very accommodating and playing a few few of her songs acoustically. So we've been wiling away a bit of the time, musically that way. I haven't hopped on the piano for a few weeks now, other than to play some classical stuff. I've just wanting to focus a bit on my tech, my technique. So I've been playing a bit of Mozart and a bit of yeah, there's some classical stuff. Just to try and get my speed up again. Is my fingers are actually for a pianist. I've got quite arthritic fingers. But yeah, it's alright. We'll improve again with a bit of practice. It's so lovely to see you. Thank you, sir. Likewise, I appreciate it. Thank you, given my kids an hour break from home school, which is nice as well. So yeah, they need it. If you or someone you know, would like to be a guest on the podcast, please contact me at the link in the bio. Or send me an email. Alison Newman dotnet

Dani Venn Australian host, presenter and Masterchef star S2 Ep45 Listen and subscribe on Apple podcasts (itunes) Spotify and Google Podcasts I am very excited to welcome Dani Venn to the podcast this week. Dani is a Melbourne based cook, lover of all things food and mum to Harlow (7) and Oscar (4). As a self-taught cook, Dani loves nothing more than spending time in the kitchen with her kids, preparing nourishing meals using fresh, wholesome ingredients. Dani is most widely known for her time on MasterChef Australia ; as a finalist in 2011, All Stars in 2012 and contestant on MasterChef: Back to Win in 2020. Her cooking talents have taken her across the world, from live food events, to hosting foodie retreats in places like Bali and Sri Lanka, as well cooking for events of all sizes, from intimate dinner parties to 400 people in Mumbai! After being awarded her immunity pin for winning dish “Taste Of Sri Lanka” on the first episode of MasterChef Back To Win, Dani also released a collaborative range of Sri Lankan inspired simmer sauces with Coles Supermarkets and currently has two flavours on the shelf inspired by her travels and one of her favourite places on earth. Recently Dani has launched her first podcast, Falling For You , a podcast about getting comfortable in your own skin where Dani interviews inspiring guests that have changed their life. Falling For You reached #1 in education on Apple Podcasts and Season One has consistently ranked in the top 20 podcasts on education and self-improvement in Australia and New Zealand. Dani is a regular guest cooking live on air with her kids on Studio 10 and has been a cooking guest on Everyday Gourmet and Farm to Fork . Dani has also hosted her own TV show Weekend Feast (10) and hosted summer radio on Nova FM Melbourne. Currently you can catch Dani on the insta live show, Undercooked Overseasoned, where she and Conor Curran catch up and chat about the latest Masterchef Australia episodes. Dani is also proud to be an Ambassador for the Royal Flying Doctors. Today we chat about Dani's adventures on Masterchef, the joys of feeding our children and how becoming a mother changed her approach to not only food but to how she approached +business. ________________________ Dani website / instagram / facebook / podcast Podcast website / instagram Music on today's episode from Australian trio Alemjo is used with permission. Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to the Art of Being a mum, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make art. Regular topics include mum guilt, identity, the day to day juggle mental health, and how children manifest in their art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer songwriter, and a mom of two boys from regional South Australia. I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. You can find links to my guests and topics they discuss in the show notes, along with music played a link to follow the podcast on Instagram, and how to get in touch. All music used on the podcast is done so with permission. The art of being a mom acknowledges the bone tech people as the traditional custodians of the land and water, which this podcast is recorded on and pays respects to the relationship the traditional owners have with the land and water as well as acknowledging past present and emerging elders. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm really excited to welcome to the podcast Danny van Danny van is a Melbourne based Cook, lover of all things food and mum to Harlow and Oscar. As a self taught cook Danny loves nothing more than spending time in the kitchen with her kids preparing nourishing meals using fresh wholesome ingredients. Danny is most widely known for her time on MasterChef Australia as a finalist in 2011, the old stars in 2012 and on Master Chef back to win in 2020. Her cooking talents have taken her across the world from live food events to hosting foodie retreats in places like Bali and Sri Lanka, as well as cooking for events of all sizes from intimate dinner parties to 400 people in Mumbai, India, after being awarded her immunity pin winning dish taste of Sri Lanka on the first episode of Master Chef back to when Danny also released a collaborative range of Sri Lankan inspired cinema sources with Coles supermarkets, and currently has two flavors on the shelf inspired by her travels, and one of her favorite places on earth. Danny recently just launched her first podcast falling for you. A podcast about getting comfortable in your own skin where Danny interviews inspiring guests that have changed their lives. Danny is a regular guest cooking live on air with her kids on studio 10 and has been cooking guest on everyday Gourmet and farm to fork. Danny has also hosted her own TV show we can feast on channel 10 and hosted summer radio on Nova FM in Melbourne. Today, we chat about Danny's adventures on Master Chef, the joys of feeding our children and how becoming a mother changed her approach to not only food, but to how she approached her business music on today's episode is from Australian trio. Lm Joe. And he's used with permission. I hope you enjoy. Hello. Hello. How's it going? Thank you. How are you? Yeah, really good. Thanks. It's so lovely to meet you. And to have you here. Oh, thank you. Thank you for having me. So it's very nice to be interviewed on a podcast and and being the you're in the driver's seat be in the past. actually interviewed a lady yesterday, he ran her own podcast as well. And she said the same thing. It's like she can just enjoy and next thing, so oh my gosh, yeah. So most people would know you from Master Chef. But before we sort of talk about anything like that, can you share with us? Where did your love from cooking come from initially? Well, I always have loved eating and I feel like to be a good cook, you have to be a good eater. And I was never the kid that went to a restaurant and ordered nuggets and chips or the same thing. I'd always be interested in ordering something a little more exotic, something that I perhaps hadn't tried before, much to the dismay of my parents, I guess because they had to pay more for a meal. I'm always really supportive of that. And I think my mom loved cooking. still does. And when I was a kid, she went off to cooking classes with I don't know if you remember Elizabeth Chang, but she was one Yeah, one of the first sort of celebrity chefs. So she went to her house and learn how to cook Chinese food. She'd come back with all of these exotic recipes. And we would you know, we would cook them. Mom's pantry was full of exotic ingredients. I mean, exotic for the 90s You know, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. You know, black vinegar or something like that, which is kind of stead these days but and so I grew up with mum really being a little bit more adventurous than your average, suburban cook. And so I just loved. I loved eating, I think I think I just get so much joy from tasting new flavors and trying new techniques. And I think what I love about food is that there is net. I think what I love about food is that you there is you can never know everything. There's always room to learn, especially when it comes to different countries, cuisines, and always learning about food and cooking. So yeah, yeah. So where did your mum's sort of adventurousness come from was she sort of just that kind of woman that she was just really keen to learn? Or was there any sort of like cultural background that sort of drove here? Yeah, um, my mom's dad actually, is, I always get this wrong. I shouldn't know this. Half, half Chinese. Yeah. So his family actually came from China back when Chinese people came to Australia during the Gold Rush period. So it was sort of the mid 1800s. And I think that my mom's love of food came from that wanting that connection to her cultural heritage, even though it went back quite a few generations. And my great great grandfather would have assimilated quite quickly to Australian culture, he married into an Irish, an Irish woman. But food was always a constant in their family. As well, they had a stall at the Queen Victoria Market. They had a Chinese restaurant. And even though my mom's dad passed away when she was really, really young, and never really knew him, I think it was her way to connect to her father, and that Chinese background plus it's just a little bit more exciting than meeting through veg. Oh, you said your your story of going out for dinner with your family sounds the exact opposite to mine, because I was so afraid of eating different foods. I'm sure I sent my mom crazy, because all I wanted was at that time I ate meat. So I had sausages and chips. Literally. That's all I'd have. And I remember one time going to this restaurant, and they didn't have sausages on the menu. And I started crying because I didn't know what else I was gonna eat. And eventually, they dug around in the freezer, and they found me something. It's like, oh, so it was now completely different, thank goodness, but oh my gosh, it was often the way kids don't want to eat veggies or they don't want to eat anything exciting when they're little but then when they get up get older and they start cooking for themselves. Their palate changes completely. And I know a friend of mine who was on MasterChef was exactly the same. She didn't eat any any veg didn't eat anything. And I feel like as a parent, you're freaked out because you're like, Oh, I'm not a good job. But now she's she's a kitchen garden teacher. She's obviously been a master chef. She loves food and cooking. So you know, there is hope for us parents if your kids very much when they do Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of people that can relate to that. Listening to this. It is it's such a stressful being and you think oh my god, what am I doing to them? Before you went on MasterChef was cooking like a part of your job or your career or was it just something I don't say just because it's not just but something you did as a hobby, just a passion sort of thing? Yeah, it's really weird that I never even had any interest in say doing. I think it was called. What was it called at you at school, or like Homeric or something? Homeric. I never had an interest of doing homework or anything like that when I was at high school. And I didn't think of hospitality as a career, or cooking even when I was at uni, because I studied media communication. And even though I worked in restaurants, it wasn't until I actually had my first job out of uni. And I was working at Circus Oz actually, which is modern Australian performance circus. And I started just getting really obsessed with cooking Vietnamese food, because I had lived in Vietnam when I had first left school. And I just got really obsessed with trying new recipes and really following recipes to a tee which is not something I do anymore. But I was just interested in like, not mastering cuisine, because you can never do that. But just really just get nailing those flavor combinations, and understanding how Vietnamese people cook. So that was kind of the first thing that I was like, and I just just Hey, more alarming, I think because I spent so much time on, like taste.com. And I was reading recipes and I was supposed to be working. And I think it was when you know when you're younger and you have like a dream job, and my dream job was to work at the Malthouse Theatre, which I have sort of a driver background at school and things like that I love performance. And that was kind of like the ultimate place that I could work at. And I got a job at the Malthouse theatre. And I was in the publicity team, which I didn't know, at the time, I was really excited. But then when I actually got into the role, I was like, This is not what I expected. It wasn't very challenging for me. And I also was just like, I loved the theater, and I loved the team. But it just didn't feel right. And that's when I sort of saw the applications for Master Chef and I thought this could be something and at the time, I was considering even doing a chef apprenticeship. But I wasn't it was kind of like two forks in the road. Do I do a chef apprenticeship? Or do I stay here in this job that I thought was gonna be amazing with doesn't really feel right, or do I, you know, take the plunge and apply for mastership? Hmm. And I don't want to say the rest is history, because there's a lot of things that happened in there. But that was the start of it. Yeah, I was. And I did actually get offered some apprenticeships, some chef apprenticeships at really great restaurants that I still love today. And it was funny, because I remember thinking, I want to do this, I remember being offered $10 an hour, and I've been working a few years, so wasn't used to getting paid $10 an hour. And then I feel like I love talking too much. And in a kitchen, you have to really be kind of quiet. It's very regimented. And you have to put your head down and work. People liken it to sort of an army, some kitchens, because it is like everyone has a specific role. And I'm not sure if it suited my personality, as well. I love the creativity around cooking. And when you're a part of a team and a kitchen often you're assigned just one part of a dish rather than creating a whole dish for instance. Oh, Master Chef, what's seem to me more of an exciting adventure, which is kind of how I make most of my decisions in the game so fun, yeah. Say you said that you were following recipes like to the tee at that point. When you go on like a show like that? Do you have to like learn and remember so much stuff? Because you're thrown in the deep end? And then does that challenge you? When you when they open up that mystery box? And you're like, oh, what like it? Is that really a confronting thing? Like challenges the way that you like to work? Oh, yes. I mean, I, being a master chef is honestly the most scary thing ever. And I think the first time I went on, which was 2011, I was a really recipe based Cook, and I crammed as much information as I could remembering recipes and ratios. And then now I am very much more of a go by feel based Cook, which doesn't necessarily work with when you're a master chef. Because you have to know how to, especially with dessert, you have to remember how to make things properly. And and I'm not really a precise cook, I can never make a really great pastry chef. But when you open up that mystery box, do you know what it's, it's not so much the mystery box of ingredients because I do that every night when I open the fridge and cook my kids you know, it's more the fact that you're on masters. And especially when I was on back to win and you take a look around the room, and you're like you're against some of the best cooks in the country and people that have you know, written recipe books, they've hosted television shows, they have incredible restaurants, they're they're the best at what they do. And then you're standing there for me personally and I was like, I think the whole impact of that and the lights and the cameras and it's a it's a really stressful situation. So you think oh yeah, I'm gonna make dumplings and then you go sit in standing next to pole which you're probably much better at me than that. Oh, make a cake. it Oh, Reynolds standing there, you know? So it's very, I think that that was so extreme that situation. But I like to cook like that I love getting a box of veggies or for instance and going okay, cool. Well I can make something was a Kenyan can make something with that and following my intuition I think is more important for me than following a recipe. But I did start with following recipe. Yeah, it's like getting that grounding, that sort of basics, like you said, the ratios and understanding of the flavor combinations, and then you can go right, and then you let that creativity coming up. Yeah, that's right. I feel like once you've got the nuts and bolts of how cooking as a science works, you can then play around with, with obviously, flavor, accommodations and all sorts of things. But, you know, I'm a mom at the end of the day, and a lot of my cooking is so boring. Like, you know, I've, I've got my kids. So my husband and I separate my ex husband and I separated a few years ago, so I've got nights where I cook for the kids and I've got nights where I cook for myself or sometimes I cook for my boyfriend or friends. And it's so amazing the difference when you cook like and I like the kids complain about every single thing I cook I Yeah. Even like what's for dinner? I don't even know chickens do ever I yak like, absolutely instant reaction. And I'm like, thanks. Just try it first. And then you know, they're actually good eaters. But that instant reaction is a Yeah, so it's so nice when actually do get a little bit of time to be a bit more creative and cook for someone that actually appreciate rather than just cooking with beef. But you know what, I think what you just said that is so reassuring for I don't want to call anyone an ordinary mum, because we're all amazing, but you've been on Master Chef and your children still have that mentality. It's like you can't change children. That's just how they are. So no, that's 100 say unless it's like, what's something that they'll always say? Yes. Oh, like spaghetti carbonara always yes, but I try not to make that all the time. So the most nutritious meal pork crackling Absolutely. But you know, yeah, nine times out of 10 I'm still getting I'm still getting shut down. But with all my meals. Oh, that's cool, isn't it? So you've got you've got two children Harlow and Oscar. They seem like very fun children like you incorporate them on your social media and things like that. Yeah, tell us a little bit more about about your kids. Oh, they are very fun. And so funny, I think especially asked, isn't that very cute age, he's just turned four. So everything that comes out of his mouth is kind of funny and very cute. He still hasn't really mastered the whole language thing, which is fine. He's only Justin four. And then Harlow, she's seven and just shooting up before my very eyes. I honestly think she'll be taller than me in a few years. She's super. Just just so wonderful in that she. It's so nice to see her go back to school and really flourish this year. I mean, Melbourne. So we've had basically her first two years of school being taken away from her. So it's really nice that say her getting into that flow of school and making new friends and all of that. So both of them are very outgoing. I would say they're both extroverted personality and just interested in the world, which is lovely hollows, especially. She's got a very kind, caring environmental conscious conscience. I'm very bad at pronouncing words. And Oscar's just ridiculously energetic wants to give everything a go and very loud, very loud. But yeah, they're great. And life with them has been here so different. And we've had so many changes over the last few years. And it's sometimes you get worried because it's like, oh my gosh, so much has been thrown at our young kids, not only with the pandemic, but with like our personal situation as well and but they come at, you know, stronger and they also are so resilient. And they're such good kids. So I'm very lucky Yeah, that's awesome. I work in childcare. It's my day job. And I think I think parents, like adults are constantly being surprised by children how resilient, resilient that they are and how adaptable they are. And I think sometimes we don't give them enough credit that they're actually good better at coping at some things than what we were stocking our ways. And they're very much more flexible. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? I can go with the flow and not have this whole big head full of stuff. They're just concentrating on what's happening right in front of them. Well, that's right. That's right, Oscar, especially because he's that bit younger. He's just he lives in the moment right now. So he doesn't understand when I say all in you know, a few days time we're going to do this. He's like, No, I want to do it now. Right now? Because, like, why wouldn't you want to do it right now? Oh, that's a cool, little D. Since you left Master Chef, give us a bit of a rundown of all the exciting things that you've been able to do and create and Oh, yeah. It's such a big question. It's been, I think it's just your 10, almost 11 years or something. Something like that so long. I feel like when I finished master chef, and my whole attitude, when I was first on master chef was like, a constant surprise, like, surprise that I got through the next challenge surprise that I've, you know, made it to the last week on the show, surprise, once I finished that people wanted to work with me. And it was just like, oh, my gosh, I could actually make a career out of this, you know, and it's not, you know, I was in my mid 20s At the time, and I was like, oh, you know, I could get do something out of this situation. It's always a bit of a surprise. But it doesn't come without pushing yourself and hard work, I guess with, you know, creating relationships with people as well. So my life has changed so much since, you know, being on the show the first time when it comes to those really big exciting things. I've done. Talent, lots of television presenting. So that's been really fun. We've got a new project in the pipeline as well for later on this year. Again, just like pinch me that these things are still happening. I've done breakfast radio, which has been which was really fun. That was that was quite a while ago now. But that was definitely something that I loved. And I would still love to do radio. I I've done lots of traveling like overseas, working with people like in India, for instance, they wanted me to come over and do a massive event over there. So that was amazing. Lots of traveling myself, I do retreats. So I've done retreats in Bali and Sri Lanka. Now now with COVID I'm doing the more in Australia. I Gosh, events just throughout the country cooking, like live cooking events, all of these amazing fun things. And and since being on the show the second time around, which was in 2020 collaborated with Cole's producing the Danny van sama source range, which has been really great. And then I've done lots of, I guess, during the pandemic, it's changed from a lot of live events and lots of traveling to more online. So that's probably why like, I guess like Instagram has become so important for work. Our marketing teams are now doing a lot more online content. So that's really fun, because I do have a media communications, you know, branding background, so to be able to use those skills for my own personal brand has been really great. And then I've done the boring stuff as well like boring stuff that actually when I look back on was amazing. I loved which was like just cooking in kitchens, launching I've helped launch people's restaurants I've worked in like an organic whole food, food delivery service just in the kitchen cooking. That was one of the first jobs I did when I after I had Harlow because I just needed to get out of the house and it was only I've only worked there for like three or four months but I still put it down to was one of the best jobs I've had I liked it. You know, so many different things. And things keep coming and I think that's a result of me knocking on people's doors making connections and building relationships over a period of 10 years. Yeah, that's the thing. It's not like an instant HIGO have all this stuff in the world that you've ever trained with second, you actually have to do the work. Yeah. And I still every year, I'm like, I think I do enjoy, you know, plotting my urine, writing down goals and all of those things. And yes, sometimes I write the same thing every year, because it's okay. But yeah, it's, it's a work in progress. And you just never take anything for granted. And I also never, I think, after working for myself for so long, I never. If something comes along with opportunity, I never get too excited about it. Because again, a lot of things come to you, but not a lot of things get pulled off. So over the years, there's been so many exciting things that I'm like, oh, yeah, we could do this. We could do this. We could do this. But you know, everything has to align for certain projects to actually happens. For sure. Yeah. So when you're going through and looking at your goals, like over the period of time, how did you How was your thinking changing when you became a mum? Yeah, I think having Harlow changed my life so much. And the way I think about work and everything, I think, not only did it influence my food, but it also influenced my business. So I guess before having Harlow I cooked like any normal cook does with traditional ingredients. And then when I had Harlow, it sort of, I had an opportunity to feed a human from scratch. And I think lots of new parents are like alright, well what do we feed this child. So it really sparked my interest in more whole foods and Whole Foods being just less processed foods. So I went down for many, many years, I became really so intrigued with just creating more alternative recipes. It was kind of when you know, raw food was even like a thing. And then gluten free. And all of these allergies that people had developed over other lifetime or born with I was really interested in creating recipes that helped people and help people feel better. And I still very much am. And to me, I felt like it was a whole new set of ingredients where my creativity flourished, because it was just a different way of approaching things. So how can you make something tastes happy and make a cake tastes good when it's dairy and gluten free and still have a great texture. So I was really, I just became really fascinated with those ingredients. And then I would obviously use it was guinea pig as well. Which which actually didn't turn out great at one point because she ended up having a cashew nut Island. And a lot of my food that I was making was cashew bass, because that's what happens when you make a lot of robes and change the way that I cooked. And now I feel like I'm a lot more relaxed, especially after the pandemic. I still use like traditional ingredients, but I mix it up like I think some of the stuff that my body rotates, I would never given up. But I think everyone's just relaxed for the last few years. Yeah, and also, I guess, with business. I think, um, I think it was, I think I think I changed because I realized I had a human that I needed to be recycled had to be responsible for. And when Harlow was younger, there was a certain point where my ex husband and I like temporarily broke up and I remember thinking, shit, I've got like a five month old. I think it was around that time. And I need to be financially responsible enough for myself to be able to fend for myself and also hurt. So it really motivated me to start. I actually started consulting business when she was about one. And I had this drive inside of me that I feel like I just didn't want to be one of those parents, which I mean it's hard because everyone's situation is different, but I just didn't want to be in a situation where I had to be in a relationship because financially I couldn't afford not to be and I kind of Yeah, I feel like that was a really big thought whether it was real or imagined or whatever, but it was just there. So we got back together soon after and everything was fine for quite a few years. But I Still was like, had that thing I was like, I've got a I've got a mum, I need to be able to be responsible and financially independent as well. So that changed. Yeah, for sure. Because yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? Like you say, it's not just you anymore, you've got this other little person. And maybe if it was just you, you'd go, Oh, I'll make it work. I'll you know, do this and that, but it's like, oh, no, I've got this other person, I've really got to, yeah, I started taking business a lot more seriously. And I started being like, you know, kind of get my shit together. I can as a freelancer for so many years, just going from one job to the next. And, you know, I think like, it changed. I was like, No, I want to make a proper company. I want to have proper clients, I want to set myself up like a proper business. And so I learned a lot more and in that, and I also did a lot more self development stuff as well, which I think happens when you get a little bit older. I'm actually finding that a lot of people I talk to, I'm glad it's not just me, it's like this point in your life and you see things differently. I don't know. It's an incredible thing. My bookshelves are lined with all sorts of self help books. I love them. I love. My one that I read last night was about. I did not do the thing today about productivity. And yeah, yeah, I just find all of these books. Interesting. Even if they potentially don't even relate to me. I just I love hearing other perspective, people's perspectives on life and business and psychology and human behavior and all of that. Yeah, me too. It's really fascinating, isn't it? It's cool. You're listening to the art of being a mom with my mom, Alison Newman. You mentioned your Instagram, which I'm really glad you did. Because your Instagram if anyone listening has not looked at Danny's Instagram, please go look at it because it's so vibrant and so fun and just so uplifting. And that's interesting. You say you've sort of had that background in drama, because you're very good actress. Thank you. There's a lot of fun on your Instagram. I do enjoy making those little videos. It's quite funny. And yeah, drama is one of those things that as like, at high school, I flipped like loved that was like my life I wanted to do that as a living. And when I sort of got out of school I was like maybe I'm not I don't know, you doubt yourself but I but I loved that spin in me so you really have all of these different elements V passions that you're actually able to sort of combine in what you're doing now you've got your cooking you've got your your acting and your you've got like your your background in promotions and publicists that you can do with your your social media. So it's really like I bet you didn't have that on your on your goals. Let's just it sort of happened that way. Yeah, it's amazing. What Yeah, how I guess your life experiences then go on to form you and your life and what you're doing work and I'm very lucky that I have been able to Yeah, follow my passions and and I think make money from it as well, which is really important. And even now I'm like, alright, well, what's my next thing? And I did, I started a podcast last year, which was really, again, something I was scared. But something I love, I love talking on on the microphone, and I love audios and medium, but it kind of scared me a little bit as well to do that. So I am interviewing someone which I think you're doing a great job, by the way. But interviewing people is kind of scary as well. So, you know, I'm always trying to think alright, what is it that I want to do? And how can I? How can I use my skills to to to create a new project? So yeah, it's always vulnerable with I have an overactive brain. It's ridiculous. Like I do regret from one thing to the next to the next and, you know, ADHD videos on Tiktok are really making me consider going to a psychologist Oh, thank goodness you are doing what you're doing because it's it's awesome. I think a lot of people are really enjoying and relating to what you're putting out there. So yeah, keep it keep doing it. So day to day, have you sort of managed to juggle I guess, between trying to create what you want to do? Maybe if you have like a business you you're working with or whatever you're doing, how do you manage to do that with the children around as well? Yeah, good question. I don't know if you're allowed to say this. But ever since separating and co parenting, I feel like, I've been able to do a lot more. And that's because I have a amicable, amicable relationship with my ex partner, and we should split the time and the kids 5050. So being able to have my own time, which I don't think I had in my previous relationship, as much like I really didn't, I felt like I was the primary care of the kids. But ever since having my own time, I've feel like I've been able to manage, work and be able to do things like work on my own creative projects a lot more. And it's funny, because when I do have the kids, it's like, it's everything's a massive juggle, you know, obviously, with co curricular stuff as well as parenting and still having to do bits and pieces of work, I find I don't work a normal nine to five job, I'll find myself you know, what, people would think I'm just looking at Instagram something but I'm not I'm usually working at nighttime at, you know, eight o'clock, editing a video, for instance, on my phone, or I work in, in between hours when I perhaps don't have the kids or other things like that. So, yeah, it's it's, it's I don't know how a lot of people who have their kids full time as well as work full time, it's really, really tough to find your own time. But yeah, I guess that's one of the silver linings are separating, not saying that you should go and do it, saying that, like me and my work like it has been able, I have been able to just have more time for myself on my projects, which is, which is great. But at the same time, you're dealing with a whole lot of other emotions. But, um, I guess people don't really talk about the positive sides of separating, but that's kind of why I was saying, Oh, I'm not allowed to say this. But I guess when you do work for yourself, you take what you can in terms of when you've got time. Yeah, for sure. In whatever way that might present itself. Yes, thank you grateful for Yeah. So when you first had your children, when you first had Harlow How did the way that you view yourself changed like this identity? A lot of moms talk about having, you know, like they were themselves and now they only exist for their child and they feel like they lose themselves or that kind of stuff. Did you sort of have experiences like that? I feel like most people go through an identity crisis when you become a mom because you sort of mourn the loss of your former self, which was someone that for me, it was someone that was pretty independent could do we wanted all of that stuff that everyone knows what it's like and you don't have kids. And I think yeah, there's definitely, especially that first year. There's, you just don't know what you're doing. It's kind of like when you start a podcast. You just try and do what you think is right. That's it. And I had an amazing I lived out in the country when I had Harlow and I lived abandoned towards Yarra Valley in the Nillumbik hills and on a 20 acre Bush block with no neighbors in sight and in a hut that honestly was like an old miner's cottage with a dirt floor. I'm not even kidding, like, dead for wattle and daub. It was a beautiful home. I loved it, but it was very different to a normal suburban house, which is where I am now and it was and it was bushy and there's snakes and there was like, my whole environment was so different to a normal I guess like just a normal person. I found this amazing can be Yeah, they're through mother's group of other women that were kind of, we call ourselves like pining women because we were out out on the farm you know, I had to light the fires just to keep warm all of those things that now I just turned the heater on. But I like your life was so different. And I I was, I had already lived out there for a while. So I was used to not being around a lot of people. And not being able to say for instance, just go into the city and stuff like that. But yeah, life was really different. And I felt like I love those years, though, like I look back now. And I'm like, they were really beautiful and really special. I had an amazing group of women that I'm still friends with. I love going out that way because it's really relaxing and quiet. But yeah, my identity, I felt like completely changed. But I feel like I've had multiple identity shapes since then. I think I reclaimed myself. Again. I've never been the type of mom that only lives vicariously through children and children's activities. Although I feel like when Harlow was really young, I was more like that. Now, obviously, life so different, like I have my kids 50% of the time, which is still hard to say. And like I've, I go and do adult things like and like my former self, like, I've got nights of the week where I'm able to go out for dinner if I want to or you know, I've got a boyfriend, which is really like different. And so like, it's really, I'm still a mum, though, and I'm still in my children's life as much as I was before, I'm probably a better mum for it. Because when I do have the kids like, we always make the most of that time. And I've thankfully I still see the kids often when you know it's Christmas night or something like that as well. So we actually see each other quite a lot. But yeah, like identity is a funny one and you lose it for a while. But I also think that you get it back the other thing I like to really talk to mums about is the concept of mum guilt. And I sometimes put that in the air quotes. Is that something that you've sort of experienced or you have thoughts about in relation to your creativity in your work? Yeah, I think there's definitely mom guilt in all, in everyday life. Especially when the kids a little and you know, you want to be there with your kids all the time. Like I remember dropping off Harlow to daycare when I was doing that job I was talking about earlier going and chopping veggies and making these organic meals for people. I felt so bad about doing that. Like, I like when I got there. You know, I felt good, I was able to just go into a job that I didn't really have to think about too much. And it made me feel good. But God I felt bad about just dropping off at daycare and picking her up late, early, late. And I feel like Yeah, it's like, do we carry this guilt? Like, why do we carry this guilt? I don't know if fathers are carrying as much guilt. I don't know. I don't know. I don't like Yeah, it's hard. But I feel like I do I have less guilt now. I would say so. I think I've, I've think I've tried to accept that, you know, things are as they are. I'm still my own person. My kids are their person. We're all just trying to do our best. But yeah, there's still guilt around, I think during the pandemic as well. Like, we had to stop doing the things that we were doing. No, you had no control over that. Like for instance, like co curricular activities and things like that. So maybe I lost a little bit of the guilt around doing so much with the kids. Yeah, yeah, like during the pandemic. Now, I've you know, I I guess I want them to experience lots of different things and find their things that they like to do but yeah, probably not putting as much pressure on myself. Yeah, for sure. So with your creativity and being out there and doing doing what you do, is it important for you that your children say, and I don't want to say not just a mom, because we're never just remember that you've actually got your own life, you're doing things you're contributing to the world, you've got an important place. I always think that a lot, actually, because my kids say, Me, I bought my own house late last year, I do try to do everything around the house, although don't look at my loans at the moment. But they see me as someone that works for themselves that, you know, does everything for themselves, takes them to the things they want to do. And I think they might not realize that now. But I feel like especially Harlow being female, when she gets older, is like, well, I can I can do that as well. And I think I think people often as well, maybe stay in a relationship for the kids. And I think that's kind of I find that to be problematic for some people for some things and because are they saying really happy version of their parents in some situations? But my kids are seeing Yeah, definitely a times at times, it's stressful, and you've got to do you know, all the nighttime routines yourself. And that can be hard. But they're also saying someone that is really happy, and is trying to give them the best life and for themselves as well. And also they say me as an independent person from them. And I think that's important. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I love that answer. I'm gonna put a big tick next to that. I like that That's good. night you said before you've got some projects in the pipeline, is there anything? I don't want you to feel like you have to tell things that you you know, you're not ready to? Have you got some some stuff coming up in the future that you can share with a severe? Yeah. Well, as I was saying, before I get excited about things. And then I try not to. Sometimes I don't have it. There is a project hopefully, I'm sure. Yes. I'm gonna say yes, it will go ahead. But yeah, it hasn't been completely psyched up. Yeah, a television program that we're working on with my manager and the team that my manager works with. So that will hopefully be later on the year on channel 10, which is great. My podcast, which is falling for you. And it's an interview based series interviewing was just women. But now it's everyone about people's lives and becoming more comfortable in your own skin. And that's really exciting. I love that. And I started another podcast with my friend last year, may or may not do that. We're not sure yet. But I love podcasting. I think like once you've got a microphone and you set up like I do, like you can well droid stuff. So I probably would love to do more in audio and potentially like a Yeah, either podcasting or something like radio or something like that. That would be amazing. Now the retreat that is also brewing for later on in the year. I usually take only one retreat a year, and it's usually is always actually in an amazing location in a beautiful accommodation. And it's kind of like a great mix between adventure, wellness, amazing food, and just like a really fun time. It's not too hard core health or anything like that. We still do Santa cocktails, you know, it's got to be balanced. There's got to be a balance. And yeah, I feel like this year I've approached it a little bit differently rather than putting too much pressure on myself with goals because we've all been in survival mode for so long. I'm sort of saying what happens and unfolds around me rather than she's stuff too much. But already this is becoming Yeah, it's it's been a year, I think the last month or so a really big one. I think that's what happens when school goes back all of a sudden, easy again. Yeah. But yeah, there's always there's always exciting projects on the horizon. And yeah, we'll just see what happens, but ya never know. Yeah. Well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's like you don't seem to, you're very sort of open to any sort of possibility. It's like you don't shut yourself off from things. So. Yeah, that's a really great way to live your life. Yeah, I think it's funny reading that productivity book because it's like, rather than trying to over schedule yourself, it's like trying to be more open and flexible. And I think that's what how I approach my days. It's like, I don't know sometimes what's going to happen, which is what I like about my life. On a day to day basis, though, I don't have it planned out to a tee I've got, you know, I kind of like to see what happens and what comes up and what I end up doing. And I like that approach. But yeah, it's certainly not everyone's approach. It's probably a few people out there that are getting feeling really uncomfortable listening to that. Checklist and Midori? Yeah, no, but whatever works works. It's the truth isn't everyone's different. And we just do what works. Yeah, that's right yeah. It was important to you that you got back to doing things for yourself. Like you said, when how I was? I think she was she fought high. How old? Was she when you started doing the chopping up? So no, she was she was actually quite young, she would have been about 10 months or 10 months a year. So was that was that because you want to? You needed? Like you said before you needed something for yourself. It was like, that was really important for you to get back out and be Danny again, I suppose. Yeah, I think I definitely I think I do not want to do something that actually involved that much thinking, if that makes sense. Because you're so tired. And I think when you first have a new baby, it's like I was anyway, I was exhausted. And I didn't want to do too much like I just wanted to be told what to do. Which is quite, that's not usually what my jobs are. I have obviously a lot more creative than that. But I at this for this job, I just wanted to get out of the house. And I wanted to talk to adults again. And got beat just go somewhere and do something for the day that didn't really involve too much thinking. Like it wasn't overly stressful. It was it was very sort of a monotonous job where I went and we prepped a whole lot of food. But I was still having these really engaging conversations. Because the women that I worked with in the kitchen were all and still are some of my most favorite people. And we keep in contact and it was just like, it was not glamorous at all. We were in this weird, like factory and spring Vale or something I don't know, it was a bizarre place. It was nowhere near my house. I had to leave my kid at daycare for too long, but I wanted to the pay probably wasn't great. But it was more for me as well, to know that you know that you can still be your own person and you can still go and do something that makes you feel good about yourself that you're being productive. And I was learning I learned quite a lot about Whole Foods then as well. That was when I was really interested in that. And that so he kind of set me up for other things. I then started a blog about Whole Foods after that because that's when we used to do blogs. And I started writing recipes for Whole Foods and then all of a sudden I started working with Melrose health which I still work with today who you know, I've been working with Microsoft, Melrose health I then went on to launch you know, that brand in Japan and I cooked dinner in China and I like we did all these amazing things. And that just started because I went and worked at a factory in Springvale, because I was interested in Whole Foods, like any job or any anything that you want to do for yourself is going to be bad. And you just don't know what's going to happen from it. And you never, never think you're too good for something as well. Like, I'm always like, you know, these jobs that are, you know, not glamorous as such. Like, they're actually also and you meet amazing people. And I find, I think it was a really formative part of my life, just being able to go, yeah, it's okay. I can go to daycare, I can do this job. And if you know, your partner or someone turns around and goes, Well, why would you do that for it's going to cost more to do daycare, tell them to get by? Because I hate also that that's that, that thinking around daycare fees being only for women to pay? Like what? No, no, it's just all right. Yeah. All right, back yourself and do if you feel like you really need to do something for yourself, go and do it and do what you can to get the support around you. And if and tried to let go of that guilt. Hmm. Yeah. Well said. That's a fantastic note to end on. Danny, thank you so much. Okay. It's such all talking to you. You. It's so nice. It's actually nice to Yeah, as we were saying before this interview started to not be in the driver's seat and just overshare which is what I'm really good at. Yeah, do jump over to Instagram, if you do want to follow me because at Danny, Ben, I do love to connect with people. I'm always DME We're always having like these little DM chats. And you know, I've got a great, I think it's like great community of, of women, mainly that sort of that follow me and I love creating content that makes people laugh and helps people in some small ways. Yeah. And it's very relatable to like, it's, I don't know, it's like, people might put people on pedestals and think that people are not real. You know what I mean? Like, you're, you're a mum, and you've got two kids, and you've got to cook for every night. You know, it's like, it's the realities that we're all going through, like opening that fridge and going, Ah, what's the mystery rocks, gonna return that sort of thing. Thanks for sharing what you share in such an honest way. It's really valuable. Thank you. Yeah, I do have this little thing on my coffee machine. And I read it like every day, and it's, I'm doing the best I can. And I feel like that's all we can do. And we can just try. And some days, we might not feel very good, but we're all just trying to get along and doing doing what we can. We are all just humans at the end. So absolutely, now Thank you. Thanks for your company today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to consider leaving us a review, following or subscribing to the podcast, or even sharing it with a friend who you think might be interested. If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the podcast. Please get in touch with us by the link in the show notes. I'll catch you again next week for another chat with an artistic mom

Season 1 Special Season 1 recap Special Listen and Subscribe on itunes , spotify and google podcasts A look back at my guests during Season 1 and a reflection on the origins of the podcast. The seeds for this podcast were sown early in 2021 when I had a lot of time on my hands, and more than the usual number of children in my home. I was finding it really challenging to create the ideal space which I needed to be able to make my music. Realising that I needed a little bit of a shift in my perceptions, and perhaps a little help, I decided to reach out to an artistic mum who was a friend of mine and find out just how she was doing it. From them I thought, I wonder if other mums would like to hear how other mums are doing it ! Thus the podcast was born. I have thoroughly enjoyed my chats with creative mum, and a few dads too, over the course of these past 6 months. I have found it incredibly interesting and insightful, having learned so many new things about topics that I would never have learned about, and meeting some amazing people too. And I have managed to change my perception and shift my thinking on a number of issues, and I hope this has been the same for you. Here’s a little wrap up of some of my favourite quotes from the episodes which made up Season 1, 2021 I hope you enjoy. Connect with the podcast here https://www.instagram.com/artofbeingamum_podcast/ Music used with permission from Alemjo https://open.spotify.com/artist/4dZXIybyIhDog7c6Oahoc3?si=pTHGHD20TWe08KDHtSWFjg&nd=1 Podcast transcript at the bottom of the page Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Art of Being A Mum Podcast. I'm beyond honoured that you're here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or wherever you are listening. It really helps! This way together we can inspire, connect and bring in to the light even more stories from creative mums. Want to connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with @art_of_being_a_mum_podcast I can't wait to connect. And remember if you or somebody you know would like to be a guest on the podcast, get in touch ! I love meeting and chatting to mammas from all creative backgrounds, from all around the world! Thank you! Alison acknowledges this Land of the Berrin (Mount Gambier) Region as the Traditional Lands of the Bungandidj People and acknowledge these First Nations people as the custodians of the Region. Ch eck out more episodes ..... Welcome to this special episode of The Art of Being a mom, the podcast where we hear from mothers who are artists and creators sharing their joys and issues around trying to be a mother and continue to make that art. My name is Alison Newman. I'm a singer, songwriter, and mother of two boys from regional South Australia, I have a passion for mental wellness, and a background in early childhood education. The seeds for this podcast was sown early in 2021. When I had a lot of time on my hands, and more than the usual number of children in my home, I was finding it really challenging to create the ideal space which I needed to be able to make my music. Realizing that I needed a little bit of a shift in my perceptions, and perhaps a little help, I decided to reach out to an artistic mom who was a friend of mine, and find out just how she was doing it. And from then I thought, I wonder if other mums would like to hear how they're doing it. And also what other mums are doing. Thus, the podcast was born. I have thoroughly enjoyed my chats with creative mums, and a few dads too. Over the course of these past six months, I have found it incredibly interesting and insightful, having learned so many new things, about topics that I would never have learned about, and meeting some amazing people too. And I have managed to change my perceptions, and shift my thinking on a number of issues. And I hope this has been the same for you. Here's a little wrap up of some of my favorite quotes from the episodes that made up season 120 21 I hope you enjoy. What's interesting to me with hindsight, perhaps is that we'd hit this sort of point where our mothers had been the first generation of the second wave feminists. And so we'd been told a lot about what our expectations for our life could be, you know, what, that we could have it all, you know, all of those messages that that we were getting, and the sense of freedom and ambition that we all have, and should have. And then suddenly we have children and realize how compromised that can be. And that that is an age old problem and not really an easy problem to solve. So feminism or for you know, no matter how liberated you are. So the fact is we we love our children, and we want to be there for them. And our children love us and I desperately attached to us. And therefore finding space and time for something that we want to do for ourselves is incredibly difficult. Yeah, I don't know, I just it wasn't for me, not the newborn thing. I've loved their ages now, but would literally prefer to walk the depths of hell than have a newborn again. I'm not even kidding. Yeah, you can. I'd also think it's part of modeling, modeling behaviors around the things that you're passionate about. I think it's good if they can see that. Those things are priorities in our lives, that don't take away from their experiences. But in addition to that, it shows them how to care for that part of their life, the artists that they are. So yeah, I think it's important that the kids see that and see how that can happen if I really, really had felt that guilty, when I stopped doing what I was doing, deep down, I knew that what I was doing was giving me purpose and lining me up from within. And you know that old cliche making me a better mother. Deep down, I know that whenever things whenever I had a right to feel guilty whenever it really was affecting my children. I changed I let go of it. I moved away from it, I let it go every single time. So I kind of feel like you know I need with the time that I've got especially now I'm working full time. I need to be spending more time with my children now while they're young. Making sure I have that connection. But my husband always you know, he's really good. He'll go away. They love you. You know, they really love you. Remember when you weren't feeling well, and they were all worried about you. You know, they really love you don't worry. So my husband tries to sort of, you know, say no, don't worry, don't stress ratio are you here ratio me? Yeah Facebook keeps reminded me of my what my life used to be before Saturday nights at shadows or little adventures I used to do back in the day you know is a total lifetime ago for me. Yeah, and I guess when you do become a mom, you have to let go of that life. Yeah. You your your life comes second to your kids law. Development and their their health and well being is above above yours Yeah. But you do have to keep it leveled enough that you are your best self where you're at can't be can't be distant. You can't be unwell. You've got to be that for therefore them which I guess I've learned from the past that are needed for my kids first to get out of that for them. Yeah. Have you feel that mum guilt? Oh, it is real is definitely I observe it a lot with stuff. People around me say about others to like, Oh, she's doing his job. I was like, maybe she needs to do that. Like, I used to probably be the same in thinking that and it's taught me a lot that that might be her hour that she needs just to feel like a human and be a better mom. So it's been a lot lots of work to pick up on your own. Like, where you're being critical of others, where you like, oh, that's maybe I'm envious of that. Or, you know, I don't really know her story, but it's because they're like, We can't do anything. So you can spend too much time with kids and not and not do anything for yourself. I can spend too much on yourself and nothing for your kids like it's it's a losing battle the same time my writing have changed? Definitely. Yeah. I have a collection of songs I have a new body of work that I'm I've started recording. And it's it's very much inspired by motherhood and and relationships with my own mother and, and grief and, and yeah, identity and belonging and home. And I don't think I would have explored those themes. Pre children. I don't I don't pray children. My songs weren't all about love and breakups. You know, a number that were and then under that still I you know, but I don't think I would have been inspired to explore those really personal relationships, family relationships, had I not experienced that enlarging of your family, you know? To me, being a mum is the best thing I have ever done. It is just the biggest blessing. And I'm always it's always in the back of my head, that they're only this little months, like they're growing so fast. And it might not be everyone's cup of tea or how they want to do things. But I have just loved being there and doing that. I think. Yeah, I mean, I'd have 100 kids if I could. I'm not 100 Actually that that would. Yeah, maybe 90. If you were talking to me about an experience that you'd had, like, let's say, you were finding it hard, giving yourself time to do something. My advice to you would be Alson you're still the person you were before you had a baby. Get out there, you know, you need to spend some time on yourself. So I can give some great advice. But so I would like to say that I don't believe in mom guilt. But I've experienced it. So I think it's definitely it's there. I still have moments, even today where I feel like I could be doing better. I should be making a different decision. I think it's I think it's incredibly real. I think it would be great if it wasn't but I think we would be kidding ourselves if we said that it wasn't a real thing. Because yeah, I have felt it. I've probably even been in a category of martyrdom martyrdom. Is that what they call it? Where Yeah, yeah. Are you just real? sacrifice yourself, for somebody else. And yeah, it's really interesting because like, I've had an understanding prior to having jack of how important it is to look after yourself and to put yourself first and to know that that's actually not being. It's not being selfish. It's like, probably the purest form of self love, is to be able to put yourself before somebody else. But then falling into motherhood and, yeah, it's just a real, like, it just, it up ends that belief. And I think, for me, it probably just, it just happened. Like it was just, I think, a change of lifestyle, knowing that I had a little baby that was like, 100% reliant on me. And I felt I just sacrificed myself. I imagine for women, especially having kids, it's so important to nurture those kids, and you seem to be putting everything into the children, I know, from seeing it firsthand, through my wife that she puts everything into our kids and your wonder like, now I've you know, she's focused on going back to studying more nursing and, and, and that's something that she's passionate about, she loves, so we make time to fit her, you know, things that she needs to do to into into her life, if you don't have an outlet somewhere or a passion, and you've got nowhere to you know, to do it, and it builds up and you know, probably can end up being the falling down of your marriage because you just got no outlet and you feel like you're locked up with the children and just having this double life that you you know, that just ends up crashing around around you. If it doesn't have you don't have an outlet. And you know what, I had this conversation with Dan, the husband. And he said to me, Chanel, some people just don't get to he's he's seen the rise and fall, he's seen me get these opportunities, and then me crying a heat when they have just not gone the way I thought they should have at the time. And he said, some people just don't get to do their dream lobby, like and I and I, for me that didn't sit well. Because I was like, No, I'm going to because I need to do it for myself, what are we going to set up so I can see I'm having this premonition of me being 50 or 60 years of age, and kicking myself for not trying at least. So I said, he said, the kids, you're an amazing mum, the kids love you so much. And they will be proud of you if you just worked in a cafe or whatever. And I said, but I'm not proud of me. Because you can work in a cafe, absolutely, if that's what you want to do. But it wasn't what was in my soul to do. And I said, they need to see their mom chasing the path that is right for her, and then encouraging them to do the same thing. Because they're learning from me, don't just stand still, because it's easy to do. So. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, if it was easy, everyone would do it. It's something that women need to sort of let go of, and allow themselves to look at it in a way that if I'm doing something for myself, I'm bettering myself so that I can be better for my children. So if I have an art show, and you know, I gotta, you know, my husband has to put the kids to bed and they don't get me seeing them to sleep or whatever it's like, my kid is, is growing from that experience. They're not, it's not losing me for one night, and they're not going to be traumatized by that. I mean, they're learning to be adaptable. And they're learning that, yes, your mother has her own life and, and when you grow up and have kids, you're gonna have your own life too. And I think it sets an example for my daughter, that you don't have to give up your entire life and you don't have to martyr yourself constantly, that you actually deserve to have a life on your own and it's gonna make you a better mom. I didn't feel guilty about going to work because I knew in my mind that without all this external pressure and whatever else to be a perfect mum, because that wasn't around. You know, you just did the best record that I needed to go back to work for my own sanity. And I did not feel guilty about that. So that was it when Harry was 10 months old. I'm not a maternal person. I'll be the first to say I'm not a I'm not a A person who's in an apron baking a cake, breastfeeding their child at the oven. Like I am not that person. I work I thrive off work, I thrive off intellectual stimulation. Just being a man is not enough for me. So never once did I feel guilty to for going to work and making that decision back then. I mean, being a parent in general, but especially being a mom does not stop you from being an amazing musician and amazing artists and amazing teacher, whatever it is that you do. It's another thing in your life that is very, very important. And yes, your priorities change. But it doesn't stop you being amazing at what you do in that moment. And I've had people kind of, you know, second guests that I've had people be like, oh, so Oh, you're back at gigs. Oh, really? That's, that's soon? Oh, that's interesting. And you know what I just say to them, I'm like, why wouldn't I be? Actually, I think you'll find I'm playing better than I was beforehand, so that the mother guilt of putting yourself, you know, at head of your children, sometimes, I've definitely grown learned over time not to have that quite so much. I think as the kids were younger I did, but especially that like when my youngest son in high school, I was like, No, you know, what, I'm okay, I deserve to have some allocated time. And to actually let the whole family know, right? Well, this is actually something that's really important to me, and I'm going to make this happen. And it was actually really nice to see the support that they gave me to write Yeah, really, even my, my middle boyfriend, he would say, he was actually said to me, I'll be really inspiring me with the work that you're doing. And, you know, that's the biggest thing for me ever. And my husband's really supportive, as well just, you know, constantly telling me that he's proud of me, which is really lovely. That definitely helps with not feeling guilty. If I, you know, had some space and time through the week to, to focus on my artwork and to be quiet in the studio, then absolutely, that reflects in the way that I am with, with my kids in the sense that I think it helps me to be more present. When I am with them, I'm not so much thinking about that. It allows me time and space, I guess, to really focus on them. So I think they shifted from thinking that they all these different things take away from each other, but they don't they all support each other and work together. Like I said, as part of an integrated life. So that's been a big shift for me, and, and being able to shift my thinking around there. And I think it's helped me manage my expectations. I guess I have myself. And then when I found out it was twins, it was like, all the anxiety kicked in. Because I felt like, well hang on. What does that mean, for me returning to work can I return to I won't be able to return to work, you know. And then you have all the stress about how my, how's my body going to change with two it was, I felt great with one baby and I was happy with being pregnant. But then once I found out it was twins, it did really slow me and I had to really adjust to getting excited about it and not being too anxious. So I'm very lucky that I had twins. And I think that now and I love their bond and I love being a twin mom. But I didn't you know, I didn't initially I really I feel bad that I think that but I really was upset and I was really anxious. So I had pretty bad anxiety when I was pregnant actually, once I found out I think it's also about making a space for yourself. Like making art, or even just making stuff has just always been a way for me to take space for myself even as a child. You know, and I think that's just become more and more important. As an adult when you've got more responsibilities and have to divide your time more. It becomes more challenging, but then also probably more important to do as an absolutely it's like mental health you know, and it's and it's so connected with looking yeah looking after yourself. And so for me it's very much part of my identity I think when you have children you like if you're if you're a committed parent if you are completely into the next few years being, you know, in a state of creative upheaval If you commit to that, then you know it. It changes it changes everything. You know, you can't it's not possible to to have those those sort of positive relationships without making sacrifices. How do you feel about mom guilt? I think it's very alive and well and prevalence. And I, I guess I just had to decide that I didn't care about it. I have, have actually had a lot of flack. Over the years for I think I got, I got told at one point that I was handling my children to their dad. And yeah, so there was that comment? I think I've actually been pretty heavily criticized by other local museums as being ruthless and being overly competitive and quite a lot of other things. Because it seems like a lot of people, I guess, that's not just a mum thing. That's also a an Australian thing. I think we dislike anybody that plays a big, I had had an identity, I was a health care worker. And then I became a mom, and then I wasn't that anymore. And so you know, people would be like, Oh, what do you do? And I'd be like, Oh, I'm a stay at home mom. And so they would automatically say, oh, then okay, what is your husband do? Which I'm just like, it just felt terrible. To me. It felt terrible to me. I went through an identity crisis, really where I was just like, What am I besides a mom, like, it didn't feel good to me, I felt really, really lost during that kind of transition, because I didn't really know. And like, just, I mean, I'm not saying that, like, just being a mom isn't enough. But for me, it didn't. It just didn't. I just felt lost. You know. So yeah, I mean, it is really important to me to feel like I have something that is just mine. I spend a lot of time when I'm rehearsing and performing actually away from families. So that's easier for that in that regard for to be able to kind of just concentrate on, on the show that I'm doing with a foreign when now that I'm doing a bit more work here in that Gambia at home, and it's actually really tricky. When you when you work go to work during the day, and then you have to come home and can try and switch it off. So that's a real struggle for me, because I've kind of had and realized it was a bit of a luxury to be able to just get in that bubble. And, and kind of create and then not have to come home and parent that yeah, the really tricky part is trying to combine the two and pay. You know, I have huge admiration for you know, a lot of my working actor friends in Adelaide that have to do that all the time. organically, disclaim all that stuff is so much different for the mother. It's just this just the ladies thing for fathers, it does change. But nowhere near as much as a mother is going through all that sort of identity is just trying to separate motherhood, you can get lost in the water murky. But it's definitely very important to have those two separate because I think you're just running yourself silly and you lose maybe a lot of that passion that you might have wither away a little bit. Because you just feel like that you've got to put family as a priority. And then this is exhausting and draining. It's easy to just go in there. One day I'll get there but I think if you can find the time to even if it's a little bit just to separate them and educate that individuality neutrality variable. It's not just that monkey. It's like, it's the wife guilt. It's the brain guilt. It's the WHEN DO WE it's very hard to make time for everybody. I think now I think more so it's important for me to realize that not to think of it as mum guilt anymore, but, but realize that I think they need to have a better version of mum. And if Mum needs to be in that creative space, then they're gonna get a better version of me.